Showing posts with label viva skerry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label viva skerry. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Insert Inconclusive Science Experiment Here

Note: Jared returns from his vacation at some point before this chapter, off-screen.



Sometimes, when an author attains popular status his or her earlier works become next-to-forgotten. This is uncommon enough in the realm of prose fiction; however, it's a bit more of a usual occurrence when applied to mangaka. Bisco Hatori is one example. She is well-known for her ongoing work, Ouran High School Host Club, but she had stopped working on the series Millennium Snow in order to continue with what was her breakout hit. Also, Katsura Hoshino is relatively famous for being the artist of DGray-man. Actually, DGray-man was derived from previous oneshots called Zone and Continue. This Author isn't saying that she doesn't understand the reasoning behind these happenings, but the fact of the matter is that relatively small pocket fandoms are created as a result, and even the Library's computers find it hard to reach to the corners of every fandom like this. In cases where a Sue might pop up, it is the prerogative of the author responsible to personally report any Sueish activity to the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society.

In one such fandom, Lela Persim Spica Clover Ginger Sarah Minnie Kai-Lee had recently made a reappearance. She didn't immediately set about any noticeable agenda, so the negligible number of authors who actually wrote for the fandom had ignored her presence altogether. Only one individual was made aware of Lela as soon as she set foot on fandom soil, and she was the person that Lela would have hidden from the most. Unfortunately – for which party? – Lela could not break her bond with the Author Cay. A week after her arrival, Lela was joined by her companion Viva Fontaine Sirius Heather Shevon Cello Miriam Skerry. By that point, Cay had still not decided what to do about the situation. Lela didn't seem to be causing any trouble yet, but Cay kept tabs on all her characters, and she'd heard that the Society had been going through some hard times. The Librarian had died. The capture of an outstanding Sue might raise the morale of Karissa and Charis, a little, and if she worked it right she could possibly ensure a happy ending for all three of her creations.

On a particular Wednesday afternoon she set to typing in a Word document...

T_T_T_T_T_T

"What do you want to do?" The question hung awkwardly in the air rather like a baited trap – no one wanted to touch it – but unless Karissa, Charis or Lily could answer it, they were going to continue wandering aimlessly in this generic shopping mall for a very long time indeed.

The third Sunday of each month was traditionally supposed to be the Society's "Ladies Night Out". Normally nothing short of a full-scale Sue invasion could prevent this evening from happening, but in fact, the Society had just faced down a full-scale Sue invasion. Willowe had finally been defeated, but Adrian had died in the relevant battle as well. That meant that no one had been in the mood to point out the date on the calendar this month; or if anyone had felt like having some fun might be beneficial, they didn't think it was respectful to admit to it. Karissa and Charis should have been in one of these two groups. Their Author had certainly imbued a sense of tact into them, along with other things, when she'd written her characters to life. But in any case, it was Charis who had suggested going ahead with the ladies' night, if only on a smaller scale. She claimed to have her reasons.

Mostly, Charis found it hard to keep mourning when the catalyst of everyone's grief was but a haze in her mind. The events of what was dubbed "Red Skies Twilight" were completely lost to her memory and thus the news of Adrian's death following seemed unreal. Karissa had displayed less dispassion to the chaos that reigned in the Library once they'd been dumped back into the storyline by Cay; however, over time her sympathy had shifted solely onto their leader, Tash. A few days ago Tash Marquand had left the Society "for a well-needed break", as it was being spread around. No one doubted that the British Agent needed space to recuperate from her lover's death, but Karissa fretted all the same that the leader's departure was symbolic of something else. When Karissa got overly emotional her invisibility inherited reign to do as it pleased. Charis had misplaced her sister a dozen times yesterday when stress quite simply caused her to disappear from view, and then deciding enough was enough, she had roped Lily into accompanying them on an outing today to "blow off some steam".

It had been easy enough to get everyone out of the Library, once Karissa regained her visible form. It had been peanuts to open a plothole into Greendale Mall, courtesy of the Sabrina the Teenage Witch fandom. The only thing Charis had forgotten was how hard it was to coordinate peoples' interests in order to make any decision whatsoever about their plans. Should they get something to eat (not hungry), should they watch a movie (not in the mood), which way should they walk (I don't know, my feet were headed in this direction). Deciding to "be spontaneous" and wait for something to occur to them was contradictory to the very essence of spontaneity. Eventually they were window shopping because it was a "safe" pastime, and they were capable of staring into the displays without mustering much enthusiasm.

Although Karissa and Charis both liked Lily – and they hoped the regard was mutual – at first the atmosphere was so tense that Charis was ready to admit defeat and open a plothole back "home". She turned back from her position ahead of the other two, to say as much. But she saw that Karissa and Lily had already stopped outside a store a few paces back. Lily was eyeing a bedecked mannequin thoughtfully, and as if sharing the same thought Karissa said, "Wouldn't that top look good in an entirely different outfit...as part of your outfit?" Lily made a noncommittal noise, but it was true that she'd been wearing the same clothes ever since she'd joined the Society. There was nothing wrong with her dress, but the all-green theme that she'd maintained mostly by force of habit reminded her vividly of her past as a Sue. There wasn't any harm in going in to enquire about what the mannequin wore... Oddly enough, once they had transitioned from window shopping to actual shopping, the three girls were able to begin enjoying themselves.

T_T_T_T_T_T

They returned to the Library with collectively higher spirits. In the end, Lily had not bought just the top from the display, but she had replaced her entire wardrobe as well. She wore a slender-fitting long-sleeved dress shirt in a neutral colour that ranged between white and grey. It was the kind commonly advertised as "Her Boyfriend's Shirt". Lily had blushed at the name, and protested the flared sleeves that fell down over her hands, covering her Pin-studded bracelets. "They're only improvised, sure. I could do better than a couple of hair bands but, still, I'd like it if they showed," she said.

"But you can still see them. Notice how every movement you make causes the sleeves to shift, so that your bracelets are alternately revealed and concealed? It would be better if your method of attack isn't so visible so that you can catch your opponent off guard. Remember how Doug reacted the first time he fought against you and your Pins? Same idea." With some clever words Karissa managed to mollify the embarrassed Agent. Lily really did look nice, and she'd helped her pick out a white skirt – short, but not a miniskirt by Michael's standards – which was paired with a pair of clean white canvas sneakers tied by long black laces onto her feet. Lily's growing green hair hovered a few centimetres above shoulders now clothed in white-grey linen. Her hair colour would still set her apart from most, Aster being one exception, but against a background of pale hues her signature shade of emerald green didn't look too startling.

After saying goodbye to Lily – who was most likely headed to Ben's room next – the two girls left behind took a turn to lead them to one of the Library's common areas. Being a library, despite all of the other extraordinary qualities it possessed, you might have expected the inside of the Library Arcanium to be a bit quieter. However, this was the Society after all, and a group of Agents seemed to be in the process of trying to conduct some sort of... event. Karissa couldn't immediately figure out what Tyler, Drake and Michael were trying to do, and Charis didn't even bother trying to evaluate the situation any deeper than its face value. Superficially it appeared that the three male agents were chasing after a paper airplane, and that was all.

Still, Karissa frowned. "I didn't think paper airplanes could move like that." The paper craft was climbing higher and higher, exhibiting sharp rolls and swerves to escape the reaching fingers of any who came close. Tyler had pulled out his staff to try and knock the thing down, but all of a sudden the plane shot to an altitude of at least fifteen feet. Tyler waved his arms a little ridiculously before deciding that his effort was better spent elsewhere, and he pulled out a cookie to eat, which he had probably stolen earlier. Metaphorically, he passed the torch on to Jared for his turn to attempt catching the rogue aircraft. For his part, it didn't look like Jared was doing much. He was fiddling with a considerably undersized walkie-talkie.

"Bring out the helicopters... I repeat, bring out the helicopters."

"Charis, duck!"

By the time Karissa had realized who exactly Jared was communicating to, four LPGB Cobra helicopters proceeded to burst out of the nearest air vent. The miniature menace known to her as General Idea helmed the helicopter in the lead. "Men, I want that vessel grounded!" The LPGB flew literal circles around the paper plane, but for three minutes or more it continued to fly figurative circles around the LPGB. Evasive manoeuvres brought the plane up ahead of the helicopters tailing it, and then the paper plane performed a loop-the-loop that the toy helicopters were simply unable to reproduce. "At this rate we'll run out of fuel before we can catch that blasted thing. You, soldier, can't you pilot our vehicle any faster?" A harassed-looking Private Property furiously shook his head no.

"This isn't going anywhere soon." As a bystander, Charis was allowed to say these things.

In the middle of the action, Michael looked as if he'd come to the same conclusion. "Jared, can they bring that thing down or not? This is taking too– ah!"

Michael broke off in mid-speech as a distortion in the air above them was revealed to be Cristoph. The ninja was crouched on top of one of the Library's massive – and newly restored – bookshelves. In a single leap, he jumped to the top of another shelf. Methodically, he came closer and closer to where the LPGB still harried the enchanted airplane. Just as the helicopters herded the paper plane his way at last, Cristoph snatched it from the air with an incredible speed. With ease, he then dropped to the floor of the Library, landing with barely a sound. "Here you are, Lord Michael." He presented the plane.

"Thank you Cristoph," Michael replied, effectively ending the whole affair. As Tyler and Jared stole off in the background, Cristoph vanished, and the Society Leader alone gave the object in his grasp a cursory glance. Despite a thorough study, its exterior yielded no clues to its origin, so he unfolded the design. Somehow he was able to tell that the charm fled the paper at that moment, leaving an absolutely normal note behind. He read the writing that had been enclosed on the plane's insides, and then surprisingly he turned to Karissa and Charis. They hadn't been sure he'd noticed them standing to the side. "I think this is for you two," he said.

"Really?" Karissa took the sheet of paper curiously. Written in precisely neat print was one sentence and no more: There are two Sues together in クリムゾン シェル. "That translates to Crimson Shell, doesn't it? That's one of the manga Cay introduced me to."

"If there are Sues there, our computers haven't picked anything up," Michael remarked mildly. "Yet that paper plane was obviously the work of someone knowledgeable. Is your Author trying to tell us something?"

"It's not her writing," she said shortly in return. Charis took the paper from her sister's hands and confirmed the fact. "However, the description of two Sues in close company can only fit Lela – and Viva. We'll go and check things out."

Michael watched them with an odd look on his face. "Some other Agents are out on missions today too. We won't be able to watch all of you on the monitors at the same time, so don't hesitate to use your Communicators if you run into trouble."

"Of course," would have been an appropriate response if Karissa hadn't already dragged Charis away and down the stairs to the Science corridor.

T_T_T_T_T_T

Crimson Shell, being a one-volume story in all its entirety, was somewhat mysterious. The mansion where events took place was somewhere in southwest Britain, but that's as much as anyone knew in regards to the manga's setting. In this world, a mad scientist – genius first, mad later – bred a flower whose seeds he implanted in human beings. The majority of the children of the Premier Rose grew to be Black Roses, and the hosts of the Black Roses seemed to retain their humanity for the most part. However, in order to survive they had to let their roses feed on other people for nourishment; as well, when they had aged to a certain extent they would succumb to a disease called the "black spot" and die.

The organization that had originally researched the Black Roses to use them as possible weapons quickly turned against their subjects, becoming Red Rose in order to capture the dangerous experiments. One reason Red Rose so suddenly persecuted the Roses was because the Roses' creator disappeared without a trace; without his presence Red Rose was afraid they couldn't control the Roses. Another reason was that a Crimson Rose was discovered. The Crimson Rose did not need to feed on humans, and in contrast to the short-lived Black Roses it was rumoured that her Premier Seed granted eternal youth and immortality. Red Rose acquired the Crimson Rose and her Thorn, surrounded her with a group of guards called Crimson Shell, and then set about their extermination of the Black Roses. Most often, Red Rose dealt with the Roses' Victims – hapless people who had been infected with the poison of a Black Rose until it drove them insane – but the manga's primary antagonist was a Jet Rose, a host that had been particularly compatible with his Seed.

Claudia, the Rose Witch, was the name of the Crimson Rose. Shion Liddell was the name of the young Jet Rose who should have been killed. Should have was the objective word today, as Karissa and Charis wandered the halls of Red Rose's headquarters questioning canon characters. "Sub-leader Xeno and Shion Liddell's bodies were never found when we dug up the Second Laboratory," a faceless subordinate repeated to them. "Usually when the roses have finished feeding on someone's life, at least the corpse is left behind. In the case of Xion-sama and Shion-kun we uncovered no trace of them after unearthing all the rubble. We can only hope they're not still out there."

Karissa scowled as she and Charis walked away from the man. "I can't make heads or tails of everyone's answers. In the manga they hadn't found Xeno or Shion's bodies either, but I can't shake the suspicion that it's wrong! My instincts are telling me that despite this fandom's vague open ending, Shion Liddell is not dead, and that's something to do with Lela's interference. Do you think that Lela's back to her old seduction routine? Shion can't be more than 12 years old. He's exactly her type."

"If he's alive then what would explain the general inactivity reported of the Black Roses? Surely Shion would want revenge against Claudia. He learned his lesson in the end, but to avenge the death of Victoria I believe he'd try to attack Red Rose again. Even if he decided to let her death slide, Shion's never had complete control over every Black Rose. There should still be some erratic attacks and Victim casualties." Charis didn't know everything about Crimson Shell so she carried a copy of volume one, flipping through pages to find proof for her arguments.

"Hmmmm," Karissa didn't sound totally convinced about either of their theories. She'd been hoping Charis would just categorically agree with her.

"Excuse me." A hooded girl? boy? stood in their path. "Who [are] you? I've heard you're [asking] around about the Black Roses [and] the Jet Rose. Where do you sit [within] our organization?" Les was an androgynous child that Karissa vaguely remembered from the manga. He/she mumbled, so that explained the smattering of words that she heard missing from his/her questions.

"Ah, you're Les-chan. I'm Karissa, and this is Charis. We're new members of Crimson Shell, assigned here since... you've lost some of your members." Karissa fibbed, and fibbed well, but she couldn't help stumbling over the end of her sentence because she was reminded abruptly of the loss of Adrian.

After Shion, Les wasn't predisposed to trust any new members ever again, but he/she couldn't deny the logic in the girl's words. She was wearing organization uniform too, and her sister wore her identifying pin in the proper place up on her necktie. "You believe [that] the Black Roses remain active then? I heard [gossip] that there's been a change in [their] leadership. Nobody will believe me."

Karissa gasped. "I knew it! Lela's taken up with Shion, and she's trying her hand at being a Villain Sue for once!"

"You speak of the [Jet] Rose again. Are you really [part] of Crimson Shell?" Les' eyes took on a defensive slant, and his/her left hand reached for the pistol on his/her thigh.

"Sleep, Les." Before he/she could draw her gun, Charis placed a handkerchief smelling of chloroform in front of the boy/girl's face. Expertly, she held her hand in place until she felt Les go slack, and then she lowered the unconscious body to the ground. "So it looks like we have to get into the Black Rose headquarters. Where is it?"

"Crap, I don't know."

T_T_T_T_T_T

Thank goodness that Charis had brought a copy of the manga with her. As improbable as it sounds, what finally brought the sisters to the headquarters of the Black Roses were depictions of the interior of the building from no more than two panels in the whole volume. They spent a long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long time searching for rooms that matched the illustrations, but time flowed differently here, as evidenced by the fact that the series spanned only five days anyhow. Exhausted – and more than a little irritated – Karissa nonetheless favoured barging right in to the lair of the Roses.

"At least let's take a breather first," Charis scolded, mothering her sister. "Here's some water, and some rolls I snatched from the kitchen before we left the Library." She took a long drink, herself, and when she'd emptied her water bottle she wouldn't have minded having some more liquid inside. Their exploration had left her seriously dehydrated.

"Now, let's go," Karissa said impatiently. "Who knows that Lela could be plotting in there? She's never had a turn at being evil before, but she has a more than adequate role model in Viva. Ugh, she could be corrupting Shion in more than one sense, too."

"Gross! You have a dirty mind." For all her eagerness, Charis managed to overtake Karissa as a giggling fit seized her. Once they'd entered the building, still in the lead, Charis noted distractedly, "The layout of this place is a bit similar to the Library, don't you think?" Following that reasoning, she let her feet run on autopilot, on a course that would have taken them back to the common room they'd left hours before (if they were in the Library). There was a common room pretty much where she'd expected it to be and, on a couch covered in the flickering shadows of firelight, the unmistakable side profile of Lela could be seen leaning forward to blot out Shion's smaller face with a kiss...

"Cease and desist, Lela! You're not molesting any more little boys on my watch!"

Immediately, Lela's gaze snapped up and locked onto Karissa's but – being a Sue – she avoided the deer-in-headlights look. The expression on her face was hard to describe. All the other times she'd encountered Lela, upon confrontation, Karissa had seen her face twist into indignant fury, boredom, mischievous delight, or a brand of taunting cruelty. Here, she didn't seem that surprised to see them, but there was a trace of unexpected fear in her eyes. Lela wasn't scared to see Karissa per se, but for the first time she looked as if she were afraid of what Karissa would take away from her. Karissa had once theorized that, until she was forced from the Kuroshitsuji fandom, Lela hadn't known that the relationships she twisted weren't real; she'd treated her men like playthings, for sure, but she'd thought they were nevertheless devoted to her. After Kuroshitsuji, she'd known better, and to retaliate at Karissa she'd sprung a trap for them in the Midnighters fandom. Right now, though, Lela looked at Karissa like she was going to destroy something she'd really worked hard for. That was impossible.

Lela urgently placed a finger to her lips in the universal sign for "quiet". Seeing no reaction from either Karissa or Charis, she then slowly edged forward and placed a kiss on Shion's forehead – he was sleeping, Karissa realized. "That was all I was going to do, honestly. What Shion and I have isn't lustful; we're more like brother and sister."

Karissa laughed to hide her misgivings. "Sure. Like I haven't heard that before. You already tried to be a sister to Ciel Phantomhive, and that didn't work out."

"It's not the same this time," Lela insisted softly. "I haven't used my Sue powers to mess with Shion at all. I haven't used my powers since I came into this fandom, except to save Shion from the collapsing laboratory! And... Shion and I became friends after I saved his life. We've been teaching each other how to curb our destructive tendencies. He doesn't want to kill anymore, and I–" Lela glanced away. "I don't want to be a Sue any longer," she whispered.

You couldn't have floored Karissa more effectively if you'd socked her in the gut and, likewise, Charis looked like someone had torn her laptop from her arms and smashed it upon the ground into a million little pieces. Karissa's jaw gaped like a goldfish, helpless while trying to create words, and then she asked, "If you're that serious about reform, why not simply come back with us to the Society? We'd permanently prohibit you, that's all, but you'd be free to stick around after."

Lela scoffed, like other Sues had done before her. "Don't kid. If I entered the custody of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society, I'd be signing my own death warrant."

"No," Karissa replied forcefully. "Palm Tree Foxblade is in the care of the Society right now, and she's thriving. She's learning how to be a normal little girl. Bella Francine Carolyn Michelle Tracy Hannah Anna Paula Jenny Darline Karen Ginger Aubrey the Fourth is now a member of the Society, and she's living happily! She's in love with our Agent Ben! Surrendering to the Society isn't the worst you can do. And if you want to be left alone, it's the smartest thing to do. Once you've retired from the public, Charis and I won't have to chase you around anymore. And if you choose to stay inside the Library at all times, I can guarantee Cay almost never visits." Karissa's voice transitioned from passion to a resentful bitterness at the last.

Lela looked shocked. "Karissa – that rush of emotion across my empathy – you feel the same way that I do, don't you?" When she wouldn't answer, Lela tried to reach out to the feelings she'd felt; ones that had resonated just like her own. "Cay never acknowledged me after the first few days that she started my story. It was hard being forgotten, so I tried to be independent by my own choice. I made myself a little bit of a Sue, at the beginning. In the time that passed, sometimes her attention would drift back, but every time she left it was even harder to cope. I disowned her so that she couldn't come back to me. I embraced being a Sue, and as I levelled up she never even noticed. I thought that meant she never cared."

Karissa looked sullen at being found out, but she couldn't disagree with Lela's heartfelt words. "Yes, I've been through that. I didn't get as far as you did, because Sueishness disagreed with me, but all the rest is close enough to the truth."

Agent and Sue shared a moment. Charis sensed that she shouldn't intrude, but she couldn't help wondering how two relatives by the same Author could be so different from her. Their problem was that they thought solely with their hearts; their brains didn't have much say in the matter. They let Cay wound them so much...

The corners of Lela's lips twitched, and she smiled uncertainly. "Is this my final answer? I suppose I can accept conditional detention." Compared to her whispers earlier, Lela's volume had reached room-level by this time. Perhaps attracted by her voice, a black cat entered the room, twining around Karissa's ankles.

"That's great, Lela," Karissa smiled gently in return. She didn't comprehend why Lela's features had turned back to fear, or why the brunt of her terrified stare fell on the domesticated feline making its way across the carpeted floor. "Is that your pet? I thought you were allergic to dander."

The animal hissed at them. Barings its fangs, its mouth became a wide black hole, and Viva Skerry's voice emitted from it. "I was sworn to protect you from the Society until the day you died, Mistress. I'm afraid I must assume that you no longer need that protection. This contract is broken." Viva performed the same trick she'd pulled in the Midnighters fandom – Karissa cursed, recognizing the danger now - and the demon's form became disparate from the cat. Before Karissa could blink, Viva fell upon Lela, and all that could be heard was a high shriek before silence resumed.

Karissa stared in horror at the bloody hole Viva had rent in Lela's abdomen. A silvery fume rose up from the Sue's chest, and Viva's teeth closed on it with relish. Charis turned green. "It's regretful that I had no time for a clean meal, but that would have taken too much time with you Agents here," Viva grinned wickedly. She stood. She still mirrored Lela in some aspects of her shape, but the demon was meaner now. The bones in her face stood out more starkly in a lean face, and her crimson irises were otherworldly. "Who wants to play next? The self-pitying sensitive? Or the repressed-emotional techie?" But it was neither of them that screamed and attacked Viva – it was Shion.

He whipped out an arm, and the vines of his roses burst through the surface of his skin, arcing through the air towards Lela. A thorny strand wrapped taut around her wrist, pulling her forward some distance – but that was only until she recovered from her surprise. With a full-fledged smirk she dug her feet in, and then it was Shion that was thrown off balance. "How dare you hurt my friend!" Shion raged, using his roses to propel himself upright. His voice caught in his throat. "–to Lela!" He threw himself at her, roses in frenzy about him, but just as the first thorns cut a swathe down her cheek, Shion came to an unnatural stop. He shuddered and looked down to find Viva's clawed hand firmly through his stomach. With a gurgle, he clutched the bloodstained area and crumpled. His weight pulled him off Viva's arm and to the floor, another body on the floor.

"That was barely worth the effort," Viva said viciously, as if Shion's life hadn't been worth the taking. But Karissa saw that Shion wasn't dead just yet. His roses were still flung far from his body, and they began to slither along the ground as he hacked blood from his lungs. If the roses could consume enough flesh he could revive and give Viva another run. But as the vines nearest Viva cracked through the air, they rose too high. Instead of aiming at the demon they struck the ceiling, and chunks of plaster began to rain down on them. Viva laughed in amusement. "Déjà vu. I didn't realise, but this pathetic boy dies almost exactly according to canon! The Mistress may have saved him from death once, but to die in the same manner a second time is too ironic!" Viva stalked closer, trying to get at the Agents. Successive vines sought the demon's warm body, but Shion's roses couldn't seem to damage Viva in any way that mattered. They were merely an annoyance she had to bypass to target Karissa and Charis.

A few of Shion's dead vines found their way into the fire, and soon the carpet began to burn as well. If Viva didn't kill them first, the building would come down around their ears. Karissa felt helpless, because none of her martial arts could have any effect when the enemy was so distant – but she didn't want Viva any nearer anyways. Charis never had any fighting skills to reckon with, but in the same manner as their mission in the Midnighters fandom, she recalled that she had one last "weapon" to use against Sues. Charis let the utility pouch around her waist unfold, and she took hold of an octahedron secured in a row of similar shapes. Folding her fingers around its surface, she tossed it to the ground towards Viva. Karissa imagined it was a rather undersized grenade; the demon spared no interest for speculation. Tumbling upon the ground, it became apparent that the octahedron had figures painted only two sides. As it flickered in the dim lighting, everyone saw the Chinese characters for four, and eight. The gadget landed eight face-up.

Charis' line of sight imploded with a barrage of information. Rapidly moving images swam in her mind like television on hyper fast-forward, and she struggled not to give in to the sensory overload. The Spoiler triggered a premonition of another exit, an escape route through a door that had not been blocked by fallen beams and flame. "Karissa!" she called, directing her sister to what would have been a closet in another time. The back wall had been knocked down to lead to the next room. "Karissa, over here!" she called again. Charis saw that her sister was delayed because she'd gone back to get Lela's body. She carefully dragged it towards Charis' position while taking care not to let it be snatched by Shion's berserk roses. Shuttering their eyes against the smoke, they "three" shuffled through empty rooms that set ablaze only slightly slower than they passed through. Scarcely when they'd reached outside they became aware of the complete spectacle – the Black Roses' headquarters would be destroyed more absolutely than just the library in Red Rose had.

As they solemnly watched the conflagration they felt a huge displacement in the atmosphere, and they guessed that meant Viva had left the fandom. But the story didn't reset. Charis looked down at the body formerly known as Lela, and she felt a bit sick to her core. She said awkwardly, "I don't think events will realign to canon until... Lela's body is removed."

Karissa looked down also. "We should say a couple of words for her, shouldn't we? She was going to turn over a new leaf. She deserves as much as one of us." But she had no idea what to say in this situation any more than her sister did.

"You can start by reciting her proper name. Lela Persim Spica Clover Ginger Sarah Minnie...Koi. It means 'love and tender passion'. She started to show her true colours in the end." From a newly opened Plothole, Cay stepped into the world of Crimson Shell. She was dressed from head to toe in black, and she carried a bunch of white roses cradled in two arms. She continued to speak evenly as she walked. "In life Lela was misunderstood, and she was not treasured when she ought to have been. She was hurt and therefore inflicted hurt greatly. Death put a stop to Lela's struggle to be recognized, but death cannot mend the hearts of those left behind who finally realized what a gift her personality was. One day we will meet again, in a better place, and we will cry no more. Until then memories will keep us going. Love will get us through the dark times. Rest in peace, Lela, until we meet again."

Karissa wasn't religious, but she sent a prayer to heaven for Lela's devoured soul; surely she would receive salvation. As Cay concluded her speech, Karissa realized that an Author still had things to offer, after all; maybe Cay did love them. "You're crying," she observed. When Cay took off her blank mask, it turned out Karissa was right.

"I failed you. All of you. Lela was supposed to live and leave with you two, but I left this story for too long and Viva grew a will of her own. She killed Lela herself – right at the very instant the story had stopped. You were all supposed to have happy endings...not like this." The moisture at the corner of Cay's eyes coursed over the edge as regret rang through her apology. Karissa and Charis extended arms to envelop their Author in a tight hug. "You have to go back to the Society. Promise me you'll give deserving Sues the second chance that belonged to Lela."

T_T_T_T_T_T

When Tash returned from her sojourn things at the Library had almost gone back to normal. There was chatter that drifted past open doors, and not everyone was afraid that disturbing the peace when Tash was around had meant that they didn't care. Tyler ran into one of Adrian's lingering traps, and he suffered no more harm than he would have Before. Ben made a particularly bad pun during a lunch break and Shirley was galvanized into action like she hadn't been for a long time. It was bad form to laugh at someone in distress, but it was merely a relief to laugh. People were breaking out of the shells that had formed over the last month. Like a butterfly breaking out of the cocoon, their renewed hope was a little more fragile; but it was beautiful to behold.

Karissa was a late bloomer, inside the metaphor of the butterfly. Because everyone had known and liked Adrian, Karissa had previously been able to show her grief openly. She did not feel so assured in displaying the personal tumult caused by Lela's death. She chided herself about it. Hadn't Ben thought the same things when he'd been afraid to disclose his relationship with Lily? There was no law against feeling something for a Sue. Even in the general sense, most Sues provoked anger in the members, and that was an emotion. But she disregarded her mental logic and kept locking her feelings up. Outwardly she seemed to improve, as with the rest of the Agents. Only Charis knew that Karissa was rotting inside and growing worse.

In an attempt to cheer Karissa up, Cay dropped by one day and left behind a gift. She dispatched a much longer letter, and it did not cause nearly as much havoc as the first, but Charis definitely felt more uneasy handing it over to Karissa. With more lines there was more potential for confusion; trouble. Karissa had reconciled with Cay following Lela's death, but any further miscommunication could open sore spots between them. Karissa, the note read.

As an Author, I know – while you don't, not now – that even more dangerous times are ahead for the Society. I don't want you to be unprepared. Charis won't accept a weapon even if I had one for her, but you're not like your sister. You have the spirit of a fighter in you. That may or may not be while we always conflict whenever we meet, but in light of recent events I would like to put the past between us. We may fight again in the future, but then our disputes will be about new things; there's nothing like the death of a loved one to put the past into perspective. I'd like you to accept this present tailored specifically for you. Its name is Gekkou, and if you look that up in the Japanese-English dictionary I gave you a year ago, you'll know why that's fitting.

You've probably lost that dictionary. But you'll always have the powers of the Internet at your disposal.

It was signed simply, Cay, and again it was not written in what they knew to be their Author's handwriting, but all the markers that stood in Cay's compositions glared out at Karissa. She examined what had been in the package. A length of chain so thin that it almost appeared ornamental was weighted on the ends by long slender spikes of dense metal. Experimentally swinging the chain proved it to be strong and deadly. When Karissa closed her eyes and willed herself to invisibility, the chain faded from view too. She stood up and tucked the weapon into the red silk sash that she wore over her mourning clothes – short black overalls over a spaghetti strap top, with rockinghorse shoes, all black – and she took everything else into her room, walking past Charis in her invisibility. Once inside, she phased out of reflex, but she didn't really need to see her hands in order to take down that dictionary atop her shelf. The book had many pages, and she had to take care not to tear the thin paper, but eventually she found the entry:

Gekkou. Moonbeam.

"I've always kept this dictionary, since the time you gave it to me. Silly to think that I would have thrown it away," Karissa murmured sadly. "Do you think so little of me? Is that how I pretend to regard you?" She sat on her bed in silence for a while, as if expecting Cay to answer through the walls.

"Karissa? It's dinnertime. Did you want to eat with everyone else today?" Charis' voice sounded hesitant. She didn't knock, because she hadn't seen for herself that Karissa had gone in, but she suspected.

Karissa didn't have to answer her sister, but she reflected that was the root of most problems – people chose not to answer questions that might change someone else's life, and so the questioner had to make their own decisions based on what they knew to be wrong or right. Sometimes their judgement was flawed. "Charis, I'll be right out! Save me a seat next to Ben or Doug or someone. If Jared's bringing the LPGB to the table again, make sure that we're sitting as far away from his as possible." She forced a laugh.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Insert Casual Battle in the Dead of Night Here

The majority of the clocks within the Library currently read 11:30 pm.

Even at this time of evening, Charis obediently let herself be pulled away from her lab for what was to be the fourth time that day. The first three times her removal had been justified by the reason that, otherwise, her sister would have starved if she hadn't cooked something for her; however, Charis was curious what Karissa wanted this time around.

"Where are you taking me now?" she complained half-heartedly as she was led around by the light grip on her wrist.

When she was safely ensconced inside her laboratory, Charis could usually convince herself that only a few inches of pathetic drywall separated her from fresh air. But as her field of view was faced with row upon rows of a countless number of books, she began to feel a bit queasy. The book stacks were impossibly high, too, emphasizing just how much space separated her from the Library's exterior.

"Where are you taking me?" she repeated a second time, but her cheerful tone had taken a turn for the worse, and additionally she chafed slightly against her sister's hold.

Karissa turned wide eyes on her. "Oh, sorry, Charis, I forgot about your claustrophobia. Tash sent an e-mail saying she wanted to see us in the conference room." The younger girl noted the sudden paleness that afflicted her sibling. "I've been trying to take the shortest possible route to get there, but since your lab is out-of-the-way downstairs...there isn't really a short route, just one shorter than all the others."

Charis offered a weak chuckle. She perked up a bit once they'd passed into a part of the Library with no books – there were a scattering of Agents' personal rooms in this hallway. Most of the doors stood open, and she could see that almost no one was in bed at this hour. A large majority of the Society were Night Owls. They passed one occupied room, though, and both girls felt obliged to call a greeting.

"Night, Pete!"

"Are you going somewhere? Off for a midnight snack, or out on a mission?" Pete came to the door of his room, and seemed genuinely curious about their passing.

"We're pretty sure it's a mission," Charis spoke, but her eyes were fixed shyly past his face as she replied to him. The corners of her mouth kept trying to twist into a smile of their own accord.

"Mind if I tag along?"

"You mean you want to walk with us, or you want to accompany us on the mission?" Karissa asked slyly. Her eyes darted knowingly between the other two.

Pete only shrugged noncommittally, and then he reached with his hand for a pair of glasses folded up in his pocket. Putting them over momentarily closed eyes, Himuro spoke afterwards, "Charis, have you seen my Genderbender? Pete had it last, and he's hidden it and won't tell me where it is."

"Ah, Himuro." Charis' eyes finally made eye contact. "No, I don't know where Pete might have put it, I'm sorry." There was no flush in her cheeks anymore.

"Walk with us," Karissa commanded. She seemed annoyed for some reason that Pete's alter-ego had popped up. Together, the new group of three continued the trek to the mission room.

T_T_T_T_T_T

"It took you long enough to get here." By the time they arrived, the Society leader wasn't in a bad mood – or else they would have immediately run back from whence they came – but they had without doubt seen her in better moods than this.

"I'm sorry," Karissa apologized to Tash. "Charis' lab is pretty far away-"

"Hey, Charis, were you just going to leave without telling me? We have things to talk about regarding the Anachron device before tomorrow." Douglas interrupted from the wheelchair he had been put in after his last mission in the Surrogates fandom.

Karissa's eyes boggled. "How did you get up here so fast?"

Charis was intrigued as well. "I'm sure you were still next-door in your lab when I left with my sister."

Doug gave them both an exasperated look. "There's a winding ramp at one end of the Science hallway that terminates right around here. You must have gone up the stairs next to Jared's lab; that route takes twenty minutes longer, I might add."

Charis shot her sibling an accusing glare. She had undergone how much extra anxiety during their journey, and for what?

Tired of saying sorry, Karissa communicated an apology in silence instead.

"Charis?" Doug pressed.

"Um, I honestly forgot about our discussion, Doug. We can reschedule for after I return from this mission, right?"

"Alright," he grumbled. Looking to Tash, he said, "Sorry for bothering you. I'll leave you to them for the present."

"Thank you." Bursting with irritation at the number of delays, the leader asked, "What about you, Pete? Why are you here?"

"I want to go with you on your mission, of course." Pete recovered the conversation from where he remembered leaving off. Apparently, this wasn't one of the times where he was aware that Himuro had taken over from him.

"My mission?" Tash raised an eyebrow. "Fine, if you want, you can team up with Charis and Karissa on their mission." Business-like, she addressed the sisters, "Which one of you has the better knowledge of the Midnighters trilogy?"

"That would be me," Karissa said with a scholarly air.

Tash deferred to the younger sister. "I guess you're the best-suited to lead this mission. I want you to enter the fandom in the time between Touching Darkness and Blue Noon, and you must try again to capture Lela and Viva."

Charis gritted her teeth upon hearing the Sues' names, and a pitying sort of look came into Karissa's eyes at the same time. The only one who wasn't affected personally by the announcement was, of course, Pete. He pounded one fist in his hand, and said, determinedly, "We'll do our best, Tash."

"Good luck, girls... and Pete." Before she lost her composure, Tash turned around and stifled a giggle. She hadn't intended for Pete to escort Charis and her sister, but now that she thought about it, she couldn't have orchestrated events any better herself.

T_T_T_T_T_T

"We left so quickly," Pete protested. "Is there a reason to be in such a hurry? I couldn't grab any gadgets besides what I'm wearing on me, which is my belt."

"You won't even need that," Karissa said dismissively, without any regard to the connotations other more twisted Agents might assign to her words.

Charis was the last to jump through the Plothole, and as she pocketed her Plothole Generator with one hand, she hoisted a bulky sack up on her shoulder with the other.

"Let me carry that for you," Pete offered.

"Okay," Charis agreed, but when their hands drew close, she let go of the bag a little too quickly. Her fingertips tingled as if a spark had run through them.

Pretending not to notice the same sensation, Pete commented, "Wow. That's a lot of metal. What's it all for?" He stared at the sheer quantity of metal that had been dumped over the ground when the sack opened up.

Karissa smiled broadly at something that had pleased her. "It's stainless steel. Steel and other advanced alloys are the most effective tools to fight the antagonists in this series. The Darklings are ancient creatures that were once the dominant species on the planet, but maybe because they're so old they hate anything new or considered 'technology'".

"We can just throw this stuff at them?" Pete asked sceptically.

"Don't worry, we have a plan." Whereas Karissa's words might not have reassured him, Charis' speech put a stop to his questions.

"Enjoy your welcome to the Secret Hour."

The Secret Hour, also known as the Blue Time, was limited to this town of Bixby, Oklahoma as far as anyone knew. True, at the end of Blue Noon it was suggested that the Secret Hour might have spread to other cities located at certain coordinates - it really had to do with the latitude and longitude being multiples of 12, a number strongly associated with the Darklings - but thankfully the series had never spawned the oh-so-popular money-making unplanned-sequel, and so the theory had never been confirmed.

The buildings of the small town of Bixby looked more or less as they should in a few hours' time – that is, in daytime – but in the light of the hidden 25th hour the surrounding area was awash in a mysterious blue not seen normally. There was an absence of polluting sound or movement as well, but that was as a result of the overall lack of humans out and about outdoors. According to canon only those born precisely at midnight could move around in the Blue Time. The Agents had freedom of movement because they'd each taken an Oneshot accurately in the split second during which they crossed over to the fandom.

Pete and Charis looked around wonderingly at the nightscape as they walked jaws ajar. Karissa seemed more nonplussed about the whole situation, and on top of that there was a fresh skip in her step.

"No fair! You've acquired the abilities of an Acrobat!" It hit Charis abruptly why her sister's jumping had struck her as strange. During the Blue Time, acrobats experienced reduced personal gravity, allowing them to jump dramatically farther and higher. They could appear to fly when they took a great, running jump.

Karissa smirked. "What skills do you and Pete have?"

Charis ran through a variety of mental exercises in her head. "I think I'm a Polymath," she said dejectedly. "Pete, what's the square root of 1024?"

"32," was his instant reply.

"You're a polymath too, Pete. All we have is the inherent aptitude for mathematics."

"Don't say that like it's a bad thing." The Agents spun around to the voice of Desdemona ("Dess"), the premier polymath of the series. Beside her were acrobat Jonathan Martinez and Flame Bringer Jessica Day. Jessica had been the primary protagonist in The Secret Hour, and she continued to carry a great importance throughout the rest of the series, although she was by no means more endearing than her other teammates. "I don't remember any gossip about new kids in town. Where are you from, Midnighters?"

Although there shouldn't be any reason for Dess to mistrust them – when it came to Midnighters, it was more like every new one that was discovered was cause for celebration – Karissa thought that, from the start, Dess' voice was guarded. Equally wary, she replied, "You're right, we come from out-of-town. We just happened to be visiting, and thought we'd stay through the Secret Hour." She told no lies, but there were gaping holes in her story, if Dess cared to find them.

Boldly, Jessica dropped her boyfriend's hand and stepped forward. "Are you the ones who kidnapped Rex and Melissa?" She held a heavy flashlight in her left hand, its beam on. Her power to bring technology into the Secret Hour was especially dangerous to Darklings, but she could damage the Agents too if she chose to swing the thing at their heads.

Charis spoke up immediately in their defence. "No! We don't know anything about any kidnappings!"

Jonathan made a move to recapture his girlfriend's hand. "Calm down, Jessica. They're not the ones responsible. The kidnappers I saw were two females, yeah, but one of them was an adult. They are just kids like us."

Hardly! Pete thought, but he didn't dispute the fact that he was actually 20.

*WHAM*

"Ow! W-what you just said. Rex and Melissa are missing?" Karissa forcefully took hold of the conversation and dragged it back on-topic, but she nursed a new bruise from the author's not-too-subtle nudging as she did so. "Why would Lela and Viva target main characters? Sues usually try to befriend canon characters; they don't get them out of the way."

"In my opinion, they are the strongest Midnighters. I didn't want them available to help you. If I could, I would have removed these three before you arrived, as well."

Following the trend she'd started in Insert Evident Demonic Contract Here (somewhere in transdimensional space, a tremor rocked the Library), Lela appeared as if from nowhere, and Viva stuck to the Sue like a second shadow. "Surprise! You've walked into a trap, Agents. Congratulations!"

Pete immediately passed a hand over his belt buckle, revealing a relief of a white dragonfly, and his Lightdrake armour covered his clothes. However, neither Karissa nor Charis moved to produce any weapons. Charis simply held out a hand to her sister. "A trap?"

Karissa slapped a five-dollar bill into her waiting palm. "Yeah, it was a trap. There, paid in full."

"How could you willingly walk into a trap, knowing it was here?" For a moment, Lela put aside her enmity for a tone of true puzzlement.

Karissa rolled her eyes. "If you're the one who springs the trap, you have to be at the centre of it. And how will I ever capture you if I don't come to the source of the trap– to you?"

Heavy silence emanated from the Sues' side. Lela flipped her short hair away from her face impatiently, and just like that the silence disappeared. "In any case, I've got you where I want you. Let's see you try to defeat a whole army of Darklings."

"How will you summon–" Karissa began. Before she'd finished speaking, Viva dropped to the ground, threw her head back, and began to morph. The lines separating the separate pieces of her clothing ran together – black on black – and her spine contorted dangerously. The Sue's arms and legs became heavily muscled, and with a terrible sound a long black tail uncoiled behind her. The transformed Sue was nothing more than a large cat, but she was frightening nonetheless.

"Voila! A makeshift Darkling. They alone can make their kind heed a call." Lela grinned madly. This time, when Viva reared her head, she let loose a deafening roar. Wing beats began to be heard in the sky, not far from where they all stood.

Jonathan spoke up mildly. "Besides the fact that we've found our kidnappers, and besides the fact that I just saw a human change into a cat – to think I thought what we do was pretty unbelievable – why do I get the feeling that things are about to get a lot more interesting?"

"Because you're right!" Karissa shouted. She tore the sack of metal from Pete's grasp, and began to rapidly distribute its contents to both Agents and characters. "I know you already have some weapons," she told the Midnighters. "They might have names as well, but we brought along a list of words ourselves, and now we don't have the time to compare vocabularies. Please take a part of our list, and use it anyways. Knowing Lela, I anticipate that a lot more Darklings than you're used to are on their way."

At the same time, Charis was explaining to Pete, "The materials that we use to fight Darklings have to be blessed with names; thirteen-letter words. Take a piece of steel in your hands, hold it to your lips, and call its name just like this." Charis near-kissed a two-pronged fork, uttering "Abbreviations," and in one fluid movement she turned and skewered a snake-like Slither on its end. "Got that memorized?" she asked him sweetly, and then she called to Karissa, "The cavalry has arrived!"

The initial scene of the battle was too chaotic to describe. Above the din, the oddest words were bellowed out: "Abiogenically!", "Abnormalities!", "Abolitionists!", and then some.

Aboriginality Abortifacient Absorbability Absquatulated Absquatulates Abstractional Acariciandote Accelerations Accelerometer Accentuations Acceptability Accessibility Accessorizing Acciaccaturas Accidentalism Acclimatizers Acclimatizing Accommodating Accommodation Accommodative Accommodators Accompaniment Accomplishers Accomplishing Accordionists Accouchements Accountancies Accouterments Accoutrements Accreditation Acculturating Acculturation Acculturative Accumulations Adulterations Affectivities Affirmatively Affordability Anfractuous Antifeminists Appropriation Arachnophobia

Bloodcurdling Brainstorming Brogdignagian

Cardiologists Categorically Coeducational Congregations Conscientious Conspicuously Constitutions Contortionist Contraception Contradiction Coronaphobiac

Daguerreotype Decaffeinated Deceitfulness Decompression Deliciousness Demonstration Dependability Dictatorships Disappearance Discomforting Dysfunctional

Electromagnet Encyclopedias Exaggerations Explosiveness

Felicitations Foreshortened Fortification

Geostationary Globalization Gratification Gynecologists

Hallucinogens Heterosexuals Hyperinflated Hypochondriac

Illuminations Illustrations

Anytime a Midnighter faced off against a Darkling, the human combatant won, albeit with some difficulty. However, for the first time that Karissa could remember, Lela immersed herself personally in the fight as well. Karissa came face-to-face with her fated rival with no little astonishment. "How do you think you're going to fight me?" she taunted the Sue, remembering their encounter in the DGray-man fandom where Lela's repertoire had consisted of various – yet functionally limited – blocks.

Lela thrust a hand out, and Karissa barely phased out of the visible spectrum in time to throw off her aim. Her invisibility didn't faze the Sue for more than a second though, and Lela reciprocated with another jab that arced through the air eerily close to her real location. "You've never tested the powers of a Pureblood have you?" Lela held back a laugh. She sent forth a barrage of wind that shouldn't have posed a threat to Karissa. The Agent moved to take a step out of the way, but against her will she walked into the attack. She cried out against the improbable pain of a slip of a breeze slicing into her skin like razors.

"My ability will not only distort your sense of balance and direction, but it will then cut you to the bone when you enter its embrace." Lela pushed more wind towards Karissa, and true to her word, Karissa felt more cuts open up all along her arms. "My empathetic connection wouldn't let me access my Pureblood powers before, but among other things, my demon is an unnaturally good teacher." Two paces away, Viva pounced upon Jonathan – still in her quasi-Darkling form – and when she spread her jaws she might have been smiling in response to her master's praise.

"Jonathan, no!" Charis distantly heard Jessica scream, and from the spot where she fought back-to-back with Pete, she came to realise that they were losing. The conclusion of this battle wouldn't turn out well for the Agents and their allies, unless good fortune intervened. "Pete, cover me!" she yelled, breaking the connection of their bodies. Fishing around in her pocket – no, the other pocket, she didn't want her Plothole Generator – Charis pulled out what appeared to be a Nike swoosh-shaped keychain. Pete cleared a path for her as she headed towards the centre of all the destruction.

Although no one paid her any mind, Charis still hesitated before she used her device. She didn't do so out of dramatic effect, but she wanted to make sure her sister wouldn't be hurt by what she was about to do. "Reality check!" she announced, as she hurled the keychain-object to the ground. Instantly, a visible Karissa stopped screaming in pain; Lela stared at her hands dumbly, at a loss to the reason why her powers had vanished; Viva shuddered before returning to a human form; last of all, Pete's armour disappeared without a trace.

"What did you do?" he asked in a panic. The struggle still raged on around them, and Pete raked a steel knife he still held down a Darkling's side, in the only way to ward it away from Charis. If the yowl it gave was any indication, enchanted metal was effective all the same.

"A reality check works in fandoms where the setting nearly parallels the real world. It causes any foreign invaders of the fandom to temporarily lose their powers, be they Agent or Sue," Charis panted. As she made her explanation, she too continued to brandish her canon weapons. "Any powers we brought in with us are nullified from this point on. We can only continue fighting with these weapons because the metal was powerless until we named it, and we did that after we entered the fandom."

Karissa caught on quick, although she hadn't heard Charis' full-length explanation. She staggered over to her fellow Agents, running rapidly through her remaining list of words and losing weapons in Darklings for every inch of ground she covered. Jessica had helped Jonathan recover from Viva's lunge, and the Midnighters were grouped together once more, just like the Agents. Dess hardly looked battle-weary at all as she nodded to Karissa, "Those two seem a bit shell-shocked by whatever you did. Should we finish off these Darklings before they snap back?" Of course, by 'those two' she meant Viva and Lela.

Karissa concurred whole-heartedly with Dess' strategy. Clutching the scrap of paper she had left, along with everyone she raised her voice and called the names of every weapon she possessed.

Immunizations Impassiveness Impersonation Imprisonments Inconceivable Indescribable Individualism Individuality Instantaneous Instinctively Intentionally Investigative Irresponsible Irresponsibly

Jurisdictions Jurisprudence

Kaleidoscopes Kleptomaniacs Knowledgeable

Lethargically

Machiavellian Magnetosphere Magnification Magnificently Manipulations Materialistic Miscellaneous

Nonconforming Nonconformist Nonconformity

Obstructively Omnipresently Opportunities Oppressiveness Organizations Overzealously

Particleboard Penultimately Perambulation Personalities Preproduction Prescriptions Psychosomatic Purposelessly

Questionnaire

Resplendently Revolutionize Rubbernecking

Sadomasochism Scintillating Selectiveness Serendipities Serendipitous Splendiferous Spontaneously Stereotypical Stratocumulus Superfluously

Technological Televangelist Temperamental Therapeutical Transorbitals

Unanticipated Uncomfortable Undergarments Undergraduate Unfortunately Unintelligent Unjustifiable Unpretentious

Valedictorian!

The Darkling forces stood no chance against the ultimate onslaught. Any live ones turned tail and fled, leaving the Sues and six humans standing in the shadow of their flight. When the sky had cleared, Karissa made herself turn to Lela, and she saw that she was being comforted by her demon and governess. Lela was crying. "I don't suppose you're ready to turn yourself in?" she enquired softly.

Lela raised a tear-streaked face, and answered defiantly, "Never!" Disgracefully, she threw her arms around Viva's neck, and while being carried she was spirited away by Viva.

"How long do you figure your Reality Check will last, Charis?"

"It won't hold out for five more minutes."

"So we've got five minutes to try and chase them down, or else they'll be gone. They'll be able to produce a Plothole at the same time we can."

"Yes."

Karissa set off first, and after watching her gain a decent head-start, Charis and Pete thought to go as well. "Goodbye, Jess, Dess, Jonathan," Charis politely made their goodbyes. "In five minutes you won't remember any of this. Rex and Melissa will be at the edge of town being embarrassingly romantic as usual. Go find them." She and Pete left before the Midnighters could find any words to express how they felt. Maybe that was best.

T_T_T_T_T_T

"Is this how your missions normally end? I mean, I have a strange rival in Anuhs Weedy, but compared to Lela his motivation seems almost sane." Pete was walking Charis back to her lab, which served as her bedroom whenever she was Inside. They walked closely so that their hands practically touched, but they wouldn't hold hands while others about might see.

"I maintain that Lela is a nutcase because she wants to kill me and Karissa, but she can't because she's related to us," Charis said shortly. She wavered between disdain and compassion for the Sue, right in front of his eyes. "If only Lela weren't so pig-headed. Our Author put her into a comfortable retirement when she decided to stop writing Lela's story, but she treated that the same as if she'd been tossed into the Vault of Abandoned Ideas. Both Karissa and Lela hunger for Cay's affection so much that it skews their perception entirely."

"Oh?" Pete didn't say anything more for a while. Eventually he wanted to suggest to Charis that they talk about something else, but they'd already arrived in front of her door in the Science corridor.

"Thanks for coming today, Pete," Charis said tiredly. "You really didn't have to."

"But I wanted to." When Charis opened the door to go inside, he belatedly called her back. "Charis?" With her searching eyes gazing straight at him, he deliberately stuck his head into her room and kissed her. He took advantage of the closing door to shield them from view. "I wouldn't mind going on other missions with you, some time," he mouthed against her lips.

Charis brushed brilliantly. "Off with you now. G-goodnight."

Monday, October 17, 2011

Insert Blatant Shakespear Ripoff Here

Tyler was perched above a pedestal, upon which was a large portion of chocolate. He had decided to find something to eat, and not being in the mood to eat a coat he had found in a sorry state in the Operation! fandom, he had gone for Adrian's chocolate. Unfortunately for him, his communicator chose this time to beep. At first thinking he had set off a trap, Tyler's heart shot to his throat, sending a sting of pain through him. He fell off his perch, but his fall was quickly broken by a net, which entangled him, then pinned him to the ceiling.

"Ow…"

After several seconds of struggling and twisting, Tyler managed to free his head and arm, then turned to the communicator. Tash's face appeared on it.

"I swear, I am going to kill Viva whatever-her-name-is."

Tash frowned. "May I ask why?"

Tyler pointed at his heart. "She has denied me chocolate. Twice."

"So?"

"So I like chocolate. Now, why the call?"

"Faya's been spotted in the RomeoxJuliet fandom."

"You mean that anime knockoff of Romeo and Juliet?"

"Correct. Now, are you going or not?"

"I'm a little… er… tied up."

-

Several minutes later…..

Tyler collected his Society gadgets, and was about to leave, when he realized something.

"Considering my injuries from that weird manga don't seem to have disappeared completely, I should probably avoid overexertion. Hmm…." A lightbulb suddenly appeared over Tyler's head. He grabbed a briefcase out of his desk which bore a label reading "For Emergencies (or for anything, really)," and emptied the contents into a pouch around his waist. Tyler then opened a portal, and entered the fandom.

-

In the fandom of RomeoxJuliet, everything was going right. Just three days ago, a mysterious girl had appeared in the floating city of Neo Verona. Everyone had immediately accepted her as the new ruler, without even letting her speak. She had not wanted to take power, claiming that her tragicly tragic past of tragical tragicness had taught her never to be trusted with power, but after only a tiny amount of persuasion, she accepted the post of queen. Under her rule, Neo Verona prospered, but although everyone was happy, under the darkest corner of their mind, something continually gnawed at them. Then Tyler appeared in the fandom.

In a deserted square of Neo Verona, a Plothole opened and Tyler fell out. He quickly got to his feet, preparing for an attack of some sort. Nothing came.

"Odd. Usually Faya's around wherever I show up." Tyler looked around.

"Which means I'll need to go to her…"

-

Deep in Neo Verona….

Faya sat on her throne, almost ecstatic. She had found the easiest fandom in the multiverse to conquer. All the main characters were dead, and her Sue powers filled in the rest. Everyone now believed she was the ruler and always had been. And best of all, the Society hadn't found her y-

"Your Majesty, one of the guards sighted a strange boy in the city. He carries a small paddle-like object."

"Damn it."

Tyler strolled through Neo Verona, trying to maintain the appearance of a child sent on an errand. He had had the foresight to bring a large piece of cloth to wrap around himself, which made sure no one noticed his chosen attire of tie-dye and shorts. It also had the effect of shielding him from the cold of being in a city located among the clouds. Suddenly, three guards appeared out of nowhere.

"Halt! You're under arrest!"

Tyler didn't bother with any theatrics. He just took out a small blob from the pouch at his waist, and tossed it at the guards.

"Huh? What's this?"

"Silly Putty. Why?"

"What's Silly Putty?"

"It's a priceless substance worth millions of pounds of gold an ounce. You can now quit your jobs as guards."

"Cool!" The guard walked off with their "treasure," leaving Tyler to continue toward Faya's palace.

Faya looked into a crystal scrying glass, completely ignoring the fact that such an item would not exist in her current fandom.

"How did that little brat trick my guards into quitting?"

Suddenly, in a puff of smoke, a small, shadowy figure appeared on the arm of her throne.

"I believe that he convinced them that this 'Silly Putty' was a priceless substance, Mistress."

"I know what he did, Quakakawazakaskee!"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Now, Quak, I have a question."

"Yes, Mistress?"

"Why do you exist? This fandom doesn't have fiends."

"It doesn't have scrying glasses either, Mistress."

Faya sighed. "Noted. Mobilize the entire army. I want him dead."

"It will be done, Mistress."

Tyler was proceeding toward the largest and most ornate building, which he assumed was Faya's palace. He had already defeated several more squadrons of guards, mostly by giving them more Silly Putty. He had no idea how this trick worked, but he eventually decided that Faya had made them stupid to fulfill a cliché. Finally, he was at the courtyard. He was about to enter when his path was blocked by a pair of guards.

"Halt! Nobody enters this palace!"

Tyler frowned.

"But… I have an invitation!"

"No you don't. This party is for guards and the queen only."

"Will you let me across if I fight you and win?"

The guard scoffed.

"Only if you kill us both."

"Oh… okay, but before I beat you to a bloody pulp and toss your corpse off Neo Verona, I'm gonna need you to sign this waiver."

The guard looked puzzled.

"Why?"

"Well, if you die, then one of your surviving family members might care. Then they might try to sue me. And if they sue me, then I have to go to court and explain how I had to kill you because you were in my way, and I needed to get you out of my way, so…."

"Okay, okay, I'll sign your waiver!"

"Thank you. Here's the waiver, and here's a pen."

The guard bent down to sign. After reading the clause, he clicked open the pen…

...which exploded.

Really, it exploded. The blast slammed both guards into the wall, knocking them unconscious. Tyler smirked.

"See? That's the point of a waiver."

Tyler quickly propelled himself over the gate, landing in an enormous courtyard. He began to stride triumphantly across the courtyard, when he noticed something that caused him to stop mid-step.

"Oh muffins…"

He had just succeeding in entering an enormous courtyard, packed to the brim with guards.

From her scrying glass, Faya watched happily as Tyler realized what he had just walked into. She continued smiling as the guards charged the Society Agent. Her smile slowly began to fade as Tyler blasted her first line of soldiers away with a grenade. It disappeared completely when the Agent grabbed the lance of one of the guards, and fired off another explosive behind it, launching himself forward and knocking out every guard in his path. It dropped into a frown as Tyler vaulted over the head of a guard, propelling himself out of the scrying orb's range.

Tyler landed on the balcony, taking several seconds to regain his breath. He looked up… and immediately blurred into the air to avoid a small squad of guards who had just charged him. Tyler spun the stolen lance around, pushing them off the balcony. They made a loud "Clang!" as they hit the ground, but they got up, if woozily. Tyler blew a loud raspberry at them, and was rewarded by one of the guards hurling a spear at him. Tyler grabbed the spear before it could hit him, eyed it suspiciously, then chomped off the point. He chewed on it contemplatively for a moment, then spat it out. He readied the spear to throw it back down…then spun, slamming the spear into another group of guards, then vaulting them, sending them tumbling off the balcony to join their fellows. This time, the clang was more subdued, but still satisfying. Tyler continued into the palace.

-

Twenty minutes later…

Tyler had made it to the second-to-last floor, but he was now stymied by a trapdoor, of all things. He had tried blasting his way in, but it had done nothing. He had fired a series of energy blasts at the opening, to no avail. Finally, he decided on something. He had been planning to save this for the actual battle, but he needed to get to Faya. Tyler levitated a small pink crayon out of his pouch, then fired it at the trapdoor. Said door was instantly covered with a thin coating of pink. But that was enough. Tyler screamed with rage and leapt upward at the trapdoor, smashing it with a magic-soaked fist. The door shattered into splinters, and Tyler shot up into the top room, immediately firing a magic bolt at…

A Mii?

Granted, this Mii was unusual, with a shock of bright purple hair, red eyes, and blue skin, but it was most definitely a Mii. As Tyler's energy bolt approached it, it moved aside incredibly fast, and the bolt hit the wall of the room, leaving a scorch mark. Tyler was confused.

"Wait, I'm confused. Who are you?"

When the Mii spoke, its voice resembled several thousand bees buzzing at once.

"I am an Uber-Stu, a general in Faya's army."

"Faya has an army?"

"Yes. The Mistress has created an army of Sues and Stus to destroy a force she refers to as The Society."

"Um…."

"I have told you this because I am about to kill you. Neither you nor the information you are now aware of will leave this room alive."

"Thanks!"

"Why are you thanking me? I am about to kill you."

"Because you just told me info. You won't be able to kill me."

"Incorrect. Now die." Uber-Stu drew a pair of blades, each glowing with a hazel light, seemingly out of nowhere and charged at Tyler. Tyler quickly backstepped, avoiding a painful and bloody end by one of Uber-Stu's swords. Uber-Stu snarled and swung again, but Tyler continued dodging, blocking, and taunting.

"Are you sure you're a Stu? I always thought one of the qualifications was fighting ability."

Uber-Sue roared in anger and slashed at Tyler, who dodged, then kicked Uber-Stu in the ankle. The Stu cried out in pain, limping away from Tyler.

"Seriously, is that it? I thought that an Uber-Stu would at least put up a fight."

Then the Stu lunged, slashing at Tyler with both swords. Tyler spun to one side, smacking Uber-Stu in the back of the head with his staff. The Stu stumbled forward, but quickly righted himself in time to block Tyler's next attack. He was about to slash at Tyler's head, but the Agent parried with the other end of his staff, then gave way, letting Uber-Stu skid past him. Tyler whirled around, striking the Stu in the ribs. Uber-Stu yelped, and Tyler took the opportunity to move back and ready a bomb. Uber-Stu was about to charge when a baseball smacked him in the face. He grabbed the baseball, preparing to hurl it back at Tyler, when it exploded, blasting Uber-Stu into a wall.

"Okay, I don't play baseball, but I think that's a walk. You can go to first base." Tyler produced a base from his pouch and tossed it over to the Stu. Too dizzy to think about much else, Uber-Stu stumbled over to it, not noticing Tyler pressing a small button. The base exploded, knocking Uber-Stu to the ground. Tyler grinned widely.

"Okay… that's an out."

Uber-Stu suddenly leapt to his feet, somehow healed. Tyler paled slightly.

"You have a healing factor?"

"Correct. Now, you will die." Uber-Stu lunged with both swords, aiming at Tyler's kidneys, but the Agent stepped around the slashes, getting behind Uber-Stu, then drove his heel into the Stu's Achilles tendon. Uber-Stu screamed in agony, hopping forward, but the injury healed almost instantly, and Tyler fired a series of energy bolts to prevent another lunge.

"Sorry, but there's this thing called 'personal space.' Heard of it? One of the main points is not killing people with pointy sticks."

Uber-Stu yelled a battle cry and charged. Tyler formed an energy shield, blocking the blows.

"Hey, seeing as you're a Stu, I have a question. What's the point of having a glowing sword? All it does is draw attention and center you out as a target."

Uber-Stu instantly stopped pounding on Tyler's shield. He quickly took out a chalkboard and chalk, then began scribbling furiously.

"Okay, so the glow intensity of a weapon is a sign of power, so a more strongly glowing weapon will vibrate, causing more powerful hits. Red represents anger, and is particularly effective against shields, whether magical or physical. Blue is logic, which is highly effective against both red and pink. Green is calm, which is slightly effective against blue and mental attacks, but weak to pink and red. Yellow is happiness, and is effective against almost everything, but is weak to blue. Orange is fear, and has no effect on red or green, but can defeat green and yellow. Purple is lethargy, and has no weaknesses, but no strengths. Pink is passion, and is strong against red or orange, but weak to blue and green. Red-orange is…."

Tyler was taking notes.

Several minutes later….

"Greenish ochre with a touch of rust is…"

"Okay, okay, I get it!"

Uber-Stu paused, surprised.

"Oh, okay then. Die!" Uber-Stu swung his swords at Tyler, pummeling the shield.

"I said… ENOUGH!" Tyler screamed, blasting Uber-Stu off his feet with a burst of magic. The Stu got to his feet, seething.

"Need any help, brother?"

Tyler and Uber-Stu turned. The speaker was another Mii, with the same color scheme, but this one was female.

"I am Uber-Sue, another general in Faya's army."

"Crap."

"I do not understand how expressing the common term for defecation has anything to do with…"

Tyler facepalmed.

"It's a freaking expression!"

"I do not understand how…"

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

"Accepted. You will now die." Uber-Sue pulled out two swords, these ones glowing a pleasant lavender. Tyler pulled a face halfway between revulsion and boredom.

"Please tell me you can fight better than your brother."

"Affirmative. Now, die." Uber-Sue lunged, and Tyler was forced to bring up another shield, knocking her back. This attack was immediately followed up by a jumping slash from Uber-Stu, forming a crack in the shield. Then the Sue and Stu leapt into the air. The entire room was shrouded in a black light.

"Team Combo-Infinite Slashes!"

Uber-Stu slashed the air thousands of times per second, each slash leaving a trail of light. The blades of energy gathered around Uber-Sue, and she connected her blades at the tip. Then the slashes traveled down the glowing blades, which focused them into a beam of pure sword glowyness that fired down at Tyler. The Agent blurred to one side, dodging the beam, but up above, Uber-Sue moved her swords, causing the beam to follow him. Tyler grabbed a small grenade out of his pouch and hurled it at Uber-Sue. The Sue tried to alter the path of the beam, but the explosive hit first. With a loud explosion, amplified by the room, Uber-Sue dropped out of the sky. Uber-Stu let out a cry of rage and swooped down at Tyler.

"I swear, if you've hurt her-,"

"Oh shove it." Tyler grabbed the Stu's arm, swinging him in a circle and hurling him away.

"Despite what you may see, talking is not a free action. It actually takes more time than swinging a sword. Really."

Tyler was about to turn and walk away, but he suddenly stopped dead.

"Oops, can't leave yet! Gotta fire off a parting shot! Because seriously, you two were pathetic! You're both supposed to be Uber, so act like it! C'mon, get a little ability instead of just leaning on your powers! It's really very…" Tyler trailed off. "Oh, right… anyway, bye!" Tyler was about to open a door to another room, when a knife collided with the handle. Tyler turned around.

"Okay, really! That's the oldest cliché ever… or one of them! If you have the accuracy to block my exit by jamming the handle with a knife, why don't you just kill me with it?"

Uber-Stu frowned.

"You have a point… well, I do have another knife, so no harm done."

Tyler paled.

"Oh muffins…" The next knife whizzed toward him, missing him by an inch and embedding itself in the handle, right next to its brother. Another lightbulb appeared over Tyler's head.

"That's it! That throw was blind luck! You were aiming to hit me, weren't you?"

Uber-Stu looked sheepish.

"Well… yes."

"Ah! In that case, I'll give you lessons!" Tyler yanked a knife out of the door and ran over to the Stu.

"Okay, first, you grab the knife by the tip of the blade with your thumb and index…"

"Okay…" Uber-Stu followed Tyler's directions.

"Next, relax your grip on the blade slightly…"

Uber-Stu continued to obey.

"Next, realize I have no idea what I'm talking about…"

"Okay… wait wha-," That was all he could get out before Tyler snatched the knife away.

"And finally, scream in pain as I kill you!" Tyler stabbed at Uber-Stu, but the Stu grabbed the blade, halting the knife.

"Okay, you stay there!" Tyler grabbed a rope out of his pouch, tying it around Uber-Stu's hands. Tyler grabbed a Prohibitor out of his pouch and jammed it onto the Stu.

"Ha!"

Suddenly Uber-Stu let out a scream of pain and glowed white. Cracks of blue energy spiderwebbed across him from the Prohibitor. After Uber-Stu was covered in the cracks, he exploded into tiny pixels of light. Tyler paused.

"Weird… just like a Yugioh card…." Tyler suddenly remembered something. "Aiee!" He blurred to one side as Uber-Sue lunged at him. The Sue was apoplectic.

"You… killed… my… BROTHER!"

"Actually, this was more erasing him from existence. What a horrible waste."

"Yes! It was a horrible waste of Stuish life!"

"Actually, I was talking about my Prohibitor. I only get two a mission."

"Super Awesome Pounding Blast of Elemental Cosmic Destruction!"

Tyler's eyes widened.

"Oh dear Arceus…."

Then Uber-Sue fired an energy blast the size of a tennis ball. Tyler moved slightly to one side, dodging. Uber-Sue charged again, slashing at Tyler's head. Tyler took a step back, then pushed Uber-Sue away with a burst of energy.

"That was lame. Five seconds of preparation and you get that?"

"Well, I needed a name for my attacks…"

"No you didn't. And if you really did, name it "Tennis Blast," or something simple."

"Seriously, are you always this annoying?"

"Yes."

"Die already!" Uber-Sue lunged at Tyler, who blocked with another shield of energy.

Tyler gave a thumbs-up.

"Nice! Almost got me there. Just a little hard… oh carp."

Uber-Sue's blow shattered the shield, sending Tyler stumbling backwards. Uber-Sue was about to lunge when an explosion blasted her into a wall. Uber-Sue leapt to her feet, charging, when a pulse of energy stopped her in her tracks. As she prepared to attack again, a shield sprang up around her. The Sue battered the shield, but it refused to budge. As she watched, Tyler tossed an explosive high into the air. Uber-Sue frowned.

"What was the point of that? All you did was waste-," Suddenly the shield disappeared. Uber-Sue grinned and prepared to strike.

"Die, Agent."

Then the chandelier hit.

With a ear-splitting crash and a piercing scream, the chandelier smashed through the floor, carrying Uber-Sue to a painful end. Several shards of glass flew towards Tyler, but he stopped them with a shield. Tyler smirked, then headed toward the balcony to find Faya's palace. From the balcony, Tyler surveyed Neo Verona. He admired the close-up view of the bright blue sky, of the pure white clouds, of the-

-There! Down there, by the monument! Tyler caught a glimpse of tennis court-red hair, and lime-green eyes, and heard the narrator describing the colors with unnecessary and unconventional adjectives. He was about to blur over when he heard a loud wingbeat. Tyler blurred into the air just in time to avoid the swoop of a Ryuba, a dragon steed. He dropped down onto the back of another, forming a shield to prevent being struck by the Ryuba's whipping tail. He spun his staff quickly, parrying a lance thrust from the Ryuba's rider, then pummeled him with a series of energy pulses. The rider swayed in place, then fell, and the Ryuba swerved, unceremoniously depositing him and Tyler back on the balcony. Tyler blurred into the air, then blurred toward the second rider, knocking him off and sending them both flying toward the window leading into Faya's palace. Tyler kicked the rider to one side, formed a shield around himself, then cannonballed straight through the window, entering Faya's palace in an explosion of glass and light. Before hitting the ground, Tyler blurred again, coming to a stop on the other end of the room, seventy feet away from an astounded Faya. The Sue sputtered for a moment, completely speechless. Tyler gave a mock bow. Faya purpled and lunged, tendrils of energy trailing from her hands. Tyler blurred to one side, dodging.

"Wow, I haven't even talked, and you're already trying to kill me. That's probably a record."

Faya snarled, a deep, guttural sound.

"Oh, by the way, what's with Mr. and Ms. Sue?"

Faya smirked.

"My… pet projects, you might say."

"By which you mean…" Tyler prompted.

"Please. I'm not some Hollywood stereotype villain; I'm not telling you my plans. I'm not telling you about my Sue army."

"And yet you just did."

"Ooh…."

"Great! Can we get to your total humiliation now?"

"Die!" Faya lunged, slashing at Tyler with a huge sword she seemed to pull out of nowhere. Tyler blurred away.

"You have a limited vocabulary, you know that? Just 'Die!' and 'Perish!' Sign of a small mind, they say."

"Hey!" Faya charged again, but Tyler blurred away, and Faya's sword crashed down onto her throne, shattering it.

"Ooh, that looked expensive."

"It was!" Faya wailed. "It cost five thousand dollars!"

"Did you even pay for it?"

"Well… no…"

"Stop complaining. I broke a ruler yesterday. It cost twenty dollars, and I didn't give a damn."

Faya frowned. "Why not?"

"Because I ate it. But that's not the point. The point is that you suck, and I don't."

"I do not suck!"

"Sooo… what you're saying is that you're a broken vacuum cleaner."

"No!" Faya lunged at Tyler, who tossed a smoke bomb, shrouding the palace room in black fog.

"Ahh, mist bombs. So much more ecological," Tyler said calmly. A loud thud emanated from nowhere. "Oh, and you might want to watch out for the sliver. You could trip on it."

When the fog cleared, Tyler was still where he had been when he had thrown the bomb. Faya was getting to her feet from where she had tripped and fallen. Tyler stuck out his tongue.

"Come on, you're a Sue! Stop being so clumsy!"

Faya's eyes widened. "B-but… but…. being clumsy was my author disproving my Suishness."

Tyler facepalmed. "Does it really matter? You're not actually ever clumsy, except once in a blue moon when your author remembers that that's how they described you. And then they go over the top with you tripping over yourself to prove how incredibly clumsy you are. Then, point made, they forget about it and have you performing amazing feats of balance and precision. Then they remember 'Oops! Faya is supposed to be clumsy!" and have another chapter of you being completely useless. Am I correct?"

"Yes…"

"My point. How did your author pick your name anyway?"

"Well, they liked the name 'Faya,' but they also wanted the name 'Wargana.' Then they decided they wanted an initial, because it was cool. They needed a number, because I was in a royal lineage, even though I didn't know it, and one of them accidentally banged their fist on the keyboard when they yelled at their friend for saying that I was a Sue, which, by the way, I totally am not, and then they couldn't bring themselves to delete it. So that's how I got my name."

Tyler's jaw dropped.

"That…is one of the most Suish things I have had the misfortune of hearing in my whole, 6-or-7 month existence."

"No it's not! Anyway, then my authors posted my story, which was totally perfect and had me sacrificing myself for Jeena, but since the authors didn't want me to die, they had the blast still hit Jeena, and then Jeena died so I could be with Rallen, then I brought Jeena back, but she said Rallen was too good for her and let him stay with me. Then the authors got flames that I was a Sue, which were completely wrong, so they quit because the reviewers were mean. They wrote some more of their story for their friends, and I got even more perfect! But then their friends got mean and said I was a Sue, so they quit my story and left me to fester."

Tyler blinked. Then he resumed eating an arm of Faya's throne. A vein pulsed in Faya's forehead.

"That was my backstory you idiot! You're supposed to listen with horror and sympathize with, then forgive, all my past misdeeds!"

"Sorry, but 'Attempting to warp the fabric of a universe,' isn't that forgivable."

"Oh that's it!" Faya held out her sword, which glowed with an unearthly red light. "Any last words?"
Tyler smirked. "Just one..."

Faya's jaw dropped.

"What… the heck… was that?"

Tyler grinned.

"That, as you so eloquently refer to it, is an extremely long name for a molecule found it tobacco. I've always wanted to say it. Also, it apparently kept you from killing me long enough for me to prepare every single explosive I'm carrying in this pouch."

Faya scoffed. "So? You've probably got nothing left."

Tyler made a tsk-tsk sound and wagged his finger. "To the contrary! This is a Bag of Holding, stolen from D&D! It holds several dozen cubic feet of matter." Then Tyler gave the bag a hard shake, and Faya saw exactly how many explosives Tyler had crammed into the bag. She paled.

"Oh-,"

KABOOM

*This scene has been censored due me always wanting to say that. Please enjoy this fuzzy bunny rabbit*

 (\_/)
(='.'=)
 (") (")

*We return to the main production*

When the smoke from the explosion cleared, Faya had been embedded into her throne, despite her being on the wrong end of the blast. Tyler was standing where Faya had stood before the explosion, covered in a shield of light. The Agent stuck out his tongue at the downed Sue. Then he realized something.

"Oh crap. I taunted a opponent, I am so screwed I am so screwed…"

Suddenly a huge explosion of light burst forth from the throne, obliterating it. Tyler was forced to close his eyes. A second later, Faya rose out of the ashes of her throne, encased in a cocoon of rainbow light. Tyler gulped.

"No way we can settle this like civil human beings, is there?"

Faya pretended to think about it. "No. No, not really."

"Muffins."

Faya sent a huge blade of energy flying toward Tyler, who flung up a shield. However, the blast plowed right through Tyler's shield, smashing the Agent into the far wall. Tyler slowly got to his feet, blood dripping from his chest. He sighed theatrically.

"Jeez, Faya… I just… got out… of the hospital. No need to put… me back in."

"Yes. Yes there is. You have chased me through five different universes."

"And you… tried to destroy… five different universes."

"But I'm a Sue, therefore I am to be forgiven."

"No… not really."

"Well, when they don't forgive me, they have to die." Faya levitated into the air, a pink light surrounding her. Below, Tyler's eyes widened.

"Faya… I have three requests."

The Sue scoffed. "You can ask."

"First… stop warping fandoms."

Faya scoffed again. "Not a chance."

"Second… stop trying to kill me."

"Nope."

Then Tyler's eyes narrowed to slits.

"And finally… stop… using… PINK!" Suddenly Tyler rocketed at Faya, propelled by a blast of energy. The Sue didn't even have time to think before Tyler's knee slammed into her face. Then she felt herself zooming back into a wall as Tyler kicked her away. As she smashed into the wall, the pink aura dissipated, and Tyler's eyes returned to normal. Then he realized where he was.

"Oh… muffins…"

Then he fell toward the ground.

Just before impact, Tyler grabbed his Scene Transition and activated it.

Faya watched Tyler slam into the ground as she disentangled herself from the wall. She smirked, but then she noticed something. The Agent was still breathing. Pausing only to scowl at him, she raised her sword, then lunged…

Then, so fast Faya couldn't even register it, a Plothole opened and a flash of black shot from it. Faya felt a horrible pain in her back, and she was flung thirty feet across the hard wooden floor.

-

Tyler snapped awake with a jolt of pain as the memories of the Scene Transition flashed through his head. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, and watched as the black blur materialized only ten feet from the injured Faya. It seemed to be a stick figure, dressed in black, with glowing red eyes. As Tyler watched, it brandished a pair of serrated, almost rusty-looking, swords. Faya stood, drawing her sword impossibly fast and lunging. Tyler was sure that the stick figure would be dead in an instant. But just as Faya's blow landed, it was matched. Both swords had somehow risen in time to block. Tyler raised an eyebrow, then was brought back to reality by a burst of pain that reminded him he was probably about to die. He reached for his Plothole Generator and quickly opened a Plothole, dropping through it.

Faya dodged a series of supernaturally fast strikes, each one leaving a sonic boom in their wake. She quickly parried, then lashed out, knocking her assailant away. The stick figure ground to a halt, then glared at Faya, its eyes full of menace. Faya glared back.

"Who are you, anyway? And why are you trying to kill me?"

When the figure spoke, its voice was like a buzzsaw.

"I am Shade."

"Original."

"Yes. I was ordered by Runoa to kill you."

Faya frowned. "What?"

"She has discovered your army and your plans. You are in her way. You must die." Before Faya could even respond, Shade was behind her, stabbing her through the head. Faya's eyes dimmed, and she crumpled, disintegrating. Shade paused momentarily, then disappeared.

-

In the Library…

Tyler sat up in a hospital bed, trying to figure out what had happened since he had gone through the Plothole. He decided that while he had been unconscious, Faya had escaped again. As far as he knew, there was no evidence to the contrary. Then a door opened and Drake walked in. Tyler waved.

"Hello."

"Hi," Drake replied.

"Faya escaped?" Tyler asked.

Drake made an odd face. "No, actually. That being that called itself Shade killed her." Then Tyler's eyes went wide.

"WHAAAT? I wanted that honor! I swear, when I get out of this sickroom, I'm going to-OW!" Tyler dropped back down as a surge of pain ran through him. "I am going to kill that stick figure."

Drake raised an eyebrow, then left quickly.

-

Somewhere else in the Library…

"Did you bring enough paint?"

"Yes, Miss."

"Good." Camille smirked. "When Tyler gets out of the hospital, he is getting a big surprise…."

Then Doyle looked in the paint cans. "Miss, this is pink paint."

"Yes…"

"Don't you remember the last time you painted Tyler's room pink?"

"Yes, but this time I also have a tranquilizer dart."

"Ah."

-

Somewhere else in the multiverse….

Relyt turned to Ekard. "Is everything going as planned?"

Ekard groaned. "You've asked that five times already! Just because the readers might be watching… but yes."

"Good."