Sunday, July 31, 2011

Insert Semi-Mythological Robo Name Here

"Oh, boy." Kate muttered as she looked over her beeping computer screen.

"Tash! We've got another one."

Tash leaned over to get a better look at the monitor. "Where at?" She asked quickly.

"The... Custom Robo fandom."

Tash sighed. "These fandoms are getting more obscure to me... I think I'm getting old."

She turned and poked her head into the main area of the library where most of the Society members were laying around. "Anyone know anything about the Custom Robo fandom?" She yelled.

One hand shot up.

Tash groaned. "Anyone besides the newbie who nuked an entire fandom?"

"Hey!" Ben protested indignantly. "It was only half a fandom, and besides, the damage got reversed when I left! Is that the ONLY thing people remember about me?"


Ben glared down at his muse. "You're not helping, Shirley."

The Cliche Stick shrugged. "Do I ever?"

Tash looked around helplessly a second longer, then sighed. "Fine. Ben, you go. She's currently at Midheart High."

Ben nodded. "Custom Robo Arena then, I'm on it."

He stood and turned to leave, Shirley next to him.

"Ben!" Tash called after him. "If at all possible, no nuking, please."

Ben nodded. "I'll do my best!"

Tash sighed.

"Midheart is doomed, isn't it?" Kate asked.

Tash nodded. "Pretty much..."


"So what's Custom Robo about anyway?" Shirley asked as Ben gathered up his equipment.

Ben shot his muse a look. "You've been watching me play my DS all this time, how do you not know?"

Shirley shrugged. "I just watched the battles, everything else bored me."

Ben adopted an announcer style voice. "And here you have it ladies and gentlemen, solid proof that video games do reduce attention spans."

"Oh, like yours is any better." Shirley scoffed.

"My what is?" Ben asked.

"Your attention span."

"Huh? Are we still talking about that?"

"Very funny," Shirley rolled her eyes. "Now what's this fandom all about?"

"Basically people beat the crap out of each other using 6-inch high robots in holographic battle arenas."

Shirley frowned. "That's it?"

"No," Ben said, rooting under a chair for his plothole generator. "This fandom is more obsessed with Custom Robo than the Yu-Gi-Oh! Fandoms are with Duel Monsters. Custom Robo's are much, much stronger than humans, so they get used for everything from construction to deep space exploration."


Ben nodded. "There's even this one guy who pretty much cheats on his wife with a Custom Robo!"

"Ok, now you're messing with me."

Ben grimaced. "Believe me, I wish I was."

He fired the plothole generator. "Let's go."


The last bell of the school day rang, releasing the students and commanders of Midheart High.

Many commanders couldn't wait until they got home and started Custom Robo matches right there on the school lawn.

Bella strode briskly out the door, the gentle wind stirring her emerald green hair and spotless green dress around her. As she passed, heads turned to gaze at her in wonder. No matter how much they saw her, the residents of Midheart just couldn't get over Bella.

After all, she was the greatest commander of all time.

Bella had transferred to Midheart High from out of nowhere and quickly awed all with her incredible skill at Custom Robo.

In under a month she had won the school championships, the district championships, the city championship and the world championship. If there was a championship at being a champion, chances are she would've been the champion at that too. Not only that, but she single handedly defeated the criminal syndicate Greybaum and their super Custom Robo, Hadron.

Of course, pro leagues and police orginizations were pleading for her to join their ranks, but she wisely chose to remain in school. After all, she was on the Honor Roll! Bella got straight A's and never broke the rules, she was easily favorite student.

In addition, thanks to her goddess-like looks, every male in Midheart had fallen for Bella, hard. But she gently rebuffed all potential suitors saying "Custom Robo comes first, I have to ensure that nobody falls victim to the same tragedies I did as a child." She never told anybody just what these tragedies were, however, and nobody asked.

Bella noticed Dennis, Midheart's resident dork, staggering under an insane load of video chips. Bella liked Dennis, simply because he was so easy. All she had to do was smile at him, and he would pretty much faint from the attention. She had to admit, he did have a sort of dorky charm about him though.

As she watched, their eyes met. Bella flashed Dennis a quick smile and he froze in his tracks, several video chips sliding out of his arms. Dennis jumped, and went to catch them, causing him to drop the rest to the sidewalk. Bella had to stifle a giggle. Dennis was just so simple to manipulate! Outwardly, she put on a face of concern as she hurried over to where Dennis was scrambling to pick up the white plastic chips.

"Oh no!" She exclaimed as she dropped to her knees next to the green t-shirt wearing teen. "Are you OK?"

Dennis flushed. "Y-yeah, I'm fine." He stuttered.

"Here, let me help you." Bella said, reaching for one of the video chips, letting her arm brush Dennis' as she did so.

Dennis nearly passed out from the contact. The most beautiful girl in the school, talking to him! He could barely believe it.

Bella pretended not to notice Dennis' reaction. "So what are all these video chips for?" She asked.

Dennis flushed an even deeper red, if that were possible. "I, uh, I was doing some research."

"Oh, on what?" Bella asked innocently.

"Well, I wanted to become a better commander, so I figured I should watch some battles to try to study up..."

Bella cocked her head to one side. "Why'd you want to become stronger?" She asked in the same tone of voice.

Dennis looked away, embarrassed. "It...well, it was because of you." He said quietly. "I was watching you battle and I just got inspired and I wanted to get better so..." He trailed off and shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh, Dennis, that's so sweet!" Bella cooed.

Dennis grinned weakly.

"Here," Bella handed him the rest of his video chips. "Why don't you meet me at the Robocenter later and I'll give you some tips?

"R-really?" Dennis could barely belive his luck.

Bella giggled, the sound nearly causing Dennis to melt into a puddle where he stood. "Shall we?" She asked, linking arms with Dennis. As they turned to go, a voice behind them stopped them dead in their tracks.

"So, we meet again, Buzz Lightyear, for the last time!"

"Oh, for the love of Yggdrasil!-We are nowhere near the Toy Story fandom or the Buzz Lightyear fandom!"

"Who cares? I've always wanted to say that!"

Both Bella and Dennis turned to see Ben arguing with Shirley.

"You again? What are you doing here?" Bella demanded.

"Duh, I'm here to bring you in!" Ben said, turning from his muse towards the Sue.

Bella gave a furtive glance towards the sky. Ben laughed.

"Don't worry, I'm under orders to try to avoid doing any nuking on this mission if at all possible. And another thing," He folded his arms. "I must say, I'm deeply dissapointed in you Bella."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Oh, why is that?"

Ben groaned. "There gotta be at least a dozen of fairly attractive strong male commanders in this fandom, and you decide to go with Dennis? You've gotta be kidding me!"

"H-hey! That was uncalled for!" Dennis protested. "I was in last years Robo Cup, I'll have you know!"

"Yeah, because everyone else quit!" Shirley sniggered spitefully.

Dennis deflated a little at that. "Just who are you people anyway?" He demanded.

"He's a renegade commander, Dennis!" Bella exclaimed, thinking quickly."He's after me!"

"What?" Dennis moved in front of Bella, pulling his Mantis Robo Cube from his pocket.

Ben rolled his eyes. "Oh, give it up, small timer. I could take you down with a Standard weapon set!"

"Dennis, I'm the one he wants, let me handle him. No renegade commander is a match for my Athena." Bella said gently.

"Renegade comman-what?" Ben asked. That was when he noticed that Bella's Robo was activated and standing on her palm.

"Woah!" Dennis shouted. "Bella, how'd you get permission to use your Robo outside of an arena?"

"Have you forgotten?" Bella giggled. "I've got a Special Licence. So I've got permission to use my Robo wherever I like in order to capture illegal commanders... like this one here."

Ben looked around. "Where? I don't see any-" Then he noticed Bella's smirk and it dawned on him. "Oh..."


Shirley was in the Midheart Park at the moment, snacking on a Cedar limb she had broken off a nearby tree.

"GYEAAAAAAHHH!" Shirley just in time to see Ben sprinting past as if all the legions of hell were on his heels.

3 seconds later a 6-inch high female toy robot came running after.

Shirley would've gone to help Ben, if she weren't on the verge of passing out from laughing so much.


Ben tore across the finely manicured lawns of the Hillside district, ignoring the protests and shouts of the overpaid lawn specialists. He glanced over his shoulder. Bella was still bearing down on him.

He grimaced. Normally a commander could only pilot a Custom Robo up to a maximum of 30 yards, but since Bella was a Sue, who knew how far she could pilot Athena.

Ben couldn't outrun it, he couldn't outfight it and he couldn't nuke it. That left only one weapon in his arsenal.

Sorry, Tash, he thought as he rounded on Bella. I may not be doing any nuking, but I've got a feeling you won't be liking this move either...

He thrust a palm towards Bella, roaring as he did so. "My coffeemakers are not controlled by Hoover Dam computers!"

Bella screeched to a halt, glancing nervously at the sky,

With a rumble, a massive floodgate rose from the ground behind Ben.

Bella's eyes widened.

Ben threw himself to one side as the floodgate opened and a torrent of dark liquid surged out, catching Bella's Robo in it's grasp and sweeping it away.

Ben picked himself up off the ground as Shirley trotted over and stuck a claw into the murky substance.

She licked a droplet off her claw. "Is this coffee?" She asked.

Ben nodded. "C'mon, let's book it, the only reason that worked is because I caught her off guard. She won't be stunned for long."

Shirley rolled her eyes. "Tell me about it. Just what were you thinking anyway? You're the one who told me Robo's were so much stronger than humans, and then you go and face Bella without any sort of weapon at all!"

"Bite me." Ben growled, before he realized what he'd said.


Ben winced. "...OK... that was a bad choice of words, wasn't it?" He asked weakly.

"Yeh ih wah." (Yes it was.) Shirley said around a mouthfull of skull.

Ben nodded. "Right ho." He noticed Athena stirring and turned and ran without further ado.


The Robocenter was closing for the night and the various commanders who had been training there were leaving for the night. Bella and Dennis were no exception.

"Are you, OK, Dennis?" Bella asked as they exited the door. "You look a little tired..." She put a hand to his forehead, causing Dennis to blush again at the contact.

"I'm OK." Dennis assured her. "Just a little tired from all that training, thanks again for helping me!"

"No problem." Bella said with a giggle that sent shivers down Dennis' spine.

"H-hey, you want me to walk you home?" Dennis asked, "What with that creep who attacked you earlier still on the loose?"

Bella smiled gently. "Thanks Dennis, but I'm fine. See you at school tomorrow!" She waved goodbye to Dennis and started to walk off.

As she took a shortcut through a dark alley, a shadowy figure emerged from the gloom.

"I'm back, baby!" It said in an obviously fake deep voice.

"Oh, for the love of-do you ever give up?" Bella demanded as Ben stepped into a pool of light.

Ben smirked. "Nope. And this time, I've got my own souped-up Robo." He held up a golden Robo Cube.

"So then," He struck his wanna-be gallant pose. "Shall we dance?"

Bella snarled and hurled Athena's cube and Ben followed suit. Coils of pale red energy rose around the two fighters as they started their dives. Both could feel their minds merging with their Robo's computers.

Athena morphed out of her cube a split second before it hit the ground, Bella tucked into a roll as she hit the pavement and came up running flat-out. That was when she noticed that the Robo Ben was piloting was golden with horns.

"Is that-"

"Hadron." Ben confirmed as he leapt into the air.

"How did you get Hadron?" Bella had stopped dead in shock.

"That's my secret, babe." Ben, still in mid-leap, leveled a Gun resembling a purple dragon's head at Bella.

"WYRM GUN!" He screamed, firing. A grey dragon spirit came wailing out and struck Bella head on.

She staggered as Ben landed, following up his assault with three missiles from his ARS-B02 Bomb cannon.
Bella leapt out of the way however, and suddenly vanished. Ben scanned his Robo's HUD. No sign of Bella, which could only mean one thing. He whirled just in time to find Bella standing behind him, firing her gun.
There was to time to think, and only just enough time to act.

Quick as lightning, Ben bent over backwards at the waist, Matrix-style and the shot from Bella went flying over his head.

Ben looked at Bella from where he was still bent over. "That was awesome!" He shouted, still hopped up on adrenaline.

Bella shrugged. "Yeah, but you've left yourself wide open." She grinned evilly.

Ben paled. "You wouldn't dare..."

Bella blasted him squarely between the legs with her Bomb.

Ben was sent flying. He was just getting into the first verse of "You Are the Wind Beneath My Wings" when the alley wall cut him short.

Ben fell to the ground moaning, grabbing his crotch. "Y-you got me right in the CPU..." He groaned as Bella landed next to him.

"Oh, give me a break!" Bella snorted. "You're in a Robo, you don't have any nuts!"

"Oh... yeah." Ben leapt to his feet.

Shirley snickered from her hiding place in the shadows as she watched the unfolding battles. "So many ways I could've taken that..."

Ben and Bella began to circle each other warily, what little light there was glinting off Ben's golden Robo.
Ben took the opportunity to study Bella's Robo. Athena resembled the love child of Luna, an Aerial Beauty model, and the Ray Mk III, a Shining Fighter and the former world champions Robo of choice.

"Where did you get Hadron?" Bella demanded again. "I destroyed that thing when I took down the Greybaum syndicate!"

Ben grinned, the smile looked even more evil on the demonic-looking Robo.

"Not telling!" He said mockingly.

Bella snarled in a rage and deployed her Pod. Three green hovering remote explosives shot from her backpack and wailed towards Ben.

Ben lept back and started to backpedal quickly, but not quickly enough. One of the Pods latched on to his chest, impeding his movement.

"What are these?" He demanded.

"Those are Medusa, my Pod. See, when they're deployed, they seek out my enemy and latch on, waiting for the rest of their comrades before they explode." Bella said. "Oh, and by the way, they slow you down too."

By now one of the other two Pods had jumped on Ben's back. When Ben turned, trying to get it off, the third Pod latched on and all three exploded, sending him flying and taking a massive chunk out of his Robo's energy.

Ben shook his head, trying to clear the fuzziness from it while still in mid-air, when a blast from Bella's gun caught him and slammed him into the alley wall.

Ben shook his head as he climbed to his feet. "I oughta be getting my pilots licence soon what with all the flying I've been doing." He muttered.

He noticed his Robo's energy was getting dangerously low. He was going to have to finish this quickly.
Bella appeared in front of him from out of nowhere and fired her Gun, but Ben was already on the move. His Robo glowed red as it Charged forward, temporarily becoming invulnerable. He struck Bella with a devastating uppercut, sending her skywards.

Bella was stunned from the blow as she sailed through the air, but Ben's voice snapped her out of her haze.
"You know, this is probably the most over-used cliche in the society, but I've always wanted to do this!" Ben grinned at Bella from where he was flying next to her.


Hadron's golden foot collided with Athena's green head, slamming her into the ground several feet below and driving her head a few inches into the pavement, scratching the helmet and chipping it badly.

"I know Tash said no nuking." Ben said, landing next to Bella, who looked up at him blearily. "But this is just too good an opportunity to resist!"

He leveled a ridculously large purple tube mounted on his left arm at Bella. She paled. "Is that-?"

"DEVA BOMB!" Ben screamed, firing.

A massive purple and yellow warhead slid out of the opening. But Ben had outsmarted himself. Normally the Deva Bomb traveled at a crawl, but since Ben was so close, the effect was instantaneous. A massive yellow and green explosion roiled out, catching both Ben and Bella in it's embrace and sweeping them and the rest of their Robo's energy away.

Bella gasped in pain as her mind was forcefully expelled from her Robo.

"Where... did... you get those parts?" She demanded, short of breath. "Those parts... were so powerful... they're illegal, they would've required... massive amounts of mental... energy to use them!"

Ben looked pale too, but he smirked as held up his now-empty flask of his own heavily sugared iced tea.

"This stuff," he explained. "Gives you an incredible boost of energy."

"But Ben," Shirley said, emerging from the shadows of the alley from where they'd been watching the battle. "Don't you suffer a huge energy crash right afterwards?"

"Oh..." Ben's smile slid from his face. "...yeah." His eye's rolled up in his head and he collapsed, snoring.

Bella laughed triumphantly. She may've been weakened, but at least she was the one still standing.

"You're mine, you little freak!" She hissed, moving towards Ben's prone form.

"Stop right there!" A harsh voice said. A fourth figure emerged from the shadows. He was dressed in a long purple jacket and his hair was a dark red. On his shoulder was a purple robot that looked reminiscent of the Ray Mk II, the former world champions first Robo.

"I know you!" Shirley said. "You're that one AI hologram with free will!"

"Free will?" Bella hissed, staring at the Robo on his shoulder. "Does that mean you can dive and pilot a Robo?"

The hologram nodded, it's Robo leveling it's Laser Ripple Gun at Bella. "I'd suggest you leave this guy alone. I don't know who or what either of you are, and I don't care. So why don't you beat it before I change my mind."

Bella growled menacingly. "Tell your owner this isn't over yet!" She hissed at Shirley as she opened a plot-hole.

"I am not his pet!" Shirley screeched, but it was too late. Bella had vanished into another Fandom.

"Urgg..." Ben began to stir. The hologram deactivated his Robo and walked over to Ben, helping him up.

"Are you OK?" The AI program asked.

Ben nodded, rubbing his forehead. "I'm totally wasted though. Where's Bella?"

"She got away." Shirley said shortly, still obviously miffed at being called Ben's pet.

"Figures." Ben grunted as he hauled himself to his feet.

"Here's Hadron back, by the way." He said, handing it to the hologram. The hologram nodded it's thanks and tucked the Robo Cube away.

"And now he should revert back to normal?" The program asked. Ben nodded. "Now that Bella's left, he should."

The hologram nodded, turned and walked away.

Ben turned, and firing his gun, opened a plot-hole of his own. "Let's go, Shirley."

"I am not a pet!" Shirley yelled, causing Ben to jump.

"Easy, girl." He said. "I never said you were."

Shirley scratched her head with a claw as she stepped through the plothole into the Library Arcanium. "So let me get this straight." She said. "That computer thingy was so obsessed with the hero of that game, that he based his own appearance off of him?"

Ben nodded. "Pretty much. So when I told him that Bella's presence was preventing the hero from becoming as strong as he could be, he readily agreed to help out and since he turned himself into a dark version of the hero, he was loaded with illegal Robo parts."

Shirley shook her head. "That has got to be the weirdest fandom I've ever visited, and I've been to the Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged world."

"I told you that place was beyond obsessed with Custom Robo." Ben laughed, then he noticed that Shirley was ticking something off on her claws.

"Um, what're you doing?" He asked nervously.

Shirley looked at Ben out of the corner of her eye. "Oh, just counting the number of times you used cliches."
Ben paled. "Heh, heh." He laughed weakly. "You mean-?"

Shirley leered, and flexed her claws. "Yep."

"GYEEAAAHH!" Ben turned and ran, dodging between rows and random stacks of books, Shirley close on his heels, barreling down the aisles and knocking shelves and mounds of books over.

Ben glanced over his shoulder. She's gaining on me! He thought desperately.

Suddenly, he spun in midstride facing Shirley as he flew backwards. He thrust a palm, fingers curled towards the muse. "My coffeemakers are not controlled by Hoover Dam computers!"

He flew between the rising floodgates just as they closed then re-opened, releasing a flood of coffee, knocking Shirley back.

Ben laughed wildly in exhilaration as he landed on his back. Then, a boot landed next to his head.

Ben looked up from where he was lying on his back to see Adrian standing over him, looking very pissed.
"What's up, Doc?" Ben asked.

"Do you know what you just did?" Adrian asked quietly.

"Um, I just stopped Shirley from perforating me?" Ben offered,

Adrain shook his head. "You just released several dozen gallons of coffee into a very crowded portion of the Library. A Library filled with books." His voice was still quiet, dangerously so.

"Oh," Ben paled again. "Out of the frying pan, into the fire, eh?"

"Indeed." Adrian said as he popped a fireball.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Insert Plural Noun As Title Here

For a brief minute, let's forget about Tally Youngblood.

I'm not kidding. Despite the fact that Tally is the most important character to Scott Westerfeld's painstakingly created series, let's forget she exists and concentrate on another character.

Alyana Markerstone is our main character for today. She resides in the dorms in the ugly center of the wonderful city of Diego itself.

And for the first time in Mary Sue history... she ISN'T astonishingly beautiful to every person she sees.

Alyana's story goes as such. She grows up in Uglytown, anticipating her sixteenth birthday. She is considered horrifically "ugly" by everyone in her dorm, but considering everyone's called ugly there, she doesn't care.

She pulls off a set of tricks that alert the authorities somewhat, then continues off with her life. Then one day she gets a little lost exploring the Rusty Ruins and meets... Zane.

Apparently Zane has not died like he was thought to have in Specials, even though it was pretty obvious that he was close to flatlining and the only thing keeping him alive was the machine. But no, actually, Zane has somehow been made into a Special. And he isn't a rewired Special like Shay or Fausto. He's dangerous, much like a worse version of Tally. GASP. SHOCK.

Zane threatens poor, sweet Alyana and lets her go. But Alyana cannot find her way back, and stumbles into the city where Tally Youngblood lived years ago. She then finds a cult, much like the Japanese cults from Extras (although that book shall not be mentioned considering many fangirls like to pretend that book, and Aya Fuse and Frizz Mizuno, don't exist). The cult grabs Alyana and makes her into a Special. She gets the exact same operation that Tally Youngblood has gotten years ago.

Alyana becomes part of the cult and meets and falls in love with another faux-Special, named Jonas. But when Alyana comes face-to-face with Tally Youngblood herself...

Ah, there's Tally.

Alyana meets Tally and instead of attacking each other like they should, Tally instead takes Alyana's arrival as good news. Tally isn't the last Special anymore, so she is no longer bound to Dr. Cable's last wish. And so Tally opts for the surgery that makes her an ugly again, and Zane meanwhile is also given the surgery. He meets Tally again, and a mushy-gushy love scene happens, and they both acknowledge that they do have beauty - just not the way society wants it.


Oh, did I mention, David has suddenly popped out of existence?

Alyana and Jonas are also given the surgery, and Jonas tells Alyana the same thing that Tally and Zane have just told each other: that although nobody else may acknowledge it, Alyana is truly beautiful...

Tired of this nightmare already? Me too. Let's cut to a more interesting scene.



Adrian, who was sitting on his sickbed, paled as the blue-haired vision of total idiocy burst through the door, holding a box.

"Tash-san told me you were injured!"

At this rate, I'm probably going to be even more injured considering you've walked in, thought Adrian.

Aster sidled straight up to Adrian, smiling mischievously. She then opened the lid of the box to reveal a pile of candy. Immediately Adrian's uncomfortableness disappeared.


He hadn't had candy in over a month...

Obediently, Adrian opened his mouth as Aster unwrapped each candy, held it over his mouth, and dropped it in his mouth, the same way one would give a treat to Meg.


Aster turned around to find a very livid Tash at the door.

"What on earth are you doing?"

Quickly, Aster sidled away.

"You know that considering Adrian is injured he could choke on one of those!"

I wouldn't care even if I did, thought Adrian.

"And I never said you were allowed to visit! From now on, no food or drink will enter this room without my express permission!"

As Tash pushed Aster out of the room, she swiped the box from her. "And I'll be eati- er, confiscating that!"


As Marcus arranged the books, he saw Aster walking towards a familiar shelf...

"Ah," he said, putting his hand up. "You can't do that."

"Why?" said Aster.

Marcus pulled out a list. Adrian had dictated this to Marcus to make sure Blake wasn't the only one tending to the library while Adrian was in abstentia.

"...Uh, here. #3: Under no circumstances should Aster be allowed to pull any manga, manwha, light novel, anime DVD, Korean drama DVD, or whatever else she's currently into, off the shelf."

Aster stared blankly at him for a minute. Then she said, "Hey, Marcus-kun, do you like origami?"

Marcus blinked. "Um, yeah?"

Aster held up a paper. "Do you want this?"

It was a paper folded into a shape barely recognizable by the common man - but Marcus was able to get it immediately.

"A monkey!" said Marcus. "Tell me how to make it! Tell me!"

Aster winked and pulled a copy of Hana Yori Dango Vol. 6 off the shelf.


"Hey! Tash!" said Kate on a nearby computer. "We've got a tag. New Sue. Uglies fandom."

"Uglies?" said Adrian, on his bed. "You mean that book series about people getting operations at sixteen to be supermodel pretty and yet at the same time be brainwashed by the government?"

"Yeah, that one," said Kate.

"Kyaa~, anyone who's brainwashed already should be an easy target for a Sue," said Aster.

"But that's the thing," said Kate. "The 'mind-rain' happened years ago. They should be normal right now."

"Should be?"

"And I'm detecting lesions in many canon characters' brains. Something's wrong."


It had been so easy, thought Alyana.

She had wormed her way into a plothole after receiving orders from the Lieutenant (and a few genetic modifications, although not nearly as many as Flare's - for God's sake, he was a hedgehog). She had entered the Uglies fandom, posing as a fifteen-year-old, and had "accidentally" run into a group of faux-Specials (actually friends set up by the Lieutenant). She then acted out a few scenes, and had resurrected Zane. Eventually, she did some things that would attract Tally Youngblood's attention, and became the hero of the story.

When Tally wasn't looking, Alyana booted her skintenna (almost identical to the ones present in the other Diego citizens). She then pulled up a familiar name.

"Markerstone?" a cool female voice said.

"Lieutenant," replied Alyana. "All systems are go."

"Good," replied Lieutenant Mary Sue. "Make sure you don't fail like Willowe has been doing lately. Seems she has some...personal...issues getting in the way nowadays. She has lost the purpose of our organization: to make worlds perfect."

"Permission to commence temporal distortion."

"Granted," said the Lieutenant.

Alyana cut off the connection. She then looked upwards, and made a motion as if she was grabbing something from the air...the technique used by Nagato Yuki in the fourth Haruhi novel.

Soon, thought Alyana. Very soon.


"Huge signal on GPS locator."

Harriet twisted the small device. "Diego. I'm assuming this is some twisted future version of San Diego?"

"They did mention Death Valley in the first book," said Kate.

Then suddenly Aster screeched to a halt. She looked around, and seemed to wave her hands in the air.

"What are you doing?" said Tash.

"Look," said Aster. "It won't let me in."

True enough, when Tash felt ahead of her, it was like she was blocked by a barrier. Aster had been trying to pound on it.

Eventually Aster lost it and shot different-colored beams at the barrier from her fingers, but the barrier seemed to absorb them.

"Wonder if Adrian-kun could do anything," said Aster.

It was mayhem. Tash was on a screaming fury to get in, Michael was attempting to stab the barrier with a sword, Miri and Aster were trying to blast the thing off, Marcus was using brute force - with both halves, and Harriet and Lauren were trying to electrocute it.

It just stood there.

Tash had an idea. "One of two things. It's restricted access for Society members, or it only allows Sues in."

"Both," said a voice.

They all turned around to behold Alyana Markerstone.

"Hell-o," she said. "We may or may not have met. I dunno. I see so many Society members around."

"What is this?" Tash demanded.

"If you inform us, reverse the damage, and hand yourself over, we'll put you on parole," said Lauren.

Alyana tossed her head back and laughed.

"You really don't know? Ask her."

And she pointed at Aster.

Everyone stared at Aster, wondering how this mundanely idiotic agent would know. As Aster followed the glares at her, she shook her head.

"No, I wouldn't... but... oh!"

Her face came into realization.

"Temporal distortion line... She's turning the time backwards, restricted to a certain area... kyaa~..."

"How on earth would you know that?" said Tash.

"I read the Suzumiya Haruhi series, you know..."

Alyana laughed again.

"Yes, she's right. It is a temporal distortion line. Anything inside it will be going backwards. It covers Diego and any city 30 miles from it. At this point," and here Alyana looked at her watch, "we should be in the middle of the second book right now. If you do manage to get inside, you'll be forced to go backwards as well. Only I can go in and out without being affected."

Harriet rubbed her hand on the invisible barrier, and watched a leaf fly by inside it. Aerodynamically, it was going backwards.

"Now," said Alyana, "leave me alone..."

She pulled out what looked like a small pistol. Words were inscribed on it: PLAIN JANE.

"Watch out!" said Tash, and pushed Miri out of the way just in time to avoid what looked like a small pin shooting at them.

Tash breathed heavily. Lauren took out a cloth and picked the pin up with it, holding it like it was a poisonous snake.

"Plain Jane pins. They're lethal to self-inserts... they'll rob us of our identity if they touch us..."

Lauren looked up to see Alyana pointing the gun at her.

Luckily, Lauren moved away in time, but the pin struck her shoe. Lauren kicked it off with the other foot.

"Get out of here. Now," said Alyana.

The Society didn't need telling twice, except Aster, who continually stood her ground.

"I'm not a self-insert," said Aster.

"Aster, get out!" said Tash, pulling her away.


"We need help."

Tash lectured the ragtag team of Society members.

"Is there any way we can get some?"

Blake had a suggestion. "Canon characters. This is a futuristic universe. Some character could explain it to us and help us out."

"There's a problem with that one," said Michael. "All the canon characters are trapped in that time bubble."


Aster had interrupted.

"When you told me about that series, I looked it up in Adrian-kun's library...There's a fourth book, it's in Japan, kyaa~"


"I hope to God she hasn't put a temporal distortion in Japan too..."

"The fourth book is usually uninterrupted by fans. Most people hate it."

They used a helicopter stolen from a nearby city to land in Tokyo, and Aster's eyes got very, very big...

"Ah - I - "

Then suddenly Aster fell on the floor, throwing a tantrum, swearing in Japanese and yelling, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CITY?"

"Apparently she can't handle the future changes," said Tash.

"Be thankful there are changes. It means this place is untouched."


Tokyo was swarming with cams.

Tash could practically feel the cams scanning her. She didn't have an eyescreen, but she had a feeling...if she could see her face rank it would probably be over a million. (Aster's would be lower, probably.) Considering that nobody in this place knew her name, she'd have the lowest. Actually, she wouldn't be on there.


Great, maybe it was Aster's fault, but Tash had just made it into the reputation economy.

"Tash-san, where are we going?"

"Shuffle Mansion," said Tash. "We need to find a certain canon character, and we have to get in."


Shuffle Mansion was huge.

Aster ogled at it. She lived in a small apartment in her universe, and this place defied whatever her imagination had fed her before.

"Tash-san, it's huge."

Tash reached for the door, but the handle mildly electrocuted her. The automated system said something in Japanese.

"Crap," said Tash. "I forgot. This place is supposed to be secure."

"How do we get up then?" said Michael.

"Send them a message?" suggested Miri.

Tash noticed a small intercom, and pushed the button. Japanese phrases came out.

"Hey!" said Tash. "English please!"

However, in the Uglies fandom, the author had clearly defined a language barrier, which required a Japanese-speaking person.

"Aster, get this right. Or else there will be consequences!"

"Kyaa~, don't be so hard on me~"

Aster walked up to the intercom, and in Japanese, said: "For Fuse Aya. I am Aster Selene. I have information that concerns you, your city, and most of all, Tally Youngblood. If you want juicy info, please open the door. I am not a normal extra."

15 seconds later, the doors swished open.


"So, I want an explanation," said Aya Fuse.

Aster blushed.

"Well?" said Tash. "What does she want?"

"An explanation," said Aster.

"Hm," said Tash. "Explain to her about Mary Sues."

"But you're the one who says it better, kyaa~"

"But you're the one who speaks Japanese!"

Aster blushed even more and explained the situation to Aya. Hiro, Ren, and Frizz made a few side remarks. Finally, Aya nodded and said something intense to Aster. Aster turned back to Tash.

"She says she'll help if she has permission to kick the story to help her face rank. She won't mention the Society, or authors, but she'll talk about Sues..."

Tash faced the rest of the Society. "That could work..."


Aster screamed.

"What - is - that!"

"Moggle," said Aya. "My camera. I need shots to kick a story."

"'s...looking at me..."

"Get used to it," said Hiro. "We're all kicking this story. And get ready for a jump in face rank, because once people see you around Aya..."


The Society and Aya were swarmed with cams as soon as they walked out.

"Ren!" said Aya. "Reputation bubble! Hurry!"

Ren took out his preprogrammed jammer and slowly the cams fell from the sky.

"Quickest way to America..." said Tash. "Besides a ten-hour long helicopter ride..."

"I do hope I get some more merits as soon as I kick my story, because I spent a lot to get this..."


Despite Aya's general newfound fame from kicking the City Killer and Leaving Home stories, she still fussed about her merits. Perhaps it was habit from being an extra. But the Society found it worth it, because who could resist a plane ride in the future?

"Kyaa~," said Aster.

"So," said Aya. "Are you really self-inserts? Or are you just a cult of uglies - except for her," and here she pointed at Aster, "who just had a very bad attempt at a manga-head surge?"

"We're Authors," said Tash.

(All this time, Aster was scrambling back and forth as translator.)

"And you are here to catch... Mary Sues?" (She pronounced it "merisu".)

"Yes," said Lauren.

"She's damaging the city of Diego, and Tally Youngblood," said Blake.

"Tally-sama..." Aya gulped. "Maybe we should have involved the government?"

"No," said Tash. "We can't have the idea of authors spreading across your Japan."


"Wha- no! Canon characters!"

Alyana Markerstone stared in horror at the large Society group and the four Japanese canon characters.

"Moggle, are you getting this?" said Aya.

"Ah..." Alyana found that she would be close to being seen by almost all the feeds in Japan. "Well..." A grin slowly spread on Alyana's face. "What if I - "

But Tash got there first.

Alyana had charged and attacked Aya. A full scale brawl broke out.

In the background, Moggle curiously zoomed in.

Everyone was rubbing some area of the body in pain, but Alyana merely stood up. She healed fast. "I'm tired of this charade."

She pushed a button on her crash bracelet, and the mask covering her fell off. Within a few seconds she had revealed herself to be a Special.

The Society had been duped. Alyana had not received the ugly surgery after all.

"You're gone," said Aya in slanted English. "I will post this on the feeds, and everyone will catch you."

"I don't have to stay in this fandom anymore!" said Alyana. "And to make sure you don't pursue me, I have something you need!"

Alyana pulled out a small screen and showed what was in it. Tash gasped in horror.

"I have your little puppy," said Alyana. "Don't worry, she'll be a great companion. But if you annoy me..."
Alyana laughed and disappeared through a plothole.

Although she was dismayed at Alyana's last trick, Aya had enough shots, and would kick the story to be on the watch for more Sues.

"Dammit..." said Tash. "We have to get the Sue, and rescue Meg."


In the Library...

Tash was already feeling down but Aster was making it worse.

" - how on earth could you possibly be a HaruKyon fan, Haruhi's not meant for that, Kyon even says in novel #5 - "

"Not now, Aster - "

" - total disgrace to Kyon, everyone knows Yuki's the one for him - "

" - Aster - "

" - so since season 2 is coming out, I expect there to be a sharp increase in YukiKyon fans, and if you're not one of them by then, then you are going to have a lot more up your sleeve than a lost dog!"

Monday, July 25, 2011

TAOM: Marcus - Love & Loopholes

Okay, Marcus thought, opening a portal and tiptoeing into the Library Arcanium. A few more feet and I'm home free!

"MARCUS!" Tash's voice rang out. "MY OFFICE, NOW!"

A sweatdrop appearing on his head, Marcus slumped his way into Tash's office, dreading what was about to come. Tash couldn't know! She just couldn't!

"HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF BECOMING ROMANTICALLY ENTANGLED WITH A CANON CHARACTER?" she demanded as soon as he walked in, seeing her and Adrian absolutely furious.

She knew.

"You know the rules!" Adrian added, the tip of his tail twitching in irritation. "We can't interfere! We maintain the status quo, not inject ourselves into the stories!"

"What you're doing is a terrible risk to a fandom!" Tash declared, her wig nearly flopping off her head.

"Don't be a hypocrite, Tash!" Marcus argued, momentarily gaining some courage. "You've made out with dozens of canon characters!"

Tash glared back at him, her eyes burning with ire. "That may be true," she said. "But I leave it at that! I have my fun and then wipe their memories as soon as I'm finished, not take them to dinner!"

"And she doesn't even do that anymore!" Adrian chipped in.

Marcus began to sweat. Aster had told him about these hearings. They were never pleasant.

"Maybe so," he said. "But it's not like I'm disrupting it or anything! Junko never gets any romantic interest in the series—his sexuality is never even revealed! Why is this a problem?"

"Why is it a problem!" Adrian repeated, stunned. "You're taking up a character's time and energy, and putting non-canon thoughts in their head! Minimal interference can add up, you know!"

"Why didn't you wipe his memory the first time?" Tash inquired.

At this, Marcus surprised them by smiling.

"I did," he said. "But he still seemed to recognize me when I came back. I guess it's harder to penetrate a Wallop's skull…"

"How long ago was that?" Adrian asked.

Marcus' smile dropped and he began sweating harder. "A f-few months…"

"A FEW MONTHS?" Marcus's two bosses screamed.

"How could you have been doing this for so long!" Adrian scowled "This is utterly unprofessional!"

"I'm sorry!" Marcus groveled. "I just… couldn't resist…"

"Well, you'll have to start resisting!" Tash said sternly. "I want you to personally wipe your own influence from the Storm Hawks fandom right now! Take an advanced memory eraser spell and get going!"

"And no making out on the way!" Adrian insisted.


It was with a heavy heart that Marcus trekked back into the Storm Hawks fandom with a Level 2 Memory Bomb, which would wipe out all memory of non-canon interaction in the fandom as soon as it was set off. This was a painful thing to do—after all, saying good-bye is never easy.

His eyes quite dry, but his heart breaking (he never cried without splitting himself, no matter how much he wanted or needed to), Marcus walked across the Wayside terra to find the Condor and its crew, who had grown quite familiar with him due to his frequent visits.

"Back already, Marcus?" Aerrow said, carrying an armload of fresh fuel crystals for the ship. "Usually it's once a day, if that."

Marcus tried to grin, but said nothing.

"Well," Aerrow continued. "Don't know how you keep finding us, but Junko's inside…"

"Thanks," was all Marcus could muster as he wandered into the airship and made his way to Junko's room.

"Hey!" Junko said, spreading a grin. "Can't believe you're back already! Couldn't wait for the trip to Terra Ray?"

Marcus shook his head, but didn't speak for a minute.

"I can't come back," he finally choked out. "Not ever."

Junko's face went to that adorable confused look that is so common among his kind.

"Why not?" he asked, his ears drooping as his voice cracked. "You've been coming for weeks…"

"I know," the agent replied. "And I risked my job doing it. I can't do it anymore."

A tear appeared in Junko's eye.

"I'll miss you…"

Marcus shook his head again.

"No," he said. "You won't."

Hesitantly, Marcus reached into his pocket and pulled out the red sphere that was the Level 2 Memory Bomb. He grappled with himself to press the detonator, but just before he could, Junko grabbed him in a bone-crushing hug and burst into tears. Marcus took comfort in his strong arms, and the two leaned closer, their lips about to meet when—

"Marcus." Adrian's voice called out

Marcus whipped around to see his boss behind him, looking at him sternly.

"A-Adrian," he stuttered. "I-I thought you were letting me handle this!"

"And I thought I told you to stop what you were doing and just wipe everyone's memories." His sharp gaze softened a bit. "I know how hard it is to say goodbye. I've said a lot of them in my time… but the rules exist for a reason. Go back to the Library… I'll erase it."

Frowning, Marcus silently opened a portal back to the Library Arcanium and leapt through.


A few hours later, a few other agents came to talk to Marcus.

"So," Willie asked. "How much trouble are you in?"

"A lot," Marcus replied. "Tash put me on a heavy probation, and Adrian set up an alarm spell in the Storm Hawks fandom. If I set one foot in there, he'll know, and I'll be dusting the reference section for months!"

"Tough, man," Michael sighed. "But you gotta admit, you broke a major rule here."

"What is it like to have the passion to do such a thing?" Doyle asked. "I'm afraid I'll never know…"

"Honestly, though," Claire chipped in. "You never considered finding somebody from your own world?"

"Of course I considered it!" Marcus snapped in one of his rare outbursts. "Things aren't easy back there! If it's not prejudice over my sexuality, it's a lack of connection on a personal level! But no, it's easy for you three!"—he pointed to Willie—"You're a fictional character with plenty of charisma,"—he turned to Doyle—"You don't have emotions,"—his eyes rested on Michael and Claire—"And you two dug half an inch in your own backyards and struck 24-karat gold! Honestly, I joined the Society to escape my problems in reality, not find more of them!"

Claire took a long, hard look at him before speaking.

"You can't escape reality," she finally said. "No matter where you go, your problems will find you. You have to face them head-on. I mean, look at me," she chuckled. "My boyfriend's possessed by an evil entity, but I make it work."

Marcus shook his head, but managed one of those totally fake smiles.

"Well," he asked. "What do I do with my time now?"

"That's up to you," Willie told him. "You mentioned that you were aiming to be the next Librarian. You could spend some time studying."

"And maybe work on your wardrobe," Claire suggested. "Those sweats are not flattering."

Marcus thought for a moment, then smiled and ran off.


Adrian wandered into the intermediate spells section of the Library to find an agent he had never seen before—or so he thought. Marcus had indeed changed his wardrobe. His new outfit seemed heavily based on the Invisible Man, with a large trenchcoat with a puffy white shirt underneath, bandages wrapped all around his face, long, dark pants, black leather gloves, and shiny black shoes. Not an inch of his skin was showing, and he had an umbrella slung over his back and a book propped up before him.

"Emotion Marcus?" the Librarian inquired (he knew because instead of the wire-frame glasses with clip-on shades, he was wearing regular glasses with lenses too thick for anyone to see his eyes through. "Where's your other half?"

"W-working on an a-a-art p-p-proj-ject i-in m-my o-office," Thought Marcus said, not looking up. "Y-you kn-now, w-w-with-thout th-thought h-holding h-h-him b-back f-from r-r-raw em-m-motions, h-he m-may b-be th-the w-w-world's g-great-test a-artist…"

"Yeah, I've seen his work," Adrian said admiringly. "So, what're you reading?"

"J-just s-some s-spells," Thought Marcus replied. "L-learning the th-theor-ries b-b-beh-hind th-them…"

Adrian frowned.

"You're not studying how to break my alarm spell, are you?" he accused.

"N-no, n-no," Thought Marcus replied. "J-just l-look-k-king u-up u-usef-ful sp-spells…"

"Oh, okay," Adrian said, a smile returning. "Good to see you're using your time wisely, and to see how well you're dealing with what you've been through. Carry on."

As Adrian walked out, Thought Marcus's eyes returned to the book. It was true that he wasn't looking up how to break the alarm spell, but he was searching for a way to exploit it, and he had a feeling he'd just found it. The hunch he'd had earlier was right. You see, Emotion Marcus was not actually working on an art project, but retrieving something that would be very useful, and Thought Marcus had found a spell he'd need soon. It was only a matter of time now…


That night, Marcus waited until everyone else was asleep and pulled his portal gun out of his desk. Carefully, he adjusted the settings to manipulate the size of the portal, finally shooting open a vortex no bigger than a nickel. Chuckling to himself, he pulled out the other necessary component to this plan: a talisman copy. Emotion Marcus had snuck into the Jackie Chan Adventures fandom and borrowed it so that Thought Marcus could perform the duplication spell that he'd studied up on and make a copy of it.

If there's one thing Marcus Pate knows how to do, he thought to himself. It's exploit a loophole.

Using the talisman copy, he projected his astral form, a spirit that cannot be sensed in any way, as his body collapsed, useless. He wormed his way through the tiny portal (he'd made it small so nothing else could pass through and cause trouble), and flew across the Atmos, finally locating the Condor on Terra Amazonia. He swooped down and passed right through the walls to Junko's room, seeing just what he'd hoped to find: Junko snoring loudly on his bed, clutching his teddy bear tight. With a snicker, Marcus dove right into the Wallop's head and entered his mind.

Within the fantasy, Junko's dream self was sitting at a table eating a mountain of burgers, barely pausing between bites. Marcus smiled and landed beside him, then tapped him on the shoulder. Junko stopped eating and stared at him for a minute.

"…Do I know you…?" he asked. "You seem… familiar…"

Beneath the bandages, Marcus smiled.

"I'm the man of your dreams, Junko."

Friday, July 22, 2011

Insert Form of Light Here

Tyler was in the basement of the Library, talking with a Stu. Well, actually, the Stu had been screaming at him. Tyler had been sent down to annoy the captured Sues and Stus, but it was really more the other way around. After a while of this, Tyler decided on something. When Phantom grabbed the bars of his cell to shake them, Tyler sent a sharp jolt through them. Phantom yelped in pain and fell back. Tyler turned on his heel and left the basement. Along the way to his room, he saw Aster reading her manga. Tyler vaguely remembered something Adrian had told him about Aster and manga...

"Remember, if you ever see Aster reading manga, stop her!"

But Tyler didn't want to deal with the fae at the moment, so he quickly looked away as an excuse. Unfortunately, this meant Tyler couldn't see where he was going, and so he walked straight into a wall. Tyler swore loudly, attracting the attention of a nearby Ben.

"Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Tyler slowly walked off, muttering something about getting revenge on the wall.


Ten minutes later...

Tyler sat in the meeting room as Tash described a Sue in the Spectrobes fandom. Tyler volunteered, and quickly left for the fandom.

M the 99th, or Faya, was standing on a rock cliff admiring her world. Faya was a Giornan, one of the people of the system of Giorna, once thought to be wiped out by the Krawl, an evil race of creatures that fed off planets. She was also a remarkably beautiful Giornan, with fiery red hair and sea-green eyes. She was perfectly shaped, with unnatural curves. When she crashed down on Daichi, a lush planet in the Nanairo system, where the series takes place, she met Rallen, the hero, and Jeena, his partner. One look into her deep green eyes and Rallen immediately knew that she understood the Prizmod, a mysterious wrist-device that controlled Spectrobes, equally mysterious beings that were the only things powerful enough to stand up to the Krawl. After very little thought, Rallen handed over the Prizmod to Faya, who unlocked its deepest secrets. Thanks to Faya, the Krawl had been erased from the galaxy forever, and so the Nanairo Planetary Patrol had enlisted her help in building an entire world for her to live in, which of course she made using the Prizmod. The world was amazing, with huge rock formations that covered miles. Then, the Society stepped in.

Tyler walked about on the new world, getting used to his new surroundings, and memorizing good hiding spots for when the Sue showed up.

And show up she did. In a flash of blue, red, and green lights Faya appeared, standing on a twenty-foot high cliff. She immediately activated the Prizmod, sending out Spikanor, a cross between a ram and a dinosaur, and Zozanero, a leopard-like Spectrobe with a ray of sharp spines protruding from the back of his neck. The Spectrobes let out battle cries as they saw Tyler. Tyler let out Utahraptor, who let out a shriek of rage at the Spectrobes.

"Okay Utahraptor, Biting Wind!"

Utahraptor spun at high speed, summoning a cyclone around him. Sharp blades spun out of the whirlwind and flew towards Spikanor, who batted them back with his tail, knocking Utahraptor out. Tyler grimaced and shifted his Dino Holder into staff mode. Zozanero charged, but Tyler jumped to one side, avoiding it. Spikanor swung its tail as Zozanero charged again, but Tyler jumped away, and the two Spectrobes collided painfully, although Zozanero was hurt more. Zozanero hissed at Spikanor and rammed him in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Spikanor stood back up and charged head-first at Zozanero, who responded in kind. The two Spectrobes slammed into each other, and Tyler watched as they dissolved into light and shot back into Faya's Prizmod.

Tyler looked up at Faya. Her eyes and hair gleamed with every color imaginable, despite the fact that that meant she should have had hair and eyes roughly the color of puke. As the sun touched it, Faya's hair glowed with a shining aura, and her acid-green eyes flashed with rage. She was wearing a blue T-shirt and designer jeans, both of which somehow remained clean no matter what she was doing. Tyler made a face. At this, the Sue seemed to notice him for the first time. She jumped off the cliff, and floated down to the ground, forty feet from Tyler. Faya chuckled maliciously, but somehow still managed to sound like a flute. Her lime-green eyes narrowed. Tyler nearly threw up. Then Faya took out a 3-foot long blaster and fired. Tyler dove to one side as the blast incinerated a large rock behind him. Faya fired again. This time, after dodging, Tyler ran for cover. The Sue continued attacking, each time blowing apart a large rock or carving a crater into her planet. Finally, Tyler managed to find a cliff that extended some ten feet into the air. Tyler jumped onto a low outcropping and whistled loudly.

"Over here, Sue!" Tyler backed up his signal with a rude hand gesture. Faya screamed in fury and fired at him again, narrowly missing Tyler, who had jumped to the top of the cliff, using a boost from his staff.

"Whew. That was close… I think she fried my soles." Tyler twirled his staff and fired a pulse of magic at Faya, who waved the Prizmod, which emitted a pulse of red light, blocking Tyler's attack. Then Faya held out her Prizmod hand and a whip of green light snaked out of it. The whip of light elongated until it could have wrapped around a blue whale many times over, then lashed at Tyler. Tyler held up his staff in a block, but the whip wrapped around it and hurled Tyler back over Faya's head. Tyler landed hard on the ground, creating a furrow twenty feet long. Tyler rose shakily. Faya cackled and the Prizmod fired a spray of blue sparks, which formed a cloud of blue light around Tyler. Tyler batted at the cloud with his staff, but it continued swirling around him. Faya lunged at the cloud, and Tyler was knocked out of it. He rolled back to his feet in time to parry a blow from Faya, whose blaster had transformed into a glowing sword. Tyler blocked with his staff, but the force of the strike still sent him skidding backwards. Faya's sword changed into a large glove and pounded the ground, sending a shockwave at Tyler, who ran forward, bounding over the shockwave and firing a hail of magical bullets at Faya. Faya summoned another green energy whip and slashed at the blasts, dissipating them. Faya quickly changed her slash into a spin and lashed at Tyler, who jumped back, just escaping the whip's range. Tyler ran in at full speed, avoiding a whiplash and striking with his staff…

Which went right through Faya? Tyler's face twisted from triumphant into puzzled as Faya flickered and disappeared. Then a voice called from behind Tyler.

"So, have fun with stabbing my afterimage?" Tyler spun and found himself facing Faya again. The Sue grinned cruelly, and her grass-green eyes reflected total menace.

"When I saw you were about to connect, I turned myself into pure light and teleported away, leaving you that afterimage who you destroyed. It was all part of my plan."

"What plan might that be?"

"Oh no, I'm not telling you. I'm the good guy. It's your job to give away your secret plan."

"I got nothing."

"Right. So I'll give you a plan. Surrender or die!"

"How about win?"

"How about not?" Faya fired more blue light at Tyler, who created a shield of magic to stop it. Faya then attacked with a third whip, this time managing to land a hit. Tyler went flying and landed behind a rock. Tyler jumped back to his feet as Faya readied her blaster. Faya fired, and missed by a mile. Tyler sweatdropped.

Then Faya pointed behind him. Tyler turned around and saw a huge landslide. He ran for his life. Faya fired blast after blast, trying to connect, but Tyler didn't even notice. He was paying more attention to avoiding the deadly rocks plummeting at his head. Faya, on the other hand was still trying to kill Tyler. Finally, Tyler found shelter under a ledge. He gathered his thoughts.

"Okay, this Sue is powerful. I should probably call for backup. I will, if this idea doesn't work." Tyler checked to see if the landslide was over, then ran out from behind the rock.

"Hey Sue! This way!"

Fay sent out a whip at Tyler. As the whip shot towards Tyler, he pressed a button on his staff, and it changed into a hand mirror. The whip struck the mirror… and bounced back at Faya, who stopped it before it connected. Tyler smiled for the first time all day.

"Yes it worked! Now I actually have a cha-"Tyler's thought were interrupted as the whip lashed at him again. He readied the mirror, but the whip whirled around it, hurling Tyler towards the cliff. He twisted in midair and hit the cliff feet-first, bouncing off it and rolling back to the safety of the rock. Tyler prepared a burst of magic, then rolled out from behind the rock, fired, and rolled back in.

Faya watched the attack, and dispelled it with a burst of red aura. Faya leapt forward, onto Tyler's rock. She stuck her head down… and Tyler swung his staff, knocking her to the ground. Faya rolled up into a sitting position and loosed an explosion of red light. The light sent Tyler tumbling into the back of the ledge's underside, where he lay still. Faya snickered.

"Guess you're weaker than I thought. That attack should just have momentarily stunned you so I could get away. Instead it seems to have broken your neck." Faya stepped forward to check if Tyler was dead or not... and Tyler sat up and grabbed her wrist.

"Apparently not," Tyler muttered. He was about to slip a Prohibitor onto the Sue when she grabbed his wrist and hurled him back out from under the ledge. Tyler rolled back to his feet, and Faya created another green whip and slammed it down onto Tyler's head. She laughed triumphantly, but then recoiled in shock when he got back up.

"How are you still alive?"

"In this fandom, it's a lot harder to kill. In fact, I think it's impossible."


"You're the perfect one. How come I have to explain things to you?"

"I am perfect! And I'll prove it by destroying you here and now!" Faya sent another whiplash at Tyler, who grabbed at the energy. To his surprise, he could hold on to it. Before Faya could do anything, Tyler yanked on the energy whip, reeling in the Sue. As she tumbled past, Tyler took out a Prohibitor and slipped it onto her arm. There was a flash of light, and the Prizmod disappeared off Faya's wrist, taking her powers with it. Faya gasped.

"What? What happened to me?"

Tyler grinned.

"That was a Prohibitor. I don't know how it works, and if I did I wouldn't tell you anyways, but it takes away your Sue abilities."

"How dare you take away my specialness!" Faya pushed Tyler away and made a break for it. Tyler quickly stood up.

"Not so fast!" Tyler smacked the ground with his staff, intending to trip Faya with an energy wave. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still nothing. Finally he gave up and chased after Faya, who had disappeared into the cliffs.

"Come out come out wherever you are, Sue!" called Tyler, his voice echoing across the planet. Then he began to hum to himself, a malicious smile on his face.

"Round and round the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel." Tyler stood still, closed his eyes, and held up his staff.

"The monkey thought 'twas all but fun." He prepared a blast.

"And pop goes the weasel!" Tyler pointed his staff at a rock about fifteen feet away. A blast of purple light issued from the staff, curving around the rock and hitting something behind it. The something let out a small yelp and jumped out from behind the rock, revealing itself to be Faya, holding her side in pain. Tyler smirked and fired off another spell, binding her in place. Even though it only took her a few seconds to escape the bind, those few seconds gave Tyler enough time to run over and grab her by the arm. She twisted violently, trying to escape again, but without her Sue powers, Tyler was easily capable of holding on to her. He was about to open a Plothole back to the Library when a flicker of light distracted him for a moment. When he turned back to Faya, she was five feet away, standing next to a mirror image of Tyler, right down to the last freckle. Tyler raised an eyebrow.

"Who the heck are you?"

"You mean you don't recognize me?" asked the doppelganger in an insulted voice. "I'm you, of course."

"I was hoping for a name."

The fake Tyler grinned.

"I'm Relyt, a member of the Pro-Cliché and Mary-Sue Protection Society."

Tyler giggled.

"Your name… is Relight?"
Relyt ignored him, as he was creating a Plothole for Faya. After Faya had left the fandom, Relyt turned his attention to Tyler.

"So, now that I've done my first job, I'll do the second."

"That being?"

"Killing you, of course." Relyt lunged at Tyler, drawing a staff that looked exactly like Tyler's own. The two locked staves, then disengaged. Relyt fired a beam of magic at Tyler, who blocked it easily. Then Tyler spoke up.

"So, what is this 'Mary-Sue Protection Society' you were talking about?" asked Tyler, sweeping his staff at Relyt's feet.

"What do you think? If you hunt the Sues and Stus, then we protect them." responded Relyt, flipping over Tyler's head and aiming a kick at him. Tyler moved to one side as Relyt landed, came back up, and attacked. Tyler and Relyt locked again, but this time, Tyler gave way and stuck out his foot, tripping his mirror self.

"But why? Are you Sues and Stus too?" Tyler swirled his staff, sending Relyt stumbling backwards.

"Nope. We just want to make sure that the fandoms are safe." Relyt fired a spray of magic at Tyler, who yelped as the sparks hit his arms and legs.

"Then why are you helping the Sues and Stus? They destroy the fandoms if given time." Tyler and Relyt exchanged several blows at high speed before Relyt broke off and ran, Tyler in hot pursuit.

"No they don't. They purify the fandoms. You destroy them. You erase the Sues and Stus, leaving the fandom imperfect. Then the bad guys can win. Our job is to stop you." Relyt punctuated his sentence with a slash at Tyler's feet. Tyler tripped and fell behind as Relyt skidded to a halt in front of him. Tyler got to his feet and spoke again.

"Hate to break it to you, but left in a fandom long enough, a Sue or Stu can horribly damage it." Tyler slammed his staff into Relyt's gut, knocking him backwards.

"Small price to pay for perfection," replied Relyt, swiping at Tyler, who jumped back to avoid the blow.

"So, you're saying that you'd destroy a fandom just to create a little perfection?" asked Tyler, parrying an overhand smash.

"Yes!" snarled Relyt, dropping his staff halfway to the ground, then grabbing it again and swinging it into Tyler's side, picking him up and flinging him 20 feet away. Tyler stood up and brushed off some dust.

"Then I pity you." Tyler sent a magical flare at Relyt, who knocked it aside with contempt.

"You're the one who needs pity!" Relyt fired a drill of energy at Tyler, who spun his staff rapidly, unraveling the attack until it was just wisps of light. The two mirror selves lunged at each other, battling hard, sometimes one gaining the edge, then the other. After several minutes, they stepped back, both breathing hard, although while Tyler wore an expression of fatigue, Relyt still wore an unpleasant smirk.

"So, how does it feel? Fighting yourself and losing?" Relyt taunted.

"Save all the psychological stuff for someone else. It won't work on me." Tyler fired a burst of magic that knocked Relyt off his feet. "See?"

Relyt picked himself up.

"Shut up, you."

"Don't you mean shut up, me?"

"That's what I said!" Relyt launched a wave of magic at Tyler, pushing him far back.

"No, you said shut up, you. But since I'm you, it should be shut up, me."

"What… wha… shut up!"

"Shut up, who?" Relyt groaned.

"Shut up, me."

"Thank me." Tyler leapt at Relyt, striking at him, but Relyt blocked and pushed Tyler away. The two glared at each other before Relyt pulled out a Plothole Generator.

"See ya later." Relyt opened a portal.

"Wait! Before you leave, me gots a question!"

Relyt sighed. "What?"

"Why haven't we seen you before? The Society has been active for a long time before now!"

"You may have been around for a while, but we weren't. We just saw the light last week. Now good-bye, and worst of luck!" Relyt stepped into the portal.

"Wait, come back! Aren't you supposed to kill me?"

"No need. I have other orders that are more important." With that, Relyt was gone.

Tyler sighed, and with a final, "You're weird!" opened the portal back to the Library, and stepped through it.


"-So that's what happened," explained Tyler.

Tash studied the report he had turned in.

"Well, I guess we're going to have to find out about this Protection Society and stop them."

"I guess."

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Insert Muddled Holidy Here

"Forget it! The ice cream is mine!"

"No way! I just spent a whole hour training and I need the sugar to recharge my energy reserves!"

Drake did indeed look like he had just spent an hour in intense physical workout. He was covered in sweat and gasping for breath as he raced Tyler down the corridor. Tyler had the advantage, since he was still fresh and was quickly pulling away.

Then the first booby trap went off, a pair of circular saws thrust out of the wall, Tyler barely managed to duck and roll under them in time. Drake leapt over the pair of saws, his blue and silver armor appearing in a flash of light. He landed in a crouch and took off with renewed energy. His mystical armor evened the odds a bit and perhaps tipped them in his favor as he passed Tyler.

He yelped as a bolt of red light hit the wall directly next to his head. Drake grabbed his cape and pulled it up in front of himself, the fabric turning from black to silver. More bolts of red light rained down, but they all bounced off the cape. Drake slowly advanced through the minefield of lasers. He glanced back for a moment to notice Tyler had disappeared.

Gave up, huh? Drake thought. He smirked as he spotted his prize at the end of the hall. A carton of ice cream sat on a pedestal in the center of the room. He exited the hallway of lasers and dropped his cape as it changed back to its normal black shade.

He glanced around as his hand reached towards the ice cream. He expected some final trap. What he didn't expect was for an air vent grate to fall from the ceiling and Tyler to drop down, suspended from his trusty rope. The two spotted each other their eyes widening. Tyler leapt towards the ice cream and Drake darted forward. Drake snatched the carton and pulled it back, but Tyler caught hold of the other side and yanked it back.

"Give me!" Drake growled as he pulled.

"No!" Tyler shot back.

A scraping noise distracted them; they glanced to the side and saw the pedestal withdrawing into the floor.

"Oh, this can't be good…" the two noted.

A boulder dropped from the ceiling at the other end of the room. Drake and Tyler only had time to stare at each other in surprise and then they tossed the carton to the side, turning and making a run for it as the boulder rolled towards them. The hall full of lasers blasted at them, prompting yelps of pain from both, but they didn't stop for fear of being crushed. They avoided the saws in much the way they had on the way in. After that it was just a straight harmless corridor. They sped down it, the boulder picking up speed as the floor inclined down. They leapt to the side as they made it out of the hall. The boulder rolled past them and punched its way through the wall.

Tyler and Drake slumped against the wall, gasping for breath.

"I don't suppose you remembered the ice cream?" Tyler asked.

Drake shook his head. "All that for nothing."

They glanced up at the hole in the wall and saw Hati standing there, glaring at the pair. Behind her they could make out her office, now sporting a smashed pile of wood which had probably been her desk before it met the boulder.

"I think we'll be leaving now," Drake gulped. Tyler nodded and the two took off again. Hati snarled and dashed after them.


Halloween Town was as peaceful as ever, or as peaceful as a place occupied by all manner of ghosts, goblins, ghouls, and other assorted spooks could be. The town was alive with activity. They were preparing for their next Halloween under the guidance of the new Pumpkin Queen.

Edith Itcha Cobweb Skellington had arrived in the town a few days ago (though it seemed like weeks ago to the poor readers) and claimed to be the daughter of the former Pumpkin King, Jack Skellington.
Jack had a hard time denying the resemblance, since she looked like a miniature skeleton with a black and white striped dress resembling Jack's tuxedo. Jack and Sally welcomed the child with open arms. Edith began helping Jack with coordinating Halloween and realizing his daughter would be much better suited to the job than himself, passed his position and title onto her.

"So now we have a Sue that's put herself in charge of Halloween," Tash explained, she squinted her eyes as a ray of light found its way into them. Drake was sitting towards the back with a small silvery mirror in hand, the source of the reflected light. He smirked as he saw Tash's face begin to turn red. "So who here wants to head into the Nightmare before Christmas fandom and get that Sue?"

"I'll do it," Drake said, slipping the mirror into a pocket and standing up. He turned to leave, but Tash interrupted his exit.

"Good, take Tyler with you."

"What?" Drake blinked as he turned back to her. "But I work alone."

"Too bad, the two of you caused a lot of trouble earlier-"

"It was Adrian's boulder, not ours," Tyler interrupted.

"Regardless, you're the ones who set it off-,"

"I work alone."

"It was Adrian's boulder."

"You're either going into that fandom together, or you're repairing every single hole that rock punched into this place!" Tash screamed. Drake and Tyler darted from the room without another word of protest.


The two grabbed their Society gadgets and left for the fandom. Their plothole opened in the forest outside of Halloween Town. The pair glanced around at the dark, barren forest. The trees all stretched high above their heads and didn't appear to have any leaves at all.

"Come on, I think the town's this way," Drake said as he started forwards. "Know anything about this fandom?"

"Yeah, I love this movie," Tyler said.

"Good," Drake nodded as they spotted the gate to the town.

The gate creaked loudly as Drake pushed it open. The cobblestone path was surrounded on both sides by tombstones. Several white sheet-like ghosts rose from the graves as the two strangers passed.

"It's a little bit creepier actually being here, instead of just watching it," Tyler noted as he glanced nervously at the ghosts.

Drake shrugged. "I guess…"

Jack Skellington leapt from behind a tombstone and shrieked at the top of his lungs. The two Society agents screamed in surprise and turned to run, but ended up tripping over their own feet, crashing into the ground.

"Welcome to Halloween Town!" Jack exclaimed with his usual cheery personality now in place.

"What a way to say 'hello'," Tyler groaned.

Drake pushed himself into a sitting position, still a little dazed from his impact with the ground. He stared up at the tall, lanky skeleton man.

"What brings you to our magnificent town?" Jack asked as he gripped Tyler's hand and pulled him back to his feet.

"We're looking for someone," Drake replied.

"Edith Itcha Cobweb Skellington," Tyler said.

"Oh, that's my daughter. Are you friends of hers?" Jack asked.

"Not really," Drake frowned. "She's not who she says she is."

"Impossible!" Jack exclaimed, crossing his arms. "I trust her with every bone in my body."

"But don't you find it suspicious?" Tyler asked. "A daughter you never even heard of just showed up out of the blue!"


"And she happens to be perfect at everything she does," Drake added.

"She is pretty good…"

"You handed your position as Pumpkin King over at the drop of a hat!" Drake continued. "The Jack I know from the movie wouldn't do that!"

"Um, you lost me there," Jack said, scratching his skull.

"Never mind, just lead us to where she's at and we'll show you we're telling the truth," Tyler said.

Jack frowned and scratched his chin as he stared at the two. His frown sent chills up the spines of the two agents. "I guess it can't hurt…"

"All right, lead the way," Drake said.

Jack turned and led them into the town. Halloween Town was just as creepy as its outskirts. The buildings resembled those you would find in a haunted country town and some were constructed so as to be unnaturally crooked. Spiders and rats populated the streets as well as the occasional snake. At one point, a flock of bats flew over their heads. Jack paid none of this any mind, while Drake and Tyler glanced around feeling slightly unnerved and trying not to let it show.

"There she is," Jack said as they arrived in the town square. He pointed towards the foot of the steps that lead to Doctor Finklestein's lab. Edith was there, discussing plans for Halloween with an Igor-like ghoul and a plump witch.

Drake and Tyler glanced at each other and then started towards the Mary-Sue. They both reached into their pockets, each grasping a prohibitor. Fortunately, the square was crowded so they went unnoticed by Edith until they were finally close enough. They leapt at her from two different directions, pulling out the bracelet-like prohibitors.

A fist slammed into Drake's stomach, eliciting a gasp of pain and halting his leap. He stumbled back and glanced at his attacker. His assailant resembled him perfectly with the same dark brown hair and brown eyes, which glared at him coldly. His wardrobe though was completely opposite that of Drake's. Instead of the silver and blue jacket, he wore a red and gold one with a white shirt emblazoned with a red dragon. His jeans were black and he wore a pair of black and red sneakers.

He glanced over to see Tyler picking himself up off the ground, having been tripped by a clone of himself.
The two doppelgangers stepped back towards the Sue. Edith glanced between the two. "So these are the guys you said were going to try and capture me?"

"That's right," Fake Drake smirked. "But they'll have to go through the Pro-Cliché and Mary-Sue Protection Society to do it."

"I was wondering when I would run into me again," Tyler said as he glared at his copy.

"So you guys are the Protection Society?" Drake asked. He placed a hand on his hip and pretended to study the two. "You don't look too tough."

"We'll see about that!" Tyler's doppelganger snapped as he pulled out a Ping-Pong paddle. The paddle morphed into a staff.

Tyler pulled out his own Ping-Pong paddle and morphed it into a staff similar to his clone's. The two leapt at each other. The two Drakes glanced at each other.

"So if Tyler's clone is called Relyt, I guess you call yourself Ekard?" Drake asked as he raised his left arm, revealing the silver bracelet on his wrist.

"That's my name, but I'm not a clone," Ekard said as he raised his own arm, revealing a golden bracelet.

"Clone, evil alternate dimension version, same thing," Drake said as his bracelet glowed and his armor formed in a flash of blue light. Ekard summoned his own armor.

The two stood and glared at each other. Ekard's armor was unsurprisingly red and gold, the exact opposite of Drake's blue and silver hues. His helmet's visor was green and the dragon head design on it looked a bit more sinister compared to Drake's.

Drake leapt forward, swinging a punch at Ekard. The doppelganger stepped to the side and threw his own punch, which Drake blocked with an arm. The two broke apart and attempted to kick each, but their legs connected in midair. Drake growled and charged forward, launching blow after blow at Ekard, who backpedaled, blocking Drake's attacks perfectly. He leapt backwards and kicked off a wall, launching himself back at Drake. Ekard's flying punch landed squarely on Drake's armored chest.

"I think we should take this somewhere else!" Tyler shouted as he blocked several blasts of magic from Relyt.

"Good idea," Drake said.

"You're not going anywhere!" Ekard growled as he leapt forward, swinging his fist at Drake's chest again. Drake grabbed hold of his wrist.

"Don't you care that some of the characters could get hurt?" Drake asked as Ekard pulled his arm free.

"What does it matter?" Ekard asked, conjuring a red and gold spear. He swung the weapon forward, but Drake summoned a silver and blue version of the weapon and blocked with it. "The Sue will make everything perfect in this world, no matter what happens!"

"She'll just end up controlling this whole world!" Drake growled as he shoved against his copy's spear. Ekard stumbled back and Drake stabbed forward. The tip of his spear hit Ekard's armor and sent him flying back.
"It doesn't matter," Ekard gasped. "Everyone in this world will be happy so long as she's here."

"It won't be real happiness though!" Drake growled, tossing his spear to the side. He leapt into the air, his foot glowing with blue energy. The Protection Society agent tossed his spear to the side and leapt into the air, thrusting his foot forward in an imitation of Drake's attack. The two kicks met in midair, the colliding attacks created a loud explosion and flung them apart. Drake crashed into the fountain in the middle of the square, while Ekard bounced off the gate to Jack's house.

Tyler grunted as he rolled across the ground, landing near Drake.

"So how's it going?" Drake asked as he pushed himself up, grabbing Tyler's arm and helping him back to his feet.

"Not too good," Tyler replied.

"Yeah, they're perfect matches for us," Drake said. "We need a plan or we'll just end up tiring each other out."

"Want to try switching opponents?" Tyler asked.

"Might work," Drake shrugged.

"Everyone get them!" The two looked up at Edith's shout to find the entire town bearing down on them. Ekard chuckled, while Relyt smirked widely.

The Society Agents found themselves surrounded. The two quickly stood back to back turning in circles to see if they could find some exit. Drake's spear had somehow found its way back into his hands.

"Time for a Scene Transition," Tyler said as he pulled out a gold stopwatch. He clicked the button and everything went dark.


Drake grunted as he regained conscious. He tried to move, but found his arms and legs held in position by ropes. He glanced around the room.

The floor was a giant wheel with different colored glowing panels. He and Tyler were tied side by side and lying on the wheel. Skeletons hung from the ceiling, along with a flock of bats. It was pretty easy to guess they were in Oogie's manor.

"What happened?" Tyler asked. "I thought the Scene Transition was supposed to get us out of danger!"

"Yeah, but the only real guarantee we have of where in time it will drop us is that we'll still be alive at that point," Drake explained. He struggled against his bonds, trying to reactive his armor and break free, but Ekard or whoever had known what they were doing when they tied him up.

"That's right," Ekard chuckled as he stepped into view, Relyt following him. "The Halloween Town inhabitants captured you and knocked you out because you refused to hurt any of them than Edith convinced them to turn you over to us."

"Can we just kill them now?" Relyt asked.

"Now what fun would that be?" Ekard asked, pulling out a pair of dice.

"Boot to the Head!"

"What the-?"


Adrian appeared above Ekard and slammed his foot into his face, sending him flying back into the wall. Relyt pulled out his staff and prepared to strike, but a shadow moving on the wall caught his attention and he twisted around just in time to block a slash from Michael's sword. Michael vanished into the darkness of the room and Marcus came running forward, landing a kick to Relyt's chest and sending him falling back. Ekard growled as he pushed himself away from the wall. A boot print was visible on his face. He threw his left arm up, conjuring his red and gold armor before leaping at Adrian, the Liberian grabbed the pendant around his neck, morphing it into a sword, which he used to block Ekard's spear.

"Need some help?" Willie asked as he leapt out of the shadows, landing next to Drake and Tyler. He quickly slashed through the ropes binding them.

"Thanks," Drake jumped to his feet and gestured with his left arm, summoning his armor in a flash of light.

He and Tyler each leapt towards their respective copies. Drake caught Ekard with a kick to the side while he was blocking a slash from Adrian. Relyt was flinging balls of magic at Michael using the light they produced to keep the Darkness possessed agent away. Tyler leapt at him and caught him in the side of the head with his staff.

The two Protection Society agents retreated to one side of the room, while the small army of Elimination Society agents gathered on the other side of the room, weapons raised.

"We'll finish this some other time," Ekard said, glaring at the group. He pulled out a portal gun and opened a plothole. Before any of them could react, he and Relyt disappeared into the portal.


"That was fun," Drake sighed.

"What about the Sue?" Tyler asked.

"The girls are taking care of her," Adrian replied. A beep sounded from his pocket and he pulled out his communicator.

"We've got Edith in custody," Tash's voice issued from the communicator.

"Guess it's time to head home then," Marcus said.

"And you two can get to work fixing those holes you punched in the Library," Adrian said, fixing Drake and Tyler with a stern glare.

"I thought going on this mission excused us from that?" Tyler asked.

"Nope, you just put it off for a while," Adrian said.

"What a gyp," Drake sighed.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Insert Ridiculous Blood Loss Here

The Library Arcanium, the greatest storehouse of all knowledge in existence. But even the Arcanium has its own dark corners. The darkfic section was no exception. It was kept in a room in the Arcanium, where no door led to it. But that was about to change…

"Hmm, I hear an empty space behind this wall. Must be a room. If I'm right, this should be…" commented Doug as he scanned a part of the wall with a stethoscope-like contraption. He was clad in some sort of Special Forces uniform, with full-body armour, helmet and a mask; obviously influenced by the news and games on the British SAS. He checked his wristwatch and set it on timer mode. Then he pulled out packets of C4 explosives and stuck them to the wall. He pulled down his night vision goggles and put his thumb on the detonator.

"Thirty seconds should be enough," thought Doug as he leaned on the side of the wall. He pushed the detonator, causing an explosion. A hole was created, and with an MP5 SMG in his arms, he went in.


"ASTER!" yelled the Librarian as the explosion rocked the Library.

"KYAA~NOT ME!" was the reply.

"ADMIT IT, ASTER. THAT'S THE FIFTH TIME…" Adrian stopped ranting when his security systems sent warning messages to his computer. Adrian had to take a look at it.

"…you broke the fourth wall…" Adrian slowed down as he attended to his security messages. His fingers ran across the keyboard, finding the location where his booby traps have been triggered. It was the room he had not hoped where the booby traps were triggered.

"That better be not a Sue," thought Adrian as he raced out of his office. He went past his girlfriend, Tash, who was taking a stroll and talking with Camille.

"Hi, Tash! Bye, Tash!" Adrian zoomed passed them so fast that all they could hear was a murmur and the turbulence was strong enough to mess up their hair. They were both stunned for a moment, before Tash turned and spoke to Camille.

"You were saying…?"

"I said I was just having a really bad hair day," replied Camille, trying to comb down her deformed hair with her fingers.


[Insert 'Indiana Jones' theme song here]

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA….!" screamed Doug as a giant boulder was rolling towards him. He ran as fast as he could, only to find the stone doors slowly closing up. He quickly jumped through the narrow gap between the doors, escaping the boulder but falling into a bottomless pit.

"I don't remember this pit!" he yelled. He quickly took out his grappling gun and fired at the ceiling of the tunnel. The claws hooked itself on the tunnel's uneven surfaces; perhaps Adrian wanted it to look like a cave with realistic stalactites hanging on the roof. He swung himself to the other side of the bottomless pit, landing on the ground in front of the entrance he created. He looked back and water from the side of the walls began to pour into the pit.

He heaved a sigh of relief and took out a book from his pouch; a book he took from the darkfics' section. It was a copy of a manga, Blood +. He was wiping the back cover when a fireball came through the entrance. All Doug could do was put the manga in front of him to shield him from the fireball. After all, manga are thick enough to take that kind of punishment…

"Stop right there!" yelled Adrian, pointing his staff at Doug. The staff was glowing red, ready to cast another fireball when Doug put his hands up.

"Take it easy! It's just me, Doug!" exclaimed Doug, removing his helmet and mask to prove his identity. Adrian lowered his staff and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Great. First it's Ben, then it's you. Are you guys related or something?" commented Adrian.

"No. It just so happens we both like to play with fireworks," replied Doug.

Adrian facepalmed.

"What are you doing there? Aren't you too young for that kind of stuff?" asked Adrian, pointing at the burnt manga. The unburnt page showed the main heroine slicing the head off a monster.

"Hey, just because I look sixteen doesn't mean I'm sixteen. Okay?" rebutted Doug. Adrian sighed and looked at the hole in the wall.

"You're doing a lot of paperwork to get that wall fixed," said Adrian, turning around and leaving. That word made Doug cringe, since paperwork tends to breed and pile up if it gets left alone. He then flipped through the unburnt pages and his expressions began to tense up. He found the pages after the first pages to be filled with the entrance of a 'third queen' with blonde hair, commanding an army of Chiropteran to overrun Okinawa.

"Shirley's at it again! But because this is a darkfic, Adrian's not going to allow me to get in," thought Doug as he closed the book. He looked around and saw his first victim, James Ben. He went alongside Ben, putting a friendly arm around his shoulders.

"Say, Ben. Do you like breaking into secure rooms?" asked Doug with a smile.

"That depends. Does this involve a cookie?" asked Ben, a much more experienced Society Agent, who knew that most agents devised ways to get Adrian's Oreos for their addiction.

"No, but if you help me, you'll get this," replied Doug, showing him a flask full of tea.

"What's this?" asked Ben, holding the flask and inspecting its contents.

"The same concoction that drove Tash up the wall last time," replied Doug.

"You must be asking a huge favour," commented Ben as they both walked, Doug telling him his plans.


All available Society Agents were called to the meeting room for a mission briefing with Tash. Adrian was to be present in the meeting, but he had some errands to run. Emily was helping Tash place the folders on the table before the Society Agents enter the room. Tash thanked Emily with an Oreo before Emily left the room, just before the Agents came pouring in. Tash knew that the Agents were hard to be called upon for meetings because they hated meetings; she made a compromise. She used up some of her money to get Oreos and milk just to lure them in. After luring the Agents in with Oreos and milk, Emily quickly closed the door and locked the doors with chains and a pin code; direct orders from Tash. After the Agents were satisfied with their Oreos and milk, Tash began the meeting.

"Thank you from coming into this room for our new mission briefing. It's no use getting out of here because I ordered Emily to lock the doors from the outside," announced Tash. Some of the Agents tried to get out by prying the door open, but it was no use. The steel-reinforced door proved too hard to open. After all, the room is also built as a safe room just in case a Sue attacked the Library. The Agents had no choice but to sit down and listen to the boring mission briefing.

"Our scanners detected the arrival of Shirley Dory Juliano Taggert Mariana Lepwinsky the 6th, also known as Shirley; not the Cliché Stick, into the Blood + fandom, a fandom we rarely heard of. But it is known as a Black List fandom; basically bullets and sword cuts won't kill the monsters that inhabit this fandom," explained Tash, playing clips of the anime on the wall projector, showing these bat-like creatures; twice the size of an average human being, many times the speed and strength of a normal man.

"All of these monsters can be created by a Queen, when a Queen suck a living life out a person, turning them into these monsters called Chiropterans. Shirley implanted herself as the third Queen of the fandom, creating her own army of them. Powerful as they seem, but they're not invulnerable. There are ways to kill it. I'm sure Douglas would like to say a few words on this fandom," continued Tash, pointing towards where Douglas was meant to be sitting. The Agents turned and saw an empty seat. The Agents were a bit confused since the new Agent wasn't there. Tash was a bit embarrassed in the situation, so she tried talking her way out of it.

"Does anybody know where he went?" asked Tash sheepishly. Then a Society Agent spoke.

"Come to think of it, where is Ben?" The Agents looked at the seat opposite to the empty seat; also empty.

Tash rubbed her temples as her stress levels began to rise. Then the telephone in the middle of the table rang with a tune similar to that at CTU in the TV series, 24. Tash pushed the loudspeaker button on the telephone.

"This is Tash, talk," huffed Tash. This had not been a really good day.

"This is Adrian. Someone just broke into the safe room where the passwords and coordinates for Black List fandoms were kept. I've yet to find if one of the keys were stolen," said Adrian.

"Bollocks!" swore Tash.


Doug and Ben were sitting at the edge of a high rise, looking at the horizon. It was dark and the moaning of the Chiropterans began to grow louder. Doug was wearing his priest's outfit. Smoke bellowed from the streets as fires broke out without the presence of human beings. Doug was eating an apple when Ben spoke.

"Breaking in to get Adrian's cookies was one thing. But breaking to the computer rooms to get to a Black List fandom… You must be out of your mind!" commented Ben. Doug was calmly eating and enjoying his apple. Ben looked at him with curiosity; Doug just got promoted to Agent and he was already breaking the rules. Ben spoke again.

"So, what are you going to do now?" asked Ben. Doug threw away his half-eaten apple and stood up on the ledge of the building, and yelling at the top of his lungs.

"SHIRLEY! I'M HOME!" Ben was taken aback; normally an Agent would go to the Sue, not the other way round. A growling noise was heard and an explosion happened not far from where they were. Doug gave a cell phone to Ben.

"If you run into trouble, press the call button. The phone will automatically speed dial to a team of slayers that my author has created just in case trouble happens here," said Doug as he turned to head for the explosion. Ben spoke before Doug could move.

"And what about the bag?" asked Ben, pointing to a bag he was carrying on his back.

"That contains blood packs in case something happens. The warning labels tell the rest," replied Doug.

"Then, what do I do now?" asked Ben, getting up.

"Do what you're good at," replied Doug before leaping off to the next building. Ben did what he was good at; running away.


Shirley was floating around the city (she can levitate now, and it's not canon), searching for Doug and his barbaric yawp (directly pulled out from Dead Poets' Society) when something caught her eye. She dodged; the sword Doug threw missed her by inches. The sword turned around and headed back to where Doug was standing; on top of a worn-out building. Shirley looked at him and growled.

"You and your little group had all the attention from the author, while I was stuck in a cryo tube, incomplete! The author even took my maiden name and gave it to a character who was now your daughter! Now I'll have the satisfaction of erasing all of you!" screamed Shirley, drawing out her sword. O.o

"Shirley, is it because you haven't had your fifteen minutes of fame? If you waited a bit longer, he would have come back to you!" yelled Doug, getting into his attack pose. Shirley dived down and jabbed her sword right at him. Doug blocked it with his, but the force pushed him several metres from where he was standing.

"Why would I need fifteen minutes of fame, when I can have an entire series after me? I don't need the author now to make myself known!" yelled Shirley. She swung her sword around like a maniac. Doug quickly dodged and jumped down to street level. Shirley followed soon after. Doug swung his first strike, and both their swords clash so strongly that sparks flew and the dust beneath their feet threw up.


Ben was panting heavily after running for quite a while. He rested at a dark alley when he felt something fidgeting in the bag. Ben put the bag down an unzipped it, only to find Shirley in the bag.

"Shirley! Since when were you in the bag?" exclaimed Ben. The Cliché Stick looked at him blankly.
"I was following you the whole time. Didn't you notice?" replied Shirley lamely, coated in blood. Ben sweat dropped.

"Where did you get all that blood?" asked Ben. Shirley looked at Ben confusingly.

"There were blood packs in the bag. I accidentally broke the packs," replied Shirley. Ben looked into the bag to find the packs leaking. There was nothing left but traces of blood in it. He quickly took a packet out and read the labels on it.

Use only when halfling goes berserk.
Put blood packet in front of you.
When halfling jumps at you, stick blood packet into halfling's mouth. Halfling will be satisfied with the first packet and go into a coma. If not, prepare another blood packet.
If packet seal is broken, Chiropterans will mark you with their sense of smell. Good luck if that happens.

Ben looked around, only to find glowing red eyes around him.

"What?" asked Shirley, before looking around herself and saw the glowing red eyes. Drips of saliva dripped on Shirley and Ben, which was not a good sign. Shirley looked up and saw one of the beasts hanging above them.

"Uh, Ben…" said Shirley, pointing at the Chiropteran. Ben spoke a few words.

"We'll be leaving now! Bye bye!" said Ben, waving at the glowing red eyes and smiling. Shirley smacked him on the head.

"Ben, that's the lamest way to get out of this situation," scolded Shirley. A Chiropteran landed behind them and growled beside Ben's head. He could feel it sniffing him.

"Stand still. They're interested on the blood packs, not me," whispered Ben as he stood as still as a stick. The Chiropteran roared at him, giving him time to do what he does best; run.

"Run!" Ben screamed like a little girl who was being abducted by a Pedo bear. They went through the groups of Chiropteran, dodging every swing of the claws and bites the Chiropterans had to offer. After making through the group, they ran to a crossroad where Chiropterans were crawling down the buildings and making a circle around them. They were surrounded.

"Oh no. This is the end of us, Shirley! It's the end of us!" shouted Ben in desperation. Shirley clawed him across his face.

"Ow! Just because we're about to die doesn't mean you can claw me to death first!" exclaimed Ben. Shirley yelled at him.

"Then what about the cell phone Doug gave you?"

"Oh ya. I forgot about that," remembered Ben, taking out the cell phone and pressed the speed dial. The Chiropterans were closing on them. Shirley looked at him and asked.


"He said that a team of slayers will come. But wherever they are, they won't be here in time," replied Ben as the Chiropterans were slowly closing in on them. Shirley's fangs and claws grew as she prepared to engage these beasts. A Chiropteran lunged towards Ben. He could only put his hands in front to protect himself and closed his eyes to meet his impending doom…

But nothing happened. Ben slowly opened his eyes and found the attacking Chiropteran decapitated by a woman standing in front of him.

"Tash?" inquired Ben. But then he remembered that Tash had waist-long blonde hair. This woman had brown hair. She wore a pink sweater, grey miniskirt and knee-length black boots; very unlikely this woman was Tash. She was carrying a sword identical to the one used by Doug. She turned around and faced Ben with merciless eyes; they glowed red. Then a Chiropteran jumped and tried to attack her. She dodged the beast with ease and decapitated it with a swift stroke. She glared at the others. The others, in fear, began to crawl away from Ben and the woman, going back into hiding. The woman turned around and faced Ben. This time, her eyes no longer glowed red.
"Where's my brother?" asked the woman, sliding her sword back to its sheath and slinging the sheath behind her back.

"Who? What?" asked Ben, trying to figure out the identity of this woman's 'brother'. The woman stared at him blankly.

"Douglas Kreig?" asked the woman again, giving the 'duh' stance at him.

"Oh right. He's battling Shirley," replied Ben. The Cliché Stick looked at him.

"Huh? But I'm here," said Shirley.

"No, not you! The Sue!"

"Then say so!" Shirley smacked him in the head, sending him flying to a nearby building. The woman just watched their antics. After Ben recovered from being smashed into a building, he led her to a nearby high rise to find Doug from the top.

"By the way, I've never caught your name…"

"It's Rina. Figure the rest."


Doug was sent flying down from the skies and he crashed into the road, creating a trench. Doug rolled around and got up. He had blood all over his body; cuts and wounds were healing, but slower than usual. Doug was staring at Shirley in the sky; his fangs elongated, his eyes glowed red. Shirley had some cuts and bruises, but being a Sue meant that all wounds healed instantly. Doug yelled at her as she dived towards him.

"Come on! Inserting yourself as the third Queen is the most overused storyline I've ever heard!" Shirley swung her blade and Doug blocked it. He deflected her sword away and stabbed her through the chest. Shirley screamed in pain.

"And making a name to rhyme with the other two queens? Maya? Give me a break!" yelled Doug, jerking his sword away from Shirley, and Shirley fell down. She tried to get up but Doug pointed his sword at her throat. Doug was panting, with blood flowing down his forehead.

"You… are… under arre-Aaaugh!" Doug yelled as a claw went through his back. The claw belonged to a man who looked like one of the canon characters in the story. Doug turned his head and recognized the character immediately.

"Kai… why…?" The redhead swung his arm to dislodge Doug from his claw and threw him to a nearby wall. Doug slammed into the wall; only to be pinned by spikes. The spikes pinned him through the abdomen and shoulders; Doug wailed in pain. Chevalier Kai picked Shirley up, who walked towards the pinned-up Doug.

"I know the author made you strong enough to take out a queen, but not her Chevaliers as well. I took precautions before you came here, and took this juicy little fellow as my Chevalier," said Shirley, caressing her Chevalier's hair. Her Chevalier stood as still as a tree. Then a shot rang out, hitting Shirley on the head. Chevalier Kai quickly went in front of her to protect her from any more shots.

"Dang!" exclaimed Rhia, pulling the bolt on her modified 'Plot Bunny Sniper Rifle'. She was on the roof of a skyscraper.

"Hold your fire! That is one of the canon characters!" yelled Tash, with Adrian and the Society members backing her up; weapons primed. Shirley got up and gave a wicked laugh; her bullet wound closed and the bullet came out.

"Oh, the Elimination Society has arrived. Too bad they're all gonna die. Kai, kill them," commanded Shirley.

Chevalier Kai dashed towards the Agents; they threw all their attacks at him but with no avail. Chevalier Kai dodged all the attacks at speeds they've never seen before; the Society Agents only scratched the surface on this fandom. Kai grabbed one of the Agents and was about to stab through him when he suddenly wailed in pain and the claws that he was gifted with was melting away. The Agents rushed to their comrade; they saw the canon character slowly positioning into a foetal position, a Copyright dart stuck to his neck. They all looked to find Doug, still pinned to the wall, holding his dart pistol, aiming at Kai. Then he dropped the gun and slumped into exhaustion. Shirley growled as she dodged Tash's Juari-Ken attacks and Adrian's Hoshikuzu. She then opened a plot hole to escape. Seeing the Sue escape, the Agents headed towards Doug. Doug pulled himself out of the spikes; his fangs protruding out of his mouth, his eyes glowing as red as ever. Tash was the first to reach him.

"Doug, are you all right?" asked Tash. Doug looked and growled at her; Tash had a split second to react from being bitten by Doug.

"What the…?" she exclaimed as she dodged Doug's bite, her back on the wall. Doug was about to attack her again when someone flew by and kicked him on the head, sending him metres away from her. Tash saw a woman standing before her; the same woman Ben had met. Tash heard someone running towards her; it was Ben. Ben quickly picked up Tash and pulled her away from the scene.

"What's going on?" demanded Tash.

"Never be with a halfling when he is berserk," replied Ben.

"What?" Ben handed the empty blood packet with the labels to Tash. Tash read it and cupped her hand on her mouth. Doug jumped and bit Rina on the neck, drinking the blood he needed. The other Agents tried to react, but Rina stopped them with a simple hand signal. After Doug was satisfied, Doug closed his eyes and fell into a coma. Rina, paler than usual, picked him up on her back and began carrying him back home. Tash stepped forward and confronted Rina.

"Is he going to be okay?" asked Tash.

"He'll be fine," replied Rina, eyeing the comatose Doug. "He'll be back up in a day or two."

"Thank god," said Tash, relieved. "When he wakes up, tell him that he's in big trouble."

"I will," replied Rina. She gripped on the necklace she was wearing and chanted a few words. They both disappeared in a flash of light. Tash turned and looked at Ben with an evil grin. Ben cringed.

"Since he's out for a while, you have to fill in for helping him," said Tash. You could see the horror on Ben's face.

"Come on, mates. Let's head back." Tash opened a plot hole and all the Agents went through it.