Thursday, April 28, 2011

Insert Random Music-Related Word Here

The Kiva segment of the Kamen Rider fandom had fallen under attack. This was no normal attack, not like the monsters of the week that normally just attacked the heroes upfront. No this attack was far more subtle.

A Mary-Sue, Abigail Ryun Berstoil Von Schtick the 45th, had infiltrated the fandom and begun taking over.
The tall blonde with a freakishly skinny figure and far too obvious curves appeared in the middle of a battle between Wataru and Taiga. Wataru wearing the golden armor of Kiva was winning against the Saga empowered Taiga.

Wataru had just hit his half-brother with a punch and aggravated a wound he had received previously. Taiga groaned and dropped to one knee. The enraged Wataru went in for the kill, leaping into the air and thrusting out both of his feet, two large fangs made of red light popping out of the sides of his leg.

At this point, Mio would dash in and block the attack for Taiga, the action indirectly leading to her death and a lot of angst and guilt for poor Wataru. Fortunately tall blonde with a freakishly skinny figure and far too obvious curves, Abigail Ryun Berstoil Von Schtick the 45th, dived out of nowhere and tackled Taiga to the ground. Even in the midst of the dive, her long hair somehow stayed in place.

Wataru glanced over at the newcomer his eyes going wide behind the red lenses of his mask. He turned back to see Mio had started to run forward and realized what would have happened, had the beautiful woman not interfered. The two combatants returned to human form as the small biomechanical creatures that granted them their Rider forms left their places on the suit's armor.

Abigail Ryun Berstoil Von Schtick the 45th quickly introduced herself. Explaining that she was a half-Fangire like Wataru. She had suffered a rather tragic past at the hands of the previous Fangire Queen who had killed her parents. Being perfect though, she knew that the Queen (who incidentally was the mother of both Wataru and Taiga) had only been doing her job and didn't hold a grudge. Especially after the Queen apologized to her tearfully and begged her forgiveness which Abigail granted.

She convinced Taiga that Fangire and humans could live peacefully and produced a method for the Fangire to thrive without needing to absorb human life energy. Next she got Wataru and Mio together and convinced Taiga that it was not meant to be between him and Mio. (Even though Mio was predestined to be the new Fangire Queen kind of disagreed with that point.) She then revealed that it was she who was really meant to be the new Fangire Queen and thus Taiga's bride. At these words, the Queen's mark left the back of Mio's hand and appeared on Abigail's. Taiga was delighted to have a new Queen and immediately proposed to Abigail who said yes without hesitation.

Several days passed with complete and perfect peace, thanks in large part to Abigail Ryun Berstoil Von Schtick the 45th who had received the Dark Kiva powers from Maya the former Queen. She proved her worth by using these powers to destroy the rebellious Fangire Bishop. Taiga allowed her to keep the powers even though they were went for the King of the Fangire, in other words himself. But hey, Abigail was his perfect beautiful Queen and she deserved to have it, right? (Ugh, I feel nauseous…)

This "perfect peace" wouldn't last though as a plothole ripped open within Wataru's violin workshop. A teen that looked like he might be nearing his twenties stumbled out of the plothole and crashed into the wall. He groaned and muttered angrily as the plothole closed. The self-insert rubbed his head and glanced around the room. His brown eyes filled with wonderment as he examined a setting from one of his favorite shows. He quit rubbing at the bump developing under his dark brown hair and walked over to a cabinet containing a beautifully crafted violin.

A small gold and black colored bat-like creature swooped into the room and flew at the newcomer.

"What are you doing in here?" Kivat the Third demanded.

"Um," the newest society agent wasn't quite sure how to explain his trespassing.

"Just get out," Kivat snapped, fluttering towards the much larger human and batting at him with his wings, which surprisingly hurt. The teen stumbled back and tried to bat his agile attacker away with his arms.

"Hold on, I'm here to fix this fandom!" the agent shouted.

Kivat paused and stared at him. "What's wrong with this fandom?"

"It's been invaded by a Mary-Sue... Waid, how do you know about fandoms?"

"Are you kidding? I broke the fourth wall at the start of every episode!" Kivat explained. "What's your name?"

"Call me Drake," the teen replied. "Now where's Wataru?"

"He's over at Taiga and Abigail's wedding ceremony," Kivat replied.

"What?" Drake exclaimed. "Lead the way!"

The bat was surprised and hesitated a moment, before he flew out the door, Drake quickly took off after him and crashed into the wall next to the doorway. He groaned and staggered about for a moment, before dashing through the door.

The wedding was taking place in the same dark and creepy looking church where Taiga and Mio had almost gotten married. However, they were doing a traditional human wedding this time and not the Fangire sort. Wataru was in attendance along with Mio. The members of the Aozora Organization were also there. The Organization had originally been dedicated to hunting down Fangires, but with Abigail's bring about peace, it was now spearheading human and Fangire relations.

Taiga and Abigail prepared to kiss, but the doors to the church banged up and Drake charged in fist raised and bellowing. "I object!"

The entire wedding posse stood and stared at the stranger, wondering just who this nut was.

Drake slowed to a walk and noticed the stares. He looked sheepish and waved. "Hi…"

"Who are you?" Abigail's growl was majestic and her sneer even managed to be beautiful. Poor Taiga was enraptured by the Sue's powers.

"I'm Drake, as of this story the newest agent of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society and I'm here to arrest the bride for acts of Sueishness," he thrust his badge forward.

"Taiggy," Drake grimaced as Abigail used this nickname. Taiga however reacted totally out of character with a love-stricken smile. "This guy is an anti-Fangire fanatic and he wants to hurt me, please destroy him."

"Of course, my dear," Taiga replied as Sagarc a small white UFO-like creature hovered out of the rafters and attached to Taiga's waist with a belt strap emerging from its wings. The Fangire King raised a white sword hilt and thrust it into Sagarc's side.

"Henshin!" Taiga commanded.

"HENSHIN!" Sagarc repeated in its electronic voice. Waves of blue energy emitted from the belt as Taiga's skin turned metallic and shattered apart, revealing the white and blue armor of Saga under it. The sword hilt now had a thin red blade emerging from it.

"Nii-san wait!" Wataru said as he leapt out in front of Taiga. Kivat was hovering over his shoulder. "Kivat said we should listen to what Drake has to say."

"Move aside, Wataru," Taiga said, raising his weapon. "If Abigail says he is a threat, then I'll destroy him."
Drake gulped nervously. A determined look appeared on Wataru's face. "I'm not moving. Henshin."

"Kivat go!" Kivat exclaimed as he sank his fangs into Wataru's hand, causing the half-Fangire's stained glass-like markings to appear and a cluster of ghostly chains to wrap around his waist and form a red belt. Kivat flew to the belt buckle and perched himself upside down on it. Tatsulot, a small gold dragon hovered out of the crowd and attached to the back of Wataru's arm. The regal gold and red Kiva armor formed around Wataru and he charged at Taiga.

"No! Don't fight each other! Kill him!" Abigail shrieked. Her Sue powers made even her shriek sound sublime.

"Okay, I'm sick of you," Drake said, charging past the two dueling Kamen Riders and towards the Sue.
"Fine, I'll take care of you myself," Abigail raised a skinny hand and Kivat the Second, a red and black version of Wataru's Kivat, hovered down and bit her hand. "Henshin!"

The bat perched upside on the belt that formed around her waist and the Sue morphed into the armor of Dark Kiva.

Drake paused and visibly shook in anger. "Using a canon power for your own purposes? That's it! No more Mister Nice Self-Insert."

"Dragon Spirit Technique! Wardrobe Change!" Blue flames enveloped his body and replaced his street clothes with blue dragon-themed armor. He was incased from head to toe in the hard metal. It resembled the Rider forms of this fandom mixed in with medieval armor.

"So you decide to give your self-insert character weaponry based on your favorite shows?" Abigail asked.
"What's wrong with that?" Drake asked. "Most other agents use a sword and I wanted to go for a more original weapon. Now let's do this."

Epic theme music began playing as Drake leapt at Abigail. Abigail raised her arm and grabbed hold of his ankle before his foot could connect. The music stopped, replaced by the sound of a record needle scrapping and then silence.

"Uh-oh," Drake said, before Abigail spun him by his leg and slammed him into the preacher's pulpit. Luckily the preacher and most of the wedding posse had retreated to a safe distance to watch the fight.

Abigail swung Drake back and released his ankle sending him flying into a wall. He slowly stood up, catching a glimpse of Wataru and Taiga's fight, before focusing on Abigail again. She calmly walked towards him as he raised his fists. He threw a punch, but she blocked it and slammed a fist into his helmet, cracking the visor. She continued to assail him with blows, the armor no match for the power of the Dark Kiva suit. She grabbed his neck in a hand and forced him back against the wall, squeezing to cut off his oxygen supply.

"And you thought you could take me in…" Abigail shook her helmeted head sadly as Drake struggled against her grip.

He stopped struggling and reached down, pulling a metal bracelet from behind his back and slapping it onto the wrist attached to the hand around her neck. The prohibitor released a flash of bright light which enveloped the whole church. Once the light faded, the entire wedding posse had vanished, along with Abigail's Dark Kiva armor.

"What happened?" the confused Mary-Sue asked staring at the bracelet affixed to her wrist.

"I slapped a prohibitor on you," Drake replied, his smirk half-visible through the cracks in his helmet visor. "It seals all your Sueish powers and undoes whatever damage you did to a fandom."

With that explanation, Drake broke the Sue's hold on his neck and kicked her away. Without Dark Kiva's power and her own Sueish might, Abigail turned and fled. Drake growled and quickly took off after her.
He burst through the church doors and glanced around. Abigail had stopped running and grabbed a young girl off the street, pressing an ornate dagger to her neck.

"What are you doing?" Drake demanded. He recognized the girl as Shizuka Nomura, a supporting character in this fandom.

"I should think it would be obvious," Abigail replied. "Tell me how to get this prohibitor off and I'll let the girl go."

Drake snarled angrily and glared at the ground. He kicked a piece of litter away and his armor reverted to his street clothes. He pulled out a key and tossed it to Abigail. She kept the dagger against Shizuka's throat while her free hand worked the key and unlocked the prohibitor. The bracelet dropped to the ground and Abigail released her hostage, who quickly darted away.

Abigail leered prettily at Drake as a large unstable plothole opened behind her. "See you later…"

She stepped into the plothole and disappeared. Drake growled and kicked the ground again. He pulled out his communicator and contacted the Society. "I fixed the damage she caused, but she escaped to another fandom."

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