Thursday, September 8, 2011

Insert Outlandishly Rare Animal Morph Here

"Storm Kick!"

"Drought Kick!"

Drake leapt into the air, thrusting out his foot to met Ekard's. The attacks collided in an explosion and the two armored agents were set flying apart. They both rolled across the ground before jumping back up and facing each other.

"This is getting old," Drake sighed. "There's no way one of us could beat the other."

"Perhaps, but there is still a slight difference in our fighting styles, so I'm hoping that will be enough to give me an edge," Ekard said, summoning his red and gold spear.

Drake scoffed and summoned his own spear, charging Ekard with it. The doppelganger swatted the weapon to the side. He blocked a swing of the spear and retaliated by slamming the shaft of his spear into Drake's leg, causing the Elimination Society agent to grunt in pain and his stance to falter. Ekard kicked Drake's chest, sending him stumbling back. He thrust his spear forward, but Drake caught it just below the spearhead, electing a grunt of surprise from Ekard.

"Too bad," Drake said, raising his spear and slashing it across his opponent's armored chest. He swung it back and got in another hit, before Ekard let go of his spear and stepped out of range. Drake tossed his spear at Ekard, but he already raised his cape and it turned hard and golden, the spear bouncing harmlessly off. Ekard's cape returned to normal and he let it fall back to rest against his back as he raised his hand. Ekard's spear vanished from Drake's grip and reappeared in its owner's hands. Drake merely snapped his fingers and his own spear reappeared in a flash of light.

"Heads up!" Both combatants glanced up at the shout, only for a hail of laser shots and energy blasts to rain down on Ekard as Tyler and Pete leapt down from the tree tops. (Did I mention Drake and Ekard's battle was taking place in a forest? Sorry, my bad.) Tyler was wielding his ping-pong paddle in its staff shape, while Pete was dressed in his white and gold dragonfly-themed Kamen Rider suit. He pointed his dual guns at Ekard.

"Three against one?" Ekard growled. "Not very fair."

"Hello? It's four against one," Camille said, stepping out from behind a tree.

"You don't count because you can't fight," Ekard scoffed, earning him a glare from the unarmed agent. "And I have something to even the odds!"

He pulled out a small playing card from wherever it is that cartoon characters pull these things from when they don't have pockets.

"A Space Hammer!" Tyler exclaimed.

"That's right. Prepare to die, Sue Eliminators!" Ekard cackled, thrusting the Space Hammer forward, the card instantly expanded and the foursome braced themselves for the coming fight, but a loud squeak turned their battle ready expressions into ones of puzzlement. Ekard stared at the yellow rubber duck that had replaced the card in his hand. He squeezed the toy in disbelief and it let out another squeak.

"Too bad, the Space Hammer only works 20% of the time," Tyler sighed, remembering how his own doppelganger had used the weapon and almost roasted him with a flamethrower.

Ekard tossed the duck to the ground, it landed with an indignant squeak. He pulled out his portal gun. "I won't forget this, Society scum!"

"Oh, wait! I have a present for you!" Drake exclaimed, pulling something out and tossing it at Ekard. The object vanished as it hit him.

"What was that?" Ekard blinked. "Oh, never mind! I'm out of here!"

He fired his portal gun, opened a plothole and stepped through it.

"Was that-?" Camille started to ask.

"Yep!" Drake smirked as his armor vanished. "A Bookmark."

Pete's suit vanished and Tyler's staff shrunk back into a ping-pong paddle before he stuffed it into his pocket. Drake turned to the group.

"So did you find the Sues?"

(Twenty minutes ago in the Library Arcanium.)

Camille yawned as she sat on monitor duty. Most of the other agents had run off on some sort of mission or other, leaving just her and a few others. Unfortunately, she had pulled monitor and instead of being able to enjoy the peace and quiet, he instead had to sit in front of the glowing screen all night.

A loud crash sounded behind her and she jumped falling out of her chair. She turned around to find Drake hammering at the wall with a fireman's ax.

"What on earth are you doing?" Camille asked, standing back up.

Drake ignored the question and swung the ax at the wall once more, opening a small hole in it. He reached into the hole and pulled out a chocolate bar.

Camille sighed and shook her head, wondering why so many people stole chocolate from Adrian. She would rather go for some coffee.

A beep came from the equipment in front of her and she turned to stare at the monitor. A cluster of Sues and Stus had just shown up in the Animorphs fandom. Drake strode over to examine the monitor.

"The Animorphs fandom?" Drake noted.

"Are you familiar with it?" Camille asked.

"Yeah," Drake said as he started unwrapping his stolen chocolate. "But I'm not crazy enough to tackle four Sues on my own."

"We should alert Tash," Camille said.


Camille glanced over to see that Drake had just pulled the candy bar from its wrapper, but instead of rich chocolate, a small beeping device had been in the wrapper. The beeping sped up and Drake and Camille only had enough time for one swear between them before the booby trap exploded.

The two of them emerged from the monitor room a second later, a cloud of smoke following them and both of them coughing. Drake's silver and blue jacket was charred and torn in places and his hair was standing up in several random spikes. Camille was less harmed, though her hair was standing out at an odd angle.

"That's it! I'm putting those pictures of you as a cat up on the bulletin board!" Camille exclaimed.

"No!" Drake wailed. "It took weeks before everyone let me forget about that. You can't drag it up again!"

"I'm doing it and there's no way you can stop me!" Camille smirked.

Drake frowned. "Look I'll do whatever you want, just don't let those photos see the light of day."

Camille's smirk grew wider. "All right, let's go find Tash and tell her about the Sues. Then we'll discuss the terms of this blackmail."

(Present time. Animorphs fandom.)

"Everything's going as planned," the Gary Stu, Alfred Perry Manfred the Awesome, yawned as he stretched out on the coach of his and his family's massive mansion.

"I wouldn't exactly say that," Artipus-Dalphine-Eirhoise spoke. Alfred the Awesome turned to look at the purple Andialite female. Despite her unique color, the Sue looked the same as any other member of her assumed race, a human-like upper body, mouth-less face and an extra pair of eyes mounted on stalks growing from the top of her head. Her lower body resembled a centaur with four deer-like legs. A tail stretched out behind her, the end tipped with a large blade.

"The Animorphs might have given us the morphing power as planned, but we were supposed to get the source of that power as well," the speaker was a Stu with a muscular build. Buford Sedan the Brilliant. He was the second in command of their little group after Alfred the Awesome.

Herb Cappuccino the Horrible spoke up, raising his piercing blue eyes to stare at his companions. "The longer we stay here, the more we risk the Society finding us."

"We've got that Protection Society fellow working for us though," Alfred the Awesome yawned. "He'll help keep those twerps off our back. It's only a matter of time before our powers give us control of the Animorphs and we get the morphing cube."

An explosion rocked the mansion and the four Anisues turned to the cloud of dust that had formed in the room. The dust cleared and revealed a hole in the wall, in front of which Drake, Tyler, Pete, and Camille were standing.

"Couldn't you use the door like normal people?" Alfred frowned.

"We're as far from normal as you can get!" Tyler quipped.

(Library Arcanium. Nineteen minutes ago.)

"They're probably after the morphing power," Drake frowned. "If the Sues got the cube they could morph into anything from any fandom they want. It would be a massive boost in power for them."

"So how come it's only the four of us that's going?" Tyler asked.

"And where's Tash at?" Pete asked. "She's supposed to arrange these meetings."

Drake sighed and paced around the meeting room. "Tash and Adrian are off double dating with Michael and Claire. Ben's on vacation in some water fandom or something. Marcus is comatose-."

"He seems to be comatose a lot lately," Tyler noted.

"Valerie's team is out on a mission and Aster's locked in the manga section of the Library, which just leaves us," Drake finished.

"Odd how they managed to pick a day when the Library was practically empty to attempt this," Camille muttered.

"Suppose you're wrong and they're not after the morphing powers?" Pete asked.

"That's the only real thing of value in the fandom though," Drake explained. "Well, except for the spaceships and lasers, but you can find those in almost any sci-fi fandom."

"Where's Doyle at?" Tyler glanced at Camille.

"He's off in the Transformers: Animated fandom," Camille replied. Drake and Tyler exchanged a knowing glance, while Pete looked confused.

"We could bring Shirley with, Ben didn't take her with on his vacation," Tyler suggested.

"I'd rather leave the carnivorous twig at home," Drake said, fingering a bite mark on his arm.

"So the four of us are going," Camille said. "Let's grab our equipment and be on our way."

(Present time. Still the Animorphs fandom.)

"Everyone ready?" Camille asked.

"Yep," Drake nodded.

"I was born ready," Tyler said.

"Shall we?" Pete asked.

Camille nodded. "Run for it!"

The four Society agents spun around and dashed back out through the hole in the wall. The Anisues stared after with bewildered expressions for a moment before they gave chase.

Alfred began morphing as he ran white fur with black stripes spreading across his skin and his face slowly becoming more like a cat's muzzle. Soon, he had become a white tiger. Buford grew larger, becoming a massive rhinoceros, while Herb shrank and sprouted feathers until he took flight as a Philippine Eagle. Artipus stayed her normal Andialite self.

The group of group of animals would likely overtake the Society agents, but there was no need for that as they skidded to a stop in front of a steep cliff. Alfred chuckled as his team closed in on them.

"You losers sure have a bad sense of direction," Alfred spoke telepathically.

"Is that so?" Camille asked, pulling out a remote. She hit a button and a net fell out of the treetops, landing on top of the tiger, rhino, and Andialite.

"That was easy," Tyler chuckled as the Anisues struggled in the net.

Then Artipus' blade-tipped tail slashed through the net, freeing her and her companions.

"Guess we'll have to fight after all," Drake said, raising his arm to reveal the silver and blue bracelet on it. "Wardrobe Change!"

"Henshin, darkness," Pete commanded.

A flash of light came from Drake's bracelet, forming his blue and silver armor. A belt formed on Pete's waist and released a swarm of nanobots that form into a black and silver suit with a grasshopper themed helmet. Tyler pulled out his ping-pong paddle and morphed it into a staff. Camille rolled her eyes and muttered. "Boys!"

Buford charged forward, leveling his horn at the group which quickly scattered. Alfred pounced; slashing his claws across Drake's armored shoulder. Artipus stepped forward and swung her tail at Pete, but he drew his sword and blocked the attack.

Alfred growled at Drake who summoned his spear and began rapidly spinning the weapon around while shouting karate yells. He finished his unnecessary display and leveled the spear at the tiger, who casually swatted the weapon out of Drake's hands with a paw. "Oops…"

"Why do I get stuck with the rhino?" Tyler asked as he leapt to the side to avoid the charging beast. A tree caught the hit instead and was almost uprooted. He slammed his staff into Buford's side, but the thick hide prevented him from even feeling the blow and he slowly turned, getting ready for another charge.

"You think you've got it bad?" Pete asked, barely managing to block a flurry of strikes from Artipus' tail. He darted forward and managed to score a wound across her side. She swung her tail up in response and the flat side of the blade hit Pete in the head.

Drake yelped as Alfred sank his teeth into his leg. He tried to kick the cat, but he was already stepping back. The tiger leapt forward again and even with his armor enhanced reflexes, Drake was unable to avoid a swat from his massive paws. He swung his fist forward, but the tiger ducked and used his paws to swipe Drake off his feet. He closed in for the killing bite, his open mouth darting for Drake's neck where his armor was weaker. Drake grabbed the sides of the cat's head with each hand, holding him back.

Herb circled above the battlefield, his keen eagle sight gave him a clear view of everything. He spotted Camille standing at the edge of the battlefield, watching the fierce confrontation. Herb smirked and began diving towards her, intending to catch her by surprise and rake his talons across her face. He stretched his talons forward as he neared her, but then Camille withdrew her hands from behind her back, resting a very solid-looking stick over her shoulder baseball bat style. Herb had no time to react and Camille swung the stick, sending the hapless bird flying in the opposite direction to splat against a tree.

"Random blast of magic that shouldn't have a name but I wanted it to so it does!" Tyler exclaimed as he blasted Buford. This time the rhino bellowed in pain. Tyler blurred in closer and prepared to launch another blast of magic. It went slightly wrong though as the blast exploded in his face sending him flying. The good news was that it also hurt Buford a little. It also made him angry. He charged at Tyler and head butted him, sending him flying through the air again. Tyler recovered in midair and launched several small blasts of energy down on the rhino.

"You can not beat me," Artipus boasted as her tail continued battering at Pete's sword. "I am a seasoned Andialite warrior and Mary-Sue- Ah!"

Her taunt turned into a shout of pain as Pete's sword hit the base of her tail blade and chopped off the deadly weapon. He swung the weapon up and slammed the flat side of the blade against her head. Without a helmet to protect her, Artipus sank to the ground unconscious.

"Just give up!" Alfred growled, still struggling to get his fangs on Drake's neck.

"Oh, and let you kill me. Yeah… not going to happen," Drake's foot shot up and kicked the tiger between the legs, the hind legs. A pathetic whimper escaped the tiger's jaws before Drake got his feet under him and kicked him into the air. The tiger hit the ground hard. "I thought cats always landed on their feet."

Drake turned as he heard a low rumbling sound and was rammed by Buford. The blow sent him flying into a tree. Pete dashed over to him and helped Drake back to his feet. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Drake replied, glancing down at the large dent in his armor. "I'll be fine. Let's just finish horn head off."

Pete pulled at the sides of his belt, revealing the camera lens set in the buckle. A charge of electricity shot up the lens to his fist. Drake raised his own fist, a blue glow and electricity crackling from it.

"Double Rider Fanboy Punch!"

They leapt into the air and descended towards Buford. The massive beast didn't have time to react as an energy-charged fist slammed into both sides of his neck. Buford sank to the ground.

"Time out," Drake and Pete finished.

"Are you guys quite done yet?" Camille asked, dangling an unconscious Herb by the leg.

"Where'd the kitty go?" Tyler asked. The rest of them glanced around, but Alfred had disappeared.

"Well, three out of four isn't bad," Drake said.

"Hey, Ekard?"

"Yes, Relyt?" Ekard set down the book he was reading to glance over at his fellow Protection Society agent.

"Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Relyt asked.

Ekard frowned at his companion. He raised a hand to his head which Relyt seemed to be staring at and felt a short fluffy ear there. Ekard's eyes widened and he tossed his book down to dash over to the nearest mirror. A pair of Border collie ears had appeared on his head. "What the schmuck is this?"

"Looks like you got dog-eared," Relyt noted.

"That do-gooder twin of mine will pay for this!" Ekard exclaimed. "Nobody embarrasses Ekard Luosnogard and gets away with it!"

Alfred glanced around. He couldn't understand why this house's occupant never turned on a light. He slowly made his way up the stairs.

"Finally back?" A voice called. "Did you get what I asked for?"

The voice sent chills down Alfred's spine, though he could not understand why. It belonged to a Stu that he should have no reason to fear. As far as he knew, this man rarely left the Sue home base and was infamously lazy. The only reason he was kept around was because of his technological genius. He had never shown any interest in taking over a fandom, until recently when he sent Alfred and his comrade after the morphing cube. "No, the Society got in my way."

"After I went to all that trouble of sending out other Sues and Stus to distract their forces so they wouldn't be able to send their maximum fighting force against you?" the voice became icily calm.

"I still got the morphing power for myself," Alfred said as he reached the top of the stairs and began trekking down the hall.

"That doesn't help me at all," the door at the end of the hall was flung open and the voice's owner stepped out. He was short for a Stu, though he was still well-muscled. He wore a pair of black boots, a spur on one and black pants. He wore a black trench coat over top of a sleeveless white shirt. His brown hair was spiky and pulled back into a short ponytail. His eyes were unearthly purple color.

"That's too bad," Alfred sneered meeting the Stu's violet gaze.

"For you."

"What?" Alfred frowned in confusion.

"It's too bad for you," a sword appeared in the Stu's hand and he dashed forward, closing the distance between them in a flash and sinking his blade into Alfred's chest. "Because now I'm going to have to dissect you and see if I can find the key to the morphing powers that way."

He pulled the sword out and it vanished, while Alfred's body sunk to the floor.

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