Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Insert Dreadful-Sounding Ghost Story Here

"Is that all you've got?" Danny Phantom laughed, easily avoiding another of Technus's mechanical tentacles. "My grandma fights harder!"

"Make witty banter all you like, child," Technus jeered. "But this time, I, Technus, master of all things computerized and beeping, shall destroy you!"

At that moment, one of the tentacles slammed Danny into the office building behind him, pinning him to the wall.

No problem. Danny would just go intangible, escape, then go over and blast Technus from behind.

But he never got the chance.

Out of nowhere, an ecto-blast hit Technus in the back of the head, knocking him to the ground, unconscious.

Danny took a good look at his unnecessary savior. She was an impossibly beautiful ghost girl with pure white hair in a ponytail down to her waist, glowing green eyes, and an absolutely perfect body held in a black spandex suit.

"Thanks for the help," Danny said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh…"

"Spirit," the ghost girl smirked. "And it's no big deal. With Technus, you just have to know which buttons to push."

Danny couldn't help but laugh at this line as Spirit pulled out what looked just like a pink Fenton Thermos and sucked Technus into it. He didn't question where she got it. Why would he question anything about this perfect girl? He just thanked her again and left.


Two days later, Danny got a distress call. Youngblood and his ghostly crew were invading the beach.
Danny zoomed off to assist, but when he arrived, he found only Spirit and a crowd chanting her name. She had beaten him to the punch.


The next day, Danny caught a live newscast of Ember terrorizing a movie theater, but before he could even go ghost, Spirit arrived on the scene and sucked Ember into her thermos.

And so it went. The ghosts kept attacking, and Spirit kept defeating them with no trouble at all. Skulker even switched her to his new top quarry. Nobody found her suspicious. Not even Danny's ghost-hunting parents. How could someone so perfect be a problem, even if they were a ghost?

Well, half-ghost, anyway. Danny discovered her in his history class with jet-black hair, blue eyes, and a ridiculously long name. She had recently transferred in and proceeded to get perfect grades and become the most popular girl in school.

After a while, Danny stopped showing up to distress calls. Undergrowth, Vortex, Sheriff Walker—Spirit handled everything. If it weren't for the giant statue of him in the middle of the city, Danny Phantom would've been forgotten entirely. He didn't care. This was a good thing. Now he had time for what a teenager should be focusing on: friends, family, school, sports, dating, and maybe finding a job. The sky was the limit.


Three weeks after Spirit arrived, Danny was in English class when an announcement came over the P.A.

"Danny Fenton," it said. "Please report to the principal's office. Thank you."

The voice was not Principal Ishiyama's.

Nontheless, Mr. Lancer excused Danny and sent him down to the office.

To his surprise, Danny found someone in the office whom he'd never seen before. It was a boy, barely eighteen and somewhat chunky, wearing a black sweatshirt and sweatpants and wire-frame glasses covered by clip-on shades. He had badly unkempt black hair, and traces of a goatee to match. All in all, not very intimidating.

"Hello, Danny," the boy said kindly. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Cut the pleasantries!" Danny shouted. "Who are you? Why did you call me here? And where's Principal Ishiyama?"

"Principal Ishiyama left temporarily," the boy said. "She was never a fan favorite, anyway. And I called you here to ask for your help. I'm Agent Marcus of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society, and I'm apprehending a dangerous criminal—the one you know as 'Spirit'."

"Spirit's a criminal?" Danny exclaimed. "No way! She's helping the whole town!"

"She shouldn't be," Marcus replied calmly. "She's doing your job, and that is damaging a fragile storyline. Even the fandom's name makes no sense now."

"Look," Danny said, getting frustrated. "I don't know who you are or what you're talking about, but I'm not about to help a complete stranger who's probably off his nut arrest a great girl who's doing my job for me for nothing!"

Marcus sighed, then resorted to psychology.

"Have you ever noticed that when someone new comes to town and starts hunting ghosts they tend to have an ulterior motive behind them?" he asked. "Valerie, Vlad, the Guys in White, Master's Blasters…Why do you think Spirit is any different?"

"Well, if she hasn't done anything in three weeks…" Danny said feebly.

"Tell me, Danny," Marcus said. "When was the last time you used your powers?"

"Um… about two weeks ago," Danny replied, blushing.

"I'll bet they're getting rusty," the agent told him. "I can see Spirit's plan. She's intimidated after you saved the world and is doing your work so you won't get practice. Now she can beat you in a direct fight."

Marcus held his breath, waiting to see if Danny would swallow this story.

"What's your plan?" Danny inquired.


That afternoon, Marcus and Danny went to the roof of the FentonWorks and waited for Spirit to pass by over them.

"Spirit," Marcus shouted when she did. "I hereby place you under arrest for interfering with various plots!"

Spirit just laughed and continued flying over them.

"That's it!" Danny shouted. "I'm going ghost!"

It took him a minute (much longer than usual), but Danny managed to change into his ghost form and chased after Spirit.

"Pull over, ma'am," he jeered. "I think the officer wants to see your license!"

"Oh, shut it, Phantom!" Spirit shouted, firing an ecto-blast that sent him hurtling into the street. "This isn't your fandom anymore!"

Danny barely managed to pull up and get back into the air, after which he tried to punch Spirit. She just laughed and flew behind him, then knocked him back down onto the roof.

"Come on, Danny!" Marcus urged. "I need you for this!"

Danny grunted in response, but then flew back up above Spirit.

"Try this!" the ghost boy shouted.

At that moment, Danny let loose a loud, moaning noise made of clearly visible green sound waves. The power of the ghostly wail was so great that even Spirit couldn't take it unprepared. She came crashing down in front of Marcus as Danny ceased and suddenly reverted to his human form, falling and landing on his stomach nearby.

Marcus wasted no time in placing a prohibitor on Spirit's arm. There was a bright flash of light and Danny disappeared, but Spirit just laughed.

"No-go, officer," she cackled. "You may have erased my past actions and taken most of my powers, but you forgot that even the weakest ghosts in this fandom can do this!"

With no effort at all, Spirit turned intangible and the prohibitor dropped right off.

"And now," she said, flying back up and preparing to blast her pursuer. "It's time to finish you once and for all!"

Marcus froze and waited for his imminent demise, but it never came. Instead, a figure emerged through the roof and grabbed Marcus and the prohibitor just in time to avoid the blast, then flew up to Spirit, still intangible, and placed the prohibitor inside her chest before becoming tangible again and placing Marcus back on the roof after another flash of light.

Marcus took the time to get a good look at his savior—a blue ghost man with a blue cloak and a staff with a clock on top. At least, he was for a second. Then he was an old man ghost with a long beard, and then a toddler. He just kept changing through them.

"Clockwork?" Marcus exclaimed. "Thank you, but… why?"

"I am sworn to protect and enforce the proper flow of time and its events," Clockwork replied. "When this girl toyed with reality, I had to act. Your prohibitor is trapped intangible inside her. Physical or intangible, she cannot remove it—a trick I learned from an enemy of mine."

True enough, Spirit kept going intangible, but the prohibitor just wouldn't come out.

"You may complete your mission now," Clockwork said with a smile.

Marcus smiled and held up his exact duplicate of the Fenton Thermos and sucked Spirit in, trapping her inside.

"That should fix the time/space continuum," Clockwork said. "Thank you for your help, Agent Marcus, and good luck on further missions. Should you return, I will be glad to assist you."


"Well, it's good to know we have one ally who's immune to the time/space changes we make so often," Tash said, taking the thermos after Marcus finished his report.

"That's just one fandom, Tash," said Blake, a tall boy with spiky blonde hair. "There are hundreds more of 'em."

"Hey," Marcus shrugged. "Every little bit helps."

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