Friday, June 3, 2011

Insert Unlimited Talents Here

In the world of Ueki, God Candidates pick junior high school students as Power Users to compete in the Battle of the Supernatural Powers. Whoever wins the competition, the God Candidate of the winning Power User will be offered the position of God, while the Power User will be given a blank 'zai' (Blank Talent), where the Power User can write down the talent they want. The story was going on well until an anomaly entered.

Shirley Dory Juliano Taggert Mariana the 6th entered the fandom, with her extremely long blonde locks, curvy body and seemingly scar less skin; a perfect being. She befriended Ueki, helping him defeat Robert's Ten; pulling Rinko, Sano and Hideyoshi under her wings, leading Ueki team into the third stage of the battle. Heck, because she had the same agenda as Ueki but was stronger than Ueki, the team name was changed to 'Team Shirley'. They defeated the first team, Team Grano, rather easily, where Shirley was revealed to be a 10-star Heavenly Being, using all her Sacred Treasures. After the first round, while the team was recuperating (as they took most of the attacks for her), she revealed her very dark past of similar to Ueki's (thrown to the human world by 'her father' so that he could be God when she wins). Ueki and team looked up to her as a role model; wishing one day he could be like her. The next team they'll be facing was Team Marilyn. Someone has to stop her before the fandom rots any longer.


"Doug! Doug!" yelled Tash as she walked around the Library, finding for the new recruit. She walked past the kitchen and looked in, hoping to find the new recruit. There was Oreos on the table. She was tempted to take them and eat them all, but she resisted, as the fandom was slowly rotting into oblivion. She continued to walk through the halls and went past Adrian's office. She stopped and headed to the office door. She knocked and opened it. She looked in and found no Adrian in sight. She turned around and found Adrian standing behind her.

"Eee! Adrian, don't simply appear out of nowhere!" shrieked Tash. Adrian chuckled.

"Sorry, Tash. It's one of those times my Mystery Vanish didn't plant myself into a wall. So who are you looking for?" asked Adrian, his cat ears twitching.

"The new guy, Douglas Kreig. First day on the job and he's slacking off," replied Tash, angry. Then they heard some grunts and noises coming from the encyclopaedia section. They walked there and found the new recruit, trying hard to shove the door-sized encyclopaedia on the word 'Guardian' into the shelf.

"For goodness sake, what are you doing here?" exclaimed Tash, surprised that the new recruit was already rummaging through bookshelves in his first day. The new recruit had brown spiky hair, wears a black shirt with a white collar as though he was priest, black pants, black boots and black gloves. Everything black. The new recruit looked up and saw the two leaders.

"Ah, Adrian and Tash. I was just putting in the door to my world here. So, is there a mission for me?" asked the new recruit with his tinge of a German accent, eyeing the brown file Tash was holding and straightening up. From the sound of it, he was eager to go on his training mission. He had an imposing figure, towering over the leaders. Adrian and Tash had to look up just to talk to him.

"Yes, and apparently a Sue got caught up in one of your favourite fandoms, The Law of Ueki. We don't know much about it, so perhaps it's a good training mission for you," explained Tash, handing the file to him. Doug breezed through the file, looking and remembering the Sue's face before closing the file. He handed the file back to Tash.

"I'm on it. Save some tea for me," said Doug before using the Plothole Generator and jumping into it. The Plothole closed and Tash and Adrian looked on for a while until Tash spoke.

"Was he wearing that outfit 30 minutes ago?"

"Clearly wasn't. I remembered him wearing a T-shirt, if that's what you're asking," replied Adrian.


Team Marilyn was prepping themselves before the round when there was a knock on the door. The team leader, Marilyn opened the door and found Douglas at the door. He was wearing yet another different outfit, a unique design of military uniform his author had created. He quickly got into the room and closed the door. Marilyn and her team looked at him suspiciously.

"No one invited you here. Who are you?" asked Marilyn. Doug looked at her and spoke.

"You are going die unless you listen to me. Understand?"


The teams were now on the playing field, Gentle Ghost Town. The town looks war-torn; or others would put it, like Chernobyl, vegetation creeping up worn-out buildings. Each team member was given a pendant, which carries varying points. Because Shirley was a perfect know-it-all Sue, she knew that she was carrying the pendant with the highest points. It wasn't long before Team Marilyn found Team Shirley and stood before them.

"Well, if it isn't our competitors. I'll take you all out alone without a sweat. Ueki, just stand aside and I'll show you how to be a Hero of Justice," said Shirley. Ueki, being a very loyal friend of Shirley due to her Sue powers, stepped aside for Shirley to go ahead.

"Not so fast, Goldilocks," replied Doug, stepping forward from behind Team Marilyn. He pulled out a silenced pistol and shot at Ueki and the other teammates. They all fell down, unconscious. Doug slid the pistol back into the holster.

"And who do you think you are?" asked Shirley.

"Just a recruit from the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. And you know what I'm going to say next," replied Doug, pulling out what appears to be a dagger.

"That I would be under arrest for removing a vital character and making the main characters follow me….," said Shirley before being interrupted by Doug.

"Aww, you don't HAVE to say it out LOUD!"


Back in the Library Arcanium, Tash and Adrian were observing the new recruit when it seems Tash had broken a fuse when Doug fired shots at the main characters.

"Bollocks! First day and he's messing up!" her voice flaring, thinking of disposing him if he was to come back. Adrian was calmer, looking closely at the monitors, and especially, at the downed main characters. He saw darts instead of bullet holes, and found Copyright stickers on the darts.

"Tash, before you think about grinding him in a fruit blender, I think you should see this," said Adrian, pointing at the images of the darts on the main characters' necks. Tash's eyes widened.

"My, he's smarter than I thought."


Doug was dodging one of Shirley's attacks when he landed on a roof of a building. His dagger became a metre-long sword, with markings on the side of the blade near the handle. Shirley was flying in the air with her rainbow-coloured wings, the 9-star Sacred Treasure, Seiku.

"Ranma!" screamed Shirley, and a giant sword grew out of her arms. And I'm talking about a really huge sword, one the size of the Eiffel Tower.

"Woah, Buddha!" exclaimed Doug, dodging the weapon with the blade managing a cut on his arm. A bit of blood was spilt, but Doug didn't matter. The cut on his arm healed instantly; no trace of a scar. He rolled on the ground and looked up at Shirley, with giant cannon on her arm.

"Kurogane!" she yelled, sending a giant cannonball to his direction. Doug stood up and shifted his body a bit so the cannonball would miss him. But his foot touched a chunk of debris, making him lose balance. Doug waved his arms frantically before falling; just in time when the cannonball turned around and headed towards him. He landed with the cannonball just passing over his nose; the cannonball was grounded not far from where he fell. Doug stood up and dusted himself.

"That was a fluke," thought Doug.

"What! My Kurogane never misses!" exclaimed Shirley.

"Missed it by that much," replied Doug, giving her an estimate by showing the distance between his thumb and index finger, parodying a scene from 'Get Smart'. The Sue landed not far from where he was.

"MISS THIS! PICK!" she yelled. A giant column shoots out from her arm, heading towards the recruit. Doug bent his body backwards, one that will rival Neo in the Matrix bullet-dodge scene. But he wasn't Neo; after the Pick planted itself into a building behind him; he tried to bend back with much difficulty, needing to lie down on the ground just to crack his backbone back to normal position.

"Ow!" He got up only to find Shirley above him with a Kurogane pointing at him.

"DIE, ACMSES ROOKIE!" said Shirley. She launched the cannonball at him. Doug finally used his sword to slice the cannonball in half.

"I've gotta stop dodging. Need to amuse the readers," thought Doug as he landed on a roof on a nearby building and jumped towards Shirley with great speed.

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the Sue as Doug swished the sword in close proximity with her, managed a small cut on her flawless skin.

"All my Sacred Treasures are indestructible! How come your puny sword managed to destroy it?" she exclaimed again, landing her foot on his stomach, kicking him away to a building nearby. Doug landed with a thud, and then getting up to push in his dislocated arm. He yelped in pain, but was soon ready to face Shirley again.

"Easy. The sword is created by the same tools that were used to create you," replied Doug, jumping across buildings and racing towards Shirley. He lunged at her with his sword; she barely got stabbed.

"FUDOU!" she yelled, and a giant arm shield appeared from the ground and headed towards Doug. It hit him with force, sending him flying up into the sky. And then she used Masshu in order to clamp him down with its big mouth.

"Aww, $h!t," thought Doug as he stared at the weapon with its big mouth gaping open. As gravity began to pull him back down, he pointed the sword towards the weapon, going into its mouth and penetrating through it, heading towards Shirley with speed. She dodged as Doug landed with the sword penetrating the ground, sending shockwaves within a ten-mile radius. The Sue was thrown off her feet, landing in front of Ueki team. She quickly stood up and tried to use her Sue-ish charms to make Ueki team attack the recruit.

"Ueki, there's a bad man there who's trying to kill me," said Shirley, pointing towards the cloud of smoke. But Ueki team didn't budge. Rinko got her beads ready, ready to blow her to bits.

"Nice try, Shirley," replied Ueki, summoning a Kurogane and pointing at her. Shirley spotted the darts with the Copyright stickers attached to their necks.

"You gotta be kidding me!" exclaimed Shirley as she quickly summoned Raika to bail out. She raced away from Ueki team, dodging bead bombs, metal boomerangs and a Sacred Weapon. She went through the smoke only to have Doug tacking her to the ground.

"You are under arrest!" announce Doug, reaching his hand into his flak jacket pocket to take out the Prohibitor. But the Prohibitor wasn't there. He must've dropped it when he was fighting the Sue.

"Damn cake is a lie!" swore Doug before the Sue kicked him off her and escaped through a plothole. Team Ueki raced towards him and helped him up. He was found by a cracked wall upside down.

"Are you okay?" asked Ueki, picking him up to his feet. Doug just faced Ueki and smiled with his thumbs up, as Ueki would if his friends asked the same question.

"Yea, thanks," replied Doug. Doug opened a Plothole and went through it.


"So the Sue got away?" asked Tash, sitting by the kitchen table while Doug was brewing some black tea and then mixing some condensed milk in it.

"Yea, I dropped the Prohibitor somewhere," replied Doug. Then he began 'pulling' the tea between two cups, when Tash stared in amazement.

"What are you doing?" asking as if Doug was some sort of idiot that would be doing that to tea.

"Oh, this is a local way of making tea in my author's country. Its local name is 'teh tarik'," replied Doug, pouring two cups of the frothy tea. He passed one to Tash while he sipped the other one. Tash took a sip of the tea and she began to act a bit awkward. She quickly zoomed out of the kitchen and loud banging and crashing noises were heard. Adrian popped into the kitchen seconds later.

"Doug, did you give her sugar?"

"Now that you mentioned it, this tea is a tad too sweet," replied Doug, slurping another mouthful of the tea.

Adrian slapped his forehead.

No comments:

Post a Comment