TAOM: Monika - Only Memories

"Hey, Mon," Valerie says as she sits down across from me for breakfast. "How have you been?"

I repress a sigh. This is going to be one of those times, I can already tell. Val thinks she's being subtle, but the way she's looking cautiously at me, like one wrong move would frighten me away, is plain as the nose on her face. "Pretty good," I say. "You?"

She simply nods in reply, and we both eat in silence.

It's not long before it starts.

"So I had this really weird dream last night," she begins animatedly, and launches into a long, winding tale about high school hallways and exploding gas stations and two types of wolves. She's watching me carefully as she talks, and I can't keep my shoulders from sagging a fraction. Definitely one of those times.

I don't know why she does this, I honestly don't. I know she expects something from me, but it's like she's afraid to even ask. What could she possibly be thinking that would make her act so... apprehensive?

What secrets are she hiding from me?

She's looking at me now, and I know I'm expected to join in the conversation with a dream of my own. Problem is, I didn't have any dreams last night. I haven't had a single dream in... I don't know how long. Is that what she wants? Does she want me to dream? Yeah, there's a metaphorical significance to that that I might expect from her, but I don't think she literally expects me to have interesting dreams. Valerie is a lot of things, but absurd isn't one of them. Most of the time she's not impractical either. Me having dreams serves no purpose, so why does she seem to expect it of me?

Not wanting to be silent long enough for her to suspect my internal dialogue, I casually spoon my cereal into my mouth and do what I always do in these situations: tell the truth.

"I didn't have any dreams last night."

This time it's Valerie's shoulders that sag, much more noticibly than mine. I consider finally asking her what is so freaking important about my dreams, but I decide I'd rather eat my breakfast in peace.

And I'd much rather keep all my friendships intact.

TTTTTT

"Hmm... Okay, this time, imagine it like you're pouring your conciousness out of a pitcher in your head, down through your body, and deep underground. Try that."

Adrian stands in front of me, watching me intently with his eyes and his mind as I try to follow his instructions. The thought of the mind as water is easy enough for me to grasp, though forming the image of a pitcher is slightly less so. Finally I manage something workable, and I begin to imagine the thing slowly tilting...

A sudden wave of nausia hits me as my mind seems to slosh with the imaginary liquid, but I push forward anyway. The nausia intensifies as the water comes closer and closer to the lip of the pitcher, and when it finally spills over...

"Oh - That is very unpleasant!" I gag as a horrible taste fills my mouth, completely breaking my concentration. I can't take it anymore - I jog out of the training room, fighting the urge to vomit. Valerie, who was watching from the corner, makes to follow me, but Adrian grabs her by the shoulder and holds her back. I send a silent thank you to Adrian as I sprint for the nearest bathroom - Valerie's habitual concern, while touching, can get annoying sometimes. Particularly when all I really want right now is privacy.

I don't actually throw up, but it's a while before the final urge passes, and I try various ways to get the nasty taste out of my mouth - finally coming to some success with my toothbrush and some really strong minty toothpaste. I make a brief hair-and-face check to make sure everything looks normal. I look a little bit pale, even for me, but I just pinch my cheeks a little to bring some color to them. Hopefully no one'll notice.

When I get back to tell them both that I'm fine, I hear talking on the other side of the door, so I stop to listen.

"...can't keep trying to force this on her. Either she'll get it back or she won't."

"She can't even ground, Adrian! What happened to her that she can't even manage the simplest of meditation exercises?"

"You've tried jogging her memory, you've tried re-training her... You've done everything you can possibly do. If it's still not working, maybe it's just not meant to. Some people do grow out of their powers-"

"Not her," she interrupts fiercely.

They're both silent for a moment, but it's Valerie who speaks again first. "You found something, didn't you." It's not a question.

I can't see them, but Adrian is quiet a moment longer, and when he does speak, he sounds very uncomfortable. "There's... a sort of blockage in her channels that keeps all but the barest trickle of power behind it. If she tries anything stronger than her persuasion gift, even that trickle will clog up and everything will recoil on her."

"...And her memories?"

"That, I honestly don't know."

I hear the sound of footsteps, and I make a dash for my room.

TTTTTT

There's something wrong with me.

I'm... broken somehow.

I try to look inside myself to find what's wrong, the way I've seen Valerie do, but there's nothing. Aside from my own knowledge of my body and mind, I don't sense any particular blockage or flow or... or anything. There's not even a sense of a void, just... blank. I simply. Sense. Nothing.

For the first time, I wonder why that is. Why is it that even the simplest of agents have some sort of sense of their inner selves, their connections with others, the shape of their minds, their soul? Even Tyler can perform basic meditation; I can't even manage to ground myself without being sick!

RE-training?

The thought hits me out of nowhere, and so do its implications. Re-training? As in, I used to be able to do it?

The blank shifts.

I almost don't notice the way it sort of shudders for a moment, but it happens. I press my eyes shut and concentrate as hard as I can - there's something on the other side of that blank that's immensely important...

Fear...

Stench...

Mangled bodies laid out by their thousands in neat little rows...

So much blood...

Fear...

Fear!

"NO!"

Without thinking, I shove away, and whiteness overtakes me.

TTTTTT

Dinner is a raucous affair, as usual, although only the American agents are ever even awake at this hour. It's times like these when I'm glad the bedroom commons aren't (usually) very close to the kitchens in the Library, particularly since Harriet was once again on PMS. I suddenly get a mental image of a tired, PMS-ing Harriet as she tries to bark orders through her sleepy haze, and giggle.

Terrie is on monitor duty for the evening, so I don't get the chance to have my evening debate/spat with her. Probably a good thing, since she's likely still sulking from the last verbal defeat I handed her. Hehe. But I look around for the others on my team, finally spot Valerie, and wave her over.

"Do you know where Stacey and Danielle are?" I ask as she sits down with her plate.

"Probably putting plastic-wrap on all the toilet seats," she replies off-handedly. "I won't go into where they got the idea from, it's quite a long story..."

I make a mental note to only use the small bathroom in my room for the next few days. "What do you think Adrian'll do to them?"

She shrugs, but I can tell she's laughing inside. "Restrict Stacey's monitor duty at the very least. She'll go nuts if she can't watch Gohan rip his shirt off every other episode..."

I chuckle. "Don't forget confiscating Danielle's Roy plushie."

Valerie snorts with laughter, trying not to spill her food. "Now that's just cruel, Mon!"

"Oh, come on. It's not as though she couldn't steal it back in a matter of days, if not hours."

She laughs again, but apparently thinks of something quite serious, and stops. "Speaking of Adrian," she begins, "I'm sorry I put you through all that. I really didn't know you would react that way."

I frown. "React what way?"

"When I asked Adrian to help you with basic meditation this afternoon, remember?"

"No..." I look at her cock-eyed. Has she been spending too much time in the Emergency Ward again?

Val's face, so penitant and open before, suddenly slams shut. "N-Never mind."

My face doesn't change, but my internal frown deepens. She's doing it again: that thing she does where she's obliquely asking me a question, and I always get the wrong answer. Thus far I've never found the right answer either. I've never lied to her, but I'm apparently not telling her what she wants to hear. But I wasn't with Adrian this afternoon! What could she want from me?

Stacey - no, Ezra - appears with a smug look on her face, and equally smug Danielle following close behind, and the moment is broken. We all laugh and exchange stories like the best friends we are, and I allow the moment of strangeness from Valerie to fade from my mind.

It's an unpleasant memory, and I don't really want it.

Insert Priceless Kodak Moment Here

"Emily..." Adrian said, nervously adjusting his fourteenth trenchcoat of the day, "A-Are you sure about this? I don't do terribly well with photos..."

Tash and Lauren exchanged a look, then smirked back at the Librarian mischievously. "Did I just hear the ever-so-eloquent Librarian stutter?" Tash mocked playfully.

One of Adrian's ears twitched. "I don't like having my picture taken."

"Of course I'm sure!" Emily said happily. "I can't believe you guys have never thought to take a group photo of the Society before this!"

The Chief agent was still staring at the kitty-eared Librarian. "Are you pouting?" she asked incredulously.

Adrian scowled. "I don't pout."

"Whether you do or don't," Lauren giggled, "Just don't do it for the picture."

-

At the far end of the room, another argument was going on.

"For goodness sake, Terrie!" Valerie said, frustrated. "Just pick an outfit and stick with it!"

"But what if I clash with the person standing next to me!" said brunette whined. "I'd never live it down!" She slipped behind the door into an unused hallway, and almost instantly reappeared in a completely different outfit. "How does this one look?"

Chloe, who was standing nearby, leaned over to Monika and whispered, "How does she do that again?"
Monika shook her head, amused. "We're still trying to figure that out..."

-

"Ben! Kyle!" Camille called with a wave.

The two requested agents trotted over to the techie, who wass kneeling by a pile of wood and scaffolding. "Yeah?"

"I need some dumb muscle to help me put this together, and thought you two would be perfect for the job!" Camille said with a bright smile, completely unaware of the insult she had just delivered.

The two boys visibly bristled. "Who're you calling dumb?" Kyle demanded.

"I'll have you know that I'm just as smart as you!" Ben declared dramatically. "Maybe even smarter! I could be as smart as a supercomputer for all you - ow! Shirley, what was that for?"

The aforementioned Cliché Stick ceased whacking her partner over the head long enough to say, "Do you even have to ask?"

Doyle simply sighed and continued sorting the scaffolding pieces. Honestly, he would never understand humans.

-

"It's not a sword, it's called a katana. It's an ancient masterpiece, the result of hundreds of years worth of practice and perfecting the art of forging. It-"

"It can only hit one person at a time. Christoph, if you're in a war-zone, you need to have modern weapons, or you're just asking to get killed. You think people are gonna fight you one-on-one just because you ask them to?"

The ninja scowled. "There is such a thing as a code of honor, Lord Douglas."

"Will you two give it a rest already?" Willie, who was leaning against the wall nearby, rolled his eyes. "God, you fight like a pair of synchronized swimmers, but in an argument you never agree. Have you two ever tried timing how long you guys can go at it?" He showed them the stopwatch on his wrist, and they were both (finally) left speechless.

-

"Has anyone seen Ria?" Emily asked as she wove through the crowd, checking off names.

"Me?" Rhia raised her hand.

"No, I got you already. But there's a person named 'Ria' on my list who's not here yet."

Aster's eyes widened in terror. "You mean there's someone missing from the flight manifest, kyaa~?"

Rhia sighed and patted the blue-haired fae on the shoulder gently. "You've got it backwards, dearie..."

Thought Marcus timidly raised a hand. "I-I b-bel-lieve R-Ria is w-working on m-m-making an OC t-t-to j-joi-join the S-S-Society i-inst-stead of i-ins-serting hers-self."

Emily looked up at the blue-clad version of Marcus. "So she's not here then?"

"N-No, I d-d-don't b-believe s-so."

The young demi-Sue made a small mark on her clipboard, then looked Thought Marcus up and down. "You should probably find Emotion Marcus and fuse together again. It's going to be hard enough to squeeze everyone into a single shot as it is without an extra person."

Thought Marcus nodded politely, then went off to find his counterpart.

-

"YOU FOUR SHOULD TOTALLY GO ON A DOUBLE DATE! IT'D BE PERFECT!"
A small crowd was gathering around the two mortified agent pairs surrounding the exceptionally loud Emotion Marcus. Pete and Joe kept exchanging glances and trying not to blush or look any place they shouldn't. Karissa looked like she was having trouble keeping herself from punching Emotion Marcus's lights out. Charis simply wanted to melt into the floor.

"SERIOUSLY, I THINK IT'D BE REALLY COOL IF YOU GUYS-!"

No one noticed quiet little Thought Marcus until he was standing right next to his other, and, a bright flash of light later, the two were one again. "Sorry about that," Marcus said nervously, and walked away from the tense scene as quickly and unobtrusively as humanly possible.

There was a long and awkward silence.

"So..." Joe began hesitantly, "Do you guys wanna go out?"

Two loud and resounding slaps rang through the spacious room, which everyone did their best to ignore.

-

Monika observed two of her friends with a look of amusement. I wonder who gave them sugar...?

Granted, seeing Stacey and Danielle not wired-up on something was more of a cause for concern than seeing them hyper like this, but even that had its limits. She looked up at the swinging chandelier the pair of them were precariously swinging on. "How did you two even get up there?"

"Ezra flew us up!" Stacey called back down with a fresh round of inexplicable giggles.

The tall blonde sighed. Of course...

"You wanna join us?" Danielle asked.

Monika considered it for a moment. Granted, Valerie was expecting all three of them back soon, and there were still a few preparations to make before the photo shoot could actually begin. Not to mention she had volunteered to help Camille to build the platforms they would be standing on... But how often did you get to swing from a chandelier?

Oh, to heck with it. "Sure!" She grinned broadly. "Beam me up, Ezra!"

Stacey giggled again. "Believe me, you wouldn't want Ezra to 'beam' you anything."

-

"Meg! Stop!"

The collie paid no heed as she bounded through the spacious room, barrelling over anyone who happened to be in her path. The Welsh girls, meanwhile, raced after their pet, Trying to minimize the damage as they went.
Finally, after no small amount of effort, the girls captured their wayward pet.

"Is that all we get?" Emma asked indignantly. "That was a difficult chase, you know!"

Hey, don't blame me if the author doesn't know anything about chasing hyperactive collies.

"No conversing with the Narrator in my Library please!" Adrian called over to them from across the room. A small tremor had shook the rafters, prompting nervous looks from Stacey, Danielle, and Monika, so Ezra reappeared to fly them back down to (relative) safety.

Beth sighed, then asked her friends curiously, "What was Meg chasing, anyway?"

"Me!" growled a voice behind them. It was Shirley the Cliche Stick. "And if your mutt decides I look like a fetch stick one more time, things will get very very messy."

All three of them, including the dog, had the sense to gulp.

"Is the platform ready yet?" Jess asked. "I think Leonard's getting bored with the four-by-fours." She nodded in the direction of her sidekick-in-training: the paracitic fetus was indeed chewing into the midsection of a large block of wood, though it was apparent that he did not find the taste to his liking.

"Just about..." Camille muttered. She tightened a few of the bolts underneath, and stepped out. "Done!"

"Great!" Harriet said, clapping the techie on the shoulder in congradulations.

Tash turned to the Society members scattered around the spacious room. "Can we have everyone's attention, please?" she said loudly. Everyone obediantly fell quiet, and Tash gestured to Harriet.

"It has been one year since the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society was founded..." Harriet intoned gravely.

"Actually," Lauren piped up, "we're a few months past our anniversary..."

The Leader paused, looking a little flustered. "It has been one year since the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society opened its doors to new members..."

"Nope," Tash interrupted, "we missed that date too."

"...It has been one year since the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society set up headquarters at the Library Arcanium...!"

Adrian hesitantly raised a hand. "Uhh, actually..."

"Will you people stop ruining the moment?"

There was a long silence.

"Thank you." The Society's Founder and President cleared her throat dramatically. "It has been about a year since we started going around arresting Sues and Stus and all the rest of the stuff we do. It's been a busy summer, to say the least, but with all of us working together, we always pull through. With the coming of the new academic year, I know that many of our agents will be busy with Real Life matters, but I have faith that the new season will be even better than the first!" Unsurprisingly, Harriet's little speech was accompanied by dramatic waves and gestures.

Emily pulled a french beret onto her head in her mentor's honor. "Alright everyone!" Her tiny voice reached across the spacious room. "Line up!"

Everyone began arranging themselves onto the bandstands that had been miraculously set up in the antechamber, despite all the arguments and cliched insults. Lauren, Harriet, and Tash, as the Society's Founders, stood proudly in the center of the front row, the Chief Librarian on Tash's opposite side. Miriku, Michael, and Claire filed in just behind them, and Valerie's team arranged themselves in two rows on their left side, with Valerie closest to the center. Ari appeared out of between somewhere on the ceiling, and swooped down to sit prettily on Valerie's shoulder.

The other team of agents, Emma, Beth, and Kate, went on the right side of the founders as Marcus, Rhia, and Jess lined up on Miri's right. Leonard, who had been promised a cadaver to play with if he behaved himself, was poking his head curiously out of Jess' purple handbag. Kyle was wedged between Claire and Monika, but grinned like the rest of them.

Ben, Drake, and Tyler, with Shirley hovering next to Ben's shoulder, arranged themselves in the middle of the third row. Camille and Doyle stood to Tyler's left, and Jarred and Chloe went on Ben's right. Karissa and Charis slid in next to Chloe, Willie following them to complete the line.

Christoph, Algazdun on his shoulder, stood next to Doug in the very back, along with Pete and Joe. And Aster, in fae form, hovered between and just above the two pairs, apparently unable to stand still. After some shuffling, everyone was squeezed onto the platform, and everyone was fully visible to the camera.
Emily set the timer on the camera, then dashed back to stand in front of Harriet, an adorable smile on her face. Adrian continued adjusting his trenchcoat, seemingly unable to stop fidgiting.

"What is wrong with you?" Tash asked him, trying not to move.

"I told you," he muttered, "I don't like getting my picture taken!"

"Why on earth not?"

He rolled his eyes. "Does there have to be a reason? Maybe I just don't like it." The Librarian suddenly became aware of a hot flush coming to life on his cheeks, and looked anywhere but at Tash's face.

Tash, meanwhile, smirked. "Now you're blushing. That makes three things I don't get to see all that often." She snaked an arm around his neck, pulling him closer. She never could resist that blush... "And three things that no one but me willl ever see..."

And suddenly Emily's adorable smile became a smirk of triumph.

CLICK!

"Finally," the Librarian muttered, striding quickly out of the over-crowded room. Tash rolled her eyes and followed him out, plans to unkink his tail already running through her mind. The rest of the Society dispersed almost as quickly, due to Harriet's continued shouts of "Alright, break's over! Back to work, everyone!"

As she ran to collect her camera, Emily looked back at where Aster was still hovering, and the two exchanged a mischievious smirk. The fae flew over the heads of her fellow agents, landing right next to the girl. "Did they do it?" Aster asked eagerly.

"Yep," Emily replied with a wide grin. "I told'ja they would!"

The pair of them looked eagerly at the small digital preview screen on the camera... at one couple in particular, who were snogging each other in plain view, front-row center.

"Just a little cropping and re-sizing, and it'll be perfect!" Aster smirked. "I told them I'd have photos of them. Blackmail, here I come!"

-

Several hours later...
"I know what it is!" Harriet suddenly exclaimed, waking several agents from their sleep in the process, "It's the day of our 100th oneshot!"

A loud rumble filled the halls of the Library, waking everyone else and prompting an enraged "ASTER!" from the Chief Librarian, as per usual.

"Kyaa, we missed that one too, Hari-san." Aster commented. No one asked what she was doing in Harriet's bedroom. Probably looking for some of her confiscated manga. "The author of this fic was too lazy to submit it in time." At that, an even louder rumble was heard, and several shelves of books mysteriously broke.

"ASTER!" Adrian shouted again. He sounded particularly pissed this time, though for once it wasn't about the fourth wall.

The little fae suddenly became the picture of innocence. "Kyaa~?"