Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Insert Display of Spiderlike Powers Here

It was a slow night in the Library Arcanium. Drake sat in one of the reading rooms, tossing darts at a picture of Willowe taped to the wall. He winged a dart and it stuck itself into the forehead of the Willowe image.

"So… bored…" Drake groaned as he leaned back in his chair.

The door creaked open and Tash, the British Chief Agent, entered the room. She glanced over at him. "Hey, Drake."

"Looking for some sweets?" Drake asked.

"Yep," Tash replied with a frustrated sigh. "Adrian's getting better at hiding them."

Drake pointed towards the wall. "Try behind the painting."

"Thanks," Tash said as she stepped past him and towards the wall. Drake heard her pull the painting off the wall, then a sharp crack and a yelp of surprise followed by the painting dropping to the ground with a load thunk. He turned around to find Tash hanging by her ankle from a length of rope, slowly swinging from side to side. "Bollocks!"

Drake chuckled and pushed himself out of his seat, walking over to the compartment that moments before had been hidden by the painting. He stepped around the indisposed Tash and pulled a box of Oreos from the hidden compartment.

Tash glared at him and crossed her arms. "Are you going to let me down?"

He pretended to look thoughtful for a moment, before popping an Oreo in his mouth. "Nope! You'd just steal my cookies."

The Chief Agent growled in anger and attempted to grab him, but only succeeded in making herself swing faster.

Drake ducked out of the room. He slammed the door closed and placed a "Caution! Do not enter" sign on the doorknob.

He knew he would really be in trouble when Tash finally got out of that trap, but he was a pretty fast runner and it would be worth it for the Oreos. He normally wouldn't have stolen the sweets, but there were no sunflower seeds to be found which left him with no choice. Still, finding the cookies' hiding place had only been half the battle, he still needed a way to check for Adrian's infamous booby traps.

A wide smirk spread across his face as he walked down the hall. He looked up and his smirk disappeared as he found Adrian approaching him from the opposite end of the hall.

"Are those my Oreos?" Adrian asked.

Drake didn't reply, but instead stared at the top of Adrian's head. "You have cat ears…"

Said cat ears twitched as the white haired Librarian frowned. "I have had these cat ears for weeks and you're only just noticing them now?"

"Are they real?" Drake asked, reaching his free hand out towards Adrian's head. The Librarian quickly stepped out of reach.

"Never mind that," Adrian said. "Have you seen Tash?"

"Maybe…" Drake replied, before slowly chewing another Oreo. "Why?"

"We have a Mary-Sue in the Spider-man fandom and we need to decide who to send after it," Adrian replied.

"Why didn't you say so?" Drake said. "You happen to be looking at an expert on the Spider-man fandom. Here hold on to these for me."

Drake handed the box of Oreos to Adrian before darting down the hall, pulling out his portal gun and opening a plothole. He dove into the black hole.

Adrian blinked, before glancing down at the Oreos. He reached for one and then the ground began to shake. He looked up to find several of the girl agents charging at him. He had only enough time to scream before he was tackled to the ground, the Oreos pulled from his grip, and the girls ran off to devour their prize.

"Did anyone catch the number of that bus?" the cat hybrid groaned.


Drake landed in the Spider-man fandom. He glanced around and noted the animation style of the fandom. "So I'm in the animated series?"

He glanced around in awe for a moment, before he felt the ground shaking. He turned around just in time to see a huge muscular man wearing a grey costume with a rhino horn extending from the top of his head come running at him. Drake leapt to the side, just in time to avoid getting crushed.

The Rhino continued running, ignoring the pedestrian he had almost crushed. Drake took off after him. It wasn't easy keeping up, despite his size the Rhino could run pretty fast.

The super villain disappeared around a corner. Drake turned the corner and gasped. The entire street was a battleground. Cars were overturned and the pavement cracked. A streetlight lay on the ground. In the center of the devastation stood Doctor Octopus, hoisted into the air on two of his mechanical arms, while the other pair shot forward trying to crush a certain red and blue clad superhero. Spider-man dodged the tentacles by hand springing along the wall of the building he was currently clinging to. The Vulture swooped down from overhead and slammed his feet into Spidey. He went falling down the edge of the building and towards the green clad, fishbowl wearing Mysterio, who currently stood on a floating green Chinese dragon. When Spidey came in range, the dragon attempted to swat at him with its tail, but the superhero shot out a webline at the last moment and swung away.

Unfortunately, he was now low enough to the ground for Kraven to leap up and tackle him. Spider-man crashed into the ground with the mutated Kraven landing on top of him.

"Now, I shall finish you!" Kraven growled in his Russian accent.

"I don't think so, tabby," Spidey quipped and extend his hands, shooting two weblines to snare Electro. He yanked sharply on the lines and pulled Electro through the air to collide with Kraven. The voltage Electro was currently emitting zapped Kraven causing his fur to stand on end as the two went flying.

Spider-man leapt back to his feet. His Spider-sense blared a warning, but it was too late as the Rhino rammed into him and sent him flying into Doctor Octopus' waiting arms. Spider-man struggled as the metal constructs wrapped tightly around him.

"Uh-oh," Drake muttered. He stepped out from around the corner, raising his arms as he prepared to summon his armor. He stopped and glanced down at the inactive rocky pendant around his neck. He scowled.

"Well, look who's here," a beautiful female voice chuckled.

Drake spun to face the Mary-Sue. Finding no one behind him, he glanced up to find her, dressed in a red and gold spider costume clinging to the side of the building. Her honey colored hair hung down perfectly.

"So you're the Sue I'm looking for?" Drake growled.

"That's right. Natalie Garbash 'Emerald' Marmalade," the Sue smirked. "But you can call me Spider-woman here."

"Emerald?" Drake echoed. His eyes narrowed. "You were in the Spyro fandom!"

"That's right," Emerald chuckled prettily. "It was so nice of you to let me escape. Now if you'll excuse me I'd better go save the superhero. Not even my Sue powers can keep the villains gloating forever you know. Oh, and don't go anywhere. I'll be back to finish you…"

She shot a webline and swung towards the battle, catching Doctor Octopus completely unawares with a kick to the side.

Drake sighed and turned away, not wanting to watch the Sue as she effortlessly defeated all six super villains. He most certainly wasn't going to stick around and let her come back and finish him.

"How do I beat a Sue with spider-powers?" He glanced down at the figure on his black t-shirt. A smirk spread across his face.


Spider-woman defeated the Sinister Six with almost no effort. She gained massive praise from the police, the public, and the press. Even the Daily Bugle loved her! As Natalie Garbash 'Emerald' Marmalade she became the most popular and pretty girl at Midtown Manhattan Magnet High School and also started dating Peter Parker, which not even Sally complained about.

She got Flash Thompson to let up on bullying and hassling Peter. She used sound logic to convince Harry Osborn to stop blaming Spider-man for his father's death.

Drake groaned as he trudged through Manhattan's sewers. To say it smelled horrible down there would be a massive understatement. His patience was wearing thin and he was wondering if he would ever find what he was looking for.

He stopped and shouted at the top of his lungs. "Are there any evil alien symbiotes down here?"

Something grabbed his leg and he yelped as he found himself hoisted into the air and hanging upside down from the ceiling. He glanced up, or rather down in his case to find a black tendril wrapped around his ankle. Several more liquid-like tentacles emerged from the shadowy ceiling as the symbiote revealed itself.

"Looking for us?" the symbiote hissed.

"Yep," Drake replied, trying to remain calm. "I'd like your help with something."

The symbiote released his ankle, sending him falling into the disgusting sewer water. Drake gasped as he stood up, covered in filth… "What makes you think we would help you?"

"Something called a Mary-Sue has arrived on this world," Drake replied. "It's a rather unnatural creature that shouldn't be here. It's taken the form of a human female and romantically attached itself to Spider-man. As long as it's here, you won't be able to destroy Spider-man."

"Why not?"

"It's too powerful, even if you had Eddie," Drake explained. "But I'm a self-insert, if you merge with me, we might have a chance."

The alien was silent for a moment, before it slithered down the wall and came to a halt in front of Drake. "If we bond with you and find you were lying, we will be most unhappy."

"I know better than to lie to evil alien entities," Drake said as the symbiote moved towards him.

Natalie Garbash 'Emerald' Marmalade trotted home from school. Her honey-colored hair caught the breeze just perfectly and everyone male she passed turned to gaze at her with awestruck expressions.

Her smile was wide, though she knew that Drake was out there someplace, there was no way he could catch her while she had these powers. With her Spider-sense it would be impossible for him to sneak up on her.

The Sue's Spider-sense began buzzing and she looked up just in time to see the black blur before it slammed into her and sent her flying through the wall of a store.

She groaned and pushed herself out of a tangle of coats. Emerald tapped her wrist watch and millions of small nanobots emerged from it, covering her and forming her red and gold Spider-costume.

"What's that supposed to be?" Drake asked as he climbed into the building, sticking to the ceiling. The symbiote had increased his muscle mass slightly, but not to the lengths it did when it possessed Eddie. Other than that slight difference, he looked exactly like the Venom of this fandom with soulless white 'eyes', a white spider symbol on his chest and back, and the mouth full of sharp teeth, which a long tongue lolled out of.

"It's a nanosuit," Emerald replied. "I made it myself."

"A high school student making a nanite based super suit? How unbelievable!" He thrust his arm forward and shot a black webline at her. She nimbly dodged it, landing with exaggerated grace and ease, even for someone with Spider-powers.

"I'm a Sue, so I can do anything," Emerald said, before leaping up at him.

Drake released his grip on the ceiling and dropped to the ground. Emerald clung to the spot he had just occupied and Drake leapt back up at her. She jumped to the side and Drake instead went through the ceiling. Emerald swung towards the wall as Drake crashed back through the ceiling, almost coming down on top of her.

"Ha!" Emerald scoffed. "You think you can beat me by becoming a super villain? Don't you watch TV? The bad guy never wins."

She leapt towards him, but Drake caught her with a punch and sent her flying back out onto the street, which by now had been deserted by the pedestrians. "We beg to differ!"

He leapt out of the hole, coming down at Emerald, who rolled out of the way just in time. She didn't roll far enough though as Drake grabbed her leg and spun around, flinging her into the air. She managed to flip herself around and hit the side of the building with her hands and feet, sticking to it. Her hair was still perfectly combed and even the bruise Drake had inflicted on her cheek didn't mar the Sue's beauty.

"Why call yourself Spider-woman anyway?" Drake asked as he shot a webline and swung upwards. "There are already four of them in the comics. Not exactly original."

He swung his fist forward, but Emerald hand sprung up out of the way, before dropping back down and wrapping her arms around Drake's neck. "I can call myself whatever I want to!"

"Bet we could come up with a better name for you," Drake said, shooting a strand of webbing over his shoulder and into Emerald's eyes. He then launched himself off the side of the building, shooting another webline and swinging around to slam his back and Emerald into the hard concrete. "How about Spider-sue?"

Emerald groaned in pain as Drake leapt away and let her fall towards the ground. She began yanking at the webbing on her face, trying to dislodge it. Drake leapt after her, just as she pulled the last of the webbing off. He wrapped his arms around her. "Or Mary-spider? The Scarlet Sue?"

"Let go! You'll kill us both!" Emerald snapped as they fell towards the pavement.

"Oh, we promise this will hurt you a lot more than it will us," Drake hissed.

Emerald shot two weblines towards a building and sent them swinging towards it. This time it was Drake's turn to slam into the concrete, fortunately the symbiote absorbed most of the impact.

"We almost felt that!" Drake laughed as he tossed Emerald away. He thrust his fist forward and launched a ball of black webbing after her. The orb slammed into her and sent her flying even farther.

Emerald landed on a rooftop, tumbling across it before finally slowing to a stop. Drake landed on the roof a few seconds later. He stepped towards Emerald who shakily stood up. He threw a punch at her, but she stepped around it and to his side, he spun around and kicked her, sending her crashing into an air conditioning unit.

"You're making a mistake," Emerald gasped as she glanced up at the Venom-infused Society agent.

"We don't think so," Drake said, the symbiote's tongue whipping from side to side.

"The symbiote still wants to get Spider-man back as its host, right?" Emerald grinned. "I can make that happen."

"Why would it trust you?" Drake growled.

"I'm a Sue," Emerald smirked. "I always keep my word."

"You think it will want a Spider-man who is completely under your control?" Drake asked, stalking towards Emerald.

"Why not? And all it has to do is help me destroy you," At this, the symbiote trembled and then began flowing off Drake.

"What a gyp!" Drake exclaimed as the symbiote flowed over Emerald, turning her costume black and white.
Emerald threw her head back and laughed. "Now you're in trouble!"

"Am I?" Drake asked, suddenly smirking widely.

"Wha-?" the symbiote retracted from Emerald's wrist, revealing the metal bracelet now clamped around it. "No!"

The prohibitor released a flash of light and the symbiote disappeared along with all the damage their fight had inflicted on the surrounding city.

"You tricked me!" Emerald exclaimed in rage.

"Yes, we did," Drake smirked.

The depowered Sue shrieked in anger and charged at Drake. He was too stunned to react in time and Emerald shoved him over the edge of the building. He cried out in terror as he fell towards the ground. He closed his eyes and began to focus; there was one way he could save himself.

The sound of webbing being fired interrupted him and he landed in a net of the sticky white substance. Spider-man lowered himself into view, hanging upside down from a webline. He stared at Drake's Venom t-shirt. "You know, I almost didn't want to save you, but even people with horrible fashion sense don't deserve to go splat."

"Yeah, thanks," Drake said. "The girl that pushed me off the roof is still up there."

"I'll go get her then," Spidey said. "Don't go anywhere."

Drake leaned back in the web, resting his head on his hands. A feminine shriek sounded above him, followed by the sound of more webbing being fired. A few seconds later, Emerald dropped into view, ensnared in a net of webbing.

"I-I didn't do anything," Emerald said, glancing up at Spider-man. "You have to believe me! I'd never pushed anyone off a building. I'm too perfect to do that."

"O-kay," Spider-man said. "Why don't I just leave you two and the cops to sort this out?"

With that, he shot a webline and swung away. Drake opened a plothole beneath Emerald and after tugging at the webbing enveloping her managed to break it and drop her through it. He leapt after her.


"Another day, another Sue safely contained in the Library basement," Drake yawned, stretching his hands over his head. "Now I just need to find some way to keep from becoming bored again."

"Is that you, Drake?" Tash's voice came from frighteningly nearby and dripped with false sweetness. "I want to have a little talk with you."

"Uh-oh…" he turned and ran as fast as he could, straight into the wall. He shook his head to clear it and quickly took off down the hallway. Tash appeared around a corner and chased after him. "Well, at least I won't be bored!"

No comments:

Post a Comment