Apologies

For the first time in a very long time, the basement had fallen into a stony silence. Some of the braver of the prisoners were pressing their faces against the bars, bearing teeth at the group of Society agents who stood awkwardly in the corridor. Others cowered under blankets or behind pillows in fear. Were they in trouble? Or worse... were the rumours true, and the Society were about to have another purge of their basement?

One figure shuffled forwards, and it took several of the prisoners a second to recognise her. Usually the Society founder was clad in brightly coloured dresses and high heels. Today she wore jeans, a threadbare cricket jumper, trainers and a face of deep regret.

Several of the Sues looked curious. This didn't look like a purge. No one had weapons. What on earth could have caused the Society's founder to look so grave? Crouched behind her mattress as a shield, Tabitha gasped, remembering that Robert had been taken away the day before for his parole hearing. They assumed since he had not returned that he had passed, but what if they were wrong and something awful had happened?

"Hey guys..." Harriet cleared her throat, and managed a weak smile. "Wow this is hard... I suppose all apologies are though."

A few Sues peeked out from behind their defences, and further down the corridor, Ash hissed from the semi darkness. "Don't believe a word she says!"

Harriet tactfully ignored this, and continued. "We're here, because we didn't realise until yesterday, just how bad things had got down here. We didn't realise the level of cruelty some of us were putting you through. But most importantly, we didn't realise that we had been neglecting to feed you."

None of the prisoners dared move an inch, as though afraid that whatever spell the Society leader had been put under would break the second they twitched.

"I say we didn't realise," Harriet continued solemnly. "But I know that's not an excuse. Some of us didn't realise, its true. But some of us did realise, and did nothing about it. Some of us actively denied you simple things needed to survive, and that's just wrong. Food. Water. Warmth. These things that are basic human rights."

She paused to take a breath. "And I think that's our problem. We forgot that you are human. This is a prison. But we've turned it into hell, and that's just not on."

There were a few gentle nods, and Tabitha dared to press her face against the bars of her cell to get a better look. Most of the Society agents were looking uncomfortably at the floor, while a few (whom Tabitha could recognise as the less nice members) were scowling.

"Don't think we're going soft," Harriet warned, a hint of teasing in her voice now. "You're still prisoners. This is a punishment, and we do expect you to think about what you've done while you're down here. But this is a promise that things are going to change down here. We're not perfect... if we were we'd be Sues. We aren't going to get it right all the time. But we're going to try."

She paused, and made sure to cast her gaze around the basement, to every occupied cell. "We are really really sorry."

There were a few murmurs of disbelief. An actual apology? From the Society? This was not what anyone had expected when the group of agents had begun filing in five minutes ago.

Harriet turned on her heel to face her agents – the people she and the other leaders had handpicked to defend the multiverse against Mary Sues. And she looked at them all with such contempt that several of the nearest prisoners shivered. Harriet despite being a leader, was rarely seen in the basement, and it was rarer still that she took missions. None of the Sues in the basement had ever been brought in by her, so most of what they heard of her was whisper and rumour. But now as she surveyed her ragtag ensemble with her hardest glare, they understood just why this woman was so powerful.

"As for you lot," Harriet's voice came a little easier now. It was not shouting. It was quiet rage, and the kind of regret that was usually felt coming from parents. "I am very disappointed in you all. You wouldn't treat animals as badly as some of you have treated them."

A few agents shuffled back and forth on their feet. Even if their neglect had been a result of forgetfulness or sheer bone idle laziness, they all felt the guilt. It was the kind that came from knowing that someone you held highly had trusted you, and you had let them down in a way that they would never forgive you for.

"I know only a few of you have done this out of vindictiveness, and I am not here to point fingers..." Harriet continued. "I just want you to know that you're far bigger monsters than any Sue... even Willowe would have treated prisoners better than this, and I think we all know what kind of person she was."

She began pacing back and forth in front of the group, reminding everyone of a tiger ready to pounce on anyone who stepped out of line.

"Starting from now, we're sorting things out." She turned now to face the Sues, to explain. "In the Society, when an agent causes trouble, or is out of line, we run a three strike system. Three strikes, and then they are out. Several agents already have strikes to their names," despite clearly trying not to, she couldn't help but glance at Willie as she spoke – he already had a strike to his name after going on a murder spree and putting up the shrunken heads of his victims as Christmas baubles – Emily had needed therapy for two months to get over the sight.

"Disciplinary measures will be taken against any agent who neglects their duties down here, is unnecessarily cruel, or does not provide the required meals. And a strike will be added to their record."

She turned back to the agents. "I will be setting up the new rota later, and we will be sticking to it. But for now, I want every single one of you to go around each of these cells and apologise – don't groan at me!" she snapped, as several people let out exasperated sighs. "You brought this upon yourselves. And I hope when you do apologise it'll make you think about what you've done... yes Alice, what is it?"

Alice's hand, which had been timidly raised into the air, shot back down to her side. "Do we have to apologise, even if we were the ones who were feeding them properly?"

"Especially if you were the ones feeding them properly," Harriet folded her arms. "Because we should have seen what was happening first. So either we're stupid, or we subconsciously didn't care, and wanted them all to rot down here. We should be just as ashamed as the ones who were withholding food... now go on, all of you. Apologise. We aren't leaving until everyone has done each cell."

There was a very long pause. Clearly no one wanted to be the first one to go ahead. A few of the Sues, including Ash, snorted. The Society were arrogant to their cores...at the back of the basement, Roxelana gave a little giggle, lost in her own little world of madness.

Tash was the first to move, slipping out of the group and heading for the nearest cell, which happened to be Tabitha's. The Sue drew back slightly, but she kept her fists tightly clenched around the bars. The Assistant Librarian's mouth twitched a few times, before she managed to get the words out.

"I'm sorry."

Head hung, she moved on to the next cell. Adrian followed behind her, with Michael, Jess, Dave, Alice, Tyler... all manner of agents forming a neat line as they passed each prisoner, looking just a little more humble each time they uttered the words.

"Sorry."

"I'm really sorry."

Harriet smiled at them, before frowning at the few agents who were dragging their feet towards the queue. As the last of them joined the procession, the line came to a halt at the other end of the basement. Rhia had stopped outside Roxelana's cell, her gaze registering nothing but contempt for the Sue inside. Until now, Roxelana did not appear to have properly registered the rest of the Society, or their words. But now, as her arch nemesis drew up to the bars, her black eyes seemed to focus.

"Rhia," Harriet warned, and the agent jumped as she realised that she was holding up the queue. Something very basic seemed to be holding Rhia's words back, and for a moment, Harriet was worried. She had expected resistance from some of the agents, but she hadn't prepared for Rhia resisting – and to be honest, she could not blame Rhia for not wanting to do it after everything Roxelana had put her through.

But to her surprise and relief, Rhia muttered something that vaguely resembled "sorry" before shuffling on to the next cell. Behind her, Cristoph slunk forward, and Harriet was infinitely thankful that looks could not kill. Still, the ninja managed his apology, though it was laced with disgust as he went.

She knew some the agent's hearts were not in this – Willie said each apology with a hint of a threat in each syllable, and Aster looked as though she couldn't care less about being sorry. But equally there were several who were taking this incredibly seriously. Dave was managing a smile at each prisoner, and Valerie had tears in her eyes as she walked past each prisoner.

As the line thinned out, and the agents went back to their safe cluster in the middle of the corridor, Harriet herself went around each cell and spoke her own apologies. When was done, she had a wide smile on her face.

"Well, I think I've accomplished something here today," she said, clapping her hands together. "You can all get lost now. Think on what I've said, and I'll be going over the new procedure for meal times, showering and exercise tomorrow in the morning meeting. Dave, we – as in me, Tashy and Michael – will require an audience with you after dinner. We have plans to discuss."

She waved her hands, and flapped the agents up the stairs with all due haste. "Go on all of you. Scoot!"

As she ushered them away, the basement broke into chatter.

"What do you make of that?" Kerrie asked quietly. In the neighbouring cell, Reena could only shrug.

"They looked sincere. I mean, they did all apologise."

"Only because Harriet told them to!" Ash was scoffing. "Mark my words, that was probably just a show to stop us from yelling at them. We'll be going hungry tonight guys."

Twenty five minutes later, Ash was sulking in his cell, glaring at his dinner tray as though it had personally insulted his mother.

"Here we go," Harriet handed out the last of the trays, and Tabitha fell on it eagerly. "Don't burn your tongue!" she warned, as a yelp from another cell indicated another Sue had done just that. "It's Rhia's potato soup. I did suggest we all pitch in and make a massive Society Apology Soup, but some of the boys have no idea how to cook. Honestly! They suggested putting all sorts into it! Sugar, marmite, oreos... one of them even suggested we throw Twilight books in for flavour!" She huffed. "And they rejected my idea to put Innocent into it! So I'm having everyone take cookery classes. I can't believe some of our agents don't even know how to make a cup of tea!"

Pouting she headed off to the office to go and fill in the check sheet. Tabitha took a greedy sip of the soup. It was the best thing she'd had in months, and as she swallowed she watched Harriet sashay her way down the rows of cells.

"What was that you were saying Ash?" Reena called, her mouth half full with bread and cheese that had been provided on the side. "Something about us going hungry tonight?"

"Fuck off," came the grumpy response.

"Really though," it was Ryouga who spoke, his own soup bowl half finished. "Oreos in soup?" he gave a chuckle. "Innocent smoothie? I don't know how the Society have lasted this long...especially with someone as nutty as Harriet as their leader."

"She might be nutty," Tabitha agreed. "But did you see her face when she was telling them off? She looked really upset with them. I think she really meant what she was saying."

She paused, swirling her bread around in her soup. "Y'know I never used to believe that someone like Harriet could create someone as perfect as Willowe... but now I see it. She commanded all those agents like she was born to do it. She's really powerful. And if she put even a fraction of that power into Willowe...who knows what she could really be capable of?"

The basement had gone very quiet, as everyone temporarily forgot about the food, and the sounds of hungry chewing died off.

"Do you think the rumours are true?" Kerrie whispered. "Do you think Willowe... might come back?"

Tabitha gave a shiver, and was suddenly very conscious of everyone staring at her.

"I don't know. But seeing her author today, and the power she has... I believe anything is possible."

There was a clang from down the cells, and everyone jumped. Harriet had returned from the basement office, a triumphant grin on her face, that usually indicated a win in the cricket. She was drastically out of tune as she skipped down the cells.

"I drove my trac'er through yer haystack last night... ooh arr ooh arr!"

Insert Comedic Attempts at Theft Here

Take 1, Action!

Tyler crawled through a ventilation duct surprisingly fast, possibly due to the half a dozen land piranhas flying after him.

"Where did Adrian even get land piranhas?" Tyler wondered. "It's like he actually believes that the mere fact of him buying the cookies somehow makes them his property!" He dropped out of the duct, landing on a hard stone floor.

"Tell me about it," Drake responded. For his part, the armored Agent had been running from a large, angry, and unfortunately air-breathing flying shark. "You've got a plan, right?"

"The cookies are right ahead, Adrian put up proximity mines… yes, I have a plan."

"Good, because the cookies are maybe twenty feet away."

"I kno- wait, what?" Tyler turned forward. Sure enough, the cookies (mounted as always on a large stone pedestal) were looming out of the corridor. "Drake!"

"Yeah?"

"JUMP!"

Both Drake and Tyler leapt into the air, soaring majestically over the pedestal. The piranhas (and shark), meanwhile, crashed into it head-on. The resulting explosion was painful-

"And tasty!" Tyler swallowed one of the nicely roasted piranha.

"Don't forget what we came here for," Drake reminded.

"Right." Tyler reached for the cookies. Unfortunately, as he did so, his hand broke a razor-thin string. "What?"

Don't ever interrupt me again.

"Now that's just disproportion-"

Tyler was interrupted by a spear stabbing right next to his right foot. "GAH!" Another whizzed past his ear.

"Slicing Gale!" Drake shouted. Bursts of wind energy sliced through a spear, shattered one of the launchers, and buried itself in the pedestal.

"Drake, watch out for the cookies!" Tyler threw a burst of energy at a launcher, smashing it.

Drake nodded, before ripping out one of the launchers and jamming it into the barrel of another.

"How is that even physically possible?" Tyler ducked a spear, and blasted a launcher into powder with a handful of explosives.

"Just go with it!" Drake shot back. "Storm Punch!" He rammed a fist into a launcher, and the metal crumpled under the force of the blow.

"Random Blast of Magic that Shouldn't Have a Name But I Wanted it to So it Does!" Tyler blasted the last launcher into oblivion.

"You're mocking me, aren't you?"

"Naturally." Tyler grabbed the plate of cookies, popping on into his mouth. "Delicious."

"Um, Tyler?"

"Whf?"

"What's that noise?"

Tyler swallowed his cookie and cocked his head to one side. His eyes widened as he heard the familiar sound of a Plothole opening, and they got even wider as he saw a disturbingly familiar orange glow cast onto the pedestal. "RUN!"

Both Drake and Tyler sprinted away as a huge stream of magma flowed from the Plothole, flooding after the duo.

They darted through the Dart Hall.

They shot through the Turret Chamber.

They ran through the Room of Sentient Death Stockings.

With the lava close behind, Tyler and Drake cleared the Corridor of Flying Axe-Spiders, and leapt out into the Library proper, slamming a door behind them.

"No cookies?" Drake asked.

"No cookies," Tyler sighed.

XXX

Take 2, Action!

"So you're sure the cookies are this way?" Tyler asked. He and Drake were walking down a long corridor.

"Of course," Drake replied. "They're always there."

"Good." The pair reached a pit trap. "We're splitting up here?"

"Yeah. You go on ahead to collect the cookies, I stay here to unlock the door afterward."

Tyler hopped over the pit. Immediately, a huge wall crashed down, cutting him off from Drake. After reaching the cookies, the smaller Agent pulled out his communicator. "I'm in. The cookies are on a pedestal."

"Cool. You see the big red button?"

"Yup." Tyler pushed it.

"Don't push it."

Tyler paled. "Um… are you sure you said, 'Don't push the big red button?"

"Yes."

"Time to go." Tyler went. By the time he had reached the wall, Drake had it open, and the two sprinted to freedom as the corridor exploded.

"So, did you get the cookies?" Drake asked. Tyler froze, dropping to his knees.

"No… NOOOOO!"

XXX

Take 3, Action!

Tyler was getting closer. He could feel it. One more corner…

Yes! There were the cookies! There was their fragrance, sugar and chocolate and butter and milk! There was the LPMC airlifting them out!

…Wait, what?

"Hey, come back! I was here first!" Tyler was too late, as the LPMC vanished into an air duct. He shot an energy bolt after them, but missed.

"Drat."

Presumably to add insult to injury (or injury to insult as the case may be), Tyler managed to trigger a trap, and was promptly glued to a wall by a blast of ABC bubble gum.

"Damn it!"

By the time Tyler had burned his way out of the gum, the LPMC were long gone.

XXX

Take 4, Action!

"So, if I aim the catapult here, the force of the rock striking the pressure plate should be enough to trigger the net. After the net goes off, two metal arms will impale it. I'll run across the arms to avoid the acid pit, disable the swinging blades, drop down to turn off the forcefield, jump back onto the arms before the chloroform geysers trigger, and get my rope. After the lasers go off, I'll snare the cookies with the rope, and make my getaway!"

With his plan thus made, Tyler proceeded into the usual corridor, avoiding each trap with skill born of around a year of practice. As the last laser went off, Tyler snagged the cookies with the rope, and began reeling them in.

"Closer… closer…"

A rocket launcher emerged from the wall, blasting the cookies into crumbs.

"DAMN IT!"

XXX

Takes 5 through 10, Action!

Tyler was launched out of the corridor by a spring bigger than the season….

XXX

A trap released a swarm of scorpions, forcing Tyler to flee.

XXX

A vacuum yanked Tyler into it, spitting him out inside a kitchen. Rhia's kitchen.

XXX

Tyler dashed up the arm of the robot, leaping onto its chest and slashing through its neck.

"Heads…" Tyler backflipped onto the ground, kicking the robot's head into the ceiling, where it was crushed in a manner reminiscent of that of a pancake. "UP!"

From outside of the corridor, Tyler heard something that made his blood run cold. It was the words, "I heard that!" spoken as if by a large, irritable, stick of wood.

"Oh no….."

Nobody was particularly surprised when, an hour later, Tyler was found lying unconscious on the floor of the main room, his limbs and extremities having been tied together with astonishing disregard for the actual alignment of his bones.

XXX

Tyler was in a very good mood. Following his recovery from Shirley's attack (which had taken over a week), he had gone back through the corridor, this time avoiding each and every trap. Finally, he had obtained the cookies. He picked them up, gingerly avoiding the nuclear acid-spitting beetle trap, and carefully walked out of the corridor. Thus liberated, Tyler proudly held the cookies over his head, triumph on every inch of his face. "I did it!"

"I'll take those."

"Huh?" Tyler spun around in time to witness Adrian calmly eating a cookie. "Thanks Tyler. I really wasn't looking forward to going through those traps myself." He walked off, carrying the cookies.

Tyler's jaw dropped.

Insert Multichapter Flashback Here (part 2 of 3)

"We should've killed him."

Willie and Tyler were bored. Very, very bored. Honestly, this degree of boredom had probably never been achieved by human or fish kind. Nothing was exploding, all of Adrian's candy had been stolen. The candy that they actually knew about, anyway…

"Why?" Tyler asked.

"'Cause it would've been fun." Willie said, lazily tossing around a ball of Hellfire. Up down, up down. Soon the monotony would probably put him to sleep.

Luckily Willie's Communicator buzzed, saving him a likely death by boredom. He flipped it open and Tash's face appeared on the screen.

"Willie, there's a Sue in the... Toriko fandom. You're a fan, right?"

"Yeah!" Willie said enthusiastically. This was just the thing to ease his boredom. Tyler, however, was going to be left to waste away from lack of explosions. Oh well.

"You know the drill, get in, get out, and don't kill a canon character." Tash's face disappeared and the screen was left with just a bit of static. Willie jumped up from the unidentified mass on which he had been sitting and ran to get his Plothole generator. At least, that's what he told Tyler.

As Willie walked down the empty hallway, he got his phone out of his pocket and answered it. "Let me guess. The Sue in the Toriko fandom has the next artifact, am I right? he asked, smirking sarcastically.

"Obviously, otherwise this call would have been nonexistent, like a five footed rock!" the warped voice answered, Dimentio's ever present glee tainting every word he spoke.

"Um… okay," he replied, still baffled by the bizarre similes that Dimentio came up with on a regular basis. "Anyway, is there any other reason for the call, or can I just hang up and get ready?" he continued, praying that the latter was the case.

"Just one more thing. Refresh the Suergy block on the monitoring system before you go. Our techies are going a good job maintaining it but we need a little more before it starts to wane," Dimentio said, before being met with a sigh by Willie.

"Alright then. Talk to you when I get the artifact," he said, before hanging up and continuing his walk to retrieve his Plothole Generator. After all, the fact that he hadn't left to get it didn't mean that he didn't need to get it.

-Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society-

In the Human World, the Gourmet Age was in full bloom, all because of one woman. Parsley Sage Rosemary Thyme Sirloin Pork had climbed the ladder of IGO, the International Gourmet Organization, as easily as she became the world's greatest Gourmet Hunter, outstripping Toriko for most food ingredients discovered. She also was the first to beat him in an eating contest, eating more food in a minute than Toriko ate in a month, yet always maintaining that perfect thin frame. With her incredible looks, purple hair, pale skin and golden eyes, she easily attracted the attention of Coco, master of poison, whom she swiftly married. It was at this point that the readers threw up, the sound of bile the alarm that thrust the Society into action.

-Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society-

In front of the Food Palace, Parsley's pleasure-dome of food, love, and more food, Willie stepped out of a rapidly appearing and disappearing Plothole. He looked up at the edifice with disgust. It looked like a giant bowl of ramen filled with various foods so rare that just seeing it was something worth millions of dollars.

"You have got to be kidding me. Methinks this woman came from the Naruto crossover section of this fandom," he mused, before sighing and pulling out his sword. "Let's get this over with," he continued, before walking up to the steak-shaped door and kicking it down.

Miss Parsley was sitting on a large throne carved out of a pear. Willie almost facepalmed then. The rest of the room was the same, the entire thing modeled from food, though much of it was ramen.

Definitely Naruto crossover. He thought.

"Who dares disturb me, the great, powerful, and beautiful ruler!" she clichéd.

Wow… that's really laying it on thick… Willie thought.

"Blah blah, you're under arrest, blah blah, you're manipulating the fandom, blah blah, raping canon, blah blah, are you coming quietly or do I get to kill you?"

"Why should I go with you? I am a perfect being! My sheer flawlessness absolves me of any crime I might commit; assuming such a thing is even possible! And you are an imperfect being! Though you are pretty cute… Where was I? Oh yes, superior being." Meanwhile, Willie rolled his eyes, tapped his foot impatiently and repeatedly checked his nonexistent watch.

"My beauty, sweetness, talent, and justice-full-ness shall triumph over all the icky and evil things in the Multiverse through my sheer pure purity-ness. And beauty, and kindness and talent and boyfriends and girlfriends-no one can ever accuse me of not being inclusive!- and sparkly-ish-ness-y-"

"Okay, now you're just getting ridiculous!" Willie interjected. Parsley shot a bolt of lightning at him.

"It's rude to interrupt!" she shouted. The 'powerful ruler' thing she was going for was spoiled by the fact that Willie didn't so much as blink and the tiny little fact that her aim was crap and the lightning bolt missed him by a couple of feet.

"Anyway, the point that I was getting to was that I am perfect, I can make you perfect, you should go out with me, and we should rule the Multiverse. What do you think?" She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and waited for his response. It didn't take long for her to get it because a derisive snort takes very little time to do.

"Why? I am perfect!" She shrieked. Like most Sues she was used to having every man bow to her and kiss her perfectly pedicured feet.

Willie yawned. In his opinion Maria was a lot more interesting. She at least snarked at him before she died a decently horrible death.

"Fine, if I can't have you- Actually, I don't really care. But you're annoying, so die." Parsley snapped her fingers. Seven men who were probably on steroids walked into the room, coming from the same random place that all hench-type-people come from.

"Boys," she said, "Get him."

As the seven slabs of beef and stupidity rushed at Willie, he quickly drew his sword and began shooting blasts of fire, all of which went out the second the connected with the muscles of the men

"Ha ha ha! You fool! I had my men equipped against elemental attacks, your specialty! Now you'll regret denying me and my perfection!" Parsley shrieked, causing Willie to roll his eyes.

"You know, you're the most annoying Sue I have ever faced!" he screamed, before being felled by a punch from one of the men, who curiously enough had two champagne bottles on each wrist. As Willie lay on the ground trying to get his wind back, the man stood over him, aiming all four bottles at his back.

"Now you will pay for defying my mistress. Champagne Bla-" the man began, before a long grey something shot out of nowhere and pierced his tiny brain, killing him instantly. As the other six stood, shocked, they were each hit by tiny needles, causing them to slump to the ground unconscious. As Willie got up, his eyes tightened.

"What, not happy to see your old friends?" the short, thin, gray man asked. Before you ask any questions, yes, it was Elder Toguro.

"You're fine, more or less. It's everyone else," Willie replied, before turning to lock eyes with a familiar blonde half-ninja.

"Willie."

"Roxie."

"You two really should have stayed together." Glorificus said. Yes, Glorificus a.k.a. Glory from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Screaming is allowed.

Willie and Roxie glared at each other and crossed their arms in unison.

"What are you three doing here? I can handle everything fine on my own." Willie glared at them and tensed up, knowing that if those three were here nothing good was coming.

"Boredom, the desire to kill something, oh, and the boss thinks you're doing a crappy job." Roxie said, smirking as she said the last few words.

"Hmph. I'm doing fine." Willie said, the testosterone almost hitting visibility.

"No, you're way too damn slow."

Roxie had uncrossed her arms and was lightly touching the hilt of her sword.

Willie glowered.

Roxie he could handle. Toguro he could mess up so bad the freak of nature wouldn't be bothering anyone for a while. Together he could maybe take them. But with Glory? No chance in Hell.

Glory made a small step forward and flicked her hair back sueishly. Yep, adjective now.

"Willie, it hurts me. Wounds me even. We need to get this plan moving. And it- it's just so cruel how you're not doing your job! So do your damn job so I can go home and maybe rule the universe!" Glory said, hitting Willie into a wall on the last sentence.

Willie slowly picked himself off the ground. He groaned in pain, slipping into a more defensive stance. He had forgotten how much her hits hurt. And he hadn't even seen her move... Note to self: Never mess with Hellgods unless you're reasonably sure you can rule their home dimension with an iron fist.

Nearly all the unsatisfied characters in the fandom-verse in the CCMD and he sends these three, Willie thought. For those interested, CCMD stands for Canon Characters for Multiversal Destruction. "Well, if Haku taught you well enough, those needles should wear off in around another minute. Shall we recommence with the murder?" he asked.

"No. You go take care of that idiot over there who isn't bothering to attack us while we talk. MY bloodlust is up, so we'll take care of these meatslabs over here," Elder Toguro said, and Willie blanched. If he had learned one thing from his years in the CCMD, when Elder Toguro wanted blood, best to stay out of the way.

"Okay, but if these losers defeat you three, I'm having Dimentio demote you," he said, before running off to attack Parsley. As he did so, the six doomed men got up, much to the delight of the three sadists.

"Well now, let's get started!" Roxie said, before the three began the massacre.

-EPIC-

The men immediately broke off into three two man groups, rather than rushing the three all at once like smart people would to. The first group of two immediately charged towards Elder Toguro. Big mistake.

"Salad Bar!" one of them screamed, before pulling a giant metal bar covered with vegetables out of thin air and proceeding to beat Elder Toguro to death with it. Or at least, that was the plan. What actually happened was Elder Toguro's razor sharp hands minced the bar into pieces and then tore out the guy's heart, which he then ate.

"My brother! You'll pay for that! Steak Kick!" the other man shouted, before kicking Toguro in the face with his right leg, which was covered in steak.

"Do you really think this will-huh. These things are actually amaz-" Toguro said, before his head was knocked practically off his body by a second kick, also covered in steak, but these steaks looked harder than steel.

"Hah! How do you like them apples, murderer?" the poor deluded fool asked, before Toguro's fingers stabbed him through the chest.

"You miserable sack of blood and nerves. Did you really think simply kicking me like that would do anything?" he asked, before twisting his fingers, causing the once-confident fool to scream in agony. "Oh, we're going to have so much fun."

-FIGHT-

Meanwhile, Glory was punching and kicking the two men like they weren't even there. Before they even had a chance to use their special attacks, they were on the ground, near death.

"What, done already? How not, well, glorious. But, now time to feed," she said, before bending down and sticking her fingers into the brains of the two. They suddenly began screaming like the world was ending, but soon stopped as Glory removed her fingers and licked them.

"Pity. Not much there to take. Ah well, some is better than none, right?" she asked, before pulling a makeup compact out of nowhere and touching up.

-SCENE-

"Fruit of Rainbow!" the man screamed, in what was becoming a trend, before firing seven blasts of different colored energy at Roxie, who swiftly deflected them out of the way with her sword before running forward and stabbing him in the chest. She then turned to the last man standing.

"So you're the only one left? I hope you're more of a challenge than your pathetic friends," she taunted as he brought his hands together.

"Oh, you bet. I am the most powerful, seven times more powerful than all of my comrades. Take this! Ultimate Full Course!" he exclaimed, before launching blasts of acidic champagne, tough steaks, metal bars with vegetables on them, giant mutant salmon, metal popcorn, and fruit energy blasts. The battle ended within ten seconds. Two seconds for Roxie to deflect everything, two to run up to the man, two to stab him, two for him to die, and two for her to taunt.

"Sorry, but seven times zero is still zero," she said, before cleaning her sword of unworthy blood.

-Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society-

"What? But how is this possible? I'm perfect!" Parsley shouted as her men died. She then shuddered for a moment, before her body vanished, revealing Willie standing behind her with a smoking golden gun in his hands.

"No, you're dead. And good riddance," he said, before picking up the golden gem-studded necklace on her throne and tossing it to Roxie. "Here, take this back to Dimentio for me, will you?"

Roxie caught it, then smirked. "Sure, but take a little gift from me too," she said, before picking up some blood and tossing it at Willie, staining his clothes bright red. He sighed.

"Fine, fine. Now go away. I need to get back to the Society and talk with Dimentio," he said, before opening a Plothole and jumping through it.

-Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society-

Willie snapped his phone shut and sighed. This was the last job like this he would ever do. The stress was killing him.

Willie put his phone away and glanced at his clothes. The clothes that were covered in blood. And he was standing right in the middle of the Library. Oops.

He heard footsteps and ran as fast as he could back to his room. If anyone saw the bloodstains there would be trouble. The kind of trouble that usually sent your plans to take over the Multiverse down the drain.

He got lucky and no one was in his way, though that was because he took about twenty different never-used shortcuts. Some of which almost sent him to a hell-dimension or three.

And there was that invisibility spell and the shield-spell but focusing on the secret passages and hell dimensions makes it sound cooler. Willie glanced up and down the hallway a few times before walking up to his door.

He opened the door and saw…nothing. The room was pitch black. Willie flipped the light switch, and his eyes widened. Sitting on one of the chairs in his room was a strange silhouetted figure. It was strange in the fact that there was more than enough light to fully show whoever it was. However, despite no features being visible, Willie began growling as recognition hit him.

"Hello Willie. Long time no see," the figure said, his voice calm and definitely masculine in tone. Willie's eyes flared as he drew his sword, lighting it aflame as he did so.

"What…WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU BASTARD?" he screamed as he rushed towards the figure, showing every intention of cutting him down.

As Willie raced across the room, sword held high, but the mysterious figure simply sat there, unmoving and unconcerned. This only increased Willie's rage, and the flames on his sword rose higher and higher until the figure let out a sigh. In a moment the flames died and Willie was paralyzed. Willie grunted in frustration as the figure got up.

"I'm frankly insulted. Is that really any way to greet an old friend?" he asked, the shadows falling from his body like water.

"We were never friends," Willie said, looking over the figure's revealed form. Clad in shining white armor and with a long velvet cape, he looked like a Knight Templar Stu. His helmet obscured every detail of his face, and in his right hand there was a pure white sword with glistening edges. "We were only master and servant. Or should I say author and creation?" Bitterness filled every word he spoke, and the knight shook his head.

"Why do you hate me so much?" the Author asked. "I gave you your life, your purpose, your-"

"You gave me a one-way ticket to Hell! Why would you make me sell my soul, you heartless ass!" Willie shouted, attempting to relight his sword. "I was your first successful character, why the hell would you do that to me!"

"Power, of course. I needed a powerful character, but all my other attempts were just Self-Insert Stus. In order to make a powerful character, I needed an evil one. Less chance for Stuishness. Of course, that didn't go all that well... Anyway, that's where you came in," he said, his voice carrying about as much emotion as the paint on Willie's wall. "You were my finest work. And for once I was actually tempted to give you my actual name instead of messing with the spelling."

"Please, Willie looks way cooler. Moving on, why are you here? I have nothing to connect me to you." Willie glared, which was about as much as he could do.

"To warn you. Just because you hate me doesn't mean I want you to suffer and die horribly. Dimentio is completely and utterly insane. He will betray you to get what he wants, and not even I am going to be able to save you. " The author lightly brushed an imaginary piece of dust off of his armor.

"Not that you'd want to. You say I'm your finest work, but you only come now, when we've almost won. Why don't you go on home polish that armor more, my bangs look a bit blurry."

"Willie, be serious. What do you gain from the destruction of the Multiverse?"

"Get lost."

"You don't even know why you're fighting, do you?"

"I said get lost."

"Oh, stop it. Now come with me. I can help ."

"Erase me, you mean. No thanks, I'm staying here."

"Fine, be an idiot if you want. Goodbye, I doubt we'll be seeing each other again." And with that Willy turned and walked towards the back of the room. Suddenly, Willie felt his arms loosen, letting him to move again. Within seconds, he had rushed over to his creator and slammed his sword into the helmet, knocking it clean off.

"You son of a bitch. You say I'm your finest work and you don't think I'm good enough to even..." Willie sighed, the noise somewhere between frustrated and furious, looking at the empty space the helmet had occupied moments before.

"Why are you surprised? You betrayed me, why would you ever be good enough for that?" The voice boomed out of the empty armor, which turned, picked up the helmet and resumed walking. "Oh, one last word of advice. All Hell's going to break loose here pretty soon, so you'd best be ready," The Author said, before vanishing into the only unlit corner of the room, leaving Willie with nothing but his thoughts.

-htpedlautcaesirprus -

Later, Willie was roused from his thoughts by an insistent knocking on his door. Willie pushed himself off his bed and opened the door just a crack.

"Tash, what do you want? I'm kinda busy." Willie said, obviously tired and irritated. Tash sighed.

"Sorry to disturb you, your highness, but you're the only one who knows the Pygmalio fandom."

"Pygmalio? Seriously? Wow, I thought that fandom would be safe from Sues and Stus. It's ancient."

"Exactly. You're the only one who's even heard of it. Well, besides Aster, but she's in one of her manga reading trances." Willie sighed.

"Fine, fine, I'll go." And with that Willie slammed the door shut and opened a plothole. He was so distracted he barely remembered to grab his D-Pistol.

-Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society-

The Kingdom of Rune and the many lands beyond were finally free of the terror of Medusa. As Queen Galaeta walked the halls of the palace again, she often came across her son, Kurt and his soon-to-be bride, Olea Beautiful Shining Yagami. The two had met on Kurt's travels to defeat Medusa, and had bonded in a matter of moments. After learning of his quest, she instantly decided to join him, despite her young age of twelve. With her help, Medusa fell in a matter of weeks, and the two returned to his home to prepare for the wedding.

-Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society-

As the sun shone brightly on a field of flowers, Willie walked out of the swiftly vanishing Plothole and looked around, frowning at the utter purity of that location.

"Oh my god. There's too much color here. I need to find this Sue before my brain melts." With that, Willie quickly looked around the area, smirking when he saw a figure crouching down about ten feet away, somehow not noticing him.

Olea hummed quietly to herself and picked another perfect daisy for her growing bouquet. Willie rolled his eyes at the complete clichéness of the scene and drew his sword.

Olea heard the noise, of course, after all, Willie doesn't a subtle bone in his body and we love him for it. She slowly looked up at him calmly, and maybe a little sadly. She stood up and brushed the grass and dust from the front of her flowing white dress of pure pureness.

"Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you." she said politely as she pulled a lily from her bouquet and offered it to the double agent. Willie raised an eyebrow but actually took the flower.

"I'm here to arrest you in the name of the society I'm betraying mostly for the heck of it. Please don't surrender. I like having an excuse to murder you. Not that I actually need one, of course, but it means the readers might end up liking me more." He said, grinning psychotically.

Olea gave him a 'what are you on' look but quickly erased the expression, returning to complete serenity. She turned to walk down the path that was line with ladybugs and butterflies and cute little honeybees and other such meadowy cliché 'good will towards all' showing insects.

She beckoned to Willie to follow her. He did, but he was pouting, crossing his arms, and generally acting rather childish because she wasn't getting scared or trying to fight him.

"I've been wondering when someone would come for me..." Olea sighed sadly and got up, needlessly brushing off the front of her pristine white gown.

"Huh, you're the first one to actually know what's going on. I should really kill you now..."

"But you won't." She said, straightening up further and lifting her pure white dress a bit so it wouldn't get dirty.

"And how do you know that?" Willie asked, crossing his arms and scowling.

"Because you haven't killed me yet." she said, smiling slightly.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Willie getting more and more bored and getting closer and closer to just murdering her for fun. Finally, just before he overcame the strange compulsion to not murder her (let's call it empathy) Olea broke the silence.

"Willie. Do you know why I have this artifact?"

"No... I never I asked..." Willie frowned and glared at something in the distance. "That's weird... Why did I never ask...?"

The Sue gave him a sad and thoughtful look. Mostly just sad.

"After Rama ascended to Heaven, he sealed all of the artifacts away, all over the Multiverse. They stayed in their hiding places for a long time, until one of the Lieutenants unearthed them, one by one. After she did they would enter the bodies of Sues who matched their traits. When the host died, and if nothing interfered, the artifact would move on to another Sue. Lather, rinse, repeat. And until recently, no one realized it." she explained.

"Dimentio eventually put two and two together and decided to use their powers to destroy the Multiverse, because he is absolutely insane and loves chaos beyond all any form of reason." Olea took a deep breath

"Willie, I need you to kill me."

"What," Willie shouted, "Are you insane! Why would you want me to kill you?"

"Yes. Say you left, Dimentio would send someone else. That someone would probably enjoy ripping me into tiny pieces and then tap dancing on the bloody stain that used to be me." Olea said matter of factly.

"Good point... But are you sure? Do you really want to die?" Willie asked, looking confused and torn.

"Yes, I'm quite sure. Every day, every second..." she sighed heavily "So painful... So heavy... I'm tired... Just so tired... Willie, I don't want to pass horribly and painfully."

"Alright..." Willie pressed the golden pistol to her temple, took a deep breath, and fired. Olea's blood covered his clothing. And for once Willie was not happy with the sight.

As Olea's body hit the ground, it quickly dissolved into motes of light, leaving behind only a golden ring. The four gems upon it glowed in the sunlight, one brown, one green, one red and one blue. Willie bent down to pick it up, but before he could, a familiar gloved hand picked it up.

"Ah, now the fourth artifact is finally ours. Victory is near, like an air vent for Marilyn Monroe!" Dimentio exclaimed, bouncing the ring up and down on his palm.

"I swear your analogies get weirder and weirder every day," Willie responded, shaking his head. He then sighed, making Dimentio turn his attention back towards him.

"What's wrong, Willie? Shaken by the prospect of ultimate power? It happens to everyone, I assure you, but it will pass."

"No, it's not that. It's just that…I don't know. For some reason, this time felt different. She actually understood about the artifacts and she…she wanted to die."

"Then why feel bad? She wanted it, you were just giving her what she desired. I'm sure she is happy in the next world."

"I suppose you're right. Are you going back now?"

"No, I think I'll stay a bit longer and make sure that the world is purged of her influence. Run along now."

"Alright." With that, Willie opened a Plothole and walked through it, leaving Dimentio entirely alone in the field.
The second the Plothole closed, Dimentio's smile turned into a frown.

"Should have known this would happen eventually. It's painful, but nothing you couldn't expect," he said. He folded his fingers around the ring, feeling its cool weight settle in the hollow of his palm. With a sigh of contentment, he snapped the fingers on his other hand.

He almost staggered as his weight balance changed, the Sword, Bracelet and Necklace of Rama appearing at his waist, around his right wrist and around his neck respectively. He then slid the Ring of Rama onto his right index finger, and smiled.

"All the power in the Multiverse will be at my disposal soon enough. All I need is one little bracelet, and the worlds are mine. However, I will need to give serious thought to eliminating Willie as soon as he claims the final one. If he begins to emphasize with the Sues, he will become a liability. I will not have anyone taint my plans, least of all a gothic little brat like him."

Dimentio then turned on his heel and vanished from the world, leaving nothing but a dead patch of flowers to show that he had been there at all.

Insert Freaky Nanotechnology Here

"Is it a Sue or a Stu?" Tyler asked.

"No idea. Its first action was to turn into a gigantic mecha-thing and start going on a rampage," Tash responded.

"Guess it's a Villain Sue." Tyler stepped through a Plothole and vanished.

Ooooo

In the Generator Rex fandom….

Tyler walked through the streets of New York City, ignoring the repeated blaring of some megaphone announcing lockdown due to E.V.O. attack. Tyler figured that the Sue or Stu would have to show itself soon, deadly beings mutated into horrible monsters by the nanobots in their blood being rather hard to hide.

And then it did. Something flashed out of an alleyway, bowling Tyler over. The Agent recovered quickly, kicking the assailant off of him. It slammed into a building and slid down, revealing itself as a humanoid figure with four long, sharp, tentacles protruding from its back. It was clad in what looked like thin orange metal, and its face was obscured by an equally orange visor. Obviously it was the Sue or Stu that had invaded the fandom. Tyler rolled to his feet, drawing his staff and dropping into something resembling a fighting stance.

The Sue or Stu (Tyler had decided to think of it as "Fido") sent all four of its tentacles stabbing towards Tyler…


...impaling the ground where he had been a moment ago, as the Agent dashed up one of the tentacles, leaping into the air. Fido pulled one tentacle out of the ground, lashing it up to catch Tyler out of the air, but Tyler grabbed the tentacle and swung to the ground, kicking Fido in the face as he passed. As Tyler hit the ground, he swiped at the E.V.O's feet with his staff, tripping Fido, and kicked him into the building again. As Fido slid to the ground, Tyler relaxed slightly.

"You know, for a Sue or Stu, you're not putting up much of a fight." His only response was a hiss from Fido. "At least you haven't told me to shut up yet."

Fido lunged, and Tyler stepped to one side, grabbing the E.V.O's tentacles with a rope of energy and yanking hard. Fido stumbled backwards, and Tyler blasted it with an energy beam. The Agent tossed a handful of explosives at Fido, and the E.V.O. was blasted backwards into the same building, for the third time. This time, instead of slamming into the building and sliding down, Fido smashed through the wall. This was immediately followed by the entire building collapsing on the E.V.O.

"Huh. Third time's the charm, I guess!" Tyler was about to walk away, when a tentacle shot out of the rubble, grabbed a chunk of rock, and hurled it at him. Tyler dove to one side and pelted the tentacle with energy bursts. A second tentacle ripped its way free to deflect the bolts, then both lashed around Tyler's neck and began to throttle him. The Agent responded by grabbing the tentacles and yanking back. A screech of pain came from the rockpile, and the tentacles went limp. Tyler tossed them to the ground before stomping on one. "Take that, you tentacled piece of-,"

Tyler was cut off by Fido smashing its way out of the rockpile and lashing at Tyler, who dodged the tentacle-strikes, then grabbed the tentacles and yanked again, bringing Fido close enough to punch it in the face with a magic-augmented hand. The Agent and the E.V.O. exchanged blows for a few minutes, before Tyler smacked it across the face with his staff, planted a bomb on its chest, and blasted it backwards. Then Tyler's communicator beeped.

"Tyler, what are you doing?" Tash's voice demanded.

"What do you mean? I was attacked by the Sue or Stu, which I have named Fido, and now I'm fighting it! What do you want from me?"

"Tyler, that's not-," Tash was cut off by the tentacles wrapping around Tyler while he was distracted, yanking him up, and smashing him into the ground. "What was that?"

"Ow… nothing. Gotta go." Tyler rolled aside as the tentacles pounded the ground around him.

"Wait, what? Tyler, don't you dare hang up on-BEEEEP!" Tyler shut off the communicator, ignoring Tash.

"Too late!"

Fido let out a hiss of anger and lunged, slashing at Tyler with its tentacles. The Agent danced around the whirling attacks, peppering Fido with energy bolts. Tyler's communicator beeped again. He ignored it, dodging a second charge and kicking Fido in the back, knocking the E.V.O. down. "What is it this time?"

"First of all, you're on basement duty for the next week for hanging up on me. Second, that's not the Sue or Stu."

"What?" Tyler hurled a handful of grenades at Fido, knocking it over and forming a cloud of dust.

"I just told you, that's not-,"

"No, I mean, I was in a life-or-death situation! I think hanging up on you can be forgiven, don't you?" Four curled tentacles shot out from the dust, slamming into a hastily constructed energy shield.

"Nope," Tash responded.

"That was… unequivocal." Tyler dispelled the energy shield, grabbed the tentacles, and pulled Fido towards him before hitting him in the face with an open palm. Fido let out a hiss, and Tyler swept its legs out, then slammed it to the ground with his staff.

Tash hung up. Tyler smiled, even as Fido caught him with its tentacles.

"Finally… I can continue this fight in peace." Fido lifted Tyler into the air, and the Agent's smile faded as Fido began slamming him into the ground repeatedly, and then it returned as Tyler blasted Fido in the face with a stream of energy, and the E.V.O. dropped him. Tyler jumped to his feet and dashed off, hurling a double handful of explosives behind to ensure that Fido would not be following for some time.

Oooooo

By the Atlantic Ocean, at a lovely seaside street….

Everything was in utter chaos.

Rex, the orange-clad main character of the show, and Six, who was clad in green, and had been named for his status as sixth deadliest man in the world, (first, Tyler had always assumed, went to Chuck Norris by default, second to Alex Mercer, third to Master Chief, fourth to Butler, and fifth to Rex, perhaps, although he suspected Batman might be involved somewhere) were trying and failing to fight an elephant-sized E.V.O, which seemed to have copied Rex's power to generate mechanical weapons out of his body, then upped it to eleven. While Rex could only form one weapon at a time, the E.V.O. had generated a massive suit of armor, containing gauntlets, boots, a jetpack, a pair of cannons on its back, a tail that ended in a gigantic sword, and heavy armor covering everything else. Currently, it was using aforesaid weaponry to hold off Rex and Six. Rex had manifested twin fists, but they were rendered useless by the E.V.O's cannons ripping chunks out of the road and firing them at him. Six was dashing in and out, slashing with his twin katanas, but neither could get past the sword-tail. Each time Rex and Six stepped back, half a dozen soldiers of Providence, the organization Rex and Six worked for, would open fire on the E.V.O. But despite the coordination of the attack, it had roughly the same effect as squirting water at a charging rhinoceros.

At this point, Tyler turned the corner. Seeing Rex and Six fighting the E.V.O, he turned around, only to see Fido closing in on him. The smaller E.V.O. had recovered surprisingly quickly from the blast. Fortunately, this gave Tyler an idea. He dashed out of the alleyway at top speed, Fido in hot pursuit. As Fido thrust out all four tentacles, Tyler jumped onto the larger E.V.O, then leapt out over the railing separating the street from the ocean, leaving the tentacles to impale the larger E.V.O, whom Tyler had christened, "Fluffy." Instead of plummeting to his death, however, Tyler sent out an energy hook to catch the railing, veering around and launching himself feet first at Fido, slamming into the E.V.O and ripping it out of Fluffy. Fido landed with a hiss: Tyler with a triumphant grunt. Behind him, Fluffy let out a roar of pain, even as the damage to its armor repaired itself.

"Now that was a dynamic entry!" Tyler proclaimed to nobody in particular. "Okay, where's the Sue?"

Rex took a moment out of fighting Fluffy to glance at Tyler. "Sue? Is that some sort of acronym? And what's with that other E.V.O. over there?"

Tyler shrugged. "Superbly Uber Entity, how should I know? And I was just fighting that E.V.O, don't poke it!" Ignoring the downed Fido, Tyler charged at Fluffy, who roared a challenge and fired a chunk of asphalt at him. Tyler dove to one side and tossed a grenade at the E.V.O, which had no visible effect other than making it angry. As such, Tyler took the only logical option. He ran for it. Fluffy followed, striking at Tyler with its sword-tail.

Rex sweatdropped. "Who is this guy?"

Six, on the other hand, dashed forward, leaping into the air and slashing at the tail. The blow didn't seem to do anything…

-Until Fluffy lashed its tail at Tyler, and the sword stayed behind. The now-useless tail smashed into Fluffy's head, crushing it into the ground, then snapped back, sending the sword flying. Six slashed several more times, and bits of Fluffy's armor began to fall off. Even as they repaired themselves, Rex switched weapons, forming a cannon, ripping up a piece of asphalt, and blasting off the remainder of Fluffy's weaponry. A round of gunfire later, and Fluffy had been reduced to a young man. Before ex-E.V.O. could do anything, Rex walked over, and placed a hand on his head, deactivating the nanites in his bloodstream. Rex frowned. "He… sort of looks like me…"

"He's not your brother, father, son, uncle, nephew, clone, or anything else," Tyler interrupted. "Just a poorly made copy." "Guess that's the Stu. Evil twin or something."

"Um… what are you talking about, and how would you know?"

"Long story," Tyler responded, and then a katana was at his throat, Six behind it.

"Who are you, and why are you here, and how are you fighting an E.V.O?" Six demanded.

Tyler made an attempt at a smile. "Do I get to ask a question after?"

"We'll see. Talk."

"I'm an interdimensional traveler, sent from a Library that exists between the worlds to stop overly perfect beings like that E.V.O. over there. And the energy blasts are magic."

Six raised an eyebrow. "Try again."

"Fine. I'm just a random person who happens to have the ability to shoot energy out of my hands and has an unlimited supply of small explosives. Is my previous answer really so implausible compared to that?"

"No. It's still implausible though."

"Um… I was concealing a lasergun up my sleeve?"

"Those don't exist."

"Um… look, you could just take me prisoner and talk this over without the involvement of sharp objects being placed at my throat. Please?"

"…"

"You should at least get that E.V.O."

Rex walked over. "Why? He's harmless now."

"Not for long. He's a Stu, he's going to regain his powers somehow. You're lucky you defeated him this time."

"Huh?"

Six turned to Rex. "He's been talking about how he's an interdimensional traveler or something."

Rex shrugged. "Sounds like your ordinary nutcase. He's probably just an E.V.O. in denial or something. I'll cure him." Rex placed a hand on Tyler's forehead, then withdrew it, startled. "What?"

"What is it?" Six asked.

"There aren't any nanites in his blood."

Six thought for a moment. "Remember your previous offer, of being taken prisoner to explain things?"

"Yes?"

"Consider it accepted."

Ooooo

Later, on a Providence ship…

"That makes no sense," White Knight, the leader of Providence, protested.

"That's because you've never been to other dimensions. I have. I didn't enter this world until long after the Event."

"Then how do you know about it?"

"Well… it's a long story."

"I've got time."

"Well… basically, my organization can see into any world, at any point in time during that world's history. It's pretty cool. Our jobs (self-appointed) are to hunt down overly perfect beings, such as that E.V.O. Rex and Six just fought, and take them prisoner, after disabling their powers using these." Tyler held up a Prohibitor. "This will most likely take the form of deactivating the Stu's nanites, but it won't work on any other E.V.O, so no, I can't give you any."

"Wait a minute," Rex interrupted. "Sure, it took three to one, plus a squad of Providence soldiers, but we took that thing down, and then I cured it! It's over!"

"Unlikely. It's a Stu, and a Villain Stu at that. It'll be back somehow."

"Like Van Kleiss?"

"Probably. If I had to guess, I'd say that the Stu will be, once it regains its powers, able to take out Van Kleiss in a fair fight."

Rex blinked. "Um… so can I."

"Sorry, did I say 'fair fight?' I meant 'fight where Van Kleiss has had three weeks to prepare.'"

"Okay…" White Knight said. "That still doesn't explain why we should believe you."

"I didn't say you should. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't be surprised when the E.V.O. you just fought resurfaces, you should bring me along when you go fight it, and that when this is all over, I'm taking it into custody, not you."

"What?"

"Normally, when a Sue or Stu leaves a universe, all memory of it is wiped. As such, once it's dealt with, I can't leave it here. I need to take it with me."

"We can't risk you giving it to Van Kleiss."

"I already said, I'm leaving this world once the Stu's been defeated."

"And why should we trust you?"

"Well, um-…right." Tyler sighed. "Look, can we deal with this after the Stu's been defeated?"

"…Fine," White Knight muttered. Then an alarm blared.

"WARNING! LARGE E.V.O. PRESENCE HAS BEEN DETECTED IN NEW YORK CITY!" Rex and Six immediately ran off.

Tyler smirked. "Well?"

"I still don't trust you… but you're capable of fighting an E.V.O, and you've got that bracelet that will deactivate the nanites, so I'm sending you with Rex and Six."

"Good."

Oooooo

Back in New York…

"Down, Fido!" Tyler yelled, slamming the tentacle being's head into the ground.

"Taylor, what did I tell you about naming these things Fido?" Rex shouted, from where he was fighting off a trio of identical beings.

"You said not to do it, because it sounds stupid! I just ignored you! And it's Tyler!" Tyler responded, tripping another Fido and stomping on its head.

"I don't care!" Rex called back, crushing half a dozen Fidos in a pair of huge fists. "And when you said that the Stu was like Van Kleiss, I didn't know you meant it literally!"

"Neither did I!" Tyler responded, punching a Fido in the face, and spraying another with magic. "How many of these things did it make, anyway?"

"The Stu must have activated half the nanites in the city! And how did you do that?" Rex formed a pair of boots and kicked a Fido away.

"I told you, it's magic!" Tyler blasted a Fido into the air with a grenade.

"Magic doesn't exist!" Rex fired a chunk of pavement at a group of Fidos, knocking them flying.

"Oh really?" Tyler blasted away a pair of Fidos with energy blasts.

"Um… yes."

"Ah, never mind," Tyler muttered, stopping a tentacle strike with his staff, kicking the offending Fido away, sweeping another's feet out, and hurling an explosive at a third. "When's Six gonna get here?"

"He got sidetracked by that other army of Fidos," Rex replied, catching a handful of tentacles, and using the Fido at the end of them as a flail.

"Right. Nice move by the way." Tyler ducked into a ball, and a Fido tripped over him. The Agent popped back up, grabbed the Fido, and hurled it at another, knocking them both down. "Top that!"

"Fine!" Rex leapt into the air, reformed the boots, and landed, sending every Fido within twenty feet flying. "Consider it topped."

"Okay, I'm suitably impressed." Tyler caught a Fido in the stomach with his staff, kicked another in the shin, and yanked a third towards him before punching it through the first two, knocking all three down.

Rex finished the fight by grabbing two handfuls of tentacles and yanking, slamming two Fidos into each other, knocking both out. Then Six landed between them. "The "Stu" as you call it, is by the ocean like before."

"Is it still in its "Blargh, I'm a giant monster," form?" Rex asked.

"Yes, only five times the size."

Tyler paled. "That… is really bad."

"Yes. On a slightly better note, the Pack is now fighting it. I left them to get you. Breach should pick us up in a sec-," He was cut off by the appearance of a red portal, and a zombie-like girl with two normal arms and two massive ones yanking Rex, Six, and Tyler in.

Oooooooo

At the oceanside street…

Rex, Six, Tyler, and Breach appeared on the street, and watched the battle unfolding. Fluffy had, true to Six's word, quintupled in size, now almost 100 feet tall, and was pounding Jacuzzi-sized holes in the road with its fists. Weaving around said fists were Biowulf, a bipedal wolf-like E.V.O. with mechanical plating, and Skalamander, a tall, fat, green E.V.O. with a lizard head shoved off to the side of its shoulder by a massive spike of diamond. Another spike of diamond had replaced its right hand. Finally, Van Kleiss, the leader of the Pack, who was simply a tall man with black-and-white hair, was standing behind the other two, attacking by extending his armor-plated right hand as a whip. Unfortunately, the combined efforts of the three were serving to do little more than annoy the massive E.V.O.

"Van Kleiss!" Rex shouted. "Why are you here?"

"What an existential question," Van Kleiss responded, dodging a fist and quickly moving out of Fluffy's range. "Why are any of us here? Is it just-"

"You know what I mean!" Rex shouted. By now, he and Six were fighting Fluffy's sword tail, Rex pounding away at it with massive fists, and Six slicing at it with the two katanas. Tyler, meanwhile, was running around on Fluffy's back, occasionally pausing to place a small explosive in a crack in the Stu's armor.

"Tyler, what are you doing up there?" Rex called.

"Nothing important!" Tyler yelled back, planting a final explosive in Fluffy's head. He was about to jump off, when a small hatch opened, and a Fido shot out, slamming into Tyler. Tyler quickly kicked the Fido away, and it fell to the ground, shattering on impact. Tyler swore under his breath, before calling down to Rex, Six, and the Pack. "This thing can create robots!" "At least I know where that army of Fidos came from…"

"What?" Rex called up.

"I said-"

"I can't hear you!"

"Never mind." Tyler kicked away a robot, smashed off the head of another with a bolt of magic, grabbed a pair of attacking tentacles, and yanked, sending a robot to its doom. Once again, he prepared to jump off…

-And four tentacles wrapped around him, dragging him back. Tyler quickly dispatched of the offending robot, but before he could jump off, he was swarmed by dozens of the things.

Down on the ground…

Rex slammed a fist into the sword-tail, and Six took the opportunity to slash it off. Before either could exploit the opening, the tail grew a new sword, and Rex and Six were forced to jump back to avoid it.

Biowulf had latched on to one of Fluffy's arms, and was tearing at it viciously. Meanwhile, Skalamander was blasting diamond spikes up at Fluffy's face. The giant E.V.O. was countering with huge chunks of rock ripped up from the road, but Breach absorbed them into portals and launched them back. Van Kleiss held on to Fluffy's other arm, keeping it out of the battle with surprising strength.

Suddenly Fluffy's mouth opened, and four small metal spheres shot down, hitting Skalamander and knocking him down, before sprouting long metal cables and entangling the lizard-E.V.O. Skalamander broke the bonds quickly, but his assault had been disrupted, and Fluffy took the opportunity to fire more of the spheres, tripping up the pack (except Breach, who had tossed the spheres aimed at her into the San Andreas Fault).

Six slammed his katanas together, creating a sonic/magnetic/something vibration that lifted a car and launched it up at Fluffy, who deflected it with a swipe of his sword tail, sending it arcing over the massive E.V.O's back.

Ooooo

Tyler blocked a tentacle-strike, kicked two Fidos off Fluffy's back, blasted a third to smithereens with a grenade, and shattered a fourth's head with a well-placed energy blast. And then he was hit from behind by a Fido that had gone unnoticed.

Tyler landed hard, rolling onto his back in time to watch two dozen Fidos all charging him. He knew he couldn't take all of them out before they reached him. He sighed.

"Well… this is a dangerous occupation. May as well die in style." Tyler pulled a small object out of his pocket. "Here we-"

His thoughts were interrupted by a car slamming into the Fidos charging him, sending all 24 plummeting into the Atlantic Ocean and leaving Tyler alone on Fluffy's back.

Tyler's jaw dropped. He slowly put the object back in his pocket, and then he was dancing backwards as a Fido lashed at him with its tentacles. He blocked the first few strikes, and retaliated with an explosive to the face, raising a cloud of dust. Tyler smirked.

"Well, looks like I just kicked your shiny metal-"

A tentacle whipped out of the cloud and snapped tight around Tyler's leg. The Agent barely had time to curse Conservation of Ninjutsu before he was hurled into the Atlantic Ocean.

Ooooo

Six dodged a swipe from the sword-tail, and dashed up onto Fluffy's leg, slicing away at the chinks in the armor. Fluffy raised its other leg, attempting to scrape off the sword wielder, but Rex caught the leg in a set of bolas launched from his wings, holding them back. Unfortunately, this meant that neither were paying attention to the sword-tail. Fluffy took advantage of this oversight to swat Rex out of the sky, crushing him into the ground. Six was next, being swatted away by the newly-freed leg. The sword-tail slashed out again, shearing a nearby building in half and sending the disconnected part spinning into the air.

At the front of Fluffy, the massive Stu caught the airborne building with one hand and slammed it down, completely failing to crush the Pack, who had been portalled back to Abysus, their home island, by Breach. On the other hand, the rubble flew over the side of the road, plummeting towards the already-endangered Tyler.

Ooooo

Tyler's first thought after the shock of Fido hurling him into the ocean was, "This is going to suck." His second thought, upon seeing the chunks of building zooming towards him, was, "Oh, well, maybe not. Let's see if the physics in this fandom are compliant enough to pull this off." He reached into his pocket, yanked out a rope, and hurled it upwards. The rope coiled around a section of railing that had been destroyed, and Tyler's downward plunge came to a welcome halt. That was the good part. The bad part; he was now headed at the same speed towards a solid concrete wall. Fortunately, he had a plan. Tyler snagged two explosives out of his pocket and hurled one at the wall, forming an explosion that propelled him backwards. The next explosive went under his shoe, blasting him upwards. He zipped past a chunk of building, landed on it, and launched himself upwards, repeating the trick until he had reached the railing. After a bow to an imaginary audience, Tyler collected his rope, stuck it back in his pocket, and dropped to one knee, gasping for breath.

"That… was really unpleasant." A roar from above alerted him to Fluffy's presence. "Hey, do you mind? I'm recovering here!"

Evidently the Stu did mind, as it slammed a hand down on the place where Tyler had been a second ago, the Agent having vanished and reappeared a few meters away. "Note to Stu! I still have the energy to do that a few more times! More importantly, of course, I have the energy to do this!" Tyler pulled the object from when the Fidos had been about to kill him out of his pocket and waved it in the air, giving the Stu (and the readers) a closer look at it. Inspection revealed a black, cylindrical object with a large red button at the top. Tyler naturally, pressed said button.

Beep!

Fluffy let out a puzzled roar.

BEEP!

Fluffy roared again, and reared up, trying to finish Tyler off.

BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!

BOOOOOM!

Fluffy's back exploded. The force of the blast slammed the Stu into the ground, raising the cost of repairs into a new order of magnitude. On a more important note, that wouldn't be reversed as soon as Tyler left the fandom, the blast had destroyed Fluffy's armor, reducing him to his original state: a carbon copy of Rex. Tyler grinned.

"So… I think we've established that massive robots don't work so well against me… you could always try a simple one-on-one fight. What's your name, by the way?"

"Dex."

"Oh."

"What did you expect? And, as to your proposition of a one-on-one fight, I have some better ideas. Just because I haven't, doesn't mean I can't warp canon characters. They already don't trust you. It should only take a little push…"

"I stuck Copyrights on them back on the ship."

"Damn."

Tyler shrugged. "You can't win 'em all."

A vein pulsed in the Stu's neck. "I'm going to kill you SLOWLY!" He generated a pair of swords out of his hands and charged, slashing at Tyler in a frenzy. The Agent ducked and weaved, each slash going high, low, or both.

"Hold still, damn you!"

"Now why the hell would I do that?"

"So I can kill you!" Dex lunged, missing by a meter, and Tyler kicked him in the shin, than whacked him with his staff. The Stu stumbled backwards, yelping in pain, but quickly recovered, smashing both swords into the ground. Tyler danced back, firing energy bolts at Dex. The Stu responded by ripping the swords out of the ground, sending a shockwave of rock at Tyler. The Agent ran forward, leaping over the shockwave and planting both feet in Dex's face, knocking him down. The Stu slammed the flats of his swords into Tyler, picked him up, and hurled the Agent away. Tyler landed in a heap. "Ow…"

"HAHA! Prepare to DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The swords vanished, and were replaced by a huge drill. Tyler frowned, from where he was picking himself up.

"Never seen that before…" "Wonderful. I was wondering how long it would take for him to start making up new weapons."

"DIE!" Dex raced forwards, thrusting the drill at Tyler, who dodged, leaving the drill to drive into the ground. "That all, Dexy?"

"Don't call me that!" The ground whirled around the drill, shooting towards Tyler in a wave.

"Not bad…" Tyler hurled a handful of explosives at the wall of pavement, pulverizing it, and ran through the resulting dust cloud, fist outstretched-

-And Dex caught it, then shoved Tyler back, generated a pair of boots, and kicked the Agent away.

Tyler got to his feet, wincing. "That… really hurt."

"Yeah? Well it's about to get worse!" Dex charged toward Tyler, leaping into the air...

...and Tyler dropped to the ground as Dex sailed over him and into a building, crashing through the wall. Tyler smirked.

"My turn." He tossed an explosive into the hole in the building, heard the report….

And the entire building collapsed, crushing Dex. Tyler grinned widely. "Told you you can't win 'em all."

"I'd save the one-liners for when you've actually won, Agent!"

"What?"

Dex burst from the wreckage, slamming two massive mechanical fists into Tyler, pinning him to the ground. One of the fists changed into a sword, and Dex prepared to deliver the finishing blow…

And Tyler reached up and stuck something to the Stu's forehead.

"What the heck?"

Tyler's only response was a raspberry. Dex than became conscious of a beeping noise from somewhere on his head. "Oh fu-"

KABLAM!

Dex was blown backwards. Tyler got to his feet, brushing himself off. "I would suggest you not try that again, unless you want the headache of your life."

"You… little… RODENT! I WILL DESTROY YOU!"

"…Hey, do you know a Stu with a ridiculously long name that can be easily shortened to Kirpy, and a Sue named Faya something M the 99th?"

"Yeah, they're my siblings, neither of whom knows the other exists due to half a million hackneyed plot devices. Why?"

Tyler blinked. "No reason."

Dex growled, and generated a pair of VERY large weapons out of his hands. Tyler was confused for a second, until Dex lifted his arms, revealing the four holes in each

"Rocket launcher? Now that's just unfair."

Dex shrugged and fired. Eight rockets, well, rocketed towards Tyler, who calmly vanished, reappearing twenty feet away. "You're going to have to do better than-," The rockets swerved and followed him. Tyler screamed in frustration and ran off into an alley.

Ooooo

Several extraordinarily long seconds later…

Tyler was running out of energy. He had jumped, ducked, and dodged to avoid the explosives, and was down to four. He dashed up a wall, and as the rockets followed him, he jumped back down. Two rockets collided in their hurry to U-turn, but the other two did barrel rolls and continued pursuing him. Tyler, for his part, ran like a bat out of hell, if bats had legs, if "out of," had meant, "away from," and if hell had been a pair of Tyler-seeking rockets.

Tyler kept running, turning around each new corner to avoid the rockets, until finally he was back where he started, although instead of running into an alley, he was now running out of it, on a beeline for Dex.

Dex was slightly confused as to Tyler's choice, but his confusion quickly turned to terror as he noted the two rockets tailgating the Agent. His terror increased as Tyler (In, for no apparent reason, slow motion) jumped onto the Stu's back, then leapt off, leaving the two rockets to blast Dex into next week. The Stu's wake sent Tyler into a backflip, from which he landed squarely on his back. He got up in time to watch in triumph as the Stu carved a crater into the pavement though.

Dex leapt to his feet, formed a sword, and charged, swiping at Tyler over and over, the Agent dodging each strike, looking for an opening. After about five minutes, he found one. Dex overextended, and Tyler drew his staff-

And a tentacle whipped out of nowhere, grabbed Tyler, and yanked him into an alleyway, where Tyler realized that he should have gotten Rex to cure the original Fido while he had the chance.

Before Fido could capitalize on his victory, Dex let out a shout of anger and leapt for the other E.V.O, slashing at it with his sword. Fido hissed, fending Dex off with three tentacles while holding Tyler behind it with the fourth. Tyler, meanwhile, was taking matters into his own hands.

"NOBODY STEALS MY KILLS!" Dex roared, trying to impale Fido. The tentacled E.V.O. ducked the blade, but Dex simply generated a new one, and would have used it too, except that an explosive hit him in the face, stunning him for the second it took for Fido to fasten its tentacles around his throat and begin to squeeze. Tyler grinned, but his grin faded (or completely vanished, really) when Fido smashed him into the ground.

"So far, every time someone is about to claim final victory, a third party intervenes. Right now, Fido's winning against Dex, which would make it….my turn? I guess." Tyler sent a sheet of wind traveling along the ground, tripping Fido and allowing Dex to throw off the tentacles that had been throttling him. Fido let out a shriek of rage, but it was too late. Dex smashed aside the tentacles with a fist, and then grabbed Fido by the face, lifting the E.V.O. into the air, and draining the nanites from its blood.

In the span of seconds, Fido had been reduced to a normal, terrified human, whom Dex gave a sadistic smile before hurling them away, probably to their death. In the meantime, Tyler had gotten to his feet.

"Ready to finish it, Dexy?"

"I told you… not to CALL ME THAT!" Dex raised a mechanical fist and pounded it down where Tyler had been a moment ago, then swung the fist after the fleeing Agent. Tyler darted up the wall of the alleyway, jumping over the fist, and detonating an explosive in Dex's face. The E.V.O. stumbled back, and Tyler rushed forward, kneeing the Stu in the face, then kicking him in the shin, stomping on his foot, and finally biting the mechanical fist, ripping off a large chunk and swallowing it whole. Dex sat down hard, head still spinning. "Wh-what was that?"

"'That,' as you so eloquently refer to it, is what happens when you completely fail to realize that I'm smaller and faster than you, and that I am, in fact, capable of eating metal. And now," Tyler pulled out a Prohibitor, "It's over." The Prohibitor was torn from his hand by a sword, which landed in a wall. "OH COME ON!"

Tyler barely had time to form a shield before Rex's fist smashed into him, sending him flying. As Tyler rolled to his feet, he had to jump backwards to avoid Agent Six slicing him in half. "What? They were Copyrighted!"

"The E.V.O's ours, Taylor!" Six said, slicing at Tyler repeatedly.

"That would explain it." "I can't let you take it! It'll be back within a day! And it's Tyler!" Tyler shoved one of Six's swords away, and bumped into a wall. Before he could move, the other sword, which Six had somehow recovered, was at his throat.

"I'm sorry, Tyler. We can't trust you."

"I'm sorry too."

"Why?"

"Because I just activated every explosive on my person."

Six paled, a remarkable feat.

BOOM!

The explosion enveloped Tyler in an aura of flames, and hurled Six backwards. As the flames dissipated, Tyler walked out from them, completely unharmed. Six blinked.

"Acquired immunity to explosives, Six. Now…" Tyler dashed towards Rex, who had pinned Dex to the ground and was about to cure him. Unbeknownst to Rex, Dex had generated a huge sword, and was about to impale Rex with it.

Or he would have been, had Tyler not tackled Rex, knocking him out of the way of the blade. Dex growled, his kill stolen yet again.

Tyler jumped to his feet, drawing another Prohibitor...

...and then he was jumping away as Six appeared from nowhere, slashing viciously at him. Meanwhile, Rex and Dex were now going at it at full power. Rex had formed a jetpack-wings-device, while Dex was just using twin swords. The two were smashing into each other over and over again, each time with enough force to shatter a house.

Ooooo

Back in the Library…

"This is getting confusing," Ben complained. "Weren't Tyler and the orange and green guys on the same side a moment ago?"

Ooooo

They certainly weren't now. Six was slicing at Tyler, failing to connect with the smaller Agent, who had drawn his staff and was using it to great effect. Rex was launching chunks of pavement at Dex, who would slice them in half and charge, only to miss and get hit by an explosive from Tyler, who would then have to dodge away from Six again.

"Seriously, what are you made of?" Tyler muttered, dodging away, kicking Six, and spraying him with energy bursts. Six replied with a quick slash that slipped past Tyler's staff and opened a small cut on his shoulder. Tyler yelped, and Six kicked him to the ground, holding a sword to his throat.

"You're all out of bombs, Taylor."

Tyler groaned. "I'm going to die with my name mispronounced." And then a Dex-thrown Rex slammed into Six, knocking him off of Tyler. Tyler's jaw dropped (again).

"And I thought the Stu was supposed to be lucky." Tyler got to his feet…just in time to see Dex zooming towards him, having grown a motorcycle from his legs. "GAH!"

Tyler leapt up, but Dex caught him, trying to hurl him under the motorcycle. Tyler snapped out his staff, forming a hook of energy on the end and snagging the ground, slowing the motorcycle down very slightly.

"No passengers!" Dex shouted, trying to elbow Tyler in the face. Tyler just held on for dear life, occasionally jabbing Dex with a needle of energy. For his part, the Stu was swerving wildly, trying to throw off the unwanted occupant. After a particularly violent turn, Tyler did something he hadn't done in a long time. He threw up. The result of this melted a hole in the street, and the chunk of metal he had recently eaten was expelled at dangerous speed, bouncing off a building and shattering the back of Dex's motorcycle, sending Dex and Tyler skidding along the ground. Tyler just rolled into a building, but Dex wasn't so lucky. He bumped into Rex, and lay there, prone, vaguely conscious of the world. Rex grinned down at him.

"Hey, you're in luck! I just got my second wind!"

At this point, Tyler noticed what sounded like music. He frowned. "Why would music be playing? Unless…" As the music got louder, Tyler recognized it. It was the show's theme song.

-MAKE WAY, WE'LL START A REVOLUTION!-

Rex formed a pair of boots, hauled back, and kicked Dex through a building, before charging after him.

-MAKE WAY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN TONIGHT!-

Rex caught up with the still-moving Stu, generated a fist, and crushed Dex into the ground.

-MAKE WAY, WE'LL START A REVOLUTION! SO MAKE WAY!-

Even as Dex shoved Rex away with giant fists of his own, Rex switched back to boots, and kicked the E.V.O.-Stu into the stratosphere.

-MAKE WAY, WE'LL START A REVOLUTION!-

Rex generated the jetpack-wings, flying up at incredible speed to catch Dex 1000 feet above the ground.

-MAKE WAY, WE'LL START A REVOLUTION! SO MAKE WAYYYYYY!-

As the music died down, Dex slammed into the ground with the force of a small meteor, followed by Rex doing the same, smashing a fist right on top of the Stu. As Rex stepped back, and the house-sized dust cloud cleared, it revealed Dex lying in a huge crater, completely unconscious. Tyler stepped forward with a Prohibitor, but found his path blocked by Rex and Six.

"He's ours, Taylor," the green-clad man stated.

"Well, I had a funny feeling you'd say that… so I took the liberty of planting half a dozen bombs on each of you when you weren't paying attention. If you recall, Six, I said 'On my person.'" Tyler took another detonator switch out of his pocket. "Oh, and another thing…" He pressed the switch, and both Rex and Six were knocked over by the blast. "It's Tyler."

The Agent hopped into the crater, placed a Prohibitor on Dex, opened a Plothole, and returned to the Library to steal cookies.
Ooooo
A few minutes later, in the Generator Rex fandom…
Rex and Six got up, very confused. The last thing they remembered, they had been fighting Van Kleiss…and then….? After a call from White Knight demanding their immediate return, the two chalked it up to a slightly more crushing than usual defeat, and headed back to Providence base. Six never gave the matter a second thought. Rex, on the other hand…
Rex had had previous experience with amnesia.
He knew there was something missing. And, maybe eventually, he would figure it out.
That is, if he still cared after sleeping for the week he would need to recover from whatever had happened.

Insert Summoning Spam Here

Tyler woke up in the morning to several odd things. In order of when he noticed them;

There was a note next to his bed.

He was six inches taller than when he had fallen asleep last night.

His room was a darker shade of blue.

Tyler got up, picked up the note, and began reading.

"Dear Tyler,

Hi. It's your author."

Tyler blinked. The last time he and his author had spoken was when he had joined the Society.

"As you may have noticed, you are now five feet tall. The reason for this is that you have received what is known as an art upgrade. It happens periodically in any form of visual media."

"I thought I was in a written media…"

"Despite your presence in a fanfiction; your source universe is styled after video games. As such, you just received an art upgrade."

"…"

The letter continued. "Nobody aside from you will notice any difference, as art upgrades automatically cause everyone to believe the art in question to always have been that way. Enjoy being able to reach the top shelf!

Sincerely,

Your Author."

Tyler just blinked. Again.

Ooooo

"That's…a really long name."

"Tyler, you've been an Agent for over a year, you should be used to it by now!"

"Yes…..but that's just overkill! Nothing has a name that long, not even that molecule I used to distract Faya!"

"True."

"I think I'll just call him John."

Tash blinked. "That isn't even part of his name."

"Yeah, but all his other names were so long and boring that I forgot them after you said them."

"…"

Ooooo

In the Final Fantasy XII fandom…

Vaan, Penelo, Kytes, Filo, Tomaj¸Balthier, Fran, and Llyud had been heading towards the Keep of Forgotten Time to defeat Feolthanos, the enemy of the series, when a purple hole had opened in the sky and a boy had fallen out. He had told the group his name, but it was incredibly long, so everyone just called him John. Almost immediately, things started to change. First, he had made fuel out of auracite, and Vaan's airship had gotten to the Keep in less than an hour. When they got there, he defeated Feolthanos in an instant with an incredibly powerful Yarhi. By the time the Society had gotten involved, Vaan and his group had become minor characters.

Ooooo

On Lampshade Isle, a small floating island where John was staying (and had naturally solved every problem that they had, had had, and ever would have), a plothole appeared above a forest. Tyler promptly fell out of it.

"Ow!"

"Oh!"

"Ah!"

"AIIEEEEE!"

Splat.

Tyler got up, brushed off the detritus that had accumulated on him (leaves, twigs, dirt, and a startled squirrel), and looked around. No sign of the Stu. Fortunately, there was a random person standing near him, who seemed, as most people in these types of games are, absolutely oblivious to their surroundings. Tyler walked up to it (the person was rather pixilated, and Tyler couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman).

"Hello, have you seen anyone who, despite being a not-especially well-drawn collection of pixels, is still obviously incredibly masculine and handsome, as well as most likely being an amazingly good fighter and having a good singing voice?"

"Why yes, I have. He's right by the Convenient Coliseum, beating the everloving crap out of everyone else who's practicing for the Convenient Tournament that starts in half an hour."

"…..Wow."

"Also, can you help me deliver this random parcel? I'll give you some worthless reward if you do."

"Well, I don't know…."

"Excellent! Thanks so much!"

"Ay…."

Ooooo

A while later, in the small forestside town of Lampshade….

Tyler was sitting in a seat at the Convenient Coliseum, waiting for the tournament to start. "I still don't get why I would encounter a freaking dragon trying to get a box of chocolate to some guy's girlfriend…Sidequests make no sense."

"ATTENTION RANDOM PEOPLE WHO NOBODY ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT BECAUSE THEY DON'T GIVE THE MAIN CHARACTER MONEY AND OTHER COOL STUFF, THE CONVENIENT TOURNAMENT THAT HAPPENS EXACTLY WHEN THE MAIN CHARACTER ARRIVES HERE IS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE!"

The audience, which was made up of several hundred faceless people (and Tyler), all cheered (except Tyler, who yawned).

"FOR THE FIRST MATCH…..NAMELESS COMPETITOR NUMBER 1, VS. NAMELESS COMPETITOR NUMBER 2!"

A long while later, in the finals of the tournament…..

"NAMELESS COMPETITOR NUMBER 394 VS JOHN THE LONG-NAME GUY!"

Nameless Competitor #394 was a humanoid figure with absolutely no features. His skin and clothes were the exact same shade of gray. John, on the other hand, was wearing unbelievably good-looking clothes, and was unbelievably good-looking himself. Everyone in the audience (still, except Tyler, who was now asleep) immediately felt either lust or jealousy.

"LET THE BATTLE… BEGIN!"

Immediately, John drew two scimitars, rushed forward, and slashed 394 hundreds of times. Next, both swords vanished and were replaced by a wizard's staff.

"Firaga!" Tyler suddenly woke up, sniffing the air. He was sure he had smelled magic….or maybe popcorn.

Anyway, down on the battlefield, the tip of John's staff ignited, as did 394. The Nameless Competitor was sent flying upwards.

"Blizzaga!" The fire went out, and was replaced by a layer of frost. A large block of ice formed above 394, then shattered, spearing the Nameless Competitor to the ground on shards of ice.

John smiled evilly. "Thundaga!"

The layer of frost evaporated, and lightning crackled along the staff. Then a bolt of lightning descended from the sky and impaled 394. The Nameless Competitor promptly dissolved into neat, guilt-free mist.

"IGNORING THE UNBELIEVABLY VIOLENT AND PROBABLY ILLEGAL ONLY WE DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE LOOKING IT UP METHOD USED TO WIN, JOHN IS NOW OUR CHAMPION!"

On the battlefield, John snickered. "Screw the rules, I'm a Stu."

Up in the stands, Tyler was preparing his plan. "And while the worms scare off the yeti, I'll use the tennis racket to knock down the pirate hat… oh wait, that's Hapland. Muffins. Ah, screw it. Who needs a plan?"

Ooooo

As John exited the coliseum….

"AYAYAYAYAAAA!"

"GAH!" John leapt aside as a massive gargoyle slammed down where he had been standing. Tyler landed several seconds afterwards.

"What the hell are you doing? You could have killed me!"

"No I couldn't have. I alerted you to the attack's presence; and your reflexes should be enough to dodge. That was just a warning shot."

John blinked. "You dropped a half-ton stone gargoyle on my head….as a warning shot?"

"Yup."

"Who are you?"

"I'm a Society Agent! You know the drill, come quietly; you'll be fine, run; I'll catch you, fight; you'll lose. Any questions?"

"No… Firaga!" A blast of fire shot from John's staff towards Tyler's face. With reflexes born of over a year spent running away from various irate Agents, Sues/Stus, and PCMSPS Agents, Tyler leapt to the side, and the fireball exploded harmlessly on the ground.

John quickly exchanged staff for swords. Tyler responded by hurling two explosives at the Stu. John somehow defused them with his swords before lunging at Tyler.

The battle continued, as Tyler began heading towards the nearby forest of Lampshades. John followed, a plan already forming in his mind.

John slashed at Tyler, missed, and grunted as the Agent vanished into the forest.

"FIRAGA!"

Immediately the forest was burning. Fortunately, because it was a forest of Lampshades, the fire quickly went out, leaving the trees (and their temporary inhabitant, Tyler) completely unscathed.

John's jaw dropped. "Wha -that makes no sense! You should be dead right now!"

Tyler stuck his head out of a tree. "And you should have played this game more before invading it. Don't you know that you can't set things on fire?"

"What?"

"I know. Awesome, isn't it?"

"Not really…"

"Look on the bright side. You want to kill me, I want to live (and possibly Prohibit you and lock you in the Library basement, but that's secondary). At least one of us is happy." Tyler dropped to the ground, sending two bursts of energy at John.

"Are you like this with every Sue and Stu you try to capture?" John blocked the blasts with his sword before swiping at Tyler

"No, usually more so. I'm just a little off my game today." Tyler backpedaled back into the forest.

"ARGH!" John leapt for Tyler, who shot up a tree. The Stu followed, and Tyler leapt to another tree.

"Get back here!"

"Not on your life, John!"

"That's not my name! My name is-,"

"Nobody cares!"

"Die!" John dashed across a branch towards Tyler, who ran for it. For a while the chase continued, and then…

Tyler jumped up, drawing his ping-pong paddle and changing it to a staff, bounced off a tree trunk, and shot towards John. The startled Stu brought up his swords to defend himself, but Tyler slid over them and spun, kicking John's legs out from beneath him. Unfortunately for Tyler, he hadn't counted on Stuish reflexes. John flipped over him, slicing off a branch as he went. As Tyler stood, the branch dropped, hitting him on the head. Tyler stumbled back, and John took the opportunity to slash at his head. Tyler blocked, but the force of the blow caused the branch he was standing on to snap, and the Agent dropped to the ground.

"Gotcha now!" John rocketed down, but Tyler threw up an energy shield and the attack bounced off. With another strike, the shield shattered, and Tyler stepped back. John slashed over and over again, slowly but surely driving the Agent back. Tyler blocked strike after strike, but he was getting tired.

"It's over!" Suddenly, John's swords exploded into flame, and he swung both down on Tyler's head. The Agent blocked… and the swords bit deep into the metal of the staff. Tyler shoved the blades away quickly, but it was too late. The staff snapped into two pieces. John grinned. "Now what?"

Tyler just blinked. "You broke my staff…"

"Damn right I did; now just lie down and die!" John slashed at Tyler again, ready to end the fight.

As such, he was rather surprised when a shield of blue energy stopped his sword cold. "What?"

"You… broke… my… STAFF!" Tyler swung the remains of his staff, both of which now sported red-hot tips from being sliced by a flaming sword. John let out a cry of surprise and stepped back, but Tyler just spun the halves in his hand and drove them forward. "Prepare to… wha?"

With the distinctive sound of a portal opening, a small Yarhi appeared in Tyler's path, taking the blow for John before exploding into particles of light. Tyler dropped the makeshift weapons in astonishment.

"You can't summon Yarhi without a summoning gate!"

John smiled evilly. "I can." A portal opened above him, and a wyvern flew out, spraying fire at Tyler, who blocked it with a shield before decapitating the Yarhi with a hastily generated blade of energy.

"Another crime for your list. Breaking the rules of the fandom. Tsk tsk."

"Shut up! I'm a Stu, I can do what I want!"

"No you can't! It's against the rules!"

"I said it once, and I'll say it again… SCREW THE RULES, I'M A STU!"

Crickets chirped.

"Actually, you only said that once."

"Whatever!" His moment ruined, John hastened to make up for it with a flurry of summons. With a flash or two of light, a massive yellow snake and a blue dragon with an oversized collar around its neck flashed into existence. "Leviathan, Tiamat, blast him!"

Tiamat, the dragon, spat a series of lightning bolts at Tyler, frying the ground under them. Leviathan immediately followed up with a powerful stream of water. The attacks merged, and as the water bounced off a tree, the electricity followed. Tyler ducked, and the blast whirled over his head. "Not good enough, John!"

"THAN HOW ABOUT THIS!" Another two flashes, and a massive demon and a large stone statue had appeared. "Ifrit, Titan, help your fellows!"

Ifrit, the demon, let out a roar and sent a barrage of fire at Tyler, who rolled away. Titan followed up by pounding the ground, sending earth spiking up in all directions. Tyler jumped over it, pummeling the Titan with a series of energy blasts… to absolutely no effect.

"Oh muffins…"

Titan grabbed Tyler by the throat, lifted him up effortlessly, and casually hurled him through three trees. The Agent landed in a clearing, tiny dragons fluttering around his head. "Ow…"

Then the trees to the side of the one he had entered the clearing through were burned away, and Ifrit entered, flanked by Leviathan, Titan, and Tiamat, then followed by John. "It's over now."

"What… what do you mean?"

"I just worked out how to make a cutscene, meaning I can do whatever the hell I want."

Tyler paled.

"Right. Die." Leviathan, Ifrit, and Tiamat all fired their attacks at once… creating a wall of electrified steam that completely failed to harm Tyler in the least.

"Well… that was completely pointless. If you're going to disregard the rules of the fandom, at least do it effectively."

"DIE!" Tiamat fired a bolt of lightning at Tyler.

"Your vocabulary's very limited; do you know that? Get some new threats already," Tyler shot back, dodging away.

"NOBODY INSULTS ME!"

"I just did. Or didn't you notice?"

"GAH! THAT'S IT! I'M SENDING YOU BACK TO THE SOCIETY IN PIECES! I SUMMON… ULTIMA!"

In a huge flash of light, a tall, seraphic Yarhi appeared. Tyler blinked.

"Hm… maybe I can get my staff back with that…"

"Eschaton!" The air in front of UItima began to glow.

"Or not…"

And then everything went white. When Tyler's sight returned, he was about 100 feet back from where the attack had hit him. He stared at the army of Yarhi in front of him.

"Well… It's been a nice life, but I guess… this is it…"

And then he noticed his staff, lying right next to him. Somehow, he had landed right next to it.

Tyler frowned. "Huh. That was… well, aside from the whole, 'getting blasted by an attack with enough power to level the Empire State Building,' that was surprisingly convenient."

As John stood over Tyler, proclaiming his victory, one of Tyler's feet shot up, hitting John directly between the legs. The Stu let out a wail of pain, doubling over, and Tyler's other foot snapped up, catching him in the face and hurling him backwards. As the Stu regained his balance, he turned to Ultima. "Don't just stand there, heal me!"

As Ultima released a healing beam, Tyler made his move, picking up the pieces of his staff and hurling them through the healing beam before dashing through it himself. As the staff, contrary to all logic, reformed, and Tyler's various injuries healed, he landed, catching the staff, before rolling up and hurling a dozen explosives at Ultima. The angelic Yarhi was enveloped by the blast, and when the smoke cleared, it had vanished.

Tyler looked around at John and his Yarhi, noting with only slight annoyance that John had been healed as well. A grin spread over his face.

"Okay then. Who's up for round two?"

All the Yarhi let out growls, screeches, and roars, while John ignited his flaming sword. Tyler paled. "These kinds of things always sound so much better in your head…"

"KILL HIM!"

Leviathan let out a blast of water, Titan sent a massive spike of rock towards him, Tiamat fired a bolt of electricity, and Ifrit launched a wall of Hellfire. And Tyler? He pulled out the Scene Transition and activated it.

Oooooo

Tyler came back to reality, several trees piled randomly around him, all the Yarhi gone, and John lying semiconscious twenty feet away. Apparently a Space Whale had landed in the clearing where the battle was taking place, before spontaneously combusting.

"Huh… I think I may have just gotten the strangest result out of a Scene Transition ever."

John groaned, getting to his feet. "That's it… you've humiliated me for the last time…"

"Actually, that was the Space Whale."

"Shut up! I summon… BAHAMUT!"

Tyler paled. "That... is very, very bad."

The ground exploded, and something shot up into the sky, breaking the sound barrier with a tremendous bang. At 1000 feet off the ground, it stopped, revealing itself to be a draconic human, wielding a massive spear.

Tyler gulped. "Um… I don't suppose you'd believe me if I told you there was a random passerby in need of help behind you?"

"WHAT? A passerby in need of help? Hold still, I'll reduce you to your component atoms in a minute. Bahamut, follow me!" John charged off into the forest, the somewhat confused Bahamut following.

Tyler's jaw dropped.

Ooooo

Later...

"YOU LIED TO ME!" John smashed a tree aside, as Bahamut dove down, unleashing a Mega Flare that missed Tyler by inches.

"Yeah… considering the quality of that particular lie, I think you're more to blame here."

"SHUT UP! BAHAMUT, KILL HIM!" The dragon-man dove again, smashing his spear into the ground next to Tyler. The Agent grinned, leaping up to stab the Yarhi in the head… and Bahamut's tail slammed into him, smacking him into a tree a hundred feet away.

Tyler groaned. "Really not my day…" He slid to the ground. John charged towards him, raising a sword to end the battle. Tyler shrugged.

"Well, if you haven't learned your lesson…"

Immediately realizing what Tyler meant, John skidded to a stop, and simply pointed at Tyler. Bahamut raised its spear, thrusting at Tyler, who rolled to one side. "Too slow!"

Tyler dashed up the spear, dodged a claw, and leapt into the air, aiming at the dragon Yarhi's head. Bahamut let out a snort of amusement and opened its mouth wide to receive Tyler… and the Agent tossed a handful of explosives into the beast's mouth, boosted his flight with a burst of magic, and slid down Bahamut's back as its head exploded, shortly followed by the rest of it.

"Are you going to give up yet, or do I have to knock you out?" Tyler asked.

"I will never give up!" John launched a series of fireballs at Tyler, all of which were easily dodged.

"Why won't you die?"

"Self-preservation. Basic instinct. Any other questions?"

"Shut up!" John slashed at Tyler, who jumped to one side, leaving John to plant his sword in a tree.

"Seriously though, you need to work on that vocabulary. You're worse than Faya."

"Who?"

"Old Sue. Very limited vocabulary."

"…Are you suggesting I'm not the most original character ever to walk the face of this earth?"

"Um… yes."

John turned red. "WHAT?"

"See what I mean about that vocabulary? Oh, and while I'm correcting your speech patterns, would it kill you to lower your voice?"

"What if it does?"

"Then I will be spared the inconvenience of capturing you."

"…"

"See, I knew you could do it."

"SHUT UP!" John's swords erupted into flames, and Tyler leapt back to avoid them. The Stu pressed the attack, slashing over and over again, while Tyler simply dodged each strike. After several minutes, John broke off the assault, recovering energy in the center of a clearing. Tyler stood at the edge of the clearing, ready to bolt.

"But seriously John, buy a thesaurus."

"Um… my name isn't John."

"Yeah, well I can't remember your name, so deal with it."

"Why can't you remember my name? It's only fifty-seven words long!"

Tyler raised an eyebrow.

John cleared his throat. "My name; Kiruriyop Serponius Loeertograt Speriacle Matliogalsem Halpsation-,"

"Okay, okay, you've made your point. From now on, I will call you Kirpy."

The newly-named Kirpy sighed. "Why couldn't they have sent Michael or something? I'd rather be disemboweled than have to listen to you."

"Well, Kirpy, you're only a level 6 Stu, and thus, you're far too insignificant for Michael, one of the leaders, to deal with personally."

"…" Kirpy let out a low growl. Tyler raised an eyebrow.

"You… you called me insignificant…"

"In the grand scheme of things, you sort of are. And your name sucks."

"You dare…"

"Mhm."

"NOBODY CALLS ME INSIGNIFICANT!" Kirpy charged forward with incredible speed, an aura of flames bursting to life around him. Tyler only barely dodged, and the force of the attack reduced a tree to ashes.

"Huh. When did you become competent?" "That explains why I took all the Yarhi down so easily… he was making them look bad compared to him, so his powers would look more awesome."

"I AM A STU!" Kirpy roared, sending a wall of flames at Tyler, who blocked with an energy shield. "THIS WORLD IS MINE NOW! I DECIDE WHO THE CHARACTERS FALL IN LOVE WITH! I DECIDE WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES!"

The aura of flames faded, and Kirpy relaxed slightly, although palpable waves of anger were still rippling off him. "And you? You are going to die."

Ooooo

"Wow. That Stu just had a total Inigo Montoya moment… except instead of surviving a dagger to the liver, he turned into his own personal supernova," Ben mumbled, watching the scene on a monitor.

"You're really pushing it, you know that?" Shirley growled.

"What can I say? I live on the edge… of your claws, that is."

"THAT'S IT!" Shirley leapt, claws out, but Ben had already taken off by the time he had finished his comment.

Ooooo

Meanwhile, Tyler was not having the time of his life.

Actually, if Kirpy didn't wear out soon, it was going to be the time of his death.

"You know, you've only been using fire attacks. Not very imaginative of you."

Kirpy slashed at Tyler, who backpedaled to dodge. "Talk talk talk, that's all you do! But take a look! Who do you think is winning?"

Tyler jumped into a tree, than jumped to another tree to avoid a fireball. "Problem is, he's right… if this were Duel Monsters, I'd get a miracle draw right now and win… but he's the Stu. He's the one that gets the miracles." He leapt to the ground as a slash from Kirpy reduced the tree to cinders. "Hey! That was lightning!"

"Didn't you say you wanted something more imaginative?" Kirpy shot a bolt of lightning at Tyler, who dodged.

"Hm… that gives me an idea…" "Hey Kirpy, can't catch me!" He dashed off.

Kirpy blinked. "Of course I can, idiot, I'm a Stu." He followed.

Ooooo

Somewhere else…

"Okay… the lake should be… there!" Tyler made a sharp right turn, and sprinted out towards a large lake. Kirpy followed, firing lightning bolts. As Tyler approached the lake, the energy began to drain out of him. He put on one final burst of speed, leapt forwards, forming a raft out of energy…

And formed a blast of wind that launched ten gallons of highly conductive water at Kirpy, just as the Stu began to prepare another lightning bolt. Panicked, the Stu tried to call off the blast, but his hand was already in motion. Even as the lightning left his hand, the water reached it, soaking him head to toe.

"!" Kirpy screamed in agony as he was electrocuted. Fortunately, as dictated by the rules of the fandom, he was only knocked unconscious, not killed. As for Tyler, the Agent was too exhausted to do anything but collapse onto the energy raft, paddling lethargically back to the shore. He crawled up onto the edge of the lake, fishing a Prohibitor out of his pocket, and prepared to clamp it on Kirpy.

"BACK!" The Stu unleashed a huge firestorm, hurling Tyler away. The Agent was too tired to react to the blow beyond a muttered, "Ow," as he landed on his back. Kirpy stalked forward, the aura of flames swirling around him. "You thought a mere electrocution would stop me?"

"I had hopes, yes," Tyler groaned.

"Well you were WRONG!" Kirpy raised a hand, and a fireball began to grow.

Tyler's eyes widened. "Assessment time. I've used up the Scene Transition, I don't have the energy to stop a fireball of that size… Oh well… I had to use it again someday." Tyler grabbed his ping-pong paddle, tapped a button, and hurled it at Kirpy, who dispelled his fireball to catch it.

"Um… I don't mean to crush your last hope of survival, but this is a Rubik's Cube," Kirpy pointed out. Tyler responded to this by slipping into the lake, propelling himself away with a burst of wind.

"Did you have a bad day-,"

"What?"

WHUMP!

The force of the resulting explosion sent Kirpy flying at least 100 feet into the air. Needless to say, the results of his hitting the ground were quite painful.

Tyler pulled himself out of the lake, poking Kirpy's now totally prone body, checked it for a pulse, which it had, clamped a Prohibitor on the Stu's arm, opened a Plothole, and dragged Kirpy (and himself) into the Library. "Wow… it's been a while since I last caught a Stu…"

Ooooo

Two days later…

Tyler woke up to the sound of Adrian yelling at him from the next floor.

"Tyler Kahn, get down here right now!"

Tyler hopped out of bed. "If he didn't want his food stolen, he should have hidden it under his bed. Even I don't want to know what might be hiding there…"