Thursday, March 29, 2012

Shipping Contest: PetexCharis


The pictures taped haphazardly to the briefing room's front wall were all charming, in a way.

The back view of a girl as she watches a boy across the expanse of the Library floor.

Two blushing faces close together over hands reaching for the same book.

Matching expressions of peace on a couple of sleeping faces.

The boy waiting innocently outside a room as the tip of a shoe indicates someone's about to leave.

Two silhouettes stealing a kiss.

"I think this content is too mature for me. I'm not old enough to get past the mushiness of kissing."

"What? I swear you're 16. And I thought you liked romances – you're always swooning over the little boys in the fandoms you like."

"Correction. It's Lela who likes the little boys in that way. I just happen to develop a fondness for them that's only befitting the main characters of those series."

"Uh-huh." Chloe's tone made it clear that she didn't believe her companion.

"That's neither here nor there! Even if I were accustomed to flagrant PDA, that doesn't mean I have to enjoy seeing my sister caught in such compromising situations. This is uncomfortable!"

"I think you're just sore that you didn't get these pictures first, for blackmailing purposes."

"Look who's talking, Tyler," Karissa shot back. "These photos would have been worth a ton of chocolate for you – or in my case, a month off dishwashing duty for me. I also could have persuaded Charis to make a cool new gadget for me."

"Charis has said she's run out of ideas for more gadgets, actually. Either that's the truth for the moment or just an excuse to spend more time with Pete," Jared smirked.

Karissa spluttered in an attempt to come to her sister's defence; no one could tease her sister but her.

"Silence in the boardroom!" Out of the blue their leader Harriet's voice entered into the chatter. Harriet's voice preceded her as she walked into the room flanked by Emily. "Cease all your side conversations at once, and someone pinch whoever's making that unseemly noise!"

"Hey– ow!"

"Harriet, wait!" The late arrival of another Agent smoothed over the muffled laughter from Karissa glaring hurtfully at Jared while he nursed a sore hand that had been slapped trying to pinch her. Unlike Harriet, Marcus' voice arrived with him, panting but not too dishevelled from having chased her all the way from the Occult section.

"Have a seat, Marcus. You're just in time, we've barely begun. Alright everyone, we have gathered here to discuss–"

"What, exactly?" Marcus quickly interrupted Harriet before she could get much further. "You sent out invitations for this meeting to barely half our Agents, and you didn't issue an agenda beforehand. Forgive me for being curious, but what is this about? Adrian, Tash, Michael, Claire, Miri and Aster aren't even in the Library right now."

"I know that," Harriet said with a frown. "And I didn't want to trouble the Agents who aren't present now because this matter isn't that important – or I mean, no, this is a very important matter!" In the face of several confused faces she made the decision to contradict herself generously. One had to make your Agents feel like they were wanted for a purpose, after all.

"This is the reason we're here!" Harriet stabbed a finger dramatically at the picture nearest to her. Due to the angle at which she stood, nobody could see exactly which picture had earned the Society founder's ire. But Harriet kept on speaking so as to enlighten them. "A romance that started up most unexpectedly! It flourishes upon tired romantic techniques such as the Comedic First Meeting and Hey, It's YOU! Again! Its characteristic calling card is a blush seared into burning cheeks. We were all delighted to notice the appearance of this romance, but if asked beforehand none of us would have ever admitted to thinking that it would work out."

"You don't mean...we're speaking about Charis and Pete?" Karissa breathed out in horror. She was shocked despite the fact that she had been peeking at the incriminating evidence only moments before.

"Do I need to give you any more hints? Yes! As cute as the shipping is, it is so cliché! And we are the ANTI-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. We CANNOT stand for this sort of thing happening inside of our ranks. For the sake of our reputation, we must split the offending couple apart!"

"Or we could just validate their relationship by asking the Author to go easy on the clichés in the future," Chloe suggested.

The shuddering of the Fourth Wall should have been expected, but Harriet's expression made the tremors seem like an extension of her outrage, and therefore infinitely more terrifying. "ABSOLUTELY NOT! What would be the fun in that?" She broke off with a small frown. "As of this time, 18:00 GMT, Operation 'Break Up Techshipping' is in effect. Get creative, people, and tell me how we can bring this thing to an end."

None of the five Agents on the receiving end of her speech made any moves to volunteer. "What exactly does she expect us to do?" Karissa wondered under her breath.

"What? Has nobody watched a romantic movie before, or at least picked up and skimmed a romantic novel? Think like the bitchy ex-girlfriend; think like the evil ex-wife. How do we go about destroying a relationship?"

To everyone's surprise, it was Emily who spoke up first. "Play them off against each other," she said firmly. "If there's anything Pete and Charis dislike about each other we should bring it out into the open and make them question why they put up with it."

"Oh, that's smart," Harriet admitted appreciatively.

"One of them has to cheat on the other," Jared added, contributing his part.

Chloe pragmatically recommended trying to convince the pair that they weren't right for each other – if it was true – in which case their bond would naturally, peacefully fall apart.

"If it's true? You're giving them the benefit of the doubt." Harriet again picked up on Chloe's strange reluctance to intervene in matters.

"Stranger things have happened than two seemingly random people falling truly in love."

"I'll believe that when I see it happen, in this case, before my very own eyes. Next! Back to the evil plans."

Tyler stuck a hand up. "Well, it's simple, really. Two words: Edward Cullen."

It took Harriet too long to control her laughter, while around the table other Agents twitched a little spasmodically at hearing the Twipire's name.

"The best way would be to make sure Charis has a lot more fun while she's away from Pete," Karissa said barely audibly, as if she were still thinking to herself. "If she didn't perceive any benefit from being in a relationship then maybe she wouldn't stick around with him."

"Spoken by the person who knows Charis best," Harriet mused meditatively. "I can't say that would be more effective than any of the others' methods, but it bears keeping in mind. Huh, this is a pretty nice set of strategies we've concocted. How improbable is it to say that we can finish carrying out all of these acts before midnight strikes?"

"It sounds doable," Jared replied, thinking what a shame it was that his little green army men weren't quite ready to be tested in terms of how much havoc they could wreak... yet.

"We'll definitely be done before midnight," Tyler affirmed, thinking of the doubtless booby-trapped cookies that he would be free to search out once this assignment from Harriet was over.

"Let's get this over with," both Chloe and Karissa sighed, for different reasons.

Emily returned to Harriet's side as they collectively prepared to leave but Marcus remained frozen in place at the back of the room. "Are you sure we should be doing this?" he asked a little nervously. "If you need someone to blame, strictly speaking it was one of my selves that caused Pete and Charis to be lumped together. The root of their affair isn't actually impossible to trace back to a source."

By now Harriet cared more for the effect rather than the cause of her little game. "You're blocking the exit, Marcus," she said, not unkindly. "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. If Charis and Pete are meant to be, nothing we do will ultimately change that."

"C-can't it?" Thought Marcus stuttered as he split in half to allow the rest of the group through. Emotion Marcus just sniffed in disdain at his more sensitive counterpart and followed the others out the door. "W-wait for me!"



"Charis, what exactly do you like about Pete?" For a good half hour Karissa had circuitously led the conversation round and round the topic of boys – feigning interest in one herself, and asking her sister for advice – before she finally broached the topic of her sister's own love life. "I've heard that opposites attract, of course, but just as many people say that 'When we fall in love, we're just falling in love with ourselves.'"

"That's not a quote, Karissa. That's a lyric from Keane's Spiralling song," Charis criticized absently.

"Well it could still be true, can it not? I'd always thought someone like Himuro might be more your type. Smart. Techno-savvy. Good with his hands."

Charis giggled. "How would you know if Pete is all of those things or not? In my honest opinion–"

Karissa gagged.

"Pete is more than capable, and that is that."

"Ahem. Well, to rephrase my question, if you can't answer me what you like about Pete then why don't you like Himuro also? Why don't you love him like you do Pete?"

"Himuro is nothing like Pete, even if he is his alter-ego."

"Is there anything you dislike about him – them – Pete, I mean?"

"No, not really."

"Oh, well that's good, I guess."


Tyler was direct and to the point, egged on by Jared while Chloe stood rolling her eyes from a distance away in the background.

"Hey Pete! How are you doing?" They had taken no care to lower their voices as they barged into his room as one. One quick glance had confirmed that they were speaking to the proper person, not Himuro's personality, and then Tyler had followed up with, "If there was anything about Charis that annoyed you, you would tell us, right? There's no harm in letting loose a little steam once in a while. Has she ever done something to make you mad?"

Pete blinked at them like they were all crazy. He might have been right. Chloe edged out of his line of vision.

"What do you say, Pete?"

"I'm not the sort of guy who would breathe a single word about Charis behind her back. But in any case, there's nothing to say."



"We'll just be going now."




The sound of laboured breathing was magnified by the loss of other senses – most importantly, sight – in the half-darkness of the room. "Straighten your spine...hold in your breath a bit'll get used to it soon."

"NO I WON'T! Get me out of here!"

"Come on, bear with it."

"I SAID NO! Argggghhhh!"

"This is not going to work, Harriet." Emily turned a chagrined face upon her mentor. "Thought Marcus is fighting back with all he can give, and we've barely gotten the corset laced halfway up."

"WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO DRESS UP AS A GIRL? WE HAVE REAL GIRLS!" When he was yelling at the top of his lungs Thought Marcus' stutter disappeared and he could almost be mistaken for his brash counterpart. Only, Emotion Marcus could be plainly seen, and he was currently laughing hysterically at the distress of his other self.

Harriet stepped up. "We can't ask Karissa or Chloe to seduce Pete in-character because that would ruin their relations with Charis. But if she walks in on an unknown female all snug against her man then she'll be furious! And confused. Her confusion should allow you just enough time to scarper and change out of your costume before you're discovered," Harriet explained patiently, and not for the first time.

"W-what about Emily?"

"I don't take Pete for a pedophile."

"W-what about–"

"What about me?" Harriet completed his sentence sweetly. "Surely you're not suggesting your Society founder and Leader should degrade herself?"

"NO, no, n-not at all. It would just be horribly convenient if there were a spare, mysterious, busty and beautiful woman kicking about the Library."

Emily thought immediately of her friend Phoenixia at these words, but not everyone knew – or was supposed to know – about her yet. Emily sighed as the laces grasped in her hands lost most of their tension. She had been distracted – no wonder Thought Marcus had the breath required to yell. "I vote we scrap this plan and move on to the next," she proposed reasonably. "Perhaps the others have had some better luck."

Harriet nodded slowly. "Maybe that would be for the best."

"THANK GOD! You heard her, someone give me back my coat and bandages!"



"Who will be our brave volunteer that will open a Plothole into the Twilight fandom and bring back Edward Cullen?" Plan Three was very nearly undone, because not one person raised their hand up. Yet Harriet was too sympathetic to order one of them through involuntarily.

"Why aren't those books on the Black List anyways? The descriptions of those sparkling Twipires certainly make me want to kill myself."

"Good question."

"Um, the fandom's not Blacklisted, but I do seem to recall that Adrian put some weird redirection spell on it. I don't know if we can get in with a conventional Plothole."

"No problem then." It was Tyler who announced this. "I just remembered, back in November of last year we had an invasion of Twipires. I don't know why. But they came from within the pages of the books. All we need to do is find some copies of any of the four books and I'm sure we can call the Cullen forth."

"But I thought Shirley ate all the copies of Twilight?"

"That's what we thought then. We were wrong," Karissa added darkly.

"How exactly do we lure the Cullen into our world?"

"We pretend we'd be glad to see him." Following Tyler's explanation all the Agents tried hard to twist their faces into some semblance of a smile. However, as soon as they imagined seeing the reviled Ed Cullen appear – whether he bore the semblance of Robert Pattinson or another – their faces crumbled and soon enough the only expression they all wore was loathing.

"I don't think this is going to work," Emily said at last.

"Haven't I heard that before?" Harriet wondered. "Our genius plans don't seem to be amounting to much."

"But we still have one more."



They went shopping. All sorts of shopping – window shopping, shopping for CDs, clothes, jewellery and books. They saw a movie each – Karissa chose an animated feature for them first, and later Charis preferred to watch the latest action film complete with hunky male lead. Karissa treated her sister to dinner and dessert, and Charis bought bubble tea. They stayed in the mall for a full two hours longer than necessary so that – although the lights inside the food court remained bright – outside the black sky swept over all the buildings in its path until every window they looked through was dark.

Karissa thought it had been a fulfilling night. Charis was sure to have enjoyed herself. On the way back to the Library they walked companionably in silence, but somewhere between a Plothole and an Anachronism Charis stopped and looked as if she would speak.

"You asked me some awfully odd questions today, Karissa. Are you really that concerned about how things stand between me and Pete?"

"I just want you to be happy," Karissa responded lamely.

"Is that all? Because I am happy, you know." Charis smiled to herself. "I love him. We haven't said as much to each other, but I do think that this is more than a mere infatuation on my part now. My mind has finally caught up with my heart in order that I can admit that."

"Congratulations?" Karissa offered weakly.

Charis acted as if she hadn't heard. "Sometimes I think to that day when Pete and Joe asked us for a double date. When it was first suggested I slapped him, remember? But that was out of character for me. I don't normally do those kinds of things to strangers. I'd looked in on some of Pete's missions before, but I'd never formally met him. Why was I comfortable enough – embarrassed enough – to slap him? And then the next time I saw him I couldn't stop blushing, either. I think what I like most about Pete is that he can get a response from me whereas previously not many people could. I followed along with my instincts and ended up finding that it's not wrong to fall in love with someone after only being attracted to them at first."

"Pete was the first person I got to know well after joining the Society – discounting Doug, of course – and maybe first impressions are the most important because it didn't take him long to become pretty important to me." Charis put the weight of her whole earnest gaze on Karissa's face.

Mission be damned, she wasn't going to carry on this charade anymore. "Charis, I will support you in everything you do. You're my big sister, and–" Karissa's eyes started to tear up, to her great discomfort. "I want you to continue being with Pete in the future, if that's what it takes for you to never know regret."

"Aw, thanks Kris." Charis lapsed into her favourite nickname for her little sister, one that she hadn't been using so frequently since she'd started dating Pete.


When they stepped out onto the floor of the Library Pete was already there waiting, and Charis ran to put her arms around him without any hesitation.

But at least she wasn't hiding the display from Karissa anymore.



The pictures were triple in number this time, almost as if they'd learnt to breed as frantically as the Society's ever-mounting paperwork. Whoever the anonymous photographer was, the quality and especially the composition of the shots remained stellar. Three of the most eye-catching were:

Charis laughingly ran ahead of Pete, daring him to catch up before they both missed the mission debriefing.

Pete held Charis' hand, allowing her to lean her head against his shoulder as he swung their linked arms.

Charis stood proudly next to a transformed Pete in the mirror, letting laughter overtake her as the unfortunate victim of the Genderbender looked abashed.

Karissa's mind was in a pleasant fog, seeing so many instances of her sister's most brilliant smile. She could just barely hear Harriet talking from across the table. "In conclusion, I suppose Techshipping isn't irreparably clichéd. Pete and Charis have plenty of time to develop a deeper relationship and then there will be reform. Just like an Author always has some chance to prevent his character from becoming a Sue or Stu, likewise there's hope left for our two Agents." Harriet tapped her cricket bat sharply on the wooden table. "I move to reconvene this meeting in two month's time and hear a full review of the couple's status."

Karissa's voice rode out quite firmly, "I move against that. We should just let them be from now on."

Chloe looked out at the group inscrutably before seconding Karissa's motion.

Harriet looked disappointed, but was secretly much relieved. "Alright, all in favour?" The vote came out unanimously. "Then it is my wish that Techshipping will thrive freely in the months to come. Though, if we can't interfere with Pete and Charis, can we still tease them?" She let the question slip before realizing that, as a Leader, no one here was suited to tell her what she could or couldn't do.

"I believe we shall," Karissa said anyways. She began to gather all the photographs pinned up, muttering, "An album full of these will be just the thing...we'll have loads of fun with this."


"Karissa? Where on earth did you get all these Polaroids?"

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Insert Heavy Metal Demon Destruction Here

"Is it done yet?" Anuhs asked Kazuna who was putting the pieces of his machine together.

"Be patient, it'll done when it's done. So in the meantime, shut the fuck up, unless you wanna end up dead." Kazuna said in a very angry voice. Anuhs got the threat and quickly shut up. Kazuna returned his attention to the machine, which looked a lot like a ghostbuster backpack but instead of a nozzle, it had a parabolic antenna. The last piece of the machine came into place and Kazuna quickly put it on, not wanting to waste one more moment in the void "Now, let's see what this baby can do." Kazuna said and turned on the machine.

Whatever barrier there had been on the floating island that kept Kazuna from leaving, was gone in a flash, as the machine sucked all the energy from it and charged the machine for its actual purpose.

"Call our forces, it's time to leave this world, and kill the ones who treated us like trash." Kazuna said with a perfect evil grin on his face.

Anuhs nodded and pulled a transmitter out of his pocket. He pushed the button on the transmitter and all over the multiverse, Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus, who had chosen to join Kazuna and Anuhs, received a signal that told them to travel to the Brütal Legend fandom, and all as one they started opening plotholes to the fandom, and walked through.


Pete was watching TV while eating bowl of cereal and so was Jessie, who was sitting next to him. It had been a little empty since Joe had left, so Pete was happy to have some company that wasn't another society agent (Not counting Charis of cause).

Jessie seemed okay with it too, since he had never actually seen a television before (he's from the 1940s) and was fascinated by all the things you could learn and see on it.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door. Pete emptied the last of his bowl into his mouth, and went over to open the door. He opened to find Tash standing outside "Tash, has something come up?" Pete asked.

"Yeah, Anuhs has popped up in the Brütal Legend fandom, just like Angelina said he would." Tash said.

"Okay, We'll be there in a minute." Pete said before closing the door "Turn off the TV Jessie, they've found Anuhs." Pete said before he started equipping himself with his society gadgets.

"It was about time he showed his ugly face." Jessie said, mostly to himself. He turned off the TV and quickly found his helmet, and let it slide down over his black hair and dark blue eyes.

"Yeah, finally" Pete said and put his plothole generator in his pocket, he and Jessie then went out the door towards the observation room.

Pete and Jessie entered the observation room, and found everyone there standing around a single monitor. Pete and Jessie walked over and Pete asked "What's happening?".

"What's happening is that more and more Sues and Stus have been popping up since Anuhs arrived in the Brütal Legend fandom." Tash said.

Pete and Jessie walked closer to the monitor, and when they looked at the screen they could clearly see more and more Sue signals pop up on the screen "Why all those Sues and Stus?" Pete asked himself.

"It looks almost like an invasion." Jessie said out loud.

At that comment, Pete suddenly realized something. What he had seen in the world of the universal knowledge suddenly made much more sense. The figure he had seen talking to Anuhs had found some way to break the barrier between the fandom multiverse and the real world, and he was going to take over the real world with an army of Sues and Stus. Now only one question remained, why had they chosen Brütal Legend as their destination?

"We're gonna need some help to get through this." Pete said as he pulled the beacon he got from his author, out of his pocket.

"Yeah, but from who?" Tash asked.

"My author. He told me to call him when something came up." Pete said and held up the beacon.

Tash took another look at the screen, where still more and more signals popped up, before looking back at Pete and said "Do it. We'll find someone to go in with you while you call your author."

"Okay." Pete said before he and Jessie left the room "Get our author here and bring him down into the basement, I have something I have to talk to Angelina about." Pete said before he handed the beacon to Jessie and started walking towards the dungeons.


Angelina was taking a nap when someone kicked the bars on her cell loudly. At first, she tried to ignore it but the person doing it wasn't bend on giving up, so instead of kicking the cells bars, the person opened the door quickly, slamming the cell door into the bars. Angelina got so scared that she almost fell out of her bunk, she looked up to see Pete standing in the doorway "What're you doing here?" She asked.

"I came here for some final answers." Pete said and walked into the cell "First of all, I wanna know who you and Anuhs is working for, and second, why did you choose the Brütal Legend fandom as your destination.".

Angelina sat up on her bunk, and rubbed her temples in thought before she answered "We chose Brütal Legend because it's a relatively new fandom and Kazuna, the one we work for, needs such a fandom because he needs its energy to charge this machine he made, to break the wall between the multiverse and the real world and let his army through without them losing their powers."

"Kazuna?" Pete asked himself as he rubbed his chin "Why does that name sound familiar?"

"Because I created him." A voice said from behind Pete. Angelina and Pete turned their attention to the persons standing behind them. These persons consisted of Jessie on the left side of Pete and Jessie's author who was wearing a loose fitting, all black outfit. He also had a large, black notebook under his arm, and Joe on the right side of the author, dressed in a combination of a Sith robe from Starwars, a hidden leaf village headband from Naruto and his old black bodysuit.

Pete was dumbstruck. His good friend had returned after leaving the society months ago "Joe. Yo, you're back, where have you been all this time" Pete said happily and a bit surprised as he walked over and touched knuckles with Joe.

"All over the multiverse, training, but I've spent most time in Starwars and Naruto as you can see. But I'm back and ready for action." Joe said and gave Pete a light slap on the shoulder.

The author cleared his throat to bring the attention back to present matter "I believe you wanted me down here for some reason, right Pete?"

"Oh yeah." Pete said and held out a hand towards Angelina and presented her "This is Angelina, the Sue who helped us locate Anuhs and Kazuna…"

"And you wanted me to help getting out of the slammer." The author said and walked to stand in front of Angelina "And I actually have a way for her to walk out of here as a free woman."

"How? I'll do anything to get out of here" Angelina said as she raised from the bunk and stood face to face with the author, or at least as close to it as you could come, since Angelina was about half a head taller than the author.

"By becoming one of my characters." The author said and tapped the notebook he held.

Angelina looked around at the cells while she talked to herself, trying to decide, what to do "Let me see, become a character freely, and live in a world I have chosen. Or, stay here until they find a way to force me into a fandom I don't even wanna be in." She looked like she was thinking for a few more seconds, before she held out a hand towards the author and said "Deal."

The author smiled as he took her hand and said "Okay then, let's get to work." The author took a step back and opened the notebook, which started flipping its pages on its own, until it stopped at a page with a description of a character. The author brandished a pen from one of his pockets and lightly touched the middle of the page with it. The text started glowing a bright orange, and peeled of the page when the author moved the pen away from it. He drew back his hand, leaving the text hanging in the air, and pierced the text which was absorbed into the pen "Okay, time for an extreme makeover." He said like an announcer from a TV show and lightly touched Angelina with the tip of the pen.

The power, stored in the pen, rushed into Angelina's body and made her glow like the text. Her hair shortened until it only reached her shoulders and became the same color as Pete's hair. Her eyes became icy blue and she gained a pair of thin rimmed, round glasses. Her body gained a few extra kilos and her long, white dress and shoes changed into a dark blue, form fitting suit, high heeled boots and gloves of the same color with fur trimming on them. Lastly, she gained a staff which looked like a fusion between magic and technology, it looked like it was made out of white wood, and was decorated with a mix of glowing, blue runes and the connecting lines on a circuit board, which was also blue. The Prohibitor had vanished, though Angelina doubted that it was completely gone.

Angelina looked herself over before she looked at the author and said "I feel like a cartoon character."

"Well, I guess that's how my mind work. But let's leave it at that and get out of here." The author said calmly and started walking out of the basement with the others behind him.

On their way up, Angelina walked up beside the author and asked "What am I supposed to be anyway?".

The author looked at the transformed Sue, as if he didn't know what she was talking about for a moment, before he realized his mistake and said "Oh, sorry I forgot, just one moment." He opened the notebook and quickly found the description he had used to transform her earlier, which somehow had reappeared, and said "You are a weather mystic in training, from the northern tribes, and your character name is Angelina Fugel."

"And what exactly is a Mystic in your head?" Angelina asked. The group had reached the top of the stairs, and was now walking through the library towards the observation room.

"They are the only magical beings on the northern hemisphere of the world where my story takes place. They help the technologically advanced humans of the northern tribes, by changing the weather to fit their current needs." The author said. Angelina looked at him questionably, and he continued "In other words, you can control the weather in any way you want, but it takes a lot out of you, so you can't just do it all the time."

Angelina nodded. Her thoughts suddenly drifted to her missing prohibitor, and she asked "What did you do to the Prohibitor I had on, before you transformed me?"

"I made it a part of you, to make sure you don't use your Sueish powers." The author answered. Angelina nodded, and the group continued their walk towards the observation room.

Tash was a bit surprised when Pete, Joe, Jessie, the author and Angelina entered the observation room. But the author, who introduced himself as Peter, filled her in on what had happened, both to Joe and Angelina. Joe had traveled the multiverse for the past few months, learning the different skills the fanfictions he had printed had to offer. Apparently, when Peter created Joe and Pete, he equipped them with an automated ability that enabled them to change their appearance, and even their age if the fandom or fanfiction they entered required them to be. Joe had used this skill to become a child when he entered the fanfictions he had printed before leaving the society, and thus getting the training he required, since time ran differently inside a fanfiction. He then moved on to telling what happened in the basement.

"And now Angelina is one of my characters." Peter finished his explanation. He waited a moment for Tash to take it all in, before he walked over to the monitors and looked at the one with the readings on the Brütal Legend fandom, the signals had stopped popping up "How many Sues has shown up to the party?" He asked.

"51." Tash said as she walked up to the author.

"51!" Pete exclaimed "Then we're really gonna need all the help we can get, who did you get for us Tash?"

Tash looked a little sheepish as she turned and said "Well, most of our agents are either out on a mission, or doing something personal. The only one around I could find was Drake." Tash pointed to Drake, who was sitting in one of the chairs.

Pete didn't look pleased at the way the things looked at the moment "Great, now we're only outnumbered 51 to 6." He said and put his head in his hand.

"Hey, at least I'm here, right." Drake said with a sour expression on his face.

"Yeah, and it's great you're coming with us." Pete said with a weak smile, before he continued "But it just seem so impossible. I mean, normally we're barely able to take down 2, so 51 seems almost like a suicide mission."

"Which is why I'm here, I'm gonna give you some help." Pete said and padded his notebook. Before anyone could say anything, he said what everyone had on their minds "And yes, I know authors aren't supposed to help their characters in their own stories, but at this point I think it'll be okay to bend the rules a little."

Pete looked at his author for a moment, before he sighed and said "Okay, let's get going before I lose my will to do this." He then pulled out his plothole generator and created a portal to the fandom.


(The author's group arrives in Brütal Legend, after Eddie and his gang has gone out on their 'tour' to save the world.).

Bladehenge was standing tall, proud and lonely with all its huge stone swords, when the group entered the fandom. Drake, Pete and Joe looked themselves over and found that they were wearing black leather jackets with spikes on the shoulders, black jeans, military style boots and spiked bracelets on their wrists. The others was still wearing their normal attire.

"Alright, let's get to work." He cracked his fingers and opened his notebook. (A/N: The notebook is a physical representation of the authors imagination, at least in my version it is.)

"So, what're you gonna do?" Jessie asked.

"First, we're gonna have another makeover, and this one's for Pete."

"Me?" Pete said and looked uneasy as the author came closer with his pen tapping on the 2 pages, the book had flipped onto "Why do I need a makeover?"

"Well, I thought it was about time that you got an upgrade, now hold still while I do this." Peter said as he touched Pete with the tip of the pen. Not much happened this time around. Pete's midsection just glowed for a few seconds and it was all over.

"What did you do to me?" Pete asked rather confused.

"Transform, and you'll find out." Peter said and started walking out of the ruin.

"Okay, if you say so." Pete said and summoned his rider belt "Okay, here goes. Henshin, darkness." The buckle flipped to reveal the silver grasshopper. The buckle opened up and the nanobots started pouring out and forming the Darkhopper suit, Pete noticed a lot more silver colored nanobots than usual. The armor of the suit was now all silver, and the silver rings that normally was on his right arm, had been replaced by a big, silver colored bracelet with a pattern of bumps on it, designed to enhance his finishing move, and his right glove had also been armored and outfitted with 4 knives on the knuckles. His shoulder pads was outfitted with the same kind of bumps as the bracelet. The guan dao that usually was attached to his back had been replaced by a pair of short samurai swords, placed in holsters that looked like they were a part of the Kamen Rider's armor.

Pete looked at the knives for a moment, before he turned to the others and said "Let's go and see what our author has up his sleeve." They all started walking out of Bladehenge.

Outside, Peter was in the middle of summoning a portal, similar to the one he had used to teleport Jessie into the Cannonball Run fandom, from his notebook. This time though, the text was flowing from the pages like water and into the portal. Drake walked over to the author and asked "What are you letting into this world?"

"My personal special forces." Peter said as he kept the words flowing, moving his pen as if he was conducting a concert. He turned his head and said "This might take a while. Pete, Joe, take Drake and find out where our lawbreakers are."

Pete and Joe nodded and they started running in the direction of the Sues and Stus, with Drake on their heels, activating his armor as he did so. Peter went back to directing the energy into the portal.

"And what are we supposed to do, stand around and look pretty?" Angelina asked with a sour expression.

"You could do that, or you could train in using your powers." The author said a little irritated and continued his work.

"Is he always like that?" Angelina whispered to Jessie.

"Most of the time he's a very nice person, but I guess he is a little pissed about one of his creations going renegade." Jessie whispered back.

"What did he create Kazuna for?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. I think you should ask him yourself, if you really want to know." Jessie said.

Angelina thought about it for a moment, before she walked over to the author and said "Peter."

"Yeah." The author said as he kept most of his concentration on the book in his hand.

"Well, I wanted to know what Kazuna was before he turned into a Stu."

Peter turned his head away from the book, the flow of words stopping in the process. He stroked his beard once and started to relate "I originally created Kazuna as a villain for a story that I never finished. But I thought he was a cool character, so I locked him away in a corner of my mind and put a barrier on the place so he couldn't leave. But I forgot all about him, and eventually, he was shoved into the void between the fandoms, away from my mind, with no way of return. That is until today, which is why we're here." He then returned to calling his forces into the world.

"Wow, to think that forgetting a character, could have such huge consequences." Angelina said.

"Yeah, it's a bitch." Peter said.

Meanwhile, Pete, Joe and Drake had reached their destination, the gathering of Sues. Pete was amazed by how much better his upgraded suit made him feel, he felt stronger and faster, and apparently he was, he had actually managed to run away from Joe and Drake a few times on their way to their destination, which was on the other side of a highway.

The 3 agents looked down upon the small army of Sues and Stus, which was standing in circles around Kazuna, who was adjusting the machine that was going to grant them access to the real world. And Anuhs, who was leaning against a very large weapon case.

"So, we found the Sues, now what?" Drake asked.

"I guess we call the author." Joe said and dug his hand into the pouch on his back, and pulled out a small communicator. He activated the device, held it to his ear and said "Author, we've found the Sues roughly two kilometers away from Bladehenge."

"Great, just stay where you are, and we'll be there as soon as we can." Joe answered back.

"Okay, we'll just stay here and catch some rays…" Joe looked up at the cloudy sky for a moment, before continuing "Well, as much as we can with this weather." Joe then turned off the communicator and put it back in the pouch.

"You drive like a freaking maniac." Angelina said as she literally crawled out of the jeep that she, the author and Jessie had just arrived in, looking like she was about to throw up.

"Hey, I think I'm driving pretty good, considering I don't have a license." Peter said with an arm on the steering wheel, earning him a look from Angelina as if he was a total nut job.

"Are we there yet?" Jessie asked. He was in the back of the jeep, keeping his head down and was literally clinging to the side.

"Yep, we're here." The author said. He looked up to see Pete, Joe and Drake heading down towards them "And there's our warriors."

The three stopped in front of the jeep. They looked around for a moment, before Drake said "I thought you were going to bring someone or something to help us out."

"And so I have." Peter said before putting a hand in his pocket and pulling out a glass pyramid with what looked like a black fog inside.

Joe looked at the pyramid for a moment and asked "You're not having a mental breakdown, are you author?"

"Not unless you want me to, HA HA HA." The author said with a psychotic smile on his face, along with an equally psychotic laughter (Think the Joker from Batman). He then cleared his throat and continued talking as if nothing had happened "Now, let's go kick some ass." Peter and Jessie got out of the jeep and together with Drake, Angelina, Joe and Pete they walked back up to the highway to begin their attack on the Sues.

"So, what now?" Angelina asked.

"Give us some fog, and cover the Sues up." Peter said. Angelina nodded and started concentrating. The fog started gathering and after a few minutes, it looked as if a cloud had descended upon the Sues "And now for the funny part." The author said and pulled the top off the pyramid and threw it into the fog. They waited for a few moments before Peter said "Lift the fog now Angelina."

Angelina did as she was told and lifted the fog, looking tired from using the large amount of energy her new powers consumed, and soon the 6 could see the Sues again. And boy did it look strange, some of the Sues was dancing with an invisible partner. Others was sitting on the ground, tearing grass off and throwing it into the air, screaming that it was money and some was giving a speech to an invisible crowd. The remaining Sues stood around, wondering if there had been something in the fog, and why it hadn't worked on them.

"What was in that pyramid, some sort of drug?" Joe asked.

"That would be a no. What was in the pyramid was evil spirits, that makes your wildest dreams come true, in your head, before sending the person into a short term coma. Unfortunately they can only put one person into coma, before they disappear back into my mind" Peter explained and padded his notebook.

"Why didn't you make them able to reposes at least one other person after they're done with their first victim?"

"Because they could come after us. And, there would be no fight scene for this fiction, now you go and have some fun." Peter said to Drake, Joe, Jessie and Pete.

"And you aren't going with us, why?" Pete asked rather annoyed.

"For one, I only have my karate as a means of self-defense, which leads me the second reason why I shouldn't go. If I die here, you'll be stuck in an endless circle of battle with the Sues with no ending, but I guess if you really want me to…"

Pete expression quickly went from annoyed to uncomfortable and said "I think you should stay here, while we take care of the last Sues."

"As you wish. Now, get to that machine and destroy it." The author said as he pulled a pirate binocular out of his pocket so he could observe the fight.

"Come on guys, let's give 'em hell." Joe said as he, Drake, Jessie and Pete started running down towards the Sues, drawing, summoning and their weapons and powers.

"Good luck guys." Peter said and unfolded the binocular and started looking at the Sues.

Anuhs and the few remaining Sues was looking around confused, as the possessed Sues started falling into comas as their weird fantasies got to an end. Anuhs suddenly spotted the 4 warriors running towards them, and he said to himself "The society, I should have know." He then directed his voice to the Sues and yelled "Quit looking at the dead!" The Sues looked at him and he pointed the 4 running towards them "Those are the ones you should worry about!" The Sues turned their heads to the agents and immediately started getting ready for battle, readying whatever weapons they had, be it duel disks, swords, guns and even poke balls. Anuhs opened the weapon case, to reveal a Metal gear solid style rail gun. He took the gun out of the case and asked Kazuna "How much more time do you need to get ready?"

"At least ten minutes, just keep them off me until then." Kazuna said as he kept trying to adjust the machine to the right frequency. Maybe it was the fandom that screwed around with the machine, or maybe it was the Sues presence in the fandom, but it kept tuning into the wrong frequencies, but he was sure he would soon have the right one.

Drake, Pete, Joe and Jessie had finally reached the Sues and jumped right into the frying pan, neutralizing the Sue as best as they could.

Drake and Joe's first opponents was a pair of Twilight vampires, who was sparkling so much, they could be used as human Christmas trees, and of cause they looked better that Edward Cullen. Drake and Joe looked at each other for a moment, before Joe asked his momentary partner "Shall we?"

"Let's." Drake said and the two started to fight. Drake used his spear to pole-vault over one of the vampires, and landed a kick to the back of the Stus head, dazing him, if only for a moment. After he landed, he pulled the spear from the ground and slashed at the Stu, who somehow managed to get out of the spears reach, before coming in close and started kicking and punching the agent, his vampiric strength enabling him to make dents in Drakes armor.

Joe wasn't doing any better against his vampire. Though the training he had received from his journey into the multiverse had made him a good deal stronger and faster, the vampire was still better than he was. Joe first tried to take off the Stus head with the claws of his biosuit, but said Stu kept jumping out of his way and punching and kicking at him and forcing him back into defense mode, and converting his claws into shields. Joe finally had enough and decided to tap into the dark side of the Force and try the Force lightning. He concentrated and let his hate flow through him, into his fingers and releasing it as lightning. This however, proved to be a bad idea, since the Stu kept avoiding the lightning, with only minor damage done to his clothes.

Meanwhile, a little away from Drake and Joe, Pete and Jessie had their own problems with a subject delta style Big Daddy and a Big Sister from Bioshock 2, both of which looked way to advanced to be in the game. Their suits were perfectly white, and every metal part on said suits were so shiny, it looked like they had never been used, and they were firing their plasmids and in the Big Daddy's case, he used his numerous weapons, while the Sister used her huge syringe.

Pete was up against the Big Sister, but even with the upgrades the new suit provided him, the Sue was still stronger and faster than him, not by all that much, but it still gave her an edge. Pete blocked a stab from the huge syringe on the Big Sisters left wrist. He shoved the Sue away and then tried to land several swipes of his swords to different places on the her body, but the only thing he got out of that, was to make a few cuts on the Sues suit. The Sue lunged at Pete and with the help of her Sueish powers, she managed to stab through his suit and into his skin. But before the Sue could drain his blood, Pete launched a kick to the Sues stomach, shoving her away and in the process, pulling the syringe out of his body. Pete didn't get a chance to catch his breath, because of the blast from an incinerate plasmid that the Sue sent his way right after being kicked away.

Pete quickly jumped away from the possible incineration, and used the few moments he got out of it to catch his breath "I'd really wish I had my guan dao right now, then I'd be able to keep that bitch at a distance." He said to himself. Suddenly, as if on his command, the nanobots that made up his swords started to move and rearrange themselves until they had taken the form of the riders favorite weapon. Pete twirled the weapon a few times, before he went into a fighting stance and pointed it at the Sue "let's dance." Pete said before he began his attack once again.

Jessie was doing a little better against the Big Daddy, but only because the armor the Stu was wearing slowed him down a little. However, he made up for that little defect with his weapons, which seemed to have an unlimited supply of ammo. And his plasmids, to which he seemed to have an unlimited supply of EVE to power them. Jessie had been dodging the bullets and plasmids some time now, and he was growing more and more irritated as the fight went on. He finally had enough of jumping around like a frog, trying to get away from a stork.

Jessie spun the disk in his belt and charged up with electricity, before he jumped into the air and landed on top of the Big Daddy, where he drew his knives and managed to cut off the Daddy's supply of EVE, before the Daddy's big hand came at him and he had to jump off. He made a quick decision, and with a swipe of his electrified knives, he cut the Stus arm up before he jumped up and landed an electrified kick to the Daddy's helmet, which made a sound like a church bell being ringed, which knocked the Daddy out, giving Jessie time enough to clamp a Prohibitor onto the Stus wrist.

However, he hardly had time for a small break, because of a giant fireball that came his way. He rolled out of the way of the fireball, and looked up to see an unknown, painfully beautiful, purple dragoness from the Spyro fandom. Jessie stood back up and cracked his neck "Well, guess there's no time for rest." He said as he walked towards the dragon with his knives crackling with electricity.

"You're gonna die, you ugly, little insect." The dragoness said with small flames blowing out of her mouth as she spoke.

"Yeah well, this little insect has a pair of stingers, so you really have a hard task ahead of you." Jessie said and smiled under his helmet.

Pete had been pushed backwards by the Big Sister Mary-Sue, and suddenly stood back to back with Joe who had also been pushed back by his opponent "So, how're you doing Joe?" Pete asked as he blocked a thrust from the Big Sister.

"Not all that good, this guy is a pain in the ass." Joe said and lunged for the vampire Stu, who nimbly dodged the razor sharp claws.

"Wanna switch, this one's also kind of a pain?" Pete asked.

"Yeah, yours can't be half as bad as mine" Joe said. The 2 agents turned around as if to run away and kicked their new opponents back.

Pete fought the Stu back with his Guan Dao, until he was standing beside Drake. After battling the 2 vampire Stus for a little while, Pete said to Drake "I'm getting tired of this stand still, let's finish them off."

"I agree, but how do we do that, do a double attack or something?" Drake asked.

"Good idea, and I think I know just how, get ready for your slicing gale." Pete said. The 2 agents got an attack in which stunned the Stus for a little while. Pete then pulled the sides of his belt to reveal the lens, which now had a segmented gold and silver ring attached to it. Drake got the idea and readied his spear for the attack.

"Society double attack…" The agents said in unison. Pete touched the head of Drake's spear, which transferred the electricity that was crackling over his arm to the spear.

Drake raised the spear before both agents yelled "Lightning gale!" The Stus, who had finally gotten to their feet, looked in horror, as Drake swung his spear and sent the electrified wind attack at the 2. An explosion formed from the impact of the attack which sent the vampire Stus into unconsciousness. Pete and Drake hurried over and finished the fight by puting Prohibitors on the Stus.

"Well, let's get going." Drake said. Pete nodded and they started running towards Anuhs. They didn't get far though, because a Sue, armed with a duel disk, and an unknown millennium artifact around her right wrist, blocked their path. Drake raised his spear and said to Pete "Go on, I'll take care of her."

"Right. Henshin change, light." Pete said and switched into Lightdrake. The suit became white, and the armor all gold. His Guan Dao was replaced by his dual laser guns, which now had longer barrels and a blade attached to each barrel. The armored gauntlet on his right arm dissolved and became golden armor on his right leg, which covered his shin and most of his foot. And to finish of the transformation, he gained a pair of green and gold colored wings on his back "Cool, I can fly now." Pete said as he looked the wings over for a moment. He then activated the wings and flew in the direction of Anuhs. As soon as he arrived, Pete activated his rider kick and started his decent towards the Stu, while shouting "Your time has come Anuhs!".

"No, it's yours." Anuhs said with a perfect, evil smile on his lips. He whipped around and almost without aiming, fired at Pete.

Pete had no time to react as the slug projectile came his way. The projectile hit the left side of Pete's head, smashing the material of his helmet to bits and even tearing out his left eye, together with a chunk of his skull. Even though Pete felt the incredible pain, he was determined to not let the Sues win this fight. He gritted his teeth and continued his descent towards Anuhs. With a wild roar, Pete hit Anuhs straight on, but because of the damage the rail gun slug had done to his armor, his attack was had lost a lot of power, but it still sent the Stu flying. Pete stood up from where he had landed, his head was spinning as he tried to walk toward Kazuna, who was still trying to get his machine to work properly. But he only got 5 steps before his legs gave way and he ended up with his face in the grass, trying to regain some energy.

Anuhs got to his feet with an evil grin on his face. His clothes had been burnt by the attack, but other than that, he was okay. He started laughing his insane laugh as he walked over to the rail gun, which he had dropped when Pete kicked him "Now, that was quite disappointing, but don't worry Pete, you won't live long enough to regret it." Anuhs said as he picked up the rail gun and casually walked over to Pete. He pointed the gun directly at Pete's head and said with a soft voice "Now, you'll do as you're told, and die."

"Oh no you don't." Anuhs looked up, only to be greeted by Drakes boot, which hit him right in the head and sent him flying once more. The 2 struggled on the ground as Drake tried to get a prohibitor on Anuhses wrist, while Anuhs tried to get away from him.

While this was going on, Pete groaned as he slowly crawled to his hands and knees. His head was still spinning, but he was determined end this mission. He pulled out one of his guns and took aim at the reality breaker machine. His aim was shaky, but he did manage to keep his aim around the middle of the machine.

"Okay, here, we, go." He then squeezed the trigger and sent a single laser shot at the machine before he collapsed again, this time falling into unconsciousness.

"What the…" Was all Kazuna could say before the machine was overloaded by the shot and exploded in his face and burning his clothes to smoldering shreds. The comatose Sues was beginning to wake up and when they saw the explosion and realized that their chance at getting to the real world was gone, so they started opening plotholes and dragging some of the prohibited Sues with them through the portals, either because they were romantically involved with each other, or because they saw an opportunity to control the Sue/Stu by promising them their freedom.

Peter looked at the spectacle and smiled. He stood up and said, first to himself and then to Angelina "Good, the machine has been destroyed. Angelina, would you kindly go and help Drake, Joe and Jessie gather the remains of the machine and call the society to get the Sues prohibited?"

"Yes Author." Angelina said and ran off to do what Peter had told her to do.

"Then I'll get Pete some medical attention before he dies." The Author said and started flipping through his notebook. He found the right page and quickly touched the page with his pen. He then pointed the pen at where Pete was laying, and shot a beam of rainbow colored light at the unconscious agent. A portal opened under Pete and transported the agent out of the fandom. Peter then opened a portal for himself to walk through and back to his mind world.

"I think he's waking up now."

Pete opened his eye by the sound of the voice and looked right up into a cobalt, bronze and silver colored, metallic ceiling, the colors of the city in his author's mind world. He tried to lift himself up so he could see who was talking, but he didn't get very far, before his head started spinning again. Instead, he laid back down and asked out into the room, his voice being a little raspy "Could somebody help me up a little?"

"Oh, yeah, sure." He heard Joe's voice and he soon felt the head of the bed, which was a big, white flower, started to rise up so he could see who else was in the room, which turned out to consist of Joe, of cause, and his Author. He looked around the hospital room for a moment, before he directed his attention at Peter and asked him "So, what happened?"

"Well, we got Anuhs and Kazuna locked up at the society, and we saved your life and your face." Peter said with a small smile on his face.

Pete reached up and lightly touched the area of his head that had been damaged, and sure enough, his face had been reconstructed and healed "Nano healers, right." He said.


"Then I get what you mean by saving my face, but what's the thing about my life?"

"Well, you almost died on us during the operation because of blood loss, but we quickly got you some more before your heart stopped." The author made a small pause, as if thinking about if he had forgot something, and continued "Oh yeah, and if you're wondering, yes you are still missing your left eye."

"Yeah, well, I kinda got that when I woke up." Pete said.

"Okay, it was just if you were wondering. Well on that note, you're missing an eye, but I've made you sort of an electronic patch that connects to your optic nerve, and will connect to your helmet visor when you transform." Peter said as he leaned back in his chair, which was also a flower, only this one was dark blue.

"Okay, so am I gonna have some sort of special vision or something like that?" Pete asked.

"Um, no, but your eyesight will be better than it normally would, at least on your left eye." The author stood up and started putting on a light grey jacket, which he had hung on the chair "Now get some rest, I'll come by later and see how you're doing." Peter said before he walked out of the room, pulling a black beanie out of one of the jacket's pockets.

Pete and Joe arrived at the library a few days later, both happy to be back. Joe told Tash that he wished to rejoin the society, which he was allowed, on the condition that he did the recruitment test again, to which he agreed. After that, he walked back towards his room to clean it up, since he knew it would dusty as a desert in there, after him being away from the society for so long.

Pete knocked on the door to Charis' lab, ever since he woke up in the hospital in his authors mind world, he had longed to see Charis again, and now he was finally able to do so. The door opened to reveal Charis, who immediately gained a light blush, when she saw who was standing outside her lab. After a moment of silence, she found her voice and said "Hey."

"Hi." Pete responded with a small smile on his lips, bringing one to Charis' lips as well. Another moment went, with the 2 just looking at each other, Pete cleared his throat and asked "Can I come in?".

"Yeah, sure." Charis said, her smile becoming a little wider. She opened the door fully and said "Come in." Pete didn't need to hear anymore from Charis. He grabbed the handle of the door with one hand, and put the other around Charis' shoulder before he gave her a quick kiss, and closing the door behind them. What happened after that, is left to the imagination.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Insert Septuplet Superweapon Here

When Tyler woke up, he was in a cell. Not very original, I know, but if I don't post, the dude with a cattle prod sitting behind me pokes. Anyway, Tyler was in a cell. He noticed that instead of bars, blocking his exit by walking were… lasers. I kid you not. A crisscross pattern of laser beams barred the opening to the outside world. Tyler stared around the cell, and noted, oddly enough, that all of his weapons were scattered around him. He quickly picked them up and stuffed them in his pocket. A moment later, a figure appeared in front of him. It resembled that Uber-Stu from the RomeoxJuliet fandom. Instead of swords, though, it was holding a tray of food. It wore a disappointed expression.

"I joined this army to destroy the Society, not feed them," it whined. A small opening formed in the lasers, and the Stu shoved in the tray. Tyler grabbed the tray eagerly, and downed the entire contents, which were a glass of milk and a PBJ sandwich. He also ate the sandwich wrappings, the glass, and the tray. He then burped. The Uber-Stu turned a light shade of green.

"That's disgusting…"

Tyler nodded.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I probably shouldn't chew with my mouth open." He proceeded to do just that. The Stu turned a deeper green. Finally the Agent swallowed his food. He then spat out the bits of crushed glass. The Stu turned the delightful color of lettuce after being excreted by a lizard (believe me, I know what I'm talking about), then vomited off to one side. Tyler smirked.

"So, wanna play Twenty Questions?"

The Stu frowned.

"I'm not to fraternize with the prisoners!"

"Aw, come on. You know you want to."

"No I don't!"

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves-,"

"Shut up!"



"Play Twenty Questions!"


"It's, a small world, after, all! It's, a small world, aaaaafter all! It's, a small world, aaaaaafter all! It's a small world-,"

"-You can't blackmail me!"

"On further insight, I believe I am doing just that."

"Please shut up?"

"Please play Twenty Questions?"

"NO! I'm leaving!" And without any further ado, the Stu did just that. Tyler grinned and leaned back against the wall of his cell. The grin quickly vanished when he remembered the cell part.

"Well, I seem to be in a pickle."

A few seconds later….

"Holy muffins! Did I really just use the word 'pickle' to describe something other than a vegetable?"

And later…

"Okay, seriously, can we get to something relevant? I'm bored."

Fine, fine.

A figure walked into the cell area. Tyler took a moment to look up from where he had been playing with a few chemicals he had brought with him to the Society. At the moment, he was manipulating a phial of Explodium, the most unstable substance in the known universe. When he looked up, he immediately looked down, rubbed his eyes, blinked a few times, then looked up again. No luck. Aster's counterpart stubbornly refused to not exist. Tyler groaned.

"I'm assuming your name is Retsa?"


"And that you're a genius."

"Also true."

"And that you hate all anime and manga."

"Stop making correct guesses about me!"

"Fine. Now, any particular reason for leaving my weapons here in my cell?"

"Well, they're useless here, because we set up the cell specifically to hold Society members, and it's a pain to find some secret hiding place for them. This ship isn't good for that kind of thing."

Tyler blinked.

"That's… surprisingly sensible for a villain."

"We're not the villains! We're trying to bring perfection to the multiverse!"

"Explain your sanity."


"In this kind of universe, the good guys are all insane. It's a law of nature!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, in any form of TV show or book series-,"


"Oh, right, forgot about your anti-fanism. Sorry. Anyway, in TV shows and book series, if there's a big group of main characters, the rules clearly state that they're all a little insane. However, we, the ACMSES, are the insane ones. Therefore, you are the villains."

"Um… that really made no sense."

"EXACTLY!" Tyler jumped up with a scream, startling Retsa. "It makes no sense! Everything you PCMSPS Agents say makes sense… well, almost… so you can't be the heroes!"

"What do we say that doesn't make sense?"

"The bit about bringing perfection. Sooo… you're not arguing the rest?"

"No. If what we're doing is wrong…who cares? It's fun, and besides, you seem to be ignoring the law that states that Evil Counterparts always believe that what they're the heroes and the Good Counterparts are the villains."

"Here, have a lampshade."


"What? That's what I'm supposed to do whenever I can!"


"Okay, hard to explain. Either way, how do you know the Law of Good and Evil Counterparts?"

"I watched Spider-Man 3, played Kingdom Hearts, and read comics of every superhero with an evil counterpart. When you're an Evil Counterpart, stuff like that is highly informative of what not to do."

Tyler blinked.


Retsa seemed to have made up her mind about something.

"I have deemed you too insane to gain any information from simply talking until you spill something."

"Well, I already drank my milk, what would I spill?"

"Information on the Society."

"I don't know anything about the Society besides what we do."


"Well, I'm me. Do I look like the kind of person who would care about any secrets?"


"True. But I haven't found any."

"We have good torture methods, you know."

"I didn't, actually. But I have better ones, and all of them can be brought into play while the torturer is being tortured."

"Are you willing to bet on that?"

"Are you?"


"Ah. Figured. Either way, I can drive any given torturer insane before they can walk across the room."

"I could just kill you right now."

"I could come back as a ghost."

"I don't believe in ghosts."

"I don't believe you could kill me."

"You want to take that chance?"

"Sure, why not?"



"You're driving me insane!"

Tyler blinked.

"Well… yeah. That's the point."


"Don't scream, you'll rip a vocal chord."


"If you scream too much, you'll rip a vocal chord. That's a fact."


"No idea. Can you leave me alone now?"

"Um… no."


"Okay, okay, I'll leave!"

After Retsa left, Tyler sat back against the far wall of his cell.

"Okay, that went badly. I didn't even get her to start screaming her evil plan at me." Tyler grabbed his various weapons, shoved them into his pouch, and stood up.

"Okay, let's see if this works like it's supposed to." He drew a fist back, aiming at the wall.

"Tyler... PUNCHHHHHHHHHH!" A blue aura exploded around his fist, as he shot forward and punched the wall. For a moment, he stayed there, suspended in an improbable pose. Then, his eyes bugged out, and he jumped back, clutching his hand.



Elsewhere in the PCMSPS base…

Retsa stalked in circles around the recreation room. Giving her a wide berth were Relyt, Ekard, several Sues and Stus, and another figure, who looked exactly like Valerie, but with a cruel smile stretched across her face, almost as if it was painted on. Every so often, one of the three would push a Sue or Stu over towards Retsa, who would instantly obliterate it. Finally Retsa slowed to a halt, still occasionally evaporating the odd Sue or Stu with a blast of something resembling fire, although in all the history of the PCMSPS, no one had ever seen water put it out. Actually, for that matter, none of Retsa's abilities worked according to how they should. Light would refuse to reflect off mirrors, earth was watertight, sun rays wouldn't be stopped by sunblock. Either way, Retsa began to speak.

"Someone get the list of Agents not to be interrogated."

One of the Sues disappeared, reappearing a second later with a piece of paper. Retsa took it, killed the Sue, and began to read.

"Adrian: too powerful... Aster: too stupid..."

"Really? How do you know she's not pretending?" Ekard interrupted.

"Mm… because I'm a genius."

"How do we know you're not pretending?"

"Quiet. Anyway... Christoph: too honorable... Shirley: too violent... Now, I can add one more to the list - Tyler: too annoying."

Retsa looked up.

"This idiot we managed to capture-,"

"-We?" Relyt interrupted.

"Shut up. Anyway, this idiot knows nothing."

Relyt spoke up.

"Couldn't we just make opposite assumptions to our base? I mean, if they're-,"

Relyt suddenly found himself neck-deep in a cone of rock. One rock jabbed up into his throat menacingly. Relyt tried not to gulp.

"Couldn't you try to remember why I'm the leader of the Protection Society? Maybe it's because of my ability to defeat any one, or for that matter, two of you in a fair fight? Or maybe because I supplied most of this technology, making me capable of altering the insides of this ship by blinking? Or maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm the most intelligent one here? Hmm?"

Relyt was slowly turning blue in an attempt to avoid breathing and impaling his throat.

"Point… taken…."

"Good." The rock shattered, and Relyt collapsed to the ground. Ekard snickered. Relyt stood up and shot the armored Agent a dirty look. Ekard was about to respond in kind when the room rocked, flinging everyone in the room to the ground.


In the skies of the Halo universe….

Two pods slammed into the surface of a large ship. These pods were the trademark of the Orbital Drop Shock Troopers, the paratroopers of the humans of the future. The ODST were the highest non-SPARTAN soldiers in the UNSC, the United Nations Space Command. They were the strongest, the best, the-

Drake and Christoph stepped out of the pods. Somewhere else, an author blinked. They weren't the ODST. Oops.

Anyway, Drake and Christoph stepped out of the pods. They looked around.

"Weren't there supposed to be a few more Agents here?" Drake wondered.

"They said so, but I don't see-GAH!" Christoph dove to one side as another two pods slammed down where he had been a moment earlier. The pods opened, and Adrian stepped out of one, followed by Tash from the other. The four Agents looked around.

"The Sueish signal was coming from here… but I don't see anything…" Adrian remarked.

"Just out of curiousity, how are we alive right now?" Tash asked. "There shouldn't be any air."

Christoph raised a hand.

"Over there, Lady Tash."

Tash looked. There was a huge sign on the ship reading "Air Bubbles and Co." Tash blinked.


Another pod slammed down, releasing Willie. Another dropped in, and Aster stepped out onto the ship. Then a rain of pods fell from the sky.

Tash blinked.

"I don't remember sending in any more Agents than this…"

"The extra pods are mainly for dramatic effect," replied Adrian.

"Doesn't that mean we should take cover?" asked Willie.

The eyes of every Agent on the ship widened. Then they did just that.


Tyler was being thrown around his cell. After the first three jolts, he had started playing a game; avoid being fried by the lasers. Okay, maybe "game" is not the right word here. Maybe, "necessity?" Meh, I don't have anything. Feel free to make something up here.

Finally the shaking stopped, and Tyler was dropped to the floor, or at least he thought it was the floor. He slowly stood up… then the world flipped and he fell back on his butt.

"Ow… hey, why didn't the lasers turn off? I DEMAND MY EPIC MOVIE RIGHTS!"

A voice spoke over a loudspeaker, and I thanked the Department of Redundancy Department for their help.

"The emergency power generators are in place."


An Uber-Sue and Uber-Stu were guarding the entrance. As they shakily stood, Christoph suddenly appeared behind them, and slammed a fist into the back of their heads. They dropped like a rock. Christoph then began to button-mash a control panel to the right of Tyler's cell. In the ten seconds it took for the cell bars to disengage, Christoph also succeeded in disabling the internal weapons system through the ship, making the whole rescue mission a lot easier. The two raced through the ship, and then…

"Halt in the name of Retsa!"

Tyler gulped.

"RUN FASTER!" Tyler and Christoph shot through the ship, finally spinning around a corner into the… kitchen? They quickly barred the door.

About a minute later…

"Okay! You can come in now!" chorused the Society Agents.

Outside, a voice rang out.

"Not a chance! You're waiting to kill us in there!"



"We have cake…"

A different voice resounded from outside the kitchen. It sounded younger.

"Cake? Cool!" Instantly the door exploded inward as an Uber-Stu smashed through it. Before he could continue, though, an eight-pound cake slammed into his head. FATALITY.

Tyler pointed at the dead Stu.

"The cake is a half-truth!"

Christoph frowned.

"Don't you mean that the cake is a lie?"

"But it's not a lie! There was cake, but instead of giving it to him, we killed him with it! That makes it a half-truth!"

One of the Sues coughed.

"Excuse me, but aren't you going to fight us?"

"Oops. Sorry." The two Society Agents took a fighting stance. And so, the fight began.

Christoph instantly sent a hail of shuriken into the Sues and Stus, killing some, and wounding others. Tyler lunged forward and took down half the remainder with arcs of energy and staff strikes. The Uber-Sues and Stus tried to scatter, but Christoph struck at lightning speed with his ninjato, finishing off all but one, who parried and knocked Christoph away.

"Ha! You fools think you can defeat me? I am Uber-Stu, a-,"

"-general in The Clichéd Army, I know."


Uber-Stu lunged at Tyler and Christoph, drawing a pair of swords and slashing at their heads. The Agents dived to the side, jumping up and striking.

"Too slow!" Uber-Stu spun with amazing speed, blocking the staff and ninjato strikes. Tyler jumped back, already preparing an energy bolt, as Christoph snuck a shuriken from his belt and stabbed it into Uber-Stu. The Stu let out a cry of pain and stumbled back, barely managing to block a series of magic blasts from Tyler. He was abut to lunge when Christoph appeared out of nowhere and slammed him over the head with the hilt of the ninjato.

"Ow…." The Uber Stu stumbled around, before snapping his head up and resuming a fighting stance.

"Ha! That attack did nothing! I'll still beat all four of you!"

Tyler and Christoph exchanged glances. The Uber-Stu still seemed weavy. Tyler and Christoph took the only option available.

Several minutes later…

"Is he still dizzy?"

A loud "thwack!" sounded from where Christoph was watching the Stu.


"Okay… done!"

Tyler and Christoph ran to the far end of the room, letting the Uber-Stu recover. The Stu slowly shook its head, then noticed Tyler and Christoph. He charged….

Uber-Stu tripped over a tripwire (And my bill to the Department of Redundancy Department increased). Said tripwire yanked down a pair of paperweights off pedestals, dropping them onto a balloon ring. The balloons pushed air into the pedestals, firing up two foam rockets. The rockets hit balloons on the ceiling, which pushed air into a holder holding a sharp knife, which fell onto Uber-Stu's head, killing him.

Christoph blinked.

"Ah… that was surprisingly easy."

Tyler smirked.

"Apparently each and every Uber-Sue or Stu is a general. On the other hand, none of them are very good fighters."


"Now, is anyone else here?"



"Anyway, they said to bring you to the main recreation room so we can get back to the Library."

"Do you know where said recreation room is?"

"Mm… no. We entered into the sickroom, and at least managed to destroy any medications they might have had though."

"So, we're supposed to meet at a place we can't-,"

Tyler was interrupted by a loud explosion. He exchanged glances with Christoph.

"Never mind." They ran toward the explosion.


In a large room, easily several hundred yards long, a war was starting. PCMSPS and ACMSES Agents clashed swords, spears, staves, and fists. Uber-Sue or Stu after Uber-Sue or Stu piled in, only to be cut down, incinerated, pummeled, and stabbed.


Drake locked spears with Ekard, pushing the doppelganger away and swinging around to disintegrate a group of Uber-Sues before spinning around to parry a lethal blow.

"You guys can't give us a break, can you?"

"We probably could, but what fun would that be?"

"Not much, but you could at least not kidnap our Agents."

"That was Relyt, not me."

"Whatever!" Drake knocked Ekard's spear to one side, then punched him in the face. Ekard stumbled back, and a trio of Uber-Sues or Stus instantly took his place. Drake growled in frustration.

"Slicing Gale!" The energy boomerangs sliced through two of the Ubers, but the third leapt over them, stabbing at Drake. The Agent parried, and tried to stab, but the Sue was too close. Drake settled for whacking it away. It rolled up with a hiss, and Drake lunged, stabbing it through the chest and killing it.

"Drought Kick!" Drake spun around just in time to dodge Ekard's kick. Ekard rolled up to his feet, and the duel continued.


Willie dived around a group of Ubers, and came up in time to watch his counterpart slam into them, knocking them down. He grinned.

"You could use lessons in stopping. Might not hurt your own team as much. On second thought, don't take lessons. Keep helping me."

Eilliw stood shakily.

"I've injured you too a few times, you know."

Willie examined his shoulder, where a few drops of blood were inching down his arm.

"You call this an injury? I've gotten worse from parakeets."

"Try this then!"

Eilliw whipped out a small cube and tapped a button on it. The cube expanded into a shield, which proceeded to fire a hail of lasers at Willie. The Agent parried them with his sword, then lunged and slashed.

Eilliw jumped back, and tapped the button on his shield again. The shield morphed into a mace, and Willie had to backstep to avoid being pulped. Eilliw grinned and tapped another button. Immediately the spikes on the mace shot towards Willie, who grabbed a pair of Uber-Sues, using them as human…or maybe Suish shields. Eilliw snarled as the mace transformed yet again, this time into a shotgun. He pointed at Willie and fired.

"Whoa!" Willie dived to the ground, yanking another Stu in as a shield. "You could hurt someone!"

"That's the idea!" Eilliw readied the gun, but before he could fire, Willie threw one of the disintegrating Stus at him. The motes of light blinded him long enough for Willie to lunge forward and punch him hard in the face, knocking him to the ground.


Christoph and Tyler were running through the ship, almost to the room where the explosion had come from, when…


Tyler spun in time to block Relyt's strike and push him away. Several meters away, Christoph had run into his own copy. Said copy appeared to be a samurai of some sort. He had a katana in his right hand, and a wakizashi in his belt. The doppelganger lunged at Christoph, who dodged and flung several shuriken.

Meanwhile, Tyler and Relyt were firing energy blasts, pulses, and in Tyler's case, grenades. Finally, Relyt's shield didn't flare up fast enough, and the PCMSPS Agent was flung into the fighting room. Naturally, Tyler followed.

Christoph blocked a strike from Hpotsirhc, then spun and slashed, throwing several shuriken at the same time. Hpotsirhc blocked the slash, but two shuriken lodged in his side, eliciting a yelp of pain. Christoph followed up by kicking his double into the big fight room, then leapt in after him.


Retsa sent a fireball screaming towards her target, which at the moment was Aster. The fae dodged and fired a series of icicles in retaliation. Retsa simply formed a shield of rock, then turned her attention to an incoming Adrian. Retsa swung her staff, and there was a screech of metal on metal as it collided with Hoshikuzu. Retsa growled in annoyance and snapped her fingers. Immediately a flash of light blinded Adrian momentarily. Retsa took another swing, this time knocking Adrian backwards. Retsa prepared a lethal fireball. Just as she was about to hurl it…

"Juari-Ken - Rinwi!"

"Hm?" Retsa turned just as Tash slammed into her feet-first, sending her flying. As she turned to fire a storm of rock needles, a shout emanated from behind her.

"Librarian Secret Art: Boot to the Head!"

Adrian appeared from nowhere and kicked Retsa in the head, knocking her down. The PCMSPS leader jumped back up and prepared to obliterate the Librarian with a firestorm when a mini-hurricane picked her up, spinning her around and slamming her back down. Retsa stood again, in time to see the three Agents closing in on her. Retsa sighed. Before the Agents could attack, a group of Ubers had intercepted them. In the time it took for the Ubers to be defeated (1.1 seconds) Retsa had taken out a small control panel and pressed a large red button. Then the floor opened, revealing that the ship was over a desert/wasteland, and everyone fell.


Drake fell through the air, still exchanging blows with Ekard and the occasional Uber.

"Storm Punch!" Drake slammed a fist into Ekard, sending him flying, but immediately a squad of Ubers appeared in front of him. After disposing of them, he noticed Ekard propelling himself back in.

"Slicing Gale!" The energy boomerangs struck Ekard, slowing him down. Ekard growled in frustration. Without any earth to speak of, most of his attacks were unusable.

"Drought Punch!" Ekard punched the nearest Uber, sending it flying at Drake. Ekard grinned as he heard the "thunk!" that alerted him to his attack's success.


Eilliw fired shot after shot of everything he could think of at Willie, but the Agent just kept deflecting the attacks and continuing in. Just as Willie was about to deliver a deathblow, Eilliw switched the raygun into a club and swung hard. Willie blocked, but was still knocked back by the force of the blow. As he righted himself, he quickly retaliated.

"Water Scythe!" Willie slashed the air in an intricate shape, and as the slash finished, the pattern glowed a watery blue for a moment. The next moment, it shifted into a scythe of water and slashed at Eilliw. The counterpart tapped a button, and the mace turned into a shield. The water scythe slashed across it, leaving a deep gash in the metal. Willie growled and prepared another attack.

"Fire Slash!" Willie slashed the air again, but this time the pattern glowed a fiery orange, before settling around Willie's sword in an explosion of flame. Willie slashed at his double, and this time the force of the blow sent Eilliw flying back. Willie grinned, before propelling himself of a nearby Uber-Stu to deliver the finisher.


Retsa floated downwards, launching fireballs, rock needles, and flashes at Adrian, Tash, and Aster. Said three were doing their best to avoid being skewered and roasted.

"Why can't you all just die!" Retsa launched fireball after fireball at Adrian, but was intercepted by an explosion of ice and wind. She tumbled back before regaining balance and firing a burst of blinding light at Aster. The fae dodged, and a set of encyclopedias fell from nowhere and sent Retsa groundward. As she burned through the books and rose back up…

"...Abari!" Tash slammed into the PCMSPS leader from above, and Retsa slammed into the ground.


Tyler dropped down, formed a platform of energy, and leapt off it, slamming into Relyt and sending the PCMSPS Agent spiraling towards the ground. As Tyler was diving down for the coup de grace, Relyt sent up a blast of energy, blasting his double high into the air. As Tyler descended past his counterpart, Relyt caught his ankle with an energy loop and yanked him back up. Before Relyt could land a blow, Tyler shot past him, grabbing the rope of energy and yanking on it. Relyt shot up into the air, met Tyler's foot, and dropped back down. With a sizzle, the rope disappeared. Without any support, Tyler fell towards the ground.

Relyt stored energy, before flipping to fall feet first and propelling himself back up at Tyler, slamming into the falling Agent and carrying him back skyward.


Christoph hurled a shuriken at Hpotsirhc, who deflected it off the katana. The two were having a large problem with their fight. As Hpotsirhc wasn't willing to bring in Ubers, neither had any methods of propulsion. Now while most would say this gave Christoph the advantage, as he had ranged weapons, Hpotsirhc was incredibly good at blocking them. Then they noticed that they were approaching the ground. Hpotsirhc grinned evilly.

"Soon we'll reach the ground, and then nothing will stop me from finishing you!"

Christoph raised an eyebrow.

"Won't we both be dead?"

"No. The physics of this game will keep us alive."



Then they landed, and the battle began.


Drake and Ekard stood from where they had landed, looking around. Immediately, both pairs of eyes focused on a large jeep with an open top and a vicious-looking turret. They both ran for it, but Ekard reached the jeep first, shouldering Drake to one side and leaping into the vehicle. Immediately the turret spun, pointing forward, and directly at Drake. The blue-clad Society Agent whipped his cape around himself just in time to block the stream of bullets loosed from the turret and send them ricocheting off in every direction. Several Ubers, attempting to assist Ekard, were blown away by the firepower, reduced to nothing more than a red mist. Drake took the opportunity to run. By the time the mist had dissipated and Ekard had swiveled the jeep to follow Drake, the Agent had disappeared into a rock formation. Ekard lowered the power, cautiously following Drake. As Ekard turned a corner to check behind the formation…

"Storm Punch!" Drake exploded out of a well-concealed foxhole, slamming an energy-charged fist into Ekard's vehicle. The jeep flipped end over end before Ekard untangled himself and Drought Kicked it away. Ekard rolled to his feet, and both Agents produced spears from nowhere, lunging at each other.

"Slicing Gale!"

"Erupting Earth!"

Blue energy boomerangs whipped out towards Ekard, while a red arc of energy lashed towards Drake. The attacks collided, forming a glowing purple blob for a moment, before exploding and sending both Agents flying backwards. As they jumped back up, a pair of pods slammed down onto the sand.

"What the-," Drake didn't have time to finish his sentence before the pods opened, releasing a dozen Uber-Sues and Stus. Drake groaned in annoyance before charging.


Back up in the PCMSPS ship…

"I want to use the big cannon!"

"You got the big cannon last time!"


"So it's my turn!"


"So give me the big cannon!"






"Give me the big cannon!" A PCMSPS Agent who appeared to be exactly like Chrys, although with black ears, spun around, walked over to a control panel, and plopped down. The anti-Valerie let out a yell of indignation.

"Hey! I wanted to use the big cannon!"

"You can have the multi-cannon!"

"The big cannon is more fun!"

"Is not!"

"Then why do you want it?"

"Because I am a nice person who wants the best for you?"

"Yeah, right." Eirelav pushed Syrhc out of the chair and sat down.

"Hey!" Syrhc pushed against Eirelav, but the Protection Society Agent refused to budge.

"You…got….the….big….cannon….last….time!" Finally, Syrhc pushed Eirelav out of the chair.

"You little-," Eirelav stood, preparing to evict Syrhc once again, when a voice appeared from the corner.

"Can you keep it down? I'm trying to listen to music!"

"And stop fighting, it's wrong!" Two heads poked out into the weapons room. One belonged to an Agent named Ssej. The other belonged to Yzzo, or, as many of the other Agents referred to her, Asso. As soon as they were finished reprimanding the two, the heads disappeared. Syrhc turned to Eirelav.

"Remind me, why do we put up with them?"

"Well, Yzzo is good at firing the pods-,"

"-Is that what she's doing?"

"Yes. And Ssej's IPod is hooked up to the autocannon. Every time she presses a button, it fires."

"Hard to dodge random shots."


"Now, I'm keeping the big cannon!"


"Okay, all of you, what's going on?" Another Agent, this one a carbon copy of Karissa, stepped into the room. Immediately, Eirelav and Syrhc both began speaking at once.


"SHUT UP!" Assirak screamed.

Eirelav and Syrhc promptly did so.

"I'm taking the big cannon. Eirelav, you get the multi-cannon. Syrhc, you can have the other multi-cannon."

"Since when are you our-," Syrhc began, when Assirak grabbed her by the throat and suspended her a foot off the ground.

"Since I said so. Now go do your job." Assirak dropped the other PCMSPS Agent, who quickly ran to the third control panel. Eirelav grumbled before walking over to her assigned control panel.

"I get the big cannon next time."

"Whatever. Do your job."


"Random Magic Blast!" A trio of Ubers exploded into motes of light and Tyler grinned. He turned his attention back to Relyt.

"So… you were saying?"

"Not much. Just that maybe you should duck."

"Hm? Why would I… HOLY MUFFINS!" Tyler took a flying leap to avoid the giant green laser that slammed down where he had been standing a moment ago. The beam plowed forward for about fifty feet, leaving a trail of glass and dust in its wake. By the time the dust had cleared, Relyt had gone, and half-a-dozen Ubers had replaced it. Tyler groaned.

"Do I really have to keep killing you guys?"

One of the Ubers spoke.

"I shall answer your question with a question. Do you play Yugioh?"


"Well, we activate Reinforcement of the Army."

Several pods fell from the sky, slamming into the ground and kicking up a dust cloud. As the cloud faded, Tyler made out the shadows of at least two dozen Ubers. He did the only sensible thing. He formed a gigantic sail and crest of energy, created energy fangs, and roared at the top of his lungs. Several of the Ubers shrank back. Then a good deal of them turned and ran. The others fainted. Tyler smirked.

"I chain Threatening Roar." He didn't have much time to celebrate, though, as a pod of pods rained down, releasing many more Ubers. Tyler sighed.

"I don't suppose I could scare you away?"

"Hm… no."

"Drat." Tyler prepared a grenade, tossed it forwards, and charged.


"Dance of the Dust Whirlwind!"

A sand and rock storm whipped up, knocking Eilliw to the ground and opening several cuts. The Protection Society Agent stood shakily before tapping the button on his weapon. The mace morphed into a box with three wires extending from it. Before Willie could wonder what it did, Eilliw threw a switch on the side. The wires hummed with energy and slashed at the ground. Immediately, the sand rose from the ground, magnetized by the weapon. Eilliw whipped the wires around, trailing the cloud of sand before lashing it at Willie. As the sand was about to reach the nearest point to Willie, Eilliw threw the switch again. This time, the magnetic force of the wires disappeared, leaving the sand magnetic. Unfortunately, the nearest magnetic object had just become Willie's sword. The sand shot forward, hitting the sword with surprising force and knocking it away. Eilliw grinned.

"Now, prepare to-,"

Suddenly, a rain of laser bolts and Uber-pods rained from the sky. Eilliw hesitated a moment. Willie smirked.
"Too late." He dove for his sword, rolling up and slashing the air. "Heaven's Barrier!"

The slash glowed pink, before forming a dome around Willie. Several lasers slammed into it, but did nothing. As the shield dissipated, Willie looked around. The odds appeared to be against him, seeing as there were at least thirty Ubers between him and Eilliw.

Good. That was how he liked it. He charged.


Christoph stabbed a shuriken forward, and was rewarded by a yell of pain from Hpotsirhc. The Protection Society member slashed with his katana, but Christoph backstepped, evading the attack.

"Hold still!" Hpotsirhc snapped, slashing again. Christoph's only response was to draw his ninjato and slash at Hpotsirhc's torso. Hpotsirhc smirked.

"Wrong move." The Agent drew the wakizashi, spun it once to deflect the ninjato, then slotted it back into his belt. The parry caught Christoph off guard, long enough for Hpotsirhc to slash across his shoulder. True to the game physics, Christoph suffered no ill effects other then stumbling back.

"Die!" Hpotsirhc took the initiative, lunging forward and stabbing. Christoph grinned.

"Wrong move." Christoph hurled shuriken, but Hpotsirhc simply deflected them. The ninja charged, leaping into the air and striking down with the ninjato, but Hpotsirhc parried. Finally, Christoph dropped down, swiping out with one leg. This time, there were no blocks. Hpotsirhc stumbled, Christoph added a push, and the samurai fell flat on his face.

Christoph smirked. Then he heard three loud thumps from behind him. He spun, just in time to watch two dozen Ubers scuttle out of the pods.

"Maybe I should look into wide-ranging weaponry…"

Christoph charged.


"Librarian Art 2: A Thousand Words in an Instant!" Adrian appeared next to Retsa, even as the Protection Society leader formed a cone of rock. After the attack was finished, said cone of rock had been nicely carved.

"Juari-Ken - Tairosen!" Tash slammed into the sculpture, not breaking through, but giving it an interesting texture.

"Um… Tempest Wave!" A blast of wind and water slammed into the sculpture, shaping it further.

Sadly, this work of art in progress was destroyed as Retsa released an explosion of power, sending shrapnel flying at the three Agents.

"Librarian Art 6: Shield of Silence!" The shards of rock bounced off an invisible barrier.

Tash swiped the air with her staff, and an explosion of flames deflected the rock shards.

Aster pointed at the rocks, which changed into blobs of water, which dissipated into the air. Then all three Agents charged.

"Librarian Art 9: Pillars of Knowledge!" Pillars ripped through the ground, looming over Retsa for a moment before slamming down.

"Juari-Ken - Doryuta!" Tash leapt into the air, then dropped down, slamming a flaming staff onto Retsa's head.

"Yah!" Aster charged, then jumped up and swung her staff down onto Retsa's head…


Before any of the attacks could connect, Retsa raised her staff, which emitted a huge bolt of white light, blasting all three attacks…and Agents…backwards. As Adrian, Tash, and Aster rose shakily, Retsa spun the staff once before slamming the base onto the ground.

"Now, let the true battle….begin."


"Yah!" Drake swung his spear at the last of the Ubers, a burst of blue energy destroying them.

"Congratulations." Drake spun around, slashing at his double. Ekard parried before jumping back.

"Erupting Earth!"

"Slicing Gale!"

The attacks slammed into each other, and a purple shockwave radiate out from them.

"Damn… I was hoping to finish you off with that… Drought Kick!" Ekard leapt forward, and Drake barely caught the blow on his spear. Even so, the force of the kick sent him stumbling back.

"Why won't you die? Drought Punch!"

"Storm Punch!"

The energy-charged blows collided, forming another purple shockwave which sent the two fighters flying backwards. Drake leapt to his feet, already attacking.





Two huge blasts of energy, one red, one purple, shot towards each other. When they connected, it was the catalyst for an explosion Tyler would have envied, enveloping their section of the battlefield in a cloud of smoke.


"Bolero of Steam!" A blast of white-hot steam evaporated a group of Ubers, and Willie turned back to Eilliw at lightning speed, slashing his sword in another shape.

"Wood Imprisonment!" Spikes of wood appeared out of nowhere, arranging themselves into a cage around Eilliw.

"Wrong!" Eilliw's weapon transformed into a huge mace, slamming into the bars of the cage, shattering them, and sending slivers flying at Willie.

"Hmph!" Willie waved his sword, and an explosion of black flames burned the wood to ashes. "Hellfire!"

The black flames gathered again, before blasting out at Eilliw. The PCMSPS Agent barely had time to transform his weapon into a shield when the attack hit. Eilliw stumbled back, but quickly retaliated by forming a laser bazooka and firing.

"Gah!" Willie swung his sword, and a burst of dark energy struck the laser, shattering it like a pane of glass. Eilliw snarled before firing again, then launching a rocket.

"Die!" Willie slashed the air, and a shockwave of hellfire blasted out, hitting the rocket and laser.

"Grr…" Eilliw fired one more time, this time the rocket and laser accompanied by a small sphere of metal. Once more Willie countered with a blast of hellfire, and…



"Die!" A grenade hit the last of the Ubers, blasting them out of existence. Tyler smirked.

"See, Relyt, this is why you don't underestimate the power of explosives."

"Aw, you stole that from Star Wars!"

"Did not! Star Wars says, 'This will show you not to underestimate the power of the Dark Side!' And besides, I'm on the Light Side!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too and I'll prove it!" Without further ado, Tyler fired a blue energy bolt, whacking Relyt in the face.


"See? See? That proves it! My attacks are blue, green, and purple! That makes me the good guy!"

"Whaaat? I refuse to accept that assessment of the situation."

"So what? You can't fight the facts!"

"Why not?"


"That's stupid!"

"So is ticking off a bloodthirsty halfling."

"Eh… touche."

"Right! I. Am. The. Good. Guy. Admit it!"


"Then be whacked by a ping-pong paddle!" Tyler lunged, and before Relyt could move, he had been smacked upside the head by Tyler's ping-pong paddle.

"So there."

"You… are going to pay for that!" Relyt generated a huge sphere of energy and flung it at Tyler. Tyler responded with a grenade. The result was predictable.


"I am the dark void. I am the cold steel. I am the just sword. I am-, "

"Get on with it!" The Uber screamed in annoyance.


The Uber paled, realizing Christoph hadn't actually been talking to him, and in fact, probably hadn't even noticed him until now.


"Die." Christoph stabbed forward with a sai, and the Stu's life ended. Along with his state as solid matter, seeing as he promptly exploded into motes of light.

"Good, good. If you weren't a member of the Other Society, I might suggest to Retsa that you be enlisted."

Christoph spun to face Hpotsirhc. "And what makes you think there is any chance I would join?"

"Nothing. I'd still suggest it."

"Hmph." Christoph grabbed a shuriken from nowhere, flinging it at Hpotsirhc. Only Hpotsirhc's quick reflexes prevented him from dying painfully. Hpotsirhc lunged, and Christoph barely brought his sais up in time to parry. Hpotsirhc spun, attacking again, but this time Christoph simply leapt back and flung another shuriken. Hpotsirhc blocked again. He prepared to lunge, Christoph reached for a shuriken.

Swp. Swp. Swp. Christoph gulped.

"Out of shuriken? Oh well." Hpotsirhc grinned evilly, moving in for the kill, when…



Algazdun slammed into Hpotsirhc from above, raking at his face. Hpotsirhc screamed in pain, although he managed to shield his eyes from harm.

"Gah! Get off, you stupid bird!" Hpotsirhc flailed around with his sword, attempting to connect, but Algazdun simply flapped away before swooping in again. Finally, the eagle let up his assault, and Hpotsirhc relaxed somewhat.

Then Christoph kicked him in the face, knocking him down.


"Juari-Ken...Doryuta!" The flaming strike sent Retsa flying into the air.

"Juari-Ken...Shinanori!" Retsa soared even higher into the air.

"Juari-Ken...Doryuto!" This time, the strike sent Retsa tumbling down towards the ground.

"Juari-Ken...Abari!" Tash dove down, slamming Retsa into the sand.

As Tash jumped back, Aster readied an attack.

"Hm… Conversion Beam!" A burst of energy struck the ground under Retsa. Suddenly the sand became quicksand, and Retsa began to sink.


"Librarian Art 9: Pillars of Knowledge!"

Retsa paled.

"Oh crap…"


As the pillars crumbled, Retsa quickly gathered herself, barking out an order.

"All Protection Society members and Ubers, retreat! This is an order!" In a burst of light, Retsa disappeared.
Adrian, Tash, and Aster all hi-fived.


Ekard and Drake were trading spear and fist strikes, several Ubers attempting to intervene but being accidentally cut down by one of the two.


Then the sound of Retsa's command washed over their section of the battlefield. Ekard paused.

"I'd love to stick around to kill you, but I guess I can't just yet. See ya!"

With a burst of fire, Ekard vanished.

Drake blinked.

"That was… theatrical…"


Relyt fished the Wall of Offense out of his pocket.

"Prepare to-,"

"All Protection Society members and Ubers, retreat! This is an order!"

Relyt groaned.

"Look, can I at least kill him fi-,"


"Fine…" Relyt vanished in a shower of red light.


Willie raised his sword over Eilliw, preparing to deliver a finishing blow.

Then the two heard Retsa's order.

Eilliw smirked. "Bye."

As Willie's sword slammed down, Eilliw vanished in a shroud of crackling electricity.

"Damn it…"


Christoph pointed a sai at Hpotsirhc's throat.

"Are you ready to meet your maker?"

As Retsa's order swept over them, Hpotsirhc grinned.

"Maybe someday, Society Agent. But not yet."

With that, he disappeared in a burst of silver energy.


Up in the PCMSPS ship…

Retsa was screaming at a videoscreen.


On the screen, a PCMSPS member who appeared to be the counterpart of Charis was slowly turning pale.

"W-w-well… I believe it may be one of the Society's rules… at least one leader must accompany Agents to a fandom such as this one..."

"Don't. Fail. Again. Am I making myself clear?"


"Glad to hear it."











"…I'm standing next to you."

"It's standard procedure."

"I'm standing right here."

"We have to take attendance after missions like this, otherwise we might lose someone."

Adrian sighed.

"Whatever… here."

"Good." Tash put away the attendance list and opened a Plothole.

"Let's go home."