Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Insert Humorously-Named Blooper Reel Here

The world of Rapture had seen far better days, especially since Jack had come in and stopped Atlas, and freed all the Little Sister from his tight, iron grasp.

Ten long years had passed. Ten far too long years, and the world above the sea had been calm. Quiet. FAR too quiet, to be honest.

And then the disappearances had begun.

Little girls from towns all over the world had been vanishing. Disappearing without a trace. The only possible piece of evidence that accompanied every kidnapping was the fact there was a bright, flashing, red light that could be seen from the coastline, in the ocean, flaring lightly and blinking dimly as it disappeared under the very surface of the sea tasting water...

Our story opens on this, and the creature known simply as the Big Sister.

The new ruler of Rapture.

She made people fear where Rapture could not. The darkest entity in the entire area. The ruler of the under sea utopia known as Rapture. Her word was rule. Her whim was law. And her grip on the otherwise chaotic paradise that Atlas and Fontaine had promised the world.

The only voices that echoed around the otherwise empty, metallic hallway was that of the dripping water, caused by one of the many, many holes that peppered the otherwise solid hull, along with the screaming of the damned that belonged to the loud, shrieking, horribly mutilated bodies that belonged to the splicers that echoed every which way, and the calm, dulcet tones of the little girls that the Big Sister had liberated from the upper world, singing small lullabies as hulking, metal giants known simply as the Big Daddies, the Little Sisters self appointed body guard.

Our story, however, takes place deep in the heart of the watery prison, where a dark crime takes place...

"Mr. Bubbles! Mr. Bubbles, wake up!" Shouted the helpless little sister, shaking the prone form of the metallic body guard that had just given its life to protect her own, as a small group of hungry looking Splicers looked at the Little Sister.

Her little body rich with ADAM... filled with POWER...

One of them, hook in his hand, bloodied up from his titanic struggle with the otherwise omnipotent Big Daddy, shrieked a battle cry and lunged at the Little Sister...

He got no more than a foot or so, as a large, metal spike jammed its way into its chest. A single red eye stared from behind it at the back of it's head.

The Big Sister was not fond of Little Sisters being attacked.

The lithe looking form of death threw the now skewered Splicer from off her spike, and into another Splicer, knocking him down to the ground and knocking him out almost instantly. The bright red light focused on the other three that had accompanied the attack, and if they could see the creatures eyes, they would have seen the utter rage it was feeling.

Before they even had a chance to react, she threw her hand forward, and on cue, several dozen objects flew through the air and peppered their body. Battered, beaten and bruised, they fell to the ground, defeated.

"Mr. Bubbles..." the Little sister sobbed, clinging to the metal giant she had seen as a father.

The Big Sister, her work done, walked forward and reached down to touch the Little Sister, to soothe and comfort her...

"Big Sister, you are under arrest by the Anti Cliche and Mary Sue Elimination Society!"

The petite armored Big Sister looked up at the side to see Michael standing there, holding his sword aloft. It had been a while since he was out of his room... but hey, he was up and raring to go!

"You're under arrest for the various accounts of being in a Fandom when no one wants you! Now come with me quietly and no one will have to get hurt!"

Rather than insulting him like so many others had done in the past, she merely tilted his head to the side. Well, at least, he thought she tilted her head to the side...

"Not talking eh?" Michael asked, his otherwise tough persona dropping slowly as his sword did the same. He shook his head, and rose the blade up again. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

As he began to charge, she skittered out of the way and into a nearby hallway. He blinked in surprise, looking around. Since when did Sue's RUN?

We're going to charge after her, aren't we? Asked the Darkness in his head, sounding bored as of now.

"Don't we always?" He asked, as he jumped into the hallway and raced off.

The Little Sister, watching the whole thing, blinked. "What just happened...?"


The skittering noises the Big Sister made allowed Michael to follow the Sue a lot easier. "You're running is pointless!" Michael shouted, panting a bit as he stopped in the middle of a large, circular room. "You're just making it harder for yourself!"

A bright, red light appeared on the other side of the room, and just as quickly as it had appeared, did Big Sister lunge out of the darkness, her large arm spike glistening in the shimering light from above. Michael didn't have enough time to raise his arm to block the attack...so he closed his eyes and concentrated...

And a large, black tentacle erupted from his back and knocked her back before the very tip could pierce his check, striking the metal casing that the deranged woman had so carefully created for herself and herself only. The attack didn't hurt her in any sort of way, however, as she backflipped clear across the room and stopped with a screeching halt. She lifted her hand, and a large bolt of lightning shot from her fingertips and danced through the air to the Darkened Gary Stu Gutter.

He threw himself to the side as the attack sizzled against the otherwise dull and rusted metal, and he looked down. He was in a puddle of water. "Oh boy."

Another bolt of lightning shot from her fingers, and struck the Puddle. A bright flash of light filled the otherwise dank room, and when it cleared, Michael was standing there, twitching hard, his hair sticking up in every which way.

You humans are so damn vulnerable...Chortled the darkness, who was laughing at his misery.

"Said the demonic creature that I can harm with a flashlight," michael smirked as he brushed his hair down and kept his twitching down to a minimum. Stepping out of the puddle, as that hadn't felt exactly pleasing, he threw both hands forward, and just as before in New York, two of the Darklings, the one with the large Sledgehammer, and the other with the massive machine gun appeared, but between these two appeared another who looked as though he was carrying a car battery on his back, and two shock batons in either hand.

"Yay, doom, death and destruction!" shouted the sledgehammer swinging one, swinging his signature weapon above his head and slamming it down with an echoing boom.

"Where are we?" asked the car battery toting one, looking around in confusion and stupidly pressing his shock baton to his head and getting shocked hard. He hit the ground hard, smoking and twitchng, and Michael slapped his own forehead hard.

"Let's rock this joint," the Machine Gun toting one stated as he brought up his own weapon of choice, and prepared to pull the trigger...

Big Sister flew across the room and backhanded the small, army spoof demon, causing him to fly against the wall behind him and dent it hard. His helmet cracked in half, and his gun snapped it half. He groaned and slid to the ground, his head hanging. Big Sister was preparing to thrust her spike into his chest...

And the Sledgehammer swinging Darkling slammed his weapon into her helmet.

The loud echoing clang of the sledgehammer hitting the helmet echoed about the room, and the Darkling would NEVER have another opportunity like this, so... "Bring out your dead!"

"Here's one!" shouted the Machine Gun toting Darkling, holding up the electricly charged dead looking darkling.

"That'll be nine pence," the Darkling said, staying in character

"I'm not dead..." the weakened Darkling croaked.

"Nothing! Nine pence!"

The Big Sister regained her senses, and with a loud shriek of anger, backhanded both Darklings away from her, making sure they landed in the puddle of water off to the side. Grabbing the weakened Lightkiller Darkling, she threw it at the water.

A loud shriek of pain echoed from all three as electricity coursed through their body, and they disappeared in wisps of darkness.

"I can't even begin to consider how pointless that was," Michael groaned as his hand found his forehead again in a fit of shame.

It was pointless, but regardless... comical.

"Too true..." Michael nodded, and jumped at the Big Sister again.

The two clashed blades, and their resulting sparks lit up the room, casting nightmarish shadows of their battle as blood and water flew into the air in a chaotic fasion, similar to a Van Gogh painting.

The resulting battle, both fighters finally could take no more, and began to pant. Well, Michael did, Big Sister was impossible to tell how she COULD breath in that thing. Sensing a moment, Michael grabbed his sword and began to walk forward, planning his final strike...

"Aniki! Wait!"

Both fighters looked off to the side as the familiar younger sister of Michael jumped out of a portal, panting, her hair a mess... and yet it looked the same as any other day. In her hand was a magazine, closed tightly in her fist.

"She's not a Sue!"

Michael cocked an eyebrow in what one would be surprise. "What on EARTH are you talking about Miri?" he asked her curiously. "She HAS to be a Sue! Look at her! Big Sister, unbelieable powers, that figure, can take down a whole army of Splicers without even blinking, and rules over RAPTURE! She HAS to be a Sue!"

"But look here!" she shouted in return, holding up the magazine in question in her fist. Opening it, she began to read. "It says here, 'No matter how high up Raptures power hierarchy is, Big Sister is always higher. The city belongs to her now. A lithe, vaguely feminine shape covered in armor, the big sister is incredibly agile and frighteningly powerful. Any adam she extracts is funneled directly into her blood stream, fueling telekinetic powers higher than anything previously thought possible.'"


"She's not a Sue, Aniki!" Miri said, a small knowing grin on her face. "She's in the sequel. She's 100% canon!"

Michael walked over and snatched the magazine from his little sisters hands and read the article as she did. He read it again. And again. And again. And again. A picture was right next to said article, and it was exactly what Big Sister herself looked like. Re-re-re-re-RE-Reading it, he looked at the picture, and finally to the Big Sister again.

"Aw, SHIT." A loud echoing clap was heard as he slapped his hand to his forehead. "You're KIDDING me..."

Miri was a giggling mess as she watched her older brothers distress, and Michael was hanging his head in shame. Finally, he looked to Big Sister with a small, nervous grin. "Eh... heh... sorry... my mistake?"

She pointed a hand at the wall, and though neither could hear her, her emotion said, "Get the HELL out of my sight."

"Right, yes ma'am." Michael nodded quickly. Miri, still giggling, conjured a portal. Michael grabbed her by the back of her shirt and dragged her off, grumbling how he was NEVER going to live it down.

The Big Sister merely shook her head in disgust, and skittered off again.


Just when I thought you humans couldn't get denser, and denser...

"I swear if you don't shut up, I'll go in a tanning bed." michael snarled to the voice in his head as his finger tips danced against the limitless book titles in the library. He needed something to read to put this whole thing behind him...

"So, I heard we had a little issue today..."

"Not now Adrian, I'm not in the mood," Michael twitched, grabbing a book from the shelf, a Stephen King Book, 'It', his favorite. He opened it to the middle and began to read.

"Honestly," Said the grinning white haired librarian as he walked up beside the Gary Stu gutter. "How didn't you know she was in the sequel?"

"Never trust Wikipedia," Michael said, trying to keep his calm. It was a blow to his pride, and nearly everyone had been taunting him as a result. "I don't wanna talk about it..."

"I'm just saying, it was a good way to show we're not perfect and we make mistakes." Adrian shrugged a bit, "Shows how different we are from the sues. And after the 10th or 15th time, it just keeps getting funnier."

Michael looked up at the screen, and grumbled.

"Tash needs to stop showing it on the jumbotron..."

"I gotta say, a blooper reel, I never would have thought of it..." Adrian chuckled.

Michael grabbed Adrian's ear and twisted, making the Librarian give out a very catlike yowl in surprise. "What did I just say?"

"Okay, okay, I'll shut up," Adrian groaned, bending to the direction Michael was twisting his ear. Michael let go, and Adrian rubbed his now sore ear. "I gotta get Tash to get rid of these things..."

"You know damn well she won't..."

"Yeah, I know..."

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