Insert Fixed and Pointless Talent Show Here (part 5 of 5)

“This is so bad...” Valerie was muttering as she tapped hastily at the computers. Still the screen remained blank. She turned hopefully to the head chef. “Anything?”

“Not a thing,” Rhia was hanging up and trying another number. “Come on guys, where are you?!”

“Something wrong?” Ben appeared, hovering in the doorway in curiosity. He frowned as he registered the fuzzy camera on the monitor screen. “Which fandom is that?”

“The Talent Show fandom,” Valerie reported, still tapping away at the keyboard. “The fandom has been blocked from our system.”

“How?” Ben asked, pushing his way into the room to get a better view of the screen.

“From the inside,” Valerie said. “Some kind of spell...”

“Shh!” Rhia waved a hand at them both as she listened to the automated voice. “It has not been possible to connect your call...our phones are blocked too...”

“We have to get in there,” Ben declared firmly. “They may need help.”

Despite his words, he still looked at Valerie – with all three Society leaders inside the fandom, she was the most senior member around. She glanced at the blank screen again, before nodding.

“Do it. Take Bahamut, and be careful.”

As Ben turned to leave, Rhia had a sudden thought. “Ben! Is everything okay downstairs?”

“Yeah, I left Shirley and Willie in charge.”

Rhia’s phone slid from her grasp.

“You left Willie in charge downstairs with the Sues? Are you high?!”

She bolted from the room, with Valerie right behind her, and both of them stumbled down to the basement. It was deathly silent in the room below.

Shirley stood quietly in the corner, still filing her claws, and testing them against the wall. Willie was nowhere to be seen, but the reason for the silence was quickly understandable. Aster was hovering above the Sue’s heads, and appeared to be lecturing them on the brilliance of Lucky Star. When one of them appeared to be nodding off, she would pull out her staff and bonk them painfully on the head with it.

“Where Willie?” Valerie demanded, her hands on her hips. Dave, who alone appeared unperturbed by Aster’s lecture, reached into the huddle of fearful looking Sues, and plucked an unconscious Willie up by the scruff of his neck. “He objected to the impromptu class.” He explained.

“Well... alright then,” Rhia shrugged, ducking as Aster jabbed her staff in her direction. “Aster, Sue Factor is about to start again, so save your lesson for later.”

Huffing, the fae resumed her hovering position above the Sue’s heads, as they all scrambled eagerly for their seats once more.

“We need to keep quiet about this,” Rhia muttered to Valerie, as Cristoph and Dave slid to their sides. “If the Sues know something is wrong, we could have a prison riot on our hands.”

“I wish Emily or Adrian was here,” Valerie admitted. “They might know why we can’t see the fandom...”

“Which fandom is this?” Cristoph asked curiously. Before anyone could answer, Ben clattered noisily down the stairs and hurried over to them, Bahamut strapped to his back.

“I can’t get through,” he reported, dropping his voice so as not to raise alarm. “Whatever that thing is blocking our plotholes from the Talent Show fandom.”

“Is that possible?” Rhia asked, not bothering to disguise the worry on her face.

“Not normally,” Valerie explained. “But the Talent Show fandom isn’t a fandom like the others. Other fandoms have plotholes left in them by their authors, which anyone can exploit. Talent Shows aren’t stories though, so its easy to seal them off entirely from the outside world.”

“So what you are saying,” Cristoph summarised the situation quickly. “Is that they’re stuck in the fandom, and cannot get out?”

Nodding grimly, Valerie glanced in the direction of the television screen, where the news was winding up. “At this point, they’re on their own...”

OOO

“Still nothing?” Michael asked hopefully. Phoenixia shook her head, as she and Tash slid back into their seats.

“We waited until there was no one around,” Phoenixia said. “Then we tried our plothole generators and Tash’s doors. Nothing works. We’re still stuck.”

They had reluctantly agreed to return to their seats. No one was that bothered about the contest any longer, since their leaders had almost died and Phoenixia had been forced to confront the man of her nightmares. Back in kitty form, Adrian was staying low in his seat, ears flat against his head, less Runoa appear and resume their fight. Everyone was twice as paranoid, just waiting for their cover to be blown, despite the fact that the SEP fields protected them from any wandering gazes.

“We’ll just have to wait until the contest is over,” Harriet declared firmly, much to everyone’s dismay. “They have to open the fandom to let people leave. We’ll just leave with the rest of the audience.”

“But we want to leave now...” Emily said, fingering her handbag nervously, her supersoaker and Incandescent Silverreign safely stowed once more.

“I know!” Harriet huffed irritably. “But that’s the way this is going. So we’re just going to have to deal.”

“You’re just grumpy because you haven’t shaved, and we can all see your thighs,” Jess commented.

“Oh shut up!” the leader wished she had something to throw, but given that her handbag and clothing were still in Ardelisa’s room, drying over the radiator, she lacked anything to hand.

The cause of Jess’s comment was the short dress she had been forced to wear in lieu of spending the last fifteen minutes of show time in damp clothing. Still she reckoned she was better off than Tash, who was wearing one of Ardelisa’s full length black dresses from one of the previous weeks performances. Unfortunately for both girls, Ardelisa was only five foot two, and thus the black dress was swinging gaily about Tash’s shins instead of the floor, and Harriet’s mini dress was leaving very little of the leaders legs to the imagination.

“I can’t wait to get out of this thing,” Tash commented, apparently on the same line of thought as her friend. “She’s got bigger boobs than me.”

“Everyone has bigger boobs than you Tash,” Emily muttered, and Harriet gave her a poke for being so rude.

“We’ll go get our stuff from Ardelisa after the show...”

“Providing she doesn’t win,” Michael pointed out. “If she’s won she’ll be swamped with fans and people trying to congratulate her.”

“...dodging the fanbase...” Harriet added. “Get our stuff, and go.”

“LIVE IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE...” Magdalena was shouting once more, and as the countdown finished, the credits began to roll and the audience cheered. No one in the back row joined in.

“Welcome back to Sue Factor 2010!” Sparrow had reappeared, and looked overly excited to be live once more. “Our final two acts have both sung one final time. You have voted in your thousands, and I can declare that the phone lines are now...closed!”

The audience gave an ‘ooo!’ of anticipation, and Sparrow continued to speak.

“That’s it! You can’t change the outcome any longer. Please don’t call now, your vote will not count and you may still be charged!”

She twirled to face another camera, this time meandering her way off the main stage, and onto the section where the judges table sat.

“While the votes are being counted, we have a very special tribute tonight. Two years ago, we met a woman on this competition who was one of the most talented individuals we have ever seen. In January of this year, she passed away in her struggle to make the multiverse a better place for Mary-Sues.”

Any hint of a smile on Harriet’s face immediately slid off.

“Tonight we remember her, and her victory from Sue Factor 2008. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Willowe.”

“...what?!” Jess, Michael and Claire all exclaimed in unison, but they were drowned out by the audience, who cheered as Willowe’s name flashed on the screen, and the video clips began to roll. In the middle of the row, Emily had frozen to her seat.

“You never told us Willowe went on Sue Factor!” Phoenixia turned accusingly to Harriet.

“I didn’t know!” the leader protested, as a bright eyed, rosy cheeked Willowe appeared on stage, before an unfamiliar panel of judges.

“What’s your name?” Surprisingly, the figure in the head judges seat, was Cassie Anora.

“Willowe Diamond Honeysuckle Allisonette Frankincense Ravenne Hyacinth Aurelia Sakurelle Dewdrop Arwennia Heliotrope Appleflower Kristellia Sandriline Delilah Aphrodite Emyntrude Bob Yuffiana Swainsona Vipertooth Foxblade the Third,” the Sue replied with a winning smile.

“Bloody hell...” one of the male judges snickered.

The screen wiped to Willowe singing beautifully to an enraptured audience. It was as though a choir of angels had descended from heaven. Her voice spoke of pain, suffering and inner strength.

“Maybe tonight, we’ll fly so far away... we’ll be lost before the dawn...”

“Bloody hell!” the male judge from before repeated, only this time his voice was faint and awe inspired. Everyone had to laugh at him, as Willowe smiled prettily to her supportive audience.

“The biggest yes I have ever given anyone!” Cassie declared, beaming at her. Willowe’s thanks were drowned out by the audience, and as she got backstage, her face broke into the widest grin anyone had ever seen.

“I can’t believe they liked me!” she was saying, trying to be modest despite how much joy she showed. “But they did! That was the best feeling ever!”

The image faded away to the live performances, with Willowe up on stage under dim lights, a background of rippling white and silver across the screens behind her.

“There will be no white flag above my door... I’m in love and always will be...”

Everyone was silent as she sang, and the judges seemed barely able to string their responses together.

“You really are something special,” the judge beside Cassie was saying. “And I really want to see you make it to the final.”

The screen wiped, but it was not focused on the stage this time. It was taken backstage. Tucked just behind a sliding screen was Willowe, dressed in casual clothes, curled up with her knees under her chin. Her fingers were gripping her wildly tangled auburn hair, and even from a distance the tears on her cheeks were clearly visible.

“We’ve just heard,” the screen cut to a shot of the male judge who was speaking directly to the camera, “that one of Willowe’s sisters has been captured by the Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society.”

Everyone in the back row felt a nasty chill go down their spines, as the screen cut back to Willowe, still sitting on the floor backstage, but with her head resting on Cassie’s shoulder, as the Lieutenant knelt to comfort her.

“She’s refusing to practise,” now it was Cassie, standing to address the camera outside the dressing rooms. “She won’t sing. She won’t even move. She’s devastated.”

In her seat, Emily was fighting back her own tears. She knew that this must have been when Holly was captured. She had not cared much at the time. She had been sad for her, but was bitter too. All she had seen was Holly and Juniper abandoning them to go and find Willowe... their wonderful and perfect sister who was fighting back against the Society and going to make the world better for Sues. Now she knew better about Willowe, and she felt horrible for all the times she had ever believed that her sister had not cared.

Cutting back to the image of Willowe, still being embraced by Cassie, the woman who would one day attempt to take over real life, spoke in a choked whisper. It was impossible to hear, but the image was subtitled, and still managed to cut like a knife into the hearts of everyone watching.

“I can’t do it... I can’t...”

“Yes you can,” Cassie said gently, pulling back and wiping tears from her cheeks. “You can do it for them...”

Apparently she could, for the next shot was Willowe back on stage, dark blue and green lights sweeping back and forth across the stage as she sang.

“There’s no other way when it comes to the truth, so keep holding on... cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through...”

Something in her voice was different. Instead of the strength she had shown in the previous weeks, she sounded as though she might break. But the pain only seemed to give her voice more depth, and several of the judges joined the audience in floods of tears.

“I know this song was for your sister,” the second male judge was saying. “And you’ve done her and your whole family proud tonight. You’ve come up to the stage, and gone on, even though you’re hurting. You’re so brave to do that.”

From the scream of the audience, it was clear that they all agreed. There was not a single person in the studio who was against Willowe that night.

The next image was Willowe in her dressing room, casually dressed once more, but still managing to look gorgeous. She wore a face of powerful determination, and Tash could not help but shiver. The last time she had seen that expression was when she had fought the Sue herself in the Sahara.

“I’ve made it to the final,” Willowe was saying. “I have to win now. I have to do this for my fans. For myself. But most of all, I want to do this for my sisters.”

Images of Willowe rehearsing to an empty studio were flashing up as she continued to speak.

“The power can go out. The world can end tonight. My own author can show up and try to interfere. But none of that is going to stop me from winning.”

The screen wiped once more, back to the stage, which was dark, shrouded in smoke, and had stars swirling across the screens at the back.

“Touch me! Its so easy to leave me... all alone with my memory... of my days in the sun...”

“You are an incredible singer,” Cassie was saying. “But tonight you went to a whole new level. That was perfect, in every sense.”

Now the stage was bright, with all the colours of the rainbow weaving their way across the screens, as Willowe sang her final song, and her last hope for her victory, her voice reaching every corner of the studio. The audience were on their feet screaming, but Willowe did not seem to notice. She was smiling, her heart and soul in every single word that passed her lips.

“Somewhere over the rainbow... bluebirds fly...”

As the music continued on, the screen shifted to a dark stage, with Willowe and another Sue, both stood in spotlights with their judges on their arms, looking ready to snap from the tension.

“Willowe!”

The audience were beside themselves, but it was nothing to the shock on Willowe’s face, or the delight that quickly replaced it as her judge hugged her tightly.

The sounds of the former audience died off as the screen faded into the stage once more. Everyone else had cleared off stage, leaving just the winner, who was still wiping tears of happiness from her cheeks as the music began to play. She drew a deep breath, and raised her head to look at the audience, her smile radiant.

In the present day audience, several people began to applaud softly as they realised they were being treated to the Sue’s best performance that evening.

“Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high...”

There was no nervousness in her voice. Only pure joy for her victory and surety of her own skill. The audiences, past and present, fell willingly under her spell.

“There’s a land that I’ve heard of, once in a lullaby...”

She hit every note perfectly. Harriet found herself torn. However much she wanted to punch her satanic offspring for everything she had put her through, she had to admit Willowe was good. And she was still completely stunned. Just how many more times was Willowe going to continue to surprise her, even after death?

“Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue... and the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true...”

The Sue brushed another tear from her porcelain cheek, and Emily felt herself hiccup as the lump in her throat seemed to swell. She touched the hairclip in her fringe, and felt tears trickle from her eyes.

“Someday I’ll wish upon a star, and wake up where the clouds are far behind me...”

She had wanted that for all of them, Emily recalled the letter her sister had given her during the Battle of the Library. She had wanted a perfect world, so that she could look back and all of her problems would be a distant memory.

“Where trouble melts like lemon drops, way up above the chimney tops, that’s where you’ll find me!”

The dramatic volume of her voice did not diminish the quality, and the studio lights spun across the stage like dancers, red, yellow, green, blue shimmering past the singer. Willowe herself was giving the finale of the song, and indeed, the finale of the show, her all, as confetti began to rain down from the ceiling onto the winner of Sue Factor.

“Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly... birds fly over the rainbow. Why, then oh why can’t I?”

Never had Emily missed her sister so much. There was so much she had never asked her, and so much she wanted to know about her now. How had she felt when she had stood on that stage and been pronounced the winner? Had she really been thinking of her sisters?

“If happy little blue birds fly... beyond the rainbow, why, oh why can’t I...?”

Looking at her face, joyous and yet entirely peaceful at the same time, Emily decided yes. She had been thinking of them.

The cheers from the audience of the past were picked up by the present day people in the studio, who got to their feet applauding. Emily found herself joining them, to the surprise of the rest of the Society. Harriet’s eyebrows arched into her hairline, and Tash’s scowl redoubled. Emily supposed she could not blame her – Willowe would always be Harriet’s biggest shame, and Tash would always remember her as the Sue who had killed her boyfriend and almost taken over Real Life.

Sparrow came back onto the stage with no bounce, wiping tears from her eyes as she went.

“A beautiful performance that we will always remember,” she declared. “But now, its time. You’ve voted in your thousands. And now the waiting is over. I give you the Sue Factor 2010 top two finalists!”

She stepped backwards as the centre screen rolled up once more. Dramatic music blasted into the studio, creating an effective contrast from the gentle recording of Willowe’s voice. Stepping out onto the left side of the stage were Bella and Ardelisa. The protagonist of Twilight had her arm around Ardelisa’s shoulders and was hugging her as though afraid she might pass out from nerves. Ardelisa showed no hint of what had transpired during the intermission, and her hair and clothes were as immaculate as ever. There was not even a drop of water that betrayed that she had had to save the Society leaders from drowning earlier.

As they moved to a stop, Harriet saw Ardelisa straighten suddenly in her judges hug, and her eyes gave the tiniest hint of a scowl. From the way her face was angled, the Society leader could tell she was glaring at Runoa, who sat with Merle at the judges desk. Remembering the events from not half an hour ago, Harriet wondered if Runoa knew yet that she and Tash had escaped her little trap.

On the right side of the stage, Edward Cullen had his arm around Harmony, who looked calm and unflustered by the impending results. She looked at the audience with a smile, and the volume of the screaming fans seemed to double.

Finally they fell quiet enough for Sparrow to speak. The stage lights dimmed to black, leaving both Sues and their judges in brightly lit spotlights. Sparrow could no longer be seen, but her voice carried to the whole room.

“Ardelisa. The judges called you absolutely stunning, and said that all bets were off tonight after your performance.”

The centuries old Sue blushed magnificently, and looked at her shoes, as though trying to deflect the admiring words.

“Harmony,” Sparrow continued. “Tonight the judges said that your voice was unbelievable, and that there were no words to describe your performance.”

Beaming, Harmony embraced the comments, leaning slightly into her judge, and clasping both hands neatly in front of her.

“But there can be only one winner here tonight,” Sparrow declared. “I can tell you that we have had a record breaking number of votes from across the multiverse tonight, and not a single member of the studio audience failed to raise their keypad tonight.”

She paused, and the audience seemed to pick up their cheering again.

“The winner of Sue Factor 2010 is...”

She could barely be heard over the noise. The audience were on their feet, cheering and yelling for their favourite act, as though they could change the result with their enthusiasm. The Society got up too to see over the heads of the fans. Harmony stood perfectly still like a statue, and Ardelisa’s hands had crept under her chin in prayer. The stillness on stage was completely at odds with the audience, who were beside themselves.

“...Harmony!”

The noise from the fans was deafening. On stage Harmony’s overjoyed face was hidden from view as Edward swept her up into a hug that lifted her off her feet. Ardelisa looked crushed, but was slowly pulled into an embrace by Bella, who tucked a strand of her contestant’s hair back and smiled at her encouragingly. Ardelisa nodded in response to whatever was said, and quickly hurried over to the other side of the stage to hug Harmony. The winner could not stop smiling.

OOO

In the basement of the Library, a smaller, but no less forceful cheer had erupted from the Sues, who had sat on the edge of their seats throughout the entire results. Temporarily deafened, and disappointed by the outcome, the Society agents just sighed and shrugged, as around them, Harmony’s fans hugged each other in happiness. The ones that had supported Ardelisa, slumped in their seats and began to pick at the remaining tortilla chips and popcorn with little enthusiasm.

“Ah well, that’s that,” Ben shrugged.

“Mmm...” Rhia was nodding vaguely. “Now we’ve just got to get everyone home...”

OOO

“Ardelisa,” Sparrow was trying to extract the runner up from the hug that was now in danger of squashing Harmony to death. “Ardelisa... commiserations...”

She pulled the Sue from the hug, and patted her comfortingly on the shoulder. Ardelisa was clearly disappointed, but it was the gracious disappointment of someone who understood that the better contestant had won.

“You must be devastated,” Sparrow declared, and Ardelisa shook her head prettily.

“No. It a shame not to have won, but Harmony really deserves it. I’m really glad for her.”

There was a round of approving applause at this statement. In the back row, Harriet was pouting at the outcome.

“Fix...” Tash muttered. “I’ll bet you anything Runoa pulled some strings.”

She was glaring down at the judges panel, where Merle and Runoa were on their feet applauding. Merle’s clapping was unenthusiastic, but Runoa looked more alert than she had at any point that evening, and she could not stop the pride radiating from her face.

“I don’t think so,” Alice shook her head. “Runoa might be the most powerful Sue here, but the Sues are too damn perfect and honourable to want to fix the competition. And look at her face? She wouldn’t be that proud of her Sovereign if she had needed to fix the results.”

“Let’s give it up for our runner up, Ardelisa!” Sparrow was applauding, and the rest of the audience cheered for the contestant. Smiling sadly, Ardelisa backed away so that Sparrow could get to Harmony.

"Harmony! Congratulations! How do you feel?"

The Sovereign was smiling widely, more emotion on her face than there had been all evening.

"Brilliant. I'm so happy."

"You look it," Sparrow said earnestly, before turning to the judge. "Edward, what do you have to say to your winner?"

The Twilight protagonist looked as though Christmas and his birthday had come at once. He gave Harmony another one armed hug as he replied.

"She's such a wonderful person, and it has been a real privilege to be her judge."

"Highlight of the competition?" Sparrow leaned back towards the winner.

"Too many things," Harmony said. "Its all been wonderful. I'd just like to thank everyone who voted. I couldn't have done it without their support."

Harriet was sure that everyone's hands must have been numb by that point, but they clapped and screamed anyway. Now that it was over, she was fidgety and very eager to be out of her seat and back in the Library... maybe with that Chinese food that she had suggested earlier.

"Now the most important question," Sparrow said. "Can you perform for us once more?"

"Yeah, I think so," Harmony nodded eagerly, as the stage hands appeared and began guiding everyone off stage and back to their allocated seats or backstage area.

"Good. Get yourself ready," Sparrow waved a hand at the Sue, before drifting quickly off towards the cameras again.

"Well there you have it. Our winner for Sue Factor 2010. Don't forget, you can order the official album from our website, as well as download all the performances from tonight. Thank you so much for watching. One more time now, its your Sue Factor champion, Harmony!"

The roar of the audience did not cease, even as the music began to play, and Harmony was left alone on the stage with her microphone.

"We'll do it all... everything. On our own..."

“Right...” Harriet whispered down the row. “Now that’s over with, let’s go find a way out of this fandom...”

“Can’t we just stay and listen?” Emily begged, already swaying to the Sue’s hypnotic voice. She was not the only one. Claire’s head was resting on Michael’s shoulder, and Jess was swaying in a manner which made her look not entirely sober.

“No,” was Harriet’s firm answer. “Or we might not get out at all. Now stop swaying and follow me!”

OOO

Wondering who on Earth was knocking at her door this time, Ardelisa pulled it open and smiled sadly.

“You have to stop doing that,” she said, as Harriet and Tash appeared in the doorway. Harriet gave the Sue a quick hug.

“Sorry you lost, Lisa,” she said sympathetically, while Tash strode straight for the clothes on the radiator and felt them. They were still damp, but they would have to do, so she stripped off the dress and began to pull them on.

“Its okay,” Ardelisa shook her head sadly. “I was not fated to win. I will retire to my home fandom, happy that I have come this far.”

The rest of the Society peered in cautiously, some covering their eyes as Harriet stripped her own short dress off.

“Thanks for the loan by the way,” she passed it back to the Sue. “But I think it looked better on you.”

As Ardelisa blushed fairly, Michael had a sudden thought.

“You wouldn’t know a way we can get out without being spotted?” he asked hopefully.

“No, I’m afraid not...” Ardelisa shrugged. “The staff entrance around the back requires a security key to get in through, so that only leaves the front entrance, where all the guests will be heading.”

Even as she spoke, there was a thunderous rumble from above their heads, as thousands of people got to their feet and began to exit the stadium.

“All of the staff are going to the after party too,” Ardelisa added.

“We won’t get to any of them without causing a scene,” Harriet summarised. “We’ll have to go through the front door.”

“How is it guarded?” Michael asked, sitting on the sofa. Ardelisa began to pace as she thought.

“There are usually three men manning the door,” she admitted. “But since Runoa announced to us earlier that you’re here, it might have been beefed up.”

“We’ll never get through it,” Phoenixia sighed. “They’ll know to look out for us now.”

She sank into the sofa heavily, and Emily reached deep into her handbag and pulled out a bottle of water for her friend.

“If there’s only three men,” Alice was thinking hard. “We could fight our way past them?”

“Mrow!” on Emily’s shoulder Adrian was shaking his fluffy head hard so hard that he overbalanced and fell into Emily’s open handbag. She reached in to fish him out.

“Adrian is right,” Tash admitted. “Even if there’s only three guards, there are thousands of Sues trying to leave the same way right now. They aren’t going to just let us go.”

She shivered from her clammy clothes, and bounced from foot to foot trying to get warm.

“I have an idea...” Emily said suddenly. Everyone turned to look at her. She had frozen in the act of pulling Adrian out of her bag by the scruff of his neck, and he was wriggling to get free. For an explanation, she dropped him straight back in, where the sounds of his meowing were lost in the cavernous depths.

Harriet got it first.

“No way.”

OOO

“I can’t believe I agreed to this...”

“Louise, I’ve asked you three times. Get your butt out of my face.”

“I can’t! Jess is sitting on my hand!”

“Well pinch her then!”

“I think I just knocked something over...”

“MROW!”

“Meep! Sorry Adrian! I’m sorry!”

“Would all of you just shut up?!” Emily hissed through the tiny opening she had left at the top of her handbag. Instantly everyone inside fell silent. She clutched it tight against her body, and was rejoining the throng of people heading for the main exit. Her eyes flicked anxiously back and forth. Ardelisa had escorted her out of the backstage areas and had wished them all a safe trip back. Somehow, this did not make Emily any more confident.

“Okay, here we go,” she whispered as she headed into the crowd of Sues, who were gently pushing their way toward the exit. Her finger tips were cold, gripping the strap of her bag tightly, and she took a few deep breaths and tried not to look nervous.

“Well the others can say what they like,” came a voice from within the bag. “I think you’re a genius Emily.”

“Thanks Nixie,” Emily muttered, knowing full well that Phoenixia was only glad of an opportunity to feel everyone up inside the dark pocket dimension of the handbag.

“I can’t believe I’m in a girl’s handbag...” Michael muttered. “This is dangerous territory for a man...”

Although Emily couldn’t see, she just knew that Adrian was nodding his fluffy head in agreement with that statement.

“Do you want to get out and walk?” she asked testily.

“No ma’am.”

“Good.”

As the crowd rounded the corner, Emily saw the three glass doors that were the exit to the building. Sure enough, there was a security guard on each one. To her horror however, they were not alone. Beside each guard was a Sue Factor judge.

She cursed under her breath.

“Emily Smith!” Harriet’s offended voice appeared from inside her handbag.

“Shut up!” Emily hissed back, slowing her pace as much as she could against the tide of people. “The judges are here!”

“Stay calm,” Phoenixia soothed from inside. “Take deep breaths and try not to look worried or anxious.”

“Easy for you to say!” Emily could feel the crowd pushing against her, closer and closer to the exit...and the dangerous figures.

“Go for one of the Cullens!” Tash suggested.

“But they’re both guarding the same door!” Emily said, privately terrified that they would both recognise her - her sister had lived in Twilight for a long time after all, and it was entirely probable that they would realise who she was.

“Go for Merle,” Phoenixia urged. “She’s never seen you or your sister before. She won’t know who you are.”

“No!” Louise sounded terrified. “Don’t go near her! She’s dangerous!”

“Oh, so do you want her to go to Runoa instead?” Jess asked sarcastically. “Because that’s going to go so well...”

Emily elbowed her bag to shut everyone up, but it was too late to change her path. She was swept with the rest of the audience toward the centre door, where Runoa and a ginger haired security guard stood like soldiers in sentry boxes. Runoa’s eyes were passing over every face that left the building, and Emily felt her body break out into a fearful sweat, and she wrenched her gaze away from the Lieutenant and focused on the door and the freedom that lay beyond it. She kept her head straight and walked with the throng of people out of the door...

A beefy hand fell on her shoulder and wrenched her back into the warm entrance.

“Excuse me young lady,” the ginger haired security guard was frowning at her (though it was difficult to tell from behind his sunglasses). “Are you here on your own? Where are your parents?”

Her elation was gone, and Emily’s eyes flicked nervously to Runoa, who had only just appeared to have noticed her presence. As her emerald eyes fell on Emily’s face, they narrowed into a puzzled expression, and Emily knew she did not have long before the Sue recognised the resemblance.

“Think!” she thought urgently. “What would Willowe do...?”

The answer was simple. Willowe would never have got into this situation in the first place. She wouldn’t have helped the Society if her life had depended on it. Still...Emily put her best impatient expression on her face, and lifted her chin defiantly as she wriggled free of the man’s hand.

“I’m a Mary-Sue,” she declared in her haughtiest tone. “I don’t have parents, you idiot.”

She realised almost immediately that she should not have insulted him. The crowd seemed to sense that something was going on, and they had started deterring to the other exits instead, giving the confrontation a wide berth. Runoa stepped forward, and Emily felt her heart threaten to beat itself right out of her chest. She had never seen the Lieutenant up close before, and she understood immediately why the woman had once been Librarian. She had the same kind of presence that Adrian and the rest of the Counter Guardians had.

“A young Sue travelling without parents or her guardians...” Runoa’s voice was laced with suspicion. She did not seem to recognise Emily yet, but there was something calculating in her gaze that the girl did not like.

“She looks suspicious,” the guard agreed, taking a hold of Emily again and pushing her towards the judge and away from the glass doors. Emily could feel her escape slipping like water out of her hands. This was not like being caught messing with the school computer system. This was dangerous, and she did not think she could bluff her way out of this one...

That still did not mean she could not try though. She straightened her back and tried to remember how Willowe had always done it...looking untouchable and in control of the situation. She felt urgent shuffling in her handbag, and she subtly elbowed it again.

“Do you have a problem with the way I look?” she demanded of the security guard. She did not dare look at Runoa, and it would probably be easier to fool the man – he did not look too bright.

“Yes,” the guard objected. “You were walking quickly and looking all shifty.”

Allowing her impatience to shine through, Emily folded her arms and gave the man her most condescending glare. “Well while we’re exchanging insults, you could stand to lose a little weight, Tubby.”

Angry red patches appearing in his cheeks, the man made a swipe for her cheek. Emily ducked, and managed to turn the movement into a swift stride back towards the glass doors. Two more steps and she would have evaded the security and be through, and free to find a safe place to let the others out to plothole them back to the Library...

“YOU!”

Emily barely had time to turn around, before she was seized and thrown like a rag doll backwards into the wall. Pain ripped down her body, and she felt the breath burst from her lungs. She crumpled to the floor, vaguely aware that the other Sues were screaming and clearing the area. She lifted her head slowly, feeling her vision swim hazily.

Edward Casanova stood before her, his sword in hand, a murderous look on his features as he advanced. The audience and judges seemed to have frozen in their spots at this unexpected outburst.

“Where is she?!” the Stu demanded, as Emily struggled to push herself up right. She did not know how she had managed to hold onto her bag, but it was wriggling against her side, as the agents struggled to get out and see what was happening.

“Who?” she croaked out defiantly, knowing that she would probably pay later for this attitude.

“Phoenixia! Where is she?!” Edward roared. The Sues and Stus who were still standing, paralyzed in shock, started to whisper back and forth, and beyond Edward, Emily could see the pieces finally falling into place in Runoa’s mind.

“Staying away from the likes of you!” she snarled, getting back to her feet. The Stu gave a primal scream and threw himself toward her, sword raised, even as Runoa’s whip leaped into her hand, and was pulled back to lash at her...

The entrance went black, as with a crack, the lights went out.

Emily did not stop to feel the pain from her injuries, or to find out what had happened. She ran blindly, as hard as she could, pushing people aside as she went. A soft hand slipped into hers and pulled her away from the panicking people, and she let herself be dragged out of the entrance and towards the backstage area.

“You are a lucky girl!” Ardelisa’s voice congratulated, and Emily felt relieved that she was not being tugged around by a stranger, even as the chaos of the entrance hall faded away behind them. She heard the frantic sounds of the Society in her bag, as they struggled to stay upright as she ran.

“Tashy, you have wings! Get out and help her!”

“I’d love to, but Phoenixia’s tits are in my face!”

“What else is new?”

Harriet’s voice broke through the chaos.

“Emily! Are you okay?!”

“I’m alright,” Emily was well aware that her shaking voice betrayed the lie. Her back, neck, shoulders and head ached from impacting with the wall, and she was trembling all over. Only Ardelisa’s hand was keeping her from falling over.

“Let us out! We’ll have to fight our way free!”

“No!” Emily snapped, angry all of a sudden. She was tired of everyone wanting to fight – the Society and the Sues. “We’ll find another way out! You all stay in there! Ardelisa will get me out!”

She muffled their protests by stuffing her scarf in her bag.

“We have to hide!” Ardelisa was saying. “They can flash step. They’ll have caught up with us soon.”

Emily skidded to a sudden halt, yanking her hand free of Ardelisa’s. Her eyes were fixed on a ventilation shaft in the wall.

“Lisa,” she said, taking out the scarf and fishing around in her bag, this time for her supersoaker. “Get back to your dressing room.”

“Excuse me?!” the Sue was incredulous. “I’m not leaving you here!”

“If they know you helped me, they’ll kill you,” Emily said. “Besides, you can’t follow me where I’m going.”

The Sue followed her gaze to the vent, and understanding dawned.

“Even so,” she objected. “How will you get out?”

“I’ve got a plan!” Emily assured her. “Just go! And thank you for your help!”

She was already extracting a screwdriver from her bag and getting to work on the bolts on the vent cover. There was an angry explosion from down the corridor, and Ardelisa jumped at the noise, before picking her dress up.

“...good luck Emily...” she said, before running as fast as her legs would carry her. Emily tossed the last bolt away and yanked the cover off, as Runoa, Merle and Edward appeared around the corner.

“Good luck fitting down here with those tits,” she dared, before throwing herself headfirst into the vent and sliding away from the whip that lashed out at the spot she had been standing.

“Emily, we must discuss your manners!” Harriet huffed from inside the bag, as the girl scrambled to the end of the shaft and pulled herself up to the next level, before her pursuers could drag her back out. The vent was barely big enough for her to kneel in, and her back bumped painfully against the roof as she crawled frantically, ignoring the dust that was building up on her palms.

OOO

“She’s a resourceful little brat,” Merle muttered, peering down the vent shaft. Runoa was tracing the wall with contemplating eyes.

“She is Willowe’s sister,” she muttered. “I did not think she had survived the invasion...”

“I will tear my way through that vent to get her!” Edward was hissing, peering in though the shaft as far as his muscular body would allow.

“And how will you do that with shoulders that size?” Merle asked cynically.

“The roof,” Runoa declared. “She’s heading upwards. You two get up there. I’ll try from this end.”

“You’re not the boss of us!” Merle objected.

“DO AS I SAY!” Runoa shouted, and both Sue and Stu jumped, rattled to their core. Runoa’s power had exploded violently from her with her outburst, and even as she regained control of her temper, they could not help but shiver as they were reminded just how much more powerful she was. Quickly, but still glaring at the Lieutenant, they ran for the nearest stairwell.

Peering critically at the vent, Runoa fingered Hellbinder.

“Evade this, little Palm Tree...”

OOO

“Ow!” Emily yelped as she banged her head against the roof again. She had clambered up three levels, and appeared to have joined the main vent shaft out of the building. She was not as cramped as she had been on the lower level, but it was still a tight fit. Her limbs were aching. It was worse than the two hour work out session that Ms Farmer had put her and Miki through as detention when she had caught them skipping PE.

“Mind your head,” Jess supplied helpfully.

Emily ignored this and carried on with her marathon shuffle, pausing when she heard something below her...it was a slithery sort of sound like a snake on the metal...

Abruptly cold, she turned her head and saw the serrated edged Hellbinder rising up from the vent behind her like an entranced cobra from a basket.

Emily screamed and scrambled as fast as she could away from the whip as it lunged for her. She threw herself to the side, banging her head against the wall as it coiled where her ankle had been. Struggling to keep moving, the girl pulled herself along the vent, screeching as the whip made another lash towards her. She collapsed backwards, missing the strike by a millimetre. Pushing herself backwards, away from the weapon, she saw more of the black whip rise from the shaft and snake its way towards her.

She kicked out, and the whip flew back like an angry serpent recoiling from the blow. She gained a few precious feet, feeling cold air buffet her from behind. Turning her head, she saw the exit to the air vent, and the star filled night’s sky beyond it. She was almost there...

She shrieked as the whip lashed around her ankle and the serrated edges dug into her skin, drawing blood and another scream. The pain was unbearable, and she felt her foot go numb. Lashing out desperately she kicked at the whip, but as her good foot caught it, it just dug the weapon into her flesh deeper. She felt tears trickling down the side of her face, and screamed again as the black length began to pull her slowly back the way she had come. Behind her head, the vent exit slid away from her head.

Desperate, she plunged her hand back into her handbag, and felt for something, anything that would help... supersoaker... water bottle... Incandescent Silverreign... Michael’s sword...

She grasped tightly and pulled. The blade appeared in her hand and she swung as best she could in her confined space as the whip. It severed neatly, and the remainder slithered back down the vent shaft and out of sight.

Not wasting a second, Emily scrambled for the end of the vent and threw her weight at the rusted cover. It snapped open and she tumbled ungracefully onto the tarpaper.

The freezing air stung at her skin, but she barely felt it. She was shaking, and bile rose in her throat as she replaced Michael’s sword in her bag, and looked down at her ankle. Wincing, she peeled the end of the whip off her leg. It did not hurt any more, it just burned, and she knew she was probably going into shock, but she didn’t care. She tossed the whip away as hard as she could and wiped the tears out of her eyes.

“Emily? What happened?!” Harriet sounded frantic.

“Hellbinder...” she could hear her voice shaking. “My ankle...”

“Listen to me Emily,” her guardian’s voice was suddenly calm and rational, but Emily could feel something in the bag trembling...or maybe that was just her. “Take deep breaths...”

Deep breathing made Emily want to throw up, especially as she continued to look at her injury. But she did as she was told.

“Take your scarf out of your bag,” Harriet was saying slowly and clearly. “And wrap it around your ankle. Tie it firmly, but not too tight. Do you understand me?”

“Yes...” the girl nodded, and dipped her shaking hands into the bag. Her scarf, blue cashmere and soft to the touch was like a gentle friend as she pulled it out. She wrapped it around her limb twice and tied as tightly as she dared. It made her look like she was wearing a peculiar looking leg warmer as she got to her feet, still shaking.

The roof was deserted, though cluttered with air conditioners and huge hulking extractor fans for the whole building. In the street below, she could hear the anxious audience still leaving. She limped as quickly as she dared to the edge of the roof, seeing plotholes along the pathway blinking into life and out again, as the Sues and Stus vanished back to the places they called home. Emily guessed that the spell only extended around the perimeter of the building...the question was, how far away from the edge of the building was the perimeter?

The door behind her exploded outwards, and she barely had enough time to throw herself to the side to dodge Merle’s strike. Edward advanced, sword raised, and Emily shakily got back to her feet. She was crouched on the edge of the roof. One good push would send her over the edge, and plummeting four stories down to her death.

“I’ll ask you again girl,” Edward picked her up by the scruff of her neck and pulled her face close to his. “Where. Is. Phoenixia?!”

His sword was pressed into her throat, and Emily felt her teeth chatter.

“Don’t kill her, you idiot!” Merle barked angrily. “If she’s dead, she can’t tell us where the Society are!”

Edward’s momentary pause was all Emily needed. Just as she had done earlier that night, she brought her good foot up as hard as she could, and slammed it into his crotch. She was weak from shock, but Edward was still bruised, and roared in agony, dropping her to clutch at his injury. Emily fell and almost overbalanced off the edge of the roof.

As the door burst open again, and Runoa appeared with a broken Hellbinder in her hand, Emily got shakily to her feet again. The air buffeted her bruised back as though to welcome her.

If she was honest, she had guessed that it might come to this...that did not make the task any less daunting. But if this did not work, nothing would...

“What would Willowe do?”

Smirking through the pain, she blew the Sues and Stu a kiss, before throwing herself off the roof.

She heard Hellbinder strike again, but it could not touch her now. Wind was whistling in her ears, accompanied by the petrified screams of the Sues on the ground below as they saw the tiny figure plummeting towards them like a stone. As the power that she ruthlessly denied surged through her, she wondered if this was what it was like to fly...

The rainbow swirling portal ripped into existence below her, and she fell into its embrace.

OOO

The bed was nice and fluffy... she didn’t want to move...

“Come on Em. You can’t feign unconsciousness forever.”

“Can so,” she retorted, wrapping her arms tightly around her pillow and burying her head into it. It smelt of rose water beneath the sharp tang of disinfectant.

“You are a very lucky girl,” Valerie was telling her sternly, and Emily smiled as she remembered that was exactly what Ardelisa had said to her. “That whip went deep, but it didn’t break anything. I’ve bandaged you up. You’ll have a nasty bruise on your back, but otherwise you’re alright.”

“Tired...” Emily moaned.

“Shock and blood loss,” Valerie explained. “You’ll be fine in a little while.”

“What exactly did you do?” Harriet’s voice was asking, not quite rid of the worry that she had been feeling ever since her adopted daughter had been brought to the hospital wing, dazed and bleeding from her misadventures.

“Got to the roof...” Emily mumbled into the pillow, and she felt both women lean closer to listen properly. “Jumped... plotholed mid fall... must have come back to the Library...”

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she hoped that they would forget that she had not pulled out her generator to summon the plothole...she was not quite ready to share her talent for them yet...

“You jumped off a four story building?!” Harriet sounded livid. “What were you thinking?!”

“...was thinking ‘what would big sis do?’.” Emily muttered truthfully in response. “...so I blew 'em all a kiss before I jumped...”

Valerie snorted. “You blew Runoa a kiss?!”

The girl shrugged. “She seemed to appreciate it...”

She could hear the healer chuckling, and Harriet huffed in an unamused manner. Nevertheless the leader ruffled her charge’s hair. Emily moaned again and wriggled further into the pillow.

“Come on,” Valerie urged. “Sit up and you can have some hot tea.”

Hot tea did sound appealing... but so did staying in the bed.

“We’re having our own after party when you get up,” Harriet’s informed her. As if on cue, Emily’s eyes snapped open and she raised her head to look at her guardian.

“...really? Cheesy club music and oddly coloured drinks?”

“We even managed to rig up some disco lights,” Harriet smiled. “Though I would take it easy on the dancing with your ankle. Everyone is there already...even the Sues and Stus from the basement are coming.”

Energised, the girl threw back the covers and swept up the cup of tea.

“Wait!” Harriet yelled, as her charge downed the tea and shot towards the door as fast as she could on a busted ankle. “We still have to discuss your manners, young lady! Where did you learn that swear word?!”

OOO

Suebook News Feed:

The ACMSES: Had a lovely time at Sue Factor tonight, and thought all the acts were wonderful. Now for our own after party – photographs will be up soon! Merry Christmas everyone!

23:05pm.

Insert Fixed and Pointless Talent Show Here (part 4 of 5)

“Adrian!” Emily had barley poked her head around the bathroom door before Adrian’s fluffy white tail disappear around the corner.

“He’s gone!” she called to Phoenixia, who was hastily drying her hands.

“Well that can’t be good!” the ex-hologram exclaimed. “Come on! We’ve got to catch him before he does something suicidal!”

She grabbed her hand, and Emily allowed herself to be pulled into the corridor. There was no one around, and their footsteps seemed to bounce off the walls. As the bathroom door swung closed behind them, Emily stopped suddenly, almost jerked onto her face as Phoenixia was pulled to a sharp halt.

“What is it? We have to go, Emily!”

“Its still the intermission, isn’t it?” Emily asked, knowing that Phoenixia unlike her, was wearing a watch.

“Yes. Its still the intermission,” Phoenixia was nodding, clearly impatient to get moving again.

Turning her head and examining every angle of the corridor, Emily felt a shiver run down her spine.

“Then where is everybody?”

They turned their heads slowly, horror working its way through their limbs like poison. The corridor should have been heaving with people, heading to the bathrooms or to go outside to have a cigarette. The long stretch of empty corridor was devoid of human life, save for the two Society members.

“...we need to leave,” Phoenixia swallowed. “Now.”

“Oh I don’t think so my love...”

Even before they heard his footsteps, they knew who it was. Every fibre of Phoenixia’s being begged her not to turn around...not to look towards the voice...if she didn’t see it, it couldn’t hurt her...but she was powerless to ignore it.

Edward Casanova stood, framed against the end of the corridor like a still figure in a photograph. He still wore the same clothing from his performance, but the despondent look of defeat was gone, replaced instead with a focused determination. There would be no sweet talk this time, no heartfelt expressions of love. He was here to take what he wanted by force.

A single pistol from Incandescent Silverreign was strapped to Phoenixia’s thigh beneath her skirt. She longed to have the rest of her gun in her hands...more than that, she longed for Adrian. Her heart pounded away in her chest, and she could already feel her palms sweating.

Emily had never met the man, but she knew who she was, and the sight of him made her sick to her stomach. She strode forward and stood firmly before Phoenixia, arms outstretched to shield the woman from harm. Phoenixia was startled, and Edward frowned at her like she was a disobedient school girl.

“Now that’s not very nice. You’re blocking my view of the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“How did you find us?!” Phoenixia was desperately stalling, as she pulled Emily back behind her. She wanted nothing more than to pull out her pistol and blow a hole in his skull, but she could not open fire while Emily was around and risk Edward attacking her instead. Their only option was to run.

“You need to calm down my love, you’re shaking,” Edward’s voice was meant to be soothing, but all it did was make Phoenixia shiver. “And I met a lovely woman called Runoa, who said that if I headed to the bathrooms I would find what I was looking for.” His eyes raked over Phoenixia, and a wicked smile curled his lips. “And I certainly found her...”

“Shut it!” Phoenixia snapped, slipping her hand down to her side and drawing. “You’re sick Edward, and don’t you dare take a step closer!”

The weight of the pistol was comforting, and she cautiously glanced behind her. The corridor was empty. Emily could escape without being harmed. She just had to draw his fire...because there would be fire. As soon as he understood that she would not go with him willingly, he would attack.

“Don’t you see?” despite her orders, Edward took a step forward. Phoenixia stumbled back, dragging Emily with her. “I died. But I came back for you, my love. Nothing can separate us...not even death.”

“You didn’t die! I shot you, you creep!” Phoenixia burst out. She felt Emily squeeze her free hand, and she heard the girl rummaging in her bag. She hoped that whatever she was looking for would help them.

“Grief has clouded your thoughts,” Edward declared, stepping more briskly. Each footstep matched the thudding of Phoenixia’s own heart. “You blame yourself...of course you do...that’s what people do when they lose someone they love...”

“I don’t love you!” she said, but though her voice came out strong, her breathing was rapid from terror.

“No matter how many times fate tries to take me away, I will always come back for you,” he continued as though he had not heard her. “You are mine Phoenixia, and not even dying will change that...”

She could shoot him...she had to shoot him...if she didn’t, she and Emily would both get hurt...but the closer he walked the more scared she felt... the trigger felt stiff against her finger... she couldn’t pull it... she was frozen to the spot... he would kill Emily and she would never escape from him...she would be his forever

“Shoot him!” her mind screamed. “Shoot him!”

“I can’t! I’ll miss! I’ll miss and he’ll kill her! Or worse take us both! Oh God... Adrian, please help me! I can’t fight him alone! I’m scared!”

“She was never yours!” Emily’s was squeezing Phoenixia’s free hand, and the ex-hologram snapped out of her panic. “She’s our Phoenixia! And we’ll all go to hell long before I let you touch her!”

Phoenixia knew even before Emily had finished speaking, that this was the wrong thing to say to a Stu with delusions of being a romantic hero. His green eyes narrowed as they locked onto her, and in the blink of an eye he was racing down the corridor, a gleaming golden sword in his hands. The top weapon in Emily’s bag leaped into her hands and she swung with all her might against Edward’s skull.

CRACK!

The Stu staggered away, clutching his head and spitting curses. Phoenixia’s senses seemed to snap back into gear with the sound, as Emily turned and dragged her down the corridor.

“What did you hit him with?!” the ex-hologram demanded, trying to pick her jaw off the floor.

“Harriet’s cricket bat!” Emily was hastily trying to wrestle the aforementioned bat back into her tiny black handbag as she ran.

“Yes I see that, but... how?” Phoenixia’s reeled in jaw dropped again as Emily pulled her supersoaker out of the bag, followed by the familiar shape of Incandescent Silverreign. Never in her life had Phoenixia been so glad to see it.

“Don’t ask me how,” Emily shook her head. “Just –”

They screeched to a halt as Edward blurred into view in front of them, sword raised to slice off their heads in one swoop.

“FIRE!” Emily screamed, wrestling her ammo from her bag.

The direct threat to Emily kicked Phoenixia over her fear and she reacted instantly, kicking the young girl and her bag behind her even as she grabbed the rest of Incandescent Silverreign and swung it in a hasty block, only for Edward’s weapon to slid along the barrels length and leave a sharp red line to mark its path across her chest.

“You know I don’t want to hurt you, darling.” Edward said apologetically as he skipped back to avoid a short burst from Incandescent Silverreign and readied his sword again. “But if I must to bring you back to me, I-“

A heel to his face silenced the rest of his line, her jump kick sending him flying back along the hallway. “Just shut up, you sick freak!” Her weapon broke apart into its’ components and the pistols were in her hand, blazing away.

He staggered under the barrage for a second before slashing the air with his blade, the force of the swing actually scattering the shots away. Despite rips on his clothes and skin and a trickle of blood leaking from under his right, he seemed unconcerned about her attack. “I will not-“

The crack of her sniper rifle forced him to slid from side-to-side to avoid the armor-piercing rounds, but in the hallway space was limited and one found its mark through his right shoulder while another ripped through his left thigh, a third nearly taking off his ear and their combined force actually picking him up off his feet.
“Phoenixia, my love, you need to listen to me! You are under-!”

“I said shut up!” She was suddenly in front of him, ramming her shotgun into his gut and even as his eyes widened in surprise, she made the trigger click with extreme prejudice. Twice.

The Stu went tumbling backwards before stopping in a heap. Groaning, he got to his knees, using his sword a crutch while he ripped off the remains of his shirt. “It seems that I am at a disadvantage in this narrow hallway….”

“I don’t care. The only advantage you’ll ever have is that when I finally kill you, you won’t be able to feel the torture I’m going to put you through!” Phoenixia knew the words sounded like bravado and the fear just seeing the man gnawed at her, but the comfort of her weapons in her hand was enough for her to push it aside and fight back. Even if was mostly delaying tactics. Like before, none of the damage she was getting in on him was sinking in and even shotgun blasts had done nothing more than ruin his shirt and scar his abs.

“The pain of having to fight you is more painful than a thousand deaths and a thousand years in all the hells, my Phoenixia.” He rose to his feet, an almost sad expression on his face. But it was a faux sadness almost, like he would regret only that he had been forced to do this. "But once we’re together again, I will make our pain stop. I promise. But sometimes a little pain is necessary…”

“Will you just shut up!?” She growled at him, only to freeze slightly when she caught sight of the jewel on the hilt of his sword. At first, it had seemed mere decoration, but now that it was facing directly at her, she could tell there was an eye in it… and it was focused on her, hungrily, nothing but lust in it. And it filled her with fear.

It was the demonic eye of the man she killed in the skies of Devil May Cry.

OOO

“OW!” Harriet yelped, as she staggered back through the water and into the sink. She had been wrestling desperately with the door handle, but it would not give an inch. The water was up to their knees, and rising fast.

“You okay?” Tash asked. She had pulled off the cover for the extractor fan, only to discover that the vent was too small for them to fit down, and pointed upwards. It would be no help to drain the water away. The plugs on the sink, shower and the pipe from the toilet were all blocked by magic, and with Runoa’s power, both girls knew they had no chance of breaking it. Harriet was favouring her left side, from where Runoa had kicked her in the ribs, and Tash’s vision was still cloudy from hitting her head on the floor. Without Nephthys she was useless, and Harriet had given her cricket bat to Emily to store in her bag.

“Where is Phoenixia?!” Harriet muttered angrily. “Where are the rest of the Society!”

“On their way... they’ll come for us,” Tash did not sound reassured.

“Oh I’m sure they will,” Runoa’s taunted from beyond the door. “That’s what I’m counting on.”

“You’re a twisted specimen of humanity Runoa!” Harriet barked at the door.

“You say that like I should care,” the Lieutenant Mary-Sue replied. Jumping down from the vent, Tash seized the door handle with her friend once more, and the two heaved again. It was no good. The lock held strong, and the warped wood refused to budge.

“Adrian didn’t teach you to blast down doors, did he?” Harriet asked hopefully, knowing that if he had Tash would have done it already.

“I can’t...” Tash shook her head. “The only thing he taught me was Juari-Ken. I can’t do any other magic.”

“You don’t know any other spells?” the leader asked desperately.

“Well I can stop the door from getting pregnant, if you like. Other than that, no. I don’t know any other spells.”

Harriet had to laugh... because if she didn’t laugh, she’d start crying instead.

OOO

“Not that room... not that room... hang on girls, I’m coming...”

Adrian could smell every person in this corridor, and he knew he had to be getting close. Harmony’s changing room was in this corridor and the contestants had to be near each other. He wished he could turn back into a human and run properly, but there were stage hands running back and forth, and it was too dangerous. He was less noticeable as a cat, and he needed every advantage if Runoa was waiting for him.

Around the next corner, and past another black clad lighting technician. He could smell them now. At the end of this corridor. That had to be Edward’s dressing room...

“Aww, hello!”

Adrian felt himself being plucked off the floor and cuddled to an ample and very comfortable chest.

“You’re adorable!” Ardelisa duVinevil declared, rubbing his fluffy head with a finger. On any other occasion, Adrian would have enjoyed this. But he did not have time to be petted by a Sue right now. Not seeing anyone else around, he quickly changed back into a man.

Ardelisa screamed and leaped into the wall.

“Sorry, but I have to rescue my girlfriend,” Adrian told her firmly, before turning and running again.

“Wait!” to Adrian’s surprise, Ardelisa picked up the skirt of her dress and ran after him. “Aren’t you –?”

The sharp crack of a whip cut her words off, as the serrated length of Hellbinder whipped down the corridor and snapped around Adrian’s neck. He felt the jagged edges digging into his skin, and he stumbled to his knees, desperately trying to draw breath. Ardelisa screamed again, as the whip jerked hard and Adrian was pulled hard onto all fours. Runoa stepped around the dressing room door, a smirk on her face.

“Don’t you know this area is for contestants and staff only?” she asked mockingly. Adrian raised his head enough to glare at her, his eyes widening as he spotted a familiar pendant and chain clutched in her free hand.

“Where’s my girlfriend?!” he managed to gasp. Hellbinder seemed to tighten around his windpipe.

“Swimming,” the Lieutenant replied with smirk, twisting the whip a little in her hands and causing the serrated edges to dig deeper into Adrian’s throat. Any deeper and Ardelisa knew Runoa would sever the artery in his neck. She looked desperately about for anything that could help her...and to her luck, saw a covered panel beside her, set into the wall. Knowing a whip could not hit her and hold the Librarian down at the same time, she yanked it off. Row upon row of power switches sat before her.

“This is divine providence! It is my fate to rescue the Librarian and the rest of the Society!”

“If you value your life Ardelisa,” Runoa’s voice was cold, but Ardelisa did not fail to notice that she had taken a quick step forward. “You will step away from that panel.”

For the first time in her life, the Lieutenant was taken aback, as the Sue turned and smirked at her.

“Luckily for me, I don’t.”

She flattened the switches, and the corridor plunged into darkness. Screams from the nearby rooms began to fill the corridor, and Ardelisa had just enough time to flatten herself against the wall as Hellbinder unravelled itself from Adrian’s neck and lashed out at the spot she had been standing not a moment before. She missed by a hair, and the Sue breathed a shaky sigh of relief.

“Even the Lieutenant can’t see in the dark!” she thought triumphantly, before frowning as the sound of gurgling pipes caught her attention. “The sounds like... Edward’s room...”

There was another crack, as Runoa retracted the whip for another strike at the spot Adrian had fallen. From her scream of rage however, she seemed to have missed. Something soft and fluffy brushed against Ardelisa’s ankles, and she knew that he had turned into a cat once more.

“I know you’re still there, Adrian! Stop hiding and face me!”

“She doesn’t know he can shapeshift,” Ardelisa realised, as doors up and down the corridor and the surrounding backstage area began to open, and confused and anxious stage hands and technicians began to appear. Bolting from the wall, Ardelisa ran towards Edward’s dressing room, but Runoa was not stupid and lashed out with Hellbinder as she tried to pass her. The whip caught her ankles and the Sue went sprawling to the floor. The lights snapped back on suddenly and everyone winced. Barely a second later, Adrian’s trenchcoat whipping around the corner was all anyone saw.

“You’re lucky you’re still alive, you little bitch!” Runoa hissed, as Ardelisa pushed herself off the ground. Ignoring the confused looking bystanders, Runoa vanished into flashstep after the fleeing Librarian.

Picking herself off the floor, Ardelisa stumbled into Edward’s room, shutting the door firmly behind her. Her knees felt bruised from where she had fallen, but otherwise she was alright. She did not have time to rest, as her eyes were drawn to a slowly spreading puddle of water soaking the carpet. It was oozing out from underneath the door at a slow pace, and as she listened, she heard splashing and a shriek of pain.

“Sorry! Sorry! My hand slipped!”

“Not your fault Tashy. That’s where she kicked me...”

“Harriet?” Ardelisa hurried to the door and banged on it.

“Ardelisa?!” Harriet had never sounded so glad to see her. “Thank God!”

“Why can I hear running water?” as Ardelisa pressed her ear against the door, she could hear the sounds of water gushing from pipes, and cold dread seemed to seep down her spine.

“Runoa broke the taps. The room is flooding and we can’t get out!” Harriet yelled back.

“What can I do?” she was pushing against the door, but it held firm.

“There should be a key,” Tash explained. “Runoa had it...” there was a pause, as something obviously occurred to her. “Where is she anyway?”

“She went after Adrian,” Ardelisa explained, as she began pulling the drawers on the dressing table open, searching for the elusive key.

“WHAT?!”

Jumping in alarm at the noise, and dropping a bottle of men’s cologne to the floor, Ardelisa shook her head and continued her hunt. The Assistant Librarian was very rude. “She went after the Librarian. They were heading down the corridor last I saw.”

“That idiot!” Tash screamed, and from the frustrated noise she made, Ardelisa guessed she was making a renewed attempt to pull the door open. “When I get my ha...”

There was a shriek and a loud splash. Ardelisa jumped again as she swept through the contents of the final drawer. There was no key. Panic gripping her as she realised they were running out of time, she threw it to the floor, not caring where it fell, and frantically scanned the room for any sign of the tiny silver life saver.

“Tashy! Are you okay?”

The Assistant coughed in response.

“Yeah... just slipped...”

“Where’s the key Lisa?!” Harriet demanded.

“I don’t know!” Ardelisa was darting around the room, grabbing her hair in panic. “I can’t find it! I can’t see it...”

“Calm down! Think like Runoa. What would she have done with it?” Harriet asked, jerking the door handle again to see if it would give way.

“Think like Runoa...” Ardelisa pressed her palms into her forehead. “Think like Runoa...”

“Not to rush you, but our chins are getting wet!” Tash shouted.

“Come on Lisa, you’re a Sue! You’re perfect! You can think of anything!” Harriet called.

“Think like Runoa...” Ardelisa continued to mutter. “I’m the Lieutenant. I am the most powerful person in the multiverse... I’m over confident. I don’t need the key because nothing will go wrong. There’s no point in me keeping it...” Her head shot up. “I’ve thrown it away!”

“The bin!” Harriet yelled. “Check the bin!”

The Sue was ahead of her, tipping the contents onto the floor. Tissues, crisp packets and a drinks bottle hit the carpet...and nestled under a pack of salt and vinegar was a small silver key.

“I’ve got it!” Ardelisa seized it and ran for the door, jamming the key in the lock and turning. The lock slid back immediately, and she tossed it away. “All together! Pull!”

OOO

“That… that eye….”

 Edward noticed the look and lifted his blade. “This blade was made by a process my author found while reading one of your books, my love. It is formed from the soul of my body that you destroyed in Devil May Cry. “

“A... Soul-forged weapon…!?” Phoenixia took a few steps back in surprise and fear. “From my books…but only Blade Dancers know that process… only they could use it! And you… there’s no way!”


“Oh, but I am a Blade Dancer, my love.” He smiled, a smile that was meant to be calm and reassuring and convey joy, but only served to make her shudder involuntarily. “To know you all the better, I immersed myself into your works and taught myself the necessary techniques to become a Blade Dancer.”

He gripped the weapon. “I am sorry to turn your own ideas against you, but I have no choice. Even if I have to embrace the darkness, I will save you, my love!” Then the sword glowed and suddenly, six tentacles burst from his back, three to either side. “My soul will never let your love go!”

Her pistols barked as the tentacles raced towards her, but the rounds merely glanced off harmlessly or they twisted around them. She batted one of them away and leapt away, only for a scream to finish the motion as they snared around her wrists and legs. “No!”

Edward advanced on her. “Don’t be frightened, my love…” He pulled her close, reaching to cup her face and frowning as she twitched away from his hand. He grabbed her jaw, using a tentacle to brush some hair out of her face. “So beautiful, even like this….”

“Hey! Lover-boy!”

He glanced up just in time for Emily’s little heel slammed between his legs and his eyes widened, his tentacles reflexively releasing Phoenixia and he staggered back. “You… l-little… b-brat!”

“Hands!” Emily kicked him in the shin and he dropped to one knee, gasping in pain. “Off!” Blood flowed from his nose as her head slammed into face. “My!” Her supersoaker was in her hands. “Sister!” The entirety of her supersoaker’s contents was emptied across the Stu’s front, covering him in the glistening liquid. He screamed as it hissed and burned, staggering and flailing wildly.

Phoenixia seized the moment, practically throwing Emily down the corridor while making a mental note to buy her some nice for saving her and scrabbled for her guns.

“You… how dare you, you little bitch! I will kill you!” The Stu wiped wildly at his burning face, finally removing the searing liquid from his eyes enough to see… enough to see the combined barrel of Incandescent Silverreign levelled at him. “Oh….”

The blast flung him down the hallway and the second gouged a line across the ceiling, dropping a pile of rubble and buring him as well blocking the hallway even as Phoenixia and Emily sprinted in the opposite direction as hard they could.

OOO

The door to the rooftop crumpled like paper as it flew off its hinges as Runoa stalked onto the gravel, Hellbinder gripped taunt between her hands. “Here, kitty, kitty...”

Hiding behind an air conditioning unit, Adrian the Super Kitty listened intently as her footsteps crunch across the gravel. They had been playing this game of insane-uber-Sue and cat for a while now. He did not want to engage her in a direct battle with so many other Sues and Stus around and so had been luring her away from the others, changing back to human and throwing a few spells her way now and again when she had lost track of him, then turn back into a cat and racing off again.

But it wasn’t going to last forever. The rooftop had been the farthest he could think to get her away and now that they were here, his space was very limited and eventually she’d find him. Not that he intended to let that happen-running away had not only kept her busy, but given him time to devise with which to retrieve Tash’s necklace from Runoa.

Most people would call his current plan a ‘Grab ‘n Dash’.

Runoa peered around a vent and wasn’t surprised to not find her quarry. She couldn’t sense and in his kitty form, he would no doubt take advantage of his abilities to walk stealthy and squeeze into tight places. The feeling of the gravel under her boots made her realize that his hearing was superior, too and he could track her when she walked.

Easy enough to fix that as she simply levitated an inch off the ground and began to drift around the air conditioning silently, Hellbinder at the ready.

A thumping noise was all the warning she had and she glanced towards the unit just in time to see a white ball of fur leap at her with a snarling hiss.  She let out an annoyed cry as he latched onto her face, biting and clawing and scratching. “That’s a real smart move, boy!”

As she reached to remove him, however, his form shifted and suddenly she was flat on her back as the grinning Librarian socked her in the face, then snatched Tash’s necklace from down her shirt and then yelping as Hellbinder snagged around his throat and flung him across the rooftop.

The ex-Librarian leaped to her feet as Adrian did the same, but a fraction of a second faster than he did and even as he leapt in the air, Hellbinder’s coils looped around and began to draw tight. “I got you!”

But impossibly, he somehow slid out of his coat in mid-air, her weapon snaring the now empty garment. Even as she flicked the coat out of her whip and cracked it at him, he was a white cat again and darted around the tip with inhuman reflexes, the necklace hanging around his neck. The cat flashed between a pair of vents and then bounded up one, leaping into the air and giving her a smug raspberry before vanishing from view down the ventilation shaft.

Adrian’s abandoned trenchcoat fell atop her head, hiding her infuriated expression. “I hate him….”

OOO

“PULL!”

Harriet and Tash strained, but the door was stubbornly stuck. Runoa’s spell had warped the wood tightly into the frame, and she sheer mass of water now pressing against it made it impossible to move. Both girls could no longer touch the floor, and were treading water with barely a foot left before they ran out of air.

“Feels like an elephant leaning against it!” Tash panted. Harriet’s face was damp and Tash could not tell if it was from the water or tears of frustration.

“Ardelisa you’re going to have to break the door! There’s no other way!”

She did not sound confident. Ardelisa was so frail she looked as though she could barely carry her own weight, let alone anything heavy enough to break the door.

“With what?”

“Anything! Just hurry!”

The banging sounds of Ardelisa frantically trying to move things was eclipsed by the rushing water getting closer and closer to their ears.

“Harriet...” Tash’s voice was hopeless. “We’re running out of airspace...”

Sure enough, the final foot between the water and the ceiling was shrinking fast. Harriet swallowed hard, and she felt herself sink so that her shoulders were below the water line.

They were going to die, she realised. It had never really seemed possible to her before. There was always a way out...but not from this. They only had minutes left. She had never thought it would come to this. She had always thought if any of them died it would be with a bang like Adrian had...now she and her friend were drowning in a bathroom. Alarm pierced her mind as she remembered everyone she loved in real life. They would never know what had happened. She would have just vanished, never to return...

...No! She could not accept that. They would not die here. They would not let Runoa win!

“Hati...” now she just sounded scared. “I don’t want you to die here...”

The Society founder plunged her hand through the water and seized her friend’s hand. “We aren’t dying here Tashy. Ardelisa will get us out...”

There was not much comfort to be had from this, and Tash started to cry in earnest. Paddling to her, Harriet squeezed her in a hug.

“Stop it! We’re getting out, okay? We’re going to get out, we’re going to find Adrian, and we are going to punish Runoa! You got it?!”

She shook her by the shoulders, submerged in the freezing water, and Tash nodded shakily. Harriet hugged her tightly again, praying that this would not be the last time she ever did so. The water was on its final stretch, and both girls had to tip their heads back to catch their last mouthfuls of air.

“Trying the door again?” Tash asked trying to sound hopeful. Harriet gave a nod, trying not to shiver.

“Come on! We can do this!” she squeezed her hands, as the water crept up around their mouths. She managed one last encouraging smile to her fellow leader, housemate and one of her best friends ever.

“See you on the other side!”

Gasping desperate breaths, both girls pushed off from the ceiling and swam back to the door. The world was horribly silent to Tash’s water filled ears, as they both seized the handle and began to pull, bracing themselves against the wall and doorframe. They pulled and pulled until Tash thought her arms would come out of their sockets. The wood remained resolute.

Tash’s lungs were burning, but she did not stop pulling. Her hands were shaking on the door handle, and she could feel Harriet’s doing the same. Her friend’s face was screwed up in concentration, and she gritted her teeth together as the effort expended her last supply of energy. Tash knew she could feel the same thing she could – the overwhelming desire for air... to breathe in despite the fact it would spell their doom...

Harriet’s whole body seemed to snap suddenly, as she could not bear the strain any longer, and bubbles burst from violently from her mouth. It froze in a horrified gasp, as she tried to draw in air and swallowed water instead. Tash seized her shoulders, but it was too late... her limbs flailed in panic, her chest heaving as it tried to absorb oxygen that was not there...

Finally it was over, and the Society leader went limp and lifeless, her body sinking slowly to the floor. Tash’s body was numb all over, and she barely registered her own vision tunnelling or the thudding noise of her own heartbeat in her ears... she could not be dead. Harriet could not be dead... she had said they wouldn’t die...

There was a wrenching crack and the world roared into life again, water rushing out of the confined space, and dragging the two leaders bodies with it like twigs in a river. Water cushioned every inch of Tash’s form... until she slammed painfully into a damp soggy carpet.

Coughing she pulled her head weakly up to look. The room was fuzzy as her body frantically panted for air, but she could see that not an inch of the carpet was dry any longer. The bathroom door had been split cleanly down the middle, and the white bathroom tiles gleamed innocently beyond it.

Ardelisa was already kneeling beside Harriet, rolling the leader over and checking her for life signs. A fearful gasp escaped her as she realised that her patient was not breathing, and she immediately secured Harriet’s airway and began emergency breaths.

“Hati...” Tash barely had any spare breath left to cough, let alone speak, but she crawled to her best friend’s side regardless, and took her hand. It was cold...but there...just below her skin, was the tiniest flicker of a pulse. Once more Ardelisa pressed her lips to Harriet’s and breathed...

There was a violent spluttering noise, as Harriet’s prone body jerked into life again, water bubbling up over her lips as Ardelisa pulled hastily away. Spitting and gasping for more precious oxygen, Harriet rolled to one side, and violently began vomiting up water. Ardelisa knelt back, rubbing soothing circles on her back, while Tash slumped back to the floor, tears rolling down her soaked face.

“Thank God... thank God...”

Harriet cleared the last of the water from her mouth, and looked around. Ardelisa was hovering anxiously over her, while Tash was curled up next to her, squeezing her hand and sobbing quietly into the ruined carpet. Discarded beside the Sue was a red axe.

“...wha...?” Harriet just about managed to articulate, before her body demanded more air. Turning her head to look at her choice of weapon, Ardelisa shrugged.

“I asked for a way to get you out... divine providence gave me an axe in that glass case in the corridor...”

“...this glass case...” Tash asked slowly. “...didn’t say “In case of fire break glass” did it?”

“Now that you mention it...” the eighteen century Sue said thoughtfully. “It did.”

Still spluttering slightly, Harriet began to laugh.

OOO

Claws scrabbling along the air vent, Adrian slid down the shaft as though on a water slide, Tash’s pendant clasped in his teeth, the chain around his neck. He banged painfully into the side, before continuing his downward slide, dust gathering at his paws and clinging to his fur where he had bumped into the sides. He gave a sneeze, and a great cloud of it was left in his wake. He did not know where he was going, but it was far away from Runoa, and that was good enough for him.

The vent levelled out, and he realised he must have come to the next floor down. Sneezing violently, and sending another dust cloud billowing into the air, he took a quick sniff and picked up a familiar scent. Padding through the dust, he trotted in the direction of that distinct smell.

“...almost died...”

“That bastard! I swear when I get my hands on him...”

“You don’t want to get your hands on him Tashy! You don’t understand how dangerous that weapon of his is! With his own Soul-Forged weapon...”

“Calm down Nixie... we’ve all had a bit of a scare. Emily, any luck with the communicators?”

“No. The water has fried them. Your mobiles too.”

“Hati I’m taking our new phones out of the budget.”

“What?! You can’t do that! I’ve got a very important order coming in on the Society budget!”

“For the last time, you can’t have a full size marble statue of Swanny in your room!”

“Why not? Its my budget!”

As Adrian’s face appeared at the entrance to the vent shaft, he realised he must be looking at Ardelisa’s dressing room. The whole Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society were crammed inside. Some were pacing, while some sat looking worried on the floor. Michael was frowning as he stalked back and forth across the room, anger evident in even inch of his face. Emily was perched on the dressing table, wiping water from the inside of a phone case. Phoenixia stood tense beside the door, Incandescent Silverreign clutched tightly in her hands. Her eyes were wide, and kept darting to the door every time someone coughed, or made a sudden noise.

As Jess moved to give the ex-hologram a hug, Adrian got a clearer look at the sofa. Ardelisa sat on one end, rubbing a bruise on her elbow from where Runoa had tripped her, but otherwise unhurt, and looking rather proud of herself. Tash and Harriet were wrapped in fluffy white bathrobes, with a towel around each of their heads, both still looking pale and bedraggled. Harriet’s voice was slightly hoarse, and she was breathing deeper than usual, and Tash had a tight squeeze on her hand as though she were terrified to let go.

Pushing against the vent cover achieved nothing, so Adrian did what all cats that wanted attention did best.

“Mrroww! Mrrowww!”

Everyone looked up instantly.

“Emiushere?!” Tash got to her feet, but Ardelisa waved her down, urging her to rest. Phoenixia, who had raised her gun and pointed the moment Adrian had opened his mouth, lowered her weapon, but did not relax. Worried now, Adrian began to scratch at the vent, even as Michael approached and began to unscrew the bolts that trapped him inside.

As soon as he was through, Adrian jumped into the room, landing in a little cloud of dust that made him sneeze again. He reverted back to human instantly, and Tash bounded from the sofa to hug him...however she was beaten to the job by Phoenixia, who dropped her gun and threw her arms around her lover, squeezing him tightly.

“Ow!” Adrian squeaked, before returning the embrace. “What did I miss?”

“Where were you?” Tash demanded to know. “Why are you filthy? And where in the seven hells is Runoa?!”

“Alright, everyone sit down,” Michael rubbed his head. There were ten minutes to go until the intermission was over, and he could feel the beginnings of a migraine. “Let’s go over this and then get back to our seats...”

Ardelisa smiled and got to her feet, heading for the table in the corner of her dressing room, where by divine providence, a kettle and several teacups had just appeared for her and her guests.

OOO


Back in the basement, the Sues were bored.

So were the Society. Multiverse Digital did not come with very good news stations.

A feeling of foreboding in her stomach, Valerie glanced at her communicator. There had been no word from the Sue Factor fandom from any of the Society agents. She supposed they could just be having too much fun... but she had felt this horrible sensation earlier... like someone ripping something precious away from her. Something had gone wrong, or was going wrong as they spoke. She did not like it. She was going to give them another five minutes before she tried calling Tash.

“Valerie-san...Valerie-san...” Aster prodded the healer in the arm, and Valerie snapped out of her thoughts.

“Sorry Aster.”

“~Kyaa... are you done with those?” she pointed to the Recees Cups on Valerie’s plate hopefully. Protectively, the healer pulled them toward her, and Aster pouted. Her efforts to get chocolate were being foiled yet again.

“Just did a headcount,” Ben appeared by her side. He had been grumpy ever since Edward Casanova had been voted off and he had effectively lost the money he had placed in the betting pool, but now he was a little anxious. “One of the Sues is missing, and so is one of the Stus. I can’t see them, and no one knows where they’ve gone off to.”

Strangely Valerie did not feel alarmed by this. She was still too worried about those in the Sue Factor fandom. Still this was a serious problem. Who knew what kind of trouble missing Sue and Stu could get up to in the Library? It could be dangerous... it was forbidden... they would be in so much trouble if they were caught...but the danger made it all the more wonderful...

Heart pounding, and blood pooling to her cheeks, Valerie realised just where the Sue and Stu were.

“Let’s... leave them for five minutes...” she suggested awkwardly. “I’m sure they’ll show up... eventually...”

She got up quickly and moved a safe distance away. She hovered awkwardly in a corner, becoming quickly preoccupied again with worry about the people in the fandom. They should have called by now...they had a long enough intermission...maybe they couldn’t find anywhere quiet to do it...or maybe something had gone wrong...

“Food?” Rhia offered the bag of tortilla chips, and Valerie shook her head. Recognising that expression on the healer’s face, the chef sighed.

“You’re worried too?”

Valerie nodded softly. “I just wish they’d call... I’d call them, but I’m afraid of catching them at a wrong moment and blowing their cover...”

“We could go check the monitor screens upstairs?” Rhia suggested. The thought was tempting, but Valerie was reluctant to leave.

“But what about the Sues?”

“They’ll be fine,” Rhia assured her. “Ben, Willie and the others are still here... and even if they weren’t, Shirley would keep them all in line without breaking a sweat.”

They both glanced to the opposite corner, where the Cliche stick sat filing her claws with a scrap of sandpaper.

“Good point...” Valerie had to agree, and got to her feet quickly, as a sudden wave of heady emotion from the other side of the room made her feel hot all over. “Let’s go... quickly.”

Insert Fixed and Pointless Talent Show Here (part 2 of 5)

The dressing room was spacious, with dresses lined up on a clothing rail, some freshly dry cleaned and covered in plastic, others discarded quickly, hanging off one side of the hanger. The dressing table was cluttered with make up, and the lights around the mirror glowed brightly. A large white sofa sat opposite, and beside that, a door that led to a small bathroom.

Ardelisa hummed as she took a deep drink from her glass of water. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror, and smiled. She looked radiant, and now that the performance was over, some of the anxiety had left her eyes. Performing was natural to her, but despite her time in modern fandoms she was still not comfortable with the clothing. It seemed very indecent to have to wear dresses that showed ones arms. The previous week when she had been singing Evacuate the Dancefloor, she had been shocked to see the knee length dress that they expected her to wear, and she had been distracted the whole evening. She was a virtuous woman, and showing so much skin felt like a horrible way to tempt fate.

Tonight seemed to have gone very well however, and there was just one more performance left, if she made it past the next vote off. She was not too worried – divine providence would see her through to the next round. And in the mean time, she was greatly enjoying herself.

There was a knock at the door, and she replaced the glass on the coaster, and straightened her hair. It was probably another make up artist or someone.

“Who is it?” she called, turning to find her favourite perfume in amongst the make up boxes.

“A gay Turkish pirate,” the reply was dripping with sarcasm, and Ardelisa’s back straightened instantly, perfume bottle still clutched in her hand.

“...Harriet?” she crossed the room quickly and pulled open the door. The Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society leader stood on the threshold, one hand braced against the doorframe a wide smile on her face. She wore an orange shirt which sparkled and showed an ample (slightly indecent in Ardelisa’s mind) amount of cleavage, but aside from that, looked just as she had the last time the Sue had seen her.

“Goodness me!” Ardelisa exclaimed, throwing her arms around the leader. “What a surprise! Come in! Come in!”

She shepherded them inside, Harriet looking around the room with an impressed stare. Tash followed, arms folded and frowning, though this hostility was not totally unexpected – the last time they had met, Ardelisa had drugged Tash into a hallucinogenic nightmare.

“Excuse the mess,” Ardelisa blushed sheepishly. “The make up artists are very unorganised.”

“I’m sure,” Harriet nodded, turning to face the Sue. “How have you been then?”

“Oh just wonderful,” Ardelisa beamed. “Ever since you reunited me with my beloved Count life has been just perfect... I’ve been keeping connected with several Sues of course, and I found out about this competition, and decided it looked like fun.”

“You sang really well,” Harriet complimented, leaning against the dressing table. “We were all impressed.”

Tash made no move to back this comment up, throwing herself onto the sofa, and glancing suspiciously around the room. But Ardelisa did not seem to notice or care.

“Oh it’s lovely that you are here,” she continued. “The other contestants have friends who are here supporting them. I’ve had no one...” a sad, tragic tear appeared in her eyes. “But to know that you’re in the audience tonight is such a boost!”

“Yes... about the other contestants,” Harriet began, before the Sue could gush any more. “We were wondering about a few of them... Edward for example. We had him down as being –”

“ – dead?” Ardelisa finished. “Yes everyone did. I would not know this, but I overheard him talking to Merle the other day backstage – she’s his judge you see – and he mentioned that his author resurrected him. Said he had more work to do. Sounded very covert...”

The two Society leaders exchanged looks. “So his author still wants to use Edward to get to us.” Tash muttered. “Just wonderful...”

“Is there a problem with him?” Ardelisa asked, anxiety crossing her perfect face again. “I always felt a little uneasy around him. He reminds me of that dreadful Mahomet from my own fandom...”

Harriet shuddered. Mahomet was a Turkish officer in the Count de Vinevil fandom, who instantly fell in love with Ardelisa at first sight and ended up killing her father in an attempt to abduct her.

“You’re not far off,” she explained. “When we first encountered Edward he tried to rape Phoenixia.”

The Sue’s reaction was not hard to predict. Her hands flew to her mouth but could not stop the gasp of horror from escaping her lips. Tash’s eyes darkened and she shrank back into the sofa.

“That foul man!” Ardelisa exclaimed. “What will you do? Are you here to arrest him?”

“No,” Harriet’s words were sharp and firm. “We are not here to cause trouble tonight. We understand that Sues need to have fun too, so we’re just watching the show. But now we know that Edward is here, we need to keep an eye on him. He won’t try and attack anyone else, we don’t think – he’s fixated on Phoenixia. But we could use an extra pair of eyes backstage.”

At once, Ardelisa understood, and drew herself up as tall as it was possible for her tiny delicate frame to be. “You can rely on me! I shall keep a close watch on him and notify you of anything I see.”

Relieved, Harriet smiled. “Thanks. We’re in the back row. Don’t try and do anything dangerous though. Just keep an eye on him and make sure he’s not going anywhere he’s not suppo-”

She was interrupted by a bang at the door, and both leaders jumped. Ardelisa almost dropped her perfume, but recovered quickly and gracefully.

“Who is it?” she called.

“Me. Open up.”

The words were shot and clipped, and both Society leaders paled. It was Runoa. Eyes widening, Ardelisa hastily pulled the door to her bathroom wide, and ushered them in. “Just a moment!”

There was an impatient huff from the Lieutenant. Harriet and Tash stumbled through the door, the white tiles blinding them temporarily. As Ardelisa closed the door, the two leaders pressed their ears against the wood to listen as the Sue’s feet crossed the carpet, and the dressing room door was pulled open.

“Good evening Runoa.”

“Is it?” the Lieutenant’s voice became clearer as she entered, and Ardelisa shut the door with a sharp click. Neither Harriet or Tash dared to breathe.

“Well I think it is,” Ardelisa’s voice was calm and cool. She betrayed no hint of anxiousness or worry. It was as though Runoa had merely caught her touching up her make up. There was a soft hiss as the Sue spritzed herself with perfume.

“Where’s Bella?” Ardelisa asked curiously when she was finished. “She usually visits me during the breaks.”

“Occupied with her husband,” Runoa’s tone was disgusted. “So the task has fallen to me.”

“You could try and sound more cheerful about it,” Ardelisa suggested. “It’s Christmas Runoa. Would smiling really kill you?”

“I’m not a smiley person,” was the reply. “Were you talking to yourself when I knocked?”

Harriet tensed, and she could see Tash biting back a swear. Ardelisa’s voice was perfectly calm and sweet when she replied.

“Yes. Yes I was.”

There was a long and tense silence, and somehow Harriet just knew that Runoa was scanning every inch of the room for anything strange.

“Have you noticed anything strange tonight?” the Lieutenant finally asked.

“I have noticed a lot of strange things,” Ardelisa replied airily. “Bella and Edward sparkling when someone opened the windows during rehearsal this afternoon for example...”

“I am in no mood for games, Ardelisa,” Runoa snapped. “Have you seen anyone who shouldn’t be here?”

Once again, Harriet locked eyes with Tash, and mouthed ‘they know!’.

“No one except you,” Ardelisa stated firmly. “Really Runoa, you seem determined to be suspicious of everyone.”

“Everyone is suspicious in my eyes,” the Lieutenant growled. “You are no exception. And if I find out you have lied to me –”

“Is that a threat?” Ardelisa asked quietly, all trace of politeness gone. Her visitor snorted.

“Oh no Ardelisa. You will know when I am threatening you. This is merely a warning. Do not test me. I know something is going on tonight and I will find out what it is. And no one can stop me.”

“No,” Ardelisa’s voice was agreeable now. “No one could stop you. You are the Lieutenant after all, with powers some of us could only dream of...” her voice became dangerous again. “But do not think of threatening me. You might be Lieutenant, and you may have lived far longer than me, but I have been a Sue far longer than you, and I have suffered every second of my life as a figure of ridicule by my own author. I might not be powerful enough to beat you in a fight... but I would break both of your legs before you could kill me.”

Runoa gave a mirthless laugh. “You? The poor tragic good girl, obsessed with her virtue? Harm me?”

There was a pause, as she chuckled again, and Ardelisa was silent until she finished.

“Yes. Me... now hadn’t you better run along back to your little desk on stage, before Magdalena gets irritated?”

There was a long silent, before the sounds of feet shuffling along the carpet appeared, following by the slamming of the door. Neither leader dared move, until Ardelisa pushed the door open and sent them sprawling to the carpeted floor.

“Oh I do apologise!” she blushed prettily as the two women picked themselves up. “She’s gone now.”

“Obviously...” Tash muttered, straightening her shirt. “Great... they know something is wrong...” She pulled out her Plot Summary and began scanning the fandom.

“You were brave standing up against Runoa,” Harriet complimented. “You should be careful though. If she wanted to kill you nothing would stop her, and who knows what effect that might have on your fandom.”

Ardelisa shrugged. “I do not underestimate her. However I believe Divine Providence would keep me safe if she were to attempt to harm me.”

Harriet bit back her sceptical retort.

“You had better get back to your seats,” Ardelisa continued. “The next round will be starting soon, and Magdalena hates it when audience members get back after filming begins...she’s the stage director,” she added, seeing their confused faces, and both girls instantly remembered the formidable looking woman striding around the stage earlier.

“Just one more question,” Harriet said quickly.

“Yes?” Ardelisa looked worried, clearly unsure what the leader was going to ask of her.

“...can I use your bathroom?”

OOO

 “On air in five, four three, two... one!”

Magdalena’s voice died away as the audience drowned her out. Sparrow was back on the stage, which was now cleared for the next act. The lights flashed again, and Alice was muffled by Louise’s coat once more, while everyone else in the Society glanced nervously around. They had all been thrown into a state of extreme paranoia after the near miss the leaders had had with the Lieutenant, and none of them were completely comfortable any longer. Staying quiet was fine enough, but now Runoa seemed to suspect that someone was here that shouldn’t be, how long would this last? Phoenixia especially was very jumpy at the prospect of the next act.

“Welcome back to the Sue Factor Finals!” Sparrow was bouncing again, her hair springing along with her step. “Things are warming up around here. Ardelisa has given us the first performance of the night, which means now we move onto our next performance. Its Merle, and the last of the boys.”

The judge was smiling confidently, tucking a strand of her long brown hair behind one ear before addressing the camera.

“Singing for your votes here tonight, its Edward.”

The fangirls in the audience screamed wildly, as the screens zoomed into a close shot of Edward’s smirking face. None of the Society were applauding.

“Name?” the camera zoomed into Runoa, who was dressed casually and frowning at the stage as the auditions wore on. Standing on the stage the Stu showed no hint of nervousness.

“Edward Casanova.”

“Why do you sing?” Merle asked next.

“For a very special woman.”

In her seat, Phoenixia tensed. Tash squeezed her hand, but the older woman was by no means comforted. Onscreen the judges did not appear impressed with the response, and were clearly preparing themselves for another disappointment.

“...know its true... everything I do... I do it for you...”

The judge’s mouths had dropped in surprise at the deep and beautiful voice that came from the Stu, and the audience were on their feet in a standing ovation.

“That gave me chills,” Bella declared.

“You have a star inside you,” Merle was beaming. “And I want to see that star come out!”

“Four yes’s. You’re through,” Runoa declared, and Edward cheered.

The screen wiped to a darkened stage, with Edward crooning the lyrics to an enraptured audience. The song was Wicked Game, and the lyrics resounded in the heads of every Society agent. Tears were working their way into Phoenixia’s eyes as each word hit home along with a good dose of Stuish influence.

“I get the feeling that was the perfect song for you, and it meant a lot to you personally,” Edward Cullen was saying.

“You have a really powerful voice,” Merle complimented next. “And it showed so well in that song. Well done!”

The image blurred into the next week, with a long drawn out note, which none of the Society had time to identify, but which was definitely showing off the full strength of Edward’s voice.

“I think you need to push yourself a bit harder,” Runoa criticised, ignoring the boos, and dodging the random shoe that was thrown at her head from the audience. “That was not your best work.”

The previous weeks’ appearance appeared, full of strobe lighting and dramatic music which caused the Society to throw their clothing over Alice once more, much to her protests.

“So come on let meeeeeee entertain you!”

“Bloody hell...” Harriet muttered. “If we weren’t paying attention before...”

“Entertain me please!” Bella clapped her hands together. “That was such a fun song for you!”

“You looked incredible, and you sounded sensational!” Merle congratulated.

The screen wiped again, this time to Edward in a slightly more casual outfit.

“This is my last chance to prove that I have got what it takes. And I’m going to prove it in style.”

Merle filled the screen next, looking completely serious as she spoke.

“He’s dedicated himself to this competition. I’ve never seen such focus or drive in a contestant before. He really does deserve to win.”

As she finished speaking, the image faded away, leaving the stage dark, except for a lone spot in the centre. The low rumble of an electric guitar was building, before exploding onto the stage in a colourful maelstrom of lights, which made everyone throw their coats back over Alice.

Edward stood centre stage beneath the lone spotlight, dark eyed as he looked up to face the audience. Passion simmered just beneath the surface of his voice waiting to boil over.

“I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me... I remembered each flash, as time began to blur...”

As he sang, lightning flashed across the screens, and the white spotlights flashed on and off in time with the beat of the song. Alice was now being smothered by seven coats, and was having trouble hearing, let alone seeing anything.

“Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me...”

His eyes fell on the audience and Phoenixia fought down a wave of horror. It felt like he was looking right at her, knowing she was there, and directing his words to her.

“And your voice was all I heard, that I’d get what I deserve...”

The terrified woman put her hands over her ears, but as the chorus exploded into the studio, and all the carefully contained passion in Edward’s voice overflowed, the words pounded through her skull regardless.

“So give me reason, to prove me wrong. To wash this memory clean. Let the floods cross, the distance in your eyes...”

Alice was not the major problem any longer. Tash had shifted out of her seat onto the arm, and was cradling Phoenixia’s head in her lap, but her comfort was barely noticed.

“Give me reason to fill this hole. Connect the space between. Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies...”

Something snapped in Phoenixia and she pushed Tash away, and fled from the studio.

“Across this new divide...”

Horrified, Tash made to get up and follow, but Adrian was there first, jumping out of her jacket and racing after his oldest friend, turning to shoot Tash a look that stated clearly that he would deal with it. Reluctantly, Tash sank back into her seat, angry that even on stage and separated by a crowd of onlookers and several cameras, Edward could still find a way to torment Phoenixia.

OOO

Adrian’s short little kitten legs were not designed for running after a panicked five foot ten woman. However Phoenixia was running blindly, and Adrian could easily smell her. He eventually came to a halt outside the girls bathrooms, and knowing that everyone was watching the performance, he threw his tiny weight against the door and wriggled through the gap.

She had pulled her feet up, but only one of the doors was locked, and Adrian did not even have to duck as he padded across the tiles and under the cubicle door. His heart gave a wrench as he saw Phoenixia curled up on the toilet, breathing heavily and shaking all over. He quickly changed back to normal.

“Phoenixia?”

The woman heaved a shuddering breath, and Adrian felt cold as she looked up at him. He had never seen her look so terrified. Her face seemed to break and she seized him around the waist, sobbing hard into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and stroked her hair.

“What did he do?” he had a horrible suspicion, but he had to hear it from Phoenixia herself. She was gasping for breath as though drowning, and she shook her head against his stomach.

“Stupid... stupid... I should never have come here... so stupid... I’m not ready for this... I’m not brave... not strong enough...”

“Shh...” the Librarian rocked her slowly. “You’re not stupid. And you’re the bravest person I know...you’re a strong, brave and beautiful woman.” He bent slightly to kiss the top of her head. “Now tell me... what did he do?”

Her breathing quietened slightly, but now the tears were pouring down her face. “I... it was in the Devil May Cry fandom... he was level five, so I thought I could take him out... he... he told me we were lovers... that we’d met in cyberspace... he had a whole story. I realised it wasn’t true and he... he got angry... he...” her voice was growing fainter and fainter, and Adrian knelt on the linoleum to look her in the eye.

“...he... tried to rape me...”

The words packed the impact of a tonne of bricks slamming into Adrian’s chest. She curled up and cried again against his shoulder, and suddenly Adrian did not care that they were supposed to be avoiding trouble, or that Harriet had specifically said that they would do nothing in this fandom. He was going to go down there, and kill Edward. And for one of the very few times in his long life, he would feel no remorse or regret when he took this life. It would not be enough to make him pay...

“Don’t do anything...” Phoenixia seemed to have sensed what he was thinking – probably from the way his body was tense with anger. “Please... just... take me home?”

The anger dissipated, as she clung to him tighter, and he sighed deeply, releasing all the tension he had not been aware he was carrying.

“Okay...”

He pulled her up and helped her back through the cubicle door. She leaned heavily on him, hiccupping as they shuffled awkwardly back into the corridor. Seeing no one around, Adrian concentrated and began to will a door back to the Library into existence.

Nothing happened.

Frowning, the Librarian tried again, but it felt as though his power, that invisible connection back to the Library was being smothered, like someone had stuffed a sponge into his head. Concerned, he pulled out his communicator and quickly sent a text to his girlfriend, before trying again.

“What’s wrong?” Phoenixia looked panicked again, and Adrian did not answer, pushing, straining for a door to appear. Still the corridor remained empty.

Brisk footsteps could be heard now, and Tash rounded the corner and hurried towards them.

“What’s going on?” she asked, slipping her communicator back into her pocket. “I got your text...”

“We can’t get back to the Library,” Adrian reported grimly.

“What?!” the Assistant Librarian’s eyes went wide, and she immediately tried to summon a door herself. Nothing happened, and she shook her head hard as though dizzy.

“Its not working... feels like someone filled my ears with cotton wool. I can’t focus on the Library.”

“So we’re stuck here?” now Phoenixia sounded hysterical, and Adrian shook his head firmly.

“We’re not stuck. We can’t be...”

But even as Tash tried her old plothole generator, nothing happened. The fandom was entirely closed off.

“We can’t be trapped here,” Adrian was repeating furiously, pacing the corridor as Phoenixia leaned against the wall shaking. “We just can’t. We got in, so we can get out...”

“Runoa must have done this,” Tash concluded. “No one else is powerful enough to seal off an entire fandom. She knows someone is here who shouldn’t be, and she’s making sure they don’t get out.”

“She’s going to have to reopen it again though,” Adrian declared. “When the show is over for the night, all the Sues in the audience are going to want to leave. She’ll have to reverse whatever she’s done in order to let everyone out.”

“Or she could tell them and let them help...” Tash added darkly. “Either way, we’d still be trapped.” She drew a deep breath. “Look, none of us are thinking of any solutions sat here in the corridor, and if someone notices our seats are empty its going to look strange. Let’s go back, watch the rest of the show, and talk about this during the next break.”

Phoenixia looked horrified at the mere thought of going back into that studio. “But...”

“Its alright,” Tash assured her. “The judges were giving their feedback when I left, so Harmony is probably up by now.”

It seemed to soothe Phoenixia that she would not have to look at the man who had attacked her in the DMC fandom, but she still looked anxious. “Still...”

“He won’t touch you,” Adrian cupped her face. “Not while we’re there. Promise.” He kissed her hoping that it might solidify the promise in her mind. He was not sure if it worked, but it did bring a tiny hint of a smile to her face.

“Come on,” Tash broke the moment. “Let’s go back. If he’s not on the stage, who knows where he is...”

The ominous words did nothing to soothe Phoenixia, but she followed regardless, jumping at every little noise, and seeing the tall green eyed figure of Edward in every dark shadow in the corridor...

As they silently slipped back into their seats, Harmony had already begun her song – a rendition of My Immortal. Her voice was melodic and sent shivers down everyone’s spines as they sat back down.

“She’s really good,” Harriet muttered quietly. “If she weren’t a Sovereign I might be tempted to vote for her...”

“How did Edward do?” Tash whispered, feeling Phoenixia tense beside her. Adrian, back in kitty form, crawled onto the ex-hologram’s lap, and rubbed his head against her stomach.

“Oh you can guess...” Harriet shrugged. “Merle and Bella adored him. Edward was all smiles and compliments. Runoa was snarky, but admitted he has talent...about as much of a compliment as she’s willing to give for anyone, haughty little bitch...”

“I tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone...” Harmony was keeping everyone’s attention fixed on her, and she had reduced several people in the audience to tears with her performance. “But though you’re still with me, I’ve been alone, alone...”

As the instrumental began, sparks shot up along the stage, and the audience cheered. Harmony beamed at everyone, her eyes travelling around the stadium. They lingered on the back row, and every member of the Society went cold. She did not stare for long, but it was enough to put them all on edge.

“When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears...”

“I think...” Harriet whispered. “That we should leave...”

Heart sinking, Tash leaned over and hissed the events from the corridor into Harriet’s ear, watching her friend grow more and more horrified every second.

“We can’t get out?” she whispered back.

“Not right now,” Tash confirmed grimly. “Maybe at the end we will... but they know we’re here now, so we need to stay hidd...”

She was cut off by the roaring of the crowd, who were on their feet applauding Harmony joyfully. The Sovereign took a bow, her face beaming. Unlike Ardelisa, she showed no hint of tears as Sparrow approached.

“Look at you! You’ve put everyone on their feet!” she waved at the audience, though it was obvious that Harmony had already seen the effect she had on the hall. “Do you feel more confident now the song is over?”

“Oh its not really a matter of confidence right now,” Harmony smiled. “’Lisa and Edward are both brilliant singers, and we all deserve to be here, and we all know we do, so its not really a case of being able to hold our nerve at this stage. We know we are good, and we all have an equal chance.”

She received another enthusiastic round applause for her sweet and honest speech.

“She’s appealing to everyone,” Claire said. “And she knows that appearing modest will get her votes. Clever girl...”

“I wonder how much of an influence Runoa has had on her in this competition,” Michael said thoughtfully. If its not common knowledge in the audience that she’s a Sovereign, then the viewers will be more inclined to believe she’s good because she’s the only contestant Runoa seems to be praising...listen.”

Sure enough, the audience were screaming in delight as Edward gave his opinion on the performance – he had obviously said something good. Sparrow moved quickly onto Runoa, who sat at the end of the desk with a look that no one could identify.

“There is something quite special about your voice, and I think this was probably the best example of it we’ve seen this show. Well done.”

For the first time that night, the audience did not boo the Lieutenant for her comment.

“See?” Michael nodded at the stage. “Everyone loves her because Runoa loves her. It must be common knowledge that Runoa is probably the most powerful person in this room.”

“So they’re all backing the judges favourite,” Jess had tuned in and was nodding slowly. “Happens a lot in talent shows. The judges use all sorts of tactics that the audience aren’t even aware of to influence votes.”

“But then again,” Alice interjected at this stage. “The judges can’t always sway the votes. Look at Strictly Come Dancing this year – the British public kept Ann Widdecombe in for weeks, despite what the judges said.”

Their eyes all drifted back to the stage, where Harmony was glowing under the praise she was receiving.

“Be interesting to see what happens here,” Claire commented. “Are Sues impervious to subtle messages from the judges?”

“You’d think so, given that they’re perfect,” Jess said. “But then again, the judges are Sues too...and those four are powerful. Who knows what’ll happen?”

OOO

“Coming up after the break, we have a very special live performance, and we will say goodbye to one of our finalists. Don’t go anywhere!”

The theme music filled the basement and the Sues and Society agents broke from their television induced stupors to get more food or go use the bathroom. Hovering above the heads of the crowd, Aster noticed a heated debate, and hurried to get a better view.

“...wouldn’t have a chance!”

“Please! I would topple you in that contest!”

The two Sues were called Reena and Kerrie, and were up for parole in two weeks. Currently, Prohibited and powerless as they were, they had to settle for trying to kill each other with the force of their glares.

“Kyaa~...what are you arguing about?” Aster peered down at them, and both women jumped at the sight of her.

“We were not arguing!” Kerrie sniffed, folding her arms disdainfully.

“She was under the impression that she was the best singer in this room,” Reena explained. “Which is rubbish, since we all know I’m the best singer.”

Kerrie snorted. “That crooning wail we hear each morning in the showers? I thought for a long time that someone was turning you into their bitch.”

“Take that back, your bleach blonde tart!”

“You want a piece of me?!”

Wishing she had some popcorn left over, Aster sat back for what was promising to be an amusing fight. But the fisticuffs never came, as Valerie wandered past, picking up discarded napkins and crumbs of tortilla chip from the floor and tossing them into a black bag, absently singing to herself.

“...I see the angels, I’ll lead them to your door. There’s no escape now, no mercy, no more...”

Frozen with their fists raised, both Sues watched the healer move away down the chairs, stooping to gather up the rubbish. Disappointed, Aster pouted, as both the Sues lowered their fists and continued to listen to Valerie.

“...well that shut us up,” Reena stated, suitably impressed.

OOO

“Why are we here?” Edward Casanova leaned back in his chair in a bored manner, swirling a glass of water in his hands, as stage hands and make up artists ran this way and that. The backstage area was cosy, and brightly coloured, and it was on a white leather sofa that Harmony and Ardelisa sat looking equally curious. They had been called from their dressing rooms barely a minute after the show went into the commercial break, and were now sitting awkwardly in a sea of chaos.

“See to that line Hugs... I don’t know,” Magdalena was striding around, barking instructions down her mouthpiece, and directing all the people dressed in black, her clipboard held firmly in her grasp like a weapon. “Runoa just asked me... well if its locked find the key! ...asked me to gather you all together.” She paused as a new message was droned into her ear, before exploding furiously. “What do you mean someone has hacked the WIFI?!”

She stormed from the room, banging the door behind her.

“Ooooo...” all of the stage hands present mocked in perfect unison as they heard their boss’s footsteps disappear down the corridor.

“Do you think there’s been a problem with the voting?” Ardelisa guessed nervously, hoping that Runoa had not called them all together because of the unexpected guests she had received earlier. Harmony shrugged.

“Or maybe the curse has come true again,” one of the make up artists was replacing the various shades of eyeshadow back in her box, and was did not look up as she spoke.

“Come again?” Harmony asked.

“You know,” the artist finally looked up and faced all of the contestants, who were leaning forward curiously. “They say judges and potential judges in Sue Factor befall horrible fates sometimes... its happened three times now. Three years ago one of the judges had an accident while filming... got a stage light dropped on him. Complete accident of course but that was when it started. Then two years ago, just after the competition ended, Cassie Anora was captured by the Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. They held a special memorial for her last year during the show and all! And then one of the people who should have been a judge last year...” she trailed off sadly. “Well, everyone knows what happened to her... she was locked in Twilight at the time... now she’s dust in the Saha-”

She was sharply silence as a serrated whip cracked across her face. The make up box clattered to the floor spilling mascara and foundation everywhere. All the contestants leaped back as though they had been caught doing something shameful, and saw Runoa standing in the doorway, flanked by the other three judges. Hellbinder was resting comfortably in the Lieutenant’s hand. The poor make up artist gazed up at her with fearful eyes, the jagged rip along her cheek pouring a bloody trail down past her jaw.

“OUT!” Runoa barked, and the stage hands scrambled to obey. No one dared help the poor artist to her feet, as she crawled to the door, not stopping for her box.

As the door closed behind them, all three contestants watched the judges. Runoa remained standing, fingering her whip like a loyal snake at her hip, while Bella and Edward Cullen took their places on the remaining loveseat, and Merle sat herself beside Harmony. Ardelisa could feel her heart pounding in her chest, and she willed her hands not to shake.

“That was a little extreme don’t you think?” Merle asked mildly, playing with a curl of hair on her shoulder.

Runoa did not answer, preferring instead to get right to her point.

“I have some rather distressing news,” she began, not sounding distressed in the least, despite her words. “It seems that the Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society are here.”

Bella gasped, and her husband tightened his grip on the fabric of the loveseat. Harmony was looking calm and unflustered by the news, much to Ardelisa’s suspicion. Merle stopped playing with her hair and sat up straight in her seat.

“You are sure?”

“Quite sure,” Runoa nodded. “I have known since the beginning of the show –”

“And you chose not to tell us then?!” Ardelisa was finding it hard to look properly worried, and so settled for being angry – it was a much easier emotion for her to use towards Runoa, and far more convincing. The Lieutenant sneered at her.

“Of course not. It would be foolish of me to reveal too much at the beginning. I sealed off the fandom to prevent them from escaping.”

“How many of them are here?” Bella asked. “And who?”

“So far I can only confirm that the Assistant Librarian is here,” Runoa shrugged. “I sensed her trying to break my seal on the fandom about quarter of an hour ago. She probably did not come alone...” She paused. “It is possible that the Librarian is here, however I am having trouble confirming it...his aura is being concealed somehow.”

“Getting old, Runoa?” Merle smirked, impervious to the glare now trained on her.

“Calm ladies,” Harmony broke in, lifting both her hands in the direction of the Sues. There must have been some kind of magic in her gesture or voice, because Ardelisa was surprised to see both women backed away, albeit reluctantly. “How will fighting help us find the Society?”

“There is no ‘us’ Harmony,” Runoa rolled her eyes. “I’m going to find them myself.”

Turning her head slightly so she could observe Harmony’s face, Ardelisa was surprised to see that the Sue neither looked angered or upset by the stern rebuke...something was going on with Harmony, and she did not like it.

“Do we even know why they are here?” Ardelisa put in, knowing that the last thing she wanted to be privy too was a fight between Runoa and Merle over who got the honour of killing the Society off. And besides, it would be better to have more information for Harriet when she next got a chance to speak to her.

“They’re young and stupid,” Runoa shrugged. “And like poking their noses in where they do not belong. I imagine that they were simply curious... too bad for them that they are stuck here now.”

“Yes, about that,” Edward Cullen raised a hand to acquire everyone’s attention. “What are we going to do at the end of the show when everyone in the audience wants to leave and finds that there are no plotholes for them to get home through?”

The Lieutenant shrugged carelessly. “I will find them long before that. Once they are all caught or dead I will reopen the fandom. Until then, the show must go on. It shall distract them. I am only informing you now because it is my duty as a judge to make sure you are safe. And you are safer knowing.”

The distain in her voice told them all in no uncertain terms what she really thought of them, and she turned on her heel and left.

“You had all better get ready,” Bella suggested gently, getting to her feet with her husband. “We’ll be back on air in two minutes.”

They left hand in hand, followed by Merle, who tried to smile at them all, but was now so deep in thought it merely came off as a questioning twitch of her cheeks. Harmony adjusted the strap on her heels, before getting to her feet.

“Well, not that this is not fun, but I’m going back to my dressing room. See you all in a bit.”

Not wanting to be alone in a room with Edward Casanova, Ardelisa got to her feet, and wondered hopefully if she could perhaps find the Society before the break ended. The door had barely closed after Harmony before she pushed it open again and strode down the corridor without a backward glance.

Alone in the room, Edward Casanova leaned backwards in his chair and gazed at the ceiling. His mind was full of the information Runoa had just given them, and his hands were still as they clutched the glass of water.

“Phoenixia...”

His hands squeezed, and the glass shattered with a sharp crack.