Saturday, March 24, 2012

Insert Septuplet Superweapon Here

When Tyler woke up, he was in a cell. Not very original, I know, but if I don't post, the dude with a cattle prod sitting behind me pokes. Anyway, Tyler was in a cell. He noticed that instead of bars, blocking his exit by walking were… lasers. I kid you not. A crisscross pattern of laser beams barred the opening to the outside world. Tyler stared around the cell, and noted, oddly enough, that all of his weapons were scattered around him. He quickly picked them up and stuffed them in his pocket. A moment later, a figure appeared in front of him. It resembled that Uber-Stu from the RomeoxJuliet fandom. Instead of swords, though, it was holding a tray of food. It wore a disappointed expression.

"I joined this army to destroy the Society, not feed them," it whined. A small opening formed in the lasers, and the Stu shoved in the tray. Tyler grabbed the tray eagerly, and downed the entire contents, which were a glass of milk and a PBJ sandwich. He also ate the sandwich wrappings, the glass, and the tray. He then burped. The Uber-Stu turned a light shade of green.

"That's disgusting…"

Tyler nodded.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I probably shouldn't chew with my mouth open." He proceeded to do just that. The Stu turned a deeper green. Finally the Agent swallowed his food. He then spat out the bits of crushed glass. The Stu turned the delightful color of lettuce after being excreted by a lizard (believe me, I know what I'm talking about), then vomited off to one side. Tyler smirked.

"So, wanna play Twenty Questions?"

The Stu frowned.

"I'm not to fraternize with the prisoners!"

"Aw, come on. You know you want to."

"No I don't!"

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves-,"

"Shut up!"

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Play Twenty Questions!"

"No!"

"It's, a small world, after, all! It's, a small world, aaaaafter all! It's, a small world, aaaaaafter all! It's a small world-,"

"-You can't blackmail me!"

"On further insight, I believe I am doing just that."

"Please shut up?"

"Please play Twenty Questions?"

"NO! I'm leaving!" And without any further ado, the Stu did just that. Tyler grinned and leaned back against the wall of his cell. The grin quickly vanished when he remembered the cell part.

"Well, I seem to be in a pickle."

A few seconds later….

"Holy muffins! Did I really just use the word 'pickle' to describe something other than a vegetable?"

And later…

"Okay, seriously, can we get to something relevant? I'm bored."

Fine, fine.

A figure walked into the cell area. Tyler took a moment to look up from where he had been playing with a few chemicals he had brought with him to the Society. At the moment, he was manipulating a phial of Explodium, the most unstable substance in the known universe. When he looked up, he immediately looked down, rubbed his eyes, blinked a few times, then looked up again. No luck. Aster's counterpart stubbornly refused to not exist. Tyler groaned.

"I'm assuming your name is Retsa?"

"Right."

"And that you're a genius."

"Also true."

"And that you hate all anime and manga."

"Stop making correct guesses about me!"

"Fine. Now, any particular reason for leaving my weapons here in my cell?"

"Well, they're useless here, because we set up the cell specifically to hold Society members, and it's a pain to find some secret hiding place for them. This ship isn't good for that kind of thing."

Tyler blinked.

"That's… surprisingly sensible for a villain."

"We're not the villains! We're trying to bring perfection to the multiverse!"

"Explain your sanity."

"Huh?"

"In this kind of universe, the good guys are all insane. It's a law of nature!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, in any form of TV show or book series-,"

"-DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT THOSE! THEY ARE ALL WORTHLESS!"

"Oh, right, forgot about your anti-fanism. Sorry. Anyway, in TV shows and book series, if there's a big group of main characters, the rules clearly state that they're all a little insane. However, we, the ACMSES, are the insane ones. Therefore, you are the villains."

"Um… that really made no sense."

"EXACTLY!" Tyler jumped up with a scream, startling Retsa. "It makes no sense! Everything you PCMSPS Agents say makes sense… well, almost… so you can't be the heroes!"

"What do we say that doesn't make sense?"

"The bit about bringing perfection. Sooo… you're not arguing the rest?"

"No. If what we're doing is wrong…who cares? It's fun, and besides, you seem to be ignoring the law that states that Evil Counterparts always believe that what they're the heroes and the Good Counterparts are the villains."

"Here, have a lampshade."

"Thanks…?"

"What? That's what I'm supposed to do whenever I can!"

"Huh?"

"Okay, hard to explain. Either way, how do you know the Law of Good and Evil Counterparts?"

"I watched Spider-Man 3, played Kingdom Hearts, and read comics of every superhero with an evil counterpart. When you're an Evil Counterpart, stuff like that is highly informative of what not to do."

Tyler blinked.

"Um…okay….sure…."

Retsa seemed to have made up her mind about something.

"I have deemed you too insane to gain any information from simply talking until you spill something."

"Well, I already drank my milk, what would I spill?"

"Information on the Society."

"I don't know anything about the Society besides what we do."

"What?"

"Well, I'm me. Do I look like the kind of person who would care about any secrets?"

"Yes."

"True. But I haven't found any."

"We have good torture methods, you know."

"I didn't, actually. But I have better ones, and all of them can be brought into play while the torturer is being tortured."

"Are you willing to bet on that?"

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Ah. Figured. Either way, I can drive any given torturer insane before they can walk across the room."

"I could just kill you right now."

"I could come back as a ghost."

"I don't believe in ghosts."

"I don't believe you could kill me."

"You want to take that chance?"

"Sure, why not?"

"GAH!"

"What?"

"You're driving me insane!"

Tyler blinked.

"Well… yeah. That's the point."

"ARGH!"

"Don't scream, you'll rip a vocal chord."

"What?"

"If you scream too much, you'll rip a vocal chord. That's a fact."

"Really?"

"No idea. Can you leave me alone now?"

"Um… no."

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, AND IT'S A SMALL SMALL WORLD!"

"Okay, okay, I'll leave!"

After Retsa left, Tyler sat back against the far wall of his cell.

"Okay, that went badly. I didn't even get her to start screaming her evil plan at me." Tyler grabbed his various weapons, shoved them into his pouch, and stood up.

"Okay, let's see if this works like it's supposed to." He drew a fist back, aiming at the wall.

"Tyler... PUNCHHHHHHHHHH!" A blue aura exploded around his fist, as he shot forward and punched the wall. For a moment, he stayed there, suspended in an improbable pose. Then, his eyes bugged out, and he jumped back, clutching his hand.

"OWOWOWOWOWOW!"

-

Elsewhere in the PCMSPS base…

Retsa stalked in circles around the recreation room. Giving her a wide berth were Relyt, Ekard, several Sues and Stus, and another figure, who looked exactly like Valerie, but with a cruel smile stretched across her face, almost as if it was painted on. Every so often, one of the three would push a Sue or Stu over towards Retsa, who would instantly obliterate it. Finally Retsa slowed to a halt, still occasionally evaporating the odd Sue or Stu with a blast of something resembling fire, although in all the history of the PCMSPS, no one had ever seen water put it out. Actually, for that matter, none of Retsa's abilities worked according to how they should. Light would refuse to reflect off mirrors, earth was watertight, sun rays wouldn't be stopped by sunblock. Either way, Retsa began to speak.

"Someone get the list of Agents not to be interrogated."

One of the Sues disappeared, reappearing a second later with a piece of paper. Retsa took it, killed the Sue, and began to read.

"Adrian: too powerful... Aster: too stupid..."

"Really? How do you know she's not pretending?" Ekard interrupted.

"Mm… because I'm a genius."

"How do we know you're not pretending?"

"Quiet. Anyway... Christoph: too honorable... Shirley: too violent... Now, I can add one more to the list - Tyler: too annoying."

Retsa looked up.

"This idiot we managed to capture-,"

"-We?" Relyt interrupted.

"Shut up. Anyway, this idiot knows nothing."

Relyt spoke up.

"Couldn't we just make opposite assumptions to our base? I mean, if they're-,"

Relyt suddenly found himself neck-deep in a cone of rock. One rock jabbed up into his throat menacingly. Relyt tried not to gulp.

"Couldn't you try to remember why I'm the leader of the Protection Society? Maybe it's because of my ability to defeat any one, or for that matter, two of you in a fair fight? Or maybe because I supplied most of this technology, making me capable of altering the insides of this ship by blinking? Or maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm the most intelligent one here? Hmm?"

Relyt was slowly turning blue in an attempt to avoid breathing and impaling his throat.

"Point… taken…."

"Good." The rock shattered, and Relyt collapsed to the ground. Ekard snickered. Relyt stood up and shot the armored Agent a dirty look. Ekard was about to respond in kind when the room rocked, flinging everyone in the room to the ground.

-

In the skies of the Halo universe….

Two pods slammed into the surface of a large ship. These pods were the trademark of the Orbital Drop Shock Troopers, the paratroopers of the humans of the future. The ODST were the highest non-SPARTAN soldiers in the UNSC, the United Nations Space Command. They were the strongest, the best, the-

Drake and Christoph stepped out of the pods. Somewhere else, an author blinked. They weren't the ODST. Oops.

Anyway, Drake and Christoph stepped out of the pods. They looked around.

"Weren't there supposed to be a few more Agents here?" Drake wondered.

"They said so, but I don't see-GAH!" Christoph dove to one side as another two pods slammed down where he had been a moment earlier. The pods opened, and Adrian stepped out of one, followed by Tash from the other. The four Agents looked around.

"The Sueish signal was coming from here… but I don't see anything…" Adrian remarked.

"Just out of curiousity, how are we alive right now?" Tash asked. "There shouldn't be any air."

Christoph raised a hand.

"Over there, Lady Tash."

Tash looked. There was a huge sign on the ship reading "Air Bubbles and Co." Tash blinked.

"Oh."

Another pod slammed down, releasing Willie. Another dropped in, and Aster stepped out onto the ship. Then a rain of pods fell from the sky.

Tash blinked.

"I don't remember sending in any more Agents than this…"

"The extra pods are mainly for dramatic effect," replied Adrian.

"Doesn't that mean we should take cover?" asked Willie.

The eyes of every Agent on the ship widened. Then they did just that.

-

Tyler was being thrown around his cell. After the first three jolts, he had started playing a game; avoid being fried by the lasers. Okay, maybe "game" is not the right word here. Maybe, "necessity?" Meh, I don't have anything. Feel free to make something up here.

Finally the shaking stopped, and Tyler was dropped to the floor, or at least he thought it was the floor. He slowly stood up… then the world flipped and he fell back on his butt.

"Ow… hey, why didn't the lasers turn off? I DEMAND MY EPIC MOVIE RIGHTS!"

A voice spoke over a loudspeaker, and I thanked the Department of Redundancy Department for their help.

"The emergency power generators are in place."

"DAMN YOU FACELESS VOICE!"

An Uber-Sue and Uber-Stu were guarding the entrance. As they shakily stood, Christoph suddenly appeared behind them, and slammed a fist into the back of their heads. They dropped like a rock. Christoph then began to button-mash a control panel to the right of Tyler's cell. In the ten seconds it took for the cell bars to disengage, Christoph also succeeded in disabling the internal weapons system through the ship, making the whole rescue mission a lot easier. The two raced through the ship, and then…

"Halt in the name of Retsa!"

Tyler gulped.

"RUN FASTER!" Tyler and Christoph shot through the ship, finally spinning around a corner into the… kitchen? They quickly barred the door.

About a minute later…

"Okay! You can come in now!" chorused the Society Agents.

Outside, a voice rang out.

"Not a chance! You're waiting to kill us in there!"

"Please?"

"NEVER!"

"We have cake…"

A different voice resounded from outside the kitchen. It sounded younger.

"Cake? Cool!" Instantly the door exploded inward as an Uber-Stu smashed through it. Before he could continue, though, an eight-pound cake slammed into his head. FATALITY.

Tyler pointed at the dead Stu.

"The cake is a half-truth!"

Christoph frowned.

"Don't you mean that the cake is a lie?"

"But it's not a lie! There was cake, but instead of giving it to him, we killed him with it! That makes it a half-truth!"

One of the Sues coughed.

"Excuse me, but aren't you going to fight us?"

"Oops. Sorry." The two Society Agents took a fighting stance. And so, the fight began.

Christoph instantly sent a hail of shuriken into the Sues and Stus, killing some, and wounding others. Tyler lunged forward and took down half the remainder with arcs of energy and staff strikes. The Uber-Sues and Stus tried to scatter, but Christoph struck at lightning speed with his ninjato, finishing off all but one, who parried and knocked Christoph away.

"Ha! You fools think you can defeat me? I am Uber-Stu, a-,"

"-general in The Clich├ęd Army, I know."

"Hey!"

Uber-Stu lunged at Tyler and Christoph, drawing a pair of swords and slashing at their heads. The Agents dived to the side, jumping up and striking.

"Too slow!" Uber-Stu spun with amazing speed, blocking the staff and ninjato strikes. Tyler jumped back, already preparing an energy bolt, as Christoph snuck a shuriken from his belt and stabbed it into Uber-Stu. The Stu let out a cry of pain and stumbled back, barely managing to block a series of magic blasts from Tyler. He was abut to lunge when Christoph appeared out of nowhere and slammed him over the head with the hilt of the ninjato.

"Ow…." The Uber Stu stumbled around, before snapping his head up and resuming a fighting stance.

"Ha! That attack did nothing! I'll still beat all four of you!"

Tyler and Christoph exchanged glances. The Uber-Stu still seemed weavy. Tyler and Christoph took the only option available.

Several minutes later…

"Is he still dizzy?"

A loud "thwack!" sounded from where Christoph was watching the Stu.

"Yes."

"Okay… done!"

Tyler and Christoph ran to the far end of the room, letting the Uber-Stu recover. The Stu slowly shook its head, then noticed Tyler and Christoph. He charged….

Uber-Stu tripped over a tripwire (And my bill to the Department of Redundancy Department increased). Said tripwire yanked down a pair of paperweights off pedestals, dropping them onto a balloon ring. The balloons pushed air into the pedestals, firing up two foam rockets. The rockets hit balloons on the ceiling, which pushed air into a holder holding a sharp knife, which fell onto Uber-Stu's head, killing him.

Christoph blinked.

"Ah… that was surprisingly easy."

Tyler smirked.

"Apparently each and every Uber-Sue or Stu is a general. On the other hand, none of them are very good fighters."

"Ah."

"Now, is anyone else here?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Anyway, they said to bring you to the main recreation room so we can get back to the Library."

"Do you know where said recreation room is?"

"Mm… no. We entered into the sickroom, and at least managed to destroy any medications they might have had though."

"So, we're supposed to meet at a place we can't-,"

Tyler was interrupted by a loud explosion. He exchanged glances with Christoph.

"Never mind." They ran toward the explosion.

-

In a large room, easily several hundred yards long, a war was starting. PCMSPS and ACMSES Agents clashed swords, spears, staves, and fists. Uber-Sue or Stu after Uber-Sue or Stu piled in, only to be cut down, incinerated, pummeled, and stabbed.

-

Drake locked spears with Ekard, pushing the doppelganger away and swinging around to disintegrate a group of Uber-Sues before spinning around to parry a lethal blow.

"You guys can't give us a break, can you?"

"We probably could, but what fun would that be?"

"Not much, but you could at least not kidnap our Agents."

"That was Relyt, not me."

"Whatever!" Drake knocked Ekard's spear to one side, then punched him in the face. Ekard stumbled back, and a trio of Uber-Sues or Stus instantly took his place. Drake growled in frustration.

"Slicing Gale!" The energy boomerangs sliced through two of the Ubers, but the third leapt over them, stabbing at Drake. The Agent parried, and tried to stab, but the Sue was too close. Drake settled for whacking it away. It rolled up with a hiss, and Drake lunged, stabbing it through the chest and killing it.

"Drought Kick!" Drake spun around just in time to dodge Ekard's kick. Ekard rolled up to his feet, and the duel continued.

-

Willie dived around a group of Ubers, and came up in time to watch his counterpart slam into them, knocking them down. He grinned.

"You could use lessons in stopping. Might not hurt your own team as much. On second thought, don't take lessons. Keep helping me."

Eilliw stood shakily.

"I've injured you too a few times, you know."

Willie examined his shoulder, where a few drops of blood were inching down his arm.

"You call this an injury? I've gotten worse from parakeets."

"Try this then!"

Eilliw whipped out a small cube and tapped a button on it. The cube expanded into a shield, which proceeded to fire a hail of lasers at Willie. The Agent parried them with his sword, then lunged and slashed.

Eilliw jumped back, and tapped the button on his shield again. The shield morphed into a mace, and Willie had to backstep to avoid being pulped. Eilliw grinned and tapped another button. Immediately the spikes on the mace shot towards Willie, who grabbed a pair of Uber-Sues, using them as human…or maybe Suish shields. Eilliw snarled as the mace transformed yet again, this time into a shotgun. He pointed at Willie and fired.

"Whoa!" Willie dived to the ground, yanking another Stu in as a shield. "You could hurt someone!"

"That's the idea!" Eilliw readied the gun, but before he could fire, Willie threw one of the disintegrating Stus at him. The motes of light blinded him long enough for Willie to lunge forward and punch him hard in the face, knocking him to the ground.

-

Christoph and Tyler were running through the ship, almost to the room where the explosion had come from, when…

"Die!"

Tyler spun in time to block Relyt's strike and push him away. Several meters away, Christoph had run into his own copy. Said copy appeared to be a samurai of some sort. He had a katana in his right hand, and a wakizashi in his belt. The doppelganger lunged at Christoph, who dodged and flung several shuriken.

Meanwhile, Tyler and Relyt were firing energy blasts, pulses, and in Tyler's case, grenades. Finally, Relyt's shield didn't flare up fast enough, and the PCMSPS Agent was flung into the fighting room. Naturally, Tyler followed.

Christoph blocked a strike from Hpotsirhc, then spun and slashed, throwing several shuriken at the same time. Hpotsirhc blocked the slash, but two shuriken lodged in his side, eliciting a yelp of pain. Christoph followed up by kicking his double into the big fight room, then leapt in after him.

-

Retsa sent a fireball screaming towards her target, which at the moment was Aster. The fae dodged and fired a series of icicles in retaliation. Retsa simply formed a shield of rock, then turned her attention to an incoming Adrian. Retsa swung her staff, and there was a screech of metal on metal as it collided with Hoshikuzu. Retsa growled in annoyance and snapped her fingers. Immediately a flash of light blinded Adrian momentarily. Retsa took another swing, this time knocking Adrian backwards. Retsa prepared a lethal fireball. Just as she was about to hurl it…

"Juari-Ken - Rinwi!"

"Hm?" Retsa turned just as Tash slammed into her feet-first, sending her flying. As she turned to fire a storm of rock needles, a shout emanated from behind her.

"Librarian Secret Art: Boot to the Head!"

Adrian appeared from nowhere and kicked Retsa in the head, knocking her down. The PCMSPS leader jumped back up and prepared to obliterate the Librarian with a firestorm when a mini-hurricane picked her up, spinning her around and slamming her back down. Retsa stood again, in time to see the three Agents closing in on her. Retsa sighed. Before the Agents could attack, a group of Ubers had intercepted them. In the time it took for the Ubers to be defeated (1.1 seconds) Retsa had taken out a small control panel and pressed a large red button. Then the floor opened, revealing that the ship was over a desert/wasteland, and everyone fell.

-

Drake fell through the air, still exchanging blows with Ekard and the occasional Uber.

"Storm Punch!" Drake slammed a fist into Ekard, sending him flying, but immediately a squad of Ubers appeared in front of him. After disposing of them, he noticed Ekard propelling himself back in.

"Slicing Gale!" The energy boomerangs struck Ekard, slowing him down. Ekard growled in frustration. Without any earth to speak of, most of his attacks were unusable.

"Drought Punch!" Ekard punched the nearest Uber, sending it flying at Drake. Ekard grinned as he heard the "thunk!" that alerted him to his attack's success.

-

Eilliw fired shot after shot of everything he could think of at Willie, but the Agent just kept deflecting the attacks and continuing in. Just as Willie was about to deliver a deathblow, Eilliw switched the raygun into a club and swung hard. Willie blocked, but was still knocked back by the force of the blow. As he righted himself, he quickly retaliated.

"Water Scythe!" Willie slashed the air in an intricate shape, and as the slash finished, the pattern glowed a watery blue for a moment. The next moment, it shifted into a scythe of water and slashed at Eilliw. The counterpart tapped a button, and the mace turned into a shield. The water scythe slashed across it, leaving a deep gash in the metal. Willie growled and prepared another attack.

"Fire Slash!" Willie slashed the air again, but this time the pattern glowed a fiery orange, before settling around Willie's sword in an explosion of flame. Willie slashed at his double, and this time the force of the blow sent Eilliw flying back. Willie grinned, before propelling himself of a nearby Uber-Stu to deliver the finisher.

-

Retsa floated downwards, launching fireballs, rock needles, and flashes at Adrian, Tash, and Aster. Said three were doing their best to avoid being skewered and roasted.

"Why can't you all just die!" Retsa launched fireball after fireball at Adrian, but was intercepted by an explosion of ice and wind. She tumbled back before regaining balance and firing a burst of blinding light at Aster. The fae dodged, and a set of encyclopedias fell from nowhere and sent Retsa groundward. As she burned through the books and rose back up…

"...Abari!" Tash slammed into the PCMSPS leader from above, and Retsa slammed into the ground.

-

Tyler dropped down, formed a platform of energy, and leapt off it, slamming into Relyt and sending the PCMSPS Agent spiraling towards the ground. As Tyler was diving down for the coup de grace, Relyt sent up a blast of energy, blasting his double high into the air. As Tyler descended past his counterpart, Relyt caught his ankle with an energy loop and yanked him back up. Before Relyt could land a blow, Tyler shot past him, grabbing the rope of energy and yanking on it. Relyt shot up into the air, met Tyler's foot, and dropped back down. With a sizzle, the rope disappeared. Without any support, Tyler fell towards the ground.

Relyt stored energy, before flipping to fall feet first and propelling himself back up at Tyler, slamming into the falling Agent and carrying him back skyward.

-

Christoph hurled a shuriken at Hpotsirhc, who deflected it off the katana. The two were having a large problem with their fight. As Hpotsirhc wasn't willing to bring in Ubers, neither had any methods of propulsion. Now while most would say this gave Christoph the advantage, as he had ranged weapons, Hpotsirhc was incredibly good at blocking them. Then they noticed that they were approaching the ground. Hpotsirhc grinned evilly.

"Soon we'll reach the ground, and then nothing will stop me from finishing you!"

Christoph raised an eyebrow.

"Won't we both be dead?"

"No. The physics of this game will keep us alive."

"Odd…"

"Greatly."

Then they landed, and the battle began.

-

Drake and Ekard stood from where they had landed, looking around. Immediately, both pairs of eyes focused on a large jeep with an open top and a vicious-looking turret. They both ran for it, but Ekard reached the jeep first, shouldering Drake to one side and leaping into the vehicle. Immediately the turret spun, pointing forward, and directly at Drake. The blue-clad Society Agent whipped his cape around himself just in time to block the stream of bullets loosed from the turret and send them ricocheting off in every direction. Several Ubers, attempting to assist Ekard, were blown away by the firepower, reduced to nothing more than a red mist. Drake took the opportunity to run. By the time the mist had dissipated and Ekard had swiveled the jeep to follow Drake, the Agent had disappeared into a rock formation. Ekard lowered the power, cautiously following Drake. As Ekard turned a corner to check behind the formation…

"Storm Punch!" Drake exploded out of a well-concealed foxhole, slamming an energy-charged fist into Ekard's vehicle. The jeep flipped end over end before Ekard untangled himself and Drought Kicked it away. Ekard rolled to his feet, and both Agents produced spears from nowhere, lunging at each other.

"Slicing Gale!"

"Erupting Earth!"

Blue energy boomerangs whipped out towards Ekard, while a red arc of energy lashed towards Drake. The attacks collided, forming a glowing purple blob for a moment, before exploding and sending both Agents flying backwards. As they jumped back up, a pair of pods slammed down onto the sand.

"What the-," Drake didn't have time to finish his sentence before the pods opened, releasing a dozen Uber-Sues and Stus. Drake groaned in annoyance before charging.

-

Back up in the PCMSPS ship…

"I want to use the big cannon!"

"You got the big cannon last time!"

"So?"

"So it's my turn!"

"So?"

"So give me the big cannon!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Give me the big cannon!" A PCMSPS Agent who appeared to be exactly like Chrys, although with black ears, spun around, walked over to a control panel, and plopped down. The anti-Valerie let out a yell of indignation.

"Hey! I wanted to use the big cannon!"

"You can have the multi-cannon!"

"The big cannon is more fun!"

"Is not!"

"Then why do you want it?"

"Because I am a nice person who wants the best for you?"

"Yeah, right." Eirelav pushed Syrhc out of the chair and sat down.

"Hey!" Syrhc pushed against Eirelav, but the Protection Society Agent refused to budge.

"You…got….the….big….cannon….last….time!" Finally, Syrhc pushed Eirelav out of the chair.

"You little-," Eirelav stood, preparing to evict Syrhc once again, when a voice appeared from the corner.

"Can you keep it down? I'm trying to listen to music!"

"And stop fighting, it's wrong!" Two heads poked out into the weapons room. One belonged to an Agent named Ssej. The other belonged to Yzzo, or, as many of the other Agents referred to her, Asso. As soon as they were finished reprimanding the two, the heads disappeared. Syrhc turned to Eirelav.

"Remind me, why do we put up with them?"

"Well, Yzzo is good at firing the pods-,"

"-Is that what she's doing?"

"Yes. And Ssej's IPod is hooked up to the autocannon. Every time she presses a button, it fires."

"Hard to dodge random shots."

"Exactly."

"Now, I'm keeping the big cannon!"

"No!"

"Okay, all of you, what's going on?" Another Agent, this one a carbon copy of Karissa, stepped into the room. Immediately, Eirelav and Syrhc both began speaking at once.

"Iwantthebigcannonbutshewon''tgiveitto…!"

"SHUT UP!" Assirak screamed.

Eirelav and Syrhc promptly did so.

"I'm taking the big cannon. Eirelav, you get the multi-cannon. Syrhc, you can have the other multi-cannon."

"Since when are you our-," Syrhc began, when Assirak grabbed her by the throat and suspended her a foot off the ground.

"Since I said so. Now go do your job." Assirak dropped the other PCMSPS Agent, who quickly ran to the third control panel. Eirelav grumbled before walking over to her assigned control panel.

"I get the big cannon next time."

"Whatever. Do your job."

-

"Random Magic Blast!" A trio of Ubers exploded into motes of light and Tyler grinned. He turned his attention back to Relyt.

"So… you were saying?"

"Not much. Just that maybe you should duck."

"Hm? Why would I… HOLY MUFFINS!" Tyler took a flying leap to avoid the giant green laser that slammed down where he had been standing a moment ago. The beam plowed forward for about fifty feet, leaving a trail of glass and dust in its wake. By the time the dust had cleared, Relyt had gone, and half-a-dozen Ubers had replaced it. Tyler groaned.

"Do I really have to keep killing you guys?"

One of the Ubers spoke.

"I shall answer your question with a question. Do you play Yugioh?"

"Occasionally."

"Well, we activate Reinforcement of the Army."

Several pods fell from the sky, slamming into the ground and kicking up a dust cloud. As the cloud faded, Tyler made out the shadows of at least two dozen Ubers. He did the only sensible thing. He formed a gigantic sail and crest of energy, created energy fangs, and roared at the top of his lungs. Several of the Ubers shrank back. Then a good deal of them turned and ran. The others fainted. Tyler smirked.

"I chain Threatening Roar." He didn't have much time to celebrate, though, as a pod of pods rained down, releasing many more Ubers. Tyler sighed.

"I don't suppose I could scare you away?"

"Hm… no."

"Drat." Tyler prepared a grenade, tossed it forwards, and charged.

-

"Dance of the Dust Whirlwind!"

A sand and rock storm whipped up, knocking Eilliw to the ground and opening several cuts. The Protection Society Agent stood shakily before tapping the button on his weapon. The mace morphed into a box with three wires extending from it. Before Willie could wonder what it did, Eilliw threw a switch on the side. The wires hummed with energy and slashed at the ground. Immediately, the sand rose from the ground, magnetized by the weapon. Eilliw whipped the wires around, trailing the cloud of sand before lashing it at Willie. As the sand was about to reach the nearest point to Willie, Eilliw threw the switch again. This time, the magnetic force of the wires disappeared, leaving the sand magnetic. Unfortunately, the nearest magnetic object had just become Willie's sword. The sand shot forward, hitting the sword with surprising force and knocking it away. Eilliw grinned.

"Now, prepare to-,"

Suddenly, a rain of laser bolts and Uber-pods rained from the sky. Eilliw hesitated a moment. Willie smirked.
"Too late." He dove for his sword, rolling up and slashing the air. "Heaven's Barrier!"

The slash glowed pink, before forming a dome around Willie. Several lasers slammed into it, but did nothing. As the shield dissipated, Willie looked around. The odds appeared to be against him, seeing as there were at least thirty Ubers between him and Eilliw.

Good. That was how he liked it. He charged.

-

Christoph stabbed a shuriken forward, and was rewarded by a yell of pain from Hpotsirhc. The Protection Society member slashed with his katana, but Christoph backstepped, evading the attack.

"Hold still!" Hpotsirhc snapped, slashing again. Christoph's only response was to draw his ninjato and slash at Hpotsirhc's torso. Hpotsirhc smirked.

"Wrong move." The Agent drew the wakizashi, spun it once to deflect the ninjato, then slotted it back into his belt. The parry caught Christoph off guard, long enough for Hpotsirhc to slash across his shoulder. True to the game physics, Christoph suffered no ill effects other then stumbling back.

"Die!" Hpotsirhc took the initiative, lunging forward and stabbing. Christoph grinned.

"Wrong move." Christoph hurled shuriken, but Hpotsirhc simply deflected them. The ninja charged, leaping into the air and striking down with the ninjato, but Hpotsirhc parried. Finally, Christoph dropped down, swiping out with one leg. This time, there were no blocks. Hpotsirhc stumbled, Christoph added a push, and the samurai fell flat on his face.

Christoph smirked. Then he heard three loud thumps from behind him. He spun, just in time to watch two dozen Ubers scuttle out of the pods.

"Maybe I should look into wide-ranging weaponry…"

Christoph charged.

-

"Librarian Art 2: A Thousand Words in an Instant!" Adrian appeared next to Retsa, even as the Protection Society leader formed a cone of rock. After the attack was finished, said cone of rock had been nicely carved.

"Juari-Ken - Tairosen!" Tash slammed into the sculpture, not breaking through, but giving it an interesting texture.

"Um… Tempest Wave!" A blast of wind and water slammed into the sculpture, shaping it further.

Sadly, this work of art in progress was destroyed as Retsa released an explosion of power, sending shrapnel flying at the three Agents.

"Librarian Art 6: Shield of Silence!" The shards of rock bounced off an invisible barrier.

Tash swiped the air with her staff, and an explosion of flames deflected the rock shards.

Aster pointed at the rocks, which changed into blobs of water, which dissipated into the air. Then all three Agents charged.

"Librarian Art 9: Pillars of Knowledge!" Pillars ripped through the ground, looming over Retsa for a moment before slamming down.

"Juari-Ken - Doryuta!" Tash leapt into the air, then dropped down, slamming a flaming staff onto Retsa's head.

"Yah!" Aster charged, then jumped up and swung her staff down onto Retsa's head…

"PERISH!"

Before any of the attacks could connect, Retsa raised her staff, which emitted a huge bolt of white light, blasting all three attacks…and Agents…backwards. As Adrian, Tash, and Aster rose shakily, Retsa spun the staff once before slamming the base onto the ground.

"Now, let the true battle….begin."

-

"Yah!" Drake swung his spear at the last of the Ubers, a burst of blue energy destroying them.

"Congratulations." Drake spun around, slashing at his double. Ekard parried before jumping back.

"Erupting Earth!"

"Slicing Gale!"

The attacks slammed into each other, and a purple shockwave radiate out from them.

"Damn… I was hoping to finish you off with that… Drought Kick!" Ekard leapt forward, and Drake barely caught the blow on his spear. Even so, the force of the kick sent him stumbling back.

"Why won't you die? Drought Punch!"

"Storm Punch!"

The energy-charged blows collided, forming another purple shockwave which sent the two fighters flying backwards. Drake leapt to his feet, already attacking.

"Slicing…"

"Erupting…"

"GALE!"

"EARTH!"

Two huge blasts of energy, one red, one purple, shot towards each other. When they connected, it was the catalyst for an explosion Tyler would have envied, enveloping their section of the battlefield in a cloud of smoke.

-

"Bolero of Steam!" A blast of white-hot steam evaporated a group of Ubers, and Willie turned back to Eilliw at lightning speed, slashing his sword in another shape.

"Wood Imprisonment!" Spikes of wood appeared out of nowhere, arranging themselves into a cage around Eilliw.

"Wrong!" Eilliw's weapon transformed into a huge mace, slamming into the bars of the cage, shattering them, and sending slivers flying at Willie.

"Hmph!" Willie waved his sword, and an explosion of black flames burned the wood to ashes. "Hellfire!"

The black flames gathered again, before blasting out at Eilliw. The PCMSPS Agent barely had time to transform his weapon into a shield when the attack hit. Eilliw stumbled back, but quickly retaliated by forming a laser bazooka and firing.

"Gah!" Willie swung his sword, and a burst of dark energy struck the laser, shattering it like a pane of glass. Eilliw snarled before firing again, then launching a rocket.

"Die!" Willie slashed the air, and a shockwave of hellfire blasted out, hitting the rocket and laser.

"Grr…" Eilliw fired one more time, this time the rocket and laser accompanied by a small sphere of metal. Once more Willie countered with a blast of hellfire, and…

KABOOM!

-

"Die!" A grenade hit the last of the Ubers, blasting them out of existence. Tyler smirked.

"See, Relyt, this is why you don't underestimate the power of explosives."

"Aw, you stole that from Star Wars!"

"Did not! Star Wars says, 'This will show you not to underestimate the power of the Dark Side!' And besides, I'm on the Light Side!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too and I'll prove it!" Without further ado, Tyler fired a blue energy bolt, whacking Relyt in the face.

"Ow!"

"See? See? That proves it! My attacks are blue, green, and purple! That makes me the good guy!"

"Whaaat? I refuse to accept that assessment of the situation."

"So what? You can't fight the facts!"

"Why not?"

"Because."

"That's stupid!"

"So is ticking off a bloodthirsty halfling."

"Eh… touche."

"Right! I. Am. The. Good. Guy. Admit it!"

"Never!"

"Then be whacked by a ping-pong paddle!" Tyler lunged, and before Relyt could move, he had been smacked upside the head by Tyler's ping-pong paddle.

"So there."

"You… are going to pay for that!" Relyt generated a huge sphere of energy and flung it at Tyler. Tyler responded with a grenade. The result was predictable.

-

"I am the dark void. I am the cold steel. I am the just sword. I am-, "

"Get on with it!" The Uber screamed in annoyance.

"Hmm?"

The Uber paled, realizing Christoph hadn't actually been talking to him, and in fact, probably hadn't even noticed him until now.

"Ulp…!"

"Die." Christoph stabbed forward with a sai, and the Stu's life ended. Along with his state as solid matter, seeing as he promptly exploded into motes of light.

"Good, good. If you weren't a member of the Other Society, I might suggest to Retsa that you be enlisted."

Christoph spun to face Hpotsirhc. "And what makes you think there is any chance I would join?"

"Nothing. I'd still suggest it."

"Hmph." Christoph grabbed a shuriken from nowhere, flinging it at Hpotsirhc. Only Hpotsirhc's quick reflexes prevented him from dying painfully. Hpotsirhc lunged, and Christoph barely brought his sais up in time to parry. Hpotsirhc spun, attacking again, but this time Christoph simply leapt back and flung another shuriken. Hpotsirhc blocked again. He prepared to lunge, Christoph reached for a shuriken.

Swp. Swp. Swp. Christoph gulped.

"Out of shuriken? Oh well." Hpotsirhc grinned evilly, moving in for the kill, when…

"Squawk!"

"Huh?"

Algazdun slammed into Hpotsirhc from above, raking at his face. Hpotsirhc screamed in pain, although he managed to shield his eyes from harm.

"Gah! Get off, you stupid bird!" Hpotsirhc flailed around with his sword, attempting to connect, but Algazdun simply flapped away before swooping in again. Finally, the eagle let up his assault, and Hpotsirhc relaxed somewhat.

Then Christoph kicked him in the face, knocking him down.

-

"Juari-Ken...Doryuta!" The flaming strike sent Retsa flying into the air.

"Juari-Ken...Shinanori!" Retsa soared even higher into the air.

"Juari-Ken...Doryuto!" This time, the strike sent Retsa tumbling down towards the ground.

"Juari-Ken...Abari!" Tash dove down, slamming Retsa into the sand.

As Tash jumped back, Aster readied an attack.

"Hm… Conversion Beam!" A burst of energy struck the ground under Retsa. Suddenly the sand became quicksand, and Retsa began to sink.

"Uh-oh…"

"Librarian Art 9: Pillars of Knowledge!"

Retsa paled.

"Oh crap…"

SPLURTCH!

As the pillars crumbled, Retsa quickly gathered herself, barking out an order.

"All Protection Society members and Ubers, retreat! This is an order!" In a burst of light, Retsa disappeared.
Adrian, Tash, and Aster all hi-fived.

-

Ekard and Drake were trading spear and fist strikes, several Ubers attempting to intervene but being accidentally cut down by one of the two.

"Drought-,"

Then the sound of Retsa's command washed over their section of the battlefield. Ekard paused.

"I'd love to stick around to kill you, but I guess I can't just yet. See ya!"

With a burst of fire, Ekard vanished.

Drake blinked.

"That was… theatrical…"

-

Relyt fished the Wall of Offense out of his pocket.

"Prepare to-,"

"All Protection Society members and Ubers, retreat! This is an order!"

Relyt groaned.

"Look, can I at least kill him fi-,"

"Now!"

"Fine…" Relyt vanished in a shower of red light.

-

Willie raised his sword over Eilliw, preparing to deliver a finishing blow.

Then the two heard Retsa's order.

Eilliw smirked. "Bye."

As Willie's sword slammed down, Eilliw vanished in a shroud of crackling electricity.

"Damn it…"

-

Christoph pointed a sai at Hpotsirhc's throat.

"Are you ready to meet your maker?"

As Retsa's order swept over them, Hpotsirhc grinned.

"Maybe someday, Society Agent. But not yet."

With that, he disappeared in a burst of silver energy.

-

Up in the PCMSPS ship…

Retsa was screaming at a videoscreen.

"YOU IDIOT! THE NEGATIZER MAGNET FAILED! TWO OF THE LEADERS SHOWED UP!"

On the screen, a PCMSPS member who appeared to be the counterpart of Charis was slowly turning pale.

"W-w-well… I believe it may be one of the Society's rules… at least one leader must accompany Agents to a fandom such as this one..."

"Don't. Fail. Again. Am I making myself clear?"

"Y-yes…"

"Glad to hear it."

-

"Drake?"

"Here."

"Willie?"

"Here."

"Christoph?"

"Here."

"Tyler?"

"Here."

"Adrian?"

"…I'm standing next to you."

"It's standard procedure."

"I'm standing right here."

"We have to take attendance after missions like this, otherwise we might lose someone."

Adrian sighed.

"Whatever… here."

"Good." Tash put away the attendance list and opened a Plothole.

"Let's go home."

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