Monday, December 30, 2013

Insert Multichapter Flashback Here (part 1 of 3)

Inara sat up in her bed and yawned. She winced as her left arm accidentally hit her nightstand. She hopped out of bed and threw on a Batman t-shirt and jeans before grabbing breakfast. Another day, another 24 hours of dodging Shirley. She had also been poking around to see what the other agents knew about Willie.

This amounted to pretty much nothing. Really, the guy was less open around other people than her. Inara was brought out of her musings by a blast of purple-black fire scorching the hallway.

"Stay away from the manga Shirley!" Willie shouted from down the hallway. Shirley, looking very much like she wanted to do very horrible and painful things to him, walked, er, hovered, flew, okay, went down the burned out hallway mumbling things that should never be repeated in front of your grandmother.

"Hey! Wait up!" Inara shouted as Willie turned and went down another hallway. The sound of a door slamming echoed and Inara dropped her head. Of course her one chance of talking to him ended with her being ignored. Lovely.

A Few Hours Later

Inara walked down the hallway, almost growling in frustration. "Stupid Platinum Elite Four…" She muttered to herself. Inara frowned in confusion as she heard some boy singing. It was really good singing too. But for some odd reason it was a Disney song… She shook her head lightly and went to check it out.

The singing was coming from a room a few doors down; the door slightly ajar.

"Oh, you have got to be freaking kidding me."

Willie was in the middle of the room singing Poor Unfortunate Souls. From what she could tell he was also trying to dance; the key word being "try." Inara burst out laughing. It wasn't every day you saw a vicious murderer singing a Disney song and dancing really really badly. Willie whipped around to see where the laughter was coming from and turned bright red.

"Are you done laughing at me yet?" Willie was still bright red and looking extremely annoyed . "J- Just a few more seconds" And she laughed for a few more seconds. Sixteen, to be exact. "I'm sorry, but that's hilarious, I've got to tell some of the other Agents." Inara had finished laughing about halfway through her first sentence and was now giggling uncontrollably.

Willie froze and a 'deer in the headlights' look appeared on his face. "Don't tell anyone. Please."

"I won't, but why not?" Inara crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Because they'll lose respect for me if they know I sing." Inara blinked and just looked at Willie like he had said he that Shirley hated violence.

Inara then started to laugh again; almost doubling over. Willie blinked for a few seconds until he realized exactly how stupid that reason was and started laughing along with her.

"Hey, do you need some training?" Willie asked. "Why do you ask?" Inara asked him tilting her head to the side; her eyes narrowing slightly. "Because you got your ass handed to you by a level two Sue; and I had to save you, Miss Damsel in Distress." Inara glared at him.

"I am no Damsel in Distress! Messing up on your first mission doesn't do that. Everyone screws up on their first mission. Plus, you're girlier than I am, Disney Boy." Inara glared at him. "In fact, I bet I can kick your ass!"

"You're on!" Willie shouted. As of this point they were both pissed off at each other. Way to go, Willie, you're a douche.

Luckily, for the two, who wanted to fight more than was probably good for them, the room they were in was pretty big and had hardly any furniture.

"Looks like I'll get some recompense for you spying on me!" Willie said while entering a traditional, "come and get me," pose.

"We'll see, Disney Boy!" Inara retorted, drawing her leg back in preparation for a charge.

"Then let's begin," he said, immediately running forward and punching her right in the stomach! However, Inara just grunted a bit.

"Is that the best you got?" she said snidely, before lifting her leg and planting a kick right his chest, sending him flying backwards. However, he merely dug his feet in and toppled head over heels, avoiding a hard collision with the wall.

"Heh, you're not much better. Try this on for size!" At that, Willie jumped into the air, descending with his foot first a la Boot to the Head, but was blocked by Inara bringing her hands up above her head, which slowed the strike enough to make it near painless. However, Willie just used her head as a stepping stone and leaped off, landing lightly and turning his torso toward her, only for her to turn around first.

"Try this!" she said, before pulling her arm back and launching it with a cry of, "I AM A MAN!" Willie just jumped out of her reach, causing her to be caught off balance and nearly fall over.

"Okay, I'm not even going to begin to explain why you can't use that line. However, let me give you some advice!" Willie said before running forward and planting a kick on her jaw. "Never attempt to punch someone who can get away!" he continued as Inara fell over on her back, groaning in pain.

"I suppose that's it," he said, turning around and sighing about the short duration of the fight, when he heard the sound of breathing right behind him. He turned quickly, and was shocked to see Inara standing up!

"And here's a lesson to you. Never turn your back on a dangerous opponent!" she said, before punching him with all her might. Unfortunately for her he caught the punch and hit her in the jaw; knocking her down. She takes a lot of abuse there.

The punch didn't keep her down for long though and Inara was back up in a flash. She kneed Willie in the stomach which pushed him back a bit. Before he could recover Inara kicked him in the face, knocking him down.

"You give?" Inara asked; crouching slightly in case the spar continued. "Yeah, yeah, I give." Willie rubbed his face where Inara's foot had connected. That patch of skin was already starting to turn an ugly purple.

"How did I get my ass kicked by a thirteen year old?" Willie mumbled under his breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Can you speak up?" Inara's smirk had grown to the point that it was almost psychotic. Willie just made a noise and averted his eyes.

Inara stuck her tongue out at him and leaned against a nearby wall. She coughed lightly and took a drink from the water bottle that had appeared from… somewhere.

"I have just one question: Why the AT4W quote?" Willie asked;,confused. Inara shrugged. "I felt like it and the Author wanted me to." As expected, the Fourth Wall broke. As per routine Adrian was shouting, Aster was being blamed, Tyler triggered a booby trap, and Ben took the opportunity to nuke something.

"So, why do you never really talk to anyone? I never do, but I'm new." Inara said looking at Willie with blatant curiosity. Willie just made a noise and looked away. "I heard you used to belong to some other organization; does it have anything to do with that? You don't have to tell me if you don't really want to though." Inara looked down at her feet, her shoulders slumping slightly.

"Nah, I'll tell you. It's not like you won't hear it later anyway. But sit down; it's a bit of a long one."


Insert Multichapter Flashback......... HERE!


"What is taking them so long?" Willie said to himself as he stretched out on his bed. "He said that it shouldn't take long to pinpoint the location of the next artifact, but it's been weeks now!" he complained, turning to lay on his side with a scowl. His eyes flickered around the room, looking at the black bookcase, black carpet, black chairs and black desk. Basically everything in his room was black, with the exception of the ceiling, which was a blood-red. Tasteless, yes, but very fitting. He sighed to himself. "Going on missions may be fun, but playing good boy with these idiots is starting to drive me mad," he said, sighing again as he did so. At that moment, his pocket began vibrating, with a few bars of a special theme playing. He immediately perked up, grabbed his phone out of his pocket, and put it to his ear. "You've finally found it?"

"Why yes, my little assassin. Why so shocked?" a strange voice answered. It was practically impossible to discern how the voice sounded, as it kept distorting with every word it spoke. "Did you think that I would let you down?"

"Heh, kinda," Willie replied, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. He then sat up on the bed and got a malicious grin. "So, where is it?"

"That's the best part!" the voice exclaimed. "It's in the Super Paper Mario fandom!" it continued, joy incredibly obvious in its tone.

"Ah, a place near and dear to your heart. How long will it be before Tash contacts me?" Willie replied, getting up out of bed and walking to a chair.

"Right now. Good luck!" the voice said before cutting off. Willie then heard a knocking at the door.

"Coming!" Willie said, hastily putting his phone in his pocket as he walked to the door and opened it, revealing Tash standing there. "To what do I owe this honor?"

"There's a Sue in the Super Paper Mario fandom and you seem to be the one best familiar with it. Can you go immediately?" she asked, looking over the room with a frown.

"Sure thing. After all, the longer we wait, the worse off the fandom becomes, right?" Willie asked, smirking, before pulling out his Plothole Generator, opening a portal and leaping right through it, leaving Tash to close the door and walk off bemused.


Moments later, in front of the magnificent structure of Castle Bleck, Willie jumped out of the opening Plothole and landed foot first before going off-balance and falling to the ground as the Plothole vanished. Willie quickly got back up and brushed down his white uniform.

"Okay, next time I practice before doing a move like that," he grumbled, before looking up at the castle and smirking. "So this is where my next target is? Let's see what the deal is," he said, before pulling out his cell phone and scrolling through his options. "Let's see…contacts, murder tips, artifact checklist…ah, here we go! Sue Information!" he exclaimed, safe in the knowledge of the diluted field being projected into the monitor room. His organization had covered all the bases.

"Alright then, what has this Sue done?" he mused, before selecting the Sue Information feature of his phone and reading what came up. "Hmm, apparently her name is Princess Beautiful Magical Mysterious Super Deity Maria PB. Luigi, and she comes from Sammer's Kingdom…? Okay, moving on. Only person in world with teleportation abilities… parents killed by ninjas…escaped before tragic destruction of Sammer's Kingdom and all in it, including protagonists… got the Pure Hearts and challenged Count Bleck… turned him and minions to good… is now marrying Dimentio?" he said, his frustration growing with each bit of text he read. "Why the nerve of this bitch! I ought to…wait," he said, his eyes widening. "She's marrying Dimentio?" he whispered, before his angry frown turned into a grin, and he began laughing with all his might. "The poor stupid Sue just dug her own grave!" he shouted, still laughing like mad as he ran through the castle doors and began slaughtering all in his path.


"Oh Maria!" Willie blared, hacking through the Sue-created Koopatrols guarding the door to the bride's room like a deranged butcher. "It's me, your friendly psychopathic arresting officer! Let's have a few rounds before I bring you in!" he exclaimed gleefully, kicking open the doors to her magnificent suite. It had been easy making his way through the "monsters" filling the palace. When Maria, in her kindness, had returned all of Bowser's former minions to their own universe, she had created stronger monsters of her own to take their place. However, "stronger" monsters were still no match for Willie's sword, as they had no preparation for the maniac that he was. He looked around the room, his eyes practically glowing with sadistic glee. The room was pure white, covered with figures of angels and filled with majestic treasures from many worlds, gifts from the grateful public to their soon to be queen. Maria herself was standing in the middle, wearing a beautiful form fitting white dress. Her hair, golden and stunning, fell in soft waves down her back, stopping at her feet. Her eyes were a limpid blue, and her skin was as pale and pure as new fallen snow, contrasted by her blood-red lips.

"Hello, Willie. I've been waiting for you," she said, her voice so rich that it would have sent lesser men into waves of ecstasy. Unfortunately for her, Willie was not a lesser man.

"Oh you have, have you? Then I suppose you know what's going to happen next?" he replied, lifting his black blade, bright red now from the massive amounts of blood coating it.

"Oh, I believe I do. You're going to hit me with that 'Revelation of Truth' attack you like so much, turn me ugly, and then stab or prohibit me while I'm bemoaning the loss of my looks. Luckily for me, I know I'm pure on the inside and as such you changing my appearance will have no-" she said, before being cut off by Willie, of all things, laughing. In fact, not just laughing, practically cackling, much to her surprise and anger. "Hey! What's so funny?" she shouted, her face going red with rage.

"Oh, you're too cute, Maria. You honestly think that I use such amateur tricks on you?" he said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.

"Amateur… what are you talking about? That's what you've done in every mission that you've gone on! I've researched!" she exclaimed, eyes blazing.

"Oh you poor deluded fool. That style was a cover up, just a trick to keep those Society dimwits from guessing how powerful I really am," he said, before sheathing his sword and then pulling off the glove he wore on his right hand, exposing the strange symbol upon it. He held his hand up for Maria to witness. "Recognize this?"

Maria strained to get a closer look, and then sighed. "Oh god one of those," she said, a frown forming on her features.

"Yes," Willie said, smiling brightly. "This is a top grade magical seal, best in the business. I might not have a huge amount of power to keep sealed up, but I have enough to require something to prevent suspicion. And now you will-" Willie said, before he stopped in shock. Maria wasn't, as he expected, gasping in shock or standing paralyzed in fear. She was just shaking her head and sighing. "Um...why aren't you despairing at the thought of my power? Hikaru just took one look at this seal and she couldn't take it," he said, his eyes baring a confused look.

Maria just kept shaking her head, before looking back up at Willie. "Typical," she said, "Absolutely typical. A little extra power and you think that makes you king of the world. Well let me tell you something, you'd better Sue-proof your doors, because you are definitely Stu material."

Willie looked as though he was choking. "What did you say?" he asked, although it came out more as a strangled gasp.

"I said you're Stu material, didn't you hear me the first time?" Maria replied, her voice practically dripping snark. "I mean look at you. You're all brawn and no brains. Don't you live with a resident magic master who would recognize that seal the moment he saw it? One slip-up with that glove, and your cover would've been blown. And take a look at that outfit," she continued, gesturing to his bloodstained outfit. "Murdering in all white? I don't think so. And doesn't the Society usually watch missions?" she asked.

"Um, yes but… but I have a rerouter system in place!" Willie shouted futilely, trying to make himself look good again. "They'll never notice a thing because they're not seeing the real picture!"

"Yes, but what happens if a techie gets wind of this? Wouldn't someone notice the mainframe's been hacked into? Face it, you're so confident in your power that you forgot some major details, and as such fail. Any day now, someone will break into your frequency and see everything you've been hiding, and then your 'evil plan' will fall completely apart," Maria said, her eyes glinting in triumph.

Willie just stood there for a moment, dumbfounded. Then, to Maria's surprise, he smiled. "Well done. For a Sue, you definitely have a brain on you. I suppose it was too much to hope that no one would notice, but it does feel good to be able to open up to someone," he said softly, his seal starting to pulse.

"Huh? What are you-wait. That energy signature…" she whispered, her eyes beginning to widen as everything finally dawned on her. "You mean…?"

"Yes," he replied, before something strange happened. Although he didn't physically change, he suddenly got an aura of handsomeness and mystery that if anyone else was in the room, would have made them want to worship him. "There's no point in sending me offers, because I'm already a member," he finished, his face contorting into a wicked grin.

"But-but-but, how? How isn't the Society noticing you?" she asked, her eyes actually somewhat fearful.

"It's quite simple actually," Willie replied, before pointing to the still pulsating seal. "This seal may contain much of my magical power, but I'm not the strongest magician, certainly not strong enough to warrant a seal of this caliber. No, the main purpose of this seal is to contain my Suergy, or at least enough of it to escape detection."

"That shouldn't work! That seal is meant to contain magic, not a wavelength!" Maria shouted, with the fact that a Stu was not only in the Society, but still against her causing her anger to go through the roof.

"That's why my organization chose me. I'm only a measly Level 2, so the seal contains enough of my Suergy to protect me. I still come off as somewhat Stuish, but it's a small price to pay. And now you know why the rerouter system will remain working. It's charged with just a bit of Suergy, not much, but just enough to prevent those Society idiots from figuring it out until it's too late," he said, before making a slight gesture with his right hand. At that moment, the mysterious D-Pistol appeared, and Willie aimed at the quivering Maria. "And now that you know everything, I'm afraid I have to kill you. No hard feelings," he said, before firing the gun. The bullet shot forward at an unnatural speed, before piercing Maria right in the throat. She released a gargled scream, before collapsing. Within seconds, her body dissolved completely, leaving behind a magnificent bracelet, pure gold and inlaid with jewels, with the centerpiece being one with the image of a tongue on it.

Willie smiled in satisfaction as he dismissed the gun and walked over to the bracelet, but stopped short of picking it up. "I know you're there, clone. Come out now," he said, before turning around. There, standing behind him, was the quivering figure of Dimentio, his ever present grin gone. "You pathetic piece of crap. How could you let a measly Sue like that overtake your defenses!" he shouted, causing Dimentio to draw back in fear.

"She caught me off guard. Please, spare me!" Dimentio pleaded, his eyes quivering with fright.

"Don't plead to me, plead to your master," Willie replied, before he heard a strange sound behind him. It sounded like the universe folding in on itself, and then unfolding. He grinned at the sound. "Looks like the time to plead is now. Better make it good," he said, before stepping to the side to reveal a familiar darkly colored jester.

"Well now, what do you have to say for yourself?" the second Dimentio asked, his voice distorting after ever word.

"I, I don't know. She surprised me, entering the fandom before I could realize and casting her lure. I couldn't do anything about it!" the first Dimentio whined, hoping that his master would take pity. He got the answer to that seconds later, as his body was obliterated by a starburst of magic.

"That is the price for failure," the second, and original, Dimentio said, before sighing. "I need to start making these clones more durable, that one went down like a house of cards before a mighty wind!" he said, before turning to Willie. "I'm guessing you were successful," he continued, before his grin widened as Willie picked up the Bracelet and handed it to him.

"Here you go. One step closer to the plans completion," Willie said, his Suergy aura vanishing into the seal as he spoke, leaving him looking completely normal once more.

"Yes. We'll begin looking for the next treasure as soon as I return. Keep up the good work, my little assassin. And here, a present from me to you," he said, before waving his hand. In an instant, the glove reappeared on Willie's hand, and the blood vanished from his clothes. "Can't have the Society figuring out who you are while we need their dimensional access. I've also refreshed the anti-snag enchantments on the glove," he continued, the distorted voice ringing with glee.

"Thank you, Master. I'll be awaiting news on the next artifact," he said, before bowing, and repeating the ceremony he had done when leaving the Library, leaving Dimentio alone in the quickly fading bridal suite.

"It's so hard to find good help these days," Dimentio sighed. "Ah well, clones are clones. It will be a shame when I have to kill Willie. Trained assassins are hard to find, but I can't have any Sues clogging my perfect worlds," he muttered, before vanishing as well, leaving his home fandom behind to heal.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Insert Freaky Nanotechnology Here

"Is it a Sue or a Stu?" Tyler asked.

"No idea. Its first action was to turn into a gigantic mecha-thing and start going on a rampage," Tash responded.

"Guess it's a Villain Sue." Tyler stepped through a Plothole and vanished.


In the Generator Rex fandom….

Tyler walked through the streets of New York City, ignoring the repeated blaring of some megaphone announcing lockdown due to E.V.O. attack. Tyler figured that the Sue or Stu would have to show itself soon, deadly beings mutated into horrible monsters by the nanobots in their blood being rather hard to hide.

And then it did. Something flashed out of an alleyway, bowling Tyler over. The Agent recovered quickly, kicking the assailant off of him. It slammed into a building and slid down, revealing itself as a humanoid figure with four long, sharp, tentacles protruding from its back. It was clad in what looked like thin orange metal, and its face was obscured by an equally orange visor. Obviously it was the Sue or Stu that had invaded the fandom. Tyler rolled to his feet, drawing his staff and dropping into something resembling a fighting stance.

The Sue or Stu (Tyler had decided to think of it as "Fido") sent all four of its tentacles stabbing towards Tyler…

...impaling the ground where he had been a moment ago, as the Agent dashed up one of the tentacles, leaping into the air. Fido pulled one tentacle out of the ground, lashing it up to catch Tyler out of the air, but Tyler grabbed the tentacle and swung to the ground, kicking Fido in the face as he passed. As Tyler hit the ground, he swiped at the E.V.O's feet with his staff, tripping Fido, and kicked him into the building again. As Fido slid to the ground, Tyler relaxed slightly.

"You know, for a Sue or Stu, you're not putting up much of a fight." His only response was a hiss from Fido. "At least you haven't told me to shut up yet."

Fido lunged, and Tyler stepped to one side, grabbing the E.V.O's tentacles with a rope of energy and yanking hard. Fido stumbled backwards, and Tyler blasted it with an energy beam. The Agent tossed a handful of explosives at Fido, and the E.V.O. was blasted backwards into the same building, for the third time. This time, instead of slamming into the building and sliding down, Fido smashed through the wall. This was immediately followed by the entire building collapsing on the E.V.O.

"Huh. Third time's the charm, I guess!" Tyler was about to walk away, when a tentacle shot out of the rubble, grabbed a chunk of rock, and hurled it at him. Tyler dove to one side and pelted the tentacle with energy bursts. A second tentacle ripped its way free to deflect the bolts, then both lashed around Tyler's neck and began to throttle him. The Agent responded by grabbing the tentacles and yanking back. A screech of pain came from the rockpile, and the tentacles went limp. Tyler tossed them to the ground before stomping on one. "Take that, you tentacled piece of-,"

Tyler was cut off by Fido smashing its way out of the rockpile and lashing at Tyler, who dodged the tentacle-strikes, then grabbed the tentacles and yanked again, bringing Fido close enough to punch it in the face with a magic-augmented hand. The Agent and the E.V.O. exchanged blows for a few minutes, before Tyler smacked it across the face with his staff, planted a bomb on its chest, and blasted it backwards. Then Tyler's communicator beeped.

"Tyler, what are you doing?" Tash's voice demanded.

"What do you mean? I was attacked by the Sue or Stu, which I have named Fido, and now I'm fighting it! What do you want from me?"

"Tyler, that's not-," Tash was cut off by the tentacles wrapping around Tyler while he was distracted, yanking him up, and smashing him into the ground. "What was that?"

"Ow… nothing. Gotta go." Tyler rolled aside as the tentacles pounded the ground around him.

"Wait, what? Tyler, don't you dare hang up on-BEEEEP!" Tyler shut off the communicator, ignoring Tash.

"Too late!"

Fido let out a hiss of anger and lunged, slashing at Tyler with its tentacles. The Agent danced around the whirling attacks, peppering Fido with energy bolts. Tyler's communicator beeped again. He ignored it, dodging a second charge and kicking Fido in the back, knocking the E.V.O. down. "What is it this time?"

"First of all, you're on basement duty for the next week for hanging up on me. Second, that's not the Sue or Stu."

"What?" Tyler hurled a handful of grenades at Fido, knocking it over and forming a cloud of dust.

"I just told you, that's not-,"

"No, I mean, I was in a life-or-death situation! I think hanging up on you can be forgiven, don't you?" Four curled tentacles shot out from the dust, slamming into a hastily constructed energy shield.

"Nope," Tash responded.

"That was… unequivocal." Tyler dispelled the energy shield, grabbed the tentacles, and pulled Fido towards him before hitting him in the face with an open palm. Fido let out a hiss, and Tyler swept its legs out, then slammed it to the ground with his staff.

Tash hung up. Tyler smiled, even as Fido caught him with its tentacles.

"Finally… I can continue this fight in peace." Fido lifted Tyler into the air, and the Agent's smile faded as Fido began slamming him into the ground repeatedly, and then it returned as Tyler blasted Fido in the face with a stream of energy, and the E.V.O. dropped him. Tyler jumped to his feet and dashed off, hurling a double handful of explosives behind to ensure that Fido would not be following for some time.


By the Atlantic Ocean, at a lovely seaside street….

Everything was in utter chaos.

Rex, the orange-clad main character of the show, and Six, who was clad in green, and had been named for his status as sixth deadliest man in the world, (first, Tyler had always assumed, went to Chuck Norris by default, second to Alex Mercer, third to Master Chief, fourth to Butler, and fifth to Rex, perhaps, although he suspected Batman might be involved somewhere) were trying and failing to fight an elephant-sized E.V.O, which seemed to have copied Rex's power to generate mechanical weapons out of his body, then upped it to eleven. While Rex could only form one weapon at a time, the E.V.O. had generated a massive suit of armor, containing gauntlets, boots, a jetpack, a pair of cannons on its back, a tail that ended in a gigantic sword, and heavy armor covering everything else. Currently, it was using aforesaid weaponry to hold off Rex and Six. Rex had manifested twin fists, but they were rendered useless by the E.V.O's cannons ripping chunks out of the road and firing them at him. Six was dashing in and out, slashing with his twin katanas, but neither could get past the sword-tail. Each time Rex and Six stepped back, half a dozen soldiers of Providence, the organization Rex and Six worked for, would open fire on the E.V.O. But despite the coordination of the attack, it had roughly the same effect as squirting water at a charging rhinoceros.

At this point, Tyler turned the corner. Seeing Rex and Six fighting the E.V.O, he turned around, only to see Fido closing in on him. The smaller E.V.O. had recovered surprisingly quickly from the blast. Fortunately, this gave Tyler an idea. He dashed out of the alleyway at top speed, Fido in hot pursuit. As Fido thrust out all four tentacles, Tyler jumped onto the larger E.V.O, then leapt out over the railing separating the street from the ocean, leaving the tentacles to impale the larger E.V.O, whom Tyler had christened, "Fluffy." Instead of plummeting to his death, however, Tyler sent out an energy hook to catch the railing, veering around and launching himself feet first at Fido, slamming into the E.V.O and ripping it out of Fluffy. Fido landed with a hiss: Tyler with a triumphant grunt. Behind him, Fluffy let out a roar of pain, even as the damage to its armor repaired itself.

"Now that was a dynamic entry!" Tyler proclaimed to nobody in particular. "Okay, where's the Sue?"

Rex took a moment out of fighting Fluffy to glance at Tyler. "Sue? Is that some sort of acronym? And what's with that other E.V.O. over there?"

Tyler shrugged. "Superbly Uber Entity, how should I know? And I was just fighting that E.V.O, don't poke it!" Ignoring the downed Fido, Tyler charged at Fluffy, who roared a challenge and fired a chunk of asphalt at him. Tyler dove to one side and tossed a grenade at the E.V.O, which had no visible effect other than making it angry. As such, Tyler took the only logical option. He ran for it. Fluffy followed, striking at Tyler with its sword-tail.

Rex sweatdropped. "Who is this guy?"

Six, on the other hand, dashed forward, leaping into the air and slashing at the tail. The blow didn't seem to do anything…

-Until Fluffy lashed its tail at Tyler, and the sword stayed behind. The now-useless tail smashed into Fluffy's head, crushing it into the ground, then snapped back, sending the sword flying. Six slashed several more times, and bits of Fluffy's armor began to fall off. Even as they repaired themselves, Rex switched weapons, forming a cannon, ripping up a piece of asphalt, and blasting off the remainder of Fluffy's weaponry. A round of gunfire later, and Fluffy had been reduced to a young man. Before ex-E.V.O. could do anything, Rex walked over, and placed a hand on his head, deactivating the nanites in his bloodstream. Rex frowned. "He… sort of looks like me…"

"He's not your brother, father, son, uncle, nephew, clone, or anything else," Tyler interrupted. "Just a poorly made copy." "Guess that's the Stu. Evil twin or something."

"Um… what are you talking about, and how would you know?"

"Long story," Tyler responded, and then a katana was at his throat, Six behind it.

"Who are you, and why are you here, and how are you fighting an E.V.O?" Six demanded.

Tyler made an attempt at a smile. "Do I get to ask a question after?"

"We'll see. Talk."

"I'm an interdimensional traveler, sent from a Library that exists between the worlds to stop overly perfect beings like that E.V.O. over there. And the energy blasts are magic."

Six raised an eyebrow. "Try again."

"Fine. I'm just a random person who happens to have the ability to shoot energy out of my hands and has an unlimited supply of small explosives. Is my previous answer really so implausible compared to that?"

"No. It's still implausible though."

"Um… I was concealing a lasergun up my sleeve?"

"Those don't exist."

"Um… look, you could just take me prisoner and talk this over without the involvement of sharp objects being placed at my throat. Please?"


"You should at least get that E.V.O."

Rex walked over. "Why? He's harmless now."

"Not for long. He's a Stu, he's going to regain his powers somehow. You're lucky you defeated him this time."


Six turned to Rex. "He's been talking about how he's an interdimensional traveler or something."

Rex shrugged. "Sounds like your ordinary nutcase. He's probably just an E.V.O. in denial or something. I'll cure him." Rex placed a hand on Tyler's forehead, then withdrew it, startled. "What?"

"What is it?" Six asked.

"There aren't any nanites in his blood."

Six thought for a moment. "Remember your previous offer, of being taken prisoner to explain things?"


"Consider it accepted."


Later, on a Providence ship…

"That makes no sense," White Knight, the leader of Providence, protested.

"That's because you've never been to other dimensions. I have. I didn't enter this world until long after the Event."

"Then how do you know about it?"

"Well… it's a long story."

"I've got time."

"Well… basically, my organization can see into any world, at any point in time during that world's history. It's pretty cool. Our jobs (self-appointed) are to hunt down overly perfect beings, such as that E.V.O. Rex and Six just fought, and take them prisoner, after disabling their powers using these." Tyler held up a Prohibitor. "This will most likely take the form of deactivating the Stu's nanites, but it won't work on any other E.V.O, so no, I can't give you any."

"Wait a minute," Rex interrupted. "Sure, it took three to one, plus a squad of Providence soldiers, but we took that thing down, and then I cured it! It's over!"

"Unlikely. It's a Stu, and a Villain Stu at that. It'll be back somehow."

"Like Van Kleiss?"

"Probably. If I had to guess, I'd say that the Stu will be, once it regains its powers, able to take out Van Kleiss in a fair fight."

Rex blinked. "Um… so can I."

"Sorry, did I say 'fair fight?' I meant 'fight where Van Kleiss has had three weeks to prepare.'"

"Okay…" White Knight said. "That still doesn't explain why we should believe you."

"I didn't say you should. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't be surprised when the E.V.O. you just fought resurfaces, you should bring me along when you go fight it, and that when this is all over, I'm taking it into custody, not you."


"Normally, when a Sue or Stu leaves a universe, all memory of it is wiped. As such, once it's dealt with, I can't leave it here. I need to take it with me."

"We can't risk you giving it to Van Kleiss."

"I already said, I'm leaving this world once the Stu's been defeated."

"And why should we trust you?"

"Well, um-…right." Tyler sighed. "Look, can we deal with this after the Stu's been defeated?"

"…Fine," White Knight muttered. Then an alarm blared.


Tyler smirked. "Well?"

"I still don't trust you… but you're capable of fighting an E.V.O, and you've got that bracelet that will deactivate the nanites, so I'm sending you with Rex and Six."



Back in New York…

"Down, Fido!" Tyler yelled, slamming the tentacle being's head into the ground.

"Taylor, what did I tell you about naming these things Fido?" Rex shouted, from where he was fighting off a trio of identical beings.

"You said not to do it, because it sounds stupid! I just ignored you! And it's Tyler!" Tyler responded, tripping another Fido and stomping on its head.

"I don't care!" Rex called back, crushing half a dozen Fidos in a pair of huge fists. "And when you said that the Stu was like Van Kleiss, I didn't know you meant it literally!"

"Neither did I!" Tyler responded, punching a Fido in the face, and spraying another with magic. "How many of these things did it make, anyway?"

"The Stu must have activated half the nanites in the city! And how did you do that?" Rex formed a pair of boots and kicked a Fido away.

"I told you, it's magic!" Tyler blasted a Fido into the air with a grenade.

"Magic doesn't exist!" Rex fired a chunk of pavement at a group of Fidos, knocking them flying.

"Oh really?" Tyler blasted away a pair of Fidos with energy blasts.

"Um… yes."

"Ah, never mind," Tyler muttered, stopping a tentacle strike with his staff, kicking the offending Fido away, sweeping another's feet out, and hurling an explosive at a third. "When's Six gonna get here?"

"He got sidetracked by that other army of Fidos," Rex replied, catching a handful of tentacles, and using the Fido at the end of them as a flail.

"Right. Nice move by the way." Tyler ducked into a ball, and a Fido tripped over him. The Agent popped back up, grabbed the Fido, and hurled it at another, knocking them both down. "Top that!"

"Fine!" Rex leapt into the air, reformed the boots, and landed, sending every Fido within twenty feet flying. "Consider it topped."

"Okay, I'm suitably impressed." Tyler caught a Fido in the stomach with his staff, kicked another in the shin, and yanked a third towards him before punching it through the first two, knocking all three down.

Rex finished the fight by grabbing two handfuls of tentacles and yanking, slamming two Fidos into each other, knocking both out. Then Six landed between them. "The "Stu" as you call it, is by the ocean like before."

"Is it still in its "Blargh, I'm a giant monster," form?" Rex asked.

"Yes, only five times the size."

Tyler paled. "That… is really bad."

"Yes. On a slightly better note, the Pack is now fighting it. I left them to get you. Breach should pick us up in a sec-," He was cut off by the appearance of a red portal, and a zombie-like girl with two normal arms and two massive ones yanking Rex, Six, and Tyler in.


At the oceanside street…

Rex, Six, Tyler, and Breach appeared on the street, and watched the battle unfolding. Fluffy had, true to Six's word, quintupled in size, now almost 100 feet tall, and was pounding Jacuzzi-sized holes in the road with its fists. Weaving around said fists were Biowulf, a bipedal wolf-like E.V.O. with mechanical plating, and Skalamander, a tall, fat, green E.V.O. with a lizard head shoved off to the side of its shoulder by a massive spike of diamond. Another spike of diamond had replaced its right hand. Finally, Van Kleiss, the leader of the Pack, who was simply a tall man with black-and-white hair, was standing behind the other two, attacking by extending his armor-plated right hand as a whip. Unfortunately, the combined efforts of the three were serving to do little more than annoy the massive E.V.O.

"Van Kleiss!" Rex shouted. "Why are you here?"

"What an existential question," Van Kleiss responded, dodging a fist and quickly moving out of Fluffy's range. "Why are any of us here? Is it just-"

"You know what I mean!" Rex shouted. By now, he and Six were fighting Fluffy's sword tail, Rex pounding away at it with massive fists, and Six slicing at it with the two katanas. Tyler, meanwhile, was running around on Fluffy's back, occasionally pausing to place a small explosive in a crack in the Stu's armor.

"Tyler, what are you doing up there?" Rex called.

"Nothing important!" Tyler yelled back, planting a final explosive in Fluffy's head. He was about to jump off, when a small hatch opened, and a Fido shot out, slamming into Tyler. Tyler quickly kicked the Fido away, and it fell to the ground, shattering on impact. Tyler swore under his breath, before calling down to Rex, Six, and the Pack. "This thing can create robots!" "At least I know where that army of Fidos came from…"

"What?" Rex called up.

"I said-"

"I can't hear you!"

"Never mind." Tyler kicked away a robot, smashed off the head of another with a bolt of magic, grabbed a pair of attacking tentacles, and yanked, sending a robot to its doom. Once again, he prepared to jump off…

-And four tentacles wrapped around him, dragging him back. Tyler quickly dispatched of the offending robot, but before he could jump off, he was swarmed by dozens of the things.

Down on the ground…

Rex slammed a fist into the sword-tail, and Six took the opportunity to slash it off. Before either could exploit the opening, the tail grew a new sword, and Rex and Six were forced to jump back to avoid it.

Biowulf had latched on to one of Fluffy's arms, and was tearing at it viciously. Meanwhile, Skalamander was blasting diamond spikes up at Fluffy's face. The giant E.V.O. was countering with huge chunks of rock ripped up from the road, but Breach absorbed them into portals and launched them back. Van Kleiss held on to Fluffy's other arm, keeping it out of the battle with surprising strength.

Suddenly Fluffy's mouth opened, and four small metal spheres shot down, hitting Skalamander and knocking him down, before sprouting long metal cables and entangling the lizard-E.V.O. Skalamander broke the bonds quickly, but his assault had been disrupted, and Fluffy took the opportunity to fire more of the spheres, tripping up the pack (except Breach, who had tossed the spheres aimed at her into the San Andreas Fault).

Six slammed his katanas together, creating a sonic/magnetic/something vibration that lifted a car and launched it up at Fluffy, who deflected it with a swipe of his sword tail, sending it arcing over the massive E.V.O's back.


Tyler blocked a tentacle-strike, kicked two Fidos off Fluffy's back, blasted a third to smithereens with a grenade, and shattered a fourth's head with a well-placed energy blast. And then he was hit from behind by a Fido that had gone unnoticed.

Tyler landed hard, rolling onto his back in time to watch two dozen Fidos all charging him. He knew he couldn't take all of them out before they reached him. He sighed.

"Well… this is a dangerous occupation. May as well die in style." Tyler pulled a small object out of his pocket. "Here we-"

His thoughts were interrupted by a car slamming into the Fidos charging him, sending all 24 plummeting into the Atlantic Ocean and leaving Tyler alone on Fluffy's back.

Tyler's jaw dropped. He slowly put the object back in his pocket, and then he was dancing backwards as a Fido lashed at him with its tentacles. He blocked the first few strikes, and retaliated with an explosive to the face, raising a cloud of dust. Tyler smirked.

"Well, looks like I just kicked your shiny metal-"

A tentacle whipped out of the cloud and snapped tight around Tyler's leg. The Agent barely had time to curse Conservation of Ninjutsu before he was hurled into the Atlantic Ocean.


Six dodged a swipe from the sword-tail, and dashed up onto Fluffy's leg, slicing away at the chinks in the armor. Fluffy raised its other leg, attempting to scrape off the sword wielder, but Rex caught the leg in a set of bolas launched from his wings, holding them back. Unfortunately, this meant that neither were paying attention to the sword-tail. Fluffy took advantage of this oversight to swat Rex out of the sky, crushing him into the ground. Six was next, being swatted away by the newly-freed leg. The sword-tail slashed out again, shearing a nearby building in half and sending the disconnected part spinning into the air.

At the front of Fluffy, the massive Stu caught the airborne building with one hand and slammed it down, completely failing to crush the Pack, who had been portalled back to Abysus, their home island, by Breach. On the other hand, the rubble flew over the side of the road, plummeting towards the already-endangered Tyler.


Tyler's first thought after the shock of Fido hurling him into the ocean was, "This is going to suck." His second thought, upon seeing the chunks of building zooming towards him, was, "Oh, well, maybe not. Let's see if the physics in this fandom are compliant enough to pull this off." He reached into his pocket, yanked out a rope, and hurled it upwards. The rope coiled around a section of railing that had been destroyed, and Tyler's downward plunge came to a welcome halt. That was the good part. The bad part; he was now headed at the same speed towards a solid concrete wall. Fortunately, he had a plan. Tyler snagged two explosives out of his pocket and hurled one at the wall, forming an explosion that propelled him backwards. The next explosive went under his shoe, blasting him upwards. He zipped past a chunk of building, landed on it, and launched himself upwards, repeating the trick until he had reached the railing. After a bow to an imaginary audience, Tyler collected his rope, stuck it back in his pocket, and dropped to one knee, gasping for breath.

"That… was really unpleasant." A roar from above alerted him to Fluffy's presence. "Hey, do you mind? I'm recovering here!"

Evidently the Stu did mind, as it slammed a hand down on the place where Tyler had been a second ago, the Agent having vanished and reappeared a few meters away. "Note to Stu! I still have the energy to do that a few more times! More importantly, of course, I have the energy to do this!" Tyler pulled the object from when the Fidos had been about to kill him out of his pocket and waved it in the air, giving the Stu (and the readers) a closer look at it. Inspection revealed a black, cylindrical object with a large red button at the top. Tyler naturally, pressed said button.


Fluffy let out a puzzled roar.


Fluffy roared again, and reared up, trying to finish Tyler off.



Fluffy's back exploded. The force of the blast slammed the Stu into the ground, raising the cost of repairs into a new order of magnitude. On a more important note, that wouldn't be reversed as soon as Tyler left the fandom, the blast had destroyed Fluffy's armor, reducing him to his original state: a carbon copy of Rex. Tyler grinned.

"So… I think we've established that massive robots don't work so well against me… you could always try a simple one-on-one fight. What's your name, by the way?"



"What did you expect? And, as to your proposition of a one-on-one fight, I have some better ideas. Just because I haven't, doesn't mean I can't warp canon characters. They already don't trust you. It should only take a little push…"

"I stuck Copyrights on them back on the ship."


Tyler shrugged. "You can't win 'em all."

A vein pulsed in the Stu's neck. "I'm going to kill you SLOWLY!" He generated a pair of swords out of his hands and charged, slashing at Tyler in a frenzy. The Agent ducked and weaved, each slash going high, low, or both.

"Hold still, damn you!"

"Now why the hell would I do that?"

"So I can kill you!" Dex lunged, missing by a meter, and Tyler kicked him in the shin, than whacked him with his staff. The Stu stumbled backwards, yelping in pain, but quickly recovered, smashing both swords into the ground. Tyler danced back, firing energy bolts at Dex. The Stu responded by ripping the swords out of the ground, sending a shockwave of rock at Tyler. The Agent ran forward, leaping over the shockwave and planting both feet in Dex's face, knocking him down. The Stu slammed the flats of his swords into Tyler, picked him up, and hurled the Agent away. Tyler landed in a heap. "Ow…"

"HAHA! Prepare to DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The swords vanished, and were replaced by a huge drill. Tyler frowned, from where he was picking himself up.

"Never seen that before…" "Wonderful. I was wondering how long it would take for him to start making up new weapons."

"DIE!" Dex raced forwards, thrusting the drill at Tyler, who dodged, leaving the drill to drive into the ground. "That all, Dexy?"

"Don't call me that!" The ground whirled around the drill, shooting towards Tyler in a wave.

"Not bad…" Tyler hurled a handful of explosives at the wall of pavement, pulverizing it, and ran through the resulting dust cloud, fist outstretched-

-And Dex caught it, then shoved Tyler back, generated a pair of boots, and kicked the Agent away.

Tyler got to his feet, wincing. "That… really hurt."

"Yeah? Well it's about to get worse!" Dex charged toward Tyler, leaping into the air...

...and Tyler dropped to the ground as Dex sailed over him and into a building, crashing through the wall. Tyler smirked.

"My turn." He tossed an explosive into the hole in the building, heard the report….

And the entire building collapsed, crushing Dex. Tyler grinned widely. "Told you you can't win 'em all."

"I'd save the one-liners for when you've actually won, Agent!"


Dex burst from the wreckage, slamming two massive mechanical fists into Tyler, pinning him to the ground. One of the fists changed into a sword, and Dex prepared to deliver the finishing blow…

And Tyler reached up and stuck something to the Stu's forehead.

"What the heck?"

Tyler's only response was a raspberry. Dex than became conscious of a beeping noise from somewhere on his head. "Oh fu-"


Dex was blown backwards. Tyler got to his feet, brushing himself off. "I would suggest you not try that again, unless you want the headache of your life."


"…Hey, do you know a Stu with a ridiculously long name that can be easily shortened to Kirpy, and a Sue named Faya something M the 99th?"

"Yeah, they're my siblings, neither of whom knows the other exists due to half a million hackneyed plot devices. Why?"

Tyler blinked. "No reason."

Dex growled, and generated a pair of VERY large weapons out of his hands. Tyler was confused for a second, until Dex lifted his arms, revealing the four holes in each

"Rocket launcher? Now that's just unfair."

Dex shrugged and fired. Eight rockets, well, rocketed towards Tyler, who calmly vanished, reappearing twenty feet away. "You're going to have to do better than-," The rockets swerved and followed him. Tyler screamed in frustration and ran off into an alley.


Several extraordinarily long seconds later…

Tyler was running out of energy. He had jumped, ducked, and dodged to avoid the explosives, and was down to four. He dashed up a wall, and as the rockets followed him, he jumped back down. Two rockets collided in their hurry to U-turn, but the other two did barrel rolls and continued pursuing him. Tyler, for his part, ran like a bat out of hell, if bats had legs, if "out of," had meant, "away from," and if hell had been a pair of Tyler-seeking rockets.

Tyler kept running, turning around each new corner to avoid the rockets, until finally he was back where he started, although instead of running into an alley, he was now running out of it, on a beeline for Dex.

Dex was slightly confused as to Tyler's choice, but his confusion quickly turned to terror as he noted the two rockets tailgating the Agent. His terror increased as Tyler (In, for no apparent reason, slow motion) jumped onto the Stu's back, then leapt off, leaving the two rockets to blast Dex into next week. The Stu's wake sent Tyler into a backflip, from which he landed squarely on his back. He got up in time to watch in triumph as the Stu carved a crater into the pavement though.

Dex leapt to his feet, formed a sword, and charged, swiping at Tyler over and over, the Agent dodging each strike, looking for an opening. After about five minutes, he found one. Dex overextended, and Tyler drew his staff-

And a tentacle whipped out of nowhere, grabbed Tyler, and yanked him into an alleyway, where Tyler realized that he should have gotten Rex to cure the original Fido while he had the chance.

Before Fido could capitalize on his victory, Dex let out a shout of anger and leapt for the other E.V.O, slashing at it with his sword. Fido hissed, fending Dex off with three tentacles while holding Tyler behind it with the fourth. Tyler, meanwhile, was taking matters into his own hands.

"NOBODY STEALS MY KILLS!" Dex roared, trying to impale Fido. The tentacled E.V.O. ducked the blade, but Dex simply generated a new one, and would have used it too, except that an explosive hit him in the face, stunning him for the second it took for Fido to fasten its tentacles around his throat and begin to squeeze. Tyler grinned, but his grin faded (or completely vanished, really) when Fido smashed him into the ground.

"So far, every time someone is about to claim final victory, a third party intervenes. Right now, Fido's winning against Dex, which would make it….my turn? I guess." Tyler sent a sheet of wind traveling along the ground, tripping Fido and allowing Dex to throw off the tentacles that had been throttling him. Fido let out a shriek of rage, but it was too late. Dex smashed aside the tentacles with a fist, and then grabbed Fido by the face, lifting the E.V.O. into the air, and draining the nanites from its blood.

In the span of seconds, Fido had been reduced to a normal, terrified human, whom Dex gave a sadistic smile before hurling them away, probably to their death. In the meantime, Tyler had gotten to his feet.

"Ready to finish it, Dexy?"

"I told you… not to CALL ME THAT!" Dex raised a mechanical fist and pounded it down where Tyler had been a moment ago, then swung the fist after the fleeing Agent. Tyler darted up the wall of the alleyway, jumping over the fist, and detonating an explosive in Dex's face. The E.V.O. stumbled back, and Tyler rushed forward, kneeing the Stu in the face, then kicking him in the shin, stomping on his foot, and finally biting the mechanical fist, ripping off a large chunk and swallowing it whole. Dex sat down hard, head still spinning. "Wh-what was that?"

"'That,' as you so eloquently refer to it, is what happens when you completely fail to realize that I'm smaller and faster than you, and that I am, in fact, capable of eating metal. And now," Tyler pulled out a Prohibitor, "It's over." The Prohibitor was torn from his hand by a sword, which landed in a wall. "OH COME ON!"

Tyler barely had time to form a shield before Rex's fist smashed into him, sending him flying. As Tyler rolled to his feet, he had to jump backwards to avoid Agent Six slicing him in half. "What? They were Copyrighted!"

"The E.V.O's ours, Taylor!" Six said, slicing at Tyler repeatedly.

"That would explain it." "I can't let you take it! It'll be back within a day! And it's Tyler!" Tyler shoved one of Six's swords away, and bumped into a wall. Before he could move, the other sword, which Six had somehow recovered, was at his throat.

"I'm sorry, Tyler. We can't trust you."

"I'm sorry too."


"Because I just activated every explosive on my person."

Six paled, a remarkable feat.


The explosion enveloped Tyler in an aura of flames, and hurled Six backwards. As the flames dissipated, Tyler walked out from them, completely unharmed. Six blinked.

"Acquired immunity to explosives, Six. Now…" Tyler dashed towards Rex, who had pinned Dex to the ground and was about to cure him. Unbeknownst to Rex, Dex had generated a huge sword, and was about to impale Rex with it.

Or he would have been, had Tyler not tackled Rex, knocking him out of the way of the blade. Dex growled, his kill stolen yet again.

Tyler jumped to his feet, drawing another Prohibitor...

...and then he was jumping away as Six appeared from nowhere, slashing viciously at him. Meanwhile, Rex and Dex were now going at it at full power. Rex had formed a jetpack-wings-device, while Dex was just using twin swords. The two were smashing into each other over and over again, each time with enough force to shatter a house.


Back in the Library…

"This is getting confusing," Ben complained. "Weren't Tyler and the orange and green guys on the same side a moment ago?"


They certainly weren't now. Six was slicing at Tyler, failing to connect with the smaller Agent, who had drawn his staff and was using it to great effect. Rex was launching chunks of pavement at Dex, who would slice them in half and charge, only to miss and get hit by an explosive from Tyler, who would then have to dodge away from Six again.

"Seriously, what are you made of?" Tyler muttered, dodging away, kicking Six, and spraying him with energy bursts. Six replied with a quick slash that slipped past Tyler's staff and opened a small cut on his shoulder. Tyler yelped, and Six kicked him to the ground, holding a sword to his throat.

"You're all out of bombs, Taylor."

Tyler groaned. "I'm going to die with my name mispronounced." And then a Dex-thrown Rex slammed into Six, knocking him off of Tyler. Tyler's jaw dropped (again).

"And I thought the Stu was supposed to be lucky." Tyler got to his feet…just in time to see Dex zooming towards him, having grown a motorcycle from his legs. "GAH!"

Tyler leapt up, but Dex caught him, trying to hurl him under the motorcycle. Tyler snapped out his staff, forming a hook of energy on the end and snagging the ground, slowing the motorcycle down very slightly.

"No passengers!" Dex shouted, trying to elbow Tyler in the face. Tyler just held on for dear life, occasionally jabbing Dex with a needle of energy. For his part, the Stu was swerving wildly, trying to throw off the unwanted occupant. After a particularly violent turn, Tyler did something he hadn't done in a long time. He threw up. The result of this melted a hole in the street, and the chunk of metal he had recently eaten was expelled at dangerous speed, bouncing off a building and shattering the back of Dex's motorcycle, sending Dex and Tyler skidding along the ground. Tyler just rolled into a building, but Dex wasn't so lucky. He bumped into Rex, and lay there, prone, vaguely conscious of the world. Rex grinned down at him.

"Hey, you're in luck! I just got my second wind!"

At this point, Tyler noticed what sounded like music. He frowned. "Why would music be playing? Unless…" As the music got louder, Tyler recognized it. It was the show's theme song.


Rex formed a pair of boots, hauled back, and kicked Dex through a building, before charging after him.


Rex caught up with the still-moving Stu, generated a fist, and crushed Dex into the ground.


Even as Dex shoved Rex away with giant fists of his own, Rex switched back to boots, and kicked the E.V.O.-Stu into the stratosphere.


Rex generated the jetpack-wings, flying up at incredible speed to catch Dex 1000 feet above the ground.


As the music died down, Dex slammed into the ground with the force of a small meteor, followed by Rex doing the same, smashing a fist right on top of the Stu. As Rex stepped back, and the house-sized dust cloud cleared, it revealed Dex lying in a huge crater, completely unconscious. Tyler stepped forward with a Prohibitor, but found his path blocked by Rex and Six.

"He's ours, Taylor," the green-clad man stated.

"Well, I had a funny feeling you'd say that… so I took the liberty of planting half a dozen bombs on each of you when you weren't paying attention. If you recall, Six, I said 'On my person.'" Tyler took another detonator switch out of his pocket. "Oh, and another thing…" He pressed the switch, and both Rex and Six were knocked over by the blast. "It's Tyler."

The Agent hopped into the crater, placed a Prohibitor on Dex, opened a Plothole, and returned to the Library to steal cookies.
A few minutes later, in the Generator Rex fandom…
Rex and Six got up, very confused. The last thing they remembered, they had been fighting Van Kleiss…and then….? After a call from White Knight demanding their immediate return, the two chalked it up to a slightly more crushing than usual defeat, and headed back to Providence base. Six never gave the matter a second thought. Rex, on the other hand…
Rex had had previous experience with amnesia.
He knew there was something missing. And, maybe eventually, he would figure it out.
That is, if he still cared after sleeping for the week he would need to recover from whatever had happened.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Insert Summoning Spam Here

Tyler woke up in the morning to several odd things. In order of when he noticed them;

There was a note next to his bed.

He was six inches taller than when he had fallen asleep last night.

His room was a darker shade of blue.

Tyler got up, picked up the note, and began reading.

"Dear Tyler,

Hi. It's your author."

Tyler blinked. The last time he and his author had spoken was when he had joined the Society.

"As you may have noticed, you are now five feet tall. The reason for this is that you have received what is known as an art upgrade. It happens periodically in any form of visual media."

"I thought I was in a written media…"

"Despite your presence in a fanfiction; your source universe is styled after video games. As such, you just received an art upgrade."


The letter continued. "Nobody aside from you will notice any difference, as art upgrades automatically cause everyone to believe the art in question to always have been that way. Enjoy being able to reach the top shelf!


Your Author."

Tyler just blinked. Again.


"That's…a really long name."

"Tyler, you've been an Agent for over a year, you should be used to it by now!"

"Yes…..but that's just overkill! Nothing has a name that long, not even that molecule I used to distract Faya!"


"I think I'll just call him John."

Tash blinked. "That isn't even part of his name."

"Yeah, but all his other names were so long and boring that I forgot them after you said them."



In the Final Fantasy XII fandom…

Vaan, Penelo, Kytes, Filo, Tomaj¸Balthier, Fran, and Llyud had been heading towards the Keep of Forgotten Time to defeat Feolthanos, the enemy of the series, when a purple hole had opened in the sky and a boy had fallen out. He had told the group his name, but it was incredibly long, so everyone just called him John. Almost immediately, things started to change. First, he had made fuel out of auracite, and Vaan's airship had gotten to the Keep in less than an hour. When they got there, he defeated Feolthanos in an instant with an incredibly powerful Yarhi. By the time the Society had gotten involved, Vaan and his group had become minor characters.


On Lampshade Isle, a small floating island where John was staying (and had naturally solved every problem that they had, had had, and ever would have), a plothole appeared above a forest. Tyler promptly fell out of it.






Tyler got up, brushed off the detritus that had accumulated on him (leaves, twigs, dirt, and a startled squirrel), and looked around. No sign of the Stu. Fortunately, there was a random person standing near him, who seemed, as most people in these types of games are, absolutely oblivious to their surroundings. Tyler walked up to it (the person was rather pixilated, and Tyler couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman).

"Hello, have you seen anyone who, despite being a not-especially well-drawn collection of pixels, is still obviously incredibly masculine and handsome, as well as most likely being an amazingly good fighter and having a good singing voice?"

"Why yes, I have. He's right by the Convenient Coliseum, beating the everloving crap out of everyone else who's practicing for the Convenient Tournament that starts in half an hour."


"Also, can you help me deliver this random parcel? I'll give you some worthless reward if you do."

"Well, I don't know…."

"Excellent! Thanks so much!"



A while later, in the small forestside town of Lampshade….

Tyler was sitting in a seat at the Convenient Coliseum, waiting for the tournament to start. "I still don't get why I would encounter a freaking dragon trying to get a box of chocolate to some guy's girlfriend…Sidequests make no sense."


The audience, which was made up of several hundred faceless people (and Tyler), all cheered (except Tyler, who yawned).


A long while later, in the finals of the tournament…..


Nameless Competitor #394 was a humanoid figure with absolutely no features. His skin and clothes were the exact same shade of gray. John, on the other hand, was wearing unbelievably good-looking clothes, and was unbelievably good-looking himself. Everyone in the audience (still, except Tyler, who was now asleep) immediately felt either lust or jealousy.


Immediately, John drew two scimitars, rushed forward, and slashed 394 hundreds of times. Next, both swords vanished and were replaced by a wizard's staff.

"Firaga!" Tyler suddenly woke up, sniffing the air. He was sure he had smelled magic….or maybe popcorn.

Anyway, down on the battlefield, the tip of John's staff ignited, as did 394. The Nameless Competitor was sent flying upwards.

"Blizzaga!" The fire went out, and was replaced by a layer of frost. A large block of ice formed above 394, then shattered, spearing the Nameless Competitor to the ground on shards of ice.

John smiled evilly. "Thundaga!"

The layer of frost evaporated, and lightning crackled along the staff. Then a bolt of lightning descended from the sky and impaled 394. The Nameless Competitor promptly dissolved into neat, guilt-free mist.


On the battlefield, John snickered. "Screw the rules, I'm a Stu."

Up in the stands, Tyler was preparing his plan. "And while the worms scare off the yeti, I'll use the tennis racket to knock down the pirate hat… oh wait, that's Hapland. Muffins. Ah, screw it. Who needs a plan?"


As John exited the coliseum….


"GAH!" John leapt aside as a massive gargoyle slammed down where he had been standing. Tyler landed several seconds afterwards.

"What the hell are you doing? You could have killed me!"

"No I couldn't have. I alerted you to the attack's presence; and your reflexes should be enough to dodge. That was just a warning shot."

John blinked. "You dropped a half-ton stone gargoyle on my head….as a warning shot?"


"Who are you?"

"I'm a Society Agent! You know the drill, come quietly; you'll be fine, run; I'll catch you, fight; you'll lose. Any questions?"

"No… Firaga!" A blast of fire shot from John's staff towards Tyler's face. With reflexes born of over a year spent running away from various irate Agents, Sues/Stus, and PCMSPS Agents, Tyler leapt to the side, and the fireball exploded harmlessly on the ground.

John quickly exchanged staff for swords. Tyler responded by hurling two explosives at the Stu. John somehow defused them with his swords before lunging at Tyler.

The battle continued, as Tyler began heading towards the nearby forest of Lampshades. John followed, a plan already forming in his mind.

John slashed at Tyler, missed, and grunted as the Agent vanished into the forest.


Immediately the forest was burning. Fortunately, because it was a forest of Lampshades, the fire quickly went out, leaving the trees (and their temporary inhabitant, Tyler) completely unscathed.

John's jaw dropped. "Wha -that makes no sense! You should be dead right now!"

Tyler stuck his head out of a tree. "And you should have played this game more before invading it. Don't you know that you can't set things on fire?"


"I know. Awesome, isn't it?"

"Not really…"

"Look on the bright side. You want to kill me, I want to live (and possibly Prohibit you and lock you in the Library basement, but that's secondary). At least one of us is happy." Tyler dropped to the ground, sending two bursts of energy at John.

"Are you like this with every Sue and Stu you try to capture?" John blocked the blasts with his sword before swiping at Tyler

"No, usually more so. I'm just a little off my game today." Tyler backpedaled back into the forest.

"ARGH!" John leapt for Tyler, who shot up a tree. The Stu followed, and Tyler leapt to another tree.

"Get back here!"

"Not on your life, John!"

"That's not my name! My name is-,"

"Nobody cares!"

"Die!" John dashed across a branch towards Tyler, who ran for it. For a while the chase continued, and then…

Tyler jumped up, drawing his ping-pong paddle and changing it to a staff, bounced off a tree trunk, and shot towards John. The startled Stu brought up his swords to defend himself, but Tyler slid over them and spun, kicking John's legs out from beneath him. Unfortunately for Tyler, he hadn't counted on Stuish reflexes. John flipped over him, slicing off a branch as he went. As Tyler stood, the branch dropped, hitting him on the head. Tyler stumbled back, and John took the opportunity to slash at his head. Tyler blocked, but the force of the blow caused the branch he was standing on to snap, and the Agent dropped to the ground.

"Gotcha now!" John rocketed down, but Tyler threw up an energy shield and the attack bounced off. With another strike, the shield shattered, and Tyler stepped back. John slashed over and over again, slowly but surely driving the Agent back. Tyler blocked strike after strike, but he was getting tired.

"It's over!" Suddenly, John's swords exploded into flame, and he swung both down on Tyler's head. The Agent blocked… and the swords bit deep into the metal of the staff. Tyler shoved the blades away quickly, but it was too late. The staff snapped into two pieces. John grinned. "Now what?"

Tyler just blinked. "You broke my staff…"

"Damn right I did; now just lie down and die!" John slashed at Tyler again, ready to end the fight.

As such, he was rather surprised when a shield of blue energy stopped his sword cold. "What?"

"You… broke… my… STAFF!" Tyler swung the remains of his staff, both of which now sported red-hot tips from being sliced by a flaming sword. John let out a cry of surprise and stepped back, but Tyler just spun the halves in his hand and drove them forward. "Prepare to… wha?"

With the distinctive sound of a portal opening, a small Yarhi appeared in Tyler's path, taking the blow for John before exploding into particles of light. Tyler dropped the makeshift weapons in astonishment.

"You can't summon Yarhi without a summoning gate!"

John smiled evilly. "I can." A portal opened above him, and a wyvern flew out, spraying fire at Tyler, who blocked it with a shield before decapitating the Yarhi with a hastily generated blade of energy.

"Another crime for your list. Breaking the rules of the fandom. Tsk tsk."

"Shut up! I'm a Stu, I can do what I want!"

"No you can't! It's against the rules!"

"I said it once, and I'll say it again… SCREW THE RULES, I'M A STU!"

Crickets chirped.

"Actually, you only said that once."

"Whatever!" His moment ruined, John hastened to make up for it with a flurry of summons. With a flash or two of light, a massive yellow snake and a blue dragon with an oversized collar around its neck flashed into existence. "Leviathan, Tiamat, blast him!"

Tiamat, the dragon, spat a series of lightning bolts at Tyler, frying the ground under them. Leviathan immediately followed up with a powerful stream of water. The attacks merged, and as the water bounced off a tree, the electricity followed. Tyler ducked, and the blast whirled over his head. "Not good enough, John!"

"THAN HOW ABOUT THIS!" Another two flashes, and a massive demon and a large stone statue had appeared. "Ifrit, Titan, help your fellows!"

Ifrit, the demon, let out a roar and sent a barrage of fire at Tyler, who rolled away. Titan followed up by pounding the ground, sending earth spiking up in all directions. Tyler jumped over it, pummeling the Titan with a series of energy blasts… to absolutely no effect.

"Oh muffins…"

Titan grabbed Tyler by the throat, lifted him up effortlessly, and casually hurled him through three trees. The Agent landed in a clearing, tiny dragons fluttering around his head. "Ow…"

Then the trees to the side of the one he had entered the clearing through were burned away, and Ifrit entered, flanked by Leviathan, Titan, and Tiamat, then followed by John. "It's over now."

"What… what do you mean?"

"I just worked out how to make a cutscene, meaning I can do whatever the hell I want."

Tyler paled.

"Right. Die." Leviathan, Ifrit, and Tiamat all fired their attacks at once… creating a wall of electrified steam that completely failed to harm Tyler in the least.

"Well… that was completely pointless. If you're going to disregard the rules of the fandom, at least do it effectively."

"DIE!" Tiamat fired a bolt of lightning at Tyler.

"Your vocabulary's very limited; do you know that? Get some new threats already," Tyler shot back, dodging away.


"I just did. Or didn't you notice?"


In a huge flash of light, a tall, seraphic Yarhi appeared. Tyler blinked.

"Hm… maybe I can get my staff back with that…"

"Eschaton!" The air in front of UItima began to glow.

"Or not…"

And then everything went white. When Tyler's sight returned, he was about 100 feet back from where the attack had hit him. He stared at the army of Yarhi in front of him.

"Well… It's been a nice life, but I guess… this is it…"

And then he noticed his staff, lying right next to him. Somehow, he had landed right next to it.

Tyler frowned. "Huh. That was… well, aside from the whole, 'getting blasted by an attack with enough power to level the Empire State Building,' that was surprisingly convenient."

As John stood over Tyler, proclaiming his victory, one of Tyler's feet shot up, hitting John directly between the legs. The Stu let out a wail of pain, doubling over, and Tyler's other foot snapped up, catching him in the face and hurling him backwards. As the Stu regained his balance, he turned to Ultima. "Don't just stand there, heal me!"

As Ultima released a healing beam, Tyler made his move, picking up the pieces of his staff and hurling them through the healing beam before dashing through it himself. As the staff, contrary to all logic, reformed, and Tyler's various injuries healed, he landed, catching the staff, before rolling up and hurling a dozen explosives at Ultima. The angelic Yarhi was enveloped by the blast, and when the smoke cleared, it had vanished.

Tyler looked around at John and his Yarhi, noting with only slight annoyance that John had been healed as well. A grin spread over his face.

"Okay then. Who's up for round two?"

All the Yarhi let out growls, screeches, and roars, while John ignited his flaming sword. Tyler paled. "These kinds of things always sound so much better in your head…"


Leviathan let out a blast of water, Titan sent a massive spike of rock towards him, Tiamat fired a bolt of electricity, and Ifrit launched a wall of Hellfire. And Tyler? He pulled out the Scene Transition and activated it.


Tyler came back to reality, several trees piled randomly around him, all the Yarhi gone, and John lying semiconscious twenty feet away. Apparently a Space Whale had landed in the clearing where the battle was taking place, before spontaneously combusting.

"Huh… I think I may have just gotten the strangest result out of a Scene Transition ever."

John groaned, getting to his feet. "That's it… you've humiliated me for the last time…"

"Actually, that was the Space Whale."

"Shut up! I summon… BAHAMUT!"

Tyler paled. "That... is very, very bad."

The ground exploded, and something shot up into the sky, breaking the sound barrier with a tremendous bang. At 1000 feet off the ground, it stopped, revealing itself to be a draconic human, wielding a massive spear.

Tyler gulped. "Um… I don't suppose you'd believe me if I told you there was a random passerby in need of help behind you?"

"WHAT? A passerby in need of help? Hold still, I'll reduce you to your component atoms in a minute. Bahamut, follow me!" John charged off into the forest, the somewhat confused Bahamut following.

Tyler's jaw dropped.



"YOU LIED TO ME!" John smashed a tree aside, as Bahamut dove down, unleashing a Mega Flare that missed Tyler by inches.

"Yeah… considering the quality of that particular lie, I think you're more to blame here."

"SHUT UP! BAHAMUT, KILL HIM!" The dragon-man dove again, smashing his spear into the ground next to Tyler. The Agent grinned, leaping up to stab the Yarhi in the head… and Bahamut's tail slammed into him, smacking him into a tree a hundred feet away.

Tyler groaned. "Really not my day…" He slid to the ground. John charged towards him, raising a sword to end the battle. Tyler shrugged.

"Well, if you haven't learned your lesson…"

Immediately realizing what Tyler meant, John skidded to a stop, and simply pointed at Tyler. Bahamut raised its spear, thrusting at Tyler, who rolled to one side. "Too slow!"

Tyler dashed up the spear, dodged a claw, and leapt into the air, aiming at the dragon Yarhi's head. Bahamut let out a snort of amusement and opened its mouth wide to receive Tyler… and the Agent tossed a handful of explosives into the beast's mouth, boosted his flight with a burst of magic, and slid down Bahamut's back as its head exploded, shortly followed by the rest of it.

"Are you going to give up yet, or do I have to knock you out?" Tyler asked.

"I will never give up!" John launched a series of fireballs at Tyler, all of which were easily dodged.

"Why won't you die?"

"Self-preservation. Basic instinct. Any other questions?"

"Shut up!" John slashed at Tyler, who jumped to one side, leaving John to plant his sword in a tree.

"Seriously though, you need to work on that vocabulary. You're worse than Faya."


"Old Sue. Very limited vocabulary."

"…Are you suggesting I'm not the most original character ever to walk the face of this earth?"

"Um… yes."

John turned red. "WHAT?"

"See what I mean about that vocabulary? Oh, and while I'm correcting your speech patterns, would it kill you to lower your voice?"

"What if it does?"

"Then I will be spared the inconvenience of capturing you."


"See, I knew you could do it."

"SHUT UP!" John's swords erupted into flames, and Tyler leapt back to avoid them. The Stu pressed the attack, slashing over and over again, while Tyler simply dodged each strike. After several minutes, John broke off the assault, recovering energy in the center of a clearing. Tyler stood at the edge of the clearing, ready to bolt.

"But seriously John, buy a thesaurus."

"Um… my name isn't John."

"Yeah, well I can't remember your name, so deal with it."

"Why can't you remember my name? It's only fifty-seven words long!"

Tyler raised an eyebrow.

John cleared his throat. "My name; Kiruriyop Serponius Loeertograt Speriacle Matliogalsem Halpsation-,"

"Okay, okay, you've made your point. From now on, I will call you Kirpy."

The newly-named Kirpy sighed. "Why couldn't they have sent Michael or something? I'd rather be disemboweled than have to listen to you."

"Well, Kirpy, you're only a level 6 Stu, and thus, you're far too insignificant for Michael, one of the leaders, to deal with personally."

"…" Kirpy let out a low growl. Tyler raised an eyebrow.

"You… you called me insignificant…"

"In the grand scheme of things, you sort of are. And your name sucks."

"You dare…"


"NOBODY CALLS ME INSIGNIFICANT!" Kirpy charged forward with incredible speed, an aura of flames bursting to life around him. Tyler only barely dodged, and the force of the attack reduced a tree to ashes.

"Huh. When did you become competent?" "That explains why I took all the Yarhi down so easily… he was making them look bad compared to him, so his powers would look more awesome."

"I AM A STU!" Kirpy roared, sending a wall of flames at Tyler, who blocked with an energy shield. "THIS WORLD IS MINE NOW! I DECIDE WHO THE CHARACTERS FALL IN LOVE WITH! I DECIDE WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES!"

The aura of flames faded, and Kirpy relaxed slightly, although palpable waves of anger were still rippling off him. "And you? You are going to die."


"Wow. That Stu just had a total Inigo Montoya moment… except instead of surviving a dagger to the liver, he turned into his own personal supernova," Ben mumbled, watching the scene on a monitor.

"You're really pushing it, you know that?" Shirley growled.

"What can I say? I live on the edge… of your claws, that is."

"THAT'S IT!" Shirley leapt, claws out, but Ben had already taken off by the time he had finished his comment.


Meanwhile, Tyler was not having the time of his life.

Actually, if Kirpy didn't wear out soon, it was going to be the time of his death.

"You know, you've only been using fire attacks. Not very imaginative of you."

Kirpy slashed at Tyler, who backpedaled to dodge. "Talk talk talk, that's all you do! But take a look! Who do you think is winning?"

Tyler jumped into a tree, than jumped to another tree to avoid a fireball. "Problem is, he's right… if this were Duel Monsters, I'd get a miracle draw right now and win… but he's the Stu. He's the one that gets the miracles." He leapt to the ground as a slash from Kirpy reduced the tree to cinders. "Hey! That was lightning!"

"Didn't you say you wanted something more imaginative?" Kirpy shot a bolt of lightning at Tyler, who dodged.

"Hm… that gives me an idea…" "Hey Kirpy, can't catch me!" He dashed off.

Kirpy blinked. "Of course I can, idiot, I'm a Stu." He followed.


Somewhere else…

"Okay… the lake should be… there!" Tyler made a sharp right turn, and sprinted out towards a large lake. Kirpy followed, firing lightning bolts. As Tyler approached the lake, the energy began to drain out of him. He put on one final burst of speed, leapt forwards, forming a raft out of energy…

And formed a blast of wind that launched ten gallons of highly conductive water at Kirpy, just as the Stu began to prepare another lightning bolt. Panicked, the Stu tried to call off the blast, but his hand was already in motion. Even as the lightning left his hand, the water reached it, soaking him head to toe.

"!" Kirpy screamed in agony as he was electrocuted. Fortunately, as dictated by the rules of the fandom, he was only knocked unconscious, not killed. As for Tyler, the Agent was too exhausted to do anything but collapse onto the energy raft, paddling lethargically back to the shore. He crawled up onto the edge of the lake, fishing a Prohibitor out of his pocket, and prepared to clamp it on Kirpy.

"BACK!" The Stu unleashed a huge firestorm, hurling Tyler away. The Agent was too tired to react to the blow beyond a muttered, "Ow," as he landed on his back. Kirpy stalked forward, the aura of flames swirling around him. "You thought a mere electrocution would stop me?"

"I had hopes, yes," Tyler groaned.

"Well you were WRONG!" Kirpy raised a hand, and a fireball began to grow.

Tyler's eyes widened. "Assessment time. I've used up the Scene Transition, I don't have the energy to stop a fireball of that size… Oh well… I had to use it again someday." Tyler grabbed his ping-pong paddle, tapped a button, and hurled it at Kirpy, who dispelled his fireball to catch it.

"Um… I don't mean to crush your last hope of survival, but this is a Rubik's Cube," Kirpy pointed out. Tyler responded to this by slipping into the lake, propelling himself away with a burst of wind.

"Did you have a bad day-,"



The force of the resulting explosion sent Kirpy flying at least 100 feet into the air. Needless to say, the results of his hitting the ground were quite painful.

Tyler pulled himself out of the lake, poking Kirpy's now totally prone body, checked it for a pulse, which it had, clamped a Prohibitor on the Stu's arm, opened a Plothole, and dragged Kirpy (and himself) into the Library. "Wow… it's been a while since I last caught a Stu…"


Two days later…

Tyler woke up to the sound of Adrian yelling at him from the next floor.

"Tyler Kahn, get down here right now!"

Tyler hopped out of bed. "If he didn't want his food stolen, he should have hidden it under his bed. Even I don't want to know what might be hiding there…"

Up Against The Sky

It was something of a surprise to discover that he could open a plothole into the Library Arcanium. Then again, Zero supposed it shouldn't have been—if the safeguards on the portals were coded to DNA, it would have been impossible to make the distinction. Save for some minor differences in appearance, for all that computers (and, in fact, most magical energies) knew, he was the Librarian. It kind of made him wonder if he could also pull cool tricks around the Library, like opening up rooms or levitating books.

On a whim he faced a nearby shelf and lifted his hand, not sure what else to do. Predictably, nothing happened. Maybe book-levitating had more to do with being a mage than being Librarian? Zero didn't feel like digging through his memories to find out. Coming here was a bad idea to begin with, for more reasons than just the risk of getting caught, but... curiosity is a powerful thing.

He strode lightly down the deserted corridor, half exploring for the sake of exploring and half wondering where Valerie's room was. Not that he wanted to snoop, of course. Just for future reference. Hell, the entire layout of the Library would be useful if he was able to just pop in like this, although he wasn't quite willing to go that far just yet. He still had his suspicions about a lot of things, primarily Runoa's intentions. It kinda seemed preposterous that she didn't know he could do this, so why had she never mentioned it?

There was a pop sound and a small draft across his skin, and Zero turned from idly staring at book titles and thinking to notice, whaddaya know, he did have company. Fantastic.

Hovering before him was a tiny, golden dragon with the bluest of blue eyes. She hissed warningly at him, and he took half a step back.

But before he could do anything else, she lunged, and their eyes locked, and—


The first thing he sees is the face of his creator, the face of Creation itself. Herself, he realizes after a moment. He registers a veritable mountain of tumbling brown waves and curls that perfectly framed a delicate, elfin face and sparkling emerald eyes, light, ethereal clothing that sways in the breeze, and the overall demeanor of a beautiful, enviromental, fun-loving yet health-conscious genki girl (as physically fit as any Mary Sue could expect to be, but otherwise entirely reliant on the powers her sketchpad enables her; deprive her of that and knocking her out would be simple). She looked like every starving artist wannabe's irrational fantasy of what a real Bohemian was supposed to look like, what they dreamed that they could someday be if they could only get out of this damn flat and get recognized, and for a moment all he can think of is how cliche the whole scenario is.

He has just literally been drawn to life by the combined result of a pre-teen girl's fantasy and a deal with the devil, and not even an original idea at that. The knockoff creation of an unrealistic cliche, who in turn was the pawn of an even bigger cliche, if one of the tyrannical kind.

The juxtaposition of such polarizing ideas might have struck him as funny, but his strict policy of always finding things to laugh about wouldn't come until later. Much later.

Creation looks upward at Runoa for approval (clingy and dependent, and constantly seeking external verification for her work, as artists tend to do), and after a long moment of examing him up and down, Runoa nods.

"Not precisely what I had in mind, but I suppose he'll do."

Creation practically sags in relief, and he sort of wonders what it is that these women imagine he'll "do" (a weapon is fine, a puzzle piece is fine, but this is how she'll make that bastard hurt), until his thought process is interrupted as Runoa speaks once again to her subordinate.

"You may erase the other attempts. They're of no use to me."

A shiver passes through him, but it will be a long time before he understands why.


I'm holding onto white balloons
Up against a sky of doom.
Tell me you see them.


She has been following the girl for some time now, on and off, for years. She never does anything but watch, or occasionally pull some antics to amuse. The child is only nine, but the follower knows the girl can feel her presence, even see her sometimes, though what she sees varies considerably from day to day.

As the girl grows older and her abilities begin to develop, a rudimentary form of communication becomes possible. The follower sends out emotions for the girl to pick up and interpret, and the girl sends her images and ideas in turn.

The first day the girl begins to understand actual words in her mind, the follower asks her something she had been waiting many, many years to ask.

What is my name?

The girl is puzzled. "You know what your name is. You've just never told me it."

Yes. But what is my name?

The girl thinks. Considers. Mulls it over on and off for days and days. It is a good sign, the follower thinks, that she does not immediately dismiss the question. She understands that this is not something she is supposed to guess, but to remember. She understands this without ever having been told of the true significance of remembering, without ever having been taught the true nature of the world around her and her place in it. Yes, the follower thinks, It is a very good sign.

It is almost two weeks later before the girl returns with her answer.

"I don't know your name," she says, "but would it be alright if I just called you Ari?"

Ari sends the feeling of a smile, but inwardly, in her true self beyond the stars that is not this tiny projection to a child's mind, she is celebrating.

She has finally found the one to whom she owes her life.


'Cause what's inside of me
Is invisible to most,
Even in clear view.


The first day is primarily one of confusion. There were people around, but almost none of them spoke to him unless it was a cursory greeting or an order - and orders were always spoken very slowly and clearly, as if they were just as unsure of what to do with him as he was of them (a new element in their midst; where does he fit in their pitiful little hierarchy and what threat does he pose if the social order changes?) (what they don't understand is that nothing changes; stagnancy is part of the very definition of their being).

Passion leads him to a room in one of the below-ground floors. The walls are stone, and there is no door, only a number next to the doorframe.

The Sovereign catches him staring. "Hm?" he says, still sounding bored (easily driven to mental instability when bored, combined with high creativity; approach with caution, and cater to his whims whenever possible), "Oh, the number? Yeah, you were actually the first one Creation made for your job, but then she started making a bunch of different versions and put them all in rooms with numbers. You took so long to wake up, we all thought you were broken or something." Passion laughs a little. "Turns out she got it right the first time, because those other ones were way defective. Sorta like... this!"

Passion throws a sucker punch, and he reacts instantly, simultaneously sidestepping the blow and twisting Passion's arm behind his back and digging his fingers into a nerve bundle at the shoulder. Then his eyes bulge out slightly (caution, dammit, caution!) as Passion elbows him hard in the gut, harder than one would have thought possible with his slight physique, and twists out of his grip.

"See?" the Sovereign cheers, "None of the others could pull that off even after days and days of training." Passion grins broadly at him. "Patient Zero my ass. You're no zero, man, you'll fit in great here. Maybe we could play some games together, hey?"

He blinks once, then steps into the room marked with a "0", lays down on the bed, and waits until he hears retreating footsteps before closing his eyes.

The next morning, when he asks the others to refer to him as Zero, it raises a few eyebrows (who would want to be known as nothing?), but everyone complies. Most of them assume it is simply some kind of in-joke. They are half-right.


I'm sending out a signal to
The possibility of you,
'Cause right at this moment...


It has been years and years and lifetimes since the death of a friend, a very dear friend, and Ari is no longer sure what to do with herself. The war is over, though the scars on the land and the people remain. Keeping day-to-day affairs running smoothly takes up her time, but recovery is primarily a secretarial job, easily delegated to subordinates. More often than not she finds herself wondering what will come next.

Later, new intelligence comes in: the war has not ended, it has simply moved.

Many of those who are politicians by trade rather than soldiers panic. Others argue about the proper course of action. Is this evil truly their responsibility anymore? Might they be left to recover from their battle scars in peace, or is their fight not over yet? Do they have the right to give aide to a world so deep in the spiritual dark ages, or should they put forth the effort and finish what they started?

Ari does none of these things. She simply goes where she always goes for answers: home.

Eadoin meets her there, ever-willing to help. With his band of friends and their combined talents, it isn't long before they find what they're looking for.

"Domhain Dorcha," she breaths, and it's all she can do to keep the fear out of her voice. The dark world, the world the elders always spoke about in hushed, disquieted voices. The one they actually knew so little about, that was really full of such potential and light, hidden away beneath the surface. They would be easy pickings.

Easy pickings, but also firm and numerous allies, if the right messengers could be reached.


...I know you are connected to a part of me
That I don't even know myself.


His dreams are immediate and profound—

a narrow cliff jutting out over the sea against a setting sun, and planted blade-first at the tip of cliff is hoshikuzu, adrian's pendant dangling and swaying off the crossguard in the wind while the pages of the codex of index, which is leaning against the blade, flutter back and forth 

standing in darkness and his eyes widen as the darkness lashes and twines around him, threatening to drag him deeper as he struggles vainly against it, his hand reaches out in desperation and a hand reaches down, grasping his tightly and the darkness recedes

the healer leans forwards and gently blows on the sphere in her hands and it flares with light, growing larger and the librarian mimics her actions and he watches with a surprised, happy smile on his face as the two spheres grow in size and launch into the sky, dancing and spinning around one another as their combined light drives the darkness away

—and he has no idea what to make of them. So he simply watches, and takes every new piece of information like a puzzle piece and coolly analyzes them with a mind programmed to do exactly that. Zero rebuilds the idea of the person he was based on and wonders if being like him should be a goal of his.

Even after months of consideration—

a bubbling laugh that is both horrifying and joyful in all the worst ways, there has been so much, too much for memory to hold, and when he breaks, as all know he will someday, the explosion will be a truly spectacular sight to behold for as long as he lets you live to see it

—he is still not certain. And the more he sees, the less certain he is.

Then again, you could never have said Zero to be sure of anything that wasn't a total impulse. If he wants to do something, he does it, and if Runoa or Creation or practically anyone else wants him to do something, he does that too. And that strikes Zero as being altogether too similar to how Adrian functions in relation to the Powers That Be, and look where that got him. Did he never once just do something he wanted to do? (or worse, was everything exactly what he wanted, death and all?)

Zero doesn't know what he wants, but there is a curious freedom in ambivalence that he decides he likes.


The changes in me
Are likely to be like the weather:
Stormy and clear,
Strength into fear, bound together.


It is the No-thing that holds the Every-thing, the dragon teaches her. The All and the Parts, the Beginning and End, all wrapped together in a pure, shining singularity. That is the nature of the Soul.

Ari's wanderings go on for years, sometimes in the dragon's company, but most often not. Like the elders of Ari's homeland, the dragon is very set in his ways in addition to being very, very old, and he prefers not to travel very far from his cliffside cavern home. Ari is always saddened to have to part with her new friend and mentor, but each time they meet again is a new joy. (This too, is one of his lessons, as she will realize in the years to come.)

"To travel a circle is to traverse the same ground over and over," Ari intones softly, almost as though thinking aloud the experiences that led her to finally understand this lesson, like so many lessons before it (and her elders would be proud, for what else is an adolescent journey for?). "To travel a circle wisely is to traverse the same ground for the first time."

And when you realize at last that you have circled back to the starting point, the dragon prompts her, you understand...

In only a few short years, Ari has circled the globe. She has come to love this world, with all its expanses, all its variety, and always more to learn or explore or understand. Even with the chosen ones missing and a war brewing, she cannot help but feel a sense of childlike giddiness and wonder, in such contrast to the solemnity of her youth. But she is still a youth yet, she knows, and though introspection and exploration were two very different paths to wisdom, both were paths indeed. If she had wanted to, she could have learned everything she needed to without moving at all. The power, the memory, the experience was always with her. It merely needed to be brought to the surface, just as the elders always said.

Ari's eyes light up. "You understand that your only destination is where you have already been!"

The dragon smiles at her. And always were.


But I'll break my silence
If I believe that you and me
Could ever be more than just
What's been behind us.


He meets Death only once. It is a very short meeting (if bone and sinew grow continually from nothing, then nothing is what he shall be, and zero told him so), punctuated by harsh words, sucker punches, and one brief, hastily bitten off scream in the voice of the man they were both imitating. Acknowledgement, Zero thinks angrily, is what marks the difference between them. Acknowledgement of truth and lies, of grounded fact and baseless desire, and the strength of character to understand what your place in the world is. This will shape Zero's personality and outlook far more than either of them initially realize.

He meets the legendary Willowe Foxblade only twice, and the second time is because she asks to see him personally. She tells him what she knows of the man she killed (as his killer, she likely knows him better than anyone, better than even his lover), and he tells her of his dreams, a little. Before she leaves for the Real World, she warns him of the dangers of complacency, warns him with a kind of desperation in her soul (he looks like him, acts like him, and maybe it would all be worth it if she could save just one more), so he nods, and she smiles her very last smile.

A misused comment at Order quickly earns him an enemy, and Zero learns to keep interactions with Sovereigns to a minimum after that. Passion and Harmony are kind, Wisdom and Elegance seem to find him entertaining, and Creation looks upon him with a kind of prideful ownership, similarly to how a craftsman may look upon a fine table she has made. When Zero thinks about it, he understands, and does not hold it against her, but it does grind against him sometimes.

Runoa visits Zero daily, to ask him questions or for demonstrations of what he's learned that day. Eventually he points out that he has not technically "learned" a single thing since he got here; everything he knows is merely something he has remembered. Remembered from Adrian? she asks. Remembered from me, he replies, not sure why she hasn't yet picked up on something so obvious. She asks him if there is yet more to remember. He says he doesn't know, but that he would be disappointed if there wasn't.

(it is interesting, he thinks, to watch the expressions that trail across her face as they converse: surprise, disagreement, the barest flicker of tightly-controlled malice, finally smoothing over into smugness and pride—

"Excellent work, Zero. You may just be exactly what I've been looking for."

—but it is not him that she has pride in.)


I tried and left.
I came and went.
I got rejected out again.
No one believes me.


Exploration is encouraged in all Eiran children. A boy called Eadoin is her most loyal partner in these endeavors - he is curious, like her, though not so bold as to directly defy the elders' edicts. (Not by himself, anyway.)

They are at their most dangerous during those precious few moments at the waterfall, as far down the chute as they could go before they risked falling into the ocean miles and miles below. It is freezing, nothing like the ensorcelled warmth of the valleys above them, but they reach as close as they dare to touch the rushing icy water. They have both been taught that this waterfall, which plummets from the bottommost tip of the Eire into Gaeya's northern ocean, is the endless fount of wisdom for those who choose to live below, giving life to the land and giving love and wonder to the people. But the water is hard and bitingly cold, and Ari can't help but wonder what would happen to a poor soul caught directly beneath the force of all of this "wisdom".

Not long afterward, she requests to go on her adolescent journey. The elders comply to her request as is custom, and outfit her with everything she will need, that she might return home safely.

Her adventure begins, as many do, on the night of a storm.

Many days later, when she is huddled in the cave that is the home of the dragon who rescued her and listening to his story, Ari will realize with all the subtlety of a roar that nothing will ever be the same.


I've worn a hundred faces
Of the character replacements and now
Nobody sees me.


He is hiding in one of the castle's service corridors, grinning at the fact that the heretofore unmentioned service corridors actually existed and became accessible as soon as he had need of them, almost as though they had been conjured into being just for him. Being a Stu, dangerous though it is, is actually quite fun, but only as long as there is some way to give his abilities direction; he wants none of the stagnant complacency that plagues all but the most insane in Runoa's castle (runoa herself knows this to be true).

He discovers a highly convenient hole in the wall that is camouflaged by a highly convenient portrait on the other side. It is difficult to see through it, but Zero can make out Creation scribbling furiously on her sketchpad, frequently crossing things out or even tearing out entire pages. He cannot see Runoa from this position, but it's not difficult to deduce who Creation is talking to.

"Why can't I find him?!" she finally shouts, moving over to the area of the room that Zero cannot clearly see. He hears a loud thwap sound and thinks that Creation has probably thrown her sketchbook to the ground, or against a wall. "He is my drawing!" the Sovereign screams (desperate and raving, beyond even her need for approval now, because runoa cannot give her what is already gone), "My creation! I should be able to find him anywhere and do whatever I like with him! Even erase him from existence if I want! So why can't I? What's blocking me?!?"

The loud smack of a slap to the face can be clearly heard, followed by pregnant silence.

"Because he is a Gary-Stu, you nitwit," Runoa finally says. "Of course he isn't going to react normally." (runoa herself knows this to be true, programmed the urge into him—)

Creation cannot keep a small whine out of her voice. "But he's mine," she says softly, almost accusingly (but never rebelliously). "He was made with my power, and I'm supposed to be able to unmake anything that's mine if I want to. You said—"

"I gave you your powers and I know their full extent," Runoa interrupts sharply. "Believe me when I say, Sovereign, that Zero is acting exactly the way I programmed him to."

(runoa herself knows this to be true, programmed the urge into him, understands him, and knows exactly what zero is seeking when zero himself does not, and yet does not tell creation this because—)

"...Yes, Lieutenant."

Zero backs away, turns, and starts running. As far away as he can.


The changes in me
Are likely to be like the weather:
...Cloudy at best.


It is after the third time they caught her peering through keyholes and sneaking into council meetings that they bestowed upon her a name: Ari.

The word itself has no meaning, but there is a similar name, Aari, that is supposedly the name of one of the Goddess' feline companions, one rumored to have an abnormally keen interest in the affairs of mortals.

Many, many years later, when she meets her namesake for the first time, Ari will be proud of the legacy she inherited. She will understand that the elders meant it as a symbol of elevation, of acknowledgement that she was destined for greater things than they, though her true destiny would turn out to be much smaller than they imagined - a critical but nonetheless minor role in the proceedings, and perhaps that's appropriate, for what curious cat draws attention to herself as she hunts for new places to explore?

Now, though, right at this moment, to Ari's wise but nevertheless childish mind, the name feels like a gesture of rejection. You are not one of us. You are otherworldly. Take your difficult questions elsewhere, child, for we refuse to answer them.

That night, when she returns to her dwelling, Ari chooses to sleep on the roof rather than in her bed. Under the stars, she dreams of cat whiskers and dragon wings, and worlds far beyond her own.


Angels lift me.
Are you with me?
I'm holding onto you
Like I'm holding onto white balloons...


He had not thought before he left that dodging Silri would be an issue - she never once paid him any mind at the castle, and he saw no reason for that to change - but apparently it is (insanity is not a good look for her, and he does not even agree with her quest or the one who assigned it anymore—), and it is more difficult than he originally thought. Calming her down is even moreso (—but he can't help but empathize in a way nonetheless), but worth it, even if the alliance is temporary by its very definition.

Neither of them has a side to be fully loyal to, so why not?

After their little rescue operation, they part ways. She attacks him twice more in subsequent weeks. Both times Zero has to remind her that he is not, in fact, Adrian, and both times it takes him pinning her to the ground before she would open her eyes and look at the clear difference in his. The second time, she slashes at his side anyway, and as she leaps away once again, Zero decides that he'll keep the scar.

He is therefore surprised when he does not hear from Silri at all after Adrian's return. In a way, he is surprised that he is surprised, because there is no confusion now. She was the only one who couldn't tell the difference, and perhaps it's for the best—

But then another portal opens, and another familiar girl steps into view (long brunette hair billowing in the breeze, and he can see why adrian felt attraction to her once, but she never made a move, never reciprocated in that way, and adrian moved on to other things), and Zero can't help the broad grin that appears on his face.


Carry me away!
I hope that you don't break.


The first thing she sees is the people of her homeland, this misty paradise in the sky. The other children of the Rite - actually a large group this year, all born of the largest and most diversely populated Beltanne festival to date, and all therefore special in ways not yet determined - play in the green meadows dotted here and there with stone fences and wildflowers, but she sits in a treetop by herself. She can hear a few adults below her, watching her, wondering to themselves why she is so introspective at such a young age (not even twenty, barely finished being a toddler). They whisper of strange events foretold in their Telling Pools, of dark times ahead in both the Land Below and in the opposite world. The Domhain Dorcha, they called it. She listens to them, and they continue to speak as though she is not there, and she wonders how to describe the feeling of frustration that wells in her heart.

Later, she will find a good word for it: hypocrisy.

The Eire is stagnant, lifeless, frozen in time as its people become more and more convinced that they have cultivated the perfect lifestyle. The wars and petty arguments of the different nations in the land below do not interest them; they are emissaries to the gods, come straight down from the Palace of Stars itself. They are not privy to the farcical yoke that binds surface-dwellers of Gaeya and those ridiculously short-lived, short-sighted excuses for humans of Domhain Dorcha alike. They are above. They are different. They are better.

Do something! she will cry one day, tears in her eyes as she cradles an egg that will never hatch. Our ancestors came down from the stars because they wanted to live in this world, within the bounds of time, where each moment can be experienced and cherished! What is there to experience if everything is beneath you? What is there to learn if you already know all?

(Three times she will make this plea. The first time, they will give her a name. The second time, they will give her a quest. The third time, they will listen, but by then, it is almost too late.)

She will throw the egg she holds at her elders, frustrated and heartbroken, in a display of impulsivity completely unknown to the peace of the Eire. But the shell is hollow, empty inside, and will shatter in the first hand that catches it.

Now, though, right at this moment, she sits in her treetop while a particularly strong wind blows, and is grateful for the sturdiness of her perch.


I hope that you don't break...
Don't break...


Nothing changes, while Everything stays the same. It is a dichotomy that is invisible to most; only one soul in a thousand could ever understand Nothing to be a proper noun on the same level as its opposite partner. Nothing exists. Nothing has form. Nothing is exactly what it needs to be in order for Everything to continue in the way it always has.

Yes, Valerie, I know who you are.

I remember you quite well, actually, although you don't remember me. 

And maybe that's for the best.

Though I've no doubt you could remember me if you tried.

I've always followed orders, but now I'm kind of at a loss.

I spent my life wandering, but with you I found purpose.

I'm not afraid of what the future holds, because

I can handle myself, don't worry,

but what about you? What will you do in the times to come?

but Runoa is more dangerous than any of you realize. No matter how much you prepare, you're not ready.

Runoa is practice compared to what's next. I've watched you prepare, but still I fear for the future.

Runoa's promise

Monika's visions

will happen, and there's nothing any of us can do to stop it.

So no matter what happens, 

I think

I know that

I want to help you.

I don't know why, but

Our previous connection makes it so that

we understand each other.

And that's all anyone ever needs.


The connection broke. Snapped, really, and the little dragon reeled back before regaining herself and regarding Zero with a glare and a soft hiss. Zero, for his part, almost wanted to apologize. The more he thought about it, the more he realized Ari's little intrusion was probably a test of some sort, and reacting instinctively when you have such highly exaggerated abilities and resilience is almost never what you'd call safe.

He noticed her trembling slightly, as though having difficulty concentrating, and his eyes widened. "Oh shit, I'm sorry!" he exclaimed. He hoped he hadn't done any permanent damage; that would not be good for his standing with Valerie. "I've never spent much time around people who weren't, like, level 8 or better, and they all shrug off whatever anyone does like it's nothing, accidental or otherwise. Shit, are you alright?"

Ari stretched and shook herself as a dog might - for a brief moment she was a dog, actually, before returning to her preferred fire-lizard form - and regarded the Stu with a critical eye.

Zero didn't move.

It would be difficult to explain what transpired between the two on that morning, in that place where "morning" has no more meaning than the one you give it. One who was the hero of another story, the other who didn't really expect his story to go much further than it had. Neither of them were active participants in the battle against perfection, though both had rejected it in their own way. Both understood the dangers of complacency better than most. And both had found themselves, either suddenly or over a period of years and years and lifetimes, in full and unwavering support of the one girl who understood that, in order to achieve true perfection, you didn't have to change a thing.

Ari moved faster than the eye could blink, gliding past Zero's ear before vanishing. But it was not with the pop of displaced air that accompanied travel between. It was a relatively slow fade-out, visible and almost frightening if you didn't know she was vanishing from this world on purpose. The fire-lizard form, for all its versatility and astonishing parallels with her own abilities, was still nothing more than a guise, after all. Ari had places to be, things to prepare before time was up.

Zero gasped as she passed, eyes widening in astonishment as two words entered his mind, words laced with feelings of approval, understanding, and perhaps the beginnings of trust.


Don't break.