Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Insert Masculine Program Name Here

The house existed. That was about it. It was not unlike the Library Arcanium in its strange geographical location, (or lack of) but unlike that fabled Library which existed between everywhere and nowhere, this mansion existed in someone's mind. A very specific someone, to be exact.

The butler strode stiffly through the massive entry hall. He was dressed in the usual butler attire, complete with tuxedo and towel draped across one arm. The light from the oversized crystalline chandeliers reflected off his shiny black hair.

As he passed a table in he hall, he glanced down his sharp, beak-like nose at a smudge in the glossed surface. Taking the cloth from his arm, he rubbed at the smudge vigorously. He had just finished putting the Young Mistress down to bed and with his Master and Mistress out of the house; he was now free to do as he pleased.

The smudge was being particularly obstinate. The butler frowned and rubbed harder when the doorbell rang.
The butler straightened up, the frown growing. That was odd, the Master and Mistress weren't supposed to be back for a long while yet, and considering the location of the mansion, they neverhad visitors...the Master and Mistress must've come home early...

The butler walked towards the door stiffly, draping the cloth back over his arm.

He opened the massive oak door, bowing deeply.

"Welcome home Master." He said deferentially in a British accent.

He glanced up when the person in front of him muttered something.

"Master?" He asked, straightening up and adjusting his monocle. "What are you wearing? And what on earth did you do to your hair?"

The figure didn't reply, just continued to point at the butler.

A whistling noise was heard. The butler looked up just in time to see something silver plummeting towards him.

The front entry hall exploded.


Ben sat in his room with the door locked; putting the finishing touches on the world he had created for Bella. All the mini-fandom was was basically was a high-school, but Ben had done his best to make it a believable one and one where Bella would be happy.

Given that Ben was the only one who knew the location of the pocket fandom, let alone about it's existence, meant that unless Bella used her Sue powers, nobody would ever find the place. Bella had promised Ben that she wouldn't tap into her abilities however, saying that after they had talked, she was curious and eager to develop her own wings out in the world.

Ben had just finished describing the greenhouse the school used to grow plants for a gardening class when someone banged on the door.

"Who is it?" Ben asked.

"It's me." Adrian sounded grim. "We need to talk."

Instantly Ben's heart leapt into his mouth. Had he found out about him and Bella? How? Just how much trouble was he in?

"I'm kinda busy right now!" Ben replied, struggling to keep his voice calm.

"It's about Deebs."

Ben froze, then got up and opened the door. "What happened?" He demanded.

Adrian looked as grim as he sounded. "Come with me."

Adrian led Ben to the computer room. Tash, Aster, Jess, Doug, Drake and Tyler were there also. Shirley stood there with her arms folded, fuming.

"What's going on?" Ben asked his muse.

"We got an e-mail from Neb." Tash said, walking over to one of the computers and jiggling the mouse to close the screensaver. With a few clicks a window opened, showing Ben's Pro-Cliché and Mary-Sue Protection Society counterpart holding up a short stick and leering at the camera. The stick was waving. The caption over the picture read. "I'M IN UR HEAD, KIDNAPPING UR KID!"

"What?" Ben shouted.

"Yeah, he's got Deebs." Shirley replied, still angry.

"What the hell was Seymour doing?" Ben demanded, as angry as his muse.

"I don't know, but when we get home I'm gonna do things to him that'll make him wish he'd never been born!" Shirley growled.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. First things first." Adrian interjected. "First off, who is Deebs?"

"She's our daughter." Ben growled, folding his arms.

Adrian looked blank. "Our..."

"Mine and Shirley's." Ben jerked his head toward his muse.

You could almost see the question marks popping up above heads all over the room. Then as one, various images popped into heads. Instantly half the room screwed up their faces in disgust and half the room doubled over in laughter.

"No!" Ben groused. "It's nothing like that!"

"Then...exactly how did that work?" Adrian asked, trying to keep the grossed-out expression out of his face.
Ben sighed. "You all know Shirley is my muse, right?" There was a series of nods.

"Well in that sense, she's a part of me; she's the physical manifestation of my creative energy."

Adrian nodded. "Go on..."

"One day a friend of ours was screwing around and she GLOMPED Shirley and broke a piece off of her."
Everyone turned to stare at the Cliché Stick.

"I got better..." she provided lamely.

"The piece that broke off eventually developed a mind of its own and became Deebs." Ben concluded.

Aster shook her head. "That has GOT to be the most confusing threesome I've ever heard of."

Ben smiled wryly. "That's what I said."

Adrian cleared his throat. "Well that answers that. So then, who's Seymour?"

"Our butler."

Doug blinked. "You've got a butler?"

Ben nodded. "Yep."

"Aren't you still in high school? How do you pay him?"

"I don't attack him." Shirley put in.

Ben nodded. "Pretty much, he works for us and in return, Shirley leaves him alone. One of his duties is taking care of Deebs while we're away."

Jess frowned. "Wait, Deebs is a Cliché Stick too, isn't she? Shouldn't she be able to take care of herself?"

"Not necessarily, Deebs is still a baby, remember?"

"She does have quite a bit of power though, even at her age." Shirley put in. She turned to Ben. "Remember when I threw the wolverine in her crib with her?"

Ben winced. "Oh, god, how could I forget? I had nightmares for weeks!"

Tash looked appalled. "You threw one of the most dangerous animals in the world in a baby's crib?"

Shirley beamed with pride. "I know, right? Deebs had that puppy doing the dance from "Thriller" in less than five minutes!"

Ben grimaced. "To answer your question, Deebs may still be a baby, but her power level fluctuates so much that it's impossible to tell if she's not taking out Neb just because she doesn't want to or because she's too weak!"

He pulled out his Plothole Generator. "But either way, I'm getting her out of there! Tash, where'd the e-mail come from?"

Tash made a few quick keystrokes. "Mega Man Fandom."

"X, Battle Network, or Star Force?"

"Battle Network."

Ben nodded grimly. "Right. Let's go, Shirley!"

"Right behind ya!"

But Adrian stepped in front of Ben. "And just where do you think you're going?" The Librarian asked.

Ben blinked. "To… the Mega Man fandom?"

"Think!" Adrian urged. "It's obviously a trap! There's no way I can just let you rush headlong into it like that alone!"

"Don't talk to me about obvious traps!" Ben shot back. "Michael went after Claire didn't he? And you went to rescue Tash!"

"That was completely different!" Adrian insisted. "In my case the entire Society including you had turned against me! When Michael went, he got infected with the Darkness, and both times the three of us were nearly killed!"

The two of them stared each other down for a moment longer before Ben was forced to look away. Adrian sighed.

"Look. I never said I wouldn't let you go. I did say I wouldn't let you go alone."

Ben looked up hopefully.

Adrian looked around. "Anybody free and know anything about Mega Man?"

"I don't know anything about it, but I'll go!" Doug volunteered.

"Uh, no." Ben coughed. "Every time we go on a mission together I end up getting in trouble!"

Doug sulked as Adrian nodded. "OK, anyone else know anything about Battle Network?"

Tyler raised his hand. "I do."

Ben grabbed Tyler. "Come on then!"

"Wait a minute…." Tyler was cut off as Shirley lunged at him, grabbing him by the throat.

"Get moving. Now."

"Yes ma'am," Tyler squeaked. He quickly shot up to his room, grabbed his ping-pong paddle and Society gadgets, and zoomed back down, stopping next to the portal.

"Okay, so let's go!"

The three of them jumped into the fandom.


Mega Man fandom, Undernet, first level.

Neb grinned evilly. Finally. With a little help, he had managed to kidnap Deebs! Ben and Shirley would come running to save her and best of all, he would be the one with reinforcements!

"I'm booooorrreedd!"

Neb turned. What the-? I tied her up!

Deebs ran over to Neb. "I'm bored! I got out of all those knots! Tie me up again!"

Neb ignored her.

"I said… TIE ME UP!" Deebs jumped at Neb, grabbing his head and slamming it to the ground hard enough to revert the section of the Net he had hit back into zeroes and ones.

"Okay, okay!" Neb grabbed a huge length of rope out of nowhere and began tying up the baby Cliché Stick.

"What did I do to deserve this?" he moaned. Suddenly a small Plothole opened and Relyt dropped out of it.

"So you're Ben's double. That's that. Now prepare instead of wasting your time tying up someone who won't escape!" Relyt punctuated this with a blast, smashing another hole into the Net. He then stepped back into his Plothole and disappeared. Neb groaned.


Mega Man Fandom, AC/DC Town.

Ben, Tyler, and Shirley dropped out of the Plothole, landing painfully on the ground. Tyler hopped to his feet, followed by Ben and Shirley. The three of them surveyed their surroundings.

"Great… We landed in the real world. Neb will be on the Net," Shirley groaned.

"How do you know that?" Ben and Tyler asked simultaneously.

"You said it when you were discussing ideas for this one-shot."

The two Agents looked at each other and shrugged.

"Okay, so we know something. How do we get on the Net?" Tyler asked.

"We could steal someone's PET," Ben suggested.

"How would a dog or cat help us get on the Net? Anyway, too conspicuous, and jail is boring. Anything else?"

"We could try making a PET," Shirley said.

"Yeah, you could use your Ping-Pong paddle to create one."

"For some reason, anything involving adding new tricks to this paddle usually results in a bang." Then Tyler grinned.

"Maybe one of us could go into the Net as a Navi?"

Ben and Shirley exchanged a look.

"Okay. I vote Shirley," Ben said, before Shirley could say anything.

"Why me?"

"You're the most like a Navi." Tyler spoke up, quickly regretting it as Shirley smashed him into a nearby fence.

"Okay," Ben said as Tyler climbed out of the fence's wreckage. "To keep the canon character death rate down, we should send someone else too." Ben said. Immediately, he and Tyler pointed at each other, saying, "You."

"What? She's your muse, you should go!"

"I'm been dealing with her for years! You can take a few hours!"

"STOP ARGUING!" Shirley screeched, grabbing the two by the head and slamming them together.

"Owww…" they mumbled.

"Tyler, have you beaten the game?"

"Yes. Why?"

"In that case, you're going. You know what's going to happen, so you can avoid any canon enemies. Now get us on the Net!"

"Okay, okay!" Tyler ran to a nearby hardware store to buy a PET before realizing something. "I only have five dollars…"

Shirley turned around and mugged a wealthy looking passerby.

"Here's five hundred dollars."

"Shirley!" Ben shouted.

"What? All I did was mug him!"

Tyler took the money and headed into the hardware store.

"Does this store sell PET's?" He asked the clerk.

"Yes. The price is $300. And for an extra $100, it comes with a "Convert Real Life Matter into Digital Data Tube!" The salesman chirped.

Tyler blinked, turning back in time to see Ben slipping a Plot Device into his pocket.

"We'll take it." Tyler handed over the money, took the PET, or PErsonal Terminal, and followed Ben and Shirley out of the shop.

"Okay, so we can get on the Net. Shirley, you first."

Shirley poked her head in the general area of the tube, and suddenly, she began to shrink. Just as she was about to become small enough to fit in the dime-sized tube, the shrinking stopped.

"What now?" Tyler groaned.

"We should have known. Wood is a bad conductor of electricity." Ben quipped, attempting to shove Shirley into the PET.

"Just keep pushing," Tyler replied.

"If you took that out of context…"

Without even bothering to look, Tyler took out his Ping-Pong paddle and smacked Ben upside the head.

"Just a joke…" Finally, Tyler and Ben succeeded in shoving Shirley through the tube. Then Tyler hopped in, and the two were in the Net.


The Undernet…

Neb was still setting up mines, viruses, and various other painful methods of dying, when his communicator beeped, and Relyt's face appeared on the screen.

"Neb, they've entered the Net. Get ready." Relyt disappeared. Again.


Also in the Undernet… somehow…

Tyler and Shirley appeared in a shower of digital rain. The first thing Tyler noticed was that Shirley was now wearing a solid brown bike helmet. He felt his own head, and realized that he was too. It was rainbow-colored, and on each temple, the Society logo was visible. He was also wearing a similarly colored bodysuit with the Society logo where his emblem would be. Tyler grinned.

It seems we're on the Net, but...where the heck is Neb?

Shirley seemed to be wondering the same things. "Where the heck is Neb?"'s like the whole thing is being written by a bad comedian...

Ben watched from the PET's screen as Tyler and Shirley entered the Undernet.

"You guys OK?" He asked.

Tyler gave him the thumbs up.

"Good. Shirley, being turned into a program hasn't affected your strength any, has it?"

The Cliché Stick frowned, flexed her claws and punched Tyler as hard as she could. The Agent went flying off the screen.

"I'll take that as a no." Ben said as Tyler crawled back on-screen. There was a large crack defacing his helmet.

"Y-you owe me for this." He gasped. Ben smirked. "Welcome to my world."

"Enough, boys!" Shirley snapped. "Tyler, you said you beat the game, right? Is there any way to detect someone's location down here?"

"Erm, just a guess guys, but is that the way?"

Ben's face was floating on a large screen in the Undernet. He pointed and the other two turned to look.

A series of signposts were arranged along the net. Each read "This way to kidnapped child!"

There was silence for a long moment.

"It's probably a trap, isn't it?" Tyler asked.

Ben nodded. "Pretty much."

Tyler nodded. "Good. Let's go!"

Ben sighed. "And to think I was such a relatively rational person before I joined the Society. Now I feel like a Jedi..."

"Quit grumbling!" Shirley snapped as she brushed past Tyler. Unfortunately just as she passed the first sign, she stepped on a hidden switch.

Instantly alarms started going off and red lights began to flash all around.

"Oh, C'mon!" Ben groaned. "She doesn't even have legs! How is she supposed to 'step' on something?"

"You're asking me?" Tyler asked. "You're the one writing this part!"

The two of them looked at each other for a moment and shrugged again.

"If you two have finished your fourth-wall references, we've got company!" Shirley called.

The two boys turned in time to see an entire swarm of Mettaurs surging towards them.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Looks like lunch for you, Shirley!"

There were at least 50 of the safety-helmet-wearing, pick axe-wielding viruses.

Shirley bared her teeth and with a yowl, jumped into the charging swarm, tearing through the low-level viruses like rice paper.

Tyler grabbed his paddle and quickly shifted it into it's staff form. With a cry of "Muffins!" He too charged forward and smacked the nearest virus with the staff as hard as he could.

The blow glanced off the Mettaur's helmet. Tyler gulped. The virus just looked at him blankly.

"Battlechip in! Cannon!"

Instantly, Tyler's hand shifted into a large boxy cannon.

"Huh?" He turned to look at Ben.

Ben smirked at him from the floating screen.

"We had a little cash left over from Shirley's mugging, so I went to go buy some Battlechips!" He held up a hand full of small cards.

Tyler frowned. "When did you have time to go do that?"

"About the same time that Mettaur behind you got ready to bash your skull in."

"Huh? AGH!" BOOM!

Tyler turned just in time to see the Mettaur raising its axe to strike. With a cry of surprise he started and fired the cannon, blowing the tiny virus away.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Uh, yeah, we already kinda figured that out from the 'Huh? AGH!' BOOM! thing, Narrator-Guy."

Well, I was just making sure; don't take it out on me...why does everybody hate me? *sobs*

Shirley growled as she split a Mettaur in two. "Quit sobbing like a wimp and get back to narrating! I swear to Yggdrasil if anything happens to my kid thanks to your delay of plot, I'll make you wish you were dead!"

Ben rolled his eyes. "Hey, Tyler, here!" He called, slotting another Battlechip into the PET.

The cannon on Tyler's arm morphed into a four-barreled cylinder.

"I figure a Gatling gun would be more useful for large numbers of foes." Ben explained.

Tyler nodded and turning sprayed the entire horde of Mettaurs with bullets. There was an assorted chorus of squeaks and squawks as the viruses were deleted.

Shirley shot Tyler a look as the last Mettaur vanished. "I wasn't finished yet, you know!" She growled.

"Oh, cool it, girl." Ben said, toying with a Battlechip. "There'll be plenty of stronger foes later on. Plus we need to hurry. We still need to get Deebs out of there, remember?"

Shirley grumbled but agreed.

"So I guess we keep following the Obvious-Trap Road?" Tyler asked, his arm shifting back to normal.

Shirley shot him another look. "If not for the fact that my kid's life is on the line, I'd get you for that. And yes."


Thousands of miles away… okay, not really, but I've always wanted to say that…

Several minutes later…

Tyler and Shirley were walking through the Undernet. Well, Shirley was running, and Tyler was being forcibly dragged, not having moved fast enough for the Cliché Stick. Suddenly-

"Suddenly you decided you were bored of the dialogue and decided to randomly insert a fight scene you jerk of an author!" screamed Shirley.

Well, yes, that's one way of putting it-

"Just get to the story!" Shirley yelled.

Fine, fine. Suddenly, several viruses materialized out of nowhere. Shirley immediately let go of Tyler and assumed the equivalent of a fighting stance. Tyler rolled out from behind her, rapidly drawing his staff. They looked over the viruses. They resembled a skeleton, but with a tail instead of legs, and no lower jaw. Tyler groaned.

"Skarabs. It just had to be Skarabs." One of the Skarabs hurled a bone at Tyler, who jumped to one side. However, the bone followed him wherever he went for several more seconds, then disappeared. Tyler slashed with his staff, and several Skarabs crumpled into piles of bones. Shirley lunged forwards, and the remaining Skarabs collapsed. Shirley blinked.

"That was surprisingly easy."

Tyler groaned.

"Actually, the only enemy harder to defeat than Skarabs are Domineros. They only take one hit per Battlechip, so Vulcans are useless." As if on cue, all the Skarabs reformed, hurling bones at the two. Ben quickly grabbed a Battlechip and inserted it.

"Bubbleshield!" A clear bubble appeared around Tyler, shielding him from the bones. Shirley, on the other hand, was sent flying.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Consider it payback for years of pain," Ben chuckled. Shirley growled and slashed again, bringing down several more Skarabs. Ben inserted another Battlechip.

"Meteors!" Tyler pointed at the Skarabs, and a hail of Asteroids slammed into them, doing serious damage. Shirley continued slashing, even deleting a few of the skeletons. Tyler grinned.

"It looks like we're winni-OH CRAP!" Three green plaque-like viruses had appeared out of nowhere. They simply floated in midair, waiting until Tyler and Shirley had destroyed the rest of the Skarabs. Then Tyler stepped into one's line of sight. It teleported right in front of him, revealing sharp claws that slashed across Tyler's face, sending him flying for the second or third time in this fic. Shirley lunged forward, slashing, but the strike seemed to do nothing. The Dominero whipped out it's claws and knocked Shirley away.

"What just happened?" Shirley demanded.

"A Dominero only takes one point of damage per hit unless you catch it at the right time, which is practically impossible. Ben, do you have any break-type chips?"

Ben quickly scanned his Chip lineup.

"I have one. I'm giving it to Shirley."

Tyler dove for cover. As Ben inserted the Battlechip, Shirley's claw transformed into a giant drill, smashing through one of the Domineros and deleting it, and doing some damage to the one conveniently located behind it. Ben inserted another chip.

"Quaker!" Tyler hurled a large sphere into the air. As it reached a point over the head of one of the Domineros, it turned into a giant bell-shaped weight, crushing the second Dominero. The third lunged at Tyler, who moved slightly to one side, avoiding the blow. It teleported back to its starting position, but before it could attack again, Shirley connected with another Drill, deleting the third virus. Tyler and Shirley both cheered.

"Now," Shirley grumbled. "Do you think we can proceed, or does the author have more stuff to bug us with?"

More stuff. You two annoy me.

"But I'm you're creation!" protested Tyler.

Who is based off me, who annoys other people. Now anyway, let me get back to the description. A virus popped out of nowhere.

"Hey, I'm not a virus!" yelled Neb.

Oops, my bad. Anyway, Neb popped out of nowhere. As usual-

"How can it be 'as usual'? Neb has only appeared in one story!" Shirley argued.

*snap* A lightning bolt shot down from nowhere, sending the Cliché Stick flying.

Stop criticizing my writing, or I will delete you to the tune of "What I've Done." Now, where was I… oh yes, Neb popped out of nowhere. As usual, he was dressed in all leather, and his hair was slicked back. Tyler pulled out his staff and shifted into an arbitrarily decided-on combat stance. His staff was in his left hand, and behind his back, while his other hand was outstretched in the classic "bring it on," position. Shirley didn't bother with that. She charged right at Neb.

"Mess with Nukes!" Neb yelled, and a warhead fell towards Shirley. Tyler whipped his staff around into his right hand, sending out a wave of energy that sent the missile flying off into the distance. An explosion was heard, followed by a cat screeching. Tyler winced.

"Sorry about that!" Tyler turned his attention back to the fight. Shirley had grabbed Neb by the leg and was slamming him repeatedly into the ground. After several minutes of this, she got bored, so she grabbed him by the overly-large collar and slammed him up against a wall that Tyler seemed to have pulled out of nowhere. Shirley blinked.

"Wait, where did that come from?"

"It's my Wall of Defense. I keep it in my pocket."

"Oh." Shirley turned back to Neb. "Now, WHERE IS MY KID?"

Neb chuckled.

"Heh. What makes you think I'll tell you?"

Shirley tightened her grip, pressing Neb hard against the wall.

"This makes me think you'll tell me. If you don't, I will rip out every one of your organs in a way that you'll survive until the last one is gone. And considering the fact that Yelrihs is a pacifist, I doubt you have Ben's level of tolerance for pain."

Neb paled. "You wouldn't dare."

Tyler tapped Neb on the shoulder. "Actually, Noob, she probably would."

Completely forgetting that he was about to be eviscerated by an angry stick, Neb realized something.

"Hey! My name isn't Noob, it's Neb."

"That's what I said; Noob," replied Tyler, an expression of confusion on his face.

"No! Not Noob, Neb. With an E."

"I know. That's what I said, Noob."

"IT'S NE-oh forget it."

"Forget what, Noob?"


"Doing what, Noob?" asked a quizzical Tyler.

"OKAY, THAT'S IT! YOU DIE, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!" Neb tried to lunge for Tyler, but he was forcibly restrained by Shirley.

"I will ask you one last time. Where… is… my… KID?" Shirley screamed, obviously on the verge of insanity.

"Not telling!" giggled Neb. "Because my reinforcements have arrived." Tyler and Shirley turned around. Out of a gaping Plothole, three figures walked into the Net. One was a carbon copy of Tyler. One could have been Drake's twin. The third resembled Shirley, but quickly ran to hide. Neb grinned wickedly.

"Now… let the battle begin."

Tyler and Relyt made the first move, each sending a blast of magic at the other. Shirley sidestepped them both, charging at Ekard. Yelrihs, in the meantime, had run away and was hiding behind a large block.

Tyler was thrown backwards by a burst of energy from Relyt's staff, stumbling into a Shirley-punched Ekard. The two whirled around, Ekard swinging his spear, and Tyler firing a blast of magic, sending both flying.

Ben pounded his fist against his thigh, his eyes glued to the PET's screen. His friends were fighting for his daughter on the Net, and he was stuck in the real world!

He briefly considered trying a nuking attack, but decided against it. There was no guarantee that the warhead would manifest on the Net. It could very well end up nuking the PET and severing his friends only chance of returning to the real world.

Suddenly, a movement on the PET's screen caught his eye. His breath caught in his throat.

"Shirley! Look out!"

The Cliché Stick turned just in time to take a blow head on from Ekard's spear.

Electricity juddered across her bark as Ekard laughed manically.

The lightning dissipated, leaving the muse smoking.

Shirley raised an eyebrow. "That all you got?" She asked.

Ekard paled. "How-?"

"I'm a stick Re-kard! Electricity doesn't affect me!"

"Oh..." Ekard paled.

"Hey, Shirley!" Ben smirked. "I've got a little something to even the score!"

With several quick movements Ben slipped two Battlechips into their corresponding slots.

"Battlechip in! Widesword, Longsword!"

Instantly Shirley's claws morphed into blades.

"Very nice." She murmured.

Ekard scoffed. "And just what are those going to do?" He asked before swinging his spear at the Cliche Stick.

The spear suddenly stopped with a jolt. The spearhead however did not.

Shirley held up one of the glowing claw blades as Ekard looked from his sparking spear shaft to the armed section of wood in front of him.

"...Yeah, listen I just remembered something I need to take care of soooo..."

Shirley grinned evilly. "Oh, no you don't. You're staying right here with me, big boy."

Ekard briefly considered trying to fight, but in the end the smart side of his brain won out. With a squeak, he turned and ran.

"Get back here!" Shirley shrieked, giving chase.

"Hey!" Ben complained from his screen. "That's MY gimmick!"

"SCREW YOU!" Ekard and Shirley screamed in unison.

Ben growled. "We'll see about that... Tyler!"

Tyler knocked Relyt off his feet with a swipe of his staff and turned to Ben.

"Here!" Ben barked. "Battlechip in!"

Tyler's free hand instantly formed into a cylindrical cannon. He spun, took aim and fired.

Ekard's eyes widened. "Oh, come on!" The blast of air lifted him off his feet and hurled him backwards.

"Batter up!" Shirley yelled, hauling back with one of the swords and slashing at the air-borne Protection Agent as hard as she could.

The glowing blade sliced straight through Ekard's armor and cut out a small chunk of his skin too.

He stumbled to the ground, his armor flickering for a moment before de-activating.

"Argh," He groaned, clutching at his wound. "You'll pay for that!"

And before Shirley could inflict any more damage to him, he summoned a Plothole and vanished.

Tyler chuckled and turned away as Shirley continued to rant over the loss of her prey. He twirled his staff between his fingers a few times as Relyt got to his feet. "My turn."

Relyt paled slightly. Tyler was about to charge when….

"…rule the world."

Tyler turned in time to watch death by coffee plow towards him and Shirley. The Cliche Stick stabbed one of her swords through the surface of the net, slashing a wide scar open. The flood of coffee surged into the gap and vanished, leaving Shirley unharmed.

Tyler wasn't so lucky though. The torrent of coffee knocked him off his feet, sending him flying backwards into a block of data.



"Huh?" Shirley turned in time to see a brown blur shoot towards her, knocking her down. Tyler stood up… then dived back down to avoid being trampled by the ecstatic Cliché Stick. Deebs slammed into the data block, shattering it and revealing a curled-up Yelrihs. Deebs ground to a halt.

"Huh? Two mommies?"

Yelrihs smirked.

"I'm your mommy, Deebs! Come with us!"

Shirley snarled.

"WHHHAAAAAAATTT? I'm your mom, Deebs! Remember when I threw that wolverine in your crib?"

Yelrihs blanched (somehow).

"YOU THREW A WOLVERINE IN A BABY'S… well, er, I mean…."

Deebs pointed at Yelrihs. "Fake mommy!"

Yelrihs started backing away. Then Deebs charged.

The stick was like a one-stick army. She knocked Neb and Relyt to one side, grabbed Yelrihs, slammed her on the ground several times, then began spinning her in circles.

Yelrihs was very dizzy. She didn't know how she was perceiving anything but the incredible speed at which she was spinning. Then she heard a crack and felt a stab of pain. The sensation repeated. Then another time. And another. She realized she was starting to snap from the G-forces.

Then Deebs let go.

Yelrihs shot through the air like a wooden bullet, headed directly at Neb. The Protection Society Agent went into the Fast-Step, the stick seeming to pass through him. Relyt created an energy blast to block with, but even as he fired, Yelrihs slammed into him. Then all hell broke loose.


Ask every being witnessing those next ten seconds to describe them, and each would have given you a different story.

Relyt only saw blackness as the explosion knocked him unconscious.

Yelrihs experienced an incredible, blinding light, piercing every facet of her existence.

Neb saw the world blurring around him, then stars as his head collided painfully with the ground.

Deebs saw the blackness of limbo, then the comforting warmth of her home.

Shirley saw many-colored flashes of light, as she blindly lashed out with a Plothole Generator, trying to get Deebs away.

Tyler saw creation being undone and remade in a million horrible ways. Or that's what he said he saw. He might be lying.

Ben only saw a screen of static.

The one thing everyone would agree on, is that at the end of those ten seconds, they all (except Deebs and Ben) were lying facedown in the Undernet. Slowly each of them climbed to their feet. Relyt gave a rasping cough.

"You may have beaten us here… but I've have one more trick up our sleeves."

For a faint moment, a chip flickered above Relyt's head. It was purple, with purple flames surrounding it. Tyler, Shirley, and Ben all paled.

Then, from nowhere, a voice spoke.

"Darkchip in! Meteor!"

A huge vortex opened above the five, and a swarm of meteors plummeted from it, aiming at Tyler and Shirley. They easily dodged or blocked the first few, but a double hit shattered Tyler's shield, sending him flying into Shirley. The two quickly jumped to their feet, and they heard a familiar yell.

"Battlechip, in!"

Tyler's eyes widened.

"There are several Battlechips that can turn the tables right now. Please let this be one of them."



Another vortex opened in the sky. This time though, instead of meteors, a huge fist with an Xbox logo on the back of its hand rocketed toward Neb and Relyt, tearing through the Darkchip and the remainder of the meteors and smashing with incredible force into the ground between them, kicking up a huge cloud of dust. Relyt smirked.

"Looks like you missed!" he called through the dust. Then a huge shockwave tore through the cloud, blasting him and Neb off their feet.

Relyt snarled as he got to his feet. "Screw this, Neb! We can't win, let's bail!" He quickly opened a plothole.

"No!" Neb raged he pointing at Shirley. "I may not have managed to lure Ben here, but at least I'll take you out! This is for threatening me earlier! Mess with nukes!"

Shirley just rolled her eyes and, raising one clawed hand, caught the warhead in mid-air.

"Seriously," Ben said from the real world as Neb paled. "Shirley and I've been together for years! You really think a little thing like a nuke is gonna faze her?"

Shirley spun the nuke around in her hand and hurled the explosive at Neb like a football before both she and Tyler jacked out of the Undernet.

"Neb," Relyt growled as the nuke flew towards them. "If we die, I'm gonna kill you."

Neb was about to make a smart comment when the nuke collided.


"So, you don't know what happened to Neb and Relyt?" Tash asked as Ben and Tyler sat at the kitchen table, chowing down.

"Nope." Tyler said, taking a big bite of pizza.

"When a nuke goes off, I don't generally stick around." Ben agreed as he took a swig from his flask. "Especially not when it's the size and strength of the one Neb summoned."

"I guess that makes sense." Tash sighed. "I just wish we could get some concrete information on these people. Where's Shirley, by the way?"

"She's back at the mansion, no doubt chewing out Seymour and getting Deebs settled back in."

"That thing's a terror," Tash agreed. "No offence, Ben, but I'm glad you didn't have your daughter come here."

"I've already got my hands full with Shirley." Ben snorted, setting his flask back down on the table. "Do you honestly think I'm suicidal enough to have TWO Cliche Sticks under one roof?"

Suddenly Tyler started coughing, thumping his own chest with one hand.

"You OK?" Tash asked.

"I'm fine." Tyler wheezed. "Just went down the wrong pipe is all. I just need something to drink."

And before anyone could do anything, he snatched Ben's flask off the table and took a deep drink.

"...Oh, boy" Tash said.

"You might want to take cover." Ben agreed, unconcernedly.

Tyler appeared to be frozen, but there was a silly grin plastered on his face and if you looked very closely he was vibrating at a high rate.

With a sudden cry of "Nya-HAH!" he leapt up from the table and raced out of the kitchen at high speed.
Tash looked in the direction he ran helplessly. "Will he be alright?"

Just then Tyler came sprinting back in at full blast. "-"

His speech was cut short as he ran full tilt into the wall and knocked himself out.

Tash stared at the crumpled figure on the floor as Ben shrugged nonchalantly. "I dunno."

No comments:

Post a Comment