Sunday, August 21, 2011

Insert Ominous StarClan Prophesy Here

"Why is there a feminist logo on the wall of the reading room?" Drake asked, raising an eyebrow as he started at the wall that bore the aforementioned graffiti.

"Emily drew it there," Tyler replied.

"Emily? Who's Emily?" Drake frowned, trying to remember if the Society had recruited anyone by that name recently.

"She was Palm Tree Foxblade," Tyler said.

"Willowe's youngest sister?" Drake shook his head. "Why is she here?"

"Because she doesn't want to become a Sue and her sisters turned on her for it," Hati said entering the room. "So for now, she's staying in the Library."

Drake groaned. "Great, if there's one thing I hate worse than a Sue, its a little kid."

"What do you have against kids?" Tyler asked.

"They're loud, smelly, and hyperactive. They vandalize things," Drake pointed at the wall as proof for this point. "They're noisy-."

"You already said they were loud," Tyler interrupted.

"I'm not done yet," Drake snapped. "Where was I?"

"Noisy," Hati sighed.

"Right, noisy," Drake nodded. He took a deep breath before continuing.


Bluestar stared at the pool of water, a vision of a flame colored tomcat with a small yellow shecat lying next to him filled the pool. The female cat began twisting and turning in her sleep, no doubt dreaming of her supposedly tragic past.

The silver cat shook her head. She couldn't believe she had been fooled by the yellow cat's strange power. The cat then known by the kittypet name Abigail had wandered into ThunderClan territory and been caught by a patrol. Abigail claimed to have been sent to the forest by StarClan (which Bluestar now knew hadn't been the case) to speak with her.

Bluestar had been ThunderClan's leader at that time, but she had lost her faith in StarClan, the warrior ancestors that watched over the forest where the Clans lived. Abigail managed to talk the faith back into the disbelieving Bluestar.

She would have left then with her mission from StarClan complete, but for a surprise attack by ShadowClan, which she joined the Clan in fighting off. She fought better than most of the trained warriors in the Clan and Bluestar immediately asked her to join them.

Abigail refused, citing that her mysterious tragic past wouldn't let her join a Clan in good conscience, but every cat insisted and after she experienced a vision (supposedly from StarClan which Bluestar also knew had been a lie) she decided to stay.

Not long afterwards, Tigerstar led a pack of wild dogs into the ThunderClan camp. Abigail warned the clan, having received another vision and they evacuated the camp. Her deputy, Fireheart conceived a plan to kill the dogs. It worked, but Bluestar lost her life in process. With her dying breath, she changed her deputy from Fireheart to Abigail, because she felt Abigail would make the better leader.

When she joined StarClan, she was shocked to learn that everything Abigail said was a lie. When Abigail journeyed to the Moonstone to gain the nine lives that every leader received StarClan attempted to deny them to her, but Abigail did what no cat should have been able to and simply took the lives. She returned to her clan, sporting the leader name Morningstar.


"…they drool and they're noisy," Drake didn't sound like he was anywhere close to stopping his rant, in spite of repeating several things more than once, particularly that kids were noisy.

Hati and Tyler listened with bored expressions, glancing at the clock on the wall and wondering if Drake would ever stop.

"We've got a Sue in the Warriors fandom," Adrian said, entering the room. "Drake, isn't that on the list of fandoms you know well?"

"That depends," Drake said. "Is she in the first or second series or one of the manga?"

Adrian glanced down at the sheet of paper in his hands. "She's just defeated BloodClan and Scourge."

"In between the original series and the New Prophecy then," Drake nodded. "All right, I'm off."


Drake's plothole opened on the outskirts of ThunderClan territory. He tumbled out of the portal, somehow landing on all fours. A slight breeze ruffled his fur. Drake glanced down at the brown tabby fur covering him.

"I'm a cat this time," Drake noted. "No surprise there."

He glanced around and saw his Society gadgets lying on the ground. The portal gun was almost as big as his altered body. "Guess nobody considered designing Society gadgets for cats."

Drake padded over to his bracelet, which lied next to his portal gun. He managed to stick his head through the bracelet and it glowed and reformed into a blue collar around his neck. "At least, I won't have to leave this here, though now I look like a kittypet."

He turned and stared at the forest. He heaved a sigh and dashed forward. After running for a while, he slowed down and began to quietly stalk across the forest floor. He didn't want to run into a ThunderClan patrol because they would most certainly chase him out of their territory.

Catching sight of his reflection in a puddle, Drake stopped and studied his cat form for a moment. "Guess Adrian's not the only one who can pull off the kitty look."

A loud hiss was the only warning he got before something slammed into his side and knocked him over. He quickly scrambled back to his feet and faced his attacker. A yellow shecat stood, back arched and fur standing on end. She looked quite fierce in spite of her small size and even looking fierce there was still an attractive quality to her.

"This is clan territory," the Sue growled angrily. "No kittypets allowed!"

"I know that voice…" Drake frowned. "Is that you again, Abigail?"

"You know my name?" Abigail frowned, though kept up her hostile appearance.

"Guess you don't recognize me in my new fur coat," Drake laughed. "Agent Drake of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society."

Abigail's eyes widened. "Oh, no. Not you again! Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"You know that will never happen," Drake said. "All this talk is getting old, so why don't we just move onto the fight scene? Wardrobe Change!"

Drake waited for his armor to materialize, but nothing happened save for the chirping of several crickets.

"Wardrobe Change!" Drake repeated twisting his head to the side in an attempt to make his armor work. "Mouse dung!"

Abigail growled impatiently and swung a paw forward. Her unsheathed claws raked the side of Drake's head. He yelped in pain and attempted to strike her in return, but Abigail ducked to the side and slashed his shoulder.

Drake swung around and clamped his jaws down on Abigail's tail. The shecat released a screech of pain and clawed at Drake until he let go and jumped back. Drake leapt forward and barreled into the smaller cat, knocking her off her paws. He leapt onto her back and clamped his jaws down on her throat. Abigail gasped as her intake of oxygen was cut off. She struggled, but Drake's larger size prevented her from escaping. Finally, she stopped struggling altogether and the life left her eyes.

The tomcat released his hold on her throat and jumped off her. He turned and sat, staring at Abigail's lifeless form. Several minutes passed, before Abigail coughed and jerked back to life. She climbed to her feet and glared at Drake.

"You're slipping, Abbey," Drake commented.

"I'm called Morningstar now!" Abigail snapped, gasping for breath.

"How many lives do you have?" Drake asked. "I'm betting that was the first one, so I just have eight more to go."

"Shut up!" Abigail snapped, leaping at him.

Drake ducked to the side and raked his claws across her side before jumping back. "Come on, put more effort into your insults. 'Shut up' is so overused."

Abigail spun around and with incredible speed, leapt at Drake, barreling into him and knocking him over. She prepared to bite down on his throat, but Drake got his back paws under her and kicked her off.

"You know, a couple of Sues have freely surrendered to the Society lately," Drake said as he and Abigail began circling each other. "Russell was talked into surrendering and Willowe's own sister decided she didn't want to become a Sue and joined the Society."

"What's your point?" Abigail asked.

"You could surrender," Drake shrugged, the action looked quite strange being preformed by a cat.

"Sorry, but my ambitions don't include being locked in some dreary basement with a bunch of failures," Abigail spat.

She charged at Drake, who dashed back at her. The two collided, standing on their back paws, batting and wrestling with their front paws. Drake again took advantage of his larger size and knocked her unto her back, attempting to pin her down and prepares choke another life out of her, but Abigail flipped him off of her. Drake kicked at her exposed stomach with his back claws, but something clamped down on the scruff of his neck and yanked him away.

Drake rolled onto his feet and faced three newcomers. Graystripe, a large gray tabby, stood in between him and Abigail, growling angrily. Fireheart, an orange tomcat, crouched down next to Abigail, making sure she was okay. Sandstorm leapt up to stand next to Graystripe, she shot a look over her shoulder at Fireheart and Abigail. Drake wondered what sort of changes Abigail had made to keep Fireheart and Sandstorm from pairing up like they were supposed to in the books.

"Guess I'll be going now," Drake said, taking several steps back. "See you later, Abbey."

He spun around and made a hasty retreat into the forest. Great, I got lucky and found Abigail by herself, but now that she knows I'm here, she's probably going to stick close to the Clan.

After he had run a fair distance, he stopped and sat down, licking at his wounds and gasping from the exertion of his escape and the fight before it. All the while, he was wracking his brain, trying to find a way to get at Abigail again.

Problem was that he couldn't cart a prohibitor all over the place in his jaws and he couldn't kill Abigail either since she more than likely had plenty of lives left. Dragging her through a plothole while she was recovering from being killed might work, but the portal gun would be even harder to carry than a prohibitor.

"Ah, darn it!" Drake slammed his head against a tree trunk and immediately regretted it. He groaned and rubbed a paw over his head. "Why do I do stupid things like that?"

He turned and headed back in the direction of where the plothole had originally dropped him. He felt slightly relieved to find his Society gadgets hadn't been touched. He padded over to the portal gun and began fiddling with its settings, which was very hard to do when one lacked opposable thumbs. He grabbed hold of the trigger with his front paws and braced his hind legs against the gun handle, pulling back on the trigger. A plothole opened and Drake dragged the gun through it.

The plothole opened up at Highstones, a range of mountains past WindClan territory. He padded up the side of a rocky cliff, glancing around. "I wish I had read the books more recently."

He soon spotted what he was looking for, a hole in the side of the mountain. Drake headed down the tunnel it led to, plunging into darkness that not even his cat eyes could see through. At times, he became aware of tunnels leading off in different directions, but he kept going straight and hoped he was heading in the right way.

After continuing on for longer than he felt comfortable with, he began feeling nervous, afraid he had made a wrong turn, but than he saw what he was looking for. He entered a small cavern in the center of which stood a tall shiny stone, the Moonstone; above it was an opening in the mountain that would allow moonlight to shine in on it. It was currently the middle of the afternoon though, so sunlight instead illuminated the stone.
The Society Agent cautiously approached the Moonstone, glanced around as though he expected someone to appear and chase him away from this sacred place and lay down in front of the stone, pressing his nose against it. He closed his eyes and found himself suddenly standing.

He glanced around, finding himself surrounded by a multitude of silvery cat spirits. A blue-gray shecat who could only be Bluestar stepped forward to face Drake.

"Who are you and why did you come here?" Bluestar demanded calmly.

"I'm looking for help," Drake replied. "Something that I call a Mary-Sue has put herself in charge of ThunderClan."

"You are referring to Morningstar," Bluestar said with a sigh.

"So you know she shouldn't be here?" Drake asked.

"We know that she is manipulating the hearts of every cat in the forest," one of the warrior spirits spoke up.

"Wait a minute, if you all know about this how did she get her nine lives?" Drake frowned.

"She took them by force," Bluestar replied.

"Look I think I can remove Morningstar from this place, but I need to get her away from ThunderClan," Drake said. "I need you to send a vision to Morningstar."

Bluestar frowned. "What kind of vision?"

"I need you to make her think that StarClan now approves of her and wants to bestow a great honor or something on her, just get her to leave the Clan so I can fight her one on one," Drake explained.

"Do you really think she'll fall for this?" Bluestar asked skeptically.

"Sues are egotistical. If you stroke her ego, she'll probably believe it," Drake said. "So will you do it?"

Bluestar turned and disappeared along with the rest of StarClan. Drake sat and waited, hearing low whispers coming from all around him. After a few minutes, Bluestar reappeared and nodded. "We will do it."

Drake crouched in the bushes, waiting for Abigail to emerge from the direction of ThunderClan territory and enter the clearing the Clans called Fourtrees after the four oaks that stood around it.

Abigail emerged from the bushes and entered the clearing. She padded towards the Great Rock. Drake waited until she was halfway there and then leapt from the undergrowth. He charged at her, she only had enough time to look shocked before Drake rammed shoulder first into her side.

"What are you doing here?" Abigail screeched as she rolled onto her feet and faced him.

Drake chuckled. "StarClan doesn't actually want to honor you. This whole thing was a trick to lure you away from ThunderClan."

"You lowdown scum!" Abigail hissed.

"Sorry, mouse-brain, but unlike you I'm not perfect," Drake smirked. "I cheat and lie and I enjoy every moment of it."

He leapt forward and swung a paw at her nose, claws unsheathed. Abigail ducked out of the way and spun around, kicking out at him with her hind legs. He gasped as her paw slammed into his throat. He was sent flying back, hacking. Abigail leapt at him before he could recover. She landed on his back and sank her claws in, raking her hind claws over his back. Drake screeched in pain and jumped up and down, trying to buck Abigail off. Her grip held though, so Drake rolled over, but Abigail leapt away before he could squash her.

Drake darted at her, slashing the side of her head with his claws. She batted back at him, but he ducked under her paw. He darted forward, pushing his head against her chest and flipping her unto her back. He slammed both of his front paws down on her throat; Abigail gasped for air and raked her hind claws over Drake's belly. The tabby gritted his teeth in pain, trying to ignore Abigail's claws and keep the pressure on her throat.

Abigail managed to push Drake's paws from her throat with her front legs and then flipped him backwards over top of her. Drake rolled across the ground and unto his feet. His belly was dripping blood from numerous scratches.

The Sue cackled. "What's wrong? Not used to four legs?"

Drake groaned. "Why don't you go do some Sueish stuff and give me a chance to practice?"

"Sorry, but you've already made me suffer so much," Abigail shook her head in self-pity. "Now I'm going to return the favor!"

She charged forward and leapt at him. Drake sidestepped her pounce, the wounds on his stomach stinging at the movement. He rammed into Abigail's side, knocking her off her paws. Drake slammed a paw down on her head, Abigail gasped as the blow knocked her head against the hard ground. She rolled away with the next blow and shakily climbed to her feet. Drake slashed her twice more in the head, before she struck back.

"I hate you!" Abigail shrieked as her paw slammed into Drake's head. She drew back for another strike. "What gives you the right to ruin my life?"

"Considering that you're messing with the lives of other people, I really don't think you have the right to complain," Drake shot back as he dodged Abigail's strike. He reared up on his hind legs and slammed his front paws down on Abigail, slamming her into the ground. She gave a groan, a quiet mutter, and than fell silent.

Drake prodded the Sue with a paw and sighed, his stomach flaring with pain. He padded over to the Great Rock and dragged his portal gun out from behind it. He pulled the trigger, the effort aggravating his wounds. He kicked the gun through the portal before dragging Abigail's unconscious body through.

"Are you okay?"

Drake frowned as he found himself almost face to face with Valerie. He stepped back from the empath. "I'm fine."

"We watched your fight on the monitor," Adrian said, stepping forward. "Abigail tore you up pretty good."

"It was just a few cuts," Drake shrugged. He frowned as the majority of the Society members stared at his midsection. He glanced down to find blood soaking through his shirt. "Actually, maybe I'd better go lay down…"

He took two steps before fainting from blood loss.

Drake came to in the medical wing of the Library. He felt a large wad of bandages around his belly and there was an IV dripping blood into his arm. "Wow, I finally ended up in the medical wing."

"Well, you won't be staying for too long," he glanced up to find Tyler leaning against the wall. "Just a couple of weeks at the most."

"It was totally worth it to finally put Abigail behind bars," Drake sighed. "Is the Warriors fandom back to normal?"

"As normal as a fandom focusing on a Clan of cats can be," Tyler replied. "By the way, you should probably know the whole Society watched your escapades on the monitor back here."

Drake frowned, not comprehending the significance of this. "So?"

"The girls are still talking about how cute your cat form was and Camile has several pictures for blackmail purposes," Tyler elaborated.

"Oh, no!" Drake groaned. He grabbed his pillow and placed it over his head.


"Be quiet. I'm trying to smother myself so I won't have to live through the coming humiliation," Drake muttered through the pillow.

"Right," Tyler said skeptically. "I'll see you later than."

"Say something nice about me at the funeral," Drake called as Tyler left the room.

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