Tyler was perched above a pedestal, upon which was a large portion of chocolate. He had decided to find something to eat, and not being in the mood to eat a coat he had found in a sorry state in the Operation! fandom, he had gone for Adrian's chocolate. Unfortunately for him, his communicator chose this time to beep. At first thinking he had set off a trap, Tyler's heart shot to his throat, sending a sting of pain through him. He fell off his perch, but his fall was quickly broken by a net, which entangled him, then pinned him to the ceiling.
"Ow…"
After several seconds of struggling and twisting, Tyler managed to free his head and arm, then turned to the communicator. Tash's face appeared on it.
"I swear, I am going to kill Viva whatever-her-name-is."
Tash frowned. "May I ask why?"
Tyler pointed at his heart. "She has denied me chocolate. Twice."
"So?"
"So I like chocolate. Now, why the call?"
"Faya's been spotted in the RomeoxJuliet fandom."
"You mean that anime knockoff of Romeo and Juliet?"
"Correct. Now, are you going or not?"
"I'm a little… er… tied up."
-
Several minutes later…..
Tyler collected his Society gadgets, and was about to leave, when he realized something.
"Considering my injuries from that weird manga don't seem to have disappeared completely, I should probably avoid overexertion. Hmm…." A lightbulb suddenly appeared over Tyler's head. He grabbed a briefcase out of his desk which bore a label reading "For Emergencies (or for anything, really)," and emptied the contents into a pouch around his waist. Tyler then opened a portal, and entered the fandom.
-
In the fandom of RomeoxJuliet, everything was going right. Just three days ago, a mysterious girl had appeared in the floating city of Neo Verona. Everyone had immediately accepted her as the new ruler, without even letting her speak. She had not wanted to take power, claiming that her tragicly tragic past of tragical tragicness had taught her never to be trusted with power, but after only a tiny amount of persuasion, she accepted the post of queen. Under her rule, Neo Verona prospered, but although everyone was happy, under the darkest corner of their mind, something continually gnawed at them. Then Tyler appeared in the fandom.
In a deserted square of Neo Verona, a Plothole opened and Tyler fell out. He quickly got to his feet, preparing for an attack of some sort. Nothing came.
"Odd. Usually Faya's around wherever I show up." Tyler looked around.
"Which means I'll need to go to her…"
-
Deep in Neo Verona….
Faya sat on her throne, almost ecstatic. She had found the easiest fandom in the multiverse to conquer. All the main characters were dead, and her Sue powers filled in the rest. Everyone now believed she was the ruler and always had been. And best of all, the Society hadn't found her y-
"Your Majesty, one of the guards sighted a strange boy in the city. He carries a small paddle-like object."
"Damn it."
Tyler strolled through Neo Verona, trying to maintain the appearance of a child sent on an errand. He had had the foresight to bring a large piece of cloth to wrap around himself, which made sure no one noticed his chosen attire of tie-dye and shorts. It also had the effect of shielding him from the cold of being in a city located among the clouds. Suddenly, three guards appeared out of nowhere.
"Halt! You're under arrest!"
Tyler didn't bother with any theatrics. He just took out a small blob from the pouch at his waist, and tossed it at the guards.
"Huh? What's this?"
"Silly Putty. Why?"
"What's Silly Putty?"
"It's a priceless substance worth millions of pounds of gold an ounce. You can now quit your jobs as guards."
"Cool!" The guard walked off with their "treasure," leaving Tyler to continue toward Faya's palace.
Faya looked into a crystal scrying glass, completely ignoring the fact that such an item would not exist in her current fandom.
"How did that little brat trick my guards into quitting?"
Suddenly, in a puff of smoke, a small, shadowy figure appeared on the arm of her throne.
"I believe that he convinced them that this 'Silly Putty' was a priceless substance, Mistress."
"I know what he did, Quakakawazakaskee!"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Now, Quak, I have a question."
"Yes, Mistress?"
"Why do you exist? This fandom doesn't have fiends."
"It doesn't have scrying glasses either, Mistress."
Faya sighed. "Noted. Mobilize the entire army. I want him dead."
"It will be done, Mistress."
Tyler was proceeding toward the largest and most ornate building, which he assumed was Faya's palace. He had already defeated several more squadrons of guards, mostly by giving them more Silly Putty. He had no idea how this trick worked, but he eventually decided that Faya had made them stupid to fulfill a cliché. Finally, he was at the courtyard. He was about to enter when his path was blocked by a pair of guards.
"Halt! Nobody enters this palace!"
Tyler frowned.
"But… I have an invitation!"
"No you don't. This party is for guards and the queen only."
"Will you let me across if I fight you and win?"
The guard scoffed.
"Only if you kill us both."
"Oh… okay, but before I beat you to a bloody pulp and toss your corpse off Neo Verona, I'm gonna need you to sign this waiver."
The guard looked puzzled.
"Why?"
"Well, if you die, then one of your surviving family members might care. Then they might try to sue me. And if they sue me, then I have to go to court and explain how I had to kill you because you were in my way, and I needed to get you out of my way, so…."
"Okay, okay, I'll sign your waiver!"
"Thank you. Here's the waiver, and here's a pen."
The guard bent down to sign. After reading the clause, he clicked open the pen…
...which exploded.
Really, it exploded. The blast slammed both guards into the wall, knocking them unconscious. Tyler smirked.
"See? That's the point of a waiver."
Tyler quickly propelled himself over the gate, landing in an enormous courtyard. He began to stride triumphantly across the courtyard, when he noticed something that caused him to stop mid-step.
"Oh muffins…"
He had just succeeding in entering an enormous courtyard, packed to the brim with guards.
From her scrying glass, Faya watched happily as Tyler realized what he had just walked into. She continued smiling as the guards charged the Society Agent. Her smile slowly began to fade as Tyler blasted her first line of soldiers away with a grenade. It disappeared completely when the Agent grabbed the lance of one of the guards, and fired off another explosive behind it, launching himself forward and knocking out every guard in his path. It dropped into a frown as Tyler vaulted over the head of a guard, propelling himself out of the scrying orb's range.
Tyler landed on the balcony, taking several seconds to regain his breath. He looked up… and immediately blurred into the air to avoid a small squad of guards who had just charged him. Tyler spun the stolen lance around, pushing them off the balcony. They made a loud "Clang!" as they hit the ground, but they got up, if woozily. Tyler blew a loud raspberry at them, and was rewarded by one of the guards hurling a spear at him. Tyler grabbed the spear before it could hit him, eyed it suspiciously, then chomped off the point. He chewed on it contemplatively for a moment, then spat it out. He readied the spear to throw it back down…then spun, slamming the spear into another group of guards, then vaulting them, sending them tumbling off the balcony to join their fellows. This time, the clang was more subdued, but still satisfying. Tyler continued into the palace.
-
Twenty minutes later…
Tyler had made it to the second-to-last floor, but he was now stymied by a trapdoor, of all things. He had tried blasting his way in, but it had done nothing. He had fired a series of energy blasts at the opening, to no avail. Finally, he decided on something. He had been planning to save this for the actual battle, but he needed to get to Faya. Tyler levitated a small pink crayon out of his pouch, then fired it at the trapdoor. Said door was instantly covered with a thin coating of pink. But that was enough. Tyler screamed with rage and leapt upward at the trapdoor, smashing it with a magic-soaked fist. The door shattered into splinters, and Tyler shot up into the top room, immediately firing a magic bolt at…
A Mii?
Granted, this Mii was unusual, with a shock of bright purple hair, red eyes, and blue skin, but it was most definitely a Mii. As Tyler's energy bolt approached it, it moved aside incredibly fast, and the bolt hit the wall of the room, leaving a scorch mark. Tyler was confused.
"Wait, I'm confused. Who are you?"
When the Mii spoke, its voice resembled several thousand bees buzzing at once.
"I am an Uber-Stu, a general in Faya's army."
"Faya has an army?"
"Yes. The Mistress has created an army of Sues and Stus to destroy a force she refers to as The Society."
"Um…."
"I have told you this because I am about to kill you. Neither you nor the information you are now aware of will leave this room alive."
"Thanks!"
"Why are you thanking me? I am about to kill you."
"Because you just told me info. You won't be able to kill me."
"Incorrect. Now die." Uber-Stu drew a pair of blades, each glowing with a hazel light, seemingly out of nowhere and charged at Tyler. Tyler quickly backstepped, avoiding a painful and bloody end by one of Uber-Stu's swords. Uber-Stu snarled and swung again, but Tyler continued dodging, blocking, and taunting.
"Are you sure you're a Stu? I always thought one of the qualifications was fighting ability."
Uber-Sue roared in anger and slashed at Tyler, who dodged, then kicked Uber-Stu in the ankle. The Stu cried out in pain, limping away from Tyler.
"Seriously, is that it? I thought that an Uber-Stu would at least put up a fight."
Then the Stu lunged, slashing at Tyler with both swords. Tyler spun to one side, smacking Uber-Stu in the back of the head with his staff. The Stu stumbled forward, but quickly righted himself in time to block Tyler's next attack. He was about to slash at Tyler's head, but the Agent parried with the other end of his staff, then gave way, letting Uber-Stu skid past him. Tyler whirled around, striking the Stu in the ribs. Uber-Stu yelped, and Tyler took the opportunity to move back and ready a bomb. Uber-Stu was about to charge when a baseball smacked him in the face. He grabbed the baseball, preparing to hurl it back at Tyler, when it exploded, blasting Uber-Stu into a wall.
"Okay, I don't play baseball, but I think that's a walk. You can go to first base." Tyler produced a base from his pouch and tossed it over to the Stu. Too dizzy to think about much else, Uber-Stu stumbled over to it, not noticing Tyler pressing a small button. The base exploded, knocking Uber-Stu to the ground. Tyler grinned widely.
"Okay… that's an out."
Uber-Stu suddenly leapt to his feet, somehow healed. Tyler paled slightly.
"You have a healing factor?"
"Correct. Now, you will die." Uber-Stu lunged with both swords, aiming at Tyler's kidneys, but the Agent stepped around the slashes, getting behind Uber-Stu, then drove his heel into the Stu's Achilles tendon. Uber-Stu screamed in agony, hopping forward, but the injury healed almost instantly, and Tyler fired a series of energy bolts to prevent another lunge.
"Sorry, but there's this thing called 'personal space.' Heard of it? One of the main points is not killing people with pointy sticks."
Uber-Stu yelled a battle cry and charged. Tyler formed an energy shield, blocking the blows.
"Hey, seeing as you're a Stu, I have a question. What's the point of having a glowing sword? All it does is draw attention and center you out as a target."
Uber-Stu instantly stopped pounding on Tyler's shield. He quickly took out a chalkboard and chalk, then began scribbling furiously.
"Okay, so the glow intensity of a weapon is a sign of power, so a more strongly glowing weapon will vibrate, causing more powerful hits. Red represents anger, and is particularly effective against shields, whether magical or physical. Blue is logic, which is highly effective against both red and pink. Green is calm, which is slightly effective against blue and mental attacks, but weak to pink and red. Yellow is happiness, and is effective against almost everything, but is weak to blue. Orange is fear, and has no effect on red or green, but can defeat green and yellow. Purple is lethargy, and has no weaknesses, but no strengths. Pink is passion, and is strong against red or orange, but weak to blue and green. Red-orange is…."
Tyler was taking notes.
Several minutes later….
"Greenish ochre with a touch of rust is…"
"Okay, okay, I get it!"
Uber-Stu paused, surprised.
"Oh, okay then. Die!" Uber-Stu swung his swords at Tyler, pummeling the shield.
"I said… ENOUGH!" Tyler screamed, blasting Uber-Stu off his feet with a burst of magic. The Stu got to his feet, seething.
"Need any help, brother?"
Tyler and Uber-Stu turned. The speaker was another Mii, with the same color scheme, but this one was female.
"I am Uber-Sue, another general in Faya's army."
"Crap."
"I do not understand how expressing the common term for defecation has anything to do with…"
Tyler facepalmed.
"It's a freaking expression!"
"I do not understand how…"
"Shut up! Just shut up!"
"Accepted. You will now die." Uber-Sue pulled out two swords, these ones glowing a pleasant lavender. Tyler pulled a face halfway between revulsion and boredom.
"Please tell me you can fight better than your brother."
"Affirmative. Now, die." Uber-Sue lunged, and Tyler was forced to bring up another shield, knocking her back. This attack was immediately followed up by a jumping slash from Uber-Stu, forming a crack in the shield. Then the Sue and Stu leapt into the air. The entire room was shrouded in a black light.
"Team Combo-Infinite Slashes!"
Uber-Stu slashed the air thousands of times per second, each slash leaving a trail of light. The blades of energy gathered around Uber-Sue, and she connected her blades at the tip. Then the slashes traveled down the glowing blades, which focused them into a beam of pure sword glowyness that fired down at Tyler. The Agent blurred to one side, dodging the beam, but up above, Uber-Sue moved her swords, causing the beam to follow him. Tyler grabbed a small grenade out of his pouch and hurled it at Uber-Sue. The Sue tried to alter the path of the beam, but the explosive hit first. With a loud explosion, amplified by the room, Uber-Sue dropped out of the sky. Uber-Stu let out a cry of rage and swooped down at Tyler.
"I swear, if you've hurt her-,"
"Oh shove it." Tyler grabbed the Stu's arm, swinging him in a circle and hurling him away.
"Despite what you may see, talking is not a free action. It actually takes more time than swinging a sword. Really."
Tyler was about to turn and walk away, but he suddenly stopped dead.
"Oops, can't leave yet! Gotta fire off a parting shot! Because seriously, you two were pathetic! You're both supposed to be Uber, so act like it! C'mon, get a little ability instead of just leaning on your powers! It's really very…" Tyler trailed off. "Oh, right… anyway, bye!" Tyler was about to open a door to another room, when a knife collided with the handle. Tyler turned around.
"Okay, really! That's the oldest cliché ever… or one of them! If you have the accuracy to block my exit by jamming the handle with a knife, why don't you just kill me with it?"
Uber-Stu frowned.
"You have a point… well, I do have another knife, so no harm done."
Tyler paled.
"Oh muffins…" The next knife whizzed toward him, missing him by an inch and embedding itself in the handle, right next to its brother. Another lightbulb appeared over Tyler's head.
"That's it! That throw was blind luck! You were aiming to hit me, weren't you?"
Uber-Stu looked sheepish.
"Well… yes."
"Ah! In that case, I'll give you lessons!" Tyler yanked a knife out of the door and ran over to the Stu.
"Okay, first, you grab the knife by the tip of the blade with your thumb and index…"
"Okay…" Uber-Stu followed Tyler's directions.
"Next, relax your grip on the blade slightly…"
Uber-Stu continued to obey.
"Next, realize I have no idea what I'm talking about…"
"Okay… wait wha-," That was all he could get out before Tyler snatched the knife away.
"And finally, scream in pain as I kill you!" Tyler stabbed at Uber-Stu, but the Stu grabbed the blade, halting the knife.
"Okay, you stay there!" Tyler grabbed a rope out of his pouch, tying it around Uber-Stu's hands. Tyler grabbed a Prohibitor out of his pouch and jammed it onto the Stu.
"Ha!"
Suddenly Uber-Stu let out a scream of pain and glowed white. Cracks of blue energy spiderwebbed across him from the Prohibitor. After Uber-Stu was covered in the cracks, he exploded into tiny pixels of light. Tyler paused.
"Weird… just like a Yugioh card…." Tyler suddenly remembered something. "Aiee!" He blurred to one side as Uber-Sue lunged at him. The Sue was apoplectic.
"You… killed… my… BROTHER!"
"Actually, this was more erasing him from existence. What a horrible waste."
"Yes! It was a horrible waste of Stuish life!"
"Actually, I was talking about my Prohibitor. I only get two a mission."
"Super Awesome Pounding Blast of Elemental Cosmic Destruction!"
Tyler's eyes widened.
"Oh dear Arceus…."
Then Uber-Sue fired an energy blast the size of a tennis ball. Tyler moved slightly to one side, dodging. Uber-Sue charged again, slashing at Tyler's head. Tyler took a step back, then pushed Uber-Sue away with a burst of energy.
"That was lame. Five seconds of preparation and you get that?"
"Well, I needed a name for my attacks…"
"No you didn't. And if you really did, name it "Tennis Blast," or something simple."
"Seriously, are you always this annoying?"
"Yes."
"Die already!" Uber-Sue lunged at Tyler, who blocked with another shield of energy.
Tyler gave a thumbs-up.
"Nice! Almost got me there. Just a little hard… oh carp."
Uber-Sue's blow shattered the shield, sending Tyler stumbling backwards. Uber-Sue was about to lunge when an explosion blasted her into a wall. Uber-Sue leapt to her feet, charging, when a pulse of energy stopped her in her tracks. As she prepared to attack again, a shield sprang up around her. The Sue battered the shield, but it refused to budge. As she watched, Tyler tossed an explosive high into the air. Uber-Sue frowned.
"What was the point of that? All you did was waste-," Suddenly the shield disappeared. Uber-Sue grinned and prepared to strike.
"Die, Agent."
Then the chandelier hit.
With a ear-splitting crash and a piercing scream, the chandelier smashed through the floor, carrying Uber-Sue to a painful end. Several shards of glass flew towards Tyler, but he stopped them with a shield. Tyler smirked, then headed toward the balcony to find Faya's palace. From the balcony, Tyler surveyed Neo Verona. He admired the close-up view of the bright blue sky, of the pure white clouds, of the-
-There! Down there, by the monument! Tyler caught a glimpse of tennis court-red hair, and lime-green eyes, and heard the narrator describing the colors with unnecessary and unconventional adjectives. He was about to blur over when he heard a loud wingbeat. Tyler blurred into the air just in time to avoid the swoop of a Ryuba, a dragon steed. He dropped down onto the back of another, forming a shield to prevent being struck by the Ryuba's whipping tail. He spun his staff quickly, parrying a lance thrust from the Ryuba's rider, then pummeled him with a series of energy pulses. The rider swayed in place, then fell, and the Ryuba swerved, unceremoniously depositing him and Tyler back on the balcony. Tyler blurred into the air, then blurred toward the second rider, knocking him off and sending them both flying toward the window leading into Faya's palace. Tyler kicked the rider to one side, formed a shield around himself, then cannonballed straight through the window, entering Faya's palace in an explosion of glass and light. Before hitting the ground, Tyler blurred again, coming to a stop on the other end of the room, seventy feet away from an astounded Faya. The Sue sputtered for a moment, completely speechless. Tyler gave a mock bow. Faya purpled and lunged, tendrils of energy trailing from her hands. Tyler blurred to one side, dodging.
"Wow, I haven't even talked, and you're already trying to kill me. That's probably a record."
Faya snarled, a deep, guttural sound.
"Oh, by the way, what's with Mr. and Ms. Sue?"
Faya smirked.
"My… pet projects, you might say."
"By which you mean…" Tyler prompted.
"Please. I'm not some Hollywood stereotype villain; I'm not telling you my plans. I'm not telling you about my Sue army."
"And yet you just did."
"Ooh…."
"Great! Can we get to your total humiliation now?"
"Die!" Faya lunged, slashing at Tyler with a huge sword she seemed to pull out of nowhere. Tyler blurred away.
"You have a limited vocabulary, you know that? Just 'Die!' and 'Perish!' Sign of a small mind, they say."
"Hey!" Faya charged again, but Tyler blurred away, and Faya's sword crashed down onto her throne, shattering it.
"Ooh, that looked expensive."
"It was!" Faya wailed. "It cost five thousand dollars!"
"Did you even pay for it?"
"Well… no…"
"Stop complaining. I broke a ruler yesterday. It cost twenty dollars, and I didn't give a damn."
Faya frowned. "Why not?"
"Because I ate it. But that's not the point. The point is that you suck, and I don't."
"I do not suck!"
"Sooo… what you're saying is that you're a broken vacuum cleaner."
"No!" Faya lunged at Tyler, who tossed a smoke bomb, shrouding the palace room in black fog.
"Ahh, mist bombs. So much more ecological," Tyler said calmly. A loud thud emanated from nowhere. "Oh, and you might want to watch out for the sliver. You could trip on it."
When the fog cleared, Tyler was still where he had been when he had thrown the bomb. Faya was getting to her feet from where she had tripped and fallen. Tyler stuck out his tongue.
"Come on, you're a Sue! Stop being so clumsy!"
Faya's eyes widened. "B-but… but…. being clumsy was my author disproving my Suishness."
Tyler facepalmed. "Does it really matter? You're not actually ever clumsy, except once in a blue moon when your author remembers that that's how they described you. And then they go over the top with you tripping over yourself to prove how incredibly clumsy you are. Then, point made, they forget about it and have you performing amazing feats of balance and precision. Then they remember 'Oops! Faya is supposed to be clumsy!" and have another chapter of you being completely useless. Am I correct?"
"Yes…"
"My point. How did your author pick your name anyway?"
"Well, they liked the name 'Faya,' but they also wanted the name 'Wargana.' Then they decided they wanted an initial, because it was cool. They needed a number, because I was in a royal lineage, even though I didn't know it, and one of them accidentally banged their fist on the keyboard when they yelled at their friend for saying that I was a Sue, which, by the way, I totally am not, and then they couldn't bring themselves to delete it. So that's how I got my name."
Tyler's jaw dropped.
"That…is one of the most Suish things I have had the misfortune of hearing in my whole, 6-or-7 month existence."
"No it's not! Anyway, then my authors posted my story, which was totally perfect and had me sacrificing myself for Jeena, but since the authors didn't want me to die, they had the blast still hit Jeena, and then Jeena died so I could be with Rallen, then I brought Jeena back, but she said Rallen was too good for her and let him stay with me. Then the authors got flames that I was a Sue, which were completely wrong, so they quit because the reviewers were mean. They wrote some more of their story for their friends, and I got even more perfect! But then their friends got mean and said I was a Sue, so they quit my story and left me to fester."
Tyler blinked. Then he resumed eating an arm of Faya's throne. A vein pulsed in Faya's forehead.
"That was my backstory you idiot! You're supposed to listen with horror and sympathize with, then forgive, all my past misdeeds!"
"Sorry, but 'Attempting to warp the fabric of a universe,' isn't that forgivable."
"Oh that's it!" Faya held out her sword, which glowed with an unearthly red light. "Any last words?"
Tyler smirked. "Just one..."
Faya's jaw dropped.
"What… the heck… was that?"
Tyler grinned.
"That, as you so eloquently refer to it, is an extremely long name for a molecule found it tobacco. I've always wanted to say it. Also, it apparently kept you from killing me long enough for me to prepare every single explosive I'm carrying in this pouch."
Faya scoffed. "So? You've probably got nothing left."
Tyler made a tsk-tsk sound and wagged his finger. "To the contrary! This is a Bag of Holding, stolen from D&D! It holds several dozen cubic feet of matter." Then Tyler gave the bag a hard shake, and Faya saw exactly how many explosives Tyler had crammed into the bag. She paled.
"Oh-,"
KABOOM
*This scene has been censored due me always wanting to say that. Please enjoy this fuzzy bunny rabbit*
(\_/)
(='.'=)
(") (")
*We return to the main production*
When the smoke from the explosion cleared, Faya had been embedded into her throne, despite her being on the wrong end of the blast. Tyler was standing where Faya had stood before the explosion, covered in a shield of light. The Agent stuck out his tongue at the downed Sue. Then he realized something.
"Oh crap. I taunted a opponent, I am so screwed I am so screwed…"
Suddenly a huge explosion of light burst forth from the throne, obliterating it. Tyler was forced to close his eyes. A second later, Faya rose out of the ashes of her throne, encased in a cocoon of rainbow light. Tyler gulped.
"No way we can settle this like civil human beings, is there?"
Faya pretended to think about it. "No. No, not really."
"Muffins."
Faya sent a huge blade of energy flying toward Tyler, who flung up a shield. However, the blast plowed right through Tyler's shield, smashing the Agent into the far wall. Tyler slowly got to his feet, blood dripping from his chest. He sighed theatrically.
"Jeez, Faya… I just… got out… of the hospital. No need to put… me back in."
"Yes. Yes there is. You have chased me through five different universes."
"And you… tried to destroy… five different universes."
"But I'm a Sue, therefore I am to be forgiven."
"No… not really."
"Well, when they don't forgive me, they have to die." Faya levitated into the air, a pink light surrounding her. Below, Tyler's eyes widened.
"Faya… I have three requests."
The Sue scoffed. "You can ask."
"First… stop warping fandoms."
Faya scoffed again. "Not a chance."
"Second… stop trying to kill me."
"Nope."
Then Tyler's eyes narrowed to slits.
"And finally… stop… using… PINK!" Suddenly Tyler rocketed at Faya, propelled by a blast of energy. The Sue didn't even have time to think before Tyler's knee slammed into her face. Then she felt herself zooming back into a wall as Tyler kicked her away. As she smashed into the wall, the pink aura dissipated, and Tyler's eyes returned to normal. Then he realized where he was.
"Oh… muffins…"
Then he fell toward the ground.
Just before impact, Tyler grabbed his Scene Transition and activated it.
Faya watched Tyler slam into the ground as she disentangled herself from the wall. She smirked, but then she noticed something. The Agent was still breathing. Pausing only to scowl at him, she raised her sword, then lunged…
Then, so fast Faya couldn't even register it, a Plothole opened and a flash of black shot from it. Faya felt a horrible pain in her back, and she was flung thirty feet across the hard wooden floor.
-
Tyler snapped awake with a jolt of pain as the memories of the Scene Transition flashed through his head. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, and watched as the black blur materialized only ten feet from the injured Faya. It seemed to be a stick figure, dressed in black, with glowing red eyes. As Tyler watched, it brandished a pair of serrated, almost rusty-looking, swords. Faya stood, drawing her sword impossibly fast and lunging. Tyler was sure that the stick figure would be dead in an instant. But just as Faya's blow landed, it was matched. Both swords had somehow risen in time to block. Tyler raised an eyebrow, then was brought back to reality by a burst of pain that reminded him he was probably about to die. He reached for his Plothole Generator and quickly opened a Plothole, dropping through it.
Faya dodged a series of supernaturally fast strikes, each one leaving a sonic boom in their wake. She quickly parried, then lashed out, knocking her assailant away. The stick figure ground to a halt, then glared at Faya, its eyes full of menace. Faya glared back.
"Who are you, anyway? And why are you trying to kill me?"
When the figure spoke, its voice was like a buzzsaw.
"I am Shade."
"Original."
"Yes. I was ordered by Runoa to kill you."
Faya frowned. "What?"
"She has discovered your army and your plans. You are in her way. You must die." Before Faya could even respond, Shade was behind her, stabbing her through the head. Faya's eyes dimmed, and she crumpled, disintegrating. Shade paused momentarily, then disappeared.
-
In the Library…
Tyler sat up in a hospital bed, trying to figure out what had happened since he had gone through the Plothole. He decided that while he had been unconscious, Faya had escaped again. As far as he knew, there was no evidence to the contrary. Then a door opened and Drake walked in. Tyler waved.
"Hello."
"Hi," Drake replied.
"Faya escaped?" Tyler asked.
Drake made an odd face. "No, actually. That being that called itself Shade killed her." Then Tyler's eyes went wide.
"WHAAAT? I wanted that honor! I swear, when I get out of this sickroom, I'm going to-OW!" Tyler dropped back down as a surge of pain ran through him. "I am going to kill that stick figure."
Drake raised an eyebrow, then left quickly.
-
Somewhere else in the Library…
"Did you bring enough paint?"
"Yes, Miss."
"Good." Camille smirked. "When Tyler gets out of the hospital, he is getting a big surprise…."
Then Doyle looked in the paint cans. "Miss, this is pink paint."
"Yes…"
"Don't you remember the last time you painted Tyler's room pink?"
"Yes, but this time I also have a tranquilizer dart."
"Ah."
-
Somewhere else in the multiverse….
Relyt turned to Ekard. "Is everything going as planned?"
Ekard groaned. "You've asked that five times already! Just because the readers might be watching… but yes."
"Good."
"Ow…"
After several seconds of struggling and twisting, Tyler managed to free his head and arm, then turned to the communicator. Tash's face appeared on it.
"I swear, I am going to kill Viva whatever-her-name-is."
Tash frowned. "May I ask why?"
Tyler pointed at his heart. "She has denied me chocolate. Twice."
"So?"
"So I like chocolate. Now, why the call?"
"Faya's been spotted in the RomeoxJuliet fandom."
"You mean that anime knockoff of Romeo and Juliet?"
"Correct. Now, are you going or not?"
"I'm a little… er… tied up."
-
Several minutes later…..
Tyler collected his Society gadgets, and was about to leave, when he realized something.
"Considering my injuries from that weird manga don't seem to have disappeared completely, I should probably avoid overexertion. Hmm…." A lightbulb suddenly appeared over Tyler's head. He grabbed a briefcase out of his desk which bore a label reading "For Emergencies (or for anything, really)," and emptied the contents into a pouch around his waist. Tyler then opened a portal, and entered the fandom.
-
In the fandom of RomeoxJuliet, everything was going right. Just three days ago, a mysterious girl had appeared in the floating city of Neo Verona. Everyone had immediately accepted her as the new ruler, without even letting her speak. She had not wanted to take power, claiming that her tragicly tragic past of tragical tragicness had taught her never to be trusted with power, but after only a tiny amount of persuasion, she accepted the post of queen. Under her rule, Neo Verona prospered, but although everyone was happy, under the darkest corner of their mind, something continually gnawed at them. Then Tyler appeared in the fandom.
In a deserted square of Neo Verona, a Plothole opened and Tyler fell out. He quickly got to his feet, preparing for an attack of some sort. Nothing came.
"Odd. Usually Faya's around wherever I show up." Tyler looked around.
"Which means I'll need to go to her…"
-
Deep in Neo Verona….
Faya sat on her throne, almost ecstatic. She had found the easiest fandom in the multiverse to conquer. All the main characters were dead, and her Sue powers filled in the rest. Everyone now believed she was the ruler and always had been. And best of all, the Society hadn't found her y-
"Your Majesty, one of the guards sighted a strange boy in the city. He carries a small paddle-like object."
"Damn it."
Tyler strolled through Neo Verona, trying to maintain the appearance of a child sent on an errand. He had had the foresight to bring a large piece of cloth to wrap around himself, which made sure no one noticed his chosen attire of tie-dye and shorts. It also had the effect of shielding him from the cold of being in a city located among the clouds. Suddenly, three guards appeared out of nowhere.
"Halt! You're under arrest!"
Tyler didn't bother with any theatrics. He just took out a small blob from the pouch at his waist, and tossed it at the guards.
"Huh? What's this?"
"Silly Putty. Why?"
"What's Silly Putty?"
"It's a priceless substance worth millions of pounds of gold an ounce. You can now quit your jobs as guards."
"Cool!" The guard walked off with their "treasure," leaving Tyler to continue toward Faya's palace.
Faya looked into a crystal scrying glass, completely ignoring the fact that such an item would not exist in her current fandom.
"How did that little brat trick my guards into quitting?"
Suddenly, in a puff of smoke, a small, shadowy figure appeared on the arm of her throne.
"I believe that he convinced them that this 'Silly Putty' was a priceless substance, Mistress."
"I know what he did, Quakakawazakaskee!"
"Yes, Mistress."
"Now, Quak, I have a question."
"Yes, Mistress?"
"Why do you exist? This fandom doesn't have fiends."
"It doesn't have scrying glasses either, Mistress."
Faya sighed. "Noted. Mobilize the entire army. I want him dead."
"It will be done, Mistress."
Tyler was proceeding toward the largest and most ornate building, which he assumed was Faya's palace. He had already defeated several more squadrons of guards, mostly by giving them more Silly Putty. He had no idea how this trick worked, but he eventually decided that Faya had made them stupid to fulfill a cliché. Finally, he was at the courtyard. He was about to enter when his path was blocked by a pair of guards.
"Halt! Nobody enters this palace!"
Tyler frowned.
"But… I have an invitation!"
"No you don't. This party is for guards and the queen only."
"Will you let me across if I fight you and win?"
The guard scoffed.
"Only if you kill us both."
"Oh… okay, but before I beat you to a bloody pulp and toss your corpse off Neo Verona, I'm gonna need you to sign this waiver."
The guard looked puzzled.
"Why?"
"Well, if you die, then one of your surviving family members might care. Then they might try to sue me. And if they sue me, then I have to go to court and explain how I had to kill you because you were in my way, and I needed to get you out of my way, so…."
"Okay, okay, I'll sign your waiver!"
"Thank you. Here's the waiver, and here's a pen."
The guard bent down to sign. After reading the clause, he clicked open the pen…
...which exploded.
Really, it exploded. The blast slammed both guards into the wall, knocking them unconscious. Tyler smirked.
"See? That's the point of a waiver."
Tyler quickly propelled himself over the gate, landing in an enormous courtyard. He began to stride triumphantly across the courtyard, when he noticed something that caused him to stop mid-step.
"Oh muffins…"
He had just succeeding in entering an enormous courtyard, packed to the brim with guards.
From her scrying glass, Faya watched happily as Tyler realized what he had just walked into. She continued smiling as the guards charged the Society Agent. Her smile slowly began to fade as Tyler blasted her first line of soldiers away with a grenade. It disappeared completely when the Agent grabbed the lance of one of the guards, and fired off another explosive behind it, launching himself forward and knocking out every guard in his path. It dropped into a frown as Tyler vaulted over the head of a guard, propelling himself out of the scrying orb's range.
Tyler landed on the balcony, taking several seconds to regain his breath. He looked up… and immediately blurred into the air to avoid a small squad of guards who had just charged him. Tyler spun the stolen lance around, pushing them off the balcony. They made a loud "Clang!" as they hit the ground, but they got up, if woozily. Tyler blew a loud raspberry at them, and was rewarded by one of the guards hurling a spear at him. Tyler grabbed the spear before it could hit him, eyed it suspiciously, then chomped off the point. He chewed on it contemplatively for a moment, then spat it out. He readied the spear to throw it back down…then spun, slamming the spear into another group of guards, then vaulting them, sending them tumbling off the balcony to join their fellows. This time, the clang was more subdued, but still satisfying. Tyler continued into the palace.
-
Twenty minutes later…
Tyler had made it to the second-to-last floor, but he was now stymied by a trapdoor, of all things. He had tried blasting his way in, but it had done nothing. He had fired a series of energy blasts at the opening, to no avail. Finally, he decided on something. He had been planning to save this for the actual battle, but he needed to get to Faya. Tyler levitated a small pink crayon out of his pouch, then fired it at the trapdoor. Said door was instantly covered with a thin coating of pink. But that was enough. Tyler screamed with rage and leapt upward at the trapdoor, smashing it with a magic-soaked fist. The door shattered into splinters, and Tyler shot up into the top room, immediately firing a magic bolt at…
A Mii?
Granted, this Mii was unusual, with a shock of bright purple hair, red eyes, and blue skin, but it was most definitely a Mii. As Tyler's energy bolt approached it, it moved aside incredibly fast, and the bolt hit the wall of the room, leaving a scorch mark. Tyler was confused.
"Wait, I'm confused. Who are you?"
When the Mii spoke, its voice resembled several thousand bees buzzing at once.
"I am an Uber-Stu, a general in Faya's army."
"Faya has an army?"
"Yes. The Mistress has created an army of Sues and Stus to destroy a force she refers to as The Society."
"Um…."
"I have told you this because I am about to kill you. Neither you nor the information you are now aware of will leave this room alive."
"Thanks!"
"Why are you thanking me? I am about to kill you."
"Because you just told me info. You won't be able to kill me."
"Incorrect. Now die." Uber-Stu drew a pair of blades, each glowing with a hazel light, seemingly out of nowhere and charged at Tyler. Tyler quickly backstepped, avoiding a painful and bloody end by one of Uber-Stu's swords. Uber-Stu snarled and swung again, but Tyler continued dodging, blocking, and taunting.
"Are you sure you're a Stu? I always thought one of the qualifications was fighting ability."
Uber-Sue roared in anger and slashed at Tyler, who dodged, then kicked Uber-Stu in the ankle. The Stu cried out in pain, limping away from Tyler.
"Seriously, is that it? I thought that an Uber-Stu would at least put up a fight."
Then the Stu lunged, slashing at Tyler with both swords. Tyler spun to one side, smacking Uber-Stu in the back of the head with his staff. The Stu stumbled forward, but quickly righted himself in time to block Tyler's next attack. He was about to slash at Tyler's head, but the Agent parried with the other end of his staff, then gave way, letting Uber-Stu skid past him. Tyler whirled around, striking the Stu in the ribs. Uber-Stu yelped, and Tyler took the opportunity to move back and ready a bomb. Uber-Stu was about to charge when a baseball smacked him in the face. He grabbed the baseball, preparing to hurl it back at Tyler, when it exploded, blasting Uber-Stu into a wall.
"Okay, I don't play baseball, but I think that's a walk. You can go to first base." Tyler produced a base from his pouch and tossed it over to the Stu. Too dizzy to think about much else, Uber-Stu stumbled over to it, not noticing Tyler pressing a small button. The base exploded, knocking Uber-Stu to the ground. Tyler grinned widely.
"Okay… that's an out."
Uber-Stu suddenly leapt to his feet, somehow healed. Tyler paled slightly.
"You have a healing factor?"
"Correct. Now, you will die." Uber-Stu lunged with both swords, aiming at Tyler's kidneys, but the Agent stepped around the slashes, getting behind Uber-Stu, then drove his heel into the Stu's Achilles tendon. Uber-Stu screamed in agony, hopping forward, but the injury healed almost instantly, and Tyler fired a series of energy bolts to prevent another lunge.
"Sorry, but there's this thing called 'personal space.' Heard of it? One of the main points is not killing people with pointy sticks."
Uber-Stu yelled a battle cry and charged. Tyler formed an energy shield, blocking the blows.
"Hey, seeing as you're a Stu, I have a question. What's the point of having a glowing sword? All it does is draw attention and center you out as a target."
Uber-Stu instantly stopped pounding on Tyler's shield. He quickly took out a chalkboard and chalk, then began scribbling furiously.
"Okay, so the glow intensity of a weapon is a sign of power, so a more strongly glowing weapon will vibrate, causing more powerful hits. Red represents anger, and is particularly effective against shields, whether magical or physical. Blue is logic, which is highly effective against both red and pink. Green is calm, which is slightly effective against blue and mental attacks, but weak to pink and red. Yellow is happiness, and is effective against almost everything, but is weak to blue. Orange is fear, and has no effect on red or green, but can defeat green and yellow. Purple is lethargy, and has no weaknesses, but no strengths. Pink is passion, and is strong against red or orange, but weak to blue and green. Red-orange is…."
Tyler was taking notes.
Several minutes later….
"Greenish ochre with a touch of rust is…"
"Okay, okay, I get it!"
Uber-Stu paused, surprised.
"Oh, okay then. Die!" Uber-Stu swung his swords at Tyler, pummeling the shield.
"I said… ENOUGH!" Tyler screamed, blasting Uber-Stu off his feet with a burst of magic. The Stu got to his feet, seething.
"Need any help, brother?"
Tyler and Uber-Stu turned. The speaker was another Mii, with the same color scheme, but this one was female.
"I am Uber-Sue, another general in Faya's army."
"Crap."
"I do not understand how expressing the common term for defecation has anything to do with…"
Tyler facepalmed.
"It's a freaking expression!"
"I do not understand how…"
"Shut up! Just shut up!"
"Accepted. You will now die." Uber-Sue pulled out two swords, these ones glowing a pleasant lavender. Tyler pulled a face halfway between revulsion and boredom.
"Please tell me you can fight better than your brother."
"Affirmative. Now, die." Uber-Sue lunged, and Tyler was forced to bring up another shield, knocking her back. This attack was immediately followed up by a jumping slash from Uber-Stu, forming a crack in the shield. Then the Sue and Stu leapt into the air. The entire room was shrouded in a black light.
"Team Combo-Infinite Slashes!"
Uber-Stu slashed the air thousands of times per second, each slash leaving a trail of light. The blades of energy gathered around Uber-Sue, and she connected her blades at the tip. Then the slashes traveled down the glowing blades, which focused them into a beam of pure sword glowyness that fired down at Tyler. The Agent blurred to one side, dodging the beam, but up above, Uber-Sue moved her swords, causing the beam to follow him. Tyler grabbed a small grenade out of his pouch and hurled it at Uber-Sue. The Sue tried to alter the path of the beam, but the explosive hit first. With a loud explosion, amplified by the room, Uber-Sue dropped out of the sky. Uber-Stu let out a cry of rage and swooped down at Tyler.
"I swear, if you've hurt her-,"
"Oh shove it." Tyler grabbed the Stu's arm, swinging him in a circle and hurling him away.
"Despite what you may see, talking is not a free action. It actually takes more time than swinging a sword. Really."
Tyler was about to turn and walk away, but he suddenly stopped dead.
"Oops, can't leave yet! Gotta fire off a parting shot! Because seriously, you two were pathetic! You're both supposed to be Uber, so act like it! C'mon, get a little ability instead of just leaning on your powers! It's really very…" Tyler trailed off. "Oh, right… anyway, bye!" Tyler was about to open a door to another room, when a knife collided with the handle. Tyler turned around.
"Okay, really! That's the oldest cliché ever… or one of them! If you have the accuracy to block my exit by jamming the handle with a knife, why don't you just kill me with it?"
Uber-Stu frowned.
"You have a point… well, I do have another knife, so no harm done."
Tyler paled.
"Oh muffins…" The next knife whizzed toward him, missing him by an inch and embedding itself in the handle, right next to its brother. Another lightbulb appeared over Tyler's head.
"That's it! That throw was blind luck! You were aiming to hit me, weren't you?"
Uber-Stu looked sheepish.
"Well… yes."
"Ah! In that case, I'll give you lessons!" Tyler yanked a knife out of the door and ran over to the Stu.
"Okay, first, you grab the knife by the tip of the blade with your thumb and index…"
"Okay…" Uber-Stu followed Tyler's directions.
"Next, relax your grip on the blade slightly…"
Uber-Stu continued to obey.
"Next, realize I have no idea what I'm talking about…"
"Okay… wait wha-," That was all he could get out before Tyler snatched the knife away.
"And finally, scream in pain as I kill you!" Tyler stabbed at Uber-Stu, but the Stu grabbed the blade, halting the knife.
"Okay, you stay there!" Tyler grabbed a rope out of his pouch, tying it around Uber-Stu's hands. Tyler grabbed a Prohibitor out of his pouch and jammed it onto the Stu.
"Ha!"
Suddenly Uber-Stu let out a scream of pain and glowed white. Cracks of blue energy spiderwebbed across him from the Prohibitor. After Uber-Stu was covered in the cracks, he exploded into tiny pixels of light. Tyler paused.
"Weird… just like a Yugioh card…." Tyler suddenly remembered something. "Aiee!" He blurred to one side as Uber-Sue lunged at him. The Sue was apoplectic.
"You… killed… my… BROTHER!"
"Actually, this was more erasing him from existence. What a horrible waste."
"Yes! It was a horrible waste of Stuish life!"
"Actually, I was talking about my Prohibitor. I only get two a mission."
"Super Awesome Pounding Blast of Elemental Cosmic Destruction!"
Tyler's eyes widened.
"Oh dear Arceus…."
Then Uber-Sue fired an energy blast the size of a tennis ball. Tyler moved slightly to one side, dodging. Uber-Sue charged again, slashing at Tyler's head. Tyler took a step back, then pushed Uber-Sue away with a burst of energy.
"That was lame. Five seconds of preparation and you get that?"
"Well, I needed a name for my attacks…"
"No you didn't. And if you really did, name it "Tennis Blast," or something simple."
"Seriously, are you always this annoying?"
"Yes."
"Die already!" Uber-Sue lunged at Tyler, who blocked with another shield of energy.
Tyler gave a thumbs-up.
"Nice! Almost got me there. Just a little hard… oh carp."
Uber-Sue's blow shattered the shield, sending Tyler stumbling backwards. Uber-Sue was about to lunge when an explosion blasted her into a wall. Uber-Sue leapt to her feet, charging, when a pulse of energy stopped her in her tracks. As she prepared to attack again, a shield sprang up around her. The Sue battered the shield, but it refused to budge. As she watched, Tyler tossed an explosive high into the air. Uber-Sue frowned.
"What was the point of that? All you did was waste-," Suddenly the shield disappeared. Uber-Sue grinned and prepared to strike.
"Die, Agent."
Then the chandelier hit.
With a ear-splitting crash and a piercing scream, the chandelier smashed through the floor, carrying Uber-Sue to a painful end. Several shards of glass flew towards Tyler, but he stopped them with a shield. Tyler smirked, then headed toward the balcony to find Faya's palace. From the balcony, Tyler surveyed Neo Verona. He admired the close-up view of the bright blue sky, of the pure white clouds, of the-
-There! Down there, by the monument! Tyler caught a glimpse of tennis court-red hair, and lime-green eyes, and heard the narrator describing the colors with unnecessary and unconventional adjectives. He was about to blur over when he heard a loud wingbeat. Tyler blurred into the air just in time to avoid the swoop of a Ryuba, a dragon steed. He dropped down onto the back of another, forming a shield to prevent being struck by the Ryuba's whipping tail. He spun his staff quickly, parrying a lance thrust from the Ryuba's rider, then pummeled him with a series of energy pulses. The rider swayed in place, then fell, and the Ryuba swerved, unceremoniously depositing him and Tyler back on the balcony. Tyler blurred into the air, then blurred toward the second rider, knocking him off and sending them both flying toward the window leading into Faya's palace. Tyler kicked the rider to one side, formed a shield around himself, then cannonballed straight through the window, entering Faya's palace in an explosion of glass and light. Before hitting the ground, Tyler blurred again, coming to a stop on the other end of the room, seventy feet away from an astounded Faya. The Sue sputtered for a moment, completely speechless. Tyler gave a mock bow. Faya purpled and lunged, tendrils of energy trailing from her hands. Tyler blurred to one side, dodging.
"Wow, I haven't even talked, and you're already trying to kill me. That's probably a record."
Faya snarled, a deep, guttural sound.
"Oh, by the way, what's with Mr. and Ms. Sue?"
Faya smirked.
"My… pet projects, you might say."
"By which you mean…" Tyler prompted.
"Please. I'm not some Hollywood stereotype villain; I'm not telling you my plans. I'm not telling you about my Sue army."
"And yet you just did."
"Ooh…."
"Great! Can we get to your total humiliation now?"
"Die!" Faya lunged, slashing at Tyler with a huge sword she seemed to pull out of nowhere. Tyler blurred away.
"You have a limited vocabulary, you know that? Just 'Die!' and 'Perish!' Sign of a small mind, they say."
"Hey!" Faya charged again, but Tyler blurred away, and Faya's sword crashed down onto her throne, shattering it.
"Ooh, that looked expensive."
"It was!" Faya wailed. "It cost five thousand dollars!"
"Did you even pay for it?"
"Well… no…"
"Stop complaining. I broke a ruler yesterday. It cost twenty dollars, and I didn't give a damn."
Faya frowned. "Why not?"
"Because I ate it. But that's not the point. The point is that you suck, and I don't."
"I do not suck!"
"Sooo… what you're saying is that you're a broken vacuum cleaner."
"No!" Faya lunged at Tyler, who tossed a smoke bomb, shrouding the palace room in black fog.
"Ahh, mist bombs. So much more ecological," Tyler said calmly. A loud thud emanated from nowhere. "Oh, and you might want to watch out for the sliver. You could trip on it."
When the fog cleared, Tyler was still where he had been when he had thrown the bomb. Faya was getting to her feet from where she had tripped and fallen. Tyler stuck out his tongue.
"Come on, you're a Sue! Stop being so clumsy!"
Faya's eyes widened. "B-but… but…. being clumsy was my author disproving my Suishness."
Tyler facepalmed. "Does it really matter? You're not actually ever clumsy, except once in a blue moon when your author remembers that that's how they described you. And then they go over the top with you tripping over yourself to prove how incredibly clumsy you are. Then, point made, they forget about it and have you performing amazing feats of balance and precision. Then they remember 'Oops! Faya is supposed to be clumsy!" and have another chapter of you being completely useless. Am I correct?"
"Yes…"
"My point. How did your author pick your name anyway?"
"Well, they liked the name 'Faya,' but they also wanted the name 'Wargana.' Then they decided they wanted an initial, because it was cool. They needed a number, because I was in a royal lineage, even though I didn't know it, and one of them accidentally banged their fist on the keyboard when they yelled at their friend for saying that I was a Sue, which, by the way, I totally am not, and then they couldn't bring themselves to delete it. So that's how I got my name."
Tyler's jaw dropped.
"That…is one of the most Suish things I have had the misfortune of hearing in my whole, 6-or-7 month existence."
"No it's not! Anyway, then my authors posted my story, which was totally perfect and had me sacrificing myself for Jeena, but since the authors didn't want me to die, they had the blast still hit Jeena, and then Jeena died so I could be with Rallen, then I brought Jeena back, but she said Rallen was too good for her and let him stay with me. Then the authors got flames that I was a Sue, which were completely wrong, so they quit because the reviewers were mean. They wrote some more of their story for their friends, and I got even more perfect! But then their friends got mean and said I was a Sue, so they quit my story and left me to fester."
Tyler blinked. Then he resumed eating an arm of Faya's throne. A vein pulsed in Faya's forehead.
"That was my backstory you idiot! You're supposed to listen with horror and sympathize with, then forgive, all my past misdeeds!"
"Sorry, but 'Attempting to warp the fabric of a universe,' isn't that forgivable."
"Oh that's it!" Faya held out her sword, which glowed with an unearthly red light. "Any last words?"
Tyler smirked. "Just one..."
Faya's jaw dropped.
"What… the heck… was that?"
Tyler grinned.
"That, as you so eloquently refer to it, is an extremely long name for a molecule found it tobacco. I've always wanted to say it. Also, it apparently kept you from killing me long enough for me to prepare every single explosive I'm carrying in this pouch."
Faya scoffed. "So? You've probably got nothing left."
Tyler made a tsk-tsk sound and wagged his finger. "To the contrary! This is a Bag of Holding, stolen from D&D! It holds several dozen cubic feet of matter." Then Tyler gave the bag a hard shake, and Faya saw exactly how many explosives Tyler had crammed into the bag. She paled.
"Oh-,"
KABOOM
*This scene has been censored due me always wanting to say that. Please enjoy this fuzzy bunny rabbit*
(\_/)
(='.'=)
(") (")
*We return to the main production*
When the smoke from the explosion cleared, Faya had been embedded into her throne, despite her being on the wrong end of the blast. Tyler was standing where Faya had stood before the explosion, covered in a shield of light. The Agent stuck out his tongue at the downed Sue. Then he realized something.
"Oh crap. I taunted a opponent, I am so screwed I am so screwed…"
Suddenly a huge explosion of light burst forth from the throne, obliterating it. Tyler was forced to close his eyes. A second later, Faya rose out of the ashes of her throne, encased in a cocoon of rainbow light. Tyler gulped.
"No way we can settle this like civil human beings, is there?"
Faya pretended to think about it. "No. No, not really."
"Muffins."
Faya sent a huge blade of energy flying toward Tyler, who flung up a shield. However, the blast plowed right through Tyler's shield, smashing the Agent into the far wall. Tyler slowly got to his feet, blood dripping from his chest. He sighed theatrically.
"Jeez, Faya… I just… got out… of the hospital. No need to put… me back in."
"Yes. Yes there is. You have chased me through five different universes."
"And you… tried to destroy… five different universes."
"But I'm a Sue, therefore I am to be forgiven."
"No… not really."
"Well, when they don't forgive me, they have to die." Faya levitated into the air, a pink light surrounding her. Below, Tyler's eyes widened.
"Faya… I have three requests."
The Sue scoffed. "You can ask."
"First… stop warping fandoms."
Faya scoffed again. "Not a chance."
"Second… stop trying to kill me."
"Nope."
Then Tyler's eyes narrowed to slits.
"And finally… stop… using… PINK!" Suddenly Tyler rocketed at Faya, propelled by a blast of energy. The Sue didn't even have time to think before Tyler's knee slammed into her face. Then she felt herself zooming back into a wall as Tyler kicked her away. As she smashed into the wall, the pink aura dissipated, and Tyler's eyes returned to normal. Then he realized where he was.
"Oh… muffins…"
Then he fell toward the ground.
Just before impact, Tyler grabbed his Scene Transition and activated it.
Faya watched Tyler slam into the ground as she disentangled herself from the wall. She smirked, but then she noticed something. The Agent was still breathing. Pausing only to scowl at him, she raised her sword, then lunged…
Then, so fast Faya couldn't even register it, a Plothole opened and a flash of black shot from it. Faya felt a horrible pain in her back, and she was flung thirty feet across the hard wooden floor.
-
Tyler snapped awake with a jolt of pain as the memories of the Scene Transition flashed through his head. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, and watched as the black blur materialized only ten feet from the injured Faya. It seemed to be a stick figure, dressed in black, with glowing red eyes. As Tyler watched, it brandished a pair of serrated, almost rusty-looking, swords. Faya stood, drawing her sword impossibly fast and lunging. Tyler was sure that the stick figure would be dead in an instant. But just as Faya's blow landed, it was matched. Both swords had somehow risen in time to block. Tyler raised an eyebrow, then was brought back to reality by a burst of pain that reminded him he was probably about to die. He reached for his Plothole Generator and quickly opened a Plothole, dropping through it.
Faya dodged a series of supernaturally fast strikes, each one leaving a sonic boom in their wake. She quickly parried, then lashed out, knocking her assailant away. The stick figure ground to a halt, then glared at Faya, its eyes full of menace. Faya glared back.
"Who are you, anyway? And why are you trying to kill me?"
When the figure spoke, its voice was like a buzzsaw.
"I am Shade."
"Original."
"Yes. I was ordered by Runoa to kill you."
Faya frowned. "What?"
"She has discovered your army and your plans. You are in her way. You must die." Before Faya could even respond, Shade was behind her, stabbing her through the head. Faya's eyes dimmed, and she crumpled, disintegrating. Shade paused momentarily, then disappeared.
-
In the Library…
Tyler sat up in a hospital bed, trying to figure out what had happened since he had gone through the Plothole. He decided that while he had been unconscious, Faya had escaped again. As far as he knew, there was no evidence to the contrary. Then a door opened and Drake walked in. Tyler waved.
"Hello."
"Hi," Drake replied.
"Faya escaped?" Tyler asked.
Drake made an odd face. "No, actually. That being that called itself Shade killed her." Then Tyler's eyes went wide.
"WHAAAT? I wanted that honor! I swear, when I get out of this sickroom, I'm going to-OW!" Tyler dropped back down as a surge of pain ran through him. "I am going to kill that stick figure."
Drake raised an eyebrow, then left quickly.
-
Somewhere else in the Library…
"Did you bring enough paint?"
"Yes, Miss."
"Good." Camille smirked. "When Tyler gets out of the hospital, he is getting a big surprise…."
Then Doyle looked in the paint cans. "Miss, this is pink paint."
"Yes…"
"Don't you remember the last time you painted Tyler's room pink?"
"Yes, but this time I also have a tranquilizer dart."
"Ah."
-
Somewhere else in the multiverse….
Relyt turned to Ekard. "Is everything going as planned?"
Ekard groaned. "You've asked that five times already! Just because the readers might be watching… but yes."
"Good."
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