Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Insert Synthesized Personified Software Voice Here

There are several VOCALOIDs, fanmade and official, all with a different set of voice banks. Because of these voice banks they can sing in certain languages or sing with a certain "voice". And thus over the years fans have attributed personalities to these VOCALOIDs as if they were real people.

Of all of the VOCALOIDs, none is more popular than Hatsune Miku, who achieved fame by singing a rendition of "Ievan Polkka" while waving a leek. Trailing her behind at a close second are the Kagamine twins, Rin and Len, whom nobody will be ever able to agree whether they are distorted reflections in a mirror (the official stance) or fraternal twins (the fan-stance). Right behind them are Meiko and Kaito (Kaito being toted as Miku's lover) of VOCALOID00, the first VOCALOID software. Then, of course, there are Luka and Gackpo and Neru and Haku...

...and a whole ton of fanmade VOCALOIDs with modified or original voice banks. This is common; most fanmade VOCALOIDs actually do have a decently made appearance or voice bank to back them, and some are made just for lulz. Several VOCALOIDs have reached true fame (Neru and Haku were fanmade) while some remain purely obscure.

The highest honor for a VOCALOID was to reach such fame as Miku, Rin, Len, Kaito, and Meiko, and to have such a developed "personality" by so many fans like them. The kind and sweet Miku. The feisty tsundere Rin. The gentle little boy Len. The clumsy and impulsive (but loveable) Kaito. The strict but caring Meiko. All of them so popular, all of them so suspectible to being paired up any which way...

...And then, one day, a new VOCALOID joined their ranks.

Her name was Chi.

Granted, the Japanese VOCALOIDs always seem to be the most popular (all of the big five and the ones trailing them are Japanese)...but of course there are always bilingual ones (like Luka) or ones that simply speak a different language (like Leon).

But Chi was the first-ever Chinese VOCALOID.

While she struggled a bit to pick up Japanese to communicate with the others she managed and became friends with everyone. Her theme color was purple, like Gackpo, except a tad bit lighter.

Chi started out small and timid but eventually the rest of the VOCALOID family warmed up to her and even Neru developed a grudging respect for her that she most definitely NOT have for Miku. Of course, like the other VOCALOIDs, her shipping preferences changed almost every day and eventually she ended up dating all of the VOCALOIDs at one point - including Miku, Rin, Luka, Neru, Meiko, and Haku...(Of course, she actually dated Miku and Kaito the least because she believed they were soul mates...)


Meanwhile, in the Society...

"No eating in class."

Aster was holding the meter stick threateningly over Karissa, who put down the candy she was eating with a gulp.

"There you go." Aster walked back up to the front. "Now, today we have an in-class assignment. I want a whole page, and if your handwriting is 1 cm or over you will be forced to write it again. I want the paper on Konata's lack of good upbringing and how she could have been different had Izumi Kanata been alive."
Chrys raised her hand. "But that's not the funny part - "

"QUIET!" Aster raised the meter stick threateningly. Chrys stared at Aster with -desusparkle- in her eyes.

Aster looked back at Chrys.

Chrys had desu in her eyes.

Aster looked back at Chrys.

Chrys had desu in her eyes.

Aster slammed the meter stick on Chrys's head and went back to the front. Chrys clutched her head in pain and murmured, "You're mean, Aster..."

"Thirty minutes," said Aster, frowning. "Starting now."

The class groaned (which seemed to be a habit in this class nowadays) and got to work. Eventually one person fell asleep, but this definitely did not escape Aster's notice.

She leaned very close to his ear and put a whistle in her mouth.


After the class was over, Marcus was rubbing his ear and Aster was exasperated.

"I'm bored now, kyaa~"

Most of the Society members were rubbing some part of their body that the meter stick had shown no mercy to; the arm or the leg or something. Tyler usually wore armor anytime he attended Aster's classes, but she always managed to find a weak spot - today she'd shoved the stick right in his face, so he was recovering from a dreadful nosebleed.

The nearby computer beeped and Beth went up to check it. "...mm... Erm... What kind of fandom is this?"
"What is it?"


Claire raised her head (she was rubbing her foot - how the meter stick reached there she had no idea). "I never got what was the hype over all that..."

Chrys put a finger to her chin. "So the fans made up enough stuff to make it a fandom..."

"Is it an anime?" asked Tash.

Aster shook her head. "Singing software. Type in melody and lyrics and choose a 'voice' and it'll sing it for you. Each voice has a name and character and fans attributed personality to each one."

(Her English had improved since she'd joined the Society.)

"I'm going too!" yelled Aster in a loud booming voice. "I can't miss this!"

"And me!" yelled Chrys. She was swooning.

Adrian was rubbing his temples.


Aster and Chrys weren't actually preparing... they weren't doing anything besides taking out an mp3 player and jamming it on full volume and playing songs sung by VOCALOIDs - and trying to sing along. As the other Society members listened to the music, they had to agree; while the songs did sound very computerized, if one squinted very hard they could sound a bit like people...

"Are you two done?" said Marcus.

"Ah, yes," said Aster, waiting for the final notes of "World is Mine" to die away. "Let's go."

"We get to meet Miku!" cheered Chrys.

"And the Kagamine twins!" said Aster.

The other Agents were silent. "..."


The VOCALOIDs were currently toting their mascot images. Miku had set up a camera. Slowly she took the inventory.

She was holding her signature leek while Kaito had his ice cream (and they had to take the picture quickly or the popsicle would melt), Meiko had her bottle of sake (and under no circumstances was she allowed to take a sip from it), Rin and Len had an orange and banana respectively, Luka was holding her octopus (and giving said octopus a very disgusted look), Gackpo had his eggplant, and Neru and Haku had their cell phone and sake bottle (Haku, also, was not allowed to drink from that bottle).

Oh, and Chi had a jiaozi (Chinese dumpling).

"Smile for the camera!" said Miku cheerily, steering the nervous Chi towards the center of the camera...

...when suddenly a plothole opened out of nowhere, splitting the camera in two and allowing two Society agents to enter the fandom.

"We're from the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society, and you're under arrest!" yelled Chrys.

Aster pointed out the only VOCALOID who wasn't widely recognized. That one has to be Chi.

Chi had changed drastically since her last run-in with Marcus. She looked much older now, as she now hit the other VOCALOIDs' height, although if she was a chimera (like the fanmade Kasane Teto) she could be older. She still had purple coifs, however, and her eyes matched her hair. She was wearing the Japanese VOCALOID02 seifuku, although it wasn't like Miku's tie but more like Rin's (and Aster's) tie on the front. The sailor fuku was black and purple. Chi also had the black armbands and skirt, and on her left shoulder the number 04 was tattooed on her skin.

"I haven't met you before," she said, gesturing to the two of them. "Who are you then?"

"Aster!" yelled Aster.

"Chrys~" said Chrys.

Chrys cut to the chase and pulled out a Prohibitor.

Chi laughed mirthlessly.

"Try to get that on me while I have this!" said Chi, raising her arm. She was wearing the VOCALOID armband - but Aster knew the armband could also be considered a part of a VOCALOID, and the armband made the arm far too thick for the Prohibitor to fit.


Aster gritted her teeth and wanted to lunge but was foiled by Chi, who tackled her over.

All mayhem broke loose. Food items rose into the air as other VOCALOIDs, eager to protect Chi, their one and only Chinese VOCALOID, came to protect her (except Luka, who wasn't much into protecting anyone that much).

Chi deftly kicked the Agents away and looked downwards. She then looked up...and stared at the Agents with red eyes.

And she began to sing.

In Japanese.

Aster, however, could understand her besides her thick Chinese accent, and listened -

"The fifth Alice was a kind purple one..."

Aster kicked Chi away and pulled out two pairs of earmuffs and jammed them on herself and Chrys.

"She's inserting herself as an Alice. Don't listen to her singing closely. It will make you insane, murderous, or otherwise mentally disturbed..."

Still wearing earmuffs to mute the sound, Aster and Chrys ran to the sides of Chi and tried to tackle her over. Chi was stronger than that, however, and merely stopped singing. She chuckled.

"Anything I sing will make my world!"

And true enough, as Chi sang of fancies and frills and justice, weeds started to grow out of nowhere and the place started to look very, very medieval. Soon, Chi was surrounded by a large bubble, and as she sang and sang, the surroundings changed to match her description.

"This Alice tried to enforce her ideals..."

Chrys feebly tried to invoke her desu, but Chi merely extinguished it as she created her world.

Finally Aster got the idea and said to Chrys,

"Pole-vault me over that tree."


"Just do it!"

Aster climbed onto Chrys's shoulders and jumped (which, for Chrys, was very painful).

Aster, completely abandoning the laws of aerodynamics (hey, she's an anime character, she can do stuff like that), went up, up, up, eventually soaring far above the tree...

...and landed, aiming her foot right at Chi's throat.

It wasn't enough to damage her (perfect) vocal cords, but it was sufficient for her to lose her balance and stop singing for a moment.

The Alice world dissolved. Chi let out a few coughs and spluttered while Aster landed from catapulting off Chi's neck.

But Chi rose again quickly, and scoffed. "Fine then. I didn't want to resort to this, but – " and she ran.

Aster and Chrys equipped themselves with Prohibitors and flew after (well, Chrys was more gliding/jumping very high/fast, but you get the idea). Soon Chi was booby-trapped with two people on two sides of her.

Chrys put the Prohibitor on the top part of her arm. It was a snug fit (had she been gaining weight?) but it slipped on.

"You may have Prohibited me," said Chi. "But I still have the ability to sing!"

She opened her mouth…

…and nothing came out.

"What?" said Chi, confused. "Why – why – "

"You're an UTAUloid, like every other so-called new Vocaloid," said Aster. "You're not officially made by Crypton. Even Kasane Teto, the most famous UTAUloid, doesn't live up to the Vocaloids."

Chi shivered. "You haven't seen the last of me! I will charm everyone to my beliefs! I will - "

Chrys and Aster stared at each other, shaking their heads...

…and shrugged and dragged Chi back to the basement.

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