Sunday, February 3, 2013

Insert Ominous Experimentation Here


Retsa looked up from the book she was reading at the scream.


Retsa dropped the book and ran toward the source of the voice, finding it to be Deraj.


Retsa waved a hand, and half a dozen mechanical arms lunged out from the walls of Deraj's lab, grabbing the enraged Protection Society Agent. Even so, Deraj managed to break free of one, and smash two with the Lightbar before a sharp electrical shock restrained him.

"What happened?" Retsa inquired.

"The Sue Storm device…."

Retsa's eyes widened slightly. "Yes...?"

"Stolen," Deraj ground out.

Retsa shrugged.

"Annoying, but not catastrophic. Our main plans should be able to proceed normally without it."

Deraj let out a roar of anger.

"Not catastrophic? That was my life's work! And now it's gone! Someone is going to die for-,"

Another shock knocked him unconscious. Retsa sighed.

"Without the promise of assistance in designing Sue Storm, it's going to be hard to keep him here… Maybe I should just kill him now… Or I could get him to help us now…"


In a PCMSPS lab…

"Hmm… maybe an extra Generic Thingamawhatsit here… and a Whosawhat here…"

Sirahc was tapping on an enormous machine, which appeared to be wired to a large glass room. Around her, several Uber-Sues and Stus, wearing lab coats instead of typical Mii outfits, were working on other pieces of machinery, which all seemed to be wired into the glass room.

"Hey! You there! Uber-Stu um… do you guys have names?"

"I am Ulric Barry Edgar Richard Samuel Tessellation Ulric."

"I'm going to call you Ulric."


"Anyway, Ulric, you're doing that wrong. The Zaptastic Jiggimathinger goes in the Flooper, not the Shrooper."

"I am sorry." Ulric corrected the error, and continued working.


In a lower level of the PCMSPS ship…

Ssyla Heart was chatting with a Stu, Roy G. Biv, whose powers appeared to consist of total control over light of all sorts. Around her were several dozen other Sues and Stus, not including the many Uber-Sues and Stus milling around the room with trays of food or drink.

"So, what you're saying is that you were just hiding in a fandom, when a PCMSPS agent came out of a Plothole and brought you here?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Did they say why they brought you?"

"No. You?"


Another Sue wandered over. "Hello."



"What're your names?"

"I'm Ssyla Heart."

"Roy G. Biv."

"My name's Teh Chozn 1, but you call me Taiko."

"Why is your name Teh Chozn 1?"

"Blame the author."


"Anyway, Taiko, do you know why we're all here?"


Ssyla frowned.

"So, a bunch of Sues and Stus were just taken into the PCMSPS ship with no explanation?"

Taiko nodded.

"Seems like it."

"How strange."


Suddenly a loudspeaker blared.


Every Sue and Stu in the room looked up.

"Please report to room 8491… you have a weird system, Retsa…"

"Shut up and get on with the announcements, Eirelav."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, all Sues and Stus report to room 8491*32B. Now explain what that's supposed to mean, hm?"

"The room in region 8, sector 4, section 9, area 1, asterisk, corridor 3, exit 2, with a B on the door."

"What does the asterisk stand for?"

"I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill you."

"That's not… hey, wait a minute… is this thing still on?"

The Sues and Stus in the room all heard the sound of a finger tapping a microphone, magnified several dozen times.

Roy G. Biv clutched his head. "Loud…"

"Huh. Apparently this thing is still on. Eirelav, signing out."

A buzz of static emitted from the loudspeaker, remained for five seconds, then disappeared. The Sues and Stus quickly headed for a small door, pushing and shoving to get there first.


About an hour later…

In the room housing the enormous glass box, Retsa was mounted on a podium, with every Sue or Stu that had been in the lower level of the ship standing in front of her.

"Sues and Stus, I gather you here for the opportunity of a lifetime," Retsa proclaimed.

Several mutterings through the crowd.

"All of you have been selected by various field agents to take part in a process that will enable you to transcend your current form and become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

More mutterings, these ones of excitement.

"Please step into the glass box over-,"

A Sue in the front raised a hand.

"How exactly will this make us more powerful?"

Retsa frowned.

"I can't reveal any details at present."

"Yeah? And why is that?"

"I can't risk one of you being a concealed Society member and learning the plans of the PCMSPS."

Another voice from the crowd.

"Then why should we trust you? Maybe you just want to kill us or something!"

In an instant, mechanical arms, similar to the ones that had restrained Deraj two hours ago, dropped from the ceiling, grabbing the offending Stu and yanking him into the air. In another instant, a sniper rifle dropped down, pointing at the captured Stu. Retsa sighed quietly.

"My dear Stu, if I wanted to kill you, you would all be dead right now. The fact that I haven't proves my goodwill."

All the Sues and Stus had to agree with Retsa's persuasive (if flawed) logic. They quickly headed toward the box, before-

"Please form an orderly line."

The Sues and Stus complied.


About twenty minutes later…

All the Sues and Stus had finally been pushed, shoved, compressed, and piled into the room. Now they were all waiting expectantly for the next step of the process.

Retsa's voice blared out of another loudspeaker.

"Everyone okay in there?"

"Just fine…"

"Good. Okay, for the next step of the process, I just need you all to hold still."

"Shouldn't be a problem, we're packed too tightly to move. I feel like a sardine." Thought Ssyla.
A loud hum began, somewhere over Ssyla's head.

"Do not look up. Do not look around. Do not talk," Retsa repeated. "Stay completely still."

The Sues and Stus in the box complied.

The first thing Ssyla noticed was the heat. For some reason, as the hum increased, her insides grew warmer and warmer, as if they were slowly being microwaved.

The second thing she noticed was that the head of the Stu in front of her (she thought it might have been the Stu who had protested against entering the box, although she wasn't sure-a lot of Sues and Stus had rainbow-colored hair) was becoming paler. No, not paler, she realized. Transparent. As the Stu's head faded away, leaving only a vague outline, ("Like a bubble," Ssyla thought) she noticed a golden flame pulsing inside of him. She assumed the same was happening to her.

The heat was becoming stronger, almost uncomfortable, and Ssyla was wondering how this would make her more powerful.

Her answer came shortly. An explosion of blinding pain ripped through her, and then….all feeling ceased.


Each and every PCMSPS member watched the golden flames finally break through the barely visible remains of the Sues' and Stus' bodies, raging for several seconds before settling, then only swirling placidly.

Retsa's face broke into a broad grin.


She took out a communicator, and tapped in a command. The communicator flashed to life, and Sirahc's face appeared on the screen.

"Sirahc, are the power absorbers prepared?"

"Yes." Sirahc turned to tap a few buttons before turning back to Retsa. "Absorbers, initialized."


Inside the box, where the flame swirled and pulsed, the ceiling opened, and a contraption resembling a large funnel lowered into the room. The instant the funnel stopped moving, the flame began to rise toward the funnel, which absorbed aforementioned flame on contact. After about a minute, the flame had been completely absorbed.


Retsa stared at the process, remaining silent for almost a minute after the last spark of flame had disappeared. Then she burst out laughing.

"It's finally done! Finally! We've harnessed the raw power of the Sues and Stus, and converted it to power our ultimate weapon! Soon, we'll be able to destroy the Society, and then we'll perfect the UNIVERSE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

The other agents of the PCMSPS felt it prudent to join in the evil laughter, so they did.


"Yeah, Ekard?"

"Your evil laugh is lacking."

"What? Why you-"

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