Shipping Contest: RhiaxCristoph

The Library Arcanium had many rooms. In one of these rooms, three girls plotted together in an attempt to make a point.

"What are we going to do? I mean, whenever we give Rhia and Cristoph enough privacy to snog each other's faces off, they just stand there and metaphorically stammer." Tash slumped and let her forehead hit the table with a 'thump'.

Jess smirked. "Well. Shove them in a closet. Simple."

"Oooh! I know just the closet!" Phoenixia added. "It's that one just by your room, Jess, for whenever you can't wait to start the fun with whoever your next partner is."

"Mmmm… that one?" Jess closed her eyes in remembrance. "Yeah, that one could work…"

Tash put a hand up to her chin in thought. "No, no, I've got an idea…"

-

Rhia heard a knock on her door, and put down the Mediterranean recipe book she was flipping through to answer it. The door opened to reveal Michael, and a small crowd of people behind him.

Rhia blinked in surprise. "What… do you guys need?"

Michael backed away from the door and gestured at Rhia. "Ben, if you would."

Rhia got nervous and backed away a step. "Tash?" She called beyond the doorway. "What's going on?"

"Nothing too serious, dear. Just go with it!" Tash called back.

"What do you mean 'nothing too serious'?" It was at this point that Ben had grabbed Rhia around the waist, and hoisted her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. "Hey! Put me down! What's going on here!" She started to beat her fits against Ben's back.

Ben grimaced. "Rhia, calm down. I'd put you down but you'd run away."

"True." She shrugged. "Still. Put me down! Ben!"

Ben kept walking.

-

"Om."

Cristoph was meditating. That was not new. What was new was the small sphere that had just rolled its way into his room.

"Om."

He peeked one eye open, determined that the sphere was not a threat, and closed the eye again.

"Om."

The sphere started spewing smoke. Unfortunately, Cristoph did not realize the sphere was spewing smoke until it had nearly filled the room. He got up from his meditation position, and his head spun. He took one step and flopped down to the ground, completely unconscious.

Cristoph's door opened and a vacuum nozzle sucked up all the smoke. Michael, Kyle and Ben walked in.

"That was… much easier than I thought it'd be." Ben picked the used smoke bomb off the ground and pocketed it.

"Yeah, well, he isn't going to be happy when he wakes up." Michael shrugged one of Cristoph's arms over his shoulder. "C'mon, we have to get him dressed."

Kyle grabbed Cristoph's other arm. "Man, he's heavier than he looks."

"It's the height. It's always deceiving." Ben tugged the cowl off Cristoph's face. "I'll get this to Tash and be back to help you out."

-

Rhia stood, surrounded by Phoenixia, Tash, and Jess, and felt just a little intimidated, as they all had slightly
manic smiles on their faces. Rhia's sinking feeling of doom in her stomach was proven true when Phoenixia opened her mouth.

"Strip." She demanded as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Rhia's eyes got wide as saucers. "You want me to what?"

"You heard me. Strip." She got a sly smirk on her face. "Or I'll do it for you. You can't go on this trip in those clothes."

"What trip?"

The sly smirk on her face got bigger. "We're just trying to make a small point, dearling. So switch out of those clothes and Tash and I will help you into the outfit you need for where you're going."

Tash pulled out a bundle of cloth from out of nowhere. "This is going to be quite a lot of fun for you. Just get into this and let us do the rest. You're getting completely pampered tonight, hun."

"But…" Rhia poked at the bundle, very curious. "What's going on? I'm lost."

Phoenixia, Jess and Tash just looked at each other and grinned.

-

Cristoph's sight blurred into focus. First he noticed he was sitting in a chair. Second, he noticed he wasn't in the clothes he put on earlier in the day. Thirdly, he noticed that Michael, Ben, and Kyle were standing around him looking sheepish.

"Sorry about that Cristoph." Michael was rubbing the back of his head.

"We were forced to do it." Ben spoke up.

Kyle just shrugged. "They asked for a third set of hands."

"I'm in a yukata, Lord Michael. Why?" He arched one eyebrow.

Michael stammered. "Ehm… I uh, I can't tell you."

"What?"

"Let me put it this way, Cristoph," Ben broke in. "You have to look good for the part, and the ninja outfit just doesn't cut it. Admittedly, I'm sure she likes your ninja outfit, buuuuuuuttttt…"

"Ben!" Kyle facepalmed. "You're gonna ruin it!"

"She, Ben?"

"Uh… yeah." Ben was now looking anywhere but Cristoph. Cristoph, sensing weakness, turned his glare on Ben, who fidgeted even more. That steely glare was surprisingly unnerving.

"Ben. What's going on?"

Ben, at this point, had put a hand over his mouth to keep himself from speaking.

"Cristoph, look." Michael put his hands on his hips. "Can you trust us?"

The ninja narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't like my answer."

Michael twitched. "I'll ignore that. I promise that where you're going is relatively harmless. The plot hole is just across the hall. Your partner is already waiting for you."

Cristoph glared at Michael, thought about it for a moment, and realized it wasn't worth fighting over. He sighed. "Fine. But one more thing. Where's my cowl?"

"Uh…"Michael bit his lip and tried not to laugh. Ben failed completely and was clutching his sides. "Tash has it."

Cristoph walked up to the current Librarian, and loomed over her at much as was respectful, and as with as much intimidation as he could emit in a yukata. Tash was not phased.

"Lady Tash, where's my cowl?"

Tash crossed her arms, dangling the cowl from her fingers. "Oh, you mean this?" She blinked, got a wicked grin, and then stuffed it down her shirt.

Cristoph blinked once, twice, and on the third time the tops of his ears turned red.

"Now get into that fandom! Or I'll have you dust the World War II wing with Ben!"

"Yes, Lady Tash." And with that, he disappeared in a dark colored blur.

"Wow. I didn't know you could move that fast in a yukata." Tash shrugged, and grinned to herself. "Now to get to the monitor room to watch." She giggled.

-

Rhia waited on a small bridge, out of the way of most of the crowds. Tash, after a lot of teasing and giggling over a mysterious reason, had said earlier that most everyone was tired of how reluctant both Cristoph and Rhia were with their relationship, and was just going to shove them together in a date. With no warning. After the initial shock of that statement, in which turned Rhia red, nervousness took hold.

The butterflies were still going strong in her stomach as she waited for Cristoph to appear. 'Well, at least it's the Cardcaptor Sakura fandom, can't get much calmer than this…' Rhia turned from the cherry tree in front of her to look for Cristoph again. She saw his head above the crowd and went to call out to him when the crowd parted in front of him. The words froze in her throat.

His yukata was a deep, dark green, pin-striped with a slightly lighter green to add a pattern. The obi was a steel grey, matching his eyes and adding a neutral to his outfit.

'Oh… oh my. Wow. Um.' Rhia swallowed dryly. 'That's… oh wow.'
It helped that there was just a bit of chest peeking out from the overlap in Cristoph's yukata. After a moment she was able to call out his name.

Cristoph heard his name being called from the side. He turned his head, saw Rhia, and his jaw dropped.

"Oh, Kami, she's beautiful." He whispered, as he took in the sight of her. Rhia was in a light green spring yukata, with silver embroidery drawing the outlines of branches and leaves all up and down it. The obi itself was a forest green, complimenting the rest of the outfit nicely. Her hair was up in a simple twist with two green hair sticks, and a green gem dangled from a silver stud in each ear.

Cristoph went to Rhia, who was blushing lightly. "So this is what Lady Tash planned, Rhiannon? Is there a mission of some sort? I don't know all that many shoujo fandoms…"

"No, no mission, Cristoph." She looked up into his face and smiled, but looked away quickly. "Just… the other Society members got tired of us dancing around each other and our relationship and finally decided to shove us together on a… date." Rhia was now looking anywhere but Cristoph.

"Ah." He nodded once, and unconsciously copied Rhia by looking anywhere but at her.

Rhia grabbed his hand after a moment and tugged on it. "It is a nice day out. I wouldn't mind a walk."

Cristoph didn't quite smile, but the corners of his eyes crinkled, more than enough to get Rhia to beam. "All right, milady, this way?" And he gestured off towards a grove of trees.

They walked for a moment before Rhia asked, "Cristoph? Where's your cowl?"

Cristoph glowered. "Lady Tash… confiscated it."

"Ooooooh." Rhia had a small idea by what he meant as to 'confiscated'. She grinned at the thought. 'Must remember to thank her later.'

-

More than one agent in the monitor room facepalmed at Cristoph's inquiry.

"Misson? He thought that was a mission?" Michael shook his head. "We dress him up in a yukata and he thinks he's going on a mission? He's more hopeless than we thought!"

"Tash," Jess turned to the blonde. "What did you do with Cristoph's cowl?" By now everyone was wondering the exact same thing. Tash got the same wicked grin from earlier and patted her chest. The whole monitor room exploded with various levels of giggling.

-

Rhia bounced on the balls of her feet, and her head turned every which way as if she was looking for something.

"Rhiannon, milady? Is something supposed to happen? I don't know this fandom."

"Oh. This is Card Captor Sakura. One of the sweeter, less violent shoujo fandoms out there. Prob'ly why it was picked to send us here… they want us to get ideas…" Rhia shrugged. "It's the spring festival… one of the Clow Cards will make an appearance eventually. It'll be nice…"

"Clow Cards?"

Rhia closed her eyes and shook her head dismissively. "Oh, uh, this fandom's version of the magical artifact. Think of a slightly toned down version of Duel Monsters and you're close."

"One will be appearing here? Tonight?" Cristoph immediately tensed up and reached into his sleeve, pulling back a throwing knife. Where he had gotten one, Rhia did not know.

"Don't worry! It's only the Glow Card." She put a hand on his, and slowly the knife went back into its hiding place. "It just makes lots and lots of glowing orbs of light. Completely harmless."

"Ah." Cristoph nodded once, sagely.

"Where did you get your weapons from?" Rhia continued curiously. "Didn't the others confiscate them?"

"I'm a ninja," was the sly response. "I have my ways."

"Oh good," Rhia smiled. "It's just… I have a steak knife strapped to my leg at the moment." Cristoph didn't respond, but he looked vaguely amused at this.

-

Ben sputtered. "I know we stripped him clean of weapons, so how the heck does he still have any knives on him?"

"Better yet," Phoenixia frowned. "How does Rhia have a steak knife strapped to her leg?"

"Great." Harriet sighed. "Two more knife crazy agents…"

-

The sun was well into setting as the two walked through a path of cherry trees. Wind lightly blew through the cherry blossoms, making them shiver, and a few of them fall. Poor Cristoph had to duck at times to avoid a face full of blossoms in his face from a low hanging branch.

Small lanterns hung from arches off to the side, softly illuminating alcoves, some of which had couples cuddling close to each other, and others kissing—some discreetly, some not.

Rhia glimpsed a few of these couples and almost seemed to curl in on herself. She remembered her first kiss with Cristoph, and just how long ago that was. 'Now I know what Tash meant. I really do wish he would kiss me. This goes on much longer and I'll kiss him first.'

She sighed, and bit her lip. Getting ever so slightly frustrated, Rhia wrapped her arm around Cristoph's middle. Without missing a beat, he put his arm on her shoulders and started rubbing small circles on her back.

'But if he keeps doing that I might be able to wait a little bit longer. Oooh, that feels good…' Rhia shivered a bit and leaned into Cristoph. Unknown to Rhia, Cristoph smiled.

-

By this time, the Monitor room in the Library had expanded to fit all the agents peeking in on Cristoph and Rhia's date. And added a few, extra large screens.
 
"Awwwww….." Most of the Society agents sighed. Poor Emily had walked in a minute ago, taken one look at what was going on, and turned right back around.

"Damn it, Cristoph, kiss her already!" Jess yelled and pumped her fist at the screen.

-

Cristoph's stomach gurgled.

"I am not hungry." He said pointedly, looking at his stomach.

It gurgled again.

Rhia smirked, "I do believe your stomach says otherwise." She led him towards a food stand. "C'mon. I'm sure the food here isn't too bad."

The bento box the stall owner handed them was slightly larger than normal, and there was only one.

"Wait…" Rhia looked up at the stall owner in question. "There are two of us…."

He smiled and waved it off. "Couples deal. Have fun tonight!"

"Riiiight…." She picked up a miniature rice ball with her chopsticks and eyed it; looked up at Cristoph, and then back down at the rice ball. "Here…" She held the rice ball to his lips.

He took it, chewed it pensively, and then said, "Not nearly as good as yours."

Rhia beamed at the compliment, and took a bite of another rice ball. "Oooh, you're right. This is almost a crime…"

A piece of tempura appeared in Rhia's line of sight and she realized that he was feeding her. She happily took it.

-

"Oh, god," Jared groaned. "Are those carnival games I see coming up? I always hated those things."

"You may hate it," Chloe elbowed him in the ribs. "But it looks like Cristoph and Rhia are going to be in their element. Especially with that shooter game I see off to the side…"

"Oi! Quiet!" Michael threw a piece of popcorn at their heads. "I can't hear anything!"

-

Rhia settled down behind the gun to eye her target. Her breathing slowed until her shoulders barely moved up and down. To any outsider who didn't know her, Rhia looked almost like a statue. It was the only time she really did stop moving, to zero in on a target with her sniper rifle. Otherwise she couldn't stop moving in one way or another. Her eyes narrowed as they zeroed in on exactly where she wanted to, the bulls eye in the very back. Her finger moved on the trigger, and the target shattered a millisecond later.

Rhia exploded out of her still stance. In her joy, she leapt onto Cristoph and hugged him. He caught her around the waist. They found themselves looking at each other's eyes after a moment.

'Oh, screw waiting for him….' She pressed her lips against his and held. It worked after a moment when she felt Cristoph's arms encircle around her back and squeeze tighter.

A dry cough from behind them broke them out of their kiss, and they separated slightly breathless to see a vaguely amused stall owner. She motioned behind her to the prizes. "You get any one you want. That target was our hardest."

Rhia tilted her head as she looked over the choices. After a moment, she darted towards a corner and came back with something small in her hands. She waved a quick thanks to the stall owner and faced Cristoph.

"Yours." It was a small, brightly colored, stuffed hawk cradled in her hands.

Cristoph smiled softly and took it. "Thank you. But I don't know what Algazdun will say about it."

Rhia shrugged. "He'll live."

-

Algazdun chirped from his perch in the Monitor room.

The other agents looked from the hawk, to the screen, and then back to the hawk.

"That'll be an interesting conversation." Jared quipped.

-

A few stalls over had a specific type of ring toss. You could either toss a ring and get whatever it landed around, or pay full price for an item without taking a chance with the rings.

Cristoph had his sights on a specific item, and he wasn't going to let it go.

"Wait here," He leaned down to whisper in Rhia's ear. "I'm going to go get something, and I want it to be a surprise. I'll be back soon."

"All right." And the ninja was gone in a quick blur. Rhia sat down on a nearby bench and rubbed at the bottom of her feet. Standing and walking for long periods of time always made them hurt.

'Today's been nice. Actually, it's been wonderful. A whole day with absolutely nothing to worry about. That doesn't happen too often anymore. And I got to see Cristoph in something other than his normal ninja outfit. I doubt that'll happen much either. Unless I get to plotting…' Rhia tilted her head in thought.  
'Nah. I don't think I want to do that to him outside of a mission. Though if I ever get the chance to take the man swimming…' She bit her lip and groaned quietly at the image that thought gave her. 'That sounds good.'

Something touched her shoulders from behind.

Rhia jumped; her heart pounding as she twisted around to see what was behind her, only to catch a very chagrined Cristoph.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He murmured as he wrapped his arms around her and waited for her to calm down from the fright. "Didn't mean to scare you." He patted her hair as her breathing slowed to normal. "Shhhh…."

Rhia finally relaxed her tense muscles and melted into the embrace. "I'm okay."

"I'm sorry." He cupped her cheek with one hand and brought out a small, rectangular box with the other. "Open it."

The box in Rhia's hand was heavier than normal for a box its size. She lifted the lid and inside was a set of throwing knives. "Oooh…."

"I'll teach you how to throw them when we get back." He kissed her forehead and hugged her close.

-

Tash stood up and turned off the monitors.

"Hey! It's just getting good!" Willie yelled from the back.

"We've spied enough. They need their privacy, at least a little bit." She crossed her arms. "Now go on, I know you have things to do. And if I see anyone trying to get another peek, they'll be scrubbing toilets for a month!"
The agents filed out slowly, some of them taking their popcorn with them.

-

"Cristoph? Can we stay here for a bit? My feet are a bit sore." Rhia had a slightly sheepish grin on her face, like she didn't want to inconvenience Cristoph too much.

"That's not a problem, Rhia." He sat back down on a bench, and after a moment pulled Rhia onto his lap. She squeaked.

For a moment, the two just sat there, silent, looking at the surrounding cherry trees. The wind was slightly stronger now, making the branches weave just a bit. Rhia closed her eyes and put her face to the wind, just letting it brush across her cheeks.

"This place is beautiful. You know, I've only seen cherry blossoms in full bloom once before? And that was in D.C. so many years ago. That… pales in comparison to this…"

"I'm glad you like it, milady." He rubbed the back of his fingers against her cheek lightly. She turned to him and was mildly shocked to see complete awe on Cristoph's face.

"What's…wrong? Cristoph?"

He smiled, somewhat ruefully, and took her hand in his. His hand dwarfed hers, small and somewhat delicate, with a few old burn and cut scars here and there from her favorite hobby. "Nothing's wrong… it's just… I am so lucky to still have you." His thumb started rubbing over the back of her hand. "There must be some spirit or kami out there that likes me because I almost lost you. I could've lost you. I did lose you. And then I got you back. You were gone, and kami all that was left of you was one measly video will and then you were back in my arms, scared out of your mind but back, alive."

Rhia looked up into Cristoph's eyes and they gleamed bright silver. If it was from the light or something else, she didn't know but she had a hunch it was more of the latter. "Cristoph, I'm here. I never stopped hoping you would come."

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and buried his face into the crook of her neck. "The time that you were gone was an eternity." A small shudder wracked his frame. "What little reason I had to exist had died with you."

Rhia cupped his face with both hands, at a loss for what else to do or something to say.

"I swear this to you, Lady Rhiannon." His voice dropped an octave. "I will never forget you. Whatever happens, I will not forget you. You are my reason for existence. As your knight-errant, I swear this to you."

He was very close. She could feel his breath on her face. "And I shall stay with you then. No matter where your search for your memories takes you, I will be by your side. As your lady, I will never leave you."

"I love you." His eyes narrowed, just a bit. "My lady." Cristoph leaned in, and kissed Rhia, hard.

His lips were soft, and that's all Rhia registered when she remembered to breathe, when the dizziness got to be a bit much.

They had barely parted for a moment when Cristoph kissed her again, softly, sweetly. And then again on her forehead. By this point, Rhia had all but melted into a puddle. She sat there dazed, with her ear against his chest, listening to his heart.

The two sat there, holding each for the rest of the night until the plot hole back to the Library appeared next to them.

-

It was dark, and quiet, and Rhia couldn't see or hear a thing.

She opened her mouth to scream and felt the air rushing past her vocal cords, but no sound came out. She did it again with her hand at her throat and didn't even feel the vocal cords vibrating. She clapped her hands and she didn't hear anything. It was pitch black. Blinking didn't help.

'Oh god, not again, no, I can't be here I was saved Cristoph found me…no no no no no no…..'

A flick of something smooth caught her shoulder, sliding down. A sharp edge, touching the surface just enough to not cut through skin. Rhia froze. 'Roxelana… no…'

She tried to scream again. And again. Nothing. Not even a squeak.

'Cristoph! CRISTOPH!'

Rhia fell out of the bed screaming. Sweat drenched the sheets and her legs were tied up better than a Gordian knot. She struggled out of them and threw them away from her, sliding back till she hit the nearest wall with a thump.

It was dark, and too quiet even though she could her herself again. She stood up and dashed for the door, threw herself out of it and into the better lit hallway.

Her bare feet slapped the floor as she ran for the one person who might be up at this hour. Who had some idea of what was trapping her mind.

She opened the door to Cristoph's room and he looked up sharply, surprise and a little bit of something else in his eyes. The ninja outfit was back on, sans cowl. Seems Tash had not yet deemed it right to give back Cristoph's cowl yet.

Rhia walked into his room and saw the lit candles, and noticed that there was no incense burning. She furrowed her brows. "Is something wrong, Cristoph?"

"I am finding it hard to meditate, Lady Rhia."

She sat down next to him and crossed her legs. "Then we're in the same boat. Don't think I can sleep for a while." She nudged him. "Want to talk about it?"

He thought about it a moment, staring hard at the wall in front of him. "I'm… in some sort of liquid. Floating. There's a breathing mask attached to my face. By the time I realize all this is when it starts to go wrong."He shivered. "Coolant lines break… life support shuts down… the people outside the liquid start panicking… the air to my breathing mask stops." He went silent, and Rhia looked dawn and saw that Cristoph was clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles were white. She took his hand in both of hers and he relaxed. His hand opened and she saw four red half moons on his palm. She hugged him.

"I'm back in that crate with Roxelana… can't see, can't hear, can't speak. I try everything I can to scream but nothing happens. And then I feel something on my arm. And then again on my other arm. It's that knife… she didn't cut me but that made it all the more scary… I never knew when she was just going to come up behind me and cut my throat for real."

Cristoph heard a harsh breathing next to him and realized that it was Rhia, trying her hardest not to panic again.

"Shhhh…." He picked her up bridal style and brought her to the futon. She leaned against his shoulder, both for her comfort and for his own.

"Cristoph." Her voice was a whisper now. "I promise I'll be there. When your dreams finally catch up with you, I'll be there. Because," she swallowed. "Because they look like they're going to be bad." She hugged him again and didn't let go. "My nightmare's happened. They're just dreams now. Yours still have yet to come."

He put his face into her hair. "Thank you. What did I do to deserve you?"

She grinned. "You were yourself, Cristoph. That's all you ever needed to be."

They stayed like that. Rhia was the first to drop off, leaning on his shoulder, and Cristoph followed soon after, his head on hers. If Cristoph stirred from a disturbing memory, it was quickly quelled when Rhia moved in her sleep next to him.

Insert Bad Superhero Name Here (part 4 of 4)

Rhia clenched her hands into her sheets. It'd been three days since….that. On the first day her voice came back. The second, her hearing. It was the third, and hopefully, hopefully, today would be the day her sight came back.

She blinked, multiple times, like she was getting something out of her eyes. He opened them, wide, and saw a faint, white glow. Possibly the fluorescent ceiling lights.

"Cristoph?" An arm around her shoulders answered her. She squeezed her eyes tightly, rubbing the heels of her palms into her eyes.

"C'mon… this has to work." Rhia muttered quietly, and gritted her teeth.

"Don't rush it, Rhia. It has to come on its own." Valerie said, pulling one of Rhia's hands from her eyes.

"Nyeeeeh." She blinked again, and looked up. There were two large, blurry shapes in front of her. "Almost there." Rhia closed her eyes one more time, and then opened them slowly.

There was one blurry shape in front of her now. She squinted, and the figure sharpened; black hair, a face, sharp grey eyes. "Cristoph."

Cristoph smiled. "Welcome back."

-

Rhia cracked the door open and peeked out. And then jerked her head back, the beginnings of fear on her face.

"Dear God," she breathed. "They're all out there. All of them." Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates. "Is there any other way to get out of here?"

Cristoph pulled out a couple smoke pellets and rolled them around in his hand.

Valerie grimaced, "No, unfortunately, there isn't. Not that I know of." She shrugged. "I think you have to face them."

Rhia face palmed. "Ohhhhh boy."

She pushed the door open again or stepped out, Cristoph right behind her. She stood there, facing the whole Society, with a couple of the shorter ones—Miriku and Tyler—jumping up and down to get a better look.

A moment of silence so thick it put London fog to shame, and then, a clap. And another. And more until they gathered into a soft storm of applause. Rhia and Cristoph stood in awe in front of the gathered Society.

Tash waded through the crowd almost like Moses to the front and lightly hugged Rhia. "I'm glad you're back."
Rhia smiled into Tash's shoulder. "Me too."

-

Rhia surveyed her kitchen from the door. One hand was on her hip, the other ran through her hair, tousling it a bit. She huffed, and turned it into a sigh. "This… is gonna be a lot of work."

The stove/oven combination was still a melted wreck; it'd be a wonderful piece of modern art. What was worse was the faded rust red stain on the floor. Blood didn't come out of tile. Not completely. She'd have to pull the tile out and replace it, which equaled about a full day's work. And she still didn't know where she'd get the new stove.

A hand touched her shoulder.

Willie jerked his head back and blinked. Rhia's fist was a hairsbreadth away from his nose.

"Willie!" Rhia yelped and rubbed at her chest, just over her heart. "You should know better than to sneak up on me."

"Sorry." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "I just… just want to say sorry… for all the trouble I caused."

A soft smile grew on Rhia's face. "Apology accepted."

"And, well, I also got you a new stove. Phoenixia helped me pick it out because I know nothing about stoves but I paid for it. I… I hope you like it."

Rhia's smile grew.

-

Her footsteps clicked quietly down the stone stairs. She stopped, and braced herself with a hand on the wall as her leg suddenly decided to ache along the break lines because of the change in pressure. The Basement's security had been upped ever since The Invasion, but on the surface it was still very much the unnerving, creepy place it had always been. Slightly darker than any other room, cooler, and the walls seemed like they were closing in.

There were fewer sues in the cells then there had been, but there was only one she was looking for.

"Hey. You. Wake up." The bars rattled as she shook them. Her voice was demanding, flat, hate simmering just underneath.

A giggle, girlish, and much too high-pitched to be sane came from the shadows. "Oh, hello, my dear. How are you? Bumped into any walls lately?" Roxelana sauntered to the bars, her face a few mere inches away.

Rhia narrowed her eyes into a glare that in some worlds did kill. "I'm not your dear. I have one question for you, and then I will be quite happy to let you rot here."

"What's that, then?" Her eyes were one large, deep, black hole that just went down and down and down and didn't stop. Rhia snarled and pulled her gaze away from Roxelana's, and paced back and forth in front of her cell.

The other sues and stus stopped whatever they were doing to watch the show.

Rhia charged forward again and reached through the bars to grab at Roxelana's shirt collar. She shook the sue roughly, which just made Roxelana grin.

"Why?" Rhia barked, her face a millimeter away from Roxelana's. The only thing saving Roxelana, it seemed, were the bars themselves.

"Why? Of all the questions you could have asked me, you ask 'why'. Wow. You're dumber than I thought."

Rhia just shook Roxelana again.

"Oh, all right. If you must know." Roxelana grinned and ran her tongue over her front top teeth. "You asked for it. The one Society member so firmly against any gay or lesbian relationship… you were just begging to get messed with. I have to wonder… how against it are you in real life? Hmmm? How many friendships have you destroyed because of your hate? Well? I bet at least a couple."

Rhia pushed Roxelana away from her in disgust. "I hope you decompose slowly."

Rhia stormed out of the Basement before she did something drastic, like pulling a knife out and doing to Roxelana what she wanted to do to Rhia.

-

Rhia was in one of the various reading rooms, keeping out of the way of Jared, who was installing her new stove. She had promised him his favorite dish in payment.

Her nose was currently three inches into "Halo: The Fall of Reach," when she felt a weight settle into the couch next to her. Ossa.

"Rhia. I need to know. How far does your hatred of slash go in real life? It's just…the whole thing with Roxelana as a slasher sue and your dislike of slash plot bunnies… it's a valid question." Ossa's face was determined, serious, and perhaps a bit nervous.

Rhia saw the question for what it was. "May I take a moment to gather my thoughts?"

Ossa nodded.

"I…" Rhia paused, and then sighed. "My dislike of slash in fiction is rather wide spread. I understand fiction is where people can take any portrayal of anything, but to stick two characters together that would not normally form a romantic relationship does not sit right with me. I can handle it when it is canon, as the writers made it that way." She shifted on her spot. "I have a small weakness for puzzleshipping in the Yugioh fandom, however…"

"And… In real life?" Ossa prompted.

Rhia gritted her teeth. "Things are different. Hear me out completely before you make a comment."

Ossa nodded again.

"I am Christian. The Bible tells us that homosexuality is wrong. However, I also believe in free will, the right to choose, and tolerance. You may be a homosexual, or bi, or whatever, but you are also human." Rhia shrugged, "You have a right to a certain amount of kindness and respect. I do not like homosexuality. But I'm not going to walk up to your face and tell you you're wrong. You know what you're doing, and as long as you don't force others into your way of thinking, I don't mind." She let out a breath and the tension leeched out of her shoulders. "Does that answer your question?"

Ossa nodded. "Yeah, thanks." She walked off.

Rhia watched her go. "I wonder if Jared's done with the installation…?"

TAOM: Cristoph - Everything and a Bag of Potato Chips

One Week Earlier

Cristoph Asahina of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society was no stranger to the dark. He was a ninja, after. His domain was the dark. But that's not to say all darkness was not created equal. Call it what you like, but Cristoph had an uncanny ability of sensing things about the dark. Take the darkness that struck the Library Arcanium. All of a sudden, all was dark. Cristoph knew that this darkness was a sign that all was not well, and he needed to be prepared for whatever came next.

Okay, so anybody could've been able to tell that. Don't be so snippy.

Cristoph burst out of his room fully-armed for battle, looking around to see where the commotion was, weaving in and out of the books, but suddenly, the lights came on again and people were cheering for Phoenixia and her computer prowess. He sighed. So much for that, then. Nonetheless, he followed the gaggle of Agents to where he found Emotion Marcus keeping them away from something and Thought Marcus, his other half, was in the corner, shaking like a leaf.

"What's the holdup?" Michael, veteran Sue hunter and Chief Agent, called from the back.

"YOU NEED TO SEE THIS," Emotion Marcus called, his voice like a bullhorn in the hubbub. "TASH, HARRIET, VALERIE, AND CRISTOPH SHOULD SEE THIS, TOO."

All at once, Cristoph was struck with more dread than facing Melanie in his nightmares for a second round. People were murmuring to themselves as Michael made a hole and allowed Cristoph to follow him, as Tash, Harriet, and Valerie were already on the way into… Rhia's kitchen.

Oh no…

Harriet was first in, and immediately stumbled against a wall, a clatter of pots and pans ringing out. Valerie was next, and she immediately went in, stony-faced. Tash was third, and she followed Harriet's lead. Then came Michael, who breathed something under his breath. Cristoph made to come in, but Michael put an arm out and only spoke three words.

"Brace yourself, Cristoph."

He moved aside, and the ninja felt all the blood leave his face. Rhia was dead, lying in a pool of her own blood, pots and pans all over the floor and her best kitchen knife stained in blood.

No… no… no, no, no, no!

"Milady Rhiannon…" the words escaped his lips. Disbelief. Anger. And sorrow, too.

He knelt down, touching her face. It was still warm, meaning that this was recent. And her blood on her hands told him this was real…

"Who did this?" Cristoph asked, clutching a bloodied fist and his voice like a storm on the horizon. "I will find them, and they will regret this. They will regret this, and they'll pay."

He abruptly left the kitchen, the other Agents giving him lots of space until, stopping in some corner of the Library, he finally gave the wall a hard punch and the most heart-wrenching howl of sorrow left his lips.

-

Five Days Earlier

First Adrian was dead, and now Rhia. His life was going to hell in a hand-basket.

At first, he wanted to believe he was having another nightmare. Heaven knows it would certainly explain it, that perhaps he had fallen asleep again in the hospital ward, and that any second Valerie or (kami willing) Rhia would burst through, trying to wake him up. Two days later, he was attending Rhia's wake. Simple, clean, and closed-casket.

It was there, as he was placing a single white rose on Rhia's casket, that he realized she was gone. Forever. Only flicking Algazdun's helmet, thus causing the armored red-tailed hawk to peck him on the head a couple times in retaliation, was enough to stop him from breaking down right then and there. He returned to his seat, stony-faced and pensive.

It only got worse as the day went on. Eventually, Algazdun got fed up with the ninja messing with his helmet every five minutes and flew off back to his nest back in Cristoph's room. And wouldn't you know? Next came the reading of Rhia's last will.

No, no, no, no… kami, wake me up from this nightmare…!

The will was not necessarily a somber affair, as befitting Rhia's personality. But the last part… oh the last part. That was the last nail in his own coffin, right there.

"Well, I'm gonna say it now, even if it's too late, it should be said… Cristoph Asahina. I love you."

Cristoph's pupils dilated. No no no no no no! This cannot be happening! This cannot be happening!

"Goodbye, my gallant knight-errant."

He could've sworn he could've reached out and touched her face, right then and there. His hand reached and came back empty. His mouth didn't move, but his mind was in panic mode.

Rhia! Rhia! Don't leave me here! Don't leave me all alone!

"This concludes my final will and testament."

Rhia! RHIA!

And the rest was silence, as Cristoph, alone in front of the TV, got on his hands and knees and wept bitterly for the loss of one of the one true friend he had ever had in the Library, the Society, and all.

-

Thirty-Six Hours Earlier

A week had gone by. Cristoph hadn't left his room for at least a couple days, tired of having to have people talk to him about… recent events. It was nearing sunset now, by the orange light filtering in through his window.

Squawk.

Something was nibbling his ear. Cristoph made to swat it away, thinking it was one of those infernal tribbles that Jared had brought into the Library a few weeks back, only to find it was Algazdun. The hawk was now in his enlarged form, now about the size of a large dog. In its talons was the one thing he didn't want to see: his journal. A gift from Rhia for Christmas.

"Go on, get out of here!" he snapped at the bird, chasing it out of his room to squawks and screeches of defiance and confusion. It still dropped the journal on the floor, so Cristoph just tossed it on the futon he didn't use, only to remember that Rhia had slept there when she came to seek him for advice, and instead tossed onto the table where his still-as-of-yet-unfinished yari was placed in two pieces on a nearby table so he could go back to brooding.

"The brooding ninja. How stereotypical."

"Oh, hell, not you," Cristoph groaned at Phoenixia's voice wafting over Cristoph's Communicator.

"Come on, Cristoph, you need to come out sometime," Phoenixia stated firmly. "You just can't lock yourself in your room."

"I can sure as hell try."

"Look at you, Cristoph, you're a mess. We don't want to see you beating yourself up over this all by yourself."

"Not like it'd matter."

"Rhia wouldn't want you to, either."

She touched a nerve. Cristoph pulled out his ninjato, swinging it at the Communicator with a loud yell. A section of the bookcase it was sitting on slid off and fell to the ground with a clatter. The Communicator remained.

"You missed, didn't you?" Phoenixia herself entered the room, folding her arms.

"Why do you torture me?" Cristoph didn't even bother sheathing the weapon, just tossed it aside like a forgotten sack of potatoes. "I don't need you to add to this! Everything is going to pieces around me!"

"Cristoph, I-" Phoenixia was suddenly interrupted by the voice of Michael on her Communicator.

"Phoenixia, call an emergency Society meeting. We have a Sue in the Kick-Ass fandom."

"Am I authorized to drag Cristoph out of his room?" Phoenixia asked.

"Use any means necessary. We might need him for this one. I'll explain when you bring him in."

"Gotcha," said Phoenixia, grabbing the ninja by the arm and pulling him out of his room. "Come on, ninja-boy, we've got a job to do and it's likely you'll be needed for this one."

Cristoph had a sudden flash of Melanie in his mind, but at this point, he didn't care and just dumbly followed the buxom Agent out of the room.

-

One Day Earlier

Cristoph could barely see anything in the crate. In fact, the only light was an orange light bulb overhead. Again, there was something about the darkness here. Normally, he felt alright in shadows, but it was so reminiscent of where he had ended up during the Sue invasion so many months before that he almost expected hearing voices again. No such luck, though. All that was here was the shadows that felt more like a giant black ooze rather than a great big cloak.

The crate was empty, save for two chairs, rope, a five-inch knife, and some unrecognizable shape somewhere in the corner. He began to creep forward, just as his eyes began to adjust to the light…

The lump was a person, huddled in a corner like a caged animal. He blinked, rubbing his eyes to make sure Melanie, wherever she was, wasn't pulling another fast one on him.

"Rhia?"

No reply, not even a gesture. He put a hand on her shoulder, but she cringed and shied away, like a beaten dog. He pulled it back, tilting his head. This was definitely Rhia, but…something was wrong. Very wrong. What in all that is holy was going on here?

He sat down in the crate next to her, as close to her as he would dare, and slowly intertwined his hands with hers. Slowly, she began to feel his palms, scarred and callused through the extensive training he'd put himself through to take his mind off the events of the past week. It was here that he noticed how large his hands were compared to Rhia's. His palm alone was about the size of her whole hand.

She began to uncurl, like a lotus, and Cristoph began to see the damage Roxelana had wrought.

Oh, kami, Rhia, what did she do to you?

Rhia began to reach out to something, looking for some kind of surface to put it on, something to tell her it was the one she'd been calling for all this time… without a second thought, he took the hand and placed it on his face. Her thumb traced the edge of his cowl while her fingers traced his face, until she finally embraced him, clutching to his shoulders like a vice.

Rhia was definitely blind, more than likely deaf, and possibly mute. But she was alive.

And for Cristoph, that was the only thing that mattered.

-

Eighteen Hours Earlier

"She's not going to recover with all of you hanging around here!" Tash shouted over the hubbub of Agents trying to see if Rhia really was alive. "If your name's not Valerie, Michael, or Cristoph, get out! Or I will start chucking things at you!"

The Agents began to disperse, slowly, chattering amongst themselves.

Cristoph started reaching for the shuriken in his shirt as he stood alongside Tash. "Very. Very. Sharp. Things."

Ten seconds later, there wasn't another soul in sight.

"I believe that's my line, Mister Asahina," Tash said to the ninja.

As always, Cristoph pulled down his cowl in respect to the ACMSES leader as he bowed apologetically. "I apologize, Lady Tash. I just… acted, without thought."

Tash put a hand on his shoulder. "Only to be expected. You've had a rough week. I know, I have, too."

"Damn, what a mess," breathed Michael, watching as Valerie continued to work on the wounded Agent before her. "What'd you do with Roxelana?"

"I don't know, I left her in Lord Willie's charge when I went to explore the crate she was in. But if there's one thing I'm sure of, Roxelana is certifiably insane. She actually laughed when I threatened her with my fubukari after I got the Prohibitor on her. And I lace those with neurotoxins," Cristoph explained, joining him at Rhia's bedside.

"Great, another insane one…" Tash shook her head. "We seem to be getting a lot of those lately."

-

Twelve Hours Earlier

Cristoph dashed through the corridors of the Library, heading for the medical ward. He had left Rhia's side only to go look for Algazdun, knowing he owed his feathered ally an apology after the events of earlier that day, managing to find him with Jared, of all people, watching as he worked on his truck. Why the bird happened to be there was a total mystery, but the good news was, he and Algazdun were back on friendly terms.

The only thing was, leaving Rhia's side may not have been such a good idea, because Valerie came looking for him and stated that Rhia was having a panic attack, most likely because being deaf, blind, and mute and not knowing where anybody or anything was definitely cause for alarm in these circumstances.

Rounding the corner and turning into her room, he found Rhia reaching wildly at the air, hyperventilating, and thus confirming his thoughts that perhaps leaving her side to find his hawk was not such a good idea, and with no better idea in mind, immediately threw his arms around her. Rhia stiffened, but then relaxed when she realized who had come back.

"…istoph?" her voice was cracked, high-pitched, and barely audible. Cristoph tightened his embrace in answer. "…water."

Cristoph turned his head, looking around for some, and was graciously supplied by Valerie before she left the pair of them alone. Cristoph guided the cup in Rhia's hands to her mouth before she spoke again.

Cristoph reached for a chair, watching as Algazdun flew in, the rope Cristoph used for his nightly meditations in its talons. Then…

"Stay with me, up here? Please?"

Cristoph instinctively found himself raising the front half of the bed and joining her. Algazdun understandingly dropped the rope on the chair Cristoph had brought over and perched on it, watching as Cristoph let Rhia sit in his lap, putting his arms around her. He wondered why his body was reacting on its own, but he let it pass, preferring to just consider himself blessed and take his miracle as he melted into her embrace.

He listened to her tale, of how Roxelana had taken her, how she took everything from her, piece by piece, how she screamed for him for two days before her voice vanished. Her hearing was next to go, and then she began to see less and less until she could see nothing more. She was still deeply disturbed by what had happened, even though she was now safe in the ninja's embrace.

When she fell asleep, Cristoph looked over at Algazdun. The hawk blinked, then seemingly nodded and flew off the chair back to his nest in Cristoph's room, leaving him alone with Rhia. It seemed like Algazdun was suggesting he…

"Rhiannon. I know you can't hear me, but I need to say this, because if I don't, I fear I'll never get another chance. In a sea of nothingness, you took my hand…" he began to speak, his voice strained and quavering at first, but gaining strength with each word. "And you led me out across the waves of darkness into the light… you gave me a reason to be. Not to live, but to simply be. To exist. And it's the greatest gift I could ever have asked for. You… you're everything to me. No, you're more than that… you are everything, and a bag of potato chips.

"I know it sounds silly… but truly, how do you describe someone who gives you the strength to carry on, even when you have nothing more than a name, a deck of cards, and a giant armored bird to rely on and your mind is a blank slate? The answer is simply… everything, and something else. As for why I chose a bag of potato chips… I honestly don't know. I guess it's because I'm hungry after avoiding the kitchens as much as I have this past week. I really have missed your cooking.

"But I'm getting off track. I guess what I mean to say is…" he gulped, and then spoke the words he'd wanted to say, perhaps since meeting her. "You called me your knight-errant. If that is what you see me as, then your knight-errant I will be. For you. Because… I love you."

He didn't bother using the rope that night. He just stayed in the bed next to her all through the rest of the night.

-

Present Time

"Rhiannon. If you didn't have the courage to say it then, then take the courage now, and say it here. You should have no regrets. Not with that."

Cristoph mentally facepalmed. He'd been practicing that line for a few hours, while he waited for Rhia to wake up this morning, and again, he sounded like he was forcing her to say it. Of course he wanted to hear it, but was he saying it like that? And the grabbing the chin with his fingers? How the devil was that romantic?

Rhia was just surprised in general about it, but eventually he heard what he was looking for. "Cristoph Asahina, I love you."

Okay, don't screw this up; you've only got one good shot at it, easy, easy, easy…

Cristoph put his lips to Rhia's and held.

At last. Catharsis. The emotions that he'd been holding within him just… vanished. In fact, it seemed like everything vanished. All that remained was him, and Rhia, and the fact that he was kissing her. A million little lightning bolts began to surge through his body, even after he managed to pull away, the pair of them both breathless… and red as cherries.

"I lost you, and then by complete and total luck I have you back. I'm not going to waste that."

They kissed again, longer and deeper than before, before coming away. Cristoph rested his forehead on Rhia's, just… savoring the moment. Why it took this long for him to realize this feeling, he'd probably never know.

Another thing I don't know about myself to add to the list.

"That was… really, really, nice," Rhia said finally.

Cristoph smiled, placing a hand on her face and tracing her cheek with his thumb.

"One thing, though…"

"Hm?"

"Wish I could see you. Would make this more enjoyable."

Cristoph laughed… actually laughed. "It won't be too difficult to start this up again, Rhiannon."

"Mm… sounds good."

Just as they were about to go for the rule of threes, however, a voice interrupted them.

"Cristoph?"

The ninja panicked, wondering what Valerie would say if she found them like this, but he felt a finger on his nose, which then was lowered to his mouth. Rhia smiled and mouthed "it's okay." Turning his head, he found Valerie in the doorway. The healer smiled, and then continued. "Michael's looking for you. He wants your mission statement from last night."

Nodding, he turned to Rhia and instead settled for a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be back to check on you tonight, okay?"

Rhia nodded, sliding off Cristoph's lap and back onto the bed as Cristoph swung off the bed, grabbing the rope he didn't need and left the room. Once out of earshot, he looked around to make sure no one was watching, then breathed a loud, long, and triumphant…

"YES!"

And he went off to Michael's office with a bit of spring in his step and triumphantly humming the chorus of "Strike of the Ninja."

Insert Bad Superhero Name Here (part 3 of 4)

A week since the day Rhia was discovered dead. Seven days. One hundred and sixty-eight hours. Ten thousand and eighty minutes. However one counted the passing time, it was a waking nightmare for the Society. One of their own was gone. They'd recovered, for the most part but it was an oddly shaped hole she left behind. Certain smells would have one person or another peek their head in to see what was cooking, hoping it was Rhia, only to see another agent and turn away.

It'd been five days since the Will had been read. It helped somewhat, leaving a happy, or at least pleasant, end note.

Tash and Valerie had kept quiet on the disappearing body. It made Valerie even guiltier, and left Tash at a complete loss. Both were confused as to why her body would disappear like that. It simply didn't make sense.

It'd been two days since anyone had seen Cristoph. They didn't even know where he was in the Library, let alone if he was in his room or not. Knowing him, this was understandable, and a Search and Rescue mission would be launched if there was no sign of him in another few days.

An alert sounded in the Monitor room, loud and blaring. The screens all flashed and turned to the same image. This happened only when a Sue that had already been encountered by an agent resurfaced in another fandom. All known stats appeared, along with the name of the agent that originally faced off against them, and any others if applicable.

Michael's expression turned dark, and he hit the comm. button. "Phoenixia, call an Emergency Society meeting. We've got a Sue in the Kick Ass fandom."

-

Rhia heard the screech of a door opening and closing, and steel-toed boots hitting a metal floor before Roxelana came into view, a huge smile on her face.

"Hello again dear. How have you been doing?"

Rhia glared.

"Oh, that's right. You lost your voice. I'm sorry about that, my dear. It's time soon, though." She giggled, and turned in a little circle. "You know, you've been here for about two days. And we've had such fun. Time flies so fast. You're a very good screamer; I hope you take that as a compliment. Your voice carried quite a ways away." She sighed, and put a hand to her face as if in thought. "Who is this Cristoph you were screaming for, dear? A brother?"

Rhia started pulling against her bonds frantically, teeth bared in an expression of frustration.

"Ooooh, from your reaction there I guess not. A lover, then?" Her hands clasped together in excitement. "His reaction when he found you dead must have been priceless. I wonder if @'s got footage…"

The bonds around Rhia's wrists started to rub the skin raw as she pulled.

"I guess I can go after him next then. All I have to do is play a recording of your screams and he'd follow me to the ends of the Earth. Oh, this is just perfect."

Rhia had stopped struggling and stared at Roxelana with enough hate that it was possible that she would just spontaneously combust.

"Didn't think it was possible for plans to go this smoothly. Oh, yes, everything's going nicely. You didn't lose your voice from all your screaming, though many would have. It was in the water I was giving you, a handy little chemical that made your vocal cords swell up completely. You can't say a thing! And that's not the last thing I'm going to take away. No, first were your friends, and then your voice. Next it's your hearing, and then your sight. And then, well…" She shrugged. "You'll go the way of your clone."

Rhia clenched her jaw.

-

"Kick Ass isn't a kind fandom. It's violent, and it's all too easy to die there. From what Tash's Plot Summary has told us, the main character almost did. Twice." Michael said at the head of the table.

"Then why call a meeting? Just have a Society muster and beat the crap out whatever Sue is there." Ben asked.

"People are wary of vigilantes in this fandom. And it has a real world effect. If we suddenly start throwing around magic powers, we're gonna catch attention." Michael paused. "Also, it's a Sue we've dealt with before. Roxelana."

One of the chairs was suddenly missing the person that was sitting in it, spinning from the speed of his departure.

"Cristoph! Wait!" Michael's shout was a bit futile. "Well, I was going to have three people volunteer, and I guess he's one of them. Anyone else?"

"Count me in. Been wanting to beat on something lately and haven't had the chance." Willie raised his hand.
Ingrid slowly raised hers. "I'll go."

Michael was surprised. "You sure?"

"Yeah." She nodded, lips pursed. "I can do this."

"Ok. Valerie, be ready in case they come back with injuries. This fandom is fond of bullets."

-

Cristoph dashed across a roof, nothing more than a black blur to any who might have seen him. Unlikely. It was dark, and the lights in this neighborhood were orange and dim; nowhere near the strength they needed to be to reveal him to anyone. The edge of the building loomed, he jumped, and landed square on the next building, three feet up. He kept going.

Running like this was a bit of a relief. It drowned out all the thoughts he'd been having lately, the red splash that was almost permanently shadowed on the back of his eyelids. The wind whistling by his ears filled the silence that pushed in his ears; it was either that or a gargled scream.

He shook his head violently. Musing on something that had already happened would not help things now!

A flash of movement caught Cristoph's eye, and he slowed down to let the person catch up.

"You're new in town." The girl had violently electric purple hair, a mask over her eyes, a leather jacket zipped shut, and a plaid, knee-length skirt over leather pants.

"Yeah."

"I'm Hit Girl."

"Cristoph."

Hit Girl narrowed her eyes. "You shouldn't tell anyone your real name; it'll bite you in the butt later."

Cristoph shrugged. "I'm not going to be here long. Looking for someone."

"There's a new girl on the beat. You looking for her?"

"Possibly." He looked sideways at her. "What does she look like?"

"Tall. Thin, black hair, black eyes. Calls herself Black Abyss. Quite a bit of a looker."

"That's her, most likely."

"Been keeping an eye on her." Hit Girl crossed her arms. "Don't quite trust her motivations. Something always seems off. Always gets out of things with the least casualties that I've ever seen. And she always comes out unscathed. You have something to settle with her?"

"Of a sort." Cristoph shrugged again.

"I want in on the take-down. I know where her center of operations is, I can take you."

"Fine."

"Three days. At the harbor. Six pm." Hit Girl turned and disappeared into the shadows.

-

Roxelana skipped into Rhia's view, a smile on her face. She waved at her.

The Sue started to say something, covered her mouth in fake shock, and pointed. She got very close, face only a couple inches from Rhia's, and tapped her own ears in understanding. She smirked.

Rhia snarled, lip curling up and showing teeth. Her rage was only a mask, however; her hands were gripping the armrests and her knuckles were white.

Roxelana smiled fondly and patted Rhia on the head. She backed up and brought out a five inch knife, eyeing the edge before her shoulders shook in a giggle.

-

The sun was setting behind the three agents and one vigilante, lengthening their shadows far beyond what was normal. The dockyard was quiet for that time of day, wind whispering through the crate aisles where instead there should have been the sound of slamming metal, the shouts of the dockworkers, and the rumble of ships' horns.

Ingrid, Willie, Cristoph and Hit Girl hid in the shadow of one of the cargo crates to the front and right of the target crate.

"So, what's the battle plan?" Willie whispered.

"Pincer movement. We wait until she comes out and then don't let her—Wait!" Hit Girl stopped when she realized Cristoph wasn't in the huddle anymore. "Where'd the ninja go?"

Ingrid pointed. "Up there."

Cristoph was on top of the second level of cargo crates, looking almost straight down on what intel said was Roxelana's headquarters. He'd drawn one of his sai in one hand and three shuriken in the other. His focus was completely on the doors of the crate, waiting for his prey to come out.

"Okaaaay... I guess that's his position." Hit Girl shrugged. An overhead strike would work just fine for this. "We wait until she comes out and then attack her all at once. Willie, you stay here and rush her from the far side. Ingrid, you'll rush her from the center. I'll rush her from the far left until you have her thoroughly distracted, and then I'll try and break into that crate. I know Black Abyss has some info on the more prominent gang leaders."

The other two nodded and they got into position. Cristoph hadn't moved from his spot on higher ground, and had become nearly invisible against the backdrop of a black painted crate.

Then, fifteen minutes later, the door to the crate creaked open and a tall, wraith-like girl walked out. Dressed in a black, skintight cat suit, and black boots, with raven's wing black hair done in a braided ponytail. It was Black Abyss, or to the Society agents, Roxelana Ambrosia Aurelius Terelli.

Simultaneously, Willie, Ingrid and Hit Girl shot forward towards their target. Though Roxelana was surprised, she recovered quickly and pulled her steel batons from their holsters, already moving to attack the oncoming trio. But a trio of shuriken from the shadows forced her back as they embedded themselves in the concrete near her feet even as their owner leapt out of the shadows at her. She darted left to avoid him and found herself face-first with Hit Girl.

Metal ground against metal as the cross of the batons caught Hit Girls' naginata. The Sue shoved the bladed weapon aside and snapped a baton at the masked girl's head and forcing Hit Girl to leap back or get a sizable dent in her skull. The vigilante whirled, her heel catching Roxelana on the face and as the Sue stumbled, thrust her weapon forwards. But the Sue was quick and deflected the blade so it only left a harmless rip in her outfit. A rapid exchange of weapons' blows followed and then Hit Girl caught Roxelana's wrist as it came at her for an outside swing, creating the opening necessary to kick her a dozen feet towards Ingrid.

"You-" Still off balance from the kick, Roxelana's parry was too wide as Ingrid's knife sliced a red line down her right arm. "You-!" But then Ingrid's knife went clattering to the ground as the Sue made a swift in-step, smashing one baton across the Agent wrist and the other across throat, dropping Ingrid to her knees as she gasped for air before a kick to the face sent her sprawling backwards.

Willie came next, his barber razor's glinting slightly as he slashed at the Sue's head, but his choice of weapons had put him too far into Roxelana's reach and she easily leaned back to avoid the slash and then smashed a baton into his forehead, leaving him dazed and reeling. A second passed and he was suddenly staring at the sky, only vaguely realizing that she had swept his feet out from under him.

The light flashed and a spark flew as Roxelana blocked the blur that filled the space that Willie had just vacated, the razor edge of the sword blade not an inch from her head.

"I have a score to settle with you, Sue."

Ingrid called out, "You sure about this, Cristoph?"

Roxelana heard the name and just started to laugh, chin up and mouth open. Her guard even dropped, but everyone else was too surprised to take advantage of it. "You're Cristoph? Oh, this is just perfect. I get to gloat."

Cristoph raised an eyebrow. "Your point?"

"Oh, you must've gotten there too late. Did you break down in tears? Did you scream, throw something? Oh, even better, did you clutch at the body, hoping she would wake up? What'ja do? I'm curious." She giggled, then, a high pitched number that grated on everybody's nerves.

It was starting to click in the agent's minds.

"You…" Willie whispered.

"Yes, me." She grinned and turned back to Cristoph. "She called for you. Or, well…" Roxelana shrugged. "She tried. Hard to do with a second mouth."

Cristoph was shaking now, in anger, and was making no move to hide it. Hit Girl was using this distraction to work on the nasty-looking lock on the cargo crate.

"You won't leave this fandom free, Roxelana. If I have it my way, you won't leave it alive."

She sneered. "Prove it."

Cristoph dashed at Roxelana, his blade flashing for her head. But at the last second, she blocked with a baton in a clang of metal and spun around his sword arm, using the momentum from the spin to smash her other baton into his back, sending him stumbling and then sprawling forwards.

"Gah!" Wincing, he turned to face his opponent again, his hand flicking out as he did. Fountains of smoke erupted near Roxelana's feet and she coughed and staggered, blinking her watery-eyes to clear them enough just in time to see Cristoph rushing towards her. The sais crossed at her throat, an inch away from nicking the skin, and he pushed her back until she slammed against a cargo crate wall.

"You killed her! Why?" He towered over her, very much the dark void he said he was.

Roxelana giggled. "She caught my attention."

Cristoph drew back his sais and grabbed her by the neck, lifting her up until her feet were off the ground. "That's it? That's the only reason?" He snarled, and threw her on the ground. Roxelana landed hard on her back.

"Oh, did I make you upset again? I'm sorry. Let me make it all better." Grabbing her batons from where they had fallen, she flipped off the ground and gave Cristoph an uppercut with her baton that had him spitting blood. She giggled again.

"No more. I'm done with you." He rushed her one more time, fast, and this time she couldn't dodge. His tackle pushed her face first into the ground. Keeping his knee in the small of her back, he drew out a pair of Prohibitors and slapped them on her hands behind her back.

Cristoph drew her up roughly to her knees and looked her in the eye. "You will stay put. You will not resist when we bring you in. If you as much as twitch wrong, I'll place this dart," he drew out a thin, almost invisible blow dart out of a compartment in his ninjato's scabbard, "right into your neck. It's laced with fugu poison. It's a neurotoxin that stops your breathing bit by bit. I would enjoy watching you die slowly."

Roxelana stared, and started to giggle. "Oh, wow. Sounds like fun." She continued to snicker quietly to herself.

Cristoph recoiled, disgusted. "You can't be serious." No response, Roxelana was in her own little world, amused at something only she could think of.

Ingrid walked up. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah." He eyed the Sue talking to herself on the ground. "I'll be happy to put her in a deep, dark cell and completely forget about her."

"Hey, Cristoph," Hit Girl called from the doors of the crate. "C'mere."

"Hold on!" He turned to Willie. "Watch her; I'll be back in a minute."

"Right." He turned and grinned at Roxelana, looking not all that sane himself. "So, you're the one to blame for Rhia's death? This'll be fun." Hellfire bloomed to life in his hands.

-

Cristoph jogged over to where Hit Girl was standing, looking oddly nervous. "Yeah? Look, we've got what we came for, and so do you, thanks for your help…"

Hit Girl jerked a thumb behind her. "Took a look around, didn't see anything in the way of papers, but for some reason Black Abyss had a hostage. Tried to get her to talk so I could help her, but she just flinched away from me and didn't say anything." She shrugged. "Maybe you could do something?"

"Did you say 'her'?" Cristoph asked, suddenly looking very intense.

"Yeah, there's a girl—" Cristoph tore into the crate. She stared at the spot he was just in. "Haven't seen anyone move that fast in a long time." She shrugged it off and went to talk to Ingrid. Maybe she would say just why Cristoph had been so intent after Black Abyss.

-

It was a lot darker in the crate than outside, with the only source of light coming from a dim, orange hued light bulb near the front. The crate itself was barren of anything except two chairs, some cut rope, a knife, and a lump in the back left corner.

Further inspection of the lump revealed it as a person sitting on the floor, knees bent, head tucked in, and arms wrapped around their knees.

Cristoph took a few steps closer, and then rubbed at his eyes to make sure they were working right. "Rhia?"

Rhia didn't move. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she cringed away from it, tucking herself further into the corner. He pulled his hand away as he narrowed his eyes. Something was wrong.

He snapped his fingers next to her ear with no reaction, and realized she was completely deaf. And most likely blind as well or she would have looked up to see what it was next to her.

He sat down next to her, as close as he could without touching. She sat there, knuckles white where they gripped her elbows. Ever so softly, he rested his hand on hers. She tensed, but didn't move this time. She couldn't, stuck between what she saw as a danger and the wall. He left it there, and didn't move. A moment passed, and then another. Her grip on her elbows lightened. Cristoph waited, patiently. Her hand under his twitched, lifting slightly and turning over. Her fingers started rubbing over that hand, feeling the calluses and small scars there, marks that Roxelana did not have. She started to uncurl from the ball she put herself in. She turned towards him, other hand reaching for another point of contact. Cristoph took that hand and brought it up to his face.

It only took a few seconds for Rhia to rub her thumb over the edge of his cowl and run her fingers along his facial structure to realize who he was.

She clutched at him for all she was worth, tears streaming down her face. Cristoph gathered her up in his arms and held her tightly, burying his face into her hair, rubbing small circles on her back.

-

It'd been thirty minutes since the third member of their group had gone into the crate to investigate exactly what was in there. Willie and Ingrid knew Cristoph could take care of himself, but if it was taking this long, then something really had his attention. Hit Girl had left a few minutes ago, citing that she had other obligations.

"I'm gonna go see what's taking Cristoph so long. We've got the Sue, and the longer we're here…" Ingrid stopped short. The door creaked open, squeaky hinges heralding a departure. Cristoph walked out, a figure held in his arms bridal style. "Who's that… oh God…" Ingrid's jaw dropped to the ground.

"What's going on?" Willie craned his head around Ingrid's shoulder and almost lost control of his Hellfire in shock. "Is that…?"

"Rhia? Yeah, I think so." Ingrid whirled around and grabbed Willie by the shoulders. "Get that plot hole set up. Call ahead and have Valerie get ready for her. This is the first bit of really good news the Society's had in a while."

Willie nodded, eyes set.

Ingrid ran up and matched Cristoph's pace. "Is she ok?"

"No. She's deaf, blind, and mute; didn't even know it was me at first." Now that Ingrid was closer, she could tell that Rhia's eyes were wide open, but not focused on anything. Her hands had a death grip on a part of Cristoph's shirt, knuckles almost bone white. "I want to get her home."

"Already set up, Willie's got the plot hole up and running."

"Thank you, Lady Ingrid."

-

Valerie was tapping away on a computer, finishing up a report when she heard a clatter from the med ward. She craned her head around the door and her eyes went wide. Rhia was up and experiencing a panic attack. Knowing her empathy only worked one way, Valerie sped across the corridor.

"Cristoph!" Said ninja immediately appeared.

"Yes, Lady Valerie?"

"Rhia's up and experiencing a panic attack, I need your help to get her to… calm… down." He was already halfway to the medical ward by the time she had finished. Valerie trotted after him.

He arrived to the sound of Rhia hyperventilating. Rushing over and at a complete loss of what else to do, he hugged her. She stiffened for moment, surprised, but relaxed when she recognized who it was that was hugging her. Gripping his arm hard enough to leave marks behind, she struggled to slow her breathing down. It helped that he was rubbing small circles into her back.

"-istoph?" Rhia's voice was soft, high pitched, and scratchy. He hugged her tighter in response. "Water."

He looked around, but couldn't find anything nearby until he saw Valerie with a paper cup and a pitcher.

"I'll leave you two alone for now. Be careful, she's still on edge from everything." She turned to go with a smile on her face. This was the first bit of definite good news anyone had had in a while.

He handed Rhia the cup and she moved slowly, feeling where the rim of the cup was before taking a swallow.

"Thanks." Her voice was still quiet, but not as scratchy as before. "I still… can't hear-or, or see anything." Cristoph made to sit down on the chair next to the bed. "Stay with me, up here? Please?" He wasn't as reluctant as he thought he'd be when he raised the front half of the bed and got in, placing Rhia in his lap and wrapping his arms around her. She practically melted into the embrace.

"It's quiet. It's so quiet. Can't even hear myself talk. I know am, I can feel it." She shuddered. "Need to say it all now, while I can't hear myself or I won't be able to say it." She curled into herself again, pressing her cheek into Cristoph's shoulder. "She took things away from me little by little. After a couple days it was my voice. Two days of screaming and then I couldn't say a word. Couple more days after that I couldn't hear anything. Then my sight. And it just didn't disappear immediately; it… faded, like a final scene in a movie. Details went fuzzier than ever without my glasses, color grayed out, and then it just kept getting darker and darker on me. Remember staring directly at that light bulb… That light bulb went darker and darker on me like it was on a dimmer and someone kept turning the switch down." She shuddered again.

Rhia went silent, and stayed that way until she fell asleep again.

-

Rhia woke up the next morning to the slight sound of breathing and the hum of the air running through the vents. She moved, and the bed creaked. She heard the sound her hands made when she clapped them together. She blinked, hard, but no luck. She couldn't see. Still. Darn it.

"Cristoph, you there?" She felt a hand take her right one. She smiled, her first in a while. "I can hear, now. I certainly hear myself talking."

"That's good, milady." His voice was strained.

"It's really nice to hear you."

"Rhia… do you know what she did to make it seem as though you were dead?" The lack of a title surprised Rhia, and her eyebrows shot up in confusion.

"Well, she said she got a clone and killed it… but… you found me so I figured that you knew it was fake." She shrugged and smiled, but that smile disappeared with Cristoph's next few words.

"Oh, Rhia, no, she… it worked. Angels, it worked so well. The lights went out, Marcus and a few others heard you scream, we all ran to the kitchen, and saw what we thought was your body on the floor, throat cut. We didn't know what to think. Least of all to think that it might be a body double. A few suspected Willie, but that didn't wash over well." He hugged her suddenly, she squeaked at just how tightly he was holding her. "We all thought you were gone, in a way we couldn't get you back, we had a wake, and… we heard your will."

Rhia turned red. Didn't matter if she couldn't see, she still went bright as a cherry.

"I, uh… erm, I… that was…"

"Rhiannon." She stopped stammering and froze. He took her chin in his fingers and turned it in the direction of his face. "If you didn't have the courage then, take the courage now, and say it here. You should not have any regrets. Not with that." His voice was low, deep, and full of something that Rhia couldn't quite identify.

She opened her mouth a couple of times and then determinedly shut it. She blinked, and said, "Cristoph Asahina. I love you."

She stopped breathing completely when she felt his lips against hers. Her heart stopped and then went three times faster than normal. Everything else went out the window. All that mattered was then and there and the fact that Cristoph was kissing her.

Cristoph slipped his hands under her and pulled her to him, taking her out of the bed and placing her in his lap. They separated, and Rhia was completely breathless.

"I lost you, and by complete and total luck I have you back. I'm not going to waste it." He kissed her again, this time deeper and longer. At the end, Cristoph rested his forehead on Rhia's.

"That was… really, really nice."

Cristoph smiled, even though she couldn't see it.

"One thing, though."

"Hm?"

"Wish I could see you. Would make this much more enjoyable."

Cristoph laughed; one of the rare times Rhia had ever heard him do so. "It won't be too difficult to start this up again, Rhiannon."

"Mmm. Sounds good."

Insert Bad Superhero Name Here (part 2 of 4)

Two days. Two long, dark days since the Library blackout and the death of another Society agent. Phoenixia and Dave had been over every inch of the kitchen looking for evidence of who might've done it. No fingerprints, no hairs, no footprints. The sentient hologram-turned-human took it personally. The Society itself was shaken that one of their own was killed within Library walls. Someone got @ to take down the security system to let them in, and kill the lights to give them the cover of darkness. The best suspect was another Sue.

The question was who, why, and how.

As much as many of the agents would like to point fingers at Willie, as the last person to see Rhia alive, and the one person who got into a heated enough argument to possibly supply enough motive for the murder, Willie had no connections to @, which cleared him as a suspect. That didn't mean people didn't whisper behind his back whenever he walked by, or glare at him whenever he walked into a room.

Cristoph, for the first day after Rhia's death, had spent it training, hard. He had left his room at 9am with Algazdun and entered Training Room C. He reemerged at 1pm to go back into his room for a moment, and returned to Training Room C without Algazdun soon after. Cristoph did not appear again until 10pm that night, completely exhausted. Any attempts by anyone else to talk to Cristoph were either ignored completely or met with grunts.

Tash, for the most part, was functioning only slightly better than she had when Adrian died. She avoided both kitchens like the plague, and ate very little. She kept up with the normal duties, but retreated to her room after finishing them and stayed there for hours.

The second day came, and hopefully it would lead to some closure. It was the day of the wake and the will reading. The wake was simple, short, and closed casket, via a request from a note attached to Rhia's will.

The will itself was in video form, created and given to Phoenixia a month after Adrian's death, just in case.
"I, Rhiannon, in sound of mind and body, hereby leave my last will and testament."

She was in her room, the wall behind her a pale blue. She sat on a simple, metal fold-out chair. Her outfit was a bit more formal than the normal dark jeans and a t-shirt. She wore a purple and black corseted tube-top, black netted elbow length fingerless gloves, and black pinstripe slacks. Her hair was down but swept back, and she wore a pair of simple stud earrings.

She wasn't quite smiling at the camera, but the corners of her eyes were turned up.

"First: Sound mind? Meh. I'm only saying that because the lawyer said I had to. You know better." Rhia smirked on the screen. The whole Society had gathered in the theater to watch the will, to watch one of their own say goodbye. Cristoph had to be metaphorically dragged out of his room.

"Second: Unfinished stories. I know I have a few; I'm constantly working on the things. I keep detailed outlines on my laptop. Whoever wants to finish them can. Just, post them? Some stories might require an executive decision, go ahead and take it where you want." Rhia waved dismissively and shrugged. It seemed as if she was trying to get the trivial things out of the way first.

"Third: My kitchen. Wow. Look at my priorities if my kitchen is third thing on the list…" She laughed. "Anyways. Keep it clean, you guys. Don't let the living, mutated, almost sentient mold back in. That stuff was hard to kill. Use it however you want, I know that stasis pantry will come in handy." She leaned into the camera, as if to make her point. She then relaxed against the chair she was sitting in.

"If a new agent comes in who also cooks a lot, let them have it. An area where one doesn't have to compete for space, where one can cook wherever and whatever one wants, it's extremely valuable. Don't begrudge the new agent this gift. And if they don't want to cook for you, let them be. Cooking for others is nerve wracking. You never know what the response is going to be." She ticked things off her fingers.

"Ah! Fourth: Bury my wakizashi with me, yes? I like those swords." She paused again, and took a shuddering breath. This was the hard part.

"Fifth: The Society in General." Rhia snorted. "Well. Something got me. I do hope you guys got whatever got me back. And I hope the person responsible died a properly ironic death. If not, eh. I'll be waiting on the other side for them with one heck of a sledgehammer.

I left a few recipes in a folder in my kitchen for you guys. Feel free to try them." She tapped her chin with her finger.

"Oh yeah! And feel free to raid my room for whatever you want. I don't think I'll need anything in there anymore."

Rhia smiled again.

"The Society's roots are in crack. Don't be upset over me too long? I really rather be remembered when you bite into something. Bye guys." She waved.

"Sixth: Natasha.

"This is the second time you've lost someone close to you, isn't it? All I ask from you Tash is that you forgive me for leaving you like this. I'm sorry. Don't let this eat you. Please? In fact, as a command from this Will, someone must immediately hug Tash. Right now. And don't let go for a full minute. Or until she turns blue. Whatever happens first." Rhia was grinning, a full-blown, huge grin that took up most of her face and practically lit up the room. Michael, Miri and Harriet immediately all leaned in to hug Tash, who disappeared under them.

"Ok, now that you've had your hug, I want you to know. Thank you, thank you so much for telling me about the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. I've had the absolute time of my life here. I know I'd be a different person without it, without having met you, or anyone else here and it's some of my most precious memories. Thank God for fanfiction and Piczo, huh?" The Fourth Wall shook a bit at this on the screen and in the Library.

"Keep smiling, yes?" Rhia arched an eyebrow. "Or I swear I'll come back from the dead and poke you till you do."

Tash choked on a grin. "Do you mean that, Rhia? Would you really come back just to make me smile?"

"Seventh: Cristoph.

This…" She took another breath, and her eyes got bright. "This is where it gets hard. Everyone, do you think you could leave the room for a bit; this part is kind of private, for Cristoph only. If he wants to share afterwards, fine by me. I mean I'm dead, what fuss can I put up? I'll give you five minutes for you to pile out. I have a feeling there are a lot of people watching this."The Society complied. If there was one thing they all listened to, it was a dead woman's last words. Michael gripped Cristoph's shoulder as he walked past. Cristoph barely acknowledged it.

"Cristoph." Rhia rubbed her hand over her face. It seemed that was the only thing keeping her from breaking down in tears. "I am so sorry. If I could have done anything to keep this from happening, I would have."

Rhia gave the camera a small, sad smile. "I remember how we first met face to face. You were trying to steal some habañeros from me. And me being me just gave them to you with the offer of more later. What caught my attention was the fact that you were polite about it. And then, well, it went from there. In a place where many people are just so chatty, and more than a little insane, you were very much a calm, soothing peace." Her eyes were bright, water was gathering in the corners. Cristoph was fighting to keep his breathing slow and even. He knew that if he let himself, he'd break down then and there. Rhia wiped again at her eyes and gained a bit of vehemence to her voice.

"Cristoph, your memories mean so much to you. They've left you with nightmares and so many sleepless nights that you can't help but wonder exactly what happened to you. I understand that the past shapes the future, and that these memories are an extremely important missing piece to you. Don't fear them.
Whoever you were before, it won't change who you are now. And if you ever do get those memories back, you'll still be Cristoph, because some things just don't disappear or change with the memories. You'd still be the same person."

Rhia paused and took a breath. "What I'm about to say is something I've never had to courage to say before, and it seems I died before I got to say it in person. If there's one regret I have it's that. For that, I am sorry, Cristoph.

I realized my true feelings for you a little after Adrian died. Woke up one day and ran all the way to your room and almost barged in before I knew what I was doing. Then I went and turned red and ran back to my room in embarrassment. Remember that day in the kitchen when we were taking stock of everything and I admitted to you that I was more relieved that you were ok than grieved at Adrian's death? I damn near said it then. Wish I had now. I was hinting at it, I was hinting at it so much. But I was afraid I would scare you off. Do you remember?"

He remembered.

-

"Cristoph… this is hard… God his death hurts, but I'm grateful that if someone had to die, it was him. And not you.

"I understand where Tash is right now, and if you had died, I'd be right where she is. And for that, for the fact that I do not have to deal with that pain, I thank him with all my soul. I'd give almost anything to bring Adrian back for all of us, but I can't.

"I almost thought I'd lost you, when the Smiths said they'd found you, and turned you into one of them.
I know exactly where Tash is, in her grief. I don't have to imagine it."

-

"Well, I'm gonna say it now, even if it's too late, it should be said." She smiled, and it lit up her face like a beacon.

"Cristoph Asahina. I love you."

"Goodbye, my gallant knight errant." Rhia stood up and looked directly into the camera, it made Cristoph feel as if she was really there. He just had to reach out and touch her.

"This concludes my Last Will and Testament." Her voice turned rather flat, in comparison to everything else she had said, like she didn't want to stop talking. She knew, long ago when she had recorded this that when she stopped talking, it would be the last thing anyone heard of her. Rhia gave one last, small smile, and the picture went dark.

Cristoph exited the theatre and was met with everyone who had left a few minutes earlier.

"It's over." He told them, quietly. The only evidence that he might have been crying was his red-rimmed eyes. He pulled out a few pellets from a pocket and threw them on the ground. A cloud of smoke grew and expanded, and by the time it was gone, so was Cristoph.

-

Flashback:

With an electric fizzle, the lights went out, dropping the kitchen into pitch blackness.

"Oh dear, that's not good." Rhia got up to flick the light switch when someone grabbed her from behind. She screamed, and was cut off when a cloth went over her face. Rhia struggled, twisting her body every which way to get free. 'Damn it, I can't breathe!' Rhia tried to wrench herself out of the other's grip but couldn't. 'What is on… this… cloth…?' She dropped to the ground when her legs failed to support her. She couldn't tell that her sight was going dark, but her body failed to respond to her. 'No…' In the end, everything disappeared into the black abyss.

End Flashback

-

Reality returned to Rhia in short, mismatched signals that almost made things worse. Her head felt like it was floating, and not at all connected to her body in the way that it should be; which was at the end of her neck. Instead it was only connected by a thin string of some sort, letting it spin every which way, like a balloon.

'Nnngghhh… bit groggy… don' wanna open my eyes.'

"Great! Our guest is awake! How are you, dear?"

"Roxelana? The hell?" Rhia's voice was quiet, and just a bit raspy. 'Ooooh, looking up was a bad idea. Everything's fuzzy and spinning… and hurting, stupid headache, I didn't ask for you.'

"Hello!" Roxelana was bouncing on the balls of her feet, a huge smile on her face. "Told you you'd see me again."

"Where am I?" 'And where are my glasses? I need those…'

"Ooooh, somewhere, some-when." Roxelana shrugged, those two facts were completely unimportant to her. It also helped that not saying anything would unnerve her 'guest.' "Nothing you need to worry about, my dear. What you need to worry about is how long you're gonna live, and how long it's gonna take you to make peace with your Maker."

"What have you done?" Rhia's raspy voice hid her fear. 'No, no, no no no no no no no no…!'

"Oh, nothing overly distressing, dear." Roxelana's smile was no longer all that innocent, and it was impossible to tell the difference between her irises and her pupils, the black was so dark. "Just kidnapped you, and made sure your little Society friends won't be coming after you." She laughed a cute little giggle that just set Rhia on edge even more. "They think you're dead. This'll be true eventually; don't worry, but just not yet."

"Bitch." 'What? No, what did she do, oh angels, Cristoph…'

Roxelana raised one haughty eyebrow. "Tsk, tsk, dear, now, no naughty words. Must make this as pleasant as possible, now."

"…How?" 'Please be something stupid, something easy, let it be seen through, no, no, no!'

"Grabbed some of your DNA earlier. It was such a nice date, wasn't it?" She sighed, as if remembering pleasant memories. "It's the second date now, aren't you just so lucky?" She smiled. "Got a temp-clone made and I slit its throat as soon as I had you under control. Body won't even be there anymore after a couple days… @ got me in. Such a nice sentient computer program, don't you think?" The Sue put her chin in her hand, in mock thought.

"No." 'No...'

"Aww, such a spoil sport, dear. I think I need to cheer you up. Otherwise, this date won't be much fun at all. We'll be starting soon, dear, don't worry."

"What?" 'I'm not your dear!'

"You'll see!" She teased, skipping around Rhia's chair like a school girl. She giggled in that high-pitched way again. "We're gonna have so much fun!"

-

Tash's communicator buzzed in the holster on her hip.

"Tash here. What do you need?"

Valerie's face appeared in miniature on the screen. "Morgue. ASAP."

"What? Why?"

"Just… get down here." Her face was unusually pale, even with the communicator's slight distortion.

Tash huffed and put her hands on her hips. The morgue was one of the last places she wanted to be at the moment. "Right, I'm here. What's going on?"

"Tash, what do you see?"

Tash looked around the morgue with a quick scan. Stainless steel tables, white walls, coolers for dead bodies along one wall. "Nothing. Why?"

"That's exactly it, Tash. Nothing. Rhia's body is gone."

"WHAT?"

Insert Victorian-Age Slash Here

In the second of three kitchens in the Library Arcanium, two agents were well on their way to getting so hyper, they could bounce to the moon if they wanted. The dregs of a mocha espresso sat next to a still-warm percolator, and an empty 20 oz. bottle of coke lay on its side in the sink.

The two agents had long ago left coherency behind and were well into the taunt-and-giggle stage. Or just the plain 'giggles' stage.

"Miri! The ribs are-! Eee! Off limits!" Rhia jumped away and clutched at her ribs. She couldn't help the stray snorts that escaped her. It tickled.

Miri crossed her arms and glared half-heartedly. "It's your fault for trying to tickle me in the first place."

Rhia pursed her lips. "Well then, I'll just have to finish what I started. I'm sure I have a feather duster around here somewhere."

"Feather duster?"

"Uh-huh."

Miri ran for it. Rhia was after her like a shot. Even though there were only two of them, they made their way through the hallways like a herd of elephants. Agents moved to hug the walls or were run over, only to cough on the dust cloud created by Miri and Rhia's passing.

"C'mon, Miri, it's only a feather duster! Rhia yelled as she brandished said tool over her head.

"I don't care!"

Alice and Louise took one look at the two as they ran by, and decided to join in. Now, Alice and Louise were the faster runners (the flying tackle glomps did do something for their average speed) and they quickly caught up to Miri and Rhia. The two groups collided and turned into one large mass of squeaks and squeals.

"Eeep!"

"Naaah!"

"Eeek!"

"Ah!"

The mass tumbled past Cristoph, who took one look and promptly turned around. He did not want to know.

-

Tash, Hati, and Claire were sitting on a sofa in one of the many lounges in the Library. Each of them had had a long day in keeping the paperwork population down. Claire had about dozed off against Hati's shoulder when Tash felt a small rumble reverberate through her. She dismissed it as a Fourth Wall breakage until she realized it was getting stronger, and louder.

"Hati, do you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

"That rumbling."

"No… wait. That shaking that's getting stronger?"

"Yeah."

Hati looked up, and saw it. "Oh dear God."

The mass plowed into the sofa, knocking it over and dumping all seven of them onto the floor.

The mass had finally stopped, tangled in a mess of limbs on the floor. Poor Tash, Claire and Hati were completely dazed.

"Miri!"

"What?"

"Your hair ate my feather duster!"

"It did?"

"Uh-huh." Rhia sounded somewhat put out. Alice started to snicker. Louise's shoulders started to shake. Before any of them knew it, they were all laughing.

Michael came in to a large group of seven girls laughing for absolutely no reason. He leaned over them. "Are you ok?"

They only laughed harder.

Michael was nonplussed, completely used to this happening at least once a month. "Hey, Rhia, you in there?

"Yeah. How'd you find me?"

"Only had to follow the path of dazed agents and dust in the air." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

"Really?" Rhia craned her neck in the direction they had come from, and sure enough, dazed agents stumbled around, trying to figure out exactly what had flew by them. She grinned. "Cool!"

"Mission for you. There's a Sue in the Sherlock Holmes 2009 movie 'verse. Low level, but she's clever. She's gotten Watson to break it off with Mary, whatever that means to you." Michael shrugged. He didn't know all that much about the Sherlock Holmes movie, or the books.

"Really." Rhia's eyes narrowed. "Well then." She stood up and dusted herself off. "C'mon, Miri!"

Miri was dragged bodily from the dog pile. "Why me?"

"Because your hair ate my feather duster!"

"Is that it?"

"Yeap!"

-

It was 1891, just after the Blackwood case. Watson had moved out of Baker Street, but had not yet tied the knot with Mary. It was odd. He had been anxious to get out of lodgings with Sherlock Holmes, but now that he was out, he was having second thoughts. One would think after a month he would have made up his mind.

Nearly a week after Watson had moved out, an eighteen year old girl had moved in, claiming that she had been kidnapped, was unable to get home, and wanted to find out who her kidnappers were. And, until she was able to get home, she was willing to work as a maid. Both Mrs. Hudson and Holmes agreed.

It was the most intriguing case he had had since Blackwood, and it was sure to keep his mind of the encroaching ennui and Watson.

Watson…

Her name was Roxelana Ambrosia Aurelius Terelli, and she was here to make a few tweaks. Nothing too big, just some changes in some inter-personal relationships.

Roxelana smirked. The Fourth Wall shivered.

-

"I am Sherlock Holmes, and this is my associate, Doctor Watson. Let me assure you that any difficulties you may have will be kept in complete confidence." Holmes settled down into his armchair and threaded his fingers together.

Rhia began. "Well, you see… we're looking for someone. But we're not quite sure what she looks like or what her name is."

"Then how, exactly, do you expect me to help you?"

"We do know that she has been here." Miri broke in. "Recently. Has any young girl, about in her late teens, besides us come here for your advice?"

Watson stood up and put his hands on Holmes' shoulders. "Yes, there has been. What do you want with Roxelana?"

"Oh! So she's here then. And she's got you on a first name basis. She's fast." Rhia's grin was predatory.

"Who are you?" Watson asked, uneasy from the look in Rhia's eyes.

"We just have some business with 'Roxelana'." Miri shrugged. She reached down into her handbag where she kept the Prohibitor and some Copyrights. Both Holmes and Watson tensed, expecting a gun.

Suddenly, a knock sounded on the sitting room door. "Holmes. I have your—!" The maid stopped short and dropped the tea tray, spilling tea everywhere and shattering the pot.

It was her. Roxelana. Her hair was raven's wing black, matching obsidian dark eyes; her skin was nearly alabaster pale, and was completely flawless.

Roxelana's eyes narrowed at the two agents in a glare, but then she promptly turned around and fled.

"You! Stop! In the name of the Society, you are under arrest!" Miri yelled.

"After her!" Rhia said as she sped out the door after the Sue.

Roxelana dashed down the stairs, not once losing her footing. Rhia and Miri, on the other hand, nearly tumbled down the stairs in their haste.

Miri and Rhia chased Roxlana past the front door and into the kitchen, where they cornered her by the kitchen table. "Oh, so this is who they send after me. Two pathetic girls who can't even catch one sue. Seems standards have dropped since Willowe invaded." Roxelana sneered. "I've heard of you, Agent Rhia, the agent who can't stand slash, and can only tolerate it if it's canon."

"Miri, give me the Prohibitor." Rhia's voice brooked no argument. "This one's mine."

Rhia stalked up to the Sue. The Sue was cornered between a wall, the table, Rhia, and Miri. However, that didn't mean the Sue wouldn't give up without a fight. Rhia leapt, and they both fell down to the floor with a thud.

There was a scuffle, and a dust cloud formed that Miri couldn't see through. There were some grunts, a yelp of pain, and then screech of indignation. Roxelana shot out of the dust cloud and back up the stairs before Miri could grab her. Rhia sat on the floor of the kitchen, a blush rising on her face.

"Rhia, are you ok?"

"That - that - she felt me up! And she enjoyed it!" Rhia was incensed. "She's a slasher sue. Oh, this isn't going to be fun." She groaned.

"She ran back up the stairs! C'mon!" Miri grabbed Rhia's hand and for once was the one dragging her around. They wrenched open the door to the sitting room and were completely shocked by the sight inside. The Sue had pulled out her final weapon.

Holmes was wrapped in Watson's arms, their lips locked together in one very passionate kiss.

Miri and Rhia immediately started twitching. Roxelana giggled from her hiding place behind Holmes and Watson, patted Watson on the head—who probably didn't even notice—and opened the window.

Rhia shook her head and raced towards the Sue. Too late, Roxelana had slipped out the window and was dangling over a plot hole. "I'll see you next time, Agent Rhia!" She giggled again, blew Rhia a kiss, and fell into the plot hole.

Rhia shivered, completely disgusted.

Holmes and Watson were still kissing each other, but it had moved from a long passionate kiss to small nips up and down each other's necks.

Rhia started twitching again. "Miri, for my sanity, please, slap a Copyright on those two."

Miri smirked, pulled two Copyrights out of her bag, and whacked them onto Holmes and Watson's backs. The two blinked, realized what they were doing, and shot apart like repelling magnets.

"Don't worry; you'll forget everything that happened as soon as we leave." Miri still had that smirk on her face.

-

Rhia and Miri arrived back at the Library, bearing the bad news that yet another Sue was on the loose.

"What's worse is that this Sue is a slasher Sue. She's completely willing to screw up canon pairings and stick people together that would normally never even think about getting together." Rhia sighed. "It didn't help that the relationship between Holmes and Watson was so close that it was easy to pair them together."

"You think she'll make another appearance sometime soon?" Tash asked.

"Yeah. She was only about level four in this fandom, so she's gonna want to get stronger as soon as she can."

"Right." Tash crossed her arms, and attempted to place some sort of authority on her face. It didn't work. "Well, you know what this means."

"Paperwork?"

"Paperwork."

"Awwwww…" Rhia whined.

"If you don't do it now, it'll just breed and multiply and then you'll really have to do it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

Five minutes later…

"Oh my God, when did the paperwork grow legs?"