TAOM: Combee - Bee Yourself

"The boardroom is in use today by the Counter Guardians – please stay out of their way guys. Also Tash is running Fire Marshall training at three in training room five-"

Watching Miss Hari-Hat speak was like listening to those funny people with white collars talk about this God person, Combee thought. You knew they were saying something important and grown up... but because she was a baby she didn't understand any of it. That did not mean that did not have opinions on it regardless. For instance, she'd always thought that this God person sounded a little weird (and that was her talking!), but apparently he had a nice fluffy beard like Santa Claus, so he must be an okay person.

Miss Hari-Hat did not have a beard (that would be silly!) but when she talked, everyone listened. Combee knew it because she went to the meetings with Daddy every morning and watched everyone sit up straight when Miss Hari-Hat entered the room. It was like she had invisible strings attached to their backs like those puppets that Mister Davey liked to watch on TV, and she pulled them straight every time she walked through the door. One day, Combee was going to find those strings and make everyone jump up and down in their seats. That would be even funnier than the time she made a paper tornado out of the documents on Daddy's desk!

Seated around the table, she found the people who were really special to her. Miss Hari-Hat obviously, with her pretty brightly coloured clothes and her beautiful smile. Auntie Miri was yawning. Daddy said she had been on a 'night ship' or something like that, where she got to stay up past bed time and watch TVs. Combee thought that sounded like a great idea, though she wondered why it was called a ship. She hoped that Auntie Miri would let Tailsy out to play soon. She missed her big sister-like friend.

Auntie Tashy was sitting next to Daddy, chewing on a pen and pausing occasionally to take notes. Combee liked Auntie Tashy. She was tough and always knew what to do if there was a problem. Plus she was pretty when she set herself on fire like a big Moltres. Something small, white and furry put its paws on the table and peered over the surface with huge violet eyes. Mister Kitty was in Auntie Tashy's lap. Combee giggled. Only special people got to sit there, and she was one of them.

And then there was Daddy, in who's lap she currently sat. Tilting her head upwards, she saw him, with his head resting on one of his hands, gazing off in a vacant way. That usually meant that he was pretending to listen. Daddy was a very good pretender, Combee thought. He liked to pretend that he was fine a lot of the time, when he wasn't really. It made her worry. Today though, he seemed really fine. He had had a lot of fun playing that funny video game that he enjoyed with Auntie Tashy, with the rocks and the big trees and green monsters that made things go boom. That always made him smile.

Combee took a deep breath. She smelt Daddy first, as she was sitting in his arms. She wriggled her nose at the smell of mint and soap. It made her feel safe. Taking another deep sniff, she honed in on the next smell. Bergamot (Auntie Tashy) and apple (Mister Kitty), followed by a mishmash of a lot of people – strawberries, grass, oranges, violets, tea, spices. She couldn't smell Auntie Miri because she was too far away, but she knew she smelt of pine, like the huge Christmas trees that she liked to bounce on.

"Last item on today's agenda," Miss Hari-Hat (who smelt of juicy papayas) was saying in a loud voice. "Today is Bring Your Pokemon To Work Day! So feel free to let your teams out to stretch their legs!"

There were a few raised eyebrows. Apparently this event was spontaneous.

"Sweet!" Michael broke the silence, and Combee grinned. More friends to play with sounded like a great idea to her.

"Half of us do that anyway," Alice pointed out, gesturing to herself and Robert, who had Litwicks on their shoulders.

"Yes, but this time its official," Harriet stated grandly. "Which makes it an even better idea than before!"

As she spoke, she plucked a Poke Ball from her waist and threw it in the air. Mudkip appeared in a flash, chasing its tail around the table. Michael and Tash, being leaders and wanting to set a good example, released their own Pokemon onto the table, and Combee leaped into the chaos giggling with glee. More enthusiastic flashes of light burst into the room, and Combee found herself quickly being squished into a corner by the mass of bodies.

"Okay who's bright idea was it to release their Tropius in such a small space?" Harriet's voice appeared from the middle of the room.

"Sorry, that's mine," Alice called.

"No she's not. She's mine," Adrian objected. "That one throwing bananas at Michael's Infernape is yours!"

"Oh yeah, sorry..."

"Ow!" Ben whimpered. "That's an Aggron on my foot!"

"Oh he's mine!" Kyle yelled. "Sorry! Aggron, stop breaking Ben! That's Shirley's job!"

There were two loud roars, and a pair of Gyarados in the corner began snapping at each other furiously.

"So this is one of your better ideas, Harriet?" Michael asked dryly.

"I'm the leader!" Harriet protested, from where she was squished against the table. "All my ideas are better!"

From high in the air, Combee giggled to herself. Today was going to be an excellent day.

OOO

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

Michael looked up from his paperwork just in time to be tackled by his excited youngster.

"Sorry, the door was open," Tash quipped, stepping over the threshold and kicking a stack of paperwork over before it could bite at her ankles.

"Daddy!" Combee bounced in his lap in excitement. "We have amazing news! Auntie Tashy was on bulby-pedia and she found that there are more attacks that I can learn! But she says I have to be tooted them! Will you tooter me the moves? Please Daddy? Please?"

All six eyes became impossibly wide, as she gazed up at her father. Behind his glasses, Michael took a moment to digest all of the information before replying with a grin.

"Well if it's on the internet, it must be true!" He patted her on the head. "What moves would you like to learn, baby?"

"YAY!" Combee nuzzled at his neck excitedly. "Thank you Daddy! I want to learn a new flying attack! So Auntie Tashy said I should learn Air Cutter!" She nodded decisively. "There was attacks like Mud-Slap and Snore, but that's silly, because anyone can do those if you're in a muddy puddle or very sleepy!"

"Why don't you let your Daddy pick an attack too," Tash suggested gently. "Since he is the one who will be tutoring you. Then you can go to the training rooms and get started?"

There was a fluttering of papers accompanied by a "ZOOOOM!" as Combee sped from the room at top speed to claim a training room. The closer she got, the more noise she could make out. The sounds of explosions and high energy attacks being blasted around. It sounded like her kind of party! But still, she had to wait for her Daddy, so she slowed down and came to a stop outside the door.

"I'm a bee. I drink tea. Won't you bounce around with me...?" She paused in her excited bouncing as a short figure in a blue waistcoat came trotting down the hallway. "Ooo! Miss Emmy!"

And she plunged down Emily's waistcoat and snuggled her chest. "Ooo! You're growing pillows on you like a marshmallow!" she giggled.

Blushing red (and reminding herself to go bra shopping again soon) Emily plucked the excitable Pokemon out. "Hey Combee baby. What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for Daddy and Auntie Tashy to stop being Slowpokes," Combee explained. "Daddy is going to teach me a new trick!" she frowned, as from the recesses of her scatterbrained mind, she remembered something. "Ooo! Auntie Tashy was looking for you! I remember! She was on bulby-pedia and said she had something for you, and then we started looking up me and what moves I can be tooted, and then we went to go find Daddy!" She smiled, pleased with herself for remembering.

It took Emily all of a second to translate from Combee-speak, by which point, Tash had flashstepped around the corner, panting.

"Damn, she moves fast!" she said.

"Auntie Tashy!" Combee leaped out of Emily's arms and began snuggling her relative. "Miss Emmy is there, and you has something to give her!"

"Yes I do," Tash nodded, picking Combee up and holding her at eye level. "But do you remember what I said about it, Combee?"

"Umm..." Combee thought for a moment, before all three of her faces grinned again. "Yes! You said it was a very important and very fwagile thing and I have to be calm around it."

"Very good," Tash nodded, before handing her back to an exhausted looking Michael.

"Daddy!" Combee only just seemed to have noticed he was there. "Let's go train! Let's go train!"

"In a minute..." Michael gasped. "Just give me a sec, to catch my breath..."

Confused, Combee tilted her head. "Catch it? D'you need a net?" Her attention was caught as Tash pulled something small and round out of her bag. Combee's eyes went wide. "Ooo! An egg!"

Sure enough, it was an egg, about the size of an ostrich egg, and covered in jagged patterns of yellow and black. Combee sniffed it, and smiled.

"Its pretty! Who's egg is it?" she asked.

"Shimeti's," Tash said. "She had it two nights ago. Emily's going to raise it."

Carefully she passed it over to Emily, who cuddled it safely to her chest. "Are you sure Shimeti doesn't mind?"

Tash nodded. "We talked about it. She wants it to have a good trainer, and you're one of the few people she actually likes."

"Silly Auntie Tashy," Combee admonished. "Everyone likes Miss Emmy! And everyone likes you Auntie Tashy! And everyone likes Daddy! Everyone likes everyone in here!" she giggled.

Tash gave a dry smile. "Hmm... I wish that were true Combee." There was a groan from behind her, and she turned to see Michael getting back to his feet. "Back with us then?"

"Huh? Did Daddy go somewhere?" Combee asked curiously. Everyone facepalmed.

"Never mind, sweetheart," Michael said, already exhausted from running after his wayward child. "Let's go train."

OOO

"Okay Combee, one more time. Ominous Wind!"

Combee took a deep breath, her face screwed up in concentration.

"Wooo!" she said as dramatically as she could. "Fear my scariness! ...heehee! I'm sorry Daddy! I can't do it! It's so silly!"

She barrel rolled a few times, as Michael planted his face in the palm of his hand again. A red imprint was beginning to show on his forehead.

"Maybe this wasn't the best attack I could have picked for you..."

"Face it Michael," called Emily, from the next ring over. "Combee can't do scary."

She was interrupted by a bang as Yumi, her Masquerain, went flying into the ring wall once more. Wincing, Emily jogged to her stricken bug Pokemon's aid, her movement hampered by the small rucksack being worn over her chest to contain the egg.

"And Yumi can't seem to do Water Pulse," Michael threw back. "So we're both about as successful as the other." He sighed heavily. "At least there were no problems with Air Cutter."

Catching the end of the conversation, Combee flapped her wings, sending sharp blue slivers of energy bursting from her tiny wings, shredding a wall panel in the ring to tiny pieces of chipboard.

"...wow, cheap construction," quipped a new voice.

"Nice to see you too Alice," Michael deadpanned. "And it's not cheap, Combee is just badass."

"Cheep cheep!" Combee giggled, thinking the word to be referencing the bird call. "Cheep cheep!"

The Society's self proclaimed Pet Search Engine, folded her arms across her chest and tilted her head. "Oh yeah... that's totally terrifying." she deadpanned. Michael flushed.

Bored with the grown up humour (which was going over her head) Combee buzzed back to her starting point in the ring. The Pokemon training room (which oddly had never been discovered until today) was a vast space, with nine individual training rings lined neatly in rows of three down it. There was a space at one end by the door, where punch bags, dummies, bars, bouncy balls and other training aids were kept, and bowls and bottles of water ready and waiting to refresh Pokemon and human alike.

Combee was pleased to see Alice and Robert taking the middle ring, diagonally across from Michael and Combee's corner ring. Emily and Yumi were on the left directly opposite the door, and Tash was just vacating the ring behind them, with a pair of binoculars strung around her neck, and Thoth trotting serenely behind her. They made a beeline for the water station.

"One more time Combee," Michael sighed. "Ominious Wind!"

Drawing another deep breath, Combee began to spin rapidly, an unsubtle and unscary 'woooooooo!' coming from her mouth. It did not last long, bursting into a hail of giggles as she lost control and rolled like a wheel into the ring barrier once more.

"Heeheehee!"

Shoulders slumping, Michael sat down at the edge of the ring, and rubbed the dent his glasses were leaving in the bridge of his nose.

"Having problems?" a new voice asked above his head. Michael looked up to see an amused looking Jared looming over him.

"Problems of a concentration nature... Combee just isn't scary – she finds herself too funny to be frightening."

"Ewww!" Combee declared, having got over her dizzy spell and straightened up into a low hover. "What smells?"

"That would be me," came a highly affronted voice, and Combee found her nose inches from Jared's humourless looking Muk.

"Oh... sorry," Combee sheepishly put on her most winning smile.

"Its okay Combee," Muk replied dryly. "We all know you can't help it."

And he oozed into Tash's recently vacated ring, with Jared right behind him, both ducking as the ring behind them exploded into a blazing aura of energy, and a frazzled looking Gareth began shouting apologies. Apparently he had just broken his third TM of the day.

"There has to be some way to make this attack work," Michael was wracking his brains. "It must be possible – the internet says it is!"

"Have you tried putting her in front of someone who's afraid of bees?" Alice asked.

"No, because Tashy's afraid of bees and she adores Combee," Michael explained.

"Course I adore Combee!" the Society leader announced, approaching the ring, and sweeping Combee into a giant cuddle. "She's so adorable!"

"Yay! I'm adorable!" the bumblebee Pokemon giggled.

"That's the problem," Michael deadpanned. "In this situation at least."

"You're adorable, Daddy!" Combee chirruped, as the humans snorted with laughter. Michael went pink again, and scowled (clearly the Darkness was enjoying himself a little too much at his host's expense).

There was a bang as a ring of water blasted its way through the barrier surrounding the next ring. Soaking wet, Emily and Yumi both began performing a victory dance, which Combee was only too happy to join in with, bouncing off the walls and floor like a beach ball.

"Tada! Yumi learned Water Pulse!" Emily cheered, dripping steadily onto the floor. A few people applauded.

"Better dry that egg off," Michael advised, throwing her a towel from the side of his ring, lifting an eyebrow as Tash deposited her belongings next to their ring. "Why did you bring binoculars?"

"I need them to find Thoth when he's doing Aerial Ace," Tash explained. "It saves me having to put my glasses on."

"Oooooh! Daddy!" Combee had pressed two of her eyes against the small end of the binoculars. "Yumi put weight on!"

"No baby, that's just the binoculars making things look big," Michael explained in a patient voice.

But Combee was having far too much fun now as she nosed the binoculars around the room.

"Ooooh! Auntie Tashy! You're MASSIVE!" she giggled.

"Let me see?" Alice bent down to have a peek and burst out laughing.

"Maybe its a sign you should cut back on the brownies?" Louise suggested, as she approached with her Litwick on her shoulder. Robert's Chingling bounced excitedly, and the two went off to play together.

Rolling her eyes, Tash reclaimed her binoculars, turned them around the wrong way, and peered through the large ends of the scopes.

"Oh look Louise – you got shorter," she grinned, ducking the hand on a collision course with her skull. "Hey! No beating the leader!"

"Now now children, play nicely," came a decidedly northern accent, from the other side of the ring. Dave had squirreled himself in the far corner and appeared to be attempting to teach Zena the Zoroark how to use Shadow Claw.

"Whaaaat?" Alice's face was a picture of total innocence, and Louise hid the binoculars behind her back, leaving Tash to rub at her abused skull. Combee couldn't help but notice a vacant look on Robert's face, and it made her curious.

"I wonder if Mister Robbie isn't sleeping properly..." she thought to herself. "Maybe that's why he looks all dreamy. He needs someone to tuck him into bed at night like Daddy does with me... ooooh! Maybe Miss Ali can do it! He likes Miss Ali! I'll bet he'd let her tuck him into bed!"

Pleased with her deduction, she made a mental note to tell Daddy about her thoughts later.

There was another bang, and Gareth's ring filled with smoke. From within, everyone could hear the Society's inventor sighing heavily and deciding to call it a day. His Vaporeon emerged from the smoke cloud, with an unamused expression.

"Okay Combee. Just one more time," Michael said slowly. "Then we'll call it a day too."

"No progress then?" Tash asked sadly, leaning over the edge of the ring to watch.

"Nothing," Michael sighed. "I remember it being hard to teach her Swift, but this is just... on another level."

"You sure Bulbapedia wasn't lying to you Michael?" Emily suggested, toweling the last of the water off her hair and recalling Yumi.

"It was on the internet! It must be true!" Michael proclaimed firmly.

"Isn't that what you said about that 'sue' in Bioshock?" a new voice asked in an amused manner. "Y'know, the one who turned out to be canon-"

"Shut up Adrian..." Michael grumbled.

"Oh look Alice!" Louise said loudly, holding up the binoculars the wrong way around to her eyes. "It's a big pompous gorilla! There in the distance!"

She handed the binoculars to Alice, who laughed.

"Oh yeah. Actually that's a very nice way of looking at Adrian!"

"Very far away?"

"Yeah."

"Daddy!" a voice chirruped over everyone's conversations. "I found what I need for my scary attack!"

Dreading what he might find, Michael turned to face the voice... and screamed like a girl.

"See?!" Combee giggled, peering through the six badly cut eyeholes. "Its a sheet! And it works!"

Everyone chortled into their hands as Michael straightened his glasses and tried to affect a look of dignity. He plucked the bedsheet off Combee's head (wondering in passing where she had got it from) and pointed at the middle of the ring. "Ominous Wind!"

Combee took a deep breath and flapped her wings hard, wind whistling around everyone's ears. A cloud of purple smoke began to gather before her and swirl around in the tornado, which gathered in energy before thundering out over the ring with a deafening roar.

"Yay!" Combee squealed as the cloud dispersed. "I did it!"

There was a round of applause from the ring, and Combee gave a bow in midair.

"I did it! I did it! I did i – Daddy?" Combee peered down at the dazed lump. "Why are you on the floor?"

"Nyeeeeehh..."

"I think you may have got him with your scary attack Combee."

"Oh... whoopsie!"

OOO

There were a few things that Combee understood completely in life - and one of those things was secrets. She knew about secrets. She had a few of her own, like her secret honey and Watmel recipe that she was going to try out when Miss Rhi-Rhi left her kitchen unlocked. And she kept a few for other people, like Auntie Tashy's passcode to the safe in her office, which Combee had found out by complete accident when she had barged into the room without knocking (Daddy had told her off about that a lot of times, though she hadn't understood why - it wasn't like she hadn't seen Auntie Tashy's bare bottom before).

Her biggest and latest secret was about the Dumbleydore man in the Twilight fandom, and she had promised to Daddy on her very secret recipe that she would not tell anyone. Daddy had said it would be dangerous if anyone else knew about it, and she must never let anyone know about him ever. In exchange, she was allowed to go with Daddy when he visited the Dumbleydore man in the hospital. He had been there for weeks now, and had not stirred once. Combee was very worried. She had given him many of her kisses, but he did not seem to be getting any better. She was sure that one of Daddy's kisses, which were far more magical than hers and could heal all her owies in an instant, would make the Dumbleydore man right as rain in a matter of moments. But Daddy had ignored all her suggestions to do so, much to Combee's bemusement.

She had not initially understood why Daddy wanted it to stay a secret. But now she was starting to have an inkling.

Combee was not very technologically able or literate, so the finer points about (a) slipped her by. All she knew was that she was a Soup person, who for some reason, was not kept in the basement. She popped up at random moments and giggled in a strange fashion in a voice that echoed through the halls of the Library. Despite (a)'s mental age being only a bit older than hers, Combee herself found her a little worrying. She looked like a very skinny Abomasnow in that outfit, and Combee did not like Abomasnows. They had bad tempers and made her very cold. And everyone knew that cold was bad for bumblebees.

"Please tell me Combee?" @ begged, her hands clasped in a prayer as she gazed beseechingly at the Pokemon, perfectly three dimensional and hard-light thanks to a nearby holographic projector. On a normal human being, this look of desperation and purity of intention would have had anyone eating out of the palm of the Sue's hand...fortunately for the Society however, Combee was not normal.

"I'm sorry Miss At, but I can't tell you anything," Combee said honestly, chomping her way through another stalk. The Watmel berry dropped neatly into the basket. Alone of everyone else in the world, Combee did not give @ a nickname. She was far too uneasy about her to offer endearments.

"Please?" @ asked again, and Combee wished that she would leave her alone. This was a delicate operation she was attempting, and @'s presence was distracting her. Baring her teeth, she chomped hard through the next stalk, her Bug Bite attack making quick work of it. Another berry plopped into the basket.

"What if I gave you your own Watmel tree if you told me?" @ tried. Combee's mind went blank with excitement at the thought of that much sweetness. But fortunately for the Society, a tiny worm of common sense caused this excitement to abruptly peeter out as she remembered her own limitations.

"That wouldn't work Miss At. How would I water it? I don't have any hands." She shook her head with a smile. "Silly."

Another berry. Her basket was getting quite full.

"I'm not silly!" the Sue objected. "I'm just... lonely."

"Lonely?" Combee paused in selecting another Watmel. She could still carry a few more...

"I have friends in the Twilight fandom," @ explained. "And I can't speak to them because of the precautions that the Librarian put up around it."

"Yeah, they're to stop anyone seeing..." Combee shut up, realising that she was treading dangerous water (which was bad, because bumblebees couldn't swim). As a Pokemon she relied on her sixth sense, and right now she had the horrible feeling that she had when she was up against another Pokemon using Double Team - the feeling that she was about to be tricked.

"Seeing what?" @ urged.

"Nothing!" Combee whined, picking another berry in her mouth. Her teeth punctured the skin and the sweet juices ran onto her tongue. "I'm not telling you anything! Stop being mean! You is a bully, trying to trick me into saying-"

A key rattled in the lock, and both Combee and @ went still.

"Uh oh!" Combee gulped. She would not have time to carry that heavy basket up the way she came in, so she picked up another berry in her second mouth, and the basket in her third. As the lock turned and slid backwards, Combee swung the basket and flung it straight into @'s startled arms. She zoomed off up the ventilation shaft with her two prizes before the Sue could call after her.

"@!" she could hear Alice's surprised and alarmed voice as she made her escape. "What are you doing with that basket?!"

"Its not mine!" @ wailed desperately. "I'm just holding it for-"

She never got any further, as an enraged voice interrupted her spluttered explanations.

"MY TREE!" Castform, usually docile and smiley in nature, now sounded apocalyptically pissed off. "YOU STOLE ALL THE FRUIT!"

"No! Wait! OW!"

There was a flash like the first spark on a campfire, followed by a crash and a smell of burning wicker. Pleased with her daring adventure, Combee buzzed off in the direction of her Daddy's room to eat her prizes in peace.

OOO

"Ooo! Daddy!" Combee squealed in excitement, her six eyes wide. "What's that?!"

Michael looked skyward, causing Combee to tumble off his head with a giggle. "That looks like Adrian's Wailord to me."

"Oooh yes! So it is!" Combee giggled. "But why is Naughty sharing a tank with Fish Finger?"

Michael sighed. "Probably because he's too big to fit anywhere else."

Naughty – proper name Nautilus – sailed serenely through the water above their heads. It really was a testament to how big the Library's aquarium was, for the four hundred kilo whale Pokemon and the pet Liopleurodon had yet to cross paths (it was possible that Fish Finger had smelt how big her new roommate was and was wisely keeping a wide berth).

"Don't worry baby," Michael patted his charge on the head. "Its only Bring Your Pokemon to Work Day today, so I'm sure Adrian will recall Nautilus this evening and give Fish Finger her room back."

"Good!" Combee smiled. "I like Fish Finger. She smiles at me."

Banishing the terrifying thought of Fish Finger and her rows of interlocking teeth smiling at his infant Pokemon, Michael cuddled Combee to his chest and hurried off down the corridor.

"Miiiiichael!" a voice called, and he turned to see Emily racing towards him. She was pink cheeked, and had clearly been running for a while. The rucksack and egg were still hanging off her chest.

"Hello Emily," Michael said. "Are you trying to work up steps for your egg?"

Sighing in only a manner that a disgruntled teen could manage, Emily rolled her eyes. "No! I'm looking for Mimi. Have you seen her?"

"Which one is Mimi again?" Michael asked, scratching his head.

"Oooh!" Combee bounced excitedly in Michael's arms. "I see Mimi! I see Mimi!"

Michael turned back towards the tank...and blanched dramatically.

"Oh dear God!"

He hastily covered Combee's eyes.

"Heeeeeey!" Combee squirmed, trying to look over them.

"Huh..." a new voice appeared, causing Michael to jump. "I always wondered if Hot Skitty on Wailord Action was actually anatomically possible."

"Well there's your answer Tash," Gareth said musingly.

"ADRIAN!" Emily exploded as the Librarian himself arrived on the scene, turning as pale as his fur as he took in the actions in the tank above them. "WHAT IS YOUR WAILORD DOING TO MY SKITTY?!"

Adrian spluttered before answering. "I think what you should be asking is what is your Skitty doing to my Wailord – seems to me that the cat is dominant in there!"

"Daddyyyy!" Combee wailed. "Lemme seeee!"

She peeked over the top of Michael's hands, long enough to see a slowly building crowd of Society agents (Miss Hari-Hat had pulled out her phone and was taking pictures) peering up at Fish Finger's tank, where a flash of pink was just visible behind the huge hulking whale.

"Adrian, if this results in an egg, you had better take responsibility for our child!"

"Why do I have to take responsibility?! Your Skitty is the horny one!"

Michael covered Combee's eyes again and sprinted away.

"Daddy! What was everyone looking at?!" Combee demanded, bopping her father on the head as soon as he released her. Michael rubbed his head and looked pained.

"I'll tell you when you're older baby..."

OOO

The Library was rarely quiet. Combee knew this. Even when the agents slept, a whole new host of interesting noises came out. Snoring, sleep talking, happy giggles from couples having kissy time.

Now, as people fought over plates and banged cutlery together as they shovelled food into their mouths, silence was a million miles away. And Combee liked it this way – people having fun made her day much better. Even Miss Rhi-Rhi's Pokemon, who were helping keep the kitchen clean, were having fun drying the dishes and storing (or eating) the leftovers.

Unfortunately it was difficult to have fun when two of your friends were growling at each other, static sparks bursting randomly off their fur. Combee was a little anxious – electricity was no good for flying creatures, and she was very close to being a crispy fried bee. They did this a lot, but tonight seemed a little more ferocious than usual.

"Thothy," she nudged the tall Xatu in the side. "We should tell Auntie Tashy and Mister Davey!"

Thoth, who had been standing sentry with only his right eye open, blinked both of them owlishly at her. "Not necessary Combee," he told her, in his high born accent. "Its their Rivalry ability. It will die down in a little while."

Another rush of electricity rippled over blue fur.

"She does have a point," Infernape said anxiously, backing away into Michael's chair leg. "They look way more irritated than usual."

"Shimeti's a bit on edge," Yumi said wisely. "Hormones and all that."

"Five poffins on Asuka!" Flare (Adrian's Ninetails) said.

"And just where will you get those? The poffin fairy?" Typhlosion asked dryly, stealing bits of food off Tash's plate when she wasn't looking. Combee's eyes went wide.

"There's a poffin fairy!" she squealed, bouncing up and down. "Yay! Can we go find it! Can we?! Can we?!"

She squealed in alarm as a bolt of lightning lashed out not far from her bowl. Rolling out of her nosedive, she straightened, and faced the two flash Pokemon with a scowl. There were more important things than the mystical poffin fairy right now...

"Suki! Shimi!" she put her best grown up face on (which unbeknownst to her caused her to inflate like an enraged Jigglypuff) and flew between the feuding parties. "Daddy says you shouldn't start fights with your friends!"

"...really?" Infernape asked. "That sounds... way too passive for Michael."

"Inferny, don't interrupt me when I'm being sophistimicated!" Combee pouted, her butchering of the English language causing a few people to snicker. Asuka and Shimeti's coats dulled slightly, but they retained their crouched positions.

"You almost frazzled us!" Combee continued, trying to regain her firm tone. "And I don't wanna be a crispy bee! And Thothy doesn't wanna be a crispy duck!"

Thoth squawked indignantly. "I beg your pardon?!"

"So you be nice, and you say sorry, and then you come help me find the poffin fairy!" Combee declared, looking giddy once more at the thought of all those delicious baked goods.

Asuka and Shimeti's stances did not budge an inch, both of them staring at each other, daring their respective rival to make the first move. Combee inflated further.

"DON'T MAKE ME MAKE YOU HUG!" she bellowed, in one of her rare fits of irritation. In fact they were so rare that they attracted the attention of everyone in the room, human and Pokemon alike. Asuka and Shimeti cowered against the floor.

"Sorry!" they both squeaked fearfully, and Combee immediately shrank back to her usual beachball size, her most endearing smile on her face.

"Much better! Now come on! Let's go find the poffin fairy and get tasty treats!"

And she bounced out of the room, humming to herself. Over the table with the humans, Michael silently thanked every deity in existence for Everstones.

The humming was cut short by a glow of light from down the corridor. For a horrifying moment, Michael worried that he had just jinxed himself.

"Oooh shiny!" Came Combee's predictable response. "Miss Emmy! Its shiny!"

The glow rose to a blinding sight that caught the attention of every living creature in the kitchen. Knives clattered forgotten against plates, as everyone willed the walls to vanish so that they could see what was happening as the glow died down.

There was a long silence through the whole Library... and then from somewhere in the corridor, Emily's voice squealed a fangirlish manner.

"SHINY!"

Dave poked his head out of the kitchen, and smiled. "Why yes. Yes she is."

OOO

The Shinx was a girl, and Emily named her Sanura. She was black and gold from her fuzzy round ears to the tips of her very ticklish paws, with not a hint of blue anywhere.

"Is shininess genetic in Pokemon?" Emily wondered aloud, as she tickled the newest member of her party under the chin. The flash Pokemon mewled and rubbed her head against her hand.

"No idea," Harriet shrugged. "Though I'm sure if you asked Alice nicely she could compile a nice encyclopaedia of research on the genetics and breeding of Pokemon – I mean you've seen her mountains of genetic research on cats, right?"

Emily frowned at the thought of that much reading. "Ehh... maybe not. Too much effort." She pulled a face. "And besides, I learned more about breeding today from all that H.S.O.W.A earlier than I ever wanted to know in my life."

"Daddy!" Combee headbutted her father in the elbow. "What's hache ess oow double yew ay mean?"

Michael rubbed his forehead. "I'll tell you another day sweetie..."

"Okay," Combee smiled, causing her trainer to sigh in relief. Fortunately Combee had such a short attention span – otherwise she'd probably still be trying to organise an expedition to catch the poffin fairy...

"Daddy?" Combee frowned, with the look of somebody who had just remembered a question that had been plaguing them all day.

"Yes baby?"

"...where do babies come from?"

Michael turned a funny shade of pink at that, but he quickly realised he had an easy escape route. "From eggs, baby. You know that."

"I know that," Combee nodded, blinking up at him innocently. "But where do the eggs come from? How do they get made?"

The colour deepened to a brilliant shade of crimson. "Uhh..."

"Oh I always knew this day would come," the Darkness was practically giggling. "Sorry host, but you're on your own this time!"

"Fuck you very much for your support..."

Those inquisitive eyes probed him even more, raising a tide of emotions in Michael. Embarrassment, exasperation and – despite all of these – a great deal of paternal affection for his adorable little baby.

"Well Combee..." Michael took a deep breath, and decided he might as well go with the traditional broad strokes. "When a man and a woman – or a male and female Pokemon – love each other very much..."

Insert Hell or High Water Here (part 2 of 2)

Dawn broke the next morning in the Jurassic, to find the two yachts still lounging side by side, a faint chorus of 'braaaaainsss...' sounded like a cockerel to stir everyone to life – at least until Red pulled out her shotgun from under her bunk and blew their heads off.

"Shut up already," she muttered, throwing herself back underneath her pillow.

Bleary eyed, and lacking a strong cup of her favourite hot drink, Harriet first noticed something was amiss when she saw that the small rubber dinghy that was usually mounted to the back of the yacht, was not in the same position it had been the night before. Frowning, she pottered around the back of the yacht, ducking ropes and almost tripping over her own feet, before she noticed that the diving platform was down – she was sure that they had brought it back up after they had finished with the Liopleurodon...

"I got a bite!"

John turned to watch as Gareth reeled his line in with unabashed enthusiasm, which was completely at odds with his dishevelled appearance. Neither of the young men looked as though they had slept at all the previous night.

The line gave another jerk, and Gareth pulled the rest of the line up by the float to see that the hook and the tiny ball bearing weight had gone, leaving only a frazzled twist of fishing line left.

"It got away," John supplied helpfully. Gareth sighed.

"That's the third hook I've lost this morning. What are these fish made of?"

"What you two doing?" a voice asked loudly. "Fishing for breakfast? You look exhausted."

Both boys' heads whipped around and they saw Tash rubbing sleep from her eyes, with an amused looking Harriet beside her. Gareth's hands suddenly became very sweaty around the pole.

"We...um...well you see..."

Trying his hardest to look innocent, John whipped out a cue card to cover Gareth's stuttering.

"We did absolutely NOTHING."

Tash lifted an eyebrow. "Okay even your card sounds shifty..." she folded her arms. "Explain."

"We...we just fancied...fishing," to disguise his tissue thin lie, Gareth held up the bucket with their catches. Both leaders pulled faces.

"...okay let's not eat any of those..." Harriet stated. "Tashybaby, go make us some eggs. I'm going to trot over and see the Mariner..."

As they turned and left, both Gareth and John slumped against the platform in relief.

"Close one," Gareth sighed.

"No kidding." Somehow John managed to make sarcasm drip off the iPad. "Come on, we have a monster to feed..."

OOO

The journey to the most dangerous sea of all time was highly uneventful. No one on the Society's boat was even a hundred percent sure how it had happened – supposedly because the documentary itself was very sketchy about the time travelling aspect of the framework.

As part of the introduction to the Cretaceous period, the crew of the Mariner took their dinghy out into shallow water to get a peek at some of the creatures below. And so, in true Society fashion, Tash, Alice and Robert got their own dinghy out, and were now stalking the filming crew as they zoomed around the bay. Nigel and cameraman Mike seemed happy to peer around for any signs of unusual activity, while a grumpy Ocean was engaged in a fierce glaring contest with the Society. She had clearly not slept well, for there were black circles under her eyes (which annoyingly enough just emphasised her eyes rather than making her look exhausted).

"Oooo blood bath!" Alice pointed in the direction that the Mariner crew were travelling. Tash picked up the speed a little and they drew up alongside the other dinghy, where a cloud of red was blotting the blue sea.

"Pass the periscope, please?" Nigel was already bending over the side of the dinghy. It was far too dangerous to swim in the sea that the show had dubbed Hell's Aquarium, and he pressed the end of the long grey tubes to his eyes. Seizing their own periscope, Robert did the same.

His jaw fell open. Through the haze of blood filling the sea, there was a frenzy going on. Diving in and out of the redness were some truly bizarre creatures of all shapes and sizes. Snake-like sea reptiles whipping in and out of the cloud, creatures with clawed feet and dagger-like bills darting around gracefully, and grotesque fish sweeping through the excitement.

"What do you see?" Alice asked. Robert did not even know where to begin.

"Umm...I have no idea...there's some fish...I think that's a shark..."

Impatient with his blustering, Alice seized the scope and took a look with her own eyes. She cursed as she bumped her swimming goggles into the eyepiece, causing them to cut painfully into her nose.

"Ooo!" she said, seeing the wingless birds sweeping their way around the cloud. "Hesperornis, am I right?!"

"Yup," cameraman Mike turned to grin at them. "Nigel saw a whole colony of them on the shore earlier this morning."

"I think I see some sharks too..." Alice said, dipping her head a bit lower to get a better view. "And there's a... what the hell is that?!"

Nigel had seen it too, and was speaking into the microphone on his shirt. "That's more like a bulldog than a fish..."

Indeed it was – a protruding head angled to reveal a vicious and wide set of teeth. It was easily six metres long – about the size of a great white shark.

"Xiphactinus probably," Tash said. "Nasty things..."

Alice felt a little sick as another swamp past the boats, gulping a Hesperornis down its throat whole. It was quite disgusting.

"There's something else down there..." Nigel was saying, a grin spreading across his face.

"Where?" Alice was turning the periscope left and right, with no success.

"It's gone now..." Ocean was peering into the murky water.

"Probably scared it," Tash muttered, and seeing Nigel pull up the periscope again, she started the engine once more.

Sighing at the fact she had missed something interesting, Alice looked at the leader. "Okay, She Who Memorises Scripts. What did Nigel see?"

"A Mosasaur," Tash said, pulling the string, causing the outboard to splutter into life. "Distant relatives of the snake."

"Hey!" Nigel was settling down next to Ocean. "We'll radio the Swanny later when we head out."

"Okay, but we're not called the Swanny anymore," Tash shook her head. "And we're not called Brains or Blarghensaft anymore either."

The crew of three blinked at them. "...so what are you called now then?"

"There was a mutiny among the crew last night," Alice huffed.

"Consequently, our ship has been renamed..." Robert broke off, unable to continue.

"The Flying Underpants," Tash looked proud for it had been her suggestion.

Nigel and Mike snorted with laughter, and even Ocean allowed her lips to twitch in amusement.

"Okay..." Nigel finally managed to speak. "We'll radio you before we set off."

Flipping him a salute, Tash twisted the end of the tiller, and began to steer the dinghy back towards The Flying Underpants.

OOO

The first peek of sunlight over the horizon was like a tiny golden speck, the next morning. Sitting in front of the bridge, Robert yawned. It was far too early for watch duty, but he just kept reminding himself that breakfast would be soon – Alice had promised to cook French toast.

They were bobbing in the middle of the open ocean. The sea stretched out for miles around the boat, and Robert wondered if this ocean still existed in modern times –as they had followed the Mariner into deeper water the previous afternoon, he had heard Alice mention how this area would one day become Kansas...he had no idea where Kansas was, and he swore that he would find a map and acquaint himself with Real Life geography as soon as they got back to the Library.

There was no sign of movement on the deck of the Ancient Mariner, and he guessed that the crew were still asleep. The only occasional motion came from the ropes slapping against the mast, or the Pteranodon that the crew had tamed earlier that day swooping over to see if anyone was up. He wasn't really sure what help he could be if the Sue did try to make a run for it – he was prohibited, with no powers or weapons to speak of, and he had no clue what the Sue may have. Still, he supposed, the Society had at least trusted him enough to bring him on this mission and having him take a watch shift without fear that he might stab them all in their sleep. That had to be something...

There was a yawn from behind him, and he turned just as Alice flopped down next to him. She was bleary eyed, and he guessed that she had only just woken up.

"Sleep well?" he enquired, and Alice huffed.

"Not really... bunk was too small..."

She wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and grumbled incoherently about it being the 'arse-crack of dawn'. Robert couldn't stop his lips from twitching into a smile. Alice's morning grumbles were something he was getting very used to.

"Wish we could just go over there and catch her... stop all this arsing around..."

"You know we can't do that," Robert warned. "If we attack her on the Mariner, the crew could all get hurt too."

"I know. I know. I'm just saying its annoying..." Alice huffed, pulled a face, and tugged off her swimming goggles to wipe them on her shirt. "Miss my glasses... and my cool goggles..."

"How long will Ocean be in the basement for if we catch her?"

Not looking up from her cleaning, Alice shrugged carelessly. "I dunno if they really set actual sentences. But she's broken parole so it'll be longer than her last time, especially since she's messing up the fourth wall..." she finally broke off seeing Robert looking morose. "I'm sorry. I know you don't like the thought of that..."

Robert shrugged. "It's okay... suppose that's what I'm here for. To make the sentence less of such a daunting prospect... it's a relief to be of use..."

Below deck there was another murmur of 'braaaaiiinsss...' and another bang that signalled Red stirring. Robert shivered.

"Cold?" Alice asked, offering the end of her blanket. The former Stu's cheeks turned pink, but as she waved it in front of his nose, he decided it would be safer to just take it.

"Thank you Alice..."

"S'okay," the agent gave another yawn, before glancing over in the direction of the Mariner. "Y'know what's weird?"

"...the name that John sharpied on the side of the boat?"

"...no," Alice shook her head, smiling as she remembered how the mute had slipped down to the end of the boat and renamed it The Yellow Finned Tuna the previous evening. "Sitting here and not seeing a single seabird."

It was true. Birds had not quite evolved yet in the Cretaceous, their ancestors the dinosaurs still very much being the ruling class on land.

"That featherless bird that was flying with the Mariner yesterday has been around a few times..." Robert pointed out, and Alice squinted towards the other boat.

"It's not a bird. It's a flying lizard Robert... though in a few million years after a comet wipes all of this out, they will turn into birds."

The former Stu looked completely confused at this impromptu science lesson. "A... flying lizard? Like a dragon?" he glanced over towards the Mariner fully expecting it to go up in flames at any moment.

"Nah not really..." Alice shrugged, drawing on her knowledge of Robert's home fandom and thinking of the best way to explain this. "It's got wings similar to some of your dragons, but it's a more simple creature, from when evolution was in its schizo teenage years..."

She trailed off seeing that Robert looked more lost than ever. "Oh screw it. Yes it's like a dragon only smaller and without the fire. Throw it a fish and it'll love you forever."

"I do not have any fish..." Robert admitted. "Gareth and John did yesterday, but they were squirreling them away and I haven't seen them since." He frowned thoughtfully. "I wonder what they need with such vast amounts of fish..."

"Eh..." Alice suppressed another yawn and shuffled a little closer to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Wanna go back to bed... why did I promise to make everyone toast?"

"...because you're nice like that?" Robert suggested.

"Mneeeh!" Alice buried her face in his shoulder, and Robert snickered at her.

"It's been a nice mission... a nice break from the Library... I do miss the outdoors."

Alice deflated against his shoulder. "I can't even begin to imagine how much you miss home..."

Robert shrugged. "I do miss it. But being here is... interesting. It's certainly never dull."

"Especially now people aren't looking at you funny?"

"...well... yes..."

"We'll go back to swotting for that test when we get back..." a moment of anxiety overcame the pet search engine and she shrank slightly against him. "I'm not being overbearing am I?"

Robert gave a wry smile. "No. Not at all Alice. I really appreciate your he-"

He broke off. He couldn't say what it was that made him sit up and snap his head around to the boat, but a sudden feeling of alertness made him scan the deck for any movement.

"Robert?"

Then he saw it... the slow, snake like figure of a skinny Sue sneaking down the ladder on the diving platform.

"She's making a run for it," he jumped to his feet, throwing the blanket off his shoulders, and racing for the cabin. "I'll wake everyone!"

"Mneeeeeeh!" Alice flailed inside the tangled blankets. She emerged with messy hair, and stumbled her way to the edge of the boat. Ocean was on the diving platform with the dinghy bobbing in the water below. She stepped daintily in and began preparing the outboard.

As quietly as she could, Alice slipped around to the ladder. The sea was a dark grey below, and she shivered. She knew Harriet and Tash had expressly forbidden swimming in this particular sea, but she had to get over to the dinghy before the Sue escaped. As she carefully clambered down the ladder, she judged the distance between her and the dinghy – barely ten seconds in the water if she was fast. Making her mind up, she slipped gently off the ladder, gasping as the freezing water soaked her t-shirt and shorts through, and kicked off for the dinghy. There was a soft rumble from the outboard motor as Ocean finally got it started, and began to cast off.

"Where do you think you're going?!" she demanded, gripping the side of the dinghy and rolling herself ungracefully over the edge and onto the rubber floor. Ocean's eyes narrowed in determination, and she pulled a ship's knife out from her belt.

"Escaping of course!" she snapped, pouncing on Alice, blade extended. With a 'meep!' of surprise, Alice yanked her power sword from her belt and barely managed to block the strike that would have cut her throat. Pushing back with all her strength, she sent the Sue staggering backwards into the outboard.

"Dear God, you're strong!" the Sue spluttered, picking herself slowly upwards.

"Anti-epilepsy drugs will do that to a person," Alice remarked, depressing the button on her sword causing it to flare brightly. "Now are you going let me prohibit you, or- EEEEK!"

Her arms flailed comically as Ocean violently twisted the end of the tiller, sending the little boat zooming forward towards The Yellow Finned Tuna. The sudden movement threw Alice completely off balance and she landed on her arse, narrowly avoiding piercing the flimsy rubber with her sword.

"Why couldn't you just be nice, and go home?!" Ocean wailed, as she carefully navigated the narrow space between the two larger boats. The roar of the engine in the peaceful Cretaceous morning was monstrous. "I've done my time in that hellhole of yours! I deserve my freedom!"

"You had your freedom you daft cow!" Alice exclaimed, pushing herself up again. "You're the one who decided to jump to a non-fiction fandom and mess up the Fourth Wall!"

Ocean was cut off as a dark shadow leaped from the side of The Yellow Finned Tuna and onto the dinghy, causing the vessel to jerk violently. Ocean went sprawling and Alice gave a yelp as something heavy landed on her right leg.

"OW! Robert!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Watch where you're jumping, you prat!"

Trying to get his balance on the speeding vessel, Robert managed to get to his feet, and he seized Ocean's discarded dagger before she could react, and threw it into the sea. She kicked out at his knee and he staggered over, barely hanging on to the wet rubber. Switching off and sheathing her sword again, Alice rolled over and made a wild lurch for Ocean, which by some miracle managed to knock her over.

"Got her!" Alice was triumphant as she wrapped her arms around Ocean from behind and held her in a bear hug.

"I've got the boat," Robert assured her, crawling over to the outboard and turning the tiller to take them back towards the two boats. He could just make out the Society gathering sleepily on the bow.

"Like hell you've got me!" Ocean snarled. "I don't see a prohibitor on me yet!" leaning as far forward as she could in Alice's grasp, she threw her whole weight backwards as hard as she could. Her head banged painfully into Alice's nose and the agent lost her footing. With a squeal, she released Ocean to try and balance herself, but it was too late, and Alice tumbled over the side and into the murky water with a splash.

"Alice!" Panicking, Robert released the outboard and scanned the water for any sign of his parole supervisor. She bobbed to the surface in the wake of the dinghy, but before Robert could turn the boat around to retrieve her, Ocean's small but powerful fist collided with the side of his face and sent him reeling toward the bow of the dinghy, as the Sue half stumbled half crawled to the engine and turned it sharply away from the boats.

"Turn back!" Robert rolled over, trying to ignore the throbbing bruise forming on his cheek, and latched one hand onto the tiller, trying to yank it back towards Alice. The Sue smashed her fist onto his hand and he let go.

"Either she's freakishly strong or I'm out of practise," Robert thought to himself. "That hurt!"

"I'm not going anywhere except to dry land!" Ocean declared. "It'll be the end of the plotline soon and then my plotholes will work again! I'm getting out of here and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

OOO

Treading water was an automatic reaction to being abruptly and unexpectedly submerged – which was a good thing, because Alice was too busy panicking to worry about staying afloat.

As she had tumbled into the water, the force of her head being plunged downwards had caused her swimming goggles to come off. Fortunately she had had the sense to screw her eyes shut as soon as she felt the water, but as she had bobbed to the surface, eyes still firmly closed against the dripping sea water, she had pawed around for her errant goggles and found nothing. They were gone.

Without lenses covering her face, Alice opened her eyes to a fuzzy world. Dramatically short sighted as she was, she could barely distinguish the grey sea from the dark, cloud covered sky. The rising sun was a blurry golden speck in the distance, and she couldn't see anything remotely resembling a boat. Fear, and abandonment began to swallow her and she felt a lump of panic rise in her throat. There were creatures in this sea that would kill her. She couldn't see Robert or the Sue. And she couldn't see the boat. Hot tears ran down her face, as she treaded water, too afraid to move.

"ALICE!"

She jumped, her flailing arms splashing loudly against the sea. From the sounds of it, someone on The Yellow Finned Tuna had given Harriet a megaphone.

"ALICE! SWIM BACK TO THE SHIP!"

She tried to pinpoint where the yelling was coming from, but everything around her felt noisy and oppressive, like it was trying to swallow her up. Her head was pounding, but it had nothing on her heart and she was sure that any sea monster out there would hear it miles away.

"ALICE?! CAN YOU HEAR ME? ALL RIGHT THEN, JUST STAY THERE! WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU!"

In the distance, Alice could make out the rumble of large engines, but it did nothing to ease her anxiety. They sounded like the rumble of a giant sea monster coming to eat her...she wished Robert was there. She wished Louise was there. Anyone to stop the ocean from swallowing her...she hoped Robert was okay, wherever he was...

"ALICE!" the voice was louder now. "WE'RE COMING UP ALONGSIDE YOU DEAR! CAN YOU SWIM TOWARDS US?"

"I can't see," Alice's voice was choked with fear as the ship drew closer. "I can't see! I've lost my goggles!"

"ALL RIGHT CALM DOWN!" Harriet was still yelling through the megaphone. "PANICKING WON'T HELP YOU. CAN YOU SWIM TOWARDS MY VOICE?"

She was so loud Alice didn't have the first clue where the voice was coming from, but she tentatively paddled towards where she thought it might be coming from.

"TO YOUR LEFT A BIT!" Harriet called. "NO, YOUR LEFT! OH! SILLY ME! THAT'S MY LEFT AND YOUR RIGHT! GO RIGHT, ALICE!"

Alice felt like crying again, and she wondered hopelessly if any of them would get out of this alive.

"KEEP SWIMMING FORWARDS! THE TUNA'S COMING UP DEAD AHEAD OF YOU..."

"Umm... is now a good time to mention that I changed the name again last night to the HMS Royal Oak?"

"OH NOT NOW GARETH! ALICE! TASHY IS GOING TO THROW YOU A RING!... OKAY SHE'S GOT THE RING! CATCH!"

THUD!

"Oh God! I'm so sorry Alice!" Tash shouted.

Alice's panic was broken by pain filled indignation, and her old self returned in a flash.

"Watch where you're throwing, you daft woman!"

"OKAY. SHE CAN INSULT PEOPLE. SHE'S PERFECTLY FINE!" Harriet declared gleefully. "NOW EVERYONE PULL!"

It was a relief not to have to tread water anymore, and Alice clung to the life ring and allowed it to drag her back towards the boat. As soon as she bumped into the ladder, she seized it and began cautiously making her way up, one rung at a time – her blurred vision had not been helped by the projectile that he been thrown at her head.

"Worse. Rescue. EVER!" she barked, as she stumbled onto the deck and was promptly buried in towels.

OOO

"Let go!"

"You let go!"

"No, you let go!"

"I said you first!"

"You're crushing my fingers!"

"Well, deal with it, moron!"

The dinghy was travelling in a line that closely resembled a malfunction at the spaghetti factory, as both Robert and Ocean struggled to pull the tiller in the direction that they wanted to go. So far, Ocean was winning, with the white line of foamy spray left behind by the outboard motor meandering slowly further and further away from the boat. But Robert wasn't going to let her leave without a fight. He didn't have a prohibitor or anything useful on him, but he still had two pairs of hands, and was making damn good use of them.

"Just...let...it...GO!" Ocean removed one of her hands, and Robert thought for a second he might be winning, until the Sue landed another punch to his jaw. The blow almost sent him reeling off the side of the boat, and he removed his hands to steady himself against the rim of the dinghy. The vessel gave a jerk as Ocean turned it straight away from where she knew the two boats to be anchored.

Robert didn't usually hit girls, but for Ocean, he was beginning to think that he might have to make an exception – every time she hit him it felt like a sledgehammer being whacked across his face. Losing his patience somewhat, he seized the tiller again and tried to tug it away from her.

"Just turn back to the boats!" he managed to swing the dinghy around ninety degrees to the left.

"And get locked back in your prisons! Never!" Ocean tried to jerk his hands away but he twisted the handle at the end of the tiller, causing her hands to slip and the boat to pick up speed.

"If you behave yourself, you might get out early!" he took his eyes off the sea ahead to watch her reaction.

"A cage is still a cage, no matter how long you spend in it!" Ocean would have stamped her foot had she not been crouched on the end of a tiny dinghy travelling at dangerous speeds. "I could spend three days, three months or three years in there, and it would still be a prison! I'm not going back to that horrible place!"

"It's better now!" Robert could barely hear himself over the roar of the engine, let alone the Sue, but he kept yelling regardless. "We've put measures in to make sure it's a better place for the inmates! It's not like that any-"

"LOOK OUT!"

He followed her wild gesture ahead just a second too late – a dark round shape bobbing in the grey water had appeared out of nowhere, and before Robert could even think about trying to dodge, they had hit it with a jerk that flipped the entire dinghy over forwards. The tiny rubber vessel rose into the air, engine first, performing a complete flip, before splashing down into the water with a heavy slap. Two more splashes sounded as Robert and Ocean plunged into the freezing ocean.

Robert surfaced, blinking the water from his eyes. The freezing sea was biting into his legs and torso and he immediately started to shiver. Ocean surfaced not far away, and he caught sight of their upturned dinghy, floating sadly nearby.

"Now look what you did!" Ocean raged. "You flipped the boat, you moron!"

"I didn't mean to! You should have let go!"

"You should have just let me leave without jumping onto my damn dinghy-"

Ocean abruptly stopped screaming, as something floated into their field of vision. It was a huge round hulking lump, one side raw, pink and oozing in a stark contrast to the dark leathery skin and hard grey shell.

Robert felt sick.

"What is that?" he asked, though what he really wanted to ask was "what did that?".

"It's an Archelon," Ocean barely seemed to be moving, though from her light bobbing, she must have still been treading water. "It's a... prehistoric turtle..."

It must have been magnificent when it was alive, Robert realised. The creature had been bitten clean in two, with only its front half left to float along as debris in the sea. Just the front half by itself was almost two meters in length, and Robert shuddered. Whatever had done this had to be big.

"It... must have been a giant Mosasaur," Ocean continued. "That's the only thing that could possibly have done that."

"Then I suggest we get out of here," Robert said briskly, pulling himself into a front crawl. He had no idea what a Mosasaur looked like, but he did not care to stay and find out. Vaguely in the distance, he thought he could hear yelling, and his hopes rose as he realised that the boats could not be too far away...

There was a shriek and a splash, and Robert whirled around to find only sea behind him – there was no sign of the Sue, and a chill ran down his spine.

"Ocean?"

The sea was quiet, and Robert suddenly felt horribly exposed and vulnerable. A few bubbles broke the surface, and wondered if he should approach or stay where he was. Barely seconds later, the bubbles exploded against the surface followed by the Mary Sue, flailing and struggling to stay afloat.

"What happened?" he asked, but Ocean seemed too frantic to answer. Making his mind up, Robert struggled to remember the crash course in lifesaving that Harriet had insisted they all have before going on this mission, and swam quickly towards Ocean from behind. Wrapping one arm around her upper body, and taking care to pin her arms down, he wrapped the other securely under her chin and kicked onto his back, resting the Sue on his chest.

He almost let go in horror as he realised what had happened to her. As he began to kick backwards towards the voices, he caught sight of her left leg through the surface of the water – the flesh had been ripped apart by a vicious looking pair of teeth, the white bone begin obscured by a violent cloud of red as blood poured freely from the wound.

Robert felt sick, but he kept moving. What could have done such damage to Ocean and then not finished the kill? Alice had said something about sharks the other day. Attacking prey and letting it bleed to death was definitely the modus operandi of a shark. Or maybe it was that creature they saw the other day – Xiphactinus – and it had simply failed to grab her hard enough...Horrible thoughts only got worse as he realised that the blood from her leg would probably attract bigger predators for miles around.

"It hurts... it hurts..." Ocean sounded more in shock now than anything – her voice was not hysterical in the least, but small and whimpering. There was a low rumbling in Robert's ears and he wondered if that was what death sounded like... until he realised it was the rumble of an engine.

"ROBERT GET OUT OF THE WATER!" Harriet was bellowing through her giant megaphone. "THERE'S MOSASAURS UNDERNEATH YOU!"

Terrified, Robert's mind frantically pieced together the information. So that was why Ocean was still alive – whatever it was that had attacked her had been spooked off by a larger predator before it could finish its meal. As if to confirm that fact, a huge scaly snout rose from the sea in the distance, and clamped its jaws around the ruined dinghy. It vanished from sight beneath the water, and Robert just knew in that instant that they were all around him. Long serpentine bodies that seemed to slither through the water. Heart pounding, he sped up...

"RED, ANY TIME YOU FEEL LIKE SPOOKING THE MOSASAURS WOULD BE GREAT!"

"In a second! I might hit Robert and Ocean!"

But Robert knew he did not have a second, as a sinister face loomed up ahead of him, and he knew that there would be no stopping it. The bang of the rocket launcher could not have been more welcome, and the nightmarish predator vanished into the murky depths. The swell turned his stomach, and Robert gave a yelp as he banged his head on the hull of the boat.

Getting up the ladder and collapsing onto the deck was a blur as the Society piled him with blankets, and Valerie and Harriet began to treat Ocean. He vaguely saw Alice buried under her own blankets and towels, before the two of them were steered off the busy deck and into the warmer environment of the bridge.

"Alice?" Robert finally kicked his brain back into gear as he gratefully sank onto a cushioned seat. "Are you okay?"

"M'fine..." Alice's voice was muffled through the layers of blankets. "I'm sorry I couldn't hold onto her..."

"Not your fault," he shook his head, sending drops of water everywhere. "I'm just glad you're okay, and nothing happened to you..."

He glanced nervously out of the door to where he knew the Sue was being attended.

"Was a Xiphactinis..." Alice reported. "Saw it on the edge of our sonar... she must have moved at the last second before it grabbed her otherwise it would never have let her go..."

"Will she lose her leg?" Robert felt a twinge of horror at the prospect. Alice shrugged.

"I don't know... I didn't see... no glasses and I lost my goggles..."

"Okay!" Tash marched into the bridge, her arms full of towels, with John trailing behind her, grim faced as he started up the boat again. "Okay wet clothes off! Towels are here. You'll have to wrap up in them since the rest of your clothes are wet or dirty. Don't bother showering now, we're heading back to the Library in one minute once Ocean is stable and I can get a plothole open..." she paused, seeing both Alice and Robert blushing, and making no effort to pick up the offered towels. "What?"

"...we have to wear towels until we get back to the Library?" Alice asked, her voice filled with dread.

Placing her hands on her hips, Tash adopted her best authoritarian look. "Alice. I care more about you being warm and dry than I care about your modesty. Strip off. Towel off. Wrap up."

"This is so mortifying..." now that he was no longer in danger, most of Robert's sensitivities were coming back, and he turned cherry coloured, peeling off his soaking shirt off regardless because deep down he knew that Tash was right. The leader gave a snort.

"Why are you so worried? We've seen everything of yours before."

The cherry colour vanished, replaced with paper white. "I... you... what?!" Robert spluttered.

"Yeah," Tash nodded. "Everyone rewatched the footage of the Rome mission after we'd been on it. So we saw everything in the brothel..." she paused, adopted a flirty smile and glanced at Robert's crotch. "And I mean everything. So you see my dear, you have nothing to hide from us."

And smirking at the horrified looks on their faces, she sashayed her way up to John. "Weigh anchor as fast as possible. I'll get to work on the plothole."

And she vanished from the bridge.

"That woman has no shame!" the former Stu said.

"Tell me about it..." Alice muttered.

OOO

Through the daze that shock and blood loss had put her in, Ocean opened her eyes.

She was lying on and partially under blankets, her left leg exposed and freezing. She could hear voices belong to Society agents all around her, and she wished they would all just go away... she was a Mary Sue... she would get better...

Her mind was foggy from lack of blood, but something strange was happening – it was like a warm current was being passed through her body. She felt powerful despite her injuries, and she knew – she just knew that she was going to get out of there.

"I won't go back... never... I will never be caged. Not by them. Not by an author. And not by this fandom!"

Something seemed to burst inside her, and she focused as hard as she could on her escape – she was a Sue, and she would not be caged!

OOO

The beeping of Tash's plot summary interrupted the plothole summoning.

"Oh, what now?!" the leader snapped, pulling the noisy summary out impatiently. She didn't have the time for distractions. They had Ocean's leg in a tourniquet and padded with as many bandages and gauze as they could, but the golden hour was tiny, and the Sue was in urgent need of a blood transfusion, and surgery.

The summary display beeped again and Tash felt her heart drop into her stomach.

Ocean's Sue level had just ticked over to six.

"Prohibit her!" she whirled towards the medics and their patient. "Prohibit her quickly!"

They looked up, surprised and bemused, and Ocean saw her chance. The plothole flickered into life beneath her and she plummeted straight into it. Seizing her megaphone, Harriet made to leap in after her, but the plothole slid shut again and the leader faceplanted into the deck instead.

"DAMN IT!" Tash swore, slamming her plot summary violently into the deck.

"OW! MY NOSE!" Harriet held the megaphone in one hand and rubbed her aforementioned nose with the other.

"What happened?"

"Where did Ocean go?!"

"What does that beeping mean?"

"I thought she couldn't use plotholes because of that plot insulation we put down..."

Tired of the noise and confusion, Harriet raised the orange megaphone again.

"FREE PIZZA!"

Instantly the whole Society fell silent.

"THANK YOU..."

OOO

"So all in all," Gareth said. "The mission is being declared a failure...and Harriet has a new accessory."

"Wish I could have come..." Louise muttered. She had been discharged from the hospital wing after receiving an antidote to her plot bunny bite, and had been keen to hear details of the whole mission.

"Eh you didn't miss much, save for me and Robert almost drowning," Alice muttered. "Ocean just hit level six, and the plot insulation couldn't hold her in anymore. She's probably jumped to another fandom to wait while she heals. The last three days were a total waste of time..."

Gareth gave a sly grin. "Well... not entirely wasted..."

Everyone blinked at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Louise asked, folding her arms and adopting her sternest face. Gareth just grinned wider.

"John and I went on a little fishing trip, that night in the Jurassic. Red was on duty so she let us slip off."

His fiancée smirked like a cat that had got a particularly large mouthful of delicious cream.

"I helped them get their catch back into the Library while everyone was sleeping," she admitted. "Which wasn't easy I might add, but the Library was kind enough to provide us with a big enough tank..."

"Big enough for what?" Robert asked. Now positively beaming, the pair reached the double doors to the reading room and pushed them open.

The room looked the same as it always had, save for one huge difference. Several of the bookshelves had vanished along one wall, and in their place was a huge pane of thick-looking glass. Beyond it the vibrant blue of water rippled in the lights of the room. Sitting cross legged on the floor was John, who turned to grin at his partner in crime as they approached the glass.

Alice gave a whistle. "Niiiice! How big is that tank?"

"Pretty big," Red nodded. "It's a few stories high and comes out in several other rooms, and there's a ladder up to the top from my lab so we can feed him..."

"Here he comes!" John held his iPad above his head so that he did not have to tear his eyes away from the glass. As the WARGS peered forward, a small dark shape loomed out of the water, its four powerful flippers propelling it at a leisurely pace towards the glass. It was only a meter and a half in length, but its shape was indistinguishable.

"You went fishing for a Liopleurodon?" For once, Louise didn't raise her voice – she merely sounded mildly exasperated.

"Cool!" Alice bounced on the spot. "Are we going to keep him?"

"Of course!" Gareth said. "It took us ages to find one that looked young enough!"

"Yeah he can't be that old..." Alice mused. "Only just left his mummy I reckon. He's pretty titchy as they go..."

She pressed her nose eagerly against the glass, and gave an 'oooo!' as the Liopleurodon passed her, its mouth opening slightly to properly display its sharp interlocking teeth.

"We've been feeding him fish that we caught in the Jurassic," John typed. "Dunno how he'll react to modern fish, so we're going to wean him slowly onto them."

As he lowered his iPad, footsteps approached the doorway, and the Librarian appeared, his left kitty ear twitching in annoyance.

"...why am I not surprised to find you guys behind this?" he sighed. "Why is there a huge fish tank in my Library?"

Nobody had to answer, for at this point, the Liopleurodon turned its head and began to circle around the end of the tank. Adrian's jaw fell open.

"...I sincerely hope this is a dream..." he muttered.

"Sorry. It's not," Robert shook his head. "That is a real Liopleurodon."

"DID SOMEONE SAY LIOPLEURODON?!" footsteps thudded down the corridor and Harriet appeared, still clutching her giant orange megaphone. She skidded short of the nearest sofa, and stared at the tank. "OH THAT IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I'VE SEEN SINCE NIXIE TAUGHT ME HOW TO TAKE MY UNDERWEAR OFF WITHOUT TAKING MY JEANS OFF!"

"...and now the whole Library knows it," Louise muttered, as the low rumble of doors opening and a hundred pairs of feet moving to investigate, filled the corridors.

"Where on earth did you even get a Liopleurodon?" Adrian asked, peering through the glass. "And so young?"

While he was mostly stunned by the insanity of the Society members, he was also impressed that they had been able to smuggle a creature like this into his Library without him noticing.

"Jurassic," John provided. "We wanted a pet."

"Harriet have you seen my blue dre-" Tash froze in the doorway and blinked three times. She had had her ears syringed as soon as they had got back to the Library, but she had been positive that she must have misheard Harriet's rantings a minute ago. "...A Liopleurodon?"

"His name is Fish Finger," Gareth declared proudly, stroking the glass.

It wasn't long before near enough the whole Society was packed into the room.

"This is so cool!" Ben said.

"Or totally insane..." Stephen muttered.

"You have a problem with our new pet?" Gareth asked, folding his arms. "Because I don't recall raising a fuss when you got Lil C."

"Well of course not – you were too busy trying to steal him!" Michael pointed out.

"A few problems..." Adrian said, tapping the glass tank. "First and most important one being that you keep saying 'he' when I think you'll find that this Liopleurodon is actually of the fairer sex."

Everyone watched as Fish Finger paddled in a lazy circle, apparently unconcerned by the fuss she was causing.

"WELL I THINK THIS IS A FANTASTIC IDEA!" Harriet declared. "BRAVO GUYS!"

"Harriet, would you please put the megaphone down?" Adrian asked.

"NO! I LIKE IT!" the lead pouted huffily.

"All right fine... but it makes you look like a dumb football hooligan instead of an elegant lady of cricket..." Tash warned.

There was a pause as the Leader examined her latest accessory. Then she turned on her heel and marched briskly back into the corridor.

"...can we keep her?" Gareth finally decided to ask. "Please?"

Adrian found himself on the receiving end of about thirty pleading gazes, and he sighed.

"I was already going to say yes. She is quite sweet... in a strange, toothy way..."

There was a cheer, and everyone clustered around the tank to watch the latest addition to the Library.

"But her food is coming out of your budget, Gareth!" the Librarian warned.

As Gareth flopped to the sofa in a huff and began trying to think of ways to make the flying monkeys' food budget stretch, there was a distant splash, and a large orange megaphone sank slowly down the tank. Fish Finger eyed it curiously, before picking it gently up in her teeth and swimming off with it.