Insert Horrendeous Chinese Scriptures Here

"Jackie," Uncle said. "This is your other niece. She will be living with us for a year."

"What?" Jackie said, wearing his usual "baffled face". "Another niece I've never heard of is coming to live with us? Why do you never tell me these things?"

"You were napping when her parents called," Uncle replied, waving a hand casually. "Did not want to disturb you. This is Jade's sister. Her parents decided that since Jade is improving so much in America, they'd send her over, too."

"Jade," Jackie said, turning to the niece he knew existed. "Why did you never tell me you had a sister?"

For once, Jade said nothing. She just stared at the other girl and shrugged.

"Well," said Tohru, Uncle's 780-pound apprentice, turning to the new girl. "What's your name?"

The girl told him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, in the Speed Racer fandom, Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society was having some trouble with an old adversary: Xavier Nathaniel Zenith Peacemaker. The two of them were in the middle of a big race, and Xavier was winning easily.

"Ha!" Xavier laughed, speaking quickly with his mouth movements not in sync with the words he was saying. "My Mach 100 racecar is the fastest thing you have ever seen! I will win easily, then escape and leave you to say 'Curses, he has escaped in his Mach 100 racecar, the fastest thing I have ever seen!'! Ha, haha, haha!"

With that, Xavier Nathaniel Zenith Peacemaker shot past the finish line and out of sight.

"Curses!" Marcus said, in this fandom's manner of talking. "He has escaped in his Mach 100 racecar, the fastest thing I have ever seen!"

With that, he sighed and opened a portal back to the Library Arcanium.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Soon after returning to the Library, Marcus took out his frustration in a socially unacceptable way.

"I know what you want!" he shouted. "I always know what you want! It's always the same! You give me a short minute of pleasure followed by a long period of misery! You think you're so beautiful with your perfect form and your great additions in all the right places, but you're not! Once a man makes you a permanent part of his life, he can say good-bye to so much more! No, never again shall I give in to you, you dirty little succubus!"

"Marcus," Tash said. "Either eat your chocolate cake or don't, but please stop talking to it!"

"I don't know why you thought this would make me feel better," he muttered, pushing the plate away.

"I find that chocolate helps after a botched assignment," she told him, before grabbing the plate and digging in.

"It wasn't just 'botched'," Marcus groaned. "It was the worst I've ever done! I've chased Xavier across five fandoms, and each time I do worse!"

"Maybe you're trying too hard," Adrian suggested. "From what you told me, the plan was a little complicated."

Marcus said nothing. He just slumped his head on the table.

At that moment, Harriet burst in.

"Guys," she said. "We've got a Mary-Sue in the Jackie Chan Adventures fandom!"

"Anyone we know?" Tash inquired.

"I didn't recognize her," Harriet responded.

"Well," Tash said, standing up from the table. "Marcus, I hereby assign you this mission."

"What?" Marcus exclaimed. "Why me?"

"You and Michael are the only ones I've ever heard talking about this fandom, and Michael's still recovering," his boss replied. "Now, as your superior, I order you to go down and deal with this!"

Marcus frowned, but nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

Then Tash smiled.

"Hey," she said. "While you're there, I'll take Harriet and Lauren and see what we can do for the Speed Racer fandom, okay?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Marcus' portal dumped him in the middle of Section 13, the secret government installation in the heart of San Francisco, just as his target was getting the tour from Captain Black (Section 13's bald leader), Jackie, and Jade. He took a good look at her—she was an attractive Chinese girl, about 16, with big eyes and short purple hair.

"And this is the Research and Development area," explained Captain Black. "Got that?"

Captain Black had clearly already fallen under her spell.

"All right, girl, put 'em up!" Marcus warned.

"Harrison, stop kidding around!" Captain Black ordered, before realizing he'd never met the boy to whom he was speaking.

"Who are you?" Captain Black, Jade, Jackie, and the Sue asked.

Marcus pulled out his badge and introduced himself.

"I'm Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society," he said. "And I'm here to arrest this girl for joining a story through blood relation to a main character without prior notice or a permit!"

"That's ridiculous!" Captain Black argued. "I know every secret organization in the U.S., and I've never heard of this society!"

"Tch," Jade said. "You guys don't even know my favorite breakfast cereal!"

"Don't tell me you're actually agreeing with this lunatic!" the Sue demanded.

"I don't know," Jade said. "But something doesn't add up here…"

"Please," the Sue said. "This guy's supposed to be pursuing me, but I'll bet he doesn't even know my name!"
Marcus rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"That's… true," he admitted. "Tash threw me out without giving me a proper briefing…"

"Why, Marcus, I'm insulted!" the Sue sneered. "I can't believe you don't recognize me! I mean, sure, I've undergone a pretty drastic makeover since we last met, but you should at least remember my voice!"

That made it pretty clear to Marcus.

"Chi," he snarled.

The Sue just winked.

"People, this girl is highly dangerous!" Marcus warned. "Within a few days' time she'll disrupt the entire fandom!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I won't let you arrest my niece that I just met!" Jackie said, polite but firm. "Get out."

"Please, Uncle Jackie," Chi said. "Let me use dangerous magical artifacts to destroy him."

"Well, normally I'd say 'no, it's too dangerous'," Jackie replied. "But for some reason I guess it's okay."

Jade just scowled at him.

Chi smiled and pulled something out from under her shirt: a necklace with twelve stone pendants, each depicting an animal of the Chinese zodiac.

"The talismans!" Marcus gasped.

"That's right!" Chi laughed. "All twelve of 'em! I've got all their powers—strength, speed, levitation, immortality… oh, and here's my favorite!"

Chi lifted her hand as the dragon talisman began to glow and fire appeared in her hand. Marcus braced himself for the explosion, but instead he heard a much more surprising noise.

"Oh, no you don't!" Jade shouted, grabbing the necklace by two talismans and pointing Chi upward to redirect the blast.

"Jade!" Jackie exclaimed. "Stop interfering with Chi destroying her enemy!"

"No way!" Jade shouted. "I don't know what's going on here, but my Uncle Jackie would never let his niece use the talismans! You're going down, sis!"

"Get off me, brat!" Chi said, throwing Jade off. Jade went flying across the room, her fists still clenched.

Marcus ran over to make sure she was okay. She had a big bruise, but was fine otherwise.

"Oh, good," Chi commented. "Now I can destroy you both with one shot!"

"You'd destroy your own 'sister'?" Marcus gasped.

"Uncle Jackie will forgive me," Chi smirked. "Nobody can stay mad at me."

Chi charged up another blast from the dragon talisman, but before she could fire, Marcus grabbed Jade, pulled out his Scene Transition, and activated it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You're up?" Jade exclaimed as Marcus awoke in a back alley.

Marcus flashed back and remembered the escape he and Jade had made, and that soon after, Chi had cast a powerful spell (with Uncle's full permission, of course) to put the whole fandom into an eternal sleep. Jade had evaded it by, uh, borrowing some of Uncle's ingredients to make a shield spell for herself. Chi clearly wanted to face Marcus alone.

"Yep," Marcus replied. "General spells can't affect non-canon characters."

Jade blinked.

"Okay, I have no idea what that means," she said. "But I do know that we can help each other here. Chi's got almost all the talismans—."

"Almost?" Marcus repeated.

Jade smirked and pulled two talismans out of her pockets.

"The sheep and the tiger," Marcus groaned. "Astral projection and yin-yang."

"I know they're not much," Jade sighed. "But at least she doesn't have the full set."

"She might as well," Marcus told her. "Nobody ever uses those!"

"Man, where's the optimism?" Jade pouted. "Do you think you could at least try to think of something?"
"Sorry," Marcus apologized. "After five consecutive failures, my confident side has gone into hiding."

Jade paused, then smirked.

"Here," she said, tossing him the tiger talisman. "Catch!"

Marcus caught the talisman and it split in his hand. It wasn't alone, though—Marcus split, too! On one side was a clean-shaven Marcus dressed all in blue with no clip-on shades on his glasses, while on the other side was one with a full goatee dressed in red whose sunglasses were real, not just clipped-on lenses (his eyesight wasn't perfect, though—he was wearing contacts underneath).

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" the red one shouted, his voice overflowing with emotion.

"Normally that talisman splits good and evil," Jade told him. "But I figured it could bring out your confident side, too."

"N-n-not qu-quite," the blue one stammered. "I th-think it sp-sp-split b-b-brawn and b-b-brains, r-reckl-l-lessn-ness and f-fear, a-and a f-few other th-things."

He sounded like a nervous wreck.

"I'D SAY IT WORKED FINE!" the red Marcus shouted. "WE'RE STILL BASICALLY GOOD, AND NOW YOU'LL FINALLY LISTEN TO ONE OF MY PLANS! NOW," he said, turning to Jade. "WHAT MAGICAL ARTIFACTS CAN WE GET OTHER THAN THE TALISMANS?"

"We could use the demon chi!" Jade suggested excitedly. "We have all eight!"

"T-too r-risky," the blue Marcus said. "Th-they allow the d-d-demon to use your b-body if your w-w-willp-power isn't st-st-strong enough, a-and if w-we c-can th-throw it off, w-we're b-basically a G-Gary-Stu. F-face it, w-we haven't had m-much l-l-luck w-with u-using m-magical d-devices t-to f-f-fight Ch-Chi."

"WE TRIED ONCE AND ONLY LOST BECAUSE SHE TOOK A CHEAP SHOT!" the red one argued. "AND WE DIDN'T CAPTURE HER USING OUR BRAINS, EITHER! WHAT DO WE HAVE TO LOSE?"

"Our l-lives," the blue one stuttered. "Our f-f-freedom. Our s-s-society m-membersh-ship."

"THAT'S OUR PROBLEM!" the red one boomed. "WE THINK TOO MUCH! I'M SO SURPRESSED THAT I NEVER GET A SAY! JUST ONCE, TRY USING BOTH OF US!"

For that, the blue one had nothing to say.

"GOOD!" the red one screamed. "NOW, LET'S COME UP WITH A PLAN TOGETHER!"

"J-just d-d-don't exp-pect m-me to f-f-fight," the blue one warned.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sneaking back into Section 13 wasn't hard with everyone asleep. Jade and the Marcuses made it in easily.

"Hey, Chi," Jade shouted. "I'm back! Come and get me!"

This was Jade's part. She was a distraction so that the Marcuses could get what they needed.

"Already here," said a voice beside Jade. Suddenly, Chi appeared out of nowhere! She had used the snake talisman to become invisible!

Still, she didn't notice the Marcuses sneaking off to the vault…

In the vault the Marcuses found what they needed, just before hearing a loud explosion. Jade might very well be dead, but it wouldn't matter if this worked.

"OH, CHI," the red Marcus shouted. "I'M IN THE VAULT! COME AND GET ME!"

Chi appeared in less than two seconds thanks to the rabbit talisman and the fact that Marcus had left the vault door open.

"Oh, the tiger talisman," she observed sarcastically as she looked the two over. "Yeah, that'll help you."

"M-maybe n-not," the blue Marcus replied. "B-but th-th-this m-might!"

The red Marcus pulled something from behind his back: a red and white Japanese oni mask.

"Tarakudo's mask?" Chi exclaimed. "Are you nuts? Ten demons are contained in that! They'll consume you in an instant!" Then she paused. "Although… if you do throw them off, I'd love to have you as a partner. You're kinda cute."

"FORGET IT!" the red Marcus shouted as the blue one gave a disgusted look. "I'LL NEVER BECOME A STU!"

The red Marcus stuck the mask over his face where it held firm, now impossible to pull off.
"LET'S RUMBLE!" he shouted. His voice wasn't just emotional anymore—it was demonic.

The two fighters clashed, but though the mask granted the red Marcus great strength and slight invulnerability, the power of ten combined talismans was far too much for one fighter.

"ENOUGH HOLDING BACK!" the red Marcus yelled. "IT'S TIME TO CALL FOR REENFORCEMENTS! COME, MY SHADOWKHAN!"

All around the room, shadows began to appear, and from them emerged warriors dressed in ninja garb—small winged ones, skinny ones with sharp clawed hands, giant sumo ones, and many more.

"GRAB HER!" the masked Marcus ordered.

The shadowkhan obeyed and attacked Chi all at once. Even with the talismans she couldn't fight them off, especially after one lucky ninja snatched the necklace clean off. Soon enough, Chi was incapacitated, which made it easy for the blue Marcus to run over and cram a Prohibitor on her wrist.

With a bright flash of light the shadowkhan disappeared, the ten talismans returned to their container, and everyone woke up. Still, the mask stayed on.

"Congratulations," Chi snarled. "You've got me. But good luck overpowering those demons' collective willpowers!" She paused, then changed her tone. "No, really, good luck! I want you on my side!"

"N-n-not a ch-chance!" the blue Marcus said. From his pocket, he withdrew a potion vial full of green liquid, which he poured on his hands. Then he grabbed his other half's mask and yanked it clean off and threw it across the room!

"Impossible!" Chi exclaimed. "How'd you get the formula for the mask removal potion?"

"Astral f-forms c-can e-enter d-d-dreams," the blue Marcus explained. "W-we used th-the sh-sh-sheep t-talisman t-to e-enter Uncle's a-and a-ask h-h-him."

"And the samurai hair needed for it?" Chi queried.

"TOHRU'S HAIRBRUSH." The red Marcus replied.

"Very clever," Chi smirked. "But there's one little flaw."

Smiling, Chi ran over to the mask and put it over her own face! Laughing, she summoned numerous shadowkhan to aid her.

"Destroy the Prohibitor!" she ordered.

A mutant shadowkhan (like a cross between a pro wrestler and a lobster) used his claw to snip the band right off, then crushed it in his giant hand.

"Now, destroy them!" the Sue ordered, pointing to her adversaries.

The shadowkhan marched in rows, blindly obeying their master.

"QUICK!" the red Marcus told his other half. "GIVE ME A BOOST!"

"W-why?" the blue half asked.

"TRUST ME!" the red one shouted. "I CAN SAVE US BOTH!"

The blue Marcus looked as nervous as ever, but he cupped his hands down low. The red Marcus jumped off of them and over to Chi, then pulled a Copyright out of his pocket and jammed it on the mask. The shadowkhan disappeared and the mask fell to the floor, useless.

Chi glared, but said nothing. Instead, she just conjured a plothole and disappeared through it.

Their target gone, the two Marcuses sighed and put the halves of the tiger talisman they'd been holding back together, uniting the talisman and themselves. Sighing, he put the sheep talisman back, then lingered on the tiger.

Then he got an idea.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sorry to hear about that," Tash said after Marcus gave her his report. "Xavier escaped, too, but we managed to clean up the fandom."

"It's not that bad," Marcus said with a smile. "I'll get the next one, probably, and now I've got a new way of thinking."

"What do you mean?" Tash inquired.

Marcus smirked and showed her his new necklace, with two strings holding opposite sides of a very familiar pendant.

"You kept a canon object?" Tash shouted.

"No, no," Marcus reassured. "The real one is back there. This is an exact duplicate with the same powers. This way, I won't lose balance like before. And… I'll never be lonely."

Insert Slightly Offensive Terra Name Here

"Ah, another trip to Terra Neon," Piper, the dark-skinned navigator, sighed contentedly. "Can't wait!"

"You said it, Piper!" agreed Aerrow, the pinkish-red-haired Sky Knight of the team, his copilot Radarr (a blue, furry thing, species unknown) nodding in agreement. "Rides, games…"

"…Flame corn, cloud candy, 24-hour gravy buffets…" added Junko, the ever-hungry flight engineer of the Wallop persuasion (like a cross between humans and rhinos—very strong, not too bright).

"…Hot babes…" said Finn, the blonde wingman of the team.

"And screaming crowds of people, causing temporary deafness to anyone within a ten-foot radius," said Stork, the Merb (like a green, scrawny, cold-blooded human—very smart, but highly paranoid) pilot warned. "Fun."

Their conversation, however, was interrupted by a loud bang by the Condor's landing bay.

"What was that?" Finn asked, looking alarmed.

"Could be sky sharks," Stork suggested, a sickly grin crawling across his countenance.

"Naw," Junko told him. "That can't be it. If it was, I'd be sneezing, remember?"

"Well, then maybe windraptors or airtigers," Stork said, getting excited. "Or maybe cloud lampreys—they hide within cloud formations, and a swarm of them can siphon off a ship's power in minutes!"

"Whatever it is, we'd better check it out," Aerrow said, arming himself for a fight.

Junko, Finn, Piper, and Radarr nodded and followed him up to the landing bay, where a surprise was waiting for them.

"Ah, friends Storm Hawks!" said a deep voice with what would definitely be called an Indian (the Asian kind) accent in the real world. "I am being very pleased to meeting you!"

The source of the voice was an eight-foot-tall giant with deep blue skin and rippling muscles all down his torso and his four arms. His hair—if he had any—was concealed under a large, green turban with a white plume sticking out.

"Who are you?" Aerrow demanded, holding out his twin energy knives. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, please do not being worried!" the intruder said, disembarking his CloudStrider-VI (the newest top-of-the-line skimmer, complete with energy cannon, force field, and extra-large no-spill cupholder, now available at Wayside Ship and Skimmer Outlet) and holding up his four hands defensively. "My name is being Muhammed Sanjay Gheet Nazz Nepasuk-Smith (you can be calling me 'Mu'), and I am hoping we can be helping each other."

"Help each other?" shouted Stork, all of a sudden sprinting in. "You just docked yourself on our ship with absolutely no notice! Why in the Atmos should we trust you?"

"Uh, Stork," Finn said. "Who's flying the Condor?"

"Autopilot," Stork replied. "Never liked that function, but this is more important…unless…he's just a diversion for an attack!"

Stork ducked down as if an ambush could come at any second.

"No, no!" Mu pleaded. "I am not being your enemy. The only enemies I am having are being the Cyclonians!"

"Exactly what an enemy agent would say!" Stork insisted.

"Where are you from, anyway?" Piper asked. "I've never seen anyone in the Atmos who looks quite like you."

To their surprise, a purple tear dripped out of one of Mu's black eyes.

"I am being from the noble Terra Shiivaa," he finally said.

"A Shiivaanian?" the whole crew (sans Radarr) repeated, shocked.

"They're supposed to be extinct!" Piper exclaimed.

"Yeah," Junko added. "Nobody's seen 'em in, like, 50 years!"

"That is being a slight exaggeration," Mu told them. "It is being an interesting story, but first we are needing to hide. Cyclonians are hunting me down. You are not being safe in open air like this. We must be choosing a terra—any terra—and hiding while I'm explaining. Please?"

"What do you think, Radarr?" Aerrow asked, turning to his copilot.

Radarr jumped onto Mu, then sniffed him. Instantly, he started making an excited chittering noise.

"Good enough for me," Aerrow commented. "Stork, set a course for a good hiding place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It took several hours, but the Condor finally landed safely of Terra Nord, the freezing new home of the Absolute Zeroes squadron and the other Blizzarians.

"Okay, 'Mu', if that is your real name," Stork ordered. "Tell us why you're here!"

Mu had stayed silent on the entire ride over because that's how the story goes, no matter how stupid it is, but now he spoke.

"Very well," he said. "As you are knowing, I am coming from Terra Shiivaa. Long ago, it was being a beautiful place with strong, intelligent citizens. That was being before the Cyclonians were coming. They were being afraid of us, even though we were being a gentle race. They were destroying the entire Terra with a high-powered weapon. Only a handful of us were surviving, and that is including my parents.

"They was being just little children then, and they is being gone now. In fact, until a few days ago, there were being only five of us. We were gathering into a squadron for to be attacking Terra Cyclonia, but their forces were being too strong. Now I am being the only one left."

"Well, what does any of that have to do with us?" Aerrow asked. "We can't beat Cyclonia, either."

"Not without help," Mu corrected. "But there is being an ancient Shiivaanian legend about ultra-powerful crystal that we entrusted to others for to be hiding centuries ago. Somewhere in the Atmos is being an Infinity Stone!"

"An Infinity Stone?" Piper gasped. "Only one of those has ever been found in recorded Atmosian history! Where is it?"

"A terra that was supposedly being lost long ago, but not destroyed," Mu told her. "Terra Vapos. Unfortunately, I am having no idea where that is being."

"Dude, I know!" Finn shouted. "I'm a legend there! I'm the great Gomo!"

"DOMO!" the rest of the crew corrected.

"Well, your story adds up," Stork said, completely buying this. "I don't like it, but welcome to the team. In fact, let's just hurry over to Terra Vapos without even imprisoning you so you can't just steal everything and get away and not bother to alert the Absolute Zeroes who are right here on this terra and would actually be eager to accept such a suicide mission just for the thrill of it!"

"Sounds good to me," Aerrow said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The trip to Terra Vapos was quick and easy. When Finn asked, the Vaposian leader, King Agar, led them to the terra's most secure vault, where they indeed had been protecting the Infinity Stone for the Shiivaanians since it was entrusted to them.

Upon entering the vault, though, the Storm Hawks were shocked to find a person already in there. He was tall, though not nearly as tall as Mu, and chunky, with messy black hair and traces of a goatee to match. His clothes consisted of a simple black sweatshirt and sweatpants, and he was wearing a pair of wire-frame glasses equipped with clip-on shades. Not the most intimidating of people.

In his hand, though, was the Infinity Stone, a glowing orange crystal resembling a cross between a double helix and an infinity symbol, and across it, a red "C" sticker.

"Who are you being?" Mu demanded. "Why are you having the Infinity Stone?"

"Took you long enough to arrive," the boy said, pulling out a badge. "I'm Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society, and you, Muhammed Sanjay Gheet Nazz Nepasuk-Smith, are under arrest!"

"Under arrest?" Junko repeated. "For what?"

"Attempted early destruction of a series' main antagonist, unauthorized use of pity tactics, and the logical flaw of not being fluent in the only language of the fandom," Marcus replied. "I'm sorry, but he must be taken away."

"You are not stopping my avenging of my people!" Mu exclaimed, drawing four scimitars from the scabbards on his back. "I will be carrying out my mission!"

"Don't you get it?" Marcus snapped. "I've Copyrighted the Stone! You can't use it!"

"Yes, I am hearing about your 'Copyrights'," Mu grinned. "But I am finding a loophole."

"And what is tha—wait, how do you know about them?" Marcus exclaimed. "The only time one was used, the Mary-Sue was arrested!"

"I am being a Gary-Stu!" Mu laughed. "I am not having to explain how I am doing the impossible! And I am knowing that a Copyright can't be stopping a fandom native from using an object, which the Storm Hawks will be doing! By adding its power to the Condor, we will be boosting its power a thousandfold, and then we will be overthrowing Cyclonis!"

With that, Mu snatched the crystal and he and the Storm Hawks left the vault, slamming the door behind them.

Marcus sighed. He could easily get out of the vault by opening a portal, but he'd still need to bring Mu down, and for that, he'd need some creativity.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Approaching Terra Cyclonia," Stork announced. "ETA: ten minutes."

"Get ready to test that new crystal," Piper said, excited.

"Can't wait to end this," Aerrow muttered. "No matter how anticlimactic it may be to just blast in and shoot her with the ship without even a cool Sky Knight battle."

Just then, they heard a loud "clang" from the roof. Someone had landed there on a skimmer.

"The Dark Ace!" Aerrow guessed, pulling out his blades in expectancy of facing his sadistic rival, which would definitely make this more readable and/or watchable. "I'll handle this!"

"No, no," Mu told him. "Please, be allowing me. It is the least I can be doing to help this mission along, for even if I must be losing my life, Cyclonis must be defeated!"

Upon hearing this sickeningly clichéd speech, Aerrow nodded and saluted Mu as he went up to the roof of the ship. There, instead of the Dark Ace, he found (surprise, surprise!) Marcus, now dressed as a Talon, one of the generic Cyclonian grunts.

"You!" Mu hissed, once again pulling out his swords. "Can't you be leaving a miserable Shiivaanian in peace?"

"This ends now, Mu!" Marcus said, eerily calm. "I won't let you ruin this fandom!"

"Yes, it will end," Mu agreed. "For you!"

Mu charged at Marcus and swiped his swords down at him. Marcus barely managed to evade them. Mu tried again and again, never letting up. Marcus couldn't dodge forever. In fact, his arms, face, and chest had already suffered over a dozen cuts. He wouldn't last much longer.

Just then, Marcus yanked the ripcord for Mu's parachute, deploying it. The wind picked up and pulled the Shiivaanian back, threatening to blow him off the Condor.

"Nice try," Mu taunted, swiftly using two of his swords to cut the parachute's strings so it blew away without him. "But you cannot be beating me!"

"Maybe I can with this… crystal!" the agent shouted, pulling something out of his pocket.

Mu took one look and burst out laughing.

"That is not being a crystal!" he snorted. "That is being a bar of soap! Hahahahaha!"

While Mu was doubled-over laughing, Marcus held the soap into a cloud to get it wet, then lathered it up and threw it at the Gary-Stu, striking him right in the eyes!

Mu bent over in pain, giving Marcus the opportunity to run in and jam a Prohibitor on one of Mu's four wrists, just before he noticed that for absolutely no reason, there were no Talons at all protecting Cyclonis' base.

Anyway, there was a bright flash of light as the windspeed increased and Mu recovered and grabbed Marcus.

"I may be having less power," Mu seethed. "And my past actions may be erased, but I am still being more than strong enough to destroy you!"

Marcus just smiled and pointed down.

Mu looked and realized that they were no longer standing on the roof of the Condor. In fact, they weren't standing on anything! He screamed and let go, flailing his four muscular arms.

Marcus laughed. It had worked perfectly! Without Mu's past actions, the Condor had never come to Cyclonia, leaving Mu and Marcus to plunge thousands of feet into the ghastly Wastelands! And Mu'd already slashed off his parachute!

Marcus chuckled and deployed his own parachute, pulled out his Portal Gun, and shot a portal open about five hundred feet below the Shiivaanian, then got out his communicator and called Tash.

"Tash," he told his leader when she picked up literally a second later. "My target is about to fall into the Library and knock himself out. Get him into a nice jail cell, would you?"

"No problem," she replied. "And you'll be in soon?"

"Um…no," the agent told his commander. "I'd rather stick around for a while."

"And do what?" Tash asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know that thing that you, Harriet, and Lauren do so often?" he said with a grin.

Tash sighed.

"Who with?" she asked.

"That's personal," Marcus replied. "But here's a hint: I'll bet their tongues are ten times stronger than a human's, too."

Insert Hackneyed Woo Foo Scrolls Here

"Okay, people," Tash told the Society as soon as they'd gathered for the meeting she'd called. "After the trouble that Michael had in the DBZ fandom, our techies came up with a new tool to help us. Here it is," she said, holding up what looked like a golden stopwatch.

"What is it?" Adrian, a tall, white-haired boy dressed entirely in black.

"Yes," Marcus said. "Do tell."

"It's called a Scene Transition," Tash explained. "Using it, you can escape a Sue or Stu in an emergency. When it ends, you'll be out of their clutches."

"Sweet!" Blake cheered.

"What's the catch?" Michael asked, rubbing one of his bruises. "There has to be one—like how a Prohibitor has to touch a Sue for at least a second to erase everything."

"You have to be careful not to overuse it," Tash said. "If you skip too much, the story falls apart. Also, time still passes around you when you use it, and you never know exactly how you'll end up when it's over, save for the fact that you'll still be alive."

"Incidentally," said Harriet, a blonde girl slightly shorter than Tash. "We have another Sue in a fandom I've never heard of. Is anyone here familiar with 'Yin Yang Yo!'?"

Marcus was the only one who raised his hand.

"Oh, do all of you have grudges against American cartoons?" he asked, looking around.

Everyone shrugged as he grabbed the Scene Transition and headed off into the fandom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Upon arriving in the fandom, Marcus felt a few unexpected sensations, such as a breeze across his backside, bright sunlight in his eyes, and an urge to collect shiny objects and store them in his den to admire.

When he looked at his reflection in a nearby pond he discovered why—he was now a raccoon, with no glasses or clothing below the waist.

"Of course," he said to himself. "There are no humans in this fandom, and a lot of the characters don't wear pants."

This wasn't the first time that Marcus' appearance had changed in a fandom, but it was by far the weirdest. He'd never changed species before.

Once he got over the initial weirdness of being a two-dimensional bipedal raccoon (it took less time than you'd think), Marcus went to the town to obtain information.

When he got to the town, Marcus found the citizens crowding beside the street, watching a parade go by.

"What's the occasion?" Marcus asked Coop, the nerdy chicken who was currently holding the old Night Master's evil.

"You haven't buck-buck heard?" Coop clucked. "We're buck-buck celebrating the buck destruction of Eradicus."

"Yin, Yang, and Yo defeated him?" Marcus inquired, having a bad feeling he already knew the answer.

"Are you kidding?" replied Master Yo, the grumpy, old, and possibly last Woo Foo master or panda left, who was standing on Marcus' right with his students Yin and Yang, his pink and blue rabbit twin students. "I'm too lazy, and they're too undisciplined!"

"Hey!" Yin and Yang objected.

"Then who did defeat him?" Marcus asked.

"Take a buck look," Coop said, pointing at the next float. "Here she comes buck-buck now."

And there she was: an absolutely adorable purple rabbit girl with a bamboo sword slung across her back, looking so humble, despite her own parade. Next to her was the goat-like town president (not mayor—PRESIDENT!), President Muffin, milking it up as usual.

"Her name's Chi," Yang said. "Well, that's all I remember. She has the longest name I've ever heard."

"She showed up two days ago and used Woo Foo to destroy Eradicus and his minions." Yin elaborated.

"Now Woo Foo is finally getting the respect it deserves again," Master Yo finished. "I've already asked her to take over he dojo and take them off my hands so I can do whatever it is old people do when they finally have free time," he said, gesturing to his students.

Yin and Yang couldn't be happier about their new, not-grumpy master.

Marcus sighed. Chi had already charmed the heroes in this fandom. He'd have to gain help elsewhere.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The first choice for assistance was an easy one to make. There was one character in this fandom that would take this new rabbit girl's appearance and actions more personally than anyone, and was guaranteed not to like anyone, anyway. It was difficult locating him, but Marcus finally found him skinny dipping in the Stink Aardvark's slime moat.

"Excuse me," Marcus said, getting his attention.

The character replied with a loud belch, a scratch of his stomach, and a mean look toward the agent. Normally, Marcus would be at least a little insulted, but such was to be expected from Yuck, the unhygienic green rabbit formed from all the combined bad aspects of Yin and Yang.

"What do you want?" he growled. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

"You've heard of Chi, right?" the raccoon boy replied.

"Of course I have, stupid!" Yuck snarled. "That goody-goody freak destroyed Eradicus and took away my chance of being the greatest Woo Foo knight ever!"

"I thought so," Marcus said, not bothering to note that Yuck could never achieve such a title due to a lack of patience and ethics. "Well, how'd you like to beat her and take the title from her?"

Yuck thought for a second, then sneered and asked, "And why do you want me to do that?"

"I'm Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society, here to arrest her for crimes against stories, and I could really use your help to bring her in. You're already stronger than Yin and Yang combined, and I need some muscle."

"Flattery gets you nowhere!" Yuck snapped. "I hate flatterers! And I don't help anyone but myself!"

"And here's the question," Marcus said, hoping his skills in psychology would work. "Who do you hate more: her, or me?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Soon after Yuck dried off and slipped his shirt on, he and Marcus left for the Woo Foo dojo, arriving there with no real trouble. It was midday, and Yin and Yang were sparring in the outdoor arena as their new master supervised and their old master took another of his six-hour naps.

"She's distracted," Marcus whispered in his hiding place behind the very smelly Woo Foo outhouse. "Go on, now's your chance!"

"Don't ever tell me what to do!" Yuck hissed, but leapt and attacked Chi nonetheless. Brandishing a flaming bamboo sword, he attempted to slash her.

At the last second, Chi's perfect reflexes kicked in and she blocked with her own sword, sending Yuck flying back.

"Is that the best you've got?" Chi giggled, her students stepping in to watch their master fight. "Woo Foo lightning!"

In a heartbeat, a blast of lightning shot out of Chi's hands and zapped Yuck, leaving him charred and burned.

"Nobody zaps me!" Yuck shouted, leaping up and spinning around until he was more tornado than rabbit. "Yuck-icane!"

Chi was quickly sucked in and thrown back at the dojo wall, which she easily bounced off of and swiped the bottom of the tornado with her sword, snapping Yuck out of the cycle.

"Cheap shot, freak!" Yuck shouted as he landed on his back.

Now visibly mad, Chi brought out her finishing move.

"Woo Foo aura!" she shouted, taking a meditative position. At once, a giant purple energy rabbit formed around her, then delivered a swift kick to Yuck, sending him flying permanently out of this story.

"Hahaha!" Yang laughed as Chi's aura disappeared. "You totally kicked Yuck's butt!"

"Eh," Chi shrugged. "No big deal."

"It's still weird, though," Yin analyzed. "Yuck never just attacks out of nowhere. He always has some sort of plan."

Upon hearing this, Chi became slightly nervous. She'd been expecting this to happen soon. No problem, though. There was nothing she couldn't handle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Marcus stopped in front of the grocery store and took a breather. He'd made a break for it as soon as Yuck lost. Clearly, he'd need more muscle for this. He quickly ran through all the show's villains in his mind. Ultimoose was strong, but not intelligent enough. Saranoia would be too proud of a woman achieving so much to stop her, Pondscum and the Chung Pow Kitties would be near-impossible to communicate with, Carl the Evil Cockroach Wizard was too unfocused in battle, Brother Herman couldn't get near the dojo due to his panda allergies, and Smoke and Mirrors would never relinquish Chi after capturing Chi to use as their own. The only one who'd probably be powerful enough to stop her was Frped, and he was far too fickle to trust.

Clearly, the only way to defeat Chi was to do it himself, and to do that he'd need a lot more power. Luckily, he knew just where to find it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"All right," Marcus told the new class of Woo Foo students that had gathered in front of the dojo in the last few hours to learn from the great Chi. "Please move aside. I'm here to see Chi."

"We all are!" shouted Lina, Yang's turquoise girlfriend who's apparently a bear but doesn't look at all like one. "What makes you so special?"

"No," Chi said, suddenly looking serious. "Let him through."

"Thank you," Marcus said as he pulled a badge out of who-knows-where. "Now, Chi, I hereby place you under arrest for defeating a series' most important villain and leaving no chance of him returning."

Chi just laughed.

"I knew one of you Society twits was coming," she giggled. "But I never guessed it would be someone so dim-witted! I'll never go willingly! If you want me, you'll have to beat me!"

"Works for me," Marcus said, stone-faced.

Once again, Chi burst out laughing.

"What makes you think you can take me?" she cackled.

"I thought you'd never ask," the agent responded. Then, from the same place he got the badge, Marcus pulled out something else—a pair of briefs.

"The Woo Foo Undies of Unlimited Destiny?" Yin gasped.

"The what?" Yang asked, confused as usual.

"You remember," Yin told her brother. "From season one's 'Enter the Ant'?"

"Oh, yeah," Yang recalled. "It was the only time I ever wore underwear in the whole show."

"Right," Marcus said. "And whosoever wears them has their Woo Foo power increased ten-thousand percent, and—wait," he said, doing a double-take. "Did you guys just break the fourth wall?"

"Duh!" Yang replied. "We do it all the time!"

"We know this is a fandom," Yin explained. "And we know that Chi is a Mary-Sue, too, but as parts of the story, we can't really do much to help you."

"Plus we really don't want to," Yang added.

Marcus sighed and put on the tighty-whities, then spoke aloud his wish.

"I decree that I shall become as powerful as Chi without becoming a Gary-Stu!" he shouted. "And now, to activate their power! Pull! Self! Wedgie!"

And lo, as Marcus wedgied himself, he began to glow with a grey light. Smirking, he took a fighting stance.

"So," Chi sneered. "You get a little magic boost and you think you can defeat me? Well, think again! Foo orbs!"

At her words, two glowing energy orbs shot out of the Sue's hands and toward her opponent.

"Woo Foo racket!" Marcus announced, conjuring a tennis racket made of grey Woo Foo energy and sending the orbs right back.

"Foo field!" Chi shouted, surrounding herself with a force field just in time to shield her from the attack.

"That won't protect you!" Marcus yelled. "Paws of power!"

At his words, Marcus' fists swelled up to ten times their regular sizes and punched Chi—her Foo field still up—through the dojo wall before his paws returned to normal.

"That's it!" Chi screamed, brandishing her sword as she leapt back out. "Jam hammer!"

At that, Chi's sword turned into a sledgehammer with a jar of jam at the head. She struck Marcus with it, splattering blackberry jam everywhere.

"You may be as strong as me, but you don't have a weapon!" Chi shouted. "Now, Chi-arang!"

Chi's hammer now became a boomerang as she threw it at the agent with all of her might.

"Eh, it sounds cooler when Yang does it," Lina commented.

Marcus and Chi ignored her, focusing on the fight.

"Transfoomate!" the raccoon boy cried, firing a blast at the oncoming boomerang. The weapon turned into a butterfly and flew away.

"You were saying?" he chuckled.

"You'll pay for that!" Chi snarled. "Chi-cinerate!"

Upon these words, a wave of fire shot out of Chi's hands.

"And that's a much better pun when buck-buck Yin does it," Coop clucked.

"What, were these moves created especially for those two?" Lina asked.

"No problem," Marcus said, back at the fight. "Fooportate!"

Marcus disappeared and reappeared behind Chi, knocking her on her face.

"Woo Foo aura!" Chi screamed, leaping up and taking a meditative position. Once again, the giant purple energy rabbit formed around her.

"Anything you can do, I can do equally well!" Marcus jeered, mimicking the move and conjuring a giant grey energy raccoon.

The two auras began to duke it out, throwing punches and blocking to the best of their abilities. They pulled out all sorts of martial arts moves, as well as a few wrestling ones, until their tiny animal bodies couldn't take any more and the auras disappeared.

"And now, to end this!" Marcus shouted, pulling out his Prohibitor and running toward his opponent.

"Never!" Chi insisted, defiant to the end. "Transfoomate!"

At that second, Chi shot a blast out. The target: the Woo Foo Undies of Unlimited Destiny! The undies turned into a worthless pair of boxers and Marcus lost all of his new powers.

"Paws of power!" Chi laughed, her paws engorging as she punched Marcus to the ground, knocking him right out of his shorts.

Marcus groaned as he hit the ground.

"Now, to send the message to the Society!" the Sue cackled. "Woo Foo lightning!"

Marcus reacted quickly to his impending destruction. From the same place as the badge, the undies, and the Prohibitor, he pulled out the scene transition and activated it just before the blast could hit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Marcus awoke on a moving locomotive to discover that his sweatshirt was gone, and so was all of his fur! There was only one place he could be—the super-secret Woo Foo shedding train (not to be confused with the super-secret Woo Foo training shed).

"Good thing this place is super-secret," he muttered, covering himself and trying to remember how he got here. To his surprise, the memories came to him easily. Using a daring and risky last-minute escape plan, he'd managed to get away and flee here. But that was two days ago, at least according to his memories.

"Okay," he thought. "She beat me and took my undies—gross!—and now there's absolutely no way I can overpower her, AND she'll be looking for me. What would the characters of this fandom do now?"

The answer was obvious—they'd have a flashback of something that Master Yo had said and get an idea from it.

Marcus gave it a shot. A second later, a thought balloon appeared over his head with the image of Master Yo in it.

"Are you kidding?" Memory-Yo said. "I'm too lazy, and they're too undisciplined!"

"No," the raccoon boy thought. "That's no good. Maybe something I wasn't actually there for?"

The flashback changed to Yo, now just a skeleton, standing in front of a mirror.

"I was right!" the panda skeleton exclaimed. "I am just big-boned!"

Suddenly, Master Yo's flesh and fur reappeared and his gut bulged out.

"Jiggly, jiggly bone," he said, poking it.

"Try again," Marcus thought.

The flashback changed again, this time to Master Yo eating a ham with Yin and Yang looking up at him.

"Um, Master Yo," Memory-Yin said. "Do you have any idea where that's been?"

"It sure didn't come out of the toilet," Memory-Yo replied, taking another bite and not knowing that that was exactly where it had come from.

"Oh, this is useless!" Marcus shouted, frustrated.

"Oh, yeah?" Memory-Yo said, clearly addressing Marcus. "Well, if I'm so useless, you can just get off this stupid train and come up with an idea yourself!"

With that, Memory-Yo slammed the thought balloon shut, making it disappear.

Marcus groaned, having lost the show's idea source and voice of "wisdom", but then thought about where he was. Then he thought about the episode where it appeared as a running gag.

Slowly, one last idea crept through his mind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't nearly as hard for Marcus (whose fur had somehow grown back after he left the train) to find what he needed for this plan as it was to find the undies in that landfill. He was prepared in a few hours, marching up to the Woo Foo dojo with only a stack of golden papers.

"Ah, he returns," Chi laughed, holding up her sword, which she'd inexplicably recovered. "Ready to die?"

"Kill me and another agent will finish what I've started," the agent replied calmly. "But I have a proposal."

Chi paused for a moment.

"Go on," she finally said.

"I have here a contract," Marcus said, holding up the stack of papers. "It states, quite simply, that the Society is forbidden to interfere with anything you do, provided that you stay in this fandom. I've already signed my surrender, but to make it official you must sign, too. Do we have a deal?"

Chi snatched the contract and looked it over. With her speedreading skills and enormous legal vocabulary that she had for no good reason, she found that the contract stated exactly what Marcus said it did. He was on the level.

"Got a pen?" the Sue asked when she was done.

Marcus nodded and handed her a pen that he pulled out of the usual spot.

Chi eagerly signed her incredibly long full name on the equally incredibly long dotted line, ready to receive immunity.

Boy, was she surprised when two mittens appeared, opened her skull, scooped out her brain and eyes, placed a creepy-looking pink skull with red eyes inside her head, and put a sombrero made of tortilla chips on her brain. Though you've gotta admit, that hardly ever happens, especially in late January!

Well, she was probably surprised. It's a little hard to read a brain's emotions.

"Yes!" Chi's body shouted in a prissy male voice, ripping a coupon out of the carefully-cut hole in the contract. "I can't believe that that worked again! Now, with this unbeatable body, I, Mastermind, shall conquer this pathetic planet!"

"Yeah. Not quite," Marcus said, grabbing Chi's wrist in a tight hold and snatching the coupon and reading it aloud. "This coupon good for one free nacho sombrero if you give up your brain," he quoted. "Not permanent until sundown. Invalid if torn." Then he placed one end of the coupon in his teeth and ripped it in half.

The change was immediate. Mastermind's brain slipped back out of Chi's head and hers flew back in, leaving the sombrero behind. As soon as Chi got her body back, Marcus slammed the Prohibitor on her wrist and there was a bright flash of light that considerably weakened Chi and cleansed the fandom of all her Sue-ish past actions. The new Woo Foo students disappeared and Woo Foo became a laughingstock again. Master Yo could be heard in the dojo yelling at his students to stop throwing their dinners at each other, and in some remote location, Eradicus was probably plotting the destruction of Woo Foo.

"Okay, Chi," Marcus announced. "You're going away for a long time!"

"No!" Chi shouted, kicking Marcus in the shin and wrenching her arm free. "I won't go! And I know just how to avoid it!"

Chi, using her normal bunny speed, ran as fast as she could into the grotesquely smelly Woo Foo outhouse and locked the door behind her.

Marcus futilely attempted to break the door down as Chi chanted something inside.

"Chronologicum, hear my plea!

Remove the Prohibitor and take me

To the future, to stop more trouble!

Hurry up now! On the double!"

When Marcus finally got in, Chi was gone. He found the Prohibitor next to the hole (a small miracle that it hadn't fallen in), and saw how she'd escaped. She had used the Chronologicum, a magical hourglass with time-controlling properties, currently being used as a toilet paper holder.

The agent gritted his teeth and snatched up the Prohibitor, then opened a portal and returned to the Library Arcanium.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, it's good to be a three-dimensional human again!" the myoptic agent said, glad to be fully clothed as well.

"Nice work in the fight, man," Michael congratulated. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"Thanks," Marcus replied. "But I think I'll stick with letting others do the fighting for me from now on, if it's all the sa—hold on!" he said, his eyes going wide. "How do you know about that?"

"We watched what happened," Tash explained. "After what you said about us not watching American cartoons, we decided to give Yin Yang Yo! a shot. It's actually pretty funny."

"It's also great to know that there are people we can be truthful about our missions with who won't think we're crazy," remarked Valerie, a confident-looking brunette. "Anyone who repeatedly breaks the fourth wall is potentially a useful ally."

"Too bad that Chi escaped, though," Blake lamented.

"Eh, she just went into the future," Marcus shrugged. "She'll be back someday, and when she comes, we'll be ready."

Insert Dreadful-Sounding Ghost Story Here

"Is that all you've got?" Danny Phantom laughed, easily avoiding another of Technus's mechanical tentacles. "My grandma fights harder!"

"Make witty banter all you like, child," Technus jeered. "But this time, I, Technus, master of all things computerized and beeping, shall destroy you!"

At that moment, one of the tentacles slammed Danny into the office building behind him, pinning him to the wall.

No problem. Danny would just go intangible, escape, then go over and blast Technus from behind.

But he never got the chance.

Out of nowhere, an ecto-blast hit Technus in the back of the head, knocking him to the ground, unconscious.

Danny took a good look at his unnecessary savior. She was an impossibly beautiful ghost girl with pure white hair in a ponytail down to her waist, glowing green eyes, and an absolutely perfect body held in a black spandex suit.

"Thanks for the help," Danny said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh…"

"Spirit," the ghost girl smirked. "And it's no big deal. With Technus, you just have to know which buttons to push."

Danny couldn't help but laugh at this line as Spirit pulled out what looked just like a pink Fenton Thermos and sucked Technus into it. He didn't question where she got it. Why would he question anything about this perfect girl? He just thanked her again and left.

-

Two days later, Danny got a distress call. Youngblood and his ghostly crew were invading the beach.

Danny zoomed off to assist, but when he arrived, he found only Spirit and a crowd chanting her name. She had beaten him to the punch.

-

The next day, Danny caught a live newscast of Ember terrorizing a movie theater, but before he could even go ghost, Spirit arrived on the scene and sucked Ember into her thermos.

And so it went. The ghosts kept attacking, and Spirit kept defeating them with no trouble at all. Skulker even switched her to his new top quarry. Nobody found her suspicious. Not even Danny's ghost-hunting parents. How could someone so perfect be a problem, even if they were a ghost?

Well, half-ghost, anyway. Danny discovered her in his history class with jet-black hair, blue eyes, and a ridiculously long name. She had recently transferred in and proceeded to get perfect grades and become the most popular girl in school.

After a while, Danny stopped showing up to distress calls. Undergrowth, Vortex, Sheriff Walker—Spirit handled everything. If it weren't for the giant statue of him in the middle of the city, Danny Phantom would've been forgotten entirely. He didn't care. This was a good thing. Now he had time for what a teenager should be focusing on: friends, family, school, sports, dating, and maybe finding a job. The sky was the limit.

-

Three weeks after Spirit arrived, Danny was in English class when an announcement came over the P.A.

"Danny Fenton," it said. "Please report to the principal's office. Thank you."

The voice was not Principal Ishiyama's.

Nontheless, Mr. Lancer excused Danny and sent him down to the office.

To his surprise, Danny found someone in the office whom he'd never seen before. It was a boy, barely eighteen and somewhat chunky, wearing a black sweatshirt and sweatpants and wire-frame glasses covered by clip-on shades. He had badly unkempt black hair, and traces of a goatee to match. All in all, not very intimidating.

"Hello, Danny," the boy said kindly. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Cut the pleasantries!" Danny shouted. "Who are you? Why did you call me here? And where's Principal Ishiyama?"

"Principal Ishiyama left temporarily," the boy said. "She was never a fan favorite, anyway. And I called you here to ask for your help. I'm Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society, and I'm apprehending a dangerous criminal—the one you know as 'Spirit'."

"Spirit's a criminal?" Danny exclaimed. "No way! She's helping the whole town!"

"She shouldn't be," Marcus replied calmly. "She's doing your job, and that is damaging a fragile storyline. Even the fandom's name makes no sense now."

"Look," Danny said, getting frustrated. "I don't know who you are or what you're talking about, but I'm not about to help a complete stranger who's probably off his nut arrest a great girl who's doing my job for me for nothing!"

Marcus sighed, then resorted to psychology.

"Have you ever noticed that when someone new comes to town and starts hunting ghosts they tend to have an ulterior motive behind them?" he asked. "Valerie, Vlad, the Guys in White, Master's Blasters…Why do you think Spirit is any different?"

"Well, if she hasn't done anything in three weeks…" Danny said feebly.

"Tell me, Danny," Marcus said. "When was the last time you used your powers?"

"Um… about two weeks ago," Danny replied, blushing.

"I'll bet they're getting rusty," the agent told him. "I can see Spirit's plan. She's intimidated after you saved the world and is doing your work so you won't get practice. Now she can beat you in a direct fight."

Marcus held his breath, waiting to see if Danny would swallow this story.

"What's your plan?" Danny inquired.

-

That afternoon, Marcus and Danny went to the roof of the FentonWorks and waited for Spirit to pass by over them.

"Spirit," Marcus shouted when she did. "I hereby place you under arrest for interfering with various plots!"

Spirit just laughed and continued flying over them.

"That's it!" Danny shouted. "I'm going ghost!"

It took him a minute (much longer than usual), but Danny managed to change into his ghost form and chased after Spirit.

"Pull over, ma'am," he jeered. "I think the officer wants to see your license!"

"Oh, shut it, Phantom!" Spirit shouted, firing an ecto-blast that sent him hurtling into the street. "This isn't your fandom anymore!"

Danny barely managed to pull up and get back into the air, after which he tried to punch Spirit. She just laughed and flew behind him, then knocked him back down onto the roof.

"Come on, Danny!" Marcus urged. "I need you for this!"

Danny grunted in response, but then flew back up above Spirit.

"Try this!" the ghost boy shouted.

At that moment, Danny let loose a loud, moaning noise made of clearly visible green sound waves. The power of the ghostly wail was so great that even Spirit couldn't take it unprepared. She came crashing down in front of Marcus as Danny ceased and suddenly reverted to his human form, falling and landing on his stomach nearby.

Marcus wasted no time in placing a prohibitor on Spirit's arm. There was a bright flash of light and Danny disappeared, but Spirit just laughed.

"No-go, officer," she cackled. "You may have erased my past actions and taken most of my powers, but you forgot that even the weakest ghosts in this fandom can do this!"

With no effort at all, Spirit turned intangible and the prohibitor dropped right off.

"And now," she said, flying back up and preparing to blast her pursuer. "It's time to finish you once and for all!"

Marcus froze and waited for his imminent demise, but it never came. Instead, a figure emerged through the roof and grabbed Marcus and the prohibitor just in time to avoid the blast, then flew up to Spirit, still intangible, and placed the prohibitor inside her chest before becoming tangible again and placing Marcus back on the roof after another flash of light.

Marcus took the time to get a good look at his savior—a blue ghost man with a blue cloak and a staff with a clock on top. At least, he was for a second. Then he was an old man ghost with a long beard, and then a toddler. He just kept changing through them.

"Clockwork?" Marcus exclaimed. "Thank you, but… why?"

"I am sworn to protect and enforce the proper flow of time and its events," Clockwork replied. "When this girl toyed with reality, I had to act. Your prohibitor is trapped intangible inside her. Physical or intangible, she cannot remove it—a trick I learned from an enemy of mine."

True enough, Spirit kept going intangible, but the prohibitor just wouldn't come out.

"You may complete your mission now," Clockwork said with a smile.

Marcus smiled and held up his exact duplicate of the Fenton Thermos and sucked Spirit in, trapping her inside.

"That should fix the time/space continuum," Clockwork said. "Thank you for your help, Agent Marcus, and good luck on further missions. Should you return, I will be glad to assist you."

-

"Well, it's good to know we have one ally who's immune to the time/space changes we make so often," Tash said, taking the thermos after Marcus finished his report.

"That's just one fandom, Tash," said Blake, a tall boy with spiky blonde hair. "There are hundreds more of 'em."

"Hey," Marcus shrugged. "Every little bit helps."

Insert Random Alphanumeric Code Here

It began on an average day in Chaotic. Tom had just won another match (barely), Clay and Krystella were plotting their next scan scam, and Kaz and Sarah were watching Peyton cram down his eleventh Berith Beyond burrito when, out of nowhere, he appeared. He had a small, skinny build, unusual for his kind, but his beautiful snow-white hair and deep, blue eyes set on his perfectly-formed face made you look past his physique completely, as did his top-of-the-line clothes and shoes. His name was Xavier Nathaniel Zenith Peacemaker, but here he was also to be known as…

"GryStu," one of the service droids said. "Please proceed to the Hotekk drome for your first match."

Xavier nodded and headed to the drome.

"New player, huh?" Tom said, staring at the Hotekk videoscreen in the lounge. "Let's see how he does."

Then they saw Xavier's opponent: HercuLeon, the undefeated OverWorld player.

"Hah!" Clay laughed. "The boy doesn't have a prayer!"

The two players selected their teams. HercuLeon used Heptadd, his best Creature, while Xavier selected a Creature that nobody had ever seen before: Gigarexx, and UnderWorlder with massive disciplines.

Within two minutes, Xavier had won and HercuLeon had never landed a blow. He wasn't mad after losing, though, even to and UnderWorlder. In fact, he begged Xavier to trade him some UnderWorlder scans, as he wanted to start using them after such a match. Xavier agreed. He had plenty to spare.

When he left the drome, Xavier was flocked by adoring fans. That was the first day of a week of prosperity.

On the second day, Xavier made his first journey into Perim. He befriended all tribes—OverWorlder, UnderWorlder, Mipedian, Danian, and even M'arrillian. They let him scan everything they had, adding to his ever-growing arsenal of overpowered scans.

On the third day, he met Clay and Krystella, and, after a short talk with them, he got them to repent and give back every scan they ever scammed. Players praised him highly.

On the fourth day, he won 1,000 consecutive drome matches, then challenged the Codemasters. He defeated all seven of them at once with a single Creature. Players now saw him as a god.

On the fifth day, he discovered a simple Mugic that purged Prexxor Chasm of its ailment, brought water to the Mipedian desert, and stopped lava eruptions in the UnderWorld, all without harming any of the native Creatures. He was a Perim-wide hero.

On the sixth day, he wrote up a treaty and finally ended Perim's endless war. All tribes signed immediately, and not a single Creature was unhappy about it. Chaor, Maxxor, and Lord Van Bloot even became best friends.

On the seventh day, he discovered where the Cothica was hidden, and shared its power with all of Perim, guaranteeing peace and prosperity forevermore.

But then, on the eighth day, a new player appeared. He was a teenager, tall and slightly overweight, dressed in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. He had badly unkempt hair and traces of a goatee to match. His eyes were covered by a pair of wire-frame glasses outfitted with clip-on shades. All in all, not the most intimidating guy ever.

"Xavier Nathaniel Zenith Peacemaker?" he asked, pointing at Xavier.

"Ah, another adoring fan," Xavier said with a smile. "What might your name be?"

"Marcus," the teenager replied, pulling out a badge. "Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. You're under arrest for multiple counts of uprooting storylines and toying with plots."

"What?" Xavier replied, shocked. "I've done nothing but good! Everyone loves me!"

"Doing good is fine," Marcus replied. "It's doing perfect that you're in trouble for. You've cut off this fandom's flow of events, and just to make yourself look good. You're going away for a long time."

"You think you can arrest me?" Xavier laughed. "I've got everyone in Chaotic and Perim on my side! I'm untouchable!"

"The Society will find your weakest moments," Marcus replied, eerily calm. "I have an associate who enjoys disemboweling his prey, and would be glad to take you if I should fail." He shook his head. "But I detest resorting to such gratuitous acts of violence. Therefore, I have a proposal for you."

"What kind of proposal?" Xavier asked, raising an eyebrow.

"A wager," Marcus responded. "One Chaotic match. One Creature each. If I win, you go with me without a fight, but if you win, I'll push the paperwork through and grant you immunity for your crimes, provided you never leave this fandom. Do you accept?" he inquired, extending a hand.

"You must be joking!" Xavier laughed, grabbing the hand in a vigorous shake. "I can't lose!"

"Do you accept?" Marcus repeated, slipping a strange device out of his sleeve and onto Xavier's wrist.

There was a blinding flash of light just before Xavier shouted, "Of course I accept!"

"Wait," the Gary-Stu said, blinking in confusion. "What did you just do?"

"I used my prohibitor," Marcus said with a grin. "This tricky little doodad stops any and all of your Gary-Stu powers, as well as erasing any Stu-ish past actions. Don't worry, though. If you win, I'll remove it."

"I will win!" Xavier said, holding up his scanner. "There's no way you can beat my—wait," he said, his smile dropping immediately. "Where are all my awesome ultra-rares?"

"Gone," Marcus replied. "Your Stu powers have been shut off. You only have normal scans now."

Xavier growled. "Tom," he shouted. "Let me borrow your Maxxor for this match!"

"What?" Tom exclaimed, looking unbelievably shocked and insulted. "I'm not giving you Maxxor! I don't even know you!"

"Your Stu-ish heroics never happened, remember?" Marcus chuckled. "They don't remember. To them, the week passed as normal. You have no friends here. You're on your own, and if you back out of our match I'll consider it a forfeit and arrest you on the spot."

Xavier snarled, but then said, "Fine! I'll still beat you!"

Marcus laughed, but took him to the drome.

The match was quick and easy. Xavier's dirt-common scans were no match for Marcus's uncommons.

"A bet's a bet," Marcus said. "Time to go."

"Are you nuts?" Xavier said. "I'm not a Gary-Stu anymore! I don't have to be perfect and keep my word! I'm out of here!"

Xavier cackled and bolted out into the lounge.

"Stop him!" Marcus suddenly yelled, playing along with this fandom. "He stole my ultra-rare Ipaaru scan!"

Dozens of honest players suddenly jumped up and chased after the Gary-Stu as he ran out the door past Clay and Krystella.

"He's headed for Battledrome Imthor!" Clay announced.

At once, Marcus and the crowd ran out to the drome, and, once they were gone, Xavier walked back in.

"Thanks," he said.

"Okay, kid, that'll be one rare scan," Krystella sneered. "We don't help people for free."

Xavier ignored them and ran to the 'port court, transporting himself to somewhere in Perim.

When the mob returned Clay told them everything out of pure spite. Marcus listened closely and began searching Perim, knowing that with the prohibitor on, Xavier couldn't possibly escape this fandom. He finally got a lead from H'earring, the UnderWorlder scout, at his home in UnderWorld City.

"The guy wanted me to use my only Dischord of Disarming on some weird BattleGear on his wrist," he said, munching on a nasty-looking fruit. "I told him to get lost, but when he offered me a whole sack of fungus fruit…well, I just couldn't say 'no'. Then he opened a hole in the air and disappeared into it."

"Plothole," Marcus growled. He had failed. Xavier was still on the loose.

With that, he left the fandom and returned to base to tell the Society what had happened.

"My apologies about his escape," Marcus sighed.

"Eh, no big deal," replied Michael, a tall, round-faced boy with a sword strapped to his back.

"Yeah," said Miri, a younger, dark-haired girl. "And you managed to erase all the damage he did. Your prohibitor really works."

"I made a mistake not calling backup again," Marcus muttered.

"Yes, you did," commented Tash, the tall, blonde Society leader. "It's a good thing, too, because if you didn't make mistakes, we'd be pursuing you."

Insert Whatever's In This Pokeball Here

It was a normal day in Bramble Town, the smallest, humblest town in the Naïveté region. The sun was shining, the Pidgey were cooing, a half-ton meteorite was hurtling down at Mach 2… wait, what?

The space rock crashed down and formed a huge crater right in the backyard of a ten-year-old boy named Kenneth, and immediately he rushed out to investigate. As he was admiring the mysterious rock, it split open before his eyes, revealing an internally flawless purple gem bigger than his fist!

Kenneth gasped as the gem released a bright red light. Slowly but surely the light solidified, forming into the levitating body of a creature decidedly not of this Earth. Its body was over five feet tall, red, with a humanoid torso and the gem embedded in its chest, and it had long, spindly legs ending in points rather than feet. Instead of arms, it had long tentacles, one red and one blue curled in a double-helix on each side, and its blue face was void of any facial features except for sharp, round eyes in parallelogram-shaped sockets.

Kenneth couldn't believe his eyes! This was a Deoxys, an obscenely rare Pokemon! He'd seen pictures of them in books, but he never thought he'd actually see one in person!

Just then the Deoxys let out a low hum, and immediately Kenneth knew something was wrong. The Deoxys was weak, and in considerable pain. It pushed him back and prepared to fly off, but Kenneth knew that he had to help it himself. He took out the Pokeball that he'd been carrying for the last two weeks and threw it at the DNA Pokemon with all his might. The ball struck the Deoxys right in the middle of its face, cracked open, and the Deoxys was converted into red light (different than before) and sucked into the Pokeball. The ball snapped shut and fell to the ground, wiggling back and forth for a few seconds before stopping cold.

Kenneth let out a cheer. He had caught the Deoxys!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A couple of hours later, Kenneth had packed his bags and was on his way. He'd called the Pokemon Professor at the laboratory in Nettles Town, the next town over, and told her all about today's strange phenomena. She'd ordered Kenneth to come over to her lab immediately, as she'd recently obtained some meteorites of her own, devoid of organic life but with a strange radiation, and she wanted to see if there was any connection. She'd even hinted that she might let him keep the Deoxys afterward. Now he was just in front of the town limits, and nothing could bring him down.

"OW!" came a voice to his right. "DAMN PLOTHOLE!"

Kenneth turned to see the source of the profanity, and found a boy, about eighteen, sprawled on the ground. The boy propped himself up and Kenneth got a better look at him. He was of average height, but a little chunky, and wearing a black sweatshirt and sweatpants. He was fairly unkempt, with shaggy black hair and a moustache and goatee to match. What his eyes looked like were a mystery, though, because they were hidden behind clip-on shades on wire-frame glasses.

At the same time, the mystery man sized up Kenneth. The kid was short and scraggly, with a dirty white polo shirt and jeans. His hair was curly and brown, and he had tiny brown eyes and a rather large nose.

"You okay?" Kenneth asked as the other guy dusted himself off.

"Fine," the mystery man replied. "You the kid with the Deoxys?"

"Y-yes."

"Good." Immediately, the mystery man pulled a badge from his pocket and flashed it in Kenneth's face. "Then I hereby place you under arrest for crimes against storytelling! You're going away for a long time, Stu!"

"Stu?" Kenneth repeated. "No, the name's 'Kenneth'. Who are you, anyway? What are you talking about?"

"I'm Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary Sue Elimination Society," said Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary Sue Elimination Society. "And you're coming with me."

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Kenneth insisted.

"Oh, come on! You expect anyone to believe that a meteorite containing a Deoxys just happened to crash in your backyard, and you just happened to catch it without even battling it? That's beyond ridiculous!"

"Look," Kenneth insisted. "I don't know what you're going on about, but I'm not going anywhere without a fight!"

"A fight, eh?" Marcus chuckled. "I take it you mean a Pokemon battle?"

"That's right!" Kenneth snapped, taking out his Pokeball. "Let's see if you can beat me and Deoxys!"

Kenneth tossed the ball in the air and it burst open. Deoxys appeared with a flash of light.

"Sounds good to me," Marcus said, pulling a Pokeball out of his pocket. "Magmar, prepare for battle!"

Marcus threw his Pokeball, and a Pokemon materialized. This one had a vaguely humanoid body, but with clawed hands and feet, a long, straight tail, and an orange duckbill for a mouth. Its body was consumed in fire, but it showed no signs of burns. "Magmar," the creature grunted.

"Magmar?" Kenneth commented. "That's a Fire-type, right?"

"Quit playing dumb and battle already!" Marcus snapped.

"Fine," Kenneth sighed. "Sheesh! Deoxys, use Swift!"

Deoxys buzzed and put its tentacles together, but then, amazingly, did a double-take and shook its head.

"Stop fooling around!" Marcus ordered. "Magmar, hit it with your Flamethrower!"

"Magmar!" Magmar replied, expelling a stream of fire that struck Deoxys right in its chest.

"Good, now don't let up! Strike hard with Fire Punch!"

Magmar nodded and ran at Deoxys with a flaming fist.

"Use Counter, Deoxys!" Kenneth screamed.

Deoxys buzzed indignantly as it was knocked backwards, but otherwise did nothing.

"I thought I told you to stop clowning around!" Marcus snarled. "I may be new, but I'm a serious contender!"

"Hey, I'm new, too!" Kenneth complained. "Now, Deoxys, use Zap Cannon!"

This time, the DNA Pokemon didn't even bother trying to use the aforementioned attack. Instead it let out an angry buzz and its eyes glowed blue. At the same time, Magmar was surrounded by an aura of the same color, then lifted into the air and slammed back into the ground!

"I said 'Zap Cannon', not 'Psychic'!" Kenneth complained as Magmar got to its feet. "What's it take to get you to listen?"

Deoxys let out a cranky hum, then turned on its trainer, put its tentacles together, conjured an orb of dark energy, and shot a dark beam called a Night Shade attack right at Kenneth's feet, making him yelp in fright.

"Oh, enough of this!" Marcus growled. "Magmar, finish it with one more Flamethrower!"

"Magmar," Magmar grunted. "MAG-MAR!"

The Flame Pokemon launched one more wave of fire with all of its might, striking Deoxys in the back and knocking it into its trainer, sending them both crashing to the ground in a heap, the DNA Pokémon's eyes filled with swirls.

"Pathetic," the older boy said, recalling Magmar into its Pokeball. "A Level 5 Stu should've provided far more of a challenge than that! You don't even know how to use that Deoxys!"

Then it hit him.

"You're… not a Stu, are you?"

"I told you, my name's Kenneth!" the younger boy snapped, recalling his Deoxys. "I don't even know a Stu!"

"Yes, yes, that explains the lack of battle skills," Marcus said, more to himself than Kenneth. "Inexperienced, but obviously eager to learn, starting off with a Pokemon far too advanced and clearly showing it…" He extended a hand to Kenneth, who stared for a second, then accepted it and got to his feet. "You're not a Stu. You're a reasonably interesting character."

"Uh, thanks," Kenneth replied. "I, uh, like your shades."

"It doesn't make sense, though," Marcus pondered. "If you're not a Stu, then why did we get an alert?"

"Beats me," Kenneth shrugged. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get going. I told Professor Willowe I'd meet her ten minutes ago."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Professor" Willowe Diamond Ravenne Hyacinth Aurelia Sakurelle Dewdrop Arwennia Heliotrope Sandriline Delilah Aphrodite Bob Yuffiana Vipertooth Foxblade the Third paced her laboratory, waiting for her guest. It was a nice laboratory, big and high-tech, with all sorts of top-of-the-line computers and machines, and several interesting artifacts, the most prominent being four meteorites the size of basketballs in glass cases around the room.

The "professor's" appearance, however, was far more interesting. She was rather young, only about 23, with a very curvy body barely squeezed into a white lab coat. She had flowing, silky auburn hair, dark violet eyes, and teeth of a dazzling opalline white.

Finally, the door opened and somebody walked in.

"It's about time," the "professor" said. "You know, my schedule is quite tight, Kenne—who in the world are you?"

"The name's Marcus," Marcus informed her. "And I know who you are. You're Willowe Foxblade, Society Enemy Number One."

"Well, actually, the name's Willowe Diamond Ravenne—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm here to arrest you in the name of the Society!"

Willowe laughed, a sound that brought to mind angels singing in perfect harmony. "Are you kidding?" she giggled. "A newbie like you actually thinks he can take me?"

"Hey!" Marcus objected. "I may not look like much, but I'm smart! I knew enough to borrow some strong Pokemon from one of my creations, and more importantly, I figured out your game!"

"Oh, really?" Willowe said, flipping her hair in amusement. "Enlighten me."

"You send down legendary Pokemon to ten-year-old kids and make them super-easy to capture. Then, once they come down here to see you about it, you drain away everything interesting about them and add another soldier to your army of Sues. You even compressed your level to five to keep the Society from getting suspicious, didn't you?"

Willowe looked stunned (yet still stunning), but quickly regained her composure. "Very good," she complimented. "It's a cushy job that I've been doing on and off for a while now. What I'd like to know is what you think you can do to stop me!"

"I'll defeat you is what I'll do!" Marcus shot back. "I've got a knack for writing battles, after all—I even refocused my writing to further increase my skills."

"As if I care," the Sue said, flipping her hair again. "But, hey, you've caught me in a good mood. I'll battle you, and on the off chance that you beat me, I'll leave this fandom. I'll even spot each of your Pokemon one free attack (although I wouldn't count on any one-hit KO moves landing). How does that sound?"

"It's your funeral," Marcus shrugged, taking a Pokeball from his back pocket. "Go, Magmar!"

With a surge of light, Magmar appeared, ready for battle.

"How cute, a Magmar," Willowe chuckled. "This will be even easier than I thought! Let's see you defeat this!

Willowe snatched a Pokeball (one of six) from her belt and lobbed it into the air. With a sparkle of light, an incredibly freaky Pokemon materialized. It was over twenty feet long, and serpentine in shape, with a strange pale-yellow orb on a string around its neck. Its body was gold, but with black and blue stripes on its belly, and a silver masklike structure over its blue eyes, and bands of the same color down its neck. It had silver spikes jutting out along its sides, and there were six long black tentacles extending from its back, each ending with a sharp blue spike.

"A shiny Giratina," Marcus sighed. "How predictable for a Sue."

"Just take your free attack," Willowe told him, rolling her eyes.

"Very well. Magmar, use Overheat!"

Magmar grunted and took a deep breath. It glowed red as its flames burned brighter, and finally it expelled a gigantic burst of flame that completely engulfed Giratina!

Willowe, on the other hand, simply laughed, and when the flames died down Giratina barely seemed hurt!

"You didn't actually think that that puny Magmar of yours could actually harm my Giratina, did you?" the Sue laughed, flipping her hair again. "Giratina, make this quick. Hit it with Ancientpower!"

Giratina roared and conjured a glowing white ball of energy in its mouth, then launched it at Magmar. The Flame Pokemon cried out in pain, then fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Okay," Marcus muttered, recalling Magmar and exchanging its Pokeball for another. "So much for the direct approach. Let's try this."

He threw the ball and another Pokemon appeared, this one looking like a fat palm tree that stood on two legs. Three coconuts dangled beneath its leaves, each with a smiling face.

"Exeggutor, use Leech Seed!"

"Exeggutor!" the three heads replied in unison, and then, from within its leaves, a large seed appeared. The Coconut Pokemon laughed and launched the seed, striking Giratina in the belly. The seed burst open and long, leaf-covered vines spread and constricted around the shiny Pokémon's body.

"That'll do you absolutely no good," Willowe snickered. "Giratina, use Shadow Claw!"

Giratina snarled and slashed Exeggutor with its six tentacles, which temporarily took on a dark aura. Exeggutor fainted on the spot.

"Okay, next stratagem," Marcus said, recalling his Pokemon and sending out another, this one a purple and black anthropomorphic pig with a black pearl in its navel and two more on its forehead.

"Odor Sleuth, Grumpig!"

The Manipulate Pokemon grunted and began sniffing the air. A white aura appeared around Giratina for just a second, then faded.

"That's how you use your one free attack?" Willowe laughed. "Giratina, knock it out with Dragonbreath!"

Giratina exhaled a wave of green breath that engulfed Grumpig, which dropped where it stood.

Marcus said nothing this time, simply exchanging his current Pokemon for another, this one a three-foot-tall humanoid chameleon with a red zigzag on its belly.

"Kecleon, hit it with Shadow Claw!"

"Keclee!" the Kecleon squealed, leaping at Giratina with its right arm engulfed in a dark aura. Giratina backed away slightly, but otherwise seemed unharmed.

"Pitiful," Willowe sneered. "Ancientpower, Giratina!"

"Kecleon, use Substitute!" Marcus cried.

Once again, Giratina conjured and fired an orb of glowing light, but as it did, Kecleon created a dummy of itself and hid behind it. When the smoke cleared, though, the dummy was gone and Kecleon was on its belly, not moving.

"Amazing," Willowe said, flipping her hair again for no real reason. "Your Pokemon actually managed to faint even after using Substitute. I've battled a lot of Pokemon, but I've never seen one that pathetic!"

"Battled a lot of Pokemon, eh?" Marcus replied as he recalled Kecleon. "I take it it wasn't in the name of Pokemon research?"

"Of course not!" the Sue laughed. "I've never researched a Pokemon and I never intend to! My only goal is to seize control of the multiverse with my army of Sues!"

"I figured as much," Marcus said with a nod. "Now, I believe I still have two unused Pokemon."

The Society agent produced another Pokeball and tossed it, causing yet another Pokemon to appear. This one was rather small, and completely spherical, red on top and white on the bottom, with two angry eyes on the top half.

"Let's not draw this out, Voltorb!" Marcus ordered. "Just use Explosion!"

"Voltorb!" Voltorb replied in a mechanical-sounding voice. It squinted its eyes in concentration and glowed white, then, with the force of about four sticks of dynamite, it exploded!

When the smoke cleared, the lab was almost completely destroyed and Voltorb was unconscious, but Giratina still seemed relatively unharmed!

"Wow," Willowe giggled. "This time you even spared me the trouble of attacking! I guess that explains why you used Odor Sleuth, though—you needed to make Giratina vulnerable to Normal-type attacks so you could try and take it down in a suicide attempt! Too bad it didn't work, and now you're down to your last Pokemon, and based on what I've seen, I doubt you could possibly have one strong enough to beat my Giratina!"

"He might not," said a familiar voice. "But I sure do!"

Immediately Kenneth burst through the door, looking livid. "You were right about Professor Willowe, Marcus! She really did just want to use me! Now let me help you! Here," he said, handing Marcus his only Pokeball. "Use Deoxys to beat her into the ground!"

"Thanks, Kenneth!" Marcus said, tossing the Pokeball and releasing the DNA Pokemon. "You ready to win this, Deoxys?"

The Deoxys waved its tentacles and let out an excited hum.

"Good. Now, I believe I get one free attack? I'll go with… PSYCHO BOOST!"

Eagerly, Deoxys flew up in the air, then arced its tentacles to form an X with its gem in the middle. With a loud buzz, it formed a glowing multicolored sphere and shot it right at Giratina's face!

Giratina roared in agony. That attack had actually done some damage!

"Yes!" Marcus cheered. "The tides are turning, Willowe!"

"Congratulations, kid," Willowe sneered. "But that's as far as you'll get! Giratina, strike it down with Shadow Claw!"

"Dodge it, Deoxys, and touch one of those meteorites!" Marcus suddenly cried out.

Deoxys nodded and narrowly avoided Giratina's tentacles, then flew over to the nearest meteorite case (which had been blown wide open) and touched the meteorite with a tentacle of its own.

The transformation was immediate. Deoxys slimmed down considerably, and the red coloring on its legs and torso became black. Two of its tentacles (one red, one blue) had disappeared, and a long, narrow plate grew back from the top of its head. Only its face and gem seemed completely unchanged.

"Now do you see why I used Explosion, Willowe?" Marcus bragged. "It wasn't just to damage your Giratina (though I'll admit I hoped it would). I knew those meteorites would allow Deoxys to change between its Forms, and now they're within easy reach!"

Willowe scowled at her opponent, but showed no fear. "So you've unlocked a few transformations. So what? You still can't hope to stand against Giratina's raw strength!"

"We'll just see about that!" Marcus shot back.

"We sure will! Giratina, hit it with Ancientpower!"

"Use Agility to dodge it!"

Giratina launched another glowing sphere, but Deoxys put on a burst of speed and easily avoided it.

"Try a Dragonbreath!" Willowe ordered.

"Dodge with Agility!" Marcus commanded.

Giratina exhaled more green breath, but Deoxys just sped up and flitted aside.

"It's only a matter of time before you lose, Willowe!" Marcus taunted. "Thanks to Exeggutor's Leech Seed, Giratina's energy has slowly been draining away. At this point evasion tactics alone could win this for me."

"Oh, is that what you think?" Willowe raged, tossing her hair in anger. "Well, think again! I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve! Try dodging this! Giratina, Shadow Force!"

Giratina let out a roar. Its mask glowed red and then, amazingly, it vanished into thin air!

This isn't good, Marcus thought. There's no telling where that attack will come from!

"Hurry, Deoxys," he instructed. "Get to another meteorite!"

Deoxys nodded, zoomed across the room to another destroyed case, and brought about another transformation by touching the stone within. It grew much bulkier and regained the red coloration on its torso and legs. It regrew its two lost tentacles, and all four grew wide and flat. Its head and neck had merged together into a dome shape, but its face and gem still hadn't changed.

Just when the transformation was complete, Giratina appeared behind Deoxys and shot an arcing black beam from its mouth.

"Turn around and use Mirror Coat!" Marcus ordered.

Deoxys turned and spread its tentacles just in time to take a blast to the chest. It was blown back, badly injured. It remained airborne, though, and then, amazingly, it shot a beam from its gem, the exact same color as Giratina's last attack but twice the size, that nailed the Renegade Pokemon in the face and caused it to buckle under the attack's incredible power, struggling to remain conscious.

"This battle's nearly over, Willowe!" Marcus said. "Giratina just took its own attack at double the strength! One more hit and it's finished!"

"The same can be said of Deoxys!" the Sue retaliated. "And, in case you didn't realize, Deoxys is too slow to dodge attacks in its Defense Form!

"Now, Giratina, win me this battle with a Dragonbreath!"

"Avoid it, Deoxys, and get to another meteorite!" Marcus commanded.

Willowe just laughed as Giratina exhaled its green fumes, but she stopped short when Deoxys narrowly avoided the attack and moved to another space rock at moderate speed.

"Impossible!" the Sue exclaimed. "How can it be moving so quickly?"

"Don't you remember how Deoxys kept using Agility in its Speed Form?" Marcus responded. "Its Form may have changed, but it still kept the boost."

In only a couple of seconds, Deoxys reached the third meteorite and initiated its third transformation. This one looked a lot like its Normal Form, but its torso was black, and it had three pointy fins on its head, one on the top and two on the sides. Its face and gem were the same as ever.

"Excellent," Marcus said. "Now, Deoxys, since your attack strength has just gone up considerably, it's time to end this with a Hyper Beam!"

Deoxys let out an excited hum and held its tentacles like it did for Psycho Boost, but this time the ball of energy was a yellow-orange color.

"Defend with Dragonbreath, Giratina!" Willowe screamed.

Giratina exhaled more green breath just as Deoxys released a powerful beam from the orb of energy, but the defense proved to be ineffective. The Hyper Beam blasted right through the Dragonbreath and, with a final roar, Giratina was defeated.

"Yes!" Kenneth cheered. "You did it! You finally beat her!"

"Hardly!" Willowe sneered, recalling Giratina and flipping her hair for… I don't know, emphasis? "In case you've forgotten, Giratina was only my first Pokemon! I have five more to use, and each of them is every bit as strong as Giratina!"

"Oh, really?" Marcus said with a grin. "Show me."

"You bet I will!" the Sue told him. She reached for one of the Pokeballs on her belt but, to her complete surprise, they were all gone!

"My Pokeballs!" she cried. "Where are they?"

Marcus smiled bigger and pointed beside him. There was a red zigzag floating in the air. The colors around it morphed and in a second Willowe recognized it as the Kecleon she had battled earlier.

"Keclee!" it said, opening its mouth to reveal the five Pokeballs within.

"W-what?" Willowe stammered. "B-but how—?"

"I had this all planned out from the beginning," Marcus bragged. "You see, I knew you wouldn't have just a single Pokemon, no matter how confident you were, so I came up with a plan to make sure you couldn't use them.

"You were right when you said that a Pokemon can't be knocked out right after using Substitute. In reality, Kecleon only pretended to be unconscious so I could recall it and use it later.

"Voltorb's Explosion provided the perfect diversion to cover me releasing it again, and it immediately camouflaged itself. Then, while you were distracted by the battle with Deoxys, it snuck up behind you and stole your Pokeballs with its tongue!

"I was three steps ahead of you the entire time. Face it, Willowe," he finished. "You've lost!"

"A battle and a cushy job, yes," the Sue snapped. "But not the war! You haven't seen the last of me, kid—that's a promise!"

With that, she tore a hole in time and space and leapt through.

There was a moment of silence in the laboratory, finally broken by Kenneth.

"Wow," he said. "Where'd she go?"

"Search me," Marcus shrugged, taking the Pokeballs from Kecleon and recalling it and Deoxys. "But for now, my work here is done. Here," he said, handing Kenneth the Pokeball containing Deoxys. "I'm keeping the other Pokemon as evidence. You just go on that journey of yours. We'll be monitoring you, but if you're lucky (but not too lucky) you'll never have to see me again."

The Society agent pulled out his portal gun and shot open a plothole of his own. With a final cry of "good luck!", he leapt through and disappeared.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"…and that's pretty much the whole story," Marcus finished reporting to Tash, his tall, blonde, British boss. Then, out of nowhere, she slapped him across the face!

"That was for not calling in backup when you first heard Willowe was there!" she told him as he rubbed his raw cheek. "Willowe is Society Enemy Number One! You can't just go after her alone, especially on your first mission!"

Then, even more surprisingly, she reached over and squeezed him in a bone-crushing hug.

"And that," she said. "Was for upending her plans for that fandom. It slowed her progress considerably. The Society definitely needs your brains."

"And I'm glad to provide them," Marcus replied.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Willowe, meanwhile, was sitting on her throne in her base, going over the day's events in her head. Finally, she came to a decision.

"Xavier!" she called.

Immediately a white-haired, blue-eyed, teenaged Stu appeared before her.

"What is it, my liege?" he asked.

"I'm assigning you a new duty. That boy I just battled? Marcus? Something he said about his writing caught my attention. I want you to investigate him. Take him on as much as you can and report your findings straight to me."

"Yes, ma'am!" Xavier replied. "I'll get right on it!"

"Good," Willowe said with a dazzling smile. "He's hiding something, and I'll do whatever it takes to use it against him!"