Thursday, March 15, 2012

Insert Rebellious Experiment Here

The red clad Super-Sue trekked down the castle hallway. She had added a trench coat to her wardrobe. A heavy door loomed in front of her; she raised her foot and kicked it, sending the metal flying off its hinges.
Raven looked up from his reading at the loud crash and watched as his creation stepped into the room.

"I take it you have something to discuss with me?" he asked in an annoyed tone. He closed his magazine and tossed it across the room where it landed on a pile of reading material.

"As a matter of fact, I do," Super-Sue said. She raised her arm and a blast of wind shot from her palm. The gust struck Raven and sent him tumbling back over his recliner and skidding across the stone floor. "I'm striking out on my own!"

"Are you sure that's wise?" Raven asked as he stood up, his sword appearing in his grip.

"I'm tired of you ordering me around, when I could crush you under my foot like the insignificant insect you are," Super-Sue growled. "This is just a warning, don't come after me and I won't kill you."

"Sorry, but I don't want one of my enemies capturing you and learning any of my scientific secrets from dissecting you," Raven said. "I'm afraid I'll have to kill you first."

"You don't have the power to do it!" she exclaimed, her flail appeared in a flash of red light and she swung it at her creator. The thin steel cord connected to the ball stretched as it shot toward the gothic Stu.

Raven leapt over the weapon, letting it crash into the wall behind him and bury itself in the stone. He landed on the flail's cord, kneeling down and glaring at her. "The first rule of mad science is to never create something you can't destroy. I am prepared for your rebellion."

He leapt forward, becoming a blur as he descended towards Super-Sue. His sword descended towards her head, but she raised her arm and caught the blade in her palm. She chuckled, but Raven smirked as blood dripped from her hand.

Yanking on her flail, the ball pulled itself free and flew backwards. Super-Sue leapt into the air as the flying ball crashed into Raven's back and sent him crashing into the wall. She twirled her weapon over her head as Raven stepped back into the room, rubbing his forehead. A squad of white humanoid robot swarmed in behind Raven and charged at the Sue. Her flail descended on the robots and smashed half of the group through the floor. An energy blast from her free hand destroyed the rest.

"I think you forgot that I have an army at my beck and call in this world," Raven said as he advanced on his creation, flanked by a Jedi knight and Clint Eastwood dressed as cowboy and armed with a revolver.

"This world is my army!" Super-Sue exclaimed slamming her flail into the floor. The fragments of gray stone pulled together into a pair of humanoid shapes. "I've discovered that I can do some pretty nifty things with my fandom manipulating powers."

"Interesting, I didn't suspect you would be capable of this," Raven scratched his chin thoughtfully. A smile spread across his face. "I'm so proud of you."

He thrust his arm forward and bursts of dark energy shot towards the golems. Bits of stone exploded off the creatures, but they didn't seem to notice as they advanced forward. The Jedi leapt and sliced a golem in half with his lightsaber. Clint fired a shot at the other, but the shell just bounced off. A club formed from its hand and the creature smacked the cowboy, sending him flying through the wall.

Raven charged, his sword glowing with dark energy, he slashed through the golem, his arms a blur of motion. The stone creature exploded apart as the assault finished.

Super-Sue's mace crashed down on the Jedi and slammed him through the floor. Raven appeared behind the hovering Sue, but she blurred away before he could land a slash. She reappeared at the other end of the room, arm raised. A blast of wind shot from her palm, sending Raven flying back into the wall where stone tendrils wrapped around his arms. He gasped and struggled against the stone.

With a snap of Super-Sue's fingers, the pair of golems pulled themselves back together. She waved her hands and the hole in the wall and the doorway were sealed over with rock. Turning back to face Raven, she only found the stone tendrils empty. She gasped in surprise and glanced around; finding the room empty, save for herself and her creations.

Scoffing, Super-Sue opened a plothole and stepped through it.


Drake groaned as he crawled through the dark tunnel. The only source of light came from the miner's helmet on his head and the one on Tyler behind him.

"Okay, we should be right under it," Drake said stopping and pulling a small shovel from his belt. He began chipping at the ceiling.

"There'll be enough chocolate to last us a week up there," Tyler said gleefully as he chipped at the tunnel with a chisel.

"Not with the way you eat," Drake laughed.

"Hey, I'm not the one who can eat a whole can of clam chowder by himself."

After a few minutes, they cleared away the concrete and found the floorboards. Drake turned around and kicked the boards out.

"All right, come to papa!" Drake exclaimed as he stuck his head out of the opening. He frowned as he found himself staring at a bed. "Something tells me this is the wrong room…"

A feminine shriek furthered his assumption. Instead of ducking back into the hole, Drake did something very stupid. He turned towards the source of the scream. A pair of bare feet entered his vision, before one of the feet raised and collided with his face. Drake dropped back into the hole, unconscious, and sporting a bloody nose.


"So we were digging in the wrong direction?" Tyler scratched his head as he and Drake walked away from the medical wing. Bandages covered Drake's nose. Tyler had escaped unharmed and unseen.

"'Wrong' doesn't even begin to cover it," Drake groaned tenderly touching his nose.

"Yeah, we wasted a whole month," Tyler sighed. "How's your nose?"

"Not too bad," Drake said. "I wish I'd actually seen something to justify this injury, but no I ended up with all the pain and nothing to remember for it."

"Any idea who you busted in on?"

"Nope, all I saw was the bottom of her foot," he replied.

"Well, you should probably avoid the girls for a while then," Tyler suggested.

Drake started to nod his agreement when Tash stepped around the corner. He screamed in fear and jumped behind Tyler. The Society leader blinked in confusion. "What's wrong with him?"


"I recently ran into someone going around a corner," Drake said quickly, stepping out from behind Tyler. "That's how I got this." He pointed to his nose.

"Okay…" Tash said. "We got a large reading of Suergy in the Marvel Comics fandom. We need to form a team to deal with it. Do you guys mind going along?"

"No problem," the duo replied.


The plothole opened in the middle of a thick forest. Drake, Tyler, Jared, and Chloe stepped out of the portal and glanced around, looking for their target and admiring the forest.

A group of pterodactyls exploded from the bushes, startling them. A black sword flew out of the air, spinning rapidly as it headed for the agents. Tyler spun around and pulled out his wall of defense. The sword bounced off the wall and returned to its thrower's hand.

"I see I've got your attention," Raven said as he leaned against the trunk of the tree he currently stood in. "I suppose we should have a completely pointless fight before we discuss exactly why I'm here?"

The four didn't seem to hear Raven's last comment as Drake summoned his armor, Tyler morphed his Ping-Pong paddle into a staff, Jared raised his Boomhammer, and Chloe drew her sword, taking up a fighting stance.

Raven sighed and rolled his eyes before vanishing in a blur. He slammed the flat side of his sword against Drake's helmet. Jared spun around swinging his hammer at the Stu who raised his sword to block. An explosion of sound sent Raven skidding back.

"Not bad," he commented.

Tyler leapt over Jared and swung his staff down. Raven raised his hand and caught the staff, yanking Tyler forward and raising a foot to boot him back. He crashed into Jared and knocked both to the ground.

Chloe stepped forward and swung her sword at Raven. The Stu parried the blow and lunged forward with his own weapon. Chloe twisted out of the way. Drake leapt towards Raven, thrusting his foot forward. The Stu casually raised his arm and a wall of energy appeared. The armored agent bounced off the barrier, crashing into a tree.

"Boomhammer!" Jared exclaimed charging at Raven. The Stu spun around and raised his hand, a ball of dark magic forming in his palm. Tyler morphed his staff into its bomb form and tossed it at Raven as he released his blast of magic. Raven's eyes widened as the bomb exploded and knocked him back. Jared leapt out of the smoke cloud and slammed his hammer into Raven's chest. The gothic Stu went flying back with a resounding boom.

"Are you going to come quietly now?" Chloe asked.

Raven laughed as he stood up, brushing off the sleeve of his trench coat. He reached into his coat and pulled out a disc. The Society agents jumped back as he flung it towards them. They waited for a few tense minutes and relaxed when the disc didn't exploded. Tyler leaned down and picked it up.

"Now, don't eat that," Raven said. "The information on that disc will give you everything you need to build a device specifically to track Super-Sue."

"Why are you giving it to us then?" Drake asked. "Is this another one of your plans to test your creation?"

"If it were, it wouldn't be so obvious," Raven shot back, sounding insulted. "Super-Sue has turned on me, so now she has to be dealt with."

"You expect us to do your dirty work?" Chloe asked.

"I expect the Society to do exactly what it always does," Raven laughed. A plothole opened behind him and he stepped back into it.

Drake sighed. "He knows us too well."

"Well, let's get back to the Library," Jared said.

"Eh, needs pepper," the three turned to find Tyler chewing on the disc's plastic container.



The group was clustered around the desk in the briefing room. Many of the other Society members were there as well. Himuro had the disc inserted into a laptop, since no one wanted to risk putting the disk into any of Society computer systems.

"Well, it's exactly what he says it is," Himuro said, leaning back in his chair. "Details on how we can set our monitor to track Super-Sue."

"By tracking her unique energy?" Jared asked.

"No, when Raven created Super-Sue he used some mechanical parts in her creation," Himuro explained. "The tracking beacon is built into her entire body. It's quite clever."

"So are we going after her?" Drake asked, glancing at Tash and Harriet. "I want to get her back for last time."

"We'll have the element of surprise this time," Marcus noted. "We can go in prepared."

"Right," Adrian nodded. "Let's get what we can out of the armory. Himuro, can you calibrate the monitor to track Super-Sue?"

"-chicken!" Pete exclaimed as he resumed control of his body. He glanced around with a puzzled look.

"I'll take care of it," Camille said, hitting the eject button on the laptop.


The wind howled across the frozen landscape. A lone figure trekked across the snow. He was a man of enormous stature. His skin was a ghastly yellow color and his eyes dark and soulless.

He approached the opening of a cave and ducked in out of the cold. His mouth widened into a smile as he saw the figure that awaited him in the cave. Super-Sue smiled back at him and the two ran to each other and embraced.

"I was beginning to fear that you would not return," the creature said.

"Excuse me," a teen resembling Drake, but with shorter hair and stubble stepped into view. Super-Sue and Frankenstein's monster stared at the newcomer in shock, astounded at his sudden appearance.

"The author, being me, would like to apologize for not being able to keep the monster's dialogue more inline with that of the original novel, but I can't do the whole seven syllable words all the time. Anyway, back to the fic," With that the author leapt off-screen.

"I'll always return to you," Super-Sue gushed as she leaned her head against the creature's chest. Mushy romantic music began playing as the two stared into each other's eyes. The two leaned their heads together.

"Oh, thank Starclan, I arrived just in time to interrupt the kissing scene," Drake said as he leaned against the cave, clad in his armor.

Super-Sue stepped around the monster and glared at him. "So you're still alive?"

"I'm like a cockroach. You can't kill me that easily," Drake said.

"I'll be more thorough this time," she hovered into the air, thunder clapping behind her.

"We're in a cave, where'd that thunder come from?" Drake asked. "Zoinks!"

Super-Sue flew forward and Drake turned and charged out of the cave. A fist slammed into his back as he emerged into the cold air. The blow sent him flying through the air. A net dropped from above the cave and landed on the Sue. She gasped in surprise and struggled against it, before a high voltage shock ran through it. Dropping to her knees, she glared up at Drake.

He pushed himself up as several more Society agents emerged from the snowstorm, each dressed in heavy wool coats and wielding missile launchers, bazookas, and energy weapons.

"Super-Sue, you are surrounded," Adrian shouted over the gale. "Surrender and no harm will come to you."

"Eve!" the creature exclaimed as he appeared in the cave entrance. He leaned down and tried to pull the net off the Sue. A surge of electricity caused him to flinch back.

"You think you can stop me!" Super-Sue exclaimed as she slowly stood. Her hair was billowing though not from the artic gale, but rather from the aura of energy, she emitted. She grabbed the net and ripped it apart.

"Fire!" Tash exclaimed, pulling the trigger on her bazooka. Missiles flew through the air as Eve raised her arms. The snow in front of her rose up and formed a massive castle wall. The missiles exploded uselessly against it.

"Why are you bothering me?" Super-Sue asked as the wall of snow rose into the air and hovered over top of the gathered Society. "I just want to be left alone!"

"Then you shouldn't have messed with this fandom!" Drake shouted.

"You fools and your precious continuity," Super-Sue lowered her arms and the cloud of snow fell. "It will be the death of you!"

Aster in fae form raised her moon scepter and the snow began melting into water. Tash and Jess unleashed blasts of fire further melting the snow. The small army of agents charged forward even as the melted snow rained down on them.

Eve pointed forward and an army of snowmen rose out of the ground, their arms were wicked looking branches wielding melee weapons made of ices. Theirs faces consisted of a carrot nose and red energy for sinister eyes and mouth.

Drake ducked under an ice sword and roundhouse kicked its owner, scattering its midsection. It swung its sword a second time in spite of its missing middle. Drake leapt over the blow and came down on the snowman's head with both feet crushing it. An icy mace slammed into his chest armor and knocked him back.

Six snowmen surrounded Tyler. He raised his arm and made a bring-it-on gesture with his fingers. The arctic abominations charged at him, he waited until the last second and then leapt. The snowy warriors slammed into each. Tyler dropped a bomb down on the pile of snowmen; the explosion sent white powder flying everywhere. As the short agent dropped back to the ground, he leaned down and picked up a carrot, munching on it. "Eh, what's up, doc?"

A snake-like tendril of darkness bit off a snowman's head and proceeded to gobble up the rest of its body. Michael blocked an ax strike with his sword and a second snakehead sprouted from his back, biting off the head of the snowman he currently faced. Michael finished it off with a sword swing through the stomach.

I don't know why you humans get so upset about eating snow, the Darkness hissed. It's quite tasty.

"Just watch you don't eat any yellow snow," Michael said, raising his sword as another wave of demonic snowmen charged at him.

"Come on, Aster," Tash said, ducking under a sword swing, before thrusting her staff into the snowman's body and melting it. "Let's cut this problem off at the source."

Wings sprouted from her back and she leapt into the air. Aster beat her butterfly wings and followed the Society leader as she flew over the battlefield. The agents were easily beating the snowmen, but every time they destroyed one, another took its place.

Spotting the two girls, Super-Sue materialized her flail and hovered into the air. She swung her weapon forward and the winged duo scattered in opposite directions, avoiding the steel ball. Aster pointed her scepter at Eve and a layer of ice covered the Sue's curvy body. Tash dived at the frozen Sue. Flexing her muscles, Super-Sue shattered the ice and swung her flail.

A black blur slammed into Tash's side knocking her out of the ball's path. Tash hit the snow and tumbled across it. Her rescuer landed more gracefully on his feet. Raven grinned as he turned to face the Society leader. "You should be more careful."

"What are you doing here?" Tash demanded, pushing herself up and ignoring Raven's offered hand.

"Isn't it obvious?" Raven asked. "I'm going to help you destroy my creation."

"We're going to capture her if we can," Tash said.

"You won't be able to catch her," Raven spoke as though he was talking to a child. "I designed her so that nothing short of death could stop her."

"Fine, you can help then," Tash sighed as she glanced upwards.

Aster and Eve floated facing each other. Super-Sue idly twirled her flail, she launched her weapon at the fae and Aster dropped under it, flying up and slamming her scepter into Super-Sue's chin. Raven chuckled and crossed his arms, watching and waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike…

Tash flew up behind Eve and slammed her staff into the Sue's back. She spun around, swinging her flail at Tash, who raised her staff to block, the impact knocked her back and she tumbled through the air for a few feet before righting herself. The Society leader pointed her staff skyward and launched a cloud of flame at the Sue. Eve lifted up her flail, blocking the stream of fire with the massive steel ball. Aster swung her scepter at her exposed back, but Eve spun around and blocked with the glowing red orb of her flail. Ice spread from the scepter until the flail and the ball shattered apart.

Christoph exploded out of the snow, stabbing a pair of sai into the heads of two snowmen. He stepped back and watched as the snowmen advanced on him in spite of the blades stuck in their heads. A giant hawk swept down and grabbed the head of a snowman in his talon, pulling it off the body and flying off.

"Thanks, Algazdun!" the ninja said as he pulled out his yari and slashed his two startled enemies apart.

Doug and Pete stood back to back. Doug wielding a laser rifle straight out of a sci-fi novel and Pete in his Light Drake form, wielding his dual laser pistols. The blasts of energy easily melted their snowy enemies, but more of the monsters sprang up to replace the old.

"We're not going to get anywhere at this rate!" Doug exclaimed as he fried a snowman's nose.

"Everyone get behind me!" Ben exclaimed as he blasted a snowman apart with Bahamut. "I'll take care of these guys!"

The agents quickly disengaged from the snowmen they fought, retreating towards Ben who dodged a thrown ax with the Fast-Step. He thrust his palm towards the army of snowmen, fingers curled. "My coffeemakers are not controlled by Hoover Dam computers!"

A floodgate rose up behind the guitar-wielding agent, Ben scrambled to the side as the gate opened and a flood of coffee rushed towards the snowy beasts. The creatures shrieked as the coffee swept them away, melting in the hot liquid.

A chorus of cheers went up from the Society and Ben received several slaps on the back.

"It won't be that easy!" Super-Sue exclaimed swatting Aster away with a backhand. She thrust both hands forward and tendrils of red energy shot towards the brown-stained snow. Brown snowmen began rising out of the ground.

"Are iced cappuccino snowmen stronger or weaker than regular snowmen?" Drake asked.

"That depends. Are they decaf or regular?" Jared asked.

"What does it matter?" Shirley asked as she leapt at the advancing army. The Cliché Stick ripped at the snowmen with her claws and teeth, throwing snow everywhere.

"I'm glad she's on our side," Drake said.

Tash and Aster slammed their weapons into Super-Sue's chest and knocked her to the ground.

"Juari-Ken - Abari!" Tash shouted as she dived, staff thrust forward, spinning rapidly. She struck her target and a massive explosion rocked the landscape. As the smoke cleared, it revealed Super-Sue with her hand wrapped around Tash's staff, a grin on her face. She slammed her foot into Tash's stomach and sent her flying back.


Super-Sue tilted her head to the side as Adrian appeared above her and thrust his foot forward. Her hand curled around the Librarian's ankle a second later and she flung him after Tash, the impact knocking her back into the snow. Raven appeared next to her and raked his sword across her side.

She shrieked in pain and spun to face him. "Hello, creator."

Bursts of dark magic shot from Raven's sword, but a pillar of snow rose in front of the blasts putting a halt to them. Super-Sue cackled as snow moved up from the ground, forming an icy armor over her body. A massive blade of jagged ice formed in her hand last and she swung it at Raven, who ducked the blade. Adrian and Tash slammed into the Sue's back, knocking her forward, Raven swung his sword, but it barely chipped the icy armor.

"Storm Kick!" Drake exclaimed leaping into a group of snowmen. Bolts of electricity bounced across the creatures and they blew apart into brown slush.

A massive fist slammed into Drake's helmet, knocking him off his feet. He rolled to his feet and faced his attacker. The monster towered over him, glaring down with its dark eyes. Drake gulped as Frankenstein's monster took a step forward.

"Why must you hound us? Even here in this frozen wasteland were we would be no threat to humanity," the monster asked.

"Hey, I don't know what she told you, but we're just here for her," Drake said.

"I won't let you take her!" he exclaimed, swinging a fist at Drake's head. The armored agent leapt over the creature, but he spun around faster than Drake expected and landed a blow to his back. "She is the only one who truly understands me and doesn't run from my terrifying visage!"

"I'm just doing my job," Drake quickly crushed a handful of snow together and rolled onto his back, tossing the hastily made snowball into the creature's face. He roared in rage and Drake jumped back to his feet, slamming a kick into his stomach. The monster barely flinched under the blow and lashed out with an arm. Drake ducked under the attack. He punched the creature's stomach, but again the attack was shrugged off.

The monster's arm reached out and its fingers closed around Drake's throat, hoisting him into the air. Drake gasped for air as the fingers dug into his neck. The agent pulled out a copyright and prepared to stick it to the creature's arm, but the creature's free hand wrapped around his wrist.

"Boomhammer!" Jared's signature weapon slammed into the monster's back. He stumbled forward and lost his grip on Drake's neck. The human gasped as air rushed back into his lungs.

"Storm Punch!" Drake exclaimed, stepping forward and slamming his crackling fist into the creature's chest. The wretch grunted and fell unto his side unconscious. Drake glanced up at Jared. "Thanks."

Adrian ducked under a swing of the massive ice sword. Next to him, Raven launched a barrage of dark magic from his palm, which exploded against the Sue's armor. A pink energy whip lashed out of Eve's wrist and knocked the Librarian and the gothic Stu back.

"How do we beat her?" Adrian asked as he picked himself out of the snow.

"First you need to get rid of that armor," Raven replied. "Then distract her so I can deliver the crucial blow to her weak spot."

"What is her weak spot?" Adrian pressed.

"That's not your concern," Raven smirked. "You only need to worry about keeping me around long enough to take her down."

Adrian sighed and glanced back at Super-Sue. Tash attempted to use Doryuto, but Eve blocked the attack with her sword and landed a punch to Tash's chin. The dazed leader stumbled back as Eve raised her sword for the final blow.

"Librarian Art 5: A through Z!" Adrian commanded as thick encyclopedias dropped on Super-Sue. "Librarian Art 3: Burning Knowledge!" The pile of volumes burst into flame and wrapped around the armored Sue.

With a cry of rage, Eve blew out the fire with a blast of wind. Her armor and sword had melted away. Raven charged at her, sword raised. Super-Sue blocked his first slash with her arm, the blade leaving a shallow cut in her flesh that quickly began healing. The Stu scored another cut across her stomach, before Eve kicked him back.

Michael exploded out of Eve's shadow, stabbing his sword into her back. She yelped in pain as he dug the blade in and the Darkness' tendrils bite into her shoulders. An aura of red light formed around her, everyone covered his or her eyes as the light reached blinding intensity. Michael cried out in agony and dropped to his knees as the glow faded.

A bolt of energy from Bahamut struck Super-Sue in the side and Tyler appeared in front of her, slamming his staff into her knee. She grabbed his shirt and tossed him to the side as Ben continued blasting her with his guitar. She spun to face him and knocked him off his feet with an energy blast.

"Don't mess with nukes!" Ben pointed at her and a missile descended out of the sky. She raised an arm and blasted the projectile out of the air. Drake hurled his spear at her, while Pete unleashed a barrage of laser fire. She swatted the spear aside with ease, but the energy blasts exploded against her.

"What happened to my snowmen army?" Eve growled.

"Once you had four opponents going after you, it seems you lost concentration and your army began falling apart," Chloe explained as she dispatched the last snowman.

"I'll still take you apart!" Super-Sue exclaimed.

"All fourteen of us?" Adrian asked pointing his sword at her.

Her sneer faded for a moment and she looked unsure what she should do. The corners of Raven's mouth curled into a smirk before he blurred in front of his creation and plunged his sword into her chest. Several of the Society agents exclaimed in surprise at the attack. Raven pulled his sword free and Eve slumped to her knees, pressing a hand over the ugly wound.

"What did you do?" Eve gasped out.

"I destroyed your Super-Suergy chamber," Raven calmly pulled his glasses out of his trench coat and slipped them onto his face. "It's responsible for regulating all the energy in your body. Without it, you'll only last for a few seconds."

Raven raised his sword, blocking Adrian's Hoshikuzu from connecting with his neck. "You're under arrest!"

"I don't think so," the Stu replied as Eve's body began swelling. "You have only a few precious seconds to clear the area before my creation releases all of her energy in a colorful and fatal explosion."

"Run for it!" Tash shouted even as several agents took off. The rest quickly followed. Raven vanished in a blur as Adrian pulled Michael unto his shoulder and charged after his fleeing comrades, leaving the grossly swelling Sue by herself.

The snow around her began melting as multicolored sparks flashed across her skin. She screamed right until the end when an explosion of rainbow light burst forth. The force of the blast threw the fleeing Society agents off their feet and shook the artic wasteland, but the deadly light didn't reach them.

Drake groaned and stood up, glancing back at the empty crater behind them.


"Welcome back!" Marion exclaimed cheerfully as Raven stepped into his office. "So how'd it go?"

"Everything went according to plan," Raven replied, taking a seat behind his desk.

"Too bad, you lost Super-Sue," she continued.

"Yes, but there is a cancellation prize in this case," Raven said, rubbing his hands together. "But that will have to wait until the next story."

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