Insert Dramatic Finale Here (part 1 of 3)

Tyler examined the Sues and Stus currently occupying the basement. There weren't many of them-most of the longer-standing Sues and Stus were atoms on the wind now-but there still appeared to be a need for a basement monitor.

Tyler flashed the Sues and Stus an evil grin, and began speaking.

"At the moment, I have been assigned to stare at you all as if you were capable of escaping. The Prohibitors on your wrists have been specially modified to shock you should you cross the threshold of your cell."
This was a lie-the Prohibitors were completely normal-but it had the effect that Tyler wanted. A Stu edging toward his cell door yelped and jumped back. Tyler grinned.

"Also, I brought you some Mad-Libs."

He tossed a book and a pencil into the cell. The Sue whose cell they had landed in grabbed them and began reciting parts of speech.

"Noun."

"Chicken."

"No, orangutan!"

"No way! Grape!"

"How about noun?"

As the Sues and Stus argued, Tyler took the opportunity to read a book. He was halfway through when a loud alarm blared. This was normal, but the next announcement wasn't.

"All Agents into the conference room! This is not a drill!"

"You're right, it's a jackhammer."

"YOUR LIVER IS MINE!"

"GAH!"

"Is this thing still on?"

"Right in the middle of the book, too…" Tyler mumbled, running out of the basement to rejoin the world.

OO

"There's a massive amount of Sue energy in this fandom."

Marcus raised a hand. "Higher or lower than the Elementals?"

"Higher. It's probably at least level 8."

Ben raised a hand. "How about Chuck Norris?"

"DIEEEE!"

"Anyway, all of you are going in."

"Out of curiousity-,"

"Yes?"

"What fandom is this?"

"We're not sure. We're not even sure if it's an actual fandom or just a dimension. Either way, it's showing up on our monitors, and it's riddled with Suenergy. Let's go."

OO

Several minutes later, in the fandom, in a cave…

"It seems deserted," Tyler mumbled.

Drake swatted him.

"Don't say that! Any time someone says that, they're doomed!"

"That's just an old author's tale."

"No it's not! Haven't you ever noticed it happening?"

"…No."

"Ay…"

"Oi! You two! Stop potentially getting us killed!"

"Told you."

"Shut up."

SKREEEEEE!

"On the record, I blame you for this."

"Yeah, probably justified."

Something massive dropped from the roof of the cavern, plummeting toward the Society. As everyone scattered, the something skidded to a halt, kicking up a huge cloud of dust. Before anyone could do anything, dozens of tentacles whipped out of the cloud, slashing at the Society. Everyone quickly shifted into whatever combat mode they had. As the dust cloud cleared, something was revealed to be a gigantic bat/squid/jiggimathingy. It's tentacles ended in lethal hooks, and small, unpleasant-looking suckers dotted them.

OO

Jared dodged a tentacle-swipe.

"Chloe!"

"What?"

"Give me the syringe!"

"WHAT?"

"I need to test how they shoved together the DNA of a bat and a squid!"

"WHAT?"

"Just give me the syringe."

"…Here." Chloe tossed a large syringe at Jared.

Jared caught the syringe, and as the tentacle swiped again, he jabbed it with the syringe, extracting a cup of blood. As the syringe filled, the tentacle went pale, shriveled up, and turned to dust.

"Hah! Take that you stupid tentacle!" Jared held the syringe vial to his face.

"Huh. It seems the blood is actively attempting to separate…."

Jared pointed the syringe at the giant bat-squid.

"Eat your own blood, bat-squid-thing!"

The syringe exploded, and glass, a needle, and blood shot at the bat-squid at incredible speed, striking its wing. The bat-thing let out a bellow of agony, leaping into the air. Jared and Chloe darted to one side as the bulk of the bat-squid slammed down where they had been standing a moment ago.

"Boomhammer!"

Jared slammed the Boomhammer onto the bat-squid's gigantic toe. Three seconds passed for comic effect, then…

"!"

The scream of pain echoed throughout the cavern, knocking the entire Society off its feet. The cavern shuddered with the force of the cry, and several rocks dropped to the sandy ground.

"That worked better than expected…"

"Don't mess with nukes!"

All heads turned toward Ben, who was pointing a single finger at the bat-squid. A loud whistling sound echoed through the cave.

"Skree?"

BOOOOOMMMM!

A mushroom cloud erupted around the bat-squid, engulfing it in nuclear flames. The bat-squid let out a loud, screeching cry as nuclear flames engulfed it (and the author let out a loud. screeching cry as his bill from the Department of Redundancy Department grew even higher), its tentacles shriveling and combusting. It took to the sky (the roof of the cave, anyway), slamming into the walls over and over again.

"My eyes…" Tyler mumbled. He had been staring at the bat-squid when the nuke had hit it, and the resulting flare, combined with the semidarkness of the cave, had left imprints on his eyeballs.

" My ears…" Jared mumbled. He had been standing near the bat-squid after its shriek.

"My nose…" Drake mumbled. He had been standing next to the bat-squid when the nuke hit, and the smell was awful.

OO

Meanwhile, on the PCMSPS ship…

"My finger!" A random Uber-Stu screamed. "I jammed my finger!"

The suddenness of the cry startled the nearby Relyt, and so…

"Mih thun! Ih bfith mih thun!"

OO

Far from this random assaultation of the senses…

Retsa was talking to shadows.

Well, not really, but for all the response the listener was giving, she might as well have been. In fact, she was speaking to a man dressed entirely in black. His face was obscured by the shadows that had been mentioned previously.

"Anyway -,"

The man's name was drowned out by a massive explosion.

"As I have said your name, I feel no need to repeat it. Anyway, the Society is attacking. You know what to do."

As Retsa left the room, she gave a deep sigh of relief. She didn't like talking to him. Especially she nobody ever saw his face. A few jokes had been made about his assumed appearance, but they rarely lasted, seeing as they weren't usually funny.

OO

Back in the creepy dude's room….

"So, the Society's on it's way here, huh? Ah well… I was getting tired of these games anyway…."

The man drew a Plothole Generator, generated a Plothole (and a bill), and stepped through it to parts unknown.

OO

Back in the cave…

The bat-squid slammed into the ground, finally dead. All the Society Agents watched in awe.

"That was awesome!"

"Ben, nuke it again and see what happens!"

"I liked the part with the moose!"

"What about the ferris wheel!"

"Eh, that was okay."

"Okay everybody, show's over, let's move!"

The Society moved. The bat-squid was in the way, so they moved again to go around it. Then they moved a third time, towards the end of the cave.

OO

"See, Retsa? I told you that the bat-squid was a bad idea!"

"Oh, shut up, Sirahc. It didn't cost us anything."

"Except 5 dozen Ubers to transport it!"

"Like I said: It didn't cost anything. Why are you complaining anyway? At least we got to watch the show when they nuked it."

"Eh… I suppose so…"

"Exactly. Besides, the bat-squid was only act I. Act II will come when they get to our ship. There we'll destroy them!"

"How do you know? I mean, they beat us last time."

"That was barely, and now that their strongest member's dead, they don't stand a chance against us! Especially not with our new weapon…."

"New weapon?"

"Yes. I had Deraj design it."

"Oh." Sirahc looked irritated. "Why him? I could have done it just as well."

"We need Deraj to be working constantly to keep him from dwelling on the loss of Sue Storm and potentially damaging the ship again."

"Oh."

"Soon, not only will we purify the multiverse, the Society will be out of our way as well!"

Retsa tapped a button on the side of the chair she was sitting in, and recorded evil laughter blared out of speakers that had been strategically placed around the ship, making sure that nobody would miss anything.

"Attention all PCMSPS members, Uber-Sues, Uber-Stus, and vermin that got into the ship despite our best efforts. Man your stations."

Around the ship, each and every PCMSPS member, Uber-Sue, Uber-Stu, and rat stopped whatever they were doing, tensing slightly.

"The Society is coming."

OO

"I still say the flying pinwheels were best!"

"They were okay, but the moose was better."

"You two in the back! Pipe down!"

"We're in a desert with no one around for miles! Who'll hear us?"

"Another bat-squid?"

"Unlikely."

THUMP!

"Am I jinxed today or something?"

"It's a possibili-,"

THUMPTHUMP!

"This can't be good."

THUMPITATHUMPITATHUMP!

"Do we ever catch a break?"

WHUMP!

"Oh."

SHWAKITASHWAKITA-

"SHUT UP WITH THE ONOMATOPOEIAS!"

Fine, fine. Anyway…

A spray of sand arced over a nearby dune.

"What? We just went through one fight scene!"

"The Suenergy level was 8 or higher, did you think one bat-squid was all?"

"Who's talking anyway? The author hasn't really specified voices for a while!" Tash demanded.

A pair of floating mouths quietly vanished.

Tash let out a sigh of annoyance. "Better."

Cristoph raised a hand "Now that we know who was talking, does anyone know what those are?"

"What what are?"

"Those." Cristoph pointed behind Tash, who turned.

"Oh… those."

Dozens of beach-ball sized metal spheres were rolling down the side of the dune.

Tash blinked. "If I had to take a guess… I'd say they were probably robots that got around in the form of beach-ball sized metal spheres."

As each sphere reached the end of the dune, it unfolded into a robot. The robots stood about six feet high, with a single electric eye.

"Battle droids?"

"No, too dangerous-looking."

One of the robots charged forwards. "Rogerrogerrogerrogerroger…"

"Shut up!" Tyler hurled an energy blast into the robot's "Stomach." Said robot folded back into its beach ball form, and then exploded, forming a deep indent in the sand. Another of the beach ball forms rolled into the indent, launching itself into the air…

"Jurai-Ken… Rinwi!" Tash slammed into the beach ball feet first, sending it flying into a group of robot forms. The resulting explosion left a patch of glass in the sand, which slipped up another two beach ball forms, sending them plowing into sand dunes.

Several meters away, Kyle stabbed the Omniweapon, currently in the form of a katana, through a gap in a robot's armor, then jumped away as the robot exploded in a massive fireball. Bits of metal stuck into nearby robots, which also exploded, although less violently. Then he ducked as another robot, in beach-ball form, went flying over his head. He turned to see Drake rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry!"

OOOOOOO

Up on the PCMSPS ship….

"Since when do we have robots?"

"I dunno, somebody must have built them."

"Yes, but-,"

"OUT!" Retsa charged into the room, brandishing her staff.

The two floating mouths squeaked in fear and vanished again.

"We've been infested by mouths again… ULRIC!"

The Uber-Stu came running up. "Yes?"

"Go find those mouths before they start breeding!"

"Okay." The Uber-Stu ran off.

OOOOOOOO

Back to the action…

"Die, bizarre-looking robot, die!"

"Robots can't die, Tyler."

Tyler finished swallowing the robot's head, then looked up at Drake.

"It all depends on how hard you hit them."

"No it doesn't. A robot isn't a living thing, and thus, you can't kill it."

"Whaaatever."

Drake blinked. "Oookay… I propose a competition."

Tyler was suddenly standing up. "Hm?"

"Most enemies smashed and/or vaporized."

"You're on."

OOOOOOOOO

The fight raged on….

OOOOOOOOOO

Chrys fired a blast of desu at a robot, short-circuiting it.

"This is weird… why would the PCMSPS make robots when they have the Ubers?"

Valerie fired energy arrows into a group of the robots, blasting them apart.

"Maybe there was spare Suenergy, and they used it?"

Pete fired a spray of energy bullets into the robots.

"Whatever it is, they aren't very well made…"

Ben nuked a swarm of robots.

"Really? I didn't notice."

Jared Boomhammered a robot, while Chloe stabbed through the "skull," of another.

"He's right," Chloe agreed. "When I stabbed one of them, it just sort of… fell apart."

"And Ben, how would you notice if you keep nuking them?" Jared asked.

Rhia slashed one in two.

"Well, a robot that was built to be radioactivity-proof might be able to survive a nuke."

Claire and Michael cut down robot after robot.

"It would take a lot of radioactivity-proof…ness to survive an actual nuke," Michael pointed out.

"It would probably blow the PCMSPS budget." Claire continued.

Harriet smashed a robot with her cricket bat.

"They could sell that green laser. That might account for it."

Miri wedged her staff under the head of a robot before popping it off.

"I don't think selling a green laser would pay for lead coatings…especially not forty-foot-thick lead coatings…"

Terrie hurled a knife into a robot, which promptly exploded.

"Or they could just have a teleport spell built in or something…it would be a lot cheaper."

Ezra shattered the legs of several robots.

"I don't think that would be practical. Robots would be appearing out of nowhere at inconvenient times."

Danielle sent the head of a robot flying with a sharp whack.

"Yeah, like on the dinner table or in the middle of the night."

Thought Marcus opened his umbrella in the face of a robot, sending it stumbling backwards…right onto the sword of Emotion Marcus.

"Th-they could have p-p-protected them from n-nukes w-with a shielding sp-spell."

"OR A REFRIGERATOR!"

Willie blasted a robot with the Bolero of Steam.

"Maybe they just made the robots really cheaply, so they don't have to worry if a few dozen get nuked."

Kyle swung the Omniweapon as a mace, crushing a robot to bits.

"They did. We're just wondering why."

Jess jabbed one with her needle, and it fell apart.

"Maybe they have other minions, like the bat-squid."

Tyler rolled the Wall of Defense down a hill, knocking over several robots.

"27… 28… 29… and they do. They have the Ubers."

Drake punched the head off a robot.

"34! They also have the green laser."

Karissa swung her chain whip, ripping a gash in a robot. The robot, being shoddily made, exploded.

"What's so important about a green laser?"

Joe ripped a robot apart.

"Maybe it's a particularly dangerous green laser?"

Cristoph hurled a shuriken into a robot. The robot sparked, went dead, and fell over.

"It is. It's certainly powerful enough to fuse sand to glass, at any rate."

Ossa sliced a robot in two, and it fell apart. Ossa was turning away to deal with another robot when something caught her eye. She sliced the second robot in two, then picked a a bit of its armor that had fallen off. It was corrugated.

"Hey, everybody! These robots are made of cardboard!"

Mizuho blasted a robot with magic, reducing it to rubble.

"Cardboard? Really?"

Dave swung his axe, beheading a robot.

"Well, it would explain why this fight is so boring."

Shirley lunged at Dave, who narrowly dodged her.

"Ugh! Even for you, that was bad."

Lily smashed a robot with her Ice Blow.

"Blame the author."

Alice sliced a robot to bits with her sword.

"Yes, let's do that".

Louise shot a robot.

"Or we could just ignore the whole thing."

Tom beat a robot to death with a shrubbery.

"Take that! And that! And that!"

Danielle stabbed a robot with her staff (somehow).

"3… 2… 1…"

The robot fell apart.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Twenty minutes later…

The last robot fell to the ground, its head who-knows-where.

Jared grinned. "Well, that was easy."

"Don't say things like that!" Chloe admonished. "Do you want to fight another few thousand robots?"

Jared smirked. "You really think the author is going to bother writing another fight scene?"

"You've got a point there…"

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Elsewhere…

Sirahc frowned.

"So far, it's Society 2, Deraj's weird inventions 0. Why is he still here?"

Deraj leapt to his feet in anger.

"Like your Negatizer Magnet was any better? It was supposed to make sure there were only our Elimination Society counterparts there! Instead, we get two of the leaders!"

"And you're saying your Sue Storm device went perfectly?"

"You little-,"

Deraj was about to lunge at Sirahc when a wall of rock separated them. Retsa stood up.

"Sirahc, there was nothing wrong with the Sue Storm device. And Deraj, Sirahc made the Space Hammer cards and the Prohibitor-removal technology. I keep you two around for different reasons, and as long as those reasons exist, neither of you are leaving this ship.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

"46! Beat that!" Tyler announced.

"52," Drake replied calmly.

"WHAT?"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Soon our Society counterparts will get here, and then they'll taste the power of our ultimate weapon!" Ekard proclaimed.

"Didn't we already have an ultimate weapon?" Relyt asked.

"What, the green laser? Please. That's old hat by now."

"Ah. And the multi-cannons?"

"Pebbles compared to our new weapon."

"The Razor-Lazor?"

"That never worked in the first place."

"True."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"So, if the first threat we encountered was the bat-squid…" Tash started.

"And then the robots…" Harriet continued.

"Crack logic dictates that the next threat will be the Ubers, and hence the PCMSPS Agents themselves!"

The Society let out a loud cheer.

"However, as it required about a mile of walking between the bat-squid and the robots, we think it will be about twice that to get to the PCMSPS!" Harriet yelled.

The Society let out a loud groan.

"Just kidding!" Tash confirmed.

The Society let out a loud sigh of relief.

This could have gone on all day, or at least until the author ran out of synonyms for "said," but it was interrupted by a massive shadow that enveloped all the Society members, and the humming that precedes spaceship landings in all good sci-fi movies. The Society scattered to avoid being crushed by the rapidly descending PCMSPS ship. However, instead of landing, the ship released dozens of Uber pods, quickly followed by the PCMSPS members parachuting down to join them.

"Well… that was a lot shorter than a mile," Harriet mumbled.

Retsa sliced off her parachute, then formed a fireball in her hand, pointing it at various Society Agents.

"Well well well. Society, we meet again."

"Quit ripping off old lines and let's get to the fight scene!"

Harriet frowned. "Okay, who said that?"

"They did," responded Karissa, pointing at the mouths, who had appeared out of nowhere.

For the first and last time in all of recorded history, a ACMSES member and a PCMSPS member worked together. Both Tash and Retsa launched a blast of fire at the mouths, incinerating them instantly.

Retsa smirked. "The first shots have been fired. Let the battle begin."

Insert Ominous Experimentation Here

"IT'S GONE!"

Retsa looked up from the book she was reading at the scream.

"IT'S GONE! THEY STOLE IT!"

Retsa dropped the book and ran toward the source of the voice, finding it to be Deraj.

"THEY STOLE IT! THEY'LL-,"

Retsa waved a hand, and half a dozen mechanical arms lunged out from the walls of Deraj's lab, grabbing the enraged Protection Society Agent. Even so, Deraj managed to break free of one, and smash two with the Lightbar before a sharp electrical shock restrained him.

"What happened?" Retsa inquired.

"The Sue Storm device…."

Retsa's eyes widened slightly. "Yes...?"

"Stolen," Deraj ground out.

Retsa shrugged.

"Annoying, but not catastrophic. Our main plans should be able to proceed normally without it."

Deraj let out a roar of anger.

"Not catastrophic? That was my life's work! And now it's gone! Someone is going to die for-,"

Another shock knocked him unconscious. Retsa sighed.

"Without the promise of assistance in designing Sue Storm, it's going to be hard to keep him here… Maybe I should just kill him now… Or I could get him to help us now…"

-

In a PCMSPS lab…

"Hmm… maybe an extra Generic Thingamawhatsit here… and a Whosawhat here…"

Sirahc was tapping on an enormous machine, which appeared to be wired to a large glass room. Around her, several Uber-Sues and Stus, wearing lab coats instead of typical Mii outfits, were working on other pieces of machinery, which all seemed to be wired into the glass room.

"Hey! You there! Uber-Stu um… do you guys have names?"

"I am Ulric Barry Edgar Richard Samuel Tessellation Ulric."

"I'm going to call you Ulric."

"Okay."

"Anyway, Ulric, you're doing that wrong. The Zaptastic Jiggimathinger goes in the Flooper, not the Shrooper."

"I am sorry." Ulric corrected the error, and continued working.

-

In a lower level of the PCMSPS ship…

Ssyla Heart was chatting with a Stu, Roy G. Biv, whose powers appeared to consist of total control over light of all sorts. Around her were several dozen other Sues and Stus, not including the many Uber-Sues and Stus milling around the room with trays of food or drink.

"So, what you're saying is that you were just hiding in a fandom, when a PCMSPS agent came out of a Plothole and brought you here?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Did they say why they brought you?"

"No. You?"

"Nope."

Another Sue wandered over. "Hello."

"Hey."

"Yo."

"What're your names?"

"I'm Ssyla Heart."

"Roy G. Biv."

"My name's Teh Chozn 1, but you call me Taiko."

"Why is your name Teh Chozn 1?"

"Blame the author."

"Point."

"Anyway, Taiko, do you know why we're all here?"

"Nope."

Ssyla frowned.

"So, a bunch of Sues and Stus were just taken into the PCMSPS ship with no explanation?"

Taiko nodded.

"Seems like it."

"How strange."

"Mh-hm."

Suddenly a loudspeaker blared.

"ATTENTION ALL PRI… I MEAN VISITING SUES AND STUS!"

Every Sue and Stu in the room looked up.

"Please report to room 8491… you have a weird system, Retsa…"

"Shut up and get on with the announcements, Eirelav."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, all Sues and Stus report to room 8491*32B. Now explain what that's supposed to mean, hm?"

"The room in region 8, sector 4, section 9, area 1, asterisk, corridor 3, exit 2, with a B on the door."

"What does the asterisk stand for?"

"I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill you."

"That's not… hey, wait a minute… is this thing still on?"

The Sues and Stus in the room all heard the sound of a finger tapping a microphone, magnified several dozen times.

Roy G. Biv clutched his head. "Loud…"

"Huh. Apparently this thing is still on. Eirelav, signing out."

A buzz of static emitted from the loudspeaker, remained for five seconds, then disappeared. The Sues and Stus quickly headed for a small door, pushing and shoving to get there first.

-

About an hour later…

In the room housing the enormous glass box, Retsa was mounted on a podium, with every Sue or Stu that had been in the lower level of the ship standing in front of her.

"Sues and Stus, I gather you here for the opportunity of a lifetime," Retsa proclaimed.

Several mutterings through the crowd.

"All of you have been selected by various field agents to take part in a process that will enable you to transcend your current form and become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

More mutterings, these ones of excitement.

"Please step into the glass box over-,"

A Sue in the front raised a hand.

"How exactly will this make us more powerful?"

Retsa frowned.

"I can't reveal any details at present."

"Yeah? And why is that?"

"I can't risk one of you being a concealed Society member and learning the plans of the PCMSPS."

Another voice from the crowd.

"Then why should we trust you? Maybe you just want to kill us or something!"

In an instant, mechanical arms, similar to the ones that had restrained Deraj two hours ago, dropped from the ceiling, grabbing the offending Stu and yanking him into the air. In another instant, a sniper rifle dropped down, pointing at the captured Stu. Retsa sighed quietly.

"My dear Stu, if I wanted to kill you, you would all be dead right now. The fact that I haven't proves my goodwill."

All the Sues and Stus had to agree with Retsa's persuasive (if flawed) logic. They quickly headed toward the box, before-

"Please form an orderly line."

The Sues and Stus complied.

-

About twenty minutes later…

All the Sues and Stus had finally been pushed, shoved, compressed, and piled into the room. Now they were all waiting expectantly for the next step of the process.

Retsa's voice blared out of another loudspeaker.

"Everyone okay in there?"

"Just fine…"

"Good. Okay, for the next step of the process, I just need you all to hold still."

"Shouldn't be a problem, we're packed too tightly to move. I feel like a sardine." Thought Ssyla.
A loud hum began, somewhere over Ssyla's head.

"Do not look up. Do not look around. Do not talk," Retsa repeated. "Stay completely still."

The Sues and Stus in the box complied.

The first thing Ssyla noticed was the heat. For some reason, as the hum increased, her insides grew warmer and warmer, as if they were slowly being microwaved.

The second thing she noticed was that the head of the Stu in front of her (she thought it might have been the Stu who had protested against entering the box, although she wasn't sure-a lot of Sues and Stus had rainbow-colored hair) was becoming paler. No, not paler, she realized. Transparent. As the Stu's head faded away, leaving only a vague outline, ("Like a bubble," Ssyla thought) she noticed a golden flame pulsing inside of him. She assumed the same was happening to her.

The heat was becoming stronger, almost uncomfortable, and Ssyla was wondering how this would make her more powerful.

Her answer came shortly. An explosion of blinding pain ripped through her, and then….all feeling ceased.

-

Each and every PCMSPS member watched the golden flames finally break through the barely visible remains of the Sues' and Stus' bodies, raging for several seconds before settling, then only swirling placidly.

Retsa's face broke into a broad grin.

"Finally!"

She took out a communicator, and tapped in a command. The communicator flashed to life, and Sirahc's face appeared on the screen.

"Sirahc, are the power absorbers prepared?"

"Yes." Sirahc turned to tap a few buttons before turning back to Retsa. "Absorbers, initialized."

-

Inside the box, where the flame swirled and pulsed, the ceiling opened, and a contraption resembling a large funnel lowered into the room. The instant the funnel stopped moving, the flame began to rise toward the funnel, which absorbed aforementioned flame on contact. After about a minute, the flame had been completely absorbed.

-

Retsa stared at the process, remaining silent for almost a minute after the last spark of flame had disappeared. Then she burst out laughing.

"It's finally done! Finally! We've harnessed the raw power of the Sues and Stus, and converted it to power our ultimate weapon! Soon, we'll be able to destroy the Society, and then we'll perfect the UNIVERSE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

The other agents of the PCMSPS felt it prudent to join in the evil laughter, so they did.

"Relyt?"

"Yeah, Ekard?"

"Your evil laugh is lacking."

"What? Why you-"

Insert Blatant Shakespear Ripoff Here

Tyler was perched above a pedestal, upon which was a large portion of chocolate. He had decided to find something to eat, and not being in the mood to eat a coat he had found in a sorry state in the Operation! fandom, he had gone for Adrian's chocolate. Unfortunately for him, his communicator chose this time to beep. At first thinking he had set off a trap, Tyler's heart shot to his throat, sending a sting of pain through him. He fell off his perch, but his fall was quickly broken by a net, which entangled him, then pinned him to the ceiling.

"Ow…"

After several seconds of struggling and twisting, Tyler managed to free his head and arm, then turned to the communicator. Tash's face appeared on it.

"I swear, I am going to kill Viva whatever-her-name-is."

Tash frowned. "May I ask why?"

Tyler pointed at his heart. "She has denied me chocolate. Twice."

"So?"

"So I like chocolate. Now, why the call?"

"Faya's been spotted in the RomeoxJuliet fandom."

"You mean that anime knockoff of Romeo and Juliet?"

"Correct. Now, are you going or not?"

"I'm a little… er… tied up."

-

Several minutes later…..

Tyler collected his Society gadgets, and was about to leave, when he realized something.

"Considering my injuries from that weird manga don't seem to have disappeared completely, I should probably avoid overexertion. Hmm…." A lightbulb suddenly appeared over Tyler's head. He grabbed a briefcase out of his desk which bore a label reading "For Emergencies (or for anything, really)," and emptied the contents into a pouch around his waist. Tyler then opened a portal, and entered the fandom.

-

In the fandom of RomeoxJuliet, everything was going right. Just three days ago, a mysterious girl had appeared in the floating city of Neo Verona. Everyone had immediately accepted her as the new ruler, without even letting her speak. She had not wanted to take power, claiming that her tragicly tragic past of tragical tragicness had taught her never to be trusted with power, but after only a tiny amount of persuasion, she accepted the post of queen. Under her rule, Neo Verona prospered, but although everyone was happy, under the darkest corner of their mind, something continually gnawed at them. Then Tyler appeared in the fandom.

In a deserted square of Neo Verona, a Plothole opened and Tyler fell out. He quickly got to his feet, preparing for an attack of some sort. Nothing came.

"Odd. Usually Faya's around wherever I show up." Tyler looked around.

"Which means I'll need to go to her…"

-

Deep in Neo Verona….

Faya sat on her throne, almost ecstatic. She had found the easiest fandom in the multiverse to conquer. All the main characters were dead, and her Sue powers filled in the rest. Everyone now believed she was the ruler and always had been. And best of all, the Society hadn't found her y-

"Your Majesty, one of the guards sighted a strange boy in the city. He carries a small paddle-like object."

"Damn it."

Tyler strolled through Neo Verona, trying to maintain the appearance of a child sent on an errand. He had had the foresight to bring a large piece of cloth to wrap around himself, which made sure no one noticed his chosen attire of tie-dye and shorts. It also had the effect of shielding him from the cold of being in a city located among the clouds. Suddenly, three guards appeared out of nowhere.

"Halt! You're under arrest!"

Tyler didn't bother with any theatrics. He just took out a small blob from the pouch at his waist, and tossed it at the guards.

"Huh? What's this?"

"Silly Putty. Why?"

"What's Silly Putty?"

"It's a priceless substance worth millions of pounds of gold an ounce. You can now quit your jobs as guards."

"Cool!" The guard walked off with their "treasure," leaving Tyler to continue toward Faya's palace.

Faya looked into a crystal scrying glass, completely ignoring the fact that such an item would not exist in her current fandom.

"How did that little brat trick my guards into quitting?"

Suddenly, in a puff of smoke, a small, shadowy figure appeared on the arm of her throne.

"I believe that he convinced them that this 'Silly Putty' was a priceless substance, Mistress."

"I know what he did, Quakakawazakaskee!"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Now, Quak, I have a question."

"Yes, Mistress?"

"Why do you exist? This fandom doesn't have fiends."

"It doesn't have scrying glasses either, Mistress."

Faya sighed. "Noted. Mobilize the entire army. I want him dead."

"It will be done, Mistress."

Tyler was proceeding toward the largest and most ornate building, which he assumed was Faya's palace. He had already defeated several more squadrons of guards, mostly by giving them more Silly Putty. He had no idea how this trick worked, but he eventually decided that Faya had made them stupid to fulfill a cliché. Finally, he was at the courtyard. He was about to enter when his path was blocked by a pair of guards.

"Halt! Nobody enters this palace!"

Tyler frowned.

"But… I have an invitation!"

"No you don't. This party is for guards and the queen only."

"Will you let me across if I fight you and win?"

The guard scoffed.

"Only if you kill us both."

"Oh… okay, but before I beat you to a bloody pulp and toss your corpse off Neo Verona, I'm gonna need you to sign this waiver."

The guard looked puzzled.

"Why?"

"Well, if you die, then one of your surviving family members might care. Then they might try to sue me. And if they sue me, then I have to go to court and explain how I had to kill you because you were in my way, and I needed to get you out of my way, so…."

"Okay, okay, I'll sign your waiver!"

"Thank you. Here's the waiver, and here's a pen."

The guard bent down to sign. After reading the clause, he clicked open the pen…

...which exploded.

Really, it exploded. The blast slammed both guards into the wall, knocking them unconscious. Tyler smirked.

"See? That's the point of a waiver."

Tyler quickly propelled himself over the gate, landing in an enormous courtyard. He began to stride triumphantly across the courtyard, when he noticed something that caused him to stop mid-step.

"Oh muffins…"

He had just succeeding in entering an enormous courtyard, packed to the brim with guards.

From her scrying glass, Faya watched happily as Tyler realized what he had just walked into. She continued smiling as the guards charged the Society Agent. Her smile slowly began to fade as Tyler blasted her first line of soldiers away with a grenade. It disappeared completely when the Agent grabbed the lance of one of the guards, and fired off another explosive behind it, launching himself forward and knocking out every guard in his path. It dropped into a frown as Tyler vaulted over the head of a guard, propelling himself out of the scrying orb's range.

Tyler landed on the balcony, taking several seconds to regain his breath. He looked up… and immediately blurred into the air to avoid a small squad of guards who had just charged him. Tyler spun the stolen lance around, pushing them off the balcony. They made a loud "Clang!" as they hit the ground, but they got up, if woozily. Tyler blew a loud raspberry at them, and was rewarded by one of the guards hurling a spear at him. Tyler grabbed the spear before it could hit him, eyed it suspiciously, then chomped off the point. He chewed on it contemplatively for a moment, then spat it out. He readied the spear to throw it back down…then spun, slamming the spear into another group of guards, then vaulting them, sending them tumbling off the balcony to join their fellows. This time, the clang was more subdued, but still satisfying. Tyler continued into the palace.

-

Twenty minutes later…

Tyler had made it to the second-to-last floor, but he was now stymied by a trapdoor, of all things. He had tried blasting his way in, but it had done nothing. He had fired a series of energy blasts at the opening, to no avail. Finally, he decided on something. He had been planning to save this for the actual battle, but he needed to get to Faya. Tyler levitated a small pink crayon out of his pouch, then fired it at the trapdoor. Said door was instantly covered with a thin coating of pink. But that was enough. Tyler screamed with rage and leapt upward at the trapdoor, smashing it with a magic-soaked fist. The door shattered into splinters, and Tyler shot up into the top room, immediately firing a magic bolt at…

A Mii?

Granted, this Mii was unusual, with a shock of bright purple hair, red eyes, and blue skin, but it was most definitely a Mii. As Tyler's energy bolt approached it, it moved aside incredibly fast, and the bolt hit the wall of the room, leaving a scorch mark. Tyler was confused.

"Wait, I'm confused. Who are you?"

When the Mii spoke, its voice resembled several thousand bees buzzing at once.

"I am an Uber-Stu, a general in Faya's army."

"Faya has an army?"

"Yes. The Mistress has created an army of Sues and Stus to destroy a force she refers to as The Society."

"Um…."

"I have told you this because I am about to kill you. Neither you nor the information you are now aware of will leave this room alive."

"Thanks!"

"Why are you thanking me? I am about to kill you."

"Because you just told me info. You won't be able to kill me."

"Incorrect. Now die." Uber-Stu drew a pair of blades, each glowing with a hazel light, seemingly out of nowhere and charged at Tyler. Tyler quickly backstepped, avoiding a painful and bloody end by one of Uber-Stu's swords. Uber-Stu snarled and swung again, but Tyler continued dodging, blocking, and taunting.

"Are you sure you're a Stu? I always thought one of the qualifications was fighting ability."

Uber-Sue roared in anger and slashed at Tyler, who dodged, then kicked Uber-Stu in the ankle. The Stu cried out in pain, limping away from Tyler.

"Seriously, is that it? I thought that an Uber-Stu would at least put up a fight."

Then the Stu lunged, slashing at Tyler with both swords. Tyler spun to one side, smacking Uber-Stu in the back of the head with his staff. The Stu stumbled forward, but quickly righted himself in time to block Tyler's next attack. He was about to slash at Tyler's head, but the Agent parried with the other end of his staff, then gave way, letting Uber-Stu skid past him. Tyler whirled around, striking the Stu in the ribs. Uber-Stu yelped, and Tyler took the opportunity to move back and ready a bomb. Uber-Stu was about to charge when a baseball smacked him in the face. He grabbed the baseball, preparing to hurl it back at Tyler, when it exploded, blasting Uber-Stu into a wall.

"Okay, I don't play baseball, but I think that's a walk. You can go to first base." Tyler produced a base from his pouch and tossed it over to the Stu. Too dizzy to think about much else, Uber-Stu stumbled over to it, not noticing Tyler pressing a small button. The base exploded, knocking Uber-Stu to the ground. Tyler grinned widely.

"Okay… that's an out."

Uber-Stu suddenly leapt to his feet, somehow healed. Tyler paled slightly.

"You have a healing factor?"

"Correct. Now, you will die." Uber-Stu lunged with both swords, aiming at Tyler's kidneys, but the Agent stepped around the slashes, getting behind Uber-Stu, then drove his heel into the Stu's Achilles tendon. Uber-Stu screamed in agony, hopping forward, but the injury healed almost instantly, and Tyler fired a series of energy bolts to prevent another lunge.

"Sorry, but there's this thing called 'personal space.' Heard of it? One of the main points is not killing people with pointy sticks."

Uber-Stu yelled a battle cry and charged. Tyler formed an energy shield, blocking the blows.

"Hey, seeing as you're a Stu, I have a question. What's the point of having a glowing sword? All it does is draw attention and center you out as a target."

Uber-Stu instantly stopped pounding on Tyler's shield. He quickly took out a chalkboard and chalk, then began scribbling furiously.

"Okay, so the glow intensity of a weapon is a sign of power, so a more strongly glowing weapon will vibrate, causing more powerful hits. Red represents anger, and is particularly effective against shields, whether magical or physical. Blue is logic, which is highly effective against both red and pink. Green is calm, which is slightly effective against blue and mental attacks, but weak to pink and red. Yellow is happiness, and is effective against almost everything, but is weak to blue. Orange is fear, and has no effect on red or green, but can defeat green and yellow. Purple is lethargy, and has no weaknesses, but no strengths. Pink is passion, and is strong against red or orange, but weak to blue and green. Red-orange is…."

Tyler was taking notes.

Several minutes later….

"Greenish ochre with a touch of rust is…"

"Okay, okay, I get it!"

Uber-Stu paused, surprised.

"Oh, okay then. Die!" Uber-Stu swung his swords at Tyler, pummeling the shield.

"I said… ENOUGH!" Tyler screamed, blasting Uber-Stu off his feet with a burst of magic. The Stu got to his feet, seething.

"Need any help, brother?"

Tyler and Uber-Stu turned. The speaker was another Mii, with the same color scheme, but this one was female.

"I am Uber-Sue, another general in Faya's army."

"Crap."

"I do not understand how expressing the common term for defecation has anything to do with…"

Tyler facepalmed.

"It's a freaking expression!"

"I do not understand how…"

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

"Accepted. You will now die." Uber-Sue pulled out two swords, these ones glowing a pleasant lavender. Tyler pulled a face halfway between revulsion and boredom.

"Please tell me you can fight better than your brother."

"Affirmative. Now, die." Uber-Sue lunged, and Tyler was forced to bring up another shield, knocking her back. This attack was immediately followed up by a jumping slash from Uber-Stu, forming a crack in the shield. Then the Sue and Stu leapt into the air. The entire room was shrouded in a black light.

"Team Combo-Infinite Slashes!"

Uber-Stu slashed the air thousands of times per second, each slash leaving a trail of light. The blades of energy gathered around Uber-Sue, and she connected her blades at the tip. Then the slashes traveled down the glowing blades, which focused them into a beam of pure sword glowyness that fired down at Tyler. The Agent blurred to one side, dodging the beam, but up above, Uber-Sue moved her swords, causing the beam to follow him. Tyler grabbed a small grenade out of his pouch and hurled it at Uber-Sue. The Sue tried to alter the path of the beam, but the explosive hit first. With a loud explosion, amplified by the room, Uber-Sue dropped out of the sky. Uber-Stu let out a cry of rage and swooped down at Tyler.

"I swear, if you've hurt her-,"

"Oh shove it." Tyler grabbed the Stu's arm, swinging him in a circle and hurling him away.

"Despite what you may see, talking is not a free action. It actually takes more time than swinging a sword. Really."

Tyler was about to turn and walk away, but he suddenly stopped dead.

"Oops, can't leave yet! Gotta fire off a parting shot! Because seriously, you two were pathetic! You're both supposed to be Uber, so act like it! C'mon, get a little ability instead of just leaning on your powers! It's really very…" Tyler trailed off. "Oh, right… anyway, bye!" Tyler was about to open a door to another room, when a knife collided with the handle. Tyler turned around.

"Okay, really! That's the oldest cliché ever… or one of them! If you have the accuracy to block my exit by jamming the handle with a knife, why don't you just kill me with it?"

Uber-Stu frowned.

"You have a point… well, I do have another knife, so no harm done."

Tyler paled.

"Oh muffins…" The next knife whizzed toward him, missing him by an inch and embedding itself in the handle, right next to its brother. Another lightbulb appeared over Tyler's head.

"That's it! That throw was blind luck! You were aiming to hit me, weren't you?"

Uber-Stu looked sheepish.

"Well… yes."

"Ah! In that case, I'll give you lessons!" Tyler yanked a knife out of the door and ran over to the Stu.

"Okay, first, you grab the knife by the tip of the blade with your thumb and index…"

"Okay…" Uber-Stu followed Tyler's directions.

"Next, relax your grip on the blade slightly…"

Uber-Stu continued to obey.

"Next, realize I have no idea what I'm talking about…"

"Okay… wait wha-," That was all he could get out before Tyler snatched the knife away.

"And finally, scream in pain as I kill you!" Tyler stabbed at Uber-Stu, but the Stu grabbed the blade, halting the knife.

"Okay, you stay there!" Tyler grabbed a rope out of his pouch, tying it around Uber-Stu's hands. Tyler grabbed a Prohibitor out of his pouch and jammed it onto the Stu.

"Ha!"

Suddenly Uber-Stu let out a scream of pain and glowed white. Cracks of blue energy spiderwebbed across him from the Prohibitor. After Uber-Stu was covered in the cracks, he exploded into tiny pixels of light. Tyler paused.

"Weird… just like a Yugioh card…." Tyler suddenly remembered something. "Aiee!" He blurred to one side as Uber-Sue lunged at him. The Sue was apoplectic.

"You… killed… my… BROTHER!"

"Actually, this was more erasing him from existence. What a horrible waste."

"Yes! It was a horrible waste of Stuish life!"

"Actually, I was talking about my Prohibitor. I only get two a mission."

"Super Awesome Pounding Blast of Elemental Cosmic Destruction!"

Tyler's eyes widened.

"Oh dear Arceus…."

Then Uber-Sue fired an energy blast the size of a tennis ball. Tyler moved slightly to one side, dodging. Uber-Sue charged again, slashing at Tyler's head. Tyler took a step back, then pushed Uber-Sue away with a burst of energy.

"That was lame. Five seconds of preparation and you get that?"

"Well, I needed a name for my attacks…"

"No you didn't. And if you really did, name it "Tennis Blast," or something simple."

"Seriously, are you always this annoying?"

"Yes."

"Die already!" Uber-Sue lunged at Tyler, who blocked with another shield of energy.

Tyler gave a thumbs-up.

"Nice! Almost got me there. Just a little hard… oh carp."

Uber-Sue's blow shattered the shield, sending Tyler stumbling backwards. Uber-Sue was about to lunge when an explosion blasted her into a wall. Uber-Sue leapt to her feet, charging, when a pulse of energy stopped her in her tracks. As she prepared to attack again, a shield sprang up around her. The Sue battered the shield, but it refused to budge. As she watched, Tyler tossed an explosive high into the air. Uber-Sue frowned.

"What was the point of that? All you did was waste-," Suddenly the shield disappeared. Uber-Sue grinned and prepared to strike.

"Die, Agent."

Then the chandelier hit.

With a ear-splitting crash and a piercing scream, the chandelier smashed through the floor, carrying Uber-Sue to a painful end. Several shards of glass flew towards Tyler, but he stopped them with a shield. Tyler smirked, then headed toward the balcony to find Faya's palace. From the balcony, Tyler surveyed Neo Verona. He admired the close-up view of the bright blue sky, of the pure white clouds, of the-

-There! Down there, by the monument! Tyler caught a glimpse of tennis court-red hair, and lime-green eyes, and heard the narrator describing the colors with unnecessary and unconventional adjectives. He was about to blur over when he heard a loud wingbeat. Tyler blurred into the air just in time to avoid the swoop of a Ryuba, a dragon steed. He dropped down onto the back of another, forming a shield to prevent being struck by the Ryuba's whipping tail. He spun his staff quickly, parrying a lance thrust from the Ryuba's rider, then pummeled him with a series of energy pulses. The rider swayed in place, then fell, and the Ryuba swerved, unceremoniously depositing him and Tyler back on the balcony. Tyler blurred into the air, then blurred toward the second rider, knocking him off and sending them both flying toward the window leading into Faya's palace. Tyler kicked the rider to one side, formed a shield around himself, then cannonballed straight through the window, entering Faya's palace in an explosion of glass and light. Before hitting the ground, Tyler blurred again, coming to a stop on the other end of the room, seventy feet away from an astounded Faya. The Sue sputtered for a moment, completely speechless. Tyler gave a mock bow. Faya purpled and lunged, tendrils of energy trailing from her hands. Tyler blurred to one side, dodging.

"Wow, I haven't even talked, and you're already trying to kill me. That's probably a record."

Faya snarled, a deep, guttural sound.

"Oh, by the way, what's with Mr. and Ms. Sue?"

Faya smirked.

"My… pet projects, you might say."

"By which you mean…" Tyler prompted.

"Please. I'm not some Hollywood stereotype villain; I'm not telling you my plans. I'm not telling you about my Sue army."

"And yet you just did."

"Ooh…."

"Great! Can we get to your total humiliation now?"

"Die!" Faya lunged, slashing at Tyler with a huge sword she seemed to pull out of nowhere. Tyler blurred away.

"You have a limited vocabulary, you know that? Just 'Die!' and 'Perish!' Sign of a small mind, they say."

"Hey!" Faya charged again, but Tyler blurred away, and Faya's sword crashed down onto her throne, shattering it.

"Ooh, that looked expensive."

"It was!" Faya wailed. "It cost five thousand dollars!"

"Did you even pay for it?"

"Well… no…"

"Stop complaining. I broke a ruler yesterday. It cost twenty dollars, and I didn't give a damn."

Faya frowned. "Why not?"

"Because I ate it. But that's not the point. The point is that you suck, and I don't."

"I do not suck!"

"Sooo… what you're saying is that you're a broken vacuum cleaner."

"No!" Faya lunged at Tyler, who tossed a smoke bomb, shrouding the palace room in black fog.

"Ahh, mist bombs. So much more ecological," Tyler said calmly. A loud thud emanated from nowhere. "Oh, and you might want to watch out for the sliver. You could trip on it."

When the fog cleared, Tyler was still where he had been when he had thrown the bomb. Faya was getting to her feet from where she had tripped and fallen. Tyler stuck out his tongue.

"Come on, you're a Sue! Stop being so clumsy!"

Faya's eyes widened. "B-but… but…. being clumsy was my author disproving my Suishness."

Tyler facepalmed. "Does it really matter? You're not actually ever clumsy, except once in a blue moon when your author remembers that that's how they described you. And then they go over the top with you tripping over yourself to prove how incredibly clumsy you are. Then, point made, they forget about it and have you performing amazing feats of balance and precision. Then they remember 'Oops! Faya is supposed to be clumsy!" and have another chapter of you being completely useless. Am I correct?"

"Yes…"

"My point. How did your author pick your name anyway?"

"Well, they liked the name 'Faya,' but they also wanted the name 'Wargana.' Then they decided they wanted an initial, because it was cool. They needed a number, because I was in a royal lineage, even though I didn't know it, and one of them accidentally banged their fist on the keyboard when they yelled at their friend for saying that I was a Sue, which, by the way, I totally am not, and then they couldn't bring themselves to delete it. So that's how I got my name."

Tyler's jaw dropped.

"That…is one of the most Suish things I have had the misfortune of hearing in my whole, 6-or-7 month existence."

"No it's not! Anyway, then my authors posted my story, which was totally perfect and had me sacrificing myself for Jeena, but since the authors didn't want me to die, they had the blast still hit Jeena, and then Jeena died so I could be with Rallen, then I brought Jeena back, but she said Rallen was too good for her and let him stay with me. Then the authors got flames that I was a Sue, which were completely wrong, so they quit because the reviewers were mean. They wrote some more of their story for their friends, and I got even more perfect! But then their friends got mean and said I was a Sue, so they quit my story and left me to fester."

Tyler blinked. Then he resumed eating an arm of Faya's throne. A vein pulsed in Faya's forehead.

"That was my backstory you idiot! You're supposed to listen with horror and sympathize with, then forgive, all my past misdeeds!"

"Sorry, but 'Attempting to warp the fabric of a universe,' isn't that forgivable."

"Oh that's it!" Faya held out her sword, which glowed with an unearthly red light. "Any last words?"
Tyler smirked. "Just one..."

Faya's jaw dropped.

"What… the heck… was that?"

Tyler grinned.

"That, as you so eloquently refer to it, is an extremely long name for a molecule found it tobacco. I've always wanted to say it. Also, it apparently kept you from killing me long enough for me to prepare every single explosive I'm carrying in this pouch."

Faya scoffed. "So? You've probably got nothing left."

Tyler made a tsk-tsk sound and wagged his finger. "To the contrary! This is a Bag of Holding, stolen from D&D! It holds several dozen cubic feet of matter." Then Tyler gave the bag a hard shake, and Faya saw exactly how many explosives Tyler had crammed into the bag. She paled.

"Oh-,"

KABOOM

*This scene has been censored due me always wanting to say that. Please enjoy this fuzzy bunny rabbit*

 (\_/)
(='.'=)
 (") (")

*We return to the main production*

When the smoke from the explosion cleared, Faya had been embedded into her throne, despite her being on the wrong end of the blast. Tyler was standing where Faya had stood before the explosion, covered in a shield of light. The Agent stuck out his tongue at the downed Sue. Then he realized something.

"Oh crap. I taunted a opponent, I am so screwed I am so screwed…"

Suddenly a huge explosion of light burst forth from the throne, obliterating it. Tyler was forced to close his eyes. A second later, Faya rose out of the ashes of her throne, encased in a cocoon of rainbow light. Tyler gulped.

"No way we can settle this like civil human beings, is there?"

Faya pretended to think about it. "No. No, not really."

"Muffins."

Faya sent a huge blade of energy flying toward Tyler, who flung up a shield. However, the blast plowed right through Tyler's shield, smashing the Agent into the far wall. Tyler slowly got to his feet, blood dripping from his chest. He sighed theatrically.

"Jeez, Faya… I just… got out… of the hospital. No need to put… me back in."

"Yes. Yes there is. You have chased me through five different universes."

"And you… tried to destroy… five different universes."

"But I'm a Sue, therefore I am to be forgiven."

"No… not really."

"Well, when they don't forgive me, they have to die." Faya levitated into the air, a pink light surrounding her. Below, Tyler's eyes widened.

"Faya… I have three requests."

The Sue scoffed. "You can ask."

"First… stop warping fandoms."

Faya scoffed again. "Not a chance."

"Second… stop trying to kill me."

"Nope."

Then Tyler's eyes narrowed to slits.

"And finally… stop… using… PINK!" Suddenly Tyler rocketed at Faya, propelled by a blast of energy. The Sue didn't even have time to think before Tyler's knee slammed into her face. Then she felt herself zooming back into a wall as Tyler kicked her away. As she smashed into the wall, the pink aura dissipated, and Tyler's eyes returned to normal. Then he realized where he was.

"Oh… muffins…"

Then he fell toward the ground.

Just before impact, Tyler grabbed his Scene Transition and activated it.

Faya watched Tyler slam into the ground as she disentangled herself from the wall. She smirked, but then she noticed something. The Agent was still breathing. Pausing only to scowl at him, she raised her sword, then lunged…

Then, so fast Faya couldn't even register it, a Plothole opened and a flash of black shot from it. Faya felt a horrible pain in her back, and she was flung thirty feet across the hard wooden floor.

-

Tyler snapped awake with a jolt of pain as the memories of the Scene Transition flashed through his head. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, and watched as the black blur materialized only ten feet from the injured Faya. It seemed to be a stick figure, dressed in black, with glowing red eyes. As Tyler watched, it brandished a pair of serrated, almost rusty-looking, swords. Faya stood, drawing her sword impossibly fast and lunging. Tyler was sure that the stick figure would be dead in an instant. But just as Faya's blow landed, it was matched. Both swords had somehow risen in time to block. Tyler raised an eyebrow, then was brought back to reality by a burst of pain that reminded him he was probably about to die. He reached for his Plothole Generator and quickly opened a Plothole, dropping through it.

Faya dodged a series of supernaturally fast strikes, each one leaving a sonic boom in their wake. She quickly parried, then lashed out, knocking her assailant away. The stick figure ground to a halt, then glared at Faya, its eyes full of menace. Faya glared back.

"Who are you, anyway? And why are you trying to kill me?"

When the figure spoke, its voice was like a buzzsaw.

"I am Shade."

"Original."

"Yes. I was ordered by Runoa to kill you."

Faya frowned. "What?"

"She has discovered your army and your plans. You are in her way. You must die." Before Faya could even respond, Shade was behind her, stabbing her through the head. Faya's eyes dimmed, and she crumpled, disintegrating. Shade paused momentarily, then disappeared.

-

In the Library…

Tyler sat up in a hospital bed, trying to figure out what had happened since he had gone through the Plothole. He decided that while he had been unconscious, Faya had escaped again. As far as he knew, there was no evidence to the contrary. Then a door opened and Drake walked in. Tyler waved.

"Hello."

"Hi," Drake replied.

"Faya escaped?" Tyler asked.

Drake made an odd face. "No, actually. That being that called itself Shade killed her." Then Tyler's eyes went wide.

"WHAAAT? I wanted that honor! I swear, when I get out of this sickroom, I'm going to-OW!" Tyler dropped back down as a surge of pain ran through him. "I am going to kill that stick figure."

Drake raised an eyebrow, then left quickly.

-

Somewhere else in the Library…

"Did you bring enough paint?"

"Yes, Miss."

"Good." Camille smirked. "When Tyler gets out of the hospital, he is getting a big surprise…."

Then Doyle looked in the paint cans. "Miss, this is pink paint."

"Yes…"

"Don't you remember the last time you painted Tyler's room pink?"

"Yes, but this time I also have a tranquilizer dart."

"Ah."

-

Somewhere else in the multiverse….

Relyt turned to Ekard. "Is everything going as planned?"

Ekard groaned. "You've asked that five times already! Just because the readers might be watching… but yes."

"Good."