Monday, December 19, 2011

Insert Extremely Convoluted Musical Sense Here

As most people well-versed in Japanese culture know, high school has three years in Japan. And at one high school, there were five girls trying to live life to the fullest. Well, they'd started off as four, to be more accurate. They were the members of the keionbu (light music) club, and they had formed a band.

Their names were Hirasawa Yui (guitar), Akiyama Mio (bass), Tainaka Ritsu (drums), Kotobuki Tsumugi (keyboard), and Nakano Azusa (second guitar). Yui, Mio, Ritsu, and Mugi were part of the original band, and Azusa had joined one year later.

Like I said, anyone well-versed in Japanese culture knew that high school had three years. Well, the last time we saw the manga, the original four were in their third year, and Azusa was in her second. Meaning that if one more year elapsed, the four would graduate and Azusa would become club president (which would make her the first guitar, wouldn't it?)…

However, one negligent author was not well-versed in Japanese culture. Despite all of the references made to the girls graduating the following year in the manga…someone didn't get it, and wrote a new character.
A new girl in the light music club.


Her name was Kuramoto Kiriko, and she was a bass player. It had been three years since the light music club had been first started, meaning that it was the fourth year.

Kiriko somehow managed to escape the mystique and awkwardness that surrounded the light music club (which had a notoriety that had most definitely been contributed to by Sawako-sensei, the somewhat insane club advisor) and had joined the club just because she felt like it. She was immediately loved by every single member of the club.

And miraculously…

She escaped Sawako's cosplay torture.

Somehow Sawako didn't have the heart to throw on a ton of outfits and… er… revealing things on Kiriko that she did with everyone else. Kiriko was too perfect. There was no way to harm her. Touch her. Do anything.

Kiriko was also intelligent, and under her watch Yui was able to get 100s on all of her tests and be in the light music club at the same time, previously inconceivable for her.

Kiriko could mention scary things or make awkward comments without Mio retreating in fear. Ritsu rarely if ever teased Kiriko. Mugi actually showed signs of friendship. (She was sort of vague, you know?)

…You're tired of this too, right?


"I am disappointed. With all of you."

A very disgruntled blue-haired girl wearing a sailor fuku sat at the front of a class. She was waving a meter stick. Everyone groaned… because (almost) all of students were carrying heavy chairs that were strapped to their backs.

"All of you failed the test! All of you! Zero! How could all of you fail this unless it was orchestrated to get back at me?"

"It was just a hard test – " complained Drake, very truthfully.

Aster walked up to him with the meter stick and smacked his knees with it. Drake winced as he tried to get back up wearing the chair.

"Only one person was sane enough to do well."

Aster held up a paper that once belonged to the only person not hoisting up a chair. She was sitting smugly in a chair.

"But Chrys is your friend," said an aching Lauren. "It could have been rigged."

"I showed you the answer key earlier," said Aster. "She got a 100, fair and square."

Nobody argued.

"Keep carrying those chairs," said Aster. "And class won't be over until – "

Then the television screen nearby (which Adrian had set up since during anime class the computers were far away) flashed a few Japanese characters. Aster took one look at it, and –

"CLASS DISMISSED!" she yelled in a screeching noise and ran for the computers.

The other Society members sweatdropped and tried to unstrap the chairs from their backs.


Aster and Chrys stared at the screen.

"I won't forgive anyone for mutilating this fandom!" yelled Chrys.

Tash walked up, still wincing.

"Which fandom is this?"

"Ke-i-o-n," said Aster, poiting to each hiragana character on the screen. "A manga. I was planning to go over this one next month."

"Is it dangerous? I've never heard of it," said Adrian, also wincing. "Should it be in the Black List?"

Immediately Chrys and Aster fell into fits of giggles.

"Guess not then," said Tash.

"Can we go? Please?" begged Chrys.

Tash had no choice; she didn't know the manga, although personally she wished she could send someone else besides the most dimwitted members of the Society.


Despite her perfect ear for music, Kiriko was having issues with one note, something Mio was happy to oblige help

"Ah, thank you, Mio-senpai!" said Kiriko.

Suddenly two very odd-looking girls burst through the door of the light music club, grabbed Kiriko, slung her on their backs, and walked off.

As Chrys and Aster carted Kiriko away, Chrys sighed, "Well, it was easy, although I was scared it would be hard and painful..."

Aster giggled madly and said, "That's what she said..."

Chrys glared at her. "What?"

Aster giggled again. "Drakeくん told me about this..."

As the two continued pulling Kiriko, Aster explained the details of "that's what she said", Chrys's face getting paler and paler as she went on.

Aster was changing the subject to Lucky Star when suddenly the three bumped into Sawako-sensei.

"Ah - "

Aster stared blankly at the crazed split-personality-ish teacher. Since Sawako didn't know Chrys and Aster, Aster realized Sawako would thankfully use her nice-teacher persona.

"Sawa-chan..." whimpered Kiriko. "Help..."

Sawako-sensei looked sweetly at Aster and Chrys. "I don't think she likes being dragged like that. Shouldn't you let her go?"

"Well..." said Chrys. "We... um... need her for..."

Simultaneously Chrys said "...a survey!" and Aster said " art project!".

Sawako smiled sweetly.

"I think you should let her go." Sawako leaned in, and suddenly Chrys and Aster saw a raging, burning fire in her eyes...

"Or else."

Chrys and Aster slackened their grip a little, and Kiriko ran for it back towards the music club room.

Sawako put her hands on her hips. "That girl is a valuable addition to the light music club. We can't let her go."

Aster and Chrys ignored Sawako and ran after Kiriko.


The light music club is a dead end, thought Aster. We'll just go through this again.

But then Kiriko turned around to face them and started to glow.


"Gah!" yelled Aster as Kiriko increased in power...

Chrys gulped.

"Chrysちゃん," said Aster, "what does your Plot Summary say about Kiriko's power level?"

Chrys checked her Plot Summary, and her eyes got big. "IT'S OVER 9000!"

"WHAT? 9000?"

Mizuho randomly appeared in midair, slapped Aster and Chrys, smirked, and disappeared.

Kiriko had established herself: Level 6. She got down and prepared to attack...

...and pulled out her bass and began to start playing.

The sheer beauty of the notes inspired the other light music club members to start playing. Probably due to Kiriko's playing, the song sounded much better than the cacophony somewhat common for the light music club (especially when Yui was involved)...

And suddenly all of the rest of the school, even Ui's friend Jun who had been skeptical of the club, was clapping right outside of the room. Ui herself was screaming like a mad little girl (which wasn't typical of her at all) yelling "お姉ちゃん! お姉ちゃん!"

The band finished the song, and Yui took a clumsy little bow, Mio hid behind the curtain, and Ritsu, Mugi, and Azusa sighed contentedly. As Chrys and Aster realized it would be hard to kidnap Kiriko in this crowd, Kiriko huggled Azusa for playing, and everything seemed well.

Including for one seemingly quiet and refined young girl...


-Mugi vision-

"Azusa-senpai!" Kiriko huggled Azusa very closely, a little too tightly. Time seemed to slow down as slowly, they came together, paying no notice to the crowd, and Kiriko whispered into Azusa's ear,
"You did wonderfully, Azusa-senpai."

Azusa turned her head likewise and whispered to Kiriko,

"You too, Kirikoちゃん."

As they came together, an understanding drifted between them, and their minds met and everything came together, it was pure and true and wonderful...

-Mugi vision end-


...but meanwhile, the fact that Kiriko was still in the K-On! fandom was something to address and Chrys and Aster looked around for a solution, not knowing that Kotobuki Tsumugi, in the corner, was feasting her mind on the Sue in question.

"Um, Mugi-senpai?" said Kiriko. "Why are you staring at me?"

And Mugi made no response as usual.

Finally Aster could take it no longer and nodded at Chrys, who released her ultimate attack.

Desu-sparkles emitted at atomic range from her as the sparkle went from her eyes to the rest of her body. Aster emitted a few of her own as an autonomic physical response, but Chrys was on a roll, releasing a good amount (but not all) of her pent-up desu.

All of the students bar the light music club ran away, and even Kiriko shielded her eyes. Mio hid in the corner and clutched her knees.

As Chrys had achieved her goal, she let down the desu, although a few sparkles were still hanging in her eyes. Mio was still hiding in the corner.

Kiriko tenatively tried to play a few notes on her bass, but Chrys and Aster got there first and wrenched the bass from her, and smashed it on the floor.

"Hey!" Mio found time to yell while clutching herself. "That's my old bass!"

Chrys and Aster finally slammed the Prohibitor on Kiriko's wrist, and there was a big flash of light. Everyone was standing around disoriented, and Kiriko was looking around nervously.

"Wha..." said Yui, who had been interrupted in her thoughts about cake.

Aster smiled brilliantly.

"We did it! We did it! We finally got a Sue!" Aster huggled the still-desuing Chrys.

And even though she had no idea who the two insanely neurotic girls were, Mugi was being very active in her mind...


-Mugi vision-

"We did it! We did it with the power of friendship!" yelled Aster as she gripped Chrys tightly.

Chrys was crying tears of joy as she came together with Aster...and soon they came closer...


Their faces coming together, and their lips...

-Mugi vision end-


Aster was well-read in K-On!, and knew full well what Mugi giving a blank stare meant.

She walked up to Mugi and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Kotobuki Tsumugiちゃん," she said, "you have a very, very sick mind."


"I do not believe it."

Tash had her head in her hands. "I cannot believe it. Those two - our most ridiculous agents - they actually - they - "

"Calm down," said Valerie. "They should have their moments sometime."

Tash was too flustered to respond.

"Adrian..." she sighed eventually, after a loud *headdesk*, "get me some tea or something..."

Adrian was about to oblige when he heard a high-pitched scream. He walked into the main room to find two very absent-minded girls, two buckets, ripped balloons, and water everywhere.

Looks like Tash needs more than tea, he thought.

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