Bless The Stars On High

Rhia shook the pan that held the grilled cheese sandwich. She was gearing up for some culinary tricks, like Mario Batali in Iron Chef. Lighting food on fire and such. Today's trick was to get the sandwich in the air, flipping it side over side twice, and then over once more so that it landed on the uncooked side.
Pick the pan up… jiggle the sandwich around… 3… 2… 1… flip!

The grilled cheese sandwich flipped over itself twice, and then once again above her head, and then landed on the floor behind Rhia.

"Oops…" The self-proclaimed cook of the Library sighed. "There goes that sandwich. Again." She bent down to pick the screw-up off the floor when the bell above the kitchen door rang.

Now, Rhia had a policy. Only five people were allowed to come in here without warning beforehand. They were Adrian, Tash, Harriet, Lauren and Cristoph. Rhia ran her kitchen like a military operation, and unknowns like Tyler or Jess threw that into complete disarray. Now, don't get her wrong, she loved those two. Jess was always willing to try stuff and Tyler would eat anything, but their organizational skills were a bit lacking.

"Tash?" No answer. The footsteps continued. 'Hmmm. Maybe it's one of the guys…' "Cristoph?"

A chuckle. "No, Rhia. But I hope you're glad to see me none-the-less. It's been a long time. And I owe you something."

The girl flinched. She hadn't heard that voice since her first mission. Whipping around, she came face to face with one of the only people who had a massive grudge against her. "Russell!" Eyes like sapphires looked back at her, and there was no warmth there.

"Aww, Rhia, I'm hurt. I'd thought you would love to see me again. After all, you kept me from dying. But then again," the Stu paused to think. "Death would be preferable to what you put me through. So let me do you a favor, and kill you now." He sneered. "Of course, it isn't going to be painless."

Time stopped. The Stu was right there, barely a foot from her face. How'd he get out? Who let him out? Are the other Sues and Stus free as well? Rhia tightened her loose grip on her pan. She wasn't going to go down without a fight.

Her eyes narrowed in a glare. "Too close, Russell!" All those months of lifting heavy pans laden with food finally paid off. The pan Rhia was holding came up and whapped him upside the head in a good imitation of Adrian's 'Boot to the Head.' With a ringing 'GOOOONNNG', Russell fell straight to the floor. He probably had a pretty nice concussion, too.

"Man… he dented one of my favorite pans…"

Strapping a couple of kitchen knives to her belt, and hooking her newly christened battle pan to her hip, she grabbed her wakizashi and ran out the door. Someone had to know what was going on, and the Sue incursion had to be stopped.

-

A grim smile crossed Adrian's face. "You guys didn't really think that I hopped dimensions using Plot Holes, did you? I'm not a Stu. I'm the Librarian and I can summon these doorways to move from place to place when I need to... and this particular door leads back to the Real World."

Rhia hissed out a breath. 'Retreat? Damn. Adrian's nervous. Otherwise, he'd let us go and unleash everything in a free-for-all against the Sues.' She listened to the others as they protested the move when a sinking feeling dropped into her middle. 'What about the original characters? Where will Emily and Lily go? And Aster, and Tyler, and Doug, and… Cristoph.' The sinking feeling turned bad and went to dead worry in the pit of her stomach. Rhia clenched her fists to keep them from shaking.

"But what about Emily and Lily? They're Sues - they can't exist in the Real World!" Hati demanded. "And why do we have to go to the Real World? Surely there are other places we can retreat to, ones were we can get an army or weapons or something!"

"I will get Emily and Lily to a place until the crisis is over where they'll be safe."

The worry in Rhia's stomach only eased a little bit at this. 'If Adrian says they'll be safe, I have to trust him. I have so far.'

The assembled agents slowly, reluctantly, stepped through the door that led to the Real World. None of them liked this decision, and Tash disagreed so strongly that Adrian had to knock her out so that she would go.

Rhia walked toward the door just as slowly as the other agents, but looked back just before she went through the threshold. The look in the Librarian's eyes was oddly soft for such a desperate situation. It was then, Rhia knew, that not everything was going to end nicely.

-

The Smiths were everywhere. The agents were sorely outnumbered, and they knew it. The Counter Guardians had their hands full with the Sues up on Stonehenge, and Tash was hopefully winning against Willowe in the Sahara.

The Smiths weren't just fighting physically against the agents; it was a psychological fight as well. Taunts floated on the air, destroying the self-esteem of any agent that heard them.

"Come now, Agent Rhia. Surely you see that this fight is simply pointless? We've found the other agents that did not come through with you here. They are one with us now, and you cannot win."

Rhia heard this, and then all sounds went painfully quiet in her shock. The fear that she had been denying the whole time for Cristoph surged through her system. It stung. A moment more, and it turned to an icy rage. It flushed liquid nitrogen through her veins, numbing all the aches and pains she had gotten so far in the fight. This same freezing liquid shattered a floodgate somewhere deep inside her, unleashing something that had no problems killing everything in sight. In any way it could.

Rhia screamed, a hoarse, angry yell that made all the nearby agents jump and the Smiths' eyebrows go to their hairlines. The lioness was free and was thirsty for blood.

-

Rhia's bloodlust didn't die until the skies in the Real World returned to their normal blue. Aches and pains revealed themselves at the same time the number of Smiths she had killed was realized. Some had their heads smashed in from her pan. (Said pan was now an unrecognizable lump of metal.) Others had kitchen knives in their chest or had their throats slit.

Others were in the same position, with the bodies of dead Smiths around them. Michael's darkness was fading, and all that was left around him was pieces of bodies.

It was with relief that every agent went back to the Library, with Tash leading the way. However, nothing but hurt was there to greet them. The Library was almost utterly destroyed.

A door opened on a mostly intact wall and out came Aster. It shut behind her and then opened again to reveal Lily, and then Doug, Tyler, Kyle, and then Cristoph.

Tash told them the news of Adrian's death, and then walked off somewhere to be alone.

-

Rhia started to cry when she saw the level of destruction the Library had gone through. Had the Smiths been telling the truth when they said they had found everyone? But then a door appeared and Aster came through it. The others were a blur, Rhia's hope rising to an almost fevered pitch until Cristoph came out, looking slightly confused. She held herself back to Tash could talk to them for a moment, and then threw herself at him.

No words were needed at the moment. Maybe later, but for now, the two of them just wanted to make sure of the safety of the other.

-

Cristoph, Pete, Doug, Karissa, Rhia and Drake were in Adrian's office. They were some of the few that could function through their hurt, at least during the first few days. Each split off to a different part of his office in an attempt to right it after the attack.

Rhia went for the filing cabinets that had been dumped everywhere, spilling mission files like paper snow.

'So many missions. How have we kept the deaths down until now?' The reports went together first by date, then by agent. Gathering them together from around her, she picked one up with the name of Blake at the top. Her breath hitched. 'We haven't even told him. But…maybe…it should stay that way. If one person can be saved this hurt…' Blake had left the Society not on the best of terms, but he had still been an agent, and therefore deserved to know when something like Adrian's death happened. Rhia shook her head. 'No, I won't send him a message. If anyone should tell him, it should be one of the senior agents.'

More shuffling of papers, and she came upon her first mission. She didn't have to read the report to remember so vividly what, exactly, had happened. 'And Adrian had been so lenient that time. I forgot to wipe the Stu interference from the fandom, and he let it slide…He could have kicked me from the Society at that point.'

Rhia constantly sniffled her way through the rest of the clean-up. She blamed it on the dust.

-

"Let it go, Cristoph." Rhia said, softly.

-

A week later, and Rhia had finally cleaned up enough of the mess Russell had made in her kitchen to start restocking. He was dead now. Adrian had killed all of the Sues that had stayed behind except for a few, and they were dead too.

Grief permeated the Library like a miasma. No one had so much as smiled in a week. Rhia was not immune to this, but there was another emotion prodding at the back of her head. Relief.

She had asked Cristoph to help her by checking off the items in the cupboards by the ceiling. She couldn't reach those without the use of a step ladder, and that would take a lot of time.

"I feel so selfish." Rhia put down her clipboard to rub at her arms. Cristoph walked over and looked at her from the side with an eyebrow raised. "Adrian would come in here every now and then. He liked my bread…"Rhia trailed off. She couldn't lift her head to look him in the eye. Her shame wouldn't let her. "The Smiths, in the real world… they taunted us. Said that they had completely invaded the library, and that they had found where you had gone. And that they would make you like them. Cristoph, I've seen all three Matrix movies! What the Smiths do, it's worse than death." She took a strangled breath; she was trying to hold back tears. Her voice was tight. "I understand how Tash felt, when Mary-Ann talked about Adrian. I near about lost it with the Smiths. If one was in front of me, it died. I came back hoping against hope that you were all right, that they hadn't found you—hadn't turned you."

Cristoph still wasn't quite used to showing affection, so when he placed his arm around her shoulders, he wasn't sure if it was appropriate. To his relief, Rhia leaned into it. "I'd be where Tash is now if anything had happened to you. I bless all the stars on high that you are all right."

"Then what's wrong? I'm here. I'm fine."

"My relief for you overrides my grief at Adrian's death. It doesn't feel right."

Cristoph waited. He knew that she had more to say.

"Cristoph… this is hard… God his death hurts, but I'm grateful that if someone had to die, it was him. And not you.

I understand where Tash is right now, and if you had died, I'd be right where she is. And for that, for the fact that I do not have to deal with that pain, I thank him with all my soul. I'd give almost anything to bring Adrian back for all of us, but I can't.

I almost thought I'd lost you, when the Smiths said they'd found you, and turned you into one of them.

I know exactly where Tash is, in her grief. I don't have to imagine it."

Cristoph's brow furrowed, and he blinked. He wasn't really sure how to respond to this. On one hand, he knew what it was like to go into battle, and worry about the safety of his companions until the battle was over. On the other hand, to be presented with this kind of concentrated relief from worry for just himself from someone else was mystifying.

"Is it right to think such things? If only I knew. Such things are beyond my ken. But if it helps any, Lady Rhia… perhaps, the feelings I have when I think of you are enough to justify your feelings. When I entered that door, I knew there would be no way for me to aid you, or anyone, and even as I stood there in the primordial darkness, I constantly fretted for you and prayed for your safety. Is it the same way of thinking when compared to you?

I don't know. I wish I knew. Because I want a sense of justification, too. It is something I feel like I'm missing... and wonder if I'll ever get it back."

Rhia nodded, and took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. Then, she picked up her clipboard and got back to work.

Insert Medieval-Sounding Spellwork Here

Another group had arrived for the weekly interviews in the Anti-Cliché and Mary Sue Elimination Society. It was relatively smaller than the usual round-up. Perhaps word was getting around that it was near impossible to get in. Only the best could be allowed in! It was only 5 interviewees this time. There were three girls and two guys. Both guys and two of the girls seemed rather nervous about the whole thing. But there was one girl who was nowhere near nervous. Her name was Rhia. She wanted this job, and she was going to get it. There was nothing would stop her. She even had backups at home if her brain was wiped. Soft copies at home on her laptop and harder ones in her diary so she could try again. She was destined for it.

The five interviewees received their tests and got to work. It was a simple test, really. Only five multiple choice questions and one essay question. The multiple choice didn't matter all that much, it was the essay that really determined how things went. Tash and Harriet were the proctors for the exam; they determined who got in and who needed to be mind wiped. Also, just to make sure things were interesting, the exam question changed from week to week. This week's was a real brain-buster.

"Are Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus evil?"

Four out of the five candidates said yes. They are evil, and spent a few paragraphs explaining why. Rhia, on the other hand, wrote something completely different.

"Whoa! Tash, look at this essay! I think we have our new member."

"Are you sure Harriet?"

"Couldn't be surer."

"Let me see that essay."

'Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus can be classified as evil, but only one so far has truly deserved that ruling. Others are very much human, just with extra powers and few rules to follow, if any. Both Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus have proven themselves power hungry, but is that evil? They are creative just like us fanfiction writers, and that kind of creativity cannot come from evil. Others just want their authors to leave them alone. That is understandable. Does not every teen want to stop being controlled by their parents? Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus, before they break free, are very much marionettes; hands, feet, and head tied to strings that their authors control. Would you want to be in their place? One must consider the human condition before one classifies a Mary-Sue of Gary-Stu as evil.'

"Wow. We do have our next agent." Tash said, gob-smacked.

The tension was palatable in the air. Inside the waiting room sat all candidates for the newest member of the ACMSES. The blonde girl in the group had taken to walking up and down the rooms' length, muttering the whole time. The black haired girl was praying as hard as she could to whoever was listening. The boys passed the time playing miniature football with a triangle shaped paper football. Rhia sat in her chair, legs crossed, arms folded across her chest, chin on her chest as well. For all intents and purposes she looked like she was asleep. The door opened in the candidate waiting room and Tash and Harriet walked in.

"Would Rhiannon come with us? The rest of you can go through that other door to receive further instructions." Harriet said. The other door was actually the way to the mind wiping room.

The brunette girl wearing an almost gothic looking purple and black tube top stood and joined the founders. At first glance she was virtually unnoticeable. Nondescript wavy brown hair went down to just past her shoulders. Hazel eyes were hidden under green wire-rimmed glasses, and green studs pierced her ears. Dark colored straight leg jeans completed the ensemble. But if you looked into her eyes, you'd see a firestorm of creativity and determination that set her apart from everyone else in the crowds.

"Welcome to ACMSES." Harriet welcomed, and shook Rhiannon's hand.

"Thanks. It's great to be-huk!" Rhia stopped in midsentence, and fell over from the force of the blonde tackling ram that hit her.

"Rhia! Youdidit! Youdidit! Youdidit! I knew you could!" Squealed Tash as she continued to hug Rhia on the floor.

"Hi Tash… I… need… air."

"Tash, get off the poor girl before you squash her flatter than a pancake." Tash was bodily dragged from Rhia, who was very happy to be reintroduced to air. "I'm Harriet, and it seems you already know Tash from the outside world."

"We've met."

"Good. Now that you're in, we've got to get you introduced to everyone else, suited up, assigned some weapons, and sent off on a mission."

"What? A mission, already? I just got here."

"I'm sorry Rhia, but that's how it works. How well you do on the mission determines what level agent we make you at the beginning. Everyone's gone through this except for the three founders. Me, Harriet, and Lauren, who's still on vacation." Tash shrugged, and then attached herself almost permanently to the new recruit.

Rhia was dragged, more than guided, towards the library, where the majority of the agency was gathered. The place was huge, and covered in books. The walls were almost invisible for all the books on them. There was a 'classics' section, that held the golden oldies, like Bronte's work, Mark Twain, Shakespeare, ect. Most of the library held more modern books, the Harry Potter series had its own shrine and the manga section had a whole quarter of the library. In a room to the side was a room that held nothing but DVD's and that boasted one heck of an entertainment system.

"So, you're the newbie." A voice came from the large gathering of TV screens that represented the alert system that detected the Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus.

"That's Adrian. The Master of the Library." Came a voice from the newly attached thing on Rhia's arm. "Don't piss him off. And don't talk about the fourth wall."

"Right. No fourth wall. Got it."

So, Rhia's your name? I've got a mission for you now, and some of your supplies here. They're on the table."

Rhia walked over to the central table, all by herself. Tash had left her to do this for herself. The first butterflies of nervous emerged in her stomach, but she ignored them. She looked at the pile, and easily identified the equipment.

"Let's see, a Plot hole generator, a communicator which has a very cool wristwatch design, two prohibitors, two copyrights, and a scene transition. Can I trade in the scene transition for a plot device?"

"You sure?" Adrian asked.

"Yeah. The plot device can double as a scene transition if used correctly."

"Ok. You've got it. Be careful when setting it though, they're finicky. While I go get it from the development lab, Miriku can take you to the weapons storage area. The fandom you're going into uses swords as the main physical weapon, so take that into consideration."

"Right." Rhia nodded.

"Tash, with me. Miri, you know what to do."

"So, swords. Fun to use, cause great amounts of chaos, and don't go off unexpectedly if you're not careful. Got any ideas?" Miri said this all very fast and in one breath. She looked expectantly at Rhia and Rhia was slightly surprised.

"Well, something like a wakizashi, perhaps? I've always loved the design of the Japanese swords, and I'm not one for long distance combat. Right up and in my opponent's personal space is my favorite way of fighting. And I can use both hands to fight. So two swords, one for each hand?"

"Ok, I'm narrowing it down. Have you taken any fighting classes?"

"Yeah. Tae Kwon Do."

"Oh, perfect! I know exactly what to hand you. I'm not sure what the name of the sword is, but it's perfect for you. The blades are 2.5 feet long, and they can be used with two hands or one. Your choice. And I've got sheaths that can hang on your back instead of at your hip. You like?"

"You bet I like. Are these them?"

Miri handed Rhia a pair of swords, gently curved in the Japanese style. The hilts were silver with red flames winding down them in embroidery.

"Well. Now we go back to the Library and send you off on your mission. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Looking forward to it, actually."

"That's great! Good luck, Rhia!"

"Thanks."

Back at the Library, Rhia was suited up and ready to go. A utility belt held all of her agent tools, and her wakizashi were at her back.

"So, where am I going now?"

"It's a new show, only a season has aired in the UK, four episodes in America. I think you'll know it well. Merlin."

"You bet I know that fandom! I'm a little pissed that BBC threw out pretty much everything in the Arthurian legends. It just doesn't work the way they're writing it! They did the same thing in Robin Hood! What's the problem in Merlin?"

"There's a Stu trying to take over. We're not all too sure otherwise. You'll probably find him in the castle. Good luck. And Rhia, a piece of advice, don't fall in love with any of the characters, at least not while in a mission. The fandom wouldn't be able to take it."

"Gotcha."

"The plot hole's open. Good luck!"

Rhia stumbled through the plot hole on the outskirts of the town surrounding Camelot.

'Well. Walking into the Great Hall like this would get me accused of magic. I don't need that. It's a nice day out; I wonder who's hanging out their laundry out to dry.'

Rhia quickly 'borrowed' a brown skirt and blue top from an unwatched clothesline and put it on top of her normal clothes. Properly attired, she made her way to the castle.

At the castle gates, she was stopped by a couple of the castle guards.

"What is your business here?" Surprised she would be challenged so early, Rhia quickly made up a story.

"Me village sir. It's being attacked by all sorts of monsters. I came here to ask the king for help. I was only one who could leave, all the men are trying to defend the livestock but the monsters are so mean…."

"Go on. The daily petition is to start soon."

"Thank you sir, thank you!" Rhia scurried away in the direction he pointed, a smirk on her face after he turned away. That was much too easy.

She made her way into the castle and marveled at the beauty of it. It was stunning, the architecture, and other pieces of art on the walls. She really was in Camelot. Rhia let out an excited squee.

Not quite looking where she was going, she bumped into someone and sent them and herself to the floor.

"Oh, excuse me, sir!" Rhia said, again adopting the 'I'm an innocent village girl' look before realizing who she had bumped into.

"Oh, it's no problem. I'm Merlin." He said, getting up and reaching down to help her up.

"I'm Rhia."

"What brings you to the castle?" Merlin asked. Rhia dropped part of the act, let some of her real attitude sound in her voice. Confident, but gentle.

"My village is being attacked by a bunch of monsters. I'm here to hopefully get some help from the king in fending them off."

"Really? I'm Prince Arthur's manservant; I can help a little by making sure that the Prince at least considers it."

"Really? Thank you so much!" Rhia dropped the act and hugged Merlin, surprised that he would make it so easy for her to get what she needed. The more she interacted with the royal family and possibly Merlin, the faster she could find the Stu and take him out.

Merlin, after a moment of surprise, hugged her back.

'Wow, Merlin gives great hugs. No, no falling in love with the characters. Bad Rhia. Bad.'

"Do you think you could show me the way to the room where the petitioners are waiting? That's where the guard at the gate said I should go."

"Sure! Follow me."

Merlin left her in a room just off the Great Hall, where quite a few people were gathered and fighting for position in line for the King's attention. Rhia narrowed her eyes and made sure that everyone was in front of her. It would give her a chance to observe the royal family and see just exactly what was up. And perhaps give her an idea of who the Stu was. Rhia knew all the Stus still at large and most of them were over level Five. If that were the case here than Rhia was to immediately confront him and call for backup, while covering damage control. It would not be a fun day in Camelot if the Stu was Level Six or higher.

The petitioning started, and all on the surface seemed well. Uther was still the same 'stick up his arse' guy, and Morgana didn't all of a sudden have a new boyfriend. Merlin was behind Arthur, and seemed the same, happy go lucky guy that he was, while still hiding the fact that he was a warlock. And Arthur seemed….wait. Arthur. The Arthur standing next to Uther was blonde and blue eyed, but looked a whole lot different from Bradley James, the actor that played Arthur in Merlin. When it came to live-action shows like this, characters looked exactly like the actors that played them. This Arthur was… off, somehow. Rhia was glad the line was taking a lot of time, more time to think.

'Well. Normal Arthur usually had a pretty nice tan for his skin tone, this one was paler… and the stance was completely different. The petitioners were looking at Arthur while talking, not Uther like they should have been. That settled it. Arthur was the Stu. Now, that brought up two questions. Where was the real Arthur, and who was the Stu? It couldn't be one of the male elementals; they were too off the wall in looks for this character. That left Russell, Xavier, and Alastor. My God, it was Russell.'

The line was getting shorter. Confrontation time was getting closer.

'It had to be Russell. I think I would've rather had an elemental than Russell. He was dating Willowe when she was taken out. He's gonna be pissed. Not good. Should I call for backup?' Rhia reached down to her wrist, and then thought better about it. 'No. I don't need backup yet. He's level Five. I can take a level Five. Oh Angels, give me strength. Here it comes.'

Rhia was nervous, facing her first Stu by herself, and it showed on her face. Poor Merlin thought she was just nervous facing royalty and gave her thumbs up from his position from behind the doppel-Arthur. She took a deep breath to steel herself and began her spiel.

"Majesty, highness, I bring bad news to the land of Camelot. Prince Arthur has been kidnapped and replaced with a copy. I am sorry to say that he standing here right now and that the real Prince Arthur is somewhere else."

"What? What is the meaning of this, peasant! Explain yourself before I have you sent to the dungeons for treason!" Uther yelled, getting to his feet. Arthur (Russell) was shocked, his cover was blown, and Merlin was confused. He hadn't noticed anything different. Well, except maybe that Arthur had been nicer to him for the last week.

"Come now, Arthur is fine, he's just somewhere else. Isn't that right, Russell?"

"Who are you? I don't recognize you from the normal groupies at ACMSES."

Rhia took a bow. "Agent Rhia, new recruit. " And with a move very much copied from Team Rocket, she swept off her clothes and revealed the ones underneath.

"Guards!" Screamed Uther.

"Ah, ah, ah! No guards yet, My King." Rhia activated the plot device, the first of her tools to be used today. The guards were unable to get through the doors to arrest anyone.

"They sent a noob to bring me in? They must be losing it. Give Adrian my regards when I kick you back to the Library ER ward."

"You can try, Russell, you can try." And Rhia drew out her two wakizashi, Russell, his sword, and the duel began, there in the Great Hall.

Russell took a natural guard stance, much like Arthur would have done. Even though his cover had been blown wide open, he still seemed to be trying to stay where he was. Rhia's stance was something no one on the western side of Russia had seen yet. A very Asian stance, one sword held in front, pointing straight up, the other over her head, pointed at the opponent. Her body was perpendicular to his, her side facing him, less of a target for him if he made to charge her. Which he did.

Rhia blocked his charge with her left hand, and swiped at his side with her right. It made contact and opened a gash in his side below his ribs. A delicate area. The two separated and Russell put a hand to his side to stem the blood flow.

"Aren't you a level Five Stu? You should be doing better than this. Come and get me, Russell!" Rhia taunted, and made her strike against him. She made three moves at him, one high, towards his head, one towards his chest, and another towards his legs. One attack made contact on his face, and another disabled his left leg. Russell dropped like a rock. "Something is wrong, Russell. What's got you so distracted that you can't fight me properly? I should be getting my rear handed to me. Wait… you're worried about Willowe aren't you? You are!"

Russell just grunted and stood up, taking his stance again.

"I don't want to kill you Russell. Not at all. Stop this, come with me and we can work things out."

"You took Willowe away! I'm here so I can gather the strongest sorcerers together so I can invade your library and get her out. Willowe proved it can be done and I'm gonna get her out!

Rhia shook her head sadly. "Willowe went insane with the power, Russell; she isn't the girl you remember her to be! She wanted to kill everyone in the library, Russell. Look inside yourself and tell me that is what you want, to kill everyone around you. You just want to have a normal life, to control your own actions!

"No! I won't!"

"For creation's sake, Russell, listen to reason! Willowe went nuts. She's getting help with the best psychologists right now at the library. We don't torture our prisoners once we have them, Russell. We want her to be ok in the end, just as much as you do! Just…put down the sword so I can help you, or you'll bleed out and die. I don't want that. Please."

Ok, so that was a lie. Willowe was trapped in the Twilight fandom with four prohibitors on her and no way to get out. But if it got the Stu in, any lie would work.

It was odd. The Gary-Stu was listening to reason. Russell nodded and put down the sword. He also dropped like a rock to his knees. The blood loss was getting to him. Immediately his appearance changed back to his own looks, instead of Arthur's. Now it was so much easier to tell who was who, and gasps were heard around the Great Hall.

'Oh Yeah, I had a whole audience for that fight. Oops.'

"Russell, where did you put Arthur? He has to be freed to keep this fandom going. Where is he?" Rhia kneeled next to the ailing Stu.

"He's tied up in his room. He's fine."

"Merlin! Arthur's tied up in his room, go get him!"

"Yes Lady!"

"And don't call me that!" Rhia looked back at the fading Stu. "Russell, I need to put the prohibitors on you so I can bring you to the Library. It's going to make you feel even weaker, but you'll make it, ok?"

Russell nodded, and fainted as the prohibitors latched themselves tightly around his wrists. "Russell! Oh God, he's fainted! I need to hurry."

Right at that moment, Arthur and Merlin came back into the Great Hall, and the guards continued to stay outside. That was good. It meant Uther couldn't arrest anyone until Rhia left.

"Well. Thanks for letting me fight here and not interrupting me. I'll just be taking this lump back now." She activated her plot hole device to take her and Russell back to the Library when she stopped, thought for a second, and ran up to Merlin. She handed him a small, folded up note, and turned back to the plot hole, which she then went through with Russell.

Uther, Morgana, and Arthur decided to act as if this never happened. Merlin left to read the odd girl's note in private.

The note said:

"Merlin,

Meet me on the battlements at midnight tomorrow. Come alone. I might explain some things.

Rhia"

Mission Report: Merlin

My first mission. I entered Camelot and made it to the Great Hall, where Russell, a previously known Gary-Stu had pulled a Doppelganger with Prince Arthur. I ratted him out and fought him. Oddly enough, Russell listened to reason. Perhaps the Sues and Stus aren't completely lost. I have hope for this Stu. And it seems I forgot to mind-wipe the characters in the Merlin Fandom. I see no negative repercussions from this mistake, however. Uther looked like he wanted more than nothing else than to forget that I ever existed.

Signing out: Agent Rhia of the ACMSES (current level pending)

"Well, Agent Rhia, you did astoundingly well for a first mission. I am surprised."

"Thank you Adrian. If I may ask a question?"

"You may."

"Why are you so surprised?"

Adrian took a moment before answering. "We just tested Russell for his current level status. He had easily reached level Six and starting to hit level Seven. You brought in a Stu that normally takes a whole team to bring in. Congratulations."

Rhia was shocked. "But… but…. I don't get it. Usually once a Sue or Stu hits past level Six, reason goes out the window. Russell listened to me."

"Perhaps it was his love for Willowe. Who knows? All that we do know is that this is a new development for the Sues and Stus and one that must be researched. Good job Agent Rhia. Due to your success I am awarding you level One security clearance. You're in for good."

Rhia smiled. "Thank you."

"One more thing, Agent."

"Yes?"

"Don't forget to mind wipe the characters before you leave! Now, I'm sure you don't want to keep standing here. Go and have some fun. I'm sure Tash is right on the other side of that door wanting to know what's going on."

The Next Day, Midnight, Camelot.

"Rhia?" Merlin called. He could barely see. Why did she want him here so late?

"I'm here, Merlin." A slight fizz sound and a second later Rhia came into view, a lit candle in hand.

"Why did you want me here?"

"To explain some things, Merlin. I can't quite seem to keep my mouth shut when I should. I need to tell you at least a little bit of what's going on."

Merlin nodded, ready to listen.

"Where I come from, everything that is happening here is legend. King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. With his advisor and friend Merlin at his side. People want to change that, and I'm here to stop the people from where I originate from doing that. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does a bit."

"Good. Now, to keep what happened yesterday from happening again, I need to do this." And Rhia smacked a Copyright onto Merlin's chest, where it promptly disappeared. "That'll keep anyone from doing to you what they did to Arthur. Here's another one that you can put on Arthur when he's not looking. It'll disappear. You can put it on him anywhere."

"Right. Ok. There anything else?"

"Yeah. You, Merlin, the greatest Wizard in all of time will go down in history as a legend. You have strength beyond what you know, and it's not just in your magic." She again hugged a shell-shocked Merlin, who didn't even try to deny what she had said.

Then, the candle went out, and Rhia disappeared.

Insert Absurdly Overpowered Devil Fruit Here (lost)

Author SumireMayonaka joined the Society with the character Sumire, wrote a handful of stories, and then vanished and deleted everything for reasons unknown.

Summary:

"Willowe eats the Supaa Supaa no Mi from the One Piece fandom and absorbs the canon characters' Devil Fruit abilities. She manages to charm all of the other characters into liking her...except Luffy. New agent Sumire tracks down Willowe and enlists Luffy's help in capturing her. Sumire uses a weakened Prohibitor that only negates half Willowe's abilities, and Russell sneaks in when Sumire gets too caught up in her victory to free Willowe..."


Appologies for the inconvenience. Anoter chapter is on the way.

Sincerely,

Valerie
Resident Healer
Current Blog Updater
Only Psychologist In The Room (It's A Big Room)

Insert Random Unnatural Phenomenon Here

Note: This is one of the very few 1st-person POV chapters. Told from Kyon's point of view.

Sometimes, I wonder why I'm the one that Haruhi chose. Ever since being forcefully recruited for Haruhi's SOS Brigade, I've had no shortages of weird, reality defying encounters. I've been told that I won't remember this one, so I suppose I'll give thanks for that. Just a few hours ago while we, the members of the SOS Brigade minus Haruhi herself, were gathered in our clubroom, a young man about my age came to us and has been telling us of a dire threat to our world. I'd been calling him crazy if I hadn't already been in some unbelievable situations.

He identified himself as James Maverick, a "character" under the command of an "Author" who is busy doing something else at the moment. If I were to describe him, I'd say that he is a cross between myself and Nagato in terms of personality. He had short, dark hair of an undefinable color and wore so much black clothing that he must be boiling himself alive in this summer heat. He also gave off this aura of someone with a burden way too big for one person to handle.

"Excuse me, Kyon-san? Are you paying attention?" inquired James with a relatively flat tone, much like a teacher scolding a student.

"Unlike our absent leader, I am very capable of paying attention when someone's talking to me. So, what exactly is this dire threat to our world that you have been telling us about?" I replied in a way to get his attention off me and onto the subject at hand. The response he gave was not what I expected at all, even with all the time I've been in the SOS Brigade.

"Soon, your world will be visited by a Mary Sue and Gary Stu couple. By way of a special technique that most Authors use when selecting worlds to write about, it has been determined that they will be arriving around here shortly. Their names are Russell and Willowe Diamond Ravenne Hyacinth Aurelia Sakurelle Dewdrop Arwennia Heliotrope Sandriline Delilah Aphrodite Bob Yuffiana Vipertooth Foxblade the Third." The similarity to Nagato that I saw in him was becoming obvious. I'm sure either of them could say that name five times fast with ease.

"Wait, when you say Mary Sue and Gary Stu... you mean the terms for over the top, good at everything they do, perfect characters from works of fiction? Oh joy, even more people with the ability to mess around with the world around them are coming." I could feel a headache coming on. "So how soon will they be arriving and what are you going to do to stop them?"

"They will be dropping out of a plothole on the field outside in five minutes, fourty-seven seconds. Our best course of action is to trap them as soon as they appear." I'd say that I wasn't surprised when Nagato was the one who responded, but then I'd be a liar. Apparently, she knows enough about this stuff that she is able to monitor it like she does with everything else.

"So, how do you know about this, Nagato?" I think I already know the answer, but it never hurts to confirm things.

"The Integrated Data Entity monitors all transdimensional traffic to and from this dimension. If this dimensional traveler hadn't come to this plane of time and space to deal with the encroaching threat, then the Integrated Data Entity would have commanded me to do it. In the three years that I have existed, I and many other humanoid interfaces have had to send away numerous dimensional travellers because they do not belong in this world. If we are dealing with Over the top, good at everything they do, perfect characters from works of fiction, as you described them, then most likely they have similar capabilities as any humanoid interface unit such as myself."

"Unfortunately, Mary Sues and Gary Stus are more on level with Haruhi-san in terms of reality manipulation. That's one of the reasons why they are so dangerous. Just by existing, they can bend reality around them to fit whatever desire they want. So far, the only way to deal with them is for an Author to self-insert into the world after the Mary Sue and/or Gary Stu has already arrived and capture them while restoring the damage they had dealt. However, these particular two have been plaguing various other worlds for some time now. It is the intent of my Author for me to ambush them here and take them to the Anti-Cliche and Mary Sue Elimination Society." Two people with reality warping powers along the same lines as Haruhi are coming here. I know I'm worried, it looks like Mikuru-chan is fretting about it, Koizumi actually looks serious for once and Nagato is Nagato.

"If this couple is able to bend reality to their whim, then how exactly are you going to stop them? You said that you're also a character... Do you have to be a Mary Sue or Gary Stu to match them?" This is in the front of my mind. I really want to know how powerful he is to be sent in his "Author's" place.

He shook his head and then pulled a device out of his pocket, holding it up for everyone present to see, "This is called a Prohibitor. The Anti-Cliche and Mary Sue Elimination Society recently began to make these. They are capable of suppressing the power of any Mary Sue/Gary Stu as well as restoring a world affected by said powers to its original plotline."

That doesn't make sense to me then. If he could just use that to suppress this Mary Sue/Gary Stu couple, then why doesn't it just do it and spare us of even knowing. I ask, "Why come to us then? Why not capture them on your own?"

He sighed in such a way as to indicate that he didn't want to explain, but he did anyway, "The Prohibitor is designed for Author usage. It hasn't been tested for use by Characters. I have no idea what's going to happen to my abilities when I activate this. By the way Nagato-san, how many minutes left?"

"Two minutes, nineteen seconds."

He grimaced almost privately, like it was more a thought in his head than the approaching problem that was painful. "Thank you. Now, the main reason I've been telling you all this is so you can assist me if something goes wrong. I'm not sure how much help you can be for this, but better than nothing I suppose. Makes me feel better at least."

Wait, makes him feel better? I think I've found the part of his personality that reminds me of me. Shaking my head to clear it, I ask, "What abilities do you have, exactly?"

He paused and thought for a moment before answering with, "Various offensive and defensive magic, several Psychokinetic powers, enhanced strength, senses, reflexes. Well, enhanced compared to your typical human. I'd have to say that I'm about fifty percent stronger than a person that competes in the World's Strongest Man competition, but considering some of the things I interact with on a daily basis, that's not much of an advantage."

I'd say that he doesn't need help, but with Mary Sues/Gary Stus having similar power to Haruhi only in control of it, then he'd need all the help he can get if something goes wrong. Not the most comforting thought. He starts talking again.

"Anyway, I'll take us down to the field. It'll only take a few moments and you'll feel weightless for that time, but it's completely safe."

I'd ask what he was talking about, but I get the feeling that I might be more willing to go along with it if I don't know what it is. I seem to get that feeling a lot around Haruhi. He held up his hands and muttered something I couldn't catch under his breath. I felt like I was about to leave the ground and then, what I was seeing changed. There was no transition, no moment of darkness from where we were to where we are. In less time than it takes to blink, we were taken from the club room to the schoolyard outside. Then my weight returned to me and I, in not expecting it, fell face first into the ground, hard.

Well, it wasn't too bad. Mikuru-chan came over and helped me up, asking me if I was alright in that cute, worried voice of hers. I could listen to that angelic voice of hers all day.

Nagato's voice cut through my thoughts like a gunshot, "One minute, thirteen seconds."

Two people are coming here to mess with the world as I know it even more than Haruhi does and they'll be here in about a minute. If I was actually able to do something to prevent that, I'm sure I wouldn't feel like something is going to go wrong. To make some conversation, I ask, "You said that your Prohibitor hasn't been tested for Character use...why not?"

He held up the device to look at it for a moment, then replied, "It's a specific kind of plot device. They are very fickle things if they aren't made for a purpose. Even then, they might malfunction just for 'comedy's sake'."

"Like in sitcoms?"

Nodding, he lowered his arm. The silence was oppressive, like it's anticipating some catastrophic event to end its existence. I shouldn't think of it as a catastrophic event because, for all I know, that's exactly what it'll be. Why doesn't the other shoe drop already?

As if in answer to my plea, a dark hole ripped itself into the sky. Out of it fell two people, who landed with an unnatural grace. I got a good look at the new arrivals. They were hideously beautiful, the kind of "perfect" that seems custom-made to cause gagging. The Mary Sue's auburn hair reached down to her ankles with big violet eyes blinking in confusion. Her skin was flawlessly pale and her body was so perfectly toned, it was sickening.

The Gary Stu, on the other hand, seemed to be a copied and then reworked Link from Legend of Zelda. He wore a flawless white tunic, which only seemed to accent his blindingly blond hair and disturbing white eyes. Saying he was a pretty boy would be insulting to other pretty boys. Now I'm really glad that Haruhi isn't here, she'd have a field day with this.

Our visitor, James, took a few steps forward and declared, "In the name of the Anti-Cliche and Mary Sue Elimination Society, as the chosen avatar of my Author, I hereby place you, Russell and Willowe Diamond Ravenne Hyacinth Aurelia Sakurella Dewdrop Arwennia Heliotrope Sandriline Delilah Aphrodite Bob Yuffiana Vipertooth Foxblade the Third under arrest!"

The Gary Stu, I'm assuming that's Russell, stepped in front of the Mary Sue protectively and retorted, "We haven't even been here for a minute and already you step in to bother us. Leave us alone, dang it! Don't you know our tragic past?"

James held up his empty hand in a stopping gesture, then replied, "Don't know, don't care, doesn't matter. Your kind plague works of fiction and it's the Society's job to keep all fandoms safe from your disgusting corruption."

Willowe spat from behind Russell, "And what are you going to do about it? I can tell you aren't a Gary Stu like my boyfriend here. What makes you think you can compete with a Mary Sue AND a Gary Stu?"

He held up the Prohibitor and the two corruptors took a step back in fear.

"Are you CRAZY? Don't you know what that thing is capable of?" Willowe spouted, almost in hysterics.

"Of doing to you, then yes, I know. Of what it might do to me, then no, I don't," if I could see his face, I could almost imagine him smiling while he next said, "Exciting, isn't it? The reason I believe no one should be perfect. Not knowing when something could go wrong and always striving to do better are some of the best reasons to be alive."

Russell spat, "Why should 'not knowing when something could go wrong' be a good reason to be alive? With everything perfect, then nothing can go wrong and everyone's happy."

"To quote the painter, Bob Ross; 'It may sound cruel, but I hope you are plagued with dissatisfaction your entire life. That way, you will always strive to go back and do better.' One of the kindest people I know of and he's right too. There's no such thing as 'good enough'!" James shot back.

Willowe seemed to take offense to James' remark, "No such thing as 'good enough'? Perfect IS good enough! We are perfect so it's up to us to make everything else perfect! No more sadness and no more pain!"

James shook his head, "Turn sadness into kindness and turn pain into strength. While there is never a good reason to cause suffering, only those who work a hard, honest life should be allowed to rest their burdens in a Utopia. The only regret someone should have is the wondering if they could have done more. Either way, you Sues are bringing ruination to fandoms and that has to stop."

Lifting the Prohibitor above his head, he pressed a button on its side. A bad feeling washed over me as it began to spark. In a flash of light; James, Russell, and Willowe were engulfed in a expanding white dome. I quickly shielded my eyes, waiting for the brightness to stop. And stop it did, after a few moments. In the middle of the schoolyard was a crater that was a few feet away from my feet. Confusion ran through my mind as I tried to figure out what happened. Koizumi said it best when he turned towards everyone and asked, "Um, what are we doing outside the club room?"

Lightning struck me as I realized that Haruhi was going to be ticked when she enters the club room and no one is there. Both me and Mikuru-chan scramble away in near sprint and Koizumi taking off with us at a jog. It a moment later that I turned back and saw Nagato staring at the crater. Normally, I'd wonder what she was looking at, but I really don't want to get in trouble with Haruhi right now.

"Hey, Nagato. Hurry up!"

Turning on the spot, she fluttered after me. Continuing my own rush, I had a feeling that I was going to catch hell from Haruhi.

-

James was kneeling in front of Tash, the tall, blond head of the Anti-Cliche and Mary Sue Elimination Society. He had just finished his report on ambushing Russell and Willowe.

"Let me get this straight. You had a small philosophical debate with them before activating the Prohibitor. Then, when it had activated, it flung you right back here while Russell and Willowe were tossed who knows where, is this correct?"

"Yes ma'am."

"And what happened to the Prohibitor?"

"Broken, ma'am."

"Very well then. You may return to your world now. Tell your Author that he'd better go do it next time we call on him." She scowl was frightening.

James started to fade away as he replied, "I'll make sure he gets that message, ma'am."

Tash sighed, "Well, at least we know now not to send characters to do Author work. Russell and Willowe are still on the loose and now we don't know where. Oh well, we'll know when they resurface."

Insert Poorly Recorded Hyrulean History Here (lost)

Our very first lost episode, I'm afraid. Written by DuelistBlake1988 (later known as Game Master Blake, later known as Warlord Sonic Snake, later known as GamerBlake90), Blake quit the Society due to some personal issues, and deleted all of his entries. Only a summary on our wikia remains, to be re-posted here:


"A mysterious person shows up in the Legend of Zelda fandom… who looks exactly like Link, only with white instead of green clothing. Link can’t understand what’s going on until new Society agent Blake shows up revealing that the new person is actually Russell, Willowe's boyfriend, and he’s using the Chaos Emerald from the Sonic fandom to warp reality! Blake chases Russell out and restores the fandom but fails to capture the Stu… and also plays a little prank on the fandom just for kicks."



This was the first of a planned trilogy of stories, only two of which made it to fanfiction.net. Our appologies for the inconvenience. An extra chapter will be posted today to make up for it.

Sincerely,

Valerie
Resident Healer
Current Blog Updater
Only Psychologist In The Room (It's A Big Room)