Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Insert Humorously-Named Blooper Reel Here

The world of Rapture had seen far better days, especially since Jack had come in and stopped Atlas, and freed all the Little Sister from his tight, iron grasp.

Ten long years had passed. Ten far too long years, and the world above the sea had been calm. Quiet. FAR too quiet, to be honest.

And then the disappearances had begun.

Little girls from towns all over the world had been vanishing. Disappearing without a trace. The only possible piece of evidence that accompanied every kidnapping was the fact there was a bright, flashing, red light that could be seen from the coastline, in the ocean, flaring lightly and blinking dimly as it disappeared under the very surface of the sea tasting water...

Our story opens on this, and the creature known simply as the Big Sister.

The new ruler of Rapture.

She made people fear where Rapture could not. The darkest entity in the entire area. The ruler of the under sea utopia known as Rapture. Her word was rule. Her whim was law. And her grip on the otherwise chaotic paradise that Atlas and Fontaine had promised the world.

The only voices that echoed around the otherwise empty, metallic hallway was that of the dripping water, caused by one of the many, many holes that peppered the otherwise solid hull, along with the screaming of the damned that belonged to the loud, shrieking, horribly mutilated bodies that belonged to the splicers that echoed every which way, and the calm, dulcet tones of the little girls that the Big Sister had liberated from the upper world, singing small lullabies as hulking, metal giants known simply as the Big Daddies, the Little Sisters self appointed body guard.

Our story, however, takes place deep in the heart of the watery prison, where a dark crime takes place...

"Mr. Bubbles! Mr. Bubbles, wake up!" Shouted the helpless little sister, shaking the prone form of the metallic body guard that had just given its life to protect her own, as a small group of hungry looking Splicers looked at the Little Sister.

Her little body rich with ADAM... filled with POWER...

One of them, hook in his hand, bloodied up from his titanic struggle with the otherwise omnipotent Big Daddy, shrieked a battle cry and lunged at the Little Sister...

He got no more than a foot or so, as a large, metal spike jammed its way into its chest. A single red eye stared from behind it at the back of it's head.

The Big Sister was not fond of Little Sisters being attacked.

The lithe looking form of death threw the now skewered Splicer from off her spike, and into another Splicer, knocking him down to the ground and knocking him out almost instantly. The bright red light focused on the other three that had accompanied the attack, and if they could see the creatures eyes, they would have seen the utter rage it was feeling.

Before they even had a chance to react, she threw her hand forward, and on cue, several dozen objects flew through the air and peppered their body. Battered, beaten and bruised, they fell to the ground, defeated.

"Mr. Bubbles..." the Little sister sobbed, clinging to the metal giant she had seen as a father.

The Big Sister, her work done, walked forward and reached down to touch the Little Sister, to soothe and comfort her...

"Big Sister, you are under arrest by the Anti Cliche and Mary Sue Elimination Society!"

The petite armored Big Sister looked up at the side to see Michael standing there, holding his sword aloft. It had been a while since he was out of his room... but hey, he was up and raring to go!

"You're under arrest for the various accounts of being in a Fandom when no one wants you! Now come with me quietly and no one will have to get hurt!"

Rather than insulting him like so many others had done in the past, she merely tilted his head to the side. Well, at least, he thought she tilted her head to the side...

"Not talking eh?" Michael asked, his otherwise tough persona dropping slowly as his sword did the same. He shook his head, and rose the blade up again. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

As he began to charge, she skittered out of the way and into a nearby hallway. He blinked in surprise, looking around. Since when did Sue's RUN?

We're going to charge after her, aren't we? Asked the Darkness in his head, sounding bored as of now.

"Don't we always?" He asked, as he jumped into the hallway and raced off.

The Little Sister, watching the whole thing, blinked. "What just happened...?"


The skittering noises the Big Sister made allowed Michael to follow the Sue a lot easier. "You're running is pointless!" Michael shouted, panting a bit as he stopped in the middle of a large, circular room. "You're just making it harder for yourself!"

A bright, red light appeared on the other side of the room, and just as quickly as it had appeared, did Big Sister lunge out of the darkness, her large arm spike glistening in the shimering light from above. Michael didn't have enough time to raise his arm to block the attack...so he closed his eyes and concentrated...

And a large, black tentacle erupted from his back and knocked her back before the very tip could pierce his check, striking the metal casing that the deranged woman had so carefully created for herself and herself only. The attack didn't hurt her in any sort of way, however, as she backflipped clear across the room and stopped with a screeching halt. She lifted her hand, and a large bolt of lightning shot from her fingertips and danced through the air to the Darkened Gary Stu Gutter.

He threw himself to the side as the attack sizzled against the otherwise dull and rusted metal, and he looked down. He was in a puddle of water. "Oh boy."

Another bolt of lightning shot from her fingers, and struck the Puddle. A bright flash of light filled the otherwise dank room, and when it cleared, Michael was standing there, twitching hard, his hair sticking up in every which way.

You humans are so damn vulnerable...Chortled the darkness, who was laughing at his misery.

"Said the demonic creature that I can harm with a flashlight," michael smirked as he brushed his hair down and kept his twitching down to a minimum. Stepping out of the puddle, as that hadn't felt exactly pleasing, he threw both hands forward, and just as before in New York, two of the Darklings, the one with the large Sledgehammer, and the other with the massive machine gun appeared, but between these two appeared another who looked as though he was carrying a car battery on his back, and two shock batons in either hand.

"Yay, doom, death and destruction!" shouted the sledgehammer swinging one, swinging his signature weapon above his head and slamming it down with an echoing boom.

"Where are we?" asked the car battery toting one, looking around in confusion and stupidly pressing his shock baton to his head and getting shocked hard. He hit the ground hard, smoking and twitchng, and Michael slapped his own forehead hard.

"Let's rock this joint," the Machine Gun toting one stated as he brought up his own weapon of choice, and prepared to pull the trigger...

Big Sister flew across the room and backhanded the small, army spoof demon, causing him to fly against the wall behind him and dent it hard. His helmet cracked in half, and his gun snapped it half. He groaned and slid to the ground, his head hanging. Big Sister was preparing to thrust her spike into his chest...

And the Sledgehammer swinging Darkling slammed his weapon into her helmet.

The loud echoing clang of the sledgehammer hitting the helmet echoed about the room, and the Darkling would NEVER have another opportunity like this, so... "Bring out your dead!"

"Here's one!" shouted the Machine Gun toting Darkling, holding up the electricly charged dead looking darkling.

"That'll be nine pence," the Darkling said, staying in character

"I'm not dead..." the weakened Darkling croaked.

"Nothing! Nine pence!"

The Big Sister regained her senses, and with a loud shriek of anger, backhanded both Darklings away from her, making sure they landed in the puddle of water off to the side. Grabbing the weakened Lightkiller Darkling, she threw it at the water.

A loud shriek of pain echoed from all three as electricity coursed through their body, and they disappeared in wisps of darkness.

"I can't even begin to consider how pointless that was," Michael groaned as his hand found his forehead again in a fit of shame.

It was pointless, but regardless... comical.

"Too true..." Michael nodded, and jumped at the Big Sister again.

The two clashed blades, and their resulting sparks lit up the room, casting nightmarish shadows of their battle as blood and water flew into the air in a chaotic fasion, similar to a Van Gogh painting.

The resulting battle, both fighters finally could take no more, and began to pant. Well, Michael did, Big Sister was impossible to tell how she COULD breath in that thing. Sensing a moment, Michael grabbed his sword and began to walk forward, planning his final strike...

"Aniki! Wait!"

Both fighters looked off to the side as the familiar younger sister of Michael jumped out of a portal, panting, her hair a mess... and yet it looked the same as any other day. In her hand was a magazine, closed tightly in her fist.

"She's not a Sue!"

Michael cocked an eyebrow in what one would be surprise. "What on EARTH are you talking about Miri?" he asked her curiously. "She HAS to be a Sue! Look at her! Big Sister, unbelieable powers, that figure, can take down a whole army of Splicers without even blinking, and rules over RAPTURE! She HAS to be a Sue!"

"But look here!" she shouted in return, holding up the magazine in question in her fist. Opening it, she began to read. "It says here, 'No matter how high up Raptures power hierarchy is, Big Sister is always higher. The city belongs to her now. A lithe, vaguely feminine shape covered in armor, the big sister is incredibly agile and frighteningly powerful. Any adam she extracts is funneled directly into her blood stream, fueling telekinetic powers higher than anything previously thought possible.'"


"She's not a Sue, Aniki!" Miri said, a small knowing grin on her face. "She's in the sequel. She's 100% canon!"

Michael walked over and snatched the magazine from his little sisters hands and read the article as she did. He read it again. And again. And again. And again. A picture was right next to said article, and it was exactly what Big Sister herself looked like. Re-re-re-re-RE-Reading it, he looked at the picture, and finally to the Big Sister again.

"Aw, SHIT." A loud echoing clap was heard as he slapped his hand to his forehead. "You're KIDDING me..."

Miri was a giggling mess as she watched her older brothers distress, and Michael was hanging his head in shame. Finally, he looked to Big Sister with a small, nervous grin. "Eh... heh... sorry... my mistake?"

She pointed a hand at the wall, and though neither could hear her, her emotion said, "Get the HELL out of my sight."

"Right, yes ma'am." Michael nodded quickly. Miri, still giggling, conjured a portal. Michael grabbed her by the back of her shirt and dragged her off, grumbling how he was NEVER going to live it down.

The Big Sister merely shook her head in disgust, and skittered off again.


Just when I thought you humans couldn't get denser, and denser...

"I swear if you don't shut up, I'll go in a tanning bed." michael snarled to the voice in his head as his finger tips danced against the limitless book titles in the library. He needed something to read to put this whole thing behind him...

"So, I heard we had a little issue today..."

"Not now Adrian, I'm not in the mood," Michael twitched, grabbing a book from the shelf, a Stephen King Book, 'It', his favorite. He opened it to the middle and began to read.

"Honestly," Said the grinning white haired librarian as he walked up beside the Gary Stu gutter. "How didn't you know she was in the sequel?"

"Never trust Wikipedia," Michael said, trying to keep his calm. It was a blow to his pride, and nearly everyone had been taunting him as a result. "I don't wanna talk about it..."

"I'm just saying, it was a good way to show we're not perfect and we make mistakes." Adrian shrugged a bit, "Shows how different we are from the sues. And after the 10th or 15th time, it just keeps getting funnier."

Michael looked up at the screen, and grumbled.

"Tash needs to stop showing it on the jumbotron..."

"I gotta say, a blooper reel, I never would have thought of it..." Adrian chuckled.

Michael grabbed Adrian's ear and twisted, making the Librarian give out a very catlike yowl in surprise. "What did I just say?"

"Okay, okay, I'll shut up," Adrian groaned, bending to the direction Michael was twisting his ear. Michael let go, and Adrian rubbed his now sore ear. "I gotta get Tash to get rid of these things..."

"You know damn well she won't..."

"Yeah, I know..."

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Insert Ridiculously Appropriately Meaningful Kanji Here

She saw a room full of swirling dust particles that hadn't yet fully settled. More dust innocuously coated every inch of the floor; however, the motes didn't seem in some way...natural. She took another pass at the window, coming closer to the building, and this time her keen owl's eyes picked out what wasn't really dust but rather what remained of maybe half a dozen vampire bodies.

Maria Kurenai's eyes widened.

There was a man standing in the room, amidst the debris, and Maria's gaze grew even more intense when she saw that she recognized the person. Maria broke off from the vision in fright, and she slumped back into her chair, still clutching at her owl's feather. Back at the school...I remember having seen that person before, when I looked in between the cracks of Shizuka-sama's consciousness as she was in my body...That person is...

Aloud, Maria cried, "The council elders, they... Father! Mother! Something terrible has happened! Kaname-sama has..." Killed them all. She couldn't bring herself to say the words. Still, Maria ran out into the hall, fully prepared to break the devastating news to her parents. She ran into her father first.

"Maria, whatever is the matter?"

"Kaname-sama," she repeated breathlessly, before bracing herself to complete the rest of her sentence.
"Hush. No need. I already know, child." Maria stopped short in surprise at her father's words. "I just received the news from our guest, here." Maria peered around her father's form in order to find the girl that stood in his shadow.

She was beautiful, but that wasn't half of it.


Lela Persim Spica Clover Ginger Sarah Minnie Ono-Kuran.

All you had to do was speak her name, and suddenly anyone worthy of a reputation in vampire society could tell you all about her.

Lela had emerged onto the vampires' social scene shortly after the rumour began to spread that Kaname Kuran had killed the Council of Ancients, and just before the infamous incident that took place at the Cross Academy. She'd claimed to know the truth behind the happenings even before it was revealed that the two episodes had ever occurred. Lela had earnestly explained that as a result of so much in-breeding in Pureblood families, Kaname Kuran had quite simply become insane.

When set against the facts, he had been seen to kill the Council; Sara Shirabuki, another Pureblood, was reported to have kidnapped Takuma Ichijo from beside the deathbed of his grandfather (and no one had been able to find the aristocrat - mind you, Lela herself hadn't tried yet); and then, Rido Kuran and Shizuka Hio were other classic examples of Purebloods gone mad.

When questioned about how she knew so much, Lela admitted that her wealth of information stemmed from the fact that she was a Pureblood as well. However, she was only half a Pureblood, by virtue of the human lover her mother had taken in order to conceive Lela. And she wasn't half as manipulative as a full Pureblood, society had discovered, because only her father had raised her until his death. Her mother had died in childbirth, leaving Lela bereft of the more harmful vampiric influences until she reached her teens. Following her confession, Lela had wept a single miniscule tear, and before it finished its course down her face everyone's doubts about her lineage had fallen away.

With all society's eyes on her, Lela had proclaimed, "Kaname-san might be out of his mind – and therefore blameless – but he's nonetheless dangerous." Within a day of her startling debut, she convinced the aristocrats that the majority of the race of Purebloods must be disposed of, if only for safety's sake. In the wake of the Council's death, she proposed it might be better for vampires to welcome the return of the monarchy. The ruler of all vampires had to be of sound mind and judgement, with the ability to command and create respect through intimidation if necessary.

It should come as no surprise that Lela volunteered for the weighty role. Lela was half-Pureblood, so she had the required authority to keep lesser vampires in check, but she had none of the "bad blood" associated with truly pure blood, so of course she made an ideal ruler. Rido and Shizuka were already dead (coincidentally, Lela's mother was one of Rido's illicit progeny) so all that was left to do was put out a warrant for the arrest of Kaname Kuran, Yuuki Kuran and Sara Shirabuki, the last-known remaining Purebloods.

While vampire society sorted itself into a more orderly fashion under Lela's regime, the Hunter Association sent a representative to demand answers from the vampires' leader, and Lela dealt admirably with the spokesperson that came literally to her door. Zero Kiryu was a fine, upstanding twin-vampire-hunter-of-an-excellent-lineage-who-become-a-vampire-and-carried-the-blood-of-three-purebloods. If he hadn't fallen in love with Lela at first sight, no doubt her rational logic and impressive vocabulary still would have won him over in the end. As it was, only the second day that Lela became known to vampires everywhere, she and Zero Kiryu were engaged. In the event of their marriage humans and vampires would be united in a way previously unimagined.


The interior of the room was dark, but that proved to be no difficulty for the superior night vision of Zero Kiryu. His pale lavender eyes easily penetrated the shadows, and as he stepped closer and closer he could make out the slender, robust figure of his soul mate Lela. Her striking iris eyes met his without hesitation, and she even wore a smile. Lela always maintained a cheerful attitude towards life, despite her numerous responsibilities. He thought that was perhaps the reason he'd first fallen in love with her.

Zero drew Lela forward, gently, and he was the one to initiate the kiss. His lips touched hers barely to begin with, and then abruptly the force with which their lips met increased dramatically. Lela's mouth came down harder upon Zero's own, and Zero could hear both their heartbeats pick up pace. Carried away, Zero moved lower to trail kisses down her chin and throat, and in a culmination of desire he then bit down on the soft skin in the hollow of her neck.

Lela exhaled in a sigh of ecstasy when Zero began to draw her blood into him, and in turn his lavender eyes darkened to a crimson colour to also mark his harvest. Zero revelled at the feel of blood – her blood, especially – in his mouth, but sometimes he couldn't help thinking that Lela's blood tasted...odd. It had all the warmth and consistency of blood that resided in any living being, but the unique flavour of this half-Pureblood could not be believed. It might have been the wrong word, but the description Zero thought of was "fictional". Not real.

Almost immediately, Zero rebuked himself. He was stealing the essence right out of his loved one, and the monologue that flowed through his brain was a rant of complaints? Zero shook his head angrily, taking care not to damage Lela's skin as he did so. The movement caused his bangs to fall into his face for a moment, and when Zero next looked up he and Lela were not alone in the room.

From nowhere a tall dark-headed girl fell to the floor by his feet. As she stood up, Zero caught a glimpse of her features, which hinted at being Asian but not Japanese. She was pale, and as if to accentuate that shade of skin, she wore a short red trenchcoat over barely visible red shorts. The shoes she wore on her feet were impractical things, flats with a single strap that looped around each ankle.

The girl cursed. "Stupid plothole! I never imagined it would drop me through the ceiling!" She paused to brush the barest trace of dirt off of her clothes before it struck her to check for others occupying the room. Consequently, when Karissa looked straight into the accusing glare of Zero Kiryu, it was with no defences at all. The hotness of his gaze immediately caused her to flush.

"Who are you?" he demanded. Karissa's stare continued right past his out of fear, and when she alighted on Lela's face – who had turned first to see why Zero stopped drinking from her, and second to ascertain the cause of the girl-falling-through-the-ceiling noise – her eyes hardened. Only once she'd seen the Sue did she deign to answer.

"My name is Karissa, and I am a rookie entering the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. I'm here to arrest Lela Persim Spica Clover Ginger Sarah Minnie Ono-Kuran – and I seriously doubt you are a true Kuran, girl – for fandom defacement."

Lela and Zero took a minute to wrap their heads around the complex sentence contained within the agent's statement, and then Lela's brow cleared and she snapped, "What evidence do you have of 'fandom defacement'?"

"You've killed one of my favourite characters!"

"What? I haven't killed anyone in this fandom! Not yet."

"Well, you've driven Kaname into hiding, which amounts to the same! Sure, it's the perfect opportunity for him to let Yuuki reconcile with her vampire birthright - and at least while in exile, Kaname is safe from your clutches - but now I rarely get to see him anymore! The last tankōbon that came out was all about YOU! That's how I knew you were in this fandom."

Lela pursed her lips reflectively. "Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Though, now that you're here, what makes you think that you can just take me in? You're merely a rookie, and you sorely lack backup."

Karissa, unfazed, stuck a hand into the pocket of her coat, and she promptly pulled out a device no bigger than a stick of gum. It was made of dull but finished metal, and its surprising heaviness belied its appearance. "I'm prepared for the chance that you might get away. But before you go, I'll make sure to use – this!" With all her might, Karissa hurled the gadget at the Sue.

Lela blinked. Once. Twice. Then she smirked. In between her blinks, it appeared that the Agent's supposed weapon had disappeared. "What exactly was your contraption supposed to do?" she queried mockingly. She wasn't prepared for the fit of laughter that wracked the Society member's frame in response. Karissa's trembling finger pointed up...up at her head. Self-conscious, Lela reached to check for any flyaway strands of hair, and instead she found them.

A pair of fuzzy, sickeningly real but cute puppy ears now stuck out from the sides of Lela's exquisitely coiffed head. "You've been dog-eared!" Karissa crowed. "My Bookmark has ensured that it won't be so easy for you to blend into another fandom with those things on your head. It will make it that much easier for me to find you again, if you should escape!"

Lela scowled, because the girl was right; she had short black hair, and that meant she couldn't simply hide the ears beneath more dark hair. "If you're prepared for me to run, I must not disappoint you," she growled, frustrated. With a running leap, Lela swerved past Karissa to jump into a skilfully conjured plothole, and then she was gone.

Karissa, true to her word, seemed nonplussed at the loss of her target. With Lela's presence removed from this fandom, the universe of Vampire Knight should return to normal soon enough. As her last order of business, Karissa turned to the thoroughly bemused Zero and proceeded to give him a brisk hug.

"I like you too, Zero. I do. I just happen to think that Kaname should be with his sister - Yuuki." Karissa's sad chestnut irises gave Zero a heartfelt look. "I wish you were able to find your own happiness, but I can't stop you from chasing after Yuuki, either. This is where I say goodbye." Without another word, Karissa executed a sightly pirouette and disappeared through her own Portal.


"You didn't really try to apprehend the Sue, did you?" Tash, the ACMSE Society leader, made an irritated tsk'ing sound against her teeth.

"Well, I had countermeasures in place."

"Yes, but...normally rookies exert a little more effort on their first mission."

Karissa grinned complacently. "I'm sure that with your Plot Summary, you'll find her in no time. Remember, I gave her dog ears. Worse than that, I gave her a cocker spaniel's ears, which will be a lot harder to hide than some perky little terrier's ears."

Tash allowed herself to chuckle. "I'll admit that was clever. The Society technicians grow wittier with time."
"The Bookmark was my sister's favourite invention. I can mention it to Charis that you liked it." Karissa was confident of her position, now that they'd moved on from the mission debriefing to pleasantries.

"I suppose I should say welcome, Karissa, the newest agent of the Society. If you wanted to head to the kitchen to get something to eat, your Level 1 security clearance will still let you in there, and from this point on you'll be able to access any non black-listed fandoms in addition to the communal areas of the Library."
Swelling with pride, Karissa replied with one "Thank you, Tash."

However, the blonde shook off her thanks. "Don't thank me. Eat up and rest in bed, because your next assignment will come sooner than you think."

Karissa, secretly, didn't let the warning bother her.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Insert Display of Spiderlike Powers Here

It was a slow night in the Library Arcanium. Drake sat in one of the reading rooms, tossing darts at a picture of Willowe taped to the wall. He winged a dart and it stuck itself into the forehead of the Willowe image.

"So… bored…" Drake groaned as he leaned back in his chair.

The door creaked open and Tash, the British Chief Agent, entered the room. She glanced over at him. "Hey, Drake."

"Looking for some sweets?" Drake asked.

"Yep," Tash replied with a frustrated sigh. "Adrian's getting better at hiding them."

Drake pointed towards the wall. "Try behind the painting."

"Thanks," Tash said as she stepped past him and towards the wall. Drake heard her pull the painting off the wall, then a sharp crack and a yelp of surprise followed by the painting dropping to the ground with a load thunk. He turned around to find Tash hanging by her ankle from a length of rope, slowly swinging from side to side. "Bollocks!"

Drake chuckled and pushed himself out of his seat, walking over to the compartment that moments before had been hidden by the painting. He stepped around the indisposed Tash and pulled a box of Oreos from the hidden compartment.

Tash glared at him and crossed her arms. "Are you going to let me down?"

He pretended to look thoughtful for a moment, before popping an Oreo in his mouth. "Nope! You'd just steal my cookies."

The Chief Agent growled in anger and attempted to grab him, but only succeeded in making herself swing faster.

Drake ducked out of the room. He slammed the door closed and placed a "Caution! Do not enter" sign on the doorknob.

He knew he would really be in trouble when Tash finally got out of that trap, but he was a pretty fast runner and it would be worth it for the Oreos. He normally wouldn't have stolen the sweets, but there were no sunflower seeds to be found which left him with no choice. Still, finding the cookies' hiding place had only been half the battle, he still needed a way to check for Adrian's infamous booby traps.

A wide smirk spread across his face as he walked down the hall. He looked up and his smirk disappeared as he found Adrian approaching him from the opposite end of the hall.

"Are those my Oreos?" Adrian asked.

Drake didn't reply, but instead stared at the top of Adrian's head. "You have cat ears…"

Said cat ears twitched as the white haired Librarian frowned. "I have had these cat ears for weeks and you're only just noticing them now?"

"Are they real?" Drake asked, reaching his free hand out towards Adrian's head. The Librarian quickly stepped out of reach.

"Never mind that," Adrian said. "Have you seen Tash?"

"Maybe…" Drake replied, before slowly chewing another Oreo. "Why?"

"We have a Mary-Sue in the Spider-man fandom and we need to decide who to send after it," Adrian replied.

"Why didn't you say so?" Drake said. "You happen to be looking at an expert on the Spider-man fandom. Here hold on to these for me."

Drake handed the box of Oreos to Adrian before darting down the hall, pulling out his portal gun and opening a plothole. He dove into the black hole.

Adrian blinked, before glancing down at the Oreos. He reached for one and then the ground began to shake. He looked up to find several of the girl agents charging at him. He had only enough time to scream before he was tackled to the ground, the Oreos pulled from his grip, and the girls ran off to devour their prize.

"Did anyone catch the number of that bus?" the cat hybrid groaned.


Drake landed in the Spider-man fandom. He glanced around and noted the animation style of the fandom. "So I'm in the animated series?"

He glanced around in awe for a moment, before he felt the ground shaking. He turned around just in time to see a huge muscular man wearing a grey costume with a rhino horn extending from the top of his head come running at him. Drake leapt to the side, just in time to avoid getting crushed.

The Rhino continued running, ignoring the pedestrian he had almost crushed. Drake took off after him. It wasn't easy keeping up, despite his size the Rhino could run pretty fast.

The super villain disappeared around a corner. Drake turned the corner and gasped. The entire street was a battleground. Cars were overturned and the pavement cracked. A streetlight lay on the ground. In the center of the devastation stood Doctor Octopus, hoisted into the air on two of his mechanical arms, while the other pair shot forward trying to crush a certain red and blue clad superhero. Spider-man dodged the tentacles by hand springing along the wall of the building he was currently clinging to. The Vulture swooped down from overhead and slammed his feet into Spidey. He went falling down the edge of the building and towards the green clad, fishbowl wearing Mysterio, who currently stood on a floating green Chinese dragon. When Spidey came in range, the dragon attempted to swat at him with its tail, but the superhero shot out a webline at the last moment and swung away.

Unfortunately, he was now low enough to the ground for Kraven to leap up and tackle him. Spider-man crashed into the ground with the mutated Kraven landing on top of him.

"Now, I shall finish you!" Kraven growled in his Russian accent.

"I don't think so, tabby," Spidey quipped and extend his hands, shooting two weblines to snare Electro. He yanked sharply on the lines and pulled Electro through the air to collide with Kraven. The voltage Electro was currently emitting zapped Kraven causing his fur to stand on end as the two went flying.

Spider-man leapt back to his feet. His Spider-sense blared a warning, but it was too late as the Rhino rammed into him and sent him flying into Doctor Octopus' waiting arms. Spider-man struggled as the metal constructs wrapped tightly around him.

"Uh-oh," Drake muttered. He stepped out from around the corner, raising his arms as he prepared to summon his armor. He stopped and glanced down at the inactive rocky pendant around his neck. He scowled.

"Well, look who's here," a beautiful female voice chuckled.

Drake spun to face the Mary-Sue. Finding no one behind him, he glanced up to find her, dressed in a red and gold spider costume clinging to the side of the building. Her honey colored hair hung down perfectly.

"So you're the Sue I'm looking for?" Drake growled.

"That's right. Natalie Garbash 'Emerald' Marmalade," the Sue smirked. "But you can call me Spider-woman here."

"Emerald?" Drake echoed. His eyes narrowed. "You were in the Spyro fandom!"

"That's right," Emerald chuckled prettily. "It was so nice of you to let me escape. Now if you'll excuse me I'd better go save the superhero. Not even my Sue powers can keep the villains gloating forever you know. Oh, and don't go anywhere. I'll be back to finish you…"

She shot a webline and swung towards the battle, catching Doctor Octopus completely unawares with a kick to the side.

Drake sighed and turned away, not wanting to watch the Sue as she effortlessly defeated all six super villains. He most certainly wasn't going to stick around and let her come back and finish him.

"How do I beat a Sue with spider-powers?" He glanced down at the figure on his black t-shirt. A smirk spread across his face.


Spider-woman defeated the Sinister Six with almost no effort. She gained massive praise from the police, the public, and the press. Even the Daily Bugle loved her! As Natalie Garbash 'Emerald' Marmalade she became the most popular and pretty girl at Midtown Manhattan Magnet High School and also started dating Peter Parker, which not even Sally complained about.

She got Flash Thompson to let up on bullying and hassling Peter. She used sound logic to convince Harry Osborn to stop blaming Spider-man for his father's death.

Drake groaned as he trudged through Manhattan's sewers. To say it smelled horrible down there would be a massive understatement. His patience was wearing thin and he was wondering if he would ever find what he was looking for.

He stopped and shouted at the top of his lungs. "Are there any evil alien symbiotes down here?"

Something grabbed his leg and he yelped as he found himself hoisted into the air and hanging upside down from the ceiling. He glanced up, or rather down in his case to find a black tendril wrapped around his ankle. Several more liquid-like tentacles emerged from the shadowy ceiling as the symbiote revealed itself.

"Looking for us?" the symbiote hissed.

"Yep," Drake replied, trying to remain calm. "I'd like your help with something."

The symbiote released his ankle, sending him falling into the disgusting sewer water. Drake gasped as he stood up, covered in filth… "What makes you think we would help you?"

"Something called a Mary-Sue has arrived on this world," Drake replied. "It's a rather unnatural creature that shouldn't be here. It's taken the form of a human female and romantically attached itself to Spider-man. As long as it's here, you won't be able to destroy Spider-man."

"Why not?"

"It's too powerful, even if you had Eddie," Drake explained. "But I'm a self-insert, if you merge with me, we might have a chance."

The alien was silent for a moment, before it slithered down the wall and came to a halt in front of Drake. "If we bond with you and find you were lying, we will be most unhappy."

"I know better than to lie to evil alien entities," Drake said as the symbiote moved towards him.

Natalie Garbash 'Emerald' Marmalade trotted home from school. Her honey-colored hair caught the breeze just perfectly and everyone male she passed turned to gaze at her with awestruck expressions.

Her smile was wide, though she knew that Drake was out there someplace, there was no way he could catch her while she had these powers. With her Spider-sense it would be impossible for him to sneak up on her.

The Sue's Spider-sense began buzzing and she looked up just in time to see the black blur before it slammed into her and sent her flying through the wall of a store.

She groaned and pushed herself out of a tangle of coats. Emerald tapped her wrist watch and millions of small nanobots emerged from it, covering her and forming her red and gold Spider-costume.

"What's that supposed to be?" Drake asked as he climbed into the building, sticking to the ceiling. The symbiote had increased his muscle mass slightly, but not to the lengths it did when it possessed Eddie. Other than that slight difference, he looked exactly like the Venom of this fandom with soulless white 'eyes', a white spider symbol on his chest and back, and the mouth full of sharp teeth, which a long tongue lolled out of.

"It's a nanosuit," Emerald replied. "I made it myself."

"A high school student making a nanite based super suit? How unbelievable!" He thrust his arm forward and shot a black webline at her. She nimbly dodged it, landing with exaggerated grace and ease, even for someone with Spider-powers.

"I'm a Sue, so I can do anything," Emerald said, before leaping up at him.

Drake released his grip on the ceiling and dropped to the ground. Emerald clung to the spot he had just occupied and Drake leapt back up at her. She jumped to the side and Drake instead went through the ceiling. Emerald swung towards the wall as Drake crashed back through the ceiling, almost coming down on top of her.

"Ha!" Emerald scoffed. "You think you can beat me by becoming a super villain? Don't you watch TV? The bad guy never wins."

She leapt towards him, but Drake caught her with a punch and sent her flying back out onto the street, which by now had been deserted by the pedestrians. "We beg to differ!"

He leapt out of the hole, coming down at Emerald, who rolled out of the way just in time. She didn't roll far enough though as Drake grabbed her leg and spun around, flinging her into the air. She managed to flip herself around and hit the side of the building with her hands and feet, sticking to it. Her hair was still perfectly combed and even the bruise Drake had inflicted on her cheek didn't mar the Sue's beauty.

"Why call yourself Spider-woman anyway?" Drake asked as he shot a webline and swung upwards. "There are already four of them in the comics. Not exactly original."

He swung his fist forward, but Emerald hand sprung up out of the way, before dropping back down and wrapping her arms around Drake's neck. "I can call myself whatever I want to!"

"Bet we could come up with a better name for you," Drake said, shooting a strand of webbing over his shoulder and into Emerald's eyes. He then launched himself off the side of the building, shooting another webline and swinging around to slam his back and Emerald into the hard concrete. "How about Spider-sue?"

Emerald groaned in pain as Drake leapt away and let her fall towards the ground. She began yanking at the webbing on her face, trying to dislodge it. Drake leapt after her, just as she pulled the last of the webbing off. He wrapped his arms around her. "Or Mary-spider? The Scarlet Sue?"

"Let go! You'll kill us both!" Emerald snapped as they fell towards the pavement.

"Oh, we promise this will hurt you a lot more than it will us," Drake hissed.

Emerald shot two weblines towards a building and sent them swinging towards it. This time it was Drake's turn to slam into the concrete, fortunately the symbiote absorbed most of the impact.

"We almost felt that!" Drake laughed as he tossed Emerald away. He thrust his fist forward and launched a ball of black webbing after her. The orb slammed into her and sent her flying even farther.

Emerald landed on a rooftop, tumbling across it before finally slowing to a stop. Drake landed on the roof a few seconds later. He stepped towards Emerald who shakily stood up. He threw a punch at her, but she stepped around it and to his side, he spun around and kicked her, sending her crashing into an air conditioning unit.

"You're making a mistake," Emerald gasped as she glanced up at the Venom-infused Society agent.

"We don't think so," Drake said, the symbiote's tongue whipping from side to side.

"The symbiote still wants to get Spider-man back as its host, right?" Emerald grinned. "I can make that happen."

"Why would it trust you?" Drake growled.

"I'm a Sue," Emerald smirked. "I always keep my word."

"You think it will want a Spider-man who is completely under your control?" Drake asked, stalking towards Emerald.

"Why not? And all it has to do is help me destroy you," At this, the symbiote trembled and then began flowing off Drake.

"What a gyp!" Drake exclaimed as the symbiote flowed over Emerald, turning her costume black and white.
Emerald threw her head back and laughed. "Now you're in trouble!"

"Am I?" Drake asked, suddenly smirking widely.

"Wha-?" the symbiote retracted from Emerald's wrist, revealing the metal bracelet now clamped around it. "No!"

The prohibitor released a flash of light and the symbiote disappeared along with all the damage their fight had inflicted on the surrounding city.

"You tricked me!" Emerald exclaimed in rage.

"Yes, we did," Drake smirked.

The depowered Sue shrieked in anger and charged at Drake. He was too stunned to react in time and Emerald shoved him over the edge of the building. He cried out in terror as he fell towards the ground. He closed his eyes and began to focus; there was one way he could save himself.

The sound of webbing being fired interrupted him and he landed in a net of the sticky white substance. Spider-man lowered himself into view, hanging upside down from a webline. He stared at Drake's Venom t-shirt. "You know, I almost didn't want to save you, but even people with horrible fashion sense don't deserve to go splat."

"Yeah, thanks," Drake said. "The girl that pushed me off the roof is still up there."

"I'll go get her then," Spidey said. "Don't go anywhere."

Drake leaned back in the web, resting his head on his hands. A feminine shriek sounded above him, followed by the sound of more webbing being fired. A few seconds later, Emerald dropped into view, ensnared in a net of webbing.

"I-I didn't do anything," Emerald said, glancing up at Spider-man. "You have to believe me! I'd never pushed anyone off a building. I'm too perfect to do that."

"O-kay," Spider-man said. "Why don't I just leave you two and the cops to sort this out?"

With that, he shot a webline and swung away. Drake opened a plothole beneath Emerald and after tugging at the webbing enveloping her managed to break it and drop her through it. He leapt after her.


"Another day, another Sue safely contained in the Library basement," Drake yawned, stretching his hands over his head. "Now I just need to find some way to keep from becoming bored again."

"Is that you, Drake?" Tash's voice came from frighteningly nearby and dripped with false sweetness. "I want to have a little talk with you."

"Uh-oh…" he turned and ran as fast as he could, straight into the wall. He shook his head to clear it and quickly took off down the hallway. Tash appeared around a corner and chased after him. "Well, at least I won't be bored!"

Sunday, May 22, 2011

TAOM: Adrian - Lessons & Leadershipping

Tash grunted as the air was forced out of her lungs as Adrian's kneecap slammed into her gut and sent her tumbling and flying across the training mat where she landed in a heap. "Erk…!"

The Librarian frowned and rested Hoshikuzu, in its sword form, against his shoulder and cocked his head at her curiously. "Why are you lying down that? We're training… this is no time to be napping…"

"So far…" Tash grumbled as she got to her feet and picked up her staff from where it had fallen a few inches away. Like Adrian's staff, it was made out of a magical wood (that looked strangely like oak…), but it resembled Saruman's staff from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, save for its coloration and the fire-red stone mounted in the top. A long ribbon was tied near the top and trailed off. "Your 'training' has consisted of nothing but you beating on me…."

"I know how you learn, Tash… you learn by doing, not by having someone tell you…" Adrian twirled his sword in a complex pattern before snapping it down to his side. "Now… come on and fight…" Then he charged at her, blade a blur of motion.

The British girl swore and caught his sword along the length of her staff and swept it aside before thrusting at him with the other end. He twisted to the side and slid around the attack, slamming his elbow into her face, ducking even as she staggered back and swung blindly at him, staff whooshing over his head. The Librarian launched upwards, clocking her hard on the jaw and sending toppling over on her butt again.

"Bollocks!" She moaned and rubbed at her sore jaw, blinking away the pain. "That hurt!"

"It's supposed to…" Adrian helped her to her feet and looked sternly at her. "Jurai-ken is a fighting style that requires a strong offense and is not meant to defend with. Instead of blocking, you're supposed to counter-attack!"

"Well, it's not as easy it looks!" She sighed and shook out her blonde hair with a hand. "And anyway, isn't Jurai-ken meant for a sword?"

"Well, yes…" He admitted. "But your staff is the same length as the required sword…and coupled with the magic I've been teaching you, we should be able to modify the style to suit your needs…"

Tash rolled her shoulders and gripped her staff in both hands. "Why teach it to me at all? I could fight well enough before and with the magic you've been teaching me, I should be able to hold my own."

"Uh-huh… and Willowe beating the stuffing out of you was an accident?" As Tash flushed sheepishly, Adrian turned and walked back to the other side of the mat. "Now… c'mon. Let's try this again…" He turned back to face her and brought Hoshikuzu up into an attack position. "I've shown you how all of the attacks work…so hurry up and try them out already!" With that, he sprinted towards and leapt into the air, dropping towards her with sword extended.

Tash watched him come towards her and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before planting her staff-point first into the ground and then jumping up, landing on the other end of the staff and then jumping off of that in a split second, vaulting herself even higher than she normally could, gripping the ribbon tightly in her hand. "Jurai-Ken…" She yanked hard on the ribbon, pulling the staff free of the ground and whipping towards Adrian, flames arcing from the gemstone. "Shinanori! (Dancing Flame - Sky Rocket Burst!)" Burst of fire erupted from the staff.

Adrian reacted instantly, blocking or slashing the bursts of flame apart but then Tash's staff slammed into shoulder-point first and he went crashing to the ground. "ahh... not… bad…" Then he rolled out of the way as Tash dropped, staff stabbing down where his head had just been. "Building up a little grudge against me till now…?"

"A little…" The Chief Agent twirled her staff in both hands as Adrian jack-knifed to his feet and dropped into an odd crouching stance, right leg tucked close while her left was extended out as far it could go and her staff rested against the length of her right arm and over that shoulder. "Juari-Ken - Tairenso! (Dancing Flame - Whirling Hell Wind!)" Then she catapulted forwards, whirling and spinning as flames streamed out the gemstone, enveloping her and transforming her to a small tornado of flames.

"Librarian Art 8: Pillars of Knowledge!" He stabbed his blade into the ground and the six stone pillars burst from the floor and slammed towards Tash. A small grin appeared on his face as Tash's attack simply melted and destroyed the pillars without even slowing her down. (Excellent… she's putting more effort into her attacks. Even at half-strength, my attacks aren't enough…) But then he dashed forwards, dropping low and sweeping Tash's feet from out from under her.

"Ack!" Tash toppled, the flames from her attack dispersing harmlessly. Hitting the floor with an 'ooof!', she scowled and rolled over to glare at the smirking Librarian. "That's not fair! You taught me the technique, so you know all the weak points!"

"There is no 'fair' or 'unfair' in battle… only striking the enemy's vulnerabilities." He chided her and his head snapped back as her heel caught his chin hard. "…See… you're learning…"

She growled and rose to her knees, swiping at him with her staff, but he saw it coming and jumped back lightly, the blow passing harmlessly below his legs. "Hold still!" Then she was on her feet, sprinting at him and twirling her staff, flames igniting at both ends and it swung up at him.

He easily blocked the blow. "What's that going to…"

"Jurai-Ken - Doryuto! (Dancing Flame - Rising Star Slam!)" Tash's foot shot up and she kicked her staff hard, the blow actually lifting Adrian off his feet as his eyes widened slightly in surprise, fire trailing the staff's path and enfluging him.

The British girl wasn't finished as she jumped up and brought her staff down towards her boyfriend's head. "Juari-Ken - Doryuta! (Dancing Flame - Falling Star Crush!)" Even as Adrian blocked again, she slammed her palm into her staff, doubling the force of her swing and causing the Librarian to slam into the mat below as a second wave of fire effulged him.

Landing lightly on her feet, she smirked as he got back to his feet slowly, brushing off bits of ash and putting out little flames on his trenchcoat. "How was that…?"

He grinned at her and twirled Hoshikuzu lightly, cat ears twitching. "Not bad… you caught me by surprise. But it's going to take more than that…" Then he flash-stepped out of sight, reappearing behind her and sword drawn back to strike.

"Jurai-Ken…" Tash twisted her staff behind her and blocked the blow, before whirling on her heel and slamming her staff through Adrian's guard and into his chest. "…Gihardi! (Dancing Flame - Striking Phoenix Talon!)" As the force of her counter-attack shoved Adrian backwards, flames erupted from the impact point and hurtled him backwards off the mat and wreathing his form in flames.

"GAH!" Surprised and a little fearful at what she had done, the girl dropped her staff and dashed towards her significant other, dropping to her knees and skidding the last few feet, halting near his prone form. "Adrian!"

Flames mostly extinguished, the Librarian coughed out a mouthful of soot and patted out the few remaining smoldering embers on his coat. "I'm… I'm alright…" Tash helped him sit up and he coughed again. "I smell like burnt kitty…" Scowling, he pulled his tail around and gently pinched out a flame that had been burning on the tip.

"I'm sorry!" She hugged him tightly. "I didn't mean hurt you like that! I kinda forgot myself in the heat of the moment…"

He waved her concerns away. "It's alright, Tash… I should have expected for you learn Jurai-Ken so quickly… and getting knocked around during combat training is to be expected. Otherwise, we're not doing it right and then my lessons are worthless…"

"Hmmm-mmm…" Tash hugged him again and stroked his hair a little. "I'm still sorry…."

"Don't be…" Adrian hugged her back. "It's just a sign that my lessons are taking effect. Means you're a good student…"

"And you're a good teacher…" She kisses his cheek and ran a hand down his arm lightly. "Mmmm…you give me all these lessons and I don't give you anything in return…"

He flushed and smiled. "That's fine, dear one…Just knowing you can defend yourself is enough for me… mmph!" He was silenced as she kissed him on the lips.

Breaking the kiss, she continued speaking and ran a hand over his chest. "So I was thinking… if you teach me how to fight…" She kissed him again and then kissed his jawline. "That I'll teach you how to love…" Another kiss.

Adrian sighed a little at her touches and nodded slowly. "Sounds like a fair deal to me…"

"I was hoping you'd say that…" She pushed him over onto his back and pulled herself on top of him. "Now… just let me show you how it's done… and then you can try, alright?" Without waiting for an answer, she kissed him again and then kissed at his jawline. "First… you have to start slow…" Her hands trailed over his chest.

"Hmmm…" He nodded contentedly at her. "And then…?"

"You work at it a little…" She tilted his head back and planted a series of kisses down his neck, eliciting a soft sigh from him while one hand rubbed his arm and the other stroked one his kitty ears.

A giggle escaped her as she realized that Adrian had stated to purr softly. "Awww… is my kitty content…?" She rubbed harder at his ear and kissed at the hollow his throat.

He sighed again and the purring got a little louder. "Yeah…" His tail twitched and then wrapped itself around her leg, causing another set of giggles to escape from her.

"Naughty tail…" She smirked at him and then nipped at his throat and he shivered a little as she walked her fingers across his chest. "And do you know what the third step is…?"

A third sigh. "What…?" He rubbed at her back.

Tash smiled and rested her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around him. "Leave them wanting more…"

"No fair…" He pouted at her, ears twitching.

Another smirk and she scooted forwards to kiss him again. "All's fair in love and war, my love…"

"Fine…" Adrian cuddled her close and stroked her hair. "Any chance I could get you to get off me…?"

"No. You're a good pillow," Tash told him and curled up on top of him, resting against his chest.

He chuckled and closed his eyes, both of them enjoying the moment and the peaceful feeling that swept through them…


"Aww…they're so cute!" Lauren smirked and tilted her head as she watched the two leaders sleep.

Harriett nodded her agreement and folded her arms across her chest. "About time… took them long enough…" She smirked. "Michael owes me twenty bucks…"

Lauren glanced at her with a slight frown. "You took bets on when they'd get together?"

"No… how long it'd be when they start acting like love-doves in public." The Society's founder smirked again. "He thought it'd be at least three weeks. It's only been one and a half…"

"But they're not in public…" Lauren pointed into the training room where the pair slept.

Harriett waved it away. "Semantics." There was a flash and then a click. "Wha…?"

Aster smirked from between the pair where she had suddenly appeared and lifted her camera, taking another picture. "It's blackmail material… so I can get all the manga I want."

The other two girls looked at one another, then Aster and then back at each other again, sly grins appearing on their faces as they pulled out cameras and aimed them towards the sleeping pair…

Only to see Tash gripping her staff and pointing it at them without getting off her pillow. "No… pictures!"

The three girls dropped their cameras and ran, screaming as a burst of flame leapt from the staff.


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Insert Apocalyptic Philosophical Title Here

She had taken Shibuya by storm. Bella Francine Carolyn Michelle Tracy Hannah Annabelle Paula Jenny Darline Karen Ginger Aubrey the Fourth had shown up inexplicably in the Reapers Game on the first day, stunning all who saw her with her flawless porcelain skin, immaculate long eyelashes, perfect full lips and lustrous green hair. The Reapers Game was a dark tournament of sorts, in which the recently-dead were issued daily missions in order to win their lives back.

Bella then proceeded to win the Game and defeat the Game Master without a partner. Not only that, she also fought her way through several high-class Reaper officers before finally facing off against Joshua, the Composer and ruler of Shibuya. She easily defeated him, though she spared his life. (After all he was quite possibly the most perfect person in the fandom! ...apart from her, of course.) Joshua, stunned at her power, beauty, sense of justice and honesty, and even more beauty, readily stepped down from his position as Composer and allowed Bella to take over the job for him.

Bella quickly mastered the job, her Games were swift and just. Those with pure hearts she granted instant reincarnation. Those with darker souls, however, she instantly and personally Erased from existence. Not only that, but she recognized the talent of Harrier Reaper Uzuki Yashiro and gave her a promotion... to Conductor. Plus, she also gave uber-lazy Harrier Reaper Koki Karyia as many days off as he liked, not to mention an endless supply of bean paste. She even got Neku Sakuraba to forgive his killer, Yoshira Kiriyu. Under her rule, Shibuya thrived.

At the moment, both Bella and Joshua were in the Dead Gods Pad, the Reaper Headquarters. Bella was nestled in the crook of Joshua's arm, her head pressed against his chest. After much coaxing, Joshua had finally convinced her to relate her long, terrible, and extremely tragic past to him. Now the two of them were sitting in silence, staring at the fish swimming beneath the glass floor. Joshua stared down at the tragic heroine in his arms. Despite her sorrow at recalling the unimaginably horrible events of her past, even her tears formed perfect trails as they rolled down her flawless skin.

Joshua had been entranced by this vision of utter beauty and perfection ever since she had broken into the Room of Reckoning and proceeded to beat the crap out of him.

"So... you killed yourself?" Joshua asked gently.

Bella nodded, still crying. "I just couldn't escape from my incredibly tragic past, and I felt like nobody would ever love me, so..."

Bella broke off as Joshua stared at her in shock. "What?" He asked softly as he tenderly turned her head towards him. Slowly, gently, their lips drew closer to one another.

"How could anybody not love you?" Joshua asked. "You're perfect..."

"All right, that's enough. If I hear the word 'perfect' one more time, I'm gonna puke!"

The Sue and the Composer whirled to see who had spoken, The speaker was a boy in his mid-teens with tightly curled brown hair, hazel eyes and rounded rectangular glasses. He was dressed very simply in a plain white t-shirt and worn blue-jeans. A pair of earbuds were slung around his neck and trailed down to his pocket, Heavy Metal pulsing from them. He leaned casually against the door to the Dead Gods Pad, smirking.

"Who are you?" Bella demanded.

"Allow me to introduce myself." The boy pushed his glasses up. "My name is Ben. James Ben." He said in a faux british accent, striking a very familliar pose.

Before anyone could say anything, a high-pitched screeching noise reached their ears. The teen grimaced and braced himself.

"LaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAMEEE!" Something came flying out of nowhere and blasted Ben in the side, sending him flying.

When the dust cleared, Ben was embedded about a foot into the wall opposite of where he'd been standing and what appeared to be a 3-foot polished stick of wood with claws had grabbed a hold of his head and was repeatedly bashing it back into the wall.

"BAD BEN! BAD BEN! BAD BEN!" It shouted, continuing it's abuse.

Both Bella and Joshua sweatdropped.

"SHIRLEY!" Ben's voice was muffled from where it was pressed into the wall. "Can we at least get this over with? Then, afterwards, I'll let you use the cattle prod on the high setting."

"Fine..." The stick jumped off his back as he extricated himself from the wall. There was a trickle of blood running from his forehead.

"Like I said, you can call me Ben," He said, dusting bits of wall from his hair and adjusting his glasses. "And this here's Shirley the Cliche Stick." He jabbed a thumb towards the twig.

"The what stick?" Joshua asked.

"My muse," Ben explained. "Whenever I do or say something stupid-"

"Which is all the time!" Shirley cut in.

"-it's her job to snap me out of it. As you just saw just now." The Sue and Composer sweatdropped again.

"So, what are you doing here?" Bella demanded, though she had a sinking feeling she already knew.

"I'm from the Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society," Ben said, pushing his glasses up again. "And you, Bella-whatever-your-name-is, are under arrest for fandom mutilation."

"What?" Joshua's eyes narrowed and he moved in front of Bella protectively.

"Sorry to tell you this," Ben said, taking a swig from what appeared to be a flask. "But your little girlfriend here is an unnatural being. She's twisting your world, not to mention you, to her desires."

"I desire nothing more than utter perfection and happiness to all who live in this world!" Bella shouted, obviously miffed at being called 'unnatural'.

"And that's the 'unnatural' part, baby," Ben said. "Listen, just make it easy on everybody, come quietly and I promise I won't have to hurt you."

"Hurt her?" Joshua asked in a quietly dangerous voice. "Hurt the most perfect woman in the world?" His voice began to rise. "Hurt the woman I love? I think not, because I'm going to Erase you, and the very memory of you, from the Music!"

As he shouted, a silver aura surrounded him, and his already ashen hair and pale skin turned silver.

"Oh boy, here we go," Ben sighed. "Shirley, would you take care of the pissed-off, brainwashed demi-god, please?"

"Sure thing." Shirley said and trotted right up to Joshua.

Joshua stared down at her from where he stood currently hovering in the air. "Just what do you think you're doin-"

He was cut off as Shirley acted, very quickly. One second she was underneath him, and the next she was clinging to his pale blue button-down.

She gave Joshua an extremely disturbing leer, showing off way too many fangs before swiping at his forehead, leaping down and scuttling back over to Ben.

Everyone just stared at the hovering pretty-boy for several seconds.

"Juuust wait for it..." Ben said confidently.

Just then, a miniscule cut popped open on Joshua's forehead and a single bright red drop of blood oozed through the opening and plopped right on the end of Joshua's nose. He went cross-eyed trying to get a better look at it.

There was silence for a few more seconds. Then, Joshua screamed. Very loudly. And we don't mean that deep-masculine-shout type of screaming, we mean the three-year-old-little-girl-whose-mommy-refused-to-buy-her-a-My-Little-Pony type of screaming. You know what I'm talking about.

Joshua clapped a hand to his (what he considered gushing) forehead, ripped open the hidden door to the Room of Reckoning and vanished inside, slamming the door behind him.

"Behold the wonders of hemophobia..." Ben snickered as Shirley waved a clawed hand at Joshua's rapidly retreating back.

Shirley scowled. "Are you kidding me? He's got to be the most ambiguously oriented character in this fandom!"

Ben rolled his eyes. "Shirley, it's hemophobia, not homophobia"

"Oh. Right."

Ben turned back to Bella.

"So then," He asked, striking what he apparently thought was a gallant pose. "Shall we dance?"

Bella's eyes began to glow and her long, immaculate flowing dress began to stir and billow around her even though there was no wind in the room.

"Insolent whelp!" She snarled, her face a perfect mask of beauty (as usual (i.e. always)) and utter rage.
Silver wings erupted from her back, sending a brilliant glow across the Dead Gods Pad.

"Ahh," Ben said, both he and Shirley having donned sunglasses to shield their eyes from the glare. "So you're an Angel too..."

"Correction," Bella said. "I'm a Mary-Sue."

Ben cracked a smile. "You're still fat." Then he ran for his life, which was a good thing considering the explosion that detonated where he'd been standing just seconds before.

"Ben!" Shirley screamed as they tore down the Trail of the Sinner "What have I told you about pissing off insane demi-gods with Mary-Sue abilities?"

"You haven't told me anything!" Ben screamed back.

"Well, for future reference, don't!"

"Less talk, more running!"

The enraged Mary Sue came barreling down the Trail behind them, flying several feet off the ground. The darkened sewer was made considerably brighter thanks to the glow emanating from her wings.

"I will grind your bones to dust!" Bella screamed. "I will wrap your legs around your head and tie your arms to your neck!"

"Gee!" Ben shot back. "I never knew you were into the kinky stuff! Are you free this weekend?"

In response a Nexus Ray embedded itself in the wall behind his head.

"Ben," Shirley snapped. "Could you hurry up and take care of this b-?"

"Shirley!" Ben snapped at her. "I'm trying to keep the rating down on this one!"

"I was going to say 'brat', O.K.?"

"Sure you were." Ben remarked sarcastically. But he stopped running and spun to face Bella nonetheless.

The ridiculously long named Sue halted her pursuit as well, hovering a few feet above and in front of Ben. Shirley on the other hand, kept right on running, she knew what was coming next...

"So," Bella growled. "You've decided to surrender yourself to my mercy after all, Society scum."

Ben adjusted his glasses for the third time in ten minutes. "Let me get one thing straight." He said. "You Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus are supposed to be perfect, right?"

"Not 'supposed to be,'" Bella shot back. "'Are' perfect!"

"Maybe so," Ben smirked. "But there's still one rule even you abominations must live by..."

"Oh?" Bella folded her arms. "And what would that be?"

Ben stuck a dramatic pose, pointing straight at Bella.

"Don't mess with nukes!"

Bella just stared at him blankly. Ben grinned evilly and took off again in the opposite direction. Bella was about to start after him when when she heard a whistling sound.

The Sue looked up just in time to see a thermo-nuclear warhead falling towards her.

"Oh," She growled. "He is gonna pay for that..."


Sanae Hanekoma looked out the window of the WildKat cafe just in time to see a mushroom cloud blossom over southeastern Shibuya. He shook his head and chuckled as he dialed Joshua's number on his cell phone. "Heya, Prince? Yeah, it's me. You know how I've been bugging you to remodel lately?"


Adrian pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to remain calm as he addressed the new Society member sitting across from him in the Library Arcanium.

"Let me get this straight," He said slowly, struggling to contain his temper.

"Not only did you forget to use any of your Anti-Sue tools, but you let the Sue get away and you nuked an entire fandom?" His voice had risen considerably towards the end of that statement.

Ben chewed on the inside his cheek. "Wellll... not an entire fandom, per se. Just half... or one-fourth if you consider the RealGround and UnderGround to be-"

Adrian shook his head as if to clear it. "I don't care!" He shouted, waving his hands. Then what Ben had said hit him.

"Wait, you said 'half a fandom'? Do I want to know what caused the other half?" He asked.

Ben took a deep breath. "Well, after Shirley and I got Joshua calmed down I offered him some... uh... Whiske,y and he went a little hyper..." He took a furtive swig from his flask.

A vein stood out in Adrian's forehead. He snatched the flask away from Ben and turned to pour it down a nearby sink. He held it over the sink for several seconds, but nothing came out. He held it over his head and closed one eye to try to peek inside, but a large brown blob of liquid landed right on his eye.

Adrian swore and rubbed his eye, attempting to dispel the substance. Then, he stopped and licked some of the liqud off his finger. His face instantly twisted into a mask of disgust. He tossed the flask back to Ben, one hand at his throat, gagging.

"W-hat the h-e-ck is that stuff?" he demanded, gasping for breath.

"Iced tea." Ben said mildly.

"With how much sugar?" Adrian asked, a dangerous glint in his eye.

"Erm.." Ben stalled, not meeting his eye. "I lost count after about... five cups..."

Adrian was still swelling with anger when Blake stuck his head in the door.

"Oh, hey! Ben, Adrian, found you both! Listen, Ben, your pet walking-stick-thingy is eating the books over in the Teen Series section. Thought you might want to know..."

"It's WHAT?" Adrian roared as Ben ran for his life for the second time that day.

After hiding for an hour he emerged from his hiding spot and tracked down Shirley.

As the two of them strolled down the Arcanium's halls Ben asked, "Were you really eating books earlier?"

Shirley grinned. "Just the Twilight ones."

Ben rolled his eyes. "You have no taste whatsoever, do you? C'mon, let's go get some cheeseburgers and Red Bull."

"OK, can I have seasoned Pine on mine?"


Monday, May 16, 2011

Insert Legend of Impossibly-Colored Dragoness Here

"Okay, evil fiend, time for you to meet your demise at the hands of the Drakester. I will put a stop to your nefarious plans!" Drake tapped the buttons on the handheld video game rapidly, staring at the screen with a look of deep concentration. An explosion came from the game, followed by a depressing game over theme.

The teen stared at the screen in shock for several seconds before he threw up his hands and screamed at the top of his lungs. "Noooooooo!"

Tash and several of the other girls were in the kitchen, eating a collection of sweets they had found. They looked up at Drake's shriek of despair, expecting to find Adrian the owner of the sweets they had pilfered standing in the door, but instead found no one. They shrugged to each other and continued gorging themselves, trying to block out the sound of Drake's emotional torment.

Marcus had been relaxing in his room before the sound jolted him into awareness, causing him to drop off the side of his bed and split into Emotion Marcus and Thought Marcus as he hit the floor.

"W-hat is th-th-that?" Thought Marcus asked his other half.


Thought Marcus gulped in fear. "Or m-maybe D-drake's just h-having t-trouble with h-his g-g-game?"

"MAYBE!" Emotion Marcus shoulders slumped. He much rather would have it be some kind of demonic beast…


Emerald the purple dragoness slid through the shadows with cat-like grace. She was following Hunter, an anthromorphic cheetah, who was pursuing a group of grublins. The grublins were hideous creatures that served the Dark Master, an extremely powerful purple dragon that had begun to conquer the world.

They finally reached a room containing a large yellow crystal. Faintly visible through the yellow substance were two figures, a purple and yellow dragon and a black, red, and silver dragoness.

At a growl from the grublin in command, one of the smaller grunts stepped forward and slammed the crystal with his club, shattering the two dragons' prison. The two dragons fell to the ground as the crystal exploded outwards with a flash of light. Both were unconscious.

The commander growled again, causing a pair of grublins to bring a small golden crate forward. They were interrupted by a roar, a beautiful, emotion-rich roar. The creatures raised their weapons, shuddering in uncharacteristic fear.

Emerald leapt out of the shadows swooping at the grublins and attacking them with her claws, horns, and tail. Hunter gasped as he saw the purple dragoness. The grublins quickly fell before her and those lucky enough to survive retreated.

She snorted and turned to face Hunter, who was still crouching behind cover. The cheetah hesitated for a moment, before stepping into view.

"Greetings! I am Hunter of Avalar," the cat said formally.

"My name's Emerald," the dragoness smiled prettily. Now that Hunter had a chance to study her he noticed she had several markings on her scales resembling Cynder's and wore a golden collar with two matching anklets. "You're probably surprised to see a second purple dragon, but I can't explain right now. We need to get these two to safety before we talk.

So they did. Spyro and Cynder woke up and were hastily introduced to Emerald. Spyro gazed at the other purple dragon, awestruck. Emerald led them through the catacombs, defeating grublins left and right, before they finally encountered the Earth Golem. Emerald easily sent the creature packing with her perfect mastery of her four elemental breathes.

Once they left the catacombs and made camp in the forest, Emerald told them her story. By some fluke of fate, there were two purple dragons born in this era, instead of the usual one, but her parents, fearful that their gifted daughter would be forced to fight due to her legendary color and powers, hide her egg from the Dragon Guardians. When the Temple was attacked her parents had attempted to flee with their unhatched egg, but the apes captured them and took the egg.

The Dark Master attempted to corrupt Emerald like he had Cynder, but she was incredibly resistant to his evil powers. Frustrated, he ordered both her and her parents killed, but her parents sacrificed themselves to allow her to escape. She swore to take revenge on the Dark Master. She explained that she had learned of Spyro's existence and like Hunter had spent the last three years looking for the frozen dragon.

With that story told, they informed Spyro and Cynder about the Dark Master's actions while they had been frozen. Emerald finished by surprising everyone with the fact that Malefor was about to attack Warfang, the dragon city.


A plothole opened and a blue dragon dropped from it, yelling in surprise before he hit the ground tail first. He groaned and tried to reach around with his front legs to rub his aching rear. He blinked and glanced down at himself.

"Wow!" the blue and gray dragon twisted around to get a better look at himself. He was covered mostly by blue scales similar in color to his armor. His underside was gray as were his wings and horns. Trotting over to a nearby stream, he glanced down at his reflection to find that he bore a passing resemblance to Spyro, but his crest looked quite a bit different. The silver necklace normally concealed by his t-shirt in human form dangled around his long neck. The blue and silver tooth-shaped pendant that hung from it pulsed with a soft blue glow as though it approved of his change of form. A grin spread across his face. "I like this."

He spun around and tripped over his own feet, falling back into the stream with a yelp. He sputtered and rolled back to his feet. Looks like I need some practice though…

Drake gulped and leapt into the air, experimentally beating his new wings. He was almost amazed when they kept him airborne. Trying to suppress his enthusiasm he flew in the direction of Warfang. By this point in the story, Spyro and Cynder should have already reached the city.

The dragon city was a mess. The battle had been tough, even with Emerald and her incredible fighting abilities. She had personally finished off the Earth Golem by herself, despite Spyro's protests that it was too dangerous to face it alone.

After the fight was over, Spyro had run up to her and the two shared a quick passion-filled kiss lasting for several minutes. (Hey, for a Mary Sue that is quick.) Cynder glared from a distance. She suddenly felt as though something about Emerald seemed off, but at the same time there was a voice in the back of her mind telling her to forget about it.

"Hey, guys. I hope I'm not interrupting," the trio glanced up at the voice, finding a blue and gray dragon perched on a cracked gargoyle above their heads.

"Who are you?" Emerald asked with perfect surprise.

"Call me Drake," the dragon replied. "And you're-."

He was interrupted by his perch cracking and falling out from under him. He yelped in surprise, but managed to get his wings open and glide to the ground. He sighed and turned back to the Mary Sue. "You're under arrest for taking powers explicitly for only a handful of characters without even a good explanation as well as performing actions which the heroes should have. Not to mention pairing yourself with the main character who already has a love interest!"

"Um, what?" Emerald blinked in confusion.

"Huh?" Spyro added.

"You're off your rocker, blue," Cynder said.

Drake sighed in frustration. "Look I'm from the Anti-Cliché and Mary Sue Elimination Society. Does the name ring any bells?"

All three looked blank. Emerald stepped forward. "So you want to take me away?"

"Yes!" Drake shouted, losing his patience. The word was barely out of his mouth before a ball of green earth magic slammed into him and sent him flying back. He groaned as he slammed into a wall. He shook his head to clear it and glared at Emerald. "Dragon Spirit Technique Wardrobe Change!"

He waited for several seconds as nothing happened. He raised a paw to his neck, finding it bare. His necklace was lying several feet away, knocked off by the blast. He charged forward as Emerald spat balls of ice magic at him. Drake dodged around the first one and leapt over the second. He hit the ground with a stumble and Emerald's third shot hit his hind legs freezing them to the ground.

Drake stretched his neck forward, trying to reach his necklace. Emerald sauntered over and flicked the pendant farther out of reach with her tail. The blue dragon turned to her and opened his mouth, hoping to launch some kind of breath attack at her, but no elemental blast came. "I get the scales and the wings, but I don't get the fire breath? What a gyp!"

Emerald smiled sweetly before opening her mouth and releasing a blast of electric breath. Drake screamed as his muscles involuntarily contracted. The attack ended and the dragon dropped to the ground.

"That's enough!" Cynder exclaimed as she leapt forward and slammed into the purple dragoness. She attempted to pin her down, but Emerald wriggled free and stood to face the black dragoness. "You're no good if you're willing to torture a dragon like that!"

"He wants to lock me up," Emerald pouted. "I was only defending myself. Right, Spyro?"

The two girls turned to the purple dragon. He looked confused for a moment before nodding. "That's right."

Cynder's mouth fell open in shock, while Emerald smirked.

A rock slammed into Emerald's head. She gasped in surprise and turned to glare at Drake, who already had another piece of debris in his paw. He tossed it at her, but she ducked to the side. Cynder tackled the Sue again, but she slipped away and took to the skies. The black dragoness growled and took off after her.

Emerald spat a fireball at Cynder, but she dodged it and closed in on her. The two females slammed into each other, clawing and biting as they tumbled through the air.

"Hey, think you can get me out of this?" Drake asked Spyro, causing the dragon to take his eyes off the sky and looked at the block of ice pinning Drake's feet down. He glanced between Drake and the battling females, unsure of who to help.

Cynder growled and slashed the blade at the end of her tail across Emerald's side, leaving a deep cut.

"That's it!" Emerald's voice became dark and hollow as her purple scales faded to a shadowy black and her pupils vanished, leaving only the glowing whites of her eyes. "Now you've made me angry!"

She dived at Cynder and slammed her horns into her chest, knocking the wind out of her and sending her tumbling out of the sky to slam into the ground. She rolled onto her belly and looked up. Emerald reared her head back before releasing a beam of dark purple energy from her mouth. A purple aura of light surrounded Cynder before she released her own beam of similarly colored energy. The two blasts collided and pushed against each other for a few moments seeming even, before Emerald's beam began to push back Cynder's.

Spyro and Drake leapt forward to stand next to Cynder. Freshly melted ice water dripped down the blue dragon's legs. Spyro began to glow with purple light, while the pendant in Drake's paw pulsed with blue light and a burning sensation filled the dragon's throat. Spyro released a beam of purple energy, while Drake spat a beam of searing white energy. The two blasts collided with Emerald's body, causing her to scream and lose focus, thus Cynder's beam rapidly gained ground on hers and collided with her face. A large explosion filled the sky for a moment, before a severely bruised and bleeding Emerald fell to the ground.

"N-not fair," Emerald mumbled before falling unconscious.

Drake and Cynder gasped in pain and exhaustion for a few moments, before Cynder rounded on Spyro. "Took you long enough to decide to help!"

"Hey, it's not really his fault," Drake said as he peeled off the copyright sticker he had stuck to Spyro's side. He turned to Cynder and smiled. "So would you like to show me around?"

Cynder frowned and looked determined to stay grumpy, before she shrugged. "This is my first time in the city, too."

"Well, then we can both explore it," Drake said as he put a wing around Cynder and the two began walking away.

"Hey, what about me?" Spyro called after them.

"Don't worry; you get her at the end of the game!" Drake called back.

Drake was back in the library and back in human form. He was currently seated in Tash's office in front of her desk. She had a copy of his report for the mission on her desk. He didn't worry about Tash frowning upon his date with Cynder, knowing that she and several other Society members (mostly female surprisingly) had indulged in short relationships with canon characters.

"So Emerald got away while you were…"

"Distracted," Drake filled in, reaching up to feel the chain of his pendant around his neck.

Tash sighed. "I guess I'm not really in a position to judge…"

"It's too bad she got away," Drake frowned. "But if I could do everything all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

Friday, May 13, 2011

TAOM: Tyler - Magic & Mayhem (Mostly Meyhem)

Tyler headed into a completely random area of the Library, closed his eyes, spun in a circle for several minutes, stopped, selected the book he was pointing at, then sat down to read. He read for a few minutes, then…

"Tyler! You're supposed to be guarding Sumire!"

Tyler groaned.

"Just a second!"

Several hours later….

Tyler finished hammering nails into the door to Sumire's room. He was about to leave when he remembered Sumire would probably need to breathe. He hammered in another nail, then pulled it out, leaving an air hole in the door. Tyler turned to leave…


Tyler spun and saw a pencil sticking out from the wall opposite the air hole. He studied the opening for a moment, then the pencil quivering to a halt across from it… and then put up caution tape. He returned to the quiet area he had found and continued to read.

Ten minutes later….

"Emergency missions everyone! Report to the meeting room now!"

Tyler groaned, already slipping out his ping-pong paddle.

Five hours later…

Tyler had returned to the quiet corner and resumed reading his book. He heard some screams from outside, but they didn't sound like anyone was severely injured, so he continued reading. Then…

"GET BACK HERE WITH MY COOKIES!" Tash, Harriet, and Lauren came running through, followed by Adrian. One of the cookies was dropped, and Tyler picked it up and began to snack on it, watching as the three Society Leaders were chased by the fourth around the room and out the door.

He continued reading uninterrupted for half an hour until there was a loud blast of noise coming from about four shelves away. Tyler ran over and found Aster slowly disentangling herself from a mass of duct tape and superglue. She picked up what looked to Tyler like a comic book and began to read.

Tyler watched this strange event, then went back to his own row and delved back into his book. After another few minutes of reading, growling noises started coming from a nearby door. Tyler walked over to the door, noticing the computerized locks. He decided the door was best left alone and went back to reading.

Tyler was still reading his book in peace until Adrian walked in. The Librarian seemed to be looking for something. He continued through the shelves until he saw Aster reading her comic book.

"Aster! What did I say about you reading manga!"

"Oh, so that's what it's called," thought Tyler. "I wonder how it's different from a regular comic book."

After Adrian had chased Aster away from the manga, he noticed Tyler in the corner.

"Hi," said Adrian. Tyler looked up, startled. Well, okay, startled was kind of an understatement. He jumped three feet in the air. Then he realized who was talking to him.

"Hello Adrian." Tyler then returned to reading. Adrian walked over.

"What are you reading?"

"Spellcasting for Dummies. These books are more useful than you'd think."

"Yeah, they usually are…" The Librarian murmured, glancing at the book titles as he searched. "Explain everything so simply…

"They sure do…"

Adrian continued to search, muttering to himself. Tyler ignored this until something poked him in the side of the head.

"Ow! What was that?" Tyler looked around indignantly until he noticed Adrian's tail. He frowned.

"You have a tail?" Tyler looked up and realized that the Librarian also had cat ears.

"Okay, that's really weird." Tyler moved over to another corner so as not to be poked in the head. "Now that I won't get poked, why do you look like someone who went as a cat for Halloween and forgot to take off their costume?"

"Some spell that Tash put on me." Then the two Agents heard Tash screaming something about bladed pendulums. Adrian looked around, suddenly quite pale-looking.

"Librarian Art 7; Mystery Vanish!" Adrian threw down a smoke pellet and disappeared in a puff of smoke. When Tyler was done coughing, Adrian was gone.

"Hmmm, guess it worked." Then Tyler heard a moan from behind him. He turned around to see Adrian literally embedded in the wall. Tyler winced.

"That's gotta hurt…"

One hour later….

Thought Marcus walked through the Library, looking for his counterpart, Emotion Marcus. Said entity was running wild through the sci-fi section, screaming like a sugar-high kid on an upside-down roller coaster. Thought Marcus noticed Tyler still reading in the corner.

"H-hey T-t-tyler, have y-you seen E-e-emotion M-marcus?"

"No idea, but judging by the sound of the screams, he probably went thataway," replied the junior Society member. Thought Marcus walked off in search of his copy.

After three more visitors had disturbed Tyler's reading, he had flipped to the index in the book, found a spell for silence, and promptly used it. Unfortunately, he had mispronounced the incantation and the area inside the field was now giving off an angry buzz. However, this didn't bother Tyler. At least the buzz was consistent.

After another few hours, he had finally finished his book. He dispelled the silence field and was about to leave his corner when he noticed another book on the wall….


Naturally, Tyler returned his first book, picked up the second one, plopped himself down, recast his silence spell, and resumed reading.

Adrian was running for his life through the Library. No, not from Silver or Mary-Ann. From a very,very, angry Tash. Not: "You played a prank and I'll play one on you," angry. This was more like, "I'm going to kill you so start running," angry. She had tried to take one of his remaining cookies, and a bladed pendulum had shredded her hat into…. well, shreds.

This really ticked her off. Adrian skidded a corner into the how-to area, where Tyler was learning how to make writing utensils fight each other to the death. At the moment, he was pitting a thin pencil against a stainless-steel pen. The pen had a heavy right sweep, but the pencil was dodging almost every attack aimed at it. Finally, Tyler got bored and swiped the two writing implements off the table, returning them to their usual inanimate state. He was about to try another spell that would supposedly create a flash of green light when Adrian tore through the area, followed by a nothing-less-than-murderous-looking Tash.

Just as Tash was about to attack Adrian with a vicious blast of fire, the two Marcuses slammed into each other, Tyler cast his flash spell at an unusual level of volume, and Adrian tried his Mystery Vanish. The combined blast left Tash, Adrian, Marcus, and Tyler half-blind, singed, gelatinous, and stuck in a wall. By the time they had all unstuck themselves (Not easy to do as living Jell-O), Tash had stopped being mad at Adrian, Adrian had given up running for his life, Marcus was already bored of being one person again, and Tyler had gotten over his shellshock from being jammed into a wall.

However, they were all still pretty much liquid, thanks to the fusion blast from Marcus' talisman. Marcus was the first to solidify. He walked off, slightly dizzy. Next was Tash, who dragged Adrian out of the wall and then hauled him away so they could make-up 'properly', as she put it. Tyler slowly reformed, then continued reading his book.

Tyler was still reading his book when Willie walked by, muttering something about being a main character. Tyler chose to ignore this.

Instead, he started practicing an offensive spell that would shoot a burst of purple light at the desired point, up to 20 feet away. At least, that's what it was supposed to do. Tyler kept missing the paper cup he was using a target, and the magic would fizzle out before hitting anything. After his twentieth try, he finally hit the cup, sending it flying off the table with a scorch mark where the magic had hit.

He then started working on a spell that would project a beam of red light in front of the caster to light a path. Next was a spell to, hopefully, toss a white sphere of energy which would instantly solidify upon contact with anything. Tyler began practicing on the cup again. This time, the problem had nothing to do with Tyler's ability to control magic, but his pathetic throwing arm. His first throw flew over the cup, his second fell short. His third shot send the cup spinning into the air, then landing on Tyler's head like a dunce cap.

Many hours later…..

Tyler had finally finished the second book, after accidentally setting himself on fire three times.

He put down the book, then realized that it was almost midnight. Tyler put his book away, and slowly walked back to his room. Even then, he didn't sleep. He stayed up until one, memorizing the various spells he had learned. When he finally slept, his dreams were filled with flashes of light and darkness, color and gray.

"Of course, that's pretty much the norm for me, I have dreams like that every night."

Insert Overkill Of Jutsu Here (lost)

The last story written by author SumireMayonaka before she deleted her Society stories for reasons unknown.


"Sumire, who is still a rookie, toys around with stuff in her room along with her own modified GPS unit when an alarm goes off. There's a Stu, Akira Kirabi in the Naruto fandom. The problem is that the Naruto fandom is Black-Listed... but Sumire doesn't listen and runs headfirst into her beloved fandom anyway. After fending off the Stu as well as a strangely vengeful Naruto, the other ninja catch the Stu as well as link up Sumire. Sumire escapes her jail, Prohibits the Stu, and runs off to the Society, but because of their anger against Sumire's rebellion, they confiscate her weapons (except the GPS unit, which she hides), and Sumire is locked in her room..."

And for all the rest of the Society knows, Sumire remains locked in her room to this day. The plot was never resolved, and people pretty much forgot about her.

Appologies for the inconvenience. The next chapter will be posted today.


Resident Healer
Current Blog Updater
Only Psychologist In The Room (It's A Big Room)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Insert Halycon Days Here

Adrian tore the last strip of duct tape free of the roll and stepped back to admire his handiwork, smirking a little to himself. "There. That should do it."

Duct-tapped to the wall by her arms, legs, waist and mouth, Aster struggled to free herself. "Mmmmm… mmmmmph!"

Her words would have been unintelligible to anyone with the duct tape on her mouth, but Adrian had spent a long time reading up on languages and was able to get the gist of what she was saying. "Oh no, you're not getting down. You'll wreck my Library by breaching the fourth wall."


"Yes, it is you! You're the only one who besides me who's not a self-insert and is willing it risk it!"

Her eyes widened slightly. "MMmmmm! MMMM!"

"How do I know that? I'm the Librarian!" He gestured to the towering shelves around them, each filled to bursting with books and tomes of all shapes and sizes. "Do you think all these books are just for show?"


"Why ask me what you are? I won't tell you either way and you should already know what you are. You're not as thick-headed as you act all the time, Aster."

"Mmmmmm… kyaa~?"

He waggled a finger at her, smirking. "Of course the duct tape will hold. First law of the universe: You can never have too much duct tape."

"Mmmm. MMm-mmm-hmmm."

"Okay, first law of my universe." Adrian amended. "And yes, I know you have a huge amount of dark power from your universe, but this is still my Library and I'm stronger than you, no matter where we are. So… until you learn to behave, I'm not letting you down."

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" Aster struggled hard against her bonds.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll hold the latest manga just for you, so you can read them… much later. Like a day or two." Satisfied that is work was done, Adrian stowed the duct tape in his trenchcoat and dusted himself off.
Aster had been surprising tough to subdue, but after drawing her attention away with some yo-yo tricks, he'd managed it.


"Huh" He glanced at her. "What is it?"

"Mmmm… mmm!" She jerked her head at him.

"What about my ears?" The Librarian frowned a little and brushed some hair away from his ears… only to pause in mid-motion when felt nothing but smooth skin where his ears had been. "Oh no…"

He hustled over to a mirror mounted on the wall and a deep sigh escaped him at what he saw. "Wonderful… just wonderful…" A pair of pointed cat ears sat near the top of his head, twitching and flicking now and again and colored a snow-white to match his hair. "You know, things like this never bode well for me at all…"


"What now?" Adrian turned to see Aster, eyes-wide and staring at him… or actually the space just behind him…

Adrian twisted his head over his shoulder to figure out what she was staring at… and saw a white-furred tail extending behind him. "What the…"

The tip of the tail twitched.

For the first time in a long time, the Librarian did something he hadn't done before.

He fainted.


"Man… Adrian should really have a map of this place or something…" Blake rubbed the back of his head and glanced around the hallway he was in, which had doors running down either side of it. "With all the time we spend in this place, you'd think we know the layout by now, but everything keeps changing the moment I turn my back…"

He looked to the end of the hallway. Lots of doors, all of them looking exactly the same.

He glanced in direction he'd come from.

Still more doors.

"Well, I'm not going to find the kitchen just by standing around and Adrian did say any of the dangerous doors were locked, so it shouldn't be that hard to find one that will get me back to somewhere I recognize…" Blake walked up to the nearest door and grabbed the handle. Finding it unlocked, he pulled it open… and his jaw dropped.

"We're the ants who steal your picnic, we're the ants who ruin your fun…" Marching across a grassy plain was and carrying a picnic basket, a baked ham, a turkey, several cans of soda and a loaf of bread, among other things was a group of cartoonish ants. "We'll take it all while you're away…"

"…the hell!"

"We're the ants who steal your picnic…"


"Gulstaff, you have entered the door to the north," Sumire said, DM-ing for Emma, Doyle and Thought Marcus seated at the card table with her. The lights were turned out and the table was lit by two they had found stashed in the kitchen had brought from his dorm room. "You are now by yourself, standing in a dark room. The pungent stench of mildew emanates from the wet dungeon walls..."

"WHERE ARE THE CHEETOS!" Emotion Marcus called from the kitchen.

Sumire broke off her narration and sighed. "They're right next to you!" she shouted.

"I cast a spell," Doyle said, holding a finger in the air.

"WHERE'S THE MOUTNAIN DEW?" Emotion Marcus called out again.

"In the fridge! Duh!" the DM returned.

"I want to cast a spell," Doyle repeated in annoyance.


"Yes, you can have a Mountain Dew! Just go get it!" Sumire shouted.

Doyle flipped through the Dungeons and Dragons handbook. "I can cast any of these spells on the list, correct?"

"Yes, any of the first level ones," Sumire told him.

"I'M GONNA GET A SODA!" Emotion Marcus called from the fridge. "ANYONE WANT ONE? HEY, SUMIRE, I'M NOT IN THE ROOM, RIGHT?"

"What room?" Sumire screamed back.

"I want to cast 'Magic Missile,'" Doyle announced, ignoring the byplay.


"He hasn't cast anything yet!" Sumire shouted back.

Sitting next to her, Thought Marcus rubbed his temples.

"I am, if you would listen." Doyle said calmly. "I'm casting 'Magic Missile.'"

"Why would you cast Magic Missile?" Sumire asked. "There's nothing to attack here!"

"HEY!" Emotion Marcus cried out again from the fridge. "WHERE AM I?"

"You're at the tavern!" Sumire shouted back.


As one, Thought Marcus and Sumire sighed.

"Okay! Enough!" Sumire cried, turning to Doyle. "Gulstaff, You still carry the beating monkey's heart of Gatsu Gibi in your hand. Suddenly, a luminous being in the shape of a woman appears before you..."

"Is she pretty?"

"What?" Sumire asked, thrown off by the question.

"Is she pretty?" Doyle asked again.

"Um... Yeah, sure, I guess so..." the DM replied.

"Can I ask her to go on a date with me?"

Sumire rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine! Roll a charisma check."

Doyle rolled the dice and grinned. "Two! At last, I finally get a date."

The DM grinned. "The woman turns out to be a succubus and consumes your soul!"

"What? That's nonsense!"

Sumire turned to Thought Marcus. "Thought Marcus of Highland, you..."

"ANYONE ELSE WANT A SODA?" Emotion Marcus asked.

Sumire slammed her head into the table repeatedly. "Why me…?"

"That will cause brain damage…" Doyle noted calmly.


Blake bolted out the door and back into the hallway, slamming it closed behind and breathing heavily. "How the hell did Adrian get a kraken in here!"

Wiping some panicked sweat off a brow, he walked down the hallway about a dozen feet and opened another door. "Please be the right one…"

The scent of cigar smoke hit his nostrils and Blake stared at the four dogs seated around a circular poker table, all of them with cards in their paws and stacks of chips in front of them, all dressed to look Victorian English gentleman.

One of the dogs nudged a stack of chips toward the center of the table. "I'll raise you fifty pounds."

Blake stared.

Another dog, this one with a top hat and monocle woofed sadly and set his hand on the table face-down. "Too rich for my blood, my good fellows. I'll have to sit this hand out…"

Blake continued to stare.

The third dog glanced at his hand and then the pot and blinked he caught sight of Blake. "Ah… are you the young man with our pizza?"



Adrian scowled and stalked towards the Hospital Room. After waking up from his fainting spell, he knew that he had only a few books on human/animal transformation available to the public, with the rest in his private wing and he also knew that while several of the Society's members were magically inclined to one degree or another, only one had managed to read and use the 'Furry Transformations' book of spells.

Tash Marquand.

She had only used it once before, but flubbed the spell up and actually turned him into a white-furred cat for a week. That had been an interesting experience… Tash had refused to let him out her sight for more than minute and managed to convince the rest of the Society that his name was 'Whiskers'. Though, she had taken very good care of him and even done all his paperwork and Librarian duties as best she could until the spell wore off.

But Adrian drew the line at people altering his anatomy without his permission. Full transformations, he could deal with. But a pair of kitty ears and a tail? No way. Bad enough that he did it to himself on accident, (he still got queasy at the memory of that squid-mix he'd become for an hour while trying to use a spell that made instant sushi), but on purpose?

She was going to get a piece of his mind, maybe two.

The Librarian pushed open the door to the Hospital Room and stepped inside. "Tash, you and I really need to talk. What's the big idea-"

He paused in mid-sentence and one foot inside the door. Tash, sitting on the edge of her bed (broken leg fully-healed) was surrounded by a group that consisted of most of the Society's women. They had been talking and giggling when Adrian had arrived, but stopped and looked up when he opened the door.

"Ummm…" Adrian frowned. "Could give Tash and I a minute? We need to talk…"

They didn't seem to hear him, their eyes glazing over slightly and fixing on his pointed ears and tail as they twitched, tracking their movements like a surface-to-air missile on a slow-moving plane.

Adrian paled considerably.

For a moment they stayed like that… and then the girls lunged at him en masse.




He ran for his life, the crowd of girls hot on his heels.


"Captain, there are Klingons off the starboard bow!" The speaker was a man red shirt and a badge on his chest. "Shall I opening a hailing channel?

"Hold on. We're Starfleet. We come in peace." Captain James T. Kirk sat back in his chair and made a swift gesture. "Shoot to kill."

"Aye, sir!"

Blake stared around, confused. "I don't even remember opening a door to get here!"


Michael and Claire sat in one of the reading rooms, seated across from one another and playing a game of checkers. It had taken some coaxing, but Claire had managed to convince Michael to come out the his room after repeated assurances that she and the others forgave him and the darkness wouldn't be able to take control of him the Library, considering how well-lit Adrian kept it, along with the fact the Library's natural magic suppressed all foreign magic within its walls.

Michael smirked and jumped a couple of Claire's red checkers. "Got you…" He added her two the moderately-sized stack he had next his side of the board.

His girlfriend pouted cutely at him. "No fair. Just because you're possessed doesn't mean you have to win every game like that… why not let me win for a change?"

The Gary-Stu Gutter chuckled and started to reset the playing board. "I've only won a few games, Claire…"

"Twenty out of twenty-one we've played!"

"Well, then this is your chance to start evening the score, now isn't it?"

She scowled and then leaned over the board, pecking him on the cheek. "If I wasn't in love with you, I'd say you were being sarcastic…"

He chuckled and smiled at her. "Now, why would you think that…?

"No! No! Get away from me! I don't want collar or ribbons!" Adrian dashed past the back of Michael's chair, the crowd of girls seconds behind, all of them waving kitty collars, ribbons, bows and lace as they chased him, still squealing 'BISHIE!', 'KITTY!', and 'SO CUTE!'

"Ummmm…" Claire blinked and stared, lifting her finger to half-point in confusion at the space behind Michael. "Did I just see…?"

"Adrian turned into a cat being chased by most of the Society's girls?" Michael continued to set up the checkers. "Yep."

"But how… why…"

"Eh. You get used to it…" Michael reached over and started setting up his girlfriend's pieces, she was still busy staring.

"For the love of God, stop chasing me! And get away from me with that glitter!" Adrian ran screaming past them in the opposite direction, girls still hot his heels and now waving jars of glitter, sheets of stickers and hair gel.

Claire stared after them as the strange procession vanished out the door, Adrian's shouts growing fainter and fainter. "Shouldn't we… like… do something?"

"I've learned it's best not to interfere." Michael shuddered a little at the memory of the last time he'd gotten between the girls and their target. "I didn't even know you could do that with a spork…"


A red-haired, red-armored fighter drew a sword, while a man in a red cap and feathered had drew a dagger while a woman in white muttered under her breath and a man in blue, face hidden by his hat, gestured with his hands, fire dancing around his fingertips.

"So you are the Light Warriors?" A tall, armored knight with a rich velvet cape and horns on his helm stood proud and clanked his fist against his chest plate. "I, Garland, will knock you all down!"

Blake stared at the scene in front from and then down at his hands. "I've gone 8-bit…."


"Where could he be?" Harriet frowned as she and the other girls looked around the massive room they were in, checking between bookshelves and behind the chairs. "We saw him come in here and this room only has the one door!"

"Hmmmm…" Kate checked behind a pillar, shaking a jar of glitter in her hand. "Do you think the red or the blue glitter would look good in his hair?"

Tash walked out from between some bookshelves, twirling a kitty collar on one finger. "Personally, I just want to put a collar and leash on him and get some pictures…"

"Dirty-minded, aren't we?" Camille asked, dropping to the ground. "And he's not on the tops of the shelves, either."

"Are you kidding?" Tash snickered and rubbed her hands together with a satisfied look on her face. "I sell some of those photos to the tabloids, and I'll be able to pay off my university debt!"

"Well, none of that will happen if we don't find him!" Harriet harrumphed, hands on her hips as she looked around. "Where could he have gotten to?"

"He's on the ceiling, kyaa~…" Aster poked her head from around a bookshelf and everyone jumped a little. She pointed upwards. "See?"

All of the girls craned their necks and indeed, Adrian was on the ceiling, hugging it bodily and for dear life.

Tash's jaw dropped. "How the hell did he manage that! And how are we supposed to get him down!"

"No problem…" Aster walked out from behind the shelf, pulling a little red wagon stacked high with various manga volumes with a grunt. "His claws aren't long enough for him to do that…"

Up on the ceiling, Adrian blinked once. "They aren't?" Then gravity kicked in and he fell with a yelp to the floor and a smash. "…ow…"

The Librarian lifted his head and glared at Aster, who smiled sweetly at him. "How much manga do you have on that wagon?"

"Half of the Library's total."

He raised an eyebrow. "And is it going to wind up back on the shelves when you're done with it?"


"You wanna re-phrase that? Or do I get to lock you into the fourth Uglies book again?"

She flinched at the mention and then sighed. "Okay, it will…"

"Good." He jumped to his feet and dusting off his trenchcoat. Then he frowned at her. "How'd you get free of the duct-tape!"

Several floors below, Kyle scratched his head as the ruins of the wall in front of him. "I don't understand…who could such a thing?" He nudged a bit of the debris a foot. "But at least the duct-tape held…"

Aster scratched her head, looking confused. "Kyaa… I don't remember… was it the explosives? Or did I use that last time and this time I used the acid…?"

"WHAT!" Adrian twitched. "You have explosives? In my Library?" Before his irritation could reach its peak, he suddenly remembered he was being chased and ran away screaming bloody murder as the girls clamored after him.

Aster watched them go and then turned to her wagon, scratching her head. "So many manga, so little time…"


"What! This is madness!" The Persian messenger stammered, suddenly fearful of his life as he glanced around wildly for help and found none.

"Madness?" King Leonidas took a step towards the messenger, a sneer on his face as he kicked the messenger in the gut and sent him tumbling back into the Pit of Death. "THIS… IS… SPARTA!"

Seconds passed, and then Blake fell out the sky and into the pit, screaming, "I… AM… SO… LOST!"


The Librarian skidded into his office and slammed the door behind him, yanking out a key ring with about two dozen keys on it and slipped one into the door, locking it tight with a 'click!' and breathing out a sigh of relief.

Running a hand through his hair and frowning as he felt his new cat ears twitch as his fingers brushed them. "Man… I thought I'd never lose those girls…."

He walked around to his desk and flopped down in the chair with a deep sigh, rubbing his face. "I haven't had this much trouble since I tried to teach them 'Boot to the Head'." Another sigh escaped him and he closed his eyes, losing himself in the memory that had happened shortly after the Society had moved into the Library. "But then, that went much better than this…"


Adrian sat cross-legged on a mat, with the others sitting in rows facing him, also sitting on mats. They were in the Library's training room, but right now, all of the equipment had been pushed aside to clear the center. "Learning 'Boot to the Head' requires not only a fit body, but a fit mind. To learn how to do it, you must learn the ways on your own soul. Meditate with me on this now... aaahhh-ooohmmmm..."

The rest of the Society's members joined in.

A hand shot up as they meditated. "Ummm… hey… Adrian…!"

The Librarian cocked his head. "Who disturbs our meditation like a ripple disturbs the pond?"

A girl with blue eyes and waist-length blonde hair stood up. "Me, Tash. You know, the Chief Agent?"

He blinked. "Tash? What kind of name is that?"

Tash ignored him and continued speaking. "I don't mean to be rude, but since I've had kickboxing training, can you teach me it right now, 'cause I've got a presentation back home that I need get done or it will kill my grades.."

Adrian shook his head. "Tash, you can't learn 'Boot to the Head' so easily. It takes time and effort and patience."

"Okay." She nodded sagely. "How long are we talking about? An hour, two hours… a day…?"

He clasped his hands in his lap. "To one who is mastering the 'Boot to the Head', time has no meaning. A year as is a day."

"A year!" Tash frowned at him. "But I've got a presentation due soon! I need to learn it now!"

The Librarian frowned at her. "Maybe you should schedule your work in the Library at a different time, then so you can get your schoolwork done!"

"I'm doing paperwork when I'm here or going out on missions! I don't have any spare time to learn this!"

"That's not my problem, now is it?"

Tash stomped her foot. "Now listen here! I need to learn this and I need to get my presentation done, so why don't you teach it to me right now and then I'll be done with it?"

Adrian sighed. "Alright then… step forwards…"

"Finally…" Tash walked up to Adrian, standing about two feet away from him. "Now… what do I do?"

"First, get into a combat stance…" He waited as Tash slid into a kickboxing stance. "Boot to the Head!" SCHWOOSH-FWUMP!

No one saw what happened, but after the noise, Tash was suddenly on the ground, a shoeprint on her face, twitching in pain. "OW! YOU BOOTED ME IN THE HEAD!

Adrian looked down at her, hands on his hips. "You're lucky, Tash. So few learn 'Boot to the Head' so fast…"

"Yeah, yeah… well, I wasn't ready!" Tash got back to her feet, and slid into another kickboxing stance, a determined look on her face. "Okay, Library-boy, try that again!"

"Boot to the Head!" SCHWOOSH-FWUMP!

"Ackies!" Tash collapsed again, a second shoeprint on her face. Scowling, she clambered back to her feet and shot a kick at Adrian's head. "Now try it!"

"Boot to the Head!" SCHWOOSH-FWUMP!

"Ow…" Tash groaned and lolled about on the floor. "Oh… mind if I just lie here and let my bones knit for a minute…?"

Adrian turned back to the rest of the Agents, many of whom were looking somewhat impressed and a tad surprised at the moaning Tash on the floor. "Now then, class, we shall…" He frowned he noticed Blake, who had been sitting in the front row, was now standing up. "Yes, what is it?"

"I would like to show you what I've learned, Adrian." Blake said respectfully. "First, anger is a weapon only to one's opponent…"

The Librarian nodded. "Good, good, you were paying attention…"

A small smirk appeared on Blake's face. "Second, get in the first shot! Boot to the Head!" SCHWOOSH-FWUMP!

Adrian blinked and turned his head to the left, where Blake's foot was extended over his shoulder. "You missed…"

"Um… ah… well…" Blake paled a little and retracted his foot.

"You, too, shall learn a lesson."

"No… really, I don't need…" He waved nervously and shuffled step back. "I think I've learned all I need-"

"Boot to the Head!" SCHWOOSH-FWUMP!

"Awww… ohhhh…" Blake twitched a little on the floor, shoeprint on his face. "…ow…"

Hands on hips, Adrian surveyed the remaining Society Agents. "Can anyone tell me what has been learned here today?"

Michael stood up. "We've learned that not a single one of us could defeat you."


"So we have to gang up you! Get him, guys!" The Society Agents leapt to their feet and charged.


Seconds later, Adrian was sitting cross-legged on the floor again, surrounding by moaning and groaning Society Agents with shoeprints on their faces. "Now let us meditate… ahhh—oohh…"

-End Flashback-

The Librarian stretched his arms above his head. "Then again, the girls certainly weren't as determined as they are now…" He pulled out a desk drawer. "I wonder if I've got any candy left…"

Just then, a bookcase swung inwards and girls stood in the passageway behind it, Tash clapping her hands. "Ha! I told you there was a secret corridor between our offices!"

Adrian's eyes widened and he scrambled for the doorway, leaping over his desk in one motion and scrabbling for the lock even as the girl's descended on him…


Red and green light flashed and sparked as Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader fought across the Emperor's private room aboard the Death Star II, while the withered old Sith Lord sat on his throne and watched the two fight, laughing and cackling.

"Join us, my son…" Vader shoved Luke backwards with his blade and brought it up in a guard position. "It is your destiny…"

"No! Never!" Luke yelled and charged, a whirl of limbs and lightsaber and sparks flew as the two clashed again.

Up on a catwalk, Blake watched the fight a moment longer and then started jogging down towards a door. "I knew I should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque…"


In the Library's basement, the Sues and Stus were all locked away in individual, barred cells.

Harrison cracked his knuckles, glaring at his opponent. "This for the championship…"

Silver tucked a strand of his hair behind of his ears, looking incredibly smug. "It has already been decided. I will win, for I am perfect."

"Right…" The Dragonball Z Stu cracked his neck and flexed, muscles bulging. "I'll squash you like a bug!"

"You may try…" Silver narrowed his eyes. "But you will fail!"

They glared murderously at one another, sparks flashing midway between their eyes and the tension so thick you could cut if with a knife…

Then they clasped their hands together and said in unison: "One, two, three, four! I declare thumb war!"

Across the way, Mary-Ann moaned and rubbed her temples, trying to relieve her massive headache. "At least they aren't playing Bloody Knuckles anymore… but still… best one-fifty-one out of two hundred! Are those two really that competitive or just that dumb!"

Silver's voice floated over. "Snake in the grass is cheating, you spiky-haired twit!"

"Ha! I thought a perfect being like you was ready for anything!"

The female Sue moaned again and banged her on the wall. "Why me…?"


Blake emerged into a hallway and glanced around, looking greatly relieved that he was back in the Library. "Finally!" Shutting the door behind him, he took a moment to get a stock of his surroundings… only to see Adrian running towards him, the crowd of girls hot on his heels.

His eyes widened. "Oh… no…"

"Hi, Blake! Bye, Blake!" Adrian vaulted over his friend, not slowing down in the slightest, shouting over his shoulder. "I'm sorry about this!"

Blake didn't have time to respond as the crowd of girls ran over him, leaving a cloud of dust in their wake. When it cleared, Blake lay on the ground, limbs twitching and covered in dust and shoeprints. "…this… isn't… my day…"

A few seconds later, Michael and Claire, arm-in-arm, came walking by and glanced down at him with concern on their faces. "Hey, Blake. Are you okay?"

"Snake… Snake!... Snake!" Blake murmured, his eyes little cartoon swirls.

"He's delirious…" Claire said as she and her boyfriend bent down and picked Blake up by the arms.

"Back to normal, eh?" Michael and Claire gripped their friend's arms and guided him down the hallway. "C'mon, buddy, let's get you to the Med Bay and have you checked out."

"I'm sorry, officer… the boulder didn't signal for a turn…"


It was late at night as Adrian sat in the computer chair, the only light in the room being the one from the screen and finally managed having to escape the girls due to the fact they tired themselves out. Though the Library didn't have any windows or doors out, as there was only trans-dimensional space outside and most sentient minds would implode trying to comprehend it, it operated on a twenty-four hour cycle, with twelve hours of 'day' and twelve of 'night'.

The Librarian frowned and rubbed his chin as he leaned back in the chair. "What on earth could the Sues and Stus want with these items…" He clicked a few buttons and the screen split into seven different segments, each one having the picture of a rare, magical item that rotated slowly on their vertical axis.

The Holy Grail Copy Runoa had stolen from the Librarian... after the battle in Fate/Stay Night; she'd vanished off the radar and taken the Grail with her, much to Adrian's irritation. (What does she need it for? Why doesn't she use it for something?)

Next to the Grail was a European broadsword, with an elegantly-decorated blue-and-gold hilt and razor-sharp edge. It was an Excalibur, stolen from one of the many Arthurian fandoms a few days ago. With some many versions of the King Arthur legend out there, Adrian knew it was only a matter of time before a Sue or Stu tried to grab one. But what worried him was that they had stolen this Excalibur from a particularly realistic fandom, where Excalibur had most of the powers attributed to it, but not the belt, which would have been a boon to anyone, as it kept the wearing from dying from injuries, no matter how fatal. (Why take the sword and not the belt? Such an item would be invaluable to any Sue or Stu...)

In the third box was a long-handled lance, with a silver tip that had some dried blood on it. It was the Spear of Destiny, said to have pierced the side of Jesus Christ as he hung on the cross and let blood and water flow from his side. While Adrian didn't know if that really true or not (the Library possessed hundreds of copies of the four Gospels and for the life of him, he couldn't tell which ones were the originals.), the Spear was quite powerful in its own right and this one had been taken from the Constantine fandom, where it had pierced the side of Jesus. (It's a holy artifact, no matter how you look at it. Still, the Sues aren't particularly religious and such items can only be used by the faithful… so what would they need it for? Unless they want a fancy shish-ki-bob?)

Next to the Spear was a chunk of stone, roughly three wide and four feet tall. The bottom half was missing, looking like it was broken away. It was a copy of the famous Rosetta Stone, which held the same announcement written in Greek and Egyptian on it. It was the missing link that had allowed scholars to finally crack the language of hieroglyphs and tie many of the Mediterranean dialects together with the root language of Latin. (It's a hunk of rock. An important hunk of rock, but still… it's useless today. We can translate any language into any other and Sues and Stus automatically pick them up… so why this stone?)

Fifth in line was a medium-sized vial, filled with crystal clear water that sparkled a little. Despite its plain looks, Adrian knew it to be vial water from the Fountain of Youth. (In real life, the fountain was never found, but there have been plenty of stories that involved it… and just like the other items, the Sues and Stus don't need it, because they don't age at all after a point. It's part of their nature.)

Next was a book bound in black leather, with blood-red writing on the cover in some strange, runic language, with about a dozen bookmarks sticking out of it at various intervals. It was the Necrominicon, a legendary and infamous book said to reveal hundreds of dark and terrible secrets of black magic and elder gods… but merely reading it wore on the reader's sanity until they snapped. Adrian posses several copies of the Necrominicon, locked away in a private room attached to his office only he could get into. (Such an evil and dangerous item might draw a Sue's attention. They aren't exactly pure evil, only power-hungry and arrogant, and the Necrominicon would give access to great power, but I doubt even Sue's would risk be taken over by it… so why want it?)

He glanced at the seventh item and a frown crossed his face. It was a white marble tablet, roughly two feet tall and a foot wide. It was the Tabula Rasa (Blank Slate), and legends said that you could write any question on it and get an answer to it. It was the greatest encyclopedia in the universe and Adrian's Codex of Index, which let him access any book in the Library, no matter where he was, was based off it. In fact, the Tabula Rasa had been under Adrian's guardianship. He'd locked in an off-limits hall of the Library and set all the traps and wards he could think of around it. But he'd been suspicious when the Society learned that Willowe had freed the Elementals. There wasn't any gain for her in the move and he'd quickly taken an inventory and found that she's use the Elementals as a distraction, swiping Tabula Rasa from right under his nose like the Sue she was. After that, he'd quickly upped the security on the Library. (While I'm upset she managed to steal it, I'm not too worried. No one can get it to work. Some say that you need a legendary writing instrument, but if there is one, I've never found it. So why would she want it…?)

The Librarian stared at the seven items on the screen, lost in thought. He knew that if the Sues and Stus wanted them, the items must be important. But why? He couldn't think of anything that linked the seven or why a Sue or Stu would want one… (I know there's a connection to these seven somewhere, but what is it!)

"Mmm… neh? What's with all the light?"

"MROWR!" Startled, Adrian jumped, jerked out of his thoughts by the sudden intrusion. He spun his chair around and blinked in surprised at the pajama-wearing form in the doorway. "Tash? What are you doing up so late?"

Dressed in sky-blue PJs and her hair a bit of a mess, the Society's Chief Agent rubbed at an eye sleepily. "Had a nightmare, couldn't get back to sleep." She stifled a yawn. "Wanted to get something to snack on, but got couldn't find the kitchen in the dark. Saw the light, thought someone was up, too."

The Librarian smiled and got up, heading for the door. "I'm just doing some research, but now that you mention it, I could use a snack, too. C'mon, let's go see what we can scrounge up..."


Ten minutes later, the pair was seated in one of the reading rooms, a plate of cookies and a teapot on the coffee table between them. Tash was sprawled out one of the couches while Adrian had thrown his trenchcoat over the back of a cushy armchair and sat down, sipping at his tea.

The blonde-haired girl grabbed a cookie off the plate and munched on it. "So the Sues want these seven items for a reason?"

"Yes, though I can't imagine what for…" Adrian sipped at his tea, looking thoughtful. "Seven is the most powerful magical number and if you can gather items that strong enough individually, you can multiply their combined power greatly. But none of the seven items have anything in common, so they're magic would cancel one another out."

"What about the Spear and Excalibur? Tash asked, taking another bite of cookie. "They're both weapons, aren't they?"

He shook his head. "Not really. The Spear is a holy artifact and Excalibur is a weapon of war. They're cross-purposes and while they do connect somewhat, what about the other five items?" A scowl crossed his face as he took another drink of tea. "None of what has happened recently makes any sense and it's beginning to bug me. We're doing well against the Sues and Stus, but right now we're fighting in the dark. I don't like it."

Tash nodded her agreement as she picked her tea cup up, blowing on it to cool it. "I know, but right now we have to do the best we can. Hopefully, the rest will take care of itself…" She sipped her tea and then looked a little surprised and pleased after swallowing. "This is really good…. what is it?"

The white-haired teen chuckled a little at the expression on her face, cat ears twitching in amusement. "It's an herbal blend of my own make. It helps me relax and focus. I have a lot of late nights."

She frowned a little at him over her cup. "I've noticed that, too. You're always up whenever I get up and I've never even seen you sleep at all." She nibbled on a cookie. "Do you sleep?"

"Not that often…"

"What! Everyone needs sleep!"

He looked a little uncomfortable as he re-filled his teacup. "I try not to sleep when I can help it. Too many nightmares." He waved bits of steam away from his drink. "Luckily, a monk taught me a type of mediation that helps. One or two hours of that every night is just as good as eight hours of sleep."

Tash's frown became concerned. "Nightmares? What are they about?"

"Oh, this and that." He said airily, busying himself by taking a drink of tea. "Demons, boring teachers, Michael Jackson, delivering speeches with my pants down... you know, typical nightmare stuff."

"Don't lie to me, Adrian. It doesn't become you." The British girl told him with a quiet firmness. "They aren't typical nightmares if they make the powerful Librarian want to skip sleeping entirely for god-knows-how long. Now… tell me about them?"

He sipped his tea, but she continued to look at him levelly until he finally sighed and set his cup down the table. "You know… I never told you guys how I became the Librarian…"

"What's that got do to with-"

Adrian held up a hand and cut her off. "Just listen. Please?" After she nodded, he continued. "A long, long time ago, there was a little boy who wanted to be a hero of justice and save everyone. So he trained very hard and never gave up on his beliefs. Eventually, he started doing just that, saving people who needed it.

"But the chasm between ideals and reality is huge, larger than the boy could imagine. To his shock and horror, he found himself killing those who tried to harm or destroy others. He continued to fight and try to save everyone, but more often then not, he was forced to sacrifice the few to save the many…"

"…The choice all heroes have to face eventually…" Tash murmured quietly, face solemn.

He nodded. "Yes… but the boy refused to give up on his ideals and did whatever he could to save everyone, only to have to kill more and more to protect people. Betrayed by the blood on his hands and unable to accept the fact his ideals were worthless, the boy continued to fight and save, desperately trying to convince himself that he wasn't wrong, that everyone could be saved. But time wore on and the eventually, the boy was forced to make a sacrifice - the powers that be would save this group of people he trying to protect and in exchange, he would serve them.

"So the deal was made and the people saved, but a short while later, a horrible, horrible thing happened. One of the people the boy had saved that day was a viscous and cruel man, corrupt with power and he quickly became a tyrant, cruelly ruling the people and when the boy tried to stop him, the tyrant captured and turned the boy into a scapegoat." A note of bitterness crept into the Librarian's voice. "The boy was beheaded in front of a cheering, screaming that shouted for his death."

Tash, pale and upset, set her teacup down, not trusting herself to keep from spilling it. "You were that boy…"

"Yes…" Adrian looked down at his cup. "And soon after that, I found myself as the Librarian, a Counter Guardian…"

"Counter Guardian?"

"When a threat rises up that is a danger to the whole of existence, Counter Guardians are sent to stop it." The bitterness in his voice grew. "So, to save thousands, I kill hundreds and to save millions, I kill thousands…"

"That's horrible…" Tash looked at him, concern all over her features. "…hug?"

He smiled weakly. "Thank you, but I don't deserve one…"

The Chief Agent quickly stood up and stepped over the table, practically falling over herself as she wrapped her arms tightly around him. "You're getting one anyway and you're going to like it!"

Adrian was stiff for a few moments and then returned the hug, a small smile on his face. "…Thank you…"

"Do you regret it?" Tash murmured, head on his shoulder as she continued to hug him. "Making that choice? To save those people?"

"No… and yes…" He sighed and released her, stepping away from the embrace and turning away, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry… I'm a complete mess…"

"You're not a mess!" Tash said fiercely from behind him. "You've done so much for us! Given us the Library, help fight the Sues and Stus, keep things organized, help out when we need it."

"So?" Adrian muttered, staring bitterly at the bookshelf in front of him. "It's only temporary. Eventually, the war will be over and you guys will leave and move on…"

The British girl looked confused. "Well, yes, but what's that matter now? It's a long time from right now…"

"Not to me it isn't!" He spun around, emotion flashing on his face and Tash took a step back, startled. "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a damn immortal! I don't age! I can't die like that!"

"Immortal…" Tash, surprise, confusion and a little fear flashing across her face, murmured. "What are you talking about!"

"Do you know what it's like, being the Librarian!" Adrian snapped, but he seemed to be talking aloud rather than to Tash. "I have to sit in this goddamned building and watch countless innocents and suffer, because that's 'part of the plan'! Billions of people… entire civilizations… whole worlds… I watched them all die…all this power and I had to watch them die…"

"Adrian…?" Tash asked softly, concerning growing on her face at the faraway look that had appeared in Adrian's eyes.

"I've lived so long… and I've watched them go… family… friends…" He whispered so quietly that she had to strain to hear him, hands shaking slightly. "They're killed in front of me… and all I can do is pick up the pieces… and late at night, when it gets real quiet, I can hear them…"

"Adrian?" She touched his shoulder gently, her concern growing when he didn't react. "Hear who…?"

"Them… the people I've killed… they're screaming at me…" Face suddenly pale, Adrian continued to speak. "They're always screaming…"

His legs bucked and Tash moved to catch him, barely managing to catch him and keep them both upright "Adrian!"

"They scream, begging not die and I kill them anyway and they scream for my soul and I'm afraid and they scream and ask me why and I don't know… I don't know!" He moaned in pain and clutched his head, shaking badly. "Hundreds… thousands… more…. I've killed them all and they won't stop screaming at me! Every night, I hear them!"

He shuddered and shook his head, as if he were trying to rid himself of the voices. "I can't take it… why am I even alive anymore?" Another moan of pain. "Why aren't I dead?"

"Stop it!" A hand clamped over his mouth and Tash pulled him close to her, wrapping an arm around him, tears filling up in her eyes. "Just stop it!"

The Librarian shuddered and blinked, looking up at her as if it had just registered she was there. "Wha… Tash…?"

She cuddled him close. "Please, don't say that you want to die… I don't want you to die." The hand that had been on his mouth stroked his head softly, tears dripping into his hair. "Please…"

Adrian didn't know why, but he cuddled closer to her, hugging her tightly. "I'm… so alone, Tash…" Tears filled his eyes and he buried his face into her pajama top, crying. "It hurts so much… and I'm so… alone… I don't… want to be alone anymore…"

"Shhh, it's okay… it's okay.." She stroked his cheek softly and kissed the top of his head. "You don't have to be alone anymore…"

He sniffled. "It hurts… so much… and I can't… I can't take it…"

"It doesn't have to hurt anymore…" Tash tilted his chin up to look at her with a pair of fingers, smiling at him. "I promise…" She kissed his forehead. "You won't be alone… and it'll stop hurting…" Then she leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips once, twice, three times.

For a moment, Adrian didn't know what to do and then he found himself returning her kisses hesitatingly. "Tash…"

"Shhh…" She pressed her fingers to her lips and then pushed him over so that he landed on back-first onto the couch, pulling herself on top of him, planting a soft, loving kiss on his lips again. "It's okay…"

He wrapped his arms around her instinctively, confusion written on his face. "What's… why… I…?" He was silenced as she placed a hand over his mouth.

Her hands reached up and she gently petted the kitty ears atop his head, smiling when they twitched at her touch and a low purr built up from Adrian. "My kitty…" She kissed him again. "My Adrian… my Librarian…" Another kiss. "…all mine…"

"Yours?" He blinked up at her, still looking confused.

She sat up on his chest, stroking his cheek. "I was so frightened when you were impaled by all those swords and you didn't move when I cried your name…" Her hand brushed his bangs out from his eyes. "I was so happy when you survived and woke up… .it was then I decided I wasn't going to let you do that again… ever…"

Adrian shifted and frowned. "You've… been attracted to me…?"

"Of course, silly…" Her hand tugged gently at his ear and she let out a giggle when it flicked at her while she traced a pattern across his chest with a finger slowly. "I've always thought you were cute since I've met you… but it was when you fought Runoa that I realized how much you meant to me… that I loved you…"

"Love me?" He pulled her hand away from his head, blushing. "Tash, you can't fall in… you can't. I'm immortal, there's no way it'll…"

He was cut off as she cupped his cheek and kissed him again softly, smiling after she pulled away after several moments. "It'll be okay… I promise…."

"You can't promise that…" He blushed again and turned his head away. "I'm not even human…."

She lay down and rested her head on his chest. "I hear a heartbeat. You're human, Adrian. In fact, you're the most human person I know…" She lifted her head and pulled his around to look at her. "You try to hide your pain away and you do so much for us… for me… you suffer so much without complaining, without asking for anything in return. If that's not human, I don't know what is…"

He frowned again and looked somewhat upset, but didn't say anything, but she simply leaned forwards and kissed him again. This time, he couldn't help but smile and blush and she smiled warmly back him. "Now… sleep for me?"

"I told you, I don't sleep." Adrian shuddered slightly. "The nightmares…"

"Hush.." Tash put a finger to his lips and pulled the blanket from the back of the couch on top of them. "Trust me, my love. I promise that you will have no nightmares tonight…"

He looked long and deep into her eyes and then nodded slowly, his own eyes sliding closed. "I trust you…"

Tash curled up and cuddled herself on top of him and reaching over his head to turn off the lamp that had been illuminating the room. Darkness reigned and after a few minutes, she felt his breathing change and knew he was asleep. Smiling to herself, she pulled the blanket further over them.

But Tash Marquand did not sleep. She cuddled her love and kept watch for the things that might take her love's peace away.


Somewhere else in the Library, Blake rubbed his eyes and scooped the cards in front of him into a pile. "There…" He shuffled the stack and set it face-down in front of him. "My deck's as ready it'll ever be."
After recovering from his somewhat painful and very odd experiences of the day, he'd retired to his room and spent several hours reworking his deck, trying to make use of the new card Adrian and the others had given him.

Flicking off his desk lamp, Blake clambered into bed and was asleep almost instantly, knowing that when he dueled Flare, he was ready….


Elsewhere, Michael and Claire, snuggled together in his bed, blanket pulled up over top of them.
Claire stirred and Michael opened eyes, smiling at her sleeping face and kissing her forehead gently before closing his eyes and going back to sleep himself, confident that the darkness inside of him would not take control anymore…


All over the Library, the Society's members slept quietly and unworried in their beds. Though the war would still be there tomorrow and it would be long and hard, tonight peace reigned and right now, it was enough…