Saturday, June 18, 2011

Insert Strange Cryptid Name Here

Tyler crawled through the ventilation system of the Library Arcanium.

"Just a little further… There!" He climbed out and silently dropped to the ground. Was he searching for some Sue or Stu that had infiltrated the Library? Nope, he was looking for cookies. Tyler slowly walked towards the table where he had remembered them being the day before. He crept forward… and stubbed his toe. He let out quiet several swear words, including several he had picked up from Tash, one of the Society's four leaders. Then a flashlight flicked on. Tyler blinked twice to adjust his eyes to the sudden bright light in the darkened room where Adrian, in something close to desperation, had hidden his candy. When he cleared his eyes, he saw Drake in front of him with a box of Oreos in his hand. Tyler hissed menacingly.

"Nice snake impression, but I'm keeping these cookies."

Tyler pulled out his ping-pong paddle.

"Holder… no. Hand mirror… no. Time bomb… AGGHHH! NONONO!" Finally Tyler found the correct setting. "Here we go!" Tyler was now holding a staff that resembled a Lego axle. He prepared to strike... then flicked his left hand, sending one of Drake's cookies flying into Tyler's hand. Tyler grinned, made a show of examining the cookie, then popped it into his mouth. Drake seemed surprised, but then relaxed.

"Uh... okay, since you seem to be able to take my cookies without moving much, you can have some." Tyler smiled, took several cookies and ate them. Then he spoke.

"You know, you didn't have to offer me these cookies. I can only do the levitation spell every once in a while." Ignoring Drake's cry of outrage, Tyler shot back up the vent. Drake shrugged, then exited through the door out.

Ten minutes later…

The entire Society, except for Sumire, who was still in her room, were gathered in the meeting room. Tash was informing them of a new Gary-Stu in the Secret Saturdays fandom. After noticing that none of the other Society members had raised their hands, Tyler did. After the meeting, Tyler packed his gear and entered the fandom.

In the Secret Saturdays fandom….

Life was great. Argost, the evil vampire-like (Seriously, what is he supposed to be?) villain of the series, had been just about to uncover Kur, the ultimate cryptid, when the Saturdays, a family of scientists who studied cryptids, arrived to stop him. Argost, along with his half-spider servant Munya, had defeated the Saturdays, and were about to finish them when he jumped in. Gerry Aleksandaer Richard Robert Yanguno Samuel Tyson Uglamore Emmerrssonn, or Garry-Stue. He had blocked Munya's strike, and used his cryptid-morphing powers to transform into a Hibagon, then used his cryptid-influencing powers to calm Munya, somehow using his power on a sentient cryptid, then picking him up and throwing him into Argost, knocking them out cold. When the Saturdays came to, they saw their savior. He had rainbow-colored hair and lavender-amethyst-lilac-magenta eyes, which made sense since he was half cryptid, even though he retained mostly human looks, aside from his rainbow-colored hair and lavender-amethyst-lilac-magenta eyes. Doc, the dad, and Drew, the mom, instantly adopted him, even though they had just met him, since he was obviously too innocent to cause any harm. He became best friends with Zak, the son, since they shared their powers over cryptids, of course Garry-Stue's was much better developed and he could also become cryptids at will. But Zak didn't resent him for his cooler powers, and his cryptid friends, Fiskerton the Fiskerton Phantom, Komodo the mutated Komodo Dragon, and Zon the Ornithochirus all welcomed him with open arms… or wings, in Zon's case. After a few days, Garry-Stue shared his tragic past. He had been brought up in a happy family with his parents and sister, Megalia Amiti Raven Ylora Sally Undine, but then his parents had been eaten by a wild strawberry-like cryptid. It was then that Garry-Stue discovered his ability to control cryptids and to turn into them. However, it was too late to stop his sister from being kidnapped by Argost, and he had dedicated his entire life to hunting them down and rescuing his sister, even though Argost had by now certainly killed her. This entire story was a lie, of course. Garry-Stue's sister was a Mary-Sue, and she had been captured by the Society. And now, Tyler was coming back to finish the job.
Garry-Stue was flying next to the airship (Oh, did I forget to mention he can do that?) randomly tossing off energy bolts at passing clouds (And that?). He was holding the CLAW, which Zak had given him when he realized that Garry-Stue could make much better use of it than Zak could. Anyway, Garry-Stue was drifting (did I say flying? I meant drifting) through the air when a Plothole opened just above the Airship Saturday, their blimp-like mobile home, and Tyler dropped out of it. His first act; to cough for a while.

"Ugh! How do you breathe up here!"

"I'm a Stu. Why should I have to breathe?"

"Whatever. I'm going inside."

Garry-Stue was still drifting beside the ship when a burst of light zipped past him and popped in midair. He wheeled around in time to dodge a second burst. Garry-Stue turned in the direction the blast had come from and saw Tyler, wielding his staff like a sniper rifle. Even as Garry-Stue watched, Tyler fired again, and Garry-Stue only dodged thanks to his inhuman reflexes, which he had due to his being half-cryptid, along with his rainbow-colored hair and, of course, his lavender-amethyst-lilac-magenta eyes. This time, Garry-Stue fired back, sending Tyler tumbling back away from the viewport. When Tyler got back to his feet, he was surrounded by the entire Saturday family. He gulped.

"Uh… truce?"

Zak spoke up.

"Who are you and what are you doing in our ship?"

"I'm a member of the Anti-Cliché and Elimination of Mary-Sue Society."

"The what for the what of the what!"

"Hard to explain. But this is the important information. That thing outside your ship is not human."

Now Doc spoke up.

"Of course not. He's half cryptid."

"No, I mean there's no human at all in there. He is what many writers call a Gary-Stu. That's authorspeak for an unrealistically overpowered being, often with a tragic past and an unusual name."

"That seems to be a perfect description of Garry-Stue. Is it some kind of cryptid?"

"Not at all. It's just a mutated thought that's escaped from its owner… I think."

"But what harm can it do?"

"Given time, it will act like a termite, burrowing into a universe and destroying it from the inside."

"And your job is to stop them."


"And you're waiting for something?"

"Sorta." Tyler turned to Zak. "Can I have your autograph?"

Thirty seconds later….

Tyler was waiting on the top of the airship Saturday. When Garry-Stue finally flew up, Tyler had already created a plan to capture him. And a plan B. And C. And D, E, and F. As it turned out, none of them worked. Tyler had expected Garry-Stue to boast for a while before attacking, leaving Tyler a little time to power up an attack. Instead, Garry-Stue simply fired an energy blast. Tyler just had time to create a weak protective shield before the blast hit. Tyler was knocked backwards off the blimp part of the airship, but landed neatly on the wing and began charging a blast of his own. Garry-Stue hovered into Tyler's line of sight and was met with a volley of energy bolts. Being a Stu, he wasn't badly hurt, but his face was glowing with rage.

"How dare you strike me? I am superior!"

Tyler made the yakking sign.

"Spare me, Stu."

Tyler fired another blast, but Garry-Stue fired one of his own. Since he was a Stu, his attack triumphed, and hit Tyler, hurling him off the wing. Tyler drew his staff and created a small explosion at the end pointing at the ground, propelling him back up to the wing, where Garry-Stue was waiting. Tyler dug his staff into the wing and twisted it, attempting to hit Garry-Stue from behind, but the Stu backflipped over the sneak attack. Tyler stood up and examined Garry-Stue. Then he spoke up.

"So, what do you think of yourself?"

Garry-Stue looked offended.

"I'm perfect! I'm a superior life-form! I'm also extremely modest!"

Tyler raised an eyebrow, then added a few adjectives of his own.

"You're also really annoying!"

Garry-Stue's face turned bright red, and electricity sparked through his rainbow-colored hair and fire lit in his lavender-amethyst-lilac-magenta eyes. He transformed into a giant ape-man.

"Muahahaha! Using the raw might of the Hibagon, I will crush you!"

Tyler calmly walked over to the edge.

"Well, what are you waiting for? You said you would crush me; now hop to it!"

"Don't order me around!" Garry-Stue waited for a moment. "Now die!" He leapt forwards and slammed down where Tyler had been a second before.

"Tsk tsk tsk. You're slipping, Stu. Oh by the way, I'd change into something lighter if I were you."

Garry-Stue looked around, then heard a cracking noise. He groaned.

Tyler laughed evilly.

"See ya, Stu."

The section of wing that Garry-Stue was standing on snapped off, and the Stu fell to his doom.

Wait, no he didn't! As Garry-Stue fell towards the ground, he transformed back into himself, flying back up to the airship Saturday. When Tyler saw him, he facepalmed.

"Oy, you're still here."

"Duh! I'm superior!"

"Say the word superior one more time…"

"Superior superior superior!" Garry-Stue taunted. He continued this for several more minutes, not even noticing that Tyler had gone inside the airship. When Tyler came out, he was holding something that looked like a section of a beehive.. When Garry-Stue saw it he stopped saying superior. "Uh… what's that?"

"It's called a Cortex Disruptor. And it won't hurt at all… not me anyway."

Garry-Stue lunged, and Tyler stepped around him, then fired at close range, blasting the Stu back into the airship.

Tyler smirked. "That should do the trick." Then he gasped. "What… how?"

Garry-Stue stood up. "Sorry, but I'm superior! That blast was as painful as the average poke."

Tyler thought about that, then grinned mischievously.

"You want pokes? Here you go." Tyler leapt forward and poked Garry-Stue in the eye.

Garry-Stue howled in pain.

"What was that for!"

"It's fun."

"No it isn't!"

"Is for me."

"Yeah, but I'm more important! I'm-"

"Superior, I know. You've said it 3 or 4 times by now."

"Only because it's true."

"I seriously doubt that."

"How dare you insult me, you inferior lifeform?"

"Are you sure you're not a Highbreed from Ben 10? 'Cause you really sound like one."

"If that's a compliment…"

"It's not."

"Then perish!" At this point, Garry-Stue realized that Tyler was an arm's length away and grabbed him by the throat. Tyler gasped for breath as the Stu tightened his grip.

"Thhh… ffghhg…. uthththorrdx… tchhts."

"Say what?" asked Garry-Stue, loosening his grip slightly so Tyler could speak.

"I said…time for unorthodox tactics," said Tyler, then bit deeply into Garry-Stue's hand.

If we were dealing with anything but a Stu, it would suffice to say he screamed like a baby. But, since we are dealing with a Stu, that isn't enough. Garry-Stue screamed so loudly that a person on the other end of the world heard the noise. He screamed so loudly that several windows in the area exploded into shards. He screamed so loudly that it became a corporal attack, knocking Tyler to the ground, where he lay, holding his ears and twitching in pain. Garry-Stue laughed evilly.

"Well, well, well. It looks like the tables have turned, Society Agent. Now, before I kill you, I will…"

"Go bye-bye." During Garry-Stue's speech, Tyler had crawled over to the control panel, and was holding one lever with an expression of pure… something.

"Have a nice trip." Tyler pulled the lever, and a door opened right under Garry-Stue, the air pressure dragging him out of the airship Saturday. Tyler smiled, but his smile quickly faded as Garry-Stue hovered back into view, just outside the shattered window. Garry-Stue floated back into the airship, grabbed Tyler by the shirt, and hurled him back out of the ship, onto the wing. Garry-Stue readied a punch, but Tyler rolled aside at the last second, and Garry-Stue's fist went clean through the wing. While Garry-Stue tried to get his fist out of the wing, Tyler fired a burst of magic…and a shower of small sparks and a puff of smoke emitted from his hand.


Garry-Stue's fist ripped out of the wing and backhanded Tyler onto the main blimp. Garry-Stue then pulled out the CLAW and leapt gracefully up to join him. When Tyler saw what Garry-Stue was holding, he readied his staff.

Garry-Stue elongated the CLAW to the same length as Tyler's staff, so both fighters were holding staves, except Garry-Stue's was slightly thicker, had a small pick on one end, and a claw on the other. Garry-Stue made the first move, leaping at Tyler and slashing the pick end at him. Tyler stepped back.

"Woah! You could hurt someone with that!"

"What do you think I'm trying to do?" snarled Garry-Stue, cleaving down at Tyler, who nimbly hopped back to avoid the sharp pick. Tyler stepped forward, hooked the pick with his staff, then bounced over Garry-Stue's head. Garry-Stue didn't have time to do anything before the CLAW smashed into his face. Tyler dropped to the ground, using the momentum to lever Garry-Stue over his head, hurling him away, where he landed in a heap. Tyler crossed his arms triumphantly…and poked himself in the ribs. Meanwhile, Garry-Stue rose to his feet.

"You…. ruined… my… FACE!" Garry-Stue moved forward so fast Tyler didn't even see him. The Stu swung the CLAW, and an explosion of energy sent Tyler flying back. Before he could get up, Garry-Stue fired of the claw end of the CLAW, grabbing Tyler by the ankle and launching him into the air. Tyler landed hard, but bounced up, flipped, and landed on his feet. Tyler lifted his staff and fired a ribbon of energy at Garry-Stue, who sniffed at it, instantly dissipating it.

"You call that a blast? I'll show you a blast!"

Garry-Stue spat, and a huge burst of power went flying at Tyler, who leapt to one side and watched as the blast somehow continued on forever and yet failed to hit anything. Watching this, he was understandably distracted when Garry-Stue threw the CLAW at him. It hit Tyler in the back of the head and somehow bounced back to Garry-Stue. Tyler then pointed behind Garry-Stue.

"Look! It's someone that you can easily influence!" Garry-Stue yipped in excitement and spun around, giving Tyler the opportunity to sneak up and slip a Prohibitor onto him. Garry-Stue howled with rage, but it was too late. Tyler administered a quick shock, which seemed to sedate the ex-Stu. He then opened a Plothole and reentered the Library.


Tyler was now back to looking for Adrian's cookies. He had encountered several traps of increasing severity, a sign that he was close. He opened a hidden door, and found…

"To anyone who finds this note; No cookies for you!"



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