Monday, April 2, 2012

Forever And For Always

No one chooses to be born.

And no one chooses where they are born.

But if one had a choice, no one would ever pick a version of hell.

Because, one moment, there was nothing.

And the next, she was.

Aware of herself, aware of being to alter and manipulate this computer she seems to be in with just a thought, like it's a part of herself. Aware of the two other Zords- (The word appears in her mind instantly) firing and attacking the one she seems to be in. Aware of sensors, weapons, shields, systems, gauges and so much more and they flood her with information, only to brutally yanked away and deadened as they are destroyed or damaged

She struggles to comprehend what is going on, where she is, who she is, what she is and feels fear, panic, uncertainy, anger, frustration, a gamut of emotions she's not even sure she should be able to feel or know about and yet she does.

And she becomes aware of one more thing.

Because no one expects an angel to be there when they're born.

A person, who she knows and yet she does not know, is with her. His mind, struggling to keep the Zord together and fighting, to keep itself together as his body suffers the backlash his mind feels, is weakened and overworked and with every passing moment, it grows more so even as it struggles to continue forwards.

And somehow, it is already trying to protect her, from the lose of senses, from the fear and pain, reaching and shielding.

Acting on instinct, both for self-preservation and to protect and help this individual that she did not know she had until right this second, she pushes his mind back where it belongs and fights her way through her own fear and uncertainy and guides the Zord away from the battle and towards safety.

And as it leaps to beyond lightspeeds and the stars stretch around them, she wonders why she feels she has to protect this man, forever and for always.




Adrian grabs a wrench and tucks his upper body into the interior of the Zord's left leg, trying to repair a damaged coupling. "That's your name."

"That's a little presemptuous of you, don't think you? Shouldn't I be able to choose my own name" Her voice comes through the speakers of the hanger, linked to the Zord so they can speak.

It's been several weeks since her 'birth' and she's learned much since then. Like she's a computer program and he's the Librarian and a Counter Guardian and can travel through dimenions and she can access technology without even really thinking about it and so much much more.

And to be honest, she is frightened of herself. She's sentient, fully aware, just like Adrian and unlike Adrian, she is the computer, able to acces information, the Internet, programs without much effort and sensors and scanners and computers and cameras and more provide her with a never-ending flood of information and she's frightened that she's able to do these things.

Frightened that she's able to do them well.

So she's currently residing in the Zord's computer. Because the Zord suffered so much damage, only the minimal systems are working and thus, she is able to cope with them more easily, as they provide so little information and she is able to ignore them like one ignores a fly buzzing around their head.

She does not like the fact that Adrian needs to fix the Zord, as she had accidentally disabled the self-repairing subroutines and did not know how to turn them back on. (At least, that's what she told Adrian.), but he had coaxed her into helping him, saying they'd fix one system at a time and she could take her time getting used to them. So she reluctantly agreed and to take her mind off it, Adrian had decided she needed a name.

"Well, what's wrong with Phoenixia? I mean, you were born in the Phoenix Zord, after all. And you're a woman, so it seems simple enough to me. And having a name helps you retain a sense of self and doesn't make things seem so overwhelming." Adrian tells her and then swears in a language she doesn't recognize as a stray wire sparks and zaps his finger. "Do you see a reason not to have a name?"

"Well... nothing, really, I guess. But... I'm a computer program, aren't I? Even though I'm aware, that's what it comes down to...I didn't even achieve sentientance on my own..that power surge overhwelemed the protection on the synaptic uplink and somehow copied some of your mental anagrams into the computer and I was the I don't even exist, really."

The Librarian pulls himself out of the Zord's leg and glares and she found herself a bit indimidated, despite he had nothing to glare at. "You exist, Phoenixia. You don't need a name or a body or anything else like that to exist. You are aware, you are alive. You feel things- fear, anger, frustration and more and they aren't fabricated or bits of program because if they were, you'd be able to switch them on and off and you can't, can you?"

A long pause. ""

"There you go. You are human, if that's the way you want to put it. And if having all that doesn't make you exist, well then, I sure as hell don't either."


"Good. Now tell me how to hook this coupling back together." Adrian stows himself inside the compartment again.

"Well, you want the blue wire..."

A loud zap and several curses are heard a second later.

"Sorry, I meant the red wire..." Phoenixia smiles to herself and decides she's very lucky to be with Adrian.


"You finally got it down, huh?"

"Yep." Her voice sounds happy. And she is. It's been years-nearly a decade, since her birth and she has grown by an incredible amount in that time- able to deal with who she is, what she is. Now she can pilot Zord, fight with it, run the Library's computer, hack, surf the 'Net and so much more easily- so much so that she realizes that things like cataloguing, filing, systems and virus checks and like come to her as easily as breathing does to other people. "I've been practicing all week."

"Okay, then." Adrian smiled and folded his arms expectantly. "Let's see it.

"You got it!"

A few seconds pass and then the holoprojector mounted on the wall hums to life and a second later, Phoenixia materializes and gains a solid shape for one of the first times in her life.

She's also completely naked.

"P-p-hoenixia!" Adrian splutters and goes red. "Put some clothes on, for Heaven's sake!"

"Clothes?" Phoenixia gives him a innocent, confused look. "I don't think I've mastered that yet... and I've never really been a body before." Her hands wander over her full breasts and lightly tease her nipples. "Mmmm... this feels good..."

"GAH! No, no no! Stop, stop!" For one of the few times in his life, the Librarian is thrown off kilter and he shields his face, blushing and spluttering and it looks like he was struggling to not get a nosebleed.

Phoenixia grinned wickedly to herself. Oh, the fun she was going to have with having a body...


"Adrian...?" Phoenixia, worried, materializes in his bedroom, the Library's computer telling her he's in his bathroom, but not wanting to disturb his privacy, not after what had happened...

She'd founnd him, a week after he was supposed to return from a routine mission, captured. She'd rescued him, using the Zord's weaponry to precisely blast away the wall to where they were holding him and managing to get close enough to so her projectors would be range so she could carry him.

He had been a nightmare, both mentally and physically. Driven half-insane through torture, he'd fought her and screamed and babbled randomly, eyes wild and too bright. His body had been a wreck, cuts and lacerations and signs that he'd been raped and used and burns as well and his leg had been broken badly enough that there were splinters of bone sticking out of it.

She had been horrified at finding him like that and she'd spent nearly a full day operating on him in the Library's med bay, doing her best to repair the damage he'd suffered. And she'd succeeded... mostly.

Making her way to the bathroom, she slid by the door and crept towards the shower, as it was running. "Adrian... talk to me.."

Then she saw him, huddled in a ball the back of the shower, still in his clothes, sobbing softly. Phoenixia quickly crossed to the room and sat next to him, ignoring the near-scalding water spraying on them both. cuddling him tightly with one arm and stroking his hair with the other, murmuring reassurnces into ear.

Finally, he speaks, softly and brokenly. "I... couldn't sleep... had nightmares... vivid ones... felt I was back there..." He gulps and blinks, trying to stop his tears. "It was horrible... and everyone I've killed was there, begging me not to kill them, not to take them away, but I did..and then they tortured me... Oh god.." He moans and buries his face against her neck.

"Shhhh, Adrian." Phoenixia whispers gently in his ear. "It's okay... they can't hurt you... she can't hurt you. She's dead, remember? You don't have to go back to that place anymore."

She doesn't really know how long they are like that, her holding and rocking and comforting him and him clinging to her and trying not to remember the pain, but they are there a long time, till the water has gone ice-cold and then finally runs out... but she doesn't care.

They have forever and for always to make the pain go away.


"There's no reason to mope." Phoenixia tells him, materializing next to the Zord's command chair. "Those people are jerks, Adrian and they sure as hell have no appreciation for the fact that you saved their lives! Why worry about it? You'll never see them again..."

"It's not...that..." Adrian tells her, sitting the command chair, staring out at the stars, but not really seeing them as he broods. "I've had that happen before and while it hurts a bit, it's fine..."

"Then what is it?" Phoenixia asks, folding her arms atop her breasts. "Tell me, Adrian. I don't like seeing you brood."

For a long moment, he is silent. Then..."It was that little girl..."

She frowns at him. "What little girl..? There were a lot of them..."

"The one in the man's house... the man I killed."


"The man was a murderer and worse on his home planet, long before he ever became a threat I needed to deal with...and it was a relatively short fight...we trashed the rooom we were in, but I got him in the end, stabbing Hoshikuzu through his head...and I turn around and there this little giirl... couldn't have been six years old, standing in the doorway..."


Adrain breathes out a sigh. "She just looked at me, hating me and crying...then she whispered 'You killed killed Daddy...I hate you...I hate you." He rubs at his face with a hand wearily. "How do you explain to a child that their parent that they love so much is evil...? Hell, how do you define evil?" He slumps in his chair. "Because I everyone I kill is someone's lover or father of daughter or son or parent or brother...and everytime I kill means I've ruined another family...another set of lives who always that hole gaping in their hearts. I'm a monster..."

Phoenixia straddles his lap, facing him and grabs his jaw in her hand, forcing him to look at her. "Adrian. You are not a monster. You are a good man who has a very horrible job to do and you do it well and that makes you killer, I know. But I also know that no one could do this job like you do it. You always do your best to keep the pain and destruction and suffering to a minimum and take so, so much on yourself." Two sets of violet eyes meet and hers are stern and loving while his are pain-filled and confused. "You give up your life so, so many people, and twice that many people who have yet to be born can live their lives in peace and innocence... if that makes you a monster, then I'm more of one, because I help the monster do his job."

Her voice becomes soft, quiet. "Do you think I"m a monster, Adrian?"

"No. Of course not." The words leave his mouth immediately.

She smiles at him. "Good. Because all in all, I"m a woman, Adrian." Phoenixia leans closer to him, her hand still grasping his jaw. "And you know what else?"

Adrian blushes at their closeness, trying to melt into the back of the chair. "What?"

"I know how to make you feel better..." She kisses at his cheek, pressing against him as she changes her outfit to a set ot sheer bikini lingerie. "Let me... please?"

"I... I... know... but... I mean..."

Phoenixia presses against him more, grinds a little. "Tell me what you like and I can give it to you. You know I can... whatever you want, however you want it, it's yours..."

"Okay..." And he tells her.

And she gives it to him.

And if feels like it lasts forever and for always.

Though she had to wonder why he liked snuggling with a dragon-girl and having her wings wrapped around him... not that she minded. He was rather cuddly...

Now if she could just persaude him to get his clothes off next time...


He was only at peace when he was sleeping, she decided. Well, when actually got some sleep, which was increasingly rarer.

Snow-white bangs fall across his closed eyes as he breathes softly, sprawled out on the bed with the sheets pullled halfway up his bare back, revealing his scars and marks from a lifetime of battle. All the years of conflict, of stress and pain and loneliness just fall away from his face when he sleeps and he looks all the world like any other twenty-year old.

Except, Adrian is far from twenty now and is not like any other person she knows.

Which, Phoenixia admitted to herself, is not really that many at all. But in a Multiverse of ifininte infinite variations of life, she knows that she will never find another being that comes remotely close to the Librarian.

Phoenixia herself is on the bed, laying on her side with her head propped up by her hand and watching him sleep and resisting the urge to reach out with her other hand and stroke his hair and feel it's silkiness, wanting not to break the serene image before her by waking him and at the same time, wanting to do it and see him open those violet eyes and smile when he sees her.

Finally, she relents and lets him sleep, carefully sliding out of the bed and standing up, letting the sheet that had been wrapped around her fall away, not caring about her nakedness and actually feeling pleased about it. She had perfect body, so why not enjoy it?

Of course, the fact being that her 'body' was a hard-light hologram and she could alter it with barely a thought however she wanted, might have something to do with it...but it was who she was, so why deny it?

Phoenixia made her way across the room and stood in front of the full-length mirrior, admiring herself. A lean body, pale skin, flat tummy, legs that seemed to go on forever, long, lustorous black/white hair that came up short just above her ankles and a chest that was large enough to give most women back pain... she was every guy's fantasy incarnate. And probably quite a few women's, as well.

Though, while she still found herself very pretty and sexy, she did not think her appearance anything special. It was her 'default' setting, after all. And she was quite content with it. Of course, she had a lot of fun experimenting with differing body types and sizes and shapes and colorations, but this one was simply 'her'.

And, she chuckled to herself, getting all those admiring, wanting, lustful looks from men was fun and enjoyable, as was getting the some of the scorful, envious, loathing looks from the women.

She ran her hands along her body, trailing them up her stomach and stroking her breasts lightly and smiled a bit as she traced a set of teeth marks that had come from her and Adrian's most recent bout of sex. Phoenixia had spent a long time wearing on him, teasing him, seducing him and trying to get him to sleep with her and had finally been rewarded. And it had most definitely been worth the wait, as what Adrian lacked in experience, he made up with sheer intensity... and he was a fast learner...

Occasionally, she wondered to herself that how she was able to have tactile senses, be able to see, hear, taste, touch and smell like any other person since her body was made up of light and despite being able to access all the information she could ever want, still has not found a satisfactory answer. But she let's it slid. No sense in questioning the good things, after all.

Phoenixia made her way from the Phoenix Zord's sleeping quarters and into the massive machine's cockpit. She currently was the Zord's computer and thus could access things like flight controls, weapons, systems checks, sensors, shield and everything else with less than a thought and so didn't have to check on them manually, and she did check them, but that's not why she was going to the cockpit.

She wanted to see the stars.

Nothing compared to seeing them with her own eyes. No sensor array or machine or piece of technology could match the beauty and awe she felt when she watched them.

Padding silently over to the pilot's chair, Phoenixia sat down and just looked at the stars, not bothering to use the computer to map them out as constellations or markings or anything, just looking at them for the sake of looking.

She stared out at them, letting her thoughts drift and she wonders if there is life on all of them or none of them and if which ones are gone, but still there because she's only now receiving their light. Wondering how many people can live their lives out on the planets near those stars safely because Adrian saved them. Wondering how many know that he's done it.

Wondering, of those that do know, remember his name or even appreciate what he's had to sacrifice for them.
It bothered her that Adrain had given up so, so much for people who would never even care about what he'd done. He'd given up his life, his peace of mind, normacly, everything...

Maybe that was why she was always there for him. To do her best to heal his wounds and keep him sane and do whatever was required to preserve health and heart of this man who gave and gave and gave and gave until he had nothing to give and then give that away. He never had anything left for himself and no one ever gave anything back.

Well, she had everything to give and she'd give it to him as many times as he needed it.

A small frown crossed her face as she registered a new message arriving and killing the beeping noise that signaled it's arrival, opened it. It was a message from one of Adrian's fellow Counter Guardians, saying that he was in need of a break, being overworked and if it wasn't too much trouble, could Adrian take over some of his workload for him for a few centuries while he took a vacation?

Phoenixia promptly deleted the messsage and leaned back to watch the stars and let Adrian sleep a little longer.


The waiting was the worst of it.

Over the centuries, he'd go on missions- ones that he didn't need the Zord for or one she couldn't come along for with whatever reason and she'd be stuck minding the Library.

And shelving books, taking inventory and counting the tiles on the ceilings got real old, real fast.

So she'd try to distract herself by surfing the 'Net, writing, reading and having sex with whatever Library visitor was there at the time and she wanted to have sex with-sometimes all at once.

But sooner or later, she'd start to worry.

Well, worry more so than usual. Because when one has lived with Adrian all their life, he does things to make you worry. It seems to be his job somedays.

Like face down entire armies by himself. Or go through Hell and back to get that mastermind or save that child- sometimes literally, through Hell. Or fight gods and demons and devils or any other arrogant, vengeful wrathful being that he can find that has to be stopped or at least knocked down a peg or two. Or six.

But Phoenixia would worry more than usual. What if he was dying? Or captured and tortured again? Or trapped in another dimesion with no way home? Or corrupted to the dark side? Or sucked into a black hole? Or having a night of wild sex without her?

Okay, the last one is one that she just finds petty, but still...

But he'd always come back. Sometimes battered, always coverd in blood (which may or may not be his own), limp or exhausted, angry or hurt or cracked or just okay, with a visitor or not, but he'd come back.
She dreaded the day he didn't.

She didn't want to be alone for forever and for always.


"I saw that Emily Smith girl today."

"Oh really?" Adrian is sitting at his desk, leafing through a tome idly as Phoenixia materializes, sitting on the edge of his desk facing him. "I thought we weren't going to reveal you to the other Agents right now."

Phoenixia grinned. "She was working on Tash's secret project."

Adrian looks up at her, a small smile on his face. "Oh?"

"Mmmmhmmm." The buxom woman nods. "The kid's quite mechanically inclined. Didn't even have to look at a manual or ask for help or anything."

"That's what Tash says." The Librarian agreed and his smile turned secretive. "Of course, this means she'll be a great help working on the Zord, too."

"Oh yes." Phoenixia grins a bit. "I can't wait to start. I like her a lot."

"Do you now? Never figured you were one for little kids..."

Phoenixia shrugs. "Eh, she's like me a lot. She's really smart and all and mature for her age, but she's still a child and really unsure and frightened by her own power and doesn't know what to do with it or how it works."

"Just like you were, all those centuries ago." Adrian smiles at her. "Good for you, I think it'll be a good thing for you and for Emily. She could use a proper big sister. Most of the Society Agents are going to have a hard to relating to her."

"Yep, yep." Phoenixia nods and then grins seductively. "Say, it's the weekened..."

Adrian blushes and returns to his book. "Tash is not here, Phoenixia. She'll be upset with us both if we do it without her."

The grins grows more seductive. "She's on her way to your office right now. And we could always start without her..." Her outfit switches to a see-through bikini top and bottom and her breathing becomes heady. "She liked joining in like that last time..."

Adrian continues to leaf through his book, still blushing. "Well, yeah..."

"Please?" Phoenixia crawls ontop his desk, her bust right as his face level, swaying a bit as she breathes in and out. "I'm already so wanting for it... you know I am..."


She presses closer to him. "Please..."

"I said, no." Adrian, without lifting his head, uses one hand and pushes her off the desk, resulting her yelping in surprise and flailing as she thuds to the floor.

Pouting, she grabs the edge of the desk and sits upright, sticking her tongue out at him. "Meanie!"

"Oh that's real mature for a centuries old-woman."

She sticks it out more at him, then thinks. "You are right. That's not a mature response."

Adrian raises an eyebrow at her from over his book. "And what is?"

All the lights plunged out.

"That's a mature response."


Phoenixia materialized into Adrian's bedroom. It was 'night' in the Library and so his room was pitch-black, but it was no problem for her to see in the dark.

She smiled as she saw Tash and Adrian snuggled up together as they slept, the sheets twisted around their forms from their love-making. The British girl was clinging tightly to him, arms around his waist and his tail was wrapped around her leg. And Phoenixia giggled softly when she reailzed, that due to their sleeping position, Tash was breathing on to his ears and everytime she exhaled, they twitched.

She's not jealous of Tash and Adrian for falling in love. And she's not jealous or upset by the fact that Tash gets to sleep with him more often than she does.

Phoenixia knows she's in love with Adrian.

But it's not always-be-mine romantic love.

It's a kind of love that is both beyond and less than that.

Phoenixia has dedicated her life to Adrian, to protecting him and shielding him and healing him and do whatever she can to help him, to chase away his demons and drag him back from the edges of insanity and hold him when the rare moments of weakness show through.

Because he watches over everyone else and he needs someone to watch over him and so she'll do it. For the man who helped give her 'life', in a sense. For the one she loves and is part of, yet seperate from. For all those who need the Libararian, who need the men like him to beat back the choking darkness or burning light.

No matter what happens, what fates befall him and no matter how much time will pass, she'll guard the guardian.

Forever and for always.

Phoenixia leans over and gives a swift kiss to his forehead, then gives Tash a kiss on a cheek, happy that Adrain and the British girl had found love for one another. They both needed it.

Then she straightened and gave a naughty smirk, winking out of the room in a flash of light and heading to another one. She heard this Chereokee agent bragging about flexible is in bed she was and well, being who she is, Phoenixia simply can't let that go unchallenged...

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