Saturday, May 26, 2012

Insert The Best of Both Worlds Here (part 4 of 5)

Captain Crunch woke up inside a mound of the unconscious bodies of his fellow LPGB members. As an officer, his computer brain could override the automatic shutdown command if it deemed the situation was urgent enough, and apparently it had, although he didn't know why. Crunch blinked and looked around his surroundings, though of course this was merely for effect, as his plastic eyes were for aesthetic purposes only. His "vision" was actually generated by a tiny sonar beacon in his computer brain, that could fire off sonic bursts and time how long it took them to return, this effectively allowed him to see the room he was in as an objective 3D map. This helped him coordinate his battalion's manoeuvres and make sneak attacks all but impossible. It's range was limited however, and with no other LPGB soldiers active to widen his spectrum it was impossible to snyc images and get a detailed map of the room, but in the present situation it was better than nothing.

Crunch noticed that the room he was in looked suspiciously like a storage locker. Besides the inactive troops under his command, there was also a cache of weaponry placed in a neat pile. Unlike the soldiers themselves, these were not made of plastic, they were fully functional authentic weapons of war, built on a small enough scale that Crunch and his fellow troops could wield them effectively. Crunch helped himself to a standard issue rifle and six grenades, he briefly considered packing an RPG, but he realized the weapon was far too large and unwieldy to make it practical. He didn't even know where he was yet. He began walking to the other end of the cabinet, passing a guitar pick, a set of car keys, an iPod and some loose change. He instantly realized what all these items had in common – these were the objects in Admiral Jared's pockets. He had been captured by the enemy, and it was up to one solider behind enemy lines to save him. Crunch picked up a couple C4 charges and smiled. He almost felt sorry for them...


"Is he plugged in?"

"Yep, Sue Storm has begun penetrating his mind. Once it reaches the area that controls his imagination we'll be ready to begin."

"Explain dis tu mee agin."

"Okay Cassandra. You see, Sue's have a set amount of power over a fandom, the amount of power depends on the Sue..."

"Yis, I understand dis, What does et 'ave to do with this?"

"Be patient. Sue Storm is a device that fires bursts of Sue energy all over the fandom. This makes a fandom more susceptible to manipulation. The effect is that the device can make even level one Sues strong enough to warp a fandom almost irreversibly."

"So what does that 'ave to do with Jared?"

"We are going to use him as our test subject. His imagination is the perfect medium to try to warp...that is if you are willing."

"E tried tu keel my seester, for that, I shall ennjoy breaking es mind very much."


Back on the planet Aether, a group of agents sat around trying to contemplate their next move. There was little they could do however, seeing as they were trapped in the fandom, unable to return to the Library and unable to pursue the PCMSPS, and every agent there had to use every ounce of self control to keep from screaming in frustration.

"So, do we have a plan here?" Tyler asked.

"Well, Chloe and Doug are working on fixing up Chevila, but I don't know what good it will do. Even if they get that clunker in working condition it's not like we have enough gasoline to get anywhere near that lockout antenna," Drake said.

"Whatever you do, don't say that to Chloe, she seems pretty upset. If she didn't have something to work on I think she might have a breakdown," Ben said, nodding grimly.

"Why don't I just fly ahead and take care of the antenna myself?" Aster asked.

"Out of the question!" yelled Doug as he slid out from beneath the truck. "This place is dangerous, and we have no idea what traps Deraj might have planted around that tower, and as long as I'm in charge here, I say we either go together, or not at all."

"What good does that do for Jared?" Chloe shouted, slamming Chevila's hood down a little rougher than necessary.

"Look, there's nothing we can do for him right now. I'm sure the others are doing the best they can to find him, just try to stay calm," Doug said as he stood up.

"Easy for you to say!" She yelled as she rounded on him, "What is he to you! Just a guy who put a hole in your wall? Would you even care if Deraj tortured him to death!" Chloe began to step towards Doug.

Doug stood his ground. He knew Chloe didn't mean the things she was saying, and by saying anything he would only make the situation worse, so he just stood there and looked into Chloe eyes, unblinking.

"Answer me!" Chloe said as drew the sword she had taken from Eohlc.

Even Doug was surprised about what happened next. Chloe leapt at him, fully intending to run him through with her blade. Doug barely had time to draw and raise his own sword to counter.

Chloe sidestepped and lunged again. Once again Doug blocked and leapt back. Chloe charged after him and executed a jumping slash. Doug easily dodged this move, and once again fell back a few feet. Had they been seriously fighting Doug would almost have instantly taken Chloe down. The other agents didn't even know how to react to the situation. They just stared at the duo as horrified expressions crawled across their faces.

Doug took a step back and backed into one of the rock walls that formed Aether's landscape. Chloe lunged at him again, this time however Doug made no attempt to block and Chloe's blade sank into his shoulder with a dull hiss.

For a moment or two, nobody of them said anything. Doug was first to break the silence.

"Feeling better?"

Chloe let go of her sword and stepped back, "I'm sorry..." she muttered before sitting down on the ground and sobbing.

Doug pulled the sword out of his shoulder and dropped it on the ground next to Chloe. Then without saying a word he walked back over to Chevila and resumed the work that would restore it to functionality.


"Charis, what's your status?" Tash said over her communicator.

"I believe this large scale plothole generator does indeed have enough power to get us into the fandom. The problem is that Jared never designed this thing with two way travel in mind. I don't think it will be able to get us back. We'll have to destroy the lock-out before we can return..."

"Alright, I'll get a team ready."

"Tash, have you managed to track down Jared?"

"Yes and no. So far we've determined that Deraj's plothole crossed only time, not space. Meaning he's still in the Metroid fandom, the only question is where and when."

"Alright, keep me updated..."


Tash closed her communicator and looked around the room.

"Anything?" She asked Rhia, the agent on monitor duty.

"Negative, but I'm not giving up yet." Rhia said without looking away from the monitor which was cycling through footage of the metroid fandom looking for non-canon influence. She had just cycled through the NES and Gameboy releases, the footage was now showing the third game of the series, Super Metroid.

Tash left the room and began calling agents into the briefing room to form a rescue team. Five minutes later she was standing in front of Adrian, Kyle, and Cristoph, who began to gather their gear, ready to leave at a moment's notice.


Jared woke up in some sort of workshop, he was surrounded by strange machines and glowing lights, and it was impossible to guess their purposes just by looking at them. Jared didn't want to stick around and find out so, so he got up and sprinted towards the door. To his surprise it opened, it was not under guard of key.

"Oh Jared, where are you goeeng en such a 'urry?" Came a familiar voice.

Instinctively Jared reached for his Boomhammer, only to find out it wasn't there.

"Sandstorm!" He shouted, thrusting his hand towards the voice. He was expecting the floor to fly out from underneath him, followed by a powerful burst of sand, instead of the feeble wobbling he got instead.

"Your Earth majeek is gone little one, you 'ave no 'ope of esceeping..."

Cassandra suddenly appeared behind Jared and covered his eyes.

"Guess 'oo," She said, and suddenly all of Jared's worries and fears melted away, he felt a gentle breeze sweep through the air.

Cassandra pulled her hands away, at first Jared was blinded by the sudden light he was now seeing, but once the his eyes got used to it he noticed that he was on top of a building. A school by the looks of it.

He turned around and faced Cassandra, the first thing he noticed about her was that her hair was now green. The second thing he noticed was that her hands were now glowing.

Cassandra reached into her pocket and pulled at a hexagonal piece of metal.

"Ben's told me about those things, I think it's called a Kakugane..." Jared whispered to himself, "Obviously, she plans on using it on me, and I don't have anything I can fight with, wait... where did this banjo come from?"

Jared only briefly had time to briefly question the existence of the instrument that had materialized in his hand before a bow materialized in Cassandra's hands, she began to fire...


"What are you trying to do here exactly?" Eolhc asked, nursing her newly relocated arm as she and the other PCMSPS agents sat around a table watched the scene play out.

"Psychological experimentation," Deraj said, "I'm trying to break down his sense of identity by making him play out missions his friends went on in his head. If I succeed, we can shape him into someone who can be useful to us. If not we can always terminate him, it makes no difference to me."

"Alright, but was does this have to do with Sue Storm?" Relyt asked from across the room. "I thought it was designed to be used on fandoms, not people?"

"You don't understand..." Deraj began to say, "Sue Storm is a device that can draw creative energy from the Hall of the Persona, and then convert it directly into Sue Energy. In essence it can turn any characterization of any writer into pure Sueishness."

"Explain..." Relyt prompted.

"Fandoms themselves are created by writers. If suddenly the writers in charge are writing meaningless drivel due to the lack of creative energy, the fandoms begin to weaken. It gradually becomes less set in its ways and becomes more susceptible to manipulation. Eventually it gets to the point where even the weakest Sue finds it easy to bind characters to her whim."

"So what does this have to do with Jared?"

"I have placed that dim witted foil agent of mine in a catatonic state in the other room, and wired the Sue Storm machine directly into his imagination. Cassandra is in there with him, using Sue Storm as a threshold into his mind. If Sue Storm works, she'll be able to make Jared's mind construct any scene she wishes it to in our simulation. Now quiet, let's see how this plays out."


"Okay!" Doug said slamming Chevila's hood down. "She's done. I even made a few improvements Jared better thank me for when I rescue him. Now let's go take down that antenna."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Shirley said, "That truck doesn't have a drop of gas in it's tank, and unless your patient enough to wait for all of us to die and break down into fossil fuel ourselves, that truck ain't going anywhere."

"The stick has a point," Tyler said.

"Actually, she has many, and believe me I would know," Ben said before Shirley lunged at him.

Doug thought for a minute. He wasn't sure what they could accomplish with a truck that couldn't move.

"What if we went back into the mine and tried to harness that stuff the pirates were extracting?" Drake added.

"That's not a good idea..." Ben said as he grappled with his violent muse, "That 'stuff' is phazon, and it's extremely radioactive and unstable, it would kill us if we got near any without proper gear, and even if we did I don't think Chevila's equipped to run off of it. Besides, I'd hate to see what happened if that truck went into hyper mode..."

Suddenly a loud bang filled the air as a plothole tore across the sky, Cristoph, Kyle, Adrian and Charis suddenly passed through and began to fall, Aster quickly caught them in a sudden updraft, and they all settled gently to the ground. Charis looked sick.

"Uhooohhhhh, I don't think that thing was designed with humans in mind..." She said, holding her stomach and setting down a red container.

"Gas!" Doug shouted triumphantly.

"We noticed your predicament on the monitors. Charis found a couple of containers in Jared's lab. We thought that you might need it." Adrian said.

"Well, let's fill her up and hit the rode," Doug said. As he grabbed the can of gas and walked over to the side of the truck, he noticed the gas can's nozzle didn't quite fit the tank opening, but luckily Jared had a funnel in the back. He began to slowly empty the can into the truck.

"Alright!" Adrian yelled, "Everybody in the back of the truck. We move out as soon as Doug finishes refueling!"

All of the agents got in the back except for Chloe, who got into the cab on the passenger side. Adrian got in and took the wheel.

"I hope we aren't too late..." Ben said as he opened up his flask of firebrand whiskey.

"We will not be too late," Aster said, "Jared-kun can take care of himself. We can't underestimate him."


Jared let loose a rapid set of chords on Banjahamut. An almost invisible burst of sonic energy flew from the end of the banjo into the incoming arrows, and there was a loud boom that distorted the air around as the burst exploded and scattered the arrows.

"You don't have to do this, Cassandibella!" Jared called out as gunpowder wings burst from the back of the Sue as she took to the sky.

"You can come with me back to the Society, you wouldn't the only Sue we've taken in!" Jared said, dodging a fresh volley of arrows.

"You me Two-Step 'ula?" Cassandra said, lowering the bow.

"Yes, well we call him Fred now..."

"Forgeet eet, I couldn't betray my own kind!" Cassandra yelled, igniting part of her wings. The flames tore through the sky at Jared, surrounding him with flames. Jared quickly began to play the chorus of duelling banjos, releasing another blast of sonic energy which pushed the flames back.

Jared kept firing burst after burst of sonic energy at Cassandra. She tried to avoid the bursts until one of them finally collided with one of her wings. The sonic burst blew apart the gun powder and Cassandra began to fall, somehow managing to scream and swear simultaneously. Cassandra immediately recovered and began to ready herself, only to find out that her Valkarie skirt had been driven into the roof from the force of her fall. Her eyes widened in shock as Jared casually started to point at her.

"Don't mess with nukes!" He shouted. Earth waves tore through the ground, upon impact the ground released a massive explosion, accompanied by a massive mushroom cloud of dirt. The dirt shockwave continued and knocked Jared down...

Suddenly a hail of arrows shot through the smoke. Jared barely had time to roll out of the way before he would have been skewered.

"Looks like I underestimated the Silver Skin." Jared mumbled,

"Quite, I em impressed by det weapon, what do you call et?"


Cassandra's face assumed an expression of confusion. "Why, det doesn't mean anything..."

"You're saying this to the guy who named his truck "Chevila" you know?" Jared said, suddenly, he realized something was wrong, he shouldn't be having this fight, and he shouldn't be using a sonic powered super banjo either. "What it going on here?" Jared said, suddenly short of breath...


"We're losing, Cassandra, get your simulation back under your control!" Deraj's voice shouted over the intercom.

"I em trying, es mind es very strange tu me..." Cassandra complained, shifting her hands so that they covered more of Jared's temples, Jared himself was strapped down to a table, completely unconscious, wires and gadgets were connected at almost regular intervals along his forehead...

Unknown to anybody in the room, a tiny plastic man was working his way through the rafters, trying to think of a way to separate the Sue and the Admiral. His mind began to sort through the seemingly useless clutter in the room, searching for anything the little man could get his hands on, until eventually it discovered a lab coat by the wall. Captain Crunch quickly noticed a set of car keys lying in it's pocket.

"Perfect..." he said to himself.


Jared was slammed into the metal railing alongside the school's roof

"Ah! My ribs!" He shouted, clutching at his side.

Cassandra began to walk towards Jared. Just as she entered striking distance however she heard Jared give a painful shout of "-Computers!"

A somewhat floodgate looking rock burst out of the ground and tore through the roof.

"What es dis?" Cassandra shouted as the rock broke open and unleashed a literal mudslide. Jared searched the sea for his opponent, but he just couldn't see her. The flood began to recede, and to Jared's surprise he noticed that the landscape had become a stone maze of some kind.

Something isn't right, Jared thought to himself as he swished his tail...wait a minute...


Jared adjusted his flannel trench coat and proceeded deeper into the maze, but he was constantly interrupted by dead ends, turns and switch back, loops and narrow passageways. But this didn't matter. Jared was determined to catch up to the one responsible, and save Chloe, despite the fact it was obviously a trap. It didn't matter to him that all of his Little Plastic Green Beret had turned on him, forcing him to flee his lab. Fortunately he had managed to sabotage their trucks and helicopters before they could move out and chase him...

Something crunched behind him.

Instantly he brought his hammer up in a psedo-defensive position. Unfortunately whoever had made the sound simply grabbed the hammer, spun Jared around and kicked him in the gut, ending with a fancy flourish and a leap back.

"Aha-aha-aha! How do you like that, Techie?" Came a mocking voice, "I look forward to dancing on your grave!" Said Two-Step Hula, dressed in a ridiculous outfit Jared could only call ninja dancewear.

"Not on my watch!" Jared said, swinging his hammer at the Stu. Two-Step simply broke into a fast step not unlike Ben's, and the hammer swing went wide.

"You're in my way. I don't have time for this! Technician Specialist Art #1: A Thousand Classic Country Songs In An Instant!"

Jared flickered out of existence as the air around Two-Step was suddenly filled with the music of George Strait, Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings, accompanied by relentless hammer swings.

"Is that truly the best you can do?" Two-Step taunted as he danced around the hammer swings.

Two-Step suddenly threw his form onto the ground in a breakdance, as he began to spin one of his feet shot up and hit Jared on the nose.

"OW!" Jared said, scooting back and trying to staunch the blood flow.

"Your attack is useless! And so are you!" Two-Step shouted, beginning a victory dance.

"This fandom's energies are so wild and chaotic that my 'fifth sense' is next to useless here, which means I cannot use my Technician Arts to their full extent." Jared muttered.


Adrian pulled up alongside a giant antenna, once there he stopped the truck and killed the engine, all of the agents got out.

"So this is it then..." Chloe said, "We take this thing out, we can go after Jared."

"Yes, and more importantly, gain access to the PCMSES headquarters," came a voice.

The group quickly turned in their heads towards a black haired, shirtless man wearing bear skin shorts. More frightening than his attire however was the fact that over one of his shoulders was a largest longsword any of them had ever seen, easily half as long as the man was tall if not more.

"Oh, pardon me for not introducing myself!" Said the man, running a hand over the top of his head. "I am the thunder that comes in the night, I am the terror that strikes fear into the hearts of monsters, I am the master mariner that sailed with Posiden himself! I am Giddius, The Great Personae of Epic Poetry."

"Why would one of the beings in charge of recycling the Multiverse's creative energy be interested in rescuing an average techie from the hands of an evil organization?" Adrian prompted.

"Quite honestly, we're not. I'm more interested in what is going on aboard that ship. Someone there is corrupting the creative energy, and that is something we Personae cannot tolerate!"

And with that, the Personae let out a thunderous battle cry, he lifted his mighty sword and with one swing he levelled the entire antenna array. It toppled forward with a thunderous boom.

"Onward my comrades! Let us go with are heads held high! For tonight we might find ourselves washed up in the river stix!

And with that, Giddius snapped his fingers and the group simply vanished.


"Do you think I care about losing my fifth sense?" Jared shouted, lifting up Hoshihammer, Two-Step screamed as the hammer made contact with his arm, making a fleshy crunching sound as it was broken.

Two-Step suddenly broke into a fast step once again as he began flipping away, soon disappearing down a trail.

Two-Step flipped around a corner, only to run right into Jared.

"If you plan on escaping using a dance move, you probably shouldn't wear taps, this canyon has excellent acoustics." Jared said, "By the way, you forgot this." At this Jared whipped out a copy of Elite Beat Agent for the Nintendo DS and flung it at the ridiculous Stu, the case landed a devastating blow to the Stu's head, dropping him like a rock.

"I'll give you choice. You can die from the shock of getting wounded by a joke item, or you can tell me where Chloe is and I'll leave you with what's left of your dignity."

Two-Step chewed his lip for a few seconds, "Alright. Go back to the crossroads and follow the widest path. It'll lead you to the girl." He slid his remaining hand into his shirt. "But don't think you'll get away unscathed!" He whipped out a remote control and pressed a button. Instantly, the walls around them started to hum, there was a sudden burst of light.


"Pass the popcorn!" Ekard said, thoroughly enjoying the spectacle.

"No, I don't want to share!" Deraj said, jerking the popcorn back.

"Grow up you two!" Retsa said, blasting Deraj out of his seat and grabbing the popcorn for herself.

Before Deraj could even hit the ground however, the whole ship lurched to one side, followed by an alarm siren.

"Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert!" Shouted a random Uber Stu as he burst into the room, just before he was blown to pieces by a rocket propelled grenade.

"Nice shot Doug!" Tyler shouted as he leaped over the halfling and rolled into the room, "Lucy, I'm home!" He called out to Relyt as he began blasting the agents with random bursts of magic.

"NO! They'll ruin everything!" Deraj shouted, reaching into his holster for his revolver.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you!" Kyle said, popping out of and air duct while forming his omni-weapon into a battle axe.

Deraj immediately let go of the revolver and grabbed his flashbar, he turned around just in time to block a fatal strike from Kyle, releasing a brilliant flash that happened to blind everybody in the room.

"Realitium might be a great material, but it just can't hold up to something that's a force of nature!" Deraj said, "Now, if you don't mind, I really need to kill you, subduc-" Resta quickly slapped her hand over Deraj's mouth before he could finish the earth spell.

"We're in outer space you fool! If you start blowing holes in the floor than pretty soon we'll be blown into space!" She shouted.

Doug took aim with his shotgun, making sure that Retsa was in his line of sight. Retsa was taking for granted the fact that every agent in the vicinity had been temporarily blinded, partially due to the fact Deraj hadn't bothered to inform her Doug had managed to steal one of his protective visors, which he had taken the precaution of putting on before storming into the room, thus, she was completely taken by surprise when Doug pulled the trigger.

"I'm hit!" She yelled, as a round of ammunition sunk into her backside, she was sent rolling over the floor from the impact of the shot. She barely managed to create a rock shield in time to block Doug's second shot.

"You'll pay for that!" She swore, before brushing the ammunition off of her kevlar vest, which she had secretly put on as part of her preparation in case the ACMSES actually did somehow manage to get aboard.

"Deadly impact!" Kyle cried, recovering his sight as he leapt at Relyt, the force of the impact sent the foil agent toppling over backward, he was unconscious before he even hit the ground. Unfortunately this also sent Kyle flying back with the recoil, fortunately he was able to land on his feet.

"Hey no fair! I wanted to do that!" Tyler shouted.

"Sorry, I was here first!" Kyle said, ducking underneath a blow from Ekard.

"Burn imperfectionists!" Retsa screamed, summoning a massive fireball.

Doug frantically began to reload his RPG, hoping to cause the blast to detonate before it could reach the trio of agents. Fortunately, he didn't have to...

"To those of you who would challenge the gods! I say thee nay!" Came a booming voice. Giddius suddenly burst through a hole in the ceiling and landed in the midst of the group and swatted Retsa's fireball aside with a swing of his sword.

"Back ye villains, I smite thee! Thou shant live to see the light of another day!" He shouted as he swung his long sword a second time, completely separating the upper and lower bodies of three different Uber Stus.

"Is this guy for real?" Kyle asked.

"He's a Personae, they're all at least a little bit kookey..." Tyler said, picking up the forgotten bucket of popcorn.

"Wasn't he was supposed to be with Adrian's group?" Doug said, "Not that I'm complaining mind you."

Giddius never once stopped his onslaught. He swung his mighty sword in a powerful sweep that actually managed to blow Ekard's armor right off of him. He then proceed to charge after Eohlc, who had secretly been battling Cristoph in the shadows in a contest those that were participating in the main battle hadn't even been able to tell was going on. Giddius managed to take her out in one punch, straight through her Spartan shield which shattered into countless pieces, leaving only Retsa and Deraj left. To Giddius' surprise, they were both grinning.

"We were expecting the Personae to get involved at some point, although I must admit I'm surprised it happened so soon. Fortunately we have prepared for this." Retsa said.

"I have no interest in the plans of the wicked! Make your peace, for my next blow will be your..."

Deraj suddenly drew his revolver and flipped a switch on it's side. There was a brief hum of energy as the entire gun began to glow a violent shade a purple. Before Giddius could react Deraj brought the gun to aim and fired. The bullet impacted Giddius in the chest before bursting apart into tiny fragments.

"Do you honestly think your mortal weapons can inflict harm on the mightiest of the Personae? I defy you to ararrrrrggghhhh!"

Giddius suddenly dropped his sword, which proceeded to vanish into dust, as he clapped his hand to his bullet would. Purple lines began to spread all throughout Giddius' body from the bullet wound.

"What did you do to him!" Doug shouted as he resumed reloading his RPG.

"The Personae are beings of creative energy. After I designed a way of corrupting that energy for use on fandoms, Retsa here developed a way to weaponize it for use against the Personae themselves. Giddius here is now experiencing a violent transformation of his entire body mass becoming Stu energy. Should he survive, he will make a fine Stu, someone our organization will deem worthy to protect."

Giddius made one final scream as he opened a plothole. Everyone gazed in horror as he leapt drunkenly into it, the hole sealed itself with a pop.

"A pity, I was hoping he'd stick around and make himself useful..." Deraj said to himself, pocketing his revolver.

"You bastard!" Kyle shouted, as he Tyler and Doug charged at the agents.


Adrian, Chloe, Ben, Aster and Drake continued fighting their way through the massive army of Uber Stus guarding the engine room in that were trying to stop their attempt at disabling the vessel. Although given the fact that their 'fighting' consisted in running over any Stu that got in there way with Chevila's off-roading tires there wasn't much actual action going on.

"Don't mess with nukes!" Shouted Ben, leaning out the window and pointing. The warhead Ben had summoned blew apart a thick metal door that had been blocking their path, giving Chloe the chance to hit the gas and accelerate into the main engineering section of the ship.

"Anyone know where that freaky hero guy went who was riding in the back with Aster, Charis and Adrian?" Drake asked as he bounced in the middle seat.

"I heard him say he was needed elsewhere, and then he just vanished." Adrian said, swinging his sword like a golf club at any Uber Stu that managed to avoid being smashed against the front of the truck.

"Do you think you could slow down a bit? I'm not feeling so good back here..." Charis shouted over the engine noise, still nauseas from her experience with Jared's plothole generator.

"We've got company!" Adrian shouted, noticing an approaching car, "but I can't quite make out the driver..."
"This is Captain Crunch of the LPGB calling Chevila with critical strategic information, please respond!" Came Crunch's voice over the radio.

Chloe was about to call back on the radio before she noticed the truck itself was responding, the radio suddenly flipped over revealing a computer read out, text began to scroll across the screen as Crunch began broadcasting his command codes.

Captain Crunch identified, requesting rendezvous...

input: Y/N...

"I can see the dashboard of the other car! It's got one of Jared's toy army men on it!" Adrian shouted,
"Haven't we dealt with those enough today?" Charis added.

Chloe reached over to Chevila's console and pressed the acceptance key, she was startled by the message she got in reply.

Rendezvous in progress, engaging brakes...

Everybody in the truck lurched forward as Chevila's tires locked, Aster was actually ejected from the back with a startled "Kyaa!", Fortunately her ability to fly enabled her to avoid slamming into the metal walkway. The truck swiftly skidded to a halt as Captain Crunch's stolen car pulled up alongside it.

The windshield on the car suddenly burst outward as Crunch detonated the C4 charges he had placed around it's perimeter.

"It was rather stupid of the enemy to use the same command frequency for his car as the Admiral's. It was relatively easy to take control, thank goodness I found all of you!" The tiny soilder stated as he saluted the agents.

"I know where the Admiral is being kept, you must come quickly!"


When the lights faded, Jared found himself in a giant stadium, surrounded by arena bleachers. Jared looked around and noticed Deraj slouched against some arena bleachers. Eolhc was standing right next to him, enjoying a massive bucket of popcorn. Osiris was standing in the middle of the arena, standing perfectly still, not even making a sound.

"Ah Jared, I'm glad you made it!" Deraj yelled," Welcome to the first test of Osiris version 2.0 beta!"


Deraj and Retsa battled the agents fiercely, managing to hold their own. No one there even noticed that Deraj's simulation was still being displayed on the computer monitor, up until the point a stray grenade from Doug's RPG made viewing the simulation impossible.


"Weapons online!" Droned Osiris in it's monotone computerized voice.

"Wow, it talks now," Jared gasped. "Just token techno babble, but it's an improvement over the silent, cyborg zombie of two chapters ago."

Osiris' right shoulder suddenly popped open and disassembled itself, reshaping into a particle cannon.

"Wardrobe Change!" Jared yelled as various car parts appeared, forming Jared's equivalent of Drake's armor, the helmet managed to take the shape of the cab of a pickup, it's appearance was quite ridiculous. Osiris fired his particle cannon, the crimson beam tore through the sky as Jared tried to leap out of it's path. The beam his the ground in the exact spot Jared had been standing and exploded. The force of the massive explosion sent Jared flying quite unexpectedly, causing him to almost get rolled off the edge of the arena into the electrified pit below.

Osiris leapt through the air and landed beside Jared, motor servers in his left arm whined as he threw a devastatingly powerful punch. Jared rolled away at the last second, and the punch wound up smashing the ground, not his head.

Jared summed his Boomspear with a burst of noise and swung it at Osiris, who merely caught it in his scarred left hand. Then using his brand new fully mechanical right hand he picked Jared up and flung him across the arena. Jared quickly leapt to his feet and pulled out two miniature Sherman tanks bearing the LPGB insignia, both began launching rockets at the cyborg.

Osiris began to walk towards Jared, ignoring the shells bouncing off of his armour as if they didn't exist, Jared quickly used up his supply of shells, and had to toss the tanks aside. Jared pulled out an miniature Cobra helicopter and began firing it's supply of anti-tank missiles. Osiris responded by transforming his mechanical hand from its new form back to its original napalm launcher, which he then used to spray a steady stream of flames to consume the missiles. Jared had to roll to avoid getting doused in the burning petroleum jelly.

Jared began to draw Earth magic from his surroundings and prepared to sling it at his foe. Osiris responded by activating his stealth camouflage. Jared tried in vain to track the movements of his near-invisible foe, but the smoke from the burning napalm made it impossible. Jared suddenly felt a cold mechanical hand grasp his neck.

"Looks like you and Sirahc worked out all the bugs..." Eolhc said.

"Theoretically yes, but keep in mind this is just a simulation. I mean, me and you aren't even real! We're just figments of my foil agent's delusional mind..."

Jared thrust his Boomspear at Osiris, who caught it with his human hand, Jared quickly switched which hand was holding the weapon and managed to cut a wicked slash in Osiris' face. Osiris computer brain whirred.

"Warning, damage to cranial region detected. Risk of damage to Computer-Brain-Barrier is possible. Increase distance between target immediately..."

Osiris dropped Jared and immediately raised his human hand towards him. Jared barley managed to duck in time as a high-calibre bullet was launched from his middle finger, only to blast a tiny hole in the wall behind him.

Jared thrust his hand forward and called on his earth magic, hoping he could score a hit, fortunately it did and sent Osiris flying, the sudden impact caused Osiris' circuits to briefly overload, giving Jared time for a breather. He sat down, put a hand to his head and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he was back in the Library...


"Muffins..." Tyler said as he flew across the room, propelled by one of Retsa's rocks, he was slammed into a wall and slummed to the ground, for the second time that day he was unconscious.

"Tyler's down!" Doug called to Kyle, launching another rocket propelled grenade, only to have it detonated prematurely by one of Retsa's fireballs.

"I know!" Was the only reply Kyle could manage to muster as he slammed his omni-weapon warhammer down on the spot Deraj had been seconds before.

"Tut tut! Retsa isn't going to like you smashing up her ship, you better stop or she's going to get nasty!" Deraj snarked, slamming his flashbar into Kyle's jaw. Kyle turned his head and spat out blood before lunging at Deraj again.

Doug toppled the thick metal table that held the popcorn over to generate some form of cover, but every time he stuck his head up he'd immediately have to duck down to avoid getting struck by a combination of rock shards and fire.

"Mind if I join you?" Deraj asked, flipping over the table and landing beside Doug as one of Kyle's aurora grenades impacted the heavy metal object.

"Thanks, now if you don't mind..." Before Doug could react Deraj reached back and slammed his flashbar across his eyes, hard enough to shatter the protective visor he was wearing.

Doug drew his dagger and swung blindly towards the place where Deraj had been a moment earlier. The blade hit the table with a dull metallic clang, missing its intended mark.

"I'm beginning to really dislike this guy..." Doug said, before he was aware of his body being lifted into the air.
"My jacket!" Deraj yelled, flinging Doug out of the garment and over the table.

Doug tightened his grip on the RPG as he was flung into the air. If there was one thing he knew how to do, it was turn an attack into a counter attack.

"Yippe Kiayeah!" Doug cried, aiming his RPG at where his memory told him Retsa was. It wouldn't be an exact shot without the use of his sight, but that was the beauty of grenades – you don't need to be precise to get a hit. He pulled the trigger.

"Gah!" Retsa's voice rewarded him as she was knocked unconscious by the explosion.

Doug landed quite gracefully, despite his temporary blindness. As he did so he could hear Kyle and Deraj's battle reach its climax.

I have you now!" came Kyle's voice.

"You pathetic worm! Give me back my Flashbar!" Deraj yelled.

"Whatever you say!"

"Gah, my knee! Why I oughta!"

There was the sound of a gunshot, for a second Doug feared the worse. But his vision suddenly refocused and he could see Deraj lying on the ground. As he drew his revolver Kyle had activated his accelerator and managed to grab Deraj by the wrist. Deraj panicked and pulled the trigger, which had the result of firing a bullet into his own leg. Deraj quickly began pleading with the agents.

"I surrender! I'll tell you everything! Just don't destroy my work!"

Doug grabbed Deraj by the collar and threw him against the wall. "Where's Jared!"

"That way!" Deraj said, pointing towards a metal door.

Doug threw Deraj aside and he and Kyle raced for the door.

"What'd I miss?" Tyler asked, getting back up,

"Not much, just a fight to the death and a Personea going crazy..." Doug replied.

"Well, if it was only that..."

Kyle, Tyler and Doug's combined effort managed to unhinge the door almost instantly, at about the same time Chevila crashed through the opposite wall.

Adrian grabbed his sword and leapt across the room to join Doug and Kyle, the rest of the agents quickly spilled out of the truck and followed suite, effectively surrounding Cassandra, who just stood there, pouring Sue energy into Jared's temples. Cassandra's eyes darted around the room.

"You!" shouted Chloe. "I thought Aster and I killed you!"

"'Ou wish, I ejecteed from my suit and eesceeped. Unfortunately for you, you shall never come close tu det agin. Good bye!" Cassandra quickly let go of Jared and reached for the computer server behind her. Before any of the agents could stop her she had reached for the power knob on the outer casing and twisted it up to overload.

"Good bi." Cassandra said flatly, as the room was filled with a brilliant flash.

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