Insert Dramatic Finale Here (part 3 of 3)

"PERFECTIFICATION IN TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES!" blared the voice from the capsule's sound emitter thingy.

"Quiet, disembodied voice! Jurai-Ken… Tairenso!" Tash burst into flame, smashing into the capsule of condensed Suergy, but the only effect she had was to push it back slightly. "Damn it!"

For the past minute, various members of the Society had been trying, completely without success, to disable Operation: Final Perfection.

Harriet smashed it with her cricket bat.

Ben had nuked it.

Valerie had fired arrows for the better part of the minute.

Drake had given it a vicious Storm Kick.

Tyler had detonated approximately a pound of grenades on it.

Ingrid had blasted it with an assault rifle.

Cristoph had stabbed it with his sais while Algazdun pecked at it.

Rhia slashed it with her wakizashi.

Ossa slashed it with her katana.

Jess jabbed it with her needle.

Danielle smacked it with her staff.

Terrie hurled knives at it.

Kyle pounded on it with a mace-shaped Omniweapon.

Willie blasted it with Hellfire.

Chrys blasted it with Desu.

Jared smashed it with the Boomhammer.

Chloe sliced it with her shield.

Dave hammered on it with his axe.

Shirley tore at it.

Alice sliced it with her sword at level 5.

Louise unloaded a round of ammo into it.

Tom stabbed it.

Akai stabbed it.

Aster blasted it with a massive windstorm, and then a blizzard.

Lily hit it with a blast from Excalibur.

Michael slashed it.

Claire hurled a pinecone at it, nearly knocking it over.

Pete fired at it with the Lighthopper guns.

Karissa smashed Gekkou into it.

Charis had been trying to disrupt it with an EMP, with no success.

Many more Society Agents attacked it with many more skills, until it became completely impossible that they had all been fitted into a minute. The effect of all this?

"At least we scratched the paint," Tyler pointed out.

"Don't mess with nukes!" Another nuke slammed into the capsule, enveloping it in nuclear flame.

"Random blast of magic that shouldn't have a name but I wanted it to so it does!" A blast of blue energy smashed into the capsule, pushing it back almost twenty feet, but having no effect.

"YOU AREN'T GOING TO BREAK IT, YOU KNOW."

"Shut up!"

"PERFECTIFICATION IN TWENTY MINUTES, BY THE WAY."

Tash blinked.

"Twenty minutes? Weren't there around three minutes left when Retsa died?"

"RETSA PROVIDED A GREAT DEAL OF EXTRA SUEREGY TO COMPRESS INTO EXPLOSIVE PERFECTIFICATION. IT WILL TAKE A GOOD WHILE LONGER NOW."

"Oh."

"EXACTLY. CAN YOU PLEASE STOP BOTHERING ME NOW? IT IS GETTING EXTREMELY ANNOYING."

"No!" Tash slashed Nepthys across the capsule, but it had no effect.

"PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DAMAGE ME."

"I'll damage you if I feel like it!" Again Tash struck at the capsule, but nothing happened.

"THAT IS IT. I AM GOING TO USE THE ANIMATOR."

"The what?"

"OBSERVE." A small laser-pointer like object popped out of the sound-emitter thingy, and fired into the sand. Everyone held their breath, waiting to see what would happen. The sand glowed, and… nothing happened.

The entire Society facefaulted collectively.

Tash frowned. "You realize that that did nothing, right?"

That's when a massive hand rose out of the sand, smacking her away. She recovered quickly, landing on her feet, but was stunned for a moment by the sheer unexpectedness of the attack.

"THAT WAS THE ANIMATOR. IT CAN CONTROL OBJECTS VIA TELEKINESIS."

"Yah!"

"WHAT?"

Michael lunged forward, slicing the sand arm in two, before slicing at the capsule. Before his sword could reach it though, the sand reformed into a tentacle, grabbing the Leader and lifting him into the air…

Then Claire hurled a pinecone at it. The pinecone smashed straight through the tentacle and hit the capsule with a loud ringing noise. As Michael fell, he slashed at the capsule again, this time connecting with a solid slash, although it still did nothing. As the tendril reformed, both Agents leapt back to avoid getting sliced by it.

"Fastball Special!" Drake launched Tyler at the capsule with unbelievable speed. Tyler swung his staff, but simply bounced off. As he did so, Drake hit with a Slicing Gale, pushing the capsule back slightly.

"Enchanto!"

"Tremor!"

A huge explosion erupted from the ground under the capsule, lifting it into the air before slamming it down. Even still, it wasn't even scratched.

"Don't Mess with Nukes!" A third nuke slammed into the capsule. Still nothing.

"I have an idea! Cover me!" Harriet charged the capsule. As another sand hand rose out of the ground, swatting at the Society leader, but Tash flew overhead, slicing it in two. As Harriet got closer to the capsule, the hand reformed, swiping at her…and she dodged, letting the hand smack the capsule. Once again, there was a ringing noise, and then….

Skritch!

"OW."

"Yes!" Harriet exclaimed. "We scratched the glass!"

Tash's jaw dropped. "How does that even make sense? We've been hitting that thing for minutes now, and the only thing that accomplished anything was it hitting itself?"

"Don't complain, Tash!" Valerie called, launching a stream of arrows at the capsule. As the sand formed into a barrier, Ben hit from behind with a series of notes from Bahamut, pitching the capsule into its own barrier.

Skritch!

"Haha!"

"That makes even less sense!"

"Ha!" Pete fired a round of energy blasts into the capsule. Once again…

Skritch!

"STOP THAT."

"I get it now!"

"What?"

"Hitting it with the sand hand must have been the proverbial straw that breaks the equally proverbial camel's back!"

"In that case…" Harriet cupped her hands to her mouth, calling to the entire Society. "Hit it with everything you got!"

Once again, the entire Society let loose on the capsule. As tendrils burst from the sand, the stronger Agents stayed behind to deal with them, while the faster ones zipped through to deliver blows to the capsule.

"OW! PERFECTIFICATION IN 15 MINUTES BY THE WAY. JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW."

"Not really…" Tash muttered to herself. "Jurai-Ken… Tairenso!" Tash burst into a whirlwind of flames, spinning towards the capsule, bracing herself to slice through a tendril or hand.

However, she still wasn't prepared for the massive shape that burst from the sand, throwing her fifty feet backwards. Sand dripped off the beast's rapidly forming, dragonlike body as it let out a thunderous roar. As the roar died down, all was eerily silent for a moment. Then, just as jarringly, the silence was broken by Tyler.

"Holy muffins, what is that?"

"THIS IS THE ULTIMATE WEAPON DEFENSE. ITS SOLE PURPOSE WAS TO BE USED IN CASE OF ACTUAL DAMAGE TO ME. RETSA TESTED IT SEVERAL TIMES, AND EACH TIME, THE PROTECTION SOCIETY WAS UNABLE TO DEFEAT IT WITHIN TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES."

"Don't we have more than twice the Agents they do?"

"RETSA FELT CONFIDENT THIS WOULD WORK. JUDGING BY YOUR ABYSMAL FAILURE TO DAMAGE ME SO FAR, I BELIEVE HER CALCULATIONS WERE CORRECT. PREPARE TO DIE."

The sand beast charged at the Society, who scattered. As the beast turned around, Harriet smashed one of its legs with her cricket bat. Before the beast could fall, sand gathered around the stump, forming a new leg almost instantly.

"Crap, it can regenerate?" Then the sand beast kicked out, hurling Harriet backwards.

"My Coffeemakers are not Controlled by Hoover Dam Computers!"

"Storm Kick!"

"Boomhammer! Tremor! Epicenter!"

"Enchanto!"

"I Don't Call My Attacks!

Coffee, earth, Rubik's cubes, magic, and Drake all slammed into the beast, and chunks of sand dripped from its now-soaked form, but they regenerated just as fast. As Drake fell, he slammed a Storm Punch into its side. As the beast turned to snap at him, Valerie demolished its back leg with a volley of arrows. Tash launched herself up, delivering a flaming slash to the sand monster's side, fusing bits of it to glass, which Claire shattered with a pinecone. Ingrid loosed a round of bullets into the regenerating back leg, and Lily froze the whole regeneration process… literally, by jamming an Ice Blow into the leg. The sand beast roared in pain, and unleashed a blast of sand from its maw at Lily, who activated Top Gear, teleporting away just in time.

"TEN MINUTES LEFT!"

"Come on, we have to take this thing down!" Tash yelled.

Jess blasted another leg with water, before Ossa slashed it off. The beast roared again, falling forwards. As it did, Karissa swung Gekkou, smashing through part of its face before it could fire another blast of sand. Both Rhia and Cristoph ran up onto the beast, slicing its wings off. As a finishing touch, Kyle blasted its head with an Aurora Grenade. The beast quickly dissolved back into the sand.

"THAT MAKES NO SENSE. THE PROTECTION SOCIETY TOOK AN HOUR TO DEFEAT THE ULTIMATE WEAPON, ONLY TOOK TEN MINUTES?"

Tash smirked.

"Like I said, we've got more than twice the numbers you ha- wait a minute! Did you say ten minutes?"

"YES. I DID."

"That makes no sense!" Tash protested.

"I SPED UP THE COUNTDOWN BY RELEASING THE SUERGY TO POWER THE ANIMATOR, AND BECAUSE THIS FANDOM ONLY EXISTS FOR THE PURPOSE OF THE COUNTDOWN, I EFFECTIVELY SPED UP TIME."

"Bollocks! Everyone! Stop relaxing! We've got five minutes to prevent the end of the universe!" Harriet yelled.

Once again, the entire Society burst into action, blasting the capsule with everything they had.

-DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING SCENES HAPPEN AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME. DO NOT BE CONFUSED-

"What does it take to damage this thing!" Tyler blasted a sand tendril into oblivion, and fired a round of energy bullets, which were stopped by a sand wall. "Damn it!"

"Let's see it stand up to this!" Ben strummed a few notes on Bahamut, vaporizing the barrier, but before he could take advantage of the opening, the sand burst up, knocking him off his feet.

"Storm Kick!" Drake vaulted over both Agents, hitting the capsule feet-first. He was forced to propel himself backwards as two sand blades slashed up, narrowly missing his ankle. "Good thing I got all that practice from dodging Adrian's traps!"

00000

Valerie stood on the sand dune, firing sprays of arrows at the capsule. Meanwhile, Terrie, Ezra, and Danielle were fighting sand tentacles, keeping them from getting in Valerie's way.

00000
"Don't Mess With Nukes! My Coffeemakers are not Controlled by Hoover Dam Computers!" Coffee and nukes bombarded the capsule, but to no effect.

"Epicenter!"

"Enchanto!" Explosive Rubik's cubes and a wall of earth slammed into the capsule. Still nothing.

00000

"Hellfire!" A blast of dark flames seared the capsule with enough heat to fuse the surrounding sand to glass, although evidently not enough to damage the capsule.

"Bolero of Steam!" now the capsule was coated in steam, but to no effect.

"Gah! Fire Slash!" A flaming blade struck the capsule.

"Water Scythe!" A burst of water struck the capsule.

Nothing.

"AUGH!"

00000

"Jurai-Ken… Rinwi!" Tash smashed both feet into the capsule… and nothing happened.

Harriet smashed it with her cricket bat.

Aster blinked. "This is getting oddly repetitive…"

However, she still fired a jet of water. Nothing, nothing, and more nothing.

00000

Everywhere in the universe, various invincible villains twitched. It was as if there was a new one out there somewhere…

00000

"Seriously, what does it take? We've nuked it, slashed it, stabbed it, blasted it, bombed it, roasted it, frozen it, hacked it, shot it, thrown pincones at it, hit it with a cricket bat… this is getting ridiculous!"

"YES. THAT'S SORT OF THE POINT. EITHER WAY, I CAN'T HAVE YOU GETTING IN THE WAY OF THE PLAN. DIE."

A wave of sand burst out, flattening the Society. Tyler was the first to recover, staggering towards the capsule. He didn't make it. Less than a yard from the capsule, he collapsed from sheer exhaustion. As he did, he flung his staff arm in front of him, and it brushed the capsule ever so gently….

CRACK!

"WHAT?"

The entire Society leapt to its feet, instantly rejuvenated. "YES! WE DID IT!"

"NO MATTER. PERFECTIFICATION WILL STILL TAKE PLACE."

Tash's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "WHAT?"

"DESPITE THE DAMAGE TO THE SUERGY CONDENSION CAPSULE, THE SUERGY WILL STILL PURGE THIS SUBFANDOM. YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR BILLIONS OF….WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Tash had pulled out her Plot Summary.

"You're lying."

"WHAT?"

"I checked. Aside from us… and I guess you… there isn't even the slightest sign of life here."

For a moment, all was totally silent. And then…

"FUCK."

Tash blinked. "Never thought I'd hear a computer swear…."

"EVEN SO… PERFECTIFICATION IN TEN SECONDS."

"Five seconds? Are you just making it up now?" Tash screamed.

"NO. BY DAMAGING THE CAPSULE, YOU RADICALLY SPED UP THE COUNTDOWN. PERFECTIFICATION IN FIVE…"

The Society rapidly began opening Plotholes and diving into them.

"FOUR…."

As the Society's Plotholes closed, Tyler was the last one left, gazing contemplatively at the now-glowing capsule. "Well, I guess that's the end of the PCMSPS… I suppose it's almost too bad, in a way… "

"THREE…."

Tyler snapped out of his reverie, opening a Plothole.

"TWO…"

Tyler dived in.

"ONE…"

The Plothole sealed behind the Agent with a pop.

"ZERO."

00000

Pure, white light.

Although Tash had been correct, if anything were alive in the sub-fandom, it would have been instantly blinded by the sheer brightness of the light now blasting in waves out of the completely demolished capsule. Of course, it wouldn't have very long to be worried about its blindness, because less than a second later, the entire universe was absolutely nothing. The words that had made up its very being were being unwound as destroyed, reducing it to a meaningless husk.

Even after the perfective wave had died down, the shockwave rippled out, touching every fandom in existence…

00000

In the Yugioh fandom…

Yugi and Joey were about even. Yugi controlled the Buster Blader equipped with a Divine Sword Phoenix Blade, but Joey had out a Red Eyes Black Metal Dragon equipped with Dragon Nails. Both player's life points were at 100 Neither had any cards set. They were playing on a tabletop.

"Okay Yugi! I'm finally going to beat you! I activate Mystical Space Ty-,"

Just then both duelists were thrown off their chairs by a shockwave, their cards hopelessly scattered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

00000

In the Spectrobes fandom…

Maja knocked Rallen to the ground with a blow of her scythe arm. "Ha ha ha! You thought you could just waltz in and defeat me, huh? Well now you're gonna pay!"

She raised the scythe…

A shockwave knocked the High Krawl off her feet, and yanked Rallen to his. Before Maja could get up, Rallen fired his blaster at her, burning off the scythe arm.

"The tables are turned, Maja!"

"GGRAH!"

00000

In the Pokemon fandom…

Jessie snickered. They had trapped Pikachu in a rubber claw. Ash was out of usable Pokemon. It looked like Team Rocket was finally going to get away with capturing Pikachu.

Then a shockwave sent the robot attached to the claw toppling over. Pikachu leapt to freedom, and Team Rocket was thrown out of the cockpit. James raised his head, to see Pikachu glaring at them, cheeks sparking with electricity.

"Er…"

A moment later…

"Team Rocket's blasting off agaiiiiiin!"

DING!

00000

So the last act of the PCMSPS was to maintain the status quo? That seems a little ironic…" Tyler mumbled.

"Don't complain, Tyler." Drake said matter-of-factly.

Tyler twitched. "That's it!"

Drake started. "What?"

"The running gag for this chapter!"

The fourth wall rumbled.

"What are you talking about?"

"In the first chapter, it was the Department of Redundancy Department. The second chapter was the floating mouths. The third chapter… uh, not sure. Fourth chapter, it was Retsa constantly being interrupted, and this chapter, it was random ironic echoes!"

At this, the fourth wall spasmed so hard that Drake and Tyler were thrown to the ground.

"Ow…."

"Well, you should have known better."

"Hmph." Tyler got up, followed by Drake.

"So, you think that's really the end of—MMPH!"

This last exclamation was due to Tyler clamping a hand over Drake's mouth. "Don't say it!"

"Mmphmmph!"

"Oh… right… sorry." Tyler moved his hand off of Drake's mouth. The other Agent inhaled deeply.

"What was that for!"

"Look, in the first chapter-,"

The fourth wall rumbled ominously.

"-I said the cave looked deserted, and then the bat-squid showed up! Obviously, if anyone confirms the end of the PCMSPS, this entire five chapters-,"

RUMBLERUMBLE

"-will all have somehow been part of their master master plan! And, speaking for myself, I do not want to go through the whole, 'epic finale,' shtick again!"

Drake nodded. "Ooookay…"

Tyler shrugged. "Sorry, but it needed to be said."

"Not really."

"Whatever."

"Incidentally… 79."

"81." Tyler smirked.

"66, actually."

"What? I got 81!"

"No, those five you got to fight Relyt don't count."

"What? They totally count!"

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"You didn't kill them, Relyt did!"

"Yes, but I tricked them into thinking he was me!"

"That doesn't count!"

"In any case, Relyt technically is me, just more evil. It counts."

"By your own argument, those three Ekard impaled trying to stab me count for my score, giving me 82."

"…Muffins."

…

And that is how the PCMSPS ends. Not with a bang, but with a huge explosion the likes of which the universe has never seen, and didn't see that time either, that made sort of a "!" sound.

Insert Dramatic Finale Here (part 2 of 3)

BANG!

BOOM!

KRACKOOM!

ZING!

BLAM!

WHUNK!

Tash blinked. "Who turned on the Special Effects Boombox?"

Harriet frowned. "Not sure… it just turns itself on before fight scenes."

"Oh."

SHWACKABO-

"QUIET!" Retsa impaled the boombox with a spear of rock.

"Hey! That was our best boombox! THIS MEANS WAR!" Harriet lunged at Retsa, swinging her cricket bat.

THWOOM!

Retsa was blasted off her feet, drilling through five rows of Ubers before plowing into the sand, traveling another 20 feet before stopping.

Eolhc lunged toward Harriet, preparing to slip a knife in her ribs…

"Enchanto!"

"Wha-,"

BLAM!

A handful of explosive Rubik's Cubes blasted Eolhc backwards. Before the PCMSPS Agent had landed, the other Agents were already charging their counterparts, while Ubers swarmed the rest of the ACMSES.

33333

Drake swatted aside an Uber-Stu before stabbing at Ekard. The PCMSPS Agent barely caught the blow on his spear, pushing it aside.

"Storm Kick!" Drake planted a boot in Ekard's chest, throwing him backwards. Before he could press the advantage, a pair of Ubers lunged at him, forcing him to deal with them. By the time he had dealt with them, Ekard was already back on his feet.

"Drought Punch!"

"Storm Punch!"

The Agent's fists collided, forming an explosion of violet light that knocked them both back.

"Drought Kick!"

Ekard leapt towards Drake, foot outstretched Drake grinned.

"Storm Punch!" As Ekard's foot shot towards Drake's head, Drake reached up one hand, grabbing the PCMSPS Agent's foot and yanking on it before delivering the Storm Punch to Ekard's face. The doppelganger was sent flying backwards, slamming into the ground.

Drake raised a fist in triumph, but his victory was short-lived as an Uber-Sue struck from behind, preparing to stab him in the back…

SHWANG!

A blast from Bahamut vaporized it, then went on to slam into another battalion of Ubers, vaporizing them as well.

Drake blinked. "Ben?"

"Do you know someone else with a guitar that doubles as a weapon?"

"Touche."

"Speaking of weapons, behind you!"

Drake spun around in time to stop Ekard's spear from decapitating him.

"Wait… how do you decapitate someone with a spear?"

"Like this!" Ekard hissed, swinging his spear in a wide arc and bringing it down towards Drake's neck

Ting!

Ekard blinked. "Huh…"

BANG!

Ekard was pushed back a few feet, and his strike went wide.

"Slicing… GALE!" The point-blank attack blasted Ekard off his feet, sending him flying into the air. Drake turned to Tyler, who was already fishing a second explosive out of his pouch.

"Out of curiosity, where's Relyt?"

"Oh… he's fighting his way past his own Ubers."

"Isn't he wearing opposite colors from you?"

"I stole some spraypaint when we left."

"Nice."

"Why thank you."

"Excuse me! Fighting the Ubers and Relyt here!" Ben yelled. "And Ekard's coming back down!"

"Sorry!" Drake and Tyler apologized simultaneously, running off to deal with their respective counterparts.

44444

"Deadly… Impact!" Kyle slammed a fist into an Uber-Stu, vaporizing it. As the recoil from the punch launched Kyle into air, he turned over once, then extended both feet, dropping towards the ground.

"Blasting Quake!" Kyle slammed into the ground feet first, and a massive explosion rippled out, vaporizing every Uber within 30 feet.

The force of the recoil launched him back into the air, but this time he drew the Omni-weapon, as the blade and handle of a flamberge appeared out of it. As Kyle landed, he was already swinging the flamberge, decapitating three Ubers with one swing, then going to work on the rest. In several minutes, only ten Ubers remained, two of which were running away, while the other eight gathered together before charging Kyle as one.

"Closer… closer…" As the Ubers leapt for Kyle, he spun in a circle to gather speed before launching a mighty swing with the rapidly-extending Omni-weapon. The slice bisected all eight Ubers, who had finished vaporizing before they reached Kyle. Kyle spun the flamberge once more before shrinking it into a simple broadsword.

"Coming through!"

"Huh?"

Out of nowhere, Tyler appeared, arcing over Kyle's head and landing in a heap behind a rock that seemed to have appeared from nowhere.

Kyle blinked. "What happened to you, and where did that rock come from?"

"I came from over there, where Relyt hit me with an energy blast. As for the rock, I have no idea."

"Oh."

Relyt, just as Tyler and the rock had, suddenly appeared from nowhere, jumping over the rock, only to be met by an explosion, propelling him into a rapidly approaching Ekard. Both the PCMSPS Agents crashed into the rock, as Ben and Drake came running up.

"Storm Kick!"

"Don't mess with nukes!"

Tyler, who had been climbing over the rock, immediately dived back down, while Drake somehow changed direction in midair to avoid the falling warhead.

BOOOOM!

The entire area was lit up in blinding light, and Kyle dived behind another convenient rock. When the light faded, Relyt and Ekard were nowhere to be seen.

Tyler blinked. "Where did they go."

"We're behind you, idiot."

"No you're not."

"What?"

"You're in front of me."

"No, we're behind you!"

Tyler turned around. "No, you're in front of me. Drake's behind me."

"Storm kick!"

Relyt and Ekard paled. "Oh…"

WHAM!

Ekard and Relyt went flying, landing in a crumpled heap. Drake struck an appropriately awesome pose, before he and Tyler ran off, followed by Ben, who was blasting Ubers left and right with the power of rock.

Kyle blinked.

55555

"Jurai-Ken… Rinwi!" Tash shot forward, pointing both feet at Retsa, who barely dodged in time.

"Yah!" AS Retsa prepared to launch a spike of rock and Tash, Harriet's cricket bat slammed into her from behind, sending her flying facefirst into the sand. Retsa jumped back to her feet, and was about to launch a fireball at Harriet, when a high-pressure blast of water knocked her off her feet. She got up, spluttering furiously, as Aster landed in front of her.

66666

Ossa blocked a strike from an Uber-Sue, then sliced it in half, jumping aside to avoid a blast of energy that had shot down from the ship now floating far above the field of battle.

"Tash?"

"Yes?"

"What physics does this fandom use?"

"Game physics mostly, with a bit of anime."

"Ah. Good. This should work then."

As the next blast shot down, Ossa swung her sword upwards, and as blast and blade connected, contrary to all known laws of physics, the blast shot back upwards, pointing towards the cannons from whence it came.

77777

Yzzo grinned as the energy blast rocketed down towards her counterpart. The grin faded and was replaced by a look of abject horror as the energy blast reversed course, heading straight towards her.

"Oh no…"

She leapt out of her chair, turning to run, but she never made it. The blast ripped through the hull of the ship, incinerating the PCMSPS Agent instantly.

88888

Yzzo's death seemed to rally the ACMSES, and the tide of battle began to turn.

99999

Cristoph dodged a slash from Hpotsirc, and stabbed forward with a sai. Hpotsirc barely got his sword up in time to defend himself, and even so, all he could manage was to deflect the blade into leaving a long cut along his arm. Cristoph drew a second sai, stabbing at Hpotsirc's stomach. The PCMSPS Agent shifted slightly, and the attack missed. Hpotsirc grinned. With a powerful shoulder tackle, Cristoph was sent stumbling backwards. Hpotsirc raised his katana in preparation for a killing blow.

"Time to-URK!"

From nowhere, a shuriken suddenly appeared in Hpotisirc's stomach. The PCMSPS Agent blinked, as if not believing what was currently lodged in his gut. He scrabbled around at the shuriken, as if to confirm its existence, before toppling to his knees, and finally slumping over.

Cristoph ran over to check if Hpotsirc was dead, but there was no need. As he approached, the PCMSPS Agent slowly dissolved into specks of glowing golden light, which floated up into the sky, and were drawn into the massive airship hovering over the battlefield.

Cristoph frowned, but quickly ran off to find Rhia.

1010101010

"Bolero of Steam!" Willie slashed the air in a pattern, which turned into steam and shot forward. Eilliw tapped the button on his weapon, which became a fan, blowing the steam back at Willie, who dived to one side so as to avoid being boiled alive.

"Hellfire!" A blast of pitch-black flames rocketed towards Eilliw, who countered with a large missile.

"Wood Imprisonment!" A cage of wood formed around Eilliw. The PCMSPS Agent frowned.

"Haven't we done this before?"

"What do you mean?"

"Not sure… this just feels sort of… familiar."

"Déjà vu?"

"I guess… anyway!" Eilliw's weapon became a mace, smashing the bars of the wooden cage, and sending slivers flying towards Willie, who deflected them off the edge of his sword, and slashed at Eilliw's head.

"Prepare to die, Eilliw!"

"That's my line! I'm the villain here!" Eilliw's weapon turned into a club, and he swung it, knocking the sword away.

"I said it fair and square! Water Scythe!" Willie slashed the air in another pattern, which glowed blue before transforming into a blade of water and slashing at Eilliw. The PCMSPS Agent screamed as it sliced into his shoulder, but managed to fire a single rocket at Willie.

The Society Agent readied his sword, slashing an orange pattern in the air. "Fire…"

The missile moved closer and closer.

"SLASH!" Willie swung his sword, and the pattern wrapped around the sword, transforming into flames. Willie slashed the missile in half, and the flames of the explosion were absorbed into the sword. Eilliw was unable to dodge in time, and the blade cut him neatly in half. Before either half could hit the ground, they had both dissolved into golden light, that was sucked into the airship, like Hpotsirc had been.

Willie dropped the sword point first into the soft sand, leaning on it, and admired the beauty of the death.

1111111111

"Jurai-Ken… Tairenso!" Tash exploded into a whirlwind of flame, slamming into Retsa and sending her skidding back, into a blast of wind from Aster. The PCMSPS leader was thrown into the air, but managed to flip over and land softly on the ground, only to get knocked backwards by Harriet's cricket bat. After righting herself, Retsa blocked a blast of water with a wall of rock before unleashing a firestorm towards all three of her assailants, sending them flying. Tash recovered quickest, lunging at Retsa with a fierce slash, but Retsa simply knocked it aside with a stone gauntlet before blasting Tash backwards with a burst of solar energy. Hati was next, but a wall of rock pushed her to one side. Finally, Aster charged her, but a flamethrower-like blast stopped her in her tracks.

"All of you… DIE!" Retsa thrust out both arms, and a ring of fire erupted outward. All three Agents were forced to take cover behind convenient rocks to avoid being roasted. Retsa took the opportunity to pull out a Space Hammer card and activate it. Aster, Hati and Tash held their collective breaths. What deadly weapon would it transform into. The card glowed white, morphing into…

…An unintimidating-looking rubber haddock. Tash blinked. Retsa frowned, and gave it a small test swing…. that produced an explosion powerful enough to blast the rock Tash was hiding behind into dust. For a moment, all combat stopped, and everyone simply stared at the Haddock of Mass Destruction. Retsa grinned, very, very, evilly. Then Aster slammed into her from behind, and the Haddock went flying high into the air.

1212121212

Somewhere in the ship…

Ssej was tapping buttons on an Ipod, blissfully unaware of the fact that her actions were launching cannonfire at the battle below. This may have been the reason that she didn't notice the haddock flying into a small gap in the ship's hull. It was almost certainly why she didn't move as it struck the floor in front of her, releasing an explosion that incinerated her instantly.

1313131313

Karissa slipped out from behind the rock she had used for cover from the buzzsaw Assirak's Space Hammer had turned into. Assirak was standing only a few feet away, buzzsaw whirling loudly, back turned. Karissa blinked, before deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth and lashing Gekkou at the doppelganger. The chain whip spun towards Assirak…

And passed straight through her. Karissa had only a short time to wonder what had happened before she had to leap away from Assirak"s buzzsaw.

"I can create illusions of myself! As you can, they work quite we-,"

She was cut off by Gekkou wrapping around her leg and yanking her off her feet. Karissa tugged on the chain whip, and Assirak was thrown past her to land in a heap on the sand. The double hurled the buzzsaw at Karissa, who dodged. Karissa swung Gekkou again, this time managing to leave a cut along her arm. Assirak spun with the blow, drawing a second Space Hammer and activating it. As it transformed into a long spear, Karissa swung Gekkou, wrapping around the spear and yanking hard. Assirak held on to the spear, running forwards to try and impale Karissa. Karissa stepped to one side, and the PCMSPS Agent stumbled past her, Gekkou pulling her around.

"Yah!"

Karissa yanked on Gekkou again, and the spear was pulled out of Assirak's hand. Karissa spun once, whirling Gekkou, spear still attached, before swinging it at the PCMSPS Agent. Before Assirak could react, the blade had pierced her heart.

1414141414

"Epicenter!"

"Enchanto!" A blast of earth and a handful of Rubik's cubes slammed into Deraj and Eolhc, sending them flying.

"Boomhammer!" Jared rushed forward, jumping up and bringing the hammer down.

"Flashbar!" Deraj shielded his eyes, swinging the Flashbar up to meet the Boomhammer. The weapons collided, forming an explosion that launched Jared into the air. Unfortunately for Deraj, he had nowhere to go but further down.

"Disenchanto!" Eolhc rushed forward, swinging the bladed shield at Jared.

"Enchanto!" Chloe leaped between Eolhc and Jared, swinging her own shield and shoving Eolhc away.

"Quake!" Deraj took the time given him by Eolhc to recover and pound the ground, throwing Jared and Chloe off their feet.

"Tremor!" A shockwave ended Deraj's status of Only One Standing.

Chloe jumped up, bashing Deraj in the face with her shield.

Eolhc jumped forward, trying to impale Chloe.

"Boomhammer!" Eolhc was blasted off her feet by a sound wave.

"Flashbar!" Deraj lunged at Jared, swinging the crowbar.

"Yah!" Chloe stabbed Deraj hard in the leg. The doppelganger let out a cry of pain.

Eolhc swung the bladed edge of her shield at Chloe.

"Boomcenter!" Jared slammed the Boomhammer into the ground, and a huge wall of earth leapt up, towering over Eolhc.

"Oh no…"

KRUNCH!

Jared winced. That hadn't sounded pleasant. The golden dust now seeping out of the mound of earth added some strength to his theory.

"Jared, look out!"

"Flashbar!"

"Wha-Gah! Boomhammer!"

Hammer and crowbar collided in what looked like a bolt of lightning. Deraj had shielded his eyes, but Jared hadn't and was now blinking rapidly, trying to get the spots out of his eyes. Deraj drew his revolver.

"Jared, it's been fun, but now it's over. Perhaps, if we meet up in the afterlife, I'll buy you a drink. Prepare to d-AUGH!"

Chloe removed her sword from his hand. Deraj dropped the revolver, clutching the injured hand in pain. Meanwhile, Jared had recovered the use of his eyes.

"Boomhammer!"

"Yah!" The shield smashed into Deraj with incredible force, nearly knocking him out. Then the Boomhammer hit him.

WHOOMP!

Deraj was launched into the air.

"Enchanto!" Deraj vaguely registered the word, and that three small cubes had appeared above him. Then he realized what was about to happen. He paled.

BOOM!

Jared and Chloe watched as the golden dust whirled upwards into the ship.

1515151515

"Storm Kick!" Drake slammed his foot into Ekard's face, sending him flying and cracking his visor. The doppelganger landed hard, but flipped to his feet and drove his spear point-first into the ground.

"Erupting Earth!" An arc of red energy leapt toward Drake, who dodged and swept his spear across the ground.

"Slicing Gale!" The familiar blue energy blades appeared, but this time, they traveled along the ground, lifting into the air, forming miniature dust devils. Ekard tried to dodge, but the storms were all around him. They slammed into him, lifting him up and tearing into his armor before depositing him unceremoniously on the ground. Drake smirked. Ekard picked himself up, spitting sand out through his destroyed visor. As Drake ran forward, Ekard swung a foot upwards.

"Drought Kick!" Ekard's foot hit Drake in the chest, throwing him backwards. Ekard hopped to his feet.

"You may have gotten in a few lucky hits, Drake, but now I'm going to kill you."

"Thanks."

Ekard blinked. "Why are you thanking me? I just threatened to kill you."

"Whatever. The point is, this fandom clearly isn't a dub. All the dissolving into golden dust was starting to worry me."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Drought Punch!" Ekard leapt forward, fist outstretched.

"Storm Punch!" Drake and Ekard collided in a brilliant purple explosion that forced both of them backwards.

"Slicing Gale!"

"Erupting Earth!" The two attacks whizzed past each other, slamming into Ekard and Drake respectively.

"Storm Kick!"

Drought Kick!" The two slammed into each other, and both Drake and Ekard were thrown back. Drake rolled to his feet, but Ekard had taken more damage during the fight, and simply hit the ground. Drake advanced on Ekard, who didn't seem like he was getting up any time soon. As Drake approached, Ekard rolled onto his back.

"Go on… finish it."

Drake frowned behind his visor. "No."

"What?"

"Don't get me wrong, I'd love to. But frankly, I've watched enough movies to know that if I do, it's all really part of your master plan or something."

Ekard's eyes narrowed. "Fine. Drought Punch!"

As Ekard leapt up, Drake made a decision in his mind. As the fist approached his face, he caught it, hurling Ekard past him. Drake raised his spear.

"Slicing…. GALE!" The energy blades exploded forth, slicing Ekard apart and into golden dust.

1616161616

Tyler dodged a strike from Relyt, countering with an explosive to the face.

"You know, you could just give up, Relyt. You're obviously outmatched."

"Where do you get that from? You hit me one measly time!"

"And set your own Ubers on you…"

"Okay, I admit, that was crafty, but-,"

"And hit you with a rock…"

"Yeah…"

"And then I threw an explosive at your face!"

"Fine. Three measly hits."

"Four."

"Huh?"

Tyler hurled another explosive at Relyt, blasting him off his feet.

"As I said; you're outmatched."

Relyt sprang up, already firing an energy blast at Tyler. Tyler sidestepped, firing a blast of wind. The blast rocketed towards Relyt, kicking up a dust cloud on the way. Relyt formed an energy shield to block, then prepared to retaliate… except Tyler was gone. Someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, and Tyler punched him in the face.

Relyt stumbled backwards, clutching a bloody nose. "What the-,"

"Tylerportation. Where've you been?"

Somewhere, at least 100 feet away, ripping through a squad of Ubers, Shirley twitched.

"That's gotta be the worst pun ever," Relyt groaned.

"Probably," Tyler agreed.

Relyt lunged again, and for a few seconds the immediate ten feet were obscured by magic bursts colliding, explosions, and dust. Then they broke apart, flying in opposite directions, bouncing off rocks and shooting back at each other."

WHOOM!

Tyler and Relyt collided in a brilliant purple explosion, blasting apart, only to charge at each other again. The battlefield they had chosen erupted into a maelstrom of destruction, and the two were hidden from view by a tornado of magic, only appearing for a few instants before vanishing into the storm again.

-Tyler smashing his staff into Relyt's arm….

-Relyt blasting Tyler in the face with a spray of energy…

-Tyler pummeling Relyt with a flurry of explosives….

-Relyt slamming Tyler to the ground with an energy rope…

-"Did you have a bad day-,"…

Finally, a massive explosion, and Relyt was expelled from the tornado, slamming into a rock, and slumping to the ground. Tyler stepped out of the dying tornado, catching his stun bomb as it returned to him. Relyt lifted his head weakly as Tyler approached, forming a blade of energy at the end of his staff, preparing to finish Relyt off.

"Any last words?"

Relyt smirked. "My death… is only the beginning."

Tyler rolled his eyes. "See you in hell." He stabbed down.

1717171717

Eirelav rushed across the battlefield, trying to locate Retsa. She finally found her leader, still holding her own against Aster, Tash, and Harriet.

"Retsa!"

The PCMSPS Agent turned. "Yes?"

"It's ready."

Retsa raised an eyebrow. "Is it? Well then, you know what to do."

Eirelav nodded. As Tash rocketed forwards, Eirelav suddenly appeared in front of her, blocking her from Retsa. Tash tried to swerve around her, but it was too late. Nepthys cut Eirelav cleanly in two. As both halves dissolved, Tash continued toward towards Retsa, but the blow was lessened, and the PCMSPS leader was sent flying. She landed in a heap, a cut on her stomach bleeding freely, pulling out a small remote. Before anyone could do anything, she punched a button, and spoke into a small voice-analyzer-thingy.

"Operation Final Perfection… Go."

1818181818

All around the battlefield, Society Agents found the Ubers they had been fighting dissolving into nothing.

Meanwhile, up on the ship….

"ATTENTION ALL. OPERATION FINAL PERFECTION IS NOW IN EFFECT."

Syrhc and Sirahc were working on a small device when the announcement blared out of a speaker. They both paled before running for a door. Neither made it. Turrets appeared from the wall, opening fire on them and reducing them to dust.

All through the ship, the same was happening to each and every Uber and PCMSPS Agent or techie.

1919191919

As the entire ACMSES watched, Retsa began to laugh. It began as a low chuckle, but quickly became an insane cackle, that drilled into the Agent's heads. Tash stepped forward.

"What are you laughing about? You've lost!"

Retsa lifted her head to look at Tash, an evil, horrible grin stretching across her face.

"Oh, Society… you have no idea."

"What do you mean, we have no idea?" Tash demanded, stepping forward.

Retsa frowned. "Exactly what I said; you have no idea."

"A little more specific perhaps?" Harriet this time, stepping forward and waving her cricket bat menacingly.

"Hmm…" Retsa smiled. "How's this; As soon as I die, my life-force will be converted into it's original state of Suergy, which will be drawn into that ship up there, or as you wished me to be more specific, into a large container inside the ship. After the ship itself is absorbed, the container will become a powerful bomb. When said bomb goes off, it will instantly purify every fandom and sub-fandom universe in existence, by which I mean completely erase all life within such in a horrifically detailed manner."

Michael blinked.

"Okay… that's a little too specific."

"Question."

Everyone turned. At the back of the Society, Tyler was raising a hand. He had actually been doing so since the second after the Ubers had vanished, but nobody had noticed him, as they had been facing Retsa, who couldn't see him from her current position of slumped against a convenient rock.

Retsa raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Seeing as we've been dealing with you guys for 10 of my author's fics, and additional fics from other authors over time, can you shut up about your evil plan for a moment and explain about how you came into existence, seeing as you're the last surviving PCMSPS member, and as such, when you die, the knowledge is going to be completely lost, and everyone will have to wonder what the hell caused you guys, along with how this fic relates to anything previous?"

Total silence. Retsa smiled.

"You want to know how I came to exist… and that other stuff? Very well then…."

OBLIGATORY PLOT-EXPO FLASHBAAAAACK… GO!

"Heh…" A soft chuckle from Saito drew everyone's attention to the man, where he was leaning against a wall. "You're all worrying unnecessarily. If your claims to be the Librarian's friends is true, then you know exactly what his reaction will be…" He slipped a cigarette into his mouth and struck a match before lighting it.

FLASHBAAAAAAAACK…..END!

"The secondhand smoke drifted through the Library for a while, and began absorbing trace amounts of Suergy from the environment. Eventually, it gained limited sentience, and escaped into the Twilight fandom. When Willowe was imprisoned there, the massive amounts of Suergy released by her Prohibition combined with the natural Suergy of Twilight and the secondhand Sue smoke that happened to be nearby."

"This sounds oddly familiar…" Ben mumbled.

"Anyway... the force of the explosion formed me. However, there was still a great deal of spare Suergy condensed into a single form. As a negative copy of Aster, I was intelligent enough to build my own Plothole Generator… and spaceship… out of tin cans.

"Hey!"

"Quiet. I quickly escaped to this fandom, a story that, though planned, was never written, hence the rather uninteresting surroundings." Retsa gestured toward the infinite desert.

"After only a short while, some of the Suergy inside me escaped, forming Relyt and Ekard. Both, like myself, were perfect opposites to their Society counterparts."

"Question."

"What now?"

"Why create the Ubers?"

"I'm getting to that! Anyway, as more and more Protection Society Agents were formed, we realized that, although we were many, you were… uh… more-many."

"That's not a word."

"Shut up! We decided that we needed a weapon, a way to end this war in our favor. By coincidence-,"

"Proving that my author fails at creating good Xanatos Gambits…"

"What?"

"Never mind."

"STOP INTERRUPTING! This was at the same time that Faya began her plan to take over using the Ubers. When Shade killed Faya, we took our opportunity, convincing the Ubers to side with us. We quickly worked out how to create them faster, although it did come at the cost of some reduction in their fighting skills."

"You mean making them total cannon fodder," Drake interrupted.

"Whatever. Kidnapping Tyler was merely an attempt to test our newly created Ubers on the field of battle, along with a new gadget we called the Negatizer Magnet. After that, we began Operation Final Perfection. Several Agents were sent into fandoms, with the goal of finding Sues and bringing them in to absorb their essence. After we had finished, we allowed a massive Suergy signature to escape through the ship's dampers, alerting you to our presence, and you came. And then…" Retsa gestured again, although this time less expansively.

Aster stepped forward. "So… what now?"

Retsa smiled and pointed upwards. As the Society raised their heads to stare into the skies, they beheld the PCMSPS ship. Only… it was different. Maybe it was that the edges were slowly pulling towards the center. Maybe it was the brilliant golden light shining from inside it. Or maybe it was the thunderous mechanical voice announcing, "FIVE MINUTES LEFT." After only a few seconds, the ship, like everything else, had dissolved into golden light, revealing a large football-shaped capsule, that, like everything else of the PCMSPS seemed to, glowed with a golden light. It descended to the ground, embedding itself in the sand. Retsa grinned.

"You heard the voice. Five minutes left."

Tash took another step toward the PCMSPS leader. "What makes you think you'll succeed? We're going to stop you!"

Retsa smiled, and then did something that nobody expected. She placed her staff against the ground, using it like a cane, and stood up.

"Wrong. I'm going to stop you." She raised her staff.

"Haven't you ever wondered about my counter to Aster's soul power is?"

"Nope."

"Not really."

"Nah."

"No."

"Well, I'm going to tell you. I have control over the powers of life and energy. I've only used them once before, to produce the Ubers. However, if I can give life… I can take it away as well. Now… I'm going to destroy you all." She twirled her staff, preparing to annihilate the Society…

"No."

"Hm?"

Aster had advanced on Retsa, staff raised, pointing at the last PCMSPS Agent. "You aren't going to hurt anyone."

Retsa sneered. "And how you you propose to stop me?"

"Like this."

Before anyone could do anything, Retsa was lifted into the air. Around her feet, sand began to swirl. As the Society watched, the sand whirled up, hiding Retsa in a veil of grit and dirt. The miniature sandstorm spun faster and faster, and began to close in. Retsa's screams of agony were drowned out by the rushing wind and the noise of sand tearing through her skin, muscle and bones, shredding her to pieces. By this point, most of the Society had turned away, not wishing to watch Retsa be torn apart. Aster, however, remained completely focused on the execution. Several long seconds later, the sandstorm died down, and what bits of Retsa were left dissolved into the customary golden dust, and was absorbed into the capsule. Once again the voice spoke.

"THREE MINUTES LEFT."

Tash raised Nepthys in the air. "What are we waiting for? We've got a multiverse to save."

Insert Dramatic Finale Here (part 1 of 3)

Tyler examined the Sues and Stus currently occupying the basement. There weren't many of them-most of the longer-standing Sues and Stus were atoms on the wind now-but there still appeared to be a need for a basement monitor.

Tyler flashed the Sues and Stus an evil grin, and began speaking.

"At the moment, I have been assigned to stare at you all as if you were capable of escaping. The Prohibitors on your wrists have been specially modified to shock you should you cross the threshold of your cell."
This was a lie-the Prohibitors were completely normal-but it had the effect that Tyler wanted. A Stu edging toward his cell door yelped and jumped back. Tyler grinned.

"Also, I brought you some Mad-Libs."

He tossed a book and a pencil into the cell. The Sue whose cell they had landed in grabbed them and began reciting parts of speech.

"Noun."

"Chicken."

"No, orangutan!"

"No way! Grape!"

"How about noun?"

As the Sues and Stus argued, Tyler took the opportunity to read a book. He was halfway through when a loud alarm blared. This was normal, but the next announcement wasn't.

"All Agents into the conference room! This is not a drill!"

"You're right, it's a jackhammer."

"YOUR LIVER IS MINE!"

"GAH!"

"Is this thing still on?"

"Right in the middle of the book, too…" Tyler mumbled, running out of the basement to rejoin the world.

OO

"There's a massive amount of Sue energy in this fandom."

Marcus raised a hand. "Higher or lower than the Elementals?"

"Higher. It's probably at least level 8."

Ben raised a hand. "How about Chuck Norris?"

"DIEEEE!"

"Anyway, all of you are going in."

"Out of curiousity-,"

"Yes?"

"What fandom is this?"

"We're not sure. We're not even sure if it's an actual fandom or just a dimension. Either way, it's showing up on our monitors, and it's riddled with Suenergy. Let's go."

OO

Several minutes later, in the fandom, in a cave…

"It seems deserted," Tyler mumbled.

Drake swatted him.

"Don't say that! Any time someone says that, they're doomed!"

"That's just an old author's tale."

"No it's not! Haven't you ever noticed it happening?"

"…No."

"Ay…"

"Oi! You two! Stop potentially getting us killed!"

"Told you."

"Shut up."

SKREEEEEE!

"On the record, I blame you for this."

"Yeah, probably justified."

Something massive dropped from the roof of the cavern, plummeting toward the Society. As everyone scattered, the something skidded to a halt, kicking up a huge cloud of dust. Before anyone could do anything, dozens of tentacles whipped out of the cloud, slashing at the Society. Everyone quickly shifted into whatever combat mode they had. As the dust cloud cleared, something was revealed to be a gigantic bat/squid/jiggimathingy. It's tentacles ended in lethal hooks, and small, unpleasant-looking suckers dotted them.

OO

Jared dodged a tentacle-swipe.

"Chloe!"

"What?"

"Give me the syringe!"

"WHAT?"

"I need to test how they shoved together the DNA of a bat and a squid!"

"WHAT?"

"Just give me the syringe."

"…Here." Chloe tossed a large syringe at Jared.

Jared caught the syringe, and as the tentacle swiped again, he jabbed it with the syringe, extracting a cup of blood. As the syringe filled, the tentacle went pale, shriveled up, and turned to dust.

"Hah! Take that you stupid tentacle!" Jared held the syringe vial to his face.

"Huh. It seems the blood is actively attempting to separate…."

Jared pointed the syringe at the giant bat-squid.

"Eat your own blood, bat-squid-thing!"

The syringe exploded, and glass, a needle, and blood shot at the bat-squid at incredible speed, striking its wing. The bat-thing let out a bellow of agony, leaping into the air. Jared and Chloe darted to one side as the bulk of the bat-squid slammed down where they had been standing a moment ago.

"Boomhammer!"

Jared slammed the Boomhammer onto the bat-squid's gigantic toe. Three seconds passed for comic effect, then…

"!"

The scream of pain echoed throughout the cavern, knocking the entire Society off its feet. The cavern shuddered with the force of the cry, and several rocks dropped to the sandy ground.

"That worked better than expected…"

"Don't mess with nukes!"

All heads turned toward Ben, who was pointing a single finger at the bat-squid. A loud whistling sound echoed through the cave.

"Skree?"

BOOOOOMMMM!

A mushroom cloud erupted around the bat-squid, engulfing it in nuclear flames. The bat-squid let out a loud, screeching cry as nuclear flames engulfed it (and the author let out a loud. screeching cry as his bill from the Department of Redundancy Department grew even higher), its tentacles shriveling and combusting. It took to the sky (the roof of the cave, anyway), slamming into the walls over and over again.

"My eyes…" Tyler mumbled. He had been staring at the bat-squid when the nuke had hit it, and the resulting flare, combined with the semidarkness of the cave, had left imprints on his eyeballs.

" My ears…" Jared mumbled. He had been standing near the bat-squid after its shriek.

"My nose…" Drake mumbled. He had been standing next to the bat-squid when the nuke hit, and the smell was awful.

OO

Meanwhile, on the PCMSPS ship…

"My finger!" A random Uber-Stu screamed. "I jammed my finger!"

The suddenness of the cry startled the nearby Relyt, and so…

"Mih thun! Ih bfith mih thun!"

OO

Far from this random assaultation of the senses…

Retsa was talking to shadows.

Well, not really, but for all the response the listener was giving, she might as well have been. In fact, she was speaking to a man dressed entirely in black. His face was obscured by the shadows that had been mentioned previously.

"Anyway -,"

The man's name was drowned out by a massive explosion.

"As I have said your name, I feel no need to repeat it. Anyway, the Society is attacking. You know what to do."

As Retsa left the room, she gave a deep sigh of relief. She didn't like talking to him. Especially she nobody ever saw his face. A few jokes had been made about his assumed appearance, but they rarely lasted, seeing as they weren't usually funny.

OO

Back in the creepy dude's room….

"So, the Society's on it's way here, huh? Ah well… I was getting tired of these games anyway…."

The man drew a Plothole Generator, generated a Plothole (and a bill), and stepped through it to parts unknown.

OO

Back in the cave…

The bat-squid slammed into the ground, finally dead. All the Society Agents watched in awe.

"That was awesome!"

"Ben, nuke it again and see what happens!"

"I liked the part with the moose!"

"What about the ferris wheel!"

"Eh, that was okay."

"Okay everybody, show's over, let's move!"

The Society moved. The bat-squid was in the way, so they moved again to go around it. Then they moved a third time, towards the end of the cave.

OO

"See, Retsa? I told you that the bat-squid was a bad idea!"

"Oh, shut up, Sirahc. It didn't cost us anything."

"Except 5 dozen Ubers to transport it!"

"Like I said: It didn't cost anything. Why are you complaining anyway? At least we got to watch the show when they nuked it."

"Eh… I suppose so…"

"Exactly. Besides, the bat-squid was only act I. Act II will come when they get to our ship. There we'll destroy them!"

"How do you know? I mean, they beat us last time."

"That was barely, and now that their strongest member's dead, they don't stand a chance against us! Especially not with our new weapon…."

"New weapon?"

"Yes. I had Deraj design it."

"Oh." Sirahc looked irritated. "Why him? I could have done it just as well."

"We need Deraj to be working constantly to keep him from dwelling on the loss of Sue Storm and potentially damaging the ship again."

"Oh."

"Soon, not only will we purify the multiverse, the Society will be out of our way as well!"

Retsa tapped a button on the side of the chair she was sitting in, and recorded evil laughter blared out of speakers that had been strategically placed around the ship, making sure that nobody would miss anything.

"Attention all PCMSPS members, Uber-Sues, Uber-Stus, and vermin that got into the ship despite our best efforts. Man your stations."

Around the ship, each and every PCMSPS member, Uber-Sue, Uber-Stu, and rat stopped whatever they were doing, tensing slightly.

"The Society is coming."

OO

"I still say the flying pinwheels were best!"

"They were okay, but the moose was better."

"You two in the back! Pipe down!"

"We're in a desert with no one around for miles! Who'll hear us?"

"Another bat-squid?"

"Unlikely."

THUMP!

"Am I jinxed today or something?"

"It's a possibili-,"

THUMPTHUMP!

"This can't be good."

THUMPITATHUMPITATHUMP!

"Do we ever catch a break?"

WHUMP!

"Oh."

SHWAKITASHWAKITA-

"SHUT UP WITH THE ONOMATOPOEIAS!"

Fine, fine. Anyway…

A spray of sand arced over a nearby dune.

"What? We just went through one fight scene!"

"The Suenergy level was 8 or higher, did you think one bat-squid was all?"

"Who's talking anyway? The author hasn't really specified voices for a while!" Tash demanded.

A pair of floating mouths quietly vanished.

Tash let out a sigh of annoyance. "Better."

Cristoph raised a hand "Now that we know who was talking, does anyone know what those are?"

"What what are?"

"Those." Cristoph pointed behind Tash, who turned.

"Oh… those."

Dozens of beach-ball sized metal spheres were rolling down the side of the dune.

Tash blinked. "If I had to take a guess… I'd say they were probably robots that got around in the form of beach-ball sized metal spheres."

As each sphere reached the end of the dune, it unfolded into a robot. The robots stood about six feet high, with a single electric eye.

"Battle droids?"

"No, too dangerous-looking."

One of the robots charged forwards. "Rogerrogerrogerrogerroger…"

"Shut up!" Tyler hurled an energy blast into the robot's "Stomach." Said robot folded back into its beach ball form, and then exploded, forming a deep indent in the sand. Another of the beach ball forms rolled into the indent, launching itself into the air…

"Jurai-Ken… Rinwi!" Tash slammed into the beach ball feet first, sending it flying into a group of robot forms. The resulting explosion left a patch of glass in the sand, which slipped up another two beach ball forms, sending them plowing into sand dunes.

Several meters away, Kyle stabbed the Omniweapon, currently in the form of a katana, through a gap in a robot's armor, then jumped away as the robot exploded in a massive fireball. Bits of metal stuck into nearby robots, which also exploded, although less violently. Then he ducked as another robot, in beach-ball form, went flying over his head. He turned to see Drake rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry!"

OOOOOOO

Up on the PCMSPS ship….

"Since when do we have robots?"

"I dunno, somebody must have built them."

"Yes, but-,"

"OUT!" Retsa charged into the room, brandishing her staff.

The two floating mouths squeaked in fear and vanished again.

"We've been infested by mouths again… ULRIC!"

The Uber-Stu came running up. "Yes?"

"Go find those mouths before they start breeding!"

"Okay." The Uber-Stu ran off.

OOOOOOOO

Back to the action…

"Die, bizarre-looking robot, die!"

"Robots can't die, Tyler."

Tyler finished swallowing the robot's head, then looked up at Drake.

"It all depends on how hard you hit them."

"No it doesn't. A robot isn't a living thing, and thus, you can't kill it."

"Whaaatever."

Drake blinked. "Oookay… I propose a competition."

Tyler was suddenly standing up. "Hm?"

"Most enemies smashed and/or vaporized."

"You're on."

OOOOOOOOO

The fight raged on….

OOOOOOOOOO

Chrys fired a blast of desu at a robot, short-circuiting it.

"This is weird… why would the PCMSPS make robots when they have the Ubers?"

Valerie fired energy arrows into a group of the robots, blasting them apart.

"Maybe there was spare Suenergy, and they used it?"

Pete fired a spray of energy bullets into the robots.

"Whatever it is, they aren't very well made…"

Ben nuked a swarm of robots.

"Really? I didn't notice."

Jared Boomhammered a robot, while Chloe stabbed through the "skull," of another.

"He's right," Chloe agreed. "When I stabbed one of them, it just sort of… fell apart."

"And Ben, how would you notice if you keep nuking them?" Jared asked.

Rhia slashed one in two.

"Well, a robot that was built to be radioactivity-proof might be able to survive a nuke."

Claire and Michael cut down robot after robot.

"It would take a lot of radioactivity-proof…ness to survive an actual nuke," Michael pointed out.

"It would probably blow the PCMSPS budget." Claire continued.

Harriet smashed a robot with her cricket bat.

"They could sell that green laser. That might account for it."

Miri wedged her staff under the head of a robot before popping it off.

"I don't think selling a green laser would pay for lead coatings…especially not forty-foot-thick lead coatings…"

Terrie hurled a knife into a robot, which promptly exploded.

"Or they could just have a teleport spell built in or something…it would be a lot cheaper."

Ezra shattered the legs of several robots.

"I don't think that would be practical. Robots would be appearing out of nowhere at inconvenient times."

Danielle sent the head of a robot flying with a sharp whack.

"Yeah, like on the dinner table or in the middle of the night."

Thought Marcus opened his umbrella in the face of a robot, sending it stumbling backwards…right onto the sword of Emotion Marcus.

"Th-they could have p-p-protected them from n-nukes w-with a shielding sp-spell."

"OR A REFRIGERATOR!"

Willie blasted a robot with the Bolero of Steam.

"Maybe they just made the robots really cheaply, so they don't have to worry if a few dozen get nuked."

Kyle swung the Omniweapon as a mace, crushing a robot to bits.

"They did. We're just wondering why."

Jess jabbed one with her needle, and it fell apart.

"Maybe they have other minions, like the bat-squid."

Tyler rolled the Wall of Defense down a hill, knocking over several robots.

"27… 28… 29… and they do. They have the Ubers."

Drake punched the head off a robot.

"34! They also have the green laser."

Karissa swung her chain whip, ripping a gash in a robot. The robot, being shoddily made, exploded.

"What's so important about a green laser?"

Joe ripped a robot apart.

"Maybe it's a particularly dangerous green laser?"

Cristoph hurled a shuriken into a robot. The robot sparked, went dead, and fell over.

"It is. It's certainly powerful enough to fuse sand to glass, at any rate."

Ossa sliced a robot in two, and it fell apart. Ossa was turning away to deal with another robot when something caught her eye. She sliced the second robot in two, then picked a a bit of its armor that had fallen off. It was corrugated.

"Hey, everybody! These robots are made of cardboard!"

Mizuho blasted a robot with magic, reducing it to rubble.

"Cardboard? Really?"

Dave swung his axe, beheading a robot.

"Well, it would explain why this fight is so boring."

Shirley lunged at Dave, who narrowly dodged her.

"Ugh! Even for you, that was bad."

Lily smashed a robot with her Ice Blow.

"Blame the author."

Alice sliced a robot to bits with her sword.

"Yes, let's do that".

Louise shot a robot.

"Or we could just ignore the whole thing."

Tom beat a robot to death with a shrubbery.

"Take that! And that! And that!"

Danielle stabbed a robot with her staff (somehow).

"3… 2… 1…"

The robot fell apart.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Twenty minutes later…

The last robot fell to the ground, its head who-knows-where.

Jared grinned. "Well, that was easy."

"Don't say things like that!" Chloe admonished. "Do you want to fight another few thousand robots?"

Jared smirked. "You really think the author is going to bother writing another fight scene?"

"You've got a point there…"

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Elsewhere…

Sirahc frowned.

"So far, it's Society 2, Deraj's weird inventions 0. Why is he still here?"

Deraj leapt to his feet in anger.

"Like your Negatizer Magnet was any better? It was supposed to make sure there were only our Elimination Society counterparts there! Instead, we get two of the leaders!"

"And you're saying your Sue Storm device went perfectly?"

"You little-,"

Deraj was about to lunge at Sirahc when a wall of rock separated them. Retsa stood up.

"Sirahc, there was nothing wrong with the Sue Storm device. And Deraj, Sirahc made the Space Hammer cards and the Prohibitor-removal technology. I keep you two around for different reasons, and as long as those reasons exist, neither of you are leaving this ship.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

"46! Beat that!" Tyler announced.

"52," Drake replied calmly.

"WHAT?"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Soon our Society counterparts will get here, and then they'll taste the power of our ultimate weapon!" Ekard proclaimed.

"Didn't we already have an ultimate weapon?" Relyt asked.

"What, the green laser? Please. That's old hat by now."

"Ah. And the multi-cannons?"

"Pebbles compared to our new weapon."

"The Razor-Lazor?"

"That never worked in the first place."

"True."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"So, if the first threat we encountered was the bat-squid…" Tash started.

"And then the robots…" Harriet continued.

"Crack logic dictates that the next threat will be the Ubers, and hence the PCMSPS Agents themselves!"

The Society let out a loud cheer.

"However, as it required about a mile of walking between the bat-squid and the robots, we think it will be about twice that to get to the PCMSPS!" Harriet yelled.

The Society let out a loud groan.

"Just kidding!" Tash confirmed.

The Society let out a loud sigh of relief.

This could have gone on all day, or at least until the author ran out of synonyms for "said," but it was interrupted by a massive shadow that enveloped all the Society members, and the humming that precedes spaceship landings in all good sci-fi movies. The Society scattered to avoid being crushed by the rapidly descending PCMSPS ship. However, instead of landing, the ship released dozens of Uber pods, quickly followed by the PCMSPS members parachuting down to join them.

"Well… that was a lot shorter than a mile," Harriet mumbled.

Retsa sliced off her parachute, then formed a fireball in her hand, pointing it at various Society Agents.

"Well well well. Society, we meet again."

"Quit ripping off old lines and let's get to the fight scene!"

Harriet frowned. "Okay, who said that?"

"They did," responded Karissa, pointing at the mouths, who had appeared out of nowhere.

For the first and last time in all of recorded history, a ACMSES member and a PCMSPS member worked together. Both Tash and Retsa launched a blast of fire at the mouths, incinerating them instantly.

Retsa smirked. "The first shots have been fired. Let the battle begin."

Insert Ancient Cro-Magnon Civilisation Here

"Zelandoni! Ayla!"

The two healers of the Ninth Cave lifted their heads to see the tall blonde form of Jondalar enter the dwelling. The drape allowed them both a glimpse of the crowd gathering outside the entrance to the cave, and both of them were immediately intrigued. Something was definitely going on.

Ayla placed the plants she had been preparing to one side, and picked up Jonayla from where she was crawling across the floor. Zelandoni got up slowly from her stool, observing the young man in the doorway.

"Jondalar. What has happened?"

Not wasting a breath, Jondalar explained. "Willamar and Tivonan found a woman unconscious, not too far from Down River. They're bringing her in now."

The donier moved quickly, in spite of her size, pushing aside the red ochre she had been grinding, and clearing a space for the incoming patient. Ayla seized her medicine bag in readiness, and handed a squirming Jonayla to her mate. Jondalar understood he was to watch her while Ayla helped Zelandoni with the stranger.

Willamar appeared in the doorway, smiling warmly at Jondalar and Ayla, before pushing the drape open all the way, to allow Tivonan to enter. In his arms, he cradled a pale, incredibly delicate looking young woman. Her hair was a fair blonde which seemed to shine even in the dim light of the dwelling, and her face had a distinctly foreign look about it. She wore strange clothing, the likes of which none of them had ever seen before, but that did not disguise the body beneath – she was very thin, and it was easy to see from her frame that she lacked physical strength.

Ayla wondered who her people were, and how she had come to be alone. Surely someone this frail looking could not have been living by herself – there was no way she would have survived. Was she ill? If she was, it would be important to find out, if they were to treat her effectively. Her thoughts settled there, and she pushed everything else out of her mind, and began assisting Zelandoni in assessing if she had any injuries.

Jondalar was also staring, but for another reason. The mysterious woman was breathtakingly beautiful. Despite her strange clothing and apparent vulnerability as she was settled down, no one could deny that she was completely, and unbelievably...

The daughter of his hearth squirmed in his arms, still uncomfortable at being picked off the floor and held, when all she wanted to do was play and explore. Jondalar's attention returned to her, and he felt an unexpected flush of guilt for standing and staring like a fool. Tivonan was explaining to Zelandoni just what had happened, and Jondalar felt Willamar's hand on his arm. His mother's mate gave him a reassuring smile, and guided a confused, and anxious Jondalar out of the dwelling.

OOO

"Gang way! Coming through!"

The tall blonde Society leader barrelled into the main reading room, not bothering to shut the door behind her. Too impatient to go around the sofa, like a normal person, she proceeded to clamber over the back of the furniture, between Jess and Harriet. It was a surprise to no one that she appeared to have run all the way from Real Life to get here on time.

"You're just in time," Ossa assured her, passing the bucket of popcorn over to Rhia, and turning the volume up on BBC HD, in time to hear the pleasant female voice happily announce that Doctor Who was about to start and that everyone should hide behind the sofa for it.

"What did I miss?" Emily scurried through the door, kicked it shut behind her, and plopped down on the floor next to Dave.

"Not a thing," Dave assured her. "How's your arm?"

Emily shot Harriet a filthy look over her shoulder. "Painful."

The leader shrugged. "You'll thank me when we have a mumps epidemic."

After the scare Lily had given the entire Society, Harriet had immediately begun panicking about Emily's state of health. It had needed Valerie to calmly point out that Emily was not a full Mary-Sue yet, and after three colds, two flus, and a bad case of food poisoning, had shown that unlike Lily, she had a normal immune system. Unfortunately for Emily, Harriet correctly assumed that she had never had any vaccinations either, and so Emily had been strapped to the bed, while Valerie and Phoenixia had brought her up to date with tetanus, diphtheria, MMR, polio and meningitis.

The main problem with this had been that Emily was terrified of needles.

"Poor girl..." Rhia patted her on the head, and Emily munched on popcorn.

"Ugh... sugar cube didn't do anything. I can still taste the polio drops..."

"Shh!" Aimee hissed. "You're drowning the Doctor out!"

They had about three minutes of peace, but as the show's theme began to play, it was interrupted by a beep from Tash's communicator.

"I thought we said no mobile phones, communicators, laptops or pagers in the reading room during this most sacred time?" Jess placed her hands on her hips and frowned. Leonard, seeing Tash pull out her communicator, became very excited, believing that they were ordering pizza, and bounced around on Jess's lap, looking disturbingly like a deformed monkey. He received a pillow to the face for his efforts.

The leader paid little attention to the annoyed looks of her fellow fangirls. Rather, her entire face morphed into an annoyed groan, and she got to her feet.

"Come on Harriet. Its Lisa again."

"Whaaa...?" Harriet looked distraught, and began waving her arms at the giant TV. "But, but, but..."

"I know, I don't want to go either," Tash informed her. "But its the Earth's Children fandom, and I want another leader with me."

She dragged her friend by the back of her dress to the door. Harriet had just enough time to grab her favourite blue handbag as she was pulled from the television.

"What's Earth's Children?" Alice enquired curiously.

"Its one of Tash's favourite book series," Emily explained, scooping up Tash's forgotten handbag and gadgets. "Its also highly dangerous, purely because most of the canon characters are Mary-Sues themselves. And there are so many random background characters that its easy for runaway Mary-Sues to blend in."

"It sounds like Twilight..." Ben muttered, ignoring the annoyed look from Louise, who was a closeted Twilight fan.

"It is like Twilight," Emily confirmed, before reluctantly tearing herself away from the television, and legging it after the leaders. "Just with no sparkly vampires, and an actual plot."

OOO

The fire had almost burned down, but no one in the donier's dwelling had made any attempt to reach for the firestone and relight it. All eyes were focused on the beautiful stranger, who wore a confused, and frightened expression, which gave her elegant face a humbled look.

"You have... no memory?" Joharran was struggling to wrap his head around this aspect of the mysterious stranger's story. "How is that possible?"

"It isn't unheard of," Zelandoni interjected. "Sometimes memories, particularly if they are painful, are blocked off by the spirit. Or an accident can cause enough trauma to the body that can cause it to forget entirely..."

Ayla had heard of similar stories in her life, but did not trust the stranger. Her innate knowledge of unconscious body language, developed by years of living with the Clan and communicating through a language spoken in silence, told her one thing for absolute certain – the woman was lying. She was obviously not proficient at telling untruths, as she made very little effort to hide her nervousness. Ayla had learned quickly when she had begun living with her own kind, that when people told more lies, they got better at concealing their body language from other people – though never well enough to escape her notice.

This woman did not tell lies very often, as far as Ayla could deduce, and she was poor at concealing herself. She was sure Zelandoni must have noticed too and wished the Ninth Cave's spiritual leader could speak Clan – it would be so much easier to communicate what she had noticed if she could say it without speaking.

"Well..."Joharran was watching the young woman closely, trying to get a good read of her and any kind of danger she may pose. Blonde hair scattered over her shoulder, falling artfully in front of her face, and her deep, blue eyes fell pleadingly on the Ninth Cave's leader, silently begging him to allow her to stay. For where else could she go? She remembered nothing of her past, and knew not the reason her memory was apparently blank...

"Please let me stay?" she whispered, her voice edged with fear for her own survival. "I don't remember anything. Not who I am, or how to look after myself. I won't survive on my own..."

"You can stay until we find out more," Joharran finally said, and the young woman seemed to relax. "You certainly can't go anywhere until your memory returns."

The young woman blushed hard, and Ayla silently agreed with the sibling of her mate. Without any basic knowledge of how to survive on her own, the woman would not survive. She was so weak and frail looking, with no muscle on her at all. She was not strong enough to hunt, or forage on her own. Indeed she looked so delicate, that the mere exposure outdoors for too long would kill her. The Medicine Woman was overcome with the sudden strong urge to protect her, and she promised herself that while she was under her care, this young woman with the strange name would not perish.

"Lisa?" Ayla tried out the unfamiliar name, which came off her tongue with her Clan accent. "You must be hungry. If you are able to stand, would you like to join Jondalar and I for the midday meal?"

And just like that, Lisa fell into the structure of the Ninth Cave, and across the globe, hundreds of fanfiction readers turned away from the fandom in disgust.

OOO

"There she is!" Valerie pointed at the monitor screen. "Lisa's got most of the Ninth Cave eating out of the palm of her hand."

According to the readout, it had been three weeks in the fandom since Lisa had shown up, and already everyone loved her. They had all been seized by the same urge to protect the vulnerable looking woman, and she had a harem of single men lusting after her, and praying for a chance to lure her into their furs.

"How has her scarring gone?" Emily demanded, flabbergasted by the image of the perfect young woman on screen. "I hit her with half a bottle of fangirl strength disinfectant! And most of it was in her face!"

"She's a Mary-Sue," Harriet shrugged. "She got better."

She stretched, and cast a hasty look at her watch. "So Tash, what's this fandom about anyway?"

The Librarian shrugged. "Its a five book series, with the sixth one due out in a few years – the author likes detailed description, so each book is the size of the average brick and takes about seven years for the author to finish writing. Its an alternate historical fiction, set around Cro-Magnon and Neanderthal man."

"The Mary-Sue readings for this fandom are worse than Twilight," Valerie stated, watching a particular monitor screen flash pink and green.

"The fandom is worse than Twilight," Tash admitted. "The main characters, particularly Ayla, are all canon Mary-Sues. And there's so many background characters, that its easy for Mary-Sues to hide here. It's also where the Pro-Cliche and Mary-Sue Protection Society have taken to dumping the Mary-Sues under their protection. We'd never had enough time to root them all out."

As they watched the screen, Jondalar appeared from the storage room at the back of the cave, carrying a basket of vegetables, presumably for Ayla to cook that night. As he moved, the basket slipped from his grasp, and the food scattered across the floor. Seemingly from nowhere, Lisa appeared and began helping him gather them back into the basket. As they worked, they exchanged shy smiles, and Tash went nuclear.

"Oooh that does it! She's ruining one of my favourite fandoms! Jondalar isn't supposed to be attracted to any woman except Ayla and Zelandoni!"

She seized her gadgets from Emily, and began generating the plothole, muttering angrily under her breath about the wrongness of it all.

"She just helped him pick up a bunch of vegetables," Harriet sighed. "How can you find romantic connotations in that?"

"I'm a fangirl! I can find romantic connotations in anything!"

OOO

Squeezing her thighs gently against the body of the mare beneath her, Ayla slowed Whinney into a trot, her grey/blue eyes scanning the area around her. Spring mean the herds were moving out again, and the Ninth Cave would start resupplying after the long winter, and in preparation for the Zelandonii Summer Meeting. In addition to this good news, the cave was in good spirits after Zelandoni and Joharran had announced that they would be holding a Festival to Honour the Mother. In the preparations that had followed, for the evening which was now upon them, Ayla had had very little time to herself, and so had decided a good long ride with Whinney was just what they both needed. She had left Jonayla with Marthona for the afternoon, and set off on her own.

Her thoughts strayed, as they usually did as of late, to the stranger – Lisa. It was hard to think of her as the stranger any longer. The woman had blended in almost as if she had always been a part of the Ninth Cave. Though Joharran had not specifically said anything, Ayla got the impression that the festival tonight was partially to honour her arrival. Quite ironic when one considered that Lisa had spent the announcement looking confused, and as soon as it was over, she had quietly asked Ayla what a Mothers Festival entailed. Ayla was not surprised – after all, Lisa claimed to have lost her memories – but her reaction had not been what the Medicine Woman had expected.

After explaining that the Festival was a celebration in which there would be feasting and dancing, and (as was the whole point) sharing of Pleasures to honour the Mother, Ayla had (non too delicately) had to explain to a confused Lisa what she meant when she said "the Mother's Gift of Pleasure". As the explanation had continued, Lisa's face had turned steadily more and more white, until Ayla was concerned that the young woman would faint. The stranger had quickly excused herself, got up and left the cave, presumably to clear her head.

Initially it had made very little sense to Ayla, why the young woman should react so badly to the idea of sharing Pleasures with someone. But then she had thought about it, and remembered her own past experiences. There could be many reasons why Lisa did not like the idea. She was definitely old enough to have had her First Rites (that is – she reminded herself – providing the people she came from had them), however with no memory of it, it was no surprise that she should feel apprehensive about the prospect. Most girls were nervous before their first time, and since Lisa didn't remember anything, this would be like her first time all over again.

And even if that were not the case, she could be anxious for other reasons. Even if she did not remember, she might subconsciously retain the feelings and memories of any previous sexual experiences she may have had, and they might not necessarily have been good ones. She could have suffered a similar experience to Madenia of the Losadunai, or maybe even worse. Ayla remembered all too well her own experiences with Broud, and was quite sure that had she not met Jondalar and learned differently, had she been in Lisa's position, she too would have felt quite anxious...maybe even upset? No, she wouldn't have been upset, Ayla reasoned. Before she met Jondalar, she was still Clan, and would have accepted it, just as any Clan woman would have. She may not have liked it, but she wouldn't have resisted.

Lisa had returned later in the day, and Ayla had not mentioned the subject again, but she had been careful to observe the young woman's behaviour as she continued to live at their hearth. She was definitely more tense, and this was not helped by the young men who stared, and sometimes even followed her whenever she left the cave to sit with the other Cave members while they worked on their craft. Oh Lisa had noticed the young men, who were completely enamoured with her, but since the conversation with Ayla, she seemed to have become more aware of them, and something had changed in the way she viewed their presence. Gone was the almost unnoticeable look of pleasure she had when she realised she was being watched or admired. Now it was replaced by something that was almost fearful, as though she had realised for the first time just what they wanted from her.

Ayla shook her head, and Whinney, sensing her confusion and restlessness, whickered softly in anxiety. Ayla bent down slightly to soothe the horse, slowing her to a stop, and sliding off the mare's back.

There were a lot of unanswered questions about Lisa that had been puzzling Ayla, but which she knew the young woman would be unable to answer due to her amnesia. Zelandoni had the same problem, and in her capacity of spiritual leader, the wellbeing of everyone in the cave was her responsibility. Thus Zelandoni had spent much time in meditation, trying to recall anything that could help the mysterious young woman, and hoping that in her focus, the Great Earth Mother would provide her with some answers. Following her lead, Ayla had been doing the same, determined to assist her mentor (as was her duty as acolyte), but more importantly, to help the young woman whom she had sworn to protect from the moment she had entered the Ninth Cave. But so far, nothing had turned up.

Ayla had only been on the ground for a moment, when Whinney became spooked, and began rearing her head with exaggerated cries of fright. Ayla patted and stroked the horse, and only her love and trust for the woman kept the horse from bolting. Ayla herself felt a shiver of fear, and what felt like the touch of the spirit world, as what seemed to be a gaping hole split into existence in front of her. She swallowed the fear and nausea that welled up in her throat, and held her ground. This was what she was trained for, and she would not run away from any spirit...if indeed that was what was coming for her.

What tumbled out of the hole was certainly not what Ayla had expected however.

The first woman (or were they spirits, Ayla wondered) was tall, though not as tall as Ayla herself, with chin length brown hair, and the most bizarre clothing the young Medicine Woman had ever seen. The material was certainly not of this world, and seemed to have been tailored to flatter the young woman's curves (of which she had plenty). The second woman was dressed similarly, though she had no curves to flatter. She was blonde, and the first to realise that Ayla was standing there, which prompted her to elbow her companion hastily in the side. As the two scrambled to their feet, the hole to nothingness closed up behind them.

Ayla's unconscious study of them puzzled her immensely. They were ordinary looking women, except for their clothes. They walked (or at this stage, stood) the same way, gave off the same body language (which to Ayla's trained eyes indicated their unease and alertness to danger) and perhaps most importantly, she could sense very little in the way of presence and power from them. Over the course of her life, she had met people, like Creb, Mamut, and Zelandoni, who had a strong presence, that made people sit up and take notice, without them even doing anything. They were strong people, and it showed in every move they made. She sensed nothing from these two. They seemed ordinary. None the less, she was on guard.

"Who are you?"

She had been about to ask, "what are you?", but if they were spirits, she did not want to offend them. Rather than answer, the two women just exchanged confused looks, and Ayla could tell from their expressions that they had not understood her. She hastily repeated her question in Losudunai, and when that failed, she tentatively tried Sharamudoi.

Just as she was about to doubtfully try Mamutoi, the blonde girl planted her head into her hand, and gabbled something to the brunette, who's eyes widened in understanding. Ayla was glad one of them understood something, because she was completely lost, and beyond startled. Though she had only heard a brief line, the language they had used was nothing like any of the languages she had learned over the course of her long Journey. But there was little time to try and make sense of it, as the two women pulled tiny blue round substances from their pockets, and swallowed them whole (their faces twisting in obvious discomfort as they did).

Ayla didn't know how – possibly it was the extensive years of medical and magical training, as well as her own unique insight – but she knew that they had taken some form of medication.

"That's better!" the blonde woman exclaimed in fluent Zelandoni. "Sorry Harriet! I forgot since languages are a plot point in this fandom we wouldn't be able to understand!"

Her companion (Harriet apparently, though the name was distinctly foreign to Ayla), grumbled something under her breath about her forgetful friend, but the blonde was no longer listening. She was smiling widely at their present company, and trying to adopt a friendly expression.

"Hello Ayla. Sorry if we startled you."

"Who are you?" despite how afraid she was now, Ayla's voice came out strong. "How do you know my name?"

"Oh we hear things," Harriet's tone was bright, but impatient. "We hear you have a newcomer at the Ninth Cave?"

Ayla's hopes soaring, were coincided with a dramatic increase in suspicion. If they were spirits, they should have already known this.

"We think she may be one of our...party," the brunette continued. "We're quite anxious to see that she is safe, and to get her back home where she belongs."

Any positive feeling or hope evaporated in that instant for Ayla. This woman was lying. It was evident in every tiny hint of her body language. Invisible to most people, but plain as day to Ayla thanks to her years of speaking in sign language. If they were spirits, they were malicious ones, seeking to bring harm to the young woman who had made her home in the Ninth Cave.

Subtly, so as not to draw attention to it, Ayla began to slip closer to Whinney, while at the same time, reaching for the folded leather in her belt that was her sling.

"Can you help us?" the blonde beseeched. "Please? We are so worried about her."

"I'm sorry," the canon character shook her head. "I don't help spirits who lie."

And with a swift leap, she jumped onto Whinney's back, and fled for the Cave at a fast gallop, that did not entirely match the thundering of her own heart.

OOO

Harriet was not happy. And when Harriet was not happy, threats were made, cricketer's were insulted, and budgets were blown in superfluous ways. Right now, so unhappy was Harriet that she was making various plans to turn rooms of the Library into an indoor swimming pool. Screw the books. Harriet wanted somewhere to dunk people who annoyed her. Like Matt Prior, or the people who said that walking was a fun means of exercise. She certainly didn't feel fun filled now, being forced to trek all the way to the Ninth Cave, when they had only the rough sketch of the area that was drawn in the front of her friend's copy of Shelters of Stone.

Tash however, was mentally kicking herself. She considered herself a fan of the series, waiting on the edge of her seat for the next book to come out. So how could she have forgotten Ayla's ability to detect a lie? It was one of her most commonly mentioned traits. No wonder she hadn't fell for their story. It had larger holes in it than some anime characters in an M rated fanfic. The leader felt like punching herself. She really was stupid.

Fortunately for both girls, the Ninth Cave was the easiest one to spot – by the time they arrived, it was starting to get dark, and the cave was lit by the multitude of fires that had sprung up. They could hear on their approach, the sounds of drinking, dancing and partying. Frowning, Tash skimmed her book.

"There's no feasts due soon...they should be leaving for the Summer Festival too..." she bit her lip, before groaning. "Must be a Festival to Honour the Mother..."

"Which is?" Harriet prompted.

"Basically a party where everyone gets drunk and has a lot of sex, with whoever they feel like," Tash replied, thinking hard. "And if Lisa has shown up here maybe they're taking the opportunity to throw a festival for her." She rolled her eyes. "And being a Mary-Sue, we'll probably find her in a main character's furs."

Her imagination working much harder than she wanted it to, Harriet pulled a face. "Lovely...guess we'd better get this over with."

"Better find some clothes first," Tash chewed her lip, glancing between herself and her friend. "We didn't exactly think before jumping into this fandom..."

OOO

Ayla decided to forgo Laramar's barma tonight, and even Marthona's wine when it was offered around. After her encounter earlier, she wanted to keep her wits about her. She had no doubt that those lying spirits were still around, and she wanted to be sure she was alert if something happened. She had told Zelandoni the whole story of course, and the donier had suggested that they both keep an eye on Lisa tonight, and make sure she was not alone at any time. Ayla had agreed, and was making sure to keep the young woman in her line of sight at all times. She hoped Lisa would find a young man to share Pleasures with later – she and Jondalar had their own honouring to do, and if Lisa was in someone else's furs, they were guaranteed some privacy.

She seemed to have loosened up a little bit after a few cups of wine and barma, and was dancing spiritedly with Brukeval, who was looking utterly thrilled to have a beautiful woman fawning over him. Lisa did not seem to care about his appearance or heritage, and since he was so shy around beautiful women, she did not seem to feel as nervous or threatened by him as she had been with other men ever since Ayla had explained the nature of the festival to her. It was good for the pair of them, Ayla thought, glad to have Brukeval's attention diverted from her for once. The man with Clan in his blood made her nervous ever since their last proper conversation (which had dissolved into a screaming match), and she had been steering clear of him ever since.

Ayla felt Jondalar sit beside her, before she turned to look at him. Her mate's eyes had darkened to a violet shade in the firelight, and she felt the same rush of desire that she always had for him. Jondalar's attention was fixed on Lisa however, watching her carefully and cautiously. Ayla's passion seemed to dim slightly. It looked like Jondalar wasn't ready to leave and begin their own honouring yet.

"Do you think she's alright with him?" her mate asked. Ayla turned her head back to the dancers and pondered her answer for a moment.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully. "She's so hesitant about this festival, I don't think she'll do anything... but then again, she might feel safe with Brukeval..."

It was clear from the expression on Jondalar's face that he was not convinced. Ayla scanned the crowd again, and to her surprise, Lisa was gone. Brukeval had gone to get more barma, yet the young woman had completely vanished. Hastily examining the faces of every person in the vicinity, Ayla dread rise up like a cold chill. Something was happening. She just knew it.

Swiftly, she got to her feet, vowing to find the strange woman.

OOO

"Stupid festival..." Tash muttered in irritation. She and Harriet had bypassed the dancing, drinking crowd outside completely, opting instead to check on the dwellings in the cave for any signs of Lisa. So far she had not seen perfectly rounded hide or shimmering hair of the young woman, however she had seen plenty of stuff she really wished she hadn't. Some people were already intoxicated enough to begin their own private honouring of the Great Earth Mother.

She pushed open another dwelling drape, and was assaulted by the scent of herbs and medicine. This must be Zelandoni's dwelling, she realised, and sure enough, it was the largest in the cave. Positive that the donier would not be here, Tash decided to take a look around, just in case Lisa was lurking in here. Visitors to the cave generally did stay with the One Who Serves Mother, so it was a good bet that Lisa may have been sleeping here. Though given the nature of the fandom, Tash wouldn't have been surprised to find Lisa in Ayla and Jondalar's dwelling. They were the main characters after all, and Lisa like many Mary-Sues, liked attaching herself to the main characters, particularly if they had gifts she could take advantage of. And the characters in this fandom had no shortage of gifts.

That was something that had been puzzling the Librarian for a long time – in the last two fandoms Lisa had shown up in, she had been looking for someone, and attempting to utilise the canon characters abilities or technology to help her. No one could figure out who she had been looking for, and any attempts to investigate were short – Lisa covered her tracks very well. If they could just get some kind of clue as to her motives, that might be all they needed...

The drape rustled, and Tash spun around just in time to feel something small and hard smash painfully into the side of her skull, spreading blackness across her vision. Just before she blacked out entirely, she saw the tall, blonde figure of Lisa in the doorway, a rock clutched tightly in her white fist.

"Harriet will be mad..." was her last disjointed thought.

OOO

Another embarrassed scream informed the leader that she had the wrong dwelling again.

"Sorry!" Harriet was past blushing at this point. Every time she walked in to find a random canon pairing otherwise occupied on the furs, she just apologised and left quickly.

Growing impatient, the leader yanked out her communicator, and hit the second button. The device rang, and rang, and rang some more.

"For Gods sake Tash," Harriet groaned. "Of all times to ignore me..." She hung up and redialled, this time praying that someone in the Library would pick up instead...

OOO

"BUGGERATION AND BOLLOCKRY!"

Jess threw herself around the corner of the Library corridor, Leonard hanging off her neck like a baby chimp, turning to hiss occasionally at their pursuers. He gave a screech as a wall two corridors down was blown to pieces.

"HONESTLY EMILY!" Marcus had split himself in panic, and his Emotion half was showing no signs of shutting up, as the Society agents fled as far away from the explosions as they could. "WHO KEEPS A PLOT DEVICE IN THEIR FRONT POCKET?"

"I didn't mean to trip, Marcus!" Emily snapped, still clutching the broken gadget in her hands. "And I certainly didn't mean to open a Plothole to the Doctor Who fandom with it!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Ben roared, doing a quick headcount, as they ran. "Just think of a plan!"

"Life forms detected," came a synthesised electronic voice that had become one of the cornerstones of British television.

"Exterminate! Exterminate!"

"And think fast!" Ben added.

OOO

There was something warm and sticky on the side of her face. Tash wondered what it was, and whether it was connected to the pounding headache that she seemed to have. That would make sense. Maybe the stickiness was blood. Whatever it was, it was strange, and she raised a hand to touch it...

Or at least, she tried to. Her hands had been bound with a length of sinew. A quick scramble told her that her ankles were in a similar state.

And then she saw Lisa, seated at the table where Zelandoni prepared her medicines and herbs, and everything rushed back to her, causing her headache to triple in intensity. The Librarian groaned, wondering if she could burn her way through her bindings. She dismissed that idea quickly. With a headache like this, she would probably set the entire dwelling on fire.

Lisa spared her a glance over her shoulder, but seemed satisfied that she could not move, and continued with her work. "You should have stayed unconscious..."

"You should have stayed in Sarah-Jane Adventures," Tash managed to force the retort out from her mouth when all she wanted to do was curl up and will this stupid headache away. "How has your scarring gone, by the way?"

"I'm a Mary-Sue," Lisa flipped her flowing blonde hair, which tonight had strings of beads and shells woven into it for added beauty. "I got better!"

"Huh...you didn't get smarter," Tash muttered. "You still hunting for this mysterious friend of yours? Or has it occurred to you that maybe they don't want you to find them. Maybe they've got normal people to hang around with -"

She shut her mouth as Lisa swung around and landed a kick to the other side of Tash's head. The Librarian wondered if this was what it felt like to have a fractured skull...certainly it was painful enough. It felt like her head was breaking apart like an eggshell.

"Don't play coy with me, Librarian," the Mary-Sue's usually beautiful face was twisted into insane anger. "I have searched the multiverse for him, and only after I met the Pro-Cliche and Mary-Sue Protection Society did I learn the truth!"

"The Pro-Cliche Society?" Tash thought. "Crap... they must be using this fandom as a dumping ground for Sues. That's why Lisa is here..."

"The reason I can't find him," Lisa continued. "Is because your Society have already killed him!"

She paused, to allow the statement to sink in. Unfortunately, the Librarian was a very bad prisoner, and burst into hysterics instead.

"You think we've killed your boyfriend?" She snorted. "Oh please! You and the Pro-Cliche Idiots are all grossly misinformed. We've barely captured a handful of Gary-Stus since the war, and none of them to date have been killed."

"You're lying!" Lisa screeched. "Its because of you I cannot find him!" she drew a deep breath and seemed to compose herself somewhat. "Enough. I grow tired of your lies. Retsa shall be here soon...she can deal with you."

She turned to the table, picking up the object of her previous attention – a small wooded medicine bowl.

"What you going to do?" Tash asked, worried now. "Poison me?"

"No!" Lisa sounded horrified by the mere thought. "I am a civilised woman! A woman of virtue and purity of soul! I would never kill anyone! This is datura. It'll knock you out until the Pro-Cliche Society arrive."

Tash paled, her headache fading to nothing as adrenalin flooded her system. Datura was used frequently in this fandom as a pain reliever, anaesthetic, and more specifically in certain preparations, as a hallucinogenic. Employing the strength she gained from her fear, she pulled hard at the sinew. It held fast, and a choked gasp of fear escaped her as Lisa knelt beside her, and pulled her head back by her hair, forcing her mouth open and pouring the milky white liquid past her lips.

"It was divine providence that I met you Librarian," Lisa whispered, tossing the empty cup to one side and pushing Tash's jaw closed. With her other hand, she pinched her nose, forcing the leader to swallow or choke. "And divine providence that lead you here to me. Just as it shall be divine providence that leads me back to my beloved Count."

She released Tash, leaving the Librarian to cough and pull air gratefully into her lungs. Lisa rose gracefully to her feet, and wiped her medicine stained hands off on her tunic.

"I'll leave the drape open," she said casually, reaching for the tie as she did. "Let some fresh air in for you. I just hope for your sake, no drunk men wander in here by mistake." She gave a wicked smirk. "Wouldn't want you to get taken advantage of again, would we?"

She departed, leaving the Librarian to struggle weakly on the floor. Tash had already felt that her pockets were empty of her gadgets, and her handbag was out of reach. Her pendant was still around her neck though, so maybe...

The muscles in her arms were seized by pins and needles, and then rested against the floor, completely numb. The sensation was spreading now from her toes, slowly up her legs. The headache from earlier had faded away, replaced instead with a dull throbbing sensation, that seemed to pump blackness into her vision the longer she tried to fight it.

In her panic induced mind, mixing quickly with the drug, Tash thought she could hear someone screaming her name, before her thoughts tipped away from reality and into a living nightmare.

OOO

"If I see one more bloody couple shagging..." Harriet let the threat trail off, her right hand twitching around the handle of her cricket bat. She had searched nearly half the cave, and had lost count of the number of couples she had walked in on. She wished Tash had dragged Phoenixia along instead. This was just the kind of fandom for the sex starved ex-hologram.

She was startled out of her irritation, when a plothole materialised just across the communal area from where she was standing. Harriet gave an undignified shriek, and ducked behind a drape, just in time to see several unwelcome and familiar figures appear.

"Retsa?" Harriet was stunned. "Ssej and Relyt? What are the Pro-Cliche and Mary-Sue Protection Society doing here? Are they using this fandom as a place to hide Sues?"

Then Lisa appeared, in her usual beautiful glide, her hair flying out behind her. Harriet felt a wave of jealousy for the young woman with perfect curves and perfect blue eyes...she slapped herself. She was as bad as the canon characters!

"They must have hid Lisa here, given that she doesn't look surprised to see them," Harriet surmised to herself. "Wonder if I can get a little closer..."

"You have her, then?" Retsa's voice was no nonsense, and she was making no effort to hide her annoyance. She was not happy at all about being called out to an obscure fandom by a Mary-Sue who owed their Society a great deal.

And the woman had some supernatural kind of audacity – no doubt brought about by her age. She was standing there smiling at them all like she was the one with all the power. It irked the Pro-Cliche Society leader.

"She's drugged and tied up in the dwelling over there," Lisa swept to the leader's side. Retsa snapped her fingers, and her two companions strode into the dwelling, Relyt had a strange kind of hunger on his face, as he barged through the entrance eagerly, and Ssej followed calmly, humming what sounded like country music under her breath.

"Any sign of anyone else?" Retsa inquired.

"No one," Lisa replied, sighing heavily from her ample chest. "This is such an obscure fandom, they probably only sent the Librarian."

"Good," Retsa tapped her foot impatiently against the stone floor. "I dislike interruptions."

Lisa made a noncommittal noise, before speaking again. "I have now cleared my debt to you, for saving my life, I assume?"

"Yes, yes, all cleared," Retsa waved a hand dismissively. "Providing we retrieve the Librarian as you promised we could, and there are no interruptions."

"You doubt me?" Lisa gave a sigh so sad that it caused Retsa to get an uncomfortable feeling she had never experienced before – guilt. "Did I not prove my trustworthiness by telling you my whole story? My true name?"

The guilt evaporated, and the Pro-Cliche leader sneered at her. "Yes, your whole tragic obscure story, which has been lying forgotten for centuries, until you gained enough power to break fr –"

CRACK!

The sound of wood against bone sent Lisa leaping backwards in alarm, as Retsa flopped to the ground like a ragdoll. Harriet, a murderous expression on her face, swung her bat menacingly.

"I want my agent back, you bitch," she hissed.

As if waiting for their cue, Ssej and Relyt appeared, supporting the drugged Tash between them. Both stopped dead upon seeing their leader crumpled on the floor, and the Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society founder facing down the Mary-Sue. Relyt was fastest, flinging an energy blast so hard across the cave that it ripped a gash in the stone beneath them. Acting completely on instinct, Harriet brought her cricket bat up in front of her face, and to her amazement, the energy bounced off, and impacted heavily on the cave ceiling, sending chips of stone raining down upon them.

"How did you do that?" Relyt demanded, completely stunned. Harriet got over her surprise quickly, and swung her bat up to her side.

"Made in Britain!" she announced proudly, her stance shifting to a batting one, as another burst of magical energy was thrown toward her. Swinging her bat behind her, she slammed it against the ball, and sent it soaring back the way it had come. Her aim was spot on, impacting straight into Relyt's chest and sending him flying backward into Zelandoni's dwelling.

"SIX!" Harriet's cry was triumphant, lifting both her arms into the air in as her score had dictated. Elated, she turned on a trembling Ssej. "Fancy being substitute bowler?"

The agent shook her head, dropping the prisoner and fleeing (humming what sounded like panicky getaway music as she went).

"Get back here!" Harriet's rage was primal. "I'm not done with you yet!"

It was in the midst of this fury, that Lisa, who was stood to one side, observing the fight, had an epiphany. She understood why Harriet was the leader of the Society. The founder may keep to the shadows and rarely take missions anymore, but there was one characteristic which was all she needed to be a good leader. When someone hurt her agents, there was not a force in the multiverse that could stop Harriet from getting even.

"Thwack! Thwack!"

The double stone sling signalled the arrival of the two canon protagonists, and Ssej's form collapsing to the ground from the two sling wounds indicated that Ayla's aim had been true as it always was. The Medicine Woman and her mate had arrived just in time to see the attack take place, and Ayla's instinct had been to reach for her favourite weapon.

Seeing that her quarry was down and out, Harriet whirled, spotting Lisa trying to edge out of sight. She lifted her cricket bat again, eager to do some damage as she advanced on the trapped Mary-Sue.

"You're under arrest Lisa. I'm taking you straight to a holding cell."

"You shall never capture me!" Lisa cried, her voice full of beautiful belief. "Divine Providence shall aid me in my quest!"

Those two words stopped Harriet dead in her tracks, at the same time a plothole opened from nowhere above Lisa's head, and a flamethrower miraculously dropped into the Mary-Sue's hands.

The founder of the Society could not even begin to grasp the situation, her thoughts scattered and pulled to pieces by what she had just heard.

"It can't be..." she finally managed to string together a single thought. "There's no way..."

Yet there was no one else this woman could be.

Ayla had no clue what was happening, but she knew two things instantly. Whatever Lisa was holding was a weapon. And the brunette was in shock, and would not be able to dodge in time, unless she snapped out of it.

"Move!" she screamed.

Harriet's legs obeyed her enough to prevent her from getting a face full of flames. The ends of her shirt caught fire though, and the leader screamed, ripping off her top and stamping it against the cold stone floor. There was a clatter as Lisa turned, shouldered her newly acquired weapon, and leaped through a plothole.

Harriet gave a scream of rage, storming toward where the plothole had vanished...only to trip over Retsa's prone form, and bang her head against the floor. Cursing, she sat up, rubbing her skull.

"Screw the drowning pool," she muttered. "When I get back, I'm turning the Library into a giant cricket pitch..."

OOO

In her usual dismissive fashion, Harriet had brushed aside all the questions from the canon characters, knowing that any answers she gave would be wiped from their memories as soon as she left anyway. Once she had regained enough of her wits to think straight, she had pulled out her Plothole Generator, and opened a door to the Twilight fandom (she was feeling understandably vindictive at this stage), and thrown all three Pro-Cliche and Mary-Sue Protection Society agents straight into it, not caring where in the fandom they ended up. She had then located her friend's handbag in the donier's dwelling, hoisted Tash over her shoulder, opened up a Plothole back to the Library, and stumbled wearily back home.

The monitor room was strangely deserted when she arrived with her load.

"Doctor Who should have finished by now," the leader tutted, marching out of the monitor room in the direction of the medical wing. "They probably got sucked into watching Over the Rainbow. Well I won't let this tardiness go unpunished! I'm going to get Tashy to the hospital wing, and then I'm going to -"
BANG!

A section of wall down the corridor fell away, smothering Harriet in dust. Though her vision was obscured, she could hear perfectly well.

"RUN DAMN IT! RUN!"

"We are running!"

"How many freaking villains did I let in?"

"Exterminate! Exterminate!"

The last voice was cold and robotic, and Harriet turned red with anger and disbelief.

"You have got to be kidding me!" she growled, stomping off to find her wayward agents.