Thursday, June 7, 2012

Insert Another World of Imagination Here

"You'd think I'd have learned my lesson about the chocolate… If Adrian leaves it in plain sight, it means a trap."

Tyler was hanging by his ankles, suspended from the ceiling.

"Maybe I should give up trying to steal Adrian's chocolate… nah, that would be boring."

He probably could have exploded his way out, except that the pouch that contained his explosives had fallen out of his grasp, along with his ping-pong paddle, communicator, and a cookie he had managed to catch before being yanked into the air.

"I'd burn these ropes, but Adrian made them magic-resistant after the Lizard Incident…"

I was going to say that, you know.

"Shut up."





You might want to not break the Fourth Wall while you're already in deep, Tyler.

"Well you might want to go-,"





Heh. Anyway, Tyler's communicator beeped. Since by a miraculous plot twist, it was face-up, Tyler saw Tash's face appear on it.

"Tyler, why is your face so far from the communicator… on second thought, I don't think I want to know."


"Anyway, there's a Sue in the Looking Glass Wars."

"I'll get right on it."

"Okay." The communicator bleeped again and went blank.

"Hmm… now to get down…."


Deep in the heart of the Looking Glass Wars fandom… Or somewhere in that general direction….

"No! For the last time no!"

Queen Ssyla Heart was attempting to end the conference of the Lords and Ladies of Wonderland. It had gone an hour past the intended time, and the Lord of Diamonds was still attempting to expand his land at the expense of the Spade suit.

"Your Majesty, our land is twenty centimeters smaller than that of the Spades, and yet they persist in building fences further and further onto our property-!"

"-That's a vile lie, your Majesty!" screamed the Lady of Spades. "The Diamonds are attempting to-,"

The Lord of Diamonds doubled the volume of his voice, drowning out the Lady of Spades.

"We demand that they cede land and crystal tithes to us, as a punishment for their theft-,"

"-You're a fine one to talk about theft!" bellowed the Lord of Clubs. "Just recently, one of your soldiers broke into our crystal repository, stealing three ounces of crystal-,"

"SHUT UP!" Ssyla yelled, drowning out the bickering nobles.

"Yes, your Majesty," responded the (somehow) immediately contrite suits.

"Don't forget, I brought this land out of war and suffering and misery and daily meteor showers and attacks by coyotes and bad music." Ssyla reclined in her chair as she remembered….


It had been a dark time for Wonderland. Their neighbor and rival, Boarderland, had gained a new king, who wasn't important enough to deserve a name. The only problem with this was that he was completely immune to all forms of Imagination, the strongest weapon in Wonderland's arsenal. No matter what the old queen, Alyss Heart, managed to conjure up, if it came within a hundred feet of the Generic Boarderland Guy, it dissipated. Neither White nor Black Imagination had any effect.


Ssyla appeared. Riding on a jabberwocky, she had come from Wilderbeastia, and she claimed to be the progeny of a union between practitioners of Black and White Imagination. This gave her unimaginable (insert groan at bad pun here) power, as the first and only practitioner of what she dubbed, "Grey Imagination." Somehow, this subset of Imagination did what its parents had failed to do. It struck the GBG. Barraged by every attack imaginable, the GBG was forced to retreat.

Ssyla then claimed the unimaginable. She was a member of the Heart Suit. While normally this would have been looked into, as Ssyla was a Sue, it was immediately accepted. As Ssyla had saved Wonderland, Alyss happily stepped down from her position as queen. Her bodyguards, however, Hatter Madigan and Homburg Molly, stayed behind, guarding Ssyla as if she needed it, using every ounce of their skills as Milliners, the elite forces of Wonderland, to guard her from absolutely nothing. At this point, Ssyla's Sue level made it to five, and the Society stepped in.


"Why can't we ever enter the fandom where the Sue is?" Tyler complained, wandering through the streets of Wonderland. So far, he had been stopped sixteen and a half times for questioning on why he was grumbling about Queen Ssyla. One of the card soldiers had taken him aside to warn him that any more treasonous mutterings and he would be sent to the Crystal Mines. Fortunately for Tyler, the guard was an unnamed mook, and thus completely expendable. This meant that nobody would ask questions when an odor bearing a marked resemblance to that let off by vaporized armor wafted out of the alley, followed by Tyler. Actually, normally one would ask questions, but everyone was occupied with thoughts of the new queen. Oddly enough, though, not a single one of these thoughts were of rebellion against said new queen, unusual for Wonderland. While all the nobles still bickered with each other, not one ever entertained the idea of becoming queen.

"You're going on a tangent."

I am not! This information is plot-important-

"Yeah, right."

Why are you even talking to me? I'm just the author. You have a Sue to capture. Stop breaking the Fourth Wall.

Tyler sighed.


Tyler proceeded in the general direction of the palace, and as the author, I made an executive decision to skip Tyler's trip to the palace, because it's honestly incredibly boring.

Tyler poked his head around a corner, watching the garden, where Ssyla was enjoying a pleasant walk with Dodge, head of the palace guards and former lover of Alyss, although he was of course now paired with Ssyla.

"Maybe I could take her out from here with something." Tyler reached for an explosive, then thought better of it. Ssyla's imaginative powers could easily disarm it, and he'd be revealed. He had to come up with a better plan.

"Think… think… eh, when in doubt, go for style points." Tyler quickly scaled a tree, then jumped onto the roof of the building, and prepared for his entrance.


"Ssyla, I've known you for about a week, and I think it's time I admitted-,"

Whatever Dodge felt like admitting was rudely and immediately cut off by several pellets exploding around the two, forming a thick cloud of greenish-blue smog that completely enveloped Ssyla and Dodge.

"Ssyla Heart, you are under arrest for mutilation of canon. Due to my gas pellet, you should be feeling an extremely powerful nausea, so I suggest you surrender peacefully, without a-,"

"Oh, shut up."


"Using my powers of imagination, I shielded myself from your gas pellet. I am currently incredibly angry, seeing as you just ruined my love scene with Dodge, and I am in the process of creating a grenade that will reduce you to your component atoms. You have about five seconds to make yourself scarce before it's finished and I throw it at you. Start running, Society Agent."

"Well, there goes that entrance. Time for round two."

"What do you mean?"

As the green smog cleared, Ssyla became aware of a loud ticking. She followed her ears to the source of the noise, and found it to be another pellet.

"Oh crap…"


In a shower of sparks, half a dozen spears of energy shot toward Ssyla. The Sue quickly imagined a shield of glowing energy, reflecting the spears back at Tyler, who yelped in surprise and dove for cover behind a spire to avoid the energy bursts.

"Heh. That's right… keep running." Ssyla waved her arm, and a full deck of razor-edged playing cards whizzed towards him. Just when they were about to swerve around the spire and connect, a blue energy shield swelled into being, and the cards ricocheted off the shield, striking the spires and humming off in random directions. Tyler stuck his head out from behind the spire and grinned.

"Won't work, Sue."

"Yeah? Well what about THIS?" Tyler heard a loud buzzing, and a huge drone of some sort hovered into view. It resembled a hornet, but instead of a stinger, it had a-


The robo-hornet flew toward Tyler, chainsaw revving.

"Ay…" Tyler grabbed a handful of explosives from his pack, and flung them at the hornet. As the explosives connected, they burst in a flare of energy, sending the robo-hornet flying back. As it took a moment to recover, Tyler made a break for it, scampering over the roof and diving down onto the other end of the royal garden.

"So you're running? How pathetic." Ssyla floated into the air, and followed Tyler and the robo-hornet, preparing to finish Tyler off.


Tyler slammed into the ground at incredible speed, curling into a ball and shielding himself with magic. The impact left a crater where he had landed, and a trail of shredded grass and torn ground where the sphere rolled. Just as the makeshift hamsterball was about to collide with a tree, Tyler converted it into a spring and catapulted himself into the air, leaving the pursuing robo-hornet to slam into the tree, snag its chainsaw, and spin out of control, impaling itself on a statue.

"Haha! That is why you don't mess with-AGH!"

This last bit was probably because Hatter Madigan had appeared out of seemingly nowhere and slashed at Tyler with a lethal wrist-blade, which was only barely avoided by the application of a teleport spell. Unfortunately, Tyler's aim with this spell was imperfect, and he was left ten feet above the ground, about to fall onto a sharp-tipped statue.

"I hate you."

My job isn't to make you happy, it's to finish this story.

"I still hate-OW!" Tyler landed on the statue, then fell off, hitting the ground.

"Ugh…" Tyler stood up, then ran back around the palace, Hatter chasing him, and Homburg Molly appeared as well, adding to why Tyler was now running for his life.

"Wow….apparently those two are useful for something. Getting rid of enemies I don't feel like dealing with." Ssyla sauntered after the two, knowing that no matter where Tyler went, it was only a matter of time…


"Just a little further…"

Tyler had finally found a hiding spot, and was now waiting for Hatter and Molly to pass by.

"I think he went this way…"

"Wow… Ssyla really did warp their character…  they should be able to find me."

"That bush is rustling…I think he's in there."


Hatter and Molly came closer to investigate…

"Yes!" Tyler leapt out of the bushes, attaching Copyrights to the characters and running for it. Just as he was about to escape around into the garden on the other end of the palace, Ssyla burst out of literally nowhere, slicing at him with her scepter. Tyler dodged and continued running, pausing for only a second to place a buried hex on a wall, then running to hide behind another bush and watch the show.

As Ssyla ran past…


Ssyla turned. "Huh?"


A blast of energy shot from the wall, aiming at Ssyla, who waved her hand, dispersing it, then resumed chase.

"Wow….usually my tricks work better than that…" Tyler resumed running.


Somewhere else…

Retsa was annoyed. She had been waiting for twenty minutes, and Relyt still wasn't in the fandom. She needed him there before Tyler captured the Sue. Then again… given the current favor of the battle, Tyler wasn't going to capture the Sue for a long time.


"I'm beginning to hate this fandom…."

Tyler had been running for most of the day. First from the robo-hornet, then from Hatter and Molly, then from Ssyla, and currently from Dodge, who was riding a spirit-dane, a large horse-like animal, and screaming that Tyler would pay for attacking his love. Tyler had responded that he hadn't attacked Alyss, but this only got a blank stare.

"Why do we only get two Copyrights… this fandom has too many powerful characters to help them all without catching the Sue…"

A large spear buried itself in the ground right next to Tyler. Said Tyler spun.

"Ha! You can't hit me to save your--oh crap."

Ssyla had joined Dodge, and both were about to fire AD52s at Tyler, shredding him to little bits when-

"Oh, Ssyla, you're here! Now I can admit my love for you!"

As they kissed, Tyler dove behind a large statue that had appeared out of nowhere, and lobbed a grenade at the two. When the grenade landed, a loud humming exploded across the clearing, stunning Dodge and even unbalancing Ssyla for a moment. Tyler took said moment, lunging forward with a Prohibitor…


Tyler was blasted off his feet by the sudden appearance of a cannonball spider. The enormous arachnid bowled Tyler over, preparing to end his life with lethal fangs.


Tyler sent a pellet rolling beyond the spider, towards Ssyla and Dodge, where it exploded with a decided odor of rotting meat. The cannonball spider spun instantly, charging at Ssyla, who dissipated it with a wave of her hand. Tyler rolled to his feet and leapt at Ssyla, swiping at her with his staff.

"Pathetic…" Ssyla formed a rope of energy, catching the staff and flinging Tyler over her shoulder, where he landed with a thunk. "Ow…"

Ssyla turned toward him.

"Prepare to-"

Her sentence was cut off by the timely appearance of Hatter and Molly, who immediately began slashing at Ssyla with wrist and top hat blades.

"You impersonated our queen!" Hatter snarled, slashing at Ssyla, who only narrowly blocked with her scepter. Said scepter gained a deep gash where the blade had struck.

"Where is she!" Molly struck with a wristblade, shattering the scepter completely.

Ssyla paled.

"What….? The scepter can't break! It's the royal scepter of Wonderland!"

"It broke because you aren't the true queen of Wonderland."

"Huh?" Ssyla pushed Hatter and Molly away with a wave of imagination and spun to face Dodge. "What did you just say?"

"I said, you aren't the true queen of Wonderland." Dodge's face was white with fury. "Now. Where. Is. Alyss?"

Ssyla took a step back.

"Alyss… she's fine. She's taken up a job as my second-in-command?"

"How come I never see her?"

"She agreed that I was better for you than she was, so she's avoiding you."

Dodge let out a yell of anger and lunged at Alyss, who formed a shield of imagination to protect her. Dodge didn't even seem to notice the force field, simply hammering on the shield until it gave out. He was about to behead Ssyla, when…


With a cry of rage, a whirlwind of pure imagination erupted around Ssyla, blasting Dodge, Hatter, Molly, and Tyler away from her. She rose into the air, an aura of pure power enveloping her. With a malicious laugh, Ssyla raised a hand, preparing to wipe all four out of existence when-

A Plothole appeared, and a small object rolled out of it. Without any warning, a shockwave of energy exploded out of the object, and Dodge, Hatter, and Molly slumped down, unconscious. Tyler, who for some reason hadn't been knocked out, quickly fired his own Plothole generator, and exited the fandom before whatever had created the first Plothole could come through it. Ssyla, who had also remained conscious, dissipated the energy storm and dropped to the ground, awaiting whatever came through the Plothole.


Back in the PCMSPS base…

Retsa sighed in relief.

"Finally! That idiot got to the fandom!"

Behind her, an Uber-Stu spoke up.

"Why do you need Relyt in the fandom? You said we were going to-,"

"Stop talking, fool! Do you want the audience to have spoilers?"



Ssyla watched as whoever had formed the Plothole stepped out of it. The figure resembled… Tyler?

Ssyla immediately formed a spear in her hand. "You again?"

The Tyler-lookalike grinned.

"No, I'm not Tyler. My name is Relyt."

Ssyla's frowned.

"Then you're from the Protection Society?"

Relyt nodded. Ssyla's frown extended.

"Why are you here? I'm winning!"

"Just come, please."

"Why should I?"

"Please, Ssyla, just come. We need you for something."

"What are you talking about?"

"An experiment… of sorts."

"Will it make me a more powerful Sue?"

Relyt nodded.

"I suppose it can't hurt..."

Relyt nodded again. Ssyla beamed.

"I've heard stories about you guys from other Sues and Stus. They said that you take them to your ship, take off the Prohibitor if they have one, and prepare them for another fandom. Are those stories true?"


"That's great! Is your base really a spaceship?"

"Sort of…"


Relyt groaned internally.

"Why is it that Tyler always ends up hunting the annoying Sues and Stus, and I have to deal with them? Stupid author…"

Relyt and Ssyla went through the Plothole, which disappeared, leaving no evidence that they had been there. Even the device that had knocked out the canon characters vanished into a faint mist.


Back in the Library Arcanium….

"There's the chocolate!"

"I see it, I see it."

Tyler and Drake quickly made their way around the few traps, reached for the pile of chocolate…


A rope dropped from the ceiling, snagged Tyler's wrists, and yanked him into the air, and a hail of arrows and knives pinned Drake to a wall.


Monday, June 4, 2012

Insert Complex Physics Term Here

The floor of the Library was shaking.

Valerie could feel the rumbling from the medical wing. Rhia had to rush around her kitchen to stop things from bouncing off the surfaces. In the Basement, several Sues perked their heads up, hoping another takeover-bid was in the offing.

No such luck for the Sues.

"What's going on?" Emily burst into Tash's room, a terrified look on her face. "Is it happening again?"

"Nope." Tash was sprawled on her bed and didn't even look up from her book. "But if you see Jess coming towards you, I suggest you stay away."

As if to illustrate Tash's point, a sudden shriek came from somewhere down the hall.


"She's off." Tash still didn't bother to look up.


"Um... what's she on about now?"

"It's best not to ask."


"I know Jess gets possessive about her music, but this seems extreme..." Emily was confused, and more than a little scared.

"Oh, it is," Tash raised her eyebrows over her book. "Let's just say... there's been a break up."

"Oh," Emily relaxed slightly. "And this is normal?"

"Well... ish."

Tash didn't feel like explaining to such a young person the dynamics of Jess' relationships and what tended to happen when they ended. In this case, Jess and her pet American back in Real Life had mutually decided to bring things to an end (before his girlfriend could find out what had been going on).

Mutual or not... Jess was still pretty damn pissed off. At it seemed she was taking it out on the Library floors.

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

Jess was angry. Bloody angry, actually. She'd known things would have to end, but she hadn't expected the end to come so soon. Buggeration and bollockery. And now Leonard had run off with her iPod, probably fed up of hearing Jess screeching along to 'Valley of the Damned' over and over again.

Briefly, Jess wondered if the Society had a gym anywhere. She really felt like giving a punchbag what for. It had to have one somewhere, she reasoned... But being the type of person whose preferred exercise regime involved running from kitchen to kitchen trying to find more chocolate, she wasn't entirely sure where one would be found.

"Right, who's in here?" she growled, stamping into the Monitor room. Ben turned from his position at a screen, a somewhat terrified expression crossing his face.


"Yes, you'll do. Any idea where the gym is in here?"

"I... um. Actually I was just about to call you. That Sue you were looking for in the Glee fandom has just popped up again."

"Oh, excellent," Jess smiled. Ben shrank back in fear – it was not a happy smile. In fact it was the smile of a psychopath who was in the mood for some psychopathing. "Far better than a punchbag."

"Maybe someone else should go... She's up to Level 5 now, I should really check with Tash..."

"Screw that, I'm going." Jess took a leap across the room and glanced at Ben's computer screen. "Big Bang Theory? Christicles, she's getting diverse. Right, see you later!"

As Jess activated her Plothole Generator, Ben picked up his Communicator.

"Tash, I think we have a problem..."

The first thing Jess noticed was the heat. Wherever she'd turned up was so swelteringly hot, she felt she could almost be back home in France again in the middle of the summer. Oh well, the Big Bang Theory was set in California, she supposed. Not too unusual for it to be baking, then.

The second thing she noticed was a slightly familiar looking boy standing right in front of her.

"Who are you?" he said, his eyes bulging slightly in shock.

"Never mind who I am, I'm looking for someone," Jess stared around her, ignoring the teenager. She seemed to be in a bedroom, but it wasn't any of the bedrooms she'd seen on the TV show. "Leonard Hofstadter, Raj Koothrappali, Howard Wolowitz, Sheldon Cooper..."

"But I'm Sheldon Cooper," said the teenager.

"No you're not," Jess said absentmindedly, sticking her head out of the window and looking around. Funny, this didn't look like Pasadena... it seemed far too arid. The heat was strong enough in the house but with her head outside she could almost taste it. Surely this wasn't quite right...

"I can assure you, I certainly am."

"Oh... fuck." Jess stuck her head back in the room and stared at the gangly teenage boy standing straight as a rod in front of her. "I'm in Texas, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are."

"And you're a kid, right?"

"I don't know what you mean by 'kid', but I am sixteen years old if you're questioning my age."

"Oh... crap." Jess gave her head a good whack. "Why didn't I do some research?"

"SHELLY!" Suddenly a loud Texan voice hollered from somewhere below. "Dinner's ready! Tell Leonor too!"

"Leonor?" Jess snapped to attention. "So she is here..."

"What do you want with Leonor?" Sheldon's eyes narrowed.

"She's a... an old friend." Jess was trying her very hardest to stay calm and not grab Sheldon round the neck yelling 'Where is she? Where is sheeeee?'

"Is it normal for you to search for your 'friends' in strangers' bedrooms?"

"Yes." Jess put on her best glare. "So how do you know her?"

"She moved in down the street a few weeks ago..." To Jess' abject horror, Sheldon's face went slightly slack and his eyes took on a strange fuzzy hue. "She's... so different. She understands me. She... she knows me."

Well, being a Mary-Sue who had evidently studied the fandom and inserted herself into a point of it that could change the course of canon forever... yeah, it wasn't hard to see how she knew Sheldon. However, while Jess knew this well, poor Sheldon didn't. And that sappy look on his face was so out of character it was scary. Sheldon wasn't meant to have romantic thoughts... he wasn't meant to even comprehend them. Jess was willing to bet they were going round and round in his head now. If he started to get like this, she wouldn't expect things to turn out how they were meant to. He would probably never finish his second dissertation, he might never move to California, he would never meet Leonard Hofstadter, who would therefore probably never meet Penny...

"She is getting so damn good at doing this," Jess growled under her breath.

"Excuse me? I didn't quite catch that."

"I said, where is she now?"

"She was just in the bathroom..."

"Oh, great, I'll just go and surprise her."

Doing an impression of the proverbial speeding bullet, Jess darted out of the room and onto a landing.

"First on the right," Sheldon called from his room.

"Thanks, mate," Jess whispered, edging towards the door. She pressed her ear against it... and heard a very strange sound for a bathroom. Some kind of... knocking? A kind of... scraping? "Screw this."

With a bang, Jess gave the door a good kick.

As it flew open, she breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't inadvertently stormed in on Sheldon's father on the toilet or some such lovely sight. Instead, sitting on the windowsill with a screwdriver determinedly trying to get the window frame out, was Leonor.

"Oh, crap," she hissed, seeing the somewhat formidable figure of Jess framed in the doorway. "I thought you'd take longer than this."

"Not this time, Leonor," Jess' voice was low. "This time, you're going back to the Basement."

"You think?" Leonor sneered, landing lightly on the tiled floor.

The Sue hadn't changed much since the last time Jess had seen her, way back in the X Files fandom. Like the last time they'd met, she was wearing black skinny jeans almost identical to those Jess had on, along with an oversized band t-shirt – the Rolling Stones had been replaced with Blondie.

"Hey!" Jess exclaimed, noticing something different. "You've had your eyebrow pierced! Copycat!"

"You can talk," Leonor sniffed. "You nicked my hairstyle."

"It's a popular style!"

"Funny you only got it after meeting me..."

"Well at least mine's purple... Just a quick question – what the hell are you trying to do to the window?"

"I heard you coming from a mile away. I wasn't exactly going to hang around and wait for you to get me, was I?"

Jess looked around her. "Um, just in case you haven't noticed... You're in a bathroom. I'm in front of the door. You can't get the window open. I think you've hit a dead end, dearie. Now come here and let me put your personal Prohibitor on and we'll go back to the Library like good-"

Right up until then, Jess had actually been feeling fairly disappointed that she wasn't going to get some kind of chase-and-punch-up out of Leonor... but all of a sudden, it looked like she was going to get her wish.

Leonor had made a quick lunge forward, something silver glinting in her hands that Jess had failed to notice. Jess dropped to the floor to avoid the knife, whipping out her piercing needle from where it was tucked in her sock and stabbing it into Leonor's ankle as she tried to leap towards the door.

With a howl of pain, Leonor attempted to clutch her foot and missed, dropping her knife and falling to the floor. Jess was back on her feet in a second, grabbing her enemy by the throat and hauling her up to eye level. She could feel the pentagram tattoo on her back throbbing, physically willing her to use its powers to bring down Leonor once and for all... but Jess had had too much building up in her in the past while. She wanted to do this herself.

"I've wanted to do this for a while," she hissed through gritted teeth, shoving Leonor against the wall. The Sue gasped as her airway was effectively cut off, held halfway up the wall by the bigger girl's iron grip. Jess stared at her, eyes narrowed, as the flailing of her limbs got weaker and weaker. "You're a useless piece of shit."

With a hideous sounding crunch, Jess' free fist made contact with Leonor's nose. "You don't deserve to roam the multiverse." With another crack, Jess' fist smashed into the Sue's face again. "You're not worth my time!"

Jess pulled back her fist to deliver the blow that would knock Leonor unconscious... and fell to the floor herself.

Jess opened her eyes... and instantly closed them again, the lights of the Medical wing shining far too intensely.

"Oh... bugger. Man, you've got to sort those flaming lights out."

"Welcome back, Jess," said Valerie brightly. "The land of the living has missed you."

"What the-"

"You forgot to Copyright Sheldon." Tash was sitting on the end of Jess' bed. "He heard you smashing around and decided to rescue Leonor. He came in the bathroom when you were shouting and clonked you on the head with a copy of 'Contemporary Physics'. I was just on my way to come and calm you down, I got there just in time to see Leonor scarpering out the front door."

"Crap. Shit. Fuck. Jesus, Tash, how many bloody times are you going to have to show up and save my ass while I'm left on the ground?"

"Honey, I'm worried about you," Tash said gently. "It seems to me you weren't exactly yelling at Leonor back there..."

"Of course I was yelling at Leonor." Jess put her stubborn face on, and Tash sighed. She could tell when her friend was closing up. "Who else do you think I was yelling at?"

"You're still wearing the American's t-shirt," Tash felt the need to point out.

"So? It's comfy."

"And now bloodstained."

"What?" Jess' face fell.

"Case in point."

"Shut up," Jess glowered. "Never mind that. Any sign of Leonor?"

"Nope," Tash sighed. "It's looking like running away is her speciality. God knows where she'll pop up next."

"I'll be there when she does."

"Don't you think you should leave her to someone less... homicidal?"

"No. She's pissed me around too much now. She's mine."

Friday, June 1, 2012

Insert Teleporting Annoyance Here

It was extremely foggy. A Cliffhanger APC (Armoured Personnel Carrier) rolled past and entered a parking lot. Inside sat Doug, Ivan, Terry and Vespin. It was an operation to capture-or-destroy Ekard, who had been spotted in this world. Vespin really wanted an on-field mission after being passive for so long. She asked, and the author couldn't say no to her request. She was his jewel; a one-of-a-kind character that the author may create once for all his life.

The APC stopped. The back of the vehicle opened. Two Imperial Guards came out with flamethrowers and looked around. The four pulled down their goggles and got out of the armoured vehicle with their weapons. They moved forward into the mist while the Guards covered their backs.

"You okay, Vespin?" asked Doug, leading the group.

"Hai, Doug-nii-san. These goggles sure help us see more clearly," said Vespin when she heard a screech. They looked up and saw a pterodactyl-like creature swooping down at them. Ivan and Terry aimed up and fired at the beast. The beast fell off from the skies and landed near them.

"Stephen King sure has a WILD imagination for spooking people off," commented Terry as they continued on. The group let out a laugh as they reached a sidewalk.

They finally reached their intended target; the local supermarket. They laid low and stacked up next to the supermarket doors. One of the Guards took a peek from a corner and reported to the team.

"I see people in there," said the soldier. Doug gave a thumb up and took out a Laughing Gas grenade. He then called on Terry to step forward to the door. Once Terry was in place, Doug gave the signal.

"Do it," said Doug. Terry sent a kick to the glass door and the glass shattered. The people inside were frightened, and before they knew it, the gas grenade came in. The four pulled down their respiratory masks and entered the store.

While the group of people were paralysed by the seizure of laughter that engulfed them, Ekard made a run for it. Ivan fired some shots, but missed the Protection Agent. He exited through the deli store, where two unaffected extras threw knives at them. The team hid behind the market racks as cutlery flew past them.

"Does this look familiar to you?" asked Terry. Doug nodded.

"But to re-enact that scene, we need some trolleys," replied Doug. Vespin sighed and pulled out Doug's Copyright pistol and shot the two extras on their necks. They fell backwards, unconscious.

"Or that could work," commented Ivan. Doug shook his head in contentment before the team went to the back of the deli. There they spotted Ekard entering a car and driving off as the mist began clearing away. The team fired at the vehicle, Doug scoring a hit at the rear window while Vespin scored two on the tires. Driving on rims, Ekard was afraid ever since he pulled that trick off on Doug two fandoms ago. A Viper helicopter flew overhead and the pilot aimed its weapons at the car.

"Firing! Firing!" said the pilot before launching missiles at the car. The missiles hit the car, exploding in a fiery red, followed by black smoke.

"Target destroyed," announced the pilot, before the helicopter flew off into the distance. Doug turned around and congratulated the team. The team removed their masks and looked at the smouldering hole that was once Ekard and his car.

"Good work, guys. Especially you Vespin. You still had it in you," said Doug. Vespin blushed at the praise.

"Thank you, Doug-nii-san," replied Vespin with a bow. Doug smiled before patting her on her head and headed off to the APC. The APC then entered the portal, disappearing from the world.

Near the smouldering scorch mark, Ekard got up and looked on as the APC disappeared into the portal. Relieved that they won't be hunting him anymore, he dusted himself and walked off to an opening plothole.


Doug stood before Lily in the training room. She had called him and said wanted to get started on her new weapon. She asked if he was still willing to spar with her, but he found no weapon or any sort in her hands. Instead, she was wearing a bracelet on each wrist, with three metal circles on each wrist. Doug eyed the devices with caution.

"So, where is this 'weapon' you speak of?" asked Doug. Lily smirked.

"Here," was her only reply, and suddenly one of the discs started glowing brightly. Doug reacted as he should; holding his knife above his head and trying to anticipate Lily's attack. Lily charged. In the meantime, the glowing intensified, leading to a bright flash that blinded Doug. A giant glowing blade of energy materialised in her hands as she leapt into the air.

"Wild Line!" screamed Lily, as she raised her sword above her head and brought it down with all her might. Recovering from his temporary blindness, Doug saw the sword and jumped off a distance.

"That was not good. Showing weakness in front of an 'enemy'," thought Doug. The sword embedded itself deep into the floor of the training room, vanishing into a burst of golden motes. Lily turned to Doug and lifted her other hand up as another disc on her wrist.

"Excalibur!" she yelled, and a bolt of light blasted from her arms to the Agent. With a shuffling move, he dodged with the beam inches away from his chest.

"Chance," thought Doug as he instinctively ran forward with his knife at hand, eyeing on the bracelets. Just as he was about to get near, there was a puff of smoke and Lily vanished. Doug stopped and heard his surroundings. He heard a light giggle, and without warning dashed towards the giggle. Lily was caught surprised as the Agent sent a punch at the back of her knee and brought her down. He went on top of her, held her neck and almost drove his knife towards her skull, but he stopped with the blade inches from her face. Lily stared at it with horror.

"It was unwise to lower your defences, even in training," whispered Doug as he rolled and sat in exhaustion, panting. Lily got up calm, even though it was a close brush with Death.

"So, what were they?" asked Doug in between breaths.

Lily turned to him and replied, "Pins"

"Pins?" inquired Doug.

"You can say they're some sort of a canned technique. Each one has a different effect I can use as I tap into them. The Pin I used just now was 'Top Gear', which allows me to teleport short distances," explained Lily.

"Come to think of it, that is the name of a British car show," said Doug, letting out a small laugh. Lily, on the other hand, was confused as she never heard of such show. Doug stopped as he saw Lily's confused face.

"Forget it," said Doug before the Communicator suddenly rang. Doug picked it up and looked at the screen. It was Tash.

"There's an influx of Sue energy in the Jumper fandom. I want you to go investigate it," said Tash. Doug kept the Communicator and stood up. Before leaving, he spoke to Lily.

"Now that I know what it is, I won't go as hard on you next time," said Doug before leaving the training room.


Doug opened the door to his lab to find Charis working on Anachron device. With her goggles and her yellow gloves, she diligently soldered the last of the circuit boards before inserting it into the device. Doug walked towards the work desk.

"Charis, is the device ready?" inquired Doug.

"All that's left is the testing," replied Charis. Doug smirked.

"Perfect. I've got a mission just to test it," said Doug as he picked up the device. It looked like a wristwatch, far from the original design of it as a ray gun. Charis flashed out some metal pieces that looked like Bookmarks.

"These are configured to work with the Anachron device," said Charis. Then she picked up her laptop bag and slung it around her shoulders. Doug just looked.

"I believe that's the analysis part," commented Doug. They both left the lab and the Library.


They appeared on top of the Empire State Building, one of the protagonist's first spawn sites. Charis and Doug looked at the city below for any signs of Sues. Not for long, there were teleporting sightings all over the city block, amounting about 20 of them. Doug sighed.

"Looks like we've got our work cut out for us don't we?" remarked Doug. He climbed to the top of the protective fence and stood on it, searching for the nearest Jumper to apprehend. Charis knew what she had to do; take cover.

"Lucky this isn't a game. This would be an insurmountable fence," thought Doug as Charis entered the building. He then spots one nearby and dashed towards it. The Sue spots him, and decides to teleport away. Doug came down with a heavy thud, cracking the roof. The Sue stood from a distance and spoke.

"So, you're the Society my master speaks of," said the Sue.

"You picked it up pretty quick. By the way, Sues like you would introduce themselves first," replied Doug.

"A name? I don't have one, so I'm earning it," said the Sue. Then, several of her buddies' teleported to where she was and surrounded Doug. Doug looked at them calmly.

"So what's this? A bloody convention?" asked Doug as he drew out his knife. The knife extended it to a sword as Doug prepared to fight.

"A convention of earning names, that's what! Get him!" yelled the Sue. All the Jumpers lunged and teleported towards Doug, attacking him from all sides. Doug took quite a beating, even though he was defending himself from much deadlier strikes.

It was too much. Doug fell to his knees after beating after beating. The Sue dealt a final blow by smashing his face on her kneecap. Back at the Empire State, Charis was watching the battle unfold. She was horrified that Doug was beaten up much easier than he should. But being a techie, she was powerless to do anything.
Doug coughed up some blood. The Sue laughed hysterically at the downed Doug.

"You must be a disappointment of the Society! Sending a rookie up against 20 Sues and Stus, have they gone nuts? Bwahhahahahaha!" laughed the Sue. Doug smirked.

"If I was a rookie, I would be dead right now," said Doug as his superficial wounds healed.

"What the…?" responded the Sue, staggering back.

"Like I said, I'm not a rookie," replied Doug. The Anachron device glowed bright red, signalling activation. Doug suddenly teleported behind the Sue, and with his sword up high, he struck her down.

"You bastard!" yelled one of the Stus as he teleported towards Doug. Doug teleported above him, and with a slice, ended his life. Doug landed and saw the Sues and Stus surrounding him.

"Two down, 18 more to go," remarked Doug as all the Sues and Stus converged around him. Charis, on the other hand, was gathering data on the Anachron's progress.

"I see. He got himself beaten up to slip those Bookmarks on the Sues and Stus. Without them, the Anachron device is unable to function to give a probable spawn point for escaping this kind of Stus' and Sues' attacks," though Charis as she observed the data. The she observed Doug teleporting in front of a Stu. His quick reaction gave him the upper hand as he hit a pressure point on the Stu, sending him tumbling down.

"That was an anomaly," thought Charis as she wrote it in her laptop.

Back in the fight, Doug dodged an attack and sent a leg down on the Stu, slamming him onto the concrete roof. The Stu teleported and tried to attack from the top, but Doug pulled out a pistol and fired a grazing shot on his neck. The Stu rolled to the ground in pain while another Sue tried a jab. Doug held her arm and was ready to deliver a blow when she suddenly disappeared and tried a sliding kick on Doug. Doug did a backflip, but was not getting enough air, so he landed a fist on her face before getting back on his feet. Then he leered at the remaining Stus, willing to defeat him to earn a name, but Doug sliced through the remaining Stus. They all fell dead and Doug looked around him. He spots a living Sue, trying to crawl away. He walked towards her and stepped on her back. The Sue was floored instantly.

"A Sue with no name. Help me clear my suspicion. Tell me, who is your creator?" asked Doug. The Sue whimpered and hesitated, so Doug presses his blade on her gaping wound. The Sue wailed in pain.

"You're going to tell me what I want. It's just a matter on how much you want it to hurt," said Doug as he applied more pressure on her wound.

"Ow! Ok! Ok! I'll talk!" yelped the Sue.

"Who is it then?" asked Doug. Before the Sue could answer, she was shot dead from a bullet. Doug quickly reacted and jumped away from the Sue. He saw a man float downwards to the roof. He had spiky, jet black hair; similar to that of one of his comrades, James Jing.

"Looks like I don't need an answer from her. My suspicion is true," remarked Doug. The man smirked.

"I see you have taken care of my creations. And it appears the Wanderer has joined the merry society. Tell me, how long it was since your death?" spoke the man.

"Long enough to kill you, that is," replied Doug, his sword drawn.

"Do you expect to defeat me with such a primitive weapon? I mean, didn't your author tell you to not 'bring a sword into a gunfight'?" spoke the man.

"True, but I want to see you try," replied Doug. The man pulled out his revolver and fired a shot, but Doug dodged and raced towards the man. The man dodged a swing Doug threw.

"Enhanced speed. I believe it's been a century since our last fight; I have to admit that I haven't been keeping up with the times," said the man as he fired another shot at Doug. Doug deflected the bullet and threw another swing. The man suddenly pulled out a bazooka from nowhere and fired at Doug.


The smoke cleared, revealing Doug had activated his ray shield.

"Oh, so there were advancements in technology," remarked as Doug threw a very huge swing. The man had to jump pretty far away from Doug to avoid the swing. He pretended to look at the watch and sighed.

"Sorry, but playtime's over. If you will excuse me, I have business to attend to," said the man, disappearing into a plothole. Doug dashed for one more swing, but the plothole closed before he could reach it. Doug panted and sighed before returning to the Empire State. Charis came out to the roof when Doug landed later.

"Who was that?" asked Charis. Doug was texting on his phone before looking up to her.

"Their creator," replied Doug, keeping his phone. Charis was surprised.

"A creator? In person? Does he not fear death? Oh wait, creators are GODS…This is not looking good," thought Charis as he kept her laptop into her bag and slung it around her shoulders. Doug took out his Plothole Generator and opened a plothole back to the Library. Before entering, Doug turned to Charis.

"I don't know how far this rabbit hole goes, but it's going to include the Wanderers at my author's disposal," said Doug. Charis nodded before both of them enter the plothole together.


At an undisclosed location, the Author sat by the garden table as a butler brought his laptop in.

"Laptop, sir," said the butler.

"Thank you, replied Author. The butler left the Author all alone in the garden. The Author looked at his laptop and Terry's face was shown on the screen.

"Author, the old threat has returned. How shall we proceed?" asked Terry.

"I know. Since the PCMSPS will not bother us for a while due to our display of firepower, I want you take them off the list. Make him the priority item. For the Society, Doug will continue with his duty at the Society, but the game changes if he comes into play," said the Author.

"Yes, I understand," replied Terry, disconnecting from the live feed. The Author then pressed a few keys on the keyboard and Vespin's face came on.

"Yes, Author-san?" inquired Vespin.

"I want you to pick our best marksmen and swordfighters from the army. We're forming a black ops team," said Doug.

"What shall I codename it as?" asked Vespin.

The Author replied, "Let's call it…Black Guardians Initiative…."


Deraj and Eolhc were working at their isolated lab when a plothole emerged. The man came out of it with his hands in his pockets. Deraj and Eolhc became aware and drew their weapons.

"So, this is the egoistic Society opposite. How entertaining," said the man.

"Who are you, friend or foe?" demanded Deraj.

"I need not explain myself," replied the man, staring straight at the two Protection Agents.

"What makes you think that you can boss us around? How can you be so sure we won't dice you with our flashy and pointy weapons?" demanded Eolhc.

"Let me demonstrate," said the man, pulling out his revolver. He fired a round, grazing past Deraj's head before he could react. Deraj stared in horror.

"Damn you!" Eolhc was about to charge at him when Deraj stopped her.

"What…?" Eolhc looked at Deraj.

"Deadshot accuracy. I heard about you, Aryan; Corruptor of Worlds," stated Deraj. The man smirked.

"That's right. Looks like my reputation exceeds me," said Aryan, keeping his revolver. "I want to talk business…."


Charis exited the plothole, but Doug was nowhere in sight. She looked around, but then she heard someone with a small voice talking.

"Since when did the Library become so big?" asked Doug. Charis looked down and saw Doug, shrunken in size. The shrunken Doug looked up.

"Charis, why are you so big?" asked Doug.

"Doug…you shrunk..," replied Charis. Doug then looked at himself before panicking.

"AAH! WHY AM I SO SMALL!" yelled Doug.

"I believe that was the side effect…..," replied Charis, pulling out a notepad and writing it down.

"OI! DON'T CARE ABOUT FLAWS! THINK ON HOW TO GET BACK TO MY REAL SIZE!" yelled Doug. Then Chrys spots the shrunken Doug.

"CUTE!" she shrieked, rushing towards the shrunken Doug.

"HEY! I'M NOT A CHIBI! STAY AWAY, YOU NUTTY HANYOU!" yelled Doug at the top of his lungs. Seeing that Chrys was not listening at all, he decided to make a break for it. With his little legs, he ran. Charis, on the other hand, was covering her eyes, not falling victim to Chrys' desu sparkles.

"If there's a consolation of my author's indefinite loan to this author, this must be it," thought Charis.
I can hear you.

"SHUT UP!" yelled Charis. (Convert reply to Japanese to maximize comical effect)

"Was that even necessary?"