Saturday, December 31, 2011

Insert Cliched Halloween Clipshow Here (part 2 of 5)

"I would!"

"Oh please! You'd have no chance!"

Emily appeared out of nowhere next to the three agents. Ossa appeared to be dressed as L from Death Note, and she was glaring fiercely at Jamie, whom Emily could only recognise by voice, due to the fact he was hidden beneath a Darth Vader costume. The argument seemed to be getting more and more heated, as Ossa tensed to spring, and Jamie pulled out a plastic lightsaber.

"What are they arguing about?" she sidled up to Aimee, who was trying to eat around her vampire fangs. The girl's red (contact lensed) eyes turned onto her with a smile.

"They're arguing over who would win in a fight between Vader and L," Aimee explained, chewing slowly on a cookie.

Emily, who had never read Death Note, but knew that it was a manga that Aster favoured, hurried off to find the fae, thinking that she could be useful in settling this dispute. She found her in the corner, where the massive DDR machine loomed over everyone, and occasionally made it difficult for anyone close to hear themselves think. Aster was humming to herself as she watched Chrys try to dance (try being the operative word, for the hanyou's clumsiness was becoming infamous among the Library).

"Aster," Emily stood beside the fae, who slowly turned her head towards her.


"Who would win in a fight between L and Darth Vader?" Emily inquired. Aster thought for all of a second before her face split into a grin.

"L, of course!"

Emily smiled and handed her a box of pocky that she had pinched from Adrian's booby traps the night before. "Thank you."

And she scurried off.

Aster blinked a few times at the place she had been standing, before slipping a stick of pocky into her mouth. "Kyaa~ And she calls me strange..."


"Shh! She'll hear us!"

Emily rolled her eyes. "She hasn't moved from that spot for fifteen hours – not even to eat! This has to be a new record!"

"I don't think so," Adrian shook his head, checking his watch as he did. "Her record for sitting in one spot with a stack of manga and not moving is seventeen hours and fifty two minutes. I counted."

Several Society agents' jaws dropped. As stated, there was Aster, sitting in what appeared to be some kind of manga fort, with nothing but a glass of juice in front of her, and a half eaten apple, which seemed to have been forgotten about, and was slowly going yellow as it oxidized. Her eyes were fixed on the page, and scanning quickly, right to left, without stopping.

Giggling, Emily scrunched up a ball of paper from her exercise book (she had just come from an English lesson with Harriet) and threw it at the fae. It bounced off her head, but she did not look up or even acknowledge that she had been hit. Emily resisted the urge to burst out laughing.

"I want a go!" Tash stated, pulling her notebook out of her bag and screwing up another page. It bounced off Aster's chest and landed on the manga. Aster absently flicked the paper off like a crumb of food and carried on reading.

"Ten points if it gets stuck in her head," Emily stated.

"Twenty if it lands on the manga," Tash added.

"Fifty if it gets stuck in her cleavage!" Claire giggled, scrunching up another bit of paper and throwing it hard.


"Out! Out! Out!"

There were a series of loud jingling noises from the coins as Tash attempted to shake Adrian out of her shirt. The kitty Librarian was proving to be remarkably difficult to remove however, and so the leader's attempts only succeeded in making her look like a complete idiot. Several agents had stopped to watch in amusement, including Stacey, who was taking photographs to her heart's content.

"Adrian," Tash whined. "Come out! You're tickling in all the wrong places- OW!" she gave a shriek suddenly. "Watch the claws!"

Had anyone been able to see through the shirt, they would have seen Adrian smirking at this.

"Tashy... talking to your boobs won't make them grow," Harriet informed her friend. Tash noted the cider can clutched in the leader's hand, and she foretold that drunken singing was in the Society's near future.

"I'm not talking to them," Tash corrected. "I'm talking to Adrian. He's gone down my shirt." She blinked at her friend. "You changed your outfit?"

Harriet nodded and looked down at the cricket whites that she was now dressed in. She carried her trusty cricket bat over one shoulder. "Jess said the other outfit was impractical."

" you went from an outfit that could concuss people, to an outfit that is going to be a bitch to keep clean...yeah I totally see the practicali-Adrian!" she gave a yelp of surprise, which suddenly dissolved into a shiver and a soft moan. "No... not in public..."

Harriet's eyes went wide as Tash's cheeks turned a magnificent shade of pink.

"Right enough of this!"

The leader placed her cider carefully on the nearest table, and thrust her hands under her friend's shirt. The coins rattled at the movement, and the hiss of an angry cat came from within.

"Harriet!" Tash shrieked, her face going pinker as she struggled to stop the brunette from lifting her shirt right up over her head. Quite a few people had stopped to watch the show by this point, several agents with their jaws somewhere about their knees. Stacey had gleefully switched her camera to video mode and was filming the whole event.

"Oh please!" Harriet scoffed. "It's nothing we haven't done before. Now hold still!"

"Can you hold that pose a second, you two?" Stacey asked, crouching down to get a close up shot. "Beautiful!"

"Wow... I've never seen a person go that red before," Drake stated, stealing a cocktail sausage off the platter that Tyler was holding. The smallest agent had already inhaled a platter of sausage rolls, and scotch eggs by himself, and was making short work of the third tray.

There was some rummaging around, in which Tash gave off very loud squeaks, but eventually Harriet's hand reappeared, holding a squirming Adrian by the scruff of the neck. The kitten meowed in protest, before morphing back into the costume wearing Librarian (complete with violet collar). He looked very put out, though whether this was because he had been forcibly removed from his hiding spot, or whether he was unhappy with Harriet for molesting his girlfriend, no one could tell.

"I was comfortable under there," he protested. Tash folded her arms across her chest, as though the simple action would prevent any more molestation from her fellow agents.

"I could tell. You have a dirty mind, you know... and your claws need trimming!"

The Librarian pouted hard. Drake and Stacey however were snickering at him.

"Dude... what happened?" Drake asked, gesturing to the costume. Adrian opened his mouth to make a snappy retort, but was stopped by a loud gagging sound, and a crash as the platter of cocktail sausages fell to the floor.

"Tyler?" Stacey was feeling waves of panic flooding off the smaller agent, who was doubled over and clutching his throat. He was choking hard, and as the other agents gathered around, he seized Tash's arm to keep himself upright.

"I think he's choking!" Tash fretted, pulling him around and lowering his jaw. "He swallowed the cocktail stick!"

"Stacey, go get Valerie," Harriet's voice was strong and firm. "Tyler, try and cough for me. We're going to help you."

How she could remain calm in this situation was anyone's guess, but Stacey did as she was told, and Tyler's coughs became harder and more forceful. It was not enough though, and Harriet cursed loudly, before placing one arm firmly around his stomach, and using the other to whack him hard between the shoulder blades. Tyler's eyes began to water in pain and distress, but he continued trying to cough.

"I'm here!" the Society healer had felt Tyler's distress the instant it had started, and had already been racing across the room when Stacey had caught up to her. "What's he choking on?"

"Cocktail sausage," Adrian informed her. He was standing to one side, trying to calm down Drake, who was looking very upset to see his friend in such distress. Valerie frowned, before the pieces fell into place.

"The stick was still attached, wasn't it?"

"How did you guess?" Adrian asked. Harriet, who had given up on back slaps, and had begun abdominal thrusts, interrupted.

"Its Tyler," she stated, in between thrusts. "It's the sort of thing he'd do."

She smacked him three times more on the back before wrapping her arms below his rib and pulling upwards again. With a spluttering cough, the offending sausage and stick were spat out onto the floor, and Tyler began to pull in deep, desperate breaths.

"Put him here," Valerie instructed, shooing Pete and Charis off the sofa, and letting Harriet steer the pale looking agent down into the seat. She immediately set about checking there was no damage to his throat and treating him for shock.

"Move along everyone," Harriet declared, shoving people back with her cricket bat in order to give the healer some room. "Nothing to see here."

"Will he be alright?" Drake asked anxiously.

"He'll be fine," Valerie's voice was calm as she raised Tyler's feet onto the arm of the sofa. "Just needs to lie down for a bit."

"Thank the Gods..." Tash muttered.

"Okay, people, for the record," Adrian raised his voice. "The cocktail sausages have sticks in them. Remove the stick before eating."

"Kyaa~ Its Tyler-kun," Aster remarked from the DDR machine. "He's eaten radioactive material before and been fine."

"Yeah, radioactive material isn't often sharp and pointy though," Chrys pointed out. "And you don't sound too concerned?"

Aster shrugged. "His taste in food is appalling. I still haven't forgiven him for the time he turned my ramen into pasta..."


"...How... do you not know what ramen is?"

Aster's voice of disbelief was audible with piercing clarity to Rhia, as she staggered into the main kitchen wondering what on earth had possessed her to get drunk the previous night. She groaned as the strong lights hit her eyes, and the urge to vomit again rose as the smell of cooking hit her nose. Jess (who also looked mildly hung over) and Aster were standing over the cooker or various work surfaces, with kitchen appliances or food in front of them, while Cristoph and Tyler were seated at the table, watching with interest.

"Because I eat pasta," Tyler stated simply, as Rhia sank into the chair next to her. Aster, in the middle of preparing the chicken in front of her, shook her head in disbelief.

"You don't get any yakitori for that." She dropped what she was doing, and shoved a packet of instant ramen into the hands of the small stationary agent. "Cook that. And I'm not giving you a lid."

Tyler cursed under his breath, and hurried off to his assigned duty, scouring the back of the packaging for cooking instructions.

Jess was humming Nemo under her breath as she worked. "I am improving this soup!" She seemed to feel the horrified gaze of the other kitchen occupants, and added quickly. "I know what I'm doing!" She nodded sagely. "I have learned many important things at university. For example. I love miso soup. I love chilli powder. However, just because I love them both, does not mean that they go well together."

Aster leaned over curiously to survey Jess's creation. Cristoph shook his head in exasperation, and Rhia rested her head gently onto the table, in an attempt to stop the rapid throbbing of her temples. Tyler slunk silently into his seat, eating a strange looking bowl of pasta. Aster recognised it immediately and exploded.

"You turned the ramen into pasta?"

Before Tyler could even defend himself, the fae seized the bowl and dumped the contents onto the floor. That matter settled, she turned sweetly to Rhia. "Here Rhia-chan let me help you. You need a little bit of ponzu."

Tyler stared in disbelief at his wasted pasta before letting out a wail of despair. Rhia retrieved one of her wakizashi from her dressing gown belt, and whacked Tyler over the head with the hilt of it, in order to shut him up.

Jess retreated from her soup temporarily. "I need sushi. And lots of it. Is there any going? I'm useless at making it."

"If I can keep it down, I'll eat it," Rhia stated gratefully to the two cooks, before thinking. "Who got me to my room last night?"

Jess shrugged, not knowing at all for she too had been very drunk the previous evening and did not remember how she herself had got to bed.

"Cristoph did. I was asleep," Tyler stated, staring mournfully at his empty bowl. The ninja smiled and slid a glass of water over to Rhia, who took it gratefully.

"Here," Aster was shoving rice in to be cooked. "It has to be warm...and this has to be really really cold." She took out fish from the refrigerator. "Do you want wasabi?"

Jess broke into a dramatic opera voice. "Wassabiiiii!" She coughed a few times, and went silent as she noticed the glare that Rhia was shooting her. "Oops, sorry Rhia. I guess that doesn't help..."

"I can confirm Lady Rhia," Cristoph said gently. "That I was the one who got you to your bed last night. I was one of the few not hyped up on enough sucrose to turn a cat inside out, so I took you back to your room."

"Cats turn inside out?" Tyler asked in surprise, as Aster let out a cheer and the food finished cooking, and she began dishing it out, instructing everyone to eat it while the hot and the cold were still separate. She swatted at Tyler as he began to eat however.


"No sushi for you, you unrefined Japanese food-hater!"



The most respected chef of the Society, found herself enveloped in a boob-filled hug from one Jessica Leather.

"Will you come live with me when I go back to university? Pleeeeease?" she begged. "I'll pay you very well."

Rhia understood that 'live with' meant 'cook for', but she smiled none the less. "Sorry Jess, but I don't accept payment in metal songs or bondage tips."

Jess twitched. "Awww... well it was worth a try..." she paused and examined the girl in front of her. "You look nice. Who are you?"

Rhia wore a long, blood red dress, and had left her long hair loose down her back. "I'm Nimue from Merlin."

"Oooh right," Jess nodded slowly, before reaching over and handing the younger girl a drink. "Cider?"

Rhia frowned and pointed to the bottle. " brought alcohol to this party?"

Jess nodded. "Well yeah...its a party and most of us are overage..."

Rhia was about to point out that 'overage' was relative, since half of the agents were British and the other half were American, when Jess continued.

"And anyway, I didn't bring alcohol per say. Harriet and I stored it in one of cupboards in your kitchen, under lock and key. We're being careful about who we're giving it to."

"...right, and so far who have you given it to?" Rhia asked.

"Well..." Jess thought, before grinning widely. "Me and Harriet! No one else has wanted it, and there's a lot of it!"

Rhia groaned, as Jess took another swig. "Why are you storing it in my kitchen and not your room?"

Jess shook her head sadly. "Leonard. He goes ballistic if you bring alcohol anywhere near him."


"Let's try this again Leonard," Jess sighed, pointing at herself. "Jess."

The conjoined twin blinked several times, before emitting a rasping noise that sounded like steam being let out of a kettle. Jess groaned.

"This is getting nowhere..." she muttered, picking up her cider bottle and draining the lot. Leonard made an angry hissing noise at the sight of the alcoholic beverage, and launched himself at the bottle and began gnawing on the end. Jess gave a scream and yanked her hand out of the way, just in time to avoid the teeth.

"Holy shit!" she swore loudly, before clapping a hand over her mouth, and shooting Harriet an apologetic look. The Society leader had clapped her hands over Emily's ears to protect them from the language, and the ten year old looked curiously up at her guardian.

"Where's Miri with that pizza?" Harriet demanded impatiently, before looking down. "And how long has my bra been showing?" she added, readjusting her shirt.

Emily apparently could not help herself, and she burst out laughing. Jess was snickering quietly in the corner, as Leonard just glanced up before going back to the bottle.

"For the last forty five minutes," Tash said, checking her watch and groaning. "Damn it Hati! You couldn't have waited another fifteen minutes to notice?"

"Cough up guys!" Jess demanded, smirking and holding out a hand. "Bet is a bet."

Emily laughed harder as Harriet blinked in comprehension. "You were betting on how long it would take me to notice?"

"Gotta earn money for my next concert somehow," Jess grinned, taking the offered ten pound note from Tash. "You too Aster. You said it would take her an hour and a half!"

"Kyaa... I've got no money Jess-chan," the fae shrugged. Jess's jaw fell open.

"Then why did you join the bet if you've got no money?"

"Oh I didn't realise," Aster shrugged. "I was looking for a Death Note volume and I wasn't listening to a lot of what you said."

Jess looked about ready to strangle the fae, but she was distracted by Emily, who had turned to the lone silent member of the room.

"Did you bet, Adrian?"

The Librarian gave her a look that spoke volumes and slumped further into his girlfriend's lap. He was in a bad mood, though no one knew why. Adrian never spoke of his duties as the Librarian to anyone, not even his girlfriend, but everyone assumed something bad must have happened, as not even Tash could get him to snap out of it.

Tash sighed. "Adrian, it's just a laugh. Please don't wilt again. It's depressing..."

She attempted to prop him back upright, but the Librarian merely wilted straight back into her lap.

"Adrian..." Tash groaned, pulling him up again, only to have him wilt in the other direction.

"Someone... get me a plant support!"

Giggling, Jess added the money to her purse and took another swig of her cider, however Leonard was silent this time – he had started chewing one of the cushions (succeeding strongly in resembling a hairless baby chimp with a piece of fruit) and didn't seem that interested in much else.

"Making money off your leader's fashion mishaps..." Harriet was muttering. "I should lock you all in the most dangerous fandom in the world..."

"Pizza is here!" Miriku's voice called from the corridor.

"FINALLY!" and just like that, all Harriet's thoughts of revenge were gone.


"Hey, we didn't request a flashback!" Jess objected to no one in particular. Rhia shrugged.

"It's a clipshow. It's supposed to be full of stupid flashbacks that make no sense..."

Emily, who was passing by, as the two finished this conversation, was struck by something odd, and paused in midstep, one hand clutching a slice of pizza, and the other holding the cricket ball that had just narrowly avoided taking off Ossa's head on the other side of the room.

"...why didn't the fourth wall rumble just now?"


"Ow!" Claire whined. "Human bodies were not supposed to bend this way!"

Struggling and squirming, she managed to place her right foot painfully across onto the other side of her left foot, and keep her balance.


"Okay, here we go," Miriku grinned, spinning the spinner and observing the scene with a large grin on her face. It really was a comical sight. Michael, Claire, Doug, Ben, Willie, Thought Marcus and Emotion Marcus were crouching over two Twister mats, placed end to end, and struggling desperately not to fall over themselves, as they fought to complete Miri's requests. The red-haired Pharaoh was taking great delight in making them all bend in ways that the human body was not supposed to.

"Aniki," Miriku smiled, nudging the spinner a little so that no one could see. "Right hand green."

The sound of a hand being peeled off the plastic mat was the only response to the request.

"...oi," Claire warned her boyfriend with a light reprimanding glare. Michael smiled innocently.

"Sorry baby. I thought that was right hand green."

Miriku sighed. "Any excuse Aniki..."

"Hush Imoto," Michael ordered, placing his hand in the required space. "Done!"

"Thought Marcus..." Miri spun the dial again, and decided she liked the choice it landed on. "Right foot blue."

"I-I-I d-don't t-think t-that w-will b-be p-p-possible..."


"B-B-But i-its..."


Shaking like a leaf, Thought Marcus moved slowly and carefully. Miriku tensed, positive that he was about to fall, but to her disappointment, he succeeded, and she sighed, before spinning the spinner.

"Emotion Marcus... left foot red."



There was something about pizza that had always relaxed Tash into a semi-dazed state, where nothing in the world could bother her. It helped of course, when one had a fluffy, warm kitten sitting on ones chest, purring contently as his ears were petted.

"Mmm... I'll dance for you later Emiushere. You want that?"

Adrian's ears perked up and he looked eagerly up at his girlfriend with a happy smile on his adorable face. Tash gave a giggle and bent down to kiss his nose.

"Hey Tash... is that Adrian?" Ossa skidded to a stop next to the sofa upon which the Chief Agent was reclining, Jamie right behind her, swinging his lightsaber in a mildly threatening manner.

Before Tash could answer the question, the kitten morphed back into her boyfriend, and she let out an undignified squeak as she was pressed firmly into the cushions by his weight. "You did that on purpose!"

"Can't blame a guy," the Librarian shrugged, before kissing her gently and causing all of Tash's discomfort to magically evaporate.

There was a loud clearing of a throat, and both of them broke away blushing.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" Adrian asked.

"I didn't say anything," Ossa stated, a slightly amused look on her face. "I came to ask, who would win in a fight between L and Darth Vader?"

Adrian frowned, looking between the two agents and eventually pointing at the one on the right. "Vader. Definitely."

Ossa growled, as Jamie looked triumphantly up at her with a smirk. Tash interrupted.

"But in a fight between Ossa and Jamie, I'd give the edge to Ossa."

"Hey!" Jamie deflated, and his smirk seemed to slide onto Ossa's face instead. "Why?"

"Dude, she's six foot. I'd think twice about fighting her," Tash told him bluntly. "I'm sorry if that insults your masculinity, but it's the truth."

Pouting, Jamie wandered away to get food, followed by a highly satisfied Ossa.

"You really know how to deflate a guy's ego..." Adrian sighed. Tash petted him on the ears and cuddled him tight.

"Its a gift my love..."

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Insert Cliched Halloween Clipshow Here (part 1 of 5)

Note: No, it's not remotely time for Halloween. But it was Halloween when this fic was originally posted in our FFN archives. So just go with it and enjoy the show.

Also, the mystery of the second kitchen is explained via flashback. Yay!

"Aaaaaaand, power!"

Emily snapped a plug in, and suddenly the whole room was filled with the glow of several tangled strings of fairy lights, that had been thrown haphazardly over the bookshelves. Clusters of fake cobweb were also dangling from various points around the room, and fake spiders had been thrown everywhere, along with the customary jack-o-lanterns, casting ominous grinning silhouettes on the walls.

Standing in the centre of the room, in the middle of a low table, was Harriet, her arms spread wide. This might sound like a normal pose, but it was made very difficult by the fact that the Society leader was dressed in a kangaroo costume, and had very short arms. As she turned to survey the illuminated lights, her tail knocked several bottles of coke and a neat stack of paper cups flying. Rhia and several other people dove to save them from an untimely date with the floor.

"Thank you Emily!" Harriet smiled down at her charge, who was wearing cut off jeans, and a striped shirt. A bandana was wrapped around her head, and she carried a sword in her belt, and an eye patch, which was currently pulled up so she could work properly.

"When do we get to eat?" Tyler whined. "I only ate one meal today so I could get in the mood for my costume..."

Harriet raised an eyebrow at the smallest Society agent, who dressed all in black, and was apparently being a stick figure for the evening. "Well that's your look out, isn't it? Have patience my dear underling. Food shall be served soon!"

"This was a really good idea Harriet," Marcus admitted with a nod, studying everyone's outfits from behind his shades – he had refused to dress up, stating that his usual outfit was enough of a costume as it was.

"Of course its a good idea!" Harriet tossed her hair. "I'm British! All my ideas are good! And it only took me two minutes to think of this one!"


"That's it!"

The Leader's cry caused everyone to look up from their desks, and crane their necks so that they could see over the towering piles of paperwork. Harriet was on her feet, and in two steps (one on the chair and one on the desk), she towered over everyone and puffed out her chest.

"I am locking all this paperwork in the third kitchen!"

There was a collective gasp from the Society agents. The third kitchen was a place none of them dared to tread. The plates and food in there had been abandoned for so long that no one could rightly imagine what kind of horrors had bred in that time. It was worse than the mutant spaghetti monster that kitchen two had produced, before the Great Kitchen Clean had come about. After that event, Rhia had claimed ownership of kitchen two, and declared it her own personal workspace. Kitchen three however, had never been touched, and most agents had forgotten where it was.

"We are going to take a break from work," Harriet declared. "And we are going to have a party!"

Silence rained. Several people put up umbrellas.

"What kind of party?" Miriku finally asked.

Harriet's eyes fell on the calendar on the wall, and her face split into a wide grin.

"A Halloween Party! And we shall all wear costumes!"

Another long silence, however this time some people were grinning widely.

"Harriet," Tash said suddenly. "I don't think parties are covered by the budget."

Several seconds later, Tash was running from the room, screaming as Harriet threw balled up bits of paperwork at her.


Beaming widely at her own genius, Harriet spun on her heel (this time, sending a platter of cocktail sausages flying with her tail) and addressed the gathered Society agents, all of whom were wearing costumes of various descriptions.

"My friends, relatives and dearest underlings-"

"You don't have any relatives here Harriet."

"Shut up Tash!" the leader cleared her throat. "I now declare, this Society Halloween party, open!"

As instructed, Ben pressed play on Harriet's laptop, sending music out into the room, and Rhia whipped off the covers on the plates, revealing trays of toffee apples, decorated cakes and cookies, and other staple party foods. Several members began to drool.

"Michael, your costume!" Claire warned, causing her boyfriend to blush at his hunger. The dark clothing and armour he wore gave him an imposing look, however drooling on it detracted greatly from this appearance. Two bat-like wings grew from the young man's back, and his teeth and claws had been lengthened and pointed.

"I can't help it," Michael protested. "Doing such complicated magic makes you really hungry..."

"Yes, but demons don't usually drool over sausage rolls and cake, even if they were made by Chef Rhia," Miriku pointed out, smoothing out her long white dress. Her bracelets clanked against her pharaoh collar. Michael raised a clawed hand in her direction and she smiled sweetly. "What? Its true..."

Claire hugged Michael from behind, taking care not to squash his wings. Her outfit was the polar opposite to Michael's, her own wings had pearly white feathers and were tucked neatly behind her back. She wore a dress of white and gold, with a golden halo above her head.

"I think everyone looks great," Tash said, as the three of them helped themselves to the aforementioned sausage rolls. She was dressed as a belly dancer, and the gold coins on her skirt, top, bracelets and anklet jingled every time she moved. "I'm impressed by the magic too Michael."

Michael pulled a face. "Claire wanted me to go as a bunny. I told her I'd never kiss her again." He looked around suddenly. "Speaking of kiss, where's your boyfriend, Tash?"

Tash gave a mild smirk. "Funny that you should mention dressing up as a cute fluffy animal..."

Right on cue...

"Tashy! Can I talk to you for a second?"

From the corridor stormed a furious looking Adrian, who looked as though he had been attacked by a five year old kid with a black sharpie. He had a black circle on his nose, and three black lines drawn across each cheek. But what was most surprising was his outfit...

Tash gave a wide smile. "Hello Emiushere. Good nap?"

The Librarian twitched and jabbed a finger at the white furred kitty outfit he had apparently been somehow forced into.

"Where did you hide my trenchcoats? And pants? Hell, where are the rest of my clothes!"

It was impossible for Tash to pull off an innocent face, particularly when she was struggling not to laugh – a struggle that was not helped by the fact that Michael seemed to be holding back hysterics and the corner of Claire's mouth was twitching.

"My accomplice has them – she hid your entire wardrobe."

The kitty ears were twitching more rapidly the more annoyed and impatient Adrian got. "And who was your accomplice, may I ask?"

Tash's smirk became more pronounced. "You shouldn't even need to ask – there's only one person who can hide stuff from you in your own Library. But if you want a hint, she's got big boobs, she can change her appearance at will, and she's currently laughing at you from over the video cameras."

No one had ever seen the Librarian's jaw drop so fast. "You... she... how did you find out about her?"


"Bloody hell..."

The words were muffled with awe as Tash stood at the foot of a towering mecha, blue and white in colour and with wings folded up neatly by its sides. It was so tall it filled the whole hanger. The overall effect was incredibly imposing. Tash gave a low whistle.

"I only came in for a spanner..."

"Oooh you looking for this?"

Tash gave a small, undignified scream and whirled around. For a wild moment she worried that Adrian had caught her breaking into his private hanger... before she realised that the voice was female and definitely not Adrian's.

Standing behind the now closed door, was a tall, incredibly buxom woman. She had long black hair, which was streaked with white and wore a dark blue trenchcoat. For some reason, Tash was getting a very Adrian-like vibe from her, and she took a harder look at the trenchcoat, the little green imp known as jealousy rising up for some unknown reason.

"Who are you? And why do you have one of my boyfriend's trenchcoats?"

The woman's eyes went a little wide, before a smirk crept across her face. Tash felt herself blush as she felt eyes roam across her body in a way that was anything but innocent. "So you're Tash? You're hotter than Adrian describes..."

Despite herself, Tash blushed. "So not hot...but you still haven't answered either of my questions."

"Ah, ah." The woman waggled a finger and put a hand on her hip, twirling the spanner in the other. "That's not nice…I asked first."

"Fine. Yes, I was looking for the spanner!" Tash reached for it, but the woman stepped back out of her reach and Tash's hand missed. "Hey!"

"My name is Phoenixia." The woman smirked and continued to twirl the spanner idly, violet eyes looking amusedly at her. "And that's not how we play the game, my dear. We take turns…you asked me a question and I gave you an answer…" She pointed the spanner at Tash. "So now I ask you a question and you give me an answer. Otherwise, you don't get the spanner you wanted."

Tash lifted an eyebrow. "And what's to stop me from just getting a different spanner?"

"That's against the rules, but I'll let you have a freebie…" Phoenixia smirked and gestured around them to the expanse of the hanger that was not taken up by the giant mecha. "Do you see another spanner around here?"

"Well, sure…" Tash glanced around and blinked in surprise. There were several crates along one wall, as well the door she had entered in. But there was no tool rack or box laying around, just an open tool case and the spot for the spanner was empty-meaning that it was the one in Phoenixia's hand. "I thought he had more tool kits around here…"

"Well, Adrian does." Phoenixia as she gestured up to the top of the mecha. "They are in the cockpit, but unless you want to walk eight stories worth of stairs…" She pointed to the metal stairwell that lead to the cockpit. "You're not getting another spanner."

The British girl sighed. Obviously she wasn't going to get the spanner until she played Phoenixia's game. "Alright, alright…what questions to you want to ask me?

Phoenixia smirked and she looked Tash up and down as she walked around her and Tash blushed, not used to having someone look at her like that. "You are hotter than he described…" She completed her circle and her smirk became one of someone sharing a secret. "So… is he good?"

Tash blinked. "What?"

"Adrian?" Phoenixia's smirk grew slightly naughty. "Is he any good in bed?"

"What… he… I… you… I mean…!" Tash spluttered and then regained her self, feeling her cheeks burn hotly as she blushed hard. "I don't have to answer that!"

Phoenixia's smirk grew more pronounced. "You don't have to… that told me all I need to know. I bet he leaves you tired, but oh-so satisfied when you're finished… and it takes hours for you to be finished."

"Oh, yeah…" Tash's eyes gained a slightly glazed look and her expression became vacantly happily until she snapped back to reality. "HEY!"

A laugh burst from the buxom woman and she headed for a crate, still chuckling and twirling the spanner in her hand. "You'll have to forgive me… I just couldn't have resist… well, I could've, but I chose not to… and to answer your question as to why I'm wearing your boyfriend's trenchcoat… it's not really his coat… it's a replica…" She hopped on a crate, sitting on the edge as she faced Tash.
Tash tilted her head. "He has more than one of the same coat…"

"Not exactly, dear…" Phoenixia grinned as she drew a leg up to her chest and clasped the knee and suddenly she was wearing a sexy red bikini, the top stretched so tight that Tash thought it would snap in half if she breathed to hard and her hair was suddenly a rich, honey-blond colour. "I'm a hardlight hologram, like in Star Trek or the like… there's a lot of higher-end complicated math and stuff, so I won't both explaining it…but since I'm a hologram, I can change my appearance at will…" She put a finger to her lips and looked thoughtful, as she was suddenly wearing a ball gown and her hair was a deep shade of pink that surprisingly matched the gown well. "Well, except my eyes… no matter how hard I try, they're always violet…"

"Wha…?" The British girl gaped at her. "You're a hologram, a computer program!"

"Uh-huhhhh.." The digital woman smirked and nodded. "I am… a totally sentient, fully functional computer program, completely independent from anyone's control. But don't call me an AI…." She frowned and waggled a finger at Tash. "That implies I'm an 'artificial intelligence' and that I'm man-made. Nothing could be farther from the truth." She hopped off the crate and walked towards Tash, pushing the Chief Agent's Jaw shut with a finger. "And do try to keep that closed. You wouldn't want to swallow a fly."

Tash flushed bright red in embarrassment and shifted a bit. "How…? Who…? What…? Where… I mean-?"

Phoenixia chuckled again and her outfit changed again, this time to a pair of jeans and long-sleeved black sweater and a pair of stylish glasses perched on her nose and her black hair drawn into a bun, a pair of loafers on her feet. "That's a lot of questions, but I'll be nice and count it as one…" She gestured to the giant mecha in front of them. "That, my sexy Tashy, is Adrian's Zord… the Phoenix Zord and it's where I was 'born'. It posses a synaptic uplink, which means you can control it with mind, at least to a certain degree. Thorough a…certain series of events when Adrian was linked to the Zord, I was born. So I was created from of him…except I really wasn't…" She folded her arms and pouted, Tash faintly flushing red as she realized how sexy Phoenixia made the action seem. "You know, I can download every song in existence, hack through any firewall or security program and I still can't figure out how exactly how I was created… oh, well, I guess all sentient beings have that problem."

Tapping the spanner on her palm, she turned and grinned at Tash. "Now it's my turn to ask a question." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "So… how long did you think you could keep your project secret from Adrian?"

Tash tried her best to look innocent, but knew she was failing. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

The other woman snorted in disbelief. "Yeah right… so those parts you've secretly taking from the supplies, all those nights sneaking around with Emily, the tired mornings, trying secretly look at blueprints when you're supposed to working… all of that is in our heads?"

The British girl struggled to not let her jaw drop again. She knew Adrian always had an uncanny ability to know where she was in the Library and somehow always knew more about what was going on in the Library than he really let on, but she had thought she managed to pull one over him finally… with a few key pets to the ears to help her on the way. "How did you know…?"

Phoenixia smiled and clasped her hands behind her back, her outfit changing into a skirted-schoolgirl one, complete with blue ribbon around her neck, hazelnut hair trailing to her knees rocking back and forth on her heels. "Adrian is good at learning things you'd rather him not know, but even he can't be everywhere…" Her eyes twinkled. "And I do get awfully bored around here some days…."

Tash blinked. "Adrian has his sentient computer program spying for him… somehow, this does not surprise me at all…"

"I'm not his, per se. I do have free will. However, Adrian is one of the few individuals in the multiverse I find truly interesting and he and I have been together for centuries and I really don't see that changing anytime soon." Phoenixia replied, still rocking on her heels and smiling. "And while I can't go everywhere in the Library, as I need holoprojectors to move from room to room, I can work through the Library's computers and keep an eye on things that way."

The green imp of jealously, who had been lounging in the back of Tash's mind, gleefully got over being ignored and pushed his way up front. "You've known him for centuries... and change your appearance… and you've been alone with him all this time…"

"So you think he and I…" Phoenixia stopped rocking on her heels and raised an eyebrow. "Once upon a time, it could have been… but that was several centuries ago. Any passion and romance we had has changed into nothing more than a strong platonic love." She smiled and Tash was surprised at how sincere and heartwarming it was. "Adrian loves you… more than anything or anyone."

"Oh…" Tash flushed red and played with her hair, decidedly embarrassed. "I just thought… I mean… I know, that with how long he's lived, Adrian could have past girlfriends and I promised myself I'd try to be understanding…" She flushed more and shifted sheepishly. "I feel so bad for being jealous…"

Phoenixia smiled warmly and cupped Tash's cheek, looking into her eyes and Tash was once again strongly reminded of Adrian. "Don't feel bad… it's a natural reaction. It would be more concerning if you weren't ever jealous. Just remember, you're the one who's driven his nightmares way." She suddenly smirked sexily and trailed her hand down Tash's cheek and arm. "Of course… if you need proof… I'm certain the three of us could get together and have some fun… he'd definitely make sure you knew you were number one in his life…" She smirked more and her eyes gained a twinkle to them. "And I know I could help with that… being able to change how I look certainly has it's advantages…"

Tash blushed really red, swearing her cheeks were on fire. "It's an interesting idea, but I really don't think I'm really ready or…" Then she glared a bit as Phoenixia started chuckling, obviously struggling to hold back full-blown laughter. "Would you stop that!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry… well, a little anyway…" The busty woman managed to regain control of herself. "And like you said, the idea's interesting… but I'm not to ruin a good thing by sticking my nose into it…" She cupped her breasts and hefted them a bit. "Well, these would probably beat my nose into anything… would you like to find out?"

"Stop making me blush!"

This time, Phoenixia burst out laughing, even as her outfit and hair changed back to the one Tash had originally seen her in. "Adrian is right! You are sooooo cute when you blush! And rather hot, too…"

"Nnnnnnnn…!" Tash growled/sighed and wondered if her face was going to say permanently blushed or she'd die from it first.

"She's definitely like Adrian… they just know how to nettle me!" she thought.

Phoenixia reigned herself in, still chuckling a bit. "Alright, alright… we've had enough fun…" The pair started for the door, the black/white haired woman still twirling the spanner in her hand. "I need you to me a favor, Tash… can you not tell the others about Adrian's hanger or me?"

"Well, sure…" Tash tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "But why?"

"It's just that in our experiences, both Adrian and I have realized that's it's a good idea to have some secrets stay that way. Gives one more options and an ace in the hole. Pluuusss…" Phoenixia grinned and twirled a lock of her hair around her finger. "According to Adrian, some of the Agents are bi and I'd be rather tempted to test that out… and he doesn't wanted love-tired Agents risking themselves on missions.."

Tash blushed and sighed. "Do you have to turn everything into innuendo, Phoenixia?"

Phoenixia stroked a length of her hair and looked deceptively innocent. "Nope… I just think it's fun… I'm just pure and chaste…"

The British Agent snorted. "Yeah… and I'm not crazy." She blinked as the spanner was suddenly thrust in her face and she took it, with a slightly confused look on her face. "Oh, thank you…"

"You're welcome…" Phoenixia smiled and gently pushed Tash towards the door. "And when you get the chance, tell Emily that I miss talking to her… she's really good with machines for her age and she and Adrian have that project, too…"

"Hey, you've met Emily? And what project? And why haven't we met you until now?" Tash squeaked as she was pushed out the door over her protesting questions and she turned back around, blinking in surprise as she found the door was no longer there. And she didn't remember how she got into the hanger in the first place. "Bwa… I'll never be able to figure this bloody Library out…"


"I will kill her..." Adrian muttered.

"Wouldn't that be a form of suicide, though?" Tash asked innocently, before stalking closer to her boyfriend, swaying her hips and causing the coins to jingle. "Don't be mad...I think you look great in this outfit..."

"Of course you do," Adrian scoffed, but he was finding it hard to keep his eyes on her face, when her hips were giving such a good show.

Smirking, Tash pressed herself against him. "Keep it on. For me?" She kissed him briefly. "Please?"

For a second, it looked as though Adrian would give in. Unfortunately, Michael could hold his laughter back no longer, and chose this moment to burst into loud hysterics. Claire and Miriku followed shortly afterwards, and Adrian's face went bright pink. With a small meow, he morphed into a fluffy white kitten, leaped onto the table, and then up again onto Tash's shoulder, and attempted to bury his face in her neck to block out the laughing.

"Dude... whiskers suit you," Michael choked out. Tash gave a giggle and took advantage of Adrian's embarrassment to snap a small violet collar around his neck.

"My kitten," she declared, picking him off her shoulder and cuddling him to her chest. "And now everyone knows I- ADRIAN! Get out from my shirt!"

For the bundle of white fur had wriggled out of her grasp, and slithered like a snake down the top of Tash's shirt, causing the coins to jingle merrily. Michael and Claire sank onto the sofa, howling with laughter, and Miriku had gone a strange shade of pink, and was doubled over clutching her sides as the co-leader collapsed into a giggling fit on the floor.

"Never underestimate the Super-Kitty!" Adrian thought to himself, before curling up in embarrassment. "I need a better name..."


Emily was struggling to her teeth into this toffee apple. The fruit was too wide for her to be allowed to take anything more than a nibble, and doing so left her lips and nose all sticky from where she had to mash them into the toffee in order to take a bite. What she really needed was a knife, but who had ever heard of cutting toffee apples up?



Emily giggled as she heard Valerie's complaints, and she seized a plate from the table and ducked underneath the cheap paper table cloth.

"Burger? They're really cool! They've got little cocktail sticks with tiny plastic skulls on the end stuck through them!"


Stacey and Danielle pouted, as Emily's head appeared from beneath the table. Terrie noticed her first, and gave her a hand up, shaking long blue hair out of her eyes. She was dressed in a grey shirt, and blue tie, with long black armguards, a short black skirt and thigh high boots. Emily frowned for a minute, before snapping her fingers.

"Miku Hatsune, right Terrie?"

"Right!" the older girl nodded, pleased that she had been recognised. On her other side, Valerie smiled at the presence of the ten year old technician, especially when she held up the plate she had swiped.

"Reese's Cups?" she offered, knowing that the healer could not resist the peanut butter chocolate cups. Sure enough, Valerie, who was dressed all in black, with a burgundy cloak, immediately took one.

"Thank you Emily," she smiled, popping the chocolate into her mouth and allowing a blissful expression to bloom. Her white contact lenses were temporarily obscured as she closed her eyes to savour the taste. "Much better than fast food..."

Emily looked at the table, then over to Valerie, and then at the Reese's Cups, and back again, thinking very hard. Finally she gave the plate of chocolate to the healer, picked up the fattest burger she could see (bacon, cheese and lots of barbecue sauce), and began to eat. A small moan escaped her as she took the first bite.

"You're missing out," she informed Valerie, who rolled her eyes.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Monika chided. Emily blinked very slowly at her, before swallowing.

"I love the costumes guys," she added, blinking some more at Monika. "I didn't even know you could pull off dressing as a rainbow."

Monika giggled and bounced a little on the spot, causing Emily's eyes to water from the colour.

"Let's not stick you on the bouncy castle," Stacey suggested. She was wearing an elegant looking Chinese dress, and her hair was pulled back with two chopsticks speared through the centre. She was also fiddling with a camera, and was clearly fighting the urge to race around the room and snap photographs of everyone. True to the conversation, Monika was bouncy enough without the giant inflatable entertainment that had somehow been wedged into the room.

"It's not a bouncy castle, it's a bouncy jack-o-lantern," Emily corrected. "And don't ask me where Harriet got it from," she said quickly, as Danielle opened her mouth to ask just that. "I have no idea."

Danielle nodded in understanding. She was dressed in what appeared to be sixteen century formal attire – men's formal attire. No one had been brave enough to ask why she was crossdressing. "But if I were to guess, I'd say it was hired on the Society's budget?"

"You know her too well," Emily admitted, licking barbecue sauce off her lips. A loud shriek across the room caught the group's attention, and Stacey raced off, wielding her camera like some kind of weapon.

"What's going on over there?" Terrie asked, craning her neck and trying to see over people's heads (not an easy task even with platform boots).

Valerie pulled a face as she got a sense of what was going on over there. "At a guess, I'd say Adrian's molesting Tash... or possibly the other way around...but given that it was Tash who screamed..."

Danielle giggled loudly, and Stacey and Terrie both looked curious.

"How can you tell?" Stacey asked. "I can't feel it that strongly..."

"I know them too well," Valerie insisted. "Trust me."

"...he's... molesting her?" Emily's ten year old mind struggled to keep up with the conversation. When it finally clicked, she pulled a face. "Eeeew!"


"Umm..." Harriet paused in the action of taking a slice of pizza. "I hesitate to ask, but who are you?"

The fae turned slowly around, her own plate containing what appeared to be half the sushi that had been prepared for the party. "Umm... I'm Aster, Harriet-san."

Harriet resisted the urge to slam her face into her hand, but that would have involved an unnecessary waste of cider. "I know who you are, Aster. I was asking who you are."

She waved a hand at Aster's costume, which consisted of a navy blue skirt and blazer, black shoes and socks, a white shirt and a burgundy necktie. Her hair, which was normally tied up, was loose around her face.

"Oooh," Aster looked down at her clothes, and smiled. "I'm Tsuchimiya Kagura... didn't you recognise me?" she frowned. "We covered Ga-rei in my anime classes the other week."

Harriet could almost feel the metre ruler whacking against the back of her skull again and she took a sip of cider to soothe the ache. "Oh yeah... it all just came screaming back to me."

Satisfied, Aster took a good look at her superior. "What are you dressed as Harriet-san? Are you trying to be a demon?"

The leader's face morphed into despair. "No Aster, I'm a kangaroo!"

"Oooh... I see. I thought you were a demon because you were trashing everything with your tail earlier..."

"No I wasn't!" Harriet's voice had turned whiney, but fortunately for both of them, Aster had suddenly become very interested in the chocolate cookies (with spider webs drawn on them in icing), and so Harriet flounced off.

"Something wrong Harriet?"

The leader turned to see Jess, dressed as a ghostly Moulin Rouge dancer. Once again, her boobs were being heavily emphasised with the help of a corset. The force of her turn however, sent her tail sweeping under the feet of Karissa and Charis. Karissa, who was dressed as a ninja from Final Fantasy III, jumped clean over the tail, and landed softly back on both feet. Charis however, went sprawling ungracefully to the floor. Harriet turned to see the Quistis Trepe cosplayer on the floor.

"Oops! Sorry Charis."

"Harriet, have you thought about changing your outfit?" Jess asked, as the floored technician rose slowly to her feet.

"No!" the leader pouted. "It took me ages to find this outfit!"


"No... no... no!"

Emily kicked her feet back and forth in the air, turning the page of All Out Cricket slowly, as her mentor huffed and shoved the outfits back on the rail they belonged. After Harriet's initial suggestion to have a party had been voted on and carried at the weekly meeting, the Leader had decided her next task was to find herself a costume... predictably however...

"Argh! None of these are right!"

Emily sighed. "Harriet, the Library has access to millions of costumes, in various colours, and different sizes. Why is it taking you so long to find something you like when you can potentially go as ANYTHING?"

"Its because I can go as anything that I'm having trouble!" Harriet growled, kicking over a stack of headdresses, that corresponded to the outfits on this particular rail.

"Adrian is going to make you tidy those, you know?" Emily remarked casually, not looking up from the magazine. Harriet shot her a filthy look, and went back to pulling the costumes out and inspecting them.

"I wonder why Adrian even HAS all these outfits, anyway?" Emily asked thoughtfully.

"I don't know," Harriet called. "Undercover missions?"

Emily tilted her head to one side in further thought. "Even on those missions though he still wears trenchcoats. And even if he did use these for going undercover, what about the ladies clothes? And why in so many sizes?"

"I FOUND IT!" Harriet did not appear to be listening any longer. Instead she had pulled out, what looked like a large suit of brown fur. The closest thing Emily had ever seen to it was the hairy-brown suit worn by Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies. Then she got a look at the face in the bag and realised what it was.

"Are you sure Harriet?"

"Its perfect!" the leader was declaring, and Emily sighed and went back to the magazine.

"This will only end in tears..."


A lithe figure slipped into the room, approaching the desk and chair with a sway of her hips. Her long purple hair was being repeatedly tucked behind her ears in a manner which bordered on flirty. Seated at a desk, the only piece of furniture in the room, was a skinny young man, with vibrant blue eyes, and snow white hair. Both of them were impeccably beautiful.

"Did you do it?" the young man questioned. The girl bobbed her head for a reply, and the man chuckled.

"Excellent...then sooner or later, the Society shall come looking for us. And then we shall have our revenge!"

"You're very cliché-sounding, you know?"

"Shut up and go administer the spell... the quicker they figure out what is going on, the quicker you and I can have our fun."

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Insert ET-Infested Pyramid of Death Here

Drake yawned and rolled over. He grunted as something slammed into his ribs. His eyes snapped open. Ekard grinned down at him.

The Elimination Society agent rolled to his feet and faced his doppelganger, fists clenched. Ekard calmly stepped back.

It took Drake's mind a few seconds to recall his last few memories. He had brought the top of the Megacorp arena down on Super-Sue, though he was caught in the wreckage as well. Later, Ekard had found him and knocked him out.

He waited for Ekard to morph into his armor, but when he didn't, quickly glanced at his surroundings. Gray stone formed the walls, ceiling, and floor. Carvings covered every inch of surface, both of ancient characters and creatures that Drake recognized.

"Welcome to the Alien versus Predator fandom," Ekard spoke up.

"Why am I here?" Drake asked, glaring at his counterpart. He glanced down at his wrist. The blue and silver bracelet that was his armor's inactive form still adorned his arm. "And how come I'm not covered in bruises and such?"

"You're here so I can watch you die," Ekard said, leaning against the wall. "I figured you would appreciate dying in one of your favorite fandoms-"

"AvP isn't one of my favs," Drake scoffed. "The first couple of Alien movies are better."

"And you're not injured because I used my Society's healing machines on you," Ekard continued. "It would be no fun watching you fight for your life when you're already half dead."

"You have healing machines?" Drake asked.

"Obviously, we can get equipment from hundreds of different fandoms," Ekard said. "Don't tell me the Elimination Society is still using real life medicine."


"Anyway…" Ekard pulled out his plothole generator. "Good luck surviving the pyramid."

He opened a plothole and leapt through it before Drake could react. "Hey, wait is it Halloween yet? Did I miss the Society's Halloween party?"


"Why did he have to pick tonight to go missing?" Ben asked as he stared at the screen. The Society had been monitoring the fandoms in shifts, looking for any kind of distortion that could be their missing agent.

"Well, you know what he would do if it was one of us that was missing and he was here," Tyler said.

"He'd keep looking until he found us?" Ben ventured.

"No, once the party started, he'd forget about us and go have a good time," Tyler said. "I propose that's what we should. He'd have wanted it that."

They stared at the screens in silence for a moment, then both turned and dashed from the room.


Drake glanced around as he trekked through the pyramid. He jumped at every little sound and blinked when he thought he saw the air rippling.

The sound of metal scraping over stone came from behind him and he spun around to find a green haired teenager charging down the corridor, dragging a pair of swords against the wall. He leapt back as the Stu swung a sword at him.

"Wardrobe Change!" Drake shouted, raising his arm. His bracelet flashed brightly, obscuring his form in a blue glow, which faded to reveal his armor. "Just one of you? Shouldn't canon fodder attack in groups?"

The Stu bellowed a war cry and darted forward. Drake ducked under the first swing of his sword and twisted around several more. His spear appeared in a flash and he blocked an overhead attack from both swords. He shoved against the swords, sending their wielder stumbling back. He ducked and swung his spear at the Stu's feet, but his opponent leapt over top of him.

Drake spun around, only to meet a sword thrust to the chest. He grunted as it managed to penetrate his armor, knocking him back.

"Slicing Gale!" Drake exclaimed, swinging his spear through the air. Three crescents of wind magic went flying at the Stu, but he sliced through the attack with his swords.

The combatants charged at each other, their weapons met in a loud clash, sending sparks flying. They broke apart and Drake thrust his spear forward. The Stu blocked with a sword and swung the other. Drake raised his free arm and the sword struck his armored wrist rather than his head.

Drake's spear vanished and his opponent suddenly found himself off balance. The spear reappeared and Drake thrust it forward, only for his adversary to leap away. His weapon vanished again.

"Giving up?" the Stu asked.

"No, I just thought I'd let the carnivorous alien behind you finish you off for me," Drake replied.

"Ha! I'm not falling for that old…" he trailed off as a soft hiss sounded close to his ear. He slowly turned around. The large black alien reared up. Its boney tail swishing behind it. Its eyeless gaze locked on the Stu's head. The banana-shaped head descended towards the Stu, its tongue shooting out.

"Yuck!" Drake exclaimed stepping back as red and pink gore splattered against in the floor.

The Stu's body turned into motes of yellow light. The alien hissed as its prey vanished and turned to stare at Drake. The human stepped back as two more aliens appeared behind the first.

"Bollocks," Drake muttered as the aliens slowly advanced towards him.

The pyramid rumbled and the walls began moving. A hallway opened behind Drake and he quickly turned and ran for it. The aliens hissed and leapt after him. Pillars descended from the ceiling and Drake had to leap out of the way to avoid one crushing him. One of the aliens slammed headfirst into another pillar.

The end of the hall was closing as two pieces of stone slid together. Drake leapt through the door, rolling across the floor as he landed and spun around. The lead alien leapt through the door just before it closed.
Drake scrambled back as the alien swung a clawed hand at him. He jumped to his feet and stepped forward, slamming a kick into the alien's maw. It hissed in pain as the blow snapped its head around.

"You shouldn't try to eat someone with magic power armor," Drake said. He took a few seconds to glance around the room for a means of escape.

The alien reacted quickly, leaping at him before he finished scanning the area. He managed to wrap an arm around the alien's throat as it landed on him. His back slammed against the wall, cracking the stone as the alien's claws dug into his armor. Its head slowly moved towards his face, despite him trying to force it back. A jaw-tipped tongue shot from its mouth, snapping closed an inch from Drake's visor.

He removed his arm from the alien's throat and quickly slammed a punch into its face. The blow wasn't particularly powerful, but it still knocked the alien back. He drew his arm back for another shot.

"Storm Punch!" His fist glowed with crackling blue energy as it struck the alien's jaws, green blood sprayed from its mouth as it fell onto its back. Flecks of blood struck Drake's arm and helmet, eating through the metal like acid.

He pulled off his helmet and threw it to the side. He glanced down at his arm, there was no way he could remove the armor there, so he had no choice, but to watch as the acid smoked. He gritted his teeth as he felt his flesh burning. A moment later the pain subsided as the blood lost its acidic qualities. The armored agent sighed.


Raven leapt to the side as a spiked-covered ball flew towards his head. The ball imbedded itself in the wall behind him. Super-Sue yanked on the ball's chain and pulled the weapon back to her, swinging it over her head.

She swung the flail forward, but Raven vanished in a blur, reappearing behind her. He swung his demonic blade, but she leapt forward, pulling on the chain and sending the ball flying back at him. The gothic Stu thrust an arm forward, a barrier of dark energy appearing in front of him. The flail slammed into it and shattered the magic; the backlash sent Raven flying across the room.

Super-Sue landed on top of Raven and swung her fist towards his head. She stopped short of slamming his head into the stone floor. "I win."

"I believe the rules stated that the winner was the one to draw first blood," Raven said, moving his red streaked sword into view.

She gasped and reached an arm around to feel her back. The wound Raven had inflicted had already healed, but the tear in her clothing remained.

"Fine, at least this idiotic fight is over," Super-Sue scoffed stepping back.

Raven pushed himself to his feet. "If one doesn't keep his skills sharp in times of peace, he'll be ill prepared when he really needs to fight for his life."

"Whatever," his creation scoffed and turned away.

His sword vanished in a cloud of dark energy as Raven snorted. He needed to do something about Super-Sue's attitude, she was behaving just like a common Mary Sue and he couldn't have that.


Drake waited ten minutes before the pyramid reconfigured again and he could leave the room. He stepped out glancing around wearily.

A pale spider-like creature leapt at his face, eight legs stretched wide. His weapon of choice appeared in his hands and he thrust it forward. The facehugger impaled itself on the spear tip. Drake pushed the alien off the end of the spear and held the tip up to his face. The acidic blood had eaten the sharp point clean off.

A curse word came to mind, but before he could utter it, a figure leapt from around a corner and flung something at him. He yelped and ducked as the large throwing star flew over his unprotected head.

The predator hissed from behind its silver mask. Armor sparsely covered its muscular humanoid body. Dreadlocks adorned its head. Two serrated blades extended from the gauntlet on its left hand.

"Which one are you? Chopper or Celtic?" Drake asked. "Not that it matters, both of you died rather quickly in the movie, let's see how long you last in my fanfic."

He charged at the alien, swinging his ruined spear at it. The predator swung up its wrist blades and sliced the spear shaft in half. Drake gasped in surprise and barely managed to leap back in time as the predator drew back for a second attack.

He tossed the remains of his spear to the side. Celtic stepped after him, swinging his wrist blades. Drake swung up his cape, the fabric hardening into a silvery shield. The alien metal tore through his hardened cape with ease and sliced through the armor beneath. The Society agent yelped in pain and leapt back, cradling his bleeding arm.

Celtic raised his arm for the finishing blow, but a black body tackled him from the side. The alien and predator struggled on the ground, but finally Celtic managed to throw the reptilian monster off.

Drake slammed a kick into the back of the predator's head as he tried to stand. The blow knocked him back to the floor. The alien swung its spike tipped tail at the human. Drake turned to the side, but the stinger still glanced off his shoulder. He grabbed the tail and yanked, pulling the alien closer. He slammed a fist into its head as its claws, slashed at his chest.

A hand gripped his ankle and the predator yanked his feet out from under him. The predator scored a hit with its wrist blades across the alien's chest. The green blood melted through the blades, rendering them useless.

Celtic drew a silver staff from his back. It extended into a spear. He thrust it down at Drake's chest, but he rolled out of the way. The alien swung its tail at Celtic, but he blocked with his spear.

Drake leapt over both creatures and charged for the exit. The predator and alien were too intent on each to care about the fleeing human.


Marion grunted as she stood on her toes, trying to reach the vile of green liquid on the shelf above her.

"What's taking so long?" Raven exclaimed as he threw open the door to the room.

The pink haired Sue yelped in surprise and somehow managed to fall over, slamming against the shelf and knocking it over. It landed on a counter, preventing it from crushing Marion, but the vials of chemicals still went falling to the floor, shattering. Miraculously none of the potentially deadly serums landed on her.

Raven released an exasperated growl and slammed a palm against his face. "Couldn't you have gotten a stool?"

"You wouldn't let me into the storage room after the Splinter Incident," Marion shot back.

He sighed as he stepped over and pushed the shelf back up right. Marion quickly scurried away. Several puddles of liquid had mixed and were melting through the floor.

"Can't you do anything right?" Raven asked her.

"What about that hole I sewed up in your trench coat?" she asked.

"You used pink thread."


Drake stopped and leaned against the wall, gasping for breath. He glanced up and found himself staring down the corridor that led to the pyramid's exit. Relief washed over him as he charged for the exit, took the steps down from the temple entrance three at a time, and almost slid across the floor of the icy cavern.

"Going somewhere?" Ekard asked as he stepped out from behind a stalagmite.

Drake slid to a stop and glared at his counterpart. "It couldn't be easy, could it?"

"Now, I'll finally put an end to your interference," the Protection Society agent raised his arm. A flash of red light blinded Drake for a moment. When he looked back, Ekard was covered head to toe in his red and gold armor. "Shall we?"

Drake leapt forward, swinging a kick for Ekard's chest. He rolled under the blow. Drake spun around and threw a punch, which his counterpart easily blocked. Ekard retaliated with a blow to the chest that dented Drake's damaged armor.

"Drought Kick!" Ekard exclaimed, hitting a stalagmite with a roundhouse kick. The magic-charged blow shattered the ice and sent it flying forward. Drake threw up his arms to shield his face as shards of ice slammed into him. Ekard charged forward and slammed a fist into his gut. He doubled over in pain and an elbow slammed down on his back, knocking him to the floor.

A string of loud beeps sounded from Ekard's wrist. "Oops, looks like the movie is about to reach its finale."

He glanced down at his opponent's motionless body. Deciding to let Drake perish in the explosion the protagonists would set off; he pulled out his plothole generator. With a squeeze of its trigger, a plothole tore open in front of him. Drake suddenly scrambled to his feet, slammed into his twin and sent both falling into the portal.

They crashed into the snow. The plothole generator flew from Ekard's grasp and landed a few feet away. Drake pushed himself up, but Ekard slammed an elbow into his gut and kicked him back.

Drake slowly stood up. He glanced down at the abandoned fishing village below them, wondering why Ekard had chosen to teleport here, rather than go back to his own base.

"Still conscious, eh?" his doppelganger asked as he stood up. He pulled a red cell phone from behind his back, flicking it open. He hit four buttons on it.

"Jet Sliger come closer," the phone droned in an electronic voice.

A large red vehicle exploded out of the snowdrift behind Ekard. The rocket-shaped Jet Sliger turned, a burst of fire from its side booster helping to steady it. Ekard back flipped into the vehicle's open cockpit.

"Where did you get one of those from?" Drake shouted.

"It was easy enough," Ekard replied. "We just scrapped up the remains of the two Jet Sligers destroyed during the course of Kamen Rider Fiaz and went from there."

The front assembly of the vehicle slid open as Ekard hit a button. Four missiles loaded themselves into either side of the opening. The projectiles shot forward, each splitting into eight smaller missiles as they went. Drake leapt as the missiles near him, several missiles struck him, detonating the ones next to them. The resulting fireball sent him flying back, crashing into a snowdrift. His armor was scorched black and covered in damage.

Laughing maniacally, Ekard guided his craft over the frozen landscape. He lined up with his target and fired a blast of energy from the Jet Sliger's Photon Cannon. Drake rolled backwards and the blast struck his indentation in the snow.

He leapt forward, landing on the front of the vehicle. The Photon Cannon fired again, but Drake had already made a second leap and landed behind the cockpit. Ekard made to stand up, but a kick slammed into his back, knocking him against the controls. He growled and spun his upper body around. Summoning his spear, he swept Drake's feet out from under him.

Drake crashed down on the vehicle as Ekard raised the spear. He thrust the spear down, but his target slid down to cling to the side of the vehicle.

Swearing in frustration, Ekard turned back to the controls and raised the Jet Sliger into the air. The craft descended over the edge of the cliff and turned around. Drake glanced back at the wall of ice. Ekard chuckled and then slammed the side of the Jet Sliger into the wall. The Society Agent pulled himself back on top of the vehicle just in time.

"Oh, will you just die?" Ekard growled as he stood up and turned around.

He swung his spear, but Drake ducked under it. As the weapon swung back towards him, he grabbed hold of it. Ekard yanked on the spear, Drake stumbled forward and punched Ekard with his free hand. The Protection Society agent lost hold of his spear and slipped off the Jet Sliger, grabbing hold of its side.

Before Ekard to summon the spear out of Drake's grip, he slammed it point first into the controllers. The console sparked and the engine whirred as the vehicle began to lose altitude. Drake flung himself at the cliff face, grabbing hold of the uneven surface.

A massive blue fireball exploded from the middle of the frozen town, extending outwards. Drake gasped as he saw it and began climbing. The explosion advanced too fast though and Drake soon found it bearing down on him.


The Jet Sliger lay in a ruined heap somewhere in a hanger. Ekard groaned as he jumped down from the wreckage.

"I guess it's a good thing you installed a Plothole Generator on that," Relyt frowned at the ash-covered Ekard.

He groaned in reply, his armor dispersing into motes of red light. "I pictured that ending differently in my mind."

"Why didn't you just outright kill him?" Relyt asked.

"Because it wouldn't have been any fun!" Ekard shouted, throwing up his arms. "When I finally kill him, it will be on my terms. Not because I found him abandoned under a pile of rubble by someone else."

"Dude, I think you should seek therapy," Relyt said bluntly.

"What was that?" Ekard asked, shooting a glare at the shorter agent. "Do you want me to booby trap the refrigerator again?"

Relyt shook his head fearfully.

"I thought not."


"So how did you avoid the explosion?" Tyler asked.

Drake took a bite of pizza. His Halloween costume was a perfect replica of David Xanatos' battle armor from Gargoyles. He regretted choosing it now since the tail and wings made it impossible to sit down anywhere other than the floor. After having his injuries tended to, he had gone to grab a costume as fast as he could and get to the party. "I'd rather not discuss that."



The explosion struck the cliff, sending Drake flying into the air, smoke trailing him. He bellowed a yell that would have made Goofy proud as gravity kicked in and he dropped face first into the snow.

"Bollocks," he muttered. He pushed himself up, pausing as he wondered if he was spending too much time around Tash. Resolving to use swearwords of a more American variety, the armored agent trekked through the snow, approaching his counterpart's dropped plothole generator.

Drake picked up the device and adjusted its settings. He prayed that he could use it to get back to the Library.


"Has that been happening all night?" Drake asked as he took a sip of soda.

"The flashbacks?" Tash asked, looking up from petting Adrian's kitty form. "Yep, we've been having a lot of them."

"Maybe I'll get a flashback of that time I replaced the Society Agent Entrance Exams with my own insanity ridden version of them," Drake smirked.

"That was you?" Tash glared at him.

"I think I'll go see how the Twister game is progressing…" Drake edged away from the angry Society leader.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Insert Walking Arsenal of Death Here

Adrian clung tightly to the bag of candy in his hand. With Halloween approaching, it was getting even harder to keep the other agents from stealing his precious collection of sweets. He glanced back down the hall. The hallway was lined with cardboard boxes, which were going to be moved upstairs and the Halloween decorations within unpacked.

Just a little farther and I can hide this, Adrian thought as he turned and continued on his way. One of the boxes lifted up and crept after him. Adrian paused, the box quickly stopped moving and dropped back to the floor, Adrian spun around a moment later.

The Librarian frowned. He turned and took several steps, before spinning around and finding the box had moved a few feet forward. He nodded to himself and reached for a torch hanging on the wall. He twisted the torch down and a mechanical click sounded.

"Oh, crap," the box's occupant muttered as the trapdoor opened. Drake screamed as gravity took effect.


"For the last time, no," Raven stared sternly at the Amazonian Sue.

Super-Sue still possessed her rainbow colored hair, but she was less muscular than during her last encounter with the Society (and the readers). She had also switched to wearing just a bright red bodysuit and had tied her long hair into a ponytail.

"I don't want to go to the Ratchet and Clank fandom," Super-Sue whined. "There aren't any handsome protagonists or villains to date there. Except maybe Quark, but he's kind of stupid and old."

"We have to make sure the modifications I made to you were effective," Raven sighed. "And we're doing it in that fandom, whether you like it or not. You can get a boyfriend after we've accomplished my evil plan."

Super-Sue glared at Raven, then turned and stormed out of his office.

The villain Stu sighed and leaned back in his incredibly comfortable, yet stylishly evil chair. "Darn experiments. You grow them from a few cells, give them the best test tube available, feed them, clothe them, and how do they repay you?"

"Hey, it's all part of being an evil genius," Marion said, pausing in her dusting to smile at her boss.

"Oh, shut up," Raven sighed.


"I'd better not miss the party because of this," Drake muttered as he shoved a large silver gun into a nondescript backpack. The pack seemed to suck the gun into itself and didn't get any larger. Drake already had several weapons from the Society armory crammed into it. He normally wouldn't have bothered with weaponry, but since he was heading for the Ratchet and Clank fandom, he thought it would a good idea to make an exception for once. "I haven't even picked out a costume yet."

"You've got plenty of time," Tyler pointed out. "The only way you'll miss the party is if you run into big trouble and end up in a hospital bed for a couple of weeks."

"That seems to have been happening quite a lot lately…" Drake frowned.

He slung the backpack over his shoulders and pulled out his Plothole Generator.

"If I'm not back in half an hour, wait another half an hour," Drake opened a plothole and leapt through it. He exited the plothole and immediately sank up to his sneakers in mud.

He groaned and glanced around. He was on planet Joba in the Bogon Galaxy of the second game. It was a tropical rainforest sort of planet with the occasional presence of technology. The opening to what was probably a bunker stood just behind him. He frowned, swearing this place looked familiar, but not quite placing it.

The hum of an engine reached his ears and he spun around as a crowd of hoverbikes raced towards him. Drake quickly realized he was in the middle of a racetrack.

"Wardrobe Change," Drake commanded as the leader bore down on him. His armor materialized in a flash of light as Drake leapt onto the front of the approaching bite, he leapt off it, kicked off the shoulder of the second place biker, and grabbed the low branch of a tree. He sighed and hauled himself onto the branch, his armor vanishing as soon as he was securely atop it.

Drake wasted several seconds trying to find a way off the racecourse. Unfortunately, the way they were constructed in video games meant you couldn't leave one until the race was over or you opened the pause menu and quit. Drake pulled out a Playstation controller and went with the second option.

"I knew this thing would come in handy," Drake chuckled as he tossed the controller up and down.

A floating blank screen caught his attention. After glancing around and determining that this had not been a part of the game's canon he approached it. The screen flickered on and a short pink haired girl Drake had never seen before appeared against a black background.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked glancing to the right off the screen.

"Just read the card!" a voice hissed quietly from off screen.

"Okay," Marion glanced down and read. "Haha! Foolish Society Agent! I have conquered this fandom. If you wish to try and thwart my powers of perfection, then I challenge you to fight me at the Megacorp Arena!"

She glanced to her left and smiled. "How was that?"

Drake sighed as the screen blinked off. "This is not what I wanted to be doing with my Halloween. Couldn't the Sues at least take holidays off?"

He turned and started in the direction of the arena. It didn't take long for him to run into a pack of natives. The blue aliens were tall and humanoid with long necks and large, tusk-like teeth. They wore red armor including a helmet that reminded Drake of those worn by World War I pilots. They wielded swords and laser guns. A large purple two-legged creature trotted around with one of the aliens astride its back.

Taking cover around a corner, Drake removed his backpack and pulled a large silvery weapon out of it. He tossed it to the side and pulled out a light saber. He chucked this away as well.

"Aha!" he yanked out a remote controlled monster truck and set it down. He removed some duct tape and several pounds of C4 from the pack, strapped the C4 to the truck and pulled out the remote control and the detonator. He carefully drove the car around the corner and towards the group of aliens. One of the creatures noticed the toy and stopped to pick it up. He grunted in his native tongue and the rest of the group came to examine his bizarre discovery.

"Yes!" Drake hit the detonator and the C4 exploded. Pieces of armor and alien gore shot everywhere. Drake leaned around the corner and saw a massive blackened crater where the aliens had been. "Note to self, four pounds of C4 may be a bit excessive."

He stuffed his supplies back into the pack and stepped around the corner. He spent a few minutes on platform puzzles that I won't bore you with describing. As he hauled himself up the last ledge, he sighed as he spotted another group of aliens. One noticed him and let out an alarm cry. The tribe charged at him with weapons raised.

Drake reached into his backpack and drew out a random weapon. He pulled the trigger and balls of blue paint splattered against the creatures. The unharmed aliens stopped and laughed at his ineffective weapon. Drake glanced down at the Paintinator. He tossed the paint gun to the side and pulled out another weapon. This one was to a pistol what a pistol was to a machine gun. The aliens nearly fell onto the ground as they laughed hysterically.

"You guys obviously never saw Men in Black," Drake remarked before pulling the trigger. The recoil from the shot sent him flying back into the air several feet and straight off the edge he had just climbed.


A grappling hook buried itself in the hard metal of the arena dome. Drake tugged on the line to make sure it was secure. Satisfied, Drake took hold of the rope and leapt off the edge. He yelled as he swung towards the wall of rock. He crashed into the wall with a loud smack. "No pain, no reign of terror."

With the touch of a button, the grappling hook retracted. Drake hummed as he was slowly hauled to safety. He sighed as his feet found solid ground. He pulled a crowbar out of his backpack and approached the wall.
The Sue's horrible acting didn't fool him. Going in the front way would surely lead to a trap. All those months breaking into Adrian's sweet storehouses was about to pay off! He stabbed the point of the crowbar against the arena's metal. A loud mechanical hum sounded and Drake vanished in a flash of green light.


Raven slouched against the railing of the arena bleachers. Marion was sitting next to him, eating from a large bucket of popcorn. She was munching very audibly. Raven had quit glancing over at her after meeting his first sight of chewed-up yellow mush. Super-Sue was standing at one end of the arena, impatiently twirling her hair.

A flash of light blazed and faded to reveal a puzzled Drake still clutching his crowbar.

"Ah, Drake! So glad you could join us!" Raven exclaimed as he stood up. "Welcome to the first live test of Super-Sue Version 7.8."

"You planned this whole thing?" Drake asked, tossing the crowbar aside.

"Yes, after I realized my lab assistant lacked acting skills," he shot a sideways glance at Marion. "I set up a teleportation trap around the whole stadium. All so you could experience the power of my revamped creation."

"Now, prepare to die," Super-Sue smirked.

"Wow, she talks now," Drake gasped. "Just token bad-guy phrases, but it's an improvement over the silent, mindless zombie of two fics ago."

The Sue growled and started towards him. She reached back and pulled out her ponytail, time slowed as she shook her head, sending her long lustrous strands billowing majestically. A grenade slammed into her and obscured the whole scene in a fiery explosion.

"You shouldn't move in slow mo unless everyone else agrees to," Drake said, leaning the grenade launcher against his shoulder.

"I'll remember that!" Super-Sue shouted as she emerged from the cloud of smoke without a scratch on her.

"Oh, crap," Drake muttered. He aimed the launcher and fired another grenade. Super-Sue caught the projectile out of the air, smirked at Drake, and then hurled the grenade back.

"Wardrobe Change!" Drake's armor materialized as he dropped the grenade launcher and leapt to the side. The explosion sent him flying a bit farther then he intended and he almost rolled off into the electrified pit surrounding the arena.

Super-Sue blurred out of sight and reappeared standing over Drake a second later. She pulled her arm back and threw a punch, Drake rolled to the side and her fist dented the floor rather than his skull.

He summoned his spear in a flash of light and swung it at her, but she blocked the sharp blade with one finely manicured fingernail. Still using only her finger, she batted the spear to the side and kicked Drake in the chest. His armor sparked from the blow and he went flying halfway across the arena a second time.

The Society Agent leapt back to his feet and pulled two handguns from his backpack. One was a sub-machine pistol, the other a futuristic unidentified handgun from Men in Black. He pointed both at Super-Sue and opened fire.

A whip of pink energy extended from her wrist and she swatted the barrage away as she moved towards Drake. The machine pistol clicked empty and he tossed it to the side, pulling out a laser gun to replace it. A lance of red energy shot from it, but Super-Sue raised an arm and beam of white light shot from her palm, hitting the red laser bolt and pushing it back with ease. Drake rolled to avoid the blast and grabbed a shotgun, as he came up just a few feet from Super-Sue. He fired a spray of shotgun pellets, as Super-Sue turned transparent. The shots harmlessly passed through her.

She gestured and a blast of wind knocked the shotgun out of his arms. Her arm shot forward and her vice-like hand closed around Drake's throat, lifting him off the ground.

"Looks like you worked out the bugs," Marion commented from the stands.

"Yes, but I would like to see just how powerful she is," Raven mused. "Besides a one sided battle is no fun."

"So are you going to run more tests?" Marion asked.

Drake's spear reappeared in his hands and he stabbed it towards Super-Sue, her free hand shot up and caught it before it could damage any cleavage… I mean pierce her chest. The spear vanished with a flash, moving to Drake's other hand. He swung the weapon up and Super-Sue barely managed to lean her head out of the way in time. She released his neck and blurred several steps back.

Strands of rainbow colored hair floated to the ground. Super-Sue raised a hand to her head and felt her hair. She glared at Drake even as her recently cut hair began growing back to its original length.

"You can regenerate your hair?" Drake asked. "Talk about useless super-powers."

"Shut up!" Super-Sue shouted, cupping her hands together. A blinding blue light appeared in her palms as she thrust them forward. Drake leapt into the air as the truck sized beam shot towards him. It missed and instead tore a hole in the arena wall, taking out part of the unoccupied bleachers.

Okay, that's it. I'm out of here! Drake thought as he pulled out his Plothole Generator. Super-Sue blurred and appeared in front of him, landing a punch to the gut, followed by a knee to the helmet. She grabbed the Plothole Generator and wrenched it out of the dazed agent's hand. She crushed it, the device exploding, as all small electronic devices are wont to do.

Still seeing stars, Drake drew his arm back, blue energy crackling around his fist. He swung his fist forward praying it would connect with the blurry figure of Super-Sue. Fortunately, it did and sent her flying across the arena. Drake pulled out a Writer's Block and tossed it down. It quickly expanded and blocked off the half of the arena Super-Sue stood on. Drake flopped down and pressed a hand against his aching head.

Super-Sue formed an energy whip and lashed it against the transparent wall. A thunderous crack filled the room as it struck, but the wall didn't budge. She screamed in rage and began bombarding the Writer's Block with massive energy blast after massive energy blast. During the assault, the wall didn't budge an inch.

Drake groaned and rubbed his head. The yelling, exploding, and bright flashes of light was aggravating his quickly growing headache. He glanced towards the hole Super-Sue had blasted in the wall and considered running for it, but if he tried, Super-Sue might realize she could blast through the side of the arena to chase him. He tried his communicator, but a screen of static meant his eyes. Raven seemed to have figured out a way to short out his electronic gadgets.

The Sue finally stopped hammering the barrier and hovered to the ground, seething with rage.

"Giving up?" Drake asked, smirking beneath his helmet.

Super-Sue smirked and turned transparent, sinking into the floor. Drake stepped back as she hovered back out of the floor, now on his side of the Writer's Block.

"Slicing Gale!" Drake exclaimed, swinging his spear and sending three arcs of blue wind magic at her. Super-Sue thrust her arm forward and blew Drake and his attack back with a blast of wind.

Drake yelled as he dropped towards the electrified edge of the arena. He summoned his spear and stabbed it into the wall. It penetrated the hard metal and Drake spun around on the handle, landing on top of it.

Super-Sue appeared above him and grabbed his backpack. He yelped as she shot toward the ceiling. They reached the massive cylinder that served as the cage match arena. Super-Sue was quickly ascending to the top.

Ripping free of his backpack, Drake dropped towards the cylinder's wall. He kicked off it, changing direction and flying at Super-Sue. His armored fist slammed into her cheek. She recovered in seconds and swatted him, sending him crashing into the wall.

"Kamehameha!" Super-Sue cupped her hands together, blue energy glowing in her palms. Drake pushed himself out of the imprint of himself in the wall and charged headfirst down the wall. Super-Sue unleashed her attack, blasting away the wall behind him and catapulting him into the air.

His spear appeared in hand and he stabbed it into the wall, spinning around on it and letting go, flying back up at Super-Sue. His feet slammed into her… chest…

"That hurt!" Super-Sue exclaimed.

"I find that hard to believe," Drake said as he sat on the top of the cylinder. "There's no way those are real."

"They're real!" she growled.

"Suuure, real silicon."

"Die!" she spun around and launched a blast of white light from her palm.

Drake was already pushing off his resting spot and was well away from the blast. Super-Sue blurred up next to him and landed a kick, sending him crashing into the wall. This time he went sliding down it. Super-Sue landed on the opposite wall and slide as well. She began tossing yellow energy balls at him. Drake flipped into the air, avoiding the first salvo. He touched back down on the wall and kicked off it, going flying at Super-Sue. She leapt to meet him, fist drawn back.

"Double Storm Kick!" Drake exclaimed as storm clouds began gathering on the ceiling above. Flashing rainbow energy enveloped Super-Sue's fist. Drake thrust both of his legs forward, lightning shooting down from the ceiling and enveloping his feet in crackling blue energy. Wind howled, the sound of roars echoing almost unheard over the gale. The attacks met in a massive explosion over the arena.

"Now, that's what I'm talking about!" Raven exclaimed as the fireball illuminated the stands. He tossed a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"Can I have my popcorn back?" Marion asked.


"You're mean!" Marion whined.

"Not mean, evil," Raven corrected.

Drake yelled as he was catapulted back through the air, his armor covered in dents and pieces broken off, his helmet was almost nonexistent. He crashed through the wall of the cylinder and kept flying, hitting the wall of the arena dome itself.

Super-Sue cackled maniacally as she hovered over to him. He groaned and struggled against the metal his impact had mangled into a tight silhouette around him.

"You're a fool!" Super-Sue laughed. "You think you can beat me? The most perfect of the most perfect race in all existence? Ha! You never had a chance against me!"

Raven frowned disapprovingly as he stared up at his creation.

"You can't use most to describe perfect," Drake pointed out.

"Say good-bye!" Super-Sue drew her fist back. Drake groaned and pulled himself free of the metal, he grabbed hold of Super-Sue's hair as he fell. She shrieked in pain and rage, spinning around. Drake gasped and hung on for dear life. She spun back the other way and slammed Drake into the wall. A smirk appeared on her mouth and she spun around again, but Drake let go and went flying across the arena.

He flew through the hole he had made in the cylinder and hit the wall across from it, stabbing his freshly summoned spear into it. A shockwave of wind magic coursed from the spearhead into the cylinder, damaging its structure even more.

Super-Sue huffed in annoyance and flashed in front of Drake. Drake screamed and leapt away from the wall, swinging his spear at Super-Sue. Blasts of wind went flying at her, but she batted them to the side. Drake hit a second later and his spear connected with her stomach, carrying her with him. She turned intangible and Drake flew through her. He struck the other side of the wall and slammed his spear into it. Another shockwave of wind energy went through the metal and glass.

He ripped off the remains of his cape and leapt at Super-Sue. His leap carried him above her and he dropped the cape down over her head. She shot off an energy blast, vaporizing the cape and putting another hole in the cylinder. The blast singed the side of Drake's armor. He flipped around and sent several arcs of wind magic hurling at the cylinder.

The structure groaned in protest and began breaking apart. Slowly, it fell from the ceiling. His muscles screaming in protest, Drake rebounded off the wall at Super-Sue again. She was staring at the falling debris with wide eyes. Her super-senses warned her of Drake's approach though and she spun around and slammed both her hands into him. He fell towards the ground, bouncing off the top of the Writer's Block first, and then hitting the arena floor. He tried to get up, but his limbs refused to respond.

Super-Sue looked up just as a large fragment of wall slammed into her. It propelled her down and she too bounced off the Writer's Block. The rest of the cylinder's remains toppled down, filling the arena with a deafening roar and throwing up clouds of dust.

Marion stared at the wreckage with a horrified expression while Raven stood and began to applaud. "Bravo!"

A large pile of debris went flying as Super-Sue burst out of the rubble. She had several small cuts, but they were already clotting. Her haired was messed, but she still looked attractive. Her eyes narrowed in rage.

"Where is that pitiful self-insert?" she screamed. "He messed up my hair!"

"I believe he's buried somewhere under that section of rubble," Raven replied, leaping over the railing and landing in the arena. "But don't worry about him, we'll be leaving now."

"But I want to make sure he's finished!" she growled.

"Now, now," Raven waved a finger. "He's already had such a bad day; I'd hate to make it worse by killing him."

Super-Sue huffed. "You're so weird."

He ignored her observation and snapped his fingers. A plothole opened in front of them and they stepped through it.

"Hey, wait for me!" Marion exclaimed. "I can't make plotholes!"


Drake groaned as he opened his eyes. Complete blackness filled his sight and his head throbbed. He tried to move, but found his legs pinned beneath the rubble.

His eyes widened and he tried to fight off the urge to panic. Yelling for help would be no good if all it did was attract Super-Sue's attention, but then again she could have just blown up the entire rubble pile. He shouted and cried out for help, wondering how long he had been out and how much longer it would before the Society came looking for him. Bits of dust managed to work their way into his eyes and he began crying to get the dirt out. He slammed his fist against the piece of metal above him, hoping the sound would carry through.

The sound of shifting debris reached his ears and hope surged through his chest. He kept calling out. The last piece of rubble lifted away and light flooded his eyes. He closed them to block out the sunlight.

"Well, well, have we here?"

He glanced up and his vision slowly adjusted to the light. A figure dressed in red armor resembling his own stood over him. The armor vanished in a flash and Ekard adjusted the plastic horns on his head. A red suit covered his body, complete with a black cape and a pointed tail. The only thing missing from his costume was the pitchfork.

"I'm glad you survived all of that," Ekard laughed. "Because now I can kill you personally."

His foot shot out and slammed into his counterpart's face, knocking Drake cold.