Insert Comedic Attempts at Theft Here

Take 1, Action!

Tyler crawled through a ventilation duct surprisingly fast, possibly due to the half a dozen land piranhas flying after him.

"Where did Adrian even get land piranhas?" Tyler wondered. "It's like he actually believes that the mere fact of him buying the cookies somehow makes them his property!" He dropped out of the duct, landing on a hard stone floor.

"Tell me about it," Drake responded. For his part, the armored Agent had been running from a large, angry, and unfortunately air-breathing flying shark. "You've got a plan, right?"

"The cookies are right ahead, Adrian put up proximity mines… yes, I have a plan."

"Good, because the cookies are maybe twenty feet away."

"I kno- wait, what?" Tyler turned forward. Sure enough, the cookies (mounted as always on a large stone pedestal) were looming out of the corridor. "Drake!"

"Yeah?"

"JUMP!"

Both Drake and Tyler leapt into the air, soaring majestically over the pedestal. The piranhas (and shark), meanwhile, crashed into it head-on. The resulting explosion was painful-

"And tasty!" Tyler swallowed one of the nicely roasted piranha.

"Don't forget what we came here for," Drake reminded.

"Right." Tyler reached for the cookies. Unfortunately, as he did so, his hand broke a razor-thin string. "What?"

Don't ever interrupt me again.

"Now that's just disproportion-"

Tyler was interrupted by a spear stabbing right next to his right foot. "GAH!" Another whizzed past his ear.

"Slicing Gale!" Drake shouted. Bursts of wind energy sliced through a spear, shattered one of the launchers, and buried itself in the pedestal.

"Drake, watch out for the cookies!" Tyler threw a burst of energy at a launcher, smashing it.

Drake nodded, before ripping out one of the launchers and jamming it into the barrel of another.

"How is that even physically possible?" Tyler ducked a spear, and blasted a launcher into powder with a handful of explosives.

"Just go with it!" Drake shot back. "Storm Punch!" He rammed a fist into a launcher, and the metal crumpled under the force of the blow.

"Random Blast of Magic that Shouldn't Have a Name But I Wanted it to So it Does!" Tyler blasted the last launcher into oblivion.

"You're mocking me, aren't you?"

"Naturally." Tyler grabbed the plate of cookies, popping on into his mouth. "Delicious."

"Um, Tyler?"

"Whf?"

"What's that noise?"

Tyler swallowed his cookie and cocked his head to one side. His eyes widened as he heard the familiar sound of a Plothole opening, and they got even wider as he saw a disturbingly familiar orange glow cast onto the pedestal. "RUN!"

Both Drake and Tyler sprinted away as a huge stream of magma flowed from the Plothole, flooding after the duo.

They darted through the Dart Hall.

They shot through the Turret Chamber.

They ran through the Room of Sentient Death Stockings.

With the lava close behind, Tyler and Drake cleared the Corridor of Flying Axe-Spiders, and leapt out into the Library proper, slamming a door behind them.

"No cookies?" Drake asked.

"No cookies," Tyler sighed.

XXX

Take 2, Action!

"So you're sure the cookies are this way?" Tyler asked. He and Drake were walking down a long corridor.

"Of course," Drake replied. "They're always there."

"Good." The pair reached a pit trap. "We're splitting up here?"

"Yeah. You go on ahead to collect the cookies, I stay here to unlock the door afterward."

Tyler hopped over the pit. Immediately, a huge wall crashed down, cutting him off from Drake. After reaching the cookies, the smaller Agent pulled out his communicator. "I'm in. The cookies are on a pedestal."

"Cool. You see the big red button?"

"Yup." Tyler pushed it.

"Don't push it."

Tyler paled. "Um… are you sure you said, 'Don't push the big red button?"

"Yes."

"Time to go." Tyler went. By the time he had reached the wall, Drake had it open, and the two sprinted to freedom as the corridor exploded.

"So, did you get the cookies?" Drake asked. Tyler froze, dropping to his knees.

"No… NOOOOO!"

XXX

Take 3, Action!

Tyler was getting closer. He could feel it. One more corner…

Yes! There were the cookies! There was their fragrance, sugar and chocolate and butter and milk! There was the LPMC airlifting them out!

…Wait, what?

"Hey, come back! I was here first!" Tyler was too late, as the LPMC vanished into an air duct. He shot an energy bolt after them, but missed.

"Drat."

Presumably to add insult to injury (or injury to insult as the case may be), Tyler managed to trigger a trap, and was promptly glued to a wall by a blast of ABC bubble gum.

"Damn it!"

By the time Tyler had burned his way out of the gum, the LPMC were long gone.

XXX

Take 4, Action!

"So, if I aim the catapult here, the force of the rock striking the pressure plate should be enough to trigger the net. After the net goes off, two metal arms will impale it. I'll run across the arms to avoid the acid pit, disable the swinging blades, drop down to turn off the forcefield, jump back onto the arms before the chloroform geysers trigger, and get my rope. After the lasers go off, I'll snare the cookies with the rope, and make my getaway!"

With his plan thus made, Tyler proceeded into the usual corridor, avoiding each trap with skill born of around a year of practice. As the last laser went off, Tyler snagged the cookies with the rope, and began reeling them in.

"Closer… closer…"

A rocket launcher emerged from the wall, blasting the cookies into crumbs.

"DAMN IT!"

XXX

Takes 5 through 10, Action!

Tyler was launched out of the corridor by a spring bigger than the season….

XXX

A trap released a swarm of scorpions, forcing Tyler to flee.

XXX

A vacuum yanked Tyler into it, spitting him out inside a kitchen. Rhia's kitchen.

XXX

Tyler dashed up the arm of the robot, leaping onto its chest and slashing through its neck.

"Heads…" Tyler backflipped onto the ground, kicking the robot's head into the ceiling, where it was crushed in a manner reminiscent of that of a pancake. "UP!"

From outside of the corridor, Tyler heard something that made his blood run cold. It was the words, "I heard that!" spoken as if by a large, irritable, stick of wood.

"Oh no….."

Nobody was particularly surprised when, an hour later, Tyler was found lying unconscious on the floor of the main room, his limbs and extremities having been tied together with astonishing disregard for the actual alignment of his bones.

XXX

Tyler was in a very good mood. Following his recovery from Shirley's attack (which had taken over a week), he had gone back through the corridor, this time avoiding each and every trap. Finally, he had obtained the cookies. He picked them up, gingerly avoiding the nuclear acid-spitting beetle trap, and carefully walked out of the corridor. Thus liberated, Tyler proudly held the cookies over his head, triumph on every inch of his face. "I did it!"

"I'll take those."

"Huh?" Tyler spun around in time to witness Adrian calmly eating a cookie. "Thanks Tyler. I really wasn't looking forward to going through those traps myself." He walked off, carrying the cookies.

Tyler's jaw dropped.

Insert Freaky Nanotechnology Here

"Is it a Sue or a Stu?" Tyler asked.

"No idea. Its first action was to turn into a gigantic mecha-thing and start going on a rampage," Tash responded.

"Guess it's a Villain Sue." Tyler stepped through a Plothole and vanished.

Ooooo

In the Generator Rex fandom….

Tyler walked through the streets of New York City, ignoring the repeated blaring of some megaphone announcing lockdown due to E.V.O. attack. Tyler figured that the Sue or Stu would have to show itself soon, deadly beings mutated into horrible monsters by the nanobots in their blood being rather hard to hide.

And then it did. Something flashed out of an alleyway, bowling Tyler over. The Agent recovered quickly, kicking the assailant off of him. It slammed into a building and slid down, revealing itself as a humanoid figure with four long, sharp, tentacles protruding from its back. It was clad in what looked like thin orange metal, and its face was obscured by an equally orange visor. Obviously it was the Sue or Stu that had invaded the fandom. Tyler rolled to his feet, drawing his staff and dropping into something resembling a fighting stance.

The Sue or Stu (Tyler had decided to think of it as "Fido") sent all four of its tentacles stabbing towards Tyler…


...impaling the ground where he had been a moment ago, as the Agent dashed up one of the tentacles, leaping into the air. Fido pulled one tentacle out of the ground, lashing it up to catch Tyler out of the air, but Tyler grabbed the tentacle and swung to the ground, kicking Fido in the face as he passed. As Tyler hit the ground, he swiped at the E.V.O's feet with his staff, tripping Fido, and kicked him into the building again. As Fido slid to the ground, Tyler relaxed slightly.

"You know, for a Sue or Stu, you're not putting up much of a fight." His only response was a hiss from Fido. "At least you haven't told me to shut up yet."

Fido lunged, and Tyler stepped to one side, grabbing the E.V.O's tentacles with a rope of energy and yanking hard. Fido stumbled backwards, and Tyler blasted it with an energy beam. The Agent tossed a handful of explosives at Fido, and the E.V.O. was blasted backwards into the same building, for the third time. This time, instead of slamming into the building and sliding down, Fido smashed through the wall. This was immediately followed by the entire building collapsing on the E.V.O.

"Huh. Third time's the charm, I guess!" Tyler was about to walk away, when a tentacle shot out of the rubble, grabbed a chunk of rock, and hurled it at him. Tyler dove to one side and pelted the tentacle with energy bursts. A second tentacle ripped its way free to deflect the bolts, then both lashed around Tyler's neck and began to throttle him. The Agent responded by grabbing the tentacles and yanking back. A screech of pain came from the rockpile, and the tentacles went limp. Tyler tossed them to the ground before stomping on one. "Take that, you tentacled piece of-,"

Tyler was cut off by Fido smashing its way out of the rockpile and lashing at Tyler, who dodged the tentacle-strikes, then grabbed the tentacles and yanked again, bringing Fido close enough to punch it in the face with a magic-augmented hand. The Agent and the E.V.O. exchanged blows for a few minutes, before Tyler smacked it across the face with his staff, planted a bomb on its chest, and blasted it backwards. Then Tyler's communicator beeped.

"Tyler, what are you doing?" Tash's voice demanded.

"What do you mean? I was attacked by the Sue or Stu, which I have named Fido, and now I'm fighting it! What do you want from me?"

"Tyler, that's not-," Tash was cut off by the tentacles wrapping around Tyler while he was distracted, yanking him up, and smashing him into the ground. "What was that?"

"Ow… nothing. Gotta go." Tyler rolled aside as the tentacles pounded the ground around him.

"Wait, what? Tyler, don't you dare hang up on-BEEEEP!" Tyler shut off the communicator, ignoring Tash.

"Too late!"

Fido let out a hiss of anger and lunged, slashing at Tyler with its tentacles. The Agent danced around the whirling attacks, peppering Fido with energy bolts. Tyler's communicator beeped again. He ignored it, dodging a second charge and kicking Fido in the back, knocking the E.V.O. down. "What is it this time?"

"First of all, you're on basement duty for the next week for hanging up on me. Second, that's not the Sue or Stu."

"What?" Tyler hurled a handful of grenades at Fido, knocking it over and forming a cloud of dust.

"I just told you, that's not-,"

"No, I mean, I was in a life-or-death situation! I think hanging up on you can be forgiven, don't you?" Four curled tentacles shot out from the dust, slamming into a hastily constructed energy shield.

"Nope," Tash responded.

"That was… unequivocal." Tyler dispelled the energy shield, grabbed the tentacles, and pulled Fido towards him before hitting him in the face with an open palm. Fido let out a hiss, and Tyler swept its legs out, then slammed it to the ground with his staff.

Tash hung up. Tyler smiled, even as Fido caught him with its tentacles.

"Finally… I can continue this fight in peace." Fido lifted Tyler into the air, and the Agent's smile faded as Fido began slamming him into the ground repeatedly, and then it returned as Tyler blasted Fido in the face with a stream of energy, and the E.V.O. dropped him. Tyler jumped to his feet and dashed off, hurling a double handful of explosives behind to ensure that Fido would not be following for some time.

Oooooo

By the Atlantic Ocean, at a lovely seaside street….

Everything was in utter chaos.

Rex, the orange-clad main character of the show, and Six, who was clad in green, and had been named for his status as sixth deadliest man in the world, (first, Tyler had always assumed, went to Chuck Norris by default, second to Alex Mercer, third to Master Chief, fourth to Butler, and fifth to Rex, perhaps, although he suspected Batman might be involved somewhere) were trying and failing to fight an elephant-sized E.V.O, which seemed to have copied Rex's power to generate mechanical weapons out of his body, then upped it to eleven. While Rex could only form one weapon at a time, the E.V.O. had generated a massive suit of armor, containing gauntlets, boots, a jetpack, a pair of cannons on its back, a tail that ended in a gigantic sword, and heavy armor covering everything else. Currently, it was using aforesaid weaponry to hold off Rex and Six. Rex had manifested twin fists, but they were rendered useless by the E.V.O's cannons ripping chunks out of the road and firing them at him. Six was dashing in and out, slashing with his twin katanas, but neither could get past the sword-tail. Each time Rex and Six stepped back, half a dozen soldiers of Providence, the organization Rex and Six worked for, would open fire on the E.V.O. But despite the coordination of the attack, it had roughly the same effect as squirting water at a charging rhinoceros.

At this point, Tyler turned the corner. Seeing Rex and Six fighting the E.V.O, he turned around, only to see Fido closing in on him. The smaller E.V.O. had recovered surprisingly quickly from the blast. Fortunately, this gave Tyler an idea. He dashed out of the alleyway at top speed, Fido in hot pursuit. As Fido thrust out all four tentacles, Tyler jumped onto the larger E.V.O, then leapt out over the railing separating the street from the ocean, leaving the tentacles to impale the larger E.V.O, whom Tyler had christened, "Fluffy." Instead of plummeting to his death, however, Tyler sent out an energy hook to catch the railing, veering around and launching himself feet first at Fido, slamming into the E.V.O and ripping it out of Fluffy. Fido landed with a hiss: Tyler with a triumphant grunt. Behind him, Fluffy let out a roar of pain, even as the damage to its armor repaired itself.

"Now that was a dynamic entry!" Tyler proclaimed to nobody in particular. "Okay, where's the Sue?"

Rex took a moment out of fighting Fluffy to glance at Tyler. "Sue? Is that some sort of acronym? And what's with that other E.V.O. over there?"

Tyler shrugged. "Superbly Uber Entity, how should I know? And I was just fighting that E.V.O, don't poke it!" Ignoring the downed Fido, Tyler charged at Fluffy, who roared a challenge and fired a chunk of asphalt at him. Tyler dove to one side and tossed a grenade at the E.V.O, which had no visible effect other than making it angry. As such, Tyler took the only logical option. He ran for it. Fluffy followed, striking at Tyler with its sword-tail.

Rex sweatdropped. "Who is this guy?"

Six, on the other hand, dashed forward, leaping into the air and slashing at the tail. The blow didn't seem to do anything…

-Until Fluffy lashed its tail at Tyler, and the sword stayed behind. The now-useless tail smashed into Fluffy's head, crushing it into the ground, then snapped back, sending the sword flying. Six slashed several more times, and bits of Fluffy's armor began to fall off. Even as they repaired themselves, Rex switched weapons, forming a cannon, ripping up a piece of asphalt, and blasting off the remainder of Fluffy's weaponry. A round of gunfire later, and Fluffy had been reduced to a young man. Before ex-E.V.O. could do anything, Rex walked over, and placed a hand on his head, deactivating the nanites in his bloodstream. Rex frowned. "He… sort of looks like me…"

"He's not your brother, father, son, uncle, nephew, clone, or anything else," Tyler interrupted. "Just a poorly made copy." "Guess that's the Stu. Evil twin or something."

"Um… what are you talking about, and how would you know?"

"Long story," Tyler responded, and then a katana was at his throat, Six behind it.

"Who are you, and why are you here, and how are you fighting an E.V.O?" Six demanded.

Tyler made an attempt at a smile. "Do I get to ask a question after?"

"We'll see. Talk."

"I'm an interdimensional traveler, sent from a Library that exists between the worlds to stop overly perfect beings like that E.V.O. over there. And the energy blasts are magic."

Six raised an eyebrow. "Try again."

"Fine. I'm just a random person who happens to have the ability to shoot energy out of my hands and has an unlimited supply of small explosives. Is my previous answer really so implausible compared to that?"

"No. It's still implausible though."

"Um… I was concealing a lasergun up my sleeve?"

"Those don't exist."

"Um… look, you could just take me prisoner and talk this over without the involvement of sharp objects being placed at my throat. Please?"

"…"

"You should at least get that E.V.O."

Rex walked over. "Why? He's harmless now."

"Not for long. He's a Stu, he's going to regain his powers somehow. You're lucky you defeated him this time."

"Huh?"

Six turned to Rex. "He's been talking about how he's an interdimensional traveler or something."

Rex shrugged. "Sounds like your ordinary nutcase. He's probably just an E.V.O. in denial or something. I'll cure him." Rex placed a hand on Tyler's forehead, then withdrew it, startled. "What?"

"What is it?" Six asked.

"There aren't any nanites in his blood."

Six thought for a moment. "Remember your previous offer, of being taken prisoner to explain things?"

"Yes?"

"Consider it accepted."

Ooooo

Later, on a Providence ship…

"That makes no sense," White Knight, the leader of Providence, protested.

"That's because you've never been to other dimensions. I have. I didn't enter this world until long after the Event."

"Then how do you know about it?"

"Well… it's a long story."

"I've got time."

"Well… basically, my organization can see into any world, at any point in time during that world's history. It's pretty cool. Our jobs (self-appointed) are to hunt down overly perfect beings, such as that E.V.O. Rex and Six just fought, and take them prisoner, after disabling their powers using these." Tyler held up a Prohibitor. "This will most likely take the form of deactivating the Stu's nanites, but it won't work on any other E.V.O, so no, I can't give you any."

"Wait a minute," Rex interrupted. "Sure, it took three to one, plus a squad of Providence soldiers, but we took that thing down, and then I cured it! It's over!"

"Unlikely. It's a Stu, and a Villain Stu at that. It'll be back somehow."

"Like Van Kleiss?"

"Probably. If I had to guess, I'd say that the Stu will be, once it regains its powers, able to take out Van Kleiss in a fair fight."

Rex blinked. "Um… so can I."

"Sorry, did I say 'fair fight?' I meant 'fight where Van Kleiss has had three weeks to prepare.'"

"Okay…" White Knight said. "That still doesn't explain why we should believe you."

"I didn't say you should. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't be surprised when the E.V.O. you just fought resurfaces, you should bring me along when you go fight it, and that when this is all over, I'm taking it into custody, not you."

"What?"

"Normally, when a Sue or Stu leaves a universe, all memory of it is wiped. As such, once it's dealt with, I can't leave it here. I need to take it with me."

"We can't risk you giving it to Van Kleiss."

"I already said, I'm leaving this world once the Stu's been defeated."

"And why should we trust you?"

"Well, um-…right." Tyler sighed. "Look, can we deal with this after the Stu's been defeated?"

"…Fine," White Knight muttered. Then an alarm blared.

"WARNING! LARGE E.V.O. PRESENCE HAS BEEN DETECTED IN NEW YORK CITY!" Rex and Six immediately ran off.

Tyler smirked. "Well?"

"I still don't trust you… but you're capable of fighting an E.V.O, and you've got that bracelet that will deactivate the nanites, so I'm sending you with Rex and Six."

"Good."

Oooooo

Back in New York…

"Down, Fido!" Tyler yelled, slamming the tentacle being's head into the ground.

"Taylor, what did I tell you about naming these things Fido?" Rex shouted, from where he was fighting off a trio of identical beings.

"You said not to do it, because it sounds stupid! I just ignored you! And it's Tyler!" Tyler responded, tripping another Fido and stomping on its head.

"I don't care!" Rex called back, crushing half a dozen Fidos in a pair of huge fists. "And when you said that the Stu was like Van Kleiss, I didn't know you meant it literally!"

"Neither did I!" Tyler responded, punching a Fido in the face, and spraying another with magic. "How many of these things did it make, anyway?"

"The Stu must have activated half the nanites in the city! And how did you do that?" Rex formed a pair of boots and kicked a Fido away.

"I told you, it's magic!" Tyler blasted a Fido into the air with a grenade.

"Magic doesn't exist!" Rex fired a chunk of pavement at a group of Fidos, knocking them flying.

"Oh really?" Tyler blasted away a pair of Fidos with energy blasts.

"Um… yes."

"Ah, never mind," Tyler muttered, stopping a tentacle strike with his staff, kicking the offending Fido away, sweeping another's feet out, and hurling an explosive at a third. "When's Six gonna get here?"

"He got sidetracked by that other army of Fidos," Rex replied, catching a handful of tentacles, and using the Fido at the end of them as a flail.

"Right. Nice move by the way." Tyler ducked into a ball, and a Fido tripped over him. The Agent popped back up, grabbed the Fido, and hurled it at another, knocking them both down. "Top that!"

"Fine!" Rex leapt into the air, reformed the boots, and landed, sending every Fido within twenty feet flying. "Consider it topped."

"Okay, I'm suitably impressed." Tyler caught a Fido in the stomach with his staff, kicked another in the shin, and yanked a third towards him before punching it through the first two, knocking all three down.

Rex finished the fight by grabbing two handfuls of tentacles and yanking, slamming two Fidos into each other, knocking both out. Then Six landed between them. "The "Stu" as you call it, is by the ocean like before."

"Is it still in its "Blargh, I'm a giant monster," form?" Rex asked.

"Yes, only five times the size."

Tyler paled. "That… is really bad."

"Yes. On a slightly better note, the Pack is now fighting it. I left them to get you. Breach should pick us up in a sec-," He was cut off by the appearance of a red portal, and a zombie-like girl with two normal arms and two massive ones yanking Rex, Six, and Tyler in.

Oooooooo

At the oceanside street…

Rex, Six, Tyler, and Breach appeared on the street, and watched the battle unfolding. Fluffy had, true to Six's word, quintupled in size, now almost 100 feet tall, and was pounding Jacuzzi-sized holes in the road with its fists. Weaving around said fists were Biowulf, a bipedal wolf-like E.V.O. with mechanical plating, and Skalamander, a tall, fat, green E.V.O. with a lizard head shoved off to the side of its shoulder by a massive spike of diamond. Another spike of diamond had replaced its right hand. Finally, Van Kleiss, the leader of the Pack, who was simply a tall man with black-and-white hair, was standing behind the other two, attacking by extending his armor-plated right hand as a whip. Unfortunately, the combined efforts of the three were serving to do little more than annoy the massive E.V.O.

"Van Kleiss!" Rex shouted. "Why are you here?"

"What an existential question," Van Kleiss responded, dodging a fist and quickly moving out of Fluffy's range. "Why are any of us here? Is it just-"

"You know what I mean!" Rex shouted. By now, he and Six were fighting Fluffy's sword tail, Rex pounding away at it with massive fists, and Six slicing at it with the two katanas. Tyler, meanwhile, was running around on Fluffy's back, occasionally pausing to place a small explosive in a crack in the Stu's armor.

"Tyler, what are you doing up there?" Rex called.

"Nothing important!" Tyler yelled back, planting a final explosive in Fluffy's head. He was about to jump off, when a small hatch opened, and a Fido shot out, slamming into Tyler. Tyler quickly kicked the Fido away, and it fell to the ground, shattering on impact. Tyler swore under his breath, before calling down to Rex, Six, and the Pack. "This thing can create robots!" "At least I know where that army of Fidos came from…"

"What?" Rex called up.

"I said-"

"I can't hear you!"

"Never mind." Tyler kicked away a robot, smashed off the head of another with a bolt of magic, grabbed a pair of attacking tentacles, and yanked, sending a robot to its doom. Once again, he prepared to jump off…

-And four tentacles wrapped around him, dragging him back. Tyler quickly dispatched of the offending robot, but before he could jump off, he was swarmed by dozens of the things.

Down on the ground…

Rex slammed a fist into the sword-tail, and Six took the opportunity to slash it off. Before either could exploit the opening, the tail grew a new sword, and Rex and Six were forced to jump back to avoid it.

Biowulf had latched on to one of Fluffy's arms, and was tearing at it viciously. Meanwhile, Skalamander was blasting diamond spikes up at Fluffy's face. The giant E.V.O. was countering with huge chunks of rock ripped up from the road, but Breach absorbed them into portals and launched them back. Van Kleiss held on to Fluffy's other arm, keeping it out of the battle with surprising strength.

Suddenly Fluffy's mouth opened, and four small metal spheres shot down, hitting Skalamander and knocking him down, before sprouting long metal cables and entangling the lizard-E.V.O. Skalamander broke the bonds quickly, but his assault had been disrupted, and Fluffy took the opportunity to fire more of the spheres, tripping up the pack (except Breach, who had tossed the spheres aimed at her into the San Andreas Fault).

Six slammed his katanas together, creating a sonic/magnetic/something vibration that lifted a car and launched it up at Fluffy, who deflected it with a swipe of his sword tail, sending it arcing over the massive E.V.O's back.

Ooooo

Tyler blocked a tentacle-strike, kicked two Fidos off Fluffy's back, blasted a third to smithereens with a grenade, and shattered a fourth's head with a well-placed energy blast. And then he was hit from behind by a Fido that had gone unnoticed.

Tyler landed hard, rolling onto his back in time to watch two dozen Fidos all charging him. He knew he couldn't take all of them out before they reached him. He sighed.

"Well… this is a dangerous occupation. May as well die in style." Tyler pulled a small object out of his pocket. "Here we-"

His thoughts were interrupted by a car slamming into the Fidos charging him, sending all 24 plummeting into the Atlantic Ocean and leaving Tyler alone on Fluffy's back.

Tyler's jaw dropped. He slowly put the object back in his pocket, and then he was dancing backwards as a Fido lashed at him with its tentacles. He blocked the first few strikes, and retaliated with an explosive to the face, raising a cloud of dust. Tyler smirked.

"Well, looks like I just kicked your shiny metal-"

A tentacle whipped out of the cloud and snapped tight around Tyler's leg. The Agent barely had time to curse Conservation of Ninjutsu before he was hurled into the Atlantic Ocean.

Ooooo

Six dodged a swipe from the sword-tail, and dashed up onto Fluffy's leg, slicing away at the chinks in the armor. Fluffy raised its other leg, attempting to scrape off the sword wielder, but Rex caught the leg in a set of bolas launched from his wings, holding them back. Unfortunately, this meant that neither were paying attention to the sword-tail. Fluffy took advantage of this oversight to swat Rex out of the sky, crushing him into the ground. Six was next, being swatted away by the newly-freed leg. The sword-tail slashed out again, shearing a nearby building in half and sending the disconnected part spinning into the air.

At the front of Fluffy, the massive Stu caught the airborne building with one hand and slammed it down, completely failing to crush the Pack, who had been portalled back to Abysus, their home island, by Breach. On the other hand, the rubble flew over the side of the road, plummeting towards the already-endangered Tyler.

Ooooo

Tyler's first thought after the shock of Fido hurling him into the ocean was, "This is going to suck." His second thought, upon seeing the chunks of building zooming towards him, was, "Oh, well, maybe not. Let's see if the physics in this fandom are compliant enough to pull this off." He reached into his pocket, yanked out a rope, and hurled it upwards. The rope coiled around a section of railing that had been destroyed, and Tyler's downward plunge came to a welcome halt. That was the good part. The bad part; he was now headed at the same speed towards a solid concrete wall. Fortunately, he had a plan. Tyler snagged two explosives out of his pocket and hurled one at the wall, forming an explosion that propelled him backwards. The next explosive went under his shoe, blasting him upwards. He zipped past a chunk of building, landed on it, and launched himself upwards, repeating the trick until he had reached the railing. After a bow to an imaginary audience, Tyler collected his rope, stuck it back in his pocket, and dropped to one knee, gasping for breath.

"That… was really unpleasant." A roar from above alerted him to Fluffy's presence. "Hey, do you mind? I'm recovering here!"

Evidently the Stu did mind, as it slammed a hand down on the place where Tyler had been a second ago, the Agent having vanished and reappeared a few meters away. "Note to Stu! I still have the energy to do that a few more times! More importantly, of course, I have the energy to do this!" Tyler pulled the object from when the Fidos had been about to kill him out of his pocket and waved it in the air, giving the Stu (and the readers) a closer look at it. Inspection revealed a black, cylindrical object with a large red button at the top. Tyler naturally, pressed said button.

Beep!

Fluffy let out a puzzled roar.

BEEP!

Fluffy roared again, and reared up, trying to finish Tyler off.

BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!

BOOOOOM!

Fluffy's back exploded. The force of the blast slammed the Stu into the ground, raising the cost of repairs into a new order of magnitude. On a more important note, that wouldn't be reversed as soon as Tyler left the fandom, the blast had destroyed Fluffy's armor, reducing him to his original state: a carbon copy of Rex. Tyler grinned.

"So… I think we've established that massive robots don't work so well against me… you could always try a simple one-on-one fight. What's your name, by the way?"

"Dex."

"Oh."

"What did you expect? And, as to your proposition of a one-on-one fight, I have some better ideas. Just because I haven't, doesn't mean I can't warp canon characters. They already don't trust you. It should only take a little push…"

"I stuck Copyrights on them back on the ship."

"Damn."

Tyler shrugged. "You can't win 'em all."

A vein pulsed in the Stu's neck. "I'm going to kill you SLOWLY!" He generated a pair of swords out of his hands and charged, slashing at Tyler in a frenzy. The Agent ducked and weaved, each slash going high, low, or both.

"Hold still, damn you!"

"Now why the hell would I do that?"

"So I can kill you!" Dex lunged, missing by a meter, and Tyler kicked him in the shin, than whacked him with his staff. The Stu stumbled backwards, yelping in pain, but quickly recovered, smashing both swords into the ground. Tyler danced back, firing energy bolts at Dex. The Stu responded by ripping the swords out of the ground, sending a shockwave of rock at Tyler. The Agent ran forward, leaping over the shockwave and planting both feet in Dex's face, knocking him down. The Stu slammed the flats of his swords into Tyler, picked him up, and hurled the Agent away. Tyler landed in a heap. "Ow…"

"HAHA! Prepare to DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The swords vanished, and were replaced by a huge drill. Tyler frowned, from where he was picking himself up.

"Never seen that before…" "Wonderful. I was wondering how long it would take for him to start making up new weapons."

"DIE!" Dex raced forwards, thrusting the drill at Tyler, who dodged, leaving the drill to drive into the ground. "That all, Dexy?"

"Don't call me that!" The ground whirled around the drill, shooting towards Tyler in a wave.

"Not bad…" Tyler hurled a handful of explosives at the wall of pavement, pulverizing it, and ran through the resulting dust cloud, fist outstretched-

-And Dex caught it, then shoved Tyler back, generated a pair of boots, and kicked the Agent away.

Tyler got to his feet, wincing. "That… really hurt."

"Yeah? Well it's about to get worse!" Dex charged toward Tyler, leaping into the air...

...and Tyler dropped to the ground as Dex sailed over him and into a building, crashing through the wall. Tyler smirked.

"My turn." He tossed an explosive into the hole in the building, heard the report….

And the entire building collapsed, crushing Dex. Tyler grinned widely. "Told you you can't win 'em all."

"I'd save the one-liners for when you've actually won, Agent!"

"What?"

Dex burst from the wreckage, slamming two massive mechanical fists into Tyler, pinning him to the ground. One of the fists changed into a sword, and Dex prepared to deliver the finishing blow…

And Tyler reached up and stuck something to the Stu's forehead.

"What the heck?"

Tyler's only response was a raspberry. Dex than became conscious of a beeping noise from somewhere on his head. "Oh fu-"

KABLAM!

Dex was blown backwards. Tyler got to his feet, brushing himself off. "I would suggest you not try that again, unless you want the headache of your life."

"You… little… RODENT! I WILL DESTROY YOU!"

"…Hey, do you know a Stu with a ridiculously long name that can be easily shortened to Kirpy, and a Sue named Faya something M the 99th?"

"Yeah, they're my siblings, neither of whom knows the other exists due to half a million hackneyed plot devices. Why?"

Tyler blinked. "No reason."

Dex growled, and generated a pair of VERY large weapons out of his hands. Tyler was confused for a second, until Dex lifted his arms, revealing the four holes in each

"Rocket launcher? Now that's just unfair."

Dex shrugged and fired. Eight rockets, well, rocketed towards Tyler, who calmly vanished, reappearing twenty feet away. "You're going to have to do better than-," The rockets swerved and followed him. Tyler screamed in frustration and ran off into an alley.

Ooooo

Several extraordinarily long seconds later…

Tyler was running out of energy. He had jumped, ducked, and dodged to avoid the explosives, and was down to four. He dashed up a wall, and as the rockets followed him, he jumped back down. Two rockets collided in their hurry to U-turn, but the other two did barrel rolls and continued pursuing him. Tyler, for his part, ran like a bat out of hell, if bats had legs, if "out of," had meant, "away from," and if hell had been a pair of Tyler-seeking rockets.

Tyler kept running, turning around each new corner to avoid the rockets, until finally he was back where he started, although instead of running into an alley, he was now running out of it, on a beeline for Dex.

Dex was slightly confused as to Tyler's choice, but his confusion quickly turned to terror as he noted the two rockets tailgating the Agent. His terror increased as Tyler (In, for no apparent reason, slow motion) jumped onto the Stu's back, then leapt off, leaving the two rockets to blast Dex into next week. The Stu's wake sent Tyler into a backflip, from which he landed squarely on his back. He got up in time to watch in triumph as the Stu carved a crater into the pavement though.

Dex leapt to his feet, formed a sword, and charged, swiping at Tyler over and over, the Agent dodging each strike, looking for an opening. After about five minutes, he found one. Dex overextended, and Tyler drew his staff-

And a tentacle whipped out of nowhere, grabbed Tyler, and yanked him into an alleyway, where Tyler realized that he should have gotten Rex to cure the original Fido while he had the chance.

Before Fido could capitalize on his victory, Dex let out a shout of anger and leapt for the other E.V.O, slashing at it with his sword. Fido hissed, fending Dex off with three tentacles while holding Tyler behind it with the fourth. Tyler, meanwhile, was taking matters into his own hands.

"NOBODY STEALS MY KILLS!" Dex roared, trying to impale Fido. The tentacled E.V.O. ducked the blade, but Dex simply generated a new one, and would have used it too, except that an explosive hit him in the face, stunning him for the second it took for Fido to fasten its tentacles around his throat and begin to squeeze. Tyler grinned, but his grin faded (or completely vanished, really) when Fido smashed him into the ground.

"So far, every time someone is about to claim final victory, a third party intervenes. Right now, Fido's winning against Dex, which would make it….my turn? I guess." Tyler sent a sheet of wind traveling along the ground, tripping Fido and allowing Dex to throw off the tentacles that had been throttling him. Fido let out a shriek of rage, but it was too late. Dex smashed aside the tentacles with a fist, and then grabbed Fido by the face, lifting the E.V.O. into the air, and draining the nanites from its blood.

In the span of seconds, Fido had been reduced to a normal, terrified human, whom Dex gave a sadistic smile before hurling them away, probably to their death. In the meantime, Tyler had gotten to his feet.

"Ready to finish it, Dexy?"

"I told you… not to CALL ME THAT!" Dex raised a mechanical fist and pounded it down where Tyler had been a moment ago, then swung the fist after the fleeing Agent. Tyler darted up the wall of the alleyway, jumping over the fist, and detonating an explosive in Dex's face. The E.V.O. stumbled back, and Tyler rushed forward, kneeing the Stu in the face, then kicking him in the shin, stomping on his foot, and finally biting the mechanical fist, ripping off a large chunk and swallowing it whole. Dex sat down hard, head still spinning. "Wh-what was that?"

"'That,' as you so eloquently refer to it, is what happens when you completely fail to realize that I'm smaller and faster than you, and that I am, in fact, capable of eating metal. And now," Tyler pulled out a Prohibitor, "It's over." The Prohibitor was torn from his hand by a sword, which landed in a wall. "OH COME ON!"

Tyler barely had time to form a shield before Rex's fist smashed into him, sending him flying. As Tyler rolled to his feet, he had to jump backwards to avoid Agent Six slicing him in half. "What? They were Copyrighted!"

"The E.V.O's ours, Taylor!" Six said, slicing at Tyler repeatedly.

"That would explain it." "I can't let you take it! It'll be back within a day! And it's Tyler!" Tyler shoved one of Six's swords away, and bumped into a wall. Before he could move, the other sword, which Six had somehow recovered, was at his throat.

"I'm sorry, Tyler. We can't trust you."

"I'm sorry too."

"Why?"

"Because I just activated every explosive on my person."

Six paled, a remarkable feat.

BOOM!

The explosion enveloped Tyler in an aura of flames, and hurled Six backwards. As the flames dissipated, Tyler walked out from them, completely unharmed. Six blinked.

"Acquired immunity to explosives, Six. Now…" Tyler dashed towards Rex, who had pinned Dex to the ground and was about to cure him. Unbeknownst to Rex, Dex had generated a huge sword, and was about to impale Rex with it.

Or he would have been, had Tyler not tackled Rex, knocking him out of the way of the blade. Dex growled, his kill stolen yet again.

Tyler jumped to his feet, drawing another Prohibitor...

...and then he was jumping away as Six appeared from nowhere, slashing viciously at him. Meanwhile, Rex and Dex were now going at it at full power. Rex had formed a jetpack-wings-device, while Dex was just using twin swords. The two were smashing into each other over and over again, each time with enough force to shatter a house.

Ooooo

Back in the Library…

"This is getting confusing," Ben complained. "Weren't Tyler and the orange and green guys on the same side a moment ago?"

Ooooo

They certainly weren't now. Six was slicing at Tyler, failing to connect with the smaller Agent, who had drawn his staff and was using it to great effect. Rex was launching chunks of pavement at Dex, who would slice them in half and charge, only to miss and get hit by an explosive from Tyler, who would then have to dodge away from Six again.

"Seriously, what are you made of?" Tyler muttered, dodging away, kicking Six, and spraying him with energy bursts. Six replied with a quick slash that slipped past Tyler's staff and opened a small cut on his shoulder. Tyler yelped, and Six kicked him to the ground, holding a sword to his throat.

"You're all out of bombs, Taylor."

Tyler groaned. "I'm going to die with my name mispronounced." And then a Dex-thrown Rex slammed into Six, knocking him off of Tyler. Tyler's jaw dropped (again).

"And I thought the Stu was supposed to be lucky." Tyler got to his feet…just in time to see Dex zooming towards him, having grown a motorcycle from his legs. "GAH!"

Tyler leapt up, but Dex caught him, trying to hurl him under the motorcycle. Tyler snapped out his staff, forming a hook of energy on the end and snagging the ground, slowing the motorcycle down very slightly.

"No passengers!" Dex shouted, trying to elbow Tyler in the face. Tyler just held on for dear life, occasionally jabbing Dex with a needle of energy. For his part, the Stu was swerving wildly, trying to throw off the unwanted occupant. After a particularly violent turn, Tyler did something he hadn't done in a long time. He threw up. The result of this melted a hole in the street, and the chunk of metal he had recently eaten was expelled at dangerous speed, bouncing off a building and shattering the back of Dex's motorcycle, sending Dex and Tyler skidding along the ground. Tyler just rolled into a building, but Dex wasn't so lucky. He bumped into Rex, and lay there, prone, vaguely conscious of the world. Rex grinned down at him.

"Hey, you're in luck! I just got my second wind!"

At this point, Tyler noticed what sounded like music. He frowned. "Why would music be playing? Unless…" As the music got louder, Tyler recognized it. It was the show's theme song.

-MAKE WAY, WE'LL START A REVOLUTION!-

Rex formed a pair of boots, hauled back, and kicked Dex through a building, before charging after him.

-MAKE WAY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN TONIGHT!-

Rex caught up with the still-moving Stu, generated a fist, and crushed Dex into the ground.

-MAKE WAY, WE'LL START A REVOLUTION! SO MAKE WAY!-

Even as Dex shoved Rex away with giant fists of his own, Rex switched back to boots, and kicked the E.V.O.-Stu into the stratosphere.

-MAKE WAY, WE'LL START A REVOLUTION!-

Rex generated the jetpack-wings, flying up at incredible speed to catch Dex 1000 feet above the ground.

-MAKE WAY, WE'LL START A REVOLUTION! SO MAKE WAYYYYYY!-

As the music died down, Dex slammed into the ground with the force of a small meteor, followed by Rex doing the same, smashing a fist right on top of the Stu. As Rex stepped back, and the house-sized dust cloud cleared, it revealed Dex lying in a huge crater, completely unconscious. Tyler stepped forward with a Prohibitor, but found his path blocked by Rex and Six.

"He's ours, Taylor," the green-clad man stated.

"Well, I had a funny feeling you'd say that… so I took the liberty of planting half a dozen bombs on each of you when you weren't paying attention. If you recall, Six, I said 'On my person.'" Tyler took another detonator switch out of his pocket. "Oh, and another thing…" He pressed the switch, and both Rex and Six were knocked over by the blast. "It's Tyler."

The Agent hopped into the crater, placed a Prohibitor on Dex, opened a Plothole, and returned to the Library to steal cookies.
Ooooo
A few minutes later, in the Generator Rex fandom…
Rex and Six got up, very confused. The last thing they remembered, they had been fighting Van Kleiss…and then….? After a call from White Knight demanding their immediate return, the two chalked it up to a slightly more crushing than usual defeat, and headed back to Providence base. Six never gave the matter a second thought. Rex, on the other hand…
Rex had had previous experience with amnesia.
He knew there was something missing. And, maybe eventually, he would figure it out.
That is, if he still cared after sleeping for the week he would need to recover from whatever had happened.

Insert Summoning Spam Here

Tyler woke up in the morning to several odd things. In order of when he noticed them;

There was a note next to his bed.

He was six inches taller than when he had fallen asleep last night.

His room was a darker shade of blue.

Tyler got up, picked up the note, and began reading.

"Dear Tyler,

Hi. It's your author."

Tyler blinked. The last time he and his author had spoken was when he had joined the Society.

"As you may have noticed, you are now five feet tall. The reason for this is that you have received what is known as an art upgrade. It happens periodically in any form of visual media."

"I thought I was in a written media…"

"Despite your presence in a fanfiction; your source universe is styled after video games. As such, you just received an art upgrade."

"…"

The letter continued. "Nobody aside from you will notice any difference, as art upgrades automatically cause everyone to believe the art in question to always have been that way. Enjoy being able to reach the top shelf!

Sincerely,

Your Author."

Tyler just blinked. Again.

Ooooo

"That's…a really long name."

"Tyler, you've been an Agent for over a year, you should be used to it by now!"

"Yes…..but that's just overkill! Nothing has a name that long, not even that molecule I used to distract Faya!"

"True."

"I think I'll just call him John."

Tash blinked. "That isn't even part of his name."

"Yeah, but all his other names were so long and boring that I forgot them after you said them."

"…"

Ooooo

In the Final Fantasy XII fandom…

Vaan, Penelo, Kytes, Filo, Tomaj¸Balthier, Fran, and Llyud had been heading towards the Keep of Forgotten Time to defeat Feolthanos, the enemy of the series, when a purple hole had opened in the sky and a boy had fallen out. He had told the group his name, but it was incredibly long, so everyone just called him John. Almost immediately, things started to change. First, he had made fuel out of auracite, and Vaan's airship had gotten to the Keep in less than an hour. When they got there, he defeated Feolthanos in an instant with an incredibly powerful Yarhi. By the time the Society had gotten involved, Vaan and his group had become minor characters.

Ooooo

On Lampshade Isle, a small floating island where John was staying (and had naturally solved every problem that they had, had had, and ever would have), a plothole appeared above a forest. Tyler promptly fell out of it.

"Ow!"

"Oh!"

"Ah!"

"AIIEEEEE!"

Splat.

Tyler got up, brushed off the detritus that had accumulated on him (leaves, twigs, dirt, and a startled squirrel), and looked around. No sign of the Stu. Fortunately, there was a random person standing near him, who seemed, as most people in these types of games are, absolutely oblivious to their surroundings. Tyler walked up to it (the person was rather pixilated, and Tyler couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman).

"Hello, have you seen anyone who, despite being a not-especially well-drawn collection of pixels, is still obviously incredibly masculine and handsome, as well as most likely being an amazingly good fighter and having a good singing voice?"

"Why yes, I have. He's right by the Convenient Coliseum, beating the everloving crap out of everyone else who's practicing for the Convenient Tournament that starts in half an hour."

"…..Wow."

"Also, can you help me deliver this random parcel? I'll give you some worthless reward if you do."

"Well, I don't know…."

"Excellent! Thanks so much!"

"Ay…."

Ooooo

A while later, in the small forestside town of Lampshade….

Tyler was sitting in a seat at the Convenient Coliseum, waiting for the tournament to start. "I still don't get why I would encounter a freaking dragon trying to get a box of chocolate to some guy's girlfriend…Sidequests make no sense."

"ATTENTION RANDOM PEOPLE WHO NOBODY ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT BECAUSE THEY DON'T GIVE THE MAIN CHARACTER MONEY AND OTHER COOL STUFF, THE CONVENIENT TOURNAMENT THAT HAPPENS EXACTLY WHEN THE MAIN CHARACTER ARRIVES HERE IS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE!"

The audience, which was made up of several hundred faceless people (and Tyler), all cheered (except Tyler, who yawned).

"FOR THE FIRST MATCH…..NAMELESS COMPETITOR NUMBER 1, VS. NAMELESS COMPETITOR NUMBER 2!"

A long while later, in the finals of the tournament…..

"NAMELESS COMPETITOR NUMBER 394 VS JOHN THE LONG-NAME GUY!"

Nameless Competitor #394 was a humanoid figure with absolutely no features. His skin and clothes were the exact same shade of gray. John, on the other hand, was wearing unbelievably good-looking clothes, and was unbelievably good-looking himself. Everyone in the audience (still, except Tyler, who was now asleep) immediately felt either lust or jealousy.

"LET THE BATTLE… BEGIN!"

Immediately, John drew two scimitars, rushed forward, and slashed 394 hundreds of times. Next, both swords vanished and were replaced by a wizard's staff.

"Firaga!" Tyler suddenly woke up, sniffing the air. He was sure he had smelled magic….or maybe popcorn.

Anyway, down on the battlefield, the tip of John's staff ignited, as did 394. The Nameless Competitor was sent flying upwards.

"Blizzaga!" The fire went out, and was replaced by a layer of frost. A large block of ice formed above 394, then shattered, spearing the Nameless Competitor to the ground on shards of ice.

John smiled evilly. "Thundaga!"

The layer of frost evaporated, and lightning crackled along the staff. Then a bolt of lightning descended from the sky and impaled 394. The Nameless Competitor promptly dissolved into neat, guilt-free mist.

"IGNORING THE UNBELIEVABLY VIOLENT AND PROBABLY ILLEGAL ONLY WE DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE LOOKING IT UP METHOD USED TO WIN, JOHN IS NOW OUR CHAMPION!"

On the battlefield, John snickered. "Screw the rules, I'm a Stu."

Up in the stands, Tyler was preparing his plan. "And while the worms scare off the yeti, I'll use the tennis racket to knock down the pirate hat… oh wait, that's Hapland. Muffins. Ah, screw it. Who needs a plan?"

Ooooo

As John exited the coliseum….

"AYAYAYAYAAAA!"

"GAH!" John leapt aside as a massive gargoyle slammed down where he had been standing. Tyler landed several seconds afterwards.

"What the hell are you doing? You could have killed me!"

"No I couldn't have. I alerted you to the attack's presence; and your reflexes should be enough to dodge. That was just a warning shot."

John blinked. "You dropped a half-ton stone gargoyle on my head….as a warning shot?"

"Yup."

"Who are you?"

"I'm a Society Agent! You know the drill, come quietly; you'll be fine, run; I'll catch you, fight; you'll lose. Any questions?"

"No… Firaga!" A blast of fire shot from John's staff towards Tyler's face. With reflexes born of over a year spent running away from various irate Agents, Sues/Stus, and PCMSPS Agents, Tyler leapt to the side, and the fireball exploded harmlessly on the ground.

John quickly exchanged staff for swords. Tyler responded by hurling two explosives at the Stu. John somehow defused them with his swords before lunging at Tyler.

The battle continued, as Tyler began heading towards the nearby forest of Lampshades. John followed, a plan already forming in his mind.

John slashed at Tyler, missed, and grunted as the Agent vanished into the forest.

"FIRAGA!"

Immediately the forest was burning. Fortunately, because it was a forest of Lampshades, the fire quickly went out, leaving the trees (and their temporary inhabitant, Tyler) completely unscathed.

John's jaw dropped. "Wha -that makes no sense! You should be dead right now!"

Tyler stuck his head out of a tree. "And you should have played this game more before invading it. Don't you know that you can't set things on fire?"

"What?"

"I know. Awesome, isn't it?"

"Not really…"

"Look on the bright side. You want to kill me, I want to live (and possibly Prohibit you and lock you in the Library basement, but that's secondary). At least one of us is happy." Tyler dropped to the ground, sending two bursts of energy at John.

"Are you like this with every Sue and Stu you try to capture?" John blocked the blasts with his sword before swiping at Tyler

"No, usually more so. I'm just a little off my game today." Tyler backpedaled back into the forest.

"ARGH!" John leapt for Tyler, who shot up a tree. The Stu followed, and Tyler leapt to another tree.

"Get back here!"

"Not on your life, John!"

"That's not my name! My name is-,"

"Nobody cares!"

"Die!" John dashed across a branch towards Tyler, who ran for it. For a while the chase continued, and then…

Tyler jumped up, drawing his ping-pong paddle and changing it to a staff, bounced off a tree trunk, and shot towards John. The startled Stu brought up his swords to defend himself, but Tyler slid over them and spun, kicking John's legs out from beneath him. Unfortunately for Tyler, he hadn't counted on Stuish reflexes. John flipped over him, slicing off a branch as he went. As Tyler stood, the branch dropped, hitting him on the head. Tyler stumbled back, and John took the opportunity to slash at his head. Tyler blocked, but the force of the blow caused the branch he was standing on to snap, and the Agent dropped to the ground.

"Gotcha now!" John rocketed down, but Tyler threw up an energy shield and the attack bounced off. With another strike, the shield shattered, and Tyler stepped back. John slashed over and over again, slowly but surely driving the Agent back. Tyler blocked strike after strike, but he was getting tired.

"It's over!" Suddenly, John's swords exploded into flame, and he swung both down on Tyler's head. The Agent blocked… and the swords bit deep into the metal of the staff. Tyler shoved the blades away quickly, but it was too late. The staff snapped into two pieces. John grinned. "Now what?"

Tyler just blinked. "You broke my staff…"

"Damn right I did; now just lie down and die!" John slashed at Tyler again, ready to end the fight.

As such, he was rather surprised when a shield of blue energy stopped his sword cold. "What?"

"You… broke… my… STAFF!" Tyler swung the remains of his staff, both of which now sported red-hot tips from being sliced by a flaming sword. John let out a cry of surprise and stepped back, but Tyler just spun the halves in his hand and drove them forward. "Prepare to… wha?"

With the distinctive sound of a portal opening, a small Yarhi appeared in Tyler's path, taking the blow for John before exploding into particles of light. Tyler dropped the makeshift weapons in astonishment.

"You can't summon Yarhi without a summoning gate!"

John smiled evilly. "I can." A portal opened above him, and a wyvern flew out, spraying fire at Tyler, who blocked it with a shield before decapitating the Yarhi with a hastily generated blade of energy.

"Another crime for your list. Breaking the rules of the fandom. Tsk tsk."

"Shut up! I'm a Stu, I can do what I want!"

"No you can't! It's against the rules!"

"I said it once, and I'll say it again… SCREW THE RULES, I'M A STU!"

Crickets chirped.

"Actually, you only said that once."

"Whatever!" His moment ruined, John hastened to make up for it with a flurry of summons. With a flash or two of light, a massive yellow snake and a blue dragon with an oversized collar around its neck flashed into existence. "Leviathan, Tiamat, blast him!"

Tiamat, the dragon, spat a series of lightning bolts at Tyler, frying the ground under them. Leviathan immediately followed up with a powerful stream of water. The attacks merged, and as the water bounced off a tree, the electricity followed. Tyler ducked, and the blast whirled over his head. "Not good enough, John!"

"THAN HOW ABOUT THIS!" Another two flashes, and a massive demon and a large stone statue had appeared. "Ifrit, Titan, help your fellows!"

Ifrit, the demon, let out a roar and sent a barrage of fire at Tyler, who rolled away. Titan followed up by pounding the ground, sending earth spiking up in all directions. Tyler jumped over it, pummeling the Titan with a series of energy blasts… to absolutely no effect.

"Oh muffins…"

Titan grabbed Tyler by the throat, lifted him up effortlessly, and casually hurled him through three trees. The Agent landed in a clearing, tiny dragons fluttering around his head. "Ow…"

Then the trees to the side of the one he had entered the clearing through were burned away, and Ifrit entered, flanked by Leviathan, Titan, and Tiamat, then followed by John. "It's over now."

"What… what do you mean?"

"I just worked out how to make a cutscene, meaning I can do whatever the hell I want."

Tyler paled.

"Right. Die." Leviathan, Ifrit, and Tiamat all fired their attacks at once… creating a wall of electrified steam that completely failed to harm Tyler in the least.

"Well… that was completely pointless. If you're going to disregard the rules of the fandom, at least do it effectively."

"DIE!" Tiamat fired a bolt of lightning at Tyler.

"Your vocabulary's very limited; do you know that? Get some new threats already," Tyler shot back, dodging away.

"NOBODY INSULTS ME!"

"I just did. Or didn't you notice?"

"GAH! THAT'S IT! I'M SENDING YOU BACK TO THE SOCIETY IN PIECES! I SUMMON… ULTIMA!"

In a huge flash of light, a tall, seraphic Yarhi appeared. Tyler blinked.

"Hm… maybe I can get my staff back with that…"

"Eschaton!" The air in front of UItima began to glow.

"Or not…"

And then everything went white. When Tyler's sight returned, he was about 100 feet back from where the attack had hit him. He stared at the army of Yarhi in front of him.

"Well… It's been a nice life, but I guess… this is it…"

And then he noticed his staff, lying right next to him. Somehow, he had landed right next to it.

Tyler frowned. "Huh. That was… well, aside from the whole, 'getting blasted by an attack with enough power to level the Empire State Building,' that was surprisingly convenient."

As John stood over Tyler, proclaiming his victory, one of Tyler's feet shot up, hitting John directly between the legs. The Stu let out a wail of pain, doubling over, and Tyler's other foot snapped up, catching him in the face and hurling him backwards. As the Stu regained his balance, he turned to Ultima. "Don't just stand there, heal me!"

As Ultima released a healing beam, Tyler made his move, picking up the pieces of his staff and hurling them through the healing beam before dashing through it himself. As the staff, contrary to all logic, reformed, and Tyler's various injuries healed, he landed, catching the staff, before rolling up and hurling a dozen explosives at Ultima. The angelic Yarhi was enveloped by the blast, and when the smoke cleared, it had vanished.

Tyler looked around at John and his Yarhi, noting with only slight annoyance that John had been healed as well. A grin spread over his face.

"Okay then. Who's up for round two?"

All the Yarhi let out growls, screeches, and roars, while John ignited his flaming sword. Tyler paled. "These kinds of things always sound so much better in your head…"

"KILL HIM!"

Leviathan let out a blast of water, Titan sent a massive spike of rock towards him, Tiamat fired a bolt of electricity, and Ifrit launched a wall of Hellfire. And Tyler? He pulled out the Scene Transition and activated it.

Oooooo

Tyler came back to reality, several trees piled randomly around him, all the Yarhi gone, and John lying semiconscious twenty feet away. Apparently a Space Whale had landed in the clearing where the battle was taking place, before spontaneously combusting.

"Huh… I think I may have just gotten the strangest result out of a Scene Transition ever."

John groaned, getting to his feet. "That's it… you've humiliated me for the last time…"

"Actually, that was the Space Whale."

"Shut up! I summon… BAHAMUT!"

Tyler paled. "That... is very, very bad."

The ground exploded, and something shot up into the sky, breaking the sound barrier with a tremendous bang. At 1000 feet off the ground, it stopped, revealing itself to be a draconic human, wielding a massive spear.

Tyler gulped. "Um… I don't suppose you'd believe me if I told you there was a random passerby in need of help behind you?"

"WHAT? A passerby in need of help? Hold still, I'll reduce you to your component atoms in a minute. Bahamut, follow me!" John charged off into the forest, the somewhat confused Bahamut following.

Tyler's jaw dropped.

Ooooo

Later...

"YOU LIED TO ME!" John smashed a tree aside, as Bahamut dove down, unleashing a Mega Flare that missed Tyler by inches.

"Yeah… considering the quality of that particular lie, I think you're more to blame here."

"SHUT UP! BAHAMUT, KILL HIM!" The dragon-man dove again, smashing his spear into the ground next to Tyler. The Agent grinned, leaping up to stab the Yarhi in the head… and Bahamut's tail slammed into him, smacking him into a tree a hundred feet away.

Tyler groaned. "Really not my day…" He slid to the ground. John charged towards him, raising a sword to end the battle. Tyler shrugged.

"Well, if you haven't learned your lesson…"

Immediately realizing what Tyler meant, John skidded to a stop, and simply pointed at Tyler. Bahamut raised its spear, thrusting at Tyler, who rolled to one side. "Too slow!"

Tyler dashed up the spear, dodged a claw, and leapt into the air, aiming at the dragon Yarhi's head. Bahamut let out a snort of amusement and opened its mouth wide to receive Tyler… and the Agent tossed a handful of explosives into the beast's mouth, boosted his flight with a burst of magic, and slid down Bahamut's back as its head exploded, shortly followed by the rest of it.

"Are you going to give up yet, or do I have to knock you out?" Tyler asked.

"I will never give up!" John launched a series of fireballs at Tyler, all of which were easily dodged.

"Why won't you die?"

"Self-preservation. Basic instinct. Any other questions?"

"Shut up!" John slashed at Tyler, who jumped to one side, leaving John to plant his sword in a tree.

"Seriously though, you need to work on that vocabulary. You're worse than Faya."

"Who?"

"Old Sue. Very limited vocabulary."

"…Are you suggesting I'm not the most original character ever to walk the face of this earth?"

"Um… yes."

John turned red. "WHAT?"

"See what I mean about that vocabulary? Oh, and while I'm correcting your speech patterns, would it kill you to lower your voice?"

"What if it does?"

"Then I will be spared the inconvenience of capturing you."

"…"

"See, I knew you could do it."

"SHUT UP!" John's swords erupted into flames, and Tyler leapt back to avoid them. The Stu pressed the attack, slashing over and over again, while Tyler simply dodged each strike. After several minutes, John broke off the assault, recovering energy in the center of a clearing. Tyler stood at the edge of the clearing, ready to bolt.

"But seriously John, buy a thesaurus."

"Um… my name isn't John."

"Yeah, well I can't remember your name, so deal with it."

"Why can't you remember my name? It's only fifty-seven words long!"

Tyler raised an eyebrow.

John cleared his throat. "My name; Kiruriyop Serponius Loeertograt Speriacle Matliogalsem Halpsation-,"

"Okay, okay, you've made your point. From now on, I will call you Kirpy."

The newly-named Kirpy sighed. "Why couldn't they have sent Michael or something? I'd rather be disemboweled than have to listen to you."

"Well, Kirpy, you're only a level 6 Stu, and thus, you're far too insignificant for Michael, one of the leaders, to deal with personally."

"…" Kirpy let out a low growl. Tyler raised an eyebrow.

"You… you called me insignificant…"

"In the grand scheme of things, you sort of are. And your name sucks."

"You dare…"

"Mhm."

"NOBODY CALLS ME INSIGNIFICANT!" Kirpy charged forward with incredible speed, an aura of flames bursting to life around him. Tyler only barely dodged, and the force of the attack reduced a tree to ashes.

"Huh. When did you become competent?" "That explains why I took all the Yarhi down so easily… he was making them look bad compared to him, so his powers would look more awesome."

"I AM A STU!" Kirpy roared, sending a wall of flames at Tyler, who blocked with an energy shield. "THIS WORLD IS MINE NOW! I DECIDE WHO THE CHARACTERS FALL IN LOVE WITH! I DECIDE WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES!"

The aura of flames faded, and Kirpy relaxed slightly, although palpable waves of anger were still rippling off him. "And you? You are going to die."

Ooooo

"Wow. That Stu just had a total Inigo Montoya moment… except instead of surviving a dagger to the liver, he turned into his own personal supernova," Ben mumbled, watching the scene on a monitor.

"You're really pushing it, you know that?" Shirley growled.

"What can I say? I live on the edge… of your claws, that is."

"THAT'S IT!" Shirley leapt, claws out, but Ben had already taken off by the time he had finished his comment.

Ooooo

Meanwhile, Tyler was not having the time of his life.

Actually, if Kirpy didn't wear out soon, it was going to be the time of his death.

"You know, you've only been using fire attacks. Not very imaginative of you."

Kirpy slashed at Tyler, who backpedaled to dodge. "Talk talk talk, that's all you do! But take a look! Who do you think is winning?"

Tyler jumped into a tree, than jumped to another tree to avoid a fireball. "Problem is, he's right… if this were Duel Monsters, I'd get a miracle draw right now and win… but he's the Stu. He's the one that gets the miracles." He leapt to the ground as a slash from Kirpy reduced the tree to cinders. "Hey! That was lightning!"

"Didn't you say you wanted something more imaginative?" Kirpy shot a bolt of lightning at Tyler, who dodged.

"Hm… that gives me an idea…" "Hey Kirpy, can't catch me!" He dashed off.

Kirpy blinked. "Of course I can, idiot, I'm a Stu." He followed.

Ooooo

Somewhere else…

"Okay… the lake should be… there!" Tyler made a sharp right turn, and sprinted out towards a large lake. Kirpy followed, firing lightning bolts. As Tyler approached the lake, the energy began to drain out of him. He put on one final burst of speed, leapt forwards, forming a raft out of energy…

And formed a blast of wind that launched ten gallons of highly conductive water at Kirpy, just as the Stu began to prepare another lightning bolt. Panicked, the Stu tried to call off the blast, but his hand was already in motion. Even as the lightning left his hand, the water reached it, soaking him head to toe.

"!" Kirpy screamed in agony as he was electrocuted. Fortunately, as dictated by the rules of the fandom, he was only knocked unconscious, not killed. As for Tyler, the Agent was too exhausted to do anything but collapse onto the energy raft, paddling lethargically back to the shore. He crawled up onto the edge of the lake, fishing a Prohibitor out of his pocket, and prepared to clamp it on Kirpy.

"BACK!" The Stu unleashed a huge firestorm, hurling Tyler away. The Agent was too tired to react to the blow beyond a muttered, "Ow," as he landed on his back. Kirpy stalked forward, the aura of flames swirling around him. "You thought a mere electrocution would stop me?"

"I had hopes, yes," Tyler groaned.

"Well you were WRONG!" Kirpy raised a hand, and a fireball began to grow.

Tyler's eyes widened. "Assessment time. I've used up the Scene Transition, I don't have the energy to stop a fireball of that size… Oh well… I had to use it again someday." Tyler grabbed his ping-pong paddle, tapped a button, and hurled it at Kirpy, who dispelled his fireball to catch it.

"Um… I don't mean to crush your last hope of survival, but this is a Rubik's Cube," Kirpy pointed out. Tyler responded to this by slipping into the lake, propelling himself away with a burst of wind.

"Did you have a bad day-,"

"What?"

WHUMP!

The force of the resulting explosion sent Kirpy flying at least 100 feet into the air. Needless to say, the results of his hitting the ground were quite painful.

Tyler pulled himself out of the lake, poking Kirpy's now totally prone body, checked it for a pulse, which it had, clamped a Prohibitor on the Stu's arm, opened a Plothole, and dragged Kirpy (and himself) into the Library. "Wow… it's been a while since I last caught a Stu…"

Ooooo

Two days later…

Tyler woke up to the sound of Adrian yelling at him from the next floor.

"Tyler Kahn, get down here right now!"

Tyler hopped out of bed. "If he didn't want his food stolen, he should have hidden it under his bed. Even I don't want to know what might be hiding there…"

Insert Dramatic Finale Here (part 3 of 3)

"PERFECTIFICATION IN TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES!" blared the voice from the capsule's sound emitter thingy.

"Quiet, disembodied voice! Jurai-Ken… Tairenso!" Tash burst into flame, smashing into the capsule of condensed Suergy, but the only effect she had was to push it back slightly. "Damn it!"

For the past minute, various members of the Society had been trying, completely without success, to disable Operation: Final Perfection.

Harriet smashed it with her cricket bat.

Ben had nuked it.

Valerie had fired arrows for the better part of the minute.

Drake had given it a vicious Storm Kick.

Tyler had detonated approximately a pound of grenades on it.

Ingrid had blasted it with an assault rifle.

Cristoph had stabbed it with his sais while Algazdun pecked at it.

Rhia slashed it with her wakizashi.

Ossa slashed it with her katana.

Jess jabbed it with her needle.

Danielle smacked it with her staff.

Terrie hurled knives at it.

Kyle pounded on it with a mace-shaped Omniweapon.

Willie blasted it with Hellfire.

Chrys blasted it with Desu.

Jared smashed it with the Boomhammer.

Chloe sliced it with her shield.

Dave hammered on it with his axe.

Shirley tore at it.

Alice sliced it with her sword at level 5.

Louise unloaded a round of ammo into it.

Tom stabbed it.

Akai stabbed it.

Aster blasted it with a massive windstorm, and then a blizzard.

Lily hit it with a blast from Excalibur.

Michael slashed it.

Claire hurled a pinecone at it, nearly knocking it over.

Pete fired at it with the Lighthopper guns.

Karissa smashed Gekkou into it.

Charis had been trying to disrupt it with an EMP, with no success.

Many more Society Agents attacked it with many more skills, until it became completely impossible that they had all been fitted into a minute. The effect of all this?

"At least we scratched the paint," Tyler pointed out.

"Don't mess with nukes!" Another nuke slammed into the capsule, enveloping it in nuclear flame.

"Random blast of magic that shouldn't have a name but I wanted it to so it does!" A blast of blue energy smashed into the capsule, pushing it back almost twenty feet, but having no effect.

"YOU AREN'T GOING TO BREAK IT, YOU KNOW."

"Shut up!"

"PERFECTIFICATION IN TWENTY MINUTES, BY THE WAY."

Tash blinked.

"Twenty minutes? Weren't there around three minutes left when Retsa died?"

"RETSA PROVIDED A GREAT DEAL OF EXTRA SUEREGY TO COMPRESS INTO EXPLOSIVE PERFECTIFICATION. IT WILL TAKE A GOOD WHILE LONGER NOW."

"Oh."

"EXACTLY. CAN YOU PLEASE STOP BOTHERING ME NOW? IT IS GETTING EXTREMELY ANNOYING."

"No!" Tash slashed Nepthys across the capsule, but it had no effect.

"PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DAMAGE ME."

"I'll damage you if I feel like it!" Again Tash struck at the capsule, but nothing happened.

"THAT IS IT. I AM GOING TO USE THE ANIMATOR."

"The what?"

"OBSERVE." A small laser-pointer like object popped out of the sound-emitter thingy, and fired into the sand. Everyone held their breath, waiting to see what would happen. The sand glowed, and… nothing happened.

The entire Society facefaulted collectively.

Tash frowned. "You realize that that did nothing, right?"

That's when a massive hand rose out of the sand, smacking her away. She recovered quickly, landing on her feet, but was stunned for a moment by the sheer unexpectedness of the attack.

"THAT WAS THE ANIMATOR. IT CAN CONTROL OBJECTS VIA TELEKINESIS."

"Yah!"

"WHAT?"

Michael lunged forward, slicing the sand arm in two, before slicing at the capsule. Before his sword could reach it though, the sand reformed into a tentacle, grabbing the Leader and lifting him into the air…

Then Claire hurled a pinecone at it. The pinecone smashed straight through the tentacle and hit the capsule with a loud ringing noise. As Michael fell, he slashed at the capsule again, this time connecting with a solid slash, although it still did nothing. As the tendril reformed, both Agents leapt back to avoid getting sliced by it.

"Fastball Special!" Drake launched Tyler at the capsule with unbelievable speed. Tyler swung his staff, but simply bounced off. As he did so, Drake hit with a Slicing Gale, pushing the capsule back slightly.

"Enchanto!"

"Tremor!"

A huge explosion erupted from the ground under the capsule, lifting it into the air before slamming it down. Even still, it wasn't even scratched.

"Don't Mess with Nukes!" A third nuke slammed into the capsule. Still nothing.

"I have an idea! Cover me!" Harriet charged the capsule. As another sand hand rose out of the ground, swatting at the Society leader, but Tash flew overhead, slicing it in two. As Harriet got closer to the capsule, the hand reformed, swiping at her…and she dodged, letting the hand smack the capsule. Once again, there was a ringing noise, and then….

Skritch!

"OW."

"Yes!" Harriet exclaimed. "We scratched the glass!"

Tash's jaw dropped. "How does that even make sense? We've been hitting that thing for minutes now, and the only thing that accomplished anything was it hitting itself?"

"Don't complain, Tash!" Valerie called, launching a stream of arrows at the capsule. As the sand formed into a barrier, Ben hit from behind with a series of notes from Bahamut, pitching the capsule into its own barrier.

Skritch!

"Haha!"

"That makes even less sense!"

"Ha!" Pete fired a round of energy blasts into the capsule. Once again…

Skritch!

"STOP THAT."

"I get it now!"

"What?"

"Hitting it with the sand hand must have been the proverbial straw that breaks the equally proverbial camel's back!"

"In that case…" Harriet cupped her hands to her mouth, calling to the entire Society. "Hit it with everything you got!"

Once again, the entire Society let loose on the capsule. As tendrils burst from the sand, the stronger Agents stayed behind to deal with them, while the faster ones zipped through to deliver blows to the capsule.

"OW! PERFECTIFICATION IN 15 MINUTES BY THE WAY. JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW."

"Not really…" Tash muttered to herself. "Jurai-Ken… Tairenso!" Tash burst into a whirlwind of flames, spinning towards the capsule, bracing herself to slice through a tendril or hand.

However, she still wasn't prepared for the massive shape that burst from the sand, throwing her fifty feet backwards. Sand dripped off the beast's rapidly forming, dragonlike body as it let out a thunderous roar. As the roar died down, all was eerily silent for a moment. Then, just as jarringly, the silence was broken by Tyler.

"Holy muffins, what is that?"

"THIS IS THE ULTIMATE WEAPON DEFENSE. ITS SOLE PURPOSE WAS TO BE USED IN CASE OF ACTUAL DAMAGE TO ME. RETSA TESTED IT SEVERAL TIMES, AND EACH TIME, THE PROTECTION SOCIETY WAS UNABLE TO DEFEAT IT WITHIN TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES."

"Don't we have more than twice the Agents they do?"

"RETSA FELT CONFIDENT THIS WOULD WORK. JUDGING BY YOUR ABYSMAL FAILURE TO DAMAGE ME SO FAR, I BELIEVE HER CALCULATIONS WERE CORRECT. PREPARE TO DIE."

The sand beast charged at the Society, who scattered. As the beast turned around, Harriet smashed one of its legs with her cricket bat. Before the beast could fall, sand gathered around the stump, forming a new leg almost instantly.

"Crap, it can regenerate?" Then the sand beast kicked out, hurling Harriet backwards.

"My Coffeemakers are not Controlled by Hoover Dam Computers!"

"Storm Kick!"

"Boomhammer! Tremor! Epicenter!"

"Enchanto!"

"I Don't Call My Attacks!

Coffee, earth, Rubik's cubes, magic, and Drake all slammed into the beast, and chunks of sand dripped from its now-soaked form, but they regenerated just as fast. As Drake fell, he slammed a Storm Punch into its side. As the beast turned to snap at him, Valerie demolished its back leg with a volley of arrows. Tash launched herself up, delivering a flaming slash to the sand monster's side, fusing bits of it to glass, which Claire shattered with a pinecone. Ingrid loosed a round of bullets into the regenerating back leg, and Lily froze the whole regeneration process… literally, by jamming an Ice Blow into the leg. The sand beast roared in pain, and unleashed a blast of sand from its maw at Lily, who activated Top Gear, teleporting away just in time.

"TEN MINUTES LEFT!"

"Come on, we have to take this thing down!" Tash yelled.

Jess blasted another leg with water, before Ossa slashed it off. The beast roared again, falling forwards. As it did, Karissa swung Gekkou, smashing through part of its face before it could fire another blast of sand. Both Rhia and Cristoph ran up onto the beast, slicing its wings off. As a finishing touch, Kyle blasted its head with an Aurora Grenade. The beast quickly dissolved back into the sand.

"THAT MAKES NO SENSE. THE PROTECTION SOCIETY TOOK AN HOUR TO DEFEAT THE ULTIMATE WEAPON, ONLY TOOK TEN MINUTES?"

Tash smirked.

"Like I said, we've got more than twice the numbers you ha- wait a minute! Did you say ten minutes?"

"YES. I DID."

"That makes no sense!" Tash protested.

"I SPED UP THE COUNTDOWN BY RELEASING THE SUERGY TO POWER THE ANIMATOR, AND BECAUSE THIS FANDOM ONLY EXISTS FOR THE PURPOSE OF THE COUNTDOWN, I EFFECTIVELY SPED UP TIME."

"Bollocks! Everyone! Stop relaxing! We've got five minutes to prevent the end of the universe!" Harriet yelled.

Once again, the entire Society burst into action, blasting the capsule with everything they had.

-DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING SCENES HAPPEN AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME. DO NOT BE CONFUSED-

"What does it take to damage this thing!" Tyler blasted a sand tendril into oblivion, and fired a round of energy bullets, which were stopped by a sand wall. "Damn it!"

"Let's see it stand up to this!" Ben strummed a few notes on Bahamut, vaporizing the barrier, but before he could take advantage of the opening, the sand burst up, knocking him off his feet.

"Storm Kick!" Drake vaulted over both Agents, hitting the capsule feet-first. He was forced to propel himself backwards as two sand blades slashed up, narrowly missing his ankle. "Good thing I got all that practice from dodging Adrian's traps!"

00000

Valerie stood on the sand dune, firing sprays of arrows at the capsule. Meanwhile, Terrie, Ezra, and Danielle were fighting sand tentacles, keeping them from getting in Valerie's way.

00000
"Don't Mess With Nukes! My Coffeemakers are not Controlled by Hoover Dam Computers!" Coffee and nukes bombarded the capsule, but to no effect.

"Epicenter!"

"Enchanto!" Explosive Rubik's cubes and a wall of earth slammed into the capsule. Still nothing.

00000

"Hellfire!" A blast of dark flames seared the capsule with enough heat to fuse the surrounding sand to glass, although evidently not enough to damage the capsule.

"Bolero of Steam!" now the capsule was coated in steam, but to no effect.

"Gah! Fire Slash!" A flaming blade struck the capsule.

"Water Scythe!" A burst of water struck the capsule.

Nothing.

"AUGH!"

00000

"Jurai-Ken… Rinwi!" Tash smashed both feet into the capsule… and nothing happened.

Harriet smashed it with her cricket bat.

Aster blinked. "This is getting oddly repetitive…"

However, she still fired a jet of water. Nothing, nothing, and more nothing.

00000

Everywhere in the universe, various invincible villains twitched. It was as if there was a new one out there somewhere…

00000

"Seriously, what does it take? We've nuked it, slashed it, stabbed it, blasted it, bombed it, roasted it, frozen it, hacked it, shot it, thrown pincones at it, hit it with a cricket bat… this is getting ridiculous!"

"YES. THAT'S SORT OF THE POINT. EITHER WAY, I CAN'T HAVE YOU GETTING IN THE WAY OF THE PLAN. DIE."

A wave of sand burst out, flattening the Society. Tyler was the first to recover, staggering towards the capsule. He didn't make it. Less than a yard from the capsule, he collapsed from sheer exhaustion. As he did, he flung his staff arm in front of him, and it brushed the capsule ever so gently….

CRACK!

"WHAT?"

The entire Society leapt to its feet, instantly rejuvenated. "YES! WE DID IT!"

"NO MATTER. PERFECTIFICATION WILL STILL TAKE PLACE."

Tash's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "WHAT?"

"DESPITE THE DAMAGE TO THE SUERGY CONDENSION CAPSULE, THE SUERGY WILL STILL PURGE THIS SUBFANDOM. YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR BILLIONS OF….WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Tash had pulled out her Plot Summary.

"You're lying."

"WHAT?"

"I checked. Aside from us… and I guess you… there isn't even the slightest sign of life here."

For a moment, all was totally silent. And then…

"FUCK."

Tash blinked. "Never thought I'd hear a computer swear…."

"EVEN SO… PERFECTIFICATION IN TEN SECONDS."

"Five seconds? Are you just making it up now?" Tash screamed.

"NO. BY DAMAGING THE CAPSULE, YOU RADICALLY SPED UP THE COUNTDOWN. PERFECTIFICATION IN FIVE…"

The Society rapidly began opening Plotholes and diving into them.

"FOUR…."

As the Society's Plotholes closed, Tyler was the last one left, gazing contemplatively at the now-glowing capsule. "Well, I guess that's the end of the PCMSPS… I suppose it's almost too bad, in a way… "

"THREE…."

Tyler snapped out of his reverie, opening a Plothole.

"TWO…"

Tyler dived in.

"ONE…"

The Plothole sealed behind the Agent with a pop.

"ZERO."

00000

Pure, white light.

Although Tash had been correct, if anything were alive in the sub-fandom, it would have been instantly blinded by the sheer brightness of the light now blasting in waves out of the completely demolished capsule. Of course, it wouldn't have very long to be worried about its blindness, because less than a second later, the entire universe was absolutely nothing. The words that had made up its very being were being unwound as destroyed, reducing it to a meaningless husk.

Even after the perfective wave had died down, the shockwave rippled out, touching every fandom in existence…

00000

In the Yugioh fandom…

Yugi and Joey were about even. Yugi controlled the Buster Blader equipped with a Divine Sword Phoenix Blade, but Joey had out a Red Eyes Black Metal Dragon equipped with Dragon Nails. Both player's life points were at 100 Neither had any cards set. They were playing on a tabletop.

"Okay Yugi! I'm finally going to beat you! I activate Mystical Space Ty-,"

Just then both duelists were thrown off their chairs by a shockwave, their cards hopelessly scattered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

00000

In the Spectrobes fandom…

Maja knocked Rallen to the ground with a blow of her scythe arm. "Ha ha ha! You thought you could just waltz in and defeat me, huh? Well now you're gonna pay!"

She raised the scythe…

A shockwave knocked the High Krawl off her feet, and yanked Rallen to his. Before Maja could get up, Rallen fired his blaster at her, burning off the scythe arm.

"The tables are turned, Maja!"

"GGRAH!"

00000

In the Pokemon fandom…

Jessie snickered. They had trapped Pikachu in a rubber claw. Ash was out of usable Pokemon. It looked like Team Rocket was finally going to get away with capturing Pikachu.

Then a shockwave sent the robot attached to the claw toppling over. Pikachu leapt to freedom, and Team Rocket was thrown out of the cockpit. James raised his head, to see Pikachu glaring at them, cheeks sparking with electricity.

"Er…"

A moment later…

"Team Rocket's blasting off agaiiiiiin!"

DING!

00000

So the last act of the PCMSPS was to maintain the status quo? That seems a little ironic…" Tyler mumbled.

"Don't complain, Tyler." Drake said matter-of-factly.

Tyler twitched. "That's it!"

Drake started. "What?"

"The running gag for this chapter!"

The fourth wall rumbled.

"What are you talking about?"

"In the first chapter, it was the Department of Redundancy Department. The second chapter was the floating mouths. The third chapter… uh, not sure. Fourth chapter, it was Retsa constantly being interrupted, and this chapter, it was random ironic echoes!"

At this, the fourth wall spasmed so hard that Drake and Tyler were thrown to the ground.

"Ow…."

"Well, you should have known better."

"Hmph." Tyler got up, followed by Drake.

"So, you think that's really the end of—MMPH!"

This last exclamation was due to Tyler clamping a hand over Drake's mouth. "Don't say it!"

"Mmphmmph!"

"Oh… right… sorry." Tyler moved his hand off of Drake's mouth. The other Agent inhaled deeply.

"What was that for!"

"Look, in the first chapter-,"

The fourth wall rumbled ominously.

"-I said the cave looked deserted, and then the bat-squid showed up! Obviously, if anyone confirms the end of the PCMSPS, this entire five chapters-,"

RUMBLERUMBLE

"-will all have somehow been part of their master master plan! And, speaking for myself, I do not want to go through the whole, 'epic finale,' shtick again!"

Drake nodded. "Ooookay…"

Tyler shrugged. "Sorry, but it needed to be said."

"Not really."

"Whatever."

"Incidentally… 79."

"81." Tyler smirked.

"66, actually."

"What? I got 81!"

"No, those five you got to fight Relyt don't count."

"What? They totally count!"

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"You didn't kill them, Relyt did!"

"Yes, but I tricked them into thinking he was me!"

"That doesn't count!"

"In any case, Relyt technically is me, just more evil. It counts."

"By your own argument, those three Ekard impaled trying to stab me count for my score, giving me 82."

"…Muffins."

…

And that is how the PCMSPS ends. Not with a bang, but with a huge explosion the likes of which the universe has never seen, and didn't see that time either, that made sort of a "!" sound.

Insert Dramatic Finale Here (part 2 of 3)

BANG!

BOOM!

KRACKOOM!

ZING!

BLAM!

WHUNK!

Tash blinked. "Who turned on the Special Effects Boombox?"

Harriet frowned. "Not sure… it just turns itself on before fight scenes."

"Oh."

SHWACKABO-

"QUIET!" Retsa impaled the boombox with a spear of rock.

"Hey! That was our best boombox! THIS MEANS WAR!" Harriet lunged at Retsa, swinging her cricket bat.

THWOOM!

Retsa was blasted off her feet, drilling through five rows of Ubers before plowing into the sand, traveling another 20 feet before stopping.

Eolhc lunged toward Harriet, preparing to slip a knife in her ribs…

"Enchanto!"

"Wha-,"

BLAM!

A handful of explosive Rubik's Cubes blasted Eolhc backwards. Before the PCMSPS Agent had landed, the other Agents were already charging their counterparts, while Ubers swarmed the rest of the ACMSES.

33333

Drake swatted aside an Uber-Stu before stabbing at Ekard. The PCMSPS Agent barely caught the blow on his spear, pushing it aside.

"Storm Kick!" Drake planted a boot in Ekard's chest, throwing him backwards. Before he could press the advantage, a pair of Ubers lunged at him, forcing him to deal with them. By the time he had dealt with them, Ekard was already back on his feet.

"Drought Punch!"

"Storm Punch!"

The Agent's fists collided, forming an explosion of violet light that knocked them both back.

"Drought Kick!"

Ekard leapt towards Drake, foot outstretched Drake grinned.

"Storm Punch!" As Ekard's foot shot towards Drake's head, Drake reached up one hand, grabbing the PCMSPS Agent's foot and yanking on it before delivering the Storm Punch to Ekard's face. The doppelganger was sent flying backwards, slamming into the ground.

Drake raised a fist in triumph, but his victory was short-lived as an Uber-Sue struck from behind, preparing to stab him in the back…

SHWANG!

A blast from Bahamut vaporized it, then went on to slam into another battalion of Ubers, vaporizing them as well.

Drake blinked. "Ben?"

"Do you know someone else with a guitar that doubles as a weapon?"

"Touche."

"Speaking of weapons, behind you!"

Drake spun around in time to stop Ekard's spear from decapitating him.

"Wait… how do you decapitate someone with a spear?"

"Like this!" Ekard hissed, swinging his spear in a wide arc and bringing it down towards Drake's neck

Ting!

Ekard blinked. "Huh…"

BANG!

Ekard was pushed back a few feet, and his strike went wide.

"Slicing… GALE!" The point-blank attack blasted Ekard off his feet, sending him flying into the air. Drake turned to Tyler, who was already fishing a second explosive out of his pouch.

"Out of curiosity, where's Relyt?"

"Oh… he's fighting his way past his own Ubers."

"Isn't he wearing opposite colors from you?"

"I stole some spraypaint when we left."

"Nice."

"Why thank you."

"Excuse me! Fighting the Ubers and Relyt here!" Ben yelled. "And Ekard's coming back down!"

"Sorry!" Drake and Tyler apologized simultaneously, running off to deal with their respective counterparts.

44444

"Deadly… Impact!" Kyle slammed a fist into an Uber-Stu, vaporizing it. As the recoil from the punch launched Kyle into air, he turned over once, then extended both feet, dropping towards the ground.

"Blasting Quake!" Kyle slammed into the ground feet first, and a massive explosion rippled out, vaporizing every Uber within 30 feet.

The force of the recoil launched him back into the air, but this time he drew the Omni-weapon, as the blade and handle of a flamberge appeared out of it. As Kyle landed, he was already swinging the flamberge, decapitating three Ubers with one swing, then going to work on the rest. In several minutes, only ten Ubers remained, two of which were running away, while the other eight gathered together before charging Kyle as one.

"Closer… closer…" As the Ubers leapt for Kyle, he spun in a circle to gather speed before launching a mighty swing with the rapidly-extending Omni-weapon. The slice bisected all eight Ubers, who had finished vaporizing before they reached Kyle. Kyle spun the flamberge once more before shrinking it into a simple broadsword.

"Coming through!"

"Huh?"

Out of nowhere, Tyler appeared, arcing over Kyle's head and landing in a heap behind a rock that seemed to have appeared from nowhere.

Kyle blinked. "What happened to you, and where did that rock come from?"

"I came from over there, where Relyt hit me with an energy blast. As for the rock, I have no idea."

"Oh."

Relyt, just as Tyler and the rock had, suddenly appeared from nowhere, jumping over the rock, only to be met by an explosion, propelling him into a rapidly approaching Ekard. Both the PCMSPS Agents crashed into the rock, as Ben and Drake came running up.

"Storm Kick!"

"Don't mess with nukes!"

Tyler, who had been climbing over the rock, immediately dived back down, while Drake somehow changed direction in midair to avoid the falling warhead.

BOOOOM!

The entire area was lit up in blinding light, and Kyle dived behind another convenient rock. When the light faded, Relyt and Ekard were nowhere to be seen.

Tyler blinked. "Where did they go."

"We're behind you, idiot."

"No you're not."

"What?"

"You're in front of me."

"No, we're behind you!"

Tyler turned around. "No, you're in front of me. Drake's behind me."

"Storm kick!"

Relyt and Ekard paled. "Oh…"

WHAM!

Ekard and Relyt went flying, landing in a crumpled heap. Drake struck an appropriately awesome pose, before he and Tyler ran off, followed by Ben, who was blasting Ubers left and right with the power of rock.

Kyle blinked.

55555

"Jurai-Ken… Rinwi!" Tash shot forward, pointing both feet at Retsa, who barely dodged in time.

"Yah!" AS Retsa prepared to launch a spike of rock and Tash, Harriet's cricket bat slammed into her from behind, sending her flying facefirst into the sand. Retsa jumped back to her feet, and was about to launch a fireball at Harriet, when a high-pressure blast of water knocked her off her feet. She got up, spluttering furiously, as Aster landed in front of her.

66666

Ossa blocked a strike from an Uber-Sue, then sliced it in half, jumping aside to avoid a blast of energy that had shot down from the ship now floating far above the field of battle.

"Tash?"

"Yes?"

"What physics does this fandom use?"

"Game physics mostly, with a bit of anime."

"Ah. Good. This should work then."

As the next blast shot down, Ossa swung her sword upwards, and as blast and blade connected, contrary to all known laws of physics, the blast shot back upwards, pointing towards the cannons from whence it came.

77777

Yzzo grinned as the energy blast rocketed down towards her counterpart. The grin faded and was replaced by a look of abject horror as the energy blast reversed course, heading straight towards her.

"Oh no…"

She leapt out of her chair, turning to run, but she never made it. The blast ripped through the hull of the ship, incinerating the PCMSPS Agent instantly.

88888

Yzzo's death seemed to rally the ACMSES, and the tide of battle began to turn.

99999

Cristoph dodged a slash from Hpotsirc, and stabbed forward with a sai. Hpotsirc barely got his sword up in time to defend himself, and even so, all he could manage was to deflect the blade into leaving a long cut along his arm. Cristoph drew a second sai, stabbing at Hpotsirc's stomach. The PCMSPS Agent shifted slightly, and the attack missed. Hpotsirc grinned. With a powerful shoulder tackle, Cristoph was sent stumbling backwards. Hpotsirc raised his katana in preparation for a killing blow.

"Time to-URK!"

From nowhere, a shuriken suddenly appeared in Hpotisirc's stomach. The PCMSPS Agent blinked, as if not believing what was currently lodged in his gut. He scrabbled around at the shuriken, as if to confirm its existence, before toppling to his knees, and finally slumping over.

Cristoph ran over to check if Hpotsirc was dead, but there was no need. As he approached, the PCMSPS Agent slowly dissolved into specks of glowing golden light, which floated up into the sky, and were drawn into the massive airship hovering over the battlefield.

Cristoph frowned, but quickly ran off to find Rhia.

1010101010

"Bolero of Steam!" Willie slashed the air in a pattern, which turned into steam and shot forward. Eilliw tapped the button on his weapon, which became a fan, blowing the steam back at Willie, who dived to one side so as to avoid being boiled alive.

"Hellfire!" A blast of pitch-black flames rocketed towards Eilliw, who countered with a large missile.

"Wood Imprisonment!" A cage of wood formed around Eilliw. The PCMSPS Agent frowned.

"Haven't we done this before?"

"What do you mean?"

"Not sure… this just feels sort of… familiar."

"Déjà vu?"

"I guess… anyway!" Eilliw's weapon became a mace, smashing the bars of the wooden cage, and sending slivers flying towards Willie, who deflected them off the edge of his sword, and slashed at Eilliw's head.

"Prepare to die, Eilliw!"

"That's my line! I'm the villain here!" Eilliw's weapon turned into a club, and he swung it, knocking the sword away.

"I said it fair and square! Water Scythe!" Willie slashed the air in another pattern, which glowed blue before transforming into a blade of water and slashing at Eilliw. The PCMSPS Agent screamed as it sliced into his shoulder, but managed to fire a single rocket at Willie.

The Society Agent readied his sword, slashing an orange pattern in the air. "Fire…"

The missile moved closer and closer.

"SLASH!" Willie swung his sword, and the pattern wrapped around the sword, transforming into flames. Willie slashed the missile in half, and the flames of the explosion were absorbed into the sword. Eilliw was unable to dodge in time, and the blade cut him neatly in half. Before either half could hit the ground, they had both dissolved into golden light, that was sucked into the airship, like Hpotsirc had been.

Willie dropped the sword point first into the soft sand, leaning on it, and admired the beauty of the death.

1111111111

"Jurai-Ken… Tairenso!" Tash exploded into a whirlwind of flame, slamming into Retsa and sending her skidding back, into a blast of wind from Aster. The PCMSPS leader was thrown into the air, but managed to flip over and land softly on the ground, only to get knocked backwards by Harriet's cricket bat. After righting herself, Retsa blocked a blast of water with a wall of rock before unleashing a firestorm towards all three of her assailants, sending them flying. Tash recovered quickest, lunging at Retsa with a fierce slash, but Retsa simply knocked it aside with a stone gauntlet before blasting Tash backwards with a burst of solar energy. Hati was next, but a wall of rock pushed her to one side. Finally, Aster charged her, but a flamethrower-like blast stopped her in her tracks.

"All of you… DIE!" Retsa thrust out both arms, and a ring of fire erupted outward. All three Agents were forced to take cover behind convenient rocks to avoid being roasted. Retsa took the opportunity to pull out a Space Hammer card and activate it. Aster, Hati and Tash held their collective breaths. What deadly weapon would it transform into. The card glowed white, morphing into…

…An unintimidating-looking rubber haddock. Tash blinked. Retsa frowned, and gave it a small test swing…. that produced an explosion powerful enough to blast the rock Tash was hiding behind into dust. For a moment, all combat stopped, and everyone simply stared at the Haddock of Mass Destruction. Retsa grinned, very, very, evilly. Then Aster slammed into her from behind, and the Haddock went flying high into the air.

1212121212

Somewhere in the ship…

Ssej was tapping buttons on an Ipod, blissfully unaware of the fact that her actions were launching cannonfire at the battle below. This may have been the reason that she didn't notice the haddock flying into a small gap in the ship's hull. It was almost certainly why she didn't move as it struck the floor in front of her, releasing an explosion that incinerated her instantly.

1313131313

Karissa slipped out from behind the rock she had used for cover from the buzzsaw Assirak's Space Hammer had turned into. Assirak was standing only a few feet away, buzzsaw whirling loudly, back turned. Karissa blinked, before deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth and lashing Gekkou at the doppelganger. The chain whip spun towards Assirak…

And passed straight through her. Karissa had only a short time to wonder what had happened before she had to leap away from Assirak"s buzzsaw.

"I can create illusions of myself! As you can, they work quite we-,"

She was cut off by Gekkou wrapping around her leg and yanking her off her feet. Karissa tugged on the chain whip, and Assirak was thrown past her to land in a heap on the sand. The double hurled the buzzsaw at Karissa, who dodged. Karissa swung Gekkou again, this time managing to leave a cut along her arm. Assirak spun with the blow, drawing a second Space Hammer and activating it. As it transformed into a long spear, Karissa swung Gekkou, wrapping around the spear and yanking hard. Assirak held on to the spear, running forwards to try and impale Karissa. Karissa stepped to one side, and the PCMSPS Agent stumbled past her, Gekkou pulling her around.

"Yah!"

Karissa yanked on Gekkou again, and the spear was pulled out of Assirak's hand. Karissa spun once, whirling Gekkou, spear still attached, before swinging it at the PCMSPS Agent. Before Assirak could react, the blade had pierced her heart.

1414141414

"Epicenter!"

"Enchanto!" A blast of earth and a handful of Rubik's cubes slammed into Deraj and Eolhc, sending them flying.

"Boomhammer!" Jared rushed forward, jumping up and bringing the hammer down.

"Flashbar!" Deraj shielded his eyes, swinging the Flashbar up to meet the Boomhammer. The weapons collided, forming an explosion that launched Jared into the air. Unfortunately for Deraj, he had nowhere to go but further down.

"Disenchanto!" Eolhc rushed forward, swinging the bladed shield at Jared.

"Enchanto!" Chloe leaped between Eolhc and Jared, swinging her own shield and shoving Eolhc away.

"Quake!" Deraj took the time given him by Eolhc to recover and pound the ground, throwing Jared and Chloe off their feet.

"Tremor!" A shockwave ended Deraj's status of Only One Standing.

Chloe jumped up, bashing Deraj in the face with her shield.

Eolhc jumped forward, trying to impale Chloe.

"Boomhammer!" Eolhc was blasted off her feet by a sound wave.

"Flashbar!" Deraj lunged at Jared, swinging the crowbar.

"Yah!" Chloe stabbed Deraj hard in the leg. The doppelganger let out a cry of pain.

Eolhc swung the bladed edge of her shield at Chloe.

"Boomcenter!" Jared slammed the Boomhammer into the ground, and a huge wall of earth leapt up, towering over Eolhc.

"Oh no…"

KRUNCH!

Jared winced. That hadn't sounded pleasant. The golden dust now seeping out of the mound of earth added some strength to his theory.

"Jared, look out!"

"Flashbar!"

"Wha-Gah! Boomhammer!"

Hammer and crowbar collided in what looked like a bolt of lightning. Deraj had shielded his eyes, but Jared hadn't and was now blinking rapidly, trying to get the spots out of his eyes. Deraj drew his revolver.

"Jared, it's been fun, but now it's over. Perhaps, if we meet up in the afterlife, I'll buy you a drink. Prepare to d-AUGH!"

Chloe removed her sword from his hand. Deraj dropped the revolver, clutching the injured hand in pain. Meanwhile, Jared had recovered the use of his eyes.

"Boomhammer!"

"Yah!" The shield smashed into Deraj with incredible force, nearly knocking him out. Then the Boomhammer hit him.

WHOOMP!

Deraj was launched into the air.

"Enchanto!" Deraj vaguely registered the word, and that three small cubes had appeared above him. Then he realized what was about to happen. He paled.

BOOM!

Jared and Chloe watched as the golden dust whirled upwards into the ship.

1515151515

"Storm Kick!" Drake slammed his foot into Ekard's face, sending him flying and cracking his visor. The doppelganger landed hard, but flipped to his feet and drove his spear point-first into the ground.

"Erupting Earth!" An arc of red energy leapt toward Drake, who dodged and swept his spear across the ground.

"Slicing Gale!" The familiar blue energy blades appeared, but this time, they traveled along the ground, lifting into the air, forming miniature dust devils. Ekard tried to dodge, but the storms were all around him. They slammed into him, lifting him up and tearing into his armor before depositing him unceremoniously on the ground. Drake smirked. Ekard picked himself up, spitting sand out through his destroyed visor. As Drake ran forward, Ekard swung a foot upwards.

"Drought Kick!" Ekard's foot hit Drake in the chest, throwing him backwards. Ekard hopped to his feet.

"You may have gotten in a few lucky hits, Drake, but now I'm going to kill you."

"Thanks."

Ekard blinked. "Why are you thanking me? I just threatened to kill you."

"Whatever. The point is, this fandom clearly isn't a dub. All the dissolving into golden dust was starting to worry me."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Drought Punch!" Ekard leapt forward, fist outstretched.

"Storm Punch!" Drake and Ekard collided in a brilliant purple explosion that forced both of them backwards.

"Slicing Gale!"

"Erupting Earth!" The two attacks whizzed past each other, slamming into Ekard and Drake respectively.

"Storm Kick!"

Drought Kick!" The two slammed into each other, and both Drake and Ekard were thrown back. Drake rolled to his feet, but Ekard had taken more damage during the fight, and simply hit the ground. Drake advanced on Ekard, who didn't seem like he was getting up any time soon. As Drake approached, Ekard rolled onto his back.

"Go on… finish it."

Drake frowned behind his visor. "No."

"What?"

"Don't get me wrong, I'd love to. But frankly, I've watched enough movies to know that if I do, it's all really part of your master plan or something."

Ekard's eyes narrowed. "Fine. Drought Punch!"

As Ekard leapt up, Drake made a decision in his mind. As the fist approached his face, he caught it, hurling Ekard past him. Drake raised his spear.

"Slicing…. GALE!" The energy blades exploded forth, slicing Ekard apart and into golden dust.

1616161616

Tyler dodged a strike from Relyt, countering with an explosive to the face.

"You know, you could just give up, Relyt. You're obviously outmatched."

"Where do you get that from? You hit me one measly time!"

"And set your own Ubers on you…"

"Okay, I admit, that was crafty, but-,"

"And hit you with a rock…"

"Yeah…"

"And then I threw an explosive at your face!"

"Fine. Three measly hits."

"Four."

"Huh?"

Tyler hurled another explosive at Relyt, blasting him off his feet.

"As I said; you're outmatched."

Relyt sprang up, already firing an energy blast at Tyler. Tyler sidestepped, firing a blast of wind. The blast rocketed towards Relyt, kicking up a dust cloud on the way. Relyt formed an energy shield to block, then prepared to retaliate… except Tyler was gone. Someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, and Tyler punched him in the face.

Relyt stumbled backwards, clutching a bloody nose. "What the-,"

"Tylerportation. Where've you been?"

Somewhere, at least 100 feet away, ripping through a squad of Ubers, Shirley twitched.

"That's gotta be the worst pun ever," Relyt groaned.

"Probably," Tyler agreed.

Relyt lunged again, and for a few seconds the immediate ten feet were obscured by magic bursts colliding, explosions, and dust. Then they broke apart, flying in opposite directions, bouncing off rocks and shooting back at each other."

WHOOM!

Tyler and Relyt collided in a brilliant purple explosion, blasting apart, only to charge at each other again. The battlefield they had chosen erupted into a maelstrom of destruction, and the two were hidden from view by a tornado of magic, only appearing for a few instants before vanishing into the storm again.

-Tyler smashing his staff into Relyt's arm….

-Relyt blasting Tyler in the face with a spray of energy…

-Tyler pummeling Relyt with a flurry of explosives….

-Relyt slamming Tyler to the ground with an energy rope…

-"Did you have a bad day-,"…

Finally, a massive explosion, and Relyt was expelled from the tornado, slamming into a rock, and slumping to the ground. Tyler stepped out of the dying tornado, catching his stun bomb as it returned to him. Relyt lifted his head weakly as Tyler approached, forming a blade of energy at the end of his staff, preparing to finish Relyt off.

"Any last words?"

Relyt smirked. "My death… is only the beginning."

Tyler rolled his eyes. "See you in hell." He stabbed down.

1717171717

Eirelav rushed across the battlefield, trying to locate Retsa. She finally found her leader, still holding her own against Aster, Tash, and Harriet.

"Retsa!"

The PCMSPS Agent turned. "Yes?"

"It's ready."

Retsa raised an eyebrow. "Is it? Well then, you know what to do."

Eirelav nodded. As Tash rocketed forwards, Eirelav suddenly appeared in front of her, blocking her from Retsa. Tash tried to swerve around her, but it was too late. Nepthys cut Eirelav cleanly in two. As both halves dissolved, Tash continued toward towards Retsa, but the blow was lessened, and the PCMSPS leader was sent flying. She landed in a heap, a cut on her stomach bleeding freely, pulling out a small remote. Before anyone could do anything, she punched a button, and spoke into a small voice-analyzer-thingy.

"Operation Final Perfection… Go."

1818181818

All around the battlefield, Society Agents found the Ubers they had been fighting dissolving into nothing.

Meanwhile, up on the ship….

"ATTENTION ALL. OPERATION FINAL PERFECTION IS NOW IN EFFECT."

Syrhc and Sirahc were working on a small device when the announcement blared out of a speaker. They both paled before running for a door. Neither made it. Turrets appeared from the wall, opening fire on them and reducing them to dust.

All through the ship, the same was happening to each and every Uber and PCMSPS Agent or techie.

1919191919

As the entire ACMSES watched, Retsa began to laugh. It began as a low chuckle, but quickly became an insane cackle, that drilled into the Agent's heads. Tash stepped forward.

"What are you laughing about? You've lost!"

Retsa lifted her head to look at Tash, an evil, horrible grin stretching across her face.

"Oh, Society… you have no idea."

"What do you mean, we have no idea?" Tash demanded, stepping forward.

Retsa frowned. "Exactly what I said; you have no idea."

"A little more specific perhaps?" Harriet this time, stepping forward and waving her cricket bat menacingly.

"Hmm…" Retsa smiled. "How's this; As soon as I die, my life-force will be converted into it's original state of Suergy, which will be drawn into that ship up there, or as you wished me to be more specific, into a large container inside the ship. After the ship itself is absorbed, the container will become a powerful bomb. When said bomb goes off, it will instantly purify every fandom and sub-fandom universe in existence, by which I mean completely erase all life within such in a horrifically detailed manner."

Michael blinked.

"Okay… that's a little too specific."

"Question."

Everyone turned. At the back of the Society, Tyler was raising a hand. He had actually been doing so since the second after the Ubers had vanished, but nobody had noticed him, as they had been facing Retsa, who couldn't see him from her current position of slumped against a convenient rock.

Retsa raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Seeing as we've been dealing with you guys for 10 of my author's fics, and additional fics from other authors over time, can you shut up about your evil plan for a moment and explain about how you came into existence, seeing as you're the last surviving PCMSPS member, and as such, when you die, the knowledge is going to be completely lost, and everyone will have to wonder what the hell caused you guys, along with how this fic relates to anything previous?"

Total silence. Retsa smiled.

"You want to know how I came to exist… and that other stuff? Very well then…."

OBLIGATORY PLOT-EXPO FLASHBAAAAACK… GO!

"Heh…" A soft chuckle from Saito drew everyone's attention to the man, where he was leaning against a wall. "You're all worrying unnecessarily. If your claims to be the Librarian's friends is true, then you know exactly what his reaction will be…" He slipped a cigarette into his mouth and struck a match before lighting it.

FLASHBAAAAAAAACK…..END!

"The secondhand smoke drifted through the Library for a while, and began absorbing trace amounts of Suergy from the environment. Eventually, it gained limited sentience, and escaped into the Twilight fandom. When Willowe was imprisoned there, the massive amounts of Suergy released by her Prohibition combined with the natural Suergy of Twilight and the secondhand Sue smoke that happened to be nearby."

"This sounds oddly familiar…" Ben mumbled.

"Anyway... the force of the explosion formed me. However, there was still a great deal of spare Suergy condensed into a single form. As a negative copy of Aster, I was intelligent enough to build my own Plothole Generator… and spaceship… out of tin cans.

"Hey!"

"Quiet. I quickly escaped to this fandom, a story that, though planned, was never written, hence the rather uninteresting surroundings." Retsa gestured toward the infinite desert.

"After only a short while, some of the Suergy inside me escaped, forming Relyt and Ekard. Both, like myself, were perfect opposites to their Society counterparts."

"Question."

"What now?"

"Why create the Ubers?"

"I'm getting to that! Anyway, as more and more Protection Society Agents were formed, we realized that, although we were many, you were… uh… more-many."

"That's not a word."

"Shut up! We decided that we needed a weapon, a way to end this war in our favor. By coincidence-,"

"Proving that my author fails at creating good Xanatos Gambits…"

"What?"

"Never mind."

"STOP INTERRUPTING! This was at the same time that Faya began her plan to take over using the Ubers. When Shade killed Faya, we took our opportunity, convincing the Ubers to side with us. We quickly worked out how to create them faster, although it did come at the cost of some reduction in their fighting skills."

"You mean making them total cannon fodder," Drake interrupted.

"Whatever. Kidnapping Tyler was merely an attempt to test our newly created Ubers on the field of battle, along with a new gadget we called the Negatizer Magnet. After that, we began Operation Final Perfection. Several Agents were sent into fandoms, with the goal of finding Sues and bringing them in to absorb their essence. After we had finished, we allowed a massive Suergy signature to escape through the ship's dampers, alerting you to our presence, and you came. And then…" Retsa gestured again, although this time less expansively.

Aster stepped forward. "So… what now?"

Retsa smiled and pointed upwards. As the Society raised their heads to stare into the skies, they beheld the PCMSPS ship. Only… it was different. Maybe it was that the edges were slowly pulling towards the center. Maybe it was the brilliant golden light shining from inside it. Or maybe it was the thunderous mechanical voice announcing, "FIVE MINUTES LEFT." After only a few seconds, the ship, like everything else, had dissolved into golden light, revealing a large football-shaped capsule, that, like everything else of the PCMSPS seemed to, glowed with a golden light. It descended to the ground, embedding itself in the sand. Retsa grinned.

"You heard the voice. Five minutes left."

Tash took another step toward the PCMSPS leader. "What makes you think you'll succeed? We're going to stop you!"

Retsa smiled, and then did something that nobody expected. She placed her staff against the ground, using it like a cane, and stood up.

"Wrong. I'm going to stop you." She raised her staff.

"Haven't you ever wondered about my counter to Aster's soul power is?"

"Nope."

"Not really."

"Nah."

"No."

"Well, I'm going to tell you. I have control over the powers of life and energy. I've only used them once before, to produce the Ubers. However, if I can give life… I can take it away as well. Now… I'm going to destroy you all." She twirled her staff, preparing to annihilate the Society…

"No."

"Hm?"

Aster had advanced on Retsa, staff raised, pointing at the last PCMSPS Agent. "You aren't going to hurt anyone."

Retsa sneered. "And how you you propose to stop me?"

"Like this."

Before anyone could do anything, Retsa was lifted into the air. Around her feet, sand began to swirl. As the Society watched, the sand whirled up, hiding Retsa in a veil of grit and dirt. The miniature sandstorm spun faster and faster, and began to close in. Retsa's screams of agony were drowned out by the rushing wind and the noise of sand tearing through her skin, muscle and bones, shredding her to pieces. By this point, most of the Society had turned away, not wishing to watch Retsa be torn apart. Aster, however, remained completely focused on the execution. Several long seconds later, the sandstorm died down, and what bits of Retsa were left dissolved into the customary golden dust, and was absorbed into the capsule. Once again the voice spoke.

"THREE MINUTES LEFT."

Tash raised Nepthys in the air. "What are we waiting for? We've got a multiverse to save."