Friday, January 4, 2013

Insert Animal-Based Martial Arts Here

The feathered lizard-like humanoid jumped back, avoiding a roundhouse kick. The blue armored figure continued with another kick and this time caught the creature in the head. Yelling loudly, he leapt up and slammed another kick into the dazed creature's head.

"Storm Punch!" Drake shouted, drawing his fist back and envisioning a smirking Sue in place of the monster. He charged at the raptor and slammed his crackling fist into its chest. The first hit knocked it backwards, the second one knocked into the air. "Storm Kick!" Drake leapt upwards, thrusting his foot forward, the same blue crackling energy surrounding his boot. The kick connected and the monster exploded in a massive orange fireball.

Drake dropped out of the cloud, landing on one knee. He gasped loudly partially from lack of breath, partially from his emotions. He stood up and his armor vanished in a flash of light, revealing his street clothes. He wore a pair of blue jeans and a black t-shirt bearing a blue dragon on the front. His blue and silver jacket had been left behind in the Library. The attack had been too sudden for him to grab it, but that was the last thing on his mind.

Adrian's door had dumped him out in the middle of a desert. He wished he had covered more of this fandom with forests and the like when creating it. Deserts provided some great scenery, especially cliffs and rock formations, but didn't offer much in the way of shade.

Fortunately, there were plenty of monsters running around to take out his frustration on. He wished they'd just said to hell with the Librarian's orders and stayed to help in the fight. The Library had been his home for months now and abandoning it to the Sues felt wrong. Especially when stuck here, where he was safe and someone else was out there risking his neck.

He glanced around, hoping to spot another monster, but cactuses were the only thing in sight.


X Hours Ago…
(Where X is equal to whatever number is plot convenient.)

Drake watched as Chi once again shot out of the trap door and slammed into the ceiling. She fell back into the hole, screaming and shouting curses at the agents.

"You'd think she'd have been knocked out by now," Tyler said as his gaze followed the Sue back upwards.

"I wish I had a video camera for this," Drake said as he pulled his cell phone/communicator out. He flipped the device open and hit a few buttons, several different colored arrows appearing on the screen as he did.

"What's that?" Tyler asked, glancing over at the screen.

"A LPS, Library Positioning System," Drake replied. "This place is so big I couldn't make a map of the whole thing, besides I think its layout changes occasionally. Therefore, I've got tracking beacons set in various rooms of interest. This way I can at least know what direction I need to head in."

"So where should we go?" Tyler asked.

"If all of the Sues have escaped, we're going to need firepower," Drake replied with a smirk.

"The armory!" Both exclaimed with identical expressions of mischief.


Cactuses make horrible shade, Drake thought as he lay under one of the plants. He'd walked around the area he'd originally arrived in; weary of going too far from where the door had first dumped him. So far, sand and cactuses were all he had found.

A shadow fell over him, blocking out the light. Drake groaned and sat up. A giant crab loomed over him. It snapped a claw closed and Drake found his gaze drawn to the large appendage.

Not pausing to ponder the weirdness of a giant desert crab, Drake stood up and summoned his armor. He addressed the crustacean. "Good, you brought my order of seafood."


"Slicing Gale!" Drake shouted, swinging his spear and sending three arcs of spinning wind magic down the hall.

"Random explosives!" Tyler exclaimed, tossing a handful of spherical bombs after Drake's attack.

The blasts struck Amanda Shoemaker "Shefreak" Orlando Disney SeaWorld and sent the purple clad, blue-skinned super heroine flying backwards. She crashed into the wall and slumped to the floor.

"All right! Let's grab some high explosives and take back our Library!" Drake exclaimed.

The duo dashed towards the armory door, but slid to a stop as it slammed open and a blonde haired Sue stepped out, belts of ammo wrapped around her ample chest and small weapons dangled off the belt wrapped around her freakishly thin waste. A smile spread across her face as she saw Drake who stood frozen at the sight of her.

"Well, if it isn't just the person I wanted to see," Abigail said, pulling a pair of light sabers from her belt and switching them on. The blue and purple laser blades hummed as Abigail assumed a fighting stance.

"How many times am I going to have to fight this bimbo?" Drake groaned, raising his spear.

"At least this time you have backup," Tyler said.

"So do I," Abigail replied.

The distinct sound of webbing being fired announced someone behind them. Tyler yelped as he was yanked backwards. He landed on his back, staring up at the ceiling at Emerald. She wore her red and gold spider-costume. The Sue released her grip on the ceiling and dropped down, feet first. Tyler rolled to the side, avoiding her. He lashed out with a foot and tripped her.

Drake and Abigail leapt at each other. Their weapons collided in midair with a loud hum from the sabers. Both hit the ground in a kneeling position, weapons held to the side. Drake spun around, pointing his spear at the Sue. He gasped as he saw that the lightsaber had sliced the spearhead clean off.

Abigail smirked and charged at him. Drake leapt around a dual overhead slash and slammed the pointless spear into Abigail's side. She barely reacted to the blow and spun around, swinging the deadly lightsabers. Drake ducked under the glowing blades and swung his weapon at her. She sliced off another few inches of shaft.

Growling, Drake tossed the shaft at her. She swung both sabers and sliced it in half. Her eyes widened in surprise before Drake's fist connected with her face.

Tyler swung his staff at Emerald, who nimbly dodged the weapon, bouncing off the floor, walls, and ceiling. She used a back handspring to get some distance and tapped her webshooters, sending globs of webbing at Tyler. He held his staff up and spun it, deflecting the impact webbing and sending a barrage of wind at Emerald. The small tornado unbalanced her for a few seconds, long enough for Tyler to close the distance and slammed his staff into her nose.

She stumbled back, holding her bleeding nose. Her hair somehow managed to remain perfectly in place despite Tyler's windstorm. She raised her head, teeth clenched in anger. Tyler was a few feet down the hall, crouched down with his hands over his ears. Emerald blinked in confusion before her spider-sense went off and she glanced down at the metal orb at her feet.


The explosion rocked the hall, nearly knocking Drake over. Abigail's perfection allowed her to handle the shockwave better and she managed to score a flesh wound across Drake's chest. The armored agent quickly backed out of saber range. Abigail calmly stepped after at the wall, Drake kicked off of it and sailed over the Sue's head. Abigail had enough experience by now not to turn around and simply ducked, letting his foot slam through the wall and get lodged there.

She raised a saber, ready to take advantage of Drake's mishap and finish him, but a ball of magic slammed into her and knocked her backwards. Drake quickly yanked his leg free.

"Thanks," he said as Tyler stepped forward to stand next to him. Drake raised his fists and Tyler morphed his bomb back into staff form.

A transparent figure wearing a blue jester outfit with yellow trim stepped out of the wall next to Abigail. Rapid footsteps sounded and a second later, Chi appeared at the end of the hall. She spotted them and charged forward as a severely singed Emerald pushed herself off the floor.

"I got an idea," Drake said, glancing back to find they were now in front of the armory. "Buy me two seconds to find what I need."

"What?" Tyler gulped.

"Trust me," Drake said, patting his shoulder and turning to disappear into the armory.

He quickly dashed along the aisles of weapons. Outside he could hear the sounds of battle.

"Ping Pong Power!" CRACK!

"Luke, I am your father!" VOOM! VOOM! BOOT!

"I see that your Schwartz is as big as mine!" CRASH! SPLAT!

"Will you hold still?"


"Splach?" Drake frowned.

"My spider-sense is tingl-." BOOSH!

"Will someone just hit this idiot already?"

"Oh, muffins…" BLAM!

Tyler crashed through the doorway and into a shelf of guns and ammo knocking it over. The three Sues entered the room, Abigail pointing a laser pistol skyward, Emerald to her left in a kung-fu pose and Chi in a similar pose to the right.

"Suck gas, evildoers!" Drake exclaimed, raising a small purple handgun. He pulled the trigger and a canister shot from the barrel, clattering to a stop at the Sues' feet. A cloud of gas surrounded them and they all coughed for several seconds before dropping over.

"Took you long enough," Tyler gasped.

"Come on, let's grab some stuff," Drake said.

"What's that?" Tyler asked.

Drake glanced up to find a large green creature with a flower on its back standing in the doorway sniffing at Chi's hair.


The sun had set and the stars came out. Fortunately, Drake had the foresight to collect enough tumbleweeds and bushes to start a fire. He huddled close to the flames debating whether he hated the heat or cold more.

He turned the large piece of crabmeat impaled on his stick over so the fire would cook the other side. He leaned back against one of the beast's claws.

Now, that the anger had subsided, Drake felt a sense of longing for the Library and the table at the kitchen. It was fun to sit and listen to the chatter at the dinner table. Not many in the Society could be pronounced sane and thus you could count on at least one weird story per day.

What was taking so long? Surely, the Sues had been recaptured by now. Adrian must have had some sort of plan to deal with them; he just needed to get the Society agents out of the way. He was supposed to be a billion years old. Surely, he'd foreseen this crisis and planned for it. Any minute now, Tash or someone would appear and it'd be back to the Library and the usual routine.

A lock clicked to his left and he glanced over to find a door where seconds ago had been air. He tossed the crabmeat to the side and stood up, slowly approaching the door. Drake wrapped a hand around the doorknob and hesitated for a few seconds.

Finally, he twisted the knob and pushed the door open. Stepping through into a room that looked like it had been on the receiving end of several of Ben's nukes. Walls were charred black, had holes blasted through them, or were missing entirely. Books littered the floor, charred black or pages torn out.

Aster and Doug stood staring at the wreckage. A red-eyed Tash stepped over to another door. Tash's blank expression was his first clue that something was wrong. The Library could be cleaned up and repaired; it did not merit crying one's eyes out. He stepped over to Doug and whispered quietly.

"What happened?"

"Adrian's dead," Doug replied remarkably clam.

Drake stepped back, mouth open in shock. He'd always thought Adrian's blindly heroic nature would get him killed, but he'd never really expected it to happen.

Tash pulled open the door and Christoph tumbled out of it. He glanced around at the group and, like Drake, quickly realized something was wrong.

"Lady Tash? Doug, Lord Drake, Aster... what happened?" Cristoph asked, completely confused.

Drake offered no reply and instead stared at the wall. Doug stepped forward to explain the tragedy that had occurred.


Drake kicked debris to the side and leaned down to pick up his charred and torn jacket. He slung the jacket over his shoulder and glanced around the disaster area that his room had become. At least his safe seemed to have survived.

He stepped over to the container and entered the same ten-digit code he used for the electronic lock that had once been on his door. The lock released with a load click and Drake pulled the heavy door open.

Pieces of gold and silver, ancient artifacts from his home dimension, and small pieces of replaceable fandom technology lined its shelves. None of these wonders caught his eye, instead the Hershey bars, Oreos, jellybeans, and ice cream drew his attention.

He pulled a chocolate bar out and stared at it. He could remember every single trap of Adrian's that he had thwarted and suddenly felt guilty. Those thefts perpetrated for greed and simple fun now seemed cruel. He wondered how much Adrian hated finding his hordes raided. Had the Librarian hated him?

The piece of rubble at his foot shook and he blinked as it began dragging itself across the ground towards the wall. Other pieces of debris followed it and hovered up, fitting back into the space and changing from charred black to the bright blue paint Drake had applied himself. He glanced around to find the rest of the room repairing itself. The mattress clattered back together, the blankets arranging themselves neatly on top of it. Shriveled posters unfurled and pasted themselves back on the wall. The computer pulled itself together and flickered on, beeping proudly.

Drake threw his reattached door open and stepped out into the hall, watching as the wave of repairs swept through the Library. He followed it into the urban fantasy section and watched with fascination as the shelves pulled themselves up and the books flew back into their places.

A loud clatter sounded behind him and he spun around to watch as a shelf was lifted up and tossed to the side. For once, the world had ravaged Abigail's appearance. Blood dripped down her charcoal-covered face. Her hair stood up in all directions. She closed her eyes and sucked in deep breathe. Drake felt a surge of power as her hair untangled itself and laid itself flat against her back. The black smudges faded from her face and the tears in her tight clothes sewed shut. She opened her eyes and an expression of uttered hatred appeared as she spotted him.

"So you survived," Drake frowned, not caring now. He didn't feel like fighting.

Abigail regained her composure and tried to smile. "Yeah, but it looks like your beloved leader didn't. I felt his power disappear."

Drake sensed a shake in her voice. Whatever Adrian had unleashed to take out so many Sues, it had left Abigail rattled.

"Why don't you buzz off?" Drake growled. "I'm not in the mood for you."

She sneered and Drake realized his mistake. He shouldn't have given the Sue any indication of weakness no matter how much emotional trauma he was experiencing.

Instead of forcing a fight though, she stepped off the mound of rubble. The pile quickly reconstructed itself into a shelf. She raised an arm and a plothole opened between them.

"Come on, Mister Big Bad Society Agent. Are you going to let me get away so easily?" Abigail sneered and stepped through the portal.

I don't have to bother with you right now; Drake spun and marched away from the still open plothole. He halted abruptly as he remembered something one of the Counter Guardians had once said. He had called the Society a bunch of kids playing Cowboys and Indians. Drake had wanted to knock his teeth down his throat after he said, but now he realized that the annoying jerk had been right. About him anyway, he had only joined to chase down the Sues, but he didn't take the job seriously, it was like when he stole Adrian's chocolate. It was just a game to him.

The armored agent spun around, slinging his jacket on. The plothole shrank as he charged at it, leaping through a second before it closed. He hit the ground on the other side in a roll and came up in a battle crouch.

Abigail stood a few feet away, now dressed in a short, slinky black dress with her hair tied up. The surrounding hills didn't give much clue to what fandom he had entered.

"Now, you're going to pay for getting in my way so many times," she hissed.

"If I had a quarter for every time I heard that," Drake replied.

Drake expected her to summon some sort of armor as she usually did, but instead she just charged at him. He dashed at her and threw a punch. Her own fist slammed into his face. They stumbled away from each, Drake shaking his hand. The Sue's face was surprisingly hard!

Abigail leapt forward, swinging a right. Drake ducked and let her fly past, jamming an elbow into her back as he did. He turned to face her as she went into a roundhouse. Her shoe collided with Drake's jaw, loosening a few teeth. She grabbed his shoulder and pummeled his gut with her free arm, before slamming a fist into his jaw.

Drake spun with the blow and stumbled away. He spat out a mix of blood and spittle before glaring at Abigail.

"You miserable weakling!" she raved. "Why have I lost so much to you?"

"You haven't lost anything to me," Drake shot back. "Nothing you took ever belonged to you. All that admiration and love characters had for you? That was just you making them say what you wanted them to say, or act the way you wished, nothing you've ever had was real! You're a big empty ball of hot air."

"No, that's not true!" The Sue exclaimed. "I just encouraged everyone to act the way they really feel. That's all I did! I'm flawless!"

Drake stayed silent for a few seconds. "And that's why you suck. You're just a raving lunatic demanding attention. You claim you're perfect to justify subverting everyone else's will. Perfect? You're the worst kind of scum in the world, the kind that takes away freedom."

"Shut up!" She growled and charged at him. Drake waited until the last second and then stepped forward, slamming a punch into her gut. He spun around and grabbed her arm, flipping her over his back. He landed a few kicks to her side, before her leg shot up and her foot met his forehead.

"Darn it!" Drake swore rubbing the swelling bump on his head while his opponent rolled to her feet.

"Rinki Gaiso!" Abigail exclaimed, raising an arm in front of her face. A spectral black lioness with gold trimming appeared around her, before splitting apart and attaching to her body as black and gold armor. The lion head enveloped her head last, forming a helmet.

"Die!" she exclaimed, raising an arm and launching an orb of darkness at him. It struck the ground in front of him and exploded in a cloud of dust. She snorted smugly, until a figure appeared through the dust cloud.

Drake stepped out of the cloud, clad in his armor and with his solidified cape around him. The fabric turned black and he flung it to the side, charging at Abigail. She generated another orb and flung it.

"Storm Kick!" Blue lightning crackled around Drake's left foot as he leapt into the air and kicked the energy ball. The blast bounced off his foot and back at the Sue, but she just knocked it to the side where it exploded against a cliff.

She leapt backwards onto the top of the cliff. Drake leapt after her, jumping off two small ledges, since unlike the Sue he couldn't make it in one leap. He reached the top and an armored fist slammed into his face. He stumbled back and wind milled his arms to keep from falling. Abigail started forward to push him the rest of the way, but Drake twisted to the side and shoved her.

The Sue gasped as she fell head over heels. Drake spun around and leapt after her, summoning his spear. Abigail managed to twist around and landed on her feet, before spinning to face the falling Society agent.

"Ringi! Goyu Koha!" Abigail spread her arms wide as a golden aura pulsed around her. The spectral lioness charged out of her body, running on the air. It snatched Drake in its jaws and slammed him against the cliffside. The Rinbeast snarled and dragged him up the cliff edge, earth and rock scrapping over his armor.

"Storm Punch!" Drake exclaimed, slamming his fist down on the creature's head. The Rinbeast didn't seem to feel the attack and just went on grinding him against the rock. "Damn it!"

Finally, Abigail lowered her arms and the lioness faded, leaving Drake to tumble down the mountainside. He groaned and slowly pushed himself up. His cape had been reduced to a few scrapes of cloth and the back of his armor dented. He brushed some dust off his shoulder, wincing visibly. "I've taken more damage making mud pies."

Abigail growled and moved forward, becoming a black blur. Her fist impacted with Drake's chest and knocked him back against the cliff, leaving an indention this time. His attacker slowly approached, pounding one fist into her palm.

"Ringi! Goyu Shoda!" Abigail yelled, glowing brightly again. This time Rinlioness formed around her and moved in synch with her as she charged. She drew a fist back, swinging it forward in time with the lion's jaws moving to bite. Drake meanwhile stumbled out of the indent, seemingly exhausted. However, he tensed up, as the Rinjyuken user got closer and leapt over her at the last second. Her momentum carried her fist into the cliff and the earth rumbled ominously.

"Oh, no…"

Cracks spread across the entire rock face, Abigail's attack had been so powerful. The stone and earth fell forward. Drake dashed away while Abigail was too close to escape. He turned and stared at the settling mound of rubble.

An armored fist punched through the dirt pile and pulsed with gold Rinki. Earth and rock went scattering as Abigail blew it away with the sheer force of her power.

"Goddamn nightlight," Drake muttered as the glowing Sue approached him. Being buried in a landslide had done nothing to disfigure her armor, but Drake could see a slight limp in her walk. Of course, the Sue managed to make moving with the limp look graceful and elegant, somehow.


"Shut up!" Drake exclaimed slamming a fist into her visor. The black glass cracked and a small piece of it came away, revealing Abigail's left eye. A lightning fast blow from her right hand caught him in the head, denting the side of his helmet. She tried to follow up with a left, but Drake raised his arm and blocked. Abigail grabbed his arm and spun around, pinning it behind his back, she wrapped her other arm around his throat and squeezed. The agent grabbed her arm with his free hand and tried to pull it away, but she was too strong.

"Let's see you get out of this," Abigail cackled. Drake tried to make a reply, but a fresh application of pressure cut his jib short.

Drake raised his foot and brought it down on her toes. She howled in pain and slackened her grip on his throat; he twisted around, got a hold of her wrist and flipped her onto her back.

"Storm Kick!" Abigail raised her head, only for Drake's foot to collide with it. She went rolling across the ground a good distance, blue electricity crackling over her armor. The Sue managed to get to her knees before Drake was on her again. "Storm Kick!" The attack connected with her chest and sent her skidding across the ground into the rock pile.

"And one more!" Drake exclaimed, jumping forward, his foot still ablaze with light.

Abigail raised an arm and launched an orb at his chest, knocking him back. He crashed down and rolled across the ground. A gold aura flared to life around the Sue once more as she launched Rinlioness at Drake. With the lion only a few feet away, he did the only thing he could. The armored agent dropped onto his back and the lion charged over top of him, its four legs missing him.

Moving in a blur, Abigail leapt skyward and plummeted back towards the downed agent, fist drawn back and body glowing with power. Drake rolled backwards just in time to avoid the impact, which sent pieces of earth flying in every direction. A boot slammed into the Sue's face, shattering the rest of her visor.

"Slicing Gale!" Drake exclaimed spinning around and summoning his spear. He slashed the weapon across her chest, releasing the bursts of cutting wind at point blank range. The blast sent both combatants skidding back.

Abigail gasped and dropped to one knee, placing a hand over the large slash mark in her armor. "No! You're not putting me back in that cell! Never again!"

Drake sighed and started towards her. He halted as the Sue slowly pulled herself back to her feet; her eyes were wide with rage. "Ringi! Mugen Reppa!" She pushed her thumb into her chest and her aura changed from pulsing gold to a pitch-black glow.

"Mugen Reppa? Oh, no!" Drake dropped into a crouch, both of his feet crackling with blue magic. The wind in the area picked up and thunder rumbled in the small cloud that formed over Drake's head as his spear vanished.

"Ringi! Daikaiho!" He wasn't sure, but Drake could almost swear he heard the Sue cackling insanely over the sound of the wind. He charged towards her, praying he'd reach her before she launched the suicide attack.

"Double Storm Kick!" Drake yelled, leaping into the air and coming down on Abigail feet first, the cloud launching bolts of lightning down to strengthen the attack as Abigail leapt into the air and almost seemed to fly at Drake. They collided in midair and a massive fireball exploded outwards.

Drake hit the ground and bounced across it, his armor dissolving into motes of light as he did, until he came to rest, bruised and bloody against a small hill. Abigail crashed into the cliff and dropped towards the ground, her armor detaching in the fall. She landed facedown and remained motionless for a few moments before her body began to dissolve into motes of yellow light. In a few seconds, the Sue's body was gone.

Drake groaned and tried to pull himself up, only managing to raise his upper body a few inches before falling back down. "Yeah, I think I'll sleep here for the night…"

He wondered if the Society would notice he was missing before he died of blood loss.


The rider slowed his horse to a stop as he approached the campsite. He glanced over the crab carcass. He scanned the mangled cracked shell where the killing blow had connected. Not a bad hit, but he could do better. A piece of crab meat seemed to have been discarded without being touched and the foot prints ended abruptly as though the owner had suddenly grown wings and taken flight.

"Are you going to sit there overanalyzing everything or can I do my job?" An amused voice purred next to his ear.

"Sorry," he replied, extending an arm. "Go ahead."

The small gray and red creature scurried down his arm and leapt off his wrist onto the ground. It stood on its haunches, front legs held in front of its chest. Its large black eyes scanned the night, a large bushy tail pressed against its back. A pair of small horns extended from the back of its head. Two miniscule wings sprouted from its back.

The draguirrel padded over to the piece of crab, sniffed it, and took a bite of the cold meat.

"Hey! Now who's wasting time?" the rider asked.

The creature sighed and bounded over to the end of the footprints. "Work! Work! Work! That's all I'm good for!"

"Yeah, as soon as I don't need you, I'm going to boil you for stew!" the human exclaimed chuckling.

The draguirrel sniffed at the footprints before turning and bounding back to his companion, leaping onto his arm and perching there. "Yep, the big guy was right."

"Open a portal then."

The creature nodded and turned around. He inhaled deeply before spitting a line of sky blue flame forward. The flames twisted and whirled in the air before a plothole opened in the midst of them. The draguirrel gasped loudly and nearly fell off his partner's arm.

"Good work," the man said, gently patting its head. He hugged the exhausted creature to his chest and pulled back on the horse's reigns. The horse reared up, whinnying loudly.

It dropped back onto all four hooves and charged at the plothole. It crashed headfirst into a barrier around the portal and its riders were sent flying. They collided with the sand and rolled across it.

"You okay?" the man groaned as he pulled himself up.

The draguirrel pulled its head out of the sand and glared at him. "You and your stupid theatrics!"

He ignored his partner's annoyed chirping and approached the plothole. He moved his hand towards it, only for the barrier to push it away and a loud raspberry to sound. "Darn it, now what?"

"I've got his scent. If he moves to a realm where we can follow him, I'll know."

Drake had volunteered to help clean up Adrian's office. Valerie tried to persuade him to get more rest, especially with one arm in a sling, but Drake had been too insistent. He felt he could handle going into Adrian's office better than the more upset agents could. The rest of the group also seemed to have gotten their feelings under control quicker than the rest, but none of them spoke much.

They halted outside the office for a few moments, feeling awkward. Doug took the initiative and opened the door. They filed in and glanced around. Drake wondered why this room hadn't repaired itself like every other place in the Library.

He glanced over to find Cristoph staring at an empty bottle of Tabasco sauce. Drake glanced down at a bar of broken chocolate. Quickly tearing his gaze away from the floor, he headed over to help Doug stand up the filing cabinet.

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