Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Insert Slightly Offensive Terra Name Here

"Ah, another trip to Terra Neon," Piper, the dark-skinned navigator, sighed contentedly. "Can't wait!"

"You said it, Piper!" agreed Aerrow, the pinkish-red-haired Sky Knight of the team, his copilot Radarr (a blue, furry thing, species unknown) nodding in agreement. "Rides, games…"

"…Flame corn, cloud candy, 24-hour gravy buffets…" added Junko, the ever-hungry flight engineer of the Wallop persuasion (like a cross between humans and rhinos—very strong, not too bright).

"…Hot babes…" said Finn, the blonde wingman of the team.

"And screaming crowds of people, causing temporary deafness to anyone within a ten-foot radius," said Stork, the Merb (like a green, scrawny, cold-blooded human—very smart, but highly paranoid) pilot warned. "Fun."

Their conversation, however, was interrupted by a loud bang by the Condor's landing bay.

"What was that?" Finn asked, looking alarmed.

"Could be sky sharks," Stork suggested, a sickly grin crawling across his countenance.

"Naw," Junko told him. "That can't be it. If it was, I'd be sneezing, remember?"

"Well, then maybe windraptors or airtigers," Stork said, getting excited. "Or maybe cloud lampreys—they hide within cloud formations, and a swarm of them can siphon off a ship's power in minutes!"

"Whatever it is, we'd better check it out," Aerrow said, arming himself for a fight.

Junko, Finn, Piper, and Radarr nodded and followed him up to the landing bay, where a surprise was waiting for them.

"Ah, friends Storm Hawks!" said a deep voice with what would definitely be called an Indian (the Asian kind) accent in the real world. "I am being very pleased to meeting you!"

The source of the voice was an eight-foot-tall giant with deep blue skin and rippling muscles all down his torso and his four arms. His hair—if he had any—was concealed under a large, green turban with a white plume sticking out.

"Who are you?" Aerrow demanded, holding out his twin energy knives. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, please do not being worried!" the intruder said, disembarking his CloudStrider-VI (the newest top-of-the-line skimmer, complete with energy cannon, force field, and extra-large no-spill cupholder, now available at Wayside Ship and Skimmer Outlet) and holding up his four hands defensively. "My name is being Muhammed Sanjay Gheet Nazz Nepasuk-Smith (you can be calling me 'Mu'), and I am hoping we can be helping each other."

"Help each other?" shouted Stork, all of a sudden sprinting in. "You just docked yourself on our ship with absolutely no notice! Why in the Atmos should we trust you?"

"Uh, Stork," Finn said. "Who's flying the Condor?"

"Autopilot," Stork replied. "Never liked that function, but this is more important…unless…he's just a diversion for an attack!"

Stork ducked down as if an ambush could come at any second.

"No, no!" Mu pleaded. "I am not being your enemy. The only enemies I am having are being the Cyclonians!"

"Exactly what an enemy agent would say!" Stork insisted.

"Where are you from, anyway?" Piper asked. "I've never seen anyone in the Atmos who looks quite like you."

To their surprise, a purple tear dripped out of one of Mu's black eyes.

"I am being from the noble Terra Shiivaa," he finally said.

"A Shiivaanian?" the whole crew (sans Radarr) repeated, shocked.

"They're supposed to be extinct!" Piper exclaimed.

"Yeah," Junko added. "Nobody's seen 'em in, like, 50 years!"

"That is being a slight exaggeration," Mu told them. "It is being an interesting story, but first we are needing to hide. Cyclonians are hunting me down. You are not being safe in open air like this. We must be choosing a terra—any terra—and hiding while I'm explaining. Please?"

"What do you think, Radarr?" Aerrow asked, turning to his copilot.

Radarr jumped onto Mu, then sniffed him. Instantly, he started making an excited chittering noise.

"Good enough for me," Aerrow commented. "Stork, set a course for a good hiding place!"


It took several hours, but the Condor finally landed safely of Terra Nord, the freezing new home of the Absolute Zeroes squadron and the other Blizzarians.

"Okay, 'Mu', if that is your real name," Stork ordered. "Tell us why you're here!"

Mu had stayed silent on the entire ride over because that's how the story goes, no matter how stupid it is, but now he spoke.

"Very well," he said. "As you are knowing, I am coming from Terra Shiivaa. Long ago, it was being a beautiful place with strong, intelligent citizens. That was being before the Cyclonians were coming. They were being afraid of us, even though we were being a gentle race. They were destroying the entire Terra with a high-powered weapon. Only a handful of us were surviving, and that is including my parents.

"They was being just little children then, and they is being gone now. In fact, until a few days ago, there were being only five of us. We were gathering into a squadron for to be attacking Terra Cyclonia, but their forces were being too strong. Now I am being the only one left."

"Well, what does any of that have to do with us?" Aerrow asked. "We can't beat Cyclonia, either."

"Not without help," Mu corrected. "But there is being an ancient Shiivaanian legend about ultra-powerful crystal that we entrusted to others for to be hiding centuries ago. Somewhere in the Atmos is being an Infinity Stone!"

"An Infinity Stone?" Piper gasped. "Only one of those has ever been found in recorded Atmosian history! Where is it?"

"A terra that was supposedly being lost long ago, but not destroyed," Mu told her. "Terra Vapos. Unfortunately, I am having no idea where that is being."

"Dude, I know!" Finn shouted. "I'm a legend there! I'm the great Gomo!"

"DOMO!" the rest of the crew corrected.

"Well, your story adds up," Stork said, completely buying this. "I don't like it, but welcome to the team. In fact, let's just hurry over to Terra Vapos without even imprisoning you so you can't just steal everything and get away and not bother to alert the Absolute Zeroes who are right here on this terra and would actually be eager to accept such a suicide mission just for the thrill of it!"

"Sounds good to me," Aerrow said.


The trip to Terra Vapos was quick and easy. When Finn asked, the Vaposian leader, King Agar, led them to the terra's most secure vault, where they indeed had been protecting the Infinity Stone for the Shiivaanians since it was entrusted to them.

Upon entering the vault, though, the Storm Hawks were shocked to find a person already in there. He was tall, though not nearly as tall as Mu, and chunky, with messy black hair and traces of a goatee to match. His clothes consisted of a simple black sweatshirt and sweatpants, and he was wearing a pair of wire-frame glasses equipped with clip-on shades. Not the most intimidating of people.

In his hand, though, was the Infinity Stone, a glowing orange crystal resembling a cross between a double helix and an infinity symbol, and across it, a red "C" sticker.

"Who are you being?" Mu demanded. "Why are you having the Infinity Stone?"

"Took you long enough to arrive," the boy said, pulling out a badge. "I'm Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society, and you, Muhammed Sanjay Gheet Nazz Nepasuk-Smith, are under arrest!"

"Under arrest?" Junko repeated. "For what?"

"Attempted early destruction of a series' main antagonist, unauthorized use of pity tactics, and the logical flaw of not being fluent in the only language of the fandom," Marcus replied. "I'm sorry, but he must be taken away."

"You are not stopping my avenging of my people!" Mu exclaimed, drawing four scimitars from the scabbards on his back. "I will be carrying out my mission!"

"Don't you get it?" Marcus snapped. "I've Copyrighted the Stone! You can't use it!"

"Yes, I am hearing about your 'Copyrights'," Mu grinned. "But I am finding a loophole."

"And what is tha—wait, how do you know about them?" Marcus exclaimed. "The only time one was used, the Mary-Sue was arrested!"

"I am being a Gary-Stu!" Mu laughed. "I am not having to explain how I am doing the impossible! And I am knowing that a Copyright can't be stopping a fandom native from using an object, which the Storm Hawks will be doing! By adding its power to the Condor, we will be boosting its power a thousandfold, and then we will be overthrowing Cyclonis!"

With that, Mu snatched the crystal and he and the Storm Hawks left the vault, slamming the door behind them.

Marcus sighed. He could easily get out of the vault by opening a portal, but he'd still need to bring Mu down, and for that, he'd need some creativity.


"Approaching Terra Cyclonia," Stork announced. "ETA: ten minutes."

"Get ready to test that new crystal," Piper said, excited.

"Can't wait to end this," Aerrow muttered. "No matter how anticlimactic it may be to just blast in and shoot her with the ship without even a cool Sky Knight battle."

Just then, they heard a loud "clang" from the roof. Someone had landed there on a skimmer.

"The Dark Ace!" Aerrow guessed, pulling out his blades in expectancy of facing his sadistic rival, which would definitely make this more readable and/or watchable. "I'll handle this!"

"No, no," Mu told him. "Please, be allowing me. It is the least I can be doing to help this mission along, for even if I must be losing my life, Cyclonis must be defeated!"

Upon hearing this sickeningly clichéd speech, Aerrow nodded and saluted Mu as he went up to the roof of the ship. There, instead of the Dark Ace, he found (surprise, surprise!) Marcus, now dressed as a Talon, one of the generic Cyclonian grunts.

"You!" Mu hissed, once again pulling out his swords. "Can't you be leaving a miserable Shiivaanian in peace?"

"This ends now, Mu!" Marcus said, eerily calm. "I won't let you ruin this fandom!"

"Yes, it will end," Mu agreed. "For you!"

Mu charged at Marcus and swiped his swords down at him. Marcus barely managed to evade them. Mu tried again and again, never letting up. Marcus couldn't dodge forever. In fact, his arms, face, and chest had already suffered over a dozen cuts. He wouldn't last much longer.

Just then, Marcus yanked the ripcord for Mu's parachute, deploying it. The wind picked up and pulled the Shiivaanian back, threatening to blow him off the Condor.

"Nice try," Mu taunted, swiftly using two of his swords to cut the parachute's strings so it blew away without him. "But you cannot be beating me!"

"Maybe I can with this… crystal!" the agent shouted, pulling something out of his pocket.

Mu took one look and burst out laughing.

"That is not being a crystal!" he snorted. "That is being a bar of soap! Hahahahaha!"

While Mu was doubled-over laughing, Marcus held the soap into a cloud to get it wet, then lathered it up and threw it at the Gary-Stu, striking him right in the eyes!

Mu bent over in pain, giving Marcus the opportunity to run in and jam a Prohibitor on one of Mu's four wrists, just before he noticed that for absolutely no reason, there were no Talons at all protecting Cyclonis' base.

Anyway, there was a bright flash of light as the windspeed increased and Mu recovered and grabbed Marcus.

"I may be having less power," Mu seethed. "And my past actions may be erased, but I am still being more than strong enough to destroy you!"

Marcus just smiled and pointed down.

Mu looked and realized that they were no longer standing on the roof of the Condor. In fact, they weren't standing on anything! He screamed and let go, flailing his four muscular arms.

Marcus laughed. It had worked perfectly! Without Mu's past actions, the Condor had never come to Cyclonia, leaving Mu and Marcus to plunge thousands of feet into the ghastly Wastelands! And Mu'd already slashed off his parachute!

Marcus chuckled and deployed his own parachute, pulled out his Portal Gun, and shot a portal open about five hundred feet below the Shiivaanian, then got out his communicator and called Tash.

"Tash," he told his leader when she picked up literally a second later. "My target is about to fall into the Library and knock himself out. Get him into a nice jail cell, would you?"

"No problem," she replied. "And you'll be in soon?"

"Um…no," the agent told his commander. "I'd rather stick around for a while."

"And do what?" Tash asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know that thing that you, Harriet, and Lauren do so often?" he said with a grin.

Tash sighed.

"Who with?" she asked.

"That's personal," Marcus replied. "But here's a hint: I'll bet their tongues are ten times stronger than a human's, too."

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