Thursday, June 7, 2012

Insert Another World of Imagination Here

"You'd think I'd have learned my lesson about the chocolate… If Adrian leaves it in plain sight, it means a trap."

Tyler was hanging by his ankles, suspended from the ceiling.

"Maybe I should give up trying to steal Adrian's chocolate… nah, that would be boring."

He probably could have exploded his way out, except that the pouch that contained his explosives had fallen out of his grasp, along with his ping-pong paddle, communicator, and a cookie he had managed to catch before being yanked into the air.

"I'd burn these ropes, but Adrian made them magic-resistant after the Lizard Incident…"

I was going to say that, you know.

"Shut up."





You might want to not break the Fourth Wall while you're already in deep, Tyler.

"Well you might want to go-,"





Heh. Anyway, Tyler's communicator beeped. Since by a miraculous plot twist, it was face-up, Tyler saw Tash's face appear on it.

"Tyler, why is your face so far from the communicator… on second thought, I don't think I want to know."


"Anyway, there's a Sue in the Looking Glass Wars."

"I'll get right on it."

"Okay." The communicator bleeped again and went blank.

"Hmm… now to get down…."


Deep in the heart of the Looking Glass Wars fandom… Or somewhere in that general direction….

"No! For the last time no!"

Queen Ssyla Heart was attempting to end the conference of the Lords and Ladies of Wonderland. It had gone an hour past the intended time, and the Lord of Diamonds was still attempting to expand his land at the expense of the Spade suit.

"Your Majesty, our land is twenty centimeters smaller than that of the Spades, and yet they persist in building fences further and further onto our property-!"

"-That's a vile lie, your Majesty!" screamed the Lady of Spades. "The Diamonds are attempting to-,"

The Lord of Diamonds doubled the volume of his voice, drowning out the Lady of Spades.

"We demand that they cede land and crystal tithes to us, as a punishment for their theft-,"

"-You're a fine one to talk about theft!" bellowed the Lord of Clubs. "Just recently, one of your soldiers broke into our crystal repository, stealing three ounces of crystal-,"

"SHUT UP!" Ssyla yelled, drowning out the bickering nobles.

"Yes, your Majesty," responded the (somehow) immediately contrite suits.

"Don't forget, I brought this land out of war and suffering and misery and daily meteor showers and attacks by coyotes and bad music." Ssyla reclined in her chair as she remembered….


It had been a dark time for Wonderland. Their neighbor and rival, Boarderland, had gained a new king, who wasn't important enough to deserve a name. The only problem with this was that he was completely immune to all forms of Imagination, the strongest weapon in Wonderland's arsenal. No matter what the old queen, Alyss Heart, managed to conjure up, if it came within a hundred feet of the Generic Boarderland Guy, it dissipated. Neither White nor Black Imagination had any effect.


Ssyla appeared. Riding on a jabberwocky, she had come from Wilderbeastia, and she claimed to be the progeny of a union between practitioners of Black and White Imagination. This gave her unimaginable (insert groan at bad pun here) power, as the first and only practitioner of what she dubbed, "Grey Imagination." Somehow, this subset of Imagination did what its parents had failed to do. It struck the GBG. Barraged by every attack imaginable, the GBG was forced to retreat.

Ssyla then claimed the unimaginable. She was a member of the Heart Suit. While normally this would have been looked into, as Ssyla was a Sue, it was immediately accepted. As Ssyla had saved Wonderland, Alyss happily stepped down from her position as queen. Her bodyguards, however, Hatter Madigan and Homburg Molly, stayed behind, guarding Ssyla as if she needed it, using every ounce of their skills as Milliners, the elite forces of Wonderland, to guard her from absolutely nothing. At this point, Ssyla's Sue level made it to five, and the Society stepped in.


"Why can't we ever enter the fandom where the Sue is?" Tyler complained, wandering through the streets of Wonderland. So far, he had been stopped sixteen and a half times for questioning on why he was grumbling about Queen Ssyla. One of the card soldiers had taken him aside to warn him that any more treasonous mutterings and he would be sent to the Crystal Mines. Fortunately for Tyler, the guard was an unnamed mook, and thus completely expendable. This meant that nobody would ask questions when an odor bearing a marked resemblance to that let off by vaporized armor wafted out of the alley, followed by Tyler. Actually, normally one would ask questions, but everyone was occupied with thoughts of the new queen. Oddly enough, though, not a single one of these thoughts were of rebellion against said new queen, unusual for Wonderland. While all the nobles still bickered with each other, not one ever entertained the idea of becoming queen.

"You're going on a tangent."

I am not! This information is plot-important-

"Yeah, right."

Why are you even talking to me? I'm just the author. You have a Sue to capture. Stop breaking the Fourth Wall.

Tyler sighed.


Tyler proceeded in the general direction of the palace, and as the author, I made an executive decision to skip Tyler's trip to the palace, because it's honestly incredibly boring.

Tyler poked his head around a corner, watching the garden, where Ssyla was enjoying a pleasant walk with Dodge, head of the palace guards and former lover of Alyss, although he was of course now paired with Ssyla.

"Maybe I could take her out from here with something." Tyler reached for an explosive, then thought better of it. Ssyla's imaginative powers could easily disarm it, and he'd be revealed. He had to come up with a better plan.

"Think… think… eh, when in doubt, go for style points." Tyler quickly scaled a tree, then jumped onto the roof of the building, and prepared for his entrance.


"Ssyla, I've known you for about a week, and I think it's time I admitted-,"

Whatever Dodge felt like admitting was rudely and immediately cut off by several pellets exploding around the two, forming a thick cloud of greenish-blue smog that completely enveloped Ssyla and Dodge.

"Ssyla Heart, you are under arrest for mutilation of canon. Due to my gas pellet, you should be feeling an extremely powerful nausea, so I suggest you surrender peacefully, without a-,"

"Oh, shut up."


"Using my powers of imagination, I shielded myself from your gas pellet. I am currently incredibly angry, seeing as you just ruined my love scene with Dodge, and I am in the process of creating a grenade that will reduce you to your component atoms. You have about five seconds to make yourself scarce before it's finished and I throw it at you. Start running, Society Agent."

"Well, there goes that entrance. Time for round two."

"What do you mean?"

As the green smog cleared, Ssyla became aware of a loud ticking. She followed her ears to the source of the noise, and found it to be another pellet.

"Oh crap…"


In a shower of sparks, half a dozen spears of energy shot toward Ssyla. The Sue quickly imagined a shield of glowing energy, reflecting the spears back at Tyler, who yelped in surprise and dove for cover behind a spire to avoid the energy bursts.

"Heh. That's right… keep running." Ssyla waved her arm, and a full deck of razor-edged playing cards whizzed towards him. Just when they were about to swerve around the spire and connect, a blue energy shield swelled into being, and the cards ricocheted off the shield, striking the spires and humming off in random directions. Tyler stuck his head out from behind the spire and grinned.

"Won't work, Sue."

"Yeah? Well what about THIS?" Tyler heard a loud buzzing, and a huge drone of some sort hovered into view. It resembled a hornet, but instead of a stinger, it had a-


The robo-hornet flew toward Tyler, chainsaw revving.

"Ay…" Tyler grabbed a handful of explosives from his pack, and flung them at the hornet. As the explosives connected, they burst in a flare of energy, sending the robo-hornet flying back. As it took a moment to recover, Tyler made a break for it, scampering over the roof and diving down onto the other end of the royal garden.

"So you're running? How pathetic." Ssyla floated into the air, and followed Tyler and the robo-hornet, preparing to finish Tyler off.


Tyler slammed into the ground at incredible speed, curling into a ball and shielding himself with magic. The impact left a crater where he had landed, and a trail of shredded grass and torn ground where the sphere rolled. Just as the makeshift hamsterball was about to collide with a tree, Tyler converted it into a spring and catapulted himself into the air, leaving the pursuing robo-hornet to slam into the tree, snag its chainsaw, and spin out of control, impaling itself on a statue.

"Haha! That is why you don't mess with-AGH!"

This last bit was probably because Hatter Madigan had appeared out of seemingly nowhere and slashed at Tyler with a lethal wrist-blade, which was only barely avoided by the application of a teleport spell. Unfortunately, Tyler's aim with this spell was imperfect, and he was left ten feet above the ground, about to fall onto a sharp-tipped statue.

"I hate you."

My job isn't to make you happy, it's to finish this story.

"I still hate-OW!" Tyler landed on the statue, then fell off, hitting the ground.

"Ugh…" Tyler stood up, then ran back around the palace, Hatter chasing him, and Homburg Molly appeared as well, adding to why Tyler was now running for his life.

"Wow….apparently those two are useful for something. Getting rid of enemies I don't feel like dealing with." Ssyla sauntered after the two, knowing that no matter where Tyler went, it was only a matter of time…


"Just a little further…"

Tyler had finally found a hiding spot, and was now waiting for Hatter and Molly to pass by.

"I think he went this way…"

"Wow… Ssyla really did warp their character…  they should be able to find me."

"That bush is rustling…I think he's in there."


Hatter and Molly came closer to investigate…

"Yes!" Tyler leapt out of the bushes, attaching Copyrights to the characters and running for it. Just as he was about to escape around into the garden on the other end of the palace, Ssyla burst out of literally nowhere, slicing at him with her scepter. Tyler dodged and continued running, pausing for only a second to place a buried hex on a wall, then running to hide behind another bush and watch the show.

As Ssyla ran past…


Ssyla turned. "Huh?"


A blast of energy shot from the wall, aiming at Ssyla, who waved her hand, dispersing it, then resumed chase.

"Wow….usually my tricks work better than that…" Tyler resumed running.


Somewhere else…

Retsa was annoyed. She had been waiting for twenty minutes, and Relyt still wasn't in the fandom. She needed him there before Tyler captured the Sue. Then again… given the current favor of the battle, Tyler wasn't going to capture the Sue for a long time.


"I'm beginning to hate this fandom…."

Tyler had been running for most of the day. First from the robo-hornet, then from Hatter and Molly, then from Ssyla, and currently from Dodge, who was riding a spirit-dane, a large horse-like animal, and screaming that Tyler would pay for attacking his love. Tyler had responded that he hadn't attacked Alyss, but this only got a blank stare.

"Why do we only get two Copyrights… this fandom has too many powerful characters to help them all without catching the Sue…"

A large spear buried itself in the ground right next to Tyler. Said Tyler spun.

"Ha! You can't hit me to save your--oh crap."

Ssyla had joined Dodge, and both were about to fire AD52s at Tyler, shredding him to little bits when-

"Oh, Ssyla, you're here! Now I can admit my love for you!"

As they kissed, Tyler dove behind a large statue that had appeared out of nowhere, and lobbed a grenade at the two. When the grenade landed, a loud humming exploded across the clearing, stunning Dodge and even unbalancing Ssyla for a moment. Tyler took said moment, lunging forward with a Prohibitor…


Tyler was blasted off his feet by the sudden appearance of a cannonball spider. The enormous arachnid bowled Tyler over, preparing to end his life with lethal fangs.


Tyler sent a pellet rolling beyond the spider, towards Ssyla and Dodge, where it exploded with a decided odor of rotting meat. The cannonball spider spun instantly, charging at Ssyla, who dissipated it with a wave of her hand. Tyler rolled to his feet and leapt at Ssyla, swiping at her with his staff.

"Pathetic…" Ssyla formed a rope of energy, catching the staff and flinging Tyler over her shoulder, where he landed with a thunk. "Ow…"

Ssyla turned toward him.

"Prepare to-"

Her sentence was cut off by the timely appearance of Hatter and Molly, who immediately began slashing at Ssyla with wrist and top hat blades.

"You impersonated our queen!" Hatter snarled, slashing at Ssyla, who only narrowly blocked with her scepter. Said scepter gained a deep gash where the blade had struck.

"Where is she!" Molly struck with a wristblade, shattering the scepter completely.

Ssyla paled.

"What….? The scepter can't break! It's the royal scepter of Wonderland!"

"It broke because you aren't the true queen of Wonderland."

"Huh?" Ssyla pushed Hatter and Molly away with a wave of imagination and spun to face Dodge. "What did you just say?"

"I said, you aren't the true queen of Wonderland." Dodge's face was white with fury. "Now. Where. Is. Alyss?"

Ssyla took a step back.

"Alyss… she's fine. She's taken up a job as my second-in-command?"

"How come I never see her?"

"She agreed that I was better for you than she was, so she's avoiding you."

Dodge let out a yell of anger and lunged at Alyss, who formed a shield of imagination to protect her. Dodge didn't even seem to notice the force field, simply hammering on the shield until it gave out. He was about to behead Ssyla, when…


With a cry of rage, a whirlwind of pure imagination erupted around Ssyla, blasting Dodge, Hatter, Molly, and Tyler away from her. She rose into the air, an aura of pure power enveloping her. With a malicious laugh, Ssyla raised a hand, preparing to wipe all four out of existence when-

A Plothole appeared, and a small object rolled out of it. Without any warning, a shockwave of energy exploded out of the object, and Dodge, Hatter, and Molly slumped down, unconscious. Tyler, who for some reason hadn't been knocked out, quickly fired his own Plothole generator, and exited the fandom before whatever had created the first Plothole could come through it. Ssyla, who had also remained conscious, dissipated the energy storm and dropped to the ground, awaiting whatever came through the Plothole.


Back in the PCMSPS base…

Retsa sighed in relief.

"Finally! That idiot got to the fandom!"

Behind her, an Uber-Stu spoke up.

"Why do you need Relyt in the fandom? You said we were going to-,"

"Stop talking, fool! Do you want the audience to have spoilers?"



Ssyla watched as whoever had formed the Plothole stepped out of it. The figure resembled… Tyler?

Ssyla immediately formed a spear in her hand. "You again?"

The Tyler-lookalike grinned.

"No, I'm not Tyler. My name is Relyt."

Ssyla's frowned.

"Then you're from the Protection Society?"

Relyt nodded. Ssyla's frown extended.

"Why are you here? I'm winning!"

"Just come, please."

"Why should I?"

"Please, Ssyla, just come. We need you for something."

"What are you talking about?"

"An experiment… of sorts."

"Will it make me a more powerful Sue?"

Relyt nodded.

"I suppose it can't hurt..."

Relyt nodded again. Ssyla beamed.

"I've heard stories about you guys from other Sues and Stus. They said that you take them to your ship, take off the Prohibitor if they have one, and prepare them for another fandom. Are those stories true?"


"That's great! Is your base really a spaceship?"

"Sort of…"


Relyt groaned internally.

"Why is it that Tyler always ends up hunting the annoying Sues and Stus, and I have to deal with them? Stupid author…"

Relyt and Ssyla went through the Plothole, which disappeared, leaving no evidence that they had been there. Even the device that had knocked out the canon characters vanished into a faint mist.


Back in the Library Arcanium….

"There's the chocolate!"

"I see it, I see it."

Tyler and Drake quickly made their way around the few traps, reached for the pile of chocolate…


A rope dropped from the ceiling, snagged Tyler's wrists, and yanked him into the air, and a hail of arrows and knives pinned Drake to a wall.


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